WEBVTT - Navigating the Dating Recession – Episode 39

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<v Speaker 1>Life Audio.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome to I Wish you could hear this, where we

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<v Speaker 2>explore great stories and simple, proven steps to help you

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<v Speaker 2>thrive in life, faith, and relationships.

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<v Speaker 3>In our research, we've heard hundreds of Hopefield strategies for marriage, parenting, leadership,

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<v Speaker 3>and life that are grounded in science and consistent with

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<v Speaker 3>biblical truth.

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<v Speaker 4>And now you can hear them too.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Shanti Felton.

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<v Speaker 4>And I'm Jeff Felton.

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<v Speaker 2>If you are a single person under thirty five, or

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<v Speaker 2>you love someone who is, you're not imagining it. A

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<v Speaker 2>major news study shows it really has gotten harder to

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<v Speaker 2>build a good dating relationship today. Researchers are calling it

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<v Speaker 2>a dating recession. But here's the surprising part. The reasons

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<v Speaker 2>behind this actually point to what can work and create

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<v Speaker 2>solutions for any single adult who is interested. We're unpacking

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<v Speaker 2>all of that in this two parts conversation.

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<v Speaker 5>So this is such a crucial topic.

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<v Speaker 3>We know tons of young people who are single and

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<v Speaker 3>would love to be in a relationship, but they often

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<v Speaker 3>just feel helpless in how to make that happen.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, So the reason we're doing this is that this

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<v Speaker 2>major research report came out from the Institute of Family Studies, ifs.

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<v Speaker 2>We're going to link to this in the show notes.

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<v Speaker 2>And the researchers did this deep dive into a very

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<v Speaker 2>big and fairly impressive survey.

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<v Speaker 4>And you know these research I.

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<v Speaker 1>Do, they're very good.

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<v Speaker 2>They're they are and women women, And this is Brad

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<v Speaker 2>Willcox's others who have been around for a long time,

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<v Speaker 2>and they did a really really helpful study of single

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<v Speaker 2>young adults and they narrowed down the analysis that we're

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<v Speaker 2>going to be talking about today of about four thy

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<v Speaker 2>five hundred of these single adults who have never before

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<v Speaker 2>been married and who expect to marry and want to

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<v Speaker 2>marry at some point.

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<v Speaker 1>And they asked all these singles about what.

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<v Speaker 2>Their lives were like, like are they dating, what their

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<v Speaker 2>perceptions are of dating, how often they're going out, how

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<v Speaker 2>satisfied they are, and the conclusion of this all this research,

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<v Speaker 2>the first sentence of the report actually has the conclusion,

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<v Speaker 2>which is that young adults today are living in a

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<v Speaker 2>depressed dating economy.

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<v Speaker 3>So depressed dating economy not a depressing.

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<v Speaker 2>R Oh, it might be depressing as well for them

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<v Speaker 2>as well.

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<v Speaker 1>So think of it like a recession.

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<v Speaker 2>This is they call it the dating recession, just like

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<v Speaker 2>a recession in the economy slows down the economy activity.

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<v Speaker 1>It makes it harder to find a good job.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, there's a lot of young people today who say

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<v Speaker 2>it's very hard to find a good job because there

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<v Speaker 2>just aren't a lot of good jobs out there. Well,

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<v Speaker 2>a recession in the dating market slows down dating activity

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<v Speaker 2>and makes it harder to find a good significant other.

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<v Speaker 1>It's very similar.

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<v Speaker 2>But the reasons that these researchers found for the dating

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<v Speaker 2>recession also provide a lot of hope because there are

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<v Speaker 2>things they found that these single young adults can do

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<v Speaker 2>that will make a difference.

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<v Speaker 3>So it make a difference by like improving their.

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<v Speaker 2>Improving their odds, improving their ability to find that person

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<v Speaker 2>that they're looking for, or just in general be out

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<v Speaker 2>there dating.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, so there's a gap right now between desire and

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<v Speaker 3>actual dating activity. Can you give us some numbers on this.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, So the most important one, and then we're going

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<v Speaker 2>to get into the solutions and everything in a minute,

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<v Speaker 2>the reasons and the solutions.

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<v Speaker 1>But here's the setting the stage.

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<v Speaker 2>The most important data point for me that I saw

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<v Speaker 2>is that only about thirty percent of singles who are

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<v Speaker 2>in this key bracket of age twenty two to thirty five.

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<v Speaker 2>These are singles who want say they want to be

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<v Speaker 2>married at some point. They're not already in a committed relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>Only thirty percent of those singles are actually dating, So

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<v Speaker 2>seventy percent are not dating.

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<v Speaker 4>They're on the sidelines.

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<v Speaker 6>They're on the sidelines, to be correct.

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<v Speaker 4>They're not on the field.

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<v Speaker 1>So they're mostly not on the field.

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<v Speaker 2>Now, this doesn't just mean, by the way, that they

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<v Speaker 2>don't have a significant other, like that they don't have

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<v Speaker 2>a boyfriend or girlfriend. Okay, this is much more fundamental

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<v Speaker 2>than that. About three quarters of women and two thirds

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<v Speaker 2>of men said they had not dated at all or

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<v Speaker 2>had only dated a few times in the last year.

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<v Speaker 2>Basically the most single young adults in that age bracket

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<v Speaker 2>twenty two to thirty five who want to be dating

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<v Speaker 2>just aren't.

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<v Speaker 3>You know. This is really I love the numbers hearing

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<v Speaker 3>the numbers on this because anecdotally, I bet you a

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<v Speaker 3>lot of our listeners out there go, yeah, that seems

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<v Speaker 3>to be what we're seeing. It's certainly what we're seeing

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<v Speaker 3>in our kidsplody in our circle.

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<v Speaker 2>It totally is what we're saying we're we have Just

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<v Speaker 2>as an example, just so everybody knows get on the

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<v Speaker 2>same page. We have both sides of the equation in

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<v Speaker 2>our own little family unit. We have a twenty twenty five,

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<v Speaker 2>almost twenty six year old daughter who just got married

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<v Speaker 2>and who was dating for the young man for five years.

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<v Speaker 6>Great guy.

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<v Speaker 2>We're so excited for them. That was just a few

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<v Speaker 2>weeks back. And we have a son who is twenty three.

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<v Speaker 4>And who is a great guy.

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<v Speaker 2>Also a great guy, a senior in college. We might

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<v Speaker 2>be slightly biased, but we think he's a great guy

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<v Speaker 2>who has dated, has had a girlfriend before. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>this is something he'd love to be stepping into. But

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<v Speaker 2>it finds it challenging that he's he is definitely in

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<v Speaker 2>his life and the life of his friends.

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<v Speaker 1>This is not just him.

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<v Speaker 2>This is a bunch of these young men who are

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<v Speaker 2>all young Christian men where they see that dating recession

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<v Speaker 2>very personally.

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<v Speaker 3>So they would fit into that two thirds, that sixty

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<v Speaker 3>four percent of men who had not dated or dated

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<v Speaker 3>only a few times correct last year correct.

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<v Speaker 1>Most of his friends now, a few of them he.

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<v Speaker 2>Talks about, like, you know, somebody at his school who's

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<v Speaker 2>a good friend of his, you know, did go out

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<v Speaker 2>on date with this young woman really liked her and

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<v Speaker 2>now their boyfriend and girlfriend, and they had been dating

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<v Speaker 2>more than a year. But that is in his view

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<v Speaker 2>and the view of his friends, the exception rather than

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<v Speaker 2>a rule. And we've so we before we did this podcast,

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<v Speaker 2>we reached out not just to him, but to a

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<v Speaker 2>few other people just to get their perceptions, and they

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<v Speaker 2>tend to do.

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<v Speaker 3>This was not necessarily a scientific.

