1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,600 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:10,880 Speaker 2: Hi there, it's Danache and welcome to the Rebuilding US 3 00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:16,600 Speaker 2: Marriage Podcast. If you guys know my story, if you've 4 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:18,920 Speaker 2: listened to the show, if you've ever heard me speak anywhere, 5 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:20,880 Speaker 2: then you know that Sean and I went through a 6 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:23,480 Speaker 2: season of infidelity in our marriage and. 7 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 1: It was really really hard. 8 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:29,080 Speaker 2: It wasn't just hard because of what was going on 9 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,720 Speaker 2: in the marriage, but it was hard because I had 10 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:35,840 Speaker 2: to live with this person that I felt totally detached from. 11 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:40,120 Speaker 2: I didn't feel seen, I didn't feel known, I didn't feel. 12 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,360 Speaker 1: Cared for, and real talk. 13 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:44,920 Speaker 2: He probably didn't feel any of that for me either. 14 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,960 Speaker 2: You likely clicked on this episode because you saw the title, 15 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:54,520 Speaker 2: and when you saw the title, you felt some kind 16 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:57,600 Speaker 2: of way about that you related to that, you resonated, 17 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,560 Speaker 2: you felt that thing right. I want to tell you 18 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,960 Speaker 2: guys that there are times in our relationships where we 19 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:06,600 Speaker 2: are going to feel apathetic. And if you're not familiar 20 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,600 Speaker 2: with the word apathetic, it just simply means that you 21 00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:11,559 Speaker 2: just don't care. You're in a place in your life, 22 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:13,480 Speaker 2: you're in a place in your relationship, You're in a 23 00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 2: season in your relationship maybe where you're starting to lose 24 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,360 Speaker 2: hope you're starting to be like, I don't even really 25 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:23,080 Speaker 2: care anymore. And another word for apathetic is a loof. 26 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,800 Speaker 2: Maybe you feel a loof. Maybe you're just like, huh, 27 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:28,040 Speaker 2: if it works out, it works out. If not, then 28 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,640 Speaker 2: no love loss. And I want to talk to you 29 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,440 Speaker 2: all who feel that way. And I can speak from 30 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 2: a very relatable place because I spent many years and 31 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,560 Speaker 2: my marriage feeling very apathetic. So we're going to spend 32 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:43,840 Speaker 2: the next several minutes together and I want to talk 33 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:46,600 Speaker 2: to you about kind of the inspiration for this podcast. 34 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,080 Speaker 2: But then I also want to be able to give 35 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:51,600 Speaker 2: you some really practical steps on what you can do 36 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:55,680 Speaker 2: in your current relationship. Not like when your partner becomes 37 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 2: all that they're supposed to be, not when you fix 38 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:00,520 Speaker 2: all your issues and you become all who you supposed 39 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:03,360 Speaker 2: to be. But right now, these are some things that 40 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,880 Speaker 2: you can do today that are going to help to 41 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:10,680 Speaker 2: move you a little bit farther away from that apathetic place. So, 42 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,240 Speaker 2: first of all, if you have been following this podcast 43 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,880 Speaker 2: for any length of time, you have heard me talk 44 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 2: to you about the partner quiz. Right many of you 45 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,480 Speaker 2: have taken that quiz already. Many of you have gotten 46 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 2: your results. Many of you didn't necessarily like your results 47 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,360 Speaker 2: because you emailed me and told me, Dana, are you 48 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:29,840 Speaker 2: sure is this really how? 49 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:30,280 Speaker 1: I am? 50 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:36,920 Speaker 2: Yes, I am sure that quiz is scientifically proven. Okay, 51 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,200 Speaker 2: it's not just something that I came up with out 52 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,320 Speaker 2: of my head. So if you have taken the quiz, 53 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:44,720 Speaker 2: maybe you're on the podcast today and you're like, yep, 54 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:49,120 Speaker 2: I took that quiz and I definitely scored apathetically. I 55 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,040 Speaker 2: want to be able to help you, and if you 56 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,760 Speaker 2: haven't taken the quiz, you can simply do that at 57 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,040 Speaker 2: Danashay dot com for slash Partner quiz. I want to 58 00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,040 Speaker 2: make sure that you know that so that some of 59 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:02,080 Speaker 2: these concepts will them be familiar to you. So keep listening, 60 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,760 Speaker 2: don't stop listening. Go ahead and finish listening to this podcast, 61 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,120 Speaker 2: and then after the podcast episode, then go back and 62 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:11,280 Speaker 2: take the quiz. All right, friends, let's go ahead and 63 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:15,399 Speaker 2: jump into this today. We're talking to the folks who 64 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:19,240 Speaker 2: feel apathetic, which is probably you or maybe someone you know, 65 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,360 Speaker 2: or maybe you feel like your spouse or your partner 66 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,240 Speaker 2: is the one who is apathetic and you want to 67 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:25,840 Speaker 2: share this podcast with them. 68 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,359 Speaker 1: M HM. See what I did there. 69 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:30,440 Speaker 2: You don't want to tell them these things because they 70 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 2: are not going to hear you most likely, but share 71 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:36,680 Speaker 2: this episode with them. Let them hear it from me. Okay, 72 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:40,040 Speaker 2: I'll be your mediator, all right, So let's talk about this, y'all. 73 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:43,880 Speaker 2: If you feel apathetic or aloof and you'll hear me, 74 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:47,200 Speaker 2: use those words interchangeably throughout our time together today. 75 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:47,520 Speaker 1: Okay. 76 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:51,160 Speaker 2: If you feel apathetic, or if you are experiencing a 77 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:55,440 Speaker 2: season of aloofness in your relationship, then you most likely 78 00:03:55,480 --> 00:04:01,720 Speaker 2: feel emotionally detached or distant. Most likely feel like I 79 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:05,240 Speaker 2: can't connect with my partner on an emotional level. If 80 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:10,680 Speaker 2: you are apathetic, you are likely uninterested in your partner's feelings, 81 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:15,000 Speaker 2: their thoughts, even maybe some of their suggestions or their conversation. 82 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:18,040 Speaker 2: You likely have conversations that are in the shallow end 83 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 2: of the water, as I like to say. You're talking 84 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,800 Speaker 2: about bills, you're talking about kids, you're talking about you know, 85 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,360 Speaker 2: just kind of generic general things that you would maybe 86 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:28,480 Speaker 2: talk about with a neighbor or an extended relative. There's 87 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:32,240 Speaker 2: no real deep water conversation going on because you're apathetic. 88 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:36,280 Speaker 2: If you're apathetic, your relationship at this point is a 89 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:37,840 Speaker 2: pretty low priority. 90 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:38,440 Speaker 1: Now. 91 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:41,279 Speaker 2: It doesn't mean that you've completely checked out. It doesn't 92 00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:43,600 Speaker 2: mean that your relationship isn't important to you at all. 93 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:46,599 Speaker 2: But if you have the choice between spending time with 94 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:49,120 Speaker 2: your partner or spending time with your best friend, you 95 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:52,800 Speaker 2: would choose the best friend hands down, because this relationship 96 00:04:52,839 --> 00:04:56,120 Speaker 2: that you're in right now is not really a priority 97 00:04:56,279 --> 00:05:00,080 Speaker 2: to you at this particular time. If you're apathetic, you 98 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:05,960 Speaker 2: probably have difficulty showing your affection to your partner, maybe 99 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:10,159 Speaker 2: even receiving affection from them, and you for sure have 100 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:13,880 Speaker 2: some issues with emotional vulnerability. Now, I'm gonna link to 101 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:17,680 Speaker 2: an episode that we did about being emotionally unavailable. That 102 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,159 Speaker 2: episode is probably one of the highest episodes that we 103 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,800 Speaker 2: have done in the last several months because so many 104 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 2: people can relate to that having a partner that's distant 105 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 2: or you yourself feeling distant, and so that one really 106 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:31,840 Speaker 2: struck a nerve with a lot of folks. So make 107 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:34,640 Speaker 2: sure to listen to that episode after you listen to 108 00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:38,240 Speaker 2: this one. But if you are apathetic, you probably feel 109 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,400 Speaker 2: emotionally distant. There's not a whole lot going on in 110 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:45,479 Speaker 2: the emotional intimacy world. Okay, So if anything that I 111 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,760 Speaker 2: said has struck a nerve with you, wrong a bell 112 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,960 Speaker 2: to you, you're like, yup, yup, yup, that's me, that's me, 113 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:50,359 Speaker 2: that's me. 114 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:51,320 Speaker 1: Great. 115 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:54,280 Speaker 2: Now some of you are listening today, you're like, I 116 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:56,760 Speaker 2: don't know, I don't have that. I don't feel like 117 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,479 Speaker 2: the relationship was a low priority. Maybe you can only 118 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,159 Speaker 2: identify three of the five things that I just listed, 119 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:05,400 Speaker 2: And that's okay, because you're probably still. 120 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:06,279 Speaker 1: In an apathetic place. 121 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:08,159 Speaker 2: Now. I want to tell you something right off the 122 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,680 Speaker 2: bat that if you are in a place of apathy 123 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 2: or feeling aloof you are not a bad person. You 124 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:18,440 Speaker 2: are not a bad partner. Most likely you've been hurt. 125 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,960 Speaker 2: So we're going to talk about some of the causes 126 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:24,720 Speaker 2: of you being apathetic. How did I get this way? 127 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,320 Speaker 2: Did I just all of a sudden stumble into the 128 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:31,440 Speaker 2: land of apathy? Probably not. It's probably been a long 129 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,880 Speaker 2: time coming. And y'all, there's so much that I talk 130 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:37,520 Speaker 2: about on this podcast, and if you listen closely, you'll 131 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,640 Speaker 2: hear that the core theme of this podcast is all 132 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,919 Speaker 2: about connection. It's not just how to fix your communication problems. 133 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,400 Speaker 2: It's not just about how to recover from an affair. 134 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,360 Speaker 2: It's not just about how to make your love life 135 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:53,560 Speaker 2: sparkle again and how to create deeper intimacy. Those are amazing, 136 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:56,120 Speaker 2: wonderful things, and we need to do those things. But 137 00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:58,560 Speaker 2: why do we need to do all those things. We 138 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:01,480 Speaker 2: need to do all those things because they build deeper connection. 139 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,680 Speaker 2: That's really what the show was all about. So this 140 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,839 Speaker 2: is really important, very dear to my heart, to help 141 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:10,360 Speaker 2: you all to be able to build deeper connection in 142 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,760 Speaker 2: your relationship because I lived disconnected for so many years. 143 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,040 Speaker 2: If you guys know my story, if you've listened to 144 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 2: the show, if you've ever heard me speak anywhere, then 145 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,280 Speaker 2: you know that Sean and I went through a season 146 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 2: of infidelity in our marriage and it was really really hard. 147 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,120 Speaker 2: It wasn't just hard because of what was going on 148 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 2: in the marriage, but it was hard because I had 149 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:34,559 Speaker 2: to live with this person that I felt totally detached from. 150 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:38,560 Speaker 2: I didn't feel seen, I didn't feel known, I didn't 151 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:42,920 Speaker 2: feel cared for, and real talk, he probably didn't feel 152 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:46,160 Speaker 2: any of that from me either. So the reason that 153 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,600 Speaker 2: we need to talk about the causes of apathy is 154 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:53,160 Speaker 2: so that then we can move on to the solutions. See, 155 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:54,680 Speaker 2: I can't just give you a whole bunch of solutions. 156 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,640 Speaker 2: Fix this, try this, work on this. If we don't 157 00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:00,920 Speaker 2: actually first talk about how did we get here? So 158 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,920 Speaker 2: we got to talk about how do we get here? 159 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,520 Speaker 2: And then how do we get out of here? If 160 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,880 Speaker 2: you want to get out? I mean, there's the big elephant. 161 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:09,280 Speaker 1: In the room, right. 162 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:13,000 Speaker 2: So many people are in apathetic relationships and they've just 163 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:14,800 Speaker 2: kind of succumbed to this is the way that it 164 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:18,400 Speaker 2: will always be. I want to give you a fresh 165 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,840 Speaker 2: wind of hope today, friend, that if you have just 166 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,600 Speaker 2: believed that, like this is just how my relationship is 167 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:27,360 Speaker 2: going to be, I'm just always going to be emotionally disconnected. 168 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,520 Speaker 2: My spouse or my partner is never really going to 169 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 2: see me or really want to engage with me. You 170 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,640 Speaker 2: don't have to live that way. There is a better 171 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:39,680 Speaker 2: way to do relationships, and you can have a deeply 172 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,920 Speaker 2: connected relationship again, but first we have to talk about 173 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:45,920 Speaker 2: the causes, and then let's talk about how to get 174 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:46,400 Speaker 2: out of there. 175 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,000 Speaker 1: So we have to. 176 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,760 Speaker 2: Pay some bills, i e. We have to hear a 177 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:53,959 Speaker 2: word from our sponsor. Stay with us and make sure 178 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,640 Speaker 2: that if you haven't subscribed to the podcast, you've subscribe 179 00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:59,280 Speaker 2: at this time. We'll be right back in just a moment. 180 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:05,040 Speaker 2: Most marriages aren't falling apart, they're being refined. Tried and 181 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 2: True as a scripture based marriage guide for couples who 182 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,720 Speaker 2: want a resilient, faith filled marriage, especially in seasons that 183 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:17,119 Speaker 2: feel ordinary, difficult, or stretched through twelve and perfect biblical marriages. 184 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:21,120 Speaker 2: This book shows how God uses trials to strengthen connection, 185 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:25,360 Speaker 2: not destroy it. Learn more at Tried and truemarriagebook dot 186 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:29,880 Speaker 2: com or find Tried and True everywhere books are sold. 187 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:31,920 Speaker 1: All right, my friends, we're back. 188 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,720 Speaker 2: So let's give into some of these causes. Maybe you 189 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:37,240 Speaker 2: have been in a relationship for a long time and 190 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,920 Speaker 2: you think back to like when we first got together, 191 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,880 Speaker 2: we were friends. When we first got together, we spent 192 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,520 Speaker 2: all this time together. We could laugh and joke for hours. 193 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:47,920 Speaker 2: I just wanted to be with my spouse all the time, 194 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 2: or be with my partner all the time. We would 195 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:53,160 Speaker 2: fall asleep on the phone just listening to each other breathe, like, 196 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:56,720 Speaker 2: that's the relationship that you used to have, and now 197 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,280 Speaker 2: you're like ships passing in the night. You live in 198 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:04,000 Speaker 2: the same house, but you're upstairs, husband's downstairs or you're 199 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:07,120 Speaker 2: working with the kids and you know, helping them with homework, 200 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:10,400 Speaker 2: and wife is off working on her business doing something else. 201 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:14,880 Speaker 2: You're totally detached. How did you get there? I want 202 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 2: you to think about that for a second. I want 203 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:21,120 Speaker 2: you to ask yourself, how did we get here? So 204 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:24,640 Speaker 2: many couples don't take the time to kind of backtrack 205 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:28,040 Speaker 2: how they got to that place. And so again, if 206 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,480 Speaker 2: I just give you a bunch of solutions, what's going 207 00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:32,960 Speaker 2: to happen is you're going to try those solutions. They're 208 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,560 Speaker 2: going to work, but they're only going to work temporarily 209 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,600 Speaker 2: because you don't even realize how you got there in 210 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,720 Speaker 2: the first place, which means that you have a higher 211 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:45,160 Speaker 2: chance of going back there to the apathetic place. So 212 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:48,840 Speaker 2: if you're apathetic, one of the greatest causes is that 213 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:52,679 Speaker 2: you've been wounded, You've been part Maybe your spouse had 214 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:57,000 Speaker 2: an affair, Maybe your spouse prioritizes work and everybody else 215 00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:59,880 Speaker 2: over you. Maybe your spouse has said some really hurtful 216 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:03,040 Speaker 2: things are done, some really harmful things not just infidelity. 217 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,800 Speaker 2: Maybe there's other things that your spouse or partner has done, 218 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:08,680 Speaker 2: and that hurt has caused you to put a wall 219 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,520 Speaker 2: up because friends. Isn't that what we do when we 220 00:11:11,559 --> 00:11:16,160 Speaker 2: feel threatened, When we feel unsafe, we move into self 221 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:20,720 Speaker 2: protection mode. I e. We put up emotional walls because 222 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:23,679 Speaker 2: you're not safe, and so I have to protect myself 223 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:27,480 Speaker 2: from you. Therefore, I can't engage with you emotionally because 224 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,720 Speaker 2: there's this big wall in between us. And this is 225 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,120 Speaker 2: what I love to help couples do, is to tear 226 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:37,200 Speaker 2: down the walls, to break down that place of separation 227 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:41,400 Speaker 2: between each other. I know that it's scary, and I 228 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 2: know that you put that wall up for a reason. 229 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:46,960 Speaker 2: So it's not just fruit enough for me to tell you, hey, 230 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:49,840 Speaker 2: tear down your walls. We got to work our way 231 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:53,199 Speaker 2: there in baby steps. But most likely if you're apathetic, 232 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:56,520 Speaker 2: it's because you're hurt. Now, there are some other causes 233 00:11:56,679 --> 00:12:02,240 Speaker 2: to being apathetic. Maybe it's that you feel like you're 234 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:06,840 Speaker 2: just tired. You're like Dana, I've been trying, you don't understand. 235 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:09,199 Speaker 2: I have been reading, I have been listening to your 236 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:12,360 Speaker 2: podcasts and other podcasts. I've been going to conferences, I've 237 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,520 Speaker 2: been talking to friends, I've been. 238 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,280 Speaker 1: Doing all the things, and I'm just weary. 239 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,000 Speaker 2: A lot of the lot of the women feel like 240 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,040 Speaker 2: they're solo spouses, as I like to call them. They 241 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:28,160 Speaker 2: feel like they're just marriaging alone, and it's wearisome, y'all. 242 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:31,760 Speaker 2: I understand. There was a time when I felt the 243 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,480 Speaker 2: same way. I was looking at my husband, like this 244 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:37,400 Speaker 2: dude is not putting any effort into this marriage. I'm 245 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,400 Speaker 2: the one doing all the things, and I'm the one 246 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:40,800 Speaker 2: that's over here bleeding and broken. 247 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:41,560 Speaker 1: What the world? 248 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,600 Speaker 2: So there are times that we become apathetic just because 249 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,520 Speaker 2: we're weary. We're tired, we're tired of putting in all 250 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:51,960 Speaker 2: this effort and not seeing any results. Another cause for 251 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:55,840 Speaker 2: our apathy is that we are afraid. And again I 252 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:58,200 Speaker 2: spoke to that a little while ago, where if you 253 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,000 Speaker 2: have been hurt, or if you you maybe you never 254 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,640 Speaker 2: had any sort of model, and you're looking at the 255 00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:05,880 Speaker 2: relationship now that you're in and you're like, I don't 256 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:07,920 Speaker 2: know if I can go that deep. I'm gonna chill 257 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:12,640 Speaker 2: here in the shallow waters. Maybe you're afraid. Maybe it's 258 00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:15,400 Speaker 2: not your current relationship that you were hurt in. Maybe 259 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,720 Speaker 2: it was a previous relationship where you got hurt. And 260 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:22,640 Speaker 2: so now whenever your spouse does anything that even remotely 261 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,760 Speaker 2: triggers that you pull back. You're like, nope, nope, don't 262 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,280 Speaker 2: have to do that, not going there again, and so 263 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:32,960 Speaker 2: you are apathetic. Another reason that you might be apathetic 264 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:39,839 Speaker 2: is just because you have confused your partner's responses. Y'all, 265 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:43,120 Speaker 2: this is really like a specific response. Not a lot 266 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,080 Speaker 2: of people feel this way. But I want you to 267 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:48,760 Speaker 2: imagine if your spouse, let's just say spouse, because I'm 268 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:50,000 Speaker 2: tired of saying spouse or partner. 269 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,520 Speaker 1: Okay, let's just say your spouse. 270 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 2: So, if your spouse is emotionally detached or emotionally distant temporarily, 271 00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:01,160 Speaker 2: or that's just kind of their natural bent towards you, 272 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:04,720 Speaker 2: your response can be that you feel rejected. Your response 273 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,160 Speaker 2: can be they don't care about me, so I'm going 274 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,480 Speaker 2: to pull back to Now. That could be a very 275 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:15,000 Speaker 2: accurate description of how they feel, or it can be 276 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,880 Speaker 2: very inaccurate. And you won't know that if you don't 277 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:21,040 Speaker 2: actually have those deep conversations. You won't know that if 278 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:23,560 Speaker 2: you don't investigate a little bit and excavate what. 279 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 1: Is happening here. A lot of us assume things all 280 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:29,640 Speaker 1: the time. We assume and then we. 281 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:33,040 Speaker 2: Make decisions based off our assumptions instead of making decisions 282 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:38,240 Speaker 2: based on the truth. So those are some of the causes. 283 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:42,240 Speaker 2: Now you might be thinking, actually, I'm in this apathetic 284 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:43,240 Speaker 2: place because of this. 285 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:44,200 Speaker 1: Go with that. 286 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:49,200 Speaker 2: If that's your true reason, that's your true reason. At 287 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,560 Speaker 2: the end of the day, there's lots of different reasons 288 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:56,440 Speaker 2: why we get to this place. But like I said before, 289 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,240 Speaker 2: we have to understand how we got there so that 290 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:05,280 Speaker 2: we can get out. I firmly believe that every relationship 291 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:08,560 Speaker 2: is redeemable if you're willing to do the work. Good 292 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,360 Speaker 2: relationship is not one that works. A good relationship is 293 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,760 Speaker 2: one where you put in the work. That is the truth. 294 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:19,320 Speaker 2: Good relationships don't just happen. Good strong marriages don't just happen. 295 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:23,440 Speaker 2: They're made and you make them. So if you're in 296 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:26,280 Speaker 2: an apathetic place, you do not have to stay there. 297 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,600 Speaker 2: You can get out, and let me give you some 298 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:31,960 Speaker 2: tips on how to do that. The first thing that 299 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,040 Speaker 2: I want to tell you, though, is I want you 300 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:36,920 Speaker 2: to think about your spouse for a second, or your partner. Okay, 301 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,600 Speaker 2: I want you to think about them. I want you 302 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,880 Speaker 2: to think about what they might be feeling, what they're 303 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:44,320 Speaker 2: going through right now, because just like you feel detached, 304 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:46,760 Speaker 2: just like you're weary, just like you're like, I don't care. 305 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:50,800 Speaker 2: Chances are they probably feel the same. They probably feel 306 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 2: exactly what you feel. They probably feel rejected, They probably 307 00:15:55,520 --> 00:16:00,320 Speaker 2: feel alone, They probably feel hopeless. They probably feel like 308 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:01,960 Speaker 2: you know, I don't even know if this is worth 309 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,520 Speaker 2: it anymore. I had someone reach out to me today 310 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:06,320 Speaker 2: and she said, I don't even know if it's worth it. 311 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,240 Speaker 2: She wants to coach, but she doesn't even know if 312 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:14,080 Speaker 2: that's worth it. So imagine where your spouse is right now, 313 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:19,240 Speaker 2: what they're feeling. Interestingly enough, if you are both feeling apathetic, 314 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,040 Speaker 2: you know what that tells me. It doesn't tell me 315 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,560 Speaker 2: that neither one of you care. It tells me that 316 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:27,960 Speaker 2: both of you don't feel safe. And guess what, y'all 317 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:31,360 Speaker 2: are not gonna like this, but it's the truth. Somebody's 318 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:34,200 Speaker 2: got to go first. And since you're the one listening 319 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,440 Speaker 2: to this podcast, tag. 320 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,160 Speaker 1: You're it, You're it. You're like, dang it. 321 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:40,800 Speaker 2: I knew I should have told my husband to listen 322 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:44,280 Speaker 2: to this one first. Listen, it's you. You have to 323 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:47,600 Speaker 2: go first. Now, what do I do, Dana, If I'm 324 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,600 Speaker 2: the one that's been rejected? If I'm the one that's hurt. 325 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:51,440 Speaker 2: What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed 326 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:51,640 Speaker 2: to go? 327 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:52,000 Speaker 1: First? 328 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 2: The first thing I want to tell you is that 329 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:57,560 Speaker 2: you have to have the conversation. You have to be 330 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,800 Speaker 2: able to broach the conversation and bring it up. Maybe 331 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,680 Speaker 2: you've been living apathetically for years and years and years, 332 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:05,720 Speaker 2: and like I said, you just kind of accepted this 333 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:08,480 Speaker 2: as your new normal. It's going to take a lot 334 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:10,159 Speaker 2: of courage and it's going to take a lot of 335 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:13,080 Speaker 2: vulnerability for you to go to your spouse and say, Hey, 336 00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:13,919 Speaker 2: we need to talk. 337 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:17,160 Speaker 1: I do not like where we are right now. Do 338 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:18,639 Speaker 1: you like? 339 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,119 Speaker 2: Is this okay for you? Do you like being here? 340 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:26,240 Speaker 2: And again, don't make any accusations and don't assume anything 341 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:30,080 Speaker 2: about your spouse. Just go in vulnerably. I know this 342 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,880 Speaker 2: is hard, you guys, but it's the only way you've 343 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,639 Speaker 2: got to be willing to have this conversation and say 344 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:37,880 Speaker 2: this is broken. 345 00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,480 Speaker 1: Do you want to fix this? Because I do. 346 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,480 Speaker 2: I don't really know how to fix it, but I 347 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:47,679 Speaker 2: think we should at least try to fix it. So 348 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:49,760 Speaker 2: that's the first thing that you've got to be willing 349 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:53,119 Speaker 2: to rip the band aid off. You've got to be 350 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:56,560 Speaker 2: willing to have the conversation, to lay your cards out 351 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:59,040 Speaker 2: on the table, if you will, and bring up this 352 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:02,879 Speaker 2: very important conversation. Just because you ignore something doesn't make 353 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:06,000 Speaker 2: it go away. Think about all the people who get 354 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,159 Speaker 2: a you know, a concerning prognosis from their doctor and 355 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,720 Speaker 2: they go, oh, okay, well, I'm just not going to 356 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:14,719 Speaker 2: think about that. Guess what they end up dying. You 357 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 2: can't just ignore a cancerous growth. Neither can you ignore 358 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,560 Speaker 2: a cancerous growth in your relationship. That's what apathy is. 359 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,359 Speaker 2: Left untreated, it will destroy your relationship. The second thing 360 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:29,320 Speaker 2: I want to tell you is you just got to forgive. 361 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,760 Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, there's so much packed into that little statement, 362 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:37,280 Speaker 2: isn't it. I understand you, guys that what I'm saying 363 00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:41,040 Speaker 2: is not easy. If there has been a deep wounding, 364 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,879 Speaker 2: if there has been something that may be is perpetual, 365 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,240 Speaker 2: something that's going on. Like if somebody would have told 366 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:47,800 Speaker 2: me twelve years ago, you just got to forgive your 367 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,879 Speaker 2: husband for all of his cheating, I probably would have 368 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:50,640 Speaker 2: slapped him. 369 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,240 Speaker 1: Like do you not think I know that? Yes? 370 00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:55,560 Speaker 2: I know I have to forgive the problem is it's 371 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:59,520 Speaker 2: hard when you're continuously being hurt. I get it, you guys, 372 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:03,159 Speaker 2: but I'm going to tell you something that saved my life. 373 00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,280 Speaker 2: I am not telling you anything that's not true. It 374 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:10,360 Speaker 2: saved my life when I decided to forgive my husband, 375 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:15,760 Speaker 2: regardless of what he was doing. O MG, probably one 376 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:18,240 Speaker 2: of the hardest things I've ever done. Now, I didn't 377 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:22,359 Speaker 2: say that I reconciled and everything was great regardless of 378 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,520 Speaker 2: what he was doing. I said, I chose to forgive. 379 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:29,439 Speaker 2: I chose to release him from this monumental debt that 380 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:33,160 Speaker 2: he owed me through his bad behavior. And I chose 381 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,920 Speaker 2: to say, you know what, just because you want to 382 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 2: behave that way does not mean I have to behave 383 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:41,159 Speaker 2: in kind. Just because you want to be distant and 384 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,520 Speaker 2: doing whatever you're doing does not mean that I have 385 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,240 Speaker 2: to live rejected, or I have to feel rejected, or 386 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,600 Speaker 2: I have to somehow stay off at the distance with 387 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,760 Speaker 2: all these walls up. I choose not to live that 388 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:59,280 Speaker 2: way anymore. Y'all changed my life. Forgiveness it's healing. And 389 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,199 Speaker 2: this is why if you're a Christian, you need to 390 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,400 Speaker 2: understand this. Forgiveness is not an option. 391 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:05,639 Speaker 1: It's just not. 392 00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:08,600 Speaker 2: We don't get the right to say, you know what, 393 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:12,000 Speaker 2: I would forgive. If you just don't get that option, guys, 394 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:16,520 Speaker 2: I'm sorry. Like Jesus died for you, he forgave you 395 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,119 Speaker 2: of everything that you've ever done and everything that you 396 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:22,920 Speaker 2: will ever do. And some of y'all done some stuff. Okay, 397 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,800 Speaker 2: So it's not an option. If you're struggling with learning 398 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:30,480 Speaker 2: to forgive. There's lots of resources on this podcast and 399 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:34,240 Speaker 2: many other podcasts that will help you. But we've got 400 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,919 Speaker 2: to get to the place where we forgive. When you 401 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:41,080 Speaker 2: choose to forgive, you release a burden. There's no other way. 402 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:45,760 Speaker 2: You release that burden and then you're able to open 403 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:51,360 Speaker 2: your heart up again. So forgiveness is crucial. Something else 404 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,000 Speaker 2: I want to tell you is that when you focus 405 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:58,960 Speaker 2: on reconnecting with your spouse and not focusing on the problem, 406 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:02,679 Speaker 2: you will find yourself connecting again. Sean talked about this 407 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,359 Speaker 2: so well on episode two thirteen. If you haven't listened 408 00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:07,439 Speaker 2: to that, we were talking about what to do when 409 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:10,960 Speaker 2: the husband's uninterested in working on the marriage, and straight 410 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:15,720 Speaker 2: from the guy's mouth, he said, ladies, you've got to 411 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,800 Speaker 2: focus on reconnecting with your spouse. 412 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:18,000 Speaker 1: Now. 413 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,240 Speaker 2: This does not mean that the men get off scott free. Okay, 414 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:24,000 Speaker 2: absolutely no way know how they have a responsibility as well. 415 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,439 Speaker 2: But sometimes, y'all, we focus so much on the problem, 416 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,800 Speaker 2: the problem, the problem, the problem, that we never actually 417 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:34,000 Speaker 2: take the time to reconnect to one another. One of 418 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:38,240 Speaker 2: my favorite scriptures is in Revelation two. And for all 419 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:41,480 Speaker 2: of my theologians and Bible nerds out there, this is 420 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,639 Speaker 2: not a perfect exegesis. Okay, this is not like word 421 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:47,080 Speaker 2: for word, this is what the apostle John meant he 422 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:50,320 Speaker 2: was thinking about your marriage today. No, I get that, okay, 423 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:55,040 Speaker 2: but it's still relevant because he's talking about how when 424 00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:58,800 Speaker 2: Jesus looks at us as the church, his body, his bride, 425 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:03,760 Speaker 2: and he says to us, return to me. You have 426 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:07,800 Speaker 2: lost your first love, go back and do the things 427 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:11,080 Speaker 2: that you were doing before. You all this is the 428 00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:15,720 Speaker 2: antidote to how to reconnect. Go back and do what 429 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:20,679 Speaker 2: you were doing before before, when before you disconnected. So, 430 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,960 Speaker 2: when your relationship was great, when it was at it's heyday, 431 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:27,720 Speaker 2: what were you doing, because again nothing happens by chance, 432 00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,880 Speaker 2: you were intentional about some things back then. What were 433 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,199 Speaker 2: you intentional about? What were you doing? What were some 434 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:36,040 Speaker 2: habits and some rhythms that you had in your relationship, 435 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,840 Speaker 2: go back and do those things again and watch your 436 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:43,760 Speaker 2: connection take off. The last thing that I want to say, 437 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,480 Speaker 2: and I've said this before, and I just really want 438 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:50,080 Speaker 2: to underscore it here that I understand that this is 439 00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:52,800 Speaker 2: scary you guys. I understand that you might be thinking, 440 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,160 Speaker 2: what if this doesn't work. I've tried this before, I've 441 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,840 Speaker 2: tried to reconnect, I've tried to have the conversation, I've 442 00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:59,959 Speaker 2: tried forgiveness. What if it doesn't work? Well? 443 00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:00,800 Speaker 1: What if it does? 444 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,680 Speaker 2: What if it does? What if this is the time 445 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:08,199 Speaker 2: that it will work? Because you're not just doing this 446 00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:10,959 Speaker 2: to try to get some result here. You're doing this 447 00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:14,320 Speaker 2: because you genuinely care about the person you're in relationship with. 448 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:17,439 Speaker 2: You see, when I just wanted a good marriage just 449 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:19,040 Speaker 2: to have a good marriage sake, because I mean, I 450 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:20,600 Speaker 2: wanted a good marriage for my kids and all that. 451 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:23,479 Speaker 2: Nothing wrong with that. But you know what really changed 452 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,600 Speaker 2: is when I started looking at Sean as a human 453 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,840 Speaker 2: being who has flaws, who has issues, who has weaknesses, 454 00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:31,000 Speaker 2: but somebody who I used. 455 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:31,880 Speaker 1: To really really love. 456 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,359 Speaker 2: And if I used to really really love him, maybe 457 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:39,919 Speaker 2: I can learn how to relove him. That's when it 458 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:43,280 Speaker 2: started changing for me, you guys, and it can change 459 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:46,280 Speaker 2: for you too. So I know that this is scary. 460 00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,520 Speaker 2: I know that it involves taking a risk, but the 461 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:52,000 Speaker 2: risk is well worth the reward. 462 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:54,159 Speaker 1: So that's it. 463 00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:57,880 Speaker 2: I could give you probably fifteen other things to do, 464 00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:00,960 Speaker 2: but I think I've given you enough today to start. 465 00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:04,639 Speaker 2: If you have not taken the Connection Quiz or the 466 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,639 Speaker 2: Partner Quiz yet, be sure to do that at Danisshay 467 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,280 Speaker 2: dot com for a slash Partner quiz. And if you 468 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,960 Speaker 2: have already taken the quiz. So you've taken the quiz 469 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:16,000 Speaker 2: and you're like, I scored apathetically aloof That's why I'm 470 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,720 Speaker 2: listening to this podcast. The next step that I want 471 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:22,960 Speaker 2: you to do is to take the Connection Course, you guys. 472 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:26,919 Speaker 2: I have curated a very simple online course for you 473 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,720 Speaker 2: to overcome this. There's so many times that we're like, 474 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:32,640 Speaker 2: I just need some help, I just need a resource. 475 00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,960 Speaker 2: This is the resource. This course will take you no 476 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:38,480 Speaker 2: more than three weeks, and the only reason that's even 477 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,440 Speaker 2: gonna take you that long is because you're gonna get 478 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:42,560 Speaker 2: one lesson a week for three weeks. So I don't 479 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,280 Speaker 2: want you to rush through this. I didn't give you 480 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:47,240 Speaker 2: all the lessons right at once. You're gonna have to 481 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:49,760 Speaker 2: get one lesson a week that's gonna be automatically emailed 482 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,480 Speaker 2: to you once you purchased the course. Go through it 483 00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:55,560 Speaker 2: together if at all possible, But even if you have 484 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,800 Speaker 2: to go through the course by yourself, it's gonna be 485 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:01,200 Speaker 2: well worth it because you're gonna learn learn some skills 486 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,960 Speaker 2: about connection. And y'all, I say this all the time. 487 00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:06,240 Speaker 2: The stuff that I'm telling you on this podcast, it 488 00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:09,159 Speaker 2: is for marriages, but it's also for any relationship that 489 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,840 Speaker 2: you're in. So what's the worst that can happen? You 490 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,919 Speaker 2: learn amazing communication skills that help you build connection in 491 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:19,280 Speaker 2: your relationships. I mean, hello, win when so you can 492 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:24,080 Speaker 2: find that course at danashay dot com forward slash Connection Course. 493 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,159 Speaker 2: Of course, we'll link to all of this in the 494 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:29,800 Speaker 2: show notes of this podcast. You all, you can make it. 495 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:33,080 Speaker 2: Your marriages can make it, your relationships can make it. 496 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,400 Speaker 2: You do not have to live in the land of apathy. 497 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:38,760 Speaker 2: I will have you know that the vast majority of 498 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:42,760 Speaker 2: the people who take this quiz score apathetically. So do 499 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,440 Speaker 2: not feel bad if this is the category that you're in. 500 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,359 Speaker 2: As a matter of fact, sixty five percent of the 501 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:51,840 Speaker 2: people who take this quiz score apathetically. What does that 502 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:55,879 Speaker 2: mean is everybody apathetic? No, but there's obviously a certain 503 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:58,399 Speaker 2: type of relationship, a certain type of person in that 504 00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:02,119 Speaker 2: season who's drawn to my podcast, into my content, and 505 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,960 Speaker 2: most of you all feel apathetic about your relationship. Now 506 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,399 Speaker 2: that helps me because I'm able to know exactly what 507 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,280 Speaker 2: type of content you need, what kind of encouragement you need, 508 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,760 Speaker 2: what's going to help to give you hope. I want 509 00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:17,439 Speaker 2: you to guess where most people do not score. So 510 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:19,040 Speaker 2: let me give you kind of the options, because you're like, 511 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 2: I don't even know what the options are. So one 512 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:27,000 Speaker 2: it's apathetically aloof two is aptly available, three is absolutely absent, 513 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:32,800 Speaker 2: and then four is awesomely attentive. Yeah, nobody scores awesomely 514 00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:36,480 Speaker 2: attentive literally less than one percent. What does that mean 515 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,199 Speaker 2: nobody is attentive in their relationship. No, that's like literally 516 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:42,240 Speaker 2: a ten. That is like the gold standard where we 517 00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:44,359 Speaker 2: all want to be. So thank you so much for 518 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:49,560 Speaker 2: listening today. I am so thankful that I didn't give 519 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:52,359 Speaker 2: up in my marriage. I am so thankful that I 520 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:56,159 Speaker 2: did not just acquiesce the land of apathy. Your marriage 521 00:26:56,200 --> 00:27:00,639 Speaker 2: can make it friend. I truly believe that. Listen to 522 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:04,000 Speaker 2: this podcast episode again if need be, and go out 523 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,080 Speaker 2: and make your relationship great. Thanks so much for listening. 524 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:08,640 Speaker 2: I'll see you on the next episode. 525 00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:09,120 Speaker 1: Take care,