1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,119 Speaker 1: Long weekends are meant to be a time of rest, 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:06,080 Speaker 1: but for many people that can feel surprisingly heavy. The 3 00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 1: shifting routine from the sort of quiet to the lack 4 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:14,400 Speaker 1: of structure can leave some people feeling flat, isolated, or 5 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:19,160 Speaker 1: even unmotivated for the long weekends and the festive seasons 6 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:24,759 Speaker 1: that happen. For those navigating loneliness, anxiety, or recovery, holidays 7 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:30,120 Speaker 1: like easters can actually amplify those emotions of loneliness and 8 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:33,760 Speaker 1: loneliness and isolation. When everything slows down, it can be 9 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:38,279 Speaker 1: difficult to stay mentally steady. That silence, which feels peaceful 10 00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:41,720 Speaker 1: to some people, can actually feel very overwhelming to others 11 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:45,800 Speaker 1: and ad raisers a very important question around how to 12 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:49,680 Speaker 1: stay on top of your mental wellbeing during these periods. 13 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,440 Speaker 1: This morning we ch had to Nick Ingles, and Nick, 14 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:55,800 Speaker 1: of course, is a speaker and an entrepreneur. Nick A, 15 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:57,840 Speaker 1: very good morning to you and welcome to CAP Talk. 16 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:01,200 Speaker 2: Good morning, Thank you so much for having me on. 17 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 1: Why do long weekends or holidays tend to trigger those 18 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,279 Speaker 1: low moods or loneliness for some people? 19 00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:12,480 Speaker 2: You know you said something so wise in terms of 20 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,280 Speaker 2: our cars and our lifestyle was filling our tanks but 21 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:19,320 Speaker 2: it's actually really appropriate for ourselves. What are we doing 22 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:22,199 Speaker 2: to fill our own tanks? So if we are running 23 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:25,559 Speaker 2: low and we come into these quiet times, it can 24 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:28,240 Speaker 2: be very very challenging. And I went to go and 25 00:01:28,319 --> 00:01:31,560 Speaker 2: check sort of how long I've been sober for nineteen years, 26 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 2: seven one hundred and one days. And I remember in 27 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:39,160 Speaker 2: very early sobriety when I didn't have the skills to 28 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:44,360 Speaker 2: deal with loneliness and isolation because my whole life was 29 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:46,720 Speaker 2: going to the pub. That's where I had my connection, 30 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:52,600 Speaker 2: my friendships, my relationships, and I hadn't built relationships outside 31 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:56,440 Speaker 2: of that. And I remember, on sort of over the 32 00:01:56,600 --> 00:02:00,880 Speaker 2: Easter weekend Christmas, those times of year when people were 33 00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:04,440 Speaker 2: away and doing stuff, driving around looking for any sort 34 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:07,680 Speaker 2: of pub that was open, just to find connection. And 35 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:11,440 Speaker 2: I think what it does is that amplifies how we 36 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 2: feel about ourselves because it puts us back in our 37 00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:18,880 Speaker 2: own head. We don't have the distraction and the routine 38 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 2: of day to day life, so we start having those 39 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:25,960 Speaker 2: conversations in our heads that can be very negative, that 40 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:28,320 Speaker 2: can break us down, and you know, we start to 41 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:32,640 Speaker 2: talk badly to ourselves, and it just becomes a loop 42 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:36,840 Speaker 2: where we don't have connection, we don't have distraction, and 43 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:40,959 Speaker 2: we then sometimes even go and isolate, which just compounds 44 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,280 Speaker 2: the problem. 45 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 1: Nick from your own journey, what are the early warning 46 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:50,800 Speaker 1: signs that you're actually slipping? I think we can easily 47 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:54,000 Speaker 1: see when somebody slips physically, you know, they get sinner 48 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,520 Speaker 1: or something happens to them. The face changes, they are 49 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:00,280 Speaker 1: a lot slower. We can see those things. Those are 50 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,480 Speaker 1: physical changes. But what are those warning signs when you 51 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 1: start slipping mentally? 52 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:10,120 Speaker 2: I think it's when we start losing respect for ourselves 53 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 2: and when we start looking after ourselves. So if we have, 54 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:17,520 Speaker 2: you know, sort of we're not eating regularly on time. 55 00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:21,040 Speaker 2: One of the things that I learned in early recovery, 56 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:24,720 Speaker 2: which is incredibly powerful, is we should be at least 57 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:28,040 Speaker 2: taking time to sit down and eat our meals. Are 58 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:31,480 Speaker 2: we eating standing up? Are we eating rushing? When we 59 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:35,040 Speaker 2: stop looking after ourselves, We maybe took a little bit 60 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,480 Speaker 2: of time in the morning to pick an outfit to 61 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,880 Speaker 2: get dressed. Now we just pick what's ever on the top. 62 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:44,240 Speaker 2: We're not really caring how we look. We're not caring 63 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 2: about how we interact with people. We're not seeking things 64 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:52,760 Speaker 2: to do, we're not seeking interactions our physical activity, which 65 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:56,880 Speaker 2: is hugely important, that can start to slip and ultimately 66 00:03:56,920 --> 00:04:00,000 Speaker 2: we start to isolate. And I think COVID, as an example, 67 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 2: was something that was very challenging. So in my own journey, 68 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,520 Speaker 2: I caught myself and I really am focused on my 69 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:11,080 Speaker 2: recovery and my quality of life. But I realized with 70 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:15,320 Speaker 2: COVID once it was two weeks and I never went outside, 71 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,360 Speaker 2: and I thought, Okay, this is becoming very problematic. So 72 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,640 Speaker 2: we almost need to treat ourselves like a parent and 73 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:25,920 Speaker 2: make sure that we're sticking to our routines and that 74 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:30,000 Speaker 2: we're looking after ourselves, because when we start to stop 75 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:34,159 Speaker 2: caring about ourselves, that's when real problems can start to 76 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,120 Speaker 2: creep in. And those are the early signs. 77 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,599 Speaker 1: Chatting this morning to Nick Engel, and he is a 78 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,479 Speaker 1: speaker and entrepreneur, we're talking about how to stay on 79 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:46,240 Speaker 1: top of your game over this particular long weekend. Nick, 80 00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:50,080 Speaker 1: what does a simple routine and a healthy routine look like? 81 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:54,320 Speaker 1: What should I do in order to you know, and 82 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 1: let's face it, a lot of success and a lot 83 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:02,400 Speaker 1: of successful people are built around routine. 84 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:07,160 Speaker 2: Absolutely, it's you know, it's such a vital point that 85 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:10,240 Speaker 2: you make, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be And 86 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,080 Speaker 2: if I can be a little bit harsh with this, 87 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:15,080 Speaker 2: I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for my routines, 88 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:19,200 Speaker 2: because with my drinking, it got really really bad, to 89 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:22,200 Speaker 2: the point where I was wanting to end my life 90 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:25,920 Speaker 2: and I was acting on that, and I'm just very 91 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,800 Speaker 2: grateful that I didn't go through with it because then 92 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:31,560 Speaker 2: I get an opportunity to talk to you and your listeners. 93 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:36,240 Speaker 2: Routine is vital because what routine does is it removes 94 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:40,680 Speaker 2: our thinking and our ability, our need excuse me to 95 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 2: make decisions. And we have a limited amount of capacity 96 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:48,359 Speaker 2: in the day for making decisions. The more decisions we 97 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:51,400 Speaker 2: have to make, the tighter we get, and the decision 98 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:55,200 Speaker 2: fatigue is a very very real thing. So for me, 99 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 2: early morning is very very healthy. Early nights where I 100 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,400 Speaker 2: can manage that is very very healthy. Getting up in 101 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 2: the morning, exercise, whether that's going for a walk or 102 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:10,040 Speaker 2: just doing a series of pushups and body weight exercise 103 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:14,360 Speaker 2: is absolutely vital. Make sure that I'm looking after every meal, 104 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:18,080 Speaker 2: making sure that I'm looking after my hydration, and making 105 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:21,720 Speaker 2: sure that I'm looking after my sleep as well. Because 106 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:26,000 Speaker 2: for me, I would end up I think after about 107 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:29,240 Speaker 2: three months or four months into sobriety, I gave up 108 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,520 Speaker 2: my television because I was finding that I would sit 109 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 2: down tired at six or seven after work and end 110 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,800 Speaker 2: up watching till one two in the morning, just the 111 00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 2: next thing, the next thing, that next dopamine hits. So 112 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:43,800 Speaker 2: making sure that everything that we do in our lives 113 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:48,520 Speaker 2: is simple and it's routine, meaning that it's something that 114 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,120 Speaker 2: we do each and every single day. So even on 115 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:54,960 Speaker 2: a public holiday, get up early at your regular time 116 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:57,680 Speaker 2: and do those things to look after yourself. 117 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:04,520 Speaker 1: The void is that black hole is the most difficult 118 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 1: thing because, as you've indicated now that you sit in 119 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 1: front of the TV and it's just the one thing 120 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,600 Speaker 1: after the other thing, and before you look again, that 121 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:17,920 Speaker 1: very fruitful and very productive time in healing yourself has 122 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 1: actually been lost. What are the small practical things that 123 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:27,000 Speaker 1: people can do to stay connected if they're actually feeling isolated? Now, 124 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 1: my wife often laughs at me because she says, see there, 125 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:34,400 Speaker 1: your sister's calling you again, because she calls me every 126 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:38,960 Speaker 1: second day or every day. But that I find sometimes, 127 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,040 Speaker 1: you know, even though I have a family around me, 128 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:44,560 Speaker 1: even though I have wonderful colleagues at work. Just that 129 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,520 Speaker 1: connection with her is such an important thing. 130 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think you hit the nail on the 131 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:55,920 Speaker 2: head right there. Very early on my first day in recovery, 132 00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,960 Speaker 2: and I go to a meeting, I'm doing an outpaced 133 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:05,520 Speaker 2: treatment and there's about twenty people, everyone having coffee, and 134 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:09,080 Speaker 2: then they call for volunteers to wash coffee cups. And 135 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,600 Speaker 2: I'm not a fan of other people's you know, if 136 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,560 Speaker 2: you took a bite of my chocolate when I was 137 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,840 Speaker 2: in high school, I'd give you the chocolate. I just 138 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:20,720 Speaker 2: wasn't a fan of sort of other people's stuff for 139 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:24,400 Speaker 2: you know, sort of saliva on. So it freaked me 140 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:27,280 Speaker 2: out as a kid. And now I'm putting up my 141 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:31,880 Speaker 2: hand to volunteer to wash coffee cups and go through 142 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:35,600 Speaker 2: all of this dirty sink. But what I realized was 143 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,360 Speaker 2: that was the beginning and the understanding of the value 144 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:41,960 Speaker 2: of service, because service brings connection. So not saying that 145 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:44,480 Speaker 2: your sister, you know, you doing your service for your 146 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:47,400 Speaker 2: sister by taking the call, and she's doing a service 147 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,880 Speaker 2: for you by calling you. And service is the one 148 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,560 Speaker 2: thing that we can do to fill the whole doing 149 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:58,559 Speaker 2: for some doing something for someone without any expectation, obviously 150 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:02,440 Speaker 2: doing it safely. I'm not talking about self sacrifice where 151 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:05,960 Speaker 2: we become martyrs and push and then you know, destroy 152 00:09:06,559 --> 00:09:08,920 Speaker 2: large parts of our own life because we wanted to 153 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:12,320 Speaker 2: do for others. But any form of service, there are people, 154 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:15,880 Speaker 2: it doesn't matter what stage route, that are always worse 155 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:19,040 Speaker 2: off than us. And that might so maybe volunteering at 156 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:23,040 Speaker 2: a shelter, finding someone elderly in your community and going 157 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:26,199 Speaker 2: and spending thirty minutes with them and having a conversation, 158 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:30,120 Speaker 2: giving them the gift of connection. It's the most incredibly 159 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,240 Speaker 2: powerful thing that we can do. Because, as you rightly said, 160 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,760 Speaker 2: that black void. I remember watching a documentary on Jack 161 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:40,280 Speaker 2: Osborne about him climbing climbing l Camp at time. This 162 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:43,400 Speaker 2: massive rock wall in yr Senite Park is part of 163 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 2: his sobriety because it said the void left in early 164 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:52,800 Speaker 2: sobriety cannot be filled by anything, but service can fill 165 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:56,000 Speaker 2: that void. So doing small things for other people it's 166 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:58,800 Speaker 2: a great way to build value for ourselves. And when 167 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,360 Speaker 2: you sit down and talk with an elderly person for 168 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:03,959 Speaker 2: twenty minutes half an hour, just to give them some time, 169 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,800 Speaker 2: and you see that value and that gratitude, you can 170 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:10,560 Speaker 2: start to develop that belief within yourself that you actually 171 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:13,240 Speaker 2: do have value and worth. And I think this is 172 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,040 Speaker 2: one of the problems. As we start to slip, we 173 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,760 Speaker 2: lose that respect, we lose the value and the worth 174 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,560 Speaker 2: within ourselves. We stop seeing it and that you know, 175 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 2: if we don't value something and we don't see it's worth, 176 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:28,080 Speaker 2: we don't look after it. But if we value something 177 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:29,880 Speaker 2: and we see it's worth, we look after it. 178 00:10:30,679 --> 00:10:35,360 Speaker 1: Chatting this morning to Nick Engles as the coach, speaker 179 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:39,360 Speaker 1: and entrepreneur about how to stay mentally strong over long weekends, 180 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:43,080 Speaker 1: and we unpacked why holidays can sometimes feel lonely and 181 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:47,160 Speaker 1: overwhelming for someone. We share some practical insights as to 182 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,880 Speaker 1: how to structure that and how to cope and how 183 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:53,319 Speaker 1: to manage that. We all have negative thoughts, you know. Now, 184 00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:57,920 Speaker 1: I love it when people say stay positive, be positive, 185 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:03,600 Speaker 1: you know, and I say, no, I'm gonna feel sad, 186 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:07,120 Speaker 1: I'm going to feel not lacker. You know, yesterday was 187 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:11,319 Speaker 1: a moment where I didn't feel lacker because of something. 188 00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:15,559 Speaker 1: And we all reach a point, you know, in our 189 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,959 Speaker 1: mental status where we say I can't do this, I 190 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,120 Speaker 1: really can't do this. Anymore, So, how do you manage 191 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 1: those negative thoughts? 192 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 2: Nick? You know, I think it's almost that you answered 193 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:31,760 Speaker 2: the question because it's allowing ourselves to have those negative thoughts, 194 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:36,160 Speaker 2: to acknowledge those thoughts. But also, and this is the crux, 195 00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 2: understanding that our thoughts and our feelings are not taxable. 196 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:45,760 Speaker 2: They don't have consequences in our lives. Only our words 197 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:49,559 Speaker 2: and our actions have consequences. So if we don't act 198 00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:53,440 Speaker 2: out on our thoughts, there are no consequences. So that 199 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 2: goes both ways. Allowing ourselves to feel down, to feel bad, 200 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,240 Speaker 2: to feel that I'm not coping and it's a great thing, 201 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:05,640 Speaker 2: is like, I'm really not coping. So you can go, well, 202 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:09,480 Speaker 2: I'm not strong, I'm weak, I'm not worth anything, or 203 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:12,360 Speaker 2: you can go, I'm really not coping. This is getting bad, 204 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,840 Speaker 2: this is getting dangerous. What can I do to develop 205 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:18,520 Speaker 2: the skills to cope? And this is one of the 206 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:22,319 Speaker 2: things with being sober. When I was drinking and it 207 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:25,120 Speaker 2: was really bad, it got up to about twenty drafts 208 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:28,440 Speaker 2: a day for the last three or four months, and 209 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:33,320 Speaker 2: I was giving away my ability to develop the skills. 210 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:36,320 Speaker 2: So to deal with what I was feeling, we have 211 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:41,120 Speaker 2: to give ourselves time to be uncomfortable. We have to 212 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:45,040 Speaker 2: get uncomfortable with being uncomfortable. As you said, Rikie said, 213 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:49,160 Speaker 2: we have to allow ourselves the opportunity and acknowledge that 214 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:52,720 Speaker 2: we're not coping, that we're not feeling well, that we're 215 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:57,160 Speaker 2: feeling broken, we're feeling overwhelmed, we're feeling shattered, we're feeling 216 00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,760 Speaker 2: that we can't go on. But we then have to 217 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:04,079 Speaker 2: add on those feelings in a way that's positive for us. Meaning, Okay, 218 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:06,720 Speaker 2: what do I need to do? Is there someone that 219 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,600 Speaker 2: I can talk to? Can I go for a walk? 220 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,079 Speaker 2: Can I go and put my face in the sun 221 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:16,080 Speaker 2: for five minutes? You know that is incredibly valuable. What 222 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:19,200 Speaker 2: have I been doing? How have I been acting in 223 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:23,079 Speaker 2: terms of my fleet, my hydration, my nutrition? That's made 224 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:26,680 Speaker 2: me feel like this, so overwhelmed? You know, who can 225 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:31,079 Speaker 2: I talk to? One of the things that I experienced 226 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:36,800 Speaker 2: in early recovery and prior to early recovery was going 227 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:40,600 Speaker 2: through some very difficult financial times and what it taught 228 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,560 Speaker 2: me and I moved it. There's quite a fun story. 229 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,480 Speaker 2: Moved to Cape Town with the insurance company that I've 230 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:49,760 Speaker 2: been working with for ten years, and I couldn't operate 231 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,079 Speaker 2: in the Cape Town market, and after about four months, 232 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,320 Speaker 2: my savings were gone and I ended up. I got 233 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:58,800 Speaker 2: wiped out financially. But what I learned was phoning the 234 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:02,120 Speaker 2: banks proactively to say this is the story, this is 235 00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:05,440 Speaker 2: where we are, and over about eighteen months working to 236 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:08,640 Speaker 2: get out of that hole, but acting, and when I 237 00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:12,560 Speaker 2: was drinking and feeling powerless and overwhelmed, I avoided the 238 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,720 Speaker 2: calls from the bank. In early recovery, I realized I 239 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:18,240 Speaker 2: had to phone the bank almost to the point where 240 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,680 Speaker 2: they were saying, listen, buddy, we know where you are, 241 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:23,800 Speaker 2: stop bugging us. And that's the thing. It comes down 242 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:27,840 Speaker 2: to what we feel. We're entitled to feel, but the 243 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:32,400 Speaker 2: responsibility for our future is dependent on those actions that 244 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:34,680 Speaker 2: we take based on those feelings. 245 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:40,000 Speaker 1: We spoke nick about unstructured time and how risky can 246 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 1: that be? How can we safeguard ourselves against unstructured time? 247 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:48,000 Speaker 1: Or do we say, for instance, that we'll have a 248 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,840 Speaker 1: bit of unstructured time, let's say twenty minutes or half 249 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:55,120 Speaker 1: an hour, and take that twenty minutes half an hour 250 00:14:55,280 --> 00:15:00,720 Speaker 1: and do some mindfulness during that half an hour, lukely. 251 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:06,280 Speaker 2: So you know, unstructured time. What really is that because 252 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:10,200 Speaker 2: is it that you're not planning and prepping. And I 253 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,600 Speaker 2: think the biggest thing that we can do for ourselves 254 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,960 Speaker 2: in terms of long weekends, in terms of sort of 255 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,680 Speaker 2: December holidays. And we're in the long weekend now, so 256 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:21,720 Speaker 2: it's a little bit late. But for December, plan ahead. 257 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,480 Speaker 2: If we know that we're going to be alone, if 258 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:28,920 Speaker 2: we know that we're going to not have people around us, 259 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:32,280 Speaker 2: our routine is going to be affected. Plan what we 260 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,600 Speaker 2: want to do so we don't arrive suddenly and go, 261 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:37,960 Speaker 2: oh my word, what do I do? So this is 262 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 2: something that people can apply for December. But now, in 263 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:45,640 Speaker 2: terms of unstructured time or just downtime or vegetative time, 264 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:50,520 Speaker 2: do something that benefits you. Try and learn to meditate, 265 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:54,120 Speaker 2: you know, just sitting quietly, you know, I think twenty minutes, 266 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:59,920 Speaker 2: half an hour, no phone, no communications, sitting quietly and 267 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,920 Speaker 2: just trying to calm your thoughts and to calm your breathing. 268 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:07,600 Speaker 2: That's a skill set. Our breathing when we feel overwhelmed 269 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,800 Speaker 2: is a wonderful way to calm ourselves down. There's a 270 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:13,960 Speaker 2: thing called box breathing, which is a few seconds of 271 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:18,000 Speaker 2: breathing in a few seconds, hold a few seconds, breathing 272 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:21,400 Speaker 2: out a few seconds hold. Doing five to ten of 273 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:27,480 Speaker 2: those style breaths is incredibly beneficial physiologically in calming us down. 274 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,760 Speaker 2: And when we calm down physiologically, we can calm down mentally. 275 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 2: So unstructured time without benefits, I think is dangerous. Unstructured 276 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:39,320 Speaker 2: time with benefit is a wonderful thing. 277 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:46,400 Speaker 1: Physical activity because at some stage or other you have 278 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:51,560 Speaker 1: all those mental things and you're structuring yourself mentally. Physical 279 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 1: activity just basically opening that door and going outside into 280 00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:59,440 Speaker 1: the garden, or just taking that walk through the neighborhood. 281 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:03,560 Speaker 1: I was in the Woodstock area. Now, I grew up 282 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:08,119 Speaker 1: probably in the Woodstock area and matriculated while I was 283 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,879 Speaker 1: living in Woodstock. And in the last couple of days, 284 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:14,760 Speaker 1: I had to walk through that Woodstock area, the same 285 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,119 Speaker 1: area that I lived in many many years ago. And 286 00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:23,320 Speaker 1: it walking and looking around you and absorbing the people 287 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:26,800 Speaker 1: that are around you, absorbing you know, the taxis going 288 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:30,159 Speaker 1: going past and screaming caps that caps that caps that 289 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:36,120 Speaker 1: you know, and just absorbing that alone made You've made 290 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,159 Speaker 1: me feel that I've discovered a new world. 291 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,880 Speaker 2: Sure, absolutely, And it's you know, I think if if 292 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:46,280 Speaker 2: nothing changes. Nothing changes. As you said, you've got to 293 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:49,159 Speaker 2: open the door and go outside. And it's not something 294 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 2: that has to incur cost or that we have to 295 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:55,119 Speaker 2: spend money on, particularly if we're under financial pressure. But 296 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,880 Speaker 2: just going outside and going through a walk where it's 297 00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:00,960 Speaker 2: safe and you can go it is a really, really 298 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:04,480 Speaker 2: wonderful thing, just to be outside in the fresh air, 299 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:08,480 Speaker 2: with the sun on one's face and having an opportunity 300 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,199 Speaker 2: to explore. I absolutely love that. 301 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:15,280 Speaker 1: And over this weekend. What is the one thing that 302 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,880 Speaker 1: you would urge people to do over this weekend. 303 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,640 Speaker 2: So it's a crazy thing and I took a lot 304 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:25,840 Speaker 2: of flak for it in early recovery, but it's something 305 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:29,600 Speaker 2: that I still do today and because for me, every 306 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:32,040 Speaker 2: day is day one of sobriety. And that's what I've 307 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:35,120 Speaker 2: learnt it the moment you stop treating it like day 308 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,439 Speaker 2: one of the beginning of your life, that you have 309 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,560 Speaker 2: to fight for. It's that when we start to slip. 310 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:44,040 Speaker 2: So every morning, first thing, I go into the bathroom 311 00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:47,439 Speaker 2: and I look at myself in the mirror and I 312 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:51,679 Speaker 2: tell myself three things that I love about myself. And 313 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:54,680 Speaker 2: when I started doing that, that could be I could 314 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:58,120 Speaker 2: be there for twenty minutes, really digging, and it was very, 315 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,840 Speaker 2: very uncomfortable because I was not at the point where 316 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:05,040 Speaker 2: I was loving myself. I'd broken relationships, I'd damage but 317 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:09,840 Speaker 2: personal business relationships. My drinking had caused absolute destruction. It 318 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:16,199 Speaker 2: had hurt my dad, who had a wonderful relationship with 319 00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:19,640 Speaker 2: in later sobriety before he passed. But it was causing 320 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,720 Speaker 2: this man who loved me a great deal of pain. 321 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,000 Speaker 2: And I could see that, and I was feeling terrible 322 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 2: about myself, but looking in that mirror and fighting for 323 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,200 Speaker 2: three things to tell myself what I loved about myself. 324 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,480 Speaker 2: And then at night, before I go to bed, I'd 325 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,880 Speaker 2: look in the mirror and I'd say to myself three 326 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,879 Speaker 2: things that I was proud of how I acted throughout 327 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,439 Speaker 2: the day. And while I found that that did for me, 328 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,119 Speaker 2: as simple as it sounds and as cooky as it 329 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:47,920 Speaker 2: sounds to some people, I started off feeling positive about myself, 330 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:51,240 Speaker 2: developing that little bit of self love now Isa, And 331 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:54,240 Speaker 2: it took me eleven years of being sober and doing 332 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,439 Speaker 2: that to start loving myself. But at least it was 333 00:19:56,480 --> 00:20:00,600 Speaker 2: a journey of moving towards self love rather than moving 334 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,359 Speaker 2: towards self loathing and self hate. And then at the 335 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:05,399 Speaker 2: end of the day, what I found the value in 336 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:09,520 Speaker 2: this was was I started to live my life looking 337 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:12,680 Speaker 2: for things to do in the day to make myself 338 00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,560 Speaker 2: proud of myself. So I started to live my life 339 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,960 Speaker 2: in a way that of the person that I wanted 340 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,000 Speaker 2: to be, the person that I wanted to be proud 341 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,640 Speaker 2: of each day. That's how I started to live my life. 342 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,120 Speaker 2: And that simple thing made a huge and profound difference. 343 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,800 Speaker 2: And it's one of the pillars of my life. And 344 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,000 Speaker 2: the other thing is service. And if we can just 345 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,439 Speaker 2: find someone that we can help for a little bit, 346 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:38,080 Speaker 2: whether it's a smile or a bit of kindness, it's 347 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,920 Speaker 2: hugely valuable. It's simple, and it's free. 348 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:44,880 Speaker 1: Nick Ingles chatting to us and Nick as an entrepreneur, 349 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,600 Speaker 1: coach and speaker, thank you so much for your time 350 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:51,359 Speaker 1: this morning. Some wonderful insights. If you feel that you 351 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,359 Speaker 1: and don't worry, it happens to the strongest of us. 352 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:58,639 Speaker 1: It really does. Have a chat. Have a look at 353 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:02,240 Speaker 1: the podcast we'll be putting up this conversation a little later.