1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:03,000 Speaker 1: This is Kital. 2 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:10,640 Speaker 2: And finally this morning, it's a conversation I've been dying 3 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:13,680 Speaker 2: to get to. There's a lot of language and conversation 4 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:18,079 Speaker 2: now around healing and growth and transformation, but what does 5 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:22,319 Speaker 2: it actually look like to do the work? Coach Kenny 6 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,840 Speaker 2: joins us in studio today and she's built a platform 7 00:00:25,079 --> 00:00:28,920 Speaker 2: around exactly that, creating spaces where people confront what's holding 8 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:32,879 Speaker 2: them back, and then of course there's practical steps forward. 9 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:37,840 Speaker 2: It's called Own Your Life. It's a seminar that returns 10 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:42,120 Speaker 2: to Katee Town this weekend. Welcome, thank you, Hi. Tell 11 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:44,320 Speaker 2: us a little bit first about Own your Life. 12 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:48,360 Speaker 1: So On your Life is a half day seminar and 13 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:52,920 Speaker 1: the premise of it is creating space for healing and growth. 14 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:57,600 Speaker 1: So we do workshops around identity. Who are you? Everyone 15 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:00,280 Speaker 1: wants to live authentically, but who are you? Most of 16 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,040 Speaker 1: us don't know who we are, so who are you 17 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:05,520 Speaker 1: going to be authentically? As so we do that journey 18 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:10,319 Speaker 1: of self discovery self reintroduction. Then we work on your 19 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:12,800 Speaker 1: limiting beliefs. What are the things that are holding you 20 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:15,560 Speaker 1: back from creating the life that you want to live. 21 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:20,640 Speaker 1: Then we move on to inner child healing, because our patterns, 22 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:24,840 Speaker 1: our fears, the stuff we bring into relationships, most of 23 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 1: that was created in our childhood, so we connect with 24 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:30,679 Speaker 1: those wounded in our children. And then for the first 25 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:32,400 Speaker 1: time here in Cape Town, we are bringing in a 26 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:37,280 Speaker 1: somatic therapist and she's going to do an embodied healing 27 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:40,160 Speaker 1: of the trauma, because trauma sits in your body, so 28 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,000 Speaker 1: we're going to be doing that work. And then finally 29 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:44,399 Speaker 1: we're going to do a Q and A. I like 30 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:50,200 Speaker 1: to call it a group coaching session. So yeah, it's packed. 31 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,680 Speaker 1: It's a pect tech day. 32 00:01:55,200 --> 00:02:00,080 Speaker 2: Okay, let me start worth the work because we've the 33 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:04,880 Speaker 2: concepts and people who are familiar with this work, who 34 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:08,919 Speaker 2: might understand that we lead from self and how important 35 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:12,640 Speaker 2: it is that we understand ourselves. In a country like 36 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 2: South Africa, there's not a lot of us who have 37 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,320 Speaker 2: been given the opportunity, the time, or the tools, Knie 38 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,240 Speaker 2: to even think about this in any sort of critical way, 39 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:26,880 Speaker 2: to even imagine that this would be important. Why would 40 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:31,080 Speaker 2: you say that, I mean things like identity, self limiting 41 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:32,880 Speaker 2: beliefs in a child. These are all like in a 42 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:35,960 Speaker 2: country like South Africa, should there's a lot of work 43 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:38,360 Speaker 2: to be done for someone who doesn't get it, Like, 44 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,720 Speaker 2: what would you say, why is this important? 45 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,679 Speaker 1: Yeah? I mean most of us don't get it, right. 46 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,800 Speaker 1: I remember a time where I didn't get it. I 47 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:47,960 Speaker 1: was just like, there's something wrong with me, and that's 48 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:52,360 Speaker 1: it and moving forward just bubble a long hubble along 49 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,399 Speaker 1: soldier through life. I think, first of all, I want 50 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:59,280 Speaker 1: to credit social media for language. Like now you go 51 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:04,119 Speaker 1: on on Instagram and you're finding therapists, you're finding coaches. 