1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:10,799 Speaker 1: Life audio, emotional exhaustion and holiday burnout are very real experiences. Today, 2 00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:13,640 Speaker 1: we are going to be talking about the post holiday 3 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:17,360 Speaker 1: aftermath that many of us feel for myriad of reasons. 4 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:22,920 Speaker 1: We're going to cover expectations unmet and unsmoken, the subsequent 5 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:27,520 Speaker 1: disappointment which follows, and the straight up exhaustion of making 6 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:30,360 Speaker 1: Christmas happen for our loved ones. If we don't pause 7 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:34,360 Speaker 1: for a moment following the holidays, we rush headlong into 8 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:39,680 Speaker 1: the winter months with unresolved sadness, fatigue, despair, which impacts 9 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:43,560 Speaker 1: our mental and emotional wellbeing and it makes those January 10 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:46,800 Speaker 1: blues stronger. Our goal today is to equip you with 11 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,800 Speaker 1: space to process what happened or didn't happen, reminders that 12 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:54,240 Speaker 1: you are not alone, and practical hope filled tools to 13 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:58,040 Speaker 1: apply to the post holiday aftermath you might be experiencing. 14 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:01,160 Speaker 1: Welcome to your hope filled perspective with doctor Michelle Banks 15 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,760 Speaker 1: and where it's always our goal to restore hope, renew minds, 16 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:08,440 Speaker 1: and empower listeners to live in your God given identity. 17 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,200 Speaker 1: I'm delighted you've chosen to spend a few of your 18 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:15,480 Speaker 1: moments in the week with us. Consider this your respite 19 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:20,000 Speaker 1: for that emotional burnout and holiday exhaustion. As we dive 20 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:23,560 Speaker 1: into how to heal from emotional burnout and holiday exhaustion. 21 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:29,880 Speaker 1: Right after this brief word from our sponsor, the living 22 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:33,080 Speaker 1: room is scattered with wrapping paper. Ornaments are a skew 23 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:37,040 Speaker 1: on the tree, and a fine layer of dust covers everything. 24 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:41,200 Speaker 1: Family has wandered off to pursue individual pursuits and you're 25 00:01:41,319 --> 00:01:42,160 Speaker 1: sitting alone. 26 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:43,000 Speaker 2: You did it. 27 00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:46,959 Speaker 1: You curated gifts based on personal interests and desires. You 28 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,840 Speaker 1: plan special meals, and you made a once a year 29 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:54,480 Speaker 1: Christmas treat. And now the exhaustion sets in. You wonder 30 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:58,200 Speaker 1: if your family appreciates your effort, and maybe you question 31 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:00,560 Speaker 1: whether or not it's worth it. Crawling in to bed 32 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:03,520 Speaker 1: and skipping the big family get together later that day 33 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:07,240 Speaker 1: sounds great. Instead, you pull yourself up and put another 34 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:09,600 Speaker 1: foot in front of the other. Do the next thing. 35 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:13,360 Speaker 1: You whisper, but wonder if you actually can. Today we 36 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,880 Speaker 1: are going to be talking about how to heal from 37 00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:20,960 Speaker 1: emotional burnout and holiday exhaustion. Joining me in this conversation 38 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:24,280 Speaker 1: today is my co host, Jessica Van Rukel, and we 39 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:29,000 Speaker 1: are both here today with our warm winter holiday drinks. 40 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:30,760 Speaker 2: To get us through this episode. 41 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:33,799 Speaker 1: We want to share with you as a reminder that 42 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:37,680 Speaker 1: God is a safe place for us. Psalm forty six, 43 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:42,799 Speaker 1: verses eleven through twelve that says he says, be still 44 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,440 Speaker 1: and know that I am God. I will be exalted 45 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 1: among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth. 46 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:54,160 Speaker 1: The Lord Almighty is with us. The God of Jacob 47 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:57,840 Speaker 1: is our fortress. Jessica, I'm so glad you're joining me today. 48 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:02,360 Speaker 1: Emotional burnout and holiday exhaust is a very real experience 49 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 1: that many of us deal with, but I don't hear 50 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:08,160 Speaker 1: people discussing it, and it can start as early as 51 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:12,160 Speaker 1: October November and lingers into January or February. 52 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:16,320 Speaker 3: Oh absolutely, But I love the reminders in Psalm forty 53 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:19,040 Speaker 3: six to be still, But it can be so hard 54 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,800 Speaker 3: to do. But when I keep reading, I see that 55 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:26,440 Speaker 3: knowing God and bringing him glory helps me frame being 56 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:29,760 Speaker 3: still inside the comforting knowledge that God is with me 57 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,960 Speaker 3: through it all. But it's the all that trips us 58 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:36,400 Speaker 3: up during the holidays. How do we determine how much 59 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 3: or how little to do? How do we manage our 60 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:44,720 Speaker 3: expectations within the framework of stillness? Wrapped in God's presence. Michelle, 61 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,040 Speaker 3: would you be willing to share some of your struggles 62 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:50,440 Speaker 3: with being the holiday memory making Christmas merrymaker. 63 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know. 64 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:53,880 Speaker 1: I love the holidays, Jess, so I don't want to 65 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 1: give the wrong impression, but even this past year, I 66 00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 1: found myself trying to get ahead in my schedule so 67 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:06,000 Speaker 1: that I didn't walk into this year's holidays the same 68 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:08,880 Speaker 1: way I have in the past when the family descends 69 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,600 Speaker 1: upon the house, which I love having my family here, 70 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 1: but there have been times when I'm already become so 71 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 1: exhausted that by the time they get here, it's hard 72 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:21,480 Speaker 1: for me to enjoy. I'm married with a husband, i 73 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 1: have two boys and a daughter in love. I'm generally 74 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:28,520 Speaker 1: the keeper of the calendar, the designer of the meal plan, 75 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:33,919 Speaker 1: accommodating food allergies and everybody's different preferences in our home. 76 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,880 Speaker 1: I'm generally the buyer of the majority of the gifts. 77 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:40,000 Speaker 1: I'm definitely the rapper of the presence. And my family 78 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:44,760 Speaker 1: isn't local, and because the majority of holiday magic happens 79 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:48,279 Speaker 1: before they come in from out of town, they really 80 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:53,840 Speaker 1: have little idea how much time, energy and effort is involved. 