1 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 1: Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Here thousands of 2 00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:27,840 Speaker 1: hours of Dennis's lectures courses in classic radio programs. Had 3 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:38,239 Speaker 1: to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles. Go to Dennisprager dot com. 4 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:41,520 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, go on go. 5 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:44,039 Speaker 3: I can't tell you how much I would like to 6 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:51,280 Speaker 3: interview doctor Fusspend. We all have dreams. That's one of mine. 7 00:00:52,520 --> 00:01:01,080 Speaker 3: But alas, doctor Fusspend is a movie character, and one 8 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:05,880 Speaker 3: cannot interview movie characters unless one writes the characters lines, 9 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:10,720 Speaker 3: in which case you're interviewing yourself. Hi, everybody, the Male 10 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 3: Female Hour every Wednesday. Nice to have it back. I 11 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 3: think the last two Wednesdays? 12 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:16,959 Speaker 2: Is that right? 13 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:22,480 Speaker 3: Last two Wednesdays I had substitute hosts. I had those 14 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 3: days off for intense reasons. I mean, not bad reasons, 15 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 3: just usually involving cross country travel. Anyway, I do take 16 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:43,679 Speaker 3: days off periodically. All right, this is the Male Female Hour, 17 00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:46,160 Speaker 3: and it is the most honest talk about men and 18 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:52,160 Speaker 3: women in their relationships. I think in American media. It 19 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:55,559 Speaker 3: is honest for many reasons. One, I have very little 20 00:01:55,600 --> 00:02:00,280 Speaker 3: difficulty in talking about very sensitive issues. Number Two, I'm 21 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:02,800 Speaker 3: not a man fan or a woman fan. I'm a 22 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:07,120 Speaker 3: good person, fan, and the world has been made that 23 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:12,239 Speaker 3: for every male jerk, there's a female jerk, and vice versa. 24 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:18,280 Speaker 3: I think the numbers are quite equivalent. I never for 25 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:23,000 Speaker 3: a minute bought the nonsense that one sex was superior 26 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:26,760 Speaker 3: to the other. They are superior in certain ways, innately 27 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:32,160 Speaker 3: in many regards or in some regards that, by the way, 28 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:34,919 Speaker 3: would be an interesting subject for a male female hour 29 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:39,520 Speaker 3: are there ways in which men are more suited for 30 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:45,200 Speaker 3: things and likewise women, But that's not today's subject. Today's 31 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:51,400 Speaker 3: subject is a very difficult one, emotionally difficult. It's not 32 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:56,240 Speaker 3: intellectually difficult. But I will learn a great deal from 33 00:02:56,440 --> 00:03:02,760 Speaker 3: your calls, as is very often the case, and that 34 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:08,240 Speaker 3: is here is the question in your life. I want 35 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:10,320 Speaker 3: you to just I don't want you to discuss this 36 00:03:10,639 --> 00:03:12,840 Speaker 3: in the macro. I want you to discuss this in 37 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:21,680 Speaker 3: the micro. Specifically, you have your children been a net 38 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:28,840 Speaker 3: asset to the happiness of your marriage, a net deficit 39 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 3: or no effect negatively or positively. I'm not talking about 40 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:44,880 Speaker 3: your life and talking about your marriage. Have your children 41 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:48,880 Speaker 3: made your marriage better? Have your children made your marriage 42 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:54,160 Speaker 3: more difficult? Have your children had no effect in either 43 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 3: direction or equally in both. That's what I am curious 44 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 3: to hear from you. One eight prager seven seven six 45 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 3: eight seven seven two four three triple seven six. I'll 46 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:12,800 Speaker 3: give you one example. While you're calling in, I will 47 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:18,200 Speaker 3: give you an example of a challenge that a child 48 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:28,200 Speaker 3: presents to a couple immediately upon birth. I would love 49 00:04:28,279 --> 00:04:36,560 Speaker 3: to see data on sexual frequency post the child and 50 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:41,320 Speaker 3: pre the child. And I say I would like to 51 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:45,159 Speaker 3: see the data implies that I think the data would 52 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:51,240 Speaker 3: suggest that it was less frequent. Now, there are many 53 00:04:51,279 --> 00:04:56,120 Speaker 3: ways to have joy in life. Sexual joy is certainly 54 00:04:56,160 --> 00:05:00,880 Speaker 3: one of them, but there is also there are other joys, 55 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:06,240 Speaker 3: and in this instance, the joy of the arrival of 56 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:09,680 Speaker 3: the child, if it does in fact decrease the frequency, 57 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:16,320 Speaker 3: might well be a worthy compensation. If somebody said to 58 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:21,159 Speaker 3: you in advance, you will go from x times a 59 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:29,320 Speaker 3: month or a week for a day to y times 60 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:33,360 Speaker 3: or x minus y times, but you will have a 61 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:41,119 Speaker 3: child as a as something in your life, most people 62 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:46,360 Speaker 3: would sign on, by the way, not to not everybody. 