1 00:00:02,630 --> 00:00:06,090 Speaker 1: Life Audio. Hey friend, Heather Creekmore here. I'm glad you're 2 00:00:06,130 --> 00:00:09,110 Speaker 1: listening to the Compared to Who show today. Hey, be 3 00:00:09,130 --> 00:00:11,440 Speaker 1: honest with me for a second. When was the last 4 00:00:11,500 --> 00:00:15,640 Speaker 1: time you lay in bed, wide awake, running through the 5 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:20,160 Speaker 1: same thought loop? Maybe it was a comment your friend 6 00:00:20,180 --> 00:00:23,150 Speaker 1: made and you're not quite sure what she meant by it. 7 00:00:23,570 --> 00:00:25,869 Speaker 1: Maybe it was what you ate for dinner. Maybe it 8 00:00:25,910 --> 00:00:28,990 Speaker 1: was that weird remark your coworker made about your jeans. 9 00:00:30,010 --> 00:00:32,550 Speaker 1: Maybe it was the number on the scale that morning 10 00:00:32,990 --> 00:00:35,870 Speaker 1: or the photo you got tagged in that you immediately 11 00:00:35,909 --> 00:00:43,110 Speaker 1: wanted deleted. You know the loop. Replay. Analyze. Catastrophize. Plan 12 00:00:43,150 --> 00:00:47,020 Speaker 1: on how to fix it tomorrow. Plan some more. Plan 13 00:00:47,050 --> 00:00:52,159 Speaker 1: some more. Worry. Worry. Repeat. Friend, I'm so glad you're 14 00:00:52,180 --> 00:00:53,920 Speaker 1: listening to Compared to You podcast today because that's what 15 00:00:53,940 --> 00:00:56,460 Speaker 1: we're talking about. We're talking about that loop. And it's 16 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:58,780 Speaker 1: not just about body image. It's not just about food. 17 00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:02,240 Speaker 1: We're talking about all the things that we could tend 18 00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:07,200 Speaker 1: to obsess over. It's the obsessing, the overthinking, the fixating. 19 00:01:07,780 --> 00:01:11,380 Speaker 1: It's that mental treadmill so many of us live on. 20 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,399 Speaker 1: Here's what I want you to sit with today. The 21 00:01:14,459 --> 00:01:17,900 Speaker 1: loop isn't really about the thing you think it's about. 22 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:21,660 Speaker 1: It's not about your genes or the scale or the comment. 23 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:27,100 Speaker 1: It's about something underneath, something your heart is reaching for, 24 00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:30,229 Speaker 1: maybe even aching for. And I think if we can 25 00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:33,280 Speaker 1: name it, we can finally begin to get free of it. 26 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,420 Speaker 1: That's where we're going today. I'm so glad you're here 27 00:01:35,459 --> 00:01:41,789 Speaker 1: for it. Hey, our final 40-day journey started yesterday. Yes, 28 00:01:42,010 --> 00:01:44,850 Speaker 1: that's right. We've decided this will be the last time 29 00:01:44,890 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 1: we offer the 40-day journey. So if you had the thought, 30 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,600 Speaker 1: I'm going to do that someday, your someday is now. 31 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:53,300 Speaker 1: You've only missed one session. You can watch the replay, 32 00:01:53,820 --> 00:01:56,600 Speaker 1: but go right now to improvebodyimage.com and look for the 33 00:01:56,620 --> 00:01:59,540 Speaker 1: 40-day journey tab. This is literally your last chance to 34 00:01:59,580 --> 00:02:02,330 Speaker 1: join us. We've decided we're going to go a different 35 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,230 Speaker 1: direction for what's ahead. We've got good stuff coming up 36 00:02:05,270 --> 00:02:07,950 Speaker 1: for you, but the 40-day journey is going to change. 37 00:02:08,450 --> 00:02:10,230 Speaker 1: So if you wanted to be part of it, go 38 00:02:10,270 --> 00:02:15,049 Speaker 1: join us now. Now let's talk about how to stop overthinking. 39 00:02:21,430 --> 00:02:23,850 Speaker 1: I always love to start by just defining the terms. 40 00:02:24,450 --> 00:02:27,709 Speaker 1: So when we talk about overthinking, what are we talking about? 41 00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:30,660 Speaker 1: I think honestly, a lot of us have just normalized this, 42 00:02:30,810 --> 00:02:33,140 Speaker 1: like overthinking is the way we live. And so to 43 00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:37,740 Speaker 1: stop and call it overthinking might even feel a little strange. 