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Speaker 1: Seven oh two Weekend Breakfast and Parenting with Mickey.

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Speaker 2: Bush thirteen minutes after eight o'clock. Time for us to

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Speaker 2: talk parenting. And often we hear people say do as

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Speaker 2: I say, do as I say, not as I do,

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Speaker 2: meaning often the things we say aren't in line or

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Speaker 2: congruent with our behavior. This becomes very obvious with parents

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Speaker 2: that kids will often do as you do rather than

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Speaker 2: what you tell them to do. Because we, like other

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Speaker 2: mammals other animals, we learn by mimicking the people around us,

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Speaker 2: especially our parents. And so this morning we're looking at

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Speaker 2: how can we what our children learn by watching us,

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Speaker 2: and how we can use that to teach them good, positive,

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Speaker 2: valuable lessons. And maybe there are some things you are

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Speaker 2: trying to teach your kids through your behavior. What are

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Speaker 2: those things? Let us know an O double one eight

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Speaker 2: three or seven oh two. Send us your asbis on

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Speaker 2: through one seven oh two and your WhatsApp messages on

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Speaker 2: seventy two, seven oh two, one seven oh two. Joined

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Speaker 2: us always by resident human potential and parenting expert Niki

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Speaker 2: bosh Nikki. A very good morning.

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Speaker 3: Too, Morning Gooks.

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Speaker 2: As always a great pleasure to have you on the show.

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Speaker 2: So this morning we are talking about court not taught

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Speaker 2: what our children learn by watching us tell us about

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Speaker 2: you know why you want to have this conversation today

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Speaker 2: based on a conversation you had with your son recently.

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Speaker 3: Yes, gooks, So I'm actually holidaying down the Garden Route

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Speaker 3: with ten young people in their twenties twenty five through

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Speaker 3: to thirty and it is an absolutely fascinating experience, starting

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Speaker 3: with the journey down. So most of them flew down here,

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Speaker 3: but my eldest son drove me down here because we

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Speaker 3: wanted to bring our dog. We're a family who loves

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Speaker 3: road tripping and road tripping with our animals. So we

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Speaker 3: were in the car last week Ryan and I. He's

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Speaker 3: my thirty year old, and it was just fascinating. My

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Speaker 3: children hold the steering wheel of the car exactly like

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Speaker 3: their dad, both of them. If I know, if I

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Speaker 3: just watch their hands, it could be my late husband

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Speaker 3: holding the steering wheel. And we were just having this

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Speaker 3: conversation about how Ryan said, you know, mom, when we

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Speaker 3: used to drive down here when I was in primary school.

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Speaker 3: He said, you know that those are the days before iPads,

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Speaker 3: those are the days before smartphones, and he said, used

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Speaker 3: to make traveling down long distance such fun because you'd

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Speaker 3: pack the lego and all the construction toys. We'd play

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Speaker 3: for hours. But he said, you know, mom, I used

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Speaker 3: to sit diagonally opposite Dad when he was driving, And

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Speaker 3: he said, I spent hours watching his hands on the

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Speaker 3: steering wheel. And he said it fascinated me. I didn't

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Speaker 3: understand why Dad's hands moved ever so slightly all the time, left, right, left, right, left, right,

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Speaker 3: ever so slightly, even when we were driving down the

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Speaker 3: straight road through the carew And he said it was

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Speaker 3: only once I learned to drive myself that I realized

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Speaker 3: that to drive straight, you have to jimmy that steering

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Speaker 3: wheel ever so slightly left and right all the time.

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Speaker 3: It was this sharing of a deep observation of how

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Speaker 3: does life work, how does driving work? And he's my

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Speaker 3: communicative child, he's the one who asks a million questions.

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Speaker 3: But he said that particular thing completely fascinated him, and

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Speaker 3: it opened up such a line of thinking for me

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Speaker 3: around how much our children learn from watching us. We

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Speaker 3: are the hidden curriculum.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and so even just that example, something so seemingly small, right,

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Speaker 2: you don't really think of where you put your hands

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Speaker 2: on the steering wheel is a thing your kids could

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Speaker 2: be learning from you. But it's such, you know, it's

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Speaker 2: all of those, it's small and the big things that

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Speaker 2: children learn. It reminds me everything all you often say

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Speaker 2: about how our children are always watching us. We children

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Speaker 2: are always watching their parents, and it seems that they

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Speaker 2: are watching quite intently. It's not just the big things.

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Speaker 2: It's even in the way you hold a steering wheel.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, completely. So it's it affirmed for me what I've

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Speaker 3: always said, that children learn what they see. They are

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Speaker 3: experiential learners, they are visual learners, they are auditory learners.

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Speaker 3: We are all three. Of course, some children are more auditories,

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Speaker 3: some are a visual. But they need to learn things

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Speaker 3: through their senses. They don't just learn out of books

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Speaker 3: of computers in the classroom, and we are the hidden curriculum.

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Speaker 3: About eighty five percent of what our children really need

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Speaker 3: to know to thrive in life, they actually learn from

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Speaker 3: us by osmosis through absorption. We are the marinade. So

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Speaker 3: think of those lovely juicy ribs that you're going to

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Speaker 3: clock on the Brier this weekend. In that lovely sticky marinade. Parents,

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Speaker 3: we are the marinade. And I cannot tell you how

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Speaker 3: often in the last eight days, I have heard these

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Speaker 3: ten young people, on a daily basis, multiple times say

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Speaker 3: my mom, my dad, my mom says this, my dad

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Speaker 3: did that. The stories they've come with, and also what

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Speaker 3: they learned by their position in the family, being the

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Speaker 3: first child, the middle child, the only child, absolutely fascinating.

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Speaker 3: So this group of young people have given me an

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Speaker 3: enormous amount of hope in the future, and I have

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Speaker 3: observed how different they are from each other. None of

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Speaker 3: them have come from a picture perfect background. So let

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Speaker 3: me give you a little example of who I'm living with.

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Speaker 3: We've got three kids who still have parents who are together.

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Speaker 3: We have one child who comes from a divorced family.

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Speaker 3: We have one young person I shouldn't say their children

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Speaker 3: anymore because they're between twenty five and thirty one child,

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Speaker 3: one young person whose dad died when he was nine

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Speaker 3: months old. He's never known his dad. We have one

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Speaker 3: young person who's an only child. We have my children

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Speaker 3: who lost their father to crime seven years ago. We

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Speaker 3: have a young man here who lost his arm through

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Speaker 3: cancer in his first year of university. We have a

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Speaker 3: number of employed young people, and we have a number

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Speaker 3: of entrepreneurial young people who work for themselves. So I'm

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Speaker 3: sitting with a mixed bag here, and every single one

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Speaker 3: of them is responsible, is empathetic, shows ownership, is totally accountable,

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Speaker 3: completely respectful. They are communicative. They are having an enormous

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Speaker 3: amount of fun. There is so much laughter. They are helpful.

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Speaker 3: They are completely conscious of money and budgeting. They've budgeted

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Speaker 3: for this holiday. They worked out how much it was

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Speaker 3: going to cost them per head, and they're living within

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Speaker 3: their budget. They know how to create fun out of nothing.

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Speaker 3: We had a day yesterday where it rained the whole day.

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Speaker 3: They could have gone out, but they chose to stay

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Speaker 3: at home with each other, and they created fun out

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Speaker 3: of nothing with a ping pong ball on a coffee table,

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Speaker 3: with a Fair Lady magazine that I'd brought down doing

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Speaker 3: the Blockbust crossword. I did not in my wildest dreams

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Speaker 3: expect twenty five to thirty five year olds to do

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Speaker 3: a crossword puzzle together. It's been such an astounding time

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Speaker 3: observing them and being part of their group while also

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Speaker 3: going off and doing my own thing.

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Speaker 2: And so you know this idea of this hidden curriculum

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Speaker 2: that your children are always learning from you, even when

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Speaker 2: you aren't actively teaching them, because of course there'll be

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Speaker 2: times where parents are actually actively teaching their kids. But

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Speaker 2: even when you are outside of those moments, the kids learning.

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Speaker 2: I mean, you just mentioned, for instance, finances that this

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Speaker 2: group have all budgeted. They're living within their means. And

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Speaker 2: one of the ways children learn, one of the behaviors

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Speaker 2: children learn from their parents is how to behave around money.

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Speaker 2: And you know, studies have shown that children who grow

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Speaker 2: up in homes where money is discussed, where financial management

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Speaker 2: is taught, generally do a lot better in life. So

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Speaker 2: your kids are learning from you all kinds of skills.

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Speaker 2: They're learning how to navigate the world through this head

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Speaker 2: in curriculum.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, you just have to watch kids when

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Speaker 3: a meal needs to be prepared, to see what they

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Speaker 3: know and what they can do. I arrived here two

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Speaker 3: days after most of them had been here a couple

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Speaker 3: of days, and somebody said to me, you know, Nikki,

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Speaker 3: we know you. You're going to get stuck in. You're going

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Speaker 3: to be cooking for the whole holiday for these kids.

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Speaker 3: You're going to be organizing, You're going to be doing everything.

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Speaker 1: I said.

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Speaker 3: You know what I'm not. I'm actually coming down here

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Speaker 3: to have a holiday. My children know how to cook,

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Speaker 3: their great cooks. I didn't know about the other young people.

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Speaker 3: And the day I arrived here, we had every one

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Speaker 3: of them was in the kitchen. I was not required.

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Speaker 3: They had sought out the meal, they had done the shopping.

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Speaker 3: They were all in the kitchen prepping together. There was laughter.

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Speaker 3: It was just so wonderful to see. I feel so

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Speaker 3: confident that these kids can navigate life. They've told me

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Speaker 3: to sit down, They've told They've asked me what I'd

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Speaker 3: like to drink. They clear the table. Nobody has to

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Speaker 3: has to ask anybody to clean the dishes or to

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Speaker 3: pack the dishwasher. It's completely opened my eyes to this generation.

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Speaker 3: That my children have chosen great friends. That's also a skill,

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Speaker 3: a life skill, to be able to choose friends who

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Speaker 3: you can spend more than one day in a night with.

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Speaker 3: They're all still great mates after seven days together. And

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Speaker 3: that's really fantastic.

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Speaker 2: And so, what are some of the ways in which

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Speaker 2: parents need to be I guess aware that they are

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Speaker 2: teaching their kids things that maybe we don't think about

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Speaker 2: that on top of mind, but kids are definitely learning

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Speaker 2: that behavior from you as their parents or their caregiver

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Speaker 2: or as you know, an adult in you know, in

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Speaker 2: their life.

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Speaker 3: So let's talk about creating strong foundations. We start by

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Speaker 3: talking our children clever. So those conversations that you have,

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Speaker 3: those conversations you have in the car, the conversations you

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Speaker 3: have in the kitchen, in the dining room, when you're

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Speaker 3: eating dinner together, your children take in a lot of

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Speaker 3: cues by what you share. How do you talk about

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Speaker 3: your workplace, how do you talk about your boss, How

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Speaker 3: do you talk about your friends? How do you talk

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Speaker 3: about or how do you do caring for a sick friend,

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Speaker 3: for example, or somebody who's just had a baby, or

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Speaker 3: somebody who's moved house. Are you helpful? Do you take

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Speaker 3: round a meal? Those sort of things stick with your

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Speaker 3: children doing chores together. I always say the chawes are

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Speaker 3: the glue that keeps families together. But chaws are also

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Speaker 3: the best way to teach children how to be responsible,

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Speaker 3: how to be accountable, how to care for possessions, how

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Speaker 3: to care for each other. It's in the doing rather

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Speaker 3: than the telling that your children really get that message.

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Speaker 3: And just watching these young people with their their respect

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Speaker 3: for property. This is our holiday home. This house is

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Speaker 3: never left a mess. At the end of the day,

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Speaker 3: no matter how many glasses have been used, they all

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Speaker 3: get taken through to the kitchen, packed into the dishwasher.

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Speaker 3: They don't leave their belongings around, they're really respectful of space.

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Speaker 3: Then cooking and eating together shows social skills, teachers, social skills,

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Speaker 3: Listening to the conversation. How these young people take turns

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Speaker 3: at speaking and listening and pulling each other's legs and

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Speaker 3: having fun, just fantastic to watch. And then playing together.

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Speaker 3: That's what I've really noticed about this bunch. It's not

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Speaker 3: just my children who've come off a base of being

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Speaker 3: able to play games. This lot play games all the time.

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Speaker 3: And just watching them, you know, playing a card game

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Speaker 3: or taking out games and looking at the rules and

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Speaker 3: deciding if they're going to play something or not. Teaching

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Speaker 3: each other and the way other children teach each other

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Speaker 3: shows how they were taught in their own home. Did

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Speaker 3: parents stop and actually teach their children, and being very

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Speaker 3: interested and supportive of what's going on in your child's life,

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Speaker 3: so being supportive of what's going on at school, being

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Speaker 3: supportive of their friendships, having those conversations. Essentially, we hold

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Speaker 3: the educational and the personal development space for our children.

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Speaker 2: We've got Littabo on the line calling us from Sociangubo

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Speaker 2: whould like to share how their kids are learning from them.

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Speaker 2: Litt Tabo, thank you so much for holding good morning,

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Speaker 2: good morning, well very well, thank you, Littavo. Tell us

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Speaker 2: how your kids or how you've noticed your kids are

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Speaker 2: mimicking you or learning from you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I agree with that completely because had a few

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Speaker 1: months back, like last month, I was laid off work.

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Speaker 1: So the whole of last month I was not working.

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Speaker 1: I was waiting for my blue cart to go, so

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Speaker 1: we didn't pay, and this month we didn't pay. So really,

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Speaker 1: on Thursday, the landlord came and he told us that

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Speaker 1: we need to move and stuff. And my son came

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Speaker 1: to me and he's only twelve, and he came to

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Speaker 1: me and say, d can we just pray and the

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Speaker 1: Lord will provide. And because we are Christians, I saw

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Speaker 1: how whatever we're doing when things are difficult in the family,

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Speaker 1: I also tell them, let's get down and pray. And

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Speaker 1: he's the one who came to us and say, mom

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Speaker 1: and dad, I know things are difficult, no food in

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Speaker 1: the house and we're about to be understed. But if

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Speaker 1: we can just pray. And that's what I saw that

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Speaker 1: kids they look what you guys are doing and they

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Speaker 1: grow with it. So I realized that he also not

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Speaker 1: believes that prayer can do anything. And I was lake

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Speaker 1: in prestancy. Yeah only twelve.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, here we see what a beautiful story from Latabo.

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Speaker 3: Wow, that is really really moving. And that just shows

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Speaker 3: what children learn from us. And you know, whether it's

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Speaker 3: whether we pray together, whether we play together, whether we

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Speaker 3: eat together, we are hard wiring our children for the future.

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Speaker 3: We are giving them these wide and deep foundations. They

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Speaker 3: learn from us every day, whether we know it or not.

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Speaker 3: And as Latabo has just illustrated, the parental effect is

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Speaker 3: very hard to replicate.

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Speaker 2: Nikki. As always, it is a great pleasure chatting to you.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much for your time this morning.

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Speaker 3: Oh thank you Gigs, And to all those parents out there,

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Speaker 3: if any of the parents of these young people are listening,

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Speaker 3: hats off to you. You've done a fantastic stick job.

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Speaker 2: That's our resident parenting and human potential expert Nikki Bush.

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Speaker 2: Coming up, we have a look at us happening in

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Speaker 2: seven o two. Land will start at the Market Theater,

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Speaker 2: a new production called the Moon looks delicious from here.

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Speaker 2: It's a one man show written and performed by Aldo Brinkat.

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Speaker 2: We'll speak to Aldo in Happening in the Art Also

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Speaker 2: then speak to doctor Simon Cluley. She is the Standard

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Speaker 2: Bank Art Curator. She'll speak to us about the Standard

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Speaker 2: Bank Art Lab gallery that recently opened in seven oh

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Speaker 2: two Land. But before then, it is twenty nine minutes

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Speaker 2: before nine o'clock. It's check in with you latest. I

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Speaker 2: witnessed New Sport with underneath shader