52 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:09,120 Speaker 1: Then you start thinking about yourself. I'm a TikTok coach 53 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 1: quote unquote because a lot of my clients, a lot 54 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:14,720 Speaker 1: of people find me on TikTok. So what we have 55 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:18,720 Speaker 1: is the word self aware. So I think a lot 56 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:21,720 Speaker 1: of people are self aware. A lot of people know 57 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:25,840 Speaker 1: I'm in my comfort zone, right, I'm in the space 58 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:29,880 Speaker 1: that feels very uncomfortable, but it's all I know. What 59 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:33,680 Speaker 1: I don't have, though, is the tools to move forward. 60 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 1: And so that's when we come in and we say 61 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 1: the tools are investing first of all in the work. Right. 62 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:45,120 Speaker 1: We like to talk about triggers. For example, oh, I 63 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:48,160 Speaker 1: get I'm so triggered by this, and I'm triggered by that, 64 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 1: and full stop the work is why am I triggered 65 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:54,920 Speaker 1: by this, and then how do I heal the things 66 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,760 Speaker 1: that's led to the triggering? And I think in a 67 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:02,000 Speaker 1: country like South Africa, this word is it's so important. 68 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,720 Speaker 1: It's so important for us South Africans to really look 69 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:10,760 Speaker 1: at ourselves and ask us really deeply painful questions that 70 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:14,640 Speaker 1: do lead to that healing. But we have to want to. 71 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:18,680 Speaker 1: And that's the thing HE help you want to. 72 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:21,720 Speaker 2: Because when you say you have to want to, as 73 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 2: you're talking there, it's scary, it's very it's fearful, and 74 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:30,280 Speaker 2: that courage sometimes we don't actually know that we have it. Yeah, 75 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 2: I mean how do we How do you actually overcome 76 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:38,599 Speaker 2: that fear and actually find that courage because I'm sure 77 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:41,719 Speaker 2: in your work you see that with people. 78 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:44,720 Speaker 1: All the time. I love that you use the word 79 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:50,120 Speaker 1: courage because I am of the unshakable belief that healing 80 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:58,080 Speaker 1: requires courage, because healing is a very uncomfortable process looking 81 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:01,000 Speaker 1: at yourself, looking at the thing that happened to you. 82 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,359 Speaker 1: I start with a client yesterday and I was like, 83 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,760 Speaker 1: talk to me about age fourteen, right, and she started 84 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:10,839 Speaker 1: crying because age fourteen is when things started to crumble 85 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:16,040 Speaker 1: in her life and build her identity around what happened 86 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 1: at age fourteen, and so that takes courage. And we 87 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:24,960 Speaker 1: define courage not as the absence of fear. That's the 88 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,279 Speaker 1: mistake that a lot of us like, Oh, you're so courageous, 89 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:31,040 Speaker 1: you're not afraid. No, courage is feeling the fear and 90 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:34,839 Speaker 1: doing the thing anyway. And that's what healing is about. 91 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,920 Speaker 1: It's knowing that you have some shadow work, you have 92 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,360 Speaker 1: some pain points, you have some wounds that you've been bandaging. 93 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:45,920 Speaker 1: And the courage that we have to cultivate is I 94 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:49,440 Speaker 1: have a choice to make here. I can choose to 95 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:52,400 Speaker 1: be the same. I can choose to sit on this 96 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,479 Speaker 1: comfort zone. I can choose to be our way and 97 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:58,839 Speaker 1: do nothing. That's a choice. Or I can choose the opposite. 98 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 1: I can choose to work myself. I can choose to 99 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:03,920 Speaker 1: go to therapy, find a coach, go to seminars. I 100 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:07,360 Speaker 1: can choose to be active and to participate. And both 101 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:08,280 Speaker 1: are hard choices. 102 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:14,720 Speaker 2: And also that discomfort, you know, I think to understand, 103 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:18,839 Speaker 2: even though it's so difficult, that actually you don't grow, 104 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:22,720 Speaker 2: you don't learn, you don't get better unless you're uncomfortable. 