1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,320 Speaker 1: Time for us to talk parenting. As mentioned, it is 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:06,440 Speaker 1: almost that time of the year where some of us, 3 00:00:06,559 --> 00:00:08,600 Speaker 1: not everyone know, but some of us have a little 4 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:12,000 Speaker 1: bit of time to be with family. We might travel 5 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:17,160 Speaker 1: to spend Christmas, the festive season, the holidays with our family, 6 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:20,880 Speaker 1: and it's also then time for traditions or there's the 7 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:26,600 Speaker 1: special activities we do every year as a family. And 8 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:31,480 Speaker 1: so today we're speaking about understanding why those family traditions, 9 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:35,919 Speaker 1: those things we do together, those routines, why do they 10 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,479 Speaker 1: matter so much? And I want to hear about your 11 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:43,280 Speaker 1: family's traditions over the end of the year, holidays, over Christmas, 12 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,800 Speaker 1: the festive season. Let us know in oh one one 13 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:49,120 Speaker 1: eight three oh seven two, send us as says on 14 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:51,279 Speaker 1: three to one at seven oh two, and send us 15 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:53,960 Speaker 1: on what'sapp seven two seven o two one seven oh two, 16 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:59,400 Speaker 1: Joined underline by our resident human potential and parenting expert 17 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:02,360 Speaker 1: Nikki Bosh Mickey A very good morning, great to have 18 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:03,080 Speaker 1: you on the show. 19 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:06,240 Speaker 2: Good morning, googs, good morning. 20 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,920 Speaker 1: So weird is that almost that time of the year, 21 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:12,280 Speaker 1: the year ends, we some of us do have the opportunity, 22 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:15,080 Speaker 1: the privilege to spend time with family, and so we 23 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:19,760 Speaker 1: start enjoying our family traditions, the things that we do 24 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:24,760 Speaker 1: together when we are spending time together, and so you 25 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:27,399 Speaker 1: know more than just I guess things we do together. 26 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:30,440 Speaker 1: These activities do play quite a special role. 27 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 2: They do. 28 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:36,400 Speaker 3: And I'm not actually just talking about Christmas rituals today. 29 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:39,280 Speaker 3: I think we need to look at rituals throughout the year. 30 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:44,160 Speaker 3: And rituals are really important because they are family traditions 31 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,360 Speaker 3: and they actually contribute towards. 32 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:49,320 Speaker 2: What I call building brand family. 33 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:54,160 Speaker 3: They convey our values, They provide structure because they usually 34 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,960 Speaker 3: happen at the same time, either every day or every 35 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:03,160 Speaker 3: week or every year because there are seasonal rituals, and 36 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:08,120 Speaker 3: they also create this very important feeling of family togetherness 37 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:12,120 Speaker 3: and belonging. They really provide a sense of we're in 38 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:16,400 Speaker 3: this thing called life together. And I want parents who 39 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:20,160 Speaker 3: are listening today to think of themselves as the CEO 40 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:24,760 Speaker 3: of their family or their family brand manager, because your 41 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:29,960 Speaker 3: rituals convey a lot about your family brand. And you've 42 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:33,240 Speaker 3: heard me talk about the three phases of learning concrete, 43 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:37,680 Speaker 3: semi concrete, and abstract. Because rituals are a doing thing. 44 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:42,640 Speaker 3: They are very much a concrete experience, so they become 45 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:47,520 Speaker 3: positive emotional anchors for children. So you don't actually have 46 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,800 Speaker 3: to lecture your children on your family values. 47 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:52,240 Speaker 2: You just have to do rituals. 48 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:57,679 Speaker 3: It's a very very easy way to land your family values. 49 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:02,000 Speaker 3: So rituals are memorable because we do them over and 50 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:08,120 Speaker 3: over again, and they help create shared memories, They help 51 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:13,320 Speaker 3: bond members of a family, They create emotional anchors for 52 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:17,160 Speaker 3: the family beliefs and value system. Sometimes they're a right 53 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:20,760 Speaker 3: of passage, and there's we've really lost a lot of. 54 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,880 Speaker 2: Rights of passage over the decades. 