1 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:06,520 Speaker 1: Life Audio, and this was the first time in my 2 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:09,880 Speaker 1: life I was just really wrestling with that, grappling with 3 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: that constant like am I sinning? Or is this okay? 4 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,120 Speaker 1: Or I know I'm drinking a little more than I should, 5 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:19,880 Speaker 1: but you know, just voices and that turmoil. 6 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:23,640 Speaker 2: In some This podcast is for the woman who loves 7 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,159 Speaker 2: Jesus or who is longing to reconnect with him and 8 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:29,320 Speaker 2: who knows deep down that alcohol is no longer serving her. 9 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 2: I'm your host, Dan, your coach Christy Osbourne. Here we'll 10 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,440 Speaker 2: talk honestly, with grace and truth about how stepping away 11 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:39,000 Speaker 2: from wine opens the door to the love, joy, peace 12 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,199 Speaker 2: and connection you've been searching for. Because, Babe, those were 13 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,159 Speaker 2: never meant to be found in a bottle of wine. 14 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:48,120 Speaker 2: They're found in Jesus. Through scripture, coaching and neuroscience, I'll 15 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:50,440 Speaker 2: help you make sense of your habits, your nervous system, 16 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:54,480 Speaker 2: and your heart so freedom feels possible and sustainable. You 17 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 2: don't have to do this alone, Babe. Welcome to Love 18 00:00:57,040 --> 00:01:01,160 Speaker 2: Life Sober. Before we get into today's conversation, I thought 19 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 2: i'd just tell you a little bit about what's going 20 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 2: on in our community this month. In our book club 21 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:10,840 Speaker 2: we are studying the Book of Proverbs over the course 22 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:14,560 Speaker 2: of March and April, and we were having regular connection 23 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,440 Speaker 2: calls to talk about the Book of Proverbs. We also 24 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,880 Speaker 2: have the Bible Recap going on for those going through 25 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:24,000 Speaker 2: the Bible in one year. Both of those are books 26 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:26,760 Speaker 2: and book studies that you can join at any time. 27 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:32,280 Speaker 2: We also have regular connection calls where gals at every 28 00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 2: stage of their alcohol free journey our meeting to get 29 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 2: to know each other. We have more and more gals 30 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:41,959 Speaker 2: getting together in the flesh through the Love Life Sober 31 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:46,039 Speaker 2: in Person Hugs map, which is really exciting. So one 32 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:49,920 Speaker 2: of my favorite things is when gals get to find 33 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,720 Speaker 2: each other in person and post a picture and then 34 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:57,240 Speaker 2: we just have this beautiful ongoing community with a incredible 35 00:01:57,320 --> 00:02:01,360 Speaker 2: leadership team. So if you want to know more about that, 36 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:04,280 Speaker 2: if you're not already in the Love Life Sober community, 37 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 2: there's a link to join us in the show notes. 38 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 2: If you are at the point in your alcohol free 39 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:14,320 Speaker 2: journey where you feel like you need coaching, there is 40 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:19,440 Speaker 2: a special small group coaching space called Truvine where we 41 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:22,639 Speaker 2: meet once a week. It's a group of about fifteen 42 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:25,239 Speaker 2: gals and it's a very very special place. If you 43 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,280 Speaker 2: feel like you need a small group and coaching, there's 44 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 2: that option as well. So there's tons and tons of 45 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:33,400 Speaker 2: things inside the community. Please check it out again. The 46 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,600 Speaker 2: link is in the show notes. I'm really excited for 47 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:40,520 Speaker 2: today's episode. I absolutely love having experts and authors on 48 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:46,520 Speaker 2: this podcast, but having real ladies, stories, real gals, stories 49 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,240 Speaker 2: who have found freedom from alcohol through Love Life Sober, 50 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:54,880 Speaker 2: the book and the community is one of my absolute 51 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:59,240 Speaker 2: favorite things. So today we have Chantelle Chandler. She is 52 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:02,040 Speaker 2: one of our incredible Fast Captains. She's a mom of 53 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:05,120 Speaker 2: two living in Montana, and I just can't wait for 54 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:08,160 Speaker 2: you to hear her story. Just fifteen months ago, Chantelle 55 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,840 Speaker 2: was at the very beginning reading Love Life Sober and 56 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:15,200 Speaker 2: quietly wondering if freedom could actually be real for her. Today, 57 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:18,240 Speaker 2: she's on the other side, alcohol free, and she's here 58 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:21,560 Speaker 2: to share what changed. We talk about how alcohol started 59 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,120 Speaker 2: as a confidence booster in high school, how it became 60 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,200 Speaker 2: a coping tool through heartbreak and loneliness, and how it 61 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:30,640 Speaker 2: slowly tightened its grip during the hardest seasons of motherhood. 62 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,840 Speaker 2: We also talk about the gentle, persistent way God pursued 63 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:37,320 Speaker 2: her through a sister's comment, sermons she just couldn't shake, 64 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:41,520 Speaker 2: and discipleship that felt like grace instead of condemnation, and 65 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 2: the moment she finally whispered, Okay, God, I'm done. If 66 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:47,920 Speaker 2: you've been feeling that quiet tug from the Holy Spirit 67 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,839 Speaker 2: and you're not sure what to do with it, this 68 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:53,480 Speaker 2: episode is for you. Okay, babe, let's dive in. Hello, 69 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:58,600 Speaker 2: my friend, Welcome. I'm so excited that you're here. I 70 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:00,480 Speaker 2: am so excited, surreal. 71 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:03,760 Speaker 1: Months ago, I was at the beginning of my journey 72 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 1: and listening to you on podcasts and reading your book, 73 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:11,600 Speaker 1: and here I am fifteen months okohol free, and it's 74 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,800 Speaker 1: just surreal to be on this side. 75 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:17,920 Speaker 2: I'm so excited for you to tell your story. I mean, 76 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:21,560 Speaker 2: it's so cool the experts and the authors and the 77 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,279 Speaker 2: doctors and all the amazing people that I get to interview. 78 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:29,680 Speaker 2: But the episodes that have the biggest effect on our 79 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 2: listeners are the real women's stories like yours. People can 80 00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:38,000 Speaker 2: see their themselves, women can see herself like in your story, 81 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:41,080 Speaker 2: and they want to know that freedom and hope is 82 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,720 Speaker 2: possible for them. And so let's just take it back. 83 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,680 Speaker 2: When did you start drinking and then when did you 84 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:50,480 Speaker 2: feel the edge of the Holy Spirit to say, hey, Chantel, 85 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:52,719 Speaker 2: maybe I have more for you somewhere over here. 86 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:56,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, well that's going to be summing up. Like 87 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:59,719 Speaker 1: for years, I had a really good upbringing, loving, loving 88 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:03,279 Speaker 1: pair and I knew God was there. But I started 89 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,440 Speaker 1: I had my first drink in my high school years. 90 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 1: I was so shy, just so shy. I was quiet 91 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 1: and nervous and shy, and drinking was normal in my 92 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:19,919 Speaker 1: high school and so I very cautiously did it the 93 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:23,680 Speaker 1: first time, but realized that it kind of immediately gave 94 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:27,240 Speaker 1: me this like fitting in, fitting in aspect and people 95 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 1: were like, you know, oh, Chantelle is cool now or 96 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,120 Speaker 1: whatever it was at the time. I really have to, like, 97 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:36,279 Speaker 1: you know, think hard about those years. But that was 98 00:05:36,279 --> 00:05:39,320 Speaker 1: my first experience stuff drinking, and it kind of changing 99 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:42,640 Speaker 1: my confidence, my ability to talk, to talk, and to 100 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 1: fit in in a sense. But it was it was 101 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,279 Speaker 1: just a cautious thing and just a social thing through 102 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 1: high school and it also just stayed social mostly in college. 103 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:56,120 Speaker 1: Do you want me to kind of share all those years. 104 00:05:56,279 --> 00:05:59,159 Speaker 2: I think I can also like help to show how 105 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,920 Speaker 2: your drinking for right, because like as we always talk 106 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,400 Speaker 2: about we end up giving it different jobs right as 107 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,840 Speaker 2: we grow up and as we maybe go into college, 108 00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:12,960 Speaker 2: become parents, moms, all that. So if the job was 109 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,560 Speaker 2: when you first had it in like high school, fitting in, 110 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,200 Speaker 2: what was it then in college? 111 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,599 Speaker 1: Still just fitting in fun, you know, a fun seeker 112 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:24,680 Speaker 1: and really enjoyed that socializing way to meet people. But 113 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:29,279 Speaker 1: then I also really was adamant about settling down and 114 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:33,080 Speaker 1: being serious about job and health. And so I got 115 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:37,120 Speaker 1: married in my early twenties, and unfortunately that ended in 116 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:41,360 Speaker 1: divorce quickly thereafter, within a couple of years, and without 117 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,640 Speaker 1: sharing every detail. It was just very unexpected and it 118 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:46,160 Speaker 1: was a huge hurt, huge hurt in my life and 119 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:49,760 Speaker 1: left me confused, and really instead of kind of sitting 120 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:53,520 Speaker 1: with those emotions, I partied and drank, and I had 121 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,040 Speaker 1: gone back to hair school. I was in hair school 122 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 1: when we went through the divorce, And so kind of 123 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 1: my surroundings too were friends that were single or you know, 124 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:07,680 Speaker 1: also in the mode of partying and working two jobs, 125 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,040 Speaker 1: and so my mindset was just kind of work hard 126 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:13,760 Speaker 1: and everything will will be okay. But also it didn't 127 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,280 Speaker 1: have Jesus in my life at that time as a 128 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:20,680 Speaker 1: friend and so my choices, my choices showed that I 129 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,360 Speaker 1: was making choices that were of the world. I mean, 130 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:27,960 Speaker 1: I was seeking the world or coping for shopping, I 131 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:31,600 Speaker 1: was partying, I was seeking the world. And that led 132 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:35,680 Speaker 1: me to really a dark desperation and so I ended 133 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:40,840 Speaker 1: up pregnant and single at thirty two. And that was 134 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:44,360 Speaker 1: really God sitting me down. That was for sure Him 135 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:49,320 Speaker 1: using that time to sit me still and be in 136 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:52,960 Speaker 1: some emotions. And I lost some friends, you know, I 137 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,840 Speaker 1: wasn't able to I wasn't going out and drinking, of course, 138 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,960 Speaker 1: and was really excited about this new chapter of motherhood. 139 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,679 Speaker 1: And the father was not involved due to him really 140 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,040 Speaker 1: not being a good person, made some choices that led 141 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 1: him to not be able to be involved and in 142 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:13,080 Speaker 1: my life or his, which was for the better, but hard, 143 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,240 Speaker 1: and it's really hard for me sometimes to reflect and 144 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,360 Speaker 1: talk about this compared to where I am now, where 145 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,600 Speaker 1: I am now with Jesus, where I am now with 146 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:23,520 Speaker 1: the Holy Spirit, and what I know looking back and 147 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:26,160 Speaker 1: talking about that can kind of sound like it's not 148 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:28,840 Speaker 1: my life, but it is, and it's got so many 149 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:34,199 Speaker 1: fingerprints in that time. And that was twelve years ago, 150 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:37,439 Speaker 1: and so those first that first year of being a mom. 151 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:43,640 Speaker 1: Those sleepless nights were super lonely and scary, and people 152 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:47,080 Speaker 1: had started planting seeds in my life with scripture, and 153 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:50,280 Speaker 1: I know my parents were praying and my sister was 154 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:54,360 Speaker 1: praying and planting seeds of Jesus and his hope. And 155 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,120 Speaker 1: I didn't really know the word surrender at that time, 156 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 1: but I didn't know how to plead. And one of 157 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:02,080 Speaker 1: those scared I got down on my knees and just 158 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:05,600 Speaker 1: said help, you know, like, WHOA, this is hard. Life 159 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:09,040 Speaker 1: is really real right now, and I cannot do this 160 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 1: on my own. Essentially, Jesus takes the wheel and that's 161 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:14,920 Speaker 1: when some of that load started to lift. And I 162 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:20,880 Speaker 1: didn't instantly, you know, jump into being a Jesus follower, 163 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 1: but I was definitely becoming a Jesus fan. And like 164 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 1: I said, it started to shift then, but I was 165 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:30,640 Speaker 1: still in the culture I was. I was raised and 166 00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:34,079 Speaker 1: living in a very like cultural society where drinking was 167 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,120 Speaker 1: the norm, which I think it is a lot of places. 168 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:40,720 Speaker 1: But our winters were harshunned. It was not looked at 169 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:47,920 Speaker 1: by anybody as a bad thing or a sin or yes, 170 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:52,640 Speaker 1: it wasn't okay to be totally drunken and you know, 171 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:58,559 Speaker 1: certain choices, but of course, like just the average meeting 172 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,640 Speaker 1: up for happy hour and drinks and watching football with 173 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:07,800 Speaker 1: drinks and almost everything he had drinking involved in. And 174 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,080 Speaker 1: so I was just that's just what I went back into. 175 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:13,240 Speaker 1: And of course, like it did it it lifted that 176 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:17,320 Speaker 1: load and stress of now working full time as a 177 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:22,000 Speaker 1: single mom and raising a kiddo, and my parents were 178 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:25,320 Speaker 1: so helpful, but it was a new it was a 179 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,400 Speaker 1: new way of life. And so I started turned to 180 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:30,760 Speaker 1: wine after he would go to bed when he first 181 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:34,520 Speaker 1: finally started sleeping all night, and I wasn't ursing anymore, 182 00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:37,720 Speaker 1: and it is, it was what it was. And and 183 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,360 Speaker 1: then I just you know, I was in this place 184 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 1: in life where it realized, gosh, date, trying to date, 185 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:46,120 Speaker 1: it's a single mom, very discouraging and scary. And and 186 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,960 Speaker 1: that's why really I put up a genuine prayer and 187 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:52,280 Speaker 1: just said, please Lord, help me find a Christian man. 188 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:55,839 Speaker 1: And I didn't fully really even know kind of what 189 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:58,760 Speaker 1: that meant. But guess what he answered that prayer. And 190 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,720 Speaker 1: and this is just where his finger prints are in 191 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:04,439 Speaker 1: there when I look back and stopped to really think 192 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,120 Speaker 1: about those answered pers the amount of gratitude I have. 193 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 1: So I met my husband and my now husband. He 194 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,720 Speaker 1: was raised Christian and when we met, though he had 195 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:18,920 Speaker 1: also been through a tough divorce a few years prior, 196 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,400 Speaker 1: wine was still like a normal thing for both of us. 197 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:24,800 Speaker 1: The culture we were in, the phase of life and 198 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:28,240 Speaker 1: season we were in. I was definitely more of the instigator. 199 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:32,000 Speaker 1: He was working hard every day and it wasn't a 200 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:35,000 Speaker 1: big part of his day to day or his life, 201 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 1: but it had become for me, and so that was 202 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,480 Speaker 1: one of the ways that we connected and one of 203 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 1: the ways that I continued our relationship. Fast forward, we 204 00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:49,000 Speaker 1: moved to Oklahoma from North Dakota for his work, and 205 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:52,320 Speaker 1: I continued to drink and while we were there, I 206 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,560 Speaker 1: got pregnant with our five year old, and he was 207 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:59,959 Speaker 1: born March of twenty twenty, when the world changed. 208 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,360 Speaker 2: I can't believe you had a baby during that band 209 00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:05,240 Speaker 2: wild But there are so many silver linings for us. 210 00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:08,040 Speaker 1: But really it just I wasn't expecting to go home 211 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:11,360 Speaker 1: and be homeschooling my kindergartener, and my husband wasn't going 212 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:15,000 Speaker 1: back to his office, and those all became amazing silver lining. 213 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,880 Speaker 1: Everybody has kind of their pandemic story. But for me 214 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,200 Speaker 1: it was good and I didn't wine wasn't an issue 215 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,959 Speaker 1: while I was pregnant or nursing. I went back to 216 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,640 Speaker 1: drinking some wine while you know, once he was a 217 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:28,800 Speaker 1: little bit older, six months. But during that time, because 218 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,840 Speaker 1: of so many changes in the world, we decided to 219 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:36,800 Speaker 1: buy a business in Montana. And so now during the 220 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:40,520 Speaker 1: shutdowns and all the things, the school ups and downs, 221 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 1: this was a prayer to God to buy this business, 222 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:46,480 Speaker 1: and so we had a prayer life and we just 223 00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:48,520 Speaker 1: trusted God that if he kept the doors open and 224 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:51,800 Speaker 1: we were meant to go to Montana's, that was our plan. 225 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,520 Speaker 1: And so I try not to like drag all of 226 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:56,679 Speaker 1: this on, but there's just little pockets and all of 227 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,920 Speaker 1: it where God really met us. And why my drink 228 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 1: led to it? Did, I guess? Looking back, I mean, 229 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:07,120 Speaker 1: it was harder and more stressful than I was really 230 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:10,960 Speaker 1: letting on. So moving with a not even one year old, 231 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,080 Speaker 1: and he was not a good sleeper, I mean, like 232 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:16,880 Speaker 1: I was hardly already getting very good sleep, and dealing 233 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,840 Speaker 1: with the stresses of the pandemic and moving across the 234 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:23,960 Speaker 1: country and trusting God like trusting God and trusting my husband. 235 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,920 Speaker 1: But we got to Montana in February and it was 236 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:31,160 Speaker 1: just cold and windy and dark, and here we are, 237 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:35,080 Speaker 1: and so it was was an adventure. And what it 238 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:39,079 Speaker 1: led to, though, was just a lot of new beginnings again. 239 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,600 Speaker 1: And I already moved several times in my life, and 240 00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:45,360 Speaker 1: I was used to that and good at meeting new friends. 241 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,120 Speaker 1: But also this time I was like, you know, I 242 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,480 Speaker 1: just wanted to happen organically. I'm not really going to 243 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,360 Speaker 1: one hundred percent go out and try to make friends 244 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:53,920 Speaker 1: until I feel like I've got my family situated and 245 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:57,440 Speaker 1: our business situated. And so the winter it was just 246 00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:00,960 Speaker 1: it was me homeschooling my kiddos and they were eight 247 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:05,240 Speaker 1: and one or eight two at the time, and it 248 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:08,920 Speaker 1: was challenging and it was some dark days. And then 249 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,880 Speaker 1: January of twenty twenty two, my eight year old was 250 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:17,040 Speaker 1: diagnosed with the type of diabetes and that was, you know, 251 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:20,480 Speaker 1: a life changer. It was not on my radar. It 252 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,160 Speaker 1: just really flipped my world upside down. As far as 253 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:29,200 Speaker 1: for anybody that's familiar with it, just the daily, hourly 254 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:33,120 Speaker 1: check ins and it's just this whole new medical situation 255 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:35,520 Speaker 1: that all of a sudden You're just go home with 256 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:39,080 Speaker 1: this kid that now you are having to fully keep 257 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:42,320 Speaker 1: alive on a different level, like than a newborn. It 258 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:44,440 Speaker 1: was harder than a newborn for me as far as 259 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,560 Speaker 1: checking in at the night. My eight year old is 260 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:50,320 Speaker 1: super athletic and super active, and so that on top 261 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,560 Speaker 1: of it is good for him, but just created all 262 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,360 Speaker 1: these new challenges, you know, also with a toddler that 263 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,840 Speaker 1: really wasn't sleeping well, and it was a blessing that 264 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:00,560 Speaker 1: we were homeschooling so he could he could be home 265 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:02,960 Speaker 1: while we went through all of this, but entered my 266 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:08,360 Speaker 1: white claw phase and white Claus became my solace. Yeah, 267 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,040 Speaker 1: I really didn't have a group of friends yet, And 268 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:14,360 Speaker 1: as soon as we got done with homeschooling for the 269 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:17,480 Speaker 1: day and some chores and different things, that is just 270 00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:21,120 Speaker 1: what I started turning to. And it just at that 271 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:26,240 Speaker 1: time made everything feel a little more doable and back 272 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:31,440 Speaker 1: to that fun seeking chant tell like okay, I you know, 273 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,800 Speaker 1: it gave me a little burst of energy, a little 274 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,320 Speaker 1: bit of mood in the afternoon, or so I thought. 275 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:40,680 Speaker 1: They Really that is really where it turned as far 276 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:46,200 Speaker 1: as alcohol really having a stronghold on my life, as 277 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,280 Speaker 1: like I was totally giving alcohol a job. 278 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:51,720 Speaker 2: Then we'll be back right after a quick word from 279 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,960 Speaker 2: our sponsors. Babe, can I pause us just for a 280 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:57,440 Speaker 2: moment If you're listening to this and thinking I don't 281 00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:59,520 Speaker 2: want to do this alone anymore, I want to tell 282 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:02,560 Speaker 2: you about Love Life Sober Community. This is the space 283 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:06,160 Speaker 2: where the podcast turns into real connection and real support. 284 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:10,080 Speaker 2: Inside the community, we gather weekly for live connection calls 285 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,680 Speaker 2: where you can listen, share, or simply be present. There's 286 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:17,160 Speaker 2: a beautiful leadership team holding this space with wisdom and care, 287 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:20,160 Speaker 2: a dedicated prayer request area where you can be covered, 288 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:24,240 Speaker 2: regular masterclasses led by expert guests, and even a worship 289 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:26,920 Speaker 2: music playlist to help you reconnect when your nervous system 290 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:30,120 Speaker 2: needs it. Inside the community, there's also a dedicated coaching 291 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:33,440 Speaker 2: space called Truevine for women who want even deeper support. 292 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 2: The Love Life Sober Community is a place to connect 293 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,080 Speaker 2: with like minded women and open up in a way 294 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,000 Speaker 2: you might not be able to in your church or 295 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:43,200 Speaker 2: small group. This space was created specifically for women who 296 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,960 Speaker 2: are questioning their relationship with alcohol and who want the 297 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,920 Speaker 2: kind of freedom that can only be found in Jesus. 298 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:51,240 Speaker 2: All the details to join us are at the link 299 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,320 Speaker 2: in the show notes. I can't wait to meet you. 300 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,600 Speaker 2: All right, let's jump back into the episode. 301 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:57,440 Speaker 1: I woke up one day and it was just like, 302 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,760 Speaker 1: I really don't have any friends, and I think I'm 303 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:02,120 Speaker 1: ready for some friends. I hadn't been leaving the house 304 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:05,160 Speaker 1: because it felt better to stay home with my type 305 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:08,320 Speaker 1: and diabetic and be checking his sugars and he went 306 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,040 Speaker 1: low and all the things. So I I went out 307 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:14,080 Speaker 1: and made some friends through a mom group, a local 308 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:17,159 Speaker 1: mom group, and they were wonderful. I realized that my 309 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:19,200 Speaker 1: drinking maybe was kind of becoming a little bit of 310 00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 1: an issue because I was hoping that they were also drinkers, 311 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:26,479 Speaker 1: and like, well, do they love Jesus and drink? I 312 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:29,840 Speaker 1: was just starting to feel some nudges because also if 313 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,879 Speaker 1: they were drinkers and we'd go out to drink, I 314 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 1: was being cautious of how much I was drinking. Yeah, 315 00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:38,040 Speaker 1: And you know, I was definitely also very cautious and 316 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:41,639 Speaker 1: aware of like not drinking too much and driving. And 317 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:46,440 Speaker 1: I never reached that point of making those kind of decisions. 318 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,119 Speaker 1: But I just kind of wanted to stay home. I 319 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,679 Speaker 1: was ready to be able to go back home to 320 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:56,000 Speaker 1: finish drinking the amount I wanted to drink to night's sleep, 321 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,920 Speaker 1: or so I thought. Again I kind of started, Yeah, 322 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,080 Speaker 1: I really was just getting stuck in a cycle drinking 323 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:06,399 Speaker 1: and wanting those white claus more often and trying to 324 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:09,679 Speaker 1: tell myself to ration it and to keep it to 325 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:13,760 Speaker 1: only certain certain days of the week. And it really 326 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,679 Speaker 1: was becoming just a bad cycle. I mean, I just 327 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,080 Speaker 1: think back, and I think of many days a week 328 00:18:19,119 --> 00:18:21,280 Speaker 1: I really wanted them, and how every day it was 329 00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:23,879 Speaker 1: kind of sometimes becoming earlier and earlier, looking for an 330 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,440 Speaker 1: excuse to be able to drink earlier in the day, 331 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:29,879 Speaker 1: and you know, asking maybe sometimes other friends and I 332 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:33,280 Speaker 1: was meeting, I was meeting a mix of friends Christian 333 00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:36,280 Speaker 1: friends and friends that you know, go to church sometimes. 334 00:18:36,359 --> 00:18:39,159 Speaker 1: And I really was noticing that I was trying to 335 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:42,639 Speaker 1: kind of find my place in heart with Jesus. We 336 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,520 Speaker 1: had been going and found a church when we went 337 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:47,400 Speaker 1: moved to Montana, and we'd also been going to church 338 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,879 Speaker 1: in Oklahoma, a megachurch, and at that time it was 339 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:54,840 Speaker 1: a good basis of some scripture feeding into my life. 340 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,440 Speaker 1: But I really want to focus on on my drinking 341 00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:00,639 Speaker 1: was becoming a big time stronghold on me. And in 342 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:04,199 Speaker 1: the meantime, we switched churches here in Montana, and I 343 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:07,199 Speaker 1: kept everybody at church at arm's length. It was my 344 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,840 Speaker 1: first experience compared to how I was raised in church. 345 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:13,040 Speaker 1: It was a new experience to me of everybody to 346 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 1: want to become friends and fellowship. Poster and his wife 347 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:22,159 Speaker 1: were super welcoming, and there were fellowships and you know, 348 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,640 Speaker 1: coffee and doughnuts and different things to get to get 349 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,200 Speaker 1: to know people. And I was realizing, I'm just really 350 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:30,360 Speaker 1: keeping people at arm's length because I don't know if 351 00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:33,160 Speaker 1: I fit in. I don't relate like my life one 352 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:36,600 Speaker 1: way on the outside, how everybody think we are I am, 353 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:41,560 Speaker 1: and inside it felt really messy and fearful and not 354 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:44,520 Speaker 1: in charge. I just kind of kept ignoring that feeling, 355 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:49,639 Speaker 1: but that pastor's messages were started to just be so convicting. 356 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,520 Speaker 1: I would leave church and feel heavy, this heaviness I 357 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,159 Speaker 1: had never felt before, and trying to discern what that 358 00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:00,280 Speaker 1: heaviness was and the feelings of that heaviness. We're a 359 00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:04,040 Speaker 1: lot go home and Sunday afternoons would be football and beer, 360 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,040 Speaker 1: football and drinking, and I just start the cycle all 361 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,320 Speaker 1: over again, you know, waking up not sleeping, while waking 362 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:14,000 Speaker 1: up not feeling fully functional and ready for my two 363 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:17,560 Speaker 1: sweet little active boys. I would get through it, We 364 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,480 Speaker 1: would do it. I would make sure to homeschool, but 365 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,680 Speaker 1: there would just be that tape plane in my head 366 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,000 Speaker 1: of you gotta try to get a hold of this. 367 00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:27,200 Speaker 1: You gotta try to get a handle on this. You know, 368 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,760 Speaker 1: like I know now from all the things I've listened 369 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:33,560 Speaker 1: to and read. Then four o'clock comes around and the 370 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:37,639 Speaker 1: hangover is worn off, and the enemy's voice comes back in, 371 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:40,919 Speaker 1: and there's muscle memory, and there's the cognitive dissonance, and 372 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,040 Speaker 1: all the things are happening that I know now, just 373 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,600 Speaker 1: all the things and now that I know what I know, Yeah, 374 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:47,560 Speaker 1: I mean that was what some of the parts that 375 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:52,199 Speaker 1: were just so helpful with your book. We're learning and 376 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:56,160 Speaker 1: knowing like that that is a thing that we're not alone, 377 00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:59,720 Speaker 1: and like just how strong that grip is. And I 378 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,200 Speaker 1: was I was just starting to wrestle with how can 379 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,880 Speaker 1: I say I am going to church and love Jesus. 380 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:07,919 Speaker 1: And in the meantime I had actually become the leader 381 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,639 Speaker 1: of that mom group and that was a total like 382 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:14,000 Speaker 1: God placing me there because when she asked me to 383 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:18,080 Speaker 1: become a leader. I just talked to myself, you only knew, 384 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:23,120 Speaker 1: and just trusting God, like okay God, but never really 385 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:28,119 Speaker 1: feeling I could let down my full guard or lead 386 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,760 Speaker 1: as I was meant to with that, And this is 387 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,680 Speaker 1: the first time in my life I was just really 388 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:38,320 Speaker 1: wrestling with that, grappling with that constant like am I sinning? 389 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:41,080 Speaker 1: Or is this okay? Or I know I'm drinking a 390 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,960 Speaker 1: little more than I should, but you know, just voices 391 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:47,360 Speaker 1: and that turmoil. And so I had recently read something 392 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,080 Speaker 1: by RC. Sproll that says it's not always about remembering 393 00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:55,399 Speaker 1: the message, but about God piercing your soul. Happening with 394 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,800 Speaker 1: my pastor is I don't remember every single message, but 395 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,439 Speaker 1: they were piercing my heart and something was starting to 396 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:05,040 Speaker 1: happen there. And in the meantime too, his wife had 397 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,360 Speaker 1: started a discipleship group with me and another girl, and 398 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:13,199 Speaker 1: that was really starting to to affect me in a 399 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:17,320 Speaker 1: way that didn't feel so condemning, like we were opening 400 00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:19,959 Speaker 1: up the word of Jesus in a way that was 401 00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:23,280 Speaker 1: showing me that He was there as we areked I 402 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,960 Speaker 1: didn't have to have it all figured out. I didn't 403 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,800 Speaker 1: have to know why or what or how I was 404 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:32,119 Speaker 1: gonna get to where I wanted to go. I just 405 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,600 Speaker 1: had to come to him and say, help me get there. 406 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,879 Speaker 1: This burden, you know, the burden was getting so heavy. 407 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,840 Speaker 1: Also in the meantime, I had gone on a vacation 408 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,439 Speaker 1: where both my sisters are there, and afterwards one of 409 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,480 Speaker 1: them did say something about the amount I was drinking, 410 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,280 Speaker 1: and you know, she said it in a such a 411 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:52,440 Speaker 1: loving way, like, I know it was vacation, and I'm 412 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:56,119 Speaker 1: not thinking you have to quit drinking, but maybe just 413 00:22:56,240 --> 00:23:00,400 Speaker 1: cut back, and just in such a loving tone. That 414 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:03,879 Speaker 1: really woke me up though, like, Okay, yeah she's not 415 00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:07,960 Speaker 1: saying she's saying something, she's not wrong. Yes, I can 416 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:11,040 Speaker 1: totally try to cut back. But that got my wheels 417 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:13,440 Speaker 1: spinning too, and just like I got to find a 418 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,720 Speaker 1: way to cut back. So your book wasn't out yet 419 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:19,600 Speaker 1: then this would have been January of twenty four. Oh. 420 00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:24,240 Speaker 1: I did find a secular fast group and I started that, 421 