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Speaker 1: The Sharing Space on the Clement Manella Show.

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Speaker 2: Eleven thirty four, It's time for the Sharing Space. Did

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Speaker 2: we tell the listener that we're going to be talking

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Speaker 2: about their story today? Okay? Perfect, So they're listening. So

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Speaker 2: the sharing space is an opportunity for us to just

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Speaker 2: share our stories about stuff that happened to us. Maybe

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Speaker 2: a predecament that you have or a conundrum you're in.

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Speaker 2: Just share this story with us on CM at seven

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Speaker 2: two today. And maybe you want advice from listeners, or

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Speaker 2: maybe you just want to vent and you can have

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Speaker 2: listeners tell you if they've experienced something similar or not.

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Speaker 2: So today we have got an email from is this anonymous? Anonymous? Okay,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to read the email, and afterwards, I'm going

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Speaker 2: to take your calls. I'm going to take your what's

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Speaker 2: ups as well. If the listener is asking for advice,

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Speaker 2: But if you've experienced something similar, yeah, feel free to share.

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Speaker 2: You can call or send her what's a voice note?

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Speaker 2: So here we go. Good morning, Clement and all Civinoe listeners.

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Speaker 2: I really need your help and the wisdom of your

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Speaker 2: listeners today because honestly, I don't know where to turn

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Speaker 2: anymore and my situation has become something I have I

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Speaker 2: never imagined I would find myself in I have been

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Speaker 2: married for fifteen years. My wife is the bread winner.

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Speaker 2: She ends roughly three times more than I do. She

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Speaker 2: has been generous in many ways, including funding trips for

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Speaker 2: me to four European countries. But Clement, the generosity has

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Speaker 2: come at a cost to my dignity. Over the years,

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Speaker 2: I have slowly felt myself becoming invisible in my own home.

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Speaker 2: My voice carries no weight, my opinions don't land. I

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Speaker 2: don't feel valued or respected as a man and as

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Speaker 2: a husband, And every time I have tried to raise

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Speaker 2: this with her, things change briefly and then go right

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Speaker 2: back to how they were. That pain of feeling unheard

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Speaker 2: in your own marriage is something I carried for a

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Speaker 2: very long time, And in that pain, I made a

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Speaker 2: decision that I cannot undo. I reconnected with someone I

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Speaker 2: loved deeply in high school. We were together right through

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Speaker 2: until our testiery years. That reconnection grew into something serious,

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Speaker 2: and I'm ashamed to admit that I secretly married her

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Speaker 2: while still married to my first wife. Half of my

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Speaker 2: family is aware of this second marriage, yo, my wife

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Speaker 2: does not know to this day that I secretly married

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Speaker 2: someone else. And then things became even more complicated and painful, Clement.

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Speaker 2: My second wife became ill she needed me beside her,

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Speaker 2: but at the exact time my first wife arranged for

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Speaker 2: me to travel overseas, and I felt trapped. I was

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Speaker 2: unable to explain why I desperately needed to stay without

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Speaker 2: exposing everything. I funded my second wife's hospital bills entirely

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Speaker 2: from my own pocket, quietly from a distance. But I

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Speaker 2: was not there. I was not by her side when

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Speaker 2: she passed away, and that is something I will carry

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Speaker 2: with me for the rest of my life. I had

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Speaker 2: asked my best man to represent me at her bedside

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Speaker 2: and at the funeral, the same man who stood up

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Speaker 2: for me at both weddings, but he refused. And now

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Speaker 2: her family, this is the second wife's family. Her family,

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Speaker 2: who are grieving and hurting, are holding me responsible for

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Speaker 2: my absence. They're blocking me from head having any contact

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Speaker 2: with my son, the child that I had with my

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Speaker 2: second wife, and I am at a complete loss as

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Speaker 2: to how to reach them or how to make this right. Clement.

