1 00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:03,600 Speaker 1: We can't breakfast with googs and shoo. 2 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:07,600 Speaker 2: It's twelve minutes after eight o'clock. Time for us to 3 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:11,080 Speaker 2: talk parenting for this morning. I'm we're talking about, uh 4 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:15,280 Speaker 2: the when is it appropriate to leave your teenagers by 5 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 2: themselves home alone? What are some of the things you 6 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,279 Speaker 2: need to be thinking about? Is it different if the 7 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:23,920 Speaker 2: teen is looking after younger kids? And maybe you have 8 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 2: a teen in your life, when did you start leaving 9 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 2: them home alone? Maybe you haven't left them at home 10 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:36,120 Speaker 2: by themselves. Maybe you're waiting until they turn sixteen or 11 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:40,120 Speaker 2: is it eighteen? How are you navigating or figuring out 12 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,760 Speaker 2: when it is appropriate for them to be home alone? 13 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:45,440 Speaker 2: What are some of the advice the guidance you're giving 14 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:48,840 Speaker 2: to them in the events that you're leaving them by themselves? 15 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:49,360 Speaker 1: Let us know. 16 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 2: In seven two seven oh two one seven two, time 17 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 2: for us to talk to parenting coach Nozipop Lambo who 18 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,760 Speaker 2: joins uspire zoom no zepop. Very good morning to you, 19 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,320 Speaker 2: welcome to weaken breakfast. 20 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:05,440 Speaker 3: Good morning, goods, and good morning to say listeners. 21 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:07,000 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for your time. 22 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:11,679 Speaker 2: So, if we're thinking about can or should I leave 23 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:14,280 Speaker 2: my teen home alone? What are some of the things 24 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:18,640 Speaker 2: we need to be thinking about as parents. So many 25 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:22,319 Speaker 2: parents ask this question hoping for a clear answer, like 26 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,479 Speaker 2: there's a specific age where they suddenly go, oh, it's 27 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,560 Speaker 2: okay to leave my child, my teenage child at home. 28 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:33,280 Speaker 2: But underneath this question there's often something a little bit deeper. 29 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:37,800 Speaker 2: It's not just it's my teen ready, it's can I 30 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:42,640 Speaker 2: trust my child? And sometimes even will my child be 31 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:46,160 Speaker 2: okay without me? Because we worry, you know, which is 32 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:50,200 Speaker 2: natural for us as parents, because our children don't only 33 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 2: learn responsibility when we there, they show us that they 34 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,600 Speaker 2: learned responsibility when we're not. 35 00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 1: So really the. 36 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:02,600 Speaker 3: Quick should become lest about asian what about the relationship, 37 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:07,960 Speaker 3: because when there's a strong relationship, independence comes naturally, you know, 38 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:11,160 Speaker 3: because when things feel the little tense, your child is 39 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:13,520 Speaker 3: going to like fake to you that they're going to 40 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:16,680 Speaker 3: be fine, or they're going to go completely rogue and 41 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:20,120 Speaker 3: go do things that they shouldn't be doing, and then 42 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:23,200 Speaker 3: it can feel very stressful for both of you, for 43 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 3: the child and for you when their trust is not there. 44 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:28,919 Speaker 2: Yeah, and so I guess one of the other things 45 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:32,320 Speaker 2: that could be a great guideline is the law. Right, 46 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,920 Speaker 2: So the law speaks about you know, children's rights, the 47 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:39,320 Speaker 2: things that children are entitled to, things that should be 48 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:43,440 Speaker 2: done by you know, parents, teachers, caregivers, et cetera. In 49 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:47,560 Speaker 2: other countries, they are laws, their prescriptions about when a 50 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,400 Speaker 2: young person or a teenager may be left by themselves. 51 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 1: I think in. 52 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:54,280 Speaker 2: Australia and Queensland it's unlawful to leave a twelve year 53 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:57,840 Speaker 2: old alone for an unreasonable amount of time. Do we 54 00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:01,280 Speaker 2: have a similar thing in South Africa where our law 55 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 2: gives us any guidance on whether or not a minor 56 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:08,519 Speaker 2: a teenager can be left by themselves. 57 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,800 Speaker 3: So not one that I'm aware of, but I do 58 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,200 Speaker 3: know that, I mean, safety is one of the most 59 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:18,760 Speaker 3: important things for the child and the children. Because I'm 60 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,240 Speaker 3: in parents, we sometimes parents feel that they don't have 61 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 3: a choice. They need to go to work and they 62 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,919 Speaker 3: need to leave their children, like when in school holidays, 63 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,280 Speaker 3: et cetera. But in terms of a law, to say 64 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:31,200 Speaker 3: that you've now left you know, especially when it comes 65 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 3: to the age group of teenagers, to say you've now 66 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:37,480 Speaker 3: left your child alone becomes a legal or illegal thing. 67 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,040 Speaker 3: It's not a thing as it is in more First 68 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:42,520 Speaker 3: World countries. For us here in South Africa because I've 69 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:44,920 Speaker 3: done our dynamics a lot more different. 70 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:49,120 Speaker 2: Right, But our constitution does say that every child, that's 71 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:51,680 Speaker 2: all persons under the age of eighteen, they're entitled to 72 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 2: be protected from our treatment, neglect, abuse or degradation. So 73 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:57,960 Speaker 2: I guess that'd be one of the things that you'd 74 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,720 Speaker 2: need to be thinking about that if I'm leaving my 75 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:03,840 Speaker 2: teen or my teen with my younger kids, whatever the situation, 76 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:08,760 Speaker 2: am I confident? Have I satisfied myself that the kids 77 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:13,160 Speaker 2: won't in any way experience you know, maltreatment, neglect, abuse 78 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:14,520 Speaker 2: or degradation. 79 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:17,520 Speaker 1: Because the law is quite clear about that. 80 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, And we also know that the parameters of 81 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,360 Speaker 3: the law are they exist, and at the same time, 82 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,280 Speaker 3: it's not also the lived reality of a lot of 83 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:30,360 Speaker 3: a lot of. 84 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,680 Speaker 1: Parents of what truly happens. And yes, the. 85 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:38,120 Speaker 3: Responsibility of the parent is their lawfully, you know, to 86 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:42,200 Speaker 3: make sure that the child is protected, et cetera, because 87 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,480 Speaker 3: the responsibility. 88 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:44,480 Speaker 1: Lies with them. 89 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:47,120 Speaker 3: And at the same time, we also see that it's 90 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:50,240 Speaker 3: not a lived experience for everyone. 91 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,919 Speaker 2: And so then if you're looking at or trying to 92 00:04:55,000 --> 00:05:00,960 Speaker 2: assess whether perhaps it is appropriate to leave, you're a 93 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:04,480 Speaker 2: team by themselves. I know you were saying that, for instance, 94 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:08,159 Speaker 2: the relationship is very important to see whether there's trust. 95 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,640 Speaker 2: But also I guess you'd need to make sure that 96 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:16,320 Speaker 2: there's certain things that your teenager knows to do. So 97 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,719 Speaker 2: in the event of a fire, do they know what 98 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:22,159 Speaker 2: to do in the event of you know, if someone 99 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,560 Speaker 2: knocks on the door, or you know, someone tries to 100 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:27,400 Speaker 2: break it, whatever it is. It sounds like, well, it 101 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:30,119 Speaker 2: seems it would be very important to also just give 102 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 2: your kids some scenarios or some scenario planning to say, 103 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,719 Speaker 2: if this happens, then do this, or call this person 104 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:42,359 Speaker 2: or call me if certain things happen, so they know 105 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,000 Speaker 2: what to do as opposed to having to figure it 106 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:45,880 Speaker 2: out themselves. 107 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:50,320 Speaker 3: Yes, and in order for that to happen, the question 108 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,240 Speaker 3: also becomes that does your child feel that they can 109 00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:56,640 Speaker 3: come to you when something does go wrong and do 110 00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:59,120 Speaker 3: they feel that they can talk to you or are 111 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:02,080 Speaker 3: they going to be scared of your reaction because that 112 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:05,679 Speaker 3: changes everything. You may have left the dos and don't, 113 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:08,159 Speaker 3: but if they don't trust what you're saying and your 114 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:11,760 Speaker 3: relationship is not intact, they're gonna go do their own 115 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,360 Speaker 3: their own thing. You know, because I often hear a 116 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 3: lot of parents say things like my child behaves perfectly 117 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,760 Speaker 3: when I'm at home, but then when I leave, everything 118 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:23,720 Speaker 3: falls apart, and then it's easy then to think, are 119 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:29,080 Speaker 3: they now are they not responsible? It's actually not that simple. 120 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:32,280 Speaker 3: Sometimes children are doing that r I think because they're 121 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,359 Speaker 3: scared of getting into trouble with parents, not because they 122 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:39,120 Speaker 3: really they're made to understand on their own. So when 123 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:41,200 Speaker 3: I say, like the example you just made when you 124 00:06:41,279 --> 00:06:45,960 Speaker 3: open the door, what does that actually mean? And they 125 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:49,120 Speaker 3: are gently so we want to gently help them move 126 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:52,280 Speaker 3: from I'm behaving because I'm scared of getting into trouble too. 127 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:55,120 Speaker 3: I'm making a good choice of everything that I've been 128 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:58,360 Speaker 3: guided with because I get why it's important, I get 129 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 3: why it matters. And that's the kind of responsibility that 130 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,480 Speaker 3: we wanting to build in our kids. 131 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:10,240 Speaker 2: We often hear about, you know, for young people, certainly teenagers, 132 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:15,640 Speaker 2: they are going through physically, emotionally, just so many changes 133 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:20,360 Speaker 2: with regards to their development. Their bodies are growing, they have, 134 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,760 Speaker 2: like you know, certain emotions in their in their bodies 135 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:28,880 Speaker 2: as well, and also because the prefrontal cortex hasn't quite 136 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:33,119 Speaker 2: developed yet, that happens a little bit later that sometimes 137 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:38,160 Speaker 2: younger people can be prone to riskier behavior. And so 138 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:41,440 Speaker 2: even as a parent, if you're thinking about whether you 139 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,520 Speaker 2: know it is the right time, if it's appropriate, if 140 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 2: my child is ready, I imagine you need to be 141 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,560 Speaker 2: thinking about that as well as kind of where is 142 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:52,440 Speaker 2: my child right now? Are they having like a really 143 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:54,720 Speaker 2: good time with all of the changes that are happening. 144 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 1: Are they maybe. 145 00:07:55,800 --> 00:08:00,360 Speaker 2: Struggling, which I guess would also influence how well they 146 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 2: would cope, you know with you not being there. 147 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:09,240 Speaker 3: No, absolutely the developmental milestone and actually you understanding as 148 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:12,920 Speaker 3: a parent and being tuned with your child is so 149 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:16,400 Speaker 3: so important that you know where they are. For example, 150 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:21,320 Speaker 3: like if you know that they are known for doing 151 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:24,320 Speaker 3: things that they shouldn't, then you also end up being 152 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,800 Speaker 3: so worried when you do leave them, and because their 153 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:29,720 Speaker 3: trust and safety is not there and they're not doing 154 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,080 Speaker 3: it like because they want to annoy you. They want 155 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:38,120 Speaker 3: to you know, But it's really about you understanding their 156 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,679 Speaker 3: development milestones and what you can expect from that age 157 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:45,160 Speaker 3: group so that you're able to adequately support them so 158 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,720 Speaker 3: that they don't feel, yes, they it's a fine balance 159 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 3: that they feel that they can be trusted that you 160 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,560 Speaker 3: can trust them, and at the same time that you 161 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:58,319 Speaker 3: are providing that scafholding and environment that they yes, they 162 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:01,320 Speaker 3: may be making them mistakes, but knowing in a reframe 163 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:05,160 Speaker 3: for yourself as a parent, that they're actually needing help 164 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:09,600 Speaker 3: and guidance and it's the natural behavior of a teenager. 165 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:12,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, And then I guess there's also to some degree 166 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:19,360 Speaker 2: a conversation to be had about just how not completely independent, 167 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:24,560 Speaker 2: but just how much can your team be without you? 168 00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:26,120 Speaker 1: Can they do certain things? 169 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:28,320 Speaker 2: So if they need to make themselves something to eat, 170 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:31,880 Speaker 2: will they be okay? Operating the stove of the microwave, 171 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:33,600 Speaker 2: the air fire, whatever's in use. 172 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:35,880 Speaker 1: Will they be okay? 173 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:37,640 Speaker 2: If there are certain things that they need to do, 174 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,600 Speaker 2: maybe it's a particularly warm day and the home has 175 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:42,760 Speaker 2: a pool, will they be okay to swim? 176 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:43,880 Speaker 1: Or is it no swimming? 177 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:45,880 Speaker 2: But it also sounds as if you kind of need 178 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:50,800 Speaker 2: to be thinking about how capable is this person to 179 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:54,440 Speaker 2: kind of also just do certain things without hurting themselves, 180 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:57,520 Speaker 2: without kind of flooding the house or whatever it is, 181 00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:00,240 Speaker 2: because that also seems to be quite an important part 182 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,720 Speaker 2: of you know, what informs your decision? 183 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:03,719 Speaker 1: Do they have? 184 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:07,760 Speaker 2: I guess basic skills, some basic independence that would make 185 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:08,720 Speaker 2: sure they'd be fine. 186 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:14,280 Speaker 3: Yes, Yes, that's so true, Googs. Because and also when 187 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:18,280 Speaker 3: you do do that, it's not just all or nothing, like, Okay, 188 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:21,439 Speaker 3: you're gonna You've never left them even for an hour alone, 189 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:24,600 Speaker 3: and then all of a sudden you're now giving them 190 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:30,080 Speaker 3: for a whole day. It's about building those life skills 191 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,680 Speaker 3: when you are there with them in the environment, so 192 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,880 Speaker 3: that when you do leave for those you know, hours, 193 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:39,719 Speaker 3: as you gradually build that trust that it's something that 194 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:43,040 Speaker 3: you've spoken about, something that you've seen them do, because 195 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 3: they're not going to suddenly if they've live a fried 196 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,559 Speaker 3: and egg in their lives and then you leave them 197 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:50,800 Speaker 3: on their own and then theyre going to now you're 198 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:51,880 Speaker 3: leaving them with a stove. 199 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 1: That's not how it works. 200 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:56,000 Speaker 3: It's the main thing is just being attuned and knowing 201 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,640 Speaker 3: what they're capable of and what they're not and helping 202 00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:01,079 Speaker 3: them along so that they can grow that independence. 203 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, and so you mentioned that it's also quite important 204 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:07,679 Speaker 2: to ensure that your kids know and are comfortable not 205 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:10,520 Speaker 2: afraid to speak to you even if something goes wrong, 206 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:12,559 Speaker 2: maybe they try to make something in the other and 207 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,280 Speaker 2: it burns and it goes awry, and that they're able 208 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:18,120 Speaker 2: to talk to you, And that speaks to I guess 209 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:23,440 Speaker 2: parents building a relationship of trust of honesty with their kids. 210 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:27,760 Speaker 2: Not necessarily, you don't need to be friends with your kids. 211 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 1: You are still the parent. 212 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:32,560 Speaker 2: But how can parents then begin to build that relationships 213 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:36,679 Speaker 2: because sometimes it is tricky, especially in the teenagers. Teenagers 214 00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:39,640 Speaker 2: sometimes withdraw they don't speak about their feelings or what 215 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:43,480 Speaker 2: they're going through, and so parents won't actually know what's happening. 216 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 2: How can they begin to build that relationship of trust. 217 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:53,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, it starts off by not taking anything personally and 218 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:58,480 Speaker 3: because you know it's building that connection is something that 219 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:03,160 Speaker 3: starts really really small and in between moments where when 220 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:06,320 Speaker 3: your child is coming to you, and you know teenage 221 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,240 Speaker 3: children when they're spending all their time in their room, 222 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,560 Speaker 3: but when they do make the time, you know you 223 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,880 Speaker 3: don't as a parent as well, start to shaming them, 224 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,080 Speaker 3: like now you want to come talk to me because 225 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,880 Speaker 3: it suits you. You literally, because you know those windows 226 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:21,000 Speaker 3: of time so it's so short. You model the behavior, 227 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,840 Speaker 3: even if it means you put your phone down so 228 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:26,119 Speaker 3: that you can focus on them and hear them and 229 00:12:26,559 --> 00:12:29,720 Speaker 3: not you know, and trying your utmost base to get 230 00:12:29,559 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 3: into your into their world because sometimes, you know, sometimes 231 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,080 Speaker 3: connection looks like you're just sitting next to your child. 232 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:40,439 Speaker 3: You're not trying to teach them anything. You are really 233 00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:43,120 Speaker 3: just just there. You don't want to fix anything for them. 234 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,960 Speaker 3: And it also comes from a place of also wanting 235 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,360 Speaker 3: to understand them and being curious about their lives and listening. 236 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,880 Speaker 3: You know, those are just the small things where the 237 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,160 Speaker 3: child at the end of the day says, my mom 238 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:57,920 Speaker 3: or my dad sees me. They are able to hear 239 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,679 Speaker 3: me when I speak, and I feel I feel heard 240 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,120 Speaker 3: in this home, and then that gives them a sense 241 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 3: of trust in that relationship that you are building together. 242 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, and so that also means I guess I'm opening 243 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,840 Speaker 2: the space for your kids to say things you might 244 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:15,960 Speaker 2: not necessarily like or agree with, if you're kind of 245 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:19,040 Speaker 2: opening that relationship to be curious about their lives, for 246 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:22,320 Speaker 2: them to feel heard. Sometimes they may say things you 247 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:26,280 Speaker 2: know you don't like or that you know perhaps shock you. 248 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:30,120 Speaker 2: But you rather have that surely than your kids not 249 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:31,199 Speaker 2: saying anything at all. 250 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,760 Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, and that's what I also want to acknowledge 251 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:38,640 Speaker 3: that it's extremely difficult to hear when are your teenage 252 00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:41,080 Speaker 3: child was telling you that they you know, the things 253 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,280 Speaker 3: that you do to that hurts them, and we almost 254 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:47,200 Speaker 3: almost like immediately want to fix it and say no, no, 255 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:48,840 Speaker 3: that's not how it is. You don't see it that way. 256 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:52,400 Speaker 3: And it's about us, as you know, parents, to be 257 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,040 Speaker 3: aware of our own the things that are triggering us 258 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:58,040 Speaker 3: and being like, okay, this is being able to separate 259 00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:00,719 Speaker 3: so that you can hear your child because that is 260 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,600 Speaker 3: the foundation of building a strong relationship, so that when 261 00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:07,079 Speaker 3: you do, when they do feel trusted with you, then 262 00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:10,720 Speaker 3: leaving home and then learning from you when you are 263 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,880 Speaker 3: teaching them, it becomes so much more of an enjoyable experience. 264 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, and so I guess it also sounds like it's 265 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:19,800 Speaker 2: this kind of the delicate balance that parents are always 266 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,840 Speaker 2: trying to strike. So on one hand, you want your 267 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:25,280 Speaker 2: kids to feel as if you know they come from 268 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:29,000 Speaker 2: a home that loves them, supports them, wants them to 269 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:32,760 Speaker 2: do well, and that only exposes you to kind of 270 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:37,480 Speaker 2: age appropriate things. So never too much, never leaving kids 271 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:41,800 Speaker 2: to have complete freedom, especially when they're very young, but 272 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 2: also not stifling them, so not limiting them, not allowing 273 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:49,920 Speaker 2: them to learn things, not allowing them to make mistakes, 274 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:53,080 Speaker 2: because that's part of how they learn. You kind of 275 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,560 Speaker 2: with anything, the first time you do something, generally it's 276 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,680 Speaker 2: not going to go the best way. And so parents 277 00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,880 Speaker 2: are always kind of f going out. When is it 278 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 2: a good time for me to step in and kind 279 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:07,040 Speaker 2: of protect or manage this process? When is it a 280 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,520 Speaker 2: good time for me to step back and allow my child, 281 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:13,800 Speaker 2: especially if they're a young adults now their eighteen, allow 282 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:16,720 Speaker 2: them to kind of drive the process. But I'm there 283 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:20,000 Speaker 2: should anything go wrong or if they need my support. 284 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:24,080 Speaker 3: Yes, and that is the golden thing to be for 285 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:27,800 Speaker 3: you to be they not only physically, but then you're 286 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,240 Speaker 3: knowing this on your own, but for them as well, 287 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 3: to know that my mom or my dad is they 288 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:38,120 Speaker 3: When things do go wrong, I can reach out and 289 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:40,240 Speaker 3: I'm not going to be met with but I told 290 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:43,480 Speaker 3: you or but but you know that they are, you know, 291 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:47,760 Speaker 3: realizing that they just they are learning and they're calling 292 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,680 Speaker 3: on us ats their parents, to be learning alongside them. 293 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,280 Speaker 2: So I think that's so interesting that you say that 294 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:55,720 Speaker 2: not only are your kids learning, but you as a 295 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:59,400 Speaker 2: parent as well learning alongside them. And I guess even 296 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:02,360 Speaker 2: for parents, and you know your journey of parenthood could 297 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,880 Speaker 2: also be potentially transformative for you as well. 298 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 3: Absolutely, and it's not always perfect and it will never be. 299 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:14,320 Speaker 3: That's you know, That's why it's it grows us so 300 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,920 Speaker 3: much as parents, and it's really taking about taking those 301 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:20,000 Speaker 3: small steps every time. 302 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:24,160 Speaker 2: And yeah, nopo, if someone's looking to get in touch 303 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,800 Speaker 2: with you, what are some of the I guess the 304 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 2: services that you offer parents as a parenting coach and 305 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:30,840 Speaker 2: where can we find you? 306 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,120 Speaker 3: Yes, I work with parents to support them with every 307 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,320 Speaker 3: day challenges they have in their parenting and they can 308 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:42,720 Speaker 3: find me on my website Parenting for Success Docio Dozida 309 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,440 Speaker 3: or follow me on Instagram under the name Nozipum Lamp. 310 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 2: Thank you, Thank you so much for giving us your time. 311 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,800 Speaker 2: A great pleasure having you on the show. 312 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:53,560 Speaker 3: Thank you Goods. 313 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:57,760 Speaker 2: That is parenting coach at Lambo joining us this morning. 314 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:00,200 Speaker 2: Coming up, we'll have a look at what's happening in 315 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:02,840 Speaker 2: seven o two Land. We'll look at some theater. There's 316 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:06,480 Speaker 2: a powerful new production at the Joe Book Theater. It's 317 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:09,959 Speaker 2: called Mannath no surname, So speak to artistic director and 318 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:14,560 Speaker 2: actor at the Joebak Theater. James novel about that. Then 319 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,720 Speaker 2: we'll talk about the rand Easter Show, which of course 320 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:24,000 Speaker 2: is one of the longest running events around this time 321 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:26,719 Speaker 2: of year. We'll speak to the CEO of the rancho 322 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:31,480 Speaker 2: Adele Hardtigan. We'll join us this morning. But also maybe 323 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,120 Speaker 2: there's something happening in your part of seven o two 324 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:38,800 Speaker 2: Land that you want to tell us about. Maybe there 325 00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:42,479 Speaker 2: is a festival, a book fair, a dance show, a 326 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:46,440 Speaker 2: talent show, whatever it is, we'd like to hear about 327 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,560 Speaker 2: it this morning. So let us know what's happening in 328 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,080 Speaker 2: your corner of seven o two Land. Send us a 329 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:55,439 Speaker 2: message on three one seven o two. Send us a 330 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:59,240 Speaker 2: WhatsApp message on seven two seven two one seven o two. 331 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,560 Speaker 2: It's just gone eight thirty, so let's check in with 332 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:05,640 Speaker 2: your latest I Witness New Sports with underneath Shade Up.