55 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:28,280 Speaker 3: There's not a lot that differentiates one decade of a 56 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:31,640 Speaker 3: child's life from another. And then of course they create 57 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:37,240 Speaker 3: this family brand, and it's an honoring of the individuals. 58 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 3: It's an honoring of the time of the year, the 59 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,360 Speaker 3: time of the day. So we can get into what 60 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:47,840 Speaker 3: I mean by daily, weekly, et cetera. So, googs, what 61 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:49,920 Speaker 3: do you remember from your childhood? 62 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,840 Speaker 1: Sure? So, my mom on a Sunday used to have 63 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:56,360 Speaker 1: this kind of routine. We'd wake up, we'd clean the house, 64 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,920 Speaker 1: we'd make lunch, and then once we'd be done with lunch, 65 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:02,680 Speaker 1: wash up, and then she would always then wash her 66 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 1: car because she loved washing her car. She then washed 67 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:06,840 Speaker 1: her car and that was kind of like the last 68 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,560 Speaker 1: part of the day. So that's always what a Sunday 69 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,600 Speaker 1: looked like. It was pretty predictable. Even the music, I 70 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:15,560 Speaker 1: can almost kind of guess the playlist because we played 71 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:18,480 Speaker 1: kind of the same sort of music. Christmas also has 72 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:23,040 Speaker 1: a particular cadence, and we always play Celine Dion's these 73 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:26,039 Speaker 1: other special times, we always played the van Rass this 74 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:29,600 Speaker 1: is Christmas and we make lunch. So even Christmas has 75 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:32,800 Speaker 1: a particular feel. And I remember when my mom was 76 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:36,880 Speaker 1: in hospital a few years ago, I recreated Christmas because 77 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,680 Speaker 1: it didn't feel right not doing it the same way 78 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:42,680 Speaker 1: she used to do it. So I recreated Christmas and 79 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,359 Speaker 1: I took a Christmas lunch to the hospital because it 80 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:50,039 Speaker 1: felt we needed that tradition, especially during that difficult time. 81 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:53,400 Speaker 1: So yeah, Sunday's Christmases had like a particular feel. 82 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,480 Speaker 3: Ah, that's so beautiful, And may we talk about Christmas. 83 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:01,400 Speaker 3: Of course for me, music is here huge and the food. 84 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:05,000 Speaker 3: You know, what we cook, and I always tell the 85 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:09,040 Speaker 3: story of how my mum makes fudge at Christmas, and 86 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:12,680 Speaker 3: that's an indelible memory for my sisters and I, but 87 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:17,280 Speaker 3: also for every grandchild. You know, it's Christmas when Guggie 88 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:21,280 Speaker 3: makes her fudge. So it's kind of like this, as 89 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:25,040 Speaker 3: I said, an emotional anchor that triggers so many beautiful memories. 90 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 3: But let's go to the more mundane for a moment, 91 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:33,279 Speaker 3: the daily rituals. Because daily rituals are part of the 92 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,560 Speaker 3: structure of a family. And if you've got more than 93 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:40,680 Speaker 3: one child, everybody fights to sit in the front seat 94 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,279 Speaker 3: of the car once they're old enough to be able 95 00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:45,440 Speaker 3: to sit in the front seat of the car. And 96 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:48,719 Speaker 3: if you've got, say, you know, sibling rivalry, there's always 97 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:52,760 Speaker 3: that rivalry. So different families have different ways of doing this. 98 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 3: The different days of the week are for a certain 99 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,560 Speaker 3: child and the other days are for the other child. 100 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:01,599 Speaker 3: Maybe you've got a a lift club and maybe you 101 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,560 Speaker 3: rotate who's going to sit in the front seat. Then 102 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 3: it's eating dinner around a table for me. This is 103 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:11,719 Speaker 3: critical in an era where there are so many screens 104 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:14,120 Speaker 3: and threats. 105 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,800 Speaker 2: Of disconnection, of human disconnection. 