63 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:50,200 Speaker 3: Does this happen, the diminished frequency as a result of 64 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:54,280 Speaker 3: the child's arrival, But it usually does. I have a 65 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 3: line about that that which was created by passion then 66 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:08,240 Speaker 3: diminishes it. But there are competing goods in life, and 67 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 3: mature people become aware of that. Another area is you. 68 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:23,000 Speaker 3: As soon as child arrives, your freedoms are curtailed. You 69 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:27,160 Speaker 3: can't travel as much, you can't dine out as much, 70 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 3: you can't sleep as much. On the other hand, you 71 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:39,760 Speaker 3: have a child, you have a family. You are doing 72 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,440 Speaker 3: one of the most profound things a human can do 73 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:50,720 Speaker 3: in life, raise a human being. Is that worth fewer 74 00:06:50,800 --> 00:07:02,920 Speaker 3: dinners less sleep? I think it is. However, sometimes children, 75 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:08,159 Speaker 3: not at the beginning, but when they grow up, and 76 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:14,400 Speaker 3: they could be a source of pain in a marriage. 77 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 3: And I don't only mean the ones that are difficult, 78 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:23,160 Speaker 3: just the difficult child for whatever reason, or a child 79 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:27,920 Speaker 3: that gets hooked on drugs or alcohol or some other addiction. 80 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:35,119 Speaker 3: I'm talking about families with a child with special needs 81 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:42,280 Speaker 3: that could have an effect on your marriage, especially if 82 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:48,640 Speaker 3: it's accompanied by financial challenges. On the other hand, which 83 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,720 Speaker 3: is the whole point of this hour, there are many 84 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:57,040 Speaker 3: hands here. On the other hand, a child can be 85 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:04,320 Speaker 3: a source of extraordinary fulfillment and joy in one's life. 86 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:09,320 Speaker 3: One should not look to children to be the source 87 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 3: of joy in their lives. That is too big a 88 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 3: burden to place on a child, but there's no denying 89 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:23,520 Speaker 3: that that is a possibility. One of the problems of 90 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:28,200 Speaker 3: our age is that it has become the age of 91 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:37,479 Speaker 3: anti wisdom. There's no wisdom taught. Our schools are devoid 92 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:41,479 Speaker 3: of wisdom. Most of the time it's fools teaching children. 93 00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:46,360 Speaker 3: It's very sad for me to say there's no joy 94 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:53,880 Speaker 3: in it. And one of the non wisdom items of 95 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:58,480 Speaker 3: life subjects of life is that everything has a price, 96 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:04,640 Speaker 3: and that if you ask what is the price, you 97 00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:09,719 Speaker 3: will lead a much wiser and therefore happier life. The 98 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:13,600 Speaker 3: only time we ever ask what is the price is 99 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:19,319 Speaker 3: when we're buying something, right, how much is it? Should 100 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:23,280 Speaker 3: ask how much is it? About everything? What is the 101 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:27,280 Speaker 3: price paid for? And then fill in whatever it is. 102 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:31,320 Speaker 3: What is the price paid for getting married? I don't 103 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:35,560 Speaker 3: mean financial price, although that might be included. What is 104 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:39,840 Speaker 3: the price paid for staying single? What is the price 105 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:43,560 Speaker 3: paid for having a child? What is the price paid 106 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:47,280 Speaker 3: for not having a child. What is the price paid 107 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:50,880 Speaker 3: for having only one child? What is the price paid 108 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:57,160 Speaker 3: for having five children? You have to ask this in life. 109 00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:03,080 Speaker 3: Nothing is free. But that's a that's an Ultimate Issues 110 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:06,520 Speaker 3: or Happiness Hour subject. I'll take your calls on the 111 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,800 Speaker 3: Male Female Hour in a moment the Dennis Prager Show. 112 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:13,960 Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 113 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:24,800 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. 