105 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:26,960 Speaker 2: Unless you are incredibly uncomfortable, because if you're comfortable, you're 106 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,440 Speaker 2: standing still. Yeah. 107 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:30,400 Speaker 1: And you have a lot of people who say I 108 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:34,960 Speaker 1: feel stuck, right, and it is. It's normal to feel stuck. 109 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:37,560 Speaker 1: I've felt stuck in a lot of times in my life. 110 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:41,359 Speaker 1: But what I realized, and when I work with clients, 111 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:44,279 Speaker 1: it's when you feel stuck, what is the decision that 112 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:45,360 Speaker 1: you are scared to make? 113 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:51,599 Speaker 2: Yeah? You see, we can all relate. 114 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:57,320 Speaker 1: Right, it's what is the big, scary, bold decision that 115 00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:00,240 Speaker 1: you have to make so that you get unstuck. For 116 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:03,480 Speaker 1: some of us, it is the decision to leave that relationship. 117 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,400 Speaker 1: For some of us, it's the decision to choose a 118 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,240 Speaker 1: different career path. What's the decision that you're not making 119 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:10,480 Speaker 1: that's keeping you stuck? 120 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,760 Speaker 2: And just in asking that question again, it's also about 121 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:21,040 Speaker 2: are we asking ourselves the right questions sometimes to become unstuck? 122 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, tell us about. 123 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:26,360 Speaker 2: Now own your life. It's back in Cape Town? And 124 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,800 Speaker 2: when did you first have the first one in Cape Town? 125 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,560 Speaker 2: And how has it been received? 126 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:36,000 Speaker 1: Yeah? Because you're back. I'm back. Also, I love the city. 127 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:39,280 Speaker 1: I went to UWC, so I spent eight years in 128 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 1: Cape Town. We were here last April. That was actually 129 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:47,480 Speaker 1: the first on your Life ever was here in Cape 130 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:51,240 Speaker 1: Town pro and what we learned was the need for 131 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:54,320 Speaker 1: the space. Right Cape Town was like, we need spaces 132 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:57,960 Speaker 1: like this. So the reception for the work has really 133 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 1: been beautiful, again crediting the power of social media because 134 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,520 Speaker 1: you know, now you get to see yourself reflected on 135 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:10,280 Speaker 1: a tiny, tiny screen on your phone and you can go, oh, 136 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,360 Speaker 1: I need to I need to grow, I need to heal, 137 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:15,800 Speaker 1: I need to do the work. So, yeah, we're here 138 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,520 Speaker 1: a year ago and it was it was beautiful. We're 139 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:22,800 Speaker 1: actually down the road at a hotel somewhere there, so 140 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:23,600 Speaker 1: it was really good. 141 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:28,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, and different from the last time. So if somebody 142 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:29,520 Speaker 2: came the last time. 143 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:33,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, they've all been different. So we did Cape Town 144 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: that was different, joe Burg was different, Durban was different. 145 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:40,640 Speaker 1: The last one was in joe Burg as well. So 146 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:43,760 Speaker 1: for example, I'll give you an example. When we were 147 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,920 Speaker 1: doing the Inner Child workshop in Cape Town, we did 148 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:50,560 Speaker 1: visualization work, and when we're doing it in joe Burg 149 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:51,520 Speaker 1: we did mirror work. 150 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,040 Speaker 2: Okay, so you switch it up a little bit ks. 151 00:08:55,679 --> 00:08:58,760 Speaker 1: In terms of how we do exactly. And so if 152 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 1: you were at the first one, yay, you should come 153 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 1: to this one too. It's going to pick your friend. 154 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:07,600 Speaker 2: Fantastic. We're talking to coach Connie. She's bringing the Own 155 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:13,480 Speaker 2: Your Life her flagship seminar. It's back in Cape Town again. 156 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:18,480 Speaker 2: You have been all over the country with this seminar. 157 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,160 Speaker 2: Just took to us a little bit about because that's 158 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,679 Speaker 2: a good temperature check. How are we doing as South Africa? 159 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:25,000 Speaker 1: We are we? 160 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:25,400 Speaker 2: Okay? 161 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:34,440 Speaker 1: No, we are. You know, I've lived outside of South 162 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,920 Speaker 1: Africa for the past fifteen years and I just returned 163 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:42,240 Speaker 1: home last year, and what was exciting for me, as 164 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:45,480 Speaker 1: a South African who's repatriating and who does this work, 165 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:49,600 Speaker 1: was that people want to right, there's this like, yes, 166 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:53,160 Speaker 1: I was actually at I was speaking at a Firstborn 167 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:57,280 Speaker 1: Daughter's convention a few weeks ago, and. 168 00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 2: That was also first Born Daughters convey Yes. 169 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:05,560 Speaker 1: Are you a firstbone? Okay? Do you do you relate 170 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:09,320 Speaker 1: with like over achieving and perfectionism and people? 171 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,679 Speaker 2: No, I'm like, I'm not a perfectionist, but I am 172 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:14,000 Speaker 2: an a type personality. 173 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:20,840 Speaker 1: Well, I like, I will call me a perfectionist myself 174 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:26,000 Speaker 1: a perfectionist in the nicest way possible. I'm just a type. No. 175 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:30,160 Speaker 1: It was the convention was about the pressure that rests 176 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:33,760 Speaker 1: on the firstborn daughter. That is from how you now 177 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,200 Speaker 1: need to help raise your younger siblings. That's a lot 178 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:39,720 Speaker 1: of pressure on a child. How your identity is formed 179 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 1: around this big sense of responsibility. And that was for 180 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,560 Speaker 1: me being in a space like that, I'm a firstborn daughter. 181 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:49,520 Speaker 1: Myself was like, okay, yeah, we we want to we 182 00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:54,640 Speaker 1: want to do the work. My curiosity about the work, 183 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,960 Speaker 1: whether in South Africa or anywhere else is why are 184 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:03,640 Speaker 1: men not coming? So that's been my you know, I 185 00:11:03,679 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 1: have men in my private coaching space, whether that is 186 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:12,560 Speaker 1: in a couple or or one on one coaching. But 187 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,959 Speaker 1: I'm like, why are men not even creating these spaces 188 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,240 Speaker 1: for themselves? Why are they not attending work like this? 189 00:11:18,559 --> 00:11:21,880 Speaker 2: But I'm gonna I'm gonna just check myself now because 190 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 2: when you said your flagship own your life seminal, when 191 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:30,640 Speaker 2: I said that, in my mind, I only saw women absolutely. 192 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:32,319 Speaker 2: Why why? 193 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, great question. 194 00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:40,199 Speaker 2: Yeah, literally I gotta check myself. Yeah, I only saw women. 195 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:44,520 Speaker 1: And it's so funny about men because you know, men 196 00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:48,800 Speaker 1: will be there working the cameras right yes, taking the photos, 197 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:52,199 Speaker 1: but you see them engaging a little bit and then 198 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,240 Speaker 1: after the thing, they'll come in like that was a 199 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:57,280 Speaker 1: great to the curiosity, right, Like, yeah, I thought that, 200 00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:00,720 Speaker 1: and keep it moving and and and also so I 201 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:06,240 Speaker 1: think men are men are not allowed to feel past 202 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:10,920 Speaker 1: rage and anger. And so when you say to someone 203 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,600 Speaker 1: how do you feel, and they're like, I'm angry, right, 204 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:18,280 Speaker 1: And anger is a secondary emotion to pain and hurt 205 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,600 Speaker 1: and discomfort and frustration and all of that. And so 206 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:25,479 Speaker 1: when I work with men in my one on one coaching, 207 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:29,160 Speaker 1: it is a man coach. I came to you because 208 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:32,679 Speaker 1: I have a fear of failure, right, And then I 209 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:37,800 Speaker 1: go why, and then it's oh, because I got really 210 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,960 Speaker 1: badly punished and hit when I failed. Great too, and 211 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:44,920 Speaker 1: so now I carry that fear of failure. That's just 212 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,960 Speaker 1: an example. So I think, yeah, I'm really I'm very 213 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 1: curious because even the men I work with their people pleasers, 214 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:56,199 Speaker 1: they self abandoned in relationships. Men experience the same things 215 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:57,239 Speaker 1: that we experience. 216 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,480 Speaker 2: I think though, that is a society. Maybe we've just 217 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:06,679 Speaker 2: been open enough to cultivate these spaces for women, but 218 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:10,520 Speaker 2: we haven't been as intentional enough to cultivate these spaces 219 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:14,880 Speaker 2: for men. So maybe they don't feel like they're welcome. 220 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:21,880 Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. I just I feel like, 221 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:28,360 Speaker 1: you know, men don't. I feel like we create the 222 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:32,439 Speaker 1: spaces for men. My partner had a yoga thing where 223 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:35,160 Speaker 1: she invited like dance, and they didn't show up because 224 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:39,280 Speaker 1: and they were just like, no yoga. When we're on yoga, 225 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,720 Speaker 1: we don't talk about our feelings. Actually, when we did 226 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,200 Speaker 1: On Your Life last year, there was a husband and 227 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,120 Speaker 1: a wife that came together and I thought it was 228 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:49,600 Speaker 1: the most beautiful thing. And he walks in and he's like, 229 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:53,160 Speaker 1: just so you know, I'm not gonna cry. And I 230 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:57,000 Speaker 1: was like, okay, like we will see about that. And 231 00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,320 Speaker 1: by the end of the seminar he's there. He's crying, 232 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:04,800 Speaker 1: he's shame. He's talking about manhood and the and the box. 233 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,400 Speaker 1: You know, there's a there's a box that we've created 234 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:10,640 Speaker 1: as a society, and that is men don't be. And 235 00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:13,559 Speaker 1: then there's a list of how not to be as 236 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:16,680 Speaker 1: a man. And then we say stifle yourself, make yourself 237 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,440 Speaker 1: shrink and fit into this box. And it's suffocating. 238 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 2: I think, especially again in South Africa, with our history 239 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:26,640 Speaker 2: that we have, and we look at even now, how 240 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:30,880 Speaker 2: all of this comes to bear on our crime statistics, 241 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:34,960 Speaker 2: you know. I mean we often speak about violence against women, 242 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:39,240 Speaker 2: and it is a pandemic, but people who are dying 243 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:43,600 Speaker 2: are mainly well it's mainly black men, actually at the 244 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:46,280 Speaker 2: hands of other black men. I hate to say that, 245 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,680 Speaker 2: but that says that there's some serious what's. 246 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 1: Going on in that needs to happen. 247 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:52,680 Speaker 2: Yeah. 248 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, So we can talk about that, and we should. 249 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,920 Speaker 1: We should absolutely, And also we should ask ourselves as 250 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:05,240 Speaker 1: a community, as a culture, what's going on on the inside. Yeah. 251 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,400 Speaker 2: And also create space for them, because I really do 252 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:11,640 Speaker 2: think that I think men have gotten a lot of 253 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:14,080 Speaker 2: the bad end of the stick. So I really would 254 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,760 Speaker 2: love to see us create more spaces for them to 255 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:22,280 Speaker 2: be included. That's why I love this. So own your life, guys, 256 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,680 Speaker 2: get in the room, talk to talk to your partner, 257 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:31,040 Speaker 2: whoever they may be at home now, and come come 258 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,240 Speaker 2: and join Yeah, yeah, definitely. 259 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,320 Speaker 1: And and it's you know, there's there's power in community. 260 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:41,440 Speaker 1: There's power in seeing yourself as not so alone in 261 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,520 Speaker 1: the things that you experience in your life. And and 262 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,520 Speaker 1: spaces like this for men and for women. And and 263 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,960 Speaker 1: this is the thing I keep telling some of the 264 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,240 Speaker 1: people that follow my social media. I'm like, don't show 265 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:56,000 Speaker 1: the partners you leave because you saw a video of 266 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:58,600 Speaker 1: my face. I don't want to get in trouble. But 267 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:01,960 Speaker 1: there's something that happens when you have a partner that's 268 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:05,720 Speaker 1: doing the work and the partner that's not. That relationship 269 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:08,920 Speaker 1: cannot grow like this, it can only grow like yes, 270 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,760 Speaker 1: and then what ends up happening is you have someone 271 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,880 Speaker 1: that is really cultivating the courage to heal their wounds 272 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:19,680 Speaker 1: and grow next to someone that's like, I'm a chill 273 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,440 Speaker 1: and see, and then the conversation that person is having 274 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:27,160 Speaker 1: is around redical self love and redical self choosing and 275 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:30,400 Speaker 1: what that looks like. And sometimes the first thing to 276 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:34,200 Speaker 1: get challenged is your interpersonal relationships. 277 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:37,880 Speaker 2: Which makes sense. Yeah, absolutely, yeah, absolutely makes sense. We're 278 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:42,960 Speaker 2: talking to coach can He and of course that Cape 279 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:47,880 Speaker 2: Town seminar of Own Your Life. What is next for 280 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 2: the Own Your Life series? Where do you go to 281 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 2: after Cape Town? 282 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:55,240 Speaker 1: We're going to Durban after Cape Town June thirteenth, We're 283 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:59,600 Speaker 1: going to be in Durban. But the vision is obviously 284 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:03,840 Speaker 1: growth for the seminars. We're looking at doing retreats. We're 285 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:07,399 Speaker 1: also looking at hitting some African countries as well, but 286 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:10,800 Speaker 1: we're going to do Durban Is London and from the 287 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:13,639 Speaker 1: Eastern Capes. I'm really excited too. It's going to be 288 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:16,359 Speaker 1: our first time taking it to the Eastern Cape. And 289 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,080 Speaker 1: then we'll do joe Burg and you know, doing retreats 290 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,360 Speaker 1: and trying to get to Namibia. 291 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:27,399 Speaker 2: This year, so expanding and then just tell us a 292 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:31,600 Speaker 2: little bit about the retreat. Is that then something where 293 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,440 Speaker 2: you'd go away for a few days. 294 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's something because when this was actually born out 295 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:40,320 Speaker 1: of the Cape Town one where at the end of 296 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:43,679 Speaker 1: the seminar you're just you're sitting with such heavy stuff 297 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:46,359 Speaker 1: that you've gone through, and the people in the room 298 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,320 Speaker 1: were just like, we need more than just half a day, 299 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:52,240 Speaker 1: and so we started talking about the retreat and imagine 300 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,399 Speaker 1: what that looks like. So obviously you'll have more workshops, 301 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:58,360 Speaker 1: even more time. I think when we're doing this type 302 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,640 Speaker 1: of work, we need more time to kind of breathe 303 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:05,480 Speaker 1: in between the space. So maybe three workshops a day 304 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,639 Speaker 1: and then there's a lot of time to sit and 305 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:11,600 Speaker 1: to reflect and to release, do yoga, bring more like 306 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:14,439 Speaker 1: somatic work, rey Ki Hillers and stuff. 307 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,440 Speaker 2: I'm going to hook you up with birth spaces because 308 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,840 Speaker 2: they've got their birth retreat. 309 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:23,360 Speaker 1: Hook me up. 310 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:26,840 Speaker 2: We we're gonna. We're gonna definitely were hooking you up 311 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:30,800 Speaker 2: with that before we go, because we're running out of time. 312 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,720 Speaker 2: I just want to talk a little bit about just 313 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:37,160 Speaker 2: to encourage the males. 