1 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:13,280 Speaker 1: Life Audio. Welcome to the Crosswalk devotional. We're glad to 2 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:16,400 Speaker 1: have you listening with us. Today's topic is about the 3 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:22,080 Speaker 1: internal cycle of regret, shame, self criticism, and finding freedom 4 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:25,520 Speaker 1: through Christ. Will return with the devotional after a brief 5 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:41,000 Speaker 1: message from our sponsors. When you can't forgive yourself, how 6 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:44,600 Speaker 1: God's grace breaks the cycle of shame? Written and read 7 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:48,600 Speaker 1: by Jennifer Slattery. Then Nehemiah, the governor, Ezra, the priest 8 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:50,800 Speaker 1: and teacher of the law, and the Levites, who were 9 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,960 Speaker 1: instructing the people, said to them all, this day is 10 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:56,720 Speaker 1: holy to the Lord your God. Do not mourner wheat 11 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,680 Speaker 1: For all the people who had been weeping as they 12 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:02,120 Speaker 1: listened to the words of the law. Neamiah said, go 13 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:05,360 Speaker 1: and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send them 14 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,400 Speaker 1: to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy 15 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,240 Speaker 1: to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of 16 00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:15,759 Speaker 1: the Lord is your strength. Neamiah eight verses nine through ten. 17 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,039 Speaker 1: Do you ever lie in bed replaying your every unkind 18 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:22,280 Speaker 1: word or hurtful deed from the day, The memories of 19 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:26,080 Speaker 1: past sins and regret seize your mind and steal your peace. 20 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:28,560 Speaker 1: Do you find yourself looking back with sorrow at the 21 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 1: damage your unfiltered words, angry outbursts, or triggered responses caused, 22 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:36,040 Speaker 1: longing for a do over, but also fearful that you'll 23 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:41,000 Speaker 1: forever fall into these unhelpful patterns. You're not alone. People 24 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:44,640 Speaker 1: often state that the hardest person to forgive is ourselves. 25 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:48,680 Speaker 1: There's truth to that, likely because we so long to 26 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:52,040 Speaker 1: live in love like Jesus, yet we often fall short, 27 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 1: and not for lack of trying. The other day, I 28 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,080 Speaker 1: sat with a friend broken by a relational conflict she 29 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:02,000 Speaker 1: feared would irrevocably fracture or the connection she'd been working 30 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 1: to build. Her voice quivered as she said, I don't 31 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,160 Speaker 1: know why I act this way. In the moment, my 32 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:10,480 Speaker 1: perspective feels valid, and all I can see is how 33 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,000 Speaker 1: the other person hurt me, and suddenly I question their 34 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:18,240 Speaker 1: character and intent. Self isolating thoughts start playing through my mind. 35 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:21,640 Speaker 1: She doesn't really care about you, she wants something from you. 36 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:25,560 Speaker 1: He thinks you're too much. You're annoying him, she's judging you. 37 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:28,800 Speaker 1: Why work through this when she's just going to bail 38 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:33,200 Speaker 1: on the relationship anyway? My friends hunt shoulders, and the 39 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:36,359 Speaker 1: dark shadows beneath her eyes gave evidence to her sleepless 40 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:40,760 Speaker 1: night and the heavy weight of shame. She carried a 41 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:43,280 Speaker 1: tear slid down her cheek With a deep breath, she 42 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:46,919 Speaker 1: brushed it away, but then later she said, I see 43 00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:50,320 Speaker 1: that I overreacted and made things worse. I see the pattern, 44 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:53,600 Speaker 1: but I don't know how to break it. Have you 45 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:57,920 Speaker 1: been there? The journey toward wholeness and holiness is rarely 46 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:02,799 Speaker 1: comfortable or quick. God holds the power to transform us 47 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:06,680 Speaker 1: with a whisper or glance. In my experience, however, he 48 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:10,960 Speaker 1: molds my soul, gradually alerting me to an issue, allowing 49 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:14,000 Speaker 1: me to see the fallout of my choices, to grieve 50 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:19,720 Speaker 1: my brokenness and sin before he reveals the steps toward victory. 51 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,960 Speaker 1: Speaking from experience, I shared a statement that encouraged me 52 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:27,639 Speaker 1: when I was just beginning my healing journey. Self awareness 53 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:31,240 Speaker 1: is the first step to change. You can't heal what 54 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:35,800 Speaker 1: you don't see or won't acknowledge. Listening, my friend gave 55 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:39,000 Speaker 1: a slight nod and offered a half laugh, half puff. 56 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:44,280 Speaker 1: Ignorance is bliss, she asked, to which I replied, temporarily, perhaps, 57 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 1: but it's often when we're staring at the rubble we've 58 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:51,480 Speaker 1: helped create that we're most able to see and rest 59 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:56,800 Speaker 1: in God's all encompassing grace, to gain strength from His grace. 60 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:01,880 Speaker 1: That's the message today's passage can bays. Seventy years after 61 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 1: what scholars called the Babylonian Exile, an event caused by 62 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:09,560 Speaker 1: ancient Israel's long standing spiritual rebellion, the Lord brought them 63 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 1: back to their homeland to rebuild what their sin had destroyed. 64 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:18,279 Speaker 1: He sent them with his abundant provisioned gold, silver, animals, 65 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:21,279 Speaker 1: priests to lead their faith, and numerous workers to repair 66 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:26,280 Speaker 1: Jerusalem's walls and their sacred temple. Scripture tells us that quote, 67 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 1: the whole company numbered forty two thousand, three hundred and 68 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:33,560 Speaker 1: sixty besides their seven thousand, three hundred and thirty seven men, 69 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:36,479 Speaker 1: servants and made servants, and they also had two hundred 70 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:39,159 Speaker 1: and forty five men and women's singers. There were seven 71 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:42,920 Speaker 1: hundred and thirty six horses, two hundred and forty five mules, 72 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:47,000 Speaker 1: four hundred and thirty five camels, and six thousand, seven 73 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:52,159 Speaker 1: hundred and twenty donkeys Ezra two sixty six. In short, 74 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:57,240 Speaker 1: the Lord showered them with blessings and tangible evidence of 75 00:04:57,279 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 1: his favor, and they celebrated. They celebrate the work he 76 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:05,440 Speaker 1: enabled them to do, the provisions he provided, and the 77 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:10,000 Speaker 1: forgiveness he granted. But this didn't erase the grief they 78 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:14,160 Speaker 1: felt at all that had been lost. The scripture their 79 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:18,719 Speaker 1: religious leaders read brought praise and a deep awareness of 80 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:22,719 Speaker 1: their sin and all it had cost. Seeing their weeping, 81 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:26,160 Speaker 1: Ezra and Nehemiah and the Lord's priests spoke today's passage, 82 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:30,800 Speaker 1: encouraging them to receive and find joy in God's grace. 83 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:35,560 Speaker 1: Biblical joy goes much deeper than a temporary emotion based 84 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:39,680 Speaker 1: on circumstances. It's the deep awareness of God's grace, knowing 85 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:44,720 Speaker 1: He's with us, transforming us, rewriting our story, and working 86 00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:50,200 Speaker 1: all things our greatest failures included for our good and 87 00:05:50,279 --> 00:05:54,040 Speaker 1: His glory. This might not fix the damage we've caused. 88 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,440 Speaker 1: The ancient Israelite still had to clear away the rebble 89 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,640 Speaker 1: that once formed their homeland, to rebuild the fractured walls 90 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:04,120 Speaker 1: and restore the destroyed temple. But God wanted them to 91 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:09,600 Speaker 1: do so as his beloved empowered and absolved children, not 92 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:15,480 Speaker 1: from a place of shame. Shame is exhausting, heavy and 93 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:21,359 Speaker 1: defeating grace brings hope, joy and strength. It lifts the 94 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,760 Speaker 1: burdens we carry and plants us more firmly in God's 95 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:30,320 Speaker 1: firm yet gentle embrace. Intersecting life and faith. I sometimes 96 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:33,839 Speaker 1: wonder if shame functions as a defense mechanism or a 97 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:37,400 Speaker 1: subconscious fail safe. Is there a part of us that 98 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:40,599 Speaker 1: the leaves are inner critic protects us from future harm 99 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:44,520 Speaker 1: by keeping our unwanted behaviors in check. It's also a 100 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:50,160 Speaker 1: powerful tool of the enemy, strategically lobbed to hold us captive. Regardless, 101 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 1: through Christ, we always have a way out. Our sins 102 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:59,400 Speaker 1: don't repel him. Instead, he draws close, with arms open wide, 103 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:04,000 Speaker 1: to the cross. We honor the sacrifice He made by 104 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:08,479 Speaker 1: learning to receive in our inner, most wounded places, the 105 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:12,040 Speaker 1: forgiveness for which he paid such a high price that 106 00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:18,760 Speaker 1: takes time, healing, prayer, and regularly connecting with him, sitting 107 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:23,000 Speaker 1: in his presence. But the more we do so take 108 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:25,960 Speaker 1: in his truth and rest in his love, the weaker 109 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:30,360 Speaker 1: our shame, the greater our joy, and the more enduring 110 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:38,520 Speaker 1: our strength. Thanks for listening to today's devotional. If you 111 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,720 Speaker 1: liked what you heard today, we want to make sure 112 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:44,520 Speaker 1: you know about our sister podcast Your Daily Prayer. When 113 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:47,880 Speaker 1: you follow your daily prayer in your favorite podcast app, 114 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:50,960 Speaker 1: you'll get a brand new prayer and devotional each day, 115 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:54,840 Speaker 1: so your days begin in conversation with God. If you're 116 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,600 Speaker 1: looking to grow in prayer or start your day with 117 00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:01,320 Speaker 1: your heart focused on the right things, search for your 118 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:05,000 Speaker 1: daily prayer in your favorite podcast app and be sure 119 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 1: to follow the show so you get a new prayer 120 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,880 Speaker 1: delivered straight to you each morning.