114 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,880 Speaker 3: I was talking to who's it, I forget who. I 115 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:38,360 Speaker 3: was talking to somebody about their child going to college. Oh, yes, 116 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:46,439 Speaker 3: I was talking to my grads who's eleven, And we 117 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:50,400 Speaker 3: have a zoom call each week and we study Bible 118 00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:57,559 Speaker 3: or we talk about great issues of life and wherever 119 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:02,559 Speaker 3: it leads. My producer is going to get a kick 120 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:06,120 Speaker 3: out of this. So I decided to this past week 121 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 3: to talk about some of the things about happiness that 122 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,680 Speaker 3: I talk about, like even if you're in a bad mood, 123 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:15,800 Speaker 3: you shouldn't act it. It's a very good thing to 124 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:19,560 Speaker 3: tell children that they don't act on their moods. And 125 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,760 Speaker 3: then I talked about one chapter from my Happiness book, 126 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:26,040 Speaker 3: the Missing Tile Syndrome, that people focus on what they're 127 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:29,480 Speaker 3: missing more than what they have and it's a source 128 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:32,440 Speaker 3: of unhappiness. Fact, it's the favorite chapter in the book. 129 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:36,640 Speaker 3: And I asked him, so, what do you have a 130 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:42,840 Speaker 3: missing tile. Is there something you're missing and you think about? 131 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:49,440 Speaker 3: Are you ready? I almost fell, I literally almost fell 132 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:55,080 Speaker 3: off my chair in total seriousness. He goes, poppy, there 133 00:11:55,160 --> 00:12:07,760 Speaker 3: is I'm missing? A fishing boat? Is that atsome? A 134 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:14,560 Speaker 3: fishing boat? I love him? Oh, he loves fishing. That's 135 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,880 Speaker 3: the whole point. He's crazy about it. He lives on 136 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:20,720 Speaker 3: the ocean in Florida by right near the other. So 137 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:24,680 Speaker 3: why am I telling you this? So I said, so, 138 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:28,959 Speaker 3: you know, are you saving up for one? He said, well, 139 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,880 Speaker 3: a friend and I And I guess I probably said 140 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:35,080 Speaker 3: me and a friend, me and a friend are working 141 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:38,840 Speaker 3: on saving up for a fishing boat. Okay, And then 142 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:42,240 Speaker 3: I said, really great. But he said there's a problem. 143 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:46,160 Speaker 3: His parents want him to put all his money to college. 144 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:47,640 Speaker 3: You know what grade is he? 145 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 1: You? 146 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,640 Speaker 3: Now? Seventh grade? So yeah, I guess seventh grade? Right 147 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:55,000 Speaker 3: at eleven year, sixth grade? Seventh grade? So that I 148 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:59,480 Speaker 3: said to him, I actually think a fishing boat is 149 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:00,800 Speaker 3: more valuable. 150 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:10,920 Speaker 2: Than a college education. How many grandparents still lingreage that? 151 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,720 Speaker 3: And I've eat it. That's the amazing That's why I'm laughing. 152 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:20,480 Speaker 3: It wasn't a joke. Absolutely, there's no question. He would 153 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,880 Speaker 3: get more out of fishing boat that out of college. 154 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:28,760 Speaker 3: And so I told him watch the five hundred videos 155 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:32,120 Speaker 3: at Praguer You, and you will learn far more than 156 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:36,520 Speaker 3: you learn at college. Now you won't learn botany or 157 00:13:36,559 --> 00:13:40,400 Speaker 3: physics or math, that's correct, but if you're not going 158 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:44,320 Speaker 3: into stem science, technology, engineering, or math, you will learn 159 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:51,680 Speaker 3: more at Praguer You. And I mean that literally, it's 160 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:55,920 Speaker 3: not even a competition. Bill bennett'son said years ago to me, 161 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,400 Speaker 3: and they were only like a hundred videos up. He 162 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:03,040 Speaker 3: learned more from Praguer You at Princeton where he attended. 