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Speaker 2: I'm not calling in to be judged. I know the

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Speaker 2: choices I made were wrong and I own that I'm

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Speaker 2: calling in because I'm a father who cannot see his child,

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Speaker 2: a man caring grief he cannot speak about openly, and

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Speaker 2: someone who genuinely does not know what the right next

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Speaker 2: step is. What would you advise me to do? When

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Speaker 2: do I even begin? Where do I even begin to

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Speaker 2: spot to start putting this right? I'd like to get

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Speaker 2: some advice from the seven Zho two listeners regards Anonymous. Yoh.

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Speaker 2: First of all, anonymus, I'm so sorry that you have

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Speaker 2: lost your second wife. Yeah, whether your choices were wrong

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Speaker 2: or right, this is someone you cared about. This was

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Speaker 2: a mother of your child. And I'm glad that you

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Speaker 2: own the mistakes that you've made. Because nobody wants to

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Speaker 2: be in love with someone who's going to abandon them

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Speaker 2: at their most important, in their greatest time of need,

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Speaker 2: is what I'm trying to say. But I'm glad that

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Speaker 2: you have gone through this, You've accepted the mistakes you've made,

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Speaker 2: and you want to make right with your child now. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: this is really so complicated, so for some people that

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Speaker 2: may have been lost, let me try and summarize it again.

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Speaker 2: So Anonymous has a wife married for about fifteen years.

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Speaker 2: Anonymous was not happy in this marriage because wife is

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Speaker 2: the bread winner, and the wife was too respectful to

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Speaker 2: him because he wasn't ennying much. The wife was ending

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Speaker 2: three times more. So he went and found love somewhere else,

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Speaker 2: respect somewhere else. He found someone that he used to

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Speaker 2: be with in the past. They reconnected. He ended up

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Speaker 2: marrying that woman. His family knows about the second woman

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Speaker 2: who's been married, but his first wife doesn't know. And

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Speaker 2: he ended up having a child with this second woman.

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Speaker 2: But now the tricky party is the second woman was

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Speaker 2: sick at some point, and he traveled with his first

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Speaker 2: wife overseas and this woman sadly died, the second wife,

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Speaker 2: and he couldn't stay because his first wife was going

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Speaker 2: to say, why would you want to stay when I'm

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Speaker 2: proposing a trip overseas, So he wasn't there for his

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Speaker 2: second wife. And that's the guilt that he's living with

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Speaker 2: that the second wife passed away when he wasn't there,

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Speaker 2: and he was there with his first wife on a

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Speaker 2: trip overseas. And now he says, the family of the

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Speaker 2: second wife are refusing him to see the child he

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Speaker 2: had with the second wife because they're saying, you were

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Speaker 2: not there when this woman even died. You were not

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Speaker 2: even there at her funeral. So why do you think

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Speaker 2: you deserve to even have a relationship with this child?

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Speaker 2: And Anonymous is asking how do you advise him? What

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Speaker 2: does he do? Where does he even begin to start

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Speaker 2: putting this right? Sounds like someone who is willing to

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Speaker 2: make some amends. So here, what advice do you have

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Speaker 2: for Anonymous? I'll share my advice for him after the break.

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Speaker 2: It's nineteen minutes before twelve in.

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Speaker 1: The sharing space on the Cremen's Mantela Show.

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Speaker 2: Seven fifteen minutes before twelve outlock. Yeah, we've got a

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Speaker 2: challenge in our hands. No, Anonymous has a challenge in

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Speaker 2: his heads. How do you advise him? I think for me, Anonymous,

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Speaker 2: I think you must just take a country ability for

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Speaker 2: what's happened. I think you need to be honest with

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Speaker 2: your first wife about what you've done. If you really

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Speaker 2: love her, I think take the risk and accountability has risks. Yes,

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Speaker 2: she may end up leaving you, but I think you

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Speaker 2: owe her that to say that. I'm sorry. I've been

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Speaker 2: living a double life and I think that's where it begins.

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Speaker 2: And secondly, you need to also take accountability and go

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Speaker 2: to your second wife's family and apologize and explain to

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Speaker 2: them that you have been living a lie because they

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Speaker 2: don't know that you are married. And I think thirdly,

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Speaker 2: you need to sit down with your own family. I

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Speaker 2: don't know how they were able to allow you to

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Speaker 2: do this if they got along with the first wife,

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Speaker 2: unless maybe this context, we don't know, but your family

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Speaker 2: owes your first wife and a pology. If you still

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Speaker 2: love your first wife and you want to continue with her,

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Speaker 2: your family always her an apology because you do say

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Speaker 2: in the letter that your family knows about your second

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Speaker 2: marriage that your first wife didn't even know about. I

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Speaker 2: think for me, those are the three things you do,

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Speaker 2: my friend. Let's go to your cause on one, one, eight, eight,

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Speaker 2: three or seven. Artie Patrick, you're in boxback. What do

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Speaker 2: you think? Good morning?

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Speaker 3: A money clement with your listeners? Interesting? I just want

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Speaker 3: to say this one thing before I can mail comment.

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Speaker 3: I am a marriage and relationship counselor for the past

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Speaker 3: twenty four years. I meant I think three of such

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Speaker 3: cases in my in my in my life.

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Speaker 2: Three of such similar cases.

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Speaker 3: Yes, sure, yeah, So one of the biggest problems as

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Speaker 3: the manager and we get into any institution that you

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Speaker 3: don't understand. We get into an institution where we are

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Speaker 3: not prepared for the challenges that like I hate, We

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Speaker 3: get there because we love people. So love is a

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Speaker 3: foundation actually of marital failure. Because if you marry a

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Speaker 3: person on the basis of the of love in that person,

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Speaker 3: when the large it's gone, then what does it means? That?

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Speaker 3: That is one of the biggest problems that people do

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Speaker 3: when they get into marriage. No guidance, no primaries, counseling.

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Speaker 3: Even when they are marriage, there is no marriage service.

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Speaker 3: The marriages are not savists. So that we can have

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Speaker 3: someone who is maybe above you, or a counselor or

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Speaker 3: your pastor or whoever, that you can go to even

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Speaker 3: if you don't have problems. The same way you take

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Speaker 3: your car for service, you take your car for services

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Speaker 3: because it has problems, just to maintain the warrant of

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Speaker 3: their car. So we don't maintain the warrant for marriages.

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Speaker 2: So what does he do now?

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Speaker 3: Now, that is the thing that he must do. He

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Speaker 3: must forgive. No one can forgive you above yourself. He

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Speaker 3: must start forgiving himself. But you don't will never forgive

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Speaker 3: yourself If you don't acknowledge that the things that I

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Speaker 3: did are wrong. You keep on hiding, tagging and diving.

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Speaker 3: He must forgive himself. He must speak the truth because

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Speaker 3: the truth that you know will set you free, but

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Speaker 3: the lies we will imprison you. And a lie, even

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Speaker 3: if it can last for millions, it will never be

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Speaker 3: the truth.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Patrick in Boxbeck, thank you. Let's hear from Samy

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Speaker 2: and Centurion Sami. What do you think? Hi good?

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Speaker 4: Gonna clemn? So you know what I would want myself

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Speaker 4: to just myself come clean with this rest wife and fella,

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Speaker 4: you got it. The pend and then obviously this is

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Speaker 4: the case where there has to be a divorced I don't,

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Speaker 4: I don't. I can't imagine a situation where uh, I mean,

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Speaker 4: I wan to marriage to someone who's gonna go mill

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Speaker 4: someone else doself disrespectful. But on the other hand, with

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Speaker 4: the family of his late wife denying him access to

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Speaker 4: his child, that's a criminal of friends security and that's

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Speaker 4: actual tail fare for children's There's no too way about it.

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Speaker 4: You cannot deny a father access to his child. That's

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Speaker 4: the court that says to decide, and there has to

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Speaker 4: be compelling circumstances. You must just go in the legal root,

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Speaker 4: go through the family, whether churns caught. I don't know

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Speaker 4: whether it's family or children's caught and open app the

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Speaker 4: case that these people are denying access to his child.

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Speaker 4: The most don't think that. Most people don't know climent

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Speaker 4: is this. The grandparents don't even missay in the child's life.

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Speaker 4: That's between a mother and a father. So there's that No,

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Speaker 4: you did this to our child and then we're denying access.

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Speaker 4: It's a criminal of friends. There's no two way about it.

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Speaker 4: There's no debate. So he must just go in the

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Speaker 4: legal root and then they'll they'll take it forward. There

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Speaker 4: will be a court order that you have to give

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Speaker 4: this man. Actually you have to hand this child to

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Speaker 4: this man. That's this child. You have to hand the

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Speaker 4: child over.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, send me in Centurion. Thank you. Let's go

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Speaker 2: to your WhatsApps.

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Speaker 5: Good morning, elements. Here's my advice to anonymous. Anonymous. I

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Speaker 5: won't judge you. I think you need to confess to

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Speaker 5: your wife, your first wife, and then also compares to

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Speaker 5: the family of the second wife and your son and

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Speaker 5: what happened sick counseling and then see what happens. Also

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Speaker 5: next time you don't fix a problem with another problem.

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Speaker 5: You're supposed to divorce your first wife in the ream mayor,

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Speaker 5: but unfortunately I hear now, good luck, thanks tomb, good.

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Speaker 6: Morning, Clement. Not advising I found the doc. Just accept

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Speaker 6: your faith because those are the choices that you made

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Speaker 6: for yourself. You made the bed, so lay on it.

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Speaker 6: And if you thought that was a clever thing to do,

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Speaker 6: it is also a clever thing to do to dwell

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Speaker 6: in that pain and to enjoy the pain. And I'm

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Speaker 6: sorry I might sound really rough, but I don't think

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Speaker 6: it's something that you could be asking people for advice.

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Speaker 6: We have become a society of less morality, of less compassion.

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Speaker 6: You know, it's just a mess. So I think, soldier,

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Speaker 6: own brother, this is the choices that you made. We

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Speaker 6: are very sorry that as a society we cannot condone

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Speaker 6: such behavior. Imaginer married to a person and being batchhaped,

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Speaker 6: being bittayed like that.

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Speaker 1: The sharing space on the Clement Manotela show, seven.

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Speaker 2: Notes, six minutes.

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Speaker 1: Before exce Clement, who is it? All I can say

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Speaker 1: is that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, right, mm hmm, Well you are in a centurion.

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Speaker 2: Good morning, go on in clem social brother.

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Speaker 7: So so so man. My simple advice to our anonymous

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Speaker 7: would be, because I think by now he must have

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Speaker 7: done some trying to convince, some trying to talk to

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Speaker 7: the family, and hopefully in a Hamley way. So my

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Speaker 7: advice would be, go to Children's Heart for the for

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Speaker 7: the court to assist you with the seeing your child,

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Speaker 7: because but obviously communicate with the family that you're not

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Speaker 7: doing this in a fighting way because of my said

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Speaker 7: as you're taking us to court blah blah blah. But

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Speaker 7: he must do it in a help you way. Communicate

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Speaker 7: with the family that I'm not fighting, but unfortunately I

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Speaker 7: have to see my child because he cannot dictate how

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Speaker 7: long this family must be made at him. But at

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Speaker 7: the same time, if they feel like they should be

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Speaker 7: made at him forever, that should not be to say

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Speaker 7: he must never see his child, because in the future

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Speaker 7: that child might not see it as a very good

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Speaker 7: excuse if he didn't try other means that now you

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Speaker 7: didn't get to spend time with me because of other people.

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Speaker 7: What other things did you try? So I would say

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Speaker 7: he can do this this this concurrently take the court

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Speaker 7: to also assist him to see his child, while at

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Speaker 7: the same time trying to handle himself, you know, take

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Speaker 7: accountability to the family and understand why they feel like

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Speaker 7: this and they feel like they should punish him with

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Speaker 7: this child.

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Speaker 2: Okay, thank you so much for your advice. It's four

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Speaker 2: minutes now before talk