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Speaker 1: Seven two seven two. What's gone viral with the world

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Speaker 1: of viral content our cab zella, good morning to you

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Speaker 1: bad you are the of where of lonehal.

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Speaker 2: Loneial copy That's where I live.

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Speaker 1: Oh gosh, it's good. Serious Now. Indeed, if I necessarily

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Speaker 1: agreed with the views expressed in this first video, but

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Speaker 1: I'll let you explain. Yes, I agree with you.

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Speaker 2: And and many people had mixed views on the comments

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Speaker 2: on this video. So Diary of a CEO Stephen Bartlett

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Speaker 2: had this guest on the show and they were talking

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Speaker 2: about sympathy, and she was empathy and she was saying

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Speaker 2: that the more you've gone through in your life, the

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Speaker 2: more hardship that you have gone through in your life,

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Speaker 2: the less empathy you will have for others. So think

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Speaker 2: about things that you've gone through in your life. You

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Speaker 2: may have gone through a very terrible divorce, maybe somebody

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Speaker 2: with alcoholism, any other addiction, or any other hardships. And

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Speaker 2: then you come across somebody who has the same thing.

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Speaker 2: Do you have empathy for them because you've gone through that,

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Speaker 2: or do you look at them and say, you know,

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Speaker 2: come on, get your stuff together, Just like this lady

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Speaker 2: says in this clip. Let's take a listen.

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Speaker 3: The more you go through, the less empathy you have.

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Speaker 3: You would think that because you've been through that stuff,

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Speaker 3: you would have more empathy, but as you rise through

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Speaker 3: the ranks, you actually have less empathy because you've been

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Speaker 3: through it, you've overcome it, and you kind of look

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Speaker 3: at people like, can you please get it together?

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Speaker 2: So that's an interesting one. I mean, like, you know,

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Speaker 2: I went through a divorce. It wasn't very pleasant. And

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Speaker 2: when I meet some people who have gone through a divorce,

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Speaker 2: automatically there's something there. An there's an empathy or somebody

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Speaker 2: who's going through a divorce, I have empathy for them.

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Speaker 2: Now I might be able to, you know, give them

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Speaker 2: some advice and encouragement. But it doesn't mean because I've

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Speaker 2: gone through it and I overcame it and moved on,

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Speaker 2: that I have less empathy for them.

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Speaker 1: But but hang on, have you not been in a

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Speaker 1: situation where you think, Okay, it really can't be that bad.

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Speaker 1: I've gone through the same thing. Come on now, I

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Speaker 1: think that's what she's saying.

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Speaker 2: I think it depends on what the situation is. Where

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Speaker 2: you could be and that's a jet and you could say, well,

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Speaker 2: you know, I've been there. Come on, it's it's not

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Speaker 2: that bad. Maybe situation dependent.

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Speaker 1: Let's put it out there. Haven't gone through something, maybe

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Speaker 1: a tragedy or a difficulty. Does that make you more

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Speaker 1: sympathetic to have empathy on those who go through it?

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Speaker 1: Or do you sometimes think, okay, now you're performing, I've

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Speaker 1: been like, nobody dies from a divorce. Come on, now,

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Speaker 1: get your act together side you lean more towards having

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Speaker 1: experienced something. Pliss is breakfast with Bong on seven O

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Speaker 1: two little we'll take a slight off ramp and look

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Speaker 1: at what Cabazella's video is all about. So in it,

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Speaker 1: the speaker says very simply that if you've gone through

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Speaker 1: a particular hardship in life, there is a chance, in fact,

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Speaker 1: there's a strong chance, she argues, you will have less

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Speaker 1: empathy for those who go through the same thing, partly

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Speaker 1: because when you haven't had the experience of something, you're

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Speaker 1: imagining how bad it would be. Right, you haven't been

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Speaker 1: in those shoes yourself. When somebody is moaning and groaning,

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Speaker 1: you think, oh, come on, it's not the end of

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Speaker 1: the world. I know what that's like. I survived it,

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Speaker 1: and so your inclination to display empathy is lessened by

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Speaker 1: having experienced something. Do you agree. Sametana Madis, one of

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Speaker 1: our producers, suggested, sometimes it's because you don't want the

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Speaker 1: emotions that will take you back to your own grief

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Speaker 1: or loss or sense of sadness, and so maybe your

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Speaker 1: empathy is less about the other person. It's you not

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Speaker 1: wanting to wake up your own wounds. Vussella manglaib that's

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Speaker 1: what you know, wake up your own wounds. Vsella manglap

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Speaker 1: that's what that means. But how are you more sympathetic

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Speaker 1: having gone through something? I mean, isn't that why we

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Speaker 1: will then say to somebody, oh shame I've dealt with that,

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Speaker 1: Oh my uncle had that. Or isn't that why we're

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Speaker 1: because we're trying to tell the other person it's not

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Speaker 1: that bad.