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<v Speaker 2>This was not a scientific poll, but we wanted to

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<v Speaker 2>see anecdotally.

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<v Speaker 1>What people were saying and whether it.

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<v Speaker 2>Matched what the IFS report found on the dating recession,

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<v Speaker 2>which it did.

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<v Speaker 4>So can I.

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<v Speaker 3>Talk maybe just just a moment to the actual address

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<v Speaker 3>our listeners at you know, just personally, so you know,

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<v Speaker 3>if you or you have a loved one who's single

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<v Speaker 3>or dissatisfied with the dating market, just recognize it isn't

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<v Speaker 3>just you. Yeah, it really is an issue all across

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<v Speaker 3>our culture today. So let me say something to the parents.

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<v Speaker 3>So this is why your son and daughter isn't just

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<v Speaker 3>not trying. It might be easy to say to them, look,

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<v Speaker 3>you just have to put yourself out there. You just

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<v Speaker 3>have to do this.

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<v Speaker 6>I think we might have said that a couple of

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<v Speaker 6>we might have.

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<v Speaker 3>So this hopefully will this this episode will give you

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<v Speaker 3>a little bit more empathy in what is going on

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<v Speaker 3>out there, but also to maybe encourage your kids that

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<v Speaker 3>there are some things that they can that they can

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<v Speaker 3>do proactively.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and if you are in that dating market or

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<v Speaker 2>want to be, if you're single, just know that even

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<v Speaker 2>though this feels hard, you're really not alone. It's not

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<v Speaker 2>something that's wrong with you.

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<v Speaker 5>You really are.

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<v Speaker 2>Seeing out there this recession in the dating market, and

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<v Speaker 2>there are things that you can do.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah. Now, now I will before we get into more

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<v Speaker 3>of the information, I will just say on behalf of

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<v Speaker 3>all of the folks out there who are insecure about this.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean sure, Look, Shaunty and I have been talking

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<v Speaker 3>about relations and chips for decades now and doing research

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<v Speaker 3>on this. This for those of you who are watching,

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<v Speaker 3>you're looking at perhaps the guy who was most scared

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<v Speaker 3>of girls all throughout my teenage years and my twenties

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<v Speaker 3>pretty much.

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<v Speaker 4>Now.

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<v Speaker 3>I tried to overcome it, but there was a deep

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<v Speaker 3>insecurity in that part of my life. So just so

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<v Speaker 3>you know, you're not alone in that. Now let's get

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<v Speaker 3>back to the regular programming. So if people want relationships,

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<v Speaker 3>why aren't they dating?

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<v Speaker 1>So we're going to cover in this podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>We have a part one and a part two because

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<v Speaker 2>there's just too much for just one. There were five

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<v Speaker 2>reasons that really stood out to me. We could have

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<v Speaker 2>made this a five part podcast, to be honest, there's

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<v Speaker 2>so much there.

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<v Speaker 1>But for the sake of time.

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<v Speaker 2>We're going to cover just five of the key reasons

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<v Speaker 2>why people don't seem to be dating that Now, these

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<v Speaker 2>reasons come directly from this massive study of forty five

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<v Speaker 2>hundred singles in this who want to be you know,

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<v Speaker 2>who want to be dating, but largely aren't. This this

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<v Speaker 2>large group of people age twenty two to thirty five.

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<v Speaker 2>For the sake of simplicity, we're just going to call

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<v Speaker 2>them young adults because it's gen z and or you know,

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<v Speaker 2>late millennials. But we're just gonna call them young adults.

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<v Speaker 2>So we're going to cover five reasons why from the

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<v Speaker 2>report and from our own research. We're going to cover

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<v Speaker 2>just two in this part one, and then three more

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<v Speaker 2>in part two, and I will say each of them

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<v Speaker 2>comes with yeah, these are the reasons why these are

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<v Speaker 2>some of the problems, but they also come with quite

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<v Speaker 2>a bit of hope, because once you identify the reasons,

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<v Speaker 2>then you can figure out the action steps to take.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think that there are some pretty clear action steps.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, So reason one a lack of satisfaction with dating options.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, unpack that.

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<v Speaker 2>So this is the dating recession at work, just like

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<v Speaker 2>we said, just like an economic recession. So think what

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<v Speaker 2>happens when you are out there looking for a job

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<v Speaker 2>or you're out there looking for a date. If you

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<v Speaker 2>don't see options coming, if you try, like in a

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<v Speaker 2>dating world, if you put yourself out there on dating

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<v Speaker 2>apps and you don't get any matches at all, you basically.

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<v Speaker 1>Go why bother? Like why am I doing this?

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<v Speaker 2>And it starts to feel so performative. It's like putting

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<v Speaker 2>in your resume for two hundred jobs and knowing that

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<v Speaker 2>AI is screening you out.

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<v Speaker 3>So when I was in high school, when I was

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<v Speaker 3>a teen, when I was in my early twenties, and

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<v Speaker 3>I would ask a girl out and I got the no,

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<v Speaker 3>I don't think so that rejection felt really intense, but

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<v Speaker 3>it was, you know, that was one time in.

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<v Speaker 5>That particular week.

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<v Speaker 3>Whereas in these dating apps, I'm sure you can feel rejection.

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<v Speaker 1>Every kind constantly.

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<v Speaker 3>There's a constant why aren't Why isn't I know that

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<v Speaker 3>nobody's match. I know that people saw my profile, saw

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<v Speaker 3>my picture, but they're not liking me or whatever they

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<v Speaker 3>do in.

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<v Speaker 4>Those dating apps.

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<v Speaker 6>Yeah, exactly, and.

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<v Speaker 5>That's got to be really demotivating.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, the numbers actually show it is demotivating. And this

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<v Speaker 2>is that lack of satisfaction with the options is essentially

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<v Speaker 2>creating this vicious cycle because if you think why bother

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<v Speaker 2>and then you don't there are, then you don't put

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<v Speaker 2>yourself out there, so that means there's one less person

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<v Speaker 2>out there, and then that happens times, you know, hundreds

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<v Speaker 2>of thousands of people, and that reinforces the idea that

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<v Speaker 2>there are no options because everybody's holding themselves back, and

0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:10.720
<v Speaker 2>so it creates this really really vicious cycle and this.

0:13:11.400 --> 0:13:12.360
<v Speaker 1>Lack of satisfaction.

0:13:12.440 --> 0:13:16.240
<v Speaker 2>There just aren't I just don't see people wanting to

0:13:16.280 --> 0:13:19.120
<v Speaker 2>match with me. I don't see people even in person,

0:13:19.640 --> 0:13:24.080
<v Speaker 2>who want to connect. You start to think, you know what,

0:13:24.240 --> 0:13:27.920
<v Speaker 2>it's just there's just there's just nobody out.

0:13:27.760 --> 0:13:29.640
<v Speaker 3>There, and so I'm just going to share it. I mean,

0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:32.280
<v Speaker 3>our kids, you know, have talked about and use those

0:13:32.360 --> 0:13:33.920
<v Speaker 3>dating apps at times.

0:13:34.720 --> 0:13:36.920
<v Speaker 2>And we should say that our daughter who just got married,

0:13:37.480 --> 0:13:41.040
<v Speaker 2>they matched on Hinge right right, So it worked in

0:13:41.120 --> 0:13:41.600
<v Speaker 2>their case.

0:13:41.760 --> 0:13:46.600
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and neither of them actually went on another date

0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:50.199
<v Speaker 3>with anyone else in they were both new on.

0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:52.960
<v Speaker 2>And just and they both connected and it just happened

0:13:52.960 --> 0:13:56.200
<v Speaker 2>to work. And we hear from so many young people today. Yeah,

0:13:56.240 --> 0:13:58.120
<v Speaker 2>they're the exception right now.

