Speaker 1: Even though I'm not in them jollopool anymore. I listen.
Speaker 2: I listen to what Rakadi of Nation has to say.
Speaker 2: She is a right Here in studio, we have Don
Speaker 2: who's a relationship coach. She's also an author of the
Speaker 2: book The Dating Playbook, and she's here today in studio
Speaker 2: to talk us through dating etiquette, us to do Welcome.
Speaker 1: How are you. I'm okay, I'm good. I'm excited for
Speaker 1: the conversation. Okay.
Speaker 2: And I think you can tell I'm excited because I
Speaker 2: have been speaking about how dating is just so complicated.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: I don't know when things got this technical. Wow, when
Speaker 2: things became when they were dos and don't I mean,
Speaker 2: what happened to Hello baby, I love you. Give me
Speaker 2: three days. I'll go think about it. I come back.
Speaker 2: I love you too.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So, unfortunately, and anyone who follows my work knows this,
Speaker 3: it's just the way we've rearranged ourselves as communities. And unfortunately,
Speaker 3: you know, we are living through the unintended consequences of
Speaker 3: something where people were either trying to do good or
Speaker 3: to protect their kids. And it has a lot to
Speaker 3: do with the fact that we went and we put
Speaker 3: our kids in tiny little containers. And we also didn't
Speaker 3: allow them to play in the yards. And it was
Speaker 3: all because of safety, right and protecting them in this big, big,
Speaker 3: uncertain world that we live in. And we forgot that, well,
Speaker 3: we didn't forget. We didn't actually we took for granted
Speaker 3: that the fact that you have to play, you have
Speaker 3: to find a group, you have to enter a group.
Speaker 3: You have to be able to adopt to the norms,
Speaker 3: you have to be able to handle conflict, you have
Speaker 3: to compromise, know when to embrace someone, know when to
Speaker 3: draw bound. Is that that was teaching us social skills,
Speaker 3: and what has happened to a lot of people is
Speaker 3: that they've lost the interpersonal skills. Never mind just interpersonal skills,
Speaker 3: but also interpersonal skills that are important to inter romantic relationships.
Speaker 1: So this whole idea of.
Speaker 3: Why it becomes so technical and why you need someone
Speaker 3: like me really is because of the fact that you
Speaker 3: know that thing which people would have refined maybe in
Speaker 3: the late teens and twenties, learning how to form romantic
Speaker 3: interpersonal relationships. They no longer have the opportunity to do so,
Speaker 3: right because of the fact that we live with amongst
Speaker 3: people who have and I always say this, if you've
Speaker 3: blocked somebody on what's up, if you're talking about you
Speaker 3: predicting your peace and boundaries and so forth, Yeah, that
Speaker 3: is a reaction to the fact that you do not
Speaker 3: know how to handle difficult times and conflict, right. And
Speaker 3: what you're finding in dating is people are so quick
Speaker 3: to ghost each other, to block each other and all
Speaker 3: these other things. And isn't that because they just think
Speaker 3: there's more, there's someone else, There's always some I think
Speaker 3: also what has happened is that through social media and
Speaker 3: technology so instant gratification, if somebody doesn't download in five minutes,
Speaker 3: then it means, oh, no, he's not the one, right.
Speaker 3: And also because the internet gives you the illusion that
Speaker 3: there's more, that you can get more right because of
Speaker 3: the fact that you are seeing someone where you know
Speaker 3: as people. There's something called a Jhiris window, and what
Speaker 3: it says is that the real you is found between
Speaker 3: how you perceive yourself and how the world perceives you, right,
Speaker 3: and somewhere in the middle, this is the really real you.
Speaker 3: And what happens is that people just generally overrate themselves
Speaker 3: and so you're seeing someone and you're like I am
Speaker 3: that person. I either have the same dating market value
Speaker 3: as that person or that good looking and that charming
Speaker 3: and so forth. And if they can get a then
Speaker 3: I can get a too.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: But the reality is, actually, maybe you're not that charming.
Speaker 3: Maybe your dating market value is not that high.
Speaker 1: Dating market value we'll come back, we'll come back to.
Speaker 1: But maybe it's not that high.
Speaker 3: And you think you have these amount of options, but
Speaker 3: you actually have quite a smaller base to play with
Speaker 3: than the person you're comparing yourself to. And that's what's
Speaker 3: happening to a lot of people. So they keep on
Speaker 3: thinking I meet better, I can do better and better.
Speaker 3: Then they get to a point in the life where
Speaker 3: either hits them that actually, you know what, what I've
Speaker 3: been coming across, So the people that I've been coming
Speaker 3: across actually good people and great people, and yeah, I
Speaker 3: should explore that.
Speaker 1: What they end up lonely then that's the reality.
Speaker 3: Sure, Okay, I mean divorced men my LORMI these days
Speaker 3: they call themselves baddies, And I'm like, well, once you're
Speaker 3: going through a midlife crisis and you do not realize it.
Speaker 3: You're seeking the sense of freedom and you think it's
Speaker 3: because of the fact that oh, I was so appraised
Speaker 3: in my marriage and so forth and whatever. No, actually,
Speaker 3: we just don't know how to recognize a midlife crisis
Speaker 3: because back then it was a bold man buying a Porsche, right,
Speaker 3: And now we live in twenty twenty five, and that
Speaker 3: the midlife crisis looks a little bit different, right. And
Speaker 3: what's happening is that you have these bunch of men
Speaker 3: who are in the forties and fifties whereby human beings
Speaker 3: are coupled beings. We're meant to find someone to spend
Speaker 3: time with, whether in the context of marriage or being
Speaker 3: a life partner. But we cove coupled beings and they're
Speaker 3: enjoying their time right now because also we malam, especially
Speaker 3: the black Malome, we probably are seeing a version of
Speaker 3: Malome that has slightly or even much more money than
Speaker 3: the Malumas of the past, right, And so there's much
Speaker 3: more freedom for them, and they don't know what to
Speaker 3: do with this freedom, and they're not also exploring this
Speaker 3: freedom in the context of you're going through a midlife
Speaker 3: crisis and it's gonna stop and one day you're gonna
Speaker 3: yearn from companionship. But you've broken so many hearts along
Speaker 3: the way, You've burned so many bridges along the way
Speaker 3: that you're gonna wake up at fifty seven and you're
Speaker 3: gonna be like, ah, actually I wanted a companion, and yes,
Speaker 3: you think that my two thousand will be an option then.
Speaker 3: But you know, we grow and mature as people, and
Speaker 3: people seek companionship with the level of the frequency they're
Speaker 3: vibrating it. And you're a mature man, you're probably looking
Speaker 3: for some mature love. But now you have to start
Speaker 3: all over again, and you've wasted ten years of your
Speaker 3: life whereby you even lost the skill of compromising, of
Speaker 3: accommodating another person, and sometimes it makes you undesirable at
Speaker 3: the end because you don't have that skill set.
Speaker 2: That's what we're seeing in the market. It sounds so scary,
Speaker 2: you know, it sounds it sounds. It sounds like something
Speaker 2: I don't want to be a part of. So listen.
Speaker 1: The term etiquette is hardly ever used, you know, for
Speaker 1: dating or to describe dating.
Speaker 2: We think about etiquette, you know, at the dinner table,
Speaker 2: and you know, when you walk into boardrooms or you know,
Speaker 2: but we hardly ever think dating etiquette.
Speaker 1: What does that look like is this how we.
Speaker 2: Carry ourselves in the dating space when people want to
Speaker 2: into dating, and how far does it go.
Speaker 3: So if you dissect the word etiquette, it's really how
Speaker 3: do you show up as the best version of yourself
Speaker 3: in the context of whatever it is that you're doing.
Speaker 3: And what happens in dating is that you know, as people,
Speaker 3: we act out our childhood in our adult years, so
Speaker 3: weproject a lot as people, and sometimes we do not
Speaker 3: understand where that comes from, and our and our expectations
Speaker 3: then manifest in the behaviors that we demonstrate. And a
Speaker 3: lot of people do not introspect, and it's just the
Speaker 3: nature of human beings, although don't deeply introspect. And what
Speaker 3: happens is that we form these expectations and we don't
Speaker 3: ask ourselves what in forms these expectations. A lot of
Speaker 3: people form standards and expectations from a wounded place, and
Speaker 3: then what happens is that manifaces into behaviors when we
Speaker 3: start dating.
Speaker 1: So I'll give you an example.
Speaker 3: Let's say, for example, a single and I meet a guy,
Speaker 3: and I come from a place where maybe I have
Speaker 3: an absent dad wound, whereby if the guy doesn't show
Speaker 3: some kind of seriousness within it, or in the manner
Speaker 3: that I want him to show that he's serious, then
Speaker 3: automatically assigned that you're gonna abandon me like my father
Speaker 3: abandoned me, right, or I can even be super needy.
Speaker 3: The what happens is that we start texting each other
Speaker 3: with this guy, and now, because the guy didn't text
Speaker 3: me at five per seven and he said he was
Speaker 3: gonna text me at five past seven, or definitely he
Speaker 3: can't be the one, right, And I'll start telling him,
Speaker 3: you know, you're not the one, or this all of
Speaker 3: the things, and I'm projecting all of this and transferring
Speaker 3: all my frustrations onto the And that's what's happening. From
Speaker 3: an etiquette perspective is that most of the dating literature,
Speaker 3: if you read.
Speaker 1: It, it tells you how to behave.
Speaker 3: And I take it a step further, and I say,
Speaker 3: you first need to understand what informs your behavior and
Speaker 3: where do they come from, and from an expectation perspective,
Speaker 3: because there then you don't have to remember rule book.
Speaker 3: When I was learning this thing, there were the rules
Speaker 3: of dating. There was a rule book. Had a couple
Speaker 3: of friends before a restaurant used to have a black
Speaker 3: book and a rule book, and sometimes you'd go to
Speaker 3: the bathroom and then we'll look at this rule book
Speaker 3: to say, okay, we're at the stage in this conversation,
Speaker 3: what do we do as humor date.
Speaker 1: Exactly?
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: But I was young and I was having fun and
Speaker 1: it was learning.
Speaker 3: And what I learned from that process was that you
Speaker 3: do really want to give people a rule book. What
Speaker 3: you want to do is you want to psychologically prepare
Speaker 3: them in such a way that it's easy for them
Speaker 3: to show up as the best version of themselves on
Speaker 3: a date. And it's just been conscious first d it's
Speaker 3: not an interview. You're not asking for a blood sample,
Speaker 3: to be quite honest, you're not choosing a husband. You're
Speaker 3: just you're just literally getting to know the other person.
Speaker 3: You know you need to be at ease. And if,
Speaker 3: for example, you're struggling a lot of demons, maybe you
Speaker 3: shouldn't be going on dates yet first to settle those demons,
Speaker 3: then you go on dates, because then you're going to
Speaker 3: project all sorts of things when you get to those dates.
Speaker 3: It's things like that. It's also about what what what
Speaker 3: do you want this person to take out from this interaction?
Speaker 3: About you, which is what opinion should this person form
Speaker 3: about you? And you know, I always say, you can
Speaker 3: become what the person is looking for, or you can
Speaker 3: become or you can find a person who's looking for you.
Speaker 3: Now it's much more difficult to become because then it's
Speaker 3: not sometimes not aligned with your essence, your values and
Speaker 3: so forth. And rather find somebody who's looking for you.
Speaker 3: And I always say, you know, you just want to
Speaker 3: project that. So if the person walks away with the
Speaker 3: impression that this is who to do, is what's important
Speaker 3: to do? Do and lightheartedly please like what is important?
Speaker 3: Not about the fact that you want seven kids by
Speaker 3: age thirty seven?
Speaker 1: It state one. It's the date.
Speaker 2: I was about to say, get it. I want the granular.
Speaker 2: You know how we go about fifty first.
Speaker 3: I always say the first date, especially if this is
Speaker 3: the you meet a person. Maybe you know, South Africa's
Speaker 3: so unique in such a sense that you can meet
Speaker 3: a person walking down the road, Hello, nice, can I
Speaker 3: have your number? And so forth? Well, another parts of
Speaker 3: the world. It really is online dating, but people now
Speaker 3: slide into DMS. Yeah, it really is in essense the
Speaker 3: same thing. So if you're meeting this first one, for
Speaker 3: the person for the first time in a conversation.
Speaker 1: I always say, keep it short.
Speaker 3: Schedule a coffee, you know, don't make it a date,
Speaker 3: because the thing is when you go over two to
Speaker 3: three hours, now you're going to start telling your life
Speaker 3: story and your family secrets and your traumas.
Speaker 1: Right, that goes against everything I've seen.
Speaker 2: I've seen people saying, oh, you know, a coffee makes
Speaker 2: you seem as though you're you're low maintenance already, you're
Speaker 2: setting You're setting yourself up.
Speaker 3: Because he's gonna think it's just like coffee. There must
Speaker 3: be greater effort. No women complain that men don't chase
Speaker 3: after them. Nobody chases somebody who's not running. When you
Speaker 3: spend an hour having coffee with somebody and you've got
Speaker 3: better things to do, that inspires the person to spend
Speaker 3: more time with you because there's not enough time to
Speaker 3: explore the entire conversation. So when they say, oh, more
Speaker 3: efforts and more of it, it's incremental. I just made
Speaker 3: you today. Why am I taking you to a seven
Speaker 3: star hotel? Why do you have that expectation? You know,
Speaker 3: and I'm not saying the person must find the cheapest
Speaker 3: coffee place.
Speaker 1: Around the corner.
Speaker 3: But they just made you today, right, and we need
Speaker 3: to adjust our expectations. Seven star restaurants for anniversaries and
Speaker 3: special things and whatever, they're not for first dates. If
Speaker 3: that's a girl at who's expecting a seven star restaurant
Speaker 3: and so forth, you might just be setting yourself up
Speaker 3: for failure, you know.
Speaker 1: So I think that's the other thing we just need.
Speaker 3: And this is the reason why I talk about what
Speaker 3: informs your expectations because already you haven't even gone on
Speaker 3: a date, but you've already set the criteria as to
Speaker 3: how this person should wine and dine. You you know,
Speaker 3: what is your standard with regards to that. And I
Speaker 3: just think that people just like at the end of
Speaker 3: the day, most people are lonely. Most people are seeking
Speaker 3: a partner. So they have these expectations or I will
Speaker 3: not do this, or no, you know what, I know
Speaker 3: my worth and so forth and whatever. But ultimately you
Speaker 3: go to bed and you're you're lonely, and there's nothing
Speaker 3: wrong with seeking a fulfilling relationships to relationships.
Speaker 1: Sorry, yeah, we're human.
Speaker 3: We have an innate desire to be part of a
Speaker 3: community and to be coupled, right, So there's nothing wrong
Speaker 3: with you with seeking that right, But if you want
Speaker 3: somebody else to receive you with care and to acknowledge
Speaker 3: that you're a human being, you should be able to
Speaker 3: receive other people with care, and it starts with your expectations.
Speaker 3: So for me, it's like the first date is something
Speaker 3: I hearted, it's just a high level view of who
Speaker 3: the person is.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: I always say, you have no business, you know, asking
Speaker 3: the person if they want seven or ten kids on
Speaker 3: this on the first date. You know, it's establishing whether
Speaker 3: you can work with this person. So for example, if
Speaker 3: you have certain boundaries or maybe definite no nos. So
Speaker 3: for example, if you say, I don't want somebody who's
Speaker 3: a child, I don't want somebody who's been married before,
Speaker 3: I don't want somebody who's a drag at it.
Speaker 1: Hopefully then you can.
Speaker 3: Be able to establish that on date one and determine
Speaker 3: whether you really really want to go through with this
Speaker 3: or maybe you know what, it's okay, And I think
Speaker 3: the other dates are the opportunities now to know each other.
Speaker 3: So what happens is that a lot of people, especially women,
Speaker 3: they go on dates, they're trying so hard to impress
Speaker 3: the person. It's about shs just working hard to get
Speaker 3: this person to like me, but they end up not
Speaker 3: knowing who the person is. And hence why somebody could
Speaker 3: date somebody for eight months and then the red flag
Speaker 3: comes and they was like, I didn't see those please
Speaker 3: please me like this since the beginning of time. Yes,
Speaker 3: you were just so fixated on praising this person. And
Speaker 3: it's a two way thing. It's a word you're really
Speaker 3: taking opportunity. You know, for example, when you go for interviews,
Speaker 3: and the reason why I use interviews there is a
Speaker 3: lot of you know, people who take interest.
Speaker 1: In these conversations have jobs of some sort.
Speaker 3: So if you go off for an interview, you know
Speaker 3: you're in a better position when you're like, when you're
Speaker 3: not on the tip of oh.
Speaker 1: I hate my job, please hire me, hire me, hire.
Speaker 3: Me, because if you come from that perspective, then you're
Speaker 3: not going to be able to negotiate a good salary.
Speaker 3: And you know, like, for example, also the other person
Speaker 3: might be concerned that what am I taking into my organization,
Speaker 3: and you need to think about dating from that perspective,
Speaker 3: then nobody wants somebody who's like, oh please, please please,
Speaker 3: you'd give me off the dating market you know, well,
Speaker 3: please please please, you know, like I don't know, give
Speaker 3: me seven kids and seven months time, not looking for
Speaker 3: that people.
Speaker 1: Are really looking for.
Speaker 3: You're more attractive when you're at ease and if you
Speaker 3: know that you have some kind of things that you
Speaker 3: need to work through and heal from the pause, get
Speaker 3: yourself right first, then into the dating scene.
Speaker 1: And that's the thing.
Speaker 3: It's like, people don't understand that you have more success
Speaker 3: dating when you are happy.
Speaker 2: We're speaking dating etiquette with Donzella. She's a relationship coach
Speaker 2: and she's helping us make sense of what dating etiquette
Speaker 2: actually is.
Speaker 1: And I've been.
Speaker 2: Saying, I know absolutely nothing about dating it together. Where
Speaker 2: I'm from, it's the basic killo guy.
Speaker 1: And then yeah and yeah, oh you have woman, no
Speaker 1: my car exactly.
Speaker 5: And I just feel.
Speaker 2: Dating has become so it's evolved so much, and she's
Speaker 2: explaining it so beautifully to us about why we're in
Speaker 2: the situation that we are in right now.
Speaker 1: I want to invite you.
Speaker 2: I'm going to open up the lines or a double
Speaker 2: one double a three oh seven oh two two to
Speaker 2: one double four six oh five six seven. That's if
Speaker 2: you're in Cape Town and if you would rather send
Speaker 2: us an SMS. It's three one seven oh two, and
Speaker 2: I want to read to you the WhatsApp lance that
Speaker 2: if you want to send WhatsApp instead, it is a
Speaker 2: zero seven two seven oh two one seven oh two,
Speaker 2: looking forward to your contributions and looking forward to your questions.
Speaker 2: She's here studio for you to take your questions, so
Speaker 2: get in touch with us. I want to speak about
Speaker 2: talking stages, yes, because I think while you speak about
Speaker 2: first date's not being you know the way you must
Speaker 2: lay it all you know and open up your chest.
Speaker 2: And but now there's something called the talking stage where
Speaker 2: people talk for seven months, yeah, five months, six months on.
Speaker 1: The phone, yeah, and never meet.
Speaker 3: So always ask, especially a woman, are you looking for
Speaker 3: a boyfriend or a pen pal?
Speaker 1: Let's start there.
Speaker 3: And I think the last time I heard anyone write
Speaker 3: anything to a pin pial was in the nineties. I'm
Speaker 3: forty three years old, so in high school they were
Speaker 3: pin pulse. Because what happens is that what is the
Speaker 3: intention of somebody taking your number? This person took your
Speaker 3: number so that they can take you on a date.
Speaker 3: And I always say, take the interaction out of a
Speaker 3: texting platform, be it social media or what's up as
Speaker 3: quickly as possible. I think a guy wants you, he'll
Speaker 3: make a plan right. And if a guy is not
Speaker 3: sure about or if a guy's not really into you,
Speaker 3: he won't.
Speaker 1: You won't be sure about him. You know, you'd be confused.
Speaker 3: So for me when it comes to texting, I think
Speaker 3: you know, texting plays a role, but it's not the
Speaker 3: whole entire relationship. One, you are not looking for a
Speaker 3: pain pull. You are looking for a boyfriend. Number two
Speaker 3: are not a witch. So I don't understand why you're
Speaker 3: responding to texts at eleven twelve o'clock at night. You
Speaker 3: know that's somebody. There's an author called Robert Green. He
Speaker 3: told about the art of seduction. He says, you must poet, poet,
Speaker 3: size your existence. So I have a couple of single
Speaker 3: friends and they'd be like, oh, we're texting from twelve
Speaker 3: and soil three am.
Speaker 1: I'm like, don't you work? Like don't you have other
Speaker 1: things to do with yourself?
Speaker 3: So I think also that you know, because how do
Speaker 3: you create like this aura of the person must look
Speaker 3: forward to talking to you, just like you look forward
Speaker 3: to talking to this person. I think you know that's
Speaker 3: quite important, and it you know, texting someone is low effort,
Speaker 3: to be quite honest, and you must ask yourself what
Speaker 3: does it take to date you? So, really, what does
Speaker 3: it take for somebody to date you, to make you
Speaker 3: a girlfriend, or to take you to bed? And if
Speaker 3: it's three texts, I'm worried about you. It's a concern, right,
Speaker 3: It's just like somebody just texting you all the time.
Speaker 3: That is a big, big concern. And I think people
Speaker 3: need to ask themselves these questions. You don't have to
Speaker 3: answer me. You don't have to tell it to anyone,
Speaker 3: just to you and your ancestors. But when I'm allowing
Speaker 3: what I'm allowing in this interaction stage or this early
Speaker 3: interaction stage, what does it say about me?
Speaker 1: So are you telling me three it takes three texts,
Speaker 1: not even to date you, to take you to bed?
Speaker 2: Hey?
Speaker 3: And if it hits hard, it hits hard like that,
Speaker 3: maybe people will think about it differently. Yeah, And here's
Speaker 3: why I always come in peace.
Speaker 2: Maria. You're in a ravonia and you have a question
Speaker 2: for Doo doo about dating older people or dating for
Speaker 2: older people?
Speaker 1: Very different?
Speaker 6: Yeah, thank you thanks for taking my call. Yes, you
Speaker 6: know what I find from a lot of things that
Speaker 6: I read or hear on radio luck now and so
Speaker 6: of course it is a large part focused on younger people,
Speaker 6: which makes but I think that a lot of people
Speaker 6: who may divorced and so on and so forth not
Speaker 6: trying to get you know, like looking for another partner
Speaker 6: or something. I think that the playing games, the playing
Speaker 6: fields are like quite different, and and I don't think
Speaker 6: there's an awful lot of advice out there. And what
Speaker 6: I find is that I think there are you know,
Speaker 6: a lot of men on the dating sites from what
Speaker 6: I understand is that they're looking for someone a woman
Speaker 6: rather that they can lean on it, they can kind
Speaker 6: of like you know, take advantage of financially or not
Speaker 6: wanted that like horrible things, but kind of like they
Speaker 6: don't have much to offer in other words financial Maybe
Speaker 6: they've been through multiple divorces, who knows, and how does
Speaker 6: one kind of like weigh your way through that, you know,
Speaker 6: because it's it's no longer you know. Also, when you
Speaker 6: get to a certain age, I think you're kind of
Speaker 6: like you're being done that so to speak, and and
Speaker 6: you you you're wanted somebody you know who's mature, but
Speaker 6: who's so sufficient and who's able to take care of
Speaker 6: themselves if not of you, And a lot of the
Speaker 6: times I think it's it's not the case. It's not
Speaker 6: there's somebody that's kind of like you, you know. To me,
Speaker 6: I ask a question. I'm not big on online dating.
Speaker 6: I'm not because I'm very cynical. And the one question
Speaker 6: ask is if it's a good man out there, and
Speaker 6: I mean good in the sense of he's good looking,
Speaker 6: you know, he's like financially stable and he's you know,
Speaker 6: a nice guy, and ask what the heck is he
Speaker 6: doing on the dating site? I mean why could he
Speaker 6: get Yeah, because normally yet easier for men than for women.
Speaker 6: The center the men comes out. It's like okay, so
Speaker 6: like what you're hiding anyway? So iny advice or yeah,
Speaker 6: that's just my putting it out there.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Oh Maria, I really appreciate that
Speaker 2: contribution because I think that encompasses a lot of what
Speaker 2: all the.
Speaker 1: Women in the days you seen feel like.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So there's two parts is where do you meet quality people?
Speaker 3: And also probably around online dating. So let me start
Speaker 3: with online dating. South Africa's, like I said, it's very
Speaker 3: unique in a sense that you still can meet somebody
Speaker 3: walking down the road.
Speaker 1: And the attitude a lot of South Africans.
Speaker 3: Have around online dating is that if you're there because
Speaker 3: it's your last resort. So the very they're almost like,
Speaker 3: especially the attitude towards females, is that if a female
Speaker 3: is there, she must be desperaced, right And usually if
Speaker 3: people think that as a platform for desperate people, then
Speaker 3: all sorts of interesting male characters are going to be there,
Speaker 3: like the scammers, the guys who themselves have a low
Speaker 3: dating market value.
Speaker 1: And you find a lot of dynamic there in.
Speaker 3: South African And I think, and if somebody owns an
Speaker 3: online dating platform, I would really like them to hear this.
Speaker 3: So what happens is that you have a bunch of
Speaker 3: techies that design this right, like so this do do
Speaker 3: and lives in Centain and she says a single right,
Speaker 3: And then there's Tabo and table lives or somewhere very
Speaker 3: far far away from Centain but within how ding and
Speaker 3: lives in a back room. And then he's also single,
Speaker 3: and he doesn't have kids and doesn't have kids. We're
Speaker 3: not the same type of single if you in the
Speaker 3: context of South Africa, we are not the same type
Speaker 3: of single, but from an an algorithm perspective, we're single.
Speaker 3: It is a match, right, And yes they say some
Speaker 3: of them they have behavioral psychologists there. But I think
Speaker 3: what people are looking for is a curated dating experience.
Speaker 3: It goes beyond just an algorithm trying to match people up,
Speaker 3: but it's really in the context of who am I,
Speaker 3: in the context of the society that we live in.
Speaker 3: So that's what she's seeing from an online dating perspective.
Speaker 1: I think when you're.
Speaker 3: Older one, you're very clear in terms of what your
Speaker 3: nose are right and the type of people you want
Speaker 3: to meet. And I do think that the best space
Speaker 3: to meet people is within the interest groups. So it's
Speaker 3: either you're doing hobbies or you're finding yourselves in the space.
Speaker 3: You know, I have this thing that you misdefine the
Speaker 3: market segment you want to play. You define that market segment,
Speaker 3: and then you immerse yourself within that segment, and whether
Speaker 3: that segment is around social activities and social groups.
Speaker 1: I think that's where the better success is right one.
Speaker 3: I think also at that age it's just looking for
Speaker 3: more quality conversations and you must be able to gauge
Speaker 3: very quickly whether the person is a waste of time.
Speaker 3: And unfortunately, in an unequal society like ours, we organize
Speaker 3: ourselves according to interest groups that are more along the
Speaker 3: lines of social class. And so if you find the
Speaker 3: interest group that speaks to you and within I don't know,
Speaker 3: probably the resources that you have, more likely the people
Speaker 3: with that interest groups have the similar resources. So then
Speaker 3: you don't have to worry about scammers or a man
Speaker 3: who now you have to financially support. But we do
Speaker 3: see that, and I think one of the biggest contributors
Speaker 3: also in South Africa is around the elevating the female
Speaker 3: in the workplace and what that has done from an
Speaker 3: income disparitys genders and so hence we have to just
Speaker 3: take into context also how we've been socialized to measure
Speaker 3: men and so and say what is eligible from a
Speaker 3: man's perspective in the context of where you're likely to
Speaker 3: find a job more than a guy, you're likely to
Speaker 3: be promoted more than a guy, Maybe you should be
Speaker 3: realistic around your expectations.
Speaker 2: Sure, that's such a loaded statement if we see yes, yes,
Speaker 2: because it makes one wonder are your standards too high?
Speaker 2: You know, and expecting him to just be able to
Speaker 2: take care of himself. Oh, surely that's the bare minimum,
Speaker 2: should be the bare minimum?
Speaker 3: Yeah, But what does take care of himself? It's different,
Speaker 3: right in the context of so if I wasn't swagy,
Speaker 3: and you know, I could survive in ten thousand rands,
Speaker 3: taking care of himself is a man who earns fourteen thousand,
Speaker 3: But when you have turned on thousand that comes into
Speaker 3: your bank account every single month.
Speaker 1: What is taking care of himself?
Speaker 3: That's also relative, right, And just going to your question
Speaker 3: to say, should be reviewing our standards because we must
Speaker 3: understand what informs our standards. And I really in the
Speaker 3: context of Africa, and I think it was around all
Speaker 3: races in Africa, to be quite honest. We are socialized
Speaker 3: to say that men look after women, right, you know,
Speaker 3: and we've had women being socialized to think like that
Speaker 3: centuries and centuries, and that has changed, right, and simply
Speaker 3: because of the fact that where we find ourselves from
Speaker 3: an economic perspective and the rest of the world, and
Speaker 3: also like in the dynamic of South Africa struggling economy,
Speaker 3: and also the dynamics in terms of elevating the female
Speaker 3: in corporate and that's changing and we need some time
Speaker 3: to adjust. I think my appeal to females is that
Speaker 3: maybe look at your standards and look at the society
Speaker 3: you live in and say.
Speaker 1: This is this is this aligned right?
Speaker 3: And I think from a male perspective, what needs to
Speaker 3: happen is that the gender dynamics as a result of
Speaker 3: income disparity or the changes in income are changing. And
Speaker 3: maybe you should also look at your value proposition is
Speaker 3: not only the ability to look after a woman, but
Speaker 3: you know, I once heard something says that said that
Speaker 3: now that women no longer need a man to survive,
Speaker 3: man need.
Speaker 1: To be interesting.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 3: And maybe maybe a male value proposition is asserting that
Speaker 3: you need to look at yourself and say, maybe I
Speaker 3: need to be interesting now today.
Speaker 2: We're still taking your calls on zo double one W
Speaker 2: three seven two and on two A double four six
Speaker 2: O five six seven. Can you relate to what you
Speaker 2: Doo's saying is she's speaking to your soul. I'm sure
Speaker 2: she is speaking to many of you out there. A
Speaker 2: coming teram WhatsApp says concerning concerning dating etiquette. I'm one
Speaker 2: of those forty three year old baba who's amassed a
Speaker 2: lot of wealth.
Speaker 6: HM.
Speaker 2: My experience about dating is about what they read about
Speaker 2: me online, and many times I've realized that some of
Speaker 2: these ladies were planning to scam me for many who
Speaker 2: are you like?
Speaker 3: I'm like any said, I've imlessed myself in money and
Speaker 3: I'm single.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I've got friends.
Speaker 6: Who are you?
Speaker 2: So I've given up on dating and I do have
Speaker 2: many things to do, So for now I'm just literally
Speaker 2: waiting on God. I have no more desire to date anyone.
Speaker 2: I am not gay, but I'm happy alone and it's been.
Speaker 3: Your So what he needs to do is he needs
Speaker 3: to pay for curated dating services and matchmaking services. What
Speaker 3: happens is that there will sift out all women who
Speaker 3: are more likely to look at him for his resources
Speaker 3: so and match him with people whereby you know, I
Speaker 3: think because of gender income disparities, sometimes you don't get
Speaker 3: a one on one match. But what happens is that
Speaker 3: you you almost like find people are vibrating at the
Speaker 3: same frequency where she's demonstrated that she can be successful
Speaker 3: and she can look after herself. I think that's what
Speaker 3: needs to happen, especially when you are linked linked able
Speaker 3: that on LinkedIn, we can find you and we know
Speaker 3: you about and I think probably he needs that and
Speaker 3: if he really wants me to help him up with
Speaker 3: the service that does so I don't do that, but
Speaker 3: I do work with some who does that, then probably.
Speaker 1: So how does this work?
Speaker 3: So what happens is that they screen the people for you,
Speaker 3: and they screen so the basic things like and I
Speaker 3: think this is what dating platforms should do, right, screen
Speaker 3: the fact that this person doesn't have a criminal record,
Speaker 3: that this person says they are who they are, and
Speaker 3: they have a job, especially if that is important you know,
Speaker 3: from matching people perspective.
Speaker 1: So they do all these screening these unnecessary things.
Speaker 3: So by the time you meet Table, you know that
Speaker 3: I don't have to worry but the fact that Table
Speaker 3: scams people or Tuble's gonna ask me for one hundred
Speaker 3: K because they've done that screening. And also just in
Speaker 3: terms of mental stability screening, you know that I'm not
Speaker 3: going to meet somebody who's gonna go psych on me.
Speaker 3: To the point that there's also some coaching that's done
Speaker 3: before people even go and date, or sometimes you have
Speaker 3: to refer people to a psychologist to say, actually you're
Speaker 3: not ready to day.
Speaker 1: You need to do some healing. So they do all
Speaker 1: of that.
Speaker 3: So by the time you meet people like all these
Speaker 3: other things that you would have spent six hours trying
Speaker 3: to decipher better person liberty than that for you.
Speaker 1: That's how it works. And how much do these people charge?
Speaker 3: Do you know?
Speaker 1: It's actually quite reasonable?
Speaker 3: In South Africa, you could be charged between ten and
Speaker 3: thirty thousand.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, okay, sure, I had no idea, never heard
Speaker 2: of such.
Speaker 1: I call the matchmaking services.
Speaker 2: Yeah okay, here's another comment. How this is an interesting
Speaker 2: one to do. How do you make yourself look more interesting?
Speaker 2: That change my dress code? Do I have a more jovial.
Speaker 1: Convo, smile more well?
Speaker 2: How do I present myself as more interesting?
Speaker 1: So there's two elements to that.
Speaker 3: The first one, I think the simple answer is that,
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm assuming those persons attracted to Maine, right,
Speaker 3: And we underestimate the power of femininity. And I think
Speaker 3: most of the time you know a lot of women
Speaker 3: because of the context of working in corporates and what
Speaker 3: successful looks like. I think we've adopted a lot of
Speaker 3: traits that men want to date women.
Speaker 1: Straight men, they want to date women, that's what they want.
Speaker 3: They want to feel like soft person and Most of
Speaker 3: the time when I have a client and they're more
Speaker 3: on the masculine energy side because they've had to survive
Speaker 3: and not necessarily because it's their natural default. I just
Speaker 3: ask them to find a version of femininity that they
Speaker 3: can relate to be it that you know, you say,
Speaker 3: I love being a damsel industries, maybe you should look
Speaker 3: like a damsel industries, you know, soft feminine and so forth.
Speaker 3: So that's the the yeah, the one part. The other
Speaker 3: thing is that you must defined the segments you want
Speaker 3: to play in, because what makes you interesting is based
Speaker 3: on the type of people you want to attract. I
Speaker 3: always say, if you're looking for a future president, maybe
Speaker 3: you should be going and studying politics somewhere and having
Speaker 3: those conversations that would make you interesting, right, And I
Speaker 3: think it's being clear the type of people you want
Speaker 3: to attract and be able to position yourself as an
Speaker 3: object of desire. And it's based on who you want
Speaker 3: to attract. And that's very very important the question that
Speaker 3: they've asked, because most of the time people define the
Speaker 3: people they want to attract, and then I always say,
Speaker 3: you have to become that what you're looking for, and
Speaker 3: if it means going to school in order to be
Speaker 3: able to attract a man or putting in this effort.
Speaker 3: And once people have to put in their efforts and
Speaker 3: they realize how hard is it it is? Yeah, a
Speaker 3: lot of people back down and they'll be like, there's
Speaker 3: no men and I'm like, no, your type is an't there.
Speaker 3: It's just you're not willing to match that standard because
Speaker 3: we work at a frequency like attracts.
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, if you're.
Speaker 2: You're currently in the dating pool, you're going on dates
Speaker 2: and meeting new people, what are some of the things
Speaker 2: that you should be looking at some of the don'ts
Speaker 2: in terms of etiquette that you should be looking out for, So.
Speaker 3: In terms of other people, I think one other thing
Speaker 3: is that I think the main thing for me, and
Speaker 3: it's quite important, is the temperament of a person. Every
Speaker 3: person early on is unstable, erratic, has tendencies to be aggressive.
Speaker 3: I think that's a big red flag, right, don't justify it.
Speaker 3: Don't justify it in terms of they're having a bad
Speaker 3: day and so forth. I think that is an issue.
Speaker 3: I think when somebody comes with their problems very early
Speaker 3: in their relationship and you're constantly listening to their problems,
Speaker 3: it's either this person's going to burden you emotionally or
Speaker 3: they're going to ask you for many run like literally
Speaker 3: just run. The other rate flag you need to be
Speaker 3: aware of is you know, I always say, if you
Speaker 3: meet a guy and he's a father and he doesn't
Speaker 3: know the price of school is a run? Why why
Speaker 3: don't you know the price of school fees? You've get kids, right,
Speaker 3: and what makes you think that if he's not showing
Speaker 3: up the manner he needs to show up for his kids,
Speaker 3: he's going to show up for your child like that?
Speaker 3: So it's also looking at the context to what extent
Speaker 3: is he would responds, you want somebody who can integrate
Speaker 3: into society and who is a respectable member of society
Speaker 3: right and life stage is important because a respectable member
Speaker 3: of society twenty five looks very different at forty five.
Speaker 1: But those are the things.
Speaker 3: It's about just taking a step back and people see
Speaker 3: the red flags, but they don't take a step back
Speaker 3: and say what does it mean? Because we're so fixated
Speaker 3: and trying to inter relationship that we actually don't take
Speaker 3: a step back. So for me, those are the other
Speaker 3: things that I think, you know, you need to be
Speaker 3: just need to ask yourself. The first one run and
Speaker 3: the other one is just ask yourself questions before your life.
Speaker 1: Give those persons the benefits of a doubt. We're speaking
Speaker 1: to Doma Donzella.
Speaker 2: She's a relationship coach and an author in this space,
Speaker 2: and she's helping us make sense of dating a kid.
Speaker 2: The guy actually who had sent us or WhatsApp about
Speaker 2: looking interesting come back and says he's actually a man.
Speaker 1: Oh is it a guy? And he wants to know
Speaker 1: how to be interesting as a man.
Speaker 3: Well, like, I think I still sit on the segments, right,
Speaker 3: So if he's a man and he's looking to date
Speaker 3: a certain kind of girl, I think you just need
Speaker 3: to understand the segment that you date in. I think unfortunately,
Speaker 3: also because he's a guy, the whole idea of and
Speaker 3: from a cultural perspective, like and I'm gonna say in
Speaker 3: the context of South Africa, so South African woman love masculinity, right,
Speaker 3: And what makes you interesting as a guy is when
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm with somebody who can make me
Speaker 3: feel safe, who can make me feel special, but also
Speaker 3: just to be interesting as a person, to read up
Speaker 3: on things, to be able to have things that are
Speaker 3: good conversation started.
Speaker 1: I think from a male perspective.
Speaker 3: I think it's the same thing from a female and
Speaker 3: a male, but I think from a male. Just be
Speaker 3: cognizant of the fact that musculinity is also is seen
Speaker 3: as attractive and your variation of musculinity will be appreciated
Speaker 3: in the market.
Speaker 2: There's another one, A very good evening lady is they're
Speaker 2: in the studio on the issue of dating. In most
Speaker 2: conversations that I've listened to so far on different radio stations,
Speaker 2: mainly the conversation is about dating of the abled bodies.
Speaker 2: It's quite rare to hear a conversation about dating and
Speaker 2: the disabled community, the hoops that the disabled bodies have
Speaker 2: to go through, the challenges, the stigma, the list is
Speaker 2: in this. Would this be a topic that your ladies
Speaker 2: in the studio would consider, would consider? Have I want
Speaker 2: you to comment on that, because I'd imagine it's a
Speaker 2: whole different ballgame.
Speaker 3: Do you know it's the same as sexy same sex relationships?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 3: Somebody would come and say, oh, you know, the conversation
Speaker 3: is always geared towards, you know, straight individuals, and most
Speaker 3: of the time how we gather dating data is through
Speaker 3: social commentary, So I think same sex relationships are a
Speaker 3: little bit easier. Most of my clients all are straight, right,
Speaker 3: but well, now and then I'll have the same sex relationship.
Speaker 3: But in terms of social commentary, it's easier because they
Speaker 3: participate in social commentary, and straight people are always on
Speaker 3: TikTok going on about them jooler and I think you know,
Speaker 3: when you are outside the what do you call the
Speaker 3: mainstream groups, I think the best way to learn about
Speaker 3: your world is when you teach us about your world, right,
Speaker 3: because obviously you live in that world and you've been
Speaker 3: immersed in that world. And the challenge that I'd like
Speaker 3: to give the disabled community is that please come on
Speaker 3: to mainstream social give us social commentary so that we
Speaker 3: can learn about you, because I think you know, most
Speaker 3: of the time, when you come from a context where
Speaker 3: you don't fully understand the challenges of people, you're very
Speaker 3: sensitive to making grand statements about them. And I think
Speaker 3: it's through learning through them that I think, and I
Speaker 3: speak on behalf of probably a lot of dating culches
Speaker 3: is that the reason why they don't speak about those
Speaker 3: relationships is because they don't understand them well enough. In
Speaker 3: terms of the challenges that they are they're going through.
Speaker 3: And only then when I think the challenges are widely understood,
Speaker 3: then can somebody be able to say, Okay, actually, this
Speaker 3: is my understanding of your challenges, and this is my
Speaker 3: views around that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so we want to hear more from you. Let's
Speaker 2: take a voice note.
Speaker 7: I'm high if you're speaking loud. But you know what,
Speaker 7: I used to be that guy. I used to be
Speaker 7: that guy that would take a lady to high end,
Speaker 7: expensive kind of restaurants on first dates.
Speaker 4: And that's such a standard. Man, that's such a standard.
Speaker 4: You can't go down after that. Got a mind?
Speaker 7: I I want to see you save on my mind,
Speaker 7: save on my mind money.
Speaker 6: Coach.
Speaker 4: Wait, you know, basic, basic, very very basic. Uh go
Speaker 4: see that, jolly Roger.
Speaker 7: If you want to have a dream, but nothing I
Speaker 7: end until I'm ready.
Speaker 4: Yeah. So my mind with you, how you behave if
Speaker 4: you pass that my my test, that's it.
Speaker 6: You said.
Speaker 2: A problem with with that is that when he sees
Speaker 2: that you're okay with my mind, you will die with
Speaker 2: my mind.
Speaker 3: I think the other thing we need to be cautious of.
Speaker 3: Let's not over engineer situations. Right, If you're not in
Speaker 3: my mind gap. Please don't take women into my mind,
Speaker 3: Like what are you trying to prove? Because that's not
Speaker 3: your space, right, But if your space is such that
Speaker 3: I don't know, you go to I don't know, like
Speaker 3: mid range coffee places, that's fine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the whole.
Speaker 3: Principle is that you know the first date. Just keep
Speaker 3: it simple. You know, you don't need to go over
Speaker 3: and above. But please don't engineer in now situations where
Speaker 3: you're trying to taste a person or you think the
Speaker 3: person's true character is gonna come out.
Speaker 1: And so people are very good at pretending it.
Speaker 3: Like I could pretend I like my mind, but then
Speaker 3: next week, I want you to take me to Lake Coco.
Speaker 2: Ask my husband. It's not technical so much of it.
Speaker 2: It's just it's it's you know, calculative. You know, No,
Speaker 2: I don't really like wamma, but now just to see
Speaker 2: if comdo will take what am I I'm gonna go?
Speaker 1: I'm going to go there and and inconvenience myself.
Speaker 3: And do you know why it's so technical and you
Speaker 3: know you have to think about every single step. Yeah,
Speaker 3: people are so afraid of being vulnerable. I think if
Speaker 3: everyone took the challenge, every single person took the challenge
Speaker 3: of saying, I'm when I allow myself to be vulnerable,
Speaker 3: I think they'll have a bit of experience. But because
Speaker 3: we're so afraid of being vulnerable, because sometimes we're not
Speaker 3: received with care or you know, if we're vulnerable, we're
Speaker 3: being scammed. Then people now have to like put these
Speaker 3: parameters in place in order to protect themselves. All these
Speaker 3: technicalities is really especially like you know, the three month
Speaker 3: rule and everything. It's really to protect people themselves. But like,
Speaker 3: do we trust that we will receive people with care?
Speaker 1: So I'm asking the person is like, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: why am ist dating me? Why must we play games?
Speaker 1: And so forth? And I'm like, how many guys have
Speaker 1: been vulnerable with you?
Speaker 3: They came and they said I like you and so forth,
Speaker 3: and what and you still chased after the big bad
Speaker 3: boy and you ghosted them and so forth and whatever.
Speaker 1: Why would they be vulnerable with you?
Speaker 3: So the day we learn to receive each other with
Speaker 3: k that's when dating is going to improve.
Speaker 1: But before then, we're going to play these games. Mhm.
Speaker 2: I think we've got a Cola's up from Johannesburg. He
Speaker 2: also wants to make a contribution to this conversation, and
Speaker 2: you're saying women should be more feminine?
Speaker 1: What do you mean by that? So what I think
Speaker 1: we should just sorry? Sorry, go ahead?
Speaker 5: Sorry, am I own here?
Speaker 1: Yes, you are on air?
Speaker 5: Go ahead, Okay, No, okay, I just picked up boots
Speaker 5: and pieces. But uh, you know, on the point that
Speaker 5: you make about men being masculine, I like that. It's
Speaker 5: a very very powerful statement in that that's the way
Speaker 5: it should be. By the same token I say women
Speaker 5: must might not be feminist, it must be feminine. To
Speaker 5: be feminine is more powerful than being a feminist.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hear, Yeah, I mean being there's being a
Speaker 2: feminist make you any less feminine?
Speaker 3: No, So what has happened with being a feminist is?
Speaker 3: You know, if you look at the feminist movement, and
Speaker 3: I'm just conscious of time, the tone in which the
Speaker 3: movement started, it was needed. You need an activist tone
Speaker 3: in order for the world to take note and to
Speaker 3: take women's seriously and to act upon it. Right and
Speaker 3: these days in order for femininity to find because a
Speaker 3: lot of there's a lot of criticism around feminine, not
Speaker 3: femininity feminists, there's a lot of criticism around that in
Speaker 3: terms of does it have a place in today's world.
Speaker 3: And if you look at the essence of what it
Speaker 3: means to be a feminist, it's around just fighting for
Speaker 3: the prioritization of women's rights, like we're prioritizing all the
Speaker 3: rights of other groups and whatever. But the tone in
Speaker 3: which I think it needs to be delivered these days,
Speaker 3: I think it's a little bit different. I think people
Speaker 3: are past the activism and so forth, and now when
Speaker 3: you come with that a graceive tone, you're seen as
Speaker 3: angry more than making a point. And I think, what
Speaker 3: is the world really from a feminist perspective is ready for?
Speaker 3: Is a confident feminine, A woman who is about being feminine,
Speaker 3: happy about herself and so forth, prioritizes the rights of
Speaker 3: women and is confident enough to speak up in the world.
Speaker 3: And I think what he is saying and he can,
Speaker 3: I mean, I could be wrong, is that let's not
Speaker 3: confuse feminists with femininity, especially in the context of where
Speaker 3: a feminist is from an angry tone. And I don't
Speaker 3: think there's anything wrong with being a feminist, but I
Speaker 3: do think that the tone in which the movement started
Speaker 3: was needed then, But right now, I think the world
Speaker 3: understands that it's important that women are included, that they
Speaker 3: participate in the economy and so forth, and how do
Speaker 3: we have a voice in such a way that we
Speaker 3: are taken seriously without being labeled angry? And I think
Speaker 3: for me, you know, there was big debates. There's Diary
Speaker 3: of the CEO.
Speaker 6: There was.
Speaker 3: A big debate around this whole feminist movement today is
Speaker 3: it's still relevant? And my conclusion was that there's nothing
Speaker 3: wrong with being feminist. But I don't think the tone
Speaker 3: is the tone that we need for the world that
Speaker 3: we live in. I think we passed that tone, and
Speaker 3: I think we need to just adopt a tone that
Speaker 3: is yes, assertive, but is rooted on working together and
Speaker 3: receiving each other with love.
Speaker 2: We are coming to the end of our chat with
Speaker 2: DoD Gavatim. I don't say that. I hope that's compasses
Speaker 2: what you were trying to say. There sup in a
Speaker 2: minute to do. Let's summarize your thoughts on etiquette for
Speaker 2: both men and women.
Speaker 1: If you're in the dating scene currently, what.
Speaker 2: Should you be prioritizing that will make you come across
Speaker 2: as the best version of yourself?
Speaker 3: You need to be at ease you're not auditioning for
Speaker 3: a job, You're actually trying to get to know the
Speaker 3: other person.
Speaker 1: And yeah, you have fun.
Speaker 3: It's meant to be fun, to be quite, have fun,
Speaker 3: be at ease, and allow things to evolve. And if
Speaker 3: it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.
Speaker 3: It does not Just because somebody does not pick you
Speaker 3: doesn't diminish your value and you need to just walk
Speaker 3: away with that sense of pride.
Speaker 2: Rakhari of the Nation, I want to say thank you
Speaker 2: so much, thank you for showing us and taking all
Speaker 2: these questions and comments. And I'm sure there'll be another
Speaker 2: conversation on this in the near future. That's don Senna.
Speaker 2: She's a relationship coach and she's also an author, the
Speaker 2: author of the Dating Playbook, So check that out.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Before I let you go, How
Speaker 1: do people get in touch with you? So I go
Speaker 1: as the peaceful one on all social media