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Speaker 1: Well, guys, the news is out. I am pregnant. I'm

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Speaker 1: going to be a mom, and that is what we're

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Speaker 1: going to talk about in this week's episode. Hello, Hello, Hello,

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Speaker 1: ladies and gents, and welcome to the bottom Beloved podcast.

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Speaker 1: As always, it's a girl Kirby Kelly back at it again,

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Speaker 1: and I have some important news to share with you all.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you literally just heard it in the introduction,

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Speaker 1: but surprise, I'm pregnant. I can't believe it. I cannot

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Speaker 1: believe it. I mean, I've announced it on social media.

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Speaker 1: If you follow me on Instagram and YouTube, then you

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Speaker 1: probably already knew that this was coming. But if you

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Speaker 1: are just exclusively a podcast listener, I wanted to come

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Speaker 1: here on the podcast and make the formal announcement myself

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Speaker 1: that I am pregnant. I'm going to be a mom,

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Speaker 1: and it is the most surreal thing in the entire

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Speaker 1: world to bring a human life into this world. I mean,

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Speaker 1: you might be like, oh my gosh, super pessimistic, the

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Speaker 1: world is ending. Everything sucks, but children are a blessing

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Speaker 1: from the Lord. I am so excited to step into

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Speaker 1: motherhood and I kind of want to talk a little

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Speaker 1: bit about that. Today, especially as I've been like grieving

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Speaker 1: the loss of my mom now stepping into motherhood. What

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Speaker 1: this has looked like for me in the now At

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Speaker 1: the point in which this episode drops, I'll be twenty weeks,

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Speaker 1: I'll be halfway through my pregnancy. Isn't that bizarre. It's

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Speaker 1: been one of those things that's been really hard to

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Speaker 1: just like keep under wraps because it's been one of

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Speaker 1: the most significant life changes ever. I mean, you know,

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Speaker 1: getting engaged to my husband and married to my husband

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Speaker 1: has been one of those life changing things. Obviously, giving

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Speaker 1: my life to the Lord too has been the most

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Speaker 1: life changing thing, right because he gives us life, the

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Speaker 1: author and creator of life. Being born, that's a big thing.

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Speaker 1: But now I'm stepping into this beautiful season of motherhood,

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Speaker 1: and if I'm being completely honest over the past few years,

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Speaker 1: or let me even back up further, when I became

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Speaker 1: a Christian. When I became a Christian, there were two

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Speaker 1: things that I felt like the Lord put on my

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Speaker 1: heart to adamantly pray. The first one being God, give

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Speaker 1: me the desire for a husband and to be married

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Speaker 1: when you are ready for me to be married. I

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Speaker 1: remember praying that all the time and I think it's

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Speaker 1: because I cherish my calling and the assignments that God

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Speaker 1: has given me so much. I do not want to

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Speaker 1: fall into the lane of distraction when it comes to anything.

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Speaker 1: Really like, I love Jesus. He is my first love,

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Speaker 1: right bride. He's the bridegroom. That is the church. And

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Speaker 1: it is like the bride is the church and not

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Speaker 1: the bridegroom. The bridegroom is Jesus. But I have just

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Speaker 1: been sold out for whatever He has called me to

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Speaker 1: do in every season of my life, and for whatever reason,

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Speaker 1: maybe it was just wisdom from the Holy Spirit. I

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Speaker 1: need to pray that God give me the desire for marriage,

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Speaker 1: for a husband when you are ready for me to

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Speaker 1: step into that season, because I do not want to

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Speaker 1: be distracted or taken away from the things you have

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Speaker 1: called me to do. Part of that is because I'm

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Speaker 1: an overachiever and I love doing things. But the other part,

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Speaker 1: the more important part, is because I want to honor

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Speaker 1: God with everything, with every breath I breathe, with every

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Speaker 1: thing I upload, with everything I do, with every stage

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Speaker 1: I preach on which with every podcast I upload, I

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Speaker 1: want to pursue integrity and honor and want God to

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Speaker 1: be the main thing, him getting the honor and the glory,

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Speaker 1: and people coming to freedom and hope and relationship with Him. Truly.

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Speaker 1: The second thing that I always prayed was, God, give

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Speaker 1: me the desire for children, for building a family when

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Speaker 1: you are ready for me to have that desire as well.

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Speaker 1: Because again even in my adolescence, I think it was

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Speaker 1: just wisdom from the Lord. I knew that that would

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Speaker 1: require sacrifice from me, priority in my life and commitment,

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Speaker 1: big commitment. Not to say that that requires me laying

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Speaker 1: aside anything God has called me to do. It calls

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Speaker 1: me to restructure or maybe to lay certain things down

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Speaker 1: for a season or maybe indefinitely. I don't know. But

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Speaker 1: what I do know, or what I did know then,

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Speaker 1: is that was another big thing that could take from me,

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Speaker 1: not in a bad way, but that it would right.

