1
00:00:00,520 --> 00:00:03,240
Speaker 1: Streaming countrywide on Prime Media.

2
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:07,640
Speaker 2: Class on DStv channel eight eight five and across the

3
00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:09,160
Speaker 2: city once five.

4
00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:18,880
Speaker 3: Now, then everyone seems to be talking about healing these days.

5
00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:21,400
Speaker 3: Everyone's on their healing journey. They're in their healing era,

6
00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:25,200
Speaker 3: they've got healing energy, they're healing, they're in the child, YadA, YadA, YadA.

7
00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:29,159
Speaker 3: But what does it actually mean, like in practice, in

8
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:34,559
Speaker 3: practical everyday life, how do you know if you're actually healing?

9
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:37,720
Speaker 3: What does doing the work? That's another thing you must

10
00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:38,720
Speaker 3: need to do the work?

11
00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:40,400
Speaker 1: Are you doing the work?

12
00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:40,680
Speaker 2: Though?

13
00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,800
Speaker 1: What's the work? Is there a work book? Where do

14
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:45,840
Speaker 1: I find it? Where do I buy it from?

15
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,839
Speaker 3: How do I know if I've passed the test in

16
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,000
Speaker 3: the work and they're healing and there, you know, all

17
00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:53,120
Speaker 3: of that sort of stuff. And so I thought, and

18
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:56,640
Speaker 3: I remember asking my therapist this question once when she

19
00:00:56,760 --> 00:01:02,200
Speaker 3: said to me, you know, really committed to doing the work.

20
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:06,520
Speaker 3: And I was like, am I I don't know if

21
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:09,280
Speaker 3: I am? I mean I turn up here every week

22
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,880
Speaker 3: and pour myself out and do all of the things.

23
00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:15,880
Speaker 3: But what you know, and I think when we talk

24
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,959
Speaker 3: about doing the work, we are it's almost that, particularly

25
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,360
Speaker 3: for a brain like mine, where I'm that kind of

26
00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:24,119
Speaker 3: perfectionist thing. I literally want to work sheet, I want

27
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,560
Speaker 3: to work book. I want to go into a room

28
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:28,399
Speaker 3: and there's an invigilator and they go right and go,

29
00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:30,720
Speaker 3: and three hours later I come out and I've healed.

30
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,440
Speaker 1: You're done, and I'm done, and that's it.

31
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:36,720
Speaker 3: And then you know, hand me my significod my certificate,

32
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:38,640
Speaker 3: and send me off in life and go, well, she's

33
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:39,800
Speaker 3: fixed now, if.

34
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,880
Speaker 1: If only As is in the studio with us again.

35
00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:43,559
Speaker 1: And it's.

36
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:49,680
Speaker 3: Hard, and she's going to help us out with all

37
00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:52,440
Speaker 3: of this stuff because I can't be the only one.

38
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,800
Speaker 1: Healing has become a buzzword, hasn't it.

39
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,400
Speaker 2: It's all over the soon, absolutely hairs, and it can

40
00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:01,440
Speaker 2: put people under so much pressure to perfect themselves.

41
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:04,279
Speaker 3: Oh god, and I've fallen into that trap.

42
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:07,520
Speaker 2: It's I think, if we're all honest, we all have

43
00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:11,200
Speaker 2: heard the buzzwords, seen and heard what people are saying,

44
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,640
Speaker 2: and thought to myself and thought to ourselves like what

45
00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:17,440
Speaker 2: do I have to be doing? So it's not necessarily

46
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:21,160
Speaker 2: a trap. It's actually a bit of a path rather.

47
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:22,680
Speaker 2: That's why I see healing.

48
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:27,320
Speaker 3: Okay, do we have to choose to get on the

49
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:31,000
Speaker 3: path or can one just find themselves inadvertently on the path.

50
00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:34,960
Speaker 2: I found in my experience it happens two ways. Either

51
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:39,200
Speaker 2: you choose or life forces you to. A Circumstance will

52
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:41,320
Speaker 2: happen in life that will force you to have to

53
00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:44,560
Speaker 2: look at things you've hidden away. And when Pandora's box

54
00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:48,320
Speaker 2: is open, well, we all know what comes out. So

55
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:52,600
Speaker 2: it's usually a too prong effect. I prefer to encourage

56
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:56,240
Speaker 2: people to try to manage it before life forces them to.

57
00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:01,200
Speaker 3: And so on that basis that suggest to me that

58
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:06,359
Speaker 3: you believe that we've all got some healing to do.

59
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:12,639
Speaker 3: No one, no one escapes. And then I'm using these

60
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:18,560
Speaker 3: terms advisedly. But healing suggests that something is broken. I mean,

61
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,040
Speaker 3: I definitely I can speak for myself and say for

62
00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:24,800
Speaker 3: sure there were parts of me that I certainly felt were.

63
00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:27,320
Speaker 1: Had been broken.

64
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:32,000
Speaker 3: I was broken in parts, not bad, you know, but

65
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:35,400
Speaker 3: but stuff had happened. Life had happened that, you know,

66
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:39,960
Speaker 3: whether it be childhood trauma, whether it be relationship stuff,

67
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,680
Speaker 3: whether it be addiction stuff.

68
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,400
Speaker 1: Things weren't okay.

69
00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:45,200
Speaker 2: And you feel like that that was broken, and so

70
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:46,480
Speaker 2: it had to be fixed.

71
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:52,760
Speaker 3: Healed, healed, because I'm not quite sure even that you know,

72
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:56,760
Speaker 3: and and for me, my healing has come in different facets.

73
00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,720
Speaker 3: There's been my kind of addiction recovery stuff. Then there's

74
00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:01,920
Speaker 3: been my inner child stuff, and it's all it all

75
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,840
Speaker 3: forms under the same umbrella of me, but some was

76
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:08,240
Speaker 3: very specific, like I go to meetings because and that

77
00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:10,880
Speaker 3: deals with my addiction stuff, or I go to therapy

78
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:14,640
Speaker 3: and talk about you know X, my relationship with my mother,

79
00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:19,559
Speaker 3: and that's that thread of healing. But certainly fixed rather

80
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,720
Speaker 3: than or or what's.

81
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:22,640
Speaker 1: The term that you used.

82
00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:27,800
Speaker 3: Your I'm saying the sort of antithesis of broken, the

83
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:28,440
Speaker 3: opposite event.

84
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, like kind of just just.

85
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:34,360
Speaker 3: Put back in a in a in a way that

86
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:35,960
Speaker 3: works for me better.

87
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:38,680
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm returning.

88
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,440
Speaker 3: To what was before, because I don't know that there

89
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,520
Speaker 3: was a before of the thing.

90
00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:43,920
Speaker 1: Gosh, we're so deep.

91
00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:46,960
Speaker 2: We are very when we are when we're when we

92
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:50,400
Speaker 2: discuss these topics, because they are meaningful human topics that

93
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,360
Speaker 2: I think if more people paid attention to, we might

94
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:58,400
Speaker 2: not feel so unfixable healing. I suppose maybe if we

95
00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:00,719
Speaker 2: can look at it another way. I I always like

96
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:04,920
Speaker 2: to see healing as a process rather than a procedure

97
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,919
Speaker 2: that you have to endure. And so I encourage people

98
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:11,240
Speaker 2: to say, this is your process. You decide the process

99
00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:14,160
Speaker 2: of it, you decide the pace of it. And if

100
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:18,640
Speaker 2: you come into a process, any process, forget healing, just

101
00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:21,720
Speaker 2: any process. If you come into a process thinking I'm

102
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,960
Speaker 2: not good enough as I am, I have to change things,

103
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,320
Speaker 2: you're not going to allow yourself to get to the

104
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:31,040
Speaker 2: other side meaningfully because you're going to be that ambassing

105
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:34,200
Speaker 2: yourself all the way through the process. You have to

106
00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:37,640
Speaker 2: come into the process saying I'm a human being, I

107
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,480
Speaker 2: have flaws like everyone else, and yes I may have

108
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:43,479
Speaker 2: done things that may have been harsher than the general public.

109
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:47,320
Speaker 2: But I'm willing to face my process. And when you

110
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:50,680
Speaker 2: face your process, you can I believe you can go

111
00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:53,560
Speaker 2: through it more meaningfully in terms of learning about yourself,

112
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,800
Speaker 2: because no one ever learns anything good by being mean

113
00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:59,320
Speaker 2: to themselves. It's never worked in history. It's not going

114
00:05:59,400 --> 00:05:59,920
Speaker 2: to work now.

115
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,200
Speaker 1: That's so interesting.

116
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,520
Speaker 2: So that's how I try to encourage people to look

117
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:05,640
Speaker 2: at it. Okay, process rather than procedure.

118
00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:10,040
Speaker 3: So the two ways that you've that you have identified

119
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,840
Speaker 3: that people tend to go and begin begin healing, and

120
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,760
Speaker 3: their and their process and doing the work one is

121
00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:18,440
Speaker 3: the choice thing. And I think probably we are now

122
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,720
Speaker 3: in a generation where a lot because we talk about

123
00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:23,440
Speaker 3: this stuff a lot more. There's just a lot more

124
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:26,440
Speaker 3: of I mean, my kids talk about the feeling, my

125
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:30,240
Speaker 3: feelings I loved, you know, and my eldest has her

126
00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:33,200
Speaker 3: own feelings doctor, and it's it's so normal. And they

127
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,279
Speaker 3: come to you know, recovery meetings with me. They don't

128
00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:38,000
Speaker 3: know why we're there. Yes, they don't get it.

129
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:38,560
Speaker 1: They're not listening.

130
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,719
Speaker 3: They're playing with the other kids and the other mental

131
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,800
Speaker 3: the other the other people in the process, the other

132
00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:48,559
Speaker 3: people in the process, you know, isn't here please esay?

133
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:52,800
Speaker 3: And and but as they grow up and they get older.

134
00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:54,479
Speaker 3: We were talking about this the other day and in

135
00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:58,760
Speaker 3: a meeting. Sorry I'm digressing horribly, but it was a

136
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,080
Speaker 3: specific type of recover to our set meeting and and

137
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:04,480
Speaker 3: it's we do it on a Saturday and the kids

138
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:07,279
Speaker 3: can come, you know, because it's we're mothers and we're

139
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,360
Speaker 3: we're you know, and we're saying, God, do you think

140
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,520
Speaker 3: our kids get like because they're all sort of the

141
00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:13,160
Speaker 3: same age.

142
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,160
Speaker 1: Really, I were like, one day they're going to be

143
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,040
Speaker 1: at school and they're.

144
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,840
Speaker 3: Like, do you go to the meetings and they're going

145
00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,880
Speaker 3: to be like, no, oh, our mummies and Daddy's doy

146
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:21,800
Speaker 3: because they don't know how to drink properly, or.

147
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:25,120
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. But but I love the

148
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:26,200
Speaker 1: idea that they are.

149
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:30,880
Speaker 3: We are normalizing the recovery process and the healing and

150
00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:33,600
Speaker 3: one day they will ask me what are you talking

151
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:34,200
Speaker 3: about over there?

152
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,120
Speaker 1: And I will explain what this is.

153
00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:40,400
Speaker 3: But I wonder if because we're in that generation now

154
00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:43,000
Speaker 3: where we are normalizing healings so much that it's people

155
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:46,400
Speaker 3: aren't waiting for the catastrophic even they're just going, well,

156
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,840
Speaker 3: we've all got trauma, might as well go and dig

157
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:53,200
Speaker 3: in and start dealing with mine. For people who find

158
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:56,600
Speaker 3: themselves there through other means, through things have just got

159
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,240
Speaker 3: so bad, it can feel like a lot.

160
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:00,520
Speaker 2: It's so overwhelming.

161
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:04,720
Speaker 3: And also the reason that you think you might have

162
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:09,760
Speaker 3: ended up there might not be the reason really absolutely, Like, yes,

163
00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:12,360
Speaker 3: I've just been you know, come out of a horrible

164
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,360
Speaker 3: divorce and I think my partner's are narcissist, because we

165
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:19,000
Speaker 3: all think our partners and narciss but actually, what patterns

166
00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:22,200
Speaker 3: have led me to being the person that got into

167
00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:25,679
Speaker 3: a relationship with this person and all of that stuff

168
00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:28,360
Speaker 3: I have found and again then I'm going to shut

169
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:29,440
Speaker 3: up once I've just said this.

170
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:31,200
Speaker 1: Having been in therapy.

171
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:36,240
Speaker 3: For years and years and years and years, honestly, my

172
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,920
Speaker 3: in rehab, my counselor said to me, trust the process,

173
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,480
Speaker 3: and every time they said that I want you to

174
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,680
Speaker 3: want to just the face had no idea what they meant,

175
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:48,240
Speaker 3: it felt it just only now, eighteen years later do

176
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,720
Speaker 3: I get it because it has been an absolute journey

177
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,959
Speaker 3: of and the stuff that has come up has come

178
00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:55,600
Speaker 3: up when I.

179
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:59,760
Speaker 1: Have the universe has decided I'm ready.

180
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:03,160
Speaker 3: For its stuff that you could have told me twelve

181
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:06,200
Speaker 3: years ago that I would not have landed, would not

182
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:10,280
Speaker 3: have landed. There's stuff now this year that I've gone,

183
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:15,160
Speaker 3: oh yeah, oh that now you get it? Thing now

184
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,560
Speaker 3: I get it, which for me is like the earlier

185
00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:19,920
Speaker 3: you can get into that therapy room, that the better

186
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,960
Speaker 3: for somebody who maybe is just coming in and doesn't

187
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:26,720
Speaker 3: have the language of therapy. And maybe you know, a

188
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:29,080
Speaker 3: lot of us, particularly from black and brown communities, are

189
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,360
Speaker 3: a bit you know, our parents, grandparents are like, what

190
00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:32,439
Speaker 3: do you mean You're going to get and talk to

191
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:35,199
Speaker 3: a stranger around our business, Where do.

192
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:36,440
Speaker 1: You start with the healing?

193
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,080
Speaker 2: Okay, So I'm so excited that you've asked this question

194
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,679
Speaker 2: because I want to touch on something that may kind

195
00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:46,200
Speaker 2: of break a bit of the usual stigmas we attached

196
00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:51,920
Speaker 2: to how do we heal? So thepy is amazing. If

197
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:54,520
Speaker 2: people have found themselves in a position where they think

198
00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:57,200
Speaker 2: I actually need to talk to someone, it's wonderful to

199
00:09:57,320 --> 00:10:01,000
Speaker 2: access a counselor. It's how even not the only means

200
00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:05,480
Speaker 2: to healing we actually know and so much research has

201
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:09,200
Speaker 2: been done across so many years that community is the

202
00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:12,160
Speaker 2: thing that helps people to heal. So for example, when

203
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:15,240
Speaker 2: you go to your groups, that's community. That's where you

204
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:18,680
Speaker 2: get your fuel to keep going, to listen to people's stories.

205
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,840
Speaker 2: And so if people are listening and they're finding themselves

206
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:23,720
Speaker 2: just in the trenches where they're thinking, I don't know

207
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:27,079
Speaker 2: where to start, start with someone you trust. You don't

208
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,000
Speaker 2: always have to go and book that therapist appointment straight away.

209
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:33,040
Speaker 2: It's a process. And yes I am a therapist in

210
00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:36,320
Speaker 2: private practice, and it may go against everything that we

211
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,880
Speaker 2: try to advocate for, which is book a session, come

212
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,760
Speaker 2: and but that's wonderful, but it doesn't work for everyone,

213
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:46,960
Speaker 2: and especially in black and brown communities where resources are tight.

214
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:50,200
Speaker 2: You know, finances are tight, accessibility is tight. How are

215
00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:52,679
Speaker 2: you supposed to travel to your therapist? Start with the

216
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,760
Speaker 2: people you trust, be that groups that you go to,

217
00:10:55,920 --> 00:11:00,520
Speaker 2: a friend, a church, anything where there is community, because

218
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,600
Speaker 2: we all come with stuff. And the thing about as

219
00:11:03,679 --> 00:11:06,480
Speaker 2: human beings is we hate not being in control. We

220
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,360
Speaker 2: think that because we can take out our phone and

221
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,440
Speaker 2: get an answer to everything, we can get an answer

222
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:15,240
Speaker 2: about all of our problems to life. Oh please don't,

223
00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:19,600
Speaker 2: it's just it's you know, use it for the non

224
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:24,040
Speaker 2: emotional stuff because chatgypt is designed to be agreeable with

225
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,960
Speaker 2: you so and it wants to keep you going so

226
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:28,760
Speaker 2: that it can keep getting data in terms of how

227
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,880
Speaker 2: we communicate as human beings. I think AI can be

228
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,320
Speaker 2: very very helpful. I use it, but not for the

229
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,760
Speaker 2: emotional stuff because you have to know how to train

230
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:41,199
Speaker 2: your AI. So start with the humans. We all have

231
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:42,280
Speaker 2: stories to tell.

232
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:46,000
Speaker 3: Tell your story to take away from the conversation.

233
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,920
Speaker 1: It's please, folks, start with the humans.

234
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,360
Speaker 2: Start with a human. A human will know how to

235
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:53,040
Speaker 2: hold you, how to be there for you in a moment.

236
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:54,599
Speaker 2: A computer can't.

237
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:59,760
Speaker 3: Good you mentioned you know, we're making jokes about it,

238
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,760
Speaker 3: but that the thing of you know, the chat GPT

239
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,720
Speaker 3: is designed to be agreeable with you and and therapy.

240
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:08,880
Speaker 3: You know, And this is a topic that we potentially

241
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:10,360
Speaker 3: could have had to day but didn't because s J

242
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,439
Speaker 3: messed up, And it's a topic I do want to

243
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,280
Speaker 3: have with you. Is about the different different types of

244
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:18,480
Speaker 3: therapy in terms of for a long time, and it's

245
00:12:18,559 --> 00:12:21,600
Speaker 3: it's a type of therapy that I didn't enjoy. There

246
00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:24,440
Speaker 3: was no feedback. It was literally just your therapist sitting

247
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:27,559
Speaker 3: and staring at you. My father had me, and then

248
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:31,160
Speaker 3: it's that it's very difficult. I wonder if I wonder

249
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,240
Speaker 3: if the idea of the type of therapy can be

250
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:37,360
Speaker 3: off putting and people aren't quite sure how that with

251
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:40,800
Speaker 3: their own idea of doing the work. I mean, I

252
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,200
Speaker 3: I've got friends who say, oh, my therapist has given

253
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:46,640
Speaker 3: me homeworks, and I've got other friends who say, I

254
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,240
Speaker 3: literally go and talk at this man who sits and

255
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,720
Speaker 3: wears glasses and take notes and I leave and I

256
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:54,320
Speaker 3: know nothing about him and them and all of that

257
00:12:54,400 --> 00:13:00,880
Speaker 3: kind of thing. Why why do you feel like, I say,

258
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:01,480
Speaker 3: why do you feel like?

259
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:02,440
Speaker 1: I don't know how you feel?

260
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:05,439
Speaker 3: Why is it perhaps that some people feel like they're

261
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:11,160
Speaker 3: they're doing the work but not seeing progress. And again

262
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,839
Speaker 3: drawing on my own experience, there was a point at

263
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:18,920
Speaker 3: which I was going to therapy and I was just

264
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,959
Speaker 3: in circles. Yeah, I know, I know what it is

265
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:26,760
Speaker 3: now that I had a block okay, and I couldn't

266
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,719
Speaker 3: pushsue it. And for me and I always talk in

267
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,320
Speaker 3: recovery about peeling the onion, it was time to peel

268
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:34,840
Speaker 3: the next layer. And as much as I was showing

269
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:38,400
Speaker 3: up physically to the therapy, and I was, and I

270
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,400
Speaker 3: did have feedback, and the feedback.

271
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,240
Speaker 1: Was very gentle but very specific.

272
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:46,560
Speaker 2: I didn't want to, you didn't want you couldn't. Yeah,

273
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:48,520
Speaker 2: I think it's a mixture ride of not wanting to

274
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,640
Speaker 2: and being unwilling and being unable.

275
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:52,320
Speaker 1: Yeah to do.

276
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:55,079
Speaker 2: But this is where when your counselor said you trust

277
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,640
Speaker 2: the process is so important when you come into therapy.

278
00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:01,160
Speaker 2: It is not a fix for in thing. It is

279
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,560
Speaker 2: a place where you come to process to learn to

280
00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:08,400
Speaker 2: understand about yourself. Your therapist is I wouldn't you know

281
00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:12,040
Speaker 2: somewhat of your guide, But if you think about a path,

282
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,800
Speaker 2: it's you and your therapist you're the one holding the lamp.

283
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,000
Speaker 2: You're the one holding the torch. Your therapist is just

284
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:21,280
Speaker 2: walking alongside you wherever you go. And sometimes, if you

285
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,600
Speaker 2: think about it, it's too hard to face the hard

286
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:27,840
Speaker 2: stuff too early on. And the most important thing that

287
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,600
Speaker 2: we know that also works in therapy is the relationship

288
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,880
Speaker 2: you have with your therapist. If you like your therapist,

289
00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:36,080
Speaker 2: if you trust them, if you respect them, and you

290
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,000
Speaker 2: can feel that that is reciprocated, that is where the

291
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:43,440
Speaker 2: magic happens. It's in relationship. So it's quite beautiful because

292
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:46,800
Speaker 2: it boils down to how important humanity is in terms

293
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,000
Speaker 2: of how we connect to each other. So if you're

294
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:52,640
Speaker 2: finding your going into therapy and it's just not nothing's landing,

295
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:56,720
Speaker 2: it's okay, but yes, you can trust the process. But

296
00:14:56,760 --> 00:15:00,400
Speaker 2: I also encourage people speak to. Your therapist is the

297
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:04,080
Speaker 2: die Lama of other people's lives. Your therapist is not

298
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,600
Speaker 2: the expert for your life. You are, And so if

299
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:09,840
Speaker 2: you're feeling like you're stuck, bring it up. It's important.

300
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,920
Speaker 2: And there are so many beautiful modalities to use in therapy.

301
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:16,000
Speaker 2: For some people, the blank slate works. They don't want

302
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,360
Speaker 2: feedback from their therapist.

303
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:21,800
Speaker 3: I want and you right notes, go away, do homework,

304
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:22,520
Speaker 3: and come back.

305
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:25,560
Speaker 2: With a thesis that is can be like so and so.

306
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've given thoughts too since we.

307
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,720
Speaker 2: I have a file of therapy that I just like

308
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,720
Speaker 2: it because I like to engage in that way. But

309
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,600
Speaker 2: for some people that doesn't work at all. They don't

310
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:38,160
Speaker 2: want to hear from their therapists. So also do your

311
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:40,880
Speaker 2: due diligence by finding out from your therapist how they work.

312
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,960
Speaker 2: You know, and understand it. If you don't understand and

313
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,520
Speaker 2: ask questions, they are not the experts for your life.

314
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:50,840
Speaker 2: So be brave, be brave and go for it. You

315
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:53,240
Speaker 2: can do better by yourself if you want to.

316
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:57,000
Speaker 3: I suppose to wrap up with and I think this

317
00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,360
Speaker 3: is really key because this is another thing and my

318
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:01,120
Speaker 3: perfection is and would come out and be like now

319
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,160
Speaker 3: it's still not healed, Still more heal, even though I

320
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:06,720
Speaker 3: know it's a journey. What are some of the signs

321
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,880
Speaker 3: that you are healing, that you are doing the work,

322
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:12,040
Speaker 3: because sometimes we can't put eyes on us.

323
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:14,280
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, and I would, And that was another thing

324
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:14,440
Speaker 1: for me.

325
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,480
Speaker 3: I'd go and I'm like just nothings and my therapists

326
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:19,960
Speaker 3: be like, you are not the same person that was

327
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:23,600
Speaker 3: sitting here last year. Just because stuff is still crap

328
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,680
Speaker 3: doesn't mean you're not healing. Just because you might feel

329
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,920
Speaker 3: like you're in the worst pain you've ever been in, right,

330
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,120
Speaker 3: the fact that you were allowing yourself to be in

331
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:32,600
Speaker 3: that pain is heal ugly.

332
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:37,200
Speaker 2: So I use feedback as a tool what we actually

333
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,320
Speaker 2: do in therapy. If you're not feeling like you can

334
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:42,000
Speaker 2: see the changes within your yourself or feel the changes,

335
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:45,400
Speaker 2: let's get feedback. Let's get feedback from people who know you,

336
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:48,640
Speaker 2: who care about you, who have your best interest at heart.

337
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,240
Speaker 2: Your therapists will be will give you feedback if that's

338
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:54,680
Speaker 2: how they work, and the people who love you will too,

339
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,000
Speaker 2: if you ask and if you don't know how to ask,

340
00:16:57,040 --> 00:17:00,840
Speaker 2: and that's what you practice in therapy. But often besides

341
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:03,160
Speaker 2: the feedback, which I think is such a beautiful part

342
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,680
Speaker 2: because it's so nice to hear how people are seeing you,

343
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:09,880
Speaker 2: there's also reflections that you need to do in your healing,

344
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,760
Speaker 2: which is learning. As in this term bags people a lot.

345
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:15,960
Speaker 2: Sit with it you have can you even see on

346
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,560
Speaker 2: your face you're just thinking.

347
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:19,840
Speaker 1: It is hard, so hard.

348
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:25,399
Speaker 2: Sit with shit, Sit with it and tap into yourself

349
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:27,960
Speaker 2: into your body, what are you feeling, where are you

350
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:30,160
Speaker 2: feeling that You don't have to have answers for everything,

351
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,320
Speaker 2: but you need to know how to be alone with

352
00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:35,879
Speaker 2: yourself and that is where you may notice, Oh, I

353
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:38,399
Speaker 2: can actually sit with myself a little bit longer, sixty

354
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:42,800
Speaker 2: seconds longer. That's a major pivot. So when you do

355
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,800
Speaker 2: the work, you're going to get outcomes one way or another.

356
00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:48,600
Speaker 2: It all depends on how you do the work, what

357
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:51,960
Speaker 2: your process is, and then the outcomes will come. When

358
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,480
Speaker 2: you do good work, they always come.

359
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:57,360
Speaker 3: I promise you that is true. My phrase of last year,

360
00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:02,080
Speaker 3: which was a bleak year, No, it wasn't bleak. The

361
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,640
Speaker 3: year before was bleak. Last year was when it when

362
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,479
Speaker 3: the shifts really started to happen. So and my phrase

363
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,280
Speaker 3: was excruciating but necessary.

364
00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:12,280
Speaker 1: Oh I love that scruciating set it.

365
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,560
Speaker 3: And now here we are in twenty six and I

366
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:15,480
Speaker 3: feel like I'm listening.

367
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:16,280
Speaker 1: The work continues.

368
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:20,119
Speaker 3: Still very difficult days sometimes, but last year was a

369
00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:21,120
Speaker 3: big transition year.

370
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:22,760
Speaker 1: It was the it was the peeling of the new

371
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:23,639
Speaker 1: layer of the onion, and.

372
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,240
Speaker 2: It was because it was doing the work getting to

373
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:25,600
Speaker 2: the core.

374
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,760
Speaker 3: Hashtag healing journey, Kim, How do people get in touch

375
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:28,960
Speaker 3: with you.

376
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:29,920
Speaker 1: I'm running so lately.

377
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:37,520
Speaker 2: Get out at fifty right, Okay, So you can hit

378
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,000
Speaker 2: over to my website Kim Abrahams dot com. You can

379
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:43,680
Speaker 2: find me on social media media Therapy with Kim, and

380
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:47,439
Speaker 2: there you can find anything relatable for mental health and

381
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:48,760
Speaker 2: you can get in touch with me that way.

382
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:54,000
Speaker 3: I love having you coming, so thank you, thank you,