WEBVTT - Family Matters: Can a narcissist really change?

0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.159
<v Speaker 1>Jacob Musha Quaie in for Peppa Hudson. Right up until

0:00:03.279 --> 0:00:06.720
<v Speaker 1>three pm. We're getting into our family Matters feature and

0:00:06.760 --> 0:00:11.160
<v Speaker 1>I mentioned earlier can a narcissist really change? And that's

0:00:11.200 --> 0:00:13.800
<v Speaker 1>the conversation we're going to have. And the reason why

0:00:13.840 --> 0:00:17.280
<v Speaker 1>we're having this conversation is because there's a different type

0:00:17.280 --> 0:00:22.600
<v Speaker 1>of therapy that Sean Diddy Combs's partner Cassie had to do,

0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:27.480
<v Speaker 1>and that was called neurofeedback. It's a very different type

0:00:27.760 --> 0:00:30.960
<v Speaker 1>of therapy and the word narcissist has been used a

0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:34.080
<v Speaker 1>lot in this P did He trial and we thought

0:00:34.240 --> 0:00:37.680
<v Speaker 1>we'd get a professional and Kerry Rudman, who is a

0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:42.560
<v Speaker 1>neurofeedback specialist and founder of brain Harmonics, joins us. So, Kerry,

0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:44.720
<v Speaker 1>thank you so much for joining us. Let's start with

0:00:44.760 --> 0:00:48.600
<v Speaker 1>you telling us about brain harmonics. What is that and

0:00:48.760 --> 0:00:52.720
<v Speaker 1>what does your job feature as a neurofeedback specialist.

0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:55.640
<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much for letting me be here. So,

0:00:56.400 --> 0:00:57.960
<v Speaker 2>brainer Monics is neurofeedback.

0:00:58.040 --> 0:01:01.280
<v Speaker 3>We use EEG lectropes, we put on different spots on

0:01:01.320 --> 0:01:04.680
<v Speaker 3>your head and we basically gathering brain wave data. We

0:01:04.720 --> 0:01:08.080
<v Speaker 3>can see where your brain fetches information or if you

0:01:08.120 --> 0:01:10.560
<v Speaker 3>have what we call an imbalance, meaning your brain's going

0:01:10.600 --> 0:01:11.600
<v Speaker 3>a long way around.

0:01:11.319 --> 0:01:12.080
<v Speaker 2>To do something.

0:01:12.720 --> 0:01:15.360
<v Speaker 3>And we look at everything that makes us up as

0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:17.280
<v Speaker 3>human beings. We look at traumas that we've been through

0:01:17.280 --> 0:01:20.240
<v Speaker 3>throughout our life and the coping strategies that throws us

0:01:20.240 --> 0:01:24.720
<v Speaker 3>into stress levels, depression levels, anxiety levels, and then also

0:01:24.760 --> 0:01:27.080
<v Speaker 3>how you focus and concentrates. So it gives us a

0:01:27.080 --> 0:01:29.760
<v Speaker 3>lot of information about the workings of our brain. And

0:01:29.800 --> 0:01:32.119
<v Speaker 3>when we do in your feedback sessions, we basically play

0:01:32.240 --> 0:01:34.560
<v Speaker 3>your brain back to you as sound, but we do

0:01:34.640 --> 0:01:37.400
<v Speaker 3>it in real time where your brain's hearing itself in

0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:40.720
<v Speaker 3>one ten thousandth of a second. And because it's so quick,

0:01:40.920 --> 0:01:43.000
<v Speaker 3>it's like your brain can see itself in a mirror

0:01:43.080 --> 0:01:45.080
<v Speaker 3>and in that way it can learn to self regulate.

0:01:45.680 --> 0:01:49.960
<v Speaker 1>Wow, that's pretty interesting. Now, what about narcism. I think

0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:53.280
<v Speaker 1>we need to get into that and how does neurofeedback

0:01:53.320 --> 0:01:58.160
<v Speaker 1>therapy help with narcisism? And let's define as narcissism as well,

0:01:58.200 --> 0:01:59.840
<v Speaker 1>because a lot of people just use it loosely.

0:02:00.360 --> 0:02:03.200
<v Speaker 3>Sure it really is being thrown around a light, but

0:02:03.320 --> 0:02:08.160
<v Speaker 3>it does need to be diagnosed. People who are narcissists

0:02:08.240 --> 0:02:12.400
<v Speaker 3>have a very grandiose sense of self importance, They need

0:02:12.760 --> 0:02:19.160
<v Speaker 3>excessive admiration. They really do lack empathy and they don't

0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:22.160
<v Speaker 3>see anything that they're doing is wrong. So there's a

0:02:22.160 --> 0:02:25.399
<v Speaker 3>lot of gas lighting going on with a narcissist where

0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:30.400
<v Speaker 3>they exploit people emotionally and physically and in every other way.

0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:34.600
<v Speaker 3>So the hard part about treating an actual a narcissist

0:02:34.919 --> 0:02:37.560
<v Speaker 3>in what we do and in almost every other therapy

0:02:37.600 --> 0:02:40.359
<v Speaker 3>that there is out there, is that because they can't

0:02:40.360 --> 0:02:43.359
<v Speaker 3>see themselves, it's very hard for them to want to change.

0:02:44.160 --> 0:02:47.840
<v Speaker 3>You have to have some kind of empathy and accountability

0:02:48.200 --> 0:02:53.160
<v Speaker 3>to make any change in your life. Victims of narcissists

0:02:53.200 --> 0:02:56.000
<v Speaker 3>we see a lot more than narcissists themselves because they

0:02:56.000 --> 0:02:58.560
<v Speaker 3>don't think that there's anything wrong with them.

0:02:58.880 --> 0:03:02.440
<v Speaker 1>And then the warnings signs for a narcissist, you could

0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:05.280
<v Speaker 1>be possibly living with a narcissist. What are the main

0:03:05.320 --> 0:03:06.240
<v Speaker 1>things to look out for?

0:03:07.040 --> 0:03:11.600
<v Speaker 3>Absolutely, So you know, the best explanation that we that

0:03:11.680 --> 0:03:16.679
<v Speaker 3>I look at is always sorry, it's always looking at

0:03:16.800 --> 0:03:21.799
<v Speaker 3>the symptoms of being gaslighted. So if there's somebody who's gaslighting,

0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:26.919
<v Speaker 3>you're going to feel there's going to be a lot

0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:31.359
<v Speaker 3>of lying, denial about what's going on. Your feelings will

0:03:31.360 --> 0:03:36.680
<v Speaker 3>be trivialized. The victim of the narcissists often questions their

0:03:36.720 --> 0:03:39.480
<v Speaker 3>own sanity. They start feeling like either their memory or

0:03:39.480 --> 0:03:42.200
<v Speaker 3>their sanity isn't correct, and they start trusting in the

0:03:42.280 --> 0:03:44.240
<v Speaker 3>narcissists feelings more than their own.

0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:46.640
<v Speaker 2>So really look out for those.

0:03:46.760 --> 0:03:48.560
<v Speaker 3>And if you feel like you're going mad and you

0:03:48.600 --> 0:03:50.800
<v Speaker 3>have a lot of self doubt and you question it

0:03:50.840 --> 0:03:52.880
<v Speaker 3>all the time, maybe it's time for you to have

0:03:52.920 --> 0:03:55.200
<v Speaker 3>a look at your own brain to see how you're

0:03:55.200 --> 0:03:57.280
<v Speaker 3>coping with it. How is your self esteem and your

0:03:58.480 --> 0:04:01.360
<v Speaker 3>self confidence and are you feeling happy within yourself?

0:04:02.640 --> 0:04:05.000
<v Speaker 1>Now this is where we will of course talk a

0:04:05.040 --> 0:04:09.600
<v Speaker 1>little more about the neurofeedback therapy. How important is the

0:04:09.680 --> 0:04:14.120
<v Speaker 1>neurofeedback therapy versus the traditional method of therapy where you

0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:16.200
<v Speaker 1>sit in a session with a therapist for an hour

0:04:16.720 --> 0:04:21.080
<v Speaker 1>and you sort of unload and unpack your current life situation.

0:04:22.360 --> 0:04:23.760
<v Speaker 4>So, you know, I.

0:04:23.720 --> 0:04:26.159
<v Speaker 3>Feel like talk therapy has purpose and it really does

0:04:26.200 --> 0:04:30.840
<v Speaker 3>make a very very profound impact. From neurotherapy point of view,

0:04:30.880 --> 0:04:33.719
<v Speaker 3>I feel like if your brain is hardwired into depression,

0:04:33.720 --> 0:04:38.000
<v Speaker 3>for instance, talking about things doesn't necessarily.

0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:40.160
<v Speaker 2>Change the hard wiring. When your a feedback.

0:04:39.760 --> 0:04:42.479
<v Speaker 3>Will change how your brain is firing and change the

0:04:42.520 --> 0:04:45.479
<v Speaker 3>neuropathways so that when you do talk therapy after that,

0:04:45.920 --> 0:04:47.640
<v Speaker 3>you can do it from a much better place.

0:04:49.000 --> 0:04:51.080
<v Speaker 1>So they basically work hand in hand. You can't do

0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:52.960
<v Speaker 1>the one without doing the other.

0:04:54.279 --> 0:04:56.960
<v Speaker 3>No, No, you can definitely do them separately. Doing them

0:04:57.000 --> 0:04:59.160
<v Speaker 3>hand in hand does help a lot of people. There

0:04:59.160 --> 0:05:02.520
<v Speaker 3>are people who don't. I need both, and they definitely

0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:05.760
<v Speaker 3>both work within their own rights as well. I feel

0:05:05.760 --> 0:05:08.279
<v Speaker 3>like if we're doing the neurofeedback, we're doing the hard ware,

0:05:08.520 --> 0:05:10.320
<v Speaker 3>and if you do have the therapist that you're talking to,

0:05:10.360 --> 0:05:12.359
<v Speaker 3>you also doing the software at the same time, and

0:05:12.400 --> 0:05:14.360
<v Speaker 3>it definitely is a better option.

0:05:15.360 --> 0:05:19.200
<v Speaker 1>Now take me through the neuro feedback session. What does

0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:21.480
<v Speaker 1>it entail and how long does it go on for?

0:05:21.960 --> 0:05:23.360
<v Speaker 2>It depends on your age.

0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:30.440
<v Speaker 3>It can be anything from one for ours per session,

0:05:31.200 --> 0:05:34.640
<v Speaker 3>well per day, I should say, true, And the amount

0:05:34.640 --> 0:05:37.440
<v Speaker 3>of hours needed would depend on the imbalances that each

0:05:37.440 --> 0:05:38.440
<v Speaker 3>person has in their brain.

0:05:38.839 --> 0:05:41.120
<v Speaker 2>So sometimes they are combinations of different imbalances.

0:05:41.120 --> 0:05:43.440
<v Speaker 3>And if we only teach the brain how to distress

0:05:43.560 --> 0:05:44.960
<v Speaker 3>or how to feel happy, but we don't teach a

0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:47.600
<v Speaker 3>brain how to let go of locking into a situation,

0:05:48.520 --> 0:05:51.560
<v Speaker 3>it's not fulfilling the whole pictures, like kind of putting

0:05:51.560 --> 0:05:54.599
<v Speaker 3>a band aid on the problem. So there's oftentimes where

0:05:54.600 --> 0:05:57.440
<v Speaker 3>we have to do things in connection with each other.

0:05:57.480 --> 0:05:59.600
<v Speaker 3>So sometimes it can go all the way up to

0:05:59.720 --> 0:06:02.360
<v Speaker 3>any four hours that a person needs, and sometimes they

0:06:02.440 --> 0:06:03.520
<v Speaker 3>might not need fourteen.

0:06:03.920 --> 0:06:06.200
<v Speaker 2>But again it always depends on each imbalance.

0:06:07.400 --> 0:06:09.919
<v Speaker 1>So for us to begin a session, for instance, that

0:06:10.120 --> 0:06:14.640
<v Speaker 1>we'd have to go through a proper like an assessment

0:06:14.720 --> 0:06:16.800
<v Speaker 1>first and then you'd be able to judge how long

0:06:17.080 --> 0:06:18.279
<v Speaker 1>one's session would be.

0:06:19.080 --> 0:06:23.279
<v Speaker 3>Absolutely the assessment is an hour, and it's like taking

0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:25.280
<v Speaker 3>a photo of your brain. You can see the pathways

0:06:25.960 --> 0:06:26.599
<v Speaker 3>in real time.

0:06:26.680 --> 0:06:27.320
<v Speaker 2>So we can.

0:06:27.160 --> 0:06:30.880
<v Speaker 3>See certain things throughout people's entire life, and we can

0:06:30.960 --> 0:06:33.320
<v Speaker 3>see some things for at least the last four months,

0:06:33.440 --> 0:06:34.200
<v Speaker 3>like sleep patterns.

0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:36.240
<v Speaker 2>We can see at least in the last formats how

0:06:36.320 --> 0:06:37.039
<v Speaker 2>you've been sleeping.

0:06:38.120 --> 0:06:40.360
<v Speaker 3>But that gives us, it's a roadmap that shows us

0:06:40.360 --> 0:06:42.440
<v Speaker 3>exactly what needs to be balanced, and from that we

0:06:42.480 --> 0:06:45.000
<v Speaker 3>can work it out pretty much immediately of what that

0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:46.600
<v Speaker 3>person will need in terms of training.

0:06:48.000 --> 0:06:51.359
<v Speaker 1>We're chatting now to Kerrie Rudman. She's on the Zoom

0:06:51.440 --> 0:06:56.320
<v Speaker 1>line and she's telling us about neurofeedback. She's a neurofeedback

0:06:56.320 --> 0:07:00.280
<v Speaker 1>specialist and founder of Brain Harmonics. Now, carry I want

0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:03.880
<v Speaker 1>to go back to how we started this conversation based

0:07:04.360 --> 0:07:07.279
<v Speaker 1>on the current P did he trial that we're seeing

0:07:07.640 --> 0:07:10.840
<v Speaker 1>played out in courts in New York, and how P

0:07:11.040 --> 0:07:16.640
<v Speaker 1>did He's behavior obviously affected his long term partner at

0:07:16.640 --> 0:07:19.640
<v Speaker 1>the time, Cassie Ventura. And where I want to go

0:07:19.680 --> 0:07:23.760
<v Speaker 1>with this conversation is Cassie knew she was in a

0:07:23.840 --> 0:07:27.720
<v Speaker 1>tricky place or a very or a very toxic place.

0:07:28.200 --> 0:07:33.480
<v Speaker 1>But how does somebody who's under the spell of a narcissist?

0:07:33.480 --> 0:07:35.680
<v Speaker 1>If I can say that, how do you navigate that?

0:07:35.720 --> 0:07:38.000
<v Speaker 1>And how do you get out of that? Especially for

0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:41.600
<v Speaker 1>the people who have to deal with narcissistic husbands or wives,

0:07:41.680 --> 0:07:46.360
<v Speaker 1>or narcissistic bosses or narcissistic business partners? How does one

0:07:46.760 --> 0:07:50.160
<v Speaker 1>navigate or how does one identify that there's an issue?

0:07:50.200 --> 0:07:51.120
<v Speaker 1>And I want to get out?

0:07:51.840 --> 0:07:53.360
<v Speaker 2>So it's such an amazing question.

0:07:53.480 --> 0:07:56.000
<v Speaker 3>Then you know the story about the frog that gets

0:07:56.040 --> 0:07:58.440
<v Speaker 3>boiled in the putt, and he doesn't know that he's

0:07:58.440 --> 0:08:00.320
<v Speaker 3>been boiled until the water is so hot that that's

0:08:00.320 --> 0:08:02.040
<v Speaker 3>the point he wants to get out that's kind of

0:08:02.080 --> 0:08:04.200
<v Speaker 3>what's happening with the narcissist is they don't just jump

0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:09.760
<v Speaker 3>in and start manipulating and you know, lacking empathy and

0:08:09.840 --> 0:08:10.600
<v Speaker 3>showing you all of.

0:08:10.520 --> 0:08:11.680
<v Speaker 2>Themselves straight away.

0:08:11.840 --> 0:08:13.760
<v Speaker 3>It's a bit of a slow process and as soon

0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:15.480
<v Speaker 3>as they see that they get away with something they do,

0:08:15.520 --> 0:08:18.720
<v Speaker 3>they step that up. So it is gradual and then

0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:20.640
<v Speaker 3>all of a sudden you're in it and you can't

0:08:20.680 --> 0:08:23.800
<v Speaker 3>figure out how to get out. So there are ways

0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:26.680
<v Speaker 3>to get help, and it depends on the circumstance. Obviously,

0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:30.560
<v Speaker 3>if it's employment, you need to start looking for other alternatives.

0:08:30.800 --> 0:08:33.000
<v Speaker 3>If it's a relationship and the children involves, it's going

0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:36.000
<v Speaker 3>to be a lot harder. But it's very important to

0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:38.120
<v Speaker 3>talk to people. You know, if it's somebody in your family,

0:08:38.160 --> 0:08:40.040
<v Speaker 3>you talk to other members of the family and see

0:08:40.160 --> 0:08:42.320
<v Speaker 3>who is in your group that can help you to

0:08:42.600 --> 0:08:47.000
<v Speaker 3>navigate through it. The other alternative is to run, just

0:08:47.120 --> 0:08:50.720
<v Speaker 3>run as fast as you can get away from them.

0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:53.800
<v Speaker 1>Now, the reason why I actually asked that is because

0:08:53.800 --> 0:08:56.280
<v Speaker 1>I wanted to lead into the next question, which takes

0:08:56.320 --> 0:09:03.800
<v Speaker 1>us back to this neurofeedback therapy. There was a line

0:09:03.840 --> 0:09:08.080
<v Speaker 1>I read there that it works very closely with helping

0:09:08.120 --> 0:09:13.959
<v Speaker 1>the brain to move out of chronic fight or flight patterns. Now,

0:09:14.559 --> 0:09:17.319
<v Speaker 1>that for me is such a critical part of what

0:09:17.360 --> 0:09:19.760
<v Speaker 1>we're having in this conversation where you're saying, if you

0:09:19.800 --> 0:09:22.040
<v Speaker 1>find yourself in a situation where you don't know what

0:09:22.120 --> 0:09:24.640
<v Speaker 1>to do or what your next move should be, then

0:09:25.120 --> 0:09:26.839
<v Speaker 1>flight it is. Then you, then you run, you you

0:09:26.920 --> 0:09:29.280
<v Speaker 1>better get out of it. But how do you then

0:09:29.400 --> 0:09:36.160
<v Speaker 1>overcome that once you've experienced neurofeedback therapy the idea that

0:09:36.400 --> 0:09:39.080
<v Speaker 1>when something's wrong, I just leave and I run away.

0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:41.000
<v Speaker 1>Does neurofeedback therapy change that?

0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:42.240
<v Speaker 2>It really does.

0:09:42.360 --> 0:09:45.040
<v Speaker 3>So if you are in fight or flights, what happens

0:09:45.080 --> 0:09:47.520
<v Speaker 3>is your brain is so such an amazing tool. If

0:09:47.559 --> 0:09:51.200
<v Speaker 3>you go through situations that are traumatic and that make

0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:53.040
<v Speaker 3>you feel really angry or make you feel like the

0:09:53.040 --> 0:09:55.880
<v Speaker 3>world's not safe, which Cassie definitely did as well as

0:09:55.920 --> 0:09:59.320
<v Speaker 3>many of the other victims, it's your brain will generate

0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:02.680
<v Speaker 3>pathway at the right temple lobe which will throw you

0:10:02.720 --> 0:10:05.600
<v Speaker 3>into fight or flight as a coping strategy. So people

0:10:05.600 --> 0:10:08.240
<v Speaker 3>who are stuck in fight or flight don't plan that

0:10:08.240 --> 0:10:09.920
<v Speaker 3>that's how they're going to react to things in the world.

0:10:09.960 --> 0:10:12.840
<v Speaker 3>It becomes just a norm for your own brain to

0:10:12.840 --> 0:10:15.520
<v Speaker 3>survive in the world. So what happens is when we

0:10:15.559 --> 0:10:17.920
<v Speaker 3>do neuro feedback, we teach your brain how to self

0:10:17.960 --> 0:10:20.760
<v Speaker 3>regulate and how to calm that fight to flight down.

0:10:20.840 --> 0:10:23.720
<v Speaker 3>We've basically shown your brain that it's okay and you're safe.

0:10:24.000 --> 0:10:27.520
<v Speaker 3>You can let go of those coping strategies and over time,

0:10:27.600 --> 0:10:30.559
<v Speaker 3>that's why we do multiple sessions and we repeat certain things.

0:10:30.920 --> 0:10:32.760
<v Speaker 3>It teaches the brain that you're safe and it's okay

0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:35.679
<v Speaker 3>and that threat that was they previously has actually disappeared

0:10:35.679 --> 0:10:37.680
<v Speaker 3>and you can relax again, and then.

0:10:37.559 --> 0:10:38.720
<v Speaker 2>That becomes your new normal.

0:10:38.840 --> 0:10:40.680
<v Speaker 3>So there's not a lot of trying that has to

0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:43.920
<v Speaker 3>be done in terms of neuro feedback. You just suddenly

0:10:43.960 --> 0:10:46.839
<v Speaker 3>notice that something will happen and you reacting much calmer

0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:48.679
<v Speaker 3>than you ever did before that you feel a lot

0:10:48.720 --> 0:10:51.440
<v Speaker 3>more relaxed about things that are going on around you.

0:10:52.440 --> 0:10:57.920
<v Speaker 1>Carrie, in a situation like the P Did scenario P

0:10:58.040 --> 0:11:04.400
<v Speaker 1>Diddy case, at the moment P Did himself probably doesn't

0:11:04.400 --> 0:11:09.120
<v Speaker 1>have the willingness to change. But in general, somebody who

0:11:09.200 --> 0:11:13.600
<v Speaker 1>is who has narcissistic traits or who is deemed to

0:11:13.640 --> 0:11:17.800
<v Speaker 1>be a narcissist, would they be able to get any

0:11:18.280 --> 0:11:23.760
<v Speaker 1>positive feedback from this neurofeedback therapy. I'm trying to say,

0:11:23.760 --> 0:11:25.360
<v Speaker 1>can a narcissist actually change?

0:11:25.679 --> 0:11:28.160
<v Speaker 3>So it's a very hard question to answer, and I

0:11:28.200 --> 0:11:30.440
<v Speaker 3>think more than anything, you need to want to change.

0:11:30.559 --> 0:11:32.880
<v Speaker 3>To change, you have to be able to see some

0:11:33.040 --> 0:11:35.160
<v Speaker 3>of what you're doing, even if you can't see all

0:11:35.200 --> 0:11:38.960
<v Speaker 3>of it, because the reasons why they can't see themselves

0:11:39.480 --> 0:11:41.040
<v Speaker 3>is as soon as they go there and they admit

0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:43.280
<v Speaker 3>to what they're doing that's wrong, they have to accept

0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:46.959
<v Speaker 3>that part of their personality which was developed through maybe

0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:49.880
<v Speaker 3>traumas or lars or being neglected or whatever trauma they

0:11:49.960 --> 0:11:52.199
<v Speaker 3>went through. So it's there to protect them and when

0:11:52.200 --> 0:11:54.440
<v Speaker 3>they lower that, it's going to make them vulnerable. But

0:11:54.559 --> 0:11:56.800
<v Speaker 3>if somebody is willing to be vulnerable and willing to

0:11:56.840 --> 0:12:01.160
<v Speaker 3>look at themselves, they can change. It isn't a quick

0:12:01.200 --> 0:12:04.360
<v Speaker 3>process for the narcissists themselves. It's going to take time.

0:12:05.120 --> 0:12:08.120
<v Speaker 3>And even if a narcissist couldn't see themselves and they

0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:10.560
<v Speaker 3>came and did neuro feedback sessions, it would still help

0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:13.520
<v Speaker 3>them on many of the other levels. Because as soon

0:12:13.559 --> 0:12:16.400
<v Speaker 3>as you feel like the world's less of a threat,

0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:20.040
<v Speaker 3>you don't have to move into your coping strategies as quickly.

0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:24.440
<v Speaker 3>So it makes you a better person, but maybe not

0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:26.640
<v Speaker 3>the perfect person. It just makes you a little bit

0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:28.840
<v Speaker 3>better than you were because you feel more comfortable and

0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:31.640
<v Speaker 3>it ease and your self confidence and self esteem is

0:12:31.679 --> 0:12:34.120
<v Speaker 3>better and maybe you're feeling happier less depressed.

0:12:35.400 --> 0:12:38.920
<v Speaker 1>Now, Carrie, here's a question that's come in. Is it

0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:44.160
<v Speaker 1>possible for neurofeedback therapy to help somebody who is autistic.

0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:48.160
<v Speaker 3>Yes, we've had a lot of autistic clients. So again,

0:12:48.200 --> 0:12:50.920
<v Speaker 3>it doesn't change the autism. I mean, it won't take

0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:54.079
<v Speaker 3>it away that you're not autistic anymore. But it gives

0:12:54.120 --> 0:12:57.719
<v Speaker 3>the autistic person a lot better skills. So it can

0:12:57.800 --> 0:13:01.440
<v Speaker 3>teach them, firstly how to sleep with quality sleep. It

0:13:01.440 --> 0:13:05.120
<v Speaker 3>can help them to be calmer when they're taking information

0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:06.440
<v Speaker 3>in so that they take more in.

0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:08.800
<v Speaker 2>We've had some cases where.

0:13:08.640 --> 0:13:11.800
<v Speaker 3>It's just been phenomenal and the child. Often we train

0:13:11.920 --> 0:13:14.600
<v Speaker 3>autistic children, so I'm using a child as an example.

0:13:15.080 --> 0:13:18.280
<v Speaker 3>But the child will change dramatically and learning will change

0:13:18.400 --> 0:13:21.840
<v Speaker 3>and speech can change, and sometimes it's a slower process.

0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:24.520
<v Speaker 3>It depends on where they are on the autism spectrum.

0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:27.400
<v Speaker 4>Good afternoon, Yes, I had a friend who was a

0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:32.319
<v Speaker 4>complete and utter narcissist of note, and in the end,

0:13:32.640 --> 0:13:35.240
<v Speaker 4>I was the one who decided this person had to

0:13:35.280 --> 0:13:39.040
<v Speaker 4>get out my life because they are vicious, they vindictive.

0:13:40.360 --> 0:13:44.000
<v Speaker 4>There was a ceter of rules for her, no rules.

0:13:44.280 --> 0:13:46.400
<v Speaker 4>There was a set of no rules for her, and

0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:50.960
<v Speaker 4>a ceter rules for everybody else. They are self centered,

0:13:51.280 --> 0:13:54.959
<v Speaker 4>they are, and everybody has to pan to their whims.

0:13:55.120 --> 0:13:58.600
<v Speaker 4>So if you are in a relationship with a person

0:13:58.760 --> 0:14:00.960
<v Speaker 4>like that, or you have a friend like that, my

0:14:01.120 --> 0:14:04.520
<v Speaker 4>aunt says, get rid of them today because they are

0:14:04.800 --> 0:14:09.920
<v Speaker 4>honestly not worth the spit on the floor. They really aren't.

0:14:10.360 --> 0:14:18.200
<v Speaker 4>And like the lady was saying, there's no accountability for anything.

0:14:18.480 --> 0:14:22.040
<v Speaker 4>They don't. They think whatever they do is completely right.

0:14:22.280 --> 0:14:28.000
<v Speaker 4>Donald Trump is a narcissist. He is a full on narcissist. Yeah,

0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:31.960
<v Speaker 4>so get them out of your life today. Michael Simon Staner.

0:14:32.480 --> 0:14:36.000
<v Speaker 1>Kerry Rudman, a neuro feedback therapist, joins us now on

0:14:36.120 --> 0:14:41.600
<v Speaker 1>Cape Talk in Our Family Matters part of the show. Kerry,

0:14:41.680 --> 0:14:43.560
<v Speaker 1>that was a very interesting voice note we got there

0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:49.080
<v Speaker 1>from Michael saying Donald Trump is a perfect person to

0:14:49.120 --> 0:14:52.280
<v Speaker 1>describe as a narcissist. Is that something that you would

0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:52.800
<v Speaker 1>agree with.

0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:58.960
<v Speaker 2>Oh, he is. He's the epitome of a narcissist. He

0:14:59.040 --> 0:14:59.520
<v Speaker 2>really is.

0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:02.280
<v Speaker 3>E will say a certain thing and then he'll deny it,

0:15:02.560 --> 0:15:05.840
<v Speaker 3>or he will change the topic and blame it on

0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:09.000
<v Speaker 3>the journalist who're saying something wrong. So wherever they can

0:15:09.040 --> 0:15:12.880
<v Speaker 3>tribualize experiences or feelings or anything like that and then

0:15:13.080 --> 0:15:16.240
<v Speaker 3>often project whatever it is onto the other person's that

0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:16.960
<v Speaker 3>they look good.

0:15:17.520 --> 0:15:19.440
<v Speaker 2>That is a sign of a narcissist.

0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:22.400
<v Speaker 3>I think Donald Trump would definitely for the Today category.

0:15:23.520 --> 0:15:27.520
<v Speaker 1>So then when it comes to neurofeedback therapy, for anyone

0:15:27.560 --> 0:15:30.240
<v Speaker 1>who's hearing this conversation for the first time, where do

0:15:30.280 --> 0:15:32.120
<v Speaker 1>I go to get more information about it?

0:15:34.240 --> 0:15:38.320
<v Speaker 3>Our website is Brainharmonics dot co, dot zda and all

0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:41.800
<v Speaker 3>of our branches are listed on the website. We are

0:15:42.000 --> 0:15:46.200
<v Speaker 3>We do have offices nationwide. We're also on Instagram and

0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:51.000
<v Speaker 3>Facebook also brain Harmonics and our central number is zero

0:15:51.080 --> 0:15:54.880
<v Speaker 3>eight three two double six nine one eight three.

0:15:56.480 --> 0:15:58.640
<v Speaker 1>Kerry, thank you so much for your time. I do

0:15:58.760 --> 0:16:01.960
<v Speaker 1>have one last question, and I think it's also quite important.

0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:06.160
<v Speaker 1>Just like there's medical aids who cover normal talking to

0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:10.400
<v Speaker 1>talking therapy, is this something that's also covered with medical

0:16:10.440 --> 0:16:13.760
<v Speaker 1>aid and if you are looking at doing it outside

0:16:13.800 --> 0:16:18.280
<v Speaker 1>of medical aid, is it a costly exercise to experience

0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:19.560
<v Speaker 1>neurofeedback therapy.

0:16:21.720 --> 0:16:25.080
<v Speaker 3>So, unfortunately were not covered by medical aids as yet,

0:16:25.120 --> 0:16:27.480
<v Speaker 3>there are no codes in existence for us and it's

0:16:27.480 --> 0:16:28.440
<v Speaker 3>a very long fight.

0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:31.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm trying to have to get codes in generation to

0:16:31.920 --> 0:16:32.600
<v Speaker 2>be generated.

0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:37.480
<v Speaker 3>The assessment is five hundred rand and the training is

0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:40.280
<v Speaker 3>five hundred rand an hour, So the amount of money

0:16:40.320 --> 0:16:41.640
<v Speaker 3>needed depends.

0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:42.800
<v Speaker 2>On how many imbalances they have.

0:16:43.480 --> 0:16:45.440
<v Speaker 3>But I can say that there are a lot of

0:16:45.480 --> 0:16:49.240
<v Speaker 3>people who are spending a lot of money on various

0:16:49.280 --> 0:16:52.440
<v Speaker 3>medications and over the counter, all sorts of things that

0:16:52.560 --> 0:16:54.480
<v Speaker 3>when they add up what they're spending to try and

0:16:54.520 --> 0:16:56.640
<v Speaker 3>feel good and then look at the cost of this.

0:16:56.920 --> 0:16:59.920
<v Speaker 2>Where this is changing what underlies the.

0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:03.520
<v Speaker 3>If you look at it in a way like that,

0:17:03.640 --> 0:17:07.760
<v Speaker 3>it's really not as costly as going and buying whatever's

0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:10.919
<v Speaker 3>makes you feel good of the counter continually. When you

0:17:10.960 --> 0:17:13.240
<v Speaker 3>add that up, there is a big difference in doing

0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:16.680
<v Speaker 3>it wines and getting the pathways generated and firm, then

0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:18.360
<v Speaker 3>continually not sleeping and not.

0:17:18.359 --> 0:17:19.120
<v Speaker 2>Looking after al

0:17:20.880 --> 0:17:24.560
<v Speaker 1>Kerry Rudman, a neurofeedback therapist, to joining US now on

0:17:24.840 --> 0:17:29.400
<v Speaker 1>the Family Matters feature on the Lunch with Jacob musha

0:17:29.480 --> 0:17:29.600
<v Speaker 1>Qua