81 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 2: But if I'm not careful. 82 00:04:55,960 --> 00:05:01,200 Speaker 1: I can become so exhausted and burned out before the 83 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:05,960 Speaker 1: holidays truly even hit, and there's a sense of fatigue 84 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 1: that just makes it more difficult to experience the joy 85 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:13,479 Speaker 1: of the season, and I don't want to do that 86 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:16,520 Speaker 1: going forward. I think I was better this past year, 87 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,400 Speaker 1: but I want to be even better next year. 88 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 2: What about you, jess. 89 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:24,320 Speaker 3: Well, I think when I started my own family, I 90 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:28,039 Speaker 3: had really high expectations of what I wanted Christmas and 91 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:30,240 Speaker 3: the whole really the whole month of December to look like. 92 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:35,280 Speaker 3: Growing up. Our traditions almost they changed. My mom's been 93 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:38,159 Speaker 3: remarried a couple different times, and we just adjusted those 94 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,839 Speaker 3: family traditions, and I found sometimes that to be really hard. 95 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:45,560 Speaker 3: And so when I got married and started having kids, 96 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,440 Speaker 3: there were things that I really wanted to start and do, 97 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,440 Speaker 3: But I also found that my husband was satisfied with 98 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:55,360 Speaker 3: maybe not having these grand traditions his home. They had 99 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:57,520 Speaker 3: their traditions, they loved them, and I love being a 100 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,440 Speaker 3: part of them, and yet I wanted to create our 101 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:03,360 Speaker 3: own with our families. So I've got four kids, three 102 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:05,599 Speaker 3: daughters and a son, and there were just some things 103 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:09,560 Speaker 3: that I really pushed for that weren't well received, and 104 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,159 Speaker 3: so I felt like a little bit like, oh, well, 105 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:16,599 Speaker 3: all this effort isn't well received, and instead of pivoting, 106 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:20,719 Speaker 3: I pouted, and which created this angst within me, which 107 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:25,400 Speaker 3: made me cranky and resentful, and I started doing things 108 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 3: with expectations tied to them instead of like strings attached, 109 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,120 Speaker 3: instead of just doing things as a gift to my family. 110 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,440 Speaker 3: But as I've learned how to pivot, I think that 111 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 3: comes with aging, and I am aging, and I'm not 112 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 3: afraid to say that, and wisdom, I have learned to 113 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:50,400 Speaker 3: just kind of offer my holiday effort as a gift. Yeah, 114 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:54,599 Speaker 3: And I can't determine how someone receives that gift. That's 115 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,360 Speaker 3: that's up to them how they want to receive it. 116 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 3: And so I have dealt with those un and expectations. 117 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,599 Speaker 3: And I'm not saying that I have this holding out 118 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,240 Speaker 3: what I do as a gift. I don't want to 119 00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:08,599 Speaker 3: fool anybody and to say that I have done learned 120 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,520 Speaker 3: how to do that perfectly, because I haven't. But I'm 121 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:15,560 Speaker 3: conscious of making sure that everything I do there's no 122 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:19,680 Speaker 3: strengths attached for how I expect my family to respond. 123 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:23,080 Speaker 3: And I live aware of that, and that has helped 124 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:28,320 Speaker 3: me adjust. It's helped me maybe go into the holiday 125 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:31,239 Speaker 3: season open hearted as well as open handed. 126 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:34,840 Speaker 1: You know, it's interesting that you talk about it being 127 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:38,840 Speaker 1: a gift, because that is how my mindset shifted over 128 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:43,600 Speaker 1: the past couple of years. What I do I enter 129 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:47,360 Speaker 1: in now that this is my gift to my family, 130 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:51,360 Speaker 1: whether they recognize it as a gift or not. From 131 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 1: my heart, it's my gift to them. But sometimes the 132 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 1: tricky part about that, justs is when we give gifts, 133 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:04,400 Speaker 1: we're hoping for a certain reaction, like we're hoping whether 134 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,800 Speaker 1: they're tangible gifts or not. It can be a gift 135 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:11,520 Speaker 1: to develop the meal plan for the holidays, to accommodate 136 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:15,320 Speaker 1: people's preferences and allergies and tastes and that kind of thing. 137 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,440 Speaker 1: That's an intangible gift. But when we give a gift, 138 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 1: let's face it, in our heart of hearts, we want 139 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:25,120 Speaker 1: the receiver of the gift to be appreciative. We want 140 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,920 Speaker 1: them to love it, we want them to recognize that 141 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,440 Speaker 1: there was some thought we thought about them. So what 142 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:35,120 Speaker 1: I'm hearing from you and me is that we have 143 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:42,600 Speaker 1: both experienced unmet expectations and the subsequent disappointments that often follow. 144 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:43,440 Speaker 2: Yeah. 145 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:47,840 Speaker 3: Absolutely absolutely. But I've learned some tips and tricks along 146 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,880 Speaker 3: with a shift in my perspective regarding emotional burnout and 147 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 3: holiday exhaustion that I'm excited to share with our listeners. 148 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,720 Speaker 1: I want to talk about those tips and tricks, but 149 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,520 Speaker 1: let's pause for a brief word from our sponsor so 150 00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:03,920 Speaker 1: that that is not broken up. Friends, We're going to 151 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,200 Speaker 1: take this real quick break, but when we come back, 152 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:09,640 Speaker 1: we're going to share some tips and tricks so that 153 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:13,520 Speaker 1: you can heal from emotional burnout and holiday exhaustion. We'll 154 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:20,199 Speaker 1: be right back. Welcome back to your hope filled perspective. 155 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:24,240 Speaker 1: Today we're talking about how to heal from emotional exhaustion 156 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:29,000 Speaker 1: and holiday burnout. One of the contributing factors to emotional 157 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:33,400 Speaker 1: exhaustion holiday burnout comes from a motive to serve others 158 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:36,559 Speaker 1: and to create a special experience for them. Jess and 159 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,440 Speaker 1: I were both talking about our personal experiences with that 160 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:43,720 Speaker 1: regard before the break. It's a good and noble desire 161 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:47,280 Speaker 1: to do this. The gift of hospitality, even to our 162 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:51,200 Speaker 1: own families, is a special way to show them God's love, 163 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:54,240 Speaker 1: and that's where My desire comes from I want to 164 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:58,960 Speaker 1: show my family love by doing for them. But when 165 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:04,000 Speaker 1: we neglect the best thing, we find ourselves running through 166 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:08,560 Speaker 1: the holidays in our own strength, which creates emotional burnout 167 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:09,680 Speaker 1: and holiday exhaustion. 