163 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,880 Speaker 3: So anyway, it is fundraising month for Preger You. So 164 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,600 Speaker 3: it's an apt that I mentioned that to you help 165 00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:15,560 Speaker 3: us teach what should be taught. The subject of the 166 00:14:15,559 --> 00:14:21,560 Speaker 3: Male Female Hour, which we are currently in, is where 167 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:25,280 Speaker 3: your children an asset to your marriage, not to your 168 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:30,320 Speaker 3: not talking about your life generally specifically your marriage. Did 169 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 3: it hurt your marriage, your child or children, or have 170 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:40,440 Speaker 3: neither effect. So all the lines I see people are 171 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:45,080 Speaker 3: saying that their child was an asset. I have a theory. 172 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:48,240 Speaker 3: People for whom the child has not been an asset 173 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:52,920 Speaker 3: or a child aren't going to call that's exactly right. 174 00:14:54,520 --> 00:15:03,120 Speaker 3: That's my theory because my experience in with knowing people 175 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:06,920 Speaker 3: and people open up to me. In a lot of cases, 176 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,960 Speaker 3: a child has been a detriment. I know one family 177 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:16,960 Speaker 3: well where three children were terrific or is it Yeah, 178 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:21,640 Speaker 3: three children were just terrific and one was a constant 179 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:26,680 Speaker 3: source of angst. And one of those three children I 180 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:30,800 Speaker 3: know really well told me that it definitely had a 181 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:34,520 Speaker 3: bad effect on the parent's marriage. I know of another 182 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:43,360 Speaker 3: marriage where a child has severe mental issues is institutionalized 183 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:50,520 Speaker 3: and it has definitely affected their marriage. So I don't 184 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,680 Speaker 3: think people want to call in and say it because 185 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:58,320 Speaker 3: it's too painful. Is it not an argument against children? 186 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:03,400 Speaker 3: This is only an observation that to a large extent, 187 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:07,800 Speaker 3: an extent that I am willing I have always been 188 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:11,640 Speaker 3: willing to acknowledge. But many people find very problematic, and 189 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:18,360 Speaker 3: it is problematic. Is the role of luck in life 190 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:25,280 Speaker 3: child who was born with serious mental issues or serious 191 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:33,000 Speaker 3: physical issues? It's uh, you love them, and of course, 192 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:40,240 Speaker 3: but it is. It is the way it works. It's fate. 193 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:48,680 Speaker 3: It's a humbling fact of life. All right, Let's go 194 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:53,359 Speaker 3: to Mosha in Chicago, the famous Mosha of Chicago, Hello. 195 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:57,320 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's such a profound question, Dennis. You know, it's 196 00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:01,160 Speaker 4: worthy of a Praeger trash at the Sportsman's Lodge. You know, 197 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,920 Speaker 4: it's really really a great, a great question, and I'm thinking, 198 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:09,080 Speaker 4: you know, in my case, it actually is what keeps 199 00:17:09,159 --> 00:17:12,239 Speaker 4: the marriage going, because the marriage is not great, to 200 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:16,440 Speaker 4: be honest with you, and so in this sense, you know, 201 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:19,400 Speaker 4: it builds the character of us to stay in it. 202 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,960 Speaker 4: That's how terrific the kids are, and that's where the 203 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:27,240 Speaker 4: bond needs to be kept. And you know, so wisdom, 204 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:30,800 Speaker 4: character comes from our children and our love for them. Now, 205 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:33,600 Speaker 4: should we stay in it? I think we have to 206 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:36,520 Speaker 4: because we're both products of divorce and we know what 207 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:40,080 Speaker 4: it does. We disagree with the psychiatrists that say, you know, 208 00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:42,400 Speaker 4: it's better off for the kids to not be with them, 209 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:43,320 Speaker 4: to not be together. 210 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:44,399 Speaker 3: How old are your kids. 211 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:48,240 Speaker 4: They're both just beginning high school. 212 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:53,320 Speaker 3: Right, So this is a Mosha. I can't thank you 213 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:58,320 Speaker 3: enough because you raised another fascinating issue. Not only on 214 00:17:58,359 --> 00:18:02,399 Speaker 3: occasion do they hurt a marriage, but on occasion, not 215 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,720 Speaker 3: only do they help the marriage, but they keep the 216 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:09,720 Speaker 3: marriage together. I presume that Mosha and his wife would 217 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:15,200 Speaker 3: separate and divorce if they didn't have children. How interesting. 