WEBVTT - Introducing...This Glorious Mess 0:00:21.290 --> 0:00:24.290 So much you're listening to a Mother Mia podcast. 0:00:25.130 --> 0:00:28.410 Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We 0:00:28.530 --> 0:00:31.890 have recorded this podcast on the Gadigul people of the 0:00:31.930 --> 0:00:35.650 Eora nation. We pay our respects to their elders past 0:00:35.730 --> 0:00:39.330 and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and 0:00:39.410 --> 0:00:41.210 Torres Strait Islander cultures. 0:00:41.850 --> 0:00:42.050 Hi. 0:00:42.210 --> 0:00:45.610 I'm Annalise Todd, new host of Mamma MIA's parenting pod 0:00:45.730 --> 0:00:48.890 This Glorious Mess. I'm a single mum to two tween 0:00:48.970 --> 0:00:52.010 boys and a long time listener of help. I have 0:00:52.050 --> 0:00:55.290 a teenager just gearing up for what is to come 0:00:55.290 --> 0:01:00.010 in my life. I loved the episode unpopular opinion parenting 0:01:00.090 --> 0:01:03.770 teens is tougher than newborns. I can definitely see from 0:01:03.810 --> 0:01:07.810 what my friends with teens are experiencing. It's a way scarier, 0:01:08.250 --> 0:01:12.570 uncharted time and like all things in life with hindsight, well, 0:01:12.730 --> 0:01:15.530 newbies are kind of like little worms really, And as 0:01:15.530 --> 0:01:19.170 a mum of boys, I was scared but also fascinated 0:01:19.210 --> 0:01:22.770 by why your teen smells like goat according to a doctor. 0:01:24.330 --> 0:01:27.050 I've been a longtime listener of This Glorious Mess. The 0:01:27.090 --> 0:01:30.410 podcast was one of the very first podcasts Mumma Mia 0:01:30.450 --> 0:01:34.810 Maid and hosted by Holly Wainwright and Andrew Daddo. It's 0:01:34.930 --> 0:01:37.650 an utter pinch me moment stepping in as the new 0:01:37.690 --> 0:01:42.130 host alongside Teagana Tooley and Sarah Marii Fad. We've just 0:01:42.250 --> 0:01:45.810 launched a brand new chapter of TGM, catering to parents 0:01:46.050 --> 0:01:50.090 with kids of all ages. There's new stories, new ideas, 0:01:50.650 --> 0:01:54.250 and a wide range of guests to truly reflect exactly 0:01:54.330 --> 0:01:56.490 what it looks like to be a parent in twenty 0:01:56.530 --> 0:01:59.650 twenty four. In this episode, we talk to a sleep expert, 0:01:59.930 --> 0:02:04.370 and no, not fear kids sleep. A sleep expert for us, 0:02:04.970 --> 0:02:09.130 the tired parents with the mental load swirling around our heads, 0:02:09.570 --> 0:02:12.050 keeping us up at night as we spiral over the 0:02:12.090 --> 0:02:16.330 never ending list sport the text we haven't responded to ah, 0:02:16.370 --> 0:02:18.370 and that one comment we made in two thousand and 0:02:18.450 --> 0:02:20.810 eight that we still cringe at, well, maybe that's just me. 0:02:21.410 --> 0:02:24.250 The new This Glorious Mess, will make you feel seen 0:02:24.490 --> 0:02:27.450 and heard as a parent and hopefully give you a 0:02:27.450 --> 0:02:30.930 little chuckle in your day, because there really is humor 0:02:31.050 --> 0:02:34.090 and glory in the mess of it, one big, giant, 0:02:34.170 --> 0:02:44.490 glorious mess. Hello, and welcome to this glorious Mess. We're 0:02:44.570 --> 0:02:48.930 embracing the chaos together, ditching the judgment. I'm Annalie Todd, 0:02:48.970 --> 0:02:52.330 a single mum of two tween boys and happy to 0:02:52.410 --> 0:02:54.650 report we are all currently life free. 0:02:54.730 --> 0:02:57.450 Oh what a victory, What a time to be alive. 0:02:58.130 --> 0:02:59.370 And I'm teaking a tolly. 0:02:59.490 --> 0:03:02.250 I'm a mum of three under six, and I now 0:03:02.410 --> 0:03:06.050 have two toothless twins as I like to call them. 0:03:06.290 --> 0:03:06.690 So teek. 0:03:06.730 --> 0:03:09.730 Today on the show, we're talking about sleep, not your kids, 0:03:09.810 --> 0:03:13.970 sleep yours, because this podcast is all about you to sleep, 0:03:14.130 --> 0:03:15.730 not about you, teek, It's about actually the. 0:03:15.650 --> 0:03:16.610 People who listen to us. 0:03:16.610 --> 0:03:20.090 But anyway, we hear from a mum who's scheduling dinner 0:03:20.130 --> 0:03:23.170 time and a little bit differently. Plus we chat to 0:03:23.250 --> 0:03:26.730 a sleep expert. I find out all the things I'm 0:03:26.730 --> 0:03:29.850 doing wrong with my own sleep. So stay tuned to 0:03:29.890 --> 0:03:32.490 hear my shame spiral and meltdown over them. 0:03:32.610 --> 0:03:33.730 Oh I can't wait. 0:03:34.250 --> 0:03:37.210 And as always, we will hear from our friend Sarah Marie. 