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Speaker 1: The Sharing space on the Crement Man Tela show. All

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Speaker 1: right time for the Sharing space twenty five minutes before

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Speaker 1: twelve out clock. This is an opportunity for us to

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Speaker 1: share our stories, whatever they are. Not judgment anything that's

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Speaker 1: happened at work, in the office, with your partner, while

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Speaker 1: you're on holiday, or while you are driving to work.

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Speaker 1: If you think it's interesting enough to share with the

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Speaker 1: seven oh two family, please send me an email on

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Speaker 1: CM at seven o two dotzer at today. It can

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Speaker 1: be light, it can be serious, anything goes as long

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Speaker 1: as you're sharing a story and you want to know

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Speaker 1: what the other listeners think about it. Oh, you're asking

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Speaker 1: for advice because some of you do contact us for

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Speaker 1: the Sharing space saying this is my situation and I

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Speaker 1: need advice from the listeners. So it's very easy share

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Speaker 1: your stories with us on CM at seven o two

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Speaker 1: dotzer today. We can keep you anonymous and let's have

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Speaker 1: a conversation about it. Maybe you need advice, you don't

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Speaker 1: know what to do with a situation that's facing you

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Speaker 1: with your partner, your friend. Just write to me today.

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Speaker 1: We've got someone who has written to us. I think, yeah, anonymous,

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Speaker 1: I can't say the name. Yes, anonymous has written to us,

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Speaker 1: so I'm going to read the email that I received

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Speaker 1: from this person, and then afterwards I'll take your calls

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Speaker 1: and your whatsaps if you've experienced something similar or you

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Speaker 1: have some sort of advice for the listener. So here

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Speaker 1: we go. Hello, Clement, I would like to remain anonymous please.

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Speaker 1: I would like advice on a friendship issue. I have

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Speaker 1: a friend I met in twenty fourteen at university, and

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Speaker 1: we became very close over the years. She has gone

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Speaker 1: through many challenges financially the way academic personal challenges as well,

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Speaker 1: and I was always there to support her. However, I

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Speaker 1: eventually became emotionally and mentally drained, especially as I was

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Speaker 1: also dealing with my own struggles, so I started distancing myself.

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Speaker 1: We recently reconnected, and she has since experienced multiple losses

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Speaker 1: in her family, on going conflict with her siblings, and

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Speaker 1: is now struggling financially. She also has another child. She

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Speaker 1: had another child during the time we were not in contact.

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Speaker 1: It feels like one challenge after another, and she clearly

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Speaker 1: needs support. However, I don't feel I have the emotional

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Speaker 1: or mental capacity to support her right now. Would I

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Speaker 1: be a bad friend if I chose to distance myself again.

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Speaker 1: Please can you ask the seven or two listeners for advice?

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Speaker 2: Please?

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Speaker 1: Okay, Anonymous, thank you so much for sending us the email. Okay, So,

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Speaker 1: just to recap Anonymous as a friend, they met in

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Speaker 1: twenty fourteen at university, became very close. But during that time,

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Speaker 1: this friend was facing a lot of challenges and clearly

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Speaker 1: she was sharing them with Anonymous, and Anonymous says, I

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Speaker 1: just eventually felt so emotionally and mentally drained, right because

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Speaker 1: Anonymous also had, you know, their own struggles they were

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Speaker 1: dealing with. So they've recently reconnected and the same thing

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Speaker 1: is now happening again because Anonymous at the time distanced

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Speaker 1: right distance herself, and now it's happening again, and Anonymus

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Speaker 1: is asking, should I distance myself again or should I

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Speaker 1: just try and be with this friend because the friend

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Speaker 1: clearly needs a lot of support. But Anonymus says, I

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Speaker 1: just don't have the bandwidth. I don't have the emotional

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Speaker 1: or mental capacity to support her. Right now, what is

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Speaker 1: your advice for Anonymous? Would she be a bad friend

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Speaker 1: if she chose to distance herself again? Should she just

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Speaker 1: stick around and be a friend to this person who

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Speaker 1: clearly needs a lot of support, a lot of emotional support,

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Speaker 1: but Anonymous simply doesn't have that. Please let me know

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Speaker 1: your thoughts. Give us a call on oh one a

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Speaker 1: day three oh seven oh two. You can send your

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Speaker 1: whatsaps as well on seven two seven two one seven two.

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Speaker 1: I'll share my advice for Anonymous after the break the

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Speaker 1: safe space to share with sharing space.

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Speaker 3: With Clement Maria Taylor on.