168 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,880 Speaker 3: Exactly it, which is why all of the sisters Mary 169 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:15,800 Speaker 3: and Martha found in Luke chapter ten, verses thirty eight 170 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:18,560 Speaker 3: through forty two. These two women show us how to 171 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:21,679 Speaker 3: both serve and how to be still. I'm going to 172 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 3: read that passage. It says this. As Jesus and his 173 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,960 Speaker 3: disciples were on their way, he came to a village 174 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,720 Speaker 3: where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 175 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,400 Speaker 3: She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the 176 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,520 Speaker 3: Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was 177 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,959 Speaker 3: distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. 178 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,400 Speaker 3: She came to him and asked, Lord, don't you care 179 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,440 Speaker 3: that my sister has left me to do the work 180 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:48,079 Speaker 3: all by myself. Tell her to help me, Martha Martha. 181 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,439 Speaker 3: The Lord answered, you are worried and upset about many things, 182 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:55,000 Speaker 3: but few things are needed or indeed, only one. Mary 183 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,320 Speaker 3: has chosen what is better, and it will not be 184 00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:00,720 Speaker 3: taken from her. You know I've never liked how Martha 185 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 3: is shown as wrong and Mary as right. And if 186 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,760 Speaker 3: we take the time to read what Jesus said, we 187 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:09,959 Speaker 3: learned that there is a good way and a better way. 188 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:14,360 Speaker 3: Martha had good motives in serving Jesus and the other guests, 189 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:18,040 Speaker 3: and in the context of healing from holiday exhaustion and 190 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:22,680 Speaker 3: emotional burnout, the desire to create this beautiful holiday experience 191 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:28,720 Speaker 3: is a good desire. Martha's mistake was her unspoken expectation 192 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:32,480 Speaker 3: that her sister should be helping her create this amazing 193 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:36,600 Speaker 3: experience for the Lord. However, Mary spent her time listening 194 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:39,040 Speaker 3: at the feet of Jesus while it looked like she 195 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,400 Speaker 3: was doing nothing. She shows us how being still is 196 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:47,160 Speaker 3: an active response. Spending time with Jesus is a better 197 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:51,080 Speaker 3: desire because it changes us from the inside out. So 198 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:54,839 Speaker 3: let's explore how to hold both the good and the 199 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,840 Speaker 3: better in the same space and time. 200 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:03,240 Speaker 1: I've always had mixed feelings when it comes to the 201 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:07,400 Speaker 1: account of Mary and Martha. I desperately want to be 202 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:12,840 Speaker 1: a Mary, but I definitely relate to Martha's personality as 203 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:15,760 Speaker 1: a get it done kind of person. I can't tell 204 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 1: you how often I hear I don't know how you 205 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:21,400 Speaker 1: do all that you do and in transparency. For many years, 206 00:12:21,559 --> 00:12:24,840 Speaker 1: I wore that as a badge of honor until doing 207 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:29,520 Speaker 1: became my downfall. One thing, though, Jess, that has always 208 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,920 Speaker 1: stood out to me in the account of these two 209 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:36,120 Speaker 1: sisters is when scripture says, but Martha was distracted by 210 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:40,800 Speaker 1: all the preparations that had to be made. It's not 211 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:44,920 Speaker 1: that what Martha was doing was bad. Jesus and the 212 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:48,840 Speaker 1: disciples needed to be fed, they needed a comfortable place 213 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:52,320 Speaker 1: to sit, they needed their feet wash. It's just that 214 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:57,079 Speaker 1: it wasn't the best thing. And I think perhaps her 215 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 1: motives were based in how they were going to respond, 216 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:05,920 Speaker 1: rather than an overflow of just wanting to serve out 217 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:09,640 Speaker 1: of love. Yeah, it's so easy to set aside our 218 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:14,000 Speaker 1: private personal time with Jesus during the crazy, busy holiday season. 219 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:15,800 Speaker 2: You and I have talked about this before. 220 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:20,119 Speaker 1: What the holidays do is add more to our schedule 221 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:24,959 Speaker 1: when there's not really a place to take things away, right, 222 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:30,000 Speaker 1: And I have succumbed to that many times where I 223 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:34,640 Speaker 1: have sacrificed the quiet and the stillness with Jesus. But really, 224 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:38,480 Speaker 1: what you're saying, Jess, is that healing from emotional burnout 225 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 1: and holiday exhaustion really starts with being still with Jesus, 226 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:44,880 Speaker 1: like we see with Mary. 227 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:49,400 Speaker 3: Yes, it's within the stillness with Jesus where we can 228 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:53,120 Speaker 3: be refreshed and guided for our next thing. We can 229 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:55,280 Speaker 3: ask the Holy Spirit to show us where we may 230 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:59,160 Speaker 3: have expectations that could lead to disappointment. And honestly, I 231 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:02,040 Speaker 3: have to continually remind myself that life is not a 232 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:07,120 Speaker 3: movie script where perfectly plotted responses and entrances and exits 233 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:09,960 Speaker 3: and there's no call for cut or do it roll 234 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:13,240 Speaker 3: it again. You see, I've learned that our family members 235 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:17,880 Speaker 3: deal with their own internal angst, expectations and disappointments, which 236 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:21,400 Speaker 3: sometimes clash with ours. But if we can start the 237 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,920 Speaker 3: day with Jesus and invite him into every part of 238 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,640 Speaker 3: our day, we can hold the good with the better 239 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:31,360 Speaker 3: and reveal both a Martha and a Mary's side to 240 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:33,280 Speaker 3: our families and ourselves. 241 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:35,040 Speaker 2: You raise a really good point. 242 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:41,360 Speaker 1: We've been talking about our expectations, but our family members 243 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:47,400 Speaker 1: have their own, often unspoken expectations. This year was a 244 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:50,800 Speaker 1: little different because one of my sons called home and 245 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:57,520 Speaker 1: was talking to us and wanted to voice desires and preferences, 246 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,160 Speaker 1: and you know what, when he did, I thought, well, 247 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,200 Speaker 1: we can do that, we can meet that. So he 248 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,720 Speaker 1: voiced something so that he didn't get to the end 249 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,480 Speaker 1: of his visit with us with unmet expectations. 250 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:12,920 Speaker 2: And I think that's key. 251 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,880 Speaker 1: But I can remember a time when I let Martha 252 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:20,000 Speaker 1: in me not only steal my joy but flat out 253 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:24,040 Speaker 1: wear me out, which is part of where this episode 254 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:28,200 Speaker 1: on emotional exhaustion and holiday burnout came from. I remember 255 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,800 Speaker 1: the year that my mother died. It was such a 256 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:34,320 Speaker 1: difficult time for me. I was grieving the woman who 257 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,920 Speaker 1: had become my best friend. We were not always close 258 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,720 Speaker 1: when I was young, and she struggled with depression and 259 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:44,320 Speaker 1: that was incredibly difficult for both of us. But after 260 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:48,280 Speaker 1: I married and she got help for her depression, we 261 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,320 Speaker 1: became very close. In fact, I would call her every 262 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:54,040 Speaker 1: day on my commute home from the hospital, so we 263 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:56,440 Speaker 1: had forty five minutes to talk every day, and I 264 00:15:56,720 --> 00:16:01,360 Speaker 1: valued that relationship. Earlier that particular year, my husband was 265 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:05,760 Speaker 1: undergoing treatment for cancer with a very bleak prognosis. Later 266 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:09,280 Speaker 1: in the year, I miscarried our baby, and then my 267 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:18,120 Speaker 1: mother died, and honestly, the accumulated grief was almost more 268 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,480 Speaker 1: than I could bear, and when the holidays rolled around. 269 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,680 Speaker 2: I did, and I did and I did. 270 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:27,440 Speaker 1: I did not want to assume the role of matriarch 271 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,760 Speaker 1: in our family, but I did it because I felt 272 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,200 Speaker 1: like I had to, like I was supposed to pick 273 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:35,400 Speaker 1: up that mantle after my mother died and that everyone 274 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:36,360 Speaker 1: was depending on me. 275 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:37,360 Speaker 2: Yeah. 276 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:41,360 Speaker 1: Now, in actuality, would my two year old son have 277 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:43,720 Speaker 1: cared if the gifts weren't wrapped. 278 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:44,200 Speaker 2: No? 279 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:47,960 Speaker 1: Would the family have starved if I hadn't made twelve 280 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,040 Speaker 1: different types of Christmas cookies? 281 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:50,480 Speaker 2: No? 282 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:55,280 Speaker 1: Would anyone have cared if I used only gift bags 283 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,600 Speaker 1: instead of wrapping each gift? 284 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,360 Speaker 3: Absolutely not, But they were all. 285 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:06,119 Speaker 1: Left in a worn out, exhausted grieving daughter, wife and mother. 286 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:09,639 Speaker 1: And just looking back, this was many years ago, but 287 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:14,240 Speaker 1: it could have all been different if Jesus had been 288 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:19,479 Speaker 1: my place of solace and my prevailing focus rather than 289 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:23,360 Speaker 1: all the things I no longer had and that had 290 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 1: to be done. 291 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:31,600 Speaker 3: Wow, thank you for sharing that. I can remember a Christmas. 292 00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:35,840 Speaker 3: I have no idea what led up to this, but 293 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:39,480 Speaker 3: I remember picking a fight with my husband and I'm 294 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:42,000 Speaker 3: not really a fight picker at all. I'm like you, 295 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:43,880 Speaker 3: want to fight, Okay, I'll go to a different room. 296 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,280 Speaker 3: You can fight with the wall, that type of a person. 297 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,760 Speaker 3: But I remember picking a fight and ending up spending 298 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:53,679 Speaker 3: Christmas afternoon pouting in my bed or being sad in 299 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:58,200 Speaker 3: my bed. And I really have no clue what led 300 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:01,800 Speaker 3: up to this, but I remember being so mad and disappointed, 301 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:06,320 Speaker 3: and obviously it was tied to expectations, right, Yeah, being disappointed. 302 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,600 Speaker 3: But and it's interesting how I don't really remember what 303 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:14,040 Speaker 3: those unmet expectations were, but I do remember my behavior. Yeah, 304 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:17,880 Speaker 3: and that was a that was an opening, eye opening experience. 305 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:21,760 Speaker 3: Disappointed in myself. But it's like some other like like 306 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:25,320 Speaker 3: I was totally controlled by my disappointments and I was 307 00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:27,199 Speaker 3: going to make sure everybody around me knew about it. 308 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:30,240 Speaker 3: And again, what do my kids remember of that Christmas? 309 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:33,439 Speaker 3: I don't know. I've never asked them. And if they're listening, kids, 310 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,200 Speaker 3: tell me. And I'm going to say I'm sorry, I'm 311 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:40,199 Speaker 3: sorry for having these unmet expectations that led me to 312 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:44,280 Speaker 3: a very crabby experience of a mother and apologize to 313 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,280 Speaker 3: my husband. I have, We've talked about it, we laugh 314 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:49,320 Speaker 3: about it now. But that's the power of unmet expectations 315 00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 3: and the disappointment that comes. It can totally change us 316 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,520 Speaker 3: to be somebody that, frankly, I don't really want to be. 317 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,800 Speaker 3: So friends, we are going to take a short break 318 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,240 Speaker 3: for a word from our sponsor. Sure, then we'll talk 319 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:04,840 Speaker 3: about practical steps for how to heal from emotional burnout 320 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:07,240 Speaker 3: and holiday exhaustion. Stay tuned. 