0:13:58.320 --> 0:14:00.720
<v Speaker 3>One of the other things is that you you see

0:14:00.760 --> 0:14:04.320
<v Speaker 3>on these apps is the you know, the the profile,

0:14:04.400 --> 0:14:08.640
<v Speaker 3>the image of the person who's they look perfect. And

0:14:08.840 --> 0:14:12.280
<v Speaker 3>I remember something that because of the way social media

0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:17.640
<v Speaker 3>was ordered and these platforms, I remember something that our pastor.

0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:19.240
<v Speaker 4>When we were living in New York, Tim.

0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:23.800
<v Speaker 3>Keller said, and he said something to the effect of, look,

0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:28.200
<v Speaker 3>I know you all out there and when you're trying

0:14:28.240 --> 0:14:33.080
<v Speaker 3>to meet other people and everything, and quite frank you

0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:35.600
<v Speaker 3>put your best foot forward. I know that some of

0:14:35.640 --> 0:14:39.080
<v Speaker 3>you have been on covers of magazines.

0:14:40.000 --> 0:14:42.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah this is New York, this was New York.

0:14:42.200 --> 0:14:44.520
<v Speaker 3>I know that some of you are on these covers

0:14:44.520 --> 0:14:48.760
<v Speaker 3>of magazines. And let me just say, I know you.

0:14:48.760 --> 0:14:52.080
<v Speaker 3>You don't look like the person on the cover of

0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:57.640
<v Speaker 3>that magazine. And it creates this artificial image that really

0:14:57.800 --> 0:15:01.960
<v Speaker 3>isn't reality, but it could lead to a dissatisfaction with.

0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:07.160
<v Speaker 2>The option exactly with the real options. It used to

0:15:07.240 --> 0:15:10.240
<v Speaker 2>be when Tim Keller was talking about it, the only

0:15:10.400 --> 0:15:14.560
<v Speaker 2>issue was photoshop, right, Like you could photoshop the pictures. Well,

0:15:14.760 --> 0:15:18.160
<v Speaker 2>now you can create a whole new person with AI,

0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:24.880
<v Speaker 2>and you can certainly perform, and the problem is everybody's

0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:29.720
<v Speaker 2>gotten burnt by the performance and feeling like I have

0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:32.760
<v Speaker 2>to perform and it's not real and I'm not matching

0:15:32.800 --> 0:15:36.360
<v Speaker 2>with anyone anyway, which just leads to this pulling back

0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:40.200
<v Speaker 2>and the dating recession and the lack of satisfaction with

0:15:40.320 --> 0:15:43.800
<v Speaker 2>the dating options. Now, one of the things that was

0:15:43.920 --> 0:15:48.400
<v Speaker 2>actually really interesting in this in this study that I

0:15:48.560 --> 0:15:54.160
<v Speaker 2>actually found encouraging, Okay, because we need to also move

0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:55.680
<v Speaker 2>to what do you do about it?

0:15:55.760 --> 0:15:58.000
<v Speaker 1>What's the hope here.

0:15:58.920 --> 0:16:04.000
<v Speaker 2>Is to recognize is that if you will continue to

0:16:04.000 --> 0:16:06.200
<v Speaker 2>try to put yourself out there, even if you don't

0:16:06.240 --> 0:16:07.920
<v Speaker 2>feel like it, you know, and we're going to talk

0:16:07.920 --> 0:16:10.160
<v Speaker 2>about more how do you do that in a minute,

0:16:11.200 --> 0:16:14.800
<v Speaker 2>But if people will continue to put themselves out there,

0:16:15.440 --> 0:16:21.120
<v Speaker 2>be aware that unlike the myth that most people are

0:16:21.160 --> 0:16:24.400
<v Speaker 2>just looking for hookups anyway, So again, why bother? The

0:16:24.480 --> 0:16:27.960
<v Speaker 2>data actually found something very different in these young adults

0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:30.280
<v Speaker 2>in this twenty two to thirty five year old Cohort.

0:16:30.920 --> 0:16:35.120
<v Speaker 2>These individuals that they were polling, they found that they

0:16:35.520 --> 0:16:42.520
<v Speaker 2>significantly were interested in significant relationships and real emotional connection.

0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:45.000
<v Speaker 2>So just a couple of numbers just to help you

0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:48.440
<v Speaker 2>kind of debunk in your mind when you're thinking of

0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:51.880
<v Speaker 2>putting yourself out there that you know it's not going

0:16:51.960 --> 0:16:54.120
<v Speaker 2>to matter anyway because everybody just wants a hookup and

0:16:54.160 --> 0:16:54.960
<v Speaker 2>it's not true.

0:16:55.000 --> 0:16:56.520
<v Speaker 1>So here's some real numbers.

0:16:56.600 --> 0:17:00.520
<v Speaker 2>Eighty three percent of women and seventy four percent of

0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:05.639
<v Speaker 2>men actively wanted the point of dating to be focused

0:17:06.280 --> 0:17:10.520
<v Speaker 2>on creating the serious relationships. Like the culture of dating

0:17:10.560 --> 0:17:13.640
<v Speaker 2>that they were looking for was not just dating to date.

0:17:14.240 --> 0:17:16.920
<v Speaker 2>Eighty three percent of women seventy four percent of men,

0:17:17.000 --> 0:17:21.760
<v Speaker 2>so basically, you know, high seventies, like roughly eighty percent

0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:27.359
<v Speaker 2>on average, really really wanted not to just date to date.

0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:30.280
<v Speaker 2>They wanted the point of dating to be focused on

0:17:30.480 --> 0:17:34.440
<v Speaker 2>eventually moving towards marriage. Now, maybe not in you know,

0:17:34.480 --> 0:17:37.639
<v Speaker 2>any one individual relationship, because you got to start somewhere

0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:40.639
<v Speaker 2>and it's casual and all of that, but that's what

0:17:40.720 --> 0:17:44.280
<v Speaker 2>they were actively looking for in a dating culture. And

0:17:44.480 --> 0:17:47.560
<v Speaker 2>the other thing that I thought was really encouraging is

0:17:47.600 --> 0:17:51.560
<v Speaker 2>also about eighty percent of both women and men were

0:17:51.680 --> 0:17:59.520
<v Speaker 2>really looking to create true, like emotional deep connection ultimately

0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:02.119
<v Speaker 2>again not just casual hookups.

0:18:02.400 --> 0:18:04.520
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, so that's that. That is encouraging.

0:18:04.880 --> 0:18:06.960
<v Speaker 1>I hope that helps people get out there.

0:18:07.280 --> 0:18:07.840
<v Speaker 4>It's true.

0:18:08.359 --> 0:18:13.680
<v Speaker 3>So so although this cohort the singles aren't dating much

0:18:13.680 --> 0:18:18.320
<v Speaker 3>and they wish they were, they're they're they're wanting real

0:18:18.359 --> 0:18:20.919
<v Speaker 3>connection and real commitments.

0:18:21.080 --> 0:18:24.639
<v Speaker 4>So I agree that's that that is encouraging.

0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:28.080
<v Speaker 5>So let's let's bump to reason number two.

0:18:28.280 --> 0:18:31.360
<v Speaker 2>Can you absolutely because this is going to take sort

0:18:31.400 --> 0:18:35.080
<v Speaker 2>of the book of our time? Reason reason number two

0:18:35.480 --> 0:18:39.280
<v Speaker 2>That was to me, one of the most important findings

0:18:39.320 --> 0:18:45.000
<v Speaker 2>of this entire study is that people just lack some

0:18:45.119 --> 0:18:47.520
<v Speaker 2>important dating skills.

0:18:46.880 --> 0:18:50.480
<v Speaker 3>And that that shouldn't be surprising to any of us

0:18:51.119 --> 0:18:57.480
<v Speaker 3>because I honestly don't ever remember anyone ever coaching me.