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Speaker 1: Seven notes you nineteen minutes before twelve o'clock. All right,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to your calls and what's ups now? We

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Speaker 1: got an email I read it to you. Anonymous just

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Speaker 1: doesn't have the emotional and mental bandwidth to support her

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Speaker 1: friend right now because she's going through her own issues

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Speaker 1: and she's asking if this if she would be a friend,

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Speaker 1: if she were to distance herself again, and Anonymous, my

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Speaker 1: advice would be that maybe try to have a conversation

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Speaker 1: with your friend. Let me try explain to her that

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Speaker 1: you've got so much that you're dealing with and you

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Speaker 1: also equally need support, because I think the sense I'm

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Speaker 1: getting here is that you are not getting the support

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Speaker 1: you're giving to her because she also doesn't even have

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Speaker 1: the capacity to give you support because she's constantly going

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Speaker 1: through something. There's challenge after challenge, and she needs a

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Speaker 1: lot of support to the point that you can't also

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Speaker 1: lessen the burden when you are stressed. You kind of

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Speaker 1: even speak to her about your issues because you feel

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Speaker 1: she's already handling so much. So I would say have

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Speaker 1: a conversation with her, and if you feel distancing yourself,

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Speaker 1: it's good for you your mental health. Also, perhaps consider

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Speaker 1: that because at the end of the day, friendship has

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Speaker 1: to be mutually beneficial. It can't be that the next

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Speaker 1: person just takes takes takes, and there's another person who

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Speaker 1: just give gives. What do you say your WhatsApps on

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Speaker 1: seven two seven O two one seven o.

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Speaker 4: Two Hi Clement and seven or two land Anonymous should

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Speaker 4: walk away? This just never ends. It's just an ongoing,

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Speaker 4: ongoing saga and it drains you emotionally and mentally. Been there,

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Speaker 4: done there before. There is no reward in it. Walk away, girl,

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Speaker 4: walk away. You're not a bad person. Also, you cannot

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Speaker 4: be boring from an empty cup. Just put yourself first

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Speaker 4: and walk away. Hi Glamon hop you well. This is

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Speaker 4: also anonymous here.

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Speaker 5: I've been meaning to send you the same kind of scenario,

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Speaker 5: I mean, the same situation. It's tough. I love my

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Speaker 5: friend very much, but it's just some point I felt like,

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Speaker 5: you know what, you must also drop it because it

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Speaker 5: becomes so much of it bettern on your side. I

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Speaker 5: don't know. It feels like it's one sided, especially financially. Aeronah.

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Speaker 5: I'm also confused, Clement.

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Speaker 6: I think for both the sake of Anonymous and her friend,

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Speaker 6: she should actually end the friendship because I don't think

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Speaker 6: Anonymous has the capacity for what this particular friendship entails.

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Speaker 6: So it's not fair on the friend to think she

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Speaker 6: has support to an Anonymous knows full well that she's

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Speaker 6: not able to. I think friendship can't just be for

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Speaker 6: the good time, So for both their sakes, I think

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Speaker 6: she should rather that just not force this friendship at all.

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Speaker 7: Hihment Oh this is PINDI I think Anonymous is so

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Speaker 7: unfair because you know, life, it's tarmas or something. Some

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Speaker 7: things can be challenging. Can it will happen to her

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Speaker 7: as well? And she will expect the very same friend

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Speaker 7: to our sister, So life will Chase needs to be

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Speaker 7: there for one another, and she Chase needs to be

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Speaker 7: honest with a friend and then talk to a friend

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Speaker 7: how she feels, not just dump it because life is calm.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I suppose that that is a fair point that

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Speaker 1: next time it could be you, Anonymous who needs help

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Speaker 1: from a friend. The difference though, here is that Anonymous says,

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Speaker 1: this friend is just going through so much, and she

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Speaker 1: herself is going through so much, and she she feels

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Speaker 1: like she doesn't have much to pull from, So what

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Speaker 1: does she do? What do you do when you are

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Speaker 1: you have a friend who is constantly just draining you?

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Speaker 1: You know, you know those friends that are also those

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Speaker 1: friends who are always complaining. Oh, every time you're on

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Speaker 1: the phone, they complain about everything under the sun. There's

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Speaker 1: never a moment of positivity or looking at the brighter side. Everything.

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Speaker 1: The world is coming to an end. It's doom and gloom. Oh,

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Speaker 1: those friends who are constantly being toxic about everything. They

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Speaker 1: want to gossip, They want to speak bad about people.