44 00:02:38,580 --> 00:02:42,820 Speaker 1: But see if any of this sounds familiar. Overthinking is 45 00:02:42,860 --> 00:02:45,290 Speaker 1: like when you rehearse a conversation 40 times before you 46 00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:51,200 Speaker 1: have it. or 40 times after you've had it, thinking 47 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:53,359 Speaker 1: about all the things you could have, would have, should 48 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:57,280 Speaker 1: have said. Overthinking looks like standing in front of the mirror, 49 00:02:57,380 --> 00:03:01,620 Speaker 1: doing a mental inventory of everything wrong before you walk 50 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:04,960 Speaker 1: out the door, just so you're prepared. You're prepared. If 51 00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:10,400 Speaker 1: anyone says anything, you know what's coming. Overthinking looks like 52 00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:16,450 Speaker 1: Googling your symptoms at 1 a.m., Or it looks like 53 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:22,670 Speaker 1: rereading a text five or even 50 times, looking for 54 00:03:22,730 --> 00:03:27,470 Speaker 1: hidden meaning. Overthinking could just be hyper fixating on something 55 00:03:27,870 --> 00:03:30,230 Speaker 1: that may not be all that important in the scheme 56 00:03:30,270 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 1: of your life, but somehow to you in that particular day, 57 00:03:33,620 --> 00:03:37,000 Speaker 1: that moment, that season, it is all you can think about. 58 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,940 Speaker 1: It's like a computer virus in your brain and all 59 00:03:39,980 --> 00:03:42,380 Speaker 1: you can see is the issue, the challenge, the problem. 60 00:03:42,980 --> 00:03:45,360 Speaker 1: All you can spin around is how to solve it. 61 00:03:45,990 --> 00:03:48,630 Speaker 1: how it should be solved. You see, I have an 62 00:03:48,670 --> 00:03:52,110 Speaker 1: embarrassing confession to make. A few weeks ago, I got 63 00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:55,950 Speaker 1: stuck here, like totally and completely could not sleep at 64 00:03:56,010 --> 00:03:59,750 Speaker 1: night for three days, stuck. And the topic, it's so embarrassing. 65 00:03:59,830 --> 00:04:01,450 Speaker 1: I really don't even want to share with you what 66 00:04:01,470 --> 00:04:04,670 Speaker 1: it was. It had nothing to do with my body 67 00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:07,970 Speaker 1: or body image. It was a kid's issue around high 68 00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:11,890 Speaker 1: school gym class. I will spare you the details lest 69 00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 1: I get caught up in arguing my case again, But 70 00:04:14,660 --> 00:04:17,580 Speaker 1: just let me summarize by saying that I felt like 71 00:04:17,660 --> 00:04:21,660 Speaker 1: I spotted an injustice and I couldn't stop reeling over it. 72 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,140 Speaker 1: Like I said, I lost a few nights of sleep. 73 00:04:24,580 --> 00:04:28,050 Speaker 1: I read emails that I sent like 100 times after 74 00:04:28,130 --> 00:04:31,530 Speaker 1: I sent them. I could not get my heart rate 75 00:04:31,570 --> 00:04:34,790 Speaker 1: to come down. I just stayed keyed up trying to 76 00:04:34,990 --> 00:04:40,570 Speaker 1: solve something for one of my kids related to gym class. Now, 77 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:44,589 Speaker 1: oh goodness, that's like embarrassing. And yet, I'm sharing because 78 00:04:44,610 --> 00:04:48,690 Speaker 1: I have a feeling maybe you do it too or 79 00:04:48,710 --> 00:04:52,280 Speaker 1: you've done it too. You see, for decades, my overthinking, 80 00:04:52,420 --> 00:04:57,000 Speaker 1: my reeling, my spinning was mostly related to body and food. 81 00:04:57,700 --> 00:05:01,580 Speaker 1: And my inner monologue sounded something like this. Did I 82 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,560 Speaker 1: eat too much today? Why did I eat that thing 83 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:07,240 Speaker 1: I swore I'd never eat? Does this outfit make me 84 00:05:07,260 --> 00:05:10,460 Speaker 1: look 10 times bigger? What did she mean when she 85 00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:14,070 Speaker 1: looked at me like that? What's happening with my face? 86 00:05:14,310 --> 00:05:17,070 Speaker 1: I didn't look like this 10 years ago. But here's 87 00:05:17,089 --> 00:05:21,570 Speaker 1: what's wild. Most of us think the problem is the 88 00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:25,370 Speaker 1: content of the thoughts. Like if I could just solve 89 00:05:25,410 --> 00:05:29,310 Speaker 1: the actual issue, like solve my son's problem with his class, 90 00:05:29,390 --> 00:05:31,210 Speaker 1: or if I could just lose the weight or fix 91 00:05:31,250 --> 00:05:34,950 Speaker 1: the relationship or just nail that presentation or find the 92 00:05:34,990 --> 00:05:37,410 Speaker 1: magic cream to turn back the hands of time and 93 00:05:37,430 --> 00:05:39,920 Speaker 1: the signs of aging on my face, then the overthinking 94 00:05:39,950 --> 00:05:42,950 Speaker 1: would stop. But friend, I've walked with a lot of 95 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:45,490 Speaker 1: women through this and I've lived a lot of it myself. 96 00:05:46,070 --> 00:05:49,250 Speaker 1: And here's what I've learned. The content isn't the real issue. 