321 00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:19,919 Speaker 1: Unmet expectations of ourselves and others can contribute to emotional 322 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:25,560 Speaker 1: exhaustion and holiday burnout. The best predictor of future behavior 323 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:30,720 Speaker 1: is past behavior, so we have to be intentional when 324 00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:35,680 Speaker 1: we want to change course. Addressing expectations by making time 325 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:39,520 Speaker 1: with Jesus a priority during the holiday season is vital 326 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:45,400 Speaker 1: and vital in this post holiday aftermath. But let's turn 327 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:49,600 Speaker 1: our attention to some practical steps for how do we 328 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:52,760 Speaker 1: cope with it now that we're here. One step we 329 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:56,560 Speaker 1: can do post holiday is to ask our families what 330 00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:02,280 Speaker 1: traditions or activities are important to them. We may be 331 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:06,360 Speaker 1: doing all the things, but maybe we don't need to. 332 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:11,880 Speaker 1: Maybe they don't care about stockings being filled, or they 333 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:16,840 Speaker 1: don't care about that traditional Christmas dessert. Taking time to 334 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:21,800 Speaker 1: talk to them about expectations and then adjusting them. Going forward, 335 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:29,119 Speaker 1: both helps to heal and it creates self guards going forward. Yeah, 336 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:35,840 Speaker 1: for many, many years, I prided myself on having our 337 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:40,560 Speaker 1: Christmas cards ready to mail the day before Thanksgivings, so 338 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:44,320 Speaker 1: that ours were the first that would arrive in people's inbox. 339 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:47,080 Speaker 1: And people said, for years, I always look forward to 340 00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:50,640 Speaker 1: your Christmas card, and it's always the first one we get. Okay, Well, 341 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:54,439 Speaker 1: pride is a sin, and I'm confessing it to you now. 342 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:58,040 Speaker 1: But what I realized is I was putting so much 343 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:04,040 Speaker 1: pressure on myself to meet both my expectations and others, 344 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:08,479 Speaker 1: and in a small way, I miss it. But we 345 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:12,840 Speaker 1: don't send Christmas cards anymore. It just became that last 346 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:17,239 Speaker 1: straw that I just felt like I couldn't manage and 347 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:18,360 Speaker 1: I had to let it go. 348 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:21,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, oh, that's so good. I used to be a 349 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,560 Speaker 3: Christmas card center, Like, starting when I was back in 350 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 3: high school, I sent out Christmas cards and I continued that, 351 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:30,120 Speaker 3: and several years ago I was like, I don't want 352 00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:32,679 Speaker 3: to do it anymore. Yeah, And so now we're at 353 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,440 Speaker 3: the point where, like, if my husband feels like addressing 354 00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:39,080 Speaker 3: the envelopes, he does it. You know, I'll order the 355 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:42,280 Speaker 3: picture and buy the cards. And he does all the work, 356 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:46,360 Speaker 3: and I'm totally great with that. This year, I don't 357 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,600 Speaker 3: know if we're doing cards. I'll have to ask him. 358 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:51,360 Speaker 3: But I used to make anywhere from six to eight 359 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,480 Speaker 3: different kind of Christmas treats, and it was tiring, and 360 00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:58,160 Speaker 3: I had four little kids, and frankly, it wasn't fun 361 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:01,320 Speaker 3: for them or for me. But it just really wasn't. 362 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:03,880 Speaker 3: But then I asked as they got older, I asked 363 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,760 Speaker 3: each family member what they loved and what they really 364 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:11,359 Speaker 3: really wanted to snack on during Christmas. And it turns 365 00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:14,080 Speaker 3: out that there's only three kinds of treats that they 366 00:22:14,119 --> 00:22:16,560 Speaker 3: really love and look forward to every year. So now 367 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:19,560 Speaker 3: I make those three each year, and then I rotate 368 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,240 Speaker 3: a fourth one based on what sounds good to me. 369 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,760 Speaker 3: And this practice helped me learn that the holidays are 370 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:29,679 Speaker 3: for me too, and doing something I like helped relieve 371 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:33,919 Speaker 3: some of the expectations, unspoken expectations I was placing on 372 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:35,120 Speaker 3: my family members. 373 00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,800 Speaker 1: My mother used to make no less than a dozen 374 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:42,960 Speaker 1: different types of cookies, so when I got married, I thought, 375 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:47,400 Speaker 1: that's what you do as the wife and mom. So 376 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,440 Speaker 1: I too did what you did and asked my boys, 377 00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:56,320 Speaker 1: what's your favorite, and I made their favorite and it 378 00:22:56,480 --> 00:23:02,360 Speaker 1: simplified things so much. Talked about being still with Jesus 379 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:07,399 Speaker 1: and addressing expectations. And this is a good time of 380 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:11,160 Speaker 1: year to have these conversations with our family because it's 381 00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:15,399 Speaker 1: fresh in our hearts and mind and theirs. We can 382 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:20,200 Speaker 1: then better understand their perceptions and unmet expectations as well 383 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:23,760 Speaker 1: as ours, so that we can change the course and 384 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,520 Speaker 1: expectations for future holidays. 385 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,560 Speaker 3: I loved what you said earlier about how past behavior 386 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,440 Speaker 3: predicts future behavior. Yes, and that's such a good tip 387 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:37,359 Speaker 3: to remember, because it seems like life swirls faster and 388 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,960 Speaker 3: faster until we get to January one, and then it 389 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,480 Speaker 3: screeches to a halt. It's like hard stop, right, You're 390 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:47,119 Speaker 3: dealing with whiplash. And it's in that space between January 391 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:50,960 Speaker 3: first and February where the post holiday blues hit me hard. 392 00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:54,080 Speaker 3: I'm usually exhausted from pouring out and I must put 393 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:59,960 Speaker 3: Christmas away alone by myself. Yep, never mind that I 394 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,320 Speaker 3: put it up by myself, right, so what's the big deal? 395 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:09,000 Speaker 1: But it is it just is, it is a big deal, Jazz. 396 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,040 Speaker 2: I'm often tempted. 397 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:14,520 Speaker 1: To not put up decorations not because I don't enjoy them, 398 00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:19,959 Speaker 1: I love them, but because I hate putting it all away, 399 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,439 Speaker 1: and it happens after my family has left. 400 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:26,280 Speaker 2: So yes, it falls on me at. 401 00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:30,160 Speaker 1: A time when I don't have any more energy to give. 402 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:33,600 Speaker 1: Curling up in bed for the rest of winter. 403 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:35,879 Speaker 3: Sounds about right. I love it. 404 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:41,000 Speaker 1: It's not possible to do, but we can take a 405 00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:46,280 Speaker 1: mental and emotional break. A second aspect that's crucial for 406 00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:49,840 Speaker 1: our healing for emotional exhaustion and holiday burnout is to 407 00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:56,080 Speaker 1: create space in your life to rest and recover. 408 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:57,960 Speaker 2: What would that look like for you, Jess. 409 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:01,960 Speaker 3: Well for me, I have learned and I've embraced, accepted, 410 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:05,320 Speaker 3: embrace that there is no universal required day to take 411 00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:07,800 Speaker 3: down the decorations and return the gift bags to their 412 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:11,520 Speaker 3: storage space. See that little tree in the corner still up. 413 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:14,040 Speaker 3: I'll stay up for a little while. I like to 414 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,919 Speaker 3: allow myself to lay on the couch post Christmas. In 415 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,679 Speaker 3: New Year's I turn off all the lamps and I 416 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:23,040 Speaker 3: turn on all the Christmas lights because I think it's 417 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,399 Speaker 3: important to take time to rejoice and the fact that 418 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,600 Speaker 3: Jesus came to earth for us. He came to earth. 419 00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,800 Speaker 3: He is God with us, And it's in that moment 420 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:38,480 Speaker 3: where I allow myself just that selfa time to really 421 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,399 Speaker 3: be still and to know that He is God. 422 00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:45,320 Speaker 1: What about you, Michelle, It's interesting that you bring up 423 00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:49,879 Speaker 1: there there's no universal day to take down the Christmas 424 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:56,280 Speaker 1: decor because every single year I see many posts on 425 00:25:56,320 --> 00:26:01,240 Speaker 1: social media about when you should be taking decorations down 426 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,840 Speaker 1: or when other people are taking their decorations down, which 427 00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:08,440 Speaker 1: creates an implicit expectation that, oh, what they are, then 428 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:12,640 Speaker 1: I should too. But I went through a period of 429 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,520 Speaker 1: life threatening sepsis. 430 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:19,480 Speaker 2: Was in the ICU, and really they. 431 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,600 Speaker 1: Didn't expect me to come through it. And after going 432 00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:26,480 Speaker 1: through sepsis, which if you've never known anybody who's gone 433 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,920 Speaker 1: through it, or if you've never gone through it, sepsis 434 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:34,040 Speaker 1: affects every single cell in your body, and doctors warned 435 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:37,480 Speaker 1: me it would take a year to two years to recover. 436 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:42,280 Speaker 1: And I still haven't regained my energy. I used to 437 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,760 Speaker 1: be a night owl, Jess. I used to work until 438 00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:47,600 Speaker 1: midnight one or two in the morning, and now my 439 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,000 Speaker 1: kids kind of look at me funny, like, why are 440 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:51,919 Speaker 1: you so tired at seven pm? 441 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:57,200 Speaker 2: It's a result of the sepsis. But this past holiday season. 442 00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:01,399 Speaker 1: The day after my kids left home after Thanksgiving, I 443 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,879 Speaker 1: didn't get out of bed until almost noon, which is 444 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:08,679 Speaker 1: not like me. But after I got up, I didn't 445 00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:14,120 Speaker 1: make a single physical demand of myself, no jumping in 446 00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:18,959 Speaker 1: and getting ready for Christmas. I just knew I needed 447 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:20,399 Speaker 1: a day of rest. 448 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:22,920 Speaker 3: So good. 449 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:29,399 Speaker 1: Depending on how depleted, fatigued, or burnout you may feel, 450 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:34,040 Speaker 1: friend and we recognize there is a wide variety. Some 451 00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:37,320 Speaker 1: are energized by the holidays and they get through and 452 00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:41,120 Speaker 1: they're ready to attack their New Year's resolutions with vigor 453 00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:46,400 Speaker 1: and joy. And others the holidays were hard, family dynamics 454 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:50,920 Speaker 1: are difficult, and others are really feeling exhausted and burnout. 455 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:54,280 Speaker 1: So depending on where you are on that spectrum, I 456 00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:58,160 Speaker 1: would add a third tip, and that is to create 457 00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:01,119 Speaker 1: a recovery zone. And what I mean by this is 458 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:04,640 Speaker 1: pick a short window every day, even if only ten 459 00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:11,879 Speaker 1: to twenty minutes, where you intentionally do nothing that requires output. Instead, 460 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:15,560 Speaker 1: sit with a cozy drink, your coffee or your tea 461 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:18,840 Speaker 1: or lemon water, whatever your preference is. Maybe listen to 462 00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:23,760 Speaker 1: calm music, maybe step outside for a breath of fresh air. 463 00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:28,760 Speaker 1: But what this brief recovery zone does is it sends 464 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:32,080 Speaker 1: a message to your nervous system that I am safe 465 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:33,960 Speaker 1: and I can rest. 466 00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:34,920 Speaker 4: Oh. 467 00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:38,040 Speaker 3: I love that so practical. I'm going to add the 468 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:41,120 Speaker 3: fourth suggestion we have for how to heal from emotional 469 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,840 Speaker 3: exhaustion and a holiday burnout is where we can really 470 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:49,880 Speaker 3: learn from Mary and I'd suggest a brief post holiday evaluation, 471 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:54,080 Speaker 3: which can be very helpful. And we answered these two questions, first, 472 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:57,480 Speaker 3: what were you out? And second what gave you life? 473 00:28:58,920 --> 00:28:59,880 Speaker 2: What were you out? 474 00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:04,440 Speaker 1: I think that's probably very easy for people to identify, 475 00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:08,040 Speaker 1: but the second question is equally as important, what gave 476 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,640 Speaker 1: you life? These are the things you want to make 477 00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:14,800 Speaker 1: sure that you include in your holiday routine next year. 478 00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:19,800 Speaker 1: Taking that time for the post holiday evaluation helps heal 479 00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:25,320 Speaker 1: from emotional burnout and holiday exhaustion because self reflection helps 480 00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:30,000 Speaker 1: our brain release what is internally keeping our mind in 481 00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:33,200 Speaker 1: a state of stress, and it's a way to prepare 482 00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:36,959 Speaker 1: and protect your mental and emotional strength going forward. 483 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:40,120 Speaker 3: This is where we realize where we may have lost 484 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,960 Speaker 3: sight of God with us. Our scripture that we mentioned 485 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,200 Speaker 3: earlier was be still and know that He is God. 486 00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:48,480 Speaker 3: He is with us, and it's easy to keep saying 487 00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:51,960 Speaker 3: yes and yes, and to add more and more. In 488 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:55,400 Speaker 3: some years we have the capacity for a lot, but 489 00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:57,720 Speaker 3: other years we need to scale back. Three of my 490 00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:01,920 Speaker 3: kids have birthdays. One is middle of November, one is 491 00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:06,040 Speaker 3: middle of January, and middle of February. Reserving energy for 492 00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:10,000 Speaker 3: their berths and the recovery after them changed how I 493 00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:13,680 Speaker 3: did Christmas, from the decor, to the gifts, even to 494 00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:16,880 Speaker 3: the food. And I discovered a really important truth. It's 495 00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:20,920 Speaker 3: not so much about what we do that makes Christmas special, 496 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:24,160 Speaker 3: but the who who we are with and who we 497 00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:24,880 Speaker 3: focus on. 498 00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:27,960 Speaker 2: Oh, that's such an important distinction. 499 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:31,840 Speaker 1: It's not so much what we do makes Christmas special, 500 00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:34,200 Speaker 1: but the who so important to remember. 501 00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:35,760 Speaker 2: A fifth tip, which I. 502 00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:40,520 Speaker 1: Think is equally important, is to replenish what was depleted. 503 00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:44,400 Speaker 1: One of your questions, Suggess in that self evaluation is 504 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:46,800 Speaker 1: what were you out? Another way to say it is 505 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:51,040 Speaker 1: what depleted you? Yes, So to replenish what was deleted? 506 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:54,800 Speaker 1: I would add a third question to the self evaluation 507 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:58,000 Speaker 1: that's just nuanced from your question, and that is to 508 00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:02,960 Speaker 1: ask yourself, what did the holiday seasons drain the most? 509 00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:06,480 Speaker 1: If it was sleep, commit to earlier nights for the 510 00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:09,560 Speaker 1: next week or two or three. If it drained you 511 00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:14,280 Speaker 1: the most of social energy, block out quiet evenings and 512 00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:18,080 Speaker 1: say no to requests for a while. If it drained 513 00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:21,880 Speaker 1: you the most of finances, enact a low spend month 514 00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:25,160 Speaker 1: or two. And if it drained you the most of 515 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:30,080 Speaker 1: your emotional reserve, journal what you carried and then release 516 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:30,840 Speaker 1: it to God. 517 00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:35,120 Speaker 3: Oh so good. Now we know that the level of 518 00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:38,920 Speaker 3: emotional exhaustion our holiday burnout is different for everyone, and 519 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:41,680 Speaker 3: I can attest to the fact that some years are 520 00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:43,720 Speaker 3: worse than others for me. But with a shift in 521 00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:48,440 Speaker 3: our perspective, a little bit of self reflection, communicating with 522 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:53,240 Speaker 3: our family, creating space to rest and recover, and intentionally 523 00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:58,320 Speaker 3: replenishing what was depleted, we can experience healing from emotional 524 00:31:58,400 --> 00:31:59,880 Speaker 3: burnout and holiday exhaustion. 525 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,840 Speaker 2: I hope that these tips were helpful. Friends. 526 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,080 Speaker 1: We have even more tips for you. They'll be in 527 00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:08,120 Speaker 1: the follow up blog posts that you can find it 528 00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:12,120 Speaker 1: Doctor michelleb dot Com the Monday after this episode airs. 529 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:15,280 Speaker 1: But Jess, if a listener is resonating with our conversation, 530 00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:20,000 Speaker 1: and I suspect many will, because we're all at some 531 00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:25,360 Speaker 1: point on that continuum of energized from the holidays. 532 00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:27,520 Speaker 2: Or fatigued, worn out, burnout. 533 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,920 Speaker 1: So if they're resonating with this conversation, what hope filled 534 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:34,000 Speaker 1: perspective would you like to leave the listener and viewer with. 535 00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:38,640 Speaker 3: I would like for you to remember that Jesus also 536 00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:43,240 Speaker 3: needed to rest. He took time alone with his father 537 00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:48,480 Speaker 3: so that he could complete his mission on earth, not 538 00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,360 Speaker 3: just his mission of going to the cross, but his 539 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,320 Speaker 3: mission of meeting the needs of people, of teaching those 540 00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:58,040 Speaker 3: around him. And so, even though it feels counterintuitive, take 541 00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:02,960 Speaker 3: time to sit with God and to be still with him. 542 00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:06,000 Speaker 3: And even though it feels like, oh my goodness, I'm 543 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:10,000 Speaker 3: going to get behind, you'll find that you'll have the 544 00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:13,360 Speaker 3: right amount of energy, the right amount of focus to 545 00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:17,080 Speaker 3: get through the days ahead when you are so exhausted 546 00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:20,120 Speaker 3: and you feel like I can't rest. Jess it's the 547 00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,600 Speaker 3: new year. I have all of this stuff that I 548 00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:26,720 Speaker 3: need to do. I promise to you. Remember Jesus, he 549 00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:29,680 Speaker 3: sat with his father, and he wants you to do 550 00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:30,160 Speaker 3: the same. 551 00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:34,280 Speaker 2: I love it. That's the hope filled perspective that you 552 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:35,160 Speaker 2: brought to it. 553 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:39,640 Speaker 1: Because we started this episode talking about how we often 554 00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:44,120 Speaker 1: sacrifice that time with Jesus, and it makes me think 555 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:47,600 Speaker 1: for our listener who is feeling emotionally burned out and 556 00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:51,560 Speaker 1: fatigued and exhausted. It makes me think of the Christmas 557 00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:56,000 Speaker 1: Carol that says, the weary world rejoices. We can get 558 00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:59,320 Speaker 1: back to a place of rejoicing by getting back to 559 00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:02,080 Speaker 1: that place where we sit with Jesus. 560 00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:04,800 Speaker 2: We're still and we know that he is God. 561 00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:08,160 Speaker 1: Yes, Jess, would you close out this episode praying for 562 00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:10,640 Speaker 1: our listener who finds themself at that place. 563 00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:14,120 Speaker 3: Yes, I would love to. Heavenly Father, thank you so 564 00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:18,200 Speaker 3: much that your word has everything we need for life. 565 00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:22,719 Speaker 3: And Lord, right now we're exhausted, we feel completely and 566 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:26,799 Speaker 3: totally drained. God, we ask that you would just meet 567 00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:31,000 Speaker 3: us here. Lord, that we would invite you into our exhaustion, 568 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:34,840 Speaker 3: our burnout. Lord, that we would run toward you instead 569 00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:37,080 Speaker 3: of running away from you. And Lord, that we would 570 00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:42,040 Speaker 3: realize that resting in you is an active response. So Lord, 571 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:45,280 Speaker 3: fill our hearts with energy, fill our hearts with joy, 572 00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:48,400 Speaker 3: fill our hearts with a focus. That we're going to 573 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:51,440 Speaker 3: trust you for healing. We're going to walk in your ways. 574 00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:54,759 Speaker 3: And Lord, I pray that as we sit in your presence, Lord, 575 00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:57,840 Speaker 3: you would renew us in Jesus' name, we pray Amen. 576 00:34:58,440 --> 00:34:58,920 Speaker 2: Amen. 577 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:03,200 Speaker 1: If there was something in today's episode that resonated with you, 578 00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:06,640 Speaker 1: and I'm really hopeful that there was, or maybe you 579 00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:11,400 Speaker 1: know someone who's struggling with emotional burnout and holiday exhaustion, 580 00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:14,600 Speaker 1: please consider sharing this episode with them so they have 581 00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:19,000 Speaker 1: a biblically based, hope filled perspective for handling it. Jess 582 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:22,440 Speaker 1: and I look forward to sharing other co hosted episodes 583 00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:25,360 Speaker 1: with you this year, and we would love to hear 584 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:30,640 Speaker 1: what topics, what themes you would be interested in us covering. 585 00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:34,440 Speaker 1: You can go to my website and hit the contact button, 586 00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:36,840 Speaker 1: send me a message or comment on one of my 587 00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:39,479 Speaker 1: blog posts about topics that you'd like us to cover. 588 00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:42,160 Speaker 1: It's been a joy to be with you again, Jess, 589 00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:44,960 Speaker 1: and to be with you, my friend. I'm looking forward 590 00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:48,600 Speaker 1: to having another Hope Field conversation with you next week, 591 00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:51,960 Speaker 1: but until then, it's my prayer for you that you 592 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:53,640 Speaker 1: have a hope filled week. 593 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:58,200 Speaker 4: Do you want to dive deeper into the Word of God? 594 00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:01,600 Speaker 4: Is your a Bible study group, small group, church, or 595 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,319 Speaker 4: book club looking for a new Bible study that will 596 00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:07,600 Speaker 4: take them deeper. Doctor Benkson, the author of the award, 597 00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:11,719 Speaker 4: winning Hope Prevails, Insights from a doctor's personal journey through depression. 598 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:15,640 Speaker 4: Has also written the award winning Hope Prevails Bible Study 599 00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:19,239 Speaker 4: as a companion for her original book, Hope Prevails, or 600 00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:23,080 Speaker 4: as a standalone Bible study that will help those who 601 00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:27,040 Speaker 4: are walking through difficult waters. Allow this study to help 602 00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:30,319 Speaker 4: you learn that you are not alone, what depression is 603 00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:32,719 Speaker 4: and where it comes from, how to recognize that you 604 00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:36,840 Speaker 4: have an enemy, and how to recover your joy, reclaim 605 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:41,360 Speaker 4: your piece, re establish your identity, know your worth, remember 606 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:45,200 Speaker 4: your secure destiny, and be confident that nothing separates you 607 00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:48,800 Speaker 4: from God's love. Here's what one of doctor Benkson's readers 608 00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:51,319 Speaker 4: had to say about the Hope Prevails Bible Study. There 609 00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:54,480 Speaker 4: are numerous books on depression, and what has been missing 610 00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:58,520 Speaker 4: is a solid Bible study on this topic. Truthfully, in 611 00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:01,839 Speaker 4: all reality, I wish Hope Prevails. Both the book and 612 00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:04,440 Speaker 4: the Bible study have been out when I walked through 613 00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:10,520 Speaker 4: my dark night of the soul. Doctor Benkson combines her training, knowledge, 614 00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:14,320 Speaker 4: skill and wisdom to gently take us to the only 615 00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:17,600 Speaker 4: place we can find healing God in his word. She 616 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:22,279 Speaker 4: provides authentic stories from her own journey, insightful questions and 617 00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:27,000 Speaker 4: gives us a doctor's perspective towards biblical emotional health. The 618 00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:30,440 Speaker 4: Hope Prevails Bible study is a prescription to not just 619 00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:33,520 Speaker 4: learn to live, but to overcome and learn how to 620 00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:38,120 Speaker 4: flourish even with the unwelcome companion of depression. You won't 621 00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:41,560 Speaker 4: be disappointed. It is an excellent study for your small 622 00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:47,520 Speaker 4: group or a one on one conversation. Thank you for 623 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:51,719 Speaker 4: joining doctor Bankson for your hope build perspective. We hope 624 00:37:51,719 --> 00:37:56,440 Speaker 4: you were encouraged by her authenticity, vulnerability, and biblical truths. 625 00:37:56,719 --> 00:37:59,640 Speaker 4: If you enjoy today's conversation, when you take a moment, 626 00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:03,040 Speaker 4: now open up your podcast app and look for the 627 00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:06,719 Speaker 4: subscribe button right next to our podcast profile image. We 628 00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:09,600 Speaker 4: think this podcast is best enjoyed with friends, so tell 629 00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:12,480 Speaker 4: a friend and click share in your podcast app and 630 00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:15,399 Speaker 4: send a friend our link to share Hope with them. 631 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,440 Speaker 4: If you have a comment, question, or suggest a topic 632 00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:21,200 Speaker 4: for a future show, reach out to our staff at 633 00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:25,719 Speaker 4: info at Hope Prevails dot org For additional resources. Information 634 00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:29,800 Speaker 4: about doctor Bankson's books where free downloads, or to contact 635 00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:33,160 Speaker 4: her to speak at your next event, Please visit doctor 636 00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:36,840 Speaker 4: Michelbe dot com. Until next time, May you have a 637 00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:38,400 Speaker 4: hope filled week. 638 00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:43,880 Speaker 1: I'd like to take just a second to thank the 639 00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:46,839 Speaker 1: team at Life Audio for their partnership with us on 640 00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:49,839 Speaker 1: this podcast. If you go to lifeaudio dot com, you'll 641 00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:53,560 Speaker 1: find dozens of other faith centered podcasts in their network. 642 00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:57,440 Speaker 1: They've got shows about prayer, Bible study, parenting, and more.