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Speaker 1: I mean, the more responsibilities you add to a person's

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Speaker 1: plate or spread thin they either will be or the

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Speaker 1: more that they have to give in certain areas in

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Speaker 1: order to give in other areas. And being a mom

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Speaker 1: having children is one of those areas of my life

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Speaker 1: that if I were to ever be a mom, which

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Speaker 1: I am now and will be stepping into soon, like literally,

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Speaker 1: what do in like five months bizarre do in the spring?

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Speaker 1: I just knew that that would. I would want to

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Speaker 1: be a present mom, a present mom, a mom who

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Speaker 1: is involved in her children's life, not like a helicopter mom.

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Speaker 1: But I just want to if I know I am

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Speaker 1: called to disciple to evangelize the most important people I

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Speaker 1: could ever do that too, will be my children. Absolutely

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Speaker 1: not in a shove my religion down your throat kind

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Speaker 1: of way that a lot of people can portray Christianity

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Speaker 1: to be based off of maybe those kinds of negative experiences,

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Speaker 1: But I I just want to be so for my

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Speaker 1: children or child however many the Lord blesses me with

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Speaker 1: one day, and so I prayed that he would give

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Speaker 1: me that desire when it was the time, when it

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Speaker 1: was the season. All those things. Fast forward to getting married.

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Speaker 1: I got married. No, uh, I would think you would

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Speaker 1: know this at this point. I got married, and over

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Speaker 1: the past few years of being married, I've been married

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Speaker 1: five years now at the time in which this episode drops.

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Speaker 1: My husband and I always talked about kind of five

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Speaker 1: years being that that number for us, but it also

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Speaker 1: happened very unintentionally us getting pregnant. It was literally like

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Speaker 1: we tried one time and we got pregnant on the

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Speaker 1: first try. I know that's not the story for everybody,

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Speaker 1: and my heart grieves with those who desire to be parents.

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Speaker 1: I have many friends who desire to be parents, and

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Speaker 1: it wasn't that easy for them. But here's why I

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Speaker 1: think it was the way that it was for me.

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Speaker 1: Because God knows just how much I love my calling.

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Speaker 1: He knows how much I love doing what I do.

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Speaker 1: That I think that the one time that we kind

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Speaker 1: of were like, Okay, Lord, we're giving this to you.

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Speaker 1: I feel like the boy took that opportunity, like to

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Speaker 1: not be like crass or weird or anything like. Literally,

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Speaker 1: I think I think that's what it was because there

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Speaker 1: has been a very significant thing that's happened in my

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Speaker 1: life the past few years with my mom dying that

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Speaker 1: has caused me to really think through motherhood, to think

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Speaker 1: through motherhood in a way that I've never thought about it.

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Speaker 1: I do want to be a mom, or I did

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Speaker 1: want to be a mom, but it never was one

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Speaker 1: of those core desires where it was like I want

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Speaker 1: to be a mom. I just want to be married

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Speaker 1: and I want to have kids. That was never at

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Speaker 1: the top of my list. But when my mom died,

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Speaker 1: I started going through this process of rethinking what is motherhood,

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Speaker 1: what is motherhood and biblically, what does it mean to

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Speaker 1: be a woman to be a mom? And I'm still

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Speaker 1: unpacking what all of that looks like, studying the scriptures,

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Speaker 1: reading phenomenal books on it. But the more and more

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Speaker 1: that I've just thought about being a mom, being a

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Speaker 1: mom without a mom especially, it's given me a lot

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Speaker 1: of tenderness towards the idea of how God is going

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Speaker 1: to redeem that relationship that my mom and I did

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Speaker 1: have in the aspects of our relationship that we didn't have.

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Speaker 1: And so I think that even through the grief, a

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Speaker 1: very beautiful silver lining that has come through it has

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Speaker 1: been Him softening my heart towards the idea of being

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Speaker 1: a mom and seeing how He is going to redeem

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Speaker 1: that area. I mean, it's as simple as that. If

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Speaker 1: this is the first time you're listening to this episode

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Speaker 1: high Hello, get ready for some drama. My mom and

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Speaker 1: my dad they were both addicts. They both struggled with

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Speaker 1: addiction for the majority, if not all, of my life

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Speaker 1: with my dad specifically, and then later on my mom

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Speaker 1: really struggling with that, especially after my dad died when

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Speaker 1: I was ten. My mom died back in twenty twenty three.

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Speaker 1: Just for context, and thinking about being a mom without

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Speaker 1: a mom is one thing that's a whole podcast episode.

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Speaker 1: I feel like, in and of itself of just like

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Speaker 1: navigating the grief of that of oh, she's not going

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Speaker 1: to be there for those moments. My kids will never

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Speaker 1: know their grandmother and grandfather from my side. Two phenomenal people, right,

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Speaker 1: two very real, very broken people, but two incredible people

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Speaker 1: as well who raised me, loved me, poured into me,

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Speaker 1: created me. I mean God created me, but you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean, parented me in the best way that

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Speaker 1: they could with all of the nuances of what was

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Speaker 1: plaguing them with their addictions. But my mom was such

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Speaker 1: a good mom despite those things. She was present, she

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Speaker 1: was fun, She was so good with us as kids,

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Speaker 1: my brother and I. She I have so many fond

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Speaker 1: of memories of her, and it's one of those things

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Speaker 1: where I'm grieved because my children will never get to

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Speaker 1: know that part of her, And I'm grieved because my

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Speaker 1: mom will never get to relive those moments of being

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Speaker 1: a grandparent with a grandchild and kind of being able

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Speaker 1: to relive the parent phase in a small way because

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Speaker 1: I know she would have thrived. Like if I were

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Speaker 1: to be able to sit down and tell her if

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Speaker 1: she were alive today, and tell her I'm having a baby,

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Speaker 1: You're gonna be a grandma. I just know once she

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Speaker 1: would be ecstatic. And two, that would have given her

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Speaker 1: so much to look forward to in life. It would

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Speaker 1: have been very fulfilling for her too. And so that's

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Speaker 1: a big thing that I grieve is missing her presence,

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Speaker 1: Like I'm gonna miss having my mom. I'm in the

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Speaker 1: phase of life where a bunch of my friends are

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Speaker 1: having their children, whether it's their first, second, third, and

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Speaker 1: being able to see how their moms show up for

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Speaker 1: them and their dads show up for them, take care

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Speaker 1: of them, take care of the baby, not just as

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Speaker 1: a second set of hands to do the work, but

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Speaker 1: just that familial community and support. I'm gonna miss that.

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Speaker 1: I already do. I already grieve those things. But God

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Speaker 1: has also softened my heart. There's been grief in it,

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Speaker 1: but there's also been hope in it in the sense

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Speaker 1: of Him giving me so much joy for who I

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Speaker 1: can now be, for my children. The beautiful parts of

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Speaker 1: my childhood and the ways that my parents raised me.

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Speaker 1: I can impart that to my child, But in the

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Speaker 1: ways that my parents let me down or we're not

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Speaker 1: able to fully be there for me because of their struggles,

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Speaker 1: their addictions, all of those things, I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: pass that on to my child because of the decisions

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Speaker 1: that I've made in my life, the lessons I've learned

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Speaker 1: from the pain of their parenting. And I don't blame

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Speaker 1: them in any way. I truly have so much grace

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Speaker 1: for them, so much love and grace for them, understanding

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Speaker 1: or at least empathizing and sympathizing to the best of

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Speaker 1: my abilities of what they've gone through that caused them

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Speaker 1: to numb and heal, try and heal medicate their pain

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Speaker 1: the way that they did. But I now get to

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Speaker 1: pass on to my children and step up and be

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Speaker 1: the parent that I needed in those moments where my

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Speaker 1: parents couldn't be the parent that I needed, you know.

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Speaker 1: And that's where God really stepped in in my life

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Speaker 1: of forming me, parenting me, being so good to me,

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Speaker 1: and I'm excited to show that to my children, and

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Speaker 1: hopefully I know I'm gonna fail in some way. I

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Speaker 1: am not perfect. I am not perfect in any way,

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Speaker 1: but I'm very excited and expectant to see how God

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Speaker 1: can just move in my children's life, for them specifically,

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Speaker 1: but also for me. It's gonna just be really beautiful

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Speaker 1: to see the redemption. Redemption is my favorite word. You

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Speaker 1: it all the time. I love that God is a redeemer.

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Speaker 1: And I just remember when I took my little test,

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Speaker 1: you want to watch, like my raw, real honest reaction

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Speaker 1: I found out. But I remember when I peede on

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Speaker 1: for the full story. But I remember looking at it

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Speaker 1: it and still being like what. And I was expecting

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Speaker 1: to be full of grief in that moment, not disappointment,

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Speaker 1: but I was already pre grieving some of those sacrifices

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Speaker 1: I would have to. But the second I saw those

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Speaker 1: lines and you know, the word pregnant and the little plus,

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Speaker 1: like when I saw all the things, the only thing

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Speaker 1: this right here, right now, in this moment, and this

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Speaker 1: write and weave into my life. Like the torn patches

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Speaker 1: this little blessing that my husband and I get to

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Speaker 1: welcome in just a few months. Y'all. Nine months sounds

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Speaker 1: like a long time until you're in it, and it's like,

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Speaker 1: I'm already twenty weeks huh. Like it goes by so fast,

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Speaker 1: I have definitely been like, Okay, well, what does the

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Speaker 1: future of my ministry look like? But I I really

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Speaker 1: tell you this. Here's what I do know. I do

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Speaker 1: know that the baby is coming in spring, like April

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Speaker 1: And I'm like yes. So I'm backlogging a ton of

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Speaker 1: so that I can take you know, March, April, May,

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Speaker 1: all that time to just prepare for the baby coming.

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Speaker 1: So you will have podcast episodes. I have episodes scheduled out,

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Speaker 1: like interviews. I'm doing episodes. I'm going to record series

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Speaker 1: I'm going to do I'm in the process of recording

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Speaker 1: all those things as far as I know. I should

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Speaker 1: be scheduled all the way out to June, and then

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Speaker 1: maybe I'll start with like fresh content after that, starting

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Speaker 1: in like July or something. Once I maybe get five

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Speaker 1: hours of sleep instead of two or whatever. Geez, I'll

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Speaker 1: be running on e So you'll be thankful that I'm

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Speaker 1: recording these episodes ahead of time, even though I'm already

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Speaker 1: experiencing what mom brain, baby making brain, whatever it is,

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Speaker 1: pregnancy brain. That's the word. See, I can't even think

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Speaker 1: of the word. That has been so real of just

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Speaker 1: like forgetting words and being like, what is this thing? Uh,

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Speaker 1: my body's been going through a lot too. Well, jeez,

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Speaker 1: that's a whole episode. I'll probably make a whole YouTube

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Speaker 1: video on that to be honest, of just answering people's

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Speaker 1: questions about pregnancy and everything. Just because I'm making a

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Speaker 1: lot of content on my YouTube channel, but as far

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Speaker 1: you don't need to worry about that. When I come back,

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Speaker 1: it'll or when I start recording fresh episodes. It'll probably

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Speaker 1: be in like Q three of next year, so you

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Speaker 1: can look forward to all that. I might have my

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Speaker 1: little baby with me at that point, whether or not,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what that looks like, but it'll be

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Speaker 1: super exciting. So podcasts will still be going. I'll still

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Speaker 1: be uploading content. I don't know what that will necessarily

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Speaker 1: look like on all my other channels and everything, but

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Speaker 1: the podcast is the one thing that you can bet

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Speaker 1: your sweet little bets on. I don't know how to

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Speaker 1: finish that sentence, but you can bet on the fact

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Speaker 1: that I will have episodes going through summer, even though

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Speaker 1: they might be pre recorded. There might be like an

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Speaker 1: episode Slaughter two where I just like jump in and

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Speaker 1: I have a million bags under my eyes and my

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Speaker 1: hair is frazzled, and I have a breast bump on

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, hey, let's talk about God. Like who knows,

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Speaker 1: but it'll be really cool. It'll be really fun. So

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Speaker 1: that's my big update for you all. I'm pregnant. I'm

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Speaker 1: excited about this season of life. I'm excited to see

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Speaker 1: what God will continue to do through my pregnancy, through

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Speaker 1: labor and delivery. If I could ask you to pray

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Speaker 1: for one thing for me, two things for me. Actually.

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Speaker 1: The first one is that God would give me a safe, speedy,

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Speaker 1: and easy labor and delivery. That would be amazing because

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Speaker 1: the mental toll and the physical toll, the emotional toll,

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Speaker 1: and the spiritual toll that I will be going through

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Speaker 1: pushing this baby out. I need the prayers. I just

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Speaker 1: need them, especially that's another area of grief, just knowing

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Speaker 1: my mom won't be there for that moment. I would

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Speaker 1: appreciate if y'all could just be praying for that for me.

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Speaker 1: And the second thing is just be praying for my baby.

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Speaker 1: That the Lord would allow for my baby to be

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Speaker 1: healthy and happy and whole and holy, consecrated to the

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Speaker 1: Lord for the purposes that he has for this child's life.

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Speaker 1: I'm doing my best not to spoil the gender or

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Speaker 1: anything because we haven't announced it yet. Hopefully I've gone

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Speaker 1: this whole episode without saying the gender. If I have, oops, oops,

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Speaker 1: I'll be announcing it soon on social media anyways. But

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Speaker 1: we're excited. Those are the two areas I would love

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Speaker 1: prayer for. But it's gonna beautiful to see what God

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Speaker 1: does in my life through the rest of this pregnancy,

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Speaker 1: labor and delivery and actually having this sweet little soul

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Speaker 1: with me and Richard. It's gonna be beautiful. He's so

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Speaker 1: excited to be a dad too. Man. I know he

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Speaker 1: doesn't really come on this podcast often. He's been a

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Speaker 1: few times. Maybe he'll be on in another episode. I

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Speaker 1: think it would be cool for him to give his

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Speaker 1: perspective on everything as well. If not, he will definitely

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Speaker 1: be doing that on my YouTube channel. But I know

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Speaker 1: he's excited, and I am thrilled to see him step

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Speaker 1: into becoming a father because I know he is such

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Speaker 1: a phenomenal person first of all, incredible husband, man of

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Speaker 1: God like I couldn't ask for a better spouse, someone

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Speaker 1: who serves me, someone who loves me, someone who genuinely

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Speaker 1: cares for me and lives his life to honor God

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Speaker 1: and other people like I am very proud of the

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Speaker 1: man that I have seen him become over the years

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Speaker 1: since meeting him and getting married to him, and I

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Speaker 1: think him stepping into becoming a father will just be

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Speaker 1: the most fulfilling thing for him. I know it will

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Speaker 1: be for me too, but just knowing him like the

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Speaker 1: outsider perspective, he's gonna be such a good dad. I

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Speaker 1: can't wait our children. I am so excited for them

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Speaker 1: to get him as a dad, knowing that I lost

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Speaker 1: my dad at ten years old and he struggled with addiction.

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Speaker 1: My child won the lottery with their dad. I love

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Speaker 1: my dad, but my child won the lottery with their dad,

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Speaker 1: So that's gonna be exciting. If you guys have any questions,

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Speaker 1: let me know. I post this on YouTube. I know

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Speaker 1: a lot of you listen on audio, but I will

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Speaker 1: also be uploading this on YouTube, where you can comment

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Speaker 1: on the video, whether you have advice, whether there are

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Speaker 1: prayers that you are praying for me and my family

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Speaker 1: and my child, whether there are questions that you have.

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Speaker 1: Let me know. I will share as much as I

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Speaker 1: want to share, but I would love to also know

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Speaker 1: what it is that you guys want to hear from me.

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Speaker 1: In this season. God's teaching me a lot. Maybe it

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Speaker 1: resonates with you. I don't know if you're a mom

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Speaker 1: or a parent, I would like to know how many

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Speaker 1: of y'all are married or have kids or planning to

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Speaker 1: have kids. I think that'll even give me better context

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Speaker 1: for episode material and things that I share on here,

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Speaker 1: so long as it's like beneficial to you and honoring

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Speaker 1: to the Lord and honoring to my family and all

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Speaker 1: those things. But yeah, leave those questions on the YouTube channel,

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Speaker 1: or you can email me at bought Aunt, beloved at

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Speaker 1: gmail dot com, all spell it out bot and beloved

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Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. I'll see you guys here next

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Speaker 1: week though for another episode. I'm gonna resume having my

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Speaker 1: regular episodes where we're diving into scripture, answering questions, having

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Speaker 1: guests on Uh. It'll be a good time. But I'm

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Speaker 1: excited to share this news with you all. I'm a

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Speaker 1: mom whoa can't wait. See guys here next week for

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Speaker 1: another episode on the bottle blow of the podcast. As always,

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Speaker 1: easy Girl Herby Kelly, I love you. You can go follow

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Speaker 1: me on all my socials at Kirby is a Boss.

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Speaker 1: I made it when I was thirteen, don't judge, but

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Speaker 1: that's where I'm uploading content on YouTube and on Instagram

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Speaker 1: and on TikTok. So if you want to keep up

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Speaker 1: to date with just like the day to day and

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Speaker 1: the week to week of what God is doing in

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Speaker 1: my life, especially with becoming a mom and thank God's

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Speaker 1: teaching me follow me on there. I also just post

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Speaker 1: Christian content regularly, not just strictly mom stuff. I'm not

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Speaker 1: pivoting my whole brand and channel to being about that,

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Speaker 1: but that is a significant part of the season I'm in,

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Speaker 1: so expect that because I'm expecting. Hey, O love you guys,

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Speaker 1: I'll see you here next week. Turtles. For more life giving,

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Speaker 1: faith based podcasts just like this one, check out lifeaudio

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Speaker 1: dot com, a proud partner of the Botan Beloved podcast