97 00:05:49,990 --> 00:05:54,510 Speaker 1: It's the grip. The grip is the issue. It's not 98 00:05:54,750 --> 00:05:58,690 Speaker 1: what you're thinking about. It's why you can't put it down. 99 00:05:59,810 --> 00:06:03,020 Speaker 1: So let's go there. Why can't you put it down? 100 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 1: I want to suggest something that might feel a little uncomfortable, 101 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:11,980 Speaker 1: but I think it's true. Obsessing, overthinking, fixating at its root, 102 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:18,150 Speaker 1: it's about control. It's our heart's way of trying to 103 00:06:18,310 --> 00:06:23,810 Speaker 1: manage something that feels unmanageable. It's our minds saying, if 104 00:06:24,270 --> 00:06:27,550 Speaker 1: I just think about this hard enough, long enough, from 105 00:06:27,610 --> 00:06:31,210 Speaker 1: enough angles, I can prevent the bad outcome. I can 106 00:06:31,270 --> 00:06:35,130 Speaker 1: protect myself. I can guarantee the result. I can solve 107 00:06:35,490 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 1: the problem. And overthinking, we like it because it feels productive. 108 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:47,159 Speaker 1: It feels like vigilance. It feels responsible, even spiritual sometimes. 109 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,680 Speaker 1: Like if you just pray about it and think about 110 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:55,190 Speaker 1: it enough, then you're covering all your bases. But underneath 111 00:06:55,250 --> 00:07:00,110 Speaker 1: that busy mental activity is usually a very simple and 112 00:07:00,230 --> 00:07:05,610 Speaker 1: very human fear. I am not in control and I 113 00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:12,560 Speaker 1: desperately need desperately, desperately want to be. Oh friends, wanting 114 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:16,790 Speaker 1: to be in control. Can you relate? Well, let's talk 115 00:07:16,810 --> 00:07:19,630 Speaker 1: about my stupid gym class example. You've got to understand 116 00:07:19,670 --> 00:07:21,950 Speaker 1: that if I were fighting this gym class fight in 117 00:07:21,980 --> 00:07:24,580 Speaker 1: a court of law, I would have won easily. I 118 00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:27,760 Speaker 1: did one whole semester of law school before I decided 119 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,220 Speaker 1: it wasn't for me, but I know how to make 120 00:07:30,260 --> 00:07:33,160 Speaker 1: a great rational and logical argument. I was fighting a 121 00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,929 Speaker 1: policy that the school said existed, but when I actually 122 00:07:35,990 --> 00:07:38,150 Speaker 1: found the policy, it was written the opposite of the 123 00:07:38,210 --> 00:07:40,410 Speaker 1: way it was presented to me, and I thought I 124 00:07:40,450 --> 00:07:42,810 Speaker 1: had found a way to control my situation through my 125 00:07:43,010 --> 00:07:48,440 Speaker 1: excellent argumentation skills. But I still lost. The powers that 126 00:07:48,460 --> 00:07:54,380 Speaker 1: be weren't impressed by my logic or understanding of policy. 127 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,320 Speaker 1: And they got to choose. I was not in control. 128 00:07:58,370 --> 00:08:00,270 Speaker 1: And the lesson for me in all of it may 129 00:08:00,470 --> 00:08:04,250 Speaker 1: be just a little bit embarrassing. With body image specifically, 130 00:08:04,310 --> 00:08:07,670 Speaker 1: this feels even more confusing. Because our bodies are one 131 00:08:07,690 --> 00:08:11,950 Speaker 1: of the few things that feel like they should be controllable, right? 132 00:08:11,980 --> 00:08:15,240 Speaker 1: I mean, goodness, that's what all the messages around us say. 133 00:08:15,810 --> 00:08:17,710 Speaker 1: You just eat less and move more and you get 134 00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:23,070 Speaker 1: the results. Except any middle-aged woman understands that bodies don't 135 00:08:23,350 --> 00:08:31,770 Speaker 1: cooperate that neatly. Genetics, hormones, aging, illness, seasons of life. Oh, friends, 136 00:08:31,990 --> 00:08:36,010 Speaker 1: bodies of all ages seem to have a mind of 137 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:42,240 Speaker 1: their own. And the obsessing, all of our obsessing, most 138 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 1: of the time it's not about vanity. It's just not. 139 00:08:46,140 --> 00:08:52,319 Speaker 1: I hate it when Christian influencers try to oversimplify the 140 00:08:52,380 --> 00:08:55,579 Speaker 1: body image argument, telling people just not to be so vain. 141 00:08:55,640 --> 00:09:01,010 Speaker 1: That's not it. It's about something deeper. It's about how 142 00:09:01,130 --> 00:09:05,230 Speaker 1: we women are trying to find just one little piece 143 00:09:05,270 --> 00:09:09,530 Speaker 1: of life that we can pin down and manage when 144 00:09:09,710 --> 00:09:13,939 Speaker 1: everything else feels uncertain. Or another way to say that 145 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:18,100 Speaker 1: is when everything else feels out of our control. Boy, 146 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:20,140 Speaker 1: wouldn't it be nice to just be able to control 147 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:24,390 Speaker 1: one thing, like our bodies, like our weight, like our appearance, 148 00:09:24,550 --> 00:09:28,710 Speaker 1: like the size we wear. And