0:18:58.680 --> 0:19:02.919
<v Speaker 3>And that's how to days on, you know, how to

0:19:02.960 --> 0:19:05.600
<v Speaker 3>win friends and influence people, so to speak, So how

0:19:05.640 --> 0:19:08.840
<v Speaker 3>to go about that? And I think I just I

0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:12.520
<v Speaker 3>learned it, or I fumbled into it, or I got lucky.

0:19:12.480 --> 0:19:15.919
<v Speaker 2>Well, and we had the advantage of fumbling into it

0:19:15.960 --> 0:19:19.200
<v Speaker 2>in an era where the only option for practicing was

0:19:19.240 --> 0:19:23.800
<v Speaker 2>in person, where you learn those skills better. Today, a

0:19:23.880 --> 0:19:26.040
<v Speaker 2>lot of people are trying to learn that skills in

0:19:26.080 --> 0:19:29.280
<v Speaker 2>what is primarily a social media market where you're not

0:19:29.720 --> 0:19:34.280
<v Speaker 2>necessarily real. And so what the researchers at the in

0:19:34.320 --> 0:19:38.800
<v Speaker 2>the IFS report found is that there's some pretty foundational

0:19:39.040 --> 0:19:43.919
<v Speaker 2>skills that you actually need when you're in the dating market,

0:19:45.200 --> 0:19:49.640
<v Speaker 2>interpersonal skills. Both that IFS report and our own research,

0:19:49.680 --> 0:19:52.600
<v Speaker 2>I think our own conversations over many years with young

0:19:52.640 --> 0:19:57.280
<v Speaker 2>adults has identified that a lot of these young adults

0:19:57.359 --> 0:20:00.639
<v Speaker 2>just don't feel confident in those skills. They don't have

0:20:00.760 --> 0:20:03.760
<v Speaker 2>them and or they don't feel confident in them at

0:20:03.760 --> 0:20:07.360
<v Speaker 2>the level that they want. So that's another reason they

0:20:07.400 --> 0:20:10.520
<v Speaker 2>hold back, or just practically, it's another reason they just

0:20:10.520 --> 0:20:15.040
<v Speaker 2>aren't successful. And so that was about only one third

0:20:15.240 --> 0:20:19.600
<v Speaker 2>of the survey takers felt pretty confident in those skills.

0:20:19.680 --> 0:20:20.800
<v Speaker 1>Two thirds did not.

0:20:21.000 --> 0:20:26.080
<v Speaker 2>So here's a couple of numbers with a few specific skills,

0:20:26.280 --> 0:20:28.840
<v Speaker 2>just because I'm a data nerd and I just want

0:20:28.840 --> 0:20:30.840
<v Speaker 2>to share this because I thought it was interesting. So

0:20:31.119 --> 0:20:34.840
<v Speaker 2>almost seventy percent of young adult men and almost eighty

0:20:34.880 --> 0:20:38.959
<v Speaker 2>percent of the women said they didn't have confidence in

0:20:39.000 --> 0:20:42.680
<v Speaker 2>that pretty basic skill of being able to approach somebody

0:20:42.720 --> 0:20:44.000
<v Speaker 2>they were interested in.

0:20:44.480 --> 0:20:46.240
<v Speaker 4>I'm sorry I got to jump in.

0:20:46.760 --> 0:20:49.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, okay, this would have been you right back.

0:20:49.440 --> 0:20:49.760
<v Speaker 2>In the day.

0:20:49.800 --> 0:20:50.080
<v Speaker 4>Stuff.

0:20:51.320 --> 0:20:53.800
<v Speaker 3>And now I'm going to talk to if I can

0:20:54.160 --> 0:20:57.800
<v Speaker 3>to the older guys out there or the older women

0:20:58.119 --> 0:21:02.240
<v Speaker 3>out there. Percent of young men, eighty percent of young

0:21:02.280 --> 0:21:05.919
<v Speaker 3>women said they didn't have confidence in those skills. Where

0:21:05.960 --> 0:21:10.560
<v Speaker 3>could they get that confidence and perhaps those skills? I mean,

0:21:10.960 --> 0:21:14.360
<v Speaker 3>it's the generation that went ahead of them. We are

0:21:14.600 --> 0:21:18.360
<v Speaker 3>always thinking, how can we reach the next generation? Well,

0:21:18.760 --> 0:21:21.760
<v Speaker 3>have something clearly, the gospel is what we ultimately want

0:21:21.760 --> 0:21:25.320
<v Speaker 3>to reach them with. But if you will take your

0:21:25.600 --> 0:21:30.280
<v Speaker 3>time and gather a group of young men and young

0:21:30.320 --> 0:21:34.000
<v Speaker 3>women with all you have to do is say this

0:21:34.160 --> 0:21:36.760
<v Speaker 3>is what we want to do, what we want to accomplish.

0:21:37.000 --> 0:21:39.560
<v Speaker 3>Would this meet a felt need for you. I've got

0:21:39.560 --> 0:21:43.000
<v Speaker 3>a buddy who once a week he has a fire

0:21:43.040 --> 0:21:47.040
<v Speaker 3>pit at his house and he invites young men to

0:21:47.119 --> 0:21:50.560
<v Speaker 3>come over, sit around the fire pit. They drink a beer,

0:21:51.160 --> 0:21:52.600
<v Speaker 3>they maybe cook.

0:21:52.400 --> 0:21:56.119
<v Speaker 6>A sticky lost people, maybe lost a few people.

0:21:55.880 --> 0:21:59.640
<v Speaker 3>But it is what he does and it makes these

0:21:59.720 --> 0:22:02.200
<v Speaker 3>young men. They love this guy.

0:22:02.560 --> 0:22:05.040
<v Speaker 6>And he's learning and mentored.

0:22:05.280 --> 0:22:09.639
<v Speaker 3>Exactly, and they're in all stages of some have faith,

0:22:09.760 --> 0:22:15.320
<v Speaker 3>some don't. But he's just pouring into them skills for life.

0:22:15.760 --> 0:22:18.280
<v Speaker 3>And we can do that. And you want to draw

0:22:18.359 --> 0:22:24.240
<v Speaker 3>people to have a relationship with you offer these skills well.

0:22:24.280 --> 0:22:28.960
<v Speaker 2>And it also strikes me that offer to bring together

0:22:29.840 --> 0:22:35.480
<v Speaker 2>young people, men and women together, like how many churches

0:22:35.720 --> 0:22:39.120
<v Speaker 2>today have a young.

0:22:38.960 --> 0:22:40.359
<v Speaker 1>Adults singles group?