106 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 3: Is to make that sacred time that if you are 107 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:22,200 Speaker 3: at home together, that you actually do eat around it 108 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:26,479 Speaker 3: dinner table and then bedtime rituals are really important for 109 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:30,800 Speaker 3: children because this is a signal that the end of 110 00:06:30,839 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 3: the day has arrived and it's time to start quietening down, 111 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 3: and you could have a child who says good night 112 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:42,719 Speaker 3: to their twenty stuffed toys before getting into bed. Of course, 113 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:46,760 Speaker 3: reading stories bedtime stories to children is a beautiful calming 114 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 3: ritual because your voice and your smell and your touch, 115 00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:54,400 Speaker 3: being close to mum or dad cuddled up reading a 116 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:58,400 Speaker 3: story really does help them to feel a sense of 117 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:02,240 Speaker 3: security and that it's safe to go to sleep. Some 118 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:06,880 Speaker 3: children want their backs tickled, or their faces tickled, or 119 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 3: their hair stroked, so for different children it'll be a 120 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:14,880 Speaker 3: different daily ritual. And then a lovely thing to do 121 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,160 Speaker 3: at the end of every day is to share the 122 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:20,240 Speaker 3: sweets and the sours game, and that you would do 123 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:25,040 Speaker 3: while you're sitting eating dinner, and everybody gets the opportunity 124 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,960 Speaker 3: in the first round to share what didn't work for them, 125 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:31,040 Speaker 3: the negative of the day, the cold, prickly, the sour 126 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:33,480 Speaker 3: of the day, and they have to say what it 127 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:37,080 Speaker 3: is and what happened and how it made them feel. 128 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:40,720 Speaker 2: And once everybody has shared the bad things of the day. 129 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,680 Speaker 3: Then you get to do a positive round of the 130 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:46,760 Speaker 3: good things, the best thing that happened to you. Today, 131 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:50,240 Speaker 3: that's the suite of the day, and it's a fantastic 132 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:55,640 Speaker 3: moment of connection and discovering what happened to people during 133 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 3: the day. 134 00:07:57,080 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 2: And we had a family celebration play. 135 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:04,840 Speaker 3: It was not used every day, it was used when required, 136 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,760 Speaker 3: so somebody had to do something really special or be 137 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:13,320 Speaker 3: very special in order to eat off the family Celebration plate, 138 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 3: which was a special hand painted plate that said, you 139 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:20,640 Speaker 3: are special, you are unique, you are loved. We honor you, 140 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:24,360 Speaker 3: we acknowledge you. And if it was your birthday, you 141 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 3: ate off the family Celebration plate. But if you had 142 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 3: maybe moved from the B team to the A team 143 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:36,000 Speaker 3: for the first time, we celebrated that. If mum or 144 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,880 Speaker 3: dad got a promotion, we celebrated that. If we had 145 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:43,040 Speaker 3: a visitor for dinner, they ate off the plate. So 146 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:48,000 Speaker 3: it's a great way to share the limelight, so to speak. 147 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:52,640 Speaker 3: And then there could be weekly rituals. Weekly rituals take 148 00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:55,320 Speaker 3: the form of maybe you have one day a week 149 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 3: when you have takeaways, whether it's a Thursday, whether it's 150 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 3: a Friday. I always encourage families to do games evenings 151 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,200 Speaker 3: on a Friday night. 152 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:06,440 Speaker 2: If you've got a big family, it can. 153 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,920 Speaker 3: Just be you, but otherwise get together with another family 154 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:14,240 Speaker 3: or two families, and in that case, one of one 155 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,520 Speaker 3: child gets to choose what we're going to eat tonight, 156 00:09:16,559 --> 00:09:19,560 Speaker 3: and another child gets to choose which game we are 157 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:23,040 Speaker 3: going to play. And I loved what you said about 158 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 3: Sundays and your ritual of cleaning a mouse car in 159 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:30,440 Speaker 3: the playlist. And I think many people remember Sundays for 160 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,679 Speaker 3: the family roast or the family brye. 161 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:36,920 Speaker 2: And it's the thing that kids when. 162 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:41,720 Speaker 3: They go away to university miss the most is what 163 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:46,240 Speaker 3: happens on a Sunday, because that Sunday is kind of 164 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:50,240 Speaker 3: almost like a grounding ritual for some people. Of course 165 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:52,720 Speaker 3: they go off to church on a Saturday or a Sunday, 166 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,679 Speaker 3: or they go to shul, or they go to mosque. 167 00:09:56,240 --> 00:10:00,000 Speaker 3: So those weekly rituals are important because it's a little 168 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:03,040 Speaker 3: like your routine in the day. And you know how 169 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:07,240 Speaker 3: fond I am of talking about routine. It's that predictability 170 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:12,880 Speaker 3: that you can look forward to, and as those those 171 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 3: milestones in the week go by, you kind of you 172 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,880 Speaker 3: have a sense of where you are in the week 173 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:24,600 Speaker 3: without even looking into your calendar and your diary. 174 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,800 Speaker 1: And so you know, even one of The other tricky 175 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,640 Speaker 1: things with traditions is when kids get a little bit older, 176 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:33,320 Speaker 1: and how can traditions still kind of anchor the family 177 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:38,080 Speaker 1: bring you together, kind of build that community even as 178 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:41,520 Speaker 1: kids move away, kids go to vusity, maybe kids get 179 00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 1: older and move out or change, you know, some people 180 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:49,679 Speaker 1: move overseas. How can you use traditions even when there's like, 181 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:51,439 Speaker 1: you know, you're not living together anymore, you don't have 182 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,520 Speaker 1: as much time as a way to connect you and 183 00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:55,600 Speaker 1: still bring you together. 184 00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:00,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, so let's talk about let's talk about birth routines 185 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:05,400 Speaker 3: because I know a family who is distributed around the world, 186 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:09,160 Speaker 3: some of them in America, some of them here, and 187 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:13,079 Speaker 3: they have a ritual where they have a birthday call, 188 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:17,120 Speaker 3: and on the birthday call, the whole family appears wherever 189 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:17,880 Speaker 3: they are in the world. 190 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:18,719 Speaker 2: They appear on. 191 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:23,200 Speaker 3: The call, and they choose a theme for the birthday call, 192 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:27,280 Speaker 3: and everybody dresses up according to the theme to celebrate 193 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:31,240 Speaker 3: that person. I think that's such a lovely idea. And 194 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:35,240 Speaker 3: then how you do birthdays are I know a family 195 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:41,200 Speaker 3: who literally every year, the dad would create the wrapping 196 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:46,440 Speaker 3: paper by hand. He would draw on blank paper and 197 00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:49,360 Speaker 3: decorate it. And that was the wrapping paper for his 198 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:53,200 Speaker 3: children's birthday presents, and every year he did something special. 199 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:59,320 Speaker 3: What a way of really doing something unique that your 200 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:03,800 Speaker 3: child will prize that they were worthy enough for their 201 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:07,920 Speaker 3: dad to actually create birthday wrapping paper especially for them. 202 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,120 Speaker 2: How you do presents? 203 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:12,920 Speaker 3: Some families jump in the bed and everybody you know 204 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,200 Speaker 3: is in bed together, four or five people, and they 205 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:19,600 Speaker 3: have tea and rusks, and they open presents and sometimes 206 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:24,240 Speaker 3: there's balloons on the chair and Mum makes special pancakes 207 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:25,880 Speaker 3: on birthday day. 208 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 2: What about holiday rituals? 209 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:31,080 Speaker 3: Good? Because I don't know if you had a holiday ritual, 210 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:35,679 Speaker 3: but we always had this ritual of on the way 211 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:39,120 Speaker 3: down to to Naisner where we would go every year, 212 00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:43,760 Speaker 3: where we stopped to have breakfast or where we stopped 213 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:48,520 Speaker 3: to have lunch was a key moment in the twelve 214 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:53,160 Speaker 3: to thirteen hour journey. And my husband had this this 215 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,720 Speaker 3: ritual that the first drink, whether it was at breakfast 216 00:12:56,920 --> 00:13:01,000 Speaker 3: or lunch, the first drink on that holiday day trip 217 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:06,600 Speaker 3: was a cream soda. And to this day, even though 218 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:10,640 Speaker 3: my husband's been gone for eight years, my kids will 219 00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:15,679 Speaker 3: have a green cream soda in honor of their dad. 220 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:20,480 Speaker 3: Whichever meal it's at and I can't stand cream soda, 221 00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:23,360 Speaker 3: but it's such a comforting ritual. 222 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,160 Speaker 2: And what do you play in the car when you're 223 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:30,960 Speaker 2: going on a holiday? What games do you play too 224 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,120 Speaker 2: while away the time? 225 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:36,120 Speaker 3: So I really want to encourage parents to use the 226 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,640 Speaker 3: time in the car because your children are a captive 227 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:42,600 Speaker 3: audience for bonding and creating memories. And what are the 228 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:45,800 Speaker 3: word games that you play, What are the funny games 229 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:46,240 Speaker 3: that you play? 230 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:47,080 Speaker 2: What's the music? 231 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:51,640 Speaker 3: In my family? Music was key. We played all the 232 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:55,520 Speaker 3: show music from stage shows, the sound of music, my 233 00:13:55,679 --> 00:13:58,760 Speaker 3: fair lady. And to this day, my sisters and I 234 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,440 Speaker 3: just have such fun memories and we'll break into song 235 00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:03,160 Speaker 3: because that's what we did. 236 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,000 Speaker 2: And then you. 237 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:11,040 Speaker 3: Get to those pivotal rites of passage, rituals, moments that 238 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:19,080 Speaker 3: mark development, from baby naming ceremonies to christenings or blessings 239 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:24,120 Speaker 3: for babies, or maybe bar mitzvahs or bat mitzvahs, or 240 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:29,880 Speaker 3: something as kind of almost mundane as celebrating no longer 241 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 3: using a dummy. So when a child gets to age 242 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:38,360 Speaker 3: two or three and they ditch the dummy, you may 243 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:45,320 Speaker 3: have a ritual around that something quite It sounds quite mundane, 244 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:49,880 Speaker 3: but children of course, have to learn about fire safety, 245 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:52,760 Speaker 3: so you don't let children play with matches and lighters, 246 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:57,560 Speaker 3: but you do need to teach children how to build 247 00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:01,160 Speaker 3: a fire, how to make a brie, and there comes 248 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:04,200 Speaker 3: a time when they're allowed to actually light the fire. 249 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:09,280 Speaker 3: And we did that. Actually that that became something for us. 250 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 3: We gave our kids the gift of fire around the 251 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:16,840 Speaker 3: age of six and seven, respectively, and we actually did 252 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:19,760 Speaker 3: a full rite of passage for both our children to 253 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,240 Speaker 3: celebrate shifting from boyhood. 254 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:24,840 Speaker 2: Into childhood. 255 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:29,440 Speaker 3: And it was really magnificent and beautiful and wow, my 256 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:31,880 Speaker 3: kids remember that. And for each of our boys, it 257 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:35,880 Speaker 3: was a completely different ceremony that was made up of 258 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:38,760 Speaker 3: a number of parts and they had to choose special 259 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:42,800 Speaker 3: adults to share the different parts of that ceremony with. 260 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:48,920 Speaker 3: And I men never forget Mike Granny, who was about 261 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:53,360 Speaker 3: ninety one or so when we did my second son's 262 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:59,880 Speaker 3: ceremony and we ended with a wishing well. Having done 263 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:03,280 Speaker 3: a number of things throughout the day, we ended with 264 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:06,080 Speaker 3: a wishing well where everybody got to wish my son 265 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 3: for the next stage of his journey. And she just 266 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:13,960 Speaker 3: sat there crying and she just said it was so beautiful. 267 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:17,560 Speaker 3: She'd never experienced anything like this, And we actually ended 268 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:22,119 Speaker 3: that ceremony with every member of the family hand painting 269 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:27,760 Speaker 3: a prayer flag, and those prayer flags then flew on 270 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,000 Speaker 3: the end of sticks in the wind for thirty days. 271 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:34,440 Speaker 3: So you can do really creative stuff. And then we 272 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,600 Speaker 3: get to the end of life gooks. As we move 273 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,960 Speaker 3: to the end of this segment, you know, how we 274 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:44,400 Speaker 3: mark weddings, how we mark death in the family. 275 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:45,880 Speaker 2: Is also a ritual. 276 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:51,080 Speaker 3: So these things are so part of how we do 277 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,640 Speaker 3: things as a family. 278 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,640 Speaker 1: And so you know, as we kind of think about 279 00:16:58,160 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 1: these rituals as well, it reminds me of what kind 280 00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:02,560 Speaker 1: of station we had a couple of weeks ago about 281 00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:06,280 Speaker 1: why your children are going to do as you do 282 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:09,159 Speaker 1: and not as you say, and the things the many 283 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:13,240 Speaker 1: small and big ways children mimic your behavior, and I 284 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:16,320 Speaker 1: think one of the first fundamental ways kids start doing 285 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:19,639 Speaker 1: that is by watching what we do as a family. 286 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:24,359 Speaker 1: So the rituals, the traditions, you know, the small things 287 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,120 Speaker 1: you know on the birthday, and the little things when 288 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,720 Speaker 1: you you know, have something to celebrate. All of these 289 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 1: things are kind of, like you say, instead of trying 290 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,160 Speaker 1: to teach or talk to you kids about your values 291 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:38,160 Speaker 1: and who you are as a family. They can kind 292 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,800 Speaker 1: of see you, see you do it, and it is 293 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:47,159 Speaker 1: a way to teach that quite important values through our rituals. 294 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:49,440 Speaker 3: Of course, And you know, depending on you know who 295 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 3: you are and where you come from. You know, we 296 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:55,440 Speaker 3: talk about African initiation. Well, you know, these things all 297 00:17:55,480 --> 00:18:01,159 Speaker 3: have a role to play in us becoming and evolving. 298 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:06,520 Speaker 3: So don't discount the value of these things in terms 299 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:11,240 Speaker 3: of keeping your child safe, in terms of keeping families 300 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:17,280 Speaker 3: connected and together, and just in terms of giving your 301 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:22,040 Speaker 3: family a sense your kids a sense of we this 302 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,320 Speaker 3: is how we do things, and in other families they 303 00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:30,040 Speaker 3: do things differently. It's not necessarily wrong, it's just different. 304 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:33,119 Speaker 3: And as somebody who was an exchange student, I was 305 00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:36,000 Speaker 3: a rotary exchange student at the age of eighteen the 306 00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:38,439 Speaker 3: year after me trick, I got to live in a 307 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:43,720 Speaker 3: foreign country with five different families, and I can tell 308 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:47,479 Speaker 3: you that every single one of them was distinctly different 309 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:50,440 Speaker 3: from my own family at home. It made me really 310 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,439 Speaker 3: appreciate my own family and the way we did things. 311 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:58,159 Speaker 3: But it made me appreciate that families do things in 312 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:02,600 Speaker 3: different ways for different reasons and it was a beautiful 313 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:09,040 Speaker 3: experience of experiencing difference and the fact that it's not right. 314 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,639 Speaker 3: It's not wrong, it just is. And so I have 315 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:17,480 Speaker 3: a real appreciation for for how different people do things 316 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:21,160 Speaker 3: and we can learn so much from each other when 317 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,359 Speaker 3: we become part of each other's rituals. 318 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:26,760 Speaker 2: And maybe sometimes you might adopt those rituals too. 319 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:30,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, Niki, as always, it is a great pleasure chatting 320 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,200 Speaker 1: to you. Thank you so much for your time this morning. 321 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,520 Speaker 2: That's a pleasure. Googs and have a super day. 322 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:37,199 Speaker 1: Thank you very much. 323 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:37,600 Speaker 2: You two. 324 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 1: That's our resident human potential and parenting expert, Nikki Bush 325 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,440 Speaker 1: talking to us about the importance of rituals. I still 326 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:46,359 Speaker 1: want to hear about the traditions, the rituals, the things 327 00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:47,560 Speaker 1: that you do as a family. 328 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:48,879 Speaker 2: Send it through to us, I know. 329 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,760 Speaker 1: Seven two seven oh two one seven oh two.