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Speaker 4: Look.

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Speaker 5: I've been the kind of person to say save your

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Speaker 5: war stories for private, Ryan, because I mean, I've gone

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Speaker 5: through the same We've all got war stories. And I

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Speaker 5: didn't have the sympathy at the time because I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 5: it's a breakup, Yeah you lost your job. But like

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Speaker 5: I was younger, you know, because I was like, I've

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Speaker 5: gone through the same thing. Pick yourself up, let's go.

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Speaker 5: You know, I didn't have the sympathy then, but now

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Speaker 5: I think I'm more sympathetic to people's struggles.

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Speaker 1: There's never a part of you that goes oh away too.

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Speaker 1: It's bad, but.

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Speaker 5: No, not anymore, not anymore.

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Speaker 6: M Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, if anything,

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Speaker 6: hardships makes you resilient right to your own issues. If

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Speaker 6: you go through something today, if it's a divorce today,

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Speaker 6: tomorrow it's something else, and that particular divorce might not

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Speaker 6: be you know, the same essence of what you're going

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Speaker 6: through that moment, But the fact that you survived the

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Speaker 6: divorce means that you can survive another thing. So I think,

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Speaker 6: actually it makes you more sympathetic to the person to say.

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Speaker 4: Actually, you know you've been through worse.

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Speaker 6: You can now, you can definitely do better.

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Speaker 1: But I'm still in my pain. Don't take me to

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Speaker 1: what being how pain?

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Speaker 6: That's that's a lot, you know, cry about it, but

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Speaker 6: don't drown.

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Speaker 1: But you're not feeling my situation. You're not feeling my

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Speaker 1: You don't even have empathy for me. So we must cry,

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Speaker 1: both of us must cry. Thank you.

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Speaker 4: There's a little too, it's a little from DK with

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Speaker 4: regards to the empathy story with Capazella, I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I think the lady just phrased it wrong. I don't

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Speaker 4: think you have less empathy for me. Rather, you don't

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Speaker 4: have less empathy for the person. You have less empathy

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Speaker 4: for the situation or the problem. You sympathize with the person,

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Speaker 4: but you realize the problem for what it is. I guess,

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Speaker 4: so I don't think she said it correctly for me.

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Speaker 7: Hi Berney, Yes, I have less empathy for people who've

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Speaker 7: gone through things. I've gone through it all. I've been

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Speaker 7: through a divorced, I've lost my job, I've been through

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Speaker 7: all of it. So not that I don't have empathy,

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Speaker 7: it's just very short lived, you know, like get over it.

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Speaker 7: Life goes on. That's my favorite code. Life goes one,

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Speaker 7: make a plan.

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Speaker 8: And covers like Smallly actually promos. I understand that, lady, like,

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Speaker 8: empathy is like you are putting yourself in someone's shoes,

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Speaker 8: like in whatever pain they're going through.

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Speaker 1: So why would I do that?

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Speaker 8: Okay, if I've already been through that pain, So I

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Speaker 8: do understand what she means.

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Speaker 9: So yeah, human this is covered from pretoria. I agree

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Speaker 9: with stiff. But let's guest on the clip that covers

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Speaker 9: a play there. But I realized is that, for example,

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Speaker 9: people who grew up extremely poor. I'm not talking about

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Speaker 9: not having enough extremely poor. My observation is that they

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Speaker 9: are the meanest people who lois are on the lookout

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Speaker 9: to hold something, being mean, to creb something from even

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Speaker 9: people who are poor, who are poor like there used

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Speaker 9: to be. So I tend to agree that when you've

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Speaker 9: gone through something, it doesn't necessarily mean that you'll show emphathize.

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Speaker 10: Hi, honey, I'm on my side. If I've gone through

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Speaker 10: a tragic experience and someone else is going through the same,

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Speaker 10: it's not because I do not sympathize, but I'd be like,

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Speaker 10: just get it together. I mean, it will pass. That's

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Speaker 10: how I take it. Just get it together, it will pass.

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Speaker 10: It's not the end of the world. Come on, get

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Speaker 10: out the morning box. And I completely agree with Cabzella. Yes,

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Speaker 10: I've also experienced some turoma in my life, and if

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Speaker 10: I come across somebody that's going through the same, I

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Speaker 10: always offer my shoulder and words of comfort and wish

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Speaker 10: them the best. I think because of what I've been through,

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Speaker 10: my turoma has sort of.

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Speaker 1: Grown.

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Speaker 10: For lack of a better word, thank you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, hey that voice note about poor people being mean?

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Speaker 1: What's your take on that?

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Speaker 5: I've seen that. I've seen that it does happen where

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Speaker 5: somebody is from terrible conditions, they make it out of

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Speaker 5: that condition, and I just the most horrible person you'll meet.

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Speaker 1: I suppose what we've got to remember is how poverty

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Speaker 1: does dehumanize, right, especially when you feel nobody was there

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Speaker 1: for you, right, and so you are down there because

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Speaker 1: somebody else is up there, and when you get up

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Speaker 1: the ladder, boy or boy, is it your turn, Sammy,

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Speaker 1: you're in centurion. Simply it depends on relationships.

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Speaker 11: You say yes, let you see yes, the same if

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Speaker 11: somebody doesn't valude you, and then you're griefly just caust situation.

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Speaker 11: They're also really sympathy towards you. The sounds like no

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Speaker 11: goog girl, girl, but it meant tacking up stuff like that.

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Speaker 11: But when they when when it's someone that they feel

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Speaker 11: then the person is like this, this is what I'm

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Speaker 11: experiencing towards where I'm being boliticant stuff. If they vialew

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Speaker 11: that person, then there's there's will sympathize with them that that.

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Speaker 11: That's that's how it works. If someone that doesn't value

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Speaker 11: they won't show you any sympathy. They will tell you

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Speaker 11: toughing up soldier or stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: Tigers don't.

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Speaker 11: Yeah, but if they value you, if someone values you,

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Speaker 11: then that's all they sympathize with you. Tell you about

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Speaker 11: cancel leading and stuff like that. Now that's how that's how,

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Speaker 11: that's what that's how I see it.

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Speaker 1: Excellent point, Sammy. I can't I can't disagree with you.

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Speaker 1: Excellent excellent point. Sammy says. The ability, and then I guess,

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Speaker 1: to put yourself in someone's shoes is being able to

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Speaker 1: see them in their fullness, right, being able to understand,

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Speaker 1: even if you're over it, what it might mean for them. Yes,

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Speaker 1: you're over it, Yes you've gone through it, you've experienced it.

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Speaker 1: But because I see the other person in their fullness,

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Speaker 1: I begin to understand. Excellent point seven O two. What

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Speaker 1: has leney on seven two seven O two want seven

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Speaker 1: O two.

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Speaker 12: I are money in Bangorani and Tima par from our party.

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Speaker 12: Regarding empathy, I am starting to believe that, Yeah, it's

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Speaker 12: true that people don't care once they've gone through that

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Speaker 12: similar hardship. Case in point with politics would be almostly

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Speaker 12: ninety eight percent of their liberation movement that is in

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Speaker 12: power now is treating their citizens ways than the coloniz us.

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Speaker 12: So case importance here in the in our in our country,

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Speaker 12: for instance, someone is telling you we are unemployed because

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Speaker 12: we are too lazy to apply. Imagine there's an old sign.

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Speaker 13: When hardship knocks at the front door, love jumps out

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Speaker 13: the back window. Dealing with emotional, financial, physical hardships in

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Speaker 13: life does harden on you. It doesn't make you cruel,

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Speaker 13: and I think people who've grown up in a privileged,

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Speaker 13: protected environment find that difficult to comprehend. If you've had

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Speaker 13: challenges in your life, you understand that sometimes tough decisions

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Speaker 13: need to be made and not everything can be fixed.

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Speaker 13: So yeah, it's nothing new. And I don't think it's

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Speaker 13: correct to say that poor people are cruel or unkind.

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Speaker 13: Maybe they're just smarter.