218 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:18,919 Speaker 3: It's another factor to throw in which I hadn't thought of. 219 00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:24,480 Speaker 3: So question for Bosha and his wife is when the 220 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:33,800 Speaker 3: kids leave, will they stay together? We'll be back. You 221 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:37,960 Speaker 3: should see the responses to my work. It's like my 222 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:43,800 Speaker 3: Bible work, except it's another ancient text, not Biblical. On 223 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:49,240 Speaker 3: the oldest holiday in the world, Passover and the Satyr, 224 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,439 Speaker 3: well known to non Jews as well, the opening nights 225 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:58,240 Speaker 3: extremely significant meal of the retelling of the Exodus. It's 226 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:06,840 Speaker 3: all there, the rational Passover, Hagata and it's uh. I 227 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:11,640 Speaker 3: get these letters from people for the first time they 228 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:20,120 Speaker 3: see reason and its power in religious observance. So I 229 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:25,399 Speaker 3: strongly commend it to you. Rational Passover ha Goda it's called. 230 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:31,960 Speaker 3: And now back to the Male Female hour. A person 231 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,440 Speaker 3: who stepped into the room was talking to me about 232 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:40,040 Speaker 3: the subject. I told you this question is a very 233 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:44,439 Speaker 3: tough one for people to address. Was your child or 234 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:52,040 Speaker 3: were your children an asset or a detriment to your marriage? 235 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:55,440 Speaker 3: Most people calling in it's on the asset side because 236 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,679 Speaker 3: it's too difficult to call in on the other. I 237 00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:04,359 Speaker 3: think now the last call Mosha in Chicago brought in 238 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:08,080 Speaker 3: a new item that I hadn't thought about. So obvious 239 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:11,200 Speaker 3: I should have thought about it, but I didn't. That 240 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,440 Speaker 3: not only can they be an asset, they may be 241 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:18,040 Speaker 3: the glue that keeps your marriage together. That was the 242 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:22,000 Speaker 3: case in his In his call. On the other hand, 243 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:26,920 Speaker 3: a man who works at the station where I am 244 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:34,000 Speaker 3: and talk to me during the break his ex wife 245 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:41,000 Speaker 3: had such severe postpartum depression after the birth of their 246 00:20:42,359 --> 00:20:53,000 Speaker 3: daughter that she ultimately used drugs and alcohol to address 247 00:20:53,080 --> 00:21:01,679 Speaker 3: her issues, and they ultimately divorced. It's nothing the child 248 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:06,719 Speaker 3: even did. It wasn't like a tough child or a 249 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:14,560 Speaker 3: child with severe problems. So both added I just if 250 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:16,960 Speaker 3: Mosha is still on though, I have a question for Emosha. 251 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:22,400 Speaker 3: Are you still there yet? Dennis? So are you thinking 252 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:27,040 Speaker 3: of divorcing once the children are in college or you're 253 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,360 Speaker 3: planning never to divorce. 254 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:34,120 Speaker 4: It's such a difficult question. I you know, my children 255 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:38,200 Speaker 4: have blessed me with such character to stay in this again, 256 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:41,240 Speaker 4: the net asset of having them. You know, I used 257 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,200 Speaker 4: to live in Los Angeles for most of my life 258 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,760 Speaker 4: and I would help absorbed. But having kids and being 259 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,920 Speaker 4: married has made me has given me so much character 260 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,240 Speaker 4: to stay with things, and you know, I've been my 261 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:55,199 Speaker 4: best person because of that. And I know, so I 262 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:56,080 Speaker 4: feel like I owe. 263 00:21:55,960 --> 00:22:00,440 Speaker 3: It to stay, oh it to whom, oh it to whom. 264 00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:05,320 Speaker 4: To myself and also to you know, in the general sense, 265 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:09,200 Speaker 4: maybe to you know Hashem in a way, but I 266 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,760 Speaker 4: just feel like there's a general sense of I've given 267 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:17,680 Speaker 4: too much to to to being self absorbed, to just quit. 268 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:23,920 Speaker 3: Well, you're certainly not just a quitter. Thank you. Hushem 269 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:28,639 Speaker 3: is a traditional Jewish way of referring to God for 270 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:30,960 Speaker 3: those who didn't know what he was saying. So he 271 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:35,200 Speaker 3: feels he owes it to God as well. That's another 272 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:41,959 Speaker 3: show we need to do about why people stay in 273 00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:43,040 Speaker 3: troubled marriages. 274 00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:47,119 Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 275 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:56,760 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. 276 00:22:57,119 --> 00:23:04,120 Speaker 3: Okay, let's Columbus, Ohio. And Hope. That's a great name. 277 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:07,920 Speaker 3: I hope. How are you really well? Thank you? 278 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:16,200 Speaker 5: Awesome? I have three children, aged twenty seven, twenty three, 279 00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:21,840 Speaker 5: and twenty one, and my two younger have special needs. 280 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:28,680 Speaker 3: In a nutshell, what does that mean? Autism? And how severe? 281 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:34,840 Speaker 5: One more severe than the other. Both are in college, 282 00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:40,560 Speaker 5: but in like work development programs. So no typical college. 283 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:41,920 Speaker 5: They're at college, all. 284 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:43,639 Speaker 3: Right, but that means they're pretty functioning. 285 00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:47,760 Speaker 5: One lives there, the other one will never live on 286 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:48,640 Speaker 5: it independently. 287 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,760 Speaker 3: All right, Hold on with me. I'm very curious to 288 00:23:50,840 --> 00:24:01,000 Speaker 3: know how they have affected your male Hi, everybody male 289 00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:08,320 Speaker 3: female hour tough subject for some people who have been 290 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:13,719 Speaker 3: challenged by their child or children. The question is have 291 00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:18,760 Speaker 3: have your children or has your child been an asset 292 00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,760 Speaker 3: or a detriment to your marriage? No, not talking about 293 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:26,200 Speaker 3: your whole life, just the marriage. So going back to Columbus, 294 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:30,200 Speaker 3: where is my hope in Columbus? Two of her three 295 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:36,280 Speaker 3: children have special needs, their autistic and varying degrees of autism. 296 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:40,320 Speaker 3: Since I have an autistic step son who lives with 297 00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:45,000 Speaker 3: my wife and me, so I'm quite acquainted with this issue. 298 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:51,880 Speaker 3: The spectrum of autism is so vast from truly incapable 299 00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:59,879 Speaker 3: of functioning to quite capable of functioning. Yours are obviously 300 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:05,400 Speaker 3: towards the capable of functioning end of that scale. Correct, yes, right, 301 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:12,440 Speaker 3: So my only question is is there temperament upbeat or down? 302 00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:17,800 Speaker 5: It is very upbeat. It was not always that way, 303 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:25,200 Speaker 5: but puberty sucked quite frankly. But as we got through 304 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:28,600 Speaker 5: puberty and as they're now adults, I do believe we 305 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:31,439 Speaker 5: have a very happy household and I think that that 306 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:37,720 Speaker 5: really impacts it. We're generally positive people, we're very faithful people. 307 00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:44,280 Speaker 5: We have a very large network of other families that 308 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:49,760 Speaker 5: have special needs that we socialize them with. But for 309 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,879 Speaker 5: my husband and I, in the marriage we've made, we 310 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,639 Speaker 5: were very purposeful with our time. We make sure we 311 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:58,760 Speaker 5: make time for each other, which is very hard to 312 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:02,520 Speaker 5: do with special needs kids, because you know, we just 313 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:06,000 Speaker 5: have to get a babysitter in and just do it. 314 00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:10,920 Speaker 5: We have to just make that time. And it has 315 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:12,439 Speaker 5: definitely strengthened our faith. 316 00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,280 Speaker 3: Why is it strength strengthened your faith? 317 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:20,600 Speaker 5: I think we were always church goers, but I think 318 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:25,840 Speaker 5: it has just it definitely has had us talking more 319 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:29,119 Speaker 5: about it. We pray together. We didn't pray together in 320 00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:33,679 Speaker 5: our early marriage. We were both Christians, but we didn't 321 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:38,280 Speaker 5: actively pray together. We we actively pray together. We actively 322 00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:42,520 Speaker 5: talked about our faith and our doubts and our you 323 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,960 Speaker 5: know everything. It's just really opened us up. 324 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,320 Speaker 3: Hmmm, Well, the sounds like a wonderful couple. 325 00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,480 Speaker 5: It's it's been a lot of work. It's not easy. 326 00:26:53,880 --> 00:27:00,600 Speaker 5: Out of younger families live with you, my young I 327 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:02,639 Speaker 5: just have one, the one that's living with us, and 328 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:06,040 Speaker 5: we'll never leave us. In fact, we moved out of 329 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:10,159 Speaker 5: suburbia to a farm to help him learn how to 330 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:13,480 Speaker 5: care for himselves, how to raise chickens, how to garden, 331 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,160 Speaker 5: how to do this. So we're really actively working with him. 332 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:19,879 Speaker 5: It's exhausting, but it's it's really kept just very very 333 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:20,760 Speaker 5: strong as a couple. 334 00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:26,800 Speaker 3: Oh God, bless you God. That's why I never get 335 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:30,359 Speaker 3: tired of doing the show. Do you know? I figured 336 00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:35,679 Speaker 3: out something? Folks. I have no idea how you'll react 337 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:41,920 Speaker 3: when you hear this, but I think it's indisputable. There 338 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:45,320 Speaker 3: are certainly people who have talked two more people in 339 00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:48,520 Speaker 3: their lives than I have. But I don't think there's 340 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:52,280 Speaker 3: anybody in the world who has talked with more people 341 00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:58,199 Speaker 3: than I have. Does that sound right? Forty years of 342 00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:04,320 Speaker 3: radio talking to people two, I mean with not too too. 343 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:07,520 Speaker 3: There are people who talk to more people than I, 344 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:17,120 Speaker 3: but not with So it's an extraordinary asset in my thinking. Okay, 345 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:20,320 Speaker 3: let's see Seattle Walks, Shrington, Amy Shou. 346 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:30,000 Speaker 6: Hello, good morning, how are you doing well, in my marriage, 347 00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:34,520 Speaker 6: it was a detriment to have a child, and it 348 00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:37,920 Speaker 6: took me a while to realize that with my husband, 349 00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:42,680 Speaker 6: he didn't. He had two other brothers and they were 350 00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:49,000 Speaker 6: three years apart. I thought, well, maybe he just wasn't 351 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:56,440 Speaker 6: exposed to uh, girls, children, you know, and his parents 352 00:28:56,480 --> 00:29:00,000 Speaker 6: were He went to a parochial school. His parents were Lutheran, 353 00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:05,920 Speaker 6: very strict and into music quite a bit. They were both. 354 00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:09,680 Speaker 3: Wait, I'm a little I'm a little confused. What does 355 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:13,360 Speaker 3: having a troubled child have to do with the brothers? 356 00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:19,800 Speaker 6: No, my our daughter was not a troubled child. It 357 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:25,720 Speaker 6: was having her was a detriment to our marriage because 358 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:29,960 Speaker 6: I didn't know my husband didn't feel comfortable with children, 359 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:31,360 Speaker 6: and he resembed. 360 00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:34,200 Speaker 3: I say, okay, so again, well why did you raise 361 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:35,920 Speaker 3: the brother's issue. 362 00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:41,160 Speaker 7: Well, because, as I reflected, I thought, well, he he 363 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:43,840 Speaker 7: has two other brothers. They're all three years apart, so 364 00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:47,160 Speaker 7: he hasn't really been exposed to girls, you know. 365 00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:50,000 Speaker 3: All right, but the number of men not exposed to 366 00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:53,320 Speaker 3: girls who have no issue with the daughter is much greater. 367 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:57,000 Speaker 3: You think if you had a son, it would have 368 00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:57,960 Speaker 3: worked out. 369 00:29:58,320 --> 00:29:59,760 Speaker 4: No, No, okay, so. 370 00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:03,160 Speaker 3: Okay, So all of that stuff isn't really relevant. Okay, Okay, 371 00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:07,320 Speaker 3: So he didn't know how to handle being a parent, right, 372 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:07,760 Speaker 3: and he. 373 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:12,320 Speaker 6: Didn't understand sacrifice. He was jealous, So this is okay. 374 00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:18,400 Speaker 3: So this is a new, a new piece of data 375 00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:26,040 Speaker 3: and puzzle. My god, I didn't even think of that. 376 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:28,520 Speaker 3: That would that would be a detriment to a marriage 377 00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:35,560 Speaker 3: if your spouse is uh, finds being a parent very troubling. 378 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:42,600 Speaker 3: The I'm sorry for laughing. It's a dark it's it's 379 00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:47,440 Speaker 3: the dark humor part of me and just laughing at 380 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:55,040 Speaker 3: the human condition, the almost infinite possibilities for misery, right, 381 00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:01,480 Speaker 3: Who would have thought of that? Yeah, our child was 382 00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:07,400 Speaker 3: a detriment because my husband didn't be a parent. Oh 383 00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:12,120 Speaker 3: my god, So I have you have to work on happiness. 384 00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:15,800 Speaker 3: That's why my book on happiness has the appropriate title, 385 00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:21,360 Speaker 3: Hopiness is the serious problem the Dennis Pragger Show. 386 00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:25,040 Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 387 00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:35,200 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. 388 00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:39,240 Speaker 3: Final segment of the Male Female Hour is an intense 389 00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:45,080 Speaker 3: one emotionally intense. Have your children or child been a 390 00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:50,800 Speaker 3: asset or detriment to your marriage? The calls started with 391 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:58,080 Speaker 3: all asset now half detriment. As the show went on 392 00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:02,160 Speaker 3: and I welcomed more on the dark side, I got 393 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:07,600 Speaker 3: more of them. Amy and Phoenix. Please don't hang up, folks, 394 00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:11,320 Speaker 3: I would like to summarize your calls. If you hang up, 395 00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:16,280 Speaker 3: I don't see what you have to say. Phoenix, Arizona, Amy, 396 00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:23,760 Speaker 3: I have special meets kids twice divorced kids have been detriment. Yeah, 397 00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:31,080 Speaker 3: my heart goes out to you. That's all I can say. Well, 398 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:36,920 Speaker 3: Steven Wisconsin, our children or an asset. But I mishandled 399 00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:40,080 Speaker 3: them and caused my wife to divorce me. God, that's 400 00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:48,280 Speaker 3: another one. Differences with your spouse about the children, Sharon 401 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:51,920 Speaker 3: and Dallas an asset to her marriage. Bless you, Sharon. 402 00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:58,080 Speaker 3: Kathleen in Denver, a huge asset. Six kids. I wonder 403 00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:05,160 Speaker 3: if more kids. More kids obviously raise the odds of detriment, 404 00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:09,080 Speaker 3: but I think that they raise the odds in the 405 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:16,600 Speaker 3: other direction too. That's worthy of a of a male 406 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:21,480 Speaker 3: female hour, lot of kids and its effect on a marriage. 407 00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:28,360 Speaker 3: San Francisco, Mary, my child is a detriment to our marriage. 408 00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:38,080 Speaker 3: I'm sorry, And let's see Don and Dallas definitely an 409 00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:42,840 Speaker 3: asset to the marriage. And sue in Coronado, California. Two 410 00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:47,240 Speaker 3: kids won an asset and one a detriment. So allow 411 00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:51,320 Speaker 3: me to make this appeal to you. If you have 412 00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:56,960 Speaker 3: a difficult child, often through no fault of their own, 413 00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:02,600 Speaker 3: sometimes quite through their fault, to the extent that you can, 414 00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:05,080 Speaker 3: and you can to a very large extent, if you 415 00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:11,319 Speaker 3: choose to, you have to decide to be happy and 416 00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:14,680 Speaker 3: not be held hostage by your child. Your happiness should 417 00:34:14,720 --> 00:34:18,920 Speaker 3: not be held hostage by your child. I have our 418 00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:24,559 Speaker 3: argued this for years on my show. Great call from 419 00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:30,719 Speaker 3: a woman I don't know ten years ago more. I 420 00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:36,200 Speaker 3: didn't break my child, I can't fix her. It's a brilliant, 421 00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:44,480 Speaker 3: brilliant statement. It's not fair, to say the least, to 422 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:50,160 Speaker 3: let them do that to you anyway. I'm going to 423 00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:53,320 Speaker 3: revisit the topic with couples who didn't have a child, 424 00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:56,799 Speaker 3: what they think about their marriage in light of that. 425 00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:00,719 Speaker 3: It's been the Male Female Hour. We continue on the 426 00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:03,040 Speaker 3: Dennis Prager Show. 427 00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:20,439 Speaker 1: This has been timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Visit Dennisprager 428 00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:24,040 Speaker 1: dot com for thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses 429 00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:28,719 Speaker 1: in classic radio programs, and to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles,