1
00:00:01,240 --> 00:00:05,480
Speaker 1: Seven o two, we get breakfast Psychological Wellness.

2
00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:09,840
Speaker 2: Doctor Gorcigianni, it is ten minutes after nine o'clock time

3
00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:12,559
Speaker 2: for us to talk psychological wellness for this week, and

4
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:15,360
Speaker 2: we are talking about the times in our lives where

5
00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:19,400
Speaker 2: something happens, and usually it's a you know, a negative, traumatizing,

6
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:23,400
Speaker 2: distressing thing, and instead of responding immediately to how it

7
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:26,520
Speaker 2: makes you feel or dealing with the full scope of

8
00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:29,080
Speaker 2: your feelings about that thing, you put it away. You

9
00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:31,080
Speaker 2: put it in a box, you put it in a compartment,

10
00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:34,080
Speaker 2: you file it away, and maybe you label the box,

11
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:37,919
Speaker 2: maybe you don't. Some people reopen the box, but many

12
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:41,360
Speaker 2: of us don't open the box. You kind of ignore it,

13
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:44,920
Speaker 2: hoping you never have to deal with it again. Or

14
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,480
Speaker 2: it's not that you're ignoring it, it's just that there's

15
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:50,800
Speaker 2: so many other boxes that suddenly, you know, end up

16
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:54,320
Speaker 2: in your emotional warehouse. And so what happens when we

17
00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:58,000
Speaker 2: do that, When we put things away, we compartmentalize them,

18
00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:00,440
Speaker 2: We don't feel them, so we can keep moving forward,

19
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:03,760
Speaker 2: so we can survive what happens if we never open

20
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:06,520
Speaker 2: those boxes. And maybe you have some boxes things that

21
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:10,920
Speaker 2: you've put away, that you've filed neatly in their little compartments.

22
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,639
Speaker 2: What are those things? And why aren't you opening the box?

23
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,920
Speaker 2: Open that compartment? Why can't you open it again? What

24
00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:21,160
Speaker 2: is the fear? The anxiety? Maybe you tried to open

25
00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:23,640
Speaker 2: it and it was overwhelming. Let us know on oh one,

26
00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:26,240
Speaker 2: one at three or seven oh two, Senat s Sames,

27
00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:29,039
Speaker 2: I'm three on seven oh two, and your WhatsApps on

28
00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,320
Speaker 2: seven two, seven oh two one seven oh two, Joined

29
00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:35,440
Speaker 2: as always by our residence clinical psychologist, doctor Cossi Giane,

30
00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:37,440
Speaker 2: doctor Gianet are very good morning.

31
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:40,120
Speaker 3: Too, good good morning to you.

32
00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:43,560
Speaker 2: Good morning, So once again we meet to try and

33
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:48,520
Speaker 2: make sense of this curious, interesting, fascinating thing called I

34
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:54,160
Speaker 2: guess being being human. Right this morning we're talking about

35
00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:56,720
Speaker 2: I think, and you can correct me here. I think

36
00:01:56,720 --> 00:02:00,720
Speaker 2: it's a way we survive, a way to keep going.

37
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:04,360
Speaker 2: Where something happens or you feel something, and usually it's

38
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:08,120
Speaker 2: like big or distressing or whatever. But instead of dealing

39
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,640
Speaker 2: with it at the time, you put it away. You

40
00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:15,639
Speaker 2: put it in a compartment and you compartmentalize it. And

41
00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:19,239
Speaker 2: so what happens when we do that is that part

42
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,720
Speaker 2: of we often speak about this the reptilian brain kind

43
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:27,880
Speaker 2: of fight, fight, flight, pam freeze. Is it part of

44
00:02:27,919 --> 00:02:34,040
Speaker 2: that how we respond to trauma or shocks to the system.

45
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:36,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I think, you know, it's kind of

46
00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:39,480
Speaker 3: there's so much resonance between this topic and what we

47
00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:42,800
Speaker 3: were discussing last week, you know, which is the underestimated

48
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:47,920
Speaker 3: cost of silence, because compartmentalizing in that sense is a

49
00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:52,000
Speaker 3: form of silence. Right when we don't deal with issues.

50
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:58,240
Speaker 3: I think, I think a different amplitudes of issues, right,

51
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:04,520
Speaker 3: not every everything commands all of our attention. Otherwise we

52
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:09,840
Speaker 3: will drive ourselves totally insane because everything gets magnified. You know,

53
00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:14,000
Speaker 3: you catastrophize everything. You don't need to sweat everything. And

54
00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:17,239
Speaker 3: I think there's something to be said about having perspective

55
00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:21,120
Speaker 3: on things. The world is not designed around you. It

56
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:24,080
Speaker 3: is a place where we all are finding our place.

57
00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:28,280
Speaker 3: And every now and again we will cross paths with

58
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:32,360
Speaker 3: each other and we will rub each other the wrong way,

59
00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:34,720
Speaker 3: and we need to create room for that. That's just

60
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:39,320
Speaker 3: being realistic about life. We are all perfectly imperfect. Nobody

61
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:43,080
Speaker 3: is a protocopy of you, even you are not perfect yourself.

62
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:46,680
Speaker 3: So we do make room for those spaces where we're

63
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,240
Speaker 3: going to rub against each other. And it's going to

64
00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:52,920
Speaker 3: be a little uncomfortable, a little distressing. The question is

65
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:56,640
Speaker 3: not whether that will happen or not, It is how

66
00:03:56,800 --> 00:04:01,920
Speaker 3: much of impact does it have? An incident may happen.

67
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:05,200
Speaker 3: We all may witness someone says something to all of

68
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,680
Speaker 3: us in a room. All of us will hear it,

69
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:12,360
Speaker 3: all of us will process it in our own unique ways,

70
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:18,080
Speaker 3: and that will determine the amount of amplitude, you know,

71
00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:22,200
Speaker 3: energy that we give to it, and therefore the impact

72
00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:24,920
Speaker 3: that it has will be unique to each one of

73
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,239
Speaker 3: us based on who we are as unique individuals within

74
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:33,080
Speaker 3: that common space of being all being human. And therefore

75
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:36,440
Speaker 3: it is it is it is that assessment that we

76
00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:41,880
Speaker 3: all will make about is this worth talking about? Is

77
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,680
Speaker 3: this worth or is it something that I can I

78
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:49,559
Speaker 3: can live with? It doesn't change my life, It really

79
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:53,240
Speaker 3: doesn't impact me in a way that requires my attention

80
00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:58,640
Speaker 3: or energy. And therefore you you let it go, You

81
00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:00,920
Speaker 3: know you can, You can let it go and live

82
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:06,520
Speaker 3: on without it having an impact. The question is is

83
00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:08,880
Speaker 3: that a way in which? In other words, I think

84
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:12,440
Speaker 3: the first thing is have you given it that attention?

85
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:16,680
Speaker 3: Have you assessed? Have you looked at it and deliberately

86
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:21,800
Speaker 3: and consciously, unconcertedly decided that it's a small matter, it

87
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:26,440
Speaker 3: really is not worth it, it's okay, and you release it completely.

88
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:31,440
Speaker 3: The question is whether you are avoiding it like it

89
00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:37,240
Speaker 3: has impacted you in a significant way and deserves to

90
00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:40,800
Speaker 3: be attended to, and you decide not to, which now

91
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:46,120
Speaker 3: is a form of avoidance rather than a reckoning with

92
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:49,279
Speaker 3: something and saying no, I can live with it. It's no biggie.

93
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:51,480
Speaker 3: Can you hear the difference?

94
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:55,120
Speaker 2: Yes? And so I have a question for some of us,

95
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:58,479
Speaker 2: we may not be able to because they kind it

96
00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:02,800
Speaker 2: feels they can feel so right, you're asessing something and

97
00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:07,520
Speaker 2: then letting it go and avoiding it could feel like

98
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,559
Speaker 2: the same thing. How do I know I'm doing one

99
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:14,360
Speaker 2: over the other. So letting go I would have had

100
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:17,480
Speaker 2: to feel that feeling and how And yeah, I kind

101
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:21,480
Speaker 2: of experienced all of the sensations and anxiety, the tingling,

102
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:25,680
Speaker 2: the whereas avoiding it feels as if it's kind of

103
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:29,880
Speaker 2: the complete opposite of that. I don't want to experience that,

104
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:33,080
Speaker 2: the fear of the anxiety, the panic, the uncertainty, whatever

105
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:33,480
Speaker 2: it is.

106
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:39,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, and maybe in the moment something will have been triggered. Right,

107
00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:42,560
Speaker 3: So you would have had perhaps a visceral reaction, knee

108
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:46,440
Speaker 3: jerk reaction when the thing happens in that moment, and

109
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:51,279
Speaker 3: perhaps you look back and ask yourself open ended question.

110
00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:56,039
Speaker 3: You tap into your prefrontal cortex, your higher brain that says,

111
00:06:57,040 --> 00:07:00,719
Speaker 3: how much of how much energy and time do I

112
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,279
Speaker 3: want to you know? How much? What meaning do I

113
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,880
Speaker 3: want to make out of this? How much energy do

114
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:09,200
Speaker 3: you want to vote to it? How important is it?

115
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:16,720
Speaker 3: And how much will it cost to either spend more

116
00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:20,120
Speaker 3: time on it or is it is it really worth it?

117
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:25,520
Speaker 3: And having made that assessment, and you are okay, and

118
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,920
Speaker 3: you and you need to know that for yourself, you

119
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:31,200
Speaker 3: are okay with it, as opposed to I am not

120
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,920
Speaker 3: okay with it, but I'm not going to deal with

121
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:34,960
Speaker 3: it right.

122
00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:39,120
Speaker 2: I'm not going to deal with it all together, or

123
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:39,680
Speaker 2: not going.

124
00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:44,640
Speaker 3: To deal with hard or maybe not just not just yet.

125
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:46,680
Speaker 3: And there's something to be said. I mean the principle

126
00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:50,480
Speaker 3: of learn to look and look to learn, in other words,

127
00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,200
Speaker 3: learn to check, which is what I'm saying, don't just

128
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:57,400
Speaker 3: avoid it, assess, reckon with it right, and make a

129
00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:01,360
Speaker 3: decision based on that, and then look in order to learn.

130
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:05,240
Speaker 3: Check how you are feeling if you are sitting with it,

131
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:08,760
Speaker 3: is it something that can dissipate? Of course, you know,

132
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:13,080
Speaker 3: energy set into motion, which is emotion, will dissipate. Other

133
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,680
Speaker 3: things will will happen in life. I mean you will

134
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:19,640
Speaker 3: have noticed, for example, someone cuts you in in traffic.

135
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,800
Speaker 3: You get pissed off in that moment, but the very

136
00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:27,800
Speaker 3: next moment you look at something else that's gone, that's gone,

137
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:31,000
Speaker 3: and you as real as it was at the time,

138
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:34,520
Speaker 3: it is equally real that it is gone. It has dissipated.

139
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:39,400
Speaker 3: So it's not worth, you know, the investment in spending

140
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:43,120
Speaker 3: the day thinking about that person did this to me?

141
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:45,559
Speaker 3: And you know, we move on. There are other things

142
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:48,880
Speaker 3: to to deliberate on to deal with in life, and

143
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:53,400
Speaker 3: it's no biggie in that sense. The question is when

144
00:08:55,040 --> 00:09:00,640
Speaker 3: you feel the gravity of the situation, you know, and

145
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:05,200
Speaker 3: ongoing on a continuing basis, you flew the gravity of

146
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:09,400
Speaker 3: that and maybe you start to make connections about why

147
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,760
Speaker 3: am I not able to let go of this issue?

148
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:16,000
Speaker 3: Mm hmmm, why is it? Why is it weighing on

149
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:20,240
Speaker 3: me so much? Now that's a question of curiosity that

150
00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:24,120
Speaker 3: then invites us to reflect on it and what is

151
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,760
Speaker 3: the best way in which I can deal with this.

152
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:30,480
Speaker 3: Do I talk about it? Do I do I deal

153
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,600
Speaker 3: with it by talking to someone about it? Or do

154
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:37,480
Speaker 3: I deal with it by talking to myself and making

155
00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:40,760
Speaker 3: sense of it and coming to a decision and being

156
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,200
Speaker 3: at peace with that.

157
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:47,400
Speaker 2: A couple of months ago, we spoke about psychological safety

158
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,839
Speaker 2: and the role that it plays in kind of our

159
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,640
Speaker 2: overall wellbeing and Maso's hierarchy of needs. I think it's

160
00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:58,160
Speaker 2: the third step above kind of your very basic needs

161
00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:02,760
Speaker 2: of shelter, food, et cetera. And how much of if

162
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:05,560
Speaker 2: you work not constantly, maybe if you're doing it once,

163
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:08,960
Speaker 2: even when you're doing it, maybe not all the time,

164
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:13,280
Speaker 2: but how much is kind of creating distance between yourself

165
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:17,360
Speaker 2: and like big feelings good or bad, but mainly negative

166
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,559
Speaker 2: is a way of or is an indication that perhaps

167
00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:26,000
Speaker 2: in that moment, right now, in this current time, you

168
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:31,760
Speaker 2: don't feel psychologically safe enough to deal with whatever it is,

169
00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,640
Speaker 2: Which is why sometimes you know you'll have grown ups

170
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,440
Speaker 2: perhaps who are still kind of feeling or havn't process

171
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:42,080
Speaker 2: stuff that happened in their childhood or stuff that happened

172
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:47,360
Speaker 2: in their teens, because that block that foundational you know,

173
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:50,199
Speaker 2: it's kind of the middle of the pyramid is not there,

174
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:54,240
Speaker 2: and so they keep creating like this distance between the

175
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,480
Speaker 2: thing they must deal with and themselves.

176
00:10:57,120 --> 00:11:01,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, so and we have I think we have.

177
00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:08,560
Speaker 3: Psychological safety is not a what's the word? I'm looking

178
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:16,280
Speaker 3: for a homogeneous sense of being right, So, in one instance,

179
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:21,199
Speaker 3: we may feel, and I'm thinking through this as I'm talking,

180
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:26,080
Speaker 3: in one instance, we may feel at one time, I

181
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:29,760
Speaker 3: may feel more safe, a sense a greater sense of

182
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,840
Speaker 3: safety than at other times. And that may have to

183
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:36,160
Speaker 3: do with a whole lot of other things that have

184
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:39,320
Speaker 3: led to me feeling that way. That may necessary may

185
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:42,160
Speaker 3: not necessarily have anything to do with what has just

186
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:47,040
Speaker 3: happened now. But because I'm already sensitized in some ways,

187
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:54,680
Speaker 3: I'm sitting with frustration, you know, perhaps a debt. I

188
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:57,560
Speaker 3: don't have money to pay a debt, so I'm stressing

189
00:11:57,559 --> 00:12:02,480
Speaker 3: about that. If something else happened, it happens on an

190
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:07,520
Speaker 3: already you know, sensitized space. So I'm already primed in

191
00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:11,360
Speaker 3: a sense, right, I'm already primed viscerally. I'm already sensitized

192
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:14,120
Speaker 3: and primed. So it makes us take the smallest thing

193
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:19,560
Speaker 3: to have an effect that is bigger than it would

194
00:12:19,679 --> 00:12:23,720
Speaker 3: normally do if I didn't have these other issues already

195
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:29,880
Speaker 3: sitting in my psychological emotional space. Am I making sense? Yes?

196
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,160
Speaker 2: So it's okay.

197
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:38,640
Speaker 3: It's not a universal, homogeneous, one thing all the time.

198
00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:44,840
Speaker 3: It waxes and waves because of it's it's like there

199
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:47,560
Speaker 3: are many things that are happening. So it's like the

200
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:51,560
Speaker 3: waves it moves. It's not a standing thing. And I

201
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:57,080
Speaker 3: understand what you're saying in the sense that, so, for example, developmentally,

202
00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:01,640
Speaker 3: what will we have grown up with a sense of

203
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,680
Speaker 3: what happens in the family system, for example, And we

204
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:07,040
Speaker 3: are talking about the fact that, for example, my sister

205
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,880
Speaker 3: and I grew up in the same house, and yet

206
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:15,000
Speaker 3: we will have different currencies of safety, so to speak,

207
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:19,839
Speaker 3: such that when an issue happens, we are differently sensitized.

208
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:24,200
Speaker 3: And I, for example, my mother will do something, I

209
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:27,280
Speaker 3: will say it if I'm not okay with it, whereas

210
00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:31,559
Speaker 3: my sister will not. It will not sit well with her.

211
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:36,880
Speaker 3: She will not be as proactive or perhaps even as

212
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:40,120
Speaker 3: courageous as I will be. Knowing that this is an

213
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:43,000
Speaker 3: uncomfortable thing to talk about it. It's not going to be

214
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,360
Speaker 3: a nice conversation. But I'm more likely to talk about it,

215
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:50,600
Speaker 3: whereas my sister is less likely to do so. And

216
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,280
Speaker 3: that's just because part of it is that we just

217
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:57,800
Speaker 3: have different temperaments as human beings. We have different temperaments

218
00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:01,320
Speaker 3: and we have different currencies of relationship. This is why,

219
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:04,120
Speaker 3: you know, I've said before, no two children one of

220
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,720
Speaker 3: the same, men and women have the same mother and father,

221
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,280
Speaker 3: because our relationships are different.

222
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:14,040
Speaker 2: And even your parents will be very different when they

223
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:15,920
Speaker 2: raise you. Like I think of me and my brother,

224
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:18,600
Speaker 2: there's ten years between us. I'm almost twenty one when

225
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,640
Speaker 2: she had me, she was sity one and married when

226
00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:24,200
Speaker 2: he had her him, And so even just like where

227
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:28,920
Speaker 2: she was, she was in such fundamentally different places, and

228
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:33,080
Speaker 2: even her approaches to raising us were very different. And

229
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:38,160
Speaker 2: so as a results, say, Mom, very different experiences, relationships, Yeah,

230
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,560
Speaker 2: relationships of the way we grew up, the kinds of

231
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,280
Speaker 2: values we have very different.

232
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:47,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, So it will never be the same from

233
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:50,680
Speaker 3: that point of view. And I think that as a

234
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:58,120
Speaker 3: foundational principle kind of carries over into our greater spaces

235
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:03,080
Speaker 3: of relationality in that you know, in the world, in

236
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:06,560
Speaker 3: that we will take that currency with us into greater

237
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:09,600
Speaker 3: spaces and and you know, if you think about it

238
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:12,280
Speaker 3: as a as a as a bank account, we will

239
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:16,280
Speaker 3: deposit into it and we will withdraw from it. And

240
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,360
Speaker 3: at one point, because things have been going well, perhaps

241
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,840
Speaker 3: you've got a big positive balance, and then maybe because

242
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:26,120
Speaker 3: you're going through a rough time for whatever reason, you

243
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:29,840
Speaker 3: will deplete your account and even go into overdraft, which

244
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,520
Speaker 3: will then say that at that time, you know, you

245
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:38,000
Speaker 3: just are emotionally drained or weighed down such that if

246
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,080
Speaker 3: you don't fix that account, and that's when things can

247
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:46,640
Speaker 3: then you know, spiral down into a depression because we

248
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:52,920
Speaker 3: have depleted our capacity, our resources to deal with whatever

249
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,480
Speaker 3: life throws at us.

250
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:59,480
Speaker 2: Right, And so then if we're thinking about so, you know,

251
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:04,680
Speaker 2: we use various strategies to naviget our lives, naviget our feelings,

252
00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:06,840
Speaker 2: get things done because you know, at the end of

253
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,600
Speaker 2: the day, we kind of need to move forward. How

254
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,640
Speaker 2: can you use is there a way of kind of

255
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:16,480
Speaker 2: compartmentalizing or distancing yourself from your feelings at the time,

256
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:20,440
Speaker 2: as can you use it in a productive way or

257
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,760
Speaker 2: in a way that doesn't kind of hinder you in

258
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:24,760
Speaker 2: other ways?

259
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:30,920
Speaker 3: Yes, definitely, And that for me in that question is

260
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:35,600
Speaker 3: the difference between knee jerk reaction of the reptilian brain

261
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:43,480
Speaker 3: and the response of the mammalian brain. Our better brain,

262
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:47,640
Speaker 3: because you can in the moment viscerally have a visceral

263
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:51,000
Speaker 3: knee jerk reaction to an issue and scream at someone,

264
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:54,600
Speaker 3: whereas if you take a moment and step back and

265
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,480
Speaker 3: learn to look, okay, am I in the right frame

266
00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:59,520
Speaker 3: of mind to deal with this and deal with it

267
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:03,560
Speaker 3: in a contuctive way, then I can say, let me

268
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:06,520
Speaker 3: sit with it a little, Let me sit with it

269
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:11,639
Speaker 3: and come come to a calmness about it, so that

270
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:15,639
Speaker 3: I am able to activate the brain that has the

271
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:19,399
Speaker 3: capacity and bendwidth to deal with this in a healthy way,

272
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:23,439
Speaker 3: rather than one that will not only perhaps not resolve

273
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,040
Speaker 3: the issue that has happened now, but even perhaps even

274
00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:31,639
Speaker 3: compound it. So come into that situation with the brain

275
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:36,439
Speaker 3: that has the sanity and bendwidth to be able to

276
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,720
Speaker 3: deal with it and deal with it in an effective way.

277
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,880
Speaker 2: Receive a w'sap voice notes on seventeen seven one seven

278
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:43,280
Speaker 2: oh two.

279
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:48,800
Speaker 1: Good morning, Doctor Coursey, Good morning googs. Today's conversation actually

280
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,680
Speaker 1: reminds me of the one that we had last week.

281
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,760
Speaker 1: And I had a question last week, but now that

282
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:56,399
Speaker 1: we are talking about complementalizing our emotions and everything that

283
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,680
Speaker 1: we go through. I actually have a question for Dot

284
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:03,240
Speaker 1: Courcy is what I noticed about myself is that I

285
00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:06,280
Speaker 1: actually don't know how to label it. But what will

286
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:09,639
Speaker 1: happen is that maybe something will happen, It will setten me,

287
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:13,400
Speaker 1: or it will disturb me, and then I will fill

288
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,920
Speaker 1: those emotions and after a couple of minutes or after

289
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,720
Speaker 1: a couple of hours, or if I have removed myself

290
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,720
Speaker 1: from a space that makes me feel disturbed, I will

291
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,399
Speaker 1: then be better and I will let it go without

292
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:28,600
Speaker 1: even addressing it. So my question is is that avoidance

293
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:31,520
Speaker 1: or what is that? Because I've noticed when I go

294
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:33,919
Speaker 1: to work and something happens, I'll be like when I

295
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,200
Speaker 1: leave the stuff room, it's just over.

296
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:37,520
Speaker 2: What is that?

297
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:41,200
Speaker 1: Am I quick to let things go? Or am I avoiding?

298
00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:41,800
Speaker 1: Thank you?

299
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:44,560
Speaker 2: Thank you very much for that message.

300
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:49,600
Speaker 3: Talk to yes. Yeah, so again it's that, you know,

301
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:54,679
Speaker 3: it's that very space of where does it for? It's

302
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:58,399
Speaker 3: a nice age kind of question, and I think for

303
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:02,439
Speaker 3: me the list mus taste would be there's something to

304
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:04,879
Speaker 3: be said about Yes, I have let it go because

305
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:11,119
Speaker 3: I have felt it, I've assessed and I've decided it

306
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:14,920
Speaker 3: is not worse more energy than this. It's a small thing.

307
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:18,760
Speaker 3: I can live with it without it disturbing me. The question,

308
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:23,479
Speaker 3: I think that the asset test becomes, am I okay

309
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,520
Speaker 3: the following day? Am I continuing? Or am I harboring?

310
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:31,720
Speaker 3: And I'm ruminating over it? If it keeps eating me up,

311
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:34,919
Speaker 3: then if there's something about it that I have not

312
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:39,480
Speaker 3: made teeth sweat, if I release it and I'm okay,

313
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:44,040
Speaker 3: and I and I'm gonna inflate and I'm okay. Right,

314
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:46,879
Speaker 3: it happened. Of course, things will happen and and we

315
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:50,359
Speaker 3: life goes on. There's more to deal with. And however,

316
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:54,600
Speaker 3: if it keeps eating me up, then it's calling my attention,

317
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,600
Speaker 3: and not dealing with it would then be an avoidance,

318
00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:00,119
Speaker 3: whereas the other is you've looked at it, and you

319
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,040
Speaker 3: release it and you continue and all is well, and

320
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:07,119
Speaker 3: it's all authentically well. It's not pretentious, it's not sugarcoating.

321
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:12,760
Speaker 3: It is I am really okay with it, and only

322
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,360
Speaker 3: you can assist that for yourself.

323
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:19,879
Speaker 2: Okay, Wow, I feel like we've just started this conversation.

324
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,119
Speaker 2: I feel like we just have we just have you

325
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:33,960
Speaker 2: love information enough contents to really dig in. It's always

326
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,439
Speaker 2: a pleasure chatting to you. Thank you so much for

327
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:36,960
Speaker 2: your time.

328
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:41,160
Speaker 3: No, my absolute pleasure. I mean, I love how I

329
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,760
Speaker 3: am thrown this in, I'm thrown that way and I'm

330
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,399
Speaker 3: you know, on my toes the whole time because you know,

331
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,960
Speaker 3: you will ask things or you know, such as a

332
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:53,960
Speaker 3: contribution a question from someone. It prompts me to think

333
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:58,880
Speaker 3: differently and it keeps me alive and awake. So thank you, Yeah,

334
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:00,200
Speaker 3: thank you.

335
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:05,080
Speaker 2: That's our residents clinical psychologist, doctor Kosim. There's a topic

336
00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:06,760
Speaker 2: you'd like for us to discuss, send it through to

337
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 2: us at Gogs at seven oh two doto dot today.

338
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,480
Speaker 2: That's Gugs at seven oh two dot co dot dot

339
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,520
Speaker 2: co dot today coming up with in the show in

340
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:17,800
Speaker 2: the literature corner, well reflect on thirty years of Mark

341
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:21,919
Speaker 2: Morrison's monster hit Return of the Mac. It turned thirty

342
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:25,000
Speaker 2: this week, so we'll speak to doctor Sheldon Leal. He's

343
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:29,639
Speaker 2: a musicologist and academic registrar at the Academy of Sound Engineering.

344
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,640
Speaker 2: Do you have a memory of where you were thirty

345
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,679
Speaker 2: years ago when this song was a hit. When you

346
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:39,520
Speaker 2: hear Return of the Mac by Mark Morrison, what does

347
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,720
Speaker 2: it remind you of let us let us Know, I Know,

348
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:45,120
Speaker 2: seven two seven two one seven oh two. So much

349
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:48,240
Speaker 2: chaos in the sporting world at the moment. Let's check

350
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 2: in with you later. SI with US Sports with Anthony

351
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:51,280
Speaker 2: to shad up