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Speaker 14: Oh well, I cannot stand someone who says to me,

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Speaker 14: when I'm going through something, just dust yourself off and

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Speaker 14: get over it. I need to feel my feels, and

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Speaker 14: particularly when I've gone through something, I'm more empathetic to

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Speaker 14: the person because I've been in those shoes.

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Speaker 15: Those exact shoes have been there, so I know the

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Speaker 15: pain of it. I will sit with you and we

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Speaker 15: will squirm together, and we will we are one hit.

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Speaker 15: There's a point where you need to be like the ambulance.

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Speaker 15: You must cry while you are running. You understand, but

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Speaker 15: don't stop your crying prematurely, please, Bungles.

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Speaker 16: I've senated work people who grew up poor, like seriously poor,

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Speaker 16: who didn't think they'll make it in life, or who

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Speaker 16: suddenly find themselves in higher positions are the meanest, meanest.

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Speaker 17: Wicked, wicked, you know, and they very much Christians. Eh,

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Speaker 17: they'll be Christians, call Christians.

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Speaker 16: But mean, and then you get their background extreme poverty.

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Speaker 4: I don't get it.

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Speaker 1: Look, the thing about poverty is that it dehumanizes, and

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Speaker 1: many people who are in poverty understand that there is

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Speaker 1: a correlation between their position and those who are the

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Speaker 1: wealthiest in our society. And so if they've been pushed

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Speaker 1: out and excluded and the resources all taken by others

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Speaker 1: when they get their hands on them, I don't see

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Speaker 1: why we expect people who've especially grown up in extreme

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Speaker 1: poverty must suddenly be generous. I think there's a case

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Speaker 1: to be made about that I think psychologists and people

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Speaker 1: far cleverer than I can explain it better. But that

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Speaker 1: would be my take on it. Cindy Paluta, where are

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Speaker 1: you on this? Does having gone through a difficulty make

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Speaker 1: you more likely to have empathy for someone or less likely?

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Speaker 1: What's your take?

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Speaker 18: I think it would depend on the situation that you're

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Speaker 18: going through and what the life event is. So there's

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Speaker 18: also I guess you could also say I'm still empathetic,

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Speaker 18: but I'm going to tell you that there is a

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Speaker 18: way to move forward. So let's say, for example, divorce,

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Speaker 18: you can be empathetic that the person's going through the divorce,

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Speaker 18: but at the same time you can say, you know what,

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Speaker 18: it's not as hard as everybody makes it out to

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Speaker 18: be or as hard as it seems.

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Speaker 1: But I don't.

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Speaker 18: But I think for me personally, going through stuff myself

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Speaker 18: teaches me empathy. So before if somebody's parent dies, you're like, oh,

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Speaker 18: I'm so sorry about your lost my condolences. But only

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Speaker 18: once you've experienced the loss of a parent yourself, you

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Speaker 18: get it.

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Speaker 1: Do you understand?

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Speaker 18: Because you understand the grief journey that the parent that

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Speaker 18: the person is going to go on, or the complicated,

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Speaker 18: is just journey that the person's going to go on.

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Speaker 18: If it's losing a job. You can't really empathize with

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Speaker 18: somebody till you've lost a job.

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Speaker 1: Am I making sense? Although, of course, if we become

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Speaker 1: strict about what empathy might be in the sense of

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Speaker 1: putting yourself in someone else's shoes, it may also mean

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Speaker 1: that in this moment, yes, it may not seem so

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Speaker 1: bad at some point in the future, but in this moment,

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Speaker 1: I can't see that light at the proverbial end of

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Speaker 1: the tunnel, and that maybe what empathy sometimes requires us

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Speaker 1: to do is, even if we know it's going to

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Speaker 1: get better, to let the other person get there themselves.

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Speaker 18: Absolutely, that's what I was That's what I was about

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Speaker 18: to say as well, Is that just because Cindy went

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Speaker 18: through a divorce, which rather way I'm not, but just

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Speaker 18: in case, like let's say I went through a divorce

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Speaker 18: and I came through fine, and Armor goes through a

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Speaker 18: divorce and she's devastated and we go through the exact

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Speaker 18: same process. You can't then say, well, it's okay, you

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Speaker 18: should just brush it off, because who am I to

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Speaker 18: tell you how you should be feeling in a situation

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Speaker 1: Because they're all kinds of complicated other factors that even

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Speaker 1: though the facts of this situation may be the same,

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Speaker 1: the background and the backstory might be very different.