0:03:37.370 --> 0:03:40.890 But first, here's what's happening in my group chat. I 0:03:40.930 --> 0:03:44.610 thought i'd just refer to my mum's group chat, currently 0:03:45.050 --> 0:03:46.410 entitled bitch ass host. 0:03:47.010 --> 0:03:49.210 Mine's called the suburb I live in and legends, So 0:03:49.410 --> 0:03:51.370 mine's a little bit better than your PG. 0:03:51.530 --> 0:03:52.090 Yeah. 0:03:52.170 --> 0:03:54.650 I thought this was so funny because I feel like 0:03:54.730 --> 0:03:58.610 what I'm about to quote is an insight into all parents' 0:03:58.610 --> 0:04:02.330 lives with kids around starting school age. Anyway, this one 0:04:02.370 --> 0:04:05.690 particular mum said that her son was nearly asleep and 0:04:05.810 --> 0:04:08.450 just yelled out from his bedroom, criticizing me that he 0:04:08.530 --> 0:04:11.810 found one soft grape in his lunch box. In a 0:04:11.890 --> 0:04:15.330 monst the many perfect grapes, I can't go the f 0:04:15.410 --> 0:04:17.930 to sleep. You're getting a lunch box full of soft 0:04:17.970 --> 0:04:19.090 grapes tomorrow. 0:04:19.490 --> 0:04:20.730 I can't believe. 0:04:20.770 --> 0:04:24.050 As he's falling asleep, he's like, yeah, I need to 0:04:24.090 --> 0:04:27.130 tell mum about that one soft because this was. 0:04:27.130 --> 0:04:29.890 The worst thing that happened in my day. Do better 0:04:30.130 --> 0:04:30.690 next time. 0:04:30.890 --> 0:04:34.210 Ah, Mom, I'm hungry. There you go. There, You're hungry 0:04:34.210 --> 0:04:34.930 for soft grapes. 0:04:35.290 --> 0:04:41.170 That's all you're getting. Hi, it's Sarah Marie. Hi, Sarah Marie. 0:04:41.330 --> 0:04:45.730 I'd love your advice. My child keeps climbing into my 0:04:45.770 --> 0:04:49.370 bed with me. Please make it stop? Will I ever 0:04:49.450 --> 0:04:50.250 be alone again? 0:04:50.690 --> 0:04:53.450 Why do you want it to stop? I don't understand 0:04:54.210 --> 0:04:57.530 I am the wrong person to ask this question to. 0:04:57.930 --> 0:05:00.210 I am in the middle of my queen size bed. 0:05:00.530 --> 0:05:03.210 I've got my four year old on one side, I've 0:05:03.250 --> 0:05:05.770 got my one year old on the other because he 0:05:06.090 --> 0:05:08.450 suddenly eleven months decided he doesn't want to be in 0:05:08.450 --> 0:05:10.930 his cot. He wants to be snuggled with me and 0:05:11.450 --> 0:05:14.970 I can sleep the kids sleep. I love sleeping in 0:05:15.010 --> 0:05:19.090 bed with them. But if you actually really need your 0:05:19.130 --> 0:05:21.050 own space, I do have a tip, and it worked 0:05:21.050 --> 0:05:22.970 with my oldest son until my baby was born, because 0:05:23.010 --> 0:05:24.530 then he wanted to sleep in the same room as 0:05:24.530 --> 0:05:27.730 his brother. I like pimped out his room. I completely 0:05:27.810 --> 0:05:30.970 pimped it up, you know, to show pimp my ride. 0:05:30.970 --> 0:05:32.770 But it was like pimp my room and he was 0:05:32.810 --> 0:05:36.770 like dinosaurs wallpaper. I got him a cool new bed 0:05:36.930 --> 0:05:39.570 and new bed sheets. It was a lot of effort, 0:05:39.730 --> 0:05:41.930 but it was really cool, a really cool space to 0:05:41.970 --> 0:05:45.530 be in. Suddenly he just wanted to sleep in his room. 0:05:45.570 --> 0:05:47.610 So that's a tip for you, if that's what you 0:05:47.650 --> 0:05:50.290 really want. I would make their sleep space their own. 0:05:50.850 --> 0:05:52.930 Don't make it like what you want. It has to 0:05:52.930 --> 0:05:55.450 be what they want. Don't do the Beijemum thing like 0:05:55.530 --> 0:05:58.130 get the color in there, and really get their personality 0:05:58.130 --> 0:06:00.370 in there, and they'll want to sleep. They'll probably want 0:06:00.370 --> 0:06:02.690 you to sleep in there with them till they fall asleep. 0:06:03.090 --> 0:06:03.770 But that's a win. 0:06:04.010 --> 0:06:05.810 I think if you can leave the room and go 0:06:05.850 --> 0:06:08.730 into your own bed. If your question is why would 0:06:08.730 --> 0:06:12.010 you want some like adult alone time, my question is 0:06:12.290 --> 0:06:14.970 why would you want to? I mean, I just can't 0:06:15.010 --> 0:06:16.130 think of anything. 0:06:15.770 --> 0:06:17.050 Worse right now? 0:06:17.650 --> 0:06:18.530 You got a kid. 0:06:18.650 --> 0:06:20.610 Young enough to want to climb into bed with you. 0:06:20.770 --> 0:06:23.690 I think by the time I get the kids to sleep, 0:06:23.850 --> 0:06:28.410 I am exhausted. I don't think sex is even on 0:06:28.730 --> 0:06:31.170 my mind, and I don't think it's on. