1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:03,640 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 2: Welcome to I Wish You Could Hear This, where we 3 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:13,240 Speaker 2: explore great stories and simple, proven steps to help you 4 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 2: thrive in life, faith, and relationships. 5 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:20,920 Speaker 3: In our research, we've heard hundreds of Hopefield strategies for marriage, parenting, leadership, 6 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:24,319 Speaker 3: and life that are grounded in science and consistent with 7 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:26,920 Speaker 3: biblical truth. And now you can hear them too. 8 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:34,560 Speaker 2: Boys today are surrounded by accusations that their very existence 9 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:38,600 Speaker 2: may be toxic. They are sometimes told that their biological 10 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:41,680 Speaker 2: makeup is a problem and that the future is female. 11 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 2: As parents, we have the opportunity and responsibility to teach 12 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:51,319 Speaker 2: our boys what is true about who they are and 13 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:56,040 Speaker 2: what isn't true, especially if we can catch these messages early. 14 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,840 Speaker 2: At the moment, our sons may be small and slightly 15 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:03,200 Speaker 2: wild and kind of smelly, but we can help build 16 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:07,800 Speaker 2: them into godly men of character. How Well, that's what 17 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,080 Speaker 2: we're going to talk about today on I Wish You 18 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:10,679 Speaker 2: Could Hear This. 19 00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:17,200 Speaker 3: Molly de Frank, thank you so much for coming on 20 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:17,960 Speaker 3: our podcast. 21 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,600 Speaker 4: Thank you so much for having me. Jeff and Chanty, 22 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 4: it's a delight to be here with you. 23 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:28,000 Speaker 3: Well, we're grateful that you made the time to be 24 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:30,880 Speaker 3: here and I know our listeners will be grateful to hear. 25 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 3: So let me introduce you briefly, if I could. You're 26 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:41,080 Speaker 3: a mom to three boys and three girls, ages seven 27 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:42,120 Speaker 3: to fourteen. 28 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,360 Speaker 1: That is a busy house, oh my. 29 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:48,480 Speaker 3: Goodness, and the author of two parenting books, Mothering Boys, 30 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,360 Speaker 3: Eight Things your Son Needs to Hear from You before 31 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:57,600 Speaker 3: he Turns Ten and Digital Detox, The two week Tech 32 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:02,600 Speaker 3: Reset for your Kids. You've been featured on Fox News, 33 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 3: Focus on the Family, CBS and many more, and this 34 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:12,320 Speaker 3: was fascinating to learn. Before children you wrote for former 35 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:17,760 Speaker 3: Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, and that's a fascinating backstory, I'm sure. 36 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 3: So how did you get from there to hear and 37 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:22,839 Speaker 3: writing books? 38 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:29,000 Speaker 4: Yeah? Absolutely, well, thanks again for having me. I'm so 39 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:32,320 Speaker 4: happy to be talking with you guys today. But yeah, 40 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 4: I after college, I worked in the Governor's office here 41 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,960 Speaker 4: in California, and I wrote statements and press releases as 42 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,640 Speaker 4: a press aide for Governor Schwartzeneaker. Was a very fun 43 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 4: and exciting job, and I did the career throughing thing 44 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,760 Speaker 4: for several years and then I knew I always knew that. 45 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:50,560 Speaker 4: When I started having kids, I tried that part time 46 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,520 Speaker 4: working mom thing. But I knew that I wanted to 47 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,000 Speaker 4: get my kids the gift my mom gave me, which 48 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,400 Speaker 4: was to stay home, especially during those little years. So 49 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,000 Speaker 4: we have had a lot of kids, and we had 50 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,640 Speaker 4: four biological kids and then added two to the family 51 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:09,720 Speaker 4: through foster care and adoption, and moved to Central California, 52 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:12,040 Speaker 4: which is where my husband grew up. And so yeah, 53 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:15,079 Speaker 4: I've stayed home and writing about motherhood kind of ever since. 54 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:18,480 Speaker 4: And just I wrote this book really in my first 55 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:21,480 Speaker 4: book too, to just equip parents who are in the trenches. 56 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,880 Speaker 4: That was the thing I you know, I assumed that 57 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:26,640 Speaker 4: when I stepped off the career path and into the home, 58 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,960 Speaker 4: it would be so idyllic and simple, and it was 59 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:30,919 Speaker 4: a punch in the face. 60 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:35,880 Speaker 1: It was so hard, punch in the I love that. 61 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:36,680 Speaker 3: That is so. 62 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 1: Perfect and that is that is what it feels like. 63 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,920 Speaker 3: Well, it's it's it's the it's the Mike Tyson line. 64 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:46,520 Speaker 3: Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face. 65 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:50,640 Speaker 1: And it's so true. It is so true. Okay, I 66 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,240 Speaker 1: have a question for you. So we are. 67 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:57,640 Speaker 2: Passionate about helping boys and helping men in today's culture, 68 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:00,200 Speaker 2: Like I don't know if you know anything about I 69 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,120 Speaker 2: work or my backstory, but that is a huge part 70 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:06,040 Speaker 2: of what we've done ever since the beginning of all 71 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:09,720 Speaker 2: the research and our ministry. So we're passionate about this. 72 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 2: But on your end, you have six kids three year 73 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,479 Speaker 2: girls through are boys, and you ended up writing a 74 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:21,080 Speaker 2: book specifically for boy moms. So give us a little 75 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:24,840 Speaker 2: bit of insight of what led you to want to 76 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:29,000 Speaker 2: write a book specifically for moms of boys. 77 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 4: Yes, definitely. Well, you know, raising kids in today's culture 78 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:38,000 Speaker 4: is really interesting because you're reading this data constantly that's 79 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:41,239 Speaker 4: telling you how kids are struggling because of their device 80 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,000 Speaker 4: use and over device use. And at the same time 81 00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:46,480 Speaker 4: I kept reading all these you know, you see it 82 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:50,200 Speaker 4: on T shirts everywhere. The future is female. Masculinity is toxic, 83 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 4: like boys and men are getting put down over and 84 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,160 Speaker 4: over again. And then you look at the research and 85 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:59,240 Speaker 4: young men are lonelier than ever. They are more likely 86 00:04:59,279 --> 00:05:02,240 Speaker 4: to die death of despair. Our boys in school are 87 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:04,840 Speaker 4: less likely to graduate high school, They're less likely to 88 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:08,880 Speaker 4: go to graduate school and college. They are more likely 89 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,160 Speaker 4: to live at home with their parents into their thirties. 90 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,800 Speaker 4: Labor force participation is declining for men they're just really 91 00:05:15,839 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 4: falling behind. And I looked at this data and I thought, gosh, 92 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,520 Speaker 4: what can moms do when our boys are tiny, to 93 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:26,160 Speaker 4: really just build them up in a godly, biblical worldview? 94 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,880 Speaker 4: Because the data also shows that when you have that worldview, 95 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:32,799 Speaker 4: it is really protective against all these mental health harms, 96 00:05:32,839 --> 00:05:36,640 Speaker 4: and it gives men a purpose. We need good, strong, 97 00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:39,720 Speaker 4: godly men in our society. That's what makes society flourish. 98 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 4: So I really just pulled out the data and then 99 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:46,400 Speaker 4: some very simple practical ways that parents and moms and 100 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:49,599 Speaker 4: dads really can just about as they go about their day, 101 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,960 Speaker 4: build up their boys, teach them this worldview. And it's 102 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 4: really I kept it so simple and doable in the 103 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:57,120 Speaker 4: car ride over the dinner table, that kind of thing. 104 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 1: Wow, that's fascinating. 105 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:04,279 Speaker 3: So, since since we have both men and women who 106 00:06:04,279 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 3: are going to be listening to this podcast, are there 107 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,960 Speaker 3: things that dads can learn from this conversation? 108 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:15,000 Speaker 4: One hundred percent? And it's funny. I will tell you, 109 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,800 Speaker 4: maybe he's biased, but my husband recommends this book to 110 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:23,279 Speaker 4: dads as well. The tools can really be used for anyone. 111 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,479 Speaker 4: It was really just when I saw the data, it 112 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,520 Speaker 4: sounded like especially with all the headlines. I like to 113 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,600 Speaker 4: read the news a lot, and you hear so frequently 114 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:34,800 Speaker 4: about how girls the mental health harms to young girls 115 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,720 Speaker 4: and teens. We hear about we hear the headlines all 116 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:38,919 Speaker 4: the time, But the truth is that young men and 117 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:42,719 Speaker 4: boys and teens are also being impacted negatively. It's just 118 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,239 Speaker 4: it's a little bit more for girls with that mental 119 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:48,080 Speaker 4: health piece. So it's like, well, can we help everybody? 120 00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:51,240 Speaker 4: So I felt like I saw a space where it 121 00:06:51,279 --> 00:06:54,360 Speaker 4: was underrepresented. But all of these tips, all of these 122 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,279 Speaker 4: ideas are are really just accessible to anyone. 123 00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 2: So okay, so let's jump in to the one of 124 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,960 Speaker 2: the things I think is the most important. 125 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,720 Speaker 1: You mentioned changing. 126 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,840 Speaker 2: A worldview, and if we're going to get started in 127 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:12,200 Speaker 2: this area, like if you're the average mom or dad 128 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,360 Speaker 2: and you see the same thing that we do about 129 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:18,880 Speaker 2: the fact that boys are falling behind, and you want 130 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,800 Speaker 2: your sons no matter whether they're young or older, they 131 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 2: could be teenagers about to graduate from college, about to 132 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:30,080 Speaker 2: graduate from high school. But what's that starting point? What 133 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,760 Speaker 2: do you mean changing a worldview? 134 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:34,160 Speaker 1: Yeah? 135 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,920 Speaker 4: Absolutely, I mean it's from day one right and wrong 136 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,360 Speaker 4: teaching them. And this kind of goes back to the 137 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,280 Speaker 4: eight things, the first of which is that sense of 138 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 4: belonging for our boys, reflecting and telling them that they 139 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 4: are unconditionally loved and they are fully known and fully loved, 140 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,560 Speaker 4: and they belong They have a sense of belonging in 141 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:56,400 Speaker 4: our family, and it's not based on their performance. It's 142 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:58,680 Speaker 4: not anything they bring to the table. Babies and toddlers 143 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:02,560 Speaker 4: really are pretty much just takers. So we are already 144 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:07,160 Speaker 4: reflecting that sense of value to our boys. What I'm 145 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,560 Speaker 4: encouraging parents to do is give voice to that and 146 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:12,400 Speaker 4: kind of narrate that and provide context to even our 147 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:14,960 Speaker 4: youngest boys. I will always yes, you blew it and 148 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:16,680 Speaker 4: that's okay, and I love you and let's do better 149 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:21,120 Speaker 4: next time. But really imparting that sense of belonging means 150 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,640 Speaker 4: teaching them that they are inherently valued because they're made 151 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,600 Speaker 4: in the image of God. And then also that they 152 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,640 Speaker 4: have a purpose that God created them for and God 153 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 4: gave them unique gifts. And sometimes even you know, prickly 154 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:35,079 Speaker 4: parts that can look like maybe the thorn in our 155 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:38,200 Speaker 4: side as parents on a bad day, but even those 156 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,679 Speaker 4: bad character traits that we think are bad can be 157 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 4: channeled for good when we're just a little bit intentional 158 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:44,400 Speaker 4: about you give. 159 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:45,360 Speaker 1: Us an example of that. 160 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:47,760 Speaker 4: I think about these biblical examples. I share a lot 161 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,920 Speaker 4: of these in the book. But one that comes to 162 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:53,800 Speaker 4: mind is Moses and how when we first meet Moses 163 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:55,719 Speaker 4: and throughout his life we see he might have had 164 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:59,600 Speaker 4: some anger issues. He was a little had a little 165 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,040 Speaker 4: hardness of heart on his own. You know, when God 166 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:05,880 Speaker 4: came to Moses and told him to come lead, Moses resisted. 167 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,959 Speaker 4: He was kind of said, well, who am I? I 168 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,600 Speaker 4: don't know, and we're thinking, like, gosh, we read the 169 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:14,079 Speaker 4: Bible and we're thinking, gosh, God directly called you into this. Really, Moses, 170 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,439 Speaker 4: you're going to resist. And so you see that kind 171 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:20,440 Speaker 4: of stubbornness. And then later though, that same character trait 172 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:23,640 Speaker 4: of his obviously made him an incredible leader as he 173 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:28,000 Speaker 4: led two million people through the desert faithfully for forty years. 174 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:31,240 Speaker 4: And I'm thinking, don't I can't even really stay faithful 175 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 4: sometimes I lose it taking my six kids camping for 176 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:38,160 Speaker 4: a weekend. And here's Moses, you know, leading these people faithfully. 177 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:42,560 Speaker 4: And you have to have a character quality that is 178 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:46,560 Speaker 4: just you know, resilient and determined. And so the flip 179 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:49,040 Speaker 4: side of what can look like a negative character trait 180 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:52,080 Speaker 4: can really be used in powerful ways by God. And 181 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:53,880 Speaker 4: I've got lots of examples like that in the book 182 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,760 Speaker 4: of Just where are Son's rough spots? And how can 183 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:57,800 Speaker 4: we channel those for good? 184 00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,959 Speaker 3: You know, this is fascinating. Now I'm going to show 185 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:06,240 Speaker 3: story that with some of our closest friends here in Atlanta. 186 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,439 Speaker 3: This friend was raising a son, had two daughters also, 187 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,959 Speaker 3: but raising a son, and he would tell his son that, 188 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:17,920 Speaker 3: you know, God has given you strength and courage, and 189 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:22,319 Speaker 3: you need to channel those and use those for those 190 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:26,520 Speaker 3: who can't stand up for themselves. And that's a strength 191 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:30,320 Speaker 3: that you have. And you know, he just always fed 192 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,920 Speaker 3: that into his son. And then they got a call 193 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:40,520 Speaker 3: from the school principle to come up to a meeting 194 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:45,600 Speaker 3: with the principle because their son had gotten into a fight. 195 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,400 Speaker 3: And so they kind of went and they were going, oh, 196 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 3: my goodness, well, come to find out, the principle said, 197 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:57,280 Speaker 3: so here's what happened. He was on the bus and 198 00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:01,079 Speaker 3: there was a guy on the bus who was bullying 199 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:05,880 Speaker 3: this little girl and Brandon, I'll call him Brandon because 200 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 3: that was his name. 201 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:10,000 Speaker 1: Brandon usually obscure identities. 202 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:15,080 Speaker 3: Brandon said, you know, stop doing that, leave her alone. 203 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:20,760 Speaker 3: And the guy wouldn't. So Brandon stepped in and used 204 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:25,880 Speaker 3: his persuasive means to cause that other bully young kid 205 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:31,120 Speaker 3: to stop it. It wasn't verbal persuasion, and so, you know, 206 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:35,360 Speaker 3: the principal said, so I have to punish him. I 207 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:36,920 Speaker 3: have to because he broke the. 208 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,319 Speaker 1: Rules and because physically, you. 209 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:43,880 Speaker 2: Know, yeah, I have to Pish's okay. 210 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:48,360 Speaker 3: Right, But I am so proud of your son, and 211 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:53,199 Speaker 3: he was just I want more young men like this, 212 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,880 Speaker 3: And you know, we live in a society that says 213 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:59,679 Speaker 3: that's wrong in every situation. You know, I don't want 214 00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:02,640 Speaker 3: to call it violence, or some will call it violence, 215 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:06,320 Speaker 3: but in that case, he stood up and sometimes you 216 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:12,000 Speaker 3: have to channel those male qualities that are good and 217 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:15,960 Speaker 3: we need to exhort our young men that they were 218 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,000 Speaker 3: designed by a God who knew what he was doing 219 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:23,440 Speaker 3: and those things are positives. 220 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:31,880 Speaker 4: Absolutely. I love that story, and that is a piece 221 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:35,280 Speaker 4: of parenting I think we're missing today is reminding our 222 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:40,040 Speaker 4: kids that there are biological differences, real biological differences between 223 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:43,240 Speaker 4: men and women, and those very gifts and men have 224 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:48,600 Speaker 4: this role as protector and they can use their strength 225 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:50,560 Speaker 4: to stand up for the week, and that's the design 226 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:54,040 Speaker 4: and what a good job, good job right. 227 00:12:53,960 --> 00:13:00,360 Speaker 2: For I am I'm curious if we talk about out, 228 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:05,320 Speaker 2: I want to go practical, but not just practical for 229 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:11,320 Speaker 2: the parenting aspect, but practical for the cultural aspect as well, 230 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:16,040 Speaker 2: because I'm curious how anybody that is interested in this topic, 231 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:19,959 Speaker 2: not just a parent of a boy, but anyone, how 232 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:24,480 Speaker 2: we can respond to this cultural moment that we're in. 233 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:29,320 Speaker 4: Yeah. Absolutely, I mean I think it starts with and 234 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:32,280 Speaker 4: I talk about this in the introduction, and I hope 235 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:35,800 Speaker 4: my reader really starts doesn't skip the introduction seriously. 236 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,400 Speaker 1: Really, yeah, it's someone. 237 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:41,120 Speaker 4: That you know. I call this eight things that young 238 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,679 Speaker 4: boys need from their moms before they turn tend. But really, 239 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,920 Speaker 4: the best and most important part of our parenting is 240 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:51,160 Speaker 4: a foundational biblical worldview and a robust relationship with God. 241 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:54,040 Speaker 4: And so when we are reading our Bibles and we 242 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:57,280 Speaker 4: are in biblical community and then we're looking at the world, 243 00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:58,480 Speaker 4: we don't have our head in the sand, and we 244 00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:02,360 Speaker 4: provide biblical context for what's going on in the world. 245 00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:05,200 Speaker 4: That's the best gift we can give our kids. I mean, really, 246 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:08,640 Speaker 4: the eight things, it's it's really just falls underneath those things, 247 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,280 Speaker 4: it's practical ways to kind of do what I just said, 248 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:16,319 Speaker 4: which is, you know, pour into our own faith and 249 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,360 Speaker 4: build our faith through Bible reading and community and then 250 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:22,000 Speaker 4: just pass that along to our It's just discipleship. It's 251 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:25,040 Speaker 4: slowing down what that disciple looks like. So the more 252 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,840 Speaker 4: we can be engaged that way. 253 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:28,440 Speaker 1: Give us a couple of those eight. 254 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:33,080 Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely, So the first I mentioned was belonging and 255 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:38,520 Speaker 4: instilling that just sense of belonging in our values from 256 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:38,920 Speaker 4: day one. 257 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, you exactly want. 258 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:47,840 Speaker 4: And the second is relationship young boys. Today two thirds 259 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,920 Speaker 4: of young men say no one really knows me, and 260 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:56,320 Speaker 4: that's that's hard, and that that just breaks my heart 261 00:14:56,360 --> 00:15:01,640 Speaker 4: because I mean that is how there's like of a 262 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:04,680 Speaker 4: longevity gap, as you know, between men and women, and 263 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:07,960 Speaker 4: a lot of that is attributable to this loneliness epidemic 264 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:11,840 Speaker 4: and our young men, So teaching them how to have 265 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:17,880 Speaker 4: solid relationships, how to have great conversations, how to navigate conflicts, 266 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:21,760 Speaker 4: and then also that self forgetfulness piece is Tim Keller 267 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:25,240 Speaker 4: calls it just how to really look at others and 268 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,360 Speaker 4: what true humility looks like. It's you know, there you 269 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,600 Speaker 4: are instead of walking into and going here I am 270 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,880 Speaker 4: so yeah, just how to navigate those relationships and deepen 271 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,120 Speaker 4: those and then another one of those, I guess the 272 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,920 Speaker 4: third one is authority and teaching our boys how to 273 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:44,360 Speaker 4: respect authority. The ultimate authority comes from a lot that 274 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 4: we as parents are kind of teaching them what that 275 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,560 Speaker 4: relationship and what obedience looks like. Those those early years 276 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,680 Speaker 4: are really important and there's a lot of bad parenting 277 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,640 Speaker 4: advice out there, especially through social media. Probably heard this 278 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:01,240 Speaker 4: like gentle parenting stuff and you see kids like where 279 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:05,120 Speaker 4: you're trying to reason with kids throwing a tantrum in costco. 280 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:06,320 Speaker 4: It's like they want you to get on the ground, 281 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:09,040 Speaker 4: be like, oh, how are you feeling? I see it. 282 00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:12,280 Speaker 4: You're like, no, cat, I get out of You're like, 283 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,120 Speaker 4: that's the quickest way to not get what you want 284 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,960 Speaker 4: is to throw a tantrum or to say no. And 285 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:20,080 Speaker 4: it's it's really giving our kids a gift to teach 286 00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:24,040 Speaker 4: them that we answer to God and our kids answer 287 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,720 Speaker 4: to us. And we have authorities at work and at school. 288 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,640 Speaker 4: It's your teacher and the principal and the police officers. 289 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 4: And when they say we do this, then we do this, 290 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,080 Speaker 4: you know. So that's something that I think is also 291 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,280 Speaker 4: getting lost in our culture. 292 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,640 Speaker 1: I am okay. 293 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:41,560 Speaker 2: I want to go back to that second one, the 294 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:46,720 Speaker 2: relationships thing, because you were talking about how you show 295 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:50,920 Speaker 2: up with others. And it's interesting the application of this 296 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,280 Speaker 2: because literally right before we recorded this podcast with you, 297 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:59,080 Speaker 2: we were recording a podcast with Deborah Faleda and Deborah's 298 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:01,920 Speaker 2: you know, a good friend, and she had written a 299 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:05,200 Speaker 2: book about, you know, kind of developing people's skills basically, 300 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:09,520 Speaker 2: and one of her solutions, which I think would be 301 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:15,320 Speaker 2: a great solution for so many boys, is to help 302 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:19,960 Speaker 2: us recognize that as we step into a space, whether 303 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,560 Speaker 2: that's school, whether that's home, whether that's you know, you're 304 00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:26,439 Speaker 2: going to the pool with friends, you know, whatever it 305 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:31,199 Speaker 2: is that you because so many boys are lonely, like 306 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:35,160 Speaker 2: you were talking about right like they're they're pulling themselves back. 307 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:38,600 Speaker 2: That the way to be able to step out with 308 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:43,320 Speaker 2: confidence instead of here, I am like you, like you said, 309 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:47,320 Speaker 2: is to say I have something that I can bring 310 00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:47,919 Speaker 2: to the table. 311 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:49,800 Speaker 3: What do I have to offer? 312 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:53,040 Speaker 2: What do I have something to offer? And to step 313 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:58,520 Speaker 2: in with that bedrock feeling I have something to offer. 314 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:02,480 Speaker 2: And so if they don't think that they have something 315 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:06,800 Speaker 2: to offer that strikes me as a really practical thing 316 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:11,000 Speaker 2: that a parent can help them think through and work on. 317 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:15,280 Speaker 2: What do you have to offer in this situation? So 318 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,239 Speaker 2: for like, for our son, our son is he is? 319 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:23,240 Speaker 2: He is not the never was the like super football 320 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,840 Speaker 2: sporty boy, like he did track in high school, but 321 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:32,160 Speaker 2: he is more like internal like he likes gaming and 322 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:36,320 Speaker 2: he likes hanging out with family and and Okay, I 323 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:41,280 Speaker 2: may not be particularly interested in running around the football field, right, 324 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,680 Speaker 2: but what do I have to offer? 325 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:44,840 Speaker 1: You know what? 326 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:49,920 Speaker 2: I am really kind. I can be a really good 327 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,680 Speaker 2: friend to somebody because I can be a good listener 328 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:58,800 Speaker 2: and and encourager. And changing the way you step into 329 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:03,159 Speaker 2: space says that everyone's going to need to step into 330 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:09,800 Speaker 2: It strikes me that a parent specifically helping a boy 331 00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:14,199 Speaker 2: figure out identify what I have to offer is a 332 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:17,920 Speaker 2: really really important piece of the puzzle to combat that loneliness. 333 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:22,520 Speaker 4: I think you're spot on there, and I think that 334 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:25,879 Speaker 4: that's why I wanted to structure it too, with identifying 335 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:30,720 Speaker 4: our son's sense of purpose and their unique gifts, like 336 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:33,159 Speaker 4: just like you did with your son. How beautiful and 337 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:37,160 Speaker 4: how empowering for our kids to hear the person they 338 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:40,280 Speaker 4: look up to most verbalize what they're good at, like 339 00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:43,959 Speaker 4: that's that's a superpower, and that's what I want parents 340 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,000 Speaker 4: or even grandparents when they read this to go wow. 341 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:50,840 Speaker 4: I didn't appreciate how much influence just simple words or acknowledgment, 342 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,320 Speaker 4: like telling my son he's good at this thing, or 343 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:57,000 Speaker 4: he has this gift to encourage, Like that sticks with 344 00:19:57,080 --> 00:20:00,280 Speaker 4: our kids and that will become their their innerv as 345 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:00,760 Speaker 4: they grow. 346 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:01,879 Speaker 1: Wow. 347 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:06,040 Speaker 3: So can you help us identify what are some of 348 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:10,960 Speaker 3: the biggest struggles that Christian moms and dad's face when 349 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:15,280 Speaker 3: raising boys, and with respect to those struggles, how do 350 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,760 Speaker 3: they help them overcome them? 351 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:18,080 Speaker 1: Oh? 352 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:21,720 Speaker 4: Yeah, there are so many. I'm thinking back to I 353 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,639 Speaker 4: think one that pops into my mind most. And you know, 354 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,680 Speaker 4: I have three boys. They're wired so differently from each other, 355 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,080 Speaker 4: so but one of one in particular, and I've talked 356 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,280 Speaker 4: to a lot of moms who share this. I was 357 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:36,679 Speaker 4: homeschooling for a hot minute there and he was I 358 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,240 Speaker 4: think he was about seven or eight at the time, 359 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,880 Speaker 4: and this kid I wanted to sit down. I wanted 360 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,760 Speaker 4: to do these long studies with this kid. I wanted 361 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,800 Speaker 4: to teach Latin word roots. I was so amped. This 362 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:50,440 Speaker 4: kid had seven minutes of attention span before he died 363 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,760 Speaker 4: to get up and run around. I would send him 364 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,520 Speaker 4: for laps around the house or and I was losing 365 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,239 Speaker 4: my mind, and I talked to someone. I'm like, what 366 00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:00,400 Speaker 4: am I? This kid cannot sit for beans man, He's 367 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:03,880 Speaker 4: just like up and wiggling and crazy. And I talked 368 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,919 Speaker 4: to someone who was very experienced, and they told me, 369 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,639 Speaker 4: if your son has seven minutes right now, that's what 370 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,800 Speaker 4: the window you have to work with. So work with 371 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:15,439 Speaker 4: the seven minutes he got. And I didn't really like 372 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:19,040 Speaker 4: that answer, to be honest with you, but I did. 373 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:22,280 Speaker 4: I followed the advice. And I guess what I would 374 00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:27,399 Speaker 4: encourage moms with is God knows your capacity and he 375 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:30,959 Speaker 4: knows your son's capacity, and he gives you what you 376 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:35,320 Speaker 4: have to work within that realm. So if you're excited 377 00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:37,760 Speaker 4: and ambitious and have these lofty goals of okay'm gona 378 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,240 Speaker 4: instill this biblical worldview and I'm going to creation fall 379 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,040 Speaker 4: redemption to this little five year old mind. But they 380 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:46,280 Speaker 4: can't even like track in the conversation. Just stay the 381 00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:49,120 Speaker 4: course and you work with what you got, and God 382 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,920 Speaker 4: will multiply your efforts when you're faithful to him, and 383 00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:56,520 Speaker 4: I would just yeah, I don't stress about wiggly they 384 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:57,560 Speaker 4: will put on Yeah. 385 00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:02,000 Speaker 3: And you know what's interesting is that you're describing that 386 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:06,520 Speaker 3: the helping him, you're kind of learning yourself, you know, 387 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:10,640 Speaker 3: about things about you and about limitations and about trusting 388 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:13,800 Speaker 3: God and all of these things. And that's as a parent, 389 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:17,760 Speaker 3: as a dad. I mean, I'm learning that I want 390 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,600 Speaker 3: so many things for my son and for my daughter, 391 00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:24,560 Speaker 3: and at some point, you know, it is our kind, 392 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,560 Speaker 3: heavenly Father that is ordering their steps. I can do 393 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:31,480 Speaker 3: all I can do, but you know He's wired them 394 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:32,200 Speaker 3: a certain way. 395 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:36,480 Speaker 4: It is so true. And you know, it also reminds 396 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,320 Speaker 4: me of the story same kid when he was two 397 00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:39,960 Speaker 4: and a half. I was doing a little mommy and 398 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:43,720 Speaker 4: me like group with my son and I just wanted 399 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:46,199 Speaker 4: to teach him about God and how loved he was. 400 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,000 Speaker 4: And we were in this old Bible lesson and they 401 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,600 Speaker 4: had a snack at the same time. They were eating 402 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:55,119 Speaker 4: these old crackers, and my son jumped up and I 403 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:56,720 Speaker 4: was with, you know, five other moms I did Bible 404 00:22:56,720 --> 00:23:00,639 Speaker 4: study with, and he announced, I want more Jesus, and 405 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,520 Speaker 4: I was like, oh, And I looked at the other 406 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,359 Speaker 4: moms and I was, I mean, that'll give you cred 407 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:06,760 Speaker 4: and a group of moms if you're two and a 408 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,280 Speaker 4: half year olds christiaming for more Jesus. So I was 409 00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:13,359 Speaker 4: feeling like the most amazing mom and we were blown 410 00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:14,720 Speaker 4: away by this. And then I looked at my son. 411 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,840 Speaker 4: I'm like, you want more Jesus? That's so beautiful and 412 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:25,840 Speaker 4: he said, no, I want more cheese. It that's okay. 413 00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:29,400 Speaker 4: But long story, you know, that kid is now fifteen, 414 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:33,120 Speaker 4: and he is He's got an incredible faith and he's 415 00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:36,440 Speaker 4: grown in so many ways, and I just would encourage 416 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,360 Speaker 4: moms and dads both to just stay faithful. I've had 417 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,560 Speaker 4: to make I've had to shift. My metric for successful 418 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:45,880 Speaker 4: parenting is just am I obeying God and I'm gonna 419 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,600 Speaker 4: trust everything else to him. And so this book is 420 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,960 Speaker 4: really just some tips that I've probably learned along the way, 421 00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:55,840 Speaker 4: and along with the research for just in the car 422 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,040 Speaker 4: rides and just very practical and when you're in the 423 00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,080 Speaker 4: trenches to really just plant that is. 424 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:02,560 Speaker 1: An incredibly important statement. 425 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:07,240 Speaker 2: My metric for success is am I obeying God? Not 426 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:11,880 Speaker 2: does this kid end up? You know, handling lessons properly. 427 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:15,879 Speaker 1: Or right school, the right school. 428 00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:19,760 Speaker 2: Or whatever, or even their faith as much as that's 429 00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:23,920 Speaker 2: such an important thing, it's am I am I obeying 430 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:28,920 Speaker 2: God in the raising and trusting God with the outcomes 431 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:29,320 Speaker 2: of that. 432 00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:34,920 Speaker 1: I know, so one type of obedience. 433 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:42,840 Speaker 2: We are told in the scripture that we are to 434 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:48,359 Speaker 2: have that our first love being God, but also to 435 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:51,720 Speaker 2: love our neighbor and especially our family right and that 436 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:56,600 Speaker 2: it's clear that we are called to have that priority 437 00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,400 Speaker 2: of from the very beginning when Adam and Eve were 438 00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:04,000 Speaker 2: to to be fruitful and multiply, to sort of raise 439 00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 2: up that next generation and really invest And to me, 440 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:11,119 Speaker 2: one of the things that comes with that is connecting 441 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:14,880 Speaker 2: with our kids right. Not just providing for them, which 442 00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:18,560 Speaker 2: is awesome, not just teaching them the Bible, which is great, 443 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:23,359 Speaker 2: but that kind of emotional heart connection. And I'm curious, 444 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,480 Speaker 2: if I mean every parent, and I think a lot 445 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:30,160 Speaker 2: of moms, especially struggle with worrying that they're not doing 446 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,840 Speaker 2: a good job of this, but I know dads have 447 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:37,040 Speaker 2: this too, is how do you, especially when you're busy, 448 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:41,240 Speaker 2: how do you create meaningful connection with a boy? 449 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:42,600 Speaker 1: It's easy with a girl. 450 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,040 Speaker 2: You talk right like you can have. You can sit 451 00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:49,920 Speaker 2: down and have lots of conversation with most girls, boys 452 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,920 Speaker 2: are a little different. How do you create that connection? 453 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:56,159 Speaker 4: H yeah, that's such a great point and it reminds 454 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:59,320 Speaker 4: me of a quote I heard it's rules without relationship 455 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:03,320 Speaker 4: lead to bellion. So if we don't have that connection piece, 456 00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:05,159 Speaker 4: you're right, all the rest of this has kind of 457 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:08,040 Speaker 4: fallen on deaf ears, and I think it's I think, 458 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,520 Speaker 4: at least for my three boys, they each kind of 459 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:13,720 Speaker 4: connect in different ways. One of them is very, very chatty, 460 00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,560 Speaker 4: and he could chat your ear off all day and 461 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:18,840 Speaker 4: he would connect that way. But I have another son 462 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,920 Speaker 4: who's very you know, it's I get grunts. How is 463 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:25,960 Speaker 4: your you know? So we need to be creative and 464 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:30,199 Speaker 4: attuned to our boys. But honestly, and just speaking to 465 00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:34,040 Speaker 4: the theme of just as you go, grab one of 466 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,439 Speaker 4: your sons when you're going to the grocery store, if 467 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,560 Speaker 4: you got to make a quick errand anyway, try just 468 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:43,119 Speaker 4: taking one of those kids. And maybe it's conversation, but 469 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:48,200 Speaker 4: that side by side car time is irreplaceable. It's that 470 00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:52,160 Speaker 4: windshield time that is just a perfect place for connection. 471 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,159 Speaker 4: I've had the best of one of my kids I 472 00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:57,040 Speaker 4: wind up with is in junior high, and so I 473 00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:59,119 Speaker 4: drop off my elementary kids and then I'm left with 474 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,239 Speaker 4: just a junior high kid for about five minutes. And 475 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,320 Speaker 4: it is the sweetest five minutes because with six kids, 476 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:07,439 Speaker 4: it's it's really the only time I get with just 477 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:10,280 Speaker 4: that one kid, and it is beautiful. And I've seen 478 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,760 Speaker 4: we're actually doing the Bible recap together in the car, 479 00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:16,720 Speaker 4: but we talk about it and it has I've seen 480 00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,680 Speaker 4: so much fruit come out of just that one on 481 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,399 Speaker 4: one time where we mostly are listening and then we'll 482 00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:24,480 Speaker 4: say a couple things back and forth. But it's incredible 483 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:27,560 Speaker 4: what God does with the seeds we plant. So I 484 00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:29,560 Speaker 4: would just encourage you too. I got another kid who's 485 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:32,600 Speaker 4: really into Pokemon. If I ask that kid to show 486 00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:34,000 Speaker 4: me his favorite Pokemon card. 487 00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:37,320 Speaker 1: Oh man, it starts a whole thing all about it. 488 00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:40,120 Speaker 4: So just paying attention to being at tuned to what 489 00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:42,560 Speaker 4: make what our boys are interested in, and then just 490 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,919 Speaker 4: ask them a question about it, or sit down and 491 00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:45,880 Speaker 4: play the game. Oh. 492 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:49,639 Speaker 2: I was just gonna say, I love I love the advice, 493 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:53,040 Speaker 2: and I'm just gonna emphasize this from a kind of 494 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:56,400 Speaker 2: a neuroscientific standpoint, from a boy brain standpoint. 495 00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:57,840 Speaker 1: It's the same thing with. 496 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:01,040 Speaker 2: Men, by the way, not just boys, but the side 497 00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:05,680 Speaker 2: by side conversation is usually more productive than I to 498 00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:09,600 Speaker 2: eye conversation. You know, when you tell a boy look 499 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:13,160 Speaker 2: me in the eyes, that's actually a It could very 500 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:16,040 Speaker 2: easily stimulate the sympathetic nervous system, which is the fight 501 00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:19,600 Speaker 2: or flight nervous system, and he's like, ah, you know, 502 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:23,439 Speaker 2: because it's uncomfortable for a lot of times for the 503 00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:24,000 Speaker 2: male brain. 504 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:26,880 Speaker 1: So that's just a really key practical thing. 505 00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:29,560 Speaker 3: And you know, I'm gonna just say this for the 506 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:35,160 Speaker 3: dads out there. I had a great dad going growing up. 507 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:43,480 Speaker 3: I don't really recall tons of advice life advice that 508 00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:45,480 Speaker 3: we sat down and talked through. 509 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:47,040 Speaker 1: I just don't. 510 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,640 Speaker 3: And maybe those happened, those conversations, and I just don't 511 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:53,880 Speaker 3: have a memory of it. I have memories of joining 512 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:57,160 Speaker 3: my dad when he was going to the lumberyard to 513 00:28:57,240 --> 00:29:01,240 Speaker 3: get some lumber he always asked me, or going outsidside, 514 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:05,320 Speaker 3: yeah you want to come, Or going outside helping him 515 00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:08,800 Speaker 3: change the oil in the car, or well mostly it 516 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:12,280 Speaker 3: was can you hold the flashlight while I'm working on this? 517 00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:16,040 Speaker 3: Because and you know, but it was all of those 518 00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:21,680 Speaker 3: things of just hanging out with my dad, and I 519 00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:24,560 Speaker 3: wanted him all my life to be proud of me, 520 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:29,320 Speaker 3: and he was. But it wasn't this. I just I'm 521 00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:32,640 Speaker 3: struggling here just to try to think through what were 522 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:37,200 Speaker 3: those those those moments of where he imparted all this 523 00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:41,680 Speaker 3: wisdom to me. And it was really just the accumulated 524 00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:46,560 Speaker 3: time spent together and watching his life, watching him interact 525 00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:52,480 Speaker 3: with people with kindness, with you know, integrity. I wanted 526 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:56,080 Speaker 3: to be like him. And so I think for us 527 00:29:56,200 --> 00:30:01,000 Speaker 3: dads who sometimes tie ourselves in so many stinking knots 528 00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:04,600 Speaker 3: and go, oh my gosh, unless I go through this 529 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:07,520 Speaker 3: and do this exactly right and tell him about this, 530 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:10,720 Speaker 3: you know he's gonna you know, miss it out, miss 531 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:12,480 Speaker 3: out on life. I'm not going to set him up. 532 00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:16,080 Speaker 3: And it's just be with them, just be around them. 533 00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:20,920 Speaker 4: That's such incredible advice. I think our dads were similar. Jeff, 534 00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:26,240 Speaker 4: my dad sounds as described as incredible, and similarly, it 535 00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:29,720 Speaker 4: was it was just him being there and enjoying me 536 00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:32,640 Speaker 4: and showing me that I was valuable and that time spent. 537 00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:37,040 Speaker 4: I actually came across a really interesting study a couple 538 00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:41,400 Speaker 4: of years ago about reading and parents, the impact of 539 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:45,720 Speaker 4: parental reading books in the home, and if it meant 540 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,000 Speaker 4: that the kids were more likely to pick up a 541 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:50,040 Speaker 4: book and read it. And the fascinating thing was that 542 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:53,360 Speaker 4: for moms it didn't really impact the kid whether or 543 00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:55,000 Speaker 4: not the kids would read a book if they saw 544 00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:59,160 Speaker 4: mom reading, But for dads, just a child seeing their 545 00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:02,480 Speaker 4: dad reading a book made a child more likely to 546 00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:04,800 Speaker 4: pick up a book and read one. And my initial 547 00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:06,680 Speaker 4: response was, Hey, that's not. 548 00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:07,360 Speaker 1: Really that fair. 549 00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:09,080 Speaker 4: The dads don't have to pry his hard, and they 550 00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:13,280 Speaker 4: have but to encourage dads who are listening, and to 551 00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:17,720 Speaker 4: are the point you just made. Dad's really just your 552 00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:22,440 Speaker 4: presence is so powerful for our boys. And just the 553 00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:24,200 Speaker 4: way you live and the way you talk to your 554 00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:27,680 Speaker 4: wife and the way you treat the people at the store, 555 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,520 Speaker 4: and you know, seeing you pray, I would. I would 556 00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:31,760 Speaker 4: wake up in the morning and see my dad on 557 00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:35,080 Speaker 4: his knees reading his Bible. He didn't he wouldn't say 558 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:37,360 Speaker 4: you need to read your Bible every day, but I 559 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:39,480 Speaker 4: saw him doing it, and it made me want to 560 00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:42,200 Speaker 4: read my Bible. So you know, it's it's exactly what 561 00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:45,920 Speaker 4: you said. It's being modeled and showing up is so powerful. 562 00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:47,280 Speaker 1: Man, so good. 563 00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:49,520 Speaker 2: We could keep going on this conversation because I'm so 564 00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:53,280 Speaker 2: passionate about this conversation, but we need to honor your time. 565 00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:57,240 Speaker 2: And and I'm curious how Mollie is going to answer 566 00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:01,040 Speaker 2: our our question always us that we always. 567 00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:03,200 Speaker 3: Have, so, Molly, one of the things that we always 568 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,560 Speaker 3: want to leave our listeners with with the full knowledge 569 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:12,000 Speaker 3: that even though you have shared great, great bits of 570 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:16,080 Speaker 3: wisdom and things that they can do with their boys, 571 00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:20,000 Speaker 3: people forget, you know. And so there was a lot 572 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:23,040 Speaker 3: of good stuff shared. But if there was one thing 573 00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:26,680 Speaker 3: that you would want to make sure that these whoever 574 00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:29,280 Speaker 3: a mom or a dad who happens to be listening, 575 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:33,240 Speaker 3: would remember or take away from this conversation. Or maybe 576 00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:36,400 Speaker 3: there's something that we didn't yet get to. But you see, 577 00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:40,080 Speaker 3: it's just such a critical the one component, the one thing. 578 00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:41,160 Speaker 3: What would that be? 579 00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:49,000 Speaker 4: You know, I would say Deuteronomy six, the Shama, and 580 00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:51,800 Speaker 4: I'm gonna paraphrase it probably terribly because I don't have memorized, 581 00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:58,120 Speaker 4: but it's, you know, Moses is instructing the people to 582 00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:01,920 Speaker 4: talk to their kids about God all the time as 583 00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:03,920 Speaker 4: you go down the road, and when you get up 584 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,960 Speaker 4: and when you lay down and teach God's commands to 585 00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:09,920 Speaker 4: your kids and the encouraging piece. That might sound like 586 00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:12,800 Speaker 4: a lot, but I hope that when you're if you're listening, 587 00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:15,280 Speaker 4: you hear as you go. As you go down the road, 588 00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:18,080 Speaker 4: when you're sitting shooting the breeze, you look out the 589 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:21,760 Speaker 4: window and see a sunset, point out who made that sunset? 590 00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:25,680 Speaker 4: Or or thank your kids, or thank God audibly in 591 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:29,520 Speaker 4: front of your kids for your blessings. Just as you go. 592 00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:33,520 Speaker 4: The advice and the instruction to parents has always been 593 00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,320 Speaker 4: the same. And you know it's not burdensome, it's not 594 00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:38,800 Speaker 4: too much. It's just as we go about our day, 595 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:43,640 Speaker 4: a little intentionality, seek the Lord and he'll bless it. 596 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:44,800 Speaker 4: He'll bless it. Wow. 597 00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:48,280 Speaker 3: I love that as you go and I can remember that, 598 00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:50,480 Speaker 3: I remember, I can remember that. 599 00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:51,840 Speaker 1: That's a really good one. 600 00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:52,440 Speaker 3: Is thank you? 601 00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:52,800 Speaker 2: Molly? 602 00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:54,560 Speaker 1: Yeah? So okay? 603 00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:56,640 Speaker 2: How can people find you? How can people find your 604 00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:57,600 Speaker 2: ministry and your book? 605 00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,280 Speaker 4: You can find me on in Instagram Mollie to Frank. 606 00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:04,960 Speaker 4: You can find me on my website Mollidifrank dot com. 607 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:09,000 Speaker 4: You can find the book Motheringboys anywhere books are sold Amazon, 608 00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:12,840 Speaker 4: christianbook dot com, Barnes and Noble, So I'd love to 609 00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:15,839 Speaker 4: hear from you if you're listening and you want more. 610 00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:17,919 Speaker 4: I've got lots of good resources for you in the book, 611 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:19,440 Speaker 4: and thank you so much. 612 00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:19,759 Speaker 3: For having us. 613 00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:23,560 Speaker 2: Absolutely so we need to say thank you to Mollie 614 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:25,920 Speaker 2: de Frank for coming on the show today. Check out 615 00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:29,080 Speaker 2: her book Motheringboys and you can see her details in 616 00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:29,600 Speaker 2: the show notes. 617 00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:30,960 Speaker 1: We'll put all that in the show notes. 618 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:33,759 Speaker 2: And there will be people that you know who need 619 00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:37,239 Speaker 2: this episode. So if you have a parent of a 620 00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:40,480 Speaker 2: boy that is a friend of yours, share this episode 621 00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,200 Speaker 2: with them and tag us and tag Mollie to Frank 622 00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:46,080 Speaker 2: on all your social media channels. Thanks so much, Mollie 623 00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:50,480 Speaker 2: for being with us, Thanks for listening to I wish 624 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:53,560 Speaker 2: you could hear this. Remember to subscribe to our podcast, 625 00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:57,239 Speaker 2: and as always, forward today's audio or video link to 626 00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:00,000 Speaker 2: a friend, counselor, or pastor who would. 627 00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:00,520 Speaker 1: Be an encouraged. 628 00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,080 Speaker 2: I just want to take a second to thank the 629 00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:09,120 Speaker 2: team at Life Audio for their partnership with us on 630 00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:12,600 Speaker 2: the podcast. If you go to lifeaudio dot com, you 631 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:16,360 Speaker 2: will find dozens of other faith centered podcasts in their network. 632 00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:20,720 Speaker 2: They've got shows about prayer, Bible study, parenting, and more.