00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:27,560 Speaker 1: and she also had some very helpful tips and I 422 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,520 Speaker 1: was able to get through it, and I did forty 423 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:32,359 Speaker 1: five days fasted for alcohol, but a lot of it 424 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:35,920 Speaker 1: was white knuckleein there was a lot of really good 425 00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:39,520 Speaker 1: cognitive reasoning to do it, and health reasons. I mean, 426 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,560 Speaker 1: my health was totally sorry to take a hit. I 427 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:45,680 Speaker 1: had gained a lot of weight. I had this rash 428 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:50,040 Speaker 1: that was like not going away. I just felt yuck. 429 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,800 Speaker 1: I mean, you know, it was the bloat, the headaches, 430 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:57,639 Speaker 1: the night sweats. Yeah, the thing that, like I said, now, 431 00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,240 Speaker 1: when I talk about it from where I am, it's 432 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,240 Speaker 1: like when you're in it too, and like we all 433 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:06,320 Speaker 1: know it's it's trapping, it's just gripping you. And so 434 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:08,600 Speaker 1: so I did that and it was great. And you know, 435 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,960 Speaker 1: like most of the fast say like go one day 436 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,760 Speaker 1: at a time, and then if you think you want 437 00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:19,080 Speaker 1: to try moderating, you know, nobody's stopping nobody's stopping me totally. Yeah, 438 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:22,920 Speaker 1: So I thought, well, it's summertime. In summer means camping 439 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,840 Speaker 1: and all the things, and right back into it I went. 440 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,639 Speaker 1: And I really did cut back and drink less than 441 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,880 Speaker 1: I had been before. But it was such a good 442 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:36,919 Speaker 1: learning experience to know like the mental load again and 443 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:41,680 Speaker 1: the convictions most when I drank, and just just really 444 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:44,720 Speaker 1: being aware on a different level, like now I do 445 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:47,520 Speaker 1: some things that I didn't know before about how much 446 00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:51,000 Speaker 1: it really was affecting me. And then just you know, 447 00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:54,800 Speaker 1: around my kids, they were getting older and keeping up 448 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:58,560 Speaker 1: the energy and the safety and all the things that 449 00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:01,800 Speaker 1: you know, my mind and was just really getting way 450 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:05,320 Speaker 1: down with all of that. And so I told myself, Okay, 451 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:09,440 Speaker 1: September one done drinking again. I'm doing the fast again. 452 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,359 Speaker 1: And September first rolled around, and I was having a 453 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,600 Speaker 1: hard time. I was cutting back quite a bit, but 454 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:18,280 Speaker 1: I was not finding a way to like fully be 455 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:21,520 Speaker 1: done again, and so also been trying to strengthen my 456 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:25,760 Speaker 1: relationship with Jesus and well just learning so much more. 457 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:27,480 Speaker 1: I mean, it was, I don't want to say, the 458 00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:30,200 Speaker 1: first time in my life really reading the Bible. Because 459 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:33,159 Speaker 1: when I met my husband, he also was planting a 460 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,040 Speaker 1: lot of seeds, and he knew the Bible, and we 461 00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:38,800 Speaker 1: read the Bible and we did Bible studies together, but 462 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,679 Speaker 1: some of it hadn't fully pierced me yet. So just 463 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,800 Speaker 1: a lot of a lot of reading the Bible and 464 00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:48,760 Speaker 1: the women I was around, I just wasn't relating with 465 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,320 Speaker 1: keeping this secret. I mean I was one hundred percent 466 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,920 Speaker 1: keeping this a secret from the women that had never 467 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,359 Speaker 1: maybe seen or knew that side of me, and once 468 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:03,960 Speaker 1: this airs, I'm sure they'll they'll tell me what they 469 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:09,920 Speaker 1: actually really did know. Possibly. So October fifth, twenty twenty four, 470 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:14,600 Speaker 1: I woke up and was totally at the end of myself. 471 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:16,840 Speaker 1: My husband and I had gone on a date night 472 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,480 Speaker 1: the night before. I hadn't drank a lot, but even 473 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:24,760 Speaker 1: just being at some of the establishments just I just 474 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,000 Speaker 1: could feel it, like I could feel like this is 475 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:31,119 Speaker 1: not what I'm going for anymore. My life once was 476 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,600 Speaker 1: here and now I'm like, I'm a wife and a 477 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,720 Speaker 1: mom and a child of God. And I'm not saying 478 00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:39,600 Speaker 1: you can't ever go to a bar or anything again, 479 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:42,960 Speaker 1: but it was just like coming at me. And so 480 00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,720 Speaker 1: I woke up that morning just like Okay, God, Okay, 481 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:49,000 Speaker 1: I feel you, I hear you. Yeah, and I want 482 00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:51,919 Speaker 1: to be done with this in my life. But I 483 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:55,520 Speaker 1: don't know really how apparently please help me, And I 484 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:59,320 Speaker 1: don't really recall like the exact Google search I did. 485 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:06,000 Speaker 1: Love Life Sober made its way into my world, and 486 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:09,480 Speaker 1: that was where it all changed. Being able to apply 487 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:14,119 Speaker 1: scripture with scripture and Jesus into this journey just is 488 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:17,000 Speaker 1: where it changed for me. Through His grace and a 489 00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:20,040 Speaker 1: lot of prayer and work. I mean, I have a 490 00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,480 Speaker 1: lot more I can say there, but really it's was 491 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:26,280 Speaker 1: the end of my drinking and I kept that first 492 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:28,960 Speaker 1: month or two. I mean, my husband knew I was, 493 00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,520 Speaker 1: you know, I was quitting drinking, but I didn't really 494 00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,359 Speaker 1: share with him, like all the details. There's always that 495 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,040 Speaker 1: like what if I don't stick with it, or like 496 00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:41,040 Speaker 1: my birthday was coming up, when we're going to be traveling, Thanksgiving, Christmas, 497 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:45,880 Speaker 1: there's all those big events that were typically centered around drinking. 498 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:51,040 Speaker 1: But but my mindset was really really starting to change 499 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:55,760 Speaker 1: and now starting to feel confident that Okay, so what 500 00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:58,800 Speaker 1: Like you know, there are just so many, so many 501 00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:03,480 Speaker 1: helpful tips in your book, Christie to work through those thoughts. 502 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:07,159 Speaker 1: And that's what is so exciting for all these women 503 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:10,159 Speaker 1: that are that are coming along this journey, you know, 504 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,840 Speaker 1: and getting their hands on your book. And I'm just 505 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:18,840 Speaker 1: praying wholeheartedly, praying for their souls and hearts to be pierced. Yeah, 506 00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:25,360 Speaker 1: you know, and message, which tool, which masterclass, which tiny tina, 507 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:29,639 Speaker 1: which scripture to use specifically for each one of those 508 00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:34,240 Speaker 1: that's going to be the moment they have to surrender 509 00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:37,760 Speaker 1: it to him. And ask him, please take this burden, 510 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,680 Speaker 1: take this loat, just like he says Matthew eleven twenty 511 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,440 Speaker 1: eight through thirty. Come to me, all you who labor 512 00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,800 Speaker 1: and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. 513 00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:48,120 Speaker 1: My yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I 514 00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:50,360 Speaker 1: am meek and lonely in heart, and you will find 515 00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:52,640 Speaker 1: rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and 516 00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:53,920 Speaker 1: my burden is like the. 517 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:57,960 Speaker 2: Message version of unforced rhythms of grace. Like that's such 518 00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:01,120 Speaker 2: a beautiful way of like just discovering what he offers. 519 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:02,760 Speaker 2: You know what his invitation is. 520 00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:06,760 Speaker 1: He truly desires us to come in our mess because 521 00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:10,280 Speaker 1: that's where he that's where he expects us, and that's 522 00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:15,160 Speaker 1: where he's working on us, and that's where he needs us. Yeah, 523 00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:16,240 Speaker 1: there's so many. 524 00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,280 Speaker 2: Just first of all, thank you, Like I just what 525 00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:22,360 Speaker 2: you just shared, I know is going to help so many. 526 00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:26,080 Speaker 2: We'll be back right after a quick word from our sponsors. 527 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:31,080 Speaker 2: You were talking about just the way that God pierced 528 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:34,800 Speaker 2: your heart and not just once though, right like in 529 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:39,560 Speaker 2: little ways all throughout your story. Because I think back 530 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,800 Speaker 2: to when you described how your sister said, Hey, Chantelle, 531 00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:45,520 Speaker 2: maybe you should cut back. God had to have done 532 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:48,280 Speaker 2: a work in you for you to let that land 533 00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,040 Speaker 2: in a way that was that you accepted it and 534 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,200 Speaker 2: didn't like because I mean, I just think back to 535 00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:56,360 Speaker 2: if somebody would have told me, hey, you should cut 536 00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:58,520 Speaker 2: back on your drinking when I was at the height 537 00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:00,760 Speaker 2: of my drinking, I would have probably never spoken to 538 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:05,040 Speaker 2: that person again. And so the way that God slowly 539 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:07,440 Speaker 2: worked in your heart. And then also even though you 540 00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:11,200 Speaker 2: said wasn't really finding my place, but you still showed 541 00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:15,800 Speaker 2: up and not only kept going, but like led right, 542 00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:19,040 Speaker 2: and so God was with you all throughout all of that. 543 00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:21,080 Speaker 2: Like you could have said, I don't this is not 544 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,760 Speaker 2: for me and left. You could have told your sister 545 00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:28,840 Speaker 2: you know, I'm fine, but you didn't. You didn't kept 546 00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:32,600 Speaker 2: listening to him even when it was hard, Even when 547 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:34,360 Speaker 2: you know you woke up and you said you were 548 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:36,520 Speaker 2: at the end of your It was just it is hard. 549 00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:39,920 Speaker 2: And I think that will be so encouraging to the 550 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:44,080 Speaker 2: gals who maybe find theirselves at any one one of 551 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:47,360 Speaker 2: the points of your testimony, right, whether it's like back 552 00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:50,080 Speaker 2: using it to feel confident, or using it to a 553 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:51,880 Speaker 2: point where you have to keep it a secret and 554 00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:54,960 Speaker 2: not feel like you can say anything to anybody. Every 555 00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:59,320 Speaker 2: every single part of your journey is so relatable. Babe 556 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,680 Speaker 2: was so relatable, and so I would just love to 557 00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:06,680 Speaker 2: know how would you encourage the woman who is at 558 00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:11,440 Speaker 2: that place where she feels like she cannot find her place, 559 00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:15,200 Speaker 2: whether that's in church or in a small group or 560 00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:17,440 Speaker 2: in a mom's group, whatever she and she feels that 561 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:19,520 Speaker 2: I don't know where I belong? 562 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:21,720 Speaker 1: What would you say to her? First of all, Yeah, 563 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,240 Speaker 1: he wants you as you are. I did, I think, 564 00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:27,800 Speaker 1: try to give up. And I expressed that to a 565 00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:31,760 Speaker 1: couple mentors in my life that didn't really know my 566 00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:35,080 Speaker 1: whole reasoning for wanting to give up, but I expressed 567 00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:37,800 Speaker 1: it just enough to have them pray for me, but 568 00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:41,360 Speaker 1: to guide me that it means that God is working 569 00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:46,360 Speaker 1: on me. Yeah, growing, Yeah, He's growing, growing me because 570 00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:50,680 Speaker 1: it feels hard, and that that just means to, yeah, 571 00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:53,000 Speaker 1: show up. And it's like I just don't want it 572 00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:55,840 Speaker 1: to sound cliche, but to truly, now that I can 573 00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:59,480 Speaker 1: look back on it, yeah, just sit with him in 574 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:02,800 Speaker 1: those moments and say, Okay, God guide me, I'm here, 575 00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:07,960 Speaker 1: trust that those nudges and what I used to call 576 00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:12,360 Speaker 1: gut feelings that are for the Holy Spirit, just really 577 00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:16,080 Speaker 1: showing me, you know, what's out there and what's better 578 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:17,320 Speaker 1: on the other side. 579 00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:21,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so so good. You are one of our beautiful, 580 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:25,960 Speaker 2: wonderful Fast Captains. And so the next fast that's going 581 00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:27,880 Speaker 2: to be coming up for the gals listening to this 582 00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:32,719 Speaker 2: episode will be Lent. So tell the gals what you 583 00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:34,360 Speaker 2: love about being a Fast Captain. 584 00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:38,600 Speaker 1: You know. I'm just like just so honored, and it's 585 00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:41,120 Speaker 1: just so surreal, and my heart is just broken, like 586 00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:44,360 Speaker 1: in a holy way for these women that are here 587 00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:49,360 Speaker 1: eating and just wanting out of the cycle. And I 588 00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:53,480 Speaker 1: just am truly praying for each one of them as 589 00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:56,040 Speaker 1: I see their stories come up, and I can't always 590 00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:59,360 Speaker 1: comment and reply, but know that I know the power 591 00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:02,960 Speaker 1: of prayer. I get it. Like when I first joined 592 00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,960 Speaker 1: Love Life Sober, I kind of stayed anonymous and just 593 00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:09,000 Speaker 1: kind of sat in the background, but was really reading 594 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:12,240 Speaker 1: a lot of it and really leaning into God and Jesus, 595 00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,600 Speaker 1: and so being a Fast Captain just really is having 596 00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:21,680 Speaker 1: community and having relatability was so much more helpful to 597 00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:25,560 Speaker 1: me than I knew it would. Seeing to the other 598 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:29,600 Speaker 1: stories and seeing how many of us struggle through dinner 599 00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:33,520 Speaker 1: time with kids and stressful and instead of condemning myself 600 00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:40,760 Speaker 1: and shaming myself, I learned to sit with it. Yeah, 601 00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:44,320 Speaker 1: just little day to day moments. And so I just 602 00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:47,240 Speaker 1: am praying that the Holy Spirit guides guide's my story 603 00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:52,040 Speaker 1: and my words for each of these women to find 604 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:56,920 Speaker 1: that way out into thruugh, freedom and God. Even if 605 00:33:56,920 --> 00:34:00,880 Speaker 1: it's one, God loves us all enough to do the 606 00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:04,440 Speaker 1: work in each person's part if they need it. 607 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's such a beautiful reminder, right that we're 608 00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:12,120 Speaker 2: never fully like done right, whether you have alcohols in 609 00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:14,680 Speaker 2: the review, or you're struggling with alcohol, or you're struggling 610 00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:17,440 Speaker 2: with reality TV or scrolling or food or whatever. It 611 00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:22,880 Speaker 2: is like we're just on a sanctification journey forever. And 612 00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:27,040 Speaker 2: so the pressure is off, right, Like Matthew eleven, like, 613 00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:28,560 Speaker 2: we don't have to do this alone. 614 00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:30,279 Speaker 1: His burden is light. 615 00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,279 Speaker 2: And if it doesn't feel light, then come hang out 616 00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:37,240 Speaker 2: with us in the community. We will, I mean Shine 617 00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:40,000 Speaker 2: tell your story and so many of the other gals stories. 618 00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:42,960 Speaker 2: I mean, we're not perfect, I mean hello, by any stretch. 619 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:48,799 Speaker 2: But I think what we have learned is that when 620 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:53,319 Speaker 2: we hand this over, how much lighter. It feels when 621 00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:56,439 Speaker 2: we hand this over what happens on the other side 622 00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:58,840 Speaker 2: of that step of obedience, the abundance that he has 623 00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:02,759 Speaker 2: for us. And so yeah, just kind and try it. Yeah, 624 00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:06,040 Speaker 2: come and try it for yourself. And what if we 625 00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:08,759 Speaker 2: are landing the plane with the tiny tina, what is 626 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:12,200 Speaker 2: one tiny new action you would give the listener. 627 00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:16,080 Speaker 1: Yeah? Gosh, for me, it was playing the tape for 628 00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:21,320 Speaker 1: was so huge. Yeah, just really realizing like, okay, is 629 00:35:22,239 --> 00:35:25,720 Speaker 1: the one thing I'm craving right now, really where I'm 630 00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:30,399 Speaker 1: trying to get myself two hours in the next day, 631 00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:33,400 Speaker 1: in one week and being able to think through that. 632 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:36,960 Speaker 1: And so I played the tape forward often with how 633 00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:39,000 Speaker 1: do I want to feel tomorrow? Well in two hours, 634 00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:41,719 Speaker 1: how do I want to behave to my kids and 635 00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:45,200 Speaker 1: my husband? And also I paused and prayed often, so 636 00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:49,279 Speaker 1: truly paused, put myself in the word sent up a 637 00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,520 Speaker 1: please please help me through this moment right now and 638 00:35:53,239 --> 00:35:56,880 Speaker 1: being more mindful and thoughtful and obedient and like you said, 639 00:35:56,960 --> 00:36:01,279 Speaker 1: not perfect, not perfect, but sharing myself story is hard. 640 00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:04,439 Speaker 1: It feels very vulnerable for me, and I'm totally doing 641 00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:07,399 Speaker 1: it out of obedience. New call for me this year 642 00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:09,600 Speaker 1: last year you told me to rest and reset in 643 00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:11,920 Speaker 1: this series like go, go and tell. 644 00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:15,680 Speaker 2: It's funny how we gave us those Like my word 645 00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:18,200 Speaker 2: last year was quiet, and now this year is like 646 00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:21,880 Speaker 2: basically like that, not loud like rest store, but it 647 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,360 Speaker 2: also is like, you know, I needed that year of 648 00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:25,360 Speaker 2: quiet to do. 649 00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:26,080 Speaker 1: Yeah. 650 00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:30,040 Speaker 2: He's so good, isn't he. Yeah, thank you, babe. I'm 651 00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:33,760 Speaker 2: so proud of you. You did it all right, ladies, 652 00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:36,720 Speaker 2: We will see you next week. Thank you so much. Chantel, 653 00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,560 Speaker 2: You're amazing. We love you so much. Come and hang 654 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:42,120 Speaker 2: out with both of us in the community. There's links 655 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:43,840 Speaker 2: to join us in the show notes. 656 00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:44,719 Speaker 1: We love you. 657 00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:50,360 Speaker 2: We'll see you next week. Thanks guys, Thank you for 658 00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:52,920 Speaker 2: spending this time with me on Love Life Sober. If 659 00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:56,520 Speaker 2: today's conversation stirred something in your heart, don't rush past it, 660 00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:59,440 Speaker 2: take it to prayer. If you're feeling ready for deeper 661 00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,279 Speaker 2: connection and support, I'd love to invite you into the 662 00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:06,040 Speaker 2: Love Life Sober community, a grace filled, shame free space 663 00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:10,000 Speaker 2: where real connection grows and lasting change takes root. You 664 00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:12,360 Speaker 2: can find the link to join us in the show notes. 665 00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:16,920 Speaker 2: Love Life Sober is part of the Life Audio podcast Network, 666 00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:19,960 Speaker 2: where faith centered podcasts help you grow deeper in your 667 00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:23,360 Speaker 2: walk with Christ. You can find more faith centered podcasts 668 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:27,680 Speaker 2: at lifeaudio dot com. Until next time, be gentle with yourself, 669 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:31,720 Speaker 2: stay curious, and trust God's promises. He has freedom waiting 670 00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:32,560 Speaker 2: for you