1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:03,640 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 2: Welcome to I Wish You Could Hear This, where we 3 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:13,240 Speaker 2: explore great stories and simple, proven steps to help you 4 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:15,960 Speaker 2: thrive in life, faith, and relationships. 5 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:20,920 Speaker 3: In our research, we've heard hundreds of hopefield strategies for marriage, parenting, leadership, 6 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:24,319 Speaker 3: and life that are grounded in science and consistent with 7 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:25,120 Speaker 3: biblical truth. 8 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:26,920 Speaker 4: And now you can hear them too. 9 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 1: I'm Shanti Felton. 10 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:32,479 Speaker 4: And I'm Jeff Felton. 11 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:34,000 Speaker 1: What are young. 12 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:38,160 Speaker 2: Couple's questions about marriage today? If an engaged person comes 13 00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:40,600 Speaker 2: from a divorced family, how can they work through any 14 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:44,279 Speaker 2: trust issues to have a lifelong secure commitment? What do 15 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,159 Speaker 2: young Christian couples who are waiting for marriage do to 16 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 2: make that possible when everything in our culture pushes them 17 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:53,960 Speaker 2: in the opposite direction. Today on I Wish You Could 18 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:57,320 Speaker 2: Hear This, we have a unique opportunity to dig into 19 00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:01,720 Speaker 2: those questions and others in a very personal way because 20 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:04,679 Speaker 2: our daughter and her fiance are getting married in just. 21 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,120 Speaker 1: A few weeks and we have them with us in 22 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:08,200 Speaker 1: the studio today. 23 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:19,319 Speaker 3: Welcome to Morgan Feldhan and Ben Foster. Hi. Wow, now 24 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:23,120 Speaker 3: we're just a few weeks away, this has all become 25 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:27,760 Speaker 3: very real. I want each of you to introduce yourself shortly. 26 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:30,920 Speaker 3: But how are you feeling now that the wedding is 27 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 3: on the horizon and you're making final preparations. 28 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:42,360 Speaker 5: Excited, but honestly, just can't wait. Can't wait to be married. 29 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:43,759 Speaker 4: Very excited. 30 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:49,000 Speaker 3: I can't wait to be married. What a great line. So, 31 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,720 Speaker 3: so Morgan, why don't you take just a brief moment 32 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:54,280 Speaker 3: in introduce yourself to the audience. 33 00:01:55,040 --> 00:02:00,960 Speaker 6: Yeah, I am Morgan. I'm related to these people, growing 34 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,480 Speaker 6: up my whole life hearing them talk and sitting in 35 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:06,440 Speaker 6: the back of the room while they were speaking. But 36 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:09,600 Speaker 6: I graduated from Georgia Tech with a degree in industrial engineering 37 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:11,680 Speaker 6: a couple of years ago, and right now I work 38 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,240 Speaker 6: as a supply chain consultant. 39 00:02:13,639 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 3: There you go, I go, So Ben Foster, our future 40 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:18,480 Speaker 3: son in law. 41 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,079 Speaker 7: That sounds so weird to say that. 42 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,120 Speaker 3: Can you introduce yourself and give us a little bit 43 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:28,360 Speaker 3: of your background, maybe your family background that's relevant here. 44 00:02:29,639 --> 00:02:30,639 Speaker 4: My name is Ben Foster. 45 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:34,680 Speaker 8: I recently graduated from Georgia Whnett College with a history degree. 46 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,560 Speaker 8: This summer I will be applying to KSU to do 47 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:44,440 Speaker 8: a master's program and teaching and what you're working as 48 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,560 Speaker 8: a teacher right now, Okay, And he. 49 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 2: Is a a great, great guy with you. 50 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,799 Speaker 1: Yeah, we love watching him. 51 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:57,639 Speaker 3: We couldn't be more thrilled about our daughter's judgment here. 52 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:00,840 Speaker 3: So Ben, could you could you share a little bit 53 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:05,120 Speaker 3: about your family kind of background? How you know everyone 54 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:08,680 Speaker 3: knows Morgan's family background kind of I'd love to hear 55 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:09,840 Speaker 3: it for them to hear about yours. 56 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 4: Yeah. Absolutely. 57 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,880 Speaker 8: My family background is when I was nine, my parents 58 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:19,359 Speaker 8: got divorced, but they are happily remarried now. So just 59 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 8: learning about what they went through in me. 60 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,920 Speaker 3: Not to interrupt, but remarried to other people. 61 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,400 Speaker 8: Yes, yes, they did not get remarried back to themselves. 62 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,480 Speaker 8: I'm thankful that, Like my stepdad is really great to 63 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 8: my mom, and then my stepmom is great to my dad. 64 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 4: So I'm very blessed to see that. 65 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:38,720 Speaker 3: Hmmm, it's great. 66 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:47,200 Speaker 2: So I am curious wanting to focus on this podcast 67 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,840 Speaker 2: on some and I have to okay, I have to 68 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:54,960 Speaker 2: tell everybody who is not watching on YouTube that we 69 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:58,040 Speaker 2: are in a weird position in the studio because there's 70 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:01,200 Speaker 2: four of us in the studio, each sharing. 71 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:04,080 Speaker 7: The microphones, and. 72 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:06,880 Speaker 2: I am trying so hard to not turn my head 73 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,440 Speaker 2: to look at them and instead make sure that we 74 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,440 Speaker 2: are on microphone so. 75 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,040 Speaker 7: The audio is good. 76 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,760 Speaker 2: So all of you who are watching this on YouTube, 77 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:19,880 Speaker 2: you're probably going to be giggling the whole time because 78 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,080 Speaker 2: we're trying so hard to not look at each other. 79 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:25,720 Speaker 1: Anyway, very authentic, It's weird anyway. 80 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:29,000 Speaker 2: Okay, So what we want to focus on in this 81 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:32,599 Speaker 2: podcast is some of the things that young Christian couples 82 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:37,080 Speaker 2: are wondering as they step into a more serious relationship, 83 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:41,280 Speaker 2: like including getting engaged and then getting married. Morgan and 84 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,240 Speaker 2: Ben aren't just sitting here kind of representing themselves. They 85 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:47,599 Speaker 2: have lots of different friends who have gotten married in 86 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:49,920 Speaker 2: the last few years now, all over the map. 87 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:50,760 Speaker 1: Some of them are. 88 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:54,000 Speaker 2: Christians who have waited for marriage, some who have lived together, 89 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:58,080 Speaker 2: some of them from divorced families, others from secure families, 90 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:01,880 Speaker 2: some who had really difficult roads in their relationship, others 91 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:05,479 Speaker 2: who hadn't really encountered huge conflicts. So we are hoping 92 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:10,240 Speaker 2: that this conversation will help all the young people listening 93 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,920 Speaker 2: and those like us who have the adult kids who 94 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:18,599 Speaker 2: are in this phase of considering a serious relationship or 95 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,119 Speaker 2: getting married. In this case, we do have a little 96 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:25,080 Speaker 2: bit of an unusual situation because Morgan has grown up 97 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:28,640 Speaker 2: reading our books and hearing our talks her whole life. 98 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:31,880 Speaker 2: So when I asked her what questions she had, she 99 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:37,440 Speaker 2: said nothing really, and Ben says from the other room, 100 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:42,320 Speaker 2: I have questions. And so also, of course, poor Ben, 101 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,120 Speaker 2: when they got engaged, all of our friends were like 102 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:47,520 Speaker 2: telling him, you have some reading to do. 103 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,560 Speaker 4: By the way, they did not know I have dyslex. 104 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:56,160 Speaker 3: Yes, that's a heavy lift in but you're doing it, 105 00:05:56,279 --> 00:05:59,359 Speaker 3: which are so honoring. 106 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,200 Speaker 7: Which we are thinking, I'm so proud of you. 107 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 3: So if let's start off as a starting point, what's 108 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:09,920 Speaker 3: the first thing that comes to mind when you guys, 109 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:14,479 Speaker 3: think of your friends and the questions that they had, 110 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,600 Speaker 3: What are they talking about? 111 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,880 Speaker 6: I mean, the one that comes to mind right away 112 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,960 Speaker 6: is most of like you know, us and a lot 113 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,560 Speaker 6: of our friends are Christian and waited for marriage. 114 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,760 Speaker 5: So a lot of the time that's what people have 115 00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:30,240 Speaker 5: questions about because we really don't have that experience. 116 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:34,840 Speaker 3: So just to get the elephant out in the room, sex. 117 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,600 Speaker 7: Yes, now, okay, hold on. 118 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:43,719 Speaker 2: Now, Just to encourage some of the parents out there 119 00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 2: who are everything about how no one waits for marriage, 120 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:51,480 Speaker 2: You've got several friends who have gotten married recently who 121 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:54,159 Speaker 2: have waited. Right, I'm not just the naive mom, right. 122 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:56,039 Speaker 5: Yes, most of our friends. 123 00:06:56,279 --> 00:07:00,440 Speaker 2: See, Okay, isn't that cool to like other young couples 124 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,159 Speaker 2: who think that nobody else waits. 125 00:07:02,279 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 1: It's not It's not accurate. 126 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:07,080 Speaker 2: So anyway, there are plenty of people for whom that's 127 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:09,640 Speaker 2: a thing that matters to them as part of their faith. 128 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:12,520 Speaker 3: And now we have to calm our kids more going 129 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:13,600 Speaker 3: to ben right now. 130 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:16,120 Speaker 7: So that we're not going to force them to talk 131 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:16,800 Speaker 7: about this topic. 132 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:17,760 Speaker 4: Oh my goodness. 133 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,160 Speaker 6: I mean you did ask me to help with the 134 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,880 Speaker 6: research on your book, so I don't know. 135 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:24,760 Speaker 7: Oh, yes, I know. 136 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 2: Okay, just so you know what she's talking about. When 137 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,880 Speaker 2: Jeff and I were starting the work on Secrets of 138 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:33,160 Speaker 2: Sex and Marriage and the research on that, we lost 139 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,800 Speaker 2: the main intern that was going to be doing like 140 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 2: the number crunching and the analysis statistical statistical statistical stuff 141 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:43,520 Speaker 2: on the survey, and so suddenly we're like, oh my gosh, 142 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:44,080 Speaker 2: what do we. 143 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:48,800 Speaker 3: Do in this This graduate assistant, the pH Yes, she 144 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:53,880 Speaker 3: had a particular expertise in the software needed to do 145 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:55,040 Speaker 3: that analysis. 146 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:58,880 Speaker 2: The SPSS analysis exactly, and so she had to bow 147 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:02,600 Speaker 2: out because of some family issues, and so we're like, 148 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 2: we are completely stuck. 149 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 1: We're like, I don't know what we're going to do. 150 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,360 Speaker 2: It's may where am I going to find an intern 151 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 2: at this point and Jeff goes, I think she's living upstairs. 152 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:18,960 Speaker 2: And because Morgan being an engineer, she was able to 153 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,720 Speaker 2: learn the SPSS software really quickly. And she was like, 154 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:27,080 Speaker 2: the only thing is I'm crunching numbers on this topic 155 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,800 Speaker 2: of sex. You guys are going to pay for my 156 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:30,880 Speaker 2: therapy for sure? 157 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:32,240 Speaker 3: Yes, for sure? 158 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,600 Speaker 1: Oh gosh, yeah, poor things. 159 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:37,240 Speaker 3: Some of the things she encountered in the I don't 160 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 3: want to results. 161 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:39,720 Speaker 7: Let's not talk about it. 162 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 2: But I am going to say just for other like 163 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,559 Speaker 2: young people who might be wondering, just so you know, 164 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:50,479 Speaker 2: those questions like Morgan was talking about, those are questions 165 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:55,120 Speaker 2: a lot of people have, even if you lived together before. 166 00:08:54,800 --> 00:09:00,600 Speaker 3: Marriage, well even if you were married for thirty years. 167 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:03,360 Speaker 3: That's why we wrote the book because it's a topic 168 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:06,880 Speaker 3: that all too often we're embarrassed about or we don't 169 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,600 Speaker 3: talk about. And I'm not asking telling you to talk 170 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,880 Speaker 3: about it with your parents, really that would be a 171 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:16,959 Speaker 3: bad idea. But there are people that who have skills. 172 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,480 Speaker 3: There's resources out there that you can read on the topic, 173 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:22,000 Speaker 3: and you should, yep. 174 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:25,079 Speaker 2: But for the young people who might be wondering, these 175 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:29,480 Speaker 2: are questions a ton of people have. So the key 176 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:32,120 Speaker 2: is talking about it. But yeah, we won't force you 177 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:36,640 Speaker 2: to talk about it today. Okay, So Ben, you have 178 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:40,520 Speaker 2: some had some guy friends get married recently as well. 179 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,800 Speaker 2: What's the main question that comes to mind for you 180 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,200 Speaker 2: that you think they've probably had in their. 181 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,079 Speaker 1: Mind as well? 182 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:53,000 Speaker 8: I think for most guys. For me, I've been thinking 183 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:55,000 Speaker 8: am I ready for this? Am I ready for these 184 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:58,960 Speaker 8: next challenges and steps and like the responsibility and all 185 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:02,440 Speaker 8: of that, right, But I feel like over the past 186 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,959 Speaker 8: couple of months have been maturing more and I think 187 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:11,800 Speaker 8: I'm ready. But definitely the first step was am I ready? 188 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:15,880 Speaker 3: The question is shouldn't I be more certain about what 189 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:19,200 Speaker 3: I'm about to embark on? Shouldn't I be more certain 190 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 3: about this person that I'm about to commit in front 191 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:28,560 Speaker 3: of God and others that I'm going to spend the 192 00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:32,199 Speaker 3: rest of my life with? Shouldn't I be more certain 193 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:39,439 Speaker 3: that that's for sure? And I'll say that it wasn't 194 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:44,880 Speaker 3: in my case, I mean, thirty one years later, It's 195 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:48,600 Speaker 3: worked out, and I'm grateful for it. But after I 196 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:52,360 Speaker 3: asked Shanta to marry me, there was on Christmas Day 197 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:54,880 Speaker 3: nineteen ninety three. 198 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:59,560 Speaker 2: Yes, I'm looking at Ben, which is really unfair because Ben, 199 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,080 Speaker 2: din'd you share what happened the other day? 200 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:05,720 Speaker 4: Spending Christmas together? 201 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:10,600 Speaker 8: We're playing Yachtzi on Christmas and I non shalantly say 202 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:20,240 Speaker 8: how cliche is it to propose to someone on Christmas? 203 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:21,439 Speaker 5: Christmas? 204 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:26,040 Speaker 8: And I automatically snapped and I was like, oh, that's 205 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:26,720 Speaker 8: so romantic. 206 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,000 Speaker 3: The fact of the matter is there was There was 207 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:34,480 Speaker 3: a reason for it, and the reason was I wanted 208 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:37,280 Speaker 3: to be able to easily remember what the date was 209 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,400 Speaker 3: that I asked Chanty to marry me. But seriously, back 210 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:45,920 Speaker 3: to the certainty question. You know, at some level you 211 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:49,000 Speaker 3: don't know what's in the heart of the person that 212 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:51,200 Speaker 3: you're going to be asking to spend the rest of 213 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:57,319 Speaker 3: You can close, have wise counsel from good friends, pray 214 00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:01,400 Speaker 3: about it, all of those things, but unless God somehow 215 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:03,920 Speaker 3: in a burning bush or talks to you in some 216 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:08,840 Speaker 3: unmistakable way, it is a step of faith. It is 217 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,719 Speaker 3: an idea that I'm going to have to work at this. 218 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:16,160 Speaker 3: I'm going to have to not take anything for granted, 219 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:20,200 Speaker 3: her or him, whatever the case may be, And I'm 220 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,960 Speaker 3: going to need to always be kind of curious about 221 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:26,400 Speaker 3: what I can do better to serve that person. And 222 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:30,560 Speaker 3: you know, it's not one hundred percent guarantee, because I 223 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:34,040 Speaker 3: know of folks who've tried and done that and things 224 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:38,480 Speaker 3: haven't worked out. But I would rather put my efforts 225 00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:42,800 Speaker 3: on that side. And I think the results for the 226 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,240 Speaker 3: vast majority of people when you do that, when you 227 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:48,800 Speaker 3: honor God, it comes out pretty darn good. 228 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:50,280 Speaker 1: Well, and when you make the commitment. 229 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:53,199 Speaker 2: That was one of the things that we found in 230 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,320 Speaker 2: the research for Secrets of sex and marriage is that 231 00:12:57,280 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 2: truly both the couples who went into marriage with that 232 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:06,480 Speaker 2: sense of there just is no eject button, that sense 233 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:11,839 Speaker 2: tended to be protective, not always, as Ben's story it illustrates, 234 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:12,559 Speaker 2: because both of. 235 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:14,719 Speaker 3: His parents were believers. 236 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:17,680 Speaker 2: They were sincere in their faith. They sincerely went in 237 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:22,440 Speaker 2: thinking there's no eject button, and sometimes things do happen exactly, 238 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:27,080 Speaker 2: but that is protective. It is, and I think it 239 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:30,400 Speaker 2: Ben your question, or the question of a lot of guys, 240 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:31,079 Speaker 2: am I really. 241 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:31,480 Speaker 1: Ready for this? 242 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:35,559 Speaker 2: The issue really is that you're deciding you're going to 243 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:39,440 Speaker 2: be ready and that you're deciding you're making a commitment. 244 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:41,520 Speaker 2: And that's one of the things I respect so much 245 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,400 Speaker 2: about you is you took the time you needed. You 246 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:48,200 Speaker 2: worked on yourself, Morgan worked on herself, and then you 247 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,840 Speaker 2: got to the point where you're like, Okay, I am 248 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 2: ready to make this step. I'm ready to make this move. 249 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,439 Speaker 2: And that's it, right, Like that is the. 250 00:13:58,280 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 1: No getting ready. 251 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,199 Speaker 8: Hit that right on the nail, Like I just took 252 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:06,680 Speaker 8: time to realize who I am and to mature and. 253 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,280 Speaker 5: Sort of made the decision like I'm ready to be ready. 254 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:10,800 Speaker 4: Hm. 255 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:12,520 Speaker 1: Great way of putting that. Yeah. 256 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,280 Speaker 2: Now, just to ask you, Ben, what were some of 257 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,360 Speaker 2: the things that you, like, I know, you did some 258 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:22,920 Speaker 2: purposeful things along the way in order to you know, 259 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:26,320 Speaker 2: be ready, in order to grow. If there's somebody else 260 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:28,360 Speaker 2: who is a twenty year old man like you guys 261 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,920 Speaker 2: were twenty when you met each other and now you're 262 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:36,960 Speaker 2: twenty five, what's what would you advise a young man 263 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,120 Speaker 2: who is in kind of. 264 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:39,880 Speaker 1: Your same shoes. 265 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:45,520 Speaker 8: M I mean, that's a really good, deep question. I 266 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:48,880 Speaker 8: think the best device I can probably give someone because 267 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,880 Speaker 8: of my insecurities that wasn't I was thinking I wasn't ready. 268 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:55,040 Speaker 8: Is more just take time for yourself to. 269 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:58,240 Speaker 4: Learn and grow. It doesn't need to be rush. 270 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,280 Speaker 8: I feel like most guys feel like it's either has 271 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:04,160 Speaker 8: to be now or never, but they don't take time 272 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,240 Speaker 8: to think about, like how do I grow? 273 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:07,000 Speaker 4: How do I learn? 274 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,840 Speaker 8: How do I learn more about myself and learn more 275 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:10,640 Speaker 8: about my partner? 276 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think the I think the critical thing there, 277 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:18,080 Speaker 3: Ben is the curiosity and what I can do different, 278 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:25,560 Speaker 3: what I can see in my future life partner that 279 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:31,000 Speaker 3: I want to try to understand. And you applied yourself 280 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:34,960 Speaker 3: to that over these past five years, and that's just 281 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:39,800 Speaker 3: it makes me, as as your future father in law, 282 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,160 Speaker 3: pretty darn proud and happy with that choice. 283 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:47,920 Speaker 4: Thank you. I'd like to add on to that even more. 284 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,360 Speaker 8: And I would talk about marriage maybe two years in 285 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:55,160 Speaker 8: our relationship, and I was very excited because like clearly 286 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,640 Speaker 8: I'm in love with her and I must spend every 287 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 8: day with her. It's just I think the problems that 288 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:05,160 Speaker 8: I was like struggling was more of like how do 289 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:11,040 Speaker 8: I become this man? Of like maturing either fin like finances, 290 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:18,040 Speaker 8: job opportunities, and and like I guess like maturing with 291 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 8: like emotions, right, So it's just that's the problems where 292 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:24,840 Speaker 8: I was struggling more. I was, I was thrilled when 293 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,360 Speaker 8: I'm starting to date her and realizing, oh I would 294 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,880 Speaker 8: I would spend forever with her. I think that's why 295 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:33,200 Speaker 8: I loved about our first date is it felt timeless 296 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,520 Speaker 8: and I was like, I can really have a great 297 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:37,560 Speaker 8: future with this woman. 298 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:43,160 Speaker 2: Well, let me ask you a question to both of you, actually, 299 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:48,960 Speaker 2: because Ben, I'm really curious, how much did it help 300 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:54,680 Speaker 2: you that Morgan didn't press for an engagement like that 301 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:58,320 Speaker 2: she as much as she probably wanted to. Because when 302 00:16:58,360 --> 00:16:59,800 Speaker 2: you get three or four years and you're like, oh, 303 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,199 Speaker 2: but how much did it help that she let you 304 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 2: have the time? 305 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:07,320 Speaker 4: Oh? I think that was very crucial. 306 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,920 Speaker 8: Like I said, like, if I didn't went through that, 307 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,960 Speaker 8: I think I wouldn't be that mature. It would have 308 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,800 Speaker 8: taken me some time to become mature. Absolutely, But I 309 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:19,280 Speaker 8: think her understanding my financial situations coming out of college, 310 00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:22,879 Speaker 8: no job, job, hunting, living at home with my father 311 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,920 Speaker 8: and figuring out who I am and what I'm good at. 312 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,840 Speaker 8: I mean, I remember researching the insurance field right before 313 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:33,040 Speaker 8: becoming a teacher, so she knew. 314 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:33,879 Speaker 4: What I needed. 315 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 8: And that's why I fell even more love and respect 316 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,640 Speaker 8: for her because she knew what I really needed. 317 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,119 Speaker 2: Yeah, Morgan, what made it possible for you to give. 318 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:42,719 Speaker 1: Him that time? 319 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,000 Speaker 5: Yeah? Giving me? 320 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:52,119 Speaker 6: I mean giving you the time. I just saw you 321 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,920 Speaker 6: working on yourself. It would have been a different story 322 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,000 Speaker 6: if I had just seen you like sitting. 323 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,879 Speaker 5: Around, you know, gaming every night. 324 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 6: Gaming every night, working on improving yourself. Like I could 325 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:05,240 Speaker 6: see that you were using that time intentionally, which is 326 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,119 Speaker 6: how I was able to step back and instead of 327 00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:10,359 Speaker 6: trying to like pressure and say, hey, clock sticking, where's 328 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:14,720 Speaker 6: this going? I got to actually be like, Okay, how 329 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,680 Speaker 6: can I help you? What are things we can work 330 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,000 Speaker 6: on and work towards together? 331 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:18,320 Speaker 7: Right? 332 00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:20,199 Speaker 8: And and you gave me some good steps of like 333 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,520 Speaker 8: how to like different thought processes. 334 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:23,640 Speaker 4: I appreciate that. 335 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:28,719 Speaker 3: And y'all had a common foundation of a faith in Christ, 336 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:33,000 Speaker 3: and you had good Christian friends that you were able 337 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:36,359 Speaker 3: to lean on and talk about these things with point. 338 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,560 Speaker 3: I mean, it's community. It's it's you know, if you're 339 00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:43,400 Speaker 3: all alone and you think you're the only one, it's 340 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:47,080 Speaker 3: really really hard. So that I think you both had 341 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:52,720 Speaker 3: that that Christian influence impact community, and community. So that 342 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:58,040 Speaker 3: was great. So Ben, I'm curious about, you know, y'all 343 00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:01,760 Speaker 3: having gone through a divorce you as a young kid. 344 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:03,840 Speaker 4: Okay, it's not been married yet. 345 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:09,480 Speaker 3: I think you were in third grade or thereabouts. So 346 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:14,520 Speaker 3: did that create for you any kind of trust issues 347 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:18,520 Speaker 3: that you've seen surface, you know, over the years. 348 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:22,280 Speaker 4: That's a good question. It's not a lot of a 349 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,080 Speaker 4: lot of trust issues. I feel like. 350 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,760 Speaker 8: I've seen, you know, boyfriends come and go dating my mom, 351 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,919 Speaker 8: So it was kind of weird. But I'm happy one 352 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,840 Speaker 8: of them sticked and he's been here for a while. 353 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:40,720 Speaker 8: I think they're brain there. Thirteenth or fourteenth year anniversary. 354 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,919 Speaker 8: A year after that, my dad got remarried to my 355 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,840 Speaker 8: stepmom and they've been married for thirteen fourteen plus years 356 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:48,200 Speaker 8: as well. 357 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:51,000 Speaker 2: And you one of the things just for everybody to 358 00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:52,360 Speaker 2: know is like they're just wonderful. 359 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:55,240 Speaker 6: Yeah, we hang out with them people, Yeah, we love 360 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:56,400 Speaker 6: we love them. 361 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:59,280 Speaker 8: And the and the joke was with my step mom, 362 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:03,280 Speaker 8: I was like, you're such an evil stepmother from Cinderella. 363 00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:06,240 Speaker 5: But she's like the sweetest, sweetest, she's the sweetest. 364 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,520 Speaker 8: She would not she's she helped me out as a 365 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:14,320 Speaker 8: kid and she's she's also a teacher, so she's the 366 00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:17,560 Speaker 8: one who also called me like, I can definitely see 367 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:20,080 Speaker 8: you as becoming a teacher, And I was like, okay. 368 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:24,920 Speaker 3: So, so did did that fact of the divorce? Did 369 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:28,399 Speaker 3: that come into when you and Morgan started to to 370 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:32,560 Speaker 3: date and get closer, did any of that kind of 371 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:36,840 Speaker 3: like again back to your certainty, right, you know, back 372 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:38,800 Speaker 3: to how do I you know, how do I feel 373 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:39,159 Speaker 3: about that? 374 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:42,919 Speaker 8: I think it definitely impacted my way of like not 375 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,960 Speaker 8: just I trusted Morgan that she had good intentions, but 376 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,680 Speaker 8: when she would give me like an idea, I kind 377 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,680 Speaker 8: of want to double a check, like with evidence. I'm 378 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:55,560 Speaker 8: also a historian, so I like seeing evidence that make 379 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,359 Speaker 8: sure like that information is correct. 380 00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:58,240 Speaker 4: No offense Morgan. 381 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:02,440 Speaker 8: So that's the problems that I struggled. But I've been 382 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,080 Speaker 8: leaning more in the past couple of months, probably more 383 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:09,159 Speaker 8: can probably address that, Like whatever she's been saying, I 384 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,400 Speaker 8: one hundred percent believe what she says instead of going 385 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:12,440 Speaker 8: to outside. 386 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:18,479 Speaker 4: Sources for for help or to confirm it. Yeah, absolutely, yeah, exactly. 387 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:22,119 Speaker 6: I think in the beginning there were more instances if 388 00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:23,720 Speaker 6: I would say something You're like, I. 389 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:27,040 Speaker 5: Don't know how that sounds Oh, I gotta let's let's 390 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:28,239 Speaker 5: fact check this a little bit. 391 00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,720 Speaker 6: Let's go ask an outside source, and then they would 392 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:31,440 Speaker 6: confirm what I said. 393 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:32,560 Speaker 5: And you're like, oh, okay, and that. 394 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:35,040 Speaker 4: She was right every time. 395 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,680 Speaker 5: Not every time, but it was. 396 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:41,440 Speaker 4: Realistically you were you were right, Like you didn't have. 397 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:44,000 Speaker 5: The inherent you know, trust issues like you were saying. 398 00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:47,320 Speaker 6: But I think there was just still a oh, we 399 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:50,320 Speaker 6: can be a team and I can like rely on 400 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:54,560 Speaker 6: her without having the evidence, like you gradually learned that. 401 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:55,840 Speaker 5: It was like a process. 402 00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:58,719 Speaker 1: That's interesting. How did you respond to that, Morgan? 403 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:02,320 Speaker 2: Like if I mean, I could see I am a 404 00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:05,640 Speaker 2: more strong personality than you are, but I can see that. 405 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:09,359 Speaker 6: Really I've inherited the strong personality a little bit, I think, 406 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:13,119 Speaker 6: but it definitely took a while to like get used 407 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,800 Speaker 6: to it and also sort of understand the background where 408 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:17,879 Speaker 6: that was coming from. Because he did come from a 409 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:21,359 Speaker 6: very different background than I did in terms of like 410 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:27,360 Speaker 6: seeing relationships modeled right, and so taking a step back 411 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:30,640 Speaker 6: and realizing that he had different experiences he was drawing from, 412 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,359 Speaker 6: I was able to like it took a while, but 413 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,520 Speaker 6: eventually it was like, oh, yeah, it's not personal, I'm 414 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:41,359 Speaker 6: gonna be there and have grace and understand and work 415 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,639 Speaker 6: with him on that, and you know, I'll stand the 416 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:46,199 Speaker 6: test of time. You know, hopefully enough times of me 417 00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:49,120 Speaker 6: being proven right, he'll start to trust that I'm right. 418 00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,320 Speaker 3: So here's a question for you more well, and it's related, 419 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:56,920 Speaker 3: it is related. So what do you think the benefit 420 00:22:57,040 --> 00:23:02,760 Speaker 3: of having heard your miling me to a conferences? Many times? 421 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:09,080 Speaker 3: The truth? The research finding that it's important for people 422 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,360 Speaker 3: to believe the best. 423 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:12,920 Speaker 4: Of one another. 424 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:17,920 Speaker 3: And you know with you how that played out perhaps 425 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:19,480 Speaker 3: from an early age. 426 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:25,159 Speaker 6: Yeah, this has always been the single thing. If everyone 427 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:28,280 Speaker 6: anyone asks me, like, what's the most important thing your 428 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,880 Speaker 6: parents taught you, I'll always say they really drilled home 429 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:36,960 Speaker 6: the believe the best in others mentality. So like growing up, 430 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,960 Speaker 6: like if I had, you know, my friends didn't invite 431 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,720 Speaker 6: me to something, I'd be like, oh my gosh, they 432 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,200 Speaker 6: hate me, and my parents are like, no, what's another 433 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:47,400 Speaker 6: explanation believing the best? I'm like, oh, they probably knew 434 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:50,120 Speaker 6: that I wasn't free that day and they had limited invites, 435 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:52,600 Speaker 6: so they couldn't invite me. I'm like, okay, yeah, that 436 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:57,320 Speaker 6: makes sense. That's fair or another perfectly reasonable explanation that 437 00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:01,920 Speaker 6: didn't have anything to do with me, just it Really, 438 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:05,960 Speaker 6: that's not my inherent nature to believe the best in others. 439 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:09,040 Speaker 6: I take things personally, and having them drill that into 440 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:13,520 Speaker 6: me really changed my outlook and mentality. So now like, 441 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:17,040 Speaker 6: if something happens between Ben and I, like, I have 442 00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:20,560 Speaker 6: that perspective of oh, like as a default, check myself, 443 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:24,200 Speaker 6: check my initial gut reaction. Is this believing the best 444 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:28,200 Speaker 6: in him? Or is this my inherent insecurities that were 445 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:32,679 Speaker 6: triggered something like that? And oftentimes if I have a 446 00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:34,920 Speaker 6: gut negative reaction, it's my insecurities. 447 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:36,720 Speaker 5: It's not that he did something. I can believe the 448 00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:37,679 Speaker 5: best in him. 449 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,760 Speaker 4: Okay, thank goodness. 450 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:43,040 Speaker 5: Well, and just. 451 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:46,160 Speaker 2: So for any listeners who aren't familiar with what we're 452 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,000 Speaker 2: the finding that we're talking about, this was from the 453 00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:53,240 Speaker 2: research project that Jeff and I did for like, what 454 00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:56,480 Speaker 2: are the Secrets of the Happiest Marriages? We'll put these 455 00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:58,840 Speaker 2: book references in the show notes, but this is from 456 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:02,840 Speaker 2: the Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages and the key 457 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,560 Speaker 2: that we found that we started drilling into Morgan because 458 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,119 Speaker 2: we probably did this research project in what like twenty 459 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,840 Speaker 2: twelve or something is some certain. 460 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:14,400 Speaker 5: Or right in the tween years, like she would have like. 461 00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:16,560 Speaker 2: Literally like she would have been in middle school at 462 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:17,080 Speaker 2: this point. 463 00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:20,040 Speaker 5: And you know, are so easy in middle school? 464 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:23,960 Speaker 1: Yes, exactly, so not easy. 465 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:28,879 Speaker 2: And so what we found in the marriages thing was 466 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:33,000 Speaker 2: that one of the top secrets, one of the prerequisites 467 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:36,840 Speaker 2: honestly for happy marriage is believing the best of the 468 00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:41,400 Speaker 2: other person's intentions towards you, even when you're legitimately hurt. 469 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:45,119 Speaker 2: Not saying that your hurt isn't legitimate, because we can 470 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:48,640 Speaker 2: all hurt each other, but to believe that ultimately your 471 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:52,639 Speaker 2: spouse really cares about you. And that concept may not 472 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:56,440 Speaker 2: always apply to your middle school friends, right, Like, maybe 473 00:25:56,440 --> 00:26:01,280 Speaker 2: they don't, maybe they're being jerks, But most of the time, 474 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:06,400 Speaker 2: if somebody has proven themselves to be a friend, believing 475 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,119 Speaker 2: the best of their intentions is an important mindset. And 476 00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:14,280 Speaker 2: we told Morgan over and over was if you don't 477 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:16,560 Speaker 2: believe the best with your friends, guess what you're going 478 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:18,840 Speaker 2: to do with your boyfriend, and guess what you're going 479 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:20,720 Speaker 2: to do with your husband. I don't know if you 480 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:26,159 Speaker 2: remember that part. I do, okay, but that's something that 481 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:31,080 Speaker 2: is important. Okay, So as we get closer to wrapping 482 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:34,120 Speaker 2: up here, I want to turn if you guys don't mind. 483 00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,199 Speaker 2: You guys went through a bit of a challenging patch 484 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:40,399 Speaker 2: about eighteen months ago. Now I don't want you to 485 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,560 Speaker 2: have to describe it, but you know, Jeff and I 486 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,760 Speaker 2: were really praying for you guys so much to be 487 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:48,840 Speaker 2: able to work through it. Ben, something changed when I 488 00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,560 Speaker 2: showed you a chart in one of our books and 489 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:55,080 Speaker 2: a number showing that seventy two percent of women find 490 00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:58,600 Speaker 2: it so helpful and so loving when a man is 491 00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:01,200 Speaker 2: upset but he sort of pulls himself out of a funk. 492 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:05,119 Speaker 2: Why did that help you? 493 00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:06,320 Speaker 4: See, that's a good. 494 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:12,080 Speaker 2: Question because you were if I could just sorry, you 495 00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,680 Speaker 2: have to make sure i'm talking into the mic, because 496 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:19,080 Speaker 2: you were just like the average guy who was trying 497 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:21,840 Speaker 2: to work through some things and didn't realize I think 498 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,280 Speaker 2: that kind of what I call the black cloud of doom. 499 00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:26,800 Speaker 1: Was affecting it. 500 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:32,160 Speaker 3: Well, this was all from your research, not from personal experience. 501 00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:36,600 Speaker 2: No, no, never, never, never experience this asking for a friend. 502 00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:41,560 Speaker 3: Yes, So so the question was, Ben, I mean it, 503 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:46,920 Speaker 3: if I could put words in your mouth, it's it's 504 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:50,679 Speaker 3: it's easy to just kind of kind of go into 505 00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:54,520 Speaker 3: that mode of I'm just inside my head, I'm going 506 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:57,080 Speaker 3: to deal with this. I don't really want to talk 507 00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:02,080 Speaker 3: to anyone. I'm upset, and that's okay. I'm just gonna 508 00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:03,320 Speaker 3: I'm gonna work it through. 509 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,280 Speaker 4: At some point, even as a child. 510 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:12,960 Speaker 8: With my emotions no bashing my mom, she would think 511 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:16,520 Speaker 8: that like I was even overreacting. Absolutely I probably was, 512 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:21,240 Speaker 8: but I'm just I was just a very emotional tune child, 513 00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:26,000 Speaker 8: probably because of my parents' divorce. I don't really know 514 00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:30,639 Speaker 8: the scientific behind all that. So when I get upset 515 00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:35,359 Speaker 8: or we have arguments, and when I shut down, I 516 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,600 Speaker 8: shut down a lot of my other family members. 517 00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:39,960 Speaker 4: Do this, by the way, and I just block out. 518 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,560 Speaker 8: I wasn't even trying to be mean to Morgan until 519 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:45,920 Speaker 8: uh mishan t shoulder showed me the statistics that like 520 00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:49,160 Speaker 8: it's showing that I was actually hurting her child Like 521 00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:52,440 Speaker 8: Morgan like was probably thinking of like does he hate me? 522 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:54,880 Speaker 8: Does he not love me anymore? And I was like, clearly, 523 00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:57,600 Speaker 8: I don't want that for my girlfriend. So that's that's 524 00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:00,520 Speaker 8: I think that's when it snapped, it clicked head where 525 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:02,640 Speaker 8: I was like, Okay, yeah, I don't want to hurt 526 00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:05,080 Speaker 8: her it was just more of my way to shut 527 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:05,800 Speaker 8: off the feeling. 528 00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:09,840 Speaker 3: Exactly. You weren't intentionally trying to inflict, and just as 529 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:12,840 Speaker 3: when I would do that, well, maybe I was intentionally 530 00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:16,840 Speaker 3: in some points. No, I honestly, for the most part, 531 00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:20,719 Speaker 3: I was upset and it didn't necessarily even have to 532 00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:24,680 Speaker 3: involve Shanty what I was upset about, right, And it 533 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:28,120 Speaker 3: was hard for me to realize. I thought I was 534 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:32,719 Speaker 3: just impacting myself. I thought, look, I'm upset. I just 535 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,040 Speaker 3: need to work through it. They can all go on 536 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:38,680 Speaker 3: with their life and they're fine, but I need to 537 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:41,600 Speaker 3: process this and sometimes it may take two or three days. 538 00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,240 Speaker 8: And as guys and cultural we're pushed to hold our 539 00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:46,880 Speaker 8: feelings in and we're not think that's what we think, 540 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:48,720 Speaker 8: and we're not puposed to share. So that's why I 541 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:50,640 Speaker 8: think I was holding back because I didn't want to 542 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:54,480 Speaker 8: share a lot of the feelings. But now learning sharing 543 00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:58,960 Speaker 8: the feelings actually do help, I'm very thankful that Shanty 544 00:29:59,200 --> 00:29:59,960 Speaker 8: did show me that. 545 00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:04,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I agree. And the thing is what I 546 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:07,800 Speaker 3: realized and what helped me, you know, kind of come 547 00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:12,080 Speaker 3: out of my black cloud of gloom, was that I 548 00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:16,440 Speaker 3: could walk around with that for two, three or even 549 00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:21,640 Speaker 3: more days, and by being able to talk at some 550 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:25,040 Speaker 3: point and release it into you know, and tell Shaunty 551 00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:28,160 Speaker 3: about it or whatever it was, and try to articulate 552 00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:31,440 Speaker 3: the feelings as hard as they were, all of a sudden, 553 00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:35,920 Speaker 3: that cloud kind of lifted and I didn't have to 554 00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:38,440 Speaker 3: suffer for two or three days. I could get rid 555 00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:39,800 Speaker 3: of it earlier, so. 556 00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:42,680 Speaker 5: And she didn't have to suffer for you, exactly right. 557 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,880 Speaker 3: And I did realize and one of the reasons why 558 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,520 Speaker 3: I wanted to do that, just like you, Ben, was 559 00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:53,360 Speaker 3: I hadn't realized how negatively it impacted her by me 560 00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:55,600 Speaker 3: feeling and acting that way. 561 00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:58,880 Speaker 2: I thought it was just me, and I think based 562 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:02,160 Speaker 2: on our research, I think that's common, yeah, for most 563 00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:05,360 Speaker 2: guys and for women. Okay, Morgan, I didn't tell you 564 00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:07,120 Speaker 2: I was going to ask you this question, but I'm 565 00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:09,320 Speaker 2: gonna I'm gonna ask you quickly. 566 00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:12,080 Speaker 1: Is there anything that you're like. 567 00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:16,160 Speaker 2: In this relationship with Ben that you've been like, Well, 568 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:19,120 Speaker 2: this didn't come up and in all of the stuff 569 00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:22,280 Speaker 2: that I read, like he's handling this differently, like this 570 00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:24,680 Speaker 2: wasn't supposed to be what, this wasn't what mom and 571 00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:27,400 Speaker 2: Dad said. 572 00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:32,680 Speaker 6: Okay, well, I know that the statistical you know, averages 573 00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:35,360 Speaker 6: are around eighty percent of women twenty percent of men, 574 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:37,080 Speaker 6: or vice versa. 575 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:39,360 Speaker 5: You know, one is a spender is a savor. 576 00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:44,400 Speaker 6: I thought I was going to be the spender, but 577 00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:47,200 Speaker 6: I have learned to now be the savor for both. 578 00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:48,200 Speaker 5: Guys a little bit. 579 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:50,960 Speaker 6: Even as a child, check my impulses and what I 580 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:55,120 Speaker 6: want to be. Yeah, you have a lot of your 581 00:31:55,120 --> 00:32:01,320 Speaker 6: hobbies and I love that. I just realized hoppies are expensive. 582 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:03,719 Speaker 8: Even as a child, if I got like a Target 583 00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:05,480 Speaker 8: gift card, I would spend it the next day. 584 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,920 Speaker 5: I would hoard my Target gift cards, and I will. 585 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,080 Speaker 4: Spend gift cards the next day. 586 00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:11,960 Speaker 5: But yeah, that was just one of those things that 587 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:12,880 Speaker 5: I wasn't expecting. 588 00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:15,760 Speaker 6: Like with all of the research, I hadn't really been 589 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:19,360 Speaker 6: preparing my mentality of oh what happens if I'm the 590 00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:22,640 Speaker 6: one who's the saver, you know, Like that just hadn't 591 00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:23,480 Speaker 6: come into my head. 592 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:27,200 Speaker 3: And what the research was is that there is no 593 00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:31,840 Speaker 3: statistical men are more likely to be this way and 594 00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:33,360 Speaker 3: women are more likely to be that way. 595 00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:34,400 Speaker 4: It's pretty much. 596 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:37,440 Speaker 3: Fifty to fifty. But what we do know is that 597 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:43,200 Speaker 3: in every relationship even if both people are savers, one 598 00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:47,120 Speaker 3: of the two is more comfortable spending than the other, 599 00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:51,080 Speaker 3: and so it doesn't mean that you're crazy spending everything, 600 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:54,600 Speaker 3: but it's different from the other and so you need 601 00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,640 Speaker 3: to get to that point of kind of talking it through, 602 00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:01,440 Speaker 3: as in almost all of the the answers to all 603 00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,000 Speaker 3: of these questions. 604 00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:06,280 Speaker 2: Which you guys have done talk about to some degree, right, 605 00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:08,440 Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, how did you guys talk through that? 606 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:14,800 Speaker 5: We talked through it. We sort of talked about. 607 00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,680 Speaker 6: Like the why I guess behind, like why did we 608 00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:20,880 Speaker 6: want to save? Why did we want to buy those things? 609 00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:23,840 Speaker 8: I think it goes back to the first question too, 610 00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:26,640 Speaker 8: of like your dad asking us at this beginning of 611 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:30,800 Speaker 8: the podcast, what were you thinking about for the first steps? 612 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:31,440 Speaker 4: Am I ready? 613 00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:34,880 Speaker 8: And I had to learn the like I need to save? Yeah, 614 00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:37,560 Speaker 8: and that was one of the steps, is me saving money? 615 00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:39,000 Speaker 8: I love hobbies. 616 00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:42,040 Speaker 3: Because one thing is I mean, you got to save 617 00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:43,240 Speaker 3: money for a ring? 618 00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:46,120 Speaker 8: Two rings, by the way, Oh that's one of the 619 00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:47,800 Speaker 8: dirty secrets that they don't tell you, is. 620 00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:48,640 Speaker 4: No one tells you. 621 00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:51,120 Speaker 8: So it's you don't waste all your money on the 622 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:55,280 Speaker 8: first ring too, right, because you buy a second ring. 623 00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:59,200 Speaker 2: The actual wedding ring, so you actually have three rings 624 00:33:59,240 --> 00:33:59,880 Speaker 2: you have to buy. 625 00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:01,800 Speaker 4: Yeah, as a kid, I thought was naive. 626 00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,320 Speaker 8: I thought it was like the engagement ring was the 627 00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:07,200 Speaker 8: wedding ring because it's the diamond ring. 628 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:08,879 Speaker 4: That's why I thought. Nope. 629 00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:12,520 Speaker 2: So there may be a reason why they're they're particularly 630 00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:13,680 Speaker 2: intense about this today. 631 00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:17,239 Speaker 6: We just bought the rings today, so that's this is fresh, 632 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:18,560 Speaker 6: very exciting. 633 00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:20,440 Speaker 1: And it's very expensive. 634 00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:22,760 Speaker 4: So anyway, very expensive hobby. 635 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:26,319 Speaker 2: So Morgan, before we close, do you have any or Ben, 636 00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:28,320 Speaker 2: do you have any other questions? 637 00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:34,960 Speaker 6: The main question that I have is as a Christian couple, obviously, 638 00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:37,840 Speaker 6: I really want to put God at the center of 639 00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:38,320 Speaker 6: our marriage. 640 00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:38,520 Speaker 4: Right. 641 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:40,640 Speaker 6: We always hear that that's like the most important thing, 642 00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:44,120 Speaker 6: and I'm fully on board with that, But like, how 643 00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:44,759 Speaker 6: do I do that? 644 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:48,560 Speaker 5: What's the practical steps for putting God at the center 645 00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:49,120 Speaker 5: of our marriage? 646 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:49,720 Speaker 2: Hmm? 647 00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:52,240 Speaker 1: I mean I have some thoughts. 648 00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:57,800 Speaker 2: One of our first Okay, okay, you guys have heard 649 00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:03,640 Speaker 2: or heard of or seen the marriage triangle, right, Yes, 650 00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:09,000 Speaker 2: we're both okay going towards God. Yeah, So like each corner, 651 00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:12,240 Speaker 2: think of a triangle where the husband and the wife 652 00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:14,160 Speaker 2: or the bottom two corners of the triangle, God is 653 00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:17,960 Speaker 2: at the top. As you get closer to God, you 654 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:20,160 Speaker 2: also get closer to each other by the. 655 00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:22,040 Speaker 1: Very geography of a triangle. 656 00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:26,759 Speaker 2: And so the most important thing from my perspective is 657 00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:29,200 Speaker 2: you have to putting God at the center of your 658 00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:31,720 Speaker 2: marriage means putting God at the center of your life. 659 00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:37,000 Speaker 2: Right like it would be very easy, and honestly, it 660 00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:40,520 Speaker 2: was challenging during the years where the kids were really little. 661 00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:43,719 Speaker 2: Like anyone who's got young children who is listening to this, 662 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:47,640 Speaker 2: and maybe for themselves as a young couple, it's it 663 00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:51,400 Speaker 2: can be hard when you've got you're exhausted all the time. 664 00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:55,719 Speaker 2: Maybe you're both working, but even if it's just that 665 00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:59,560 Speaker 2: five minutes a day of I'm gonna sit down and 666 00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:02,279 Speaker 2: I'm gonna force myself, even if i have to don't 667 00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:05,480 Speaker 2: want to, I'm going to force myself to do a 668 00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:09,480 Speaker 2: Bible reading or a devotional or whatever it is, so 669 00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:13,239 Speaker 2: that I'm tuning my spirit to God and what he 670 00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:16,839 Speaker 2: wants from me, because then I'll hear it, hopefully when 671 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,840 Speaker 2: he wants something for the marriage. 672 00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,239 Speaker 3: Yeah, and Ben, you shared with me just just this 673 00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:27,840 Speaker 3: past week, a little reel off of Instagram of a 674 00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:31,480 Speaker 3: guy talking about how important it is for a you know, 675 00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:34,200 Speaker 3: husband and wife to pray together. And you said, gosh, 676 00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:37,920 Speaker 3: I hadn't really and pray together every night. Yeah, and 677 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:42,120 Speaker 3: and and you you said, I hadn't really thought about that, 678 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,480 Speaker 3: but you know, I want to I want to do that. 679 00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:46,279 Speaker 4: I want that to be a practice. Yeah. 680 00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:48,880 Speaker 8: I was thinking of the idea of like it's morgan 681 00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:51,960 Speaker 8: to we pray together, but like put into practice, like 682 00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:54,560 Speaker 8: you said, not like in a real religious way of 683 00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:57,360 Speaker 8: like making an order like oh, this is going to 684 00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:07,480 Speaker 8: be the equation, equation to success, but understanding that this 685 00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:10,560 Speaker 8: can be a tool in a relationship. That opened up 686 00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:13,279 Speaker 8: my mind like, Okay, this could be really cool. This 687 00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:18,200 Speaker 8: could be really awesome to like pray together during either 688 00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:19,560 Speaker 8: hard times or easy times. 689 00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:20,360 Speaker 4: Right. Yeah. 690 00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:23,400 Speaker 3: And I will say that we've got couples that, you know, 691 00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:26,520 Speaker 3: we work with in marriage ministry, and some of them say, 692 00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:30,040 Speaker 3: you know, this is the main thing that we always 693 00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:33,319 Speaker 3: tell couples that we're counseling of the importance of this, 694 00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:37,520 Speaker 3: And Shaunty and I kind of go shrink a little, shrink. 695 00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:40,760 Speaker 1: A little, because you know, what they're saying is every. 696 00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:43,960 Speaker 3: Night, every night, whether if one of you is traveling 697 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:47,200 Speaker 3: on the road, you call and you pray over the 698 00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:50,040 Speaker 3: phone together, and so Chaunty and I are kind of like, 699 00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:55,160 Speaker 3: we're bad because we've had seasons where we've done that, 700 00:37:55,400 --> 00:38:00,000 Speaker 3: but that hasn't been a regular nightly practice for us. 701 00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:02,360 Speaker 3: We pray together often. 702 00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:06,320 Speaker 8: You can't furious things, and it needs to be like natural, 703 00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:08,240 Speaker 8: like a good relationship. 704 00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:12,760 Speaker 3: Right, I think so, And it's it's exactly. It's it's that, look, 705 00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:16,400 Speaker 3: we both know that our God is at the center 706 00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:20,120 Speaker 3: of this and that he's there for us and we're 707 00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:20,759 Speaker 3: there for him. 708 00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:24,080 Speaker 2: So I think another thing just to make a note, 709 00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:29,520 Speaker 2: in addition to, you know, pray, in addition to praying 710 00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:33,520 Speaker 2: together regularly, whatever that looks like for you, and in 711 00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:35,640 Speaker 2: addition to putting God at the center of your life, 712 00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:38,239 Speaker 2: I do think putting God at the center of your 713 00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:41,000 Speaker 2: marriage is there's some functional steps. 714 00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:44,200 Speaker 1: Things like it is so easy. This is no. 715 00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:47,160 Speaker 2: Offense to our young adult kids who like sleeping in, 716 00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:50,040 Speaker 2: but it is so easy to sleep in on Sunday morning, yes, 717 00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:53,560 Speaker 2: and not go to church in person and just be like, Okay, 718 00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:55,360 Speaker 2: you know what, I'm so tired, I've been working so 719 00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:55,960 Speaker 2: many hours. 720 00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:57,760 Speaker 1: I'm just going to go to church, I'm going to watch. 721 00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:03,080 Speaker 2: Online and that's the kind of stuff that that discipline. 722 00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:04,600 Speaker 1: There's some I guess that's the right word. 723 00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:09,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, there's some disciplines like praying together, like attending church, 724 00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:12,520 Speaker 2: like going to a couple small group or something where 725 00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:14,160 Speaker 2: you get into community. 726 00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:16,600 Speaker 1: That that putting God. 727 00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:19,520 Speaker 3: The protectative of your marriage. Yeah, they're protective. 728 00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:20,560 Speaker 1: Does that make sense? 729 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:24,200 Speaker 6: Yeah, makes a lot of sense. Adding that discipline just 730 00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:26,600 Speaker 6: helps make all of the habits sort of fall in line. 731 00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:29,240 Speaker 2: A little bit more at least. Yeah, we're all people, 732 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:31,279 Speaker 2: but yes, okay, So. 733 00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:33,759 Speaker 3: You know, as we as we wrap, you know, one 734 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,160 Speaker 3: of the things in the podcast that we always try 735 00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:40,480 Speaker 3: to do is we ask our guests. You know, people 736 00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:43,280 Speaker 3: forget things that they've heard, you know, twenty five minutes 737 00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:46,120 Speaker 3: earlier that we were talking about. But here at the end, 738 00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:49,200 Speaker 3: if you were to give kind of one takeaway that 739 00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:54,600 Speaker 3: you'd want the listener to take away from this, you know, 740 00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:58,440 Speaker 3: what would it be. Maybe it's a maybe you're talking 741 00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:04,000 Speaker 3: to a friend, you know who's thinking about marriage or 742 00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:09,640 Speaker 3: dating or behind you exactly what would be something that 743 00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:11,240 Speaker 3: you'd want to share with them? 744 00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:16,080 Speaker 6: Honestly, what I would want to share is it's normal 745 00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:21,239 Speaker 6: for couples to have challenges and you can work through it. 746 00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:25,319 Speaker 6: Just because while you're dating, a challenge comes up. That's 747 00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:32,640 Speaker 6: not an instant you know, red flag aboard ship, you know, obviously, 748 00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:34,520 Speaker 6: depending on the nature of the challenge, but you know 749 00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:37,560 Speaker 6: in general, like you can work through things, and challenges 750 00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:40,200 Speaker 6: will come up when you get married. So part of 751 00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:43,279 Speaker 6: dating is practicing and getting ready for marriage. You know, 752 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:46,680 Speaker 6: so practice how to handle those challenges now, work on 753 00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:51,000 Speaker 6: that healthy communication styles now, and you'll be so much 754 00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:56,560 Speaker 6: better set up and prepared for marriage. I'm honestly grateful 755 00:40:56,680 --> 00:41:01,319 Speaker 6: for the challenges that we've gone through because we come 756 00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:03,960 Speaker 6: out stronger on the other end, and we're just honestly 757 00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:05,800 Speaker 6: at this point just so excited for marriage. 758 00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:07,120 Speaker 5: We're not even nervous. 759 00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:08,480 Speaker 4: I'm so nervous. 760 00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:10,640 Speaker 5: Yes. 761 00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:16,279 Speaker 6: The takeaway for me at least is grateful and at 762 00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:18,920 Speaker 6: the opportunity to work through things and come out stronger. 763 00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:22,200 Speaker 8: If I can give advice for a young man out 764 00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:29,120 Speaker 8: there is to pursue her. Pursue, pursue, pursue, figure out 765 00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:32,600 Speaker 8: what what makes her happy and what makes her glow, 766 00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:37,720 Speaker 8: just the little things, and then also in the during 767 00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:43,080 Speaker 8: the arguments, pursue her understand where she's coming from. Speak last, 768 00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:45,280 Speaker 8: let her speak first. Is what I've been learning. 769 00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:52,120 Speaker 2: Wow, Wow, that's really good. You know, you know what 770 00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:58,480 Speaker 2: I'm hearing Morgan and really both of you. But I'm reminded, 771 00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:02,640 Speaker 2: just as we close this out of something that happened 772 00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:08,360 Speaker 2: just a few weeks ago when Morgan, during all of 773 00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:13,719 Speaker 2: the government shut down air traffic control issues, Morgan ended 774 00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:21,120 Speaker 2: up having to drive from New Jersey to Atlanta to 775 00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:23,000 Speaker 2: make it home by a particular thing she had to 776 00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:26,839 Speaker 2: be home for. And it was a what how many 777 00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:27,600 Speaker 2: hour drive? 778 00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,080 Speaker 5: Fifteen fifteen hour drive? 779 00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:34,640 Speaker 2: Yes, and she was like, I'm nervous, and we basically 780 00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:37,080 Speaker 2: were like, you know what, if you do this rather 781 00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:40,000 Speaker 2: than you know, taking the risk of taking the flight 782 00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:44,040 Speaker 2: and being delayed, if you drive, you will have proved 783 00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:45,359 Speaker 2: to yourself. 784 00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:45,960 Speaker 1: You can do this. 785 00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:51,600 Speaker 2: And that's kind of the same thing with getting ready 786 00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:55,200 Speaker 2: for marriage, Like all of those things, the conflict you 787 00:42:55,280 --> 00:43:00,080 Speaker 2: go through, all of the financial conversations, all of the 788 00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:02,040 Speaker 2: stuff that you find out that you disagree with each 789 00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:06,120 Speaker 2: other in the premarital counseling, and all those things you 790 00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:08,799 Speaker 2: end up discovering, you work through it, and. 791 00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:11,400 Speaker 1: Then you now you know, I can do this. I 792 00:43:11,440 --> 00:43:12,000 Speaker 1: can do this. 793 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:15,920 Speaker 2: So thank you so much to both of you for 794 00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:18,759 Speaker 2: Morgan and Ben for coming on the show today and 795 00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:22,399 Speaker 2: being willing to share your perspective. And we will tell 796 00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:26,200 Speaker 2: anyone who's listening to this. If you're friends, or if 797 00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:28,319 Speaker 2: you have young adult kids, if they would benefit from 798 00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:32,480 Speaker 2: this conversation. Please share today's episode and tag us on 799 00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:36,279 Speaker 2: all your social media channels. Thanks for being with us, 800 00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:40,799 Speaker 2: Thanks for listening to I wish you could hear this. 801 00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:42,800 Speaker 1: Remember to subscribe. 802 00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:46,040 Speaker 2: To our podcast, and as always, forward today's audio or 803 00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:49,399 Speaker 2: video link to a friend, counselor, or pastor who would 804 00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:53,920 Speaker 2: be encouraged. I just want to take a second to 805 00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:57,000 Speaker 2: thank the team at Life Audio for their partnership with 806 00:43:57,120 --> 00:43:59,880 Speaker 2: us on the podcast. If you go to Life Audio, 807 00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:03,920 Speaker 2: you will find dozens of other faith centered podcasts in 808 00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:08,120 Speaker 2: their network. They've got shows about prayer, Bible study, parenting, 809 00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:08,959 Speaker 2: and more.