314 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:41,800 Speaker 1: Because it's not really I feel so bad. 315 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:48,280 Speaker 2: Just because it's not just about talkie talkie philly feely stuff. 316 00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:50,600 Speaker 2: Talk to us a little bit about that somatic therapist. 317 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:56,399 Speaker 1: There's a book called The Body Keeps the Score and 318 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,199 Speaker 1: it's it's one of the books that really transformed my 319 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:02,800 Speaker 1: life because when I started working on my own stuff, 320 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,560 Speaker 1: I was like I was reading books and I was journaling, 321 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:08,960 Speaker 1: and I was going to therapy, but I was avoiding 322 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,720 Speaker 1: my body. And the truth is, from age zero, my 323 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,960 Speaker 1: body was processing everything that I was experiencing. I didn't 324 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,480 Speaker 1: have language, so everything was getting soaked in and sponged 325 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,800 Speaker 1: in my body. And a lot of us will recognize this. 326 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:26,120 Speaker 1: Say you are at a store and you smell cologne 327 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:29,000 Speaker 1: or soap, and then your body reacts to that and 328 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:32,359 Speaker 1: you can't really pinpoint what it's really acting to, but 329 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,320 Speaker 1: you can feel either it's joy or sadness or pain, 330 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:39,520 Speaker 1: or you just completely freeze. That's your body saying there's 331 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:44,119 Speaker 1: a connection there, right, And so the somatic therapy is 332 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:47,040 Speaker 1: going to help us connect with the stuff that's sitting 333 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,280 Speaker 1: in our body and she's going to give us tools 334 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:52,080 Speaker 1: on how to release it. Yeah. 335 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:56,399 Speaker 2: I just think bodywork is the biggest, most magical tool 336 00:19:56,600 --> 00:20:00,800 Speaker 2: because sometimes when dealing with these things, we can talk 337 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:04,159 Speaker 2: a lot, feel like it doesn't get anywhere where as 338 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,640 Speaker 2: the body not only as a tool to process, but 339 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,960 Speaker 2: then when you're in a situation and you're thinking what 340 00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:13,120 Speaker 2: is this, your body can actually tell. 341 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:15,439 Speaker 1: It tells you what it is absolutely, and. 342 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,240 Speaker 2: Then body mind connections. 343 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,119 Speaker 1: And it's and it's it's it's so powerful because you 344 00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:23,000 Speaker 1: know we talk about pleasure and pain, it's here, it's 345 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:26,400 Speaker 1: in your body, and sometimes you have one blocking the other. 346 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:30,680 Speaker 1: So you need to be conscious and aware of where 347 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,800 Speaker 1: you're at in this body. So I'm very excited to 348 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,000 Speaker 1: have her. I think it's going to be a fantastic 349 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:36,800 Speaker 1: workshop and. 350 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:38,200 Speaker 2: I think the guys will enjoy it. 351 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,399 Speaker 1: The guys will enjoy it. It was so lovely to 352 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:44,360 Speaker 1: chat to you today. 353 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,760 Speaker 2: I want to let everybody know that the On your 354 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,760 Speaker 2: Life Cape Tan Seminar takes place on the eleventh of April, 355 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:53,720 Speaker 2: from eleven to four. It's at the Cape Town marriotter 356 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,359 Speaker 2: Tell Crystal Towers and tickets are seven hundred and fifty 357 00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,960 Speaker 2: round for general admission one thousand, two hundred and fifty 358 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 2: four VIP and that includes a virtual one on one 359 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:08,080 Speaker 2: coaching session with Coach Connie. And I can tell you, oh, 360 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,199 Speaker 2: I've done lots of therapy and lots of coaching in 361 00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:12,040 Speaker 2: my life, but the coaches are the best. 362 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:17,920 Speaker 1: Absolute favorite. Don't say that to therapist. That's my absolute 363 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,879 Speaker 1: absolute favorite. I know, thank you, thank you. 364 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:26,280 Speaker 2: That of course is coach Cunny. And yes, we're looking 365 00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:29,800 Speaker 2: forward to year in more when she comes with that retreat.