WEBVTT - Fear Is a Serious Problem - Sunday Fireside Chat 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:02.759 Hey there, this is Marissa strit I am the CEO 0:00:02.880 --> 0:00:04.920 of prigger You, and you are about to listen to 0:00:05.080 --> 0:00:08.960 a special edition of fireside Chat with Dennis Prager. Those 0:00:09.000 --> 0:00:11.280 of us here at peger You are continuing to do 0:00:11.320 --> 0:00:13.760 the very important work that we've been doing with him 0:00:13.800 --> 0:00:17.320 for over ten years. We are educating millions of young 0:00:17.360 --> 0:00:21.079 people online, we have state partnerships to bring our content 0:00:21.160 --> 0:00:23.960 into schools, and so much more. You can head over 0:00:24.040 --> 0:00:26.400 to peger you dot com to see the progress that 0:00:26.440 --> 0:00:29.080 we've been making. Also, I'd love to invite you to 0:00:29.160 --> 0:00:31.920 support our mission by donating to our five OHO one 0:00:32.040 --> 0:00:35.479 C three. It is a nonprofit. Your tax deductible donation 0:00:35.600 --> 0:00:38.519 will go to an institution of higher learning that actually 0:00:38.560 --> 0:00:42.879 shares your values. So enjoy your podcast and thank you 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:44.960 so much for all your support. 0:00:45.200 --> 0:00:49.080 Hi everybody, Dennis Prager here with otto. What's Auto doing? 0:00:49.920 --> 0:00:58.200 Licking the air? He's licking the air, That's exactly what 0:00:58.280 --> 0:01:00.360 he's doing. Hey out. 0:01:02.000 --> 0:01:04.520 It's a very funny dog. There's no question about it. 0:01:04.760 --> 0:01:09.320 Bulldogs are a crack up. Everybody who owns one. Are 0:01:09.360 --> 0:01:11.800 you allowed to say that, by the way, owns a dog? 0:01:12.319 --> 0:01:13.040 I think no. 0:01:13.040 --> 0:01:16.200 No. According to the animal rights organizations. You cannot say 0:01:16.240 --> 0:01:20.680 you are your pets owner. You are your pets human 0:01:21.120 --> 0:01:27.880 companion just wanted you to know that. So he doesn't care. 0:01:27.920 --> 0:01:31.839 By the way, he's very happily owned. So hi, everybody. 0:01:31.959 --> 0:01:37.200 These are spontaneous, all of them. I take your questions 0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:39.440 after I open up with a few comments. I'm gonna 0:01:39.440 --> 0:01:44.360 be very brief on the opening comments because two episodes ago, 0:01:44.959 --> 0:01:50.920 not episode too. Yeah, episode two episodes ago to eleven, 0:01:51.800 --> 0:01:56.440 I spoke about fear. I have another thought about fear. 0:01:57.200 --> 0:02:04.680 I just wanted to share. Actually arose since then. It's 0:02:04.720 --> 0:02:07.120 not a thought I didn't mention. Then, it's a thought 0:02:07.160 --> 0:02:10.480 I hadn't thought of. Then it hit me because I've 0:02:10.480 --> 0:02:17.359 been thinking about fear so much that fear is arguably 0:02:17.480 --> 0:02:22.520 the strongest emotion humans have. I used to think it 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:27.720 was either love or hate, and now I believe fear. 0:02:30.200 --> 0:02:38.240 Fear in most people is the dominant emotion. And I 0:02:38.280 --> 0:02:43.160 see that happening. There are people I know, really wonderful 0:02:43.200 --> 0:02:47.520 people who have stayed indoors for more than a year 0:02:50.160 --> 0:02:56.920 and now, of course, was induced entirely by fear. It's 0:02:56.960 --> 0:03:02.760 so powerful. It is also a terrible source of hatred. 0:03:04.200 --> 0:03:07.200 People hate what they fear. I'm not talking about inanimate 0:03:07.240 --> 0:03:11.040 objects like a virus. Well might be animate, but you 0:03:11.080 --> 0:03:14.160 know what I mean. But if there is a group. 0:03:14.919 --> 0:03:18.960 For example, there is real hatred of the non vaccinated 0:03:19.840 --> 0:03:23.160 in the Western world and in the United States specifically, 0:03:24.120 --> 0:03:28.440 I mean hatred. I mean even a desire to see 0:03:28.440 --> 0:03:33.920 that they die. There are people who write comments on 0:03:33.960 --> 0:03:38.680 the internet that the non vaccinated should not be treated 0:03:38.800 --> 0:03:43.640 in hospitals. They have chosen not to get vaccinated. Let 0:03:43.680 --> 0:03:47.120 them live with the consequences, so that if they get 0:03:47.280 --> 0:03:52.000 really ill, let them die. Now it's so interesting because 0:03:52.080 --> 0:03:57.680 these same people if you asked, well, what about a 0:03:57.760 --> 0:04:02.720 person who who kidnapped the little girl tortured her to death? 