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Speaker 1: What do you do in situations like that? When you

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Speaker 1: feel your energy is drained in that friendship, when you

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Speaker 1: don't feel you are being cared for like you are

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Speaker 1: caring for them, do you not distance yourself? Do you

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Speaker 1: try to have a conversation with a friend, which I

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Speaker 1: think must be the first step before anything else. Try

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Speaker 1: speak to her because you never know. Maybe she doesn't

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Speaker 1: maybe she she doesn't realize that, and you want to

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Speaker 1: make her away that yo, just be a way that

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Speaker 1: I've got my own issues as well, that I'm dealing with.

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Speaker 1: Some of the What's ups texts that have come through.

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Speaker 1: One says, Clement Anonymus must look after herself first. She's

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Speaker 1: no good to the friend if she herself is not

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Speaker 1: in a good place. She's done her best. The friend

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Speaker 1: must seek professional help and stop the guilt trips. And

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Speaker 1: then another one says, Hi, clements support is not only financial.

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Speaker 1: We don't know the future Anonymus might need her later

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Speaker 1: in life. That's a messay that's also come here on

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Speaker 1: the What's Up line, it's eighteen minutes before twelve o'clock

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Speaker 1: after the break, more of your calls and what's ups

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Speaker 1: the sharing space on the Clement Manateella show.

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Speaker 6: Seven.

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Speaker 1: Hey, it's going up to ten minutes before twelve o'clock.

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Speaker 1: Let's go back to your WhatsApps and oh seven two

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Speaker 1: seven O two and seven out two Good.

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Speaker 8: Day, Clement Anonymous. She says she no longer has the

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Speaker 8: capacity to support a friend. She needs to be honest

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Speaker 8: with a friend. I mean she's also human being a

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Speaker 8: if you're well, will normal.

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Speaker 1: I fate your water is dry.

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Speaker 8: There's nothing you can do. She needs to sit down

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Speaker 8: with a friend, be honest with her, because really she

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Speaker 8: can't first otherwise to end up being depressed. She needs

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Speaker 8: to tell a friend, we're all going through a lot

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Speaker 8: here and we need to be honest with each other

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Speaker 8: roma friendships. Thank you do to hear from togotherickman.

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Speaker 9: From south of Roburg, A very interesting conversation today from

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Speaker 9: experience and adultally.

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Speaker 6: It's it's it's, it's, it's it's.

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Speaker 9: It's a race at the bottom. It never gets better,

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Speaker 9: both from a friendship point of view and even from

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Speaker 9: a relationship point of view. And unfortunately, the d of

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Speaker 9: the deed real disease, their errors, and should you confront them,

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Speaker 9: he may very well be met with defensiveness and or

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Speaker 9: not even being able to accept, and you end up

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Speaker 9: being hurt. Unfortunately, it's in the nature of some people. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 9: although legitimately there could be issues that one mayute support for,

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Speaker 9: but the behavior for me our therefore say I walk away,

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Speaker 9: walk away the fagration.

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Speaker 3: With I Clement, I would say she he or she

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Speaker 3: has to walk away. This is a it's now a pattern,

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Speaker 3: you know, if it gets to a point this is

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Speaker 3: no longer helping. It's more of a pedden. It's more

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Speaker 3: like a pattern. So I think she has to nicely

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Speaker 3: walk away from this friendship. Yeah, that's the best decision. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 3: it's good to help, but it shouldn't be like that,

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Speaker 3: you know, it shouldn't get to a point where by

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Speaker 3: people take advantage of someone is kindness, you know, it

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Speaker 3: happens a lot in life.

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Speaker 10: I'm runing. It's my parier from report. My best animous

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Speaker 10: will be she needs to be a good friend. These

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Speaker 10: are This is why this phrase when days are that

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Speaker 10: friends a few came from because now you live in

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Speaker 10: a poor person who is in dire need for your support,

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Speaker 10: and you have you have to try to be there.

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Speaker 10: You have to try to be there because you might

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Speaker 10: find that there is people in your life also that

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Speaker 10: they're saying that if I don't have the capacity for

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Speaker 10: your problems, but they're still only on because they're a

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Speaker 10: good friend.

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Speaker 6: Just do that.

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Speaker 10: Just be a good friend. It's simple as that you'll

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Speaker 10: find strength in being a good friend.

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Speaker 2: Good day. Good days have no two listeners. Good day, Madamiger. Yeah, marrimature,

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Speaker 2: I strongly believe I would like to remain anonymous. It's

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Speaker 2: a two way street in the friendship. It's a two

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Speaker 2: way street, and it's coincidental, especially for this one that

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Speaker 2: always when there's a need for many, she remembers this friend.

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Speaker 2: My advice would be to anonymous. Just support her, be

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Speaker 2: there for her. Maybe show her ways on how she

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Speaker 2: can come out of it without hair having assisted hair financially.

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Speaker 2: Maybe sit down, ask her to show you her budget

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Speaker 2: and everything. Maybe try to rewaket her budget and see

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Speaker 2: where she could start coming up with the many that

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Speaker 2: is going to save herself instead of always saving hair.

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Speaker 1: Some text messages are also coming through here. Once a

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Speaker 1: high clement, I'd like to remain anonymous, please. I'm dealing

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Speaker 1: with a similar situation where a close family member is

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Speaker 1: unemployed and constantly leans on me emotionally. Their conversations are

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Speaker 1: always negative, mostly about her relationship issues, and it's becoming

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Speaker 1: mentally draining for me. I feel bad because I know

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Speaker 1: she's struggling, but it's getting to a point where I

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Speaker 1: avoid hair calls especially during work hours. I just don't

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Speaker 1: know how to support her without losing myself in the process.

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Speaker 1: You see, and this is what some people are experiencing.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. If you've got a friendship that makes you

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Speaker 1: feel like this, then it's not benefiting you. If you've

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Speaker 1: got a friendship where you feel someone is constantly nagging

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Speaker 1: and complaining to you, they don't have time to hear

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Speaker 1: your issues. Every time you finish a conversation with someone

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Speaker 1: you regard as a friend, you leave that conversation exhausted,

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Speaker 1: emotionally drained. Oh that is not a friendship. That and

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Speaker 1: if it's you, so what's the point of holding on?

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Speaker 1: But I think it starts with having at least a

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Speaker 1: conversation with that friend. How about that? And that's my

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Speaker 1: advice to you, Anonymous. Try to speak to her, make

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Speaker 1: her realize that she's really draining you, and you acknowledge

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Speaker 1: and respect and support her in her challenges, but explain

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Speaker 1: that you've got your challenges too, and you'd like her

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Speaker 1: to also come through and support you. Let's wrap up

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Speaker 1: with these voice notes.

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Speaker 11: I seven or two landers look just so Anonymous, you

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Speaker 11: don't need to feel bad about what you're going through.

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Speaker 11: Your emotions, your issues. Your life also matters and comes first.

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Speaker 11: No one else is.

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Speaker 6: Going to be able to deal with your emotions and

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Speaker 6: your problems better than.

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Speaker 11: You can supporting your friend. It's all good and well,

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Speaker 11: but you cannot, Like one of the previous callers said,

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Speaker 11: you cannot pull out of an empty cap. And it

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Speaker 11: will be unfair of your friend to expect you to

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Speaker 11: all exert yourself or over extend yourself just in the

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Speaker 11: name of supporting them when you are also going through

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Speaker 11: quite a lot. Whether it seems like it's little to

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Speaker 11: them or anybody else, it's a lot for you right now,

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Speaker 11: and you need to take care of what you're going through.

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Speaker 11: And if you, guys, are true friends and true sisters,

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Speaker 11: you will the friendship will still lost. She'd just need

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Speaker 11: to understand that at a certain time, you were going

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Speaker 11: through something and you needed to focus on your healing

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Speaker 11: while she too was going through something. And also, guys,

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Speaker 11: other problems do not need you to be supported by

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Speaker 11: everyone and everyone who loves you. Sometimes you need to

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Speaker 11: go through your own struggles yourself and come out stronger

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Speaker 11: and better.

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Speaker 12: Heismant you know. On this issue of anonymous, I think

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Speaker 12: anonymous hasn't told their with your full story, I feel

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Speaker 12: that maybe it might be that anonyma and a friend

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Speaker 12: is not also emotionally. Remember giving a person support, it

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Speaker 12: doesn't mean that you have to have finances or anything

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Speaker 12: like that. You can be in trouble and have a

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Speaker 12: lot of issues but also be able to support others

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Speaker 12: as much as you need support from them. So I

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Speaker 12: just feel that maybe Anonymous feels like this person is

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Speaker 12: just a trainer. Some people are just trainers. They just

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Speaker 12: want you to help them and feel pity for them

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Speaker 12: without them offering anything. I've had friends who had a

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Speaker 12: lot of issues, but they were also still dependable to

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Speaker 12: me and I was able to get help from them,

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Speaker 12: whereas they are also in trouble. So yeah, I don't

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Speaker 12: think it's very proscal.

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Speaker 6: What's the way, Yeah,