that's the heart posture 149 00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:32,550 Speaker 1: under the loop. If I can just control this, my body, 150 00:09:32,710 --> 00:09:36,150 Speaker 1: or this outcome, or this person's opinion of me, then 151 00:09:36,170 --> 00:09:42,240 Speaker 1: I will finally feel safe. That's what we want. The overthinking, 152 00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:48,559 Speaker 1: it's not striving. The fixation is the reaching. It's exhausting 153 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:53,729 Speaker 1: because we're trying to make ourselves feel safe on our own. 154 00:09:54,190 --> 00:09:57,890 Speaker 1: We're trying to secure safety for ourselves, but we're trying 155 00:09:57,910 --> 00:10:01,860 Speaker 1: to do something that only God can. actually do, which 156 00:10:01,940 --> 00:10:08,420 Speaker 1: is deliver the peace and safety and security and assurance 157 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:12,860 Speaker 1: that only comes through resting in Him, not through our 158 00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:17,290 Speaker 1: ability to control every outcome. So what does the Bible 159 00:10:17,410 --> 00:10:21,050 Speaker 1: have to say? To those of us who are stuck 160 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:25,660 Speaker 1: in this loop, this overthinking, I want to have something 161 00:10:25,740 --> 00:10:28,740 Speaker 1: under control loop. Well, I just wrote a new book. 162 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:31,000 Speaker 1: I can't wait to tell you more about it over 163 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:34,180 Speaker 1: the next couple of weeks. It launches in February. It's 164 00:10:34,220 --> 00:10:36,400 Speaker 1: called Did I Say the Right Thing? and a million 165 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:40,980 Speaker 1: other micro fears that keep Christian women stuck. And in it, 166 00:10:41,020 --> 00:10:43,220 Speaker 1: I talk about these control issues. So I hope you 167 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:45,210 Speaker 1: can pre-order it on Amazon now if you like, but 168 00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:47,030 Speaker 1: I'll be telling you a lot more about it over 169 00:10:47,070 --> 00:10:49,680 Speaker 1: the weeks to come. But in the book, I talk 170 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:53,940 Speaker 1: about Martha. You remember Martha. I think about Martha all 171 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:57,839 Speaker 1: the time. I am such a Martha. But in Luke 10, 172 00:10:57,820 --> 00:11:01,420 Speaker 1: we see Martha. She's in the kitchen. She's busy. Scripture 173 00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:05,730 Speaker 1: says she's anxious and troubled about many things. There's multiple 174 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:09,130 Speaker 1: things pulling at her mind all at once. And Jesus 175 00:11:09,170 --> 00:11:14,190 Speaker 1: doesn't rebuke her for caring about the meal. He gently says, Martha, Martha, 176 00:11:14,230 --> 00:11:16,469 Speaker 1: you are anxious and troubled about many things, but only 177 00:11:16,690 --> 00:11:21,040 Speaker 1: one thing is necessary. catch that he's not asking her 178 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:25,960 Speaker 1: to stop thinking. He's inviting her to stop trying to 179 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:32,000 Speaker 1: hold it all by herself. Or think about Matthew 6, 180 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:35,380 Speaker 1: where Jesus asks, can any one of you, by worrying, 181 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:40,040 Speaker 1: add a single hour to your life? That's basically Jesus 182 00:11:40,179 --> 00:11:44,030 Speaker 1: naming the exact lie overthinking sells us. If we just 183 00:11:44,230 --> 00:11:48,800 Speaker 1: think hard enough, we can secure the outcome. And Jesus 184 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:55,230 Speaker 1: says gently, but plainly, you can't. You can't control the outcome. 185 00:11:56,110 --> 00:12:02,189 Speaker 1: You're worried. You're obsessing. You're fixating. It doesn't actually buy 186 00:12:02,270 --> 00:12:07,260 Speaker 1: you the control that it promises you. Here's the good news, though. 187 00:12:08,059 --> 00:12:11,340 Speaker 1: And I don't want to rush past this. The answer 188 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,000 Speaker 1: isn't just stop thinking about it because if it were 189 00:12:14,059 --> 00:12:16,170 Speaker 1: that easy, you would have done it already. And oh 190 00:12:16,190 --> 00:12:20,110 Speaker 1: my goodness, I'd be lying if I didn't tell you 191 00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:22,370 Speaker 1: that that's what I did. I was laying in bed 192 00:12:22,429 --> 00:12:25,750 Speaker 1: saying over and over again, stop thinking about stupid gym class, Heather. 193 00:12:25,830 --> 00:12:28,400 Speaker 1: Stop thinking about stupid gym class. Think of something else. 194 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,840 Speaker 1: This is not important. Stop thinking about this. And you 195 00:12:31,860 --> 00:12:34,359 Speaker 1: know what? It didn't work. It just didn't. I could 196 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:38,610 Speaker 1: not talk myself out of obsessing over it. It wasn't 197 00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:42,790 Speaker 1: possible to just tell myself to stop. And as I 198 00:12:42,850 --> 00:12:45,750 Speaker 1: think now about what I should have done differently, I 199 00:12:47,170 --> 00:12:50,929 Speaker 1: think the answer is I needed to surrender control, not 200 00:12:51,929 --> 00:12:55,030 Speaker 1: try to minimize it, tell myself it wasn't important or 201 00:12:55,090 --> 00:12:58,349 Speaker 1: try to Jedi mind trick myself into not worrying anymore. 202 00:12:58,429 --> 00:13:02,700 Speaker 1: Don't worry. Don't worry. Don't worry. Don't worry. Be happy. No, 203 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,760 Speaker 1: because it was important. It was important to me at 204 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:11,910 Speaker 1: the time. So it's not about minimizing. It's about taking 205 00:13:11,950 --> 00:13:15,700 Speaker 1: that desire for control and giving it back to the 206 00:13:15,890 --> 00:13:21,060 Speaker 1: one who actually has control and then trusting him for 207 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 1: the outcome. You see, there is someone who actually holds 208 00:13:26,610 --> 00:13:30,329 Speaker 1: what you are straining and clenching so hard to hold 209 00:13:30,350 --> 00:13:34,600 Speaker 1: on to. 1 Peter 5, 7 says to cast all 210 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,819 Speaker 1: your anxieties on him. Maybe you've heard it, cast your 211 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:42,620 Speaker 1: cares on him because he cares for you. It doesn't 212 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:47,859 Speaker 1: say manage your anxiety more efficiently. It says cast it, 213 00:13:48,730 --> 00:13:54,569 Speaker 1: hand it off. That's a posture of trust. And you 214 00:13:54,610 --> 00:13:57,410 Speaker 1: have to take that posture of trust, that posture of 215 00:13:57,470 --> 00:14:04,210 Speaker 1: surrender and replace that your posture of control. That's the 216 00:14:04,290 --> 00:14:07,210 Speaker 1: only thing that works here, friend. You see, the obsessive 217 00:14:07,250 --> 00:14:09,170 Speaker 1: loop says, I have to hold this or it will 218 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,460 Speaker 1: fall apart. I can't let go. I can't let go. 219 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:12,960 Speaker 1: I have to hold on. I have to hold on. 220 00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:15,960 Speaker 1: If I don't clench it hard, I will lose it. 221 00:14:16,620 --> 00:14:19,320 Speaker 1: It's all over. It's going to go bad. I have 222 00:14:19,340 --> 00:14:21,860 Speaker 1: that conversation with so many of you around your bodies 223 00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:25,190 Speaker 1: and your food. No, unless I obsess over it, unless 224 00:14:25,230 --> 00:14:27,290 Speaker 1: I worry about it, it's all going to fall apart. 225 00:14:27,810 --> 00:14:30,930 Speaker 1: Letting go means letting go and everything's going to go 226 00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:33,170 Speaker 1: bad if I let go. So I've got to clench tighter. 227 00:14:34,510 --> 00:14:38,230 Speaker 1: But the gospel says, oh friend, you were never meant 228 00:14:38,290 --> 00:14:43,880 Speaker 1: to hold it. It's not all up to you. You 229 00:14:43,910 --> 00:14:50,580 Speaker 1: can trust God. You can have faith that he's already 230 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:53,989 Speaker 1: holding you. Like I said, this is one of the 231 00:14:54,030 --> 00:14:56,830 Speaker 1: topics I dig deep into in my new book called, 232 00:14:56,950 --> 00:15:00,720 Speaker 1: Did I Say the Right Thing? Because this is so 233 00:15:00,860 --> 00:15:07,050 Speaker 1: central to all of these issues. right? So much of 234 00:15:07,150 --> 00:15:09,990 Speaker 1: what I've learned in the last 10 years of walking 235 00:15:10,030 --> 00:15:13,910 Speaker 1: with women through body image issues is that every issue 236 00:15:13,950 --> 00:15:17,490 Speaker 1: we face related to food and body comes down to 237 00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:21,440 Speaker 1: an issue of what do I really believe? Am I 238 00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:25,280 Speaker 1: really willing to trust God with every part of me 239 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:30,920 Speaker 1: and my life? Or have I compartmentalized faith and belief 240 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:35,260 Speaker 1: and going to heaven someday with kind of the way 241 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:38,300 Speaker 1: I want to run my life down here? It's a 242 00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:40,850 Speaker 1: big question, friend, and I explore it in this book, 243 00:15:40,870 --> 00:15:44,530 Speaker 1: so I really hope you'll check it out. But I'm 244 00:15:44,550 --> 00:15:47,430 Speaker 1: not going to leave you hanging until February. There's a 245 00:15:47,570 --> 00:15:50,510 Speaker 1: whole lot more here, but today I just want to 246 00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:53,540 Speaker 1: get real practical and And just give you something really 247 00:15:53,580 --> 00:15:56,600 Speaker 1: tangible to walk away with. If you are obsessing, overthinking, 248 00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 1: maybe you're spiraling out over a kid issue like I 249 00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:03,920 Speaker 1: was earlier. Maybe you're spiraling out over your body image 250 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:11,230 Speaker 1: or your food. So let's talk it through, okay? Thing one, right? 251 00:16:11,970 --> 00:16:14,410 Speaker 1: You have to name what you're actually trying to control. 252 00:16:15,330 --> 00:16:17,150 Speaker 1: So the next time you catch the loop starting, I 253 00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:20,010 Speaker 1: want you to just pause and ask, what outcome am 254 00:16:20,090 --> 00:16:23,710 Speaker 1: I trying to guarantee right now? And let me just 255 00:16:23,730 --> 00:16:27,190 Speaker 1: make this real real. Like for the gym class example, 256 00:16:27,890 --> 00:16:34,440 Speaker 1: my outcome was not necessarily about whether or not my 257 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,440 Speaker 1: kid would participate in this class and getting the right 258 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:42,920 Speaker 1: ruling on that. It was really about worrying as to 259 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 1: whether or not my kid was going to be okay 260 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:51,150 Speaker 1: if the outcome was not what he was hoping for. 261 00:16:52,290 --> 00:16:55,010 Speaker 1: I wanted to guarantee that my kid would be okay. 262 00:16:55,110 --> 00:16:57,190 Speaker 1: Oh friend, I'm sure if you're a mom, you've done 263 00:16:57,230 --> 00:17:01,270 Speaker 1: it too. But I have no guarantee of that. I 264 00:17:02,190 --> 00:17:04,429 Speaker 1: could get him through that trial. The outcome could have 265 00:17:04,470 --> 00:17:07,090 Speaker 1: been exactly what we wanted and he still could have 266 00:17:07,130 --> 00:17:12,619 Speaker 1: found something new to struggle with. Surrender, trusting God with 267 00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:16,139 Speaker 1: our own issues, with our kid issues, it's all tough. 268 00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:20,159 Speaker 1: But had I named that, had I named what I 269 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,240 Speaker 1: was actually trying to control, I think it would have 270 00:17:23,270 --> 00:17:27,409 Speaker 1: made a difference. So what is it for you? Is 271 00:17:27,530 --> 00:17:30,730 Speaker 1: it that the comment messed you up because you really 272 00:17:30,830 --> 00:17:35,730 Speaker 1: need her to think well of you? Is it that 273 00:17:35,850 --> 00:17:39,340 Speaker 1: the number on the scale messed you up because you 274 00:17:39,540 --> 00:17:42,300 Speaker 1: need that number to be a certain number so you 275 00:17:42,340 --> 00:17:46,200 Speaker 1: know you're okay, so you feel safe, so you feel secure, 276 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:49,620 Speaker 1: so you feel confident? Oh, maybe it's just like you 277 00:17:49,660 --> 00:17:51,580 Speaker 1: need to know what's going to happen before it happens 278 00:17:51,619 --> 00:17:55,419 Speaker 1: because otherwise life just feels really scary. But friend, if 279 00:17:55,460 --> 00:17:58,000 Speaker 1: you can name what you're actually trying to control, it 280 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:00,379 Speaker 1: takes the fog out and it puts it into the light. 281 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,609 Speaker 1: And things that are in the light are easier to 282 00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:06,470 Speaker 1: hand over to the Lord than things that are left 283 00:18:06,510 --> 00:18:09,030 Speaker 1: just kind of vague and swirly. And I don't really 284 00:18:09,050 --> 00:18:11,250 Speaker 1: know what's going on here. I just can't stop the spiral. 285 00:18:11,270 --> 00:18:16,060 Speaker 1: Number two, I want you to notice the false promise. 286 00:18:16,710 --> 00:18:21,449 Speaker 1: You see, overthinking, the ruminating whispers, keep going, you're almost safe. 287 00:18:22,690 --> 00:18:28,139 Speaker 1: But ask yourself honestly, has more thinking ever actually delivered 288 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:32,439 Speaker 1: the safety it promises? Or does it just deliver more 289 00:18:32,540 --> 00:18:37,470 Speaker 1: thinking and more overthinking? Recognizing that the loop doesn't pay 290 00:18:37,710 --> 00:18:42,129 Speaker 1: off is a big step toward being willing to exit it. Oh, friend. 291 00:18:43,410 --> 00:18:45,690 Speaker 1: It's an idol to believe that I can control a 292 00:18:45,730 --> 00:18:49,250 Speaker 1: situation by thinking about it. Like seriously, it's kind of 293 00:18:49,410 --> 00:18:52,889 Speaker 1: funny and maybe a little odd if we stop and 294 00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:56,580 Speaker 1: think about that. But how do we actually believe that 295 00:18:56,619 --> 00:19:02,240 Speaker 1: we have that much power? We don't. But we sure 296 00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:06,000 Speaker 1: do fool ourselves into somehow feeling like maybe we do. 297 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,480 Speaker 1: Maybe if I just think and strategize and plan and 298 00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:11,270 Speaker 1: think and think and think and overthink, then I can 299 00:19:11,310 --> 00:19:16,830 Speaker 1: control it. Oh friend, but that's just a lie. Okay. Third, 300 00:19:17,750 --> 00:19:22,050 Speaker 1: practice the trade, not just the stop. Okay. Don't just 301 00:19:22,090 --> 00:19:24,570 Speaker 1: try to white knuckle. I'm not thinking about this. I'm 302 00:19:24,609 --> 00:19:30,450 Speaker 1: not thinking about this, right? That rarely if ever works. Instead, 303 00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:33,369 Speaker 1: I want you to actively trade the thought. I can't 304 00:19:33,410 --> 00:19:36,330 Speaker 1: control this outcome, but I can trust the one who can. 305 00:19:36,930 --> 00:19:38,899 Speaker 1: Say it out loud as many times as you need to. 306 00:19:38,940 --> 00:19:41,740 Speaker 1: Make it a physical act, closing your hand and then 307 00:19:42,020 --> 00:19:44,520 Speaker 1: opening it like you're releasing something. I call this the 308 00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:47,350 Speaker 1: open-handed faith prayer in my new book or OHFP, O-H-F-P. 309 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:53,900 Speaker 1: open-handed faith prayer. But just this physical act of opening 310 00:19:53,940 --> 00:19:57,979 Speaker 1: your hands reinforces to your brain what you're trying to 311 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:00,570 Speaker 1: tell it and trying to get it to believe. It's 312 00:20:00,619 --> 00:20:03,770 Speaker 1: I'm unclenching my fist. I'm loosening my grip because I 313 00:20:03,830 --> 00:20:07,210 Speaker 1: am not in control and I'm lifting my open hands 314 00:20:07,230 --> 00:20:11,010 Speaker 1: and up to the Lord because I know God is 315 00:20:11,070 --> 00:20:15,810 Speaker 1: in control. And number four, friend, if you're obsessing over 316 00:20:15,869 --> 00:20:19,810 Speaker 1: body image issues specifically, then let me encourage you, let 317 00:20:19,830 --> 00:20:24,919 Speaker 1: your body just be a body, not a project. If 318 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:28,419 Speaker 1: this overthinking and ruminating is showing up for you in 319 00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:30,640 Speaker 1: your body image specifically, I want you to ask yourself, 320 00:20:31,220 --> 00:20:33,840 Speaker 1: am I treating my body like something to manage and 321 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,990 Speaker 1: perfect or am I treating it like the gift that 322 00:20:37,010 --> 00:20:40,870 Speaker 1: it is? to steward and live in and serve God through. 323 00:20:41,850 --> 00:20:46,910 Speaker 1: There's a difference between reasonable care and obsessive control. One 324 00:20:46,990 --> 00:20:50,689 Speaker 1: trusts God with the outcome. The other tries to be 325 00:20:50,730 --> 00:20:55,430 Speaker 1: its own God over the outcome. Like I said at 326 00:20:55,470 --> 00:20:57,690 Speaker 1: the start, we started another 40-day journey this week. This 327 00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:59,980 Speaker 1: is going to be the last one we ever do. 328 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,500 Speaker 1: It's super affordable, even though you might have missed the 329 00:21:03,540 --> 00:21:06,580 Speaker 1: first session. Goodness, even if you missed the first two sessions, 330 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,600 Speaker 1: there's six sessions total Watch the replays. Just join us. 331 00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:13,080 Speaker 1: Join us. We've had almost 500 women go through it 332 00:21:13,140 --> 00:21:17,580 Speaker 1: and leave changed. This could be the next best step 333 00:21:17,619 --> 00:21:21,379 Speaker 1: for you. I hope you'll consider jumping in. You don't 334 00:21:21,510 --> 00:21:24,930 Speaker 1: have to live your life overthinking about body image issues 335 00:21:25,010 --> 00:21:29,409 Speaker 1: and food. And fifth and finally, bring it to community. 336 00:21:30,170 --> 00:21:32,770 Speaker 1: It's got to get out of your head. Obsessive thoughts 337 00:21:32,930 --> 00:21:37,199 Speaker 1: thrive in isolation because it's There, the obsessive thoughts are 338 00:21:37,420 --> 00:21:41,600 Speaker 1: only accountable to you. But if you say that thought 339 00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:44,240 Speaker 1: out loud to a friend, a spouse, a counselor, it 340 00:21:44,300 --> 00:21:47,720 Speaker 1: loses power the second it leaves the privacy of your mind. 341 00:21:48,940 --> 00:21:51,400 Speaker 1: This is another reason why we believe the 40-day journey 342 00:21:51,420 --> 00:21:55,420 Speaker 1: has been so helpful. But in the 40-day journey, you're 343 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,780 Speaker 1: with a like-minded group of Christian women from around the 344 00:21:57,820 --> 00:21:59,800 Speaker 1: world who are struggling in the same ways you are. 345 00:22:00,090 --> 00:22:02,050 Speaker 1: How can I guarantee that? Because I've seen it work 346 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:03,670 Speaker 1: over and over again over the last couple of years. 347 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,260 Speaker 1: But here's the truth, friend. We all hear the same 348 00:22:06,340 --> 00:22:09,400 Speaker 1: lies and nothing is more shocking to a woman who 349 00:22:09,460 --> 00:22:13,200 Speaker 1: struggled in isolation than when she hears another woman ask 350 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:16,659 Speaker 1: the same questions she's been struggling with or confess the 351 00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:21,050 Speaker 1: same obsessive thoughts that she's had for years. Friend, freedom 352 00:22:21,109 --> 00:22:25,210 Speaker 1: does not come in isolation. If you're like many of 353 00:22:25,250 --> 00:22:29,090 Speaker 1: the women I've worked with, you're probably super competent and 354 00:22:29,109 --> 00:22:33,650 Speaker 1: super smart and not used to needing help. But that's 355 00:22:33,690 --> 00:22:37,020 Speaker 1: an American model for life, not a biblical model for life. 356 00:22:37,780 --> 00:22:41,780 Speaker 1: Scripture says we need each other. We need accountability. We 357 00:22:41,820 --> 00:22:43,419 Speaker 1: need to confess to each other. We need to be 358 00:22:43,460 --> 00:22:46,439 Speaker 1: in community. Jesus didn't do life alone. Why do you 359 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:51,200 Speaker 1: think you can? It's almost impossible to find freedom from 360 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,590 Speaker 1: these issues that grip us if we are trying to 361 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:57,790 Speaker 1: do it alone. When you bring your obsessive overthinking to 362 00:22:57,869 --> 00:23:03,170 Speaker 1: light in community, power, the grip of The lies, they 363 00:23:03,230 --> 00:23:06,409 Speaker 1: all loosen. So here's what I want to leave you 364 00:23:06,450 --> 00:23:11,169 Speaker 1: with today. That loop you keep running. That doesn't mean 365 00:23:11,190 --> 00:23:14,590 Speaker 1: you're broken or you're dramatic or you're too much. It's 366 00:23:14,670 --> 00:23:19,320 Speaker 1: proof that you're human. But that also means you're carrying 367 00:23:19,380 --> 00:23:22,360 Speaker 1: weight you never were designed to carry alone. God did 368 00:23:22,460 --> 00:23:27,060 Speaker 1: not design us that way. Obsessing isn't a character flaw 369 00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:30,860 Speaker 1: to white knuckle away. It's really a heart cry for 370 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:35,040 Speaker 1: safety and control that only makes sense in light of 371 00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:39,219 Speaker 1: how much you actually care. The invitation here isn't to 372 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:42,040 Speaker 1: care less. It's not to become apathetic and I don't care. 373 00:23:42,060 --> 00:23:43,600 Speaker 1: I'm just not going to worry about that. I don't care. 374 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:48,320 Speaker 1: I don't care. It's to hand the caring off to 375 00:23:48,380 --> 00:23:52,739 Speaker 1: someone big enough to hold it. And isn't that the 376 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:56,879 Speaker 1: real test of faith? Saying, God, this is precious to me. 377 00:23:57,930 --> 00:24:03,600 Speaker 1: but I'm going to trust you with it. So today, 378 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:07,340 Speaker 1: whatever's looping in your mind, the body thing, the relationship thing, 379 00:24:07,420 --> 00:24:10,060 Speaker 1: the did I say the wrong thing thing, I want 380 00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:15,580 Speaker 1: you to do what Martha needed to do. Set down 381 00:24:15,619 --> 00:24:18,880 Speaker 1: the many things for one moment and choose the one 382 00:24:19,100 --> 00:24:24,149 Speaker 1: necessary thing, sitting at his feet, trusting he's already got 383 00:24:24,590 --> 00:24:30,149 Speaker 1: what you're trying to hold so hard. You are not 384 00:24:30,230 --> 00:24:32,730 Speaker 1: who your thoughts say you are. You are not what 385 00:24:32,770 --> 00:24:35,750 Speaker 1: your body does or doesn't do or does or doesn't 386 00:24:35,830 --> 00:24:38,689 Speaker 1: look like. You are held, you are known, and you 387 00:24:38,730 --> 00:24:42,300 Speaker 1: are so deeply loved by a God who never asked 388 00:24:42,340 --> 00:24:47,300 Speaker 1: you to be in control in the first place. Friend, 389 00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:50,000 Speaker 1: I'm so glad you listened today. I hope you are too. 390 00:24:50,420 --> 00:24:52,859 Speaker 1: If this episode landed for you, please share it with 391 00:24:52,900 --> 00:24:55,650 Speaker 1: someone who needs to hear it today or consider leaving 392 00:24:55,710 --> 00:24:58,889 Speaker 1: us a review. Those reviews help other listeners find the 393 00:24:58,930 --> 00:25:02,840 Speaker 1: show and help other women find encouragement. I hope something 394 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:06,290 Speaker 1: today has helped you stop comparing and start living. Bye-bye.