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:06.680 Should they be treated in the hospital if they're wounded 0:04:06.720 --> 0:04:11.000 by the police? Oh, of course, and then confront them. 0:04:11.040 --> 0:04:13.800 So you think, if you torture a little kid to death, 0:04:16.120 --> 0:04:20.480 you deserve to be treated in a hospital. But if 0:04:20.520 --> 0:04:23.760 you didn't get a COVID vaccine, you don't. 0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:27.440 That is hatred. 0:04:27.800 --> 0:04:33.440 That's genuine, genuine hatred, and it comes from fear. They'll 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:40.040 kill me, or they'll kill my grandmother. If my five 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:45.360 year old now is not vaccinated, kill me or somebody else, 0:04:45.400 --> 0:04:48.160 because everybody knows five year olds are not dying of COVID, 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:52.719 so they'll kill somebody anyway. 0:04:52.839 --> 0:04:54.919 Fear is. 0:04:57.240 --> 0:05:08.520 The way in which totalitarian regimes focus hatred onto a group. 0:05:10.720 --> 0:05:15.400 In communist countries, that is how they focused hatred on 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:21.880 let's say, landowners or business owners, or the bourgeoisie, the 0:05:21.920 --> 0:05:29.200 middle class, the capitalist. You should fear them. They are 0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:33.520 trying to hurt you. That's how the Germans did it 0:05:33.720 --> 0:05:37.720 with the Jews. It was fear of the Jews that 0:05:37.920 --> 0:05:42.279 enabled people to accept the horrors of what the Nazis 0:05:42.279 --> 0:05:48.960 did to Jews. Fear is really scary, as hon as 0:05:49.000 --> 0:05:55.320 that sounds. Fear is frightening, So it's not only good 0:05:55.360 --> 0:06:00.200 for you, it's also horrible for others to live in 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:05.000 fear that I spoke about last time. So the question 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:10.320 has arisen by people who take these fireside chats to heart. 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:17.640 How do you become a less fearful person? And, like 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:22.479 just about everything else in life, it's a choice you make. 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:32.320 What is the difference between a courageous person and a 0:06:32.440 --> 0:06:36.880 non courageous person. It is not that the courageous person 0:06:37.080 --> 0:06:40.479 does not have fears, it's that they don't act on 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:48.000 them in the arena of fear and courage. I am 0:06:48.040 --> 0:06:52.040 a behaviorist, like I am in every other area. Act 0:06:52.920 --> 0:07:00.040 what you believe you should do. So it started with 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:03.160 my understanding of happiness. You should act happy even if 0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:04.200 you don't feel happy. 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:06.480 If you have. 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:13.560 Physiological neurological issues that absolutely prevent you from acting happy, 0:07:13.600 --> 0:07:16.600 that's a separate issue. But for most people you can 0:07:16.640 --> 0:07:21.000 act it even if you don't feel it. That's a 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:23.960 very big deal. That is the biggest deal in life. 0:07:24.960 --> 0:07:31.760 To not allow feelings to determine your behavior. You behave 0:07:31.920 --> 0:07:36.160 the way you should, you don't behave the way you feel. 0:07:38.040 --> 0:07:41.600 That's the most important moral lesson there is what are 0:07:41.600 --> 0:07:47.200 my shoulds, not what are my feels. Act on feelings, 0:07:48.160 --> 0:07:53.480 you will lead a miserable, narcissistic, and probably bad life. 0:07:54.760 --> 0:07:59.120 So with regard to fear, I would argue the same thing. 