0:22:40.840 --> 0:22:45.000
<v Speaker 2>Probably not as many as back when we were right

0:22:45.200 --> 0:22:50.680
<v Speaker 2>single And okay, maybe there's a couple that feels led

0:22:51.240 --> 0:22:53.879
<v Speaker 2>to help start something like that and be kind of

0:22:53.880 --> 0:22:57.199
<v Speaker 2>the adults in the room, so I speak, and I

0:22:57.200 --> 0:22:59.040
<v Speaker 2>don't mean to be offensive to those of you who

0:22:59.040 --> 0:23:01.719
<v Speaker 2>are in you're probably thirties, are like, I'm the adult

0:23:01.720 --> 0:23:06.000
<v Speaker 2>in the room, but for the sake of mentoring the

0:23:06.119 --> 0:23:09.920
<v Speaker 2>singles to pull together those opportunities. There's so many different

0:23:09.960 --> 0:23:11.840
<v Speaker 2>ways of doing that that we don't have time to

0:23:11.880 --> 0:23:14.920
<v Speaker 2>get into. But this is something that you and I

0:23:15.000 --> 0:23:17.719
<v Speaker 2>have been thinking about how do we help people? And

0:23:17.760 --> 0:23:19.760
<v Speaker 2>we'll get into that in a second. Let me, Can

0:23:19.800 --> 0:23:22.320
<v Speaker 2>I go back to the data in or numbers? No, No,

0:23:22.480 --> 0:23:26.040
<v Speaker 2>it's fine. So what we were just talking about was that,

0:23:26.320 --> 0:23:29.359
<v Speaker 2>on average, about seventy five percent said that they didn't

0:23:29.400 --> 0:23:33.480
<v Speaker 2>have confidence in approaching someone they were romantically interested in,

0:23:33.640 --> 0:23:37.199
<v Speaker 2>so most men, most women sixty three percent said they

0:23:37.240 --> 0:23:41.280
<v Speaker 2>didn't really trust their judgment when it came to choosing

0:23:41.400 --> 0:23:43.879
<v Speaker 2>a dating partner, like I just don't know that I

0:23:43.960 --> 0:23:45.840
<v Speaker 2>know who you are and I don't know how to

0:23:46.160 --> 0:23:49.639
<v Speaker 2>how to know kind of thing. Now sixty six percent,

0:23:49.720 --> 0:23:53.479
<v Speaker 2>so exactly two thirds said they also didn't really have

0:23:53.520 --> 0:23:58.400
<v Speaker 2>the confidence in their abilities to kind of discuss their

0:23:58.480 --> 0:24:02.080
<v Speaker 2>feelings with a date partner, which is obviously a huge

0:24:02.119 --> 0:24:03.040
<v Speaker 2>part of opening up.

0:24:03.359 --> 0:24:07.639
<v Speaker 3>It is, and I gotta just tell you it comes

0:24:07.640 --> 0:24:11.600
<v Speaker 3>from experience, It kind of comes from practice. Yeah, none

0:24:11.640 --> 0:24:14.040
<v Speaker 3>of us know these things. Well, I don't want to

0:24:14.040 --> 0:24:18.080
<v Speaker 3>say none, but very few know these things innately. Yeah,

0:24:18.200 --> 0:24:22.920
<v Speaker 3>you just learn to practice practice you fail, and yeah

0:24:23.240 --> 0:24:23.600
<v Speaker 3>you move.

0:24:23.920 --> 0:24:26.040
<v Speaker 2>And in part two, we're going to talk about the

0:24:26.080 --> 0:24:28.720
<v Speaker 2>fact that people are holding back also because we're I'm

0:24:28.760 --> 0:24:29.720
<v Speaker 2>worries about failure.

0:24:30.600 --> 0:24:31.920
<v Speaker 1>Now, this one was interesting.

0:24:32.280 --> 0:24:37.800
<v Speaker 2>Sixty four percent of the respondents said they worried about

0:24:37.840 --> 0:24:38.720
<v Speaker 2>their ability to.

0:24:38.800 --> 0:24:41.640
<v Speaker 1>Pick up on social it's interesting on.

0:24:41.800 --> 0:24:47.160
<v Speaker 2>Dates, like literally, again, so much has been filtered through

0:24:47.160 --> 0:24:50.760
<v Speaker 2>a screen that when you're sitting down in person, you

0:24:50.840 --> 0:24:54.240
<v Speaker 2>just a lot of people just haven't had as much practice.

0:24:54.520 --> 0:24:56.680
<v Speaker 3>You know, it's interesting. I was listening to a podcast

0:24:56.720 --> 0:24:58.760
<v Speaker 3>just yesterday with Arthur Brooks.

0:24:58.920 --> 0:25:02.200
<v Speaker 4>Arthur Brooks, who's you know, he's kind of the happiness guy.

0:25:02.520 --> 0:25:04.440
<v Speaker 3>You know, he used to be the head of the

0:25:04.520 --> 0:25:08.760
<v Speaker 3>American Enterprise Institute. Now he's a professor at Harvard And

0:25:08.880 --> 0:25:11.280
<v Speaker 3>Arthur Brooks was talking about a new book.

0:25:11.119 --> 0:25:13.000
<v Speaker 4>That he has coming out called The Meaning. I think

0:25:13.000 --> 0:25:14.679
<v Speaker 4>it's the Meaning of Life.

0:25:14.880 --> 0:25:18.320
<v Speaker 3>But anyways, in that he talked about something and he said,

0:25:18.680 --> 0:25:22.639
<v Speaker 3>you know, for because of our social media platforms, because

0:25:22.640 --> 0:25:27.840
<v Speaker 3>of our screens, we many young people find themselves in

0:25:27.880 --> 0:25:34.760
<v Speaker 3>a place of receiving information, of it coming to them,

0:25:34.840 --> 0:25:40.760
<v Speaker 3>coming to you, and not necessarily interacting with that that

0:25:41.320 --> 0:25:45.640
<v Speaker 3>information like you do in what you have to do

0:25:46.119 --> 0:25:49.600
<v Speaker 3>in an in person setting. Yes you're receiving things, but

0:25:49.720 --> 0:25:54.200
<v Speaker 3>you're also then responding to it in a way getting more.

0:25:54.600 --> 0:25:59.199
<v Speaker 3>So that's where they don't you just that you're not

0:25:59.440 --> 0:26:02.360
<v Speaker 3>practiced in seeing those cues.

0:26:02.640 --> 0:26:06.360
<v Speaker 2>It's interesting talking about you know what we do about this.

0:26:06.960 --> 0:26:10.359
<v Speaker 2>One of the things that this brings up in my

0:26:10.440 --> 0:26:15.600
<v Speaker 2>mind is that last weekend, not at the moment we're recording.

0:26:15.160 --> 0:26:17.320
<v Speaker 1>This, at the very very beginning of April.

0:26:18.320 --> 0:26:20.639
<v Speaker 2>I don't know when this is gonna actually drop, but

0:26:22.000 --> 0:26:24.680
<v Speaker 2>last weekend, just a few days ago, you and I

0:26:24.760 --> 0:26:28.080
<v Speaker 2>were up at Harvard, back up at Harvard the old

0:26:28.119 --> 0:26:33.720
<v Speaker 2>stomping grounds for a conference for Christian alumni of Harvard

0:26:33.800 --> 0:26:35.200
<v Speaker 2>called Faith and Veritime.

0:26:34.880 --> 0:26:36.960
<v Speaker 6>Which you spoke at, which which I spoke at.

0:26:37.000 --> 0:26:41.000
<v Speaker 2>You're on the board of this this group, and one

0:26:41.040 --> 0:26:44.040
<v Speaker 2>of the other speakers on the one of the very

0:26:44.160 --> 0:26:49.520
<v Speaker 2>first sessions, he made such an interesting point about the

0:26:49.600 --> 0:26:53.520
<v Speaker 2>fact that you know, back in the day, the thing

0:26:53.600 --> 0:26:56.639
<v Speaker 2>that brought everybody together, you know, if you think of

0:26:56.760 --> 0:27:01.199
<v Speaker 2>like the Industrial Revolution, you know, it was techniclogy was

0:27:01.359 --> 0:27:04.399
<v Speaker 2>like the key thing was like pulling everybody together. And

0:27:04.440 --> 0:27:07.159
<v Speaker 2>then technology kind of you know, you built all the

0:27:07.400 --> 0:27:09.919
<v Speaker 2>as many factories as you were going to build build,

0:27:10.040 --> 0:27:12.720
<v Speaker 2>and then suddenly, oh, it's the service economy, and now

0:27:12.720 --> 0:27:18.080
<v Speaker 2>it's customer service and uh, and then it became experiences,

0:27:18.320 --> 0:27:22.040
<v Speaker 2>you know, that pull people together. And he basically is

0:27:22.040 --> 0:27:25.960
<v Speaker 2>making the point that in today's age, especially as we

0:27:26.040 --> 0:27:30.120
<v Speaker 2>have moved through social media and now into the age

0:27:30.160 --> 0:27:33.240
<v Speaker 2>of AI, he said, the thing that's gonna be crucial

0:27:33.800 --> 0:27:38.080
<v Speaker 2>is presence. That's what people are longing for not just

0:27:38.160 --> 0:27:43.520
<v Speaker 2>customer service, not just experiences, not just you know, good technology,

0:27:44.040 --> 0:27:48.879
<v Speaker 2>but the power of in person presence. And I think

0:27:49.000 --> 0:27:53.360
<v Speaker 2>that activates again back to what we were saying, is

0:27:53.880 --> 0:27:58.840
<v Speaker 2>for us to look for opportunities to have actual presence

0:27:59.320 --> 0:28:04.199
<v Speaker 2>rather than relying on the quick fix, which isn't actually

0:28:04.200 --> 0:28:06.520
<v Speaker 2>a fix of social media and dating apps.

0:28:06.600 --> 0:28:06.800
<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

0:28:07.080 --> 0:28:10.080
<v Speaker 3>Can I talk just a little bit about the skills

0:28:10.080 --> 0:28:11.200
<v Speaker 3>building stuff.

0:28:10.920 --> 0:28:12.200
<v Speaker 1>Well, yeah, it's all related.

0:28:12.400 --> 0:28:15.159
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And I'm just going to talk from the young

0:28:15.280 --> 0:28:18.320
<v Speaker 3>guys perspective because that's kind of where my heart is

0:28:18.359 --> 0:28:19.760
<v Speaker 3>and that's what I see.

0:28:19.680 --> 0:28:20.960
<v Speaker 4>For sure, I'm exposed to.

0:28:21.320 --> 0:28:26.840
<v Speaker 3>So oftentimes there are folks out there who are on

0:28:26.880 --> 0:28:32.880
<v Speaker 3>the social on the Internet who are trying to influence young.

0:28:32.680 --> 0:28:36.720
<v Speaker 6>Men, who are trying to help them how to navigate, how.

0:28:36.560 --> 0:28:39.719
<v Speaker 2>To navigate the dating world and whatsould look like.

0:28:39.960 --> 0:28:42.480
<v Speaker 3>And there's lots of lots of folks who are trying

0:28:42.520 --> 0:28:45.520
<v Speaker 3>to do that, and they've kind of all been glump

0:28:46.760 --> 0:28:51.120
<v Speaker 3>clumped into the manosphere or whatever, and you know, and

0:28:51.320 --> 0:28:57.120
<v Speaker 3>there are a lot of things with that group that

0:28:57.200 --> 0:29:03.320
<v Speaker 3>I find really objectionable with some of the influences.

0:29:02.360 --> 0:29:03.680
<v Speaker 4>Influencers in that group.

0:29:04.240 --> 0:29:07.800
<v Speaker 3>But some of the things, even the ones who I

0:29:07.840 --> 0:29:14.160
<v Speaker 3>think are totally objectionable, some of the nuggets core truths. Now,

0:29:14.200 --> 0:29:16.120
<v Speaker 3>I'm not going to tell someone to listen to these

0:29:16.160 --> 0:29:19.520
<v Speaker 3>influencers because I think there's enough bad that can that

0:29:19.600 --> 0:29:24.720
<v Speaker 3>can lead them into wrong decisions and wrong understandings of

0:29:24.960 --> 0:29:28.880
<v Speaker 3>women or of themselves that it's it's not worth the game.

0:29:29.480 --> 0:29:33.640
<v Speaker 3>But there are some things that I think are true

0:29:34.200 --> 0:29:38.400
<v Speaker 3>interesting of some of the skills that they have that

0:29:38.440 --> 0:29:40.280
<v Speaker 3>they're trying to build it and I'm just gonna paint

0:29:40.280 --> 0:29:44.080
<v Speaker 3>in really broad pictures. They're oftentimes telling young men that

0:29:44.880 --> 0:29:49.200
<v Speaker 3>you need to be working on yourself, okay, which is

0:29:49.240 --> 0:29:52.400
<v Speaker 3>pretty good. You need to build you know, your physical,

0:29:52.640 --> 0:29:56.920
<v Speaker 3>your financial, your your well being in all of these

0:29:56.960 --> 0:30:00.040
<v Speaker 3>different things, okay, so that you are more.

0:30:00.040 --> 0:30:02.560
<v Speaker 4>Attractive to a woman.

0:30:04.080 --> 0:30:06.440
<v Speaker 3>It feels somewhat transactional.

0:30:05.760 --> 0:30:08.440
<v Speaker 2>Which is, you know, okay, if they're getting a growth

0:30:08.600 --> 0:30:10.040
<v Speaker 2>mindset exactly.

0:30:10.120 --> 0:30:12.880
<v Speaker 1>But it depends on what they're learning as part of

0:30:12.920 --> 0:30:13.719
<v Speaker 1>the worth right.

0:30:15.200 --> 0:30:20.720
<v Speaker 3>But oftentimes these kind of influencer groups tend to have

0:30:20.760 --> 0:30:24.920
<v Speaker 3>a pretty low opinion of women. Really, Yeah, they tend

0:30:25.000 --> 0:30:30.280
<v Speaker 3>to think of I don't either, but I've read enough

0:30:30.400 --> 0:30:33.560
<v Speaker 3>articles on it to kind of have an understanding, at

0:30:33.640 --> 0:30:37.840
<v Speaker 3>least in broad strokes. But the other things that that

0:30:37.920 --> 0:30:42.720
<v Speaker 3>we're probably talking about is that they say that, you know,

0:30:42.760 --> 0:30:46.080
<v Speaker 3>what the women really want is the alpha male, the

0:30:46.160 --> 0:30:50.400
<v Speaker 3>guy who's dominant, the guy who knows what he wants

0:30:50.440 --> 0:30:54.960
<v Speaker 3>and takes it. And now, while I disagree with that

0:30:55.000 --> 0:30:58.560
<v Speaker 3>broad stroke, there is something that we found when we

0:30:58.640 --> 0:31:03.080
<v Speaker 3>did our research on the book for young men only,

0:31:03.880 --> 0:31:09.560
<v Speaker 3>was that an appealing quality that women said actually wanted

0:31:11.000 --> 0:31:13.680
<v Speaker 3>was self confidence, but without being cognit.

0:31:13.560 --> 0:31:14.680
<v Speaker 4>Without being cogny.

0:31:14.840 --> 0:31:17.480
<v Speaker 3>It was that self confidence that I kind of know

0:31:17.520 --> 0:31:19.720
<v Speaker 3>who I am, I know where I'm going, and I'm

0:31:19.760 --> 0:31:24.600
<v Speaker 3>working toward that. That is appealing, but it can easily

0:31:25.200 --> 0:31:25.880
<v Speaker 3>be twisted.

0:31:26.400 --> 0:31:26.880
<v Speaker 5>Yeah.

0:31:27.080 --> 0:31:29.320
<v Speaker 3>And and one other skill that you know, I don't

0:31:29.360 --> 0:31:32.880
<v Speaker 3>hear the influencers talking about, but we found in that

0:31:32.960 --> 0:31:39.840
<v Speaker 3>research was that women, young women loved the guy.

0:31:39.800 --> 0:31:40.600
<v Speaker 4>Who was funny.

0:31:41.080 --> 0:31:44.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, sense of humor. That was of humor that ended

0:31:44.360 --> 0:31:46.000
<v Speaker 2>up being I think the top one. I think it

0:31:46.040 --> 0:31:50.880
<v Speaker 2>was sense of confidence and sense of humor and thoughtfulness.

0:31:50.960 --> 0:31:54.640
<v Speaker 3>Now here's the thing that was shocking me in that research,

0:31:54.680 --> 0:31:57.320
<v Speaker 3>and I'll just do a quick segue into it, was

0:31:57.400 --> 0:32:00.800
<v Speaker 3>that I had taken the opinion I had thought that

0:32:00.920 --> 0:32:03.640
<v Speaker 3>they would have chosen the young women on the survey

0:32:03.680 --> 0:32:09.320
<v Speaker 3>would have chosen a buff body, handsome face, and rich.

0:32:09.560 --> 0:32:11.440
<v Speaker 6>Yes, we gave them a bunch of different.

0:32:11.640 --> 0:32:15.200
<v Speaker 3>We gave them and those were near the bottom of

0:32:15.240 --> 0:32:18.640
<v Speaker 3>the list. The ones that were at the top were

0:32:18.720 --> 0:32:24.000
<v Speaker 3>ones that someone wasn't necessarily born with. They were skills

0:32:24.040 --> 0:32:27.520
<v Speaker 3>that could be developed. And so that's I guess my

0:32:27.680 --> 0:32:32.120
<v Speaker 3>word to the young guys out there these your future

0:32:32.160 --> 0:32:35.280
<v Speaker 3>isn't set because of what family you were born in

0:32:35.960 --> 0:32:39.800
<v Speaker 3>or you know, your genetic makeup. None of that is

0:32:39.920 --> 0:32:42.760
<v Speaker 3>settled on whether or not you are going to find

0:32:43.160 --> 0:32:45.920
<v Speaker 3>a mate for life. There are skills that you can

0:32:45.960 --> 0:32:46.680
<v Speaker 3>develop here.

0:32:46.760 --> 0:32:49.800
<v Speaker 2>And you know what, These things go together because if

0:32:49.840 --> 0:32:53.560
<v Speaker 2>the skills are built, guess what, you'll be more confident, right,

0:32:53.640 --> 0:32:57.520
<v Speaker 2>And that is something that is really at the heart

0:32:57.720 --> 0:33:01.240
<v Speaker 2>I think of this dating recession is that with this

0:33:01.320 --> 0:33:05.160
<v Speaker 2>lack of confidence, it lends itself to people just kind

0:33:05.200 --> 0:33:09.080
<v Speaker 2>of pulling back. We see this so much not just

0:33:09.720 --> 0:33:12.480
<v Speaker 2>in you know, the kids in our family over the years,

0:33:12.520 --> 0:33:16.720
<v Speaker 2>but but also in their friends and in this younger

0:33:16.720 --> 0:33:21.480
<v Speaker 2>generation in the numbers. And so that's the good news

0:33:21.520 --> 0:33:24.240
<v Speaker 2>here is that you can learn those skills. It reminds

0:33:24.280 --> 0:33:27.120
<v Speaker 2>me of when our daughter was playing volleyball.

0:33:27.640 --> 0:33:27.840
<v Speaker 6>You know.

0:33:28.000 --> 0:33:28.840
<v Speaker 1>One of the.

0:33:30.440 --> 0:33:34.320
<v Speaker 2>One of the statements that many coaches would make is

0:33:34.400 --> 0:33:38.080
<v Speaker 2>like some girl would come in without any experience at all,

0:33:38.840 --> 0:33:42.640
<v Speaker 2>but she was six foot tall, right, And the coach

0:33:42.760 --> 0:33:45.240
<v Speaker 2>is like, I can coach skill. You can't coach height,

0:33:46.120 --> 0:33:49.360
<v Speaker 2>but I can coach skill. And it's kind of that idea,

0:33:49.440 --> 0:33:53.520
<v Speaker 2>like you may come in feeling like you are who you.

0:33:53.520 --> 0:33:55.840
<v Speaker 1>Are, I just don't know how to do this stuff.

0:33:55.880 --> 0:33:59.520
<v Speaker 2>Well, guess what you can learn that for example, And

0:33:59.560 --> 0:34:04.400
<v Speaker 2>I'll just give a couple of examples. For example, one

0:34:04.480 --> 0:34:08.920
<v Speaker 2>of the things that is a huge deal is learning

0:34:08.920 --> 0:34:14.080
<v Speaker 2>how to listen, right, learning how to ask good questions

0:34:14.160 --> 0:34:18.360
<v Speaker 2>of someone about them about their life, and then actively

0:34:18.480 --> 0:34:20.960
<v Speaker 2>learning how to listen to them and absorb what they're

0:34:21.000 --> 0:34:26.600
<v Speaker 2>saying and ask related questions back. That one skill, which

0:34:26.640 --> 0:34:30.640
<v Speaker 2>is actually something that people almost naturally learned years ago,

0:34:31.320 --> 0:34:35.320
<v Speaker 2>isn't being naturally learned anymore on today's social media age.

0:34:35.320 --> 0:34:40.440
<v Speaker 2>And honestly, it's also that skill has been degraded just

0:34:40.480 --> 0:34:44.760
<v Speaker 2>because of texting, right, because you don't have to listen

0:34:45.040 --> 0:34:48.759
<v Speaker 2>over text in the same way. So that's one set

0:34:48.760 --> 0:34:54.480
<v Speaker 2>of skills. Another set of skills is actually just knowledge based. Like, honestly,

0:34:54.719 --> 0:34:55.240
<v Speaker 2>we had.

0:34:55.120 --> 0:34:55.680
<v Speaker 1>So much fun.

0:34:55.760 --> 0:34:59.440
<v Speaker 2>You mentioned the free young men Only study, So our

0:34:59.480 --> 0:35:02.439
<v Speaker 2>studies fore young men only for young women only, of

0:35:02.800 --> 0:35:05.200
<v Speaker 2>young women and young men, and these were all these

0:35:05.200 --> 0:35:08.960
<v Speaker 2>were ages fifteen to twenty one. We weren't dealing with

0:35:09.000 --> 0:35:11.200
<v Speaker 2>the age that we're talking about here in this podcast,

0:35:11.840 --> 0:35:15.799
<v Speaker 2>so these were mostly high school in college age. But

0:35:16.000 --> 0:35:21.400
<v Speaker 2>we did find that there were a lot of aha

0:35:21.520 --> 0:35:25.560
<v Speaker 2>moments and a lot of young men and young women going,

0:35:25.600 --> 0:35:28.200
<v Speaker 2>oh my gosh, I've been doing it all wrong, right,

0:35:28.280 --> 0:35:32.840
<v Speaker 2>Like I didn't realize, for example, that when I was

0:35:32.920 --> 0:35:35.600
<v Speaker 2>teasing a guy and kind of coming up with a

0:35:35.640 --> 0:35:39.560
<v Speaker 2>little snarky remark and the witty comeback and whatever that

0:35:39.880 --> 0:35:44.040
<v Speaker 2>you just love doing on in person or on social media,

0:35:44.160 --> 0:35:47.360
<v Speaker 2>that you, as a young woman, you're sending a signal

0:35:47.400 --> 0:35:49.360
<v Speaker 2>to a guy like he might think that's hilarious, he

0:35:49.440 --> 0:35:51.239
<v Speaker 2>might think it's funny, but he's not going to trust you.

0:35:52.560 --> 0:35:54.600
<v Speaker 2>He's going to kind of pull put a little wall

0:35:54.640 --> 0:35:55.120
<v Speaker 2>around his.

0:35:55.120 --> 0:35:55.719
<v Speaker 3>Heart with you.

0:35:56.239 --> 0:35:59.480
<v Speaker 2>So stuff like that that you just didn't know, Like

0:35:59.640 --> 0:36:03.279
<v Speaker 2>you didn't know that on the inside, guys had such

0:36:03.320 --> 0:36:07.800
<v Speaker 2>a tender heart and so much insecurity and self doubt.

0:36:07.840 --> 0:36:11.960
<v Speaker 2>And if you speak to that person rather than the

0:36:12.360 --> 0:36:15.680
<v Speaker 2>confident looking person standing in front of you, well, guess what,

0:36:16.520 --> 0:36:20.040
<v Speaker 2>you have a lot more opportunity to actually have a

0:36:20.080 --> 0:36:23.520
<v Speaker 2>heart opened to you. I can still remember the reactions

0:36:23.560 --> 0:36:25.480
<v Speaker 2>of a group of young women that I was talking to.

0:36:25.560 --> 0:36:28.319
<v Speaker 2>They were all, you know, early twenties. And I had

0:36:28.520 --> 0:36:32.960
<v Speaker 2>just just a few minutes before done an interview with

0:36:33.320 --> 0:36:35.800
<v Speaker 2>a young guy who was also in his early twenties,

0:36:36.360 --> 0:36:39.239
<v Speaker 2>and I asked him, what's the most attractive quality? That

0:36:39.800 --> 0:36:42.360
<v Speaker 2>the thing that you find by far the most attractive

0:36:42.360 --> 0:36:45.279
<v Speaker 2>in a woman other than the way she looks. And

0:36:45.520 --> 0:36:49.480
<v Speaker 2>he didn't even hesitate. He said, it's whether I feel

0:36:49.480 --> 0:36:54.960
<v Speaker 2>like she admires me. That's incredibly attractive because it speaks

0:36:55.040 --> 0:36:57.640
<v Speaker 2>to that inner question that a lot of women don't

0:36:57.640 --> 0:37:01.040
<v Speaker 2>even know that he has, that men have. That's an example.

0:37:01.360 --> 0:37:05.040
<v Speaker 2>Now obviously that can go overboard. We're not talking about that,

0:37:05.120 --> 0:37:09.840
<v Speaker 2>but we're talking about understanding and speaking to the inner heart,

0:37:10.000 --> 0:37:13.800
<v Speaker 2>which is what we did with for the adult set

0:37:14.320 --> 0:37:17.280
<v Speaker 2>for women only and for men only, and the research

0:37:17.360 --> 0:37:19.120
<v Speaker 2>projects on men and women.

0:37:20.040 --> 0:37:22.000
<v Speaker 1>Which we'll put in the show notes. As well.

0:37:22.320 --> 0:37:28.200
<v Speaker 2>So, Jeff, you and I as we kind of we

0:37:28.280 --> 0:37:31.680
<v Speaker 2>have to wrap this up. We're you and I are

0:37:31.880 --> 0:37:39.440
<v Speaker 2>actively pondering what to do about this because this shows

0:37:39.520 --> 0:37:45.200
<v Speaker 2>this huge need need out there and what can we

0:37:45.280 --> 0:37:49.760
<v Speaker 2>do to help singles build these dating skills.

0:37:50.000 --> 0:37:51.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so we're brainstorming.

0:37:51.800 --> 0:37:54.160
<v Speaker 3>We are brainstorming it and you know, would love.

0:37:54.040 --> 0:37:56.520
<v Speaker 6>To We're open to ideas exactly.

0:37:57.680 --> 0:38:00.680
<v Speaker 3>You know, fortunately God has given us a plat form

0:38:01.120 --> 0:38:06.719
<v Speaker 3>that we can speak into certain things to an audience.

0:38:07.200 --> 0:38:10.560
<v Speaker 3>So and with some research, with some research, So for

0:38:10.600 --> 0:38:13.480
<v Speaker 3>anyone out there, any of our listeners you know in

0:38:13.520 --> 0:38:16.320
<v Speaker 3>the show notes will put email address.

0:38:16.080 --> 0:38:18.160
<v Speaker 2>Well they can just I'll just say it right now,

0:38:18.920 --> 0:38:22.360
<v Speaker 2>web contact at Shaunty dot com. Yeah, that's that is

0:38:22.840 --> 0:38:27.359
<v Speaker 2>the email that if you have ideas or if you'd

0:38:27.360 --> 0:38:30.160
<v Speaker 2>be interested in hearing about what we eventually come up

0:38:30.200 --> 0:38:31.480
<v Speaker 2>with and whatever we.

0:38:31.400 --> 0:38:34.319
<v Speaker 6>Create reach out there, will put you on our.

0:38:34.239 --> 0:38:37.719
<v Speaker 2>List email web contact at Shaunty dot com will put

0:38:37.719 --> 0:38:40.719
<v Speaker 2>you on our list and you'll be notified once we

0:38:40.760 --> 0:38:46.560
<v Speaker 2>figure it out. Like live events, virtual events, cohorts.

0:38:45.520 --> 0:38:49.120
<v Speaker 5>Where people can please ideas, yes, give us.

0:38:49.040 --> 0:38:50.880
<v Speaker 1>Your ideas, yes, exactly.

0:38:52.200 --> 0:38:57.120
<v Speaker 2>So this topic of a dating recession and what to

0:38:57.120 --> 0:38:59.520
<v Speaker 2>do about it is so important. We didn't want to

0:38:59.520 --> 0:39:01.480
<v Speaker 2>try to create this into one episode, So we're going

0:39:01.520 --> 0:39:03.440
<v Speaker 2>to pause and we're going to come back next time

0:39:03.920 --> 0:39:07.080
<v Speaker 2>to continue the conversation in part two. Please don't miss that,

0:39:07.840 --> 0:39:10.360
<v Speaker 2>and we have three more reasons and things that you

0:39:10.400 --> 0:39:13.760
<v Speaker 2>can do if you were yes, And.

0:39:13.680 --> 0:39:16.040
<v Speaker 3>I think we'll be able to share some of the

0:39:17.040 --> 0:39:22.880
<v Speaker 3>feedback that we've gotten from people in their twenties or

0:39:22.920 --> 0:39:27.360
<v Speaker 3>third correct who have already said here's what I'm experiencing.

0:39:26.719 --> 0:39:30.920
<v Speaker 2>Yes, exactly, So a little more of the on the

0:39:30.960 --> 0:39:35.200
<v Speaker 2>ground application for if it's you, if it's your adult kids.

0:39:36.160 --> 0:39:38.040
<v Speaker 2>So don't miss that Part two. If you are not

0:39:38.120 --> 0:39:41.640
<v Speaker 2>a subscriber to the podcast, please subscribe now so you're

0:39:41.680 --> 0:39:45.080
<v Speaker 2>notified when part two drops. And if you know someone

0:39:45.120 --> 0:39:47.840
<v Speaker 2>who might be interested in this conversation, please share this

0:39:47.960 --> 0:39:51.839
<v Speaker 2>episode and tag us on all your social media channels.

0:39:53.480 --> 0:39:55.920
<v Speaker 2>Thanks for listening to I wish you could hear this.

0:39:56.360 --> 0:40:00.600
<v Speaker 2>Remember to subscribe to our podcast, and as always, today's

0:40:00.640 --> 0:40:03.840
<v Speaker 2>audio or video link to a friend, counselor, or pastor

0:40:04.120 --> 0:40:09.719
<v Speaker 2>who would be encouraged. I just want to take a

0:40:09.760 --> 0:40:12.600
<v Speaker 2>second to thank the team at Life Audio for their

0:40:12.680 --> 0:40:15.680
<v Speaker 2>partnership with us on the podcast. If you go to

0:40:15.800 --> 0:40:19.200
<v Speaker 2>lifeaudio dot com, you will find dozens of other faith

0:40:19.239 --> 0:40:22.840
<v Speaker 2>centered podcasts in their network. They've got shows about prayer,

0:40:23.120 --> 0:40:25.399
<v Speaker 2>Bible study, parenting, and more.