0:08:00.960 --> 0:08:03.440 You won't get rid of your fears. Well, you will 0:08:03.440 --> 0:08:09.000 eventually to a certain extent, but you can't wait until 0:08:09.040 --> 0:08:15.720 your fears leave you to act less fearful. You act 0:08:15.840 --> 0:08:18.760 less fearful, and then the fears will begin to leave you. 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:22.160 That is the way it works. Get the hell out 0:08:22.160 --> 0:08:26.320 of your house and one way to understand it is 0:08:27.200 --> 0:08:33.280 I have to weigh the pathetic life I'm living cooped 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:35.240 up in my house for a year and a half, 0:08:36.520 --> 0:08:39.559 or not allowing my children to play with other children 0:08:39.600 --> 0:08:46.760 because I am fearful for them, even though virtually zero 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:50.800 chance of their getting very sick, let alone dying from COVID. 0:08:51.400 --> 0:08:54.120 Preventing your children from playing with other children has a 0:08:54.760 --> 0:08:59.240 might have a permanent, a detrimental effect. Or having them 0:08:59.280 --> 0:09:02.920 wear masks, not seeing faces for a year and a 0:09:03.000 --> 0:09:05.120 half now or more than a year and a half. 0:09:05.960 --> 0:09:11.680 These are bad things, and they're all the results of fear. 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:18.880 So you just decide one day, my children must play 0:09:18.920 --> 0:09:23.240 with other children. I must get out of this house. 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:26.240 Now. 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:28.960 In the final analysis, you have to grapple, I guess 0:09:29.040 --> 0:09:32.760 with the question of gee, what if I get sick? Okay, 0:09:33.200 --> 0:09:37.560 so you got sick. What if you die? It's not 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:40.520 a good thing to die, certainly prematurely, it's not a 0:09:40.520 --> 0:09:43.960 good thing to die probably at any age. It's a 0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:49.360 lousy end to life. But you can't be absorbed with 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:54.160 what if I die? That can't be the animating question 0:09:54.440 --> 0:09:59.720 of a good life. As I said, and I've had this, 0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:03.280 had my whole life. I adopted it, I think as 0:10:03.320 --> 0:10:07.120 early as high school. I would like to live long, 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:13.200 but it is more important to live fully. It is 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:18.480 more important to live fully than to live long. That's 0:10:18.559 --> 0:10:24.200 really something important to remember. I have not led my 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:32.000 life guided by the question what if I die? If 0:10:32.040 --> 0:10:35.720 you do, you won't do anything. I would never have 0:10:35.800 --> 0:10:39.720 visited one hundred and thirty countries, some of them were dangerous. 0:10:40.320 --> 0:10:42.880 Now I don't take silly risks, and I do wear 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:45.800 seat belts. I don't want to die, and certainly not 0:10:45.840 --> 0:10:50.079 for a stupid reason like not wearing seatbelts. Anyway, that 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:54.200 has no effect on the quality of my life. On 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:56.719 the other hand, masks do have an effect on the 0:10:56.800 --> 0:11:00.959 quality not just of your life, but of society's life. 0:11:01.920 --> 0:11:05.600 Not seeing people's faces for over a year and a half, 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:10.880 we pay a price for that. People I read all 0:11:10.920 --> 0:11:14.400 the time, what's the big difference? You know, A little 0:11:14.480 --> 0:11:17.920 piece of material over your face, You have to be kidding. 0:11:19.840 --> 0:11:22.160 A piece of material over your face is a veil. 0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:26.360 People who wear veils, like in the Middle East, women 0:11:26.400 --> 0:11:29.840 who wear veils, many of us, I certainly, I have 0:11:29.880 --> 0:11:35.400 said for years it's dehumanizing. It's literally dehumanizing. The human 0:11:35.640 --> 0:11:39.960 is known by their face, not by their arm, not 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:44.160 by their leg or stomach. You're known by your face. 0:11:44.840 --> 0:11:49.280 Hide your face, you hide you. I think it's awful 0:11:49.360 --> 0:11:52.400 seeing not being able to see people's faces for this long. 0:11:53.160 --> 0:11:55.200 We are paying your real price, and kids are paying 0:11:55.200 --> 0:11:58.720 a worse price not seeing other kids' faces and not 0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:01.680 seeing adults faces anyway. 0:12:02.920 --> 0:12:06.600 Uh oh, another time. 0:12:06.760 --> 0:12:09.880 It doesn't happen often, maybe twenty times out of two 0:12:09.960 --> 0:12:15.520 hundred and thirteen. But I don't own him. That was 0:12:15.559 --> 0:12:20.440 a joke. I do own him, but I don't control him. 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:22.559 That's what I wanted. Maybe he'll come back. 0:12:24.800 --> 0:12:28.560 So here it is. The decision is yours, not will 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:31.280 you stop? Don't ask? Will I stop being frightened or 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:32.439 stop being fearful? 0:12:33.400 --> 0:12:39.880 Ask Will I act on it? Not? Will I act non. 0:12:39.840 --> 0:12:44.240 Fearful even if I feel fearful. That's what you have 0:12:44.280 --> 0:12:46.480 to do. On happiness and every other subject. 0:12:47.440 --> 0:12:48.520 Act. 0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:51.960 Choose how to act, and then the feelings will follow, 0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:57.080 because if you let the feelings guide the actions, nothing 0:12:57.120 --> 0:13:06.360 will change. All right, It is time for your questions. Okay, 0:13:06.400 --> 0:13:09.200 here we go. Hi Dennis. 0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:10.240 My name is Sophia. 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:12.679 I am eighteen years old. 0:13:12.840 --> 0:13:15.439 I'm from Ventura County, California. 0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:18.040 And my question for you is. 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:23.920 When do you think that states like Texas and other 0:13:24.320 --> 0:13:28.920 very conservative states will follow in the footsteps of California 0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:30.359 and other leftist states. 0:13:31.160 --> 0:13:35.000 That is what we call a pessimistic question. That's funny. 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:39.280 What do I think that they will follow? I don't. 0:13:38.920 --> 0:13:43.280 I don't see that happening. It depends. Look, it could happen, 0:13:43.320 --> 0:13:45.720 you know, when it could happen if enough Californians moved 0:13:45.760 --> 0:13:50.719 to Texas. That's what they did. Californias did to Arizona. 0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:55.360 Californians did it to Washington and Oregon, so it might happen. 0:13:55.480 --> 0:14:00.480 It might happen to a Texas. Texas. This is not 0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:04.480 a scared state. They're proud of the fact that they 0:14:04.559 --> 0:14:09.080 don't operate on fear. Just to tie it into what 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:12.800 we said earlier. All right, that was quick, all right. 0:14:13.040 --> 0:14:17.560 Jenna forty six years old, El Segundo, California. Hi, Snoopy 0:14:17.640 --> 0:14:21.920 Otto and Dennis, thank you. Snoopy's not here, but Otto 0:14:22.080 --> 0:14:26.320 just it's so funny, like did he go out to 0:14:26.320 --> 0:14:27.040 get a drink? 0:14:33.640 --> 0:14:33.880 God? 0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:39.320 It was that graceful that's his middle name, Graceful. Hi 0:14:39.440 --> 0:14:41.320 Snoopy Otto, and Dennis. I can't even tell you how 0:14:41.360 --> 0:14:45.160 much I appreciated your don't raise fearful children fireside chat. 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:45.720 There we go. 0:14:46.880 --> 0:14:49.160 I'm a single mama raising an eight year old boy 0:14:49.200 --> 0:14:51.760 and a two year old girl. My son's father is 0:14:51.800 --> 0:14:54.680 one of the most fearful people I have ever met. 0:14:55.040 --> 0:14:58.200 He leaves his packages on the patio for three days 0:14:58.720 --> 0:15:01.880 after a full anti bacterial wipe down. 0:15:03.880 --> 0:15:04.840 Oh my god. 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:11.160 In the Book of Opposites, there's me and him. At 0:15:11.200 --> 0:15:14.200 all of my son's cup Scouts meetings. His father tells 0:15:14.280 --> 0:15:18.840 my son to quote, lift the mask every seven seconds 0:15:19.720 --> 0:15:23.640 all because then, oh, it's not being I don't understand lift. Oh, 0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:28.200 I see, because it's below his nose. We are polar 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:31.280 opposites when it comes to fear. I have wondered for 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:35.040 years why his father is so afraid of everything capitalized. 0:15:35.560 --> 0:15:38.880 Your fireside chat led me right to the source of 0:15:38.920 --> 0:15:42.720 his fear, his mother. I will never forget the time 0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:45.640 his mother asked if he needed help cutting his meat 0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:50.040 so he wouldn't cut him wouldn't cut himself, and he 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:57.200 was fifty years old. Oh my god, I didn't like 0:15:57.280 --> 0:15:58.440 if my mother cut my meat. 0:15:58.480 --> 0:16:03.160 When I was five and she didn't. 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:07.840 His parents bought him a house, paid his property tax 0:16:07.880 --> 0:16:11.040 as a car, housekeeper, his gardener, and even paid his 0:16:11.160 --> 0:16:16.040 doctor visit copays. He has always been coddled. My son's 0:16:16.040 --> 0:16:19.520 father thinks a good parent as a helicopter parent. How 0:16:19.520 --> 0:16:22.200 do I ensure that my son isn't a scaredy cat 0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:26.400 shaking in the quarter of life, but instead takes calculated 0:16:26.520 --> 0:16:31.760 risks to discover, navigates his way through challenges, and learns 0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:36.880 by doing life one tough mama, Jenna, Yeah, you're my 0:16:37.080 --> 0:16:38.720 kind of woman, Jenna. 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:39.600 You know what. 0:16:39.640 --> 0:16:41.840 The kids are lucky they have you. Here's a very 0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:49.400 interesting question here. Can a healthy parent compensate for an 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:55.560 unhealthy parent? He's very restless today, by the way, the 0:16:55.760 --> 0:17:00.560 uh there he goes, Okay, bye bye. This it's a 0:17:00.680 --> 0:17:07.160 very interesting question. Can a healthy parent compensate for an 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:14.040 unhealthy parent? Or does the unhealthy parent overcome the health 0:17:14.560 --> 0:17:17.800 of the healthy parent. I don't have a standard answer 0:17:17.840 --> 0:17:19.760 on it. It would be interesting to ask a hundred 0:17:19.760 --> 0:17:24.040 psychiatrists or psychologists I don't know, or just one hundred 0:17:24.040 --> 0:17:29.159 people who had both. My sense is that the healthy 0:17:29.280 --> 0:17:35.240 parent has that advantage. I think you can undo your 0:17:35.320 --> 0:17:43.879 scaredy cat husband. So that's the good news. You just 0:17:44.119 --> 0:17:48.600 continue without necessarily bad mouthing him. I don't think parents 0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:54.760 should bad mouth another parent, even after divorce, but just say, look, 0:17:57.440 --> 0:18:00.960 that's not my attitude toward life out there and conquer 0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:07.520 the world. Samantha thirty three, Portland, Oregon. Hi Dennis, and 0:18:07.560 --> 0:18:11.119 hello to the usual suspects. That's you, guys. I recently 0:18:11.160 --> 0:18:14.240 started listening to your fireside chats and praguer you videos. 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:17.200 I wish I had known about them in college. Let's see, 0:18:17.320 --> 0:18:20.840 she's thirty three, she was in college ten years ago. 0:18:21.040 --> 0:18:25.639 We weren't in existence, so you can drop the regret. 0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:28.520 I wish I had known about them in college so 0:18:28.560 --> 0:18:32.399 I could better and more confidently defend my position, though Praguer, 0:18:32.440 --> 0:18:34.560 you started about halfway through my years there. 0:18:34.680 --> 0:18:36.760 Oh all right, good. 0:18:37.280 --> 0:18:39.840 I was thinking the other day about men versus women 0:18:39.920 --> 0:18:43.359 and wondered your thoughts on the idea that women used 0:18:43.440 --> 0:18:48.040 their words as weapons. Extreme feminism tries to portray women 0:18:48.119 --> 0:18:51.480 is less violent than men. I agree women are less 0:18:51.520 --> 0:18:54.600 prone to react physically to a situation, but this is 0:18:54.640 --> 0:18:58.439 in part because we tend to wound with words. It 0:18:58.520 --> 0:19:02.040 is not because women are more moral than men. This 0:19:02.080 --> 0:19:05.040 is the assumption and statements such as, if women were 0:19:05.080 --> 0:19:07.960 in charge, there would be no more war. Thank you, well, 0:19:08.000 --> 0:19:12.159 you're a quality woman, because the trick is to be 0:19:12.240 --> 0:19:15.080 able to be objective about your own sex, your own group, 0:19:15.119 --> 0:19:19.800 your own religion, your own anything. And you are. That 0:19:19.920 --> 0:19:24.200 is exactly right. So here's my theory. There are as 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:29.240 many awful women as awful men. There are as many 0:19:29.280 --> 0:19:34.960 wonderful women as wonderful men, and vice versa. Obviously that 0:19:35.160 --> 0:19:39.160 is a very very deep belief of mine. But they 0:19:39.320 --> 0:19:44.879 express their characteristics in different ways. Women's awfulness comes in 0:19:45.000 --> 0:19:50.040 its direction. Women are disproportionately involved in tearing down our 0:19:50.200 --> 0:19:54.240 universities and high schools and elementary schools. They just are. 0:19:55.480 --> 0:19:59.600 But they're not doing it physically. Men are disproportionately involved 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:02.320 in murder and rape and theft. 0:20:03.119 --> 0:20:10.479 There you go. That's correct. Each each let's put it 0:20:10.480 --> 0:20:10.920 this way. 0:20:11.320 --> 0:20:15.719 Each one does its destructiveness in its own way, and 0:20:15.760 --> 0:20:20.080 each one does its constructiveness in its own way. Men 0:20:20.119 --> 0:20:23.560 and women are quite different. That's the way God made 0:20:23.600 --> 0:20:27.679 the world. But this notion if women ran the world, 0:20:29.040 --> 0:20:33.080 I'm watching it take place in the United States, watching 0:20:33.080 --> 0:20:36.160 it take place in New Zealand, where the woman knew 0:20:36.160 --> 0:20:39.400 his Prime Minister said, if you don't hear it from 0:20:39.480 --> 0:20:43.400 the government, it isn't true. I played that like ten 0:20:43.440 --> 0:20:47.800 times on my radio show. All truth comes from the government, 0:20:47.840 --> 0:20:51.919 from the state. That's quite a statement. That's scary stuff. 0:20:52.880 --> 0:20:56.399 There is no other truth other than what the state 0:20:56.520 --> 0:20:59.600 tells you. I've played the recording of her saying it 0:21:00.800 --> 0:21:04.000 would you like the world run by such leaders? All 0:21:04.119 --> 0:21:09.760 truth comes from us. There are no other versions of truth. 0:21:11.720 --> 0:21:19.000 No dissent is admirable. Okay, that was a good question, 0:21:19.640 --> 0:21:24.920 and I salute you. Steven thirty eight, Plattsburgh, New York. 0:21:24.920 --> 0:21:27.159 Dear Dennis, I love the fireside chats. I await the 0:21:27.200 --> 0:21:30.080 release of new episodes every week. I am a white, 0:21:30.240 --> 0:21:34.040 privileged male seeking advice. I'm currently engaged to a woman 0:21:34.080 --> 0:21:37.640 I love deeply who immigrated to America and is now 0:21:37.680 --> 0:21:42.679 a citizen. Before Trump's presidency, political issues were never a 0:21:42.760 --> 0:21:47.480 hot topic within our nearly eight year relationship. However, these 0:21:47.520 --> 0:21:50.520 issues continue to the point I decided I was not 0:21:50.680 --> 0:21:54.800 ready to marry. COVID also made it difficult. She is 0:21:54.840 --> 0:21:58.600 a strong, opinionated woman with a great heart. I've attempted 0:21:58.640 --> 0:22:02.240 many different suggestions from friend's family, Google to no avail, 0:22:02.560 --> 0:22:04.840 What would you do in my shoes? Don't hold back? 0:22:04.880 --> 0:22:05.280 Please? 0:22:06.160 --> 0:22:12.120 Okay, I won't hold back. Find somebody else. If you're 0:22:12.240 --> 0:22:17.040 already married, I have different suggestions to people on how 0:22:17.040 --> 0:22:22.120 to work out very big differences, whether it's COVID or politics. 0:22:22.560 --> 0:22:26.560 But if you're not yet married, why would you want 0:22:26.640 --> 0:22:32.440 to enter a marriage with such huge differences? Marriage inevitably 0:22:32.520 --> 0:22:36.640 has its own challenges just because of life. Why would 0:22:36.680 --> 0:22:41.480 you want to add we don't share some very basic values. 0:22:42.400 --> 0:22:45.320 As I said, had you been married, and especially if 0:22:45.320 --> 0:22:47.919 you had a child, I would give different advice. I 0:22:47.920 --> 0:22:52.880 would say, for example, don't talk politics. Why invite a fight? 0:22:54.760 --> 0:22:58.320 But obviously you're suppressing a big part of yourself if 0:22:58.359 --> 0:23:01.280 you don't talk about those things. But it's worth suppressing 0:23:01.320 --> 0:23:04.600 that part of yourself to keep a marriage happy. But 0:23:04.640 --> 0:23:09.000 you're not married. So what's what's what's? I don't even 0:23:09.040 --> 0:23:11.159 know what the question is. I know what the question is. 0:23:11.200 --> 0:23:16.080 You love her, and that's powerful. But now, as like 0:23:16.840 --> 0:23:18.960 every time in life, you have to be guided by 0:23:18.960 --> 0:23:26.480 your mind, not your heart. Victor thirty nine, Timmy Shawara, Romania, Hello, 0:23:26.560 --> 0:23:31.399 Dennis Team and Furry friends cool. Firstly, thank you so 0:23:31.640 --> 0:23:35.000 much for helping us be better and happier people. Me 0:23:35.080 --> 0:23:38.800 and my significant other drive every weekend to visit my 0:23:38.920 --> 0:23:42.239 parents and her grandmother of ninety four years old, and 0:23:42.400 --> 0:23:45.760 Sunday is always fireside chats day on our way back home. 0:23:46.359 --> 0:23:50.480 My secular upbringing makes me struggle to understand why marriage 0:23:50.640 --> 0:23:54.160 is so important. I'm very in love with my best 0:23:54.160 --> 0:23:56.800 friend of more than twenty years, ten of which we 0:23:56.840 --> 0:24:01.560 spend together are spent together I've spent together. How can 0:24:01.600 --> 0:24:04.399 a piece of paper make our relationship more than it 0:24:04.440 --> 0:24:07.560 is right now? Other than in legal ways, of course. 0:24:08.080 --> 0:24:11.160 Much love from Romania, Well love to you in Romania. 0:24:11.760 --> 0:24:14.000 I gave two speeches in Romania a few years ago. 0:24:14.040 --> 0:24:19.520 I had a great time, really great time. So this 0:24:19.640 --> 0:24:24.320 I hear a lot. Why get married? We love each other, 0:24:24.640 --> 0:24:28.720 we're committed to each other. It's just a piece of paper. 0:24:29.680 --> 0:24:33.800 So I turned the question around one hundred and eighty degrees. 0:24:34.680 --> 0:24:38.160 If it's just a piece of paper, why not do it? 0:24:41.560 --> 0:24:45.920 You don't believe it's just a piece of paper. If 0:24:45.960 --> 0:24:51.600 you did, okay, why not? So here are a few 0:24:51.960 --> 0:24:57.800 a few basic arguments. There's no comparison between calling your 0:24:57.840 --> 0:25:04.560 significant other, my girlfriend or my partner versus my wife. 0:25:04.800 --> 0:25:08.640 It's a different world the day you say my wife, 0:25:09.160 --> 0:25:14.160 everything changes, hopefully for the better, but not even necessarily 0:25:14.200 --> 0:25:20.040 better or worse, just changes. That's serious. That's an announcement 0:25:20.119 --> 0:25:24.320 to society that we have committed to each other in 0:25:24.400 --> 0:25:30.639 every way, yes, including legally formally. If you wish you 0:25:30.720 --> 0:25:35.320 are no longer her boyfriend, you're her husband. It's a 0:25:35.359 --> 0:25:40.280 big deal. Ask anybody who has made the change after 0:25:40.480 --> 0:25:45.400 being together more than let's say five years, from girlfriend 0:25:45.480 --> 0:25:49.600 to wife, boyfriend to husband. They will tell you how 0:25:49.640 --> 0:25:53.880 different that is. And if you want children, you owe 0:25:53.880 --> 0:25:58.360 it to them to be married. That is your official statement. 0:25:58.800 --> 0:26:05.120 Mommy and daddy are also husband and wife. That's a 0:26:05.160 --> 0:26:13.400 bond that is different from boyfriend and girlfriend. So now 0:26:13.440 --> 0:26:17.400 you're right. The religious world is much more pro marriage 0:26:17.400 --> 0:26:22.440 than the secular world. You probably heard that here. It's 0:26:22.480 --> 0:26:25.800 one of the many differences between secularism and religious life. 0:26:27.560 --> 0:26:30.639 So it's an argument for a religious life. But you 0:26:30.680 --> 0:26:34.320 don't have to be religious to get married, obviously, but 0:26:34.440 --> 0:26:38.600 it is a huge difference. It's not just a piece 0:26:38.600 --> 0:26:43.080 of paper. It's like saying, you know, I know how 0:26:43.119 --> 0:26:45.840 to drive a license is just a piece of paper, 0:26:47.800 --> 0:26:52.920 but getting a driver's license is an official statement of 0:26:52.960 --> 0:26:56.560 your ability to drive a lot of people know how 0:26:56.560 --> 0:27:02.919 to drive without that official statement, but we need official statements. 0:27:03.359 --> 0:27:08.160 It's better for you, better for her, and better for society. 0:27:09.440 --> 0:27:13.280 We don't think anymore what's good for society? That question 0:27:13.600 --> 0:27:17.199 has sort of died, but that is one of the 0:27:17.240 --> 0:27:20.399 reasons for people to get married. It is better for 0:27:20.480 --> 0:27:24.560 society that people bond and take care of each other 0:27:25.280 --> 0:27:36.480 and not rely on the state to do so. Let's see. 0:27:37.040 --> 0:27:42.399 Oh boy, all right, here's a depressing one to end with. Liz, 0:27:42.600 --> 0:27:46.960 thirty years old, Jerusalem, Israel. I'm an Orthodox Jew, and 0:27:47.000 --> 0:27:50.240 you would think being religious has me covered. Maybe it 0:27:50.280 --> 0:27:53.840 would be enough if I didn't deal with chronic depression. 0:27:54.840 --> 0:27:56.879 But as it is, I don't see much of meaning 0:27:56.920 --> 0:27:59.679 to life, and I wish I had never been born. 0:28:00.680 --> 0:28:03.439 How can I find my meaning, or just any meaning 0:28:04.040 --> 0:28:07.040 to help me in the more difficult days. I do 0:28:07.080 --> 0:28:10.360 think it's important to add I'm not in any danger. 0:28:10.040 --> 0:28:12.680 Of self harm, just deep misery. 0:28:14.200 --> 0:28:18.960 Thank you. I love your fireside chats. By the way, Well, 0:28:18.960 --> 0:28:21.879 my heart goes out to you. You're thirty and you 0:28:21.920 --> 0:28:26.080 wish you hadn't been born. I can't say that I've 0:28:26.080 --> 0:28:30.480 met many people who wish they hadn't been born. That 0:28:30.560 --> 0:28:33.520 was a very revealing statement that it really it hit 0:28:33.560 --> 0:28:37.240 me hard that you're walking around thinking that it is 0:28:37.440 --> 0:28:45.360 clear you are clinically depressed. My argument that most people 0:28:46.000 --> 0:28:49.760 should act happy even if they don't feel it is 0:28:49.880 --> 0:28:54.800 not really applicable to people who are have clinical depression. 0:28:56.560 --> 0:28:59.920 So for people like you, that's why they have psychiatric drugs. 0:29:00.640 --> 0:29:06.880 Have you tried any maybe manipulating some aspect of your 0:29:06.920 --> 0:29:17.960 brain will have you look at life differently. Without obviously 0:29:18.000 --> 0:29:23.959 speaking to you, and I'm not a psychiatrist either, I 0:29:24.000 --> 0:29:27.520 certainly can't provide you the answer, but I do think 0:29:28.360 --> 0:29:32.240 you didn't mention you had looked into into psychiatric drugs, 0:29:32.240 --> 0:29:36.200 and you should. There's no shame in taking them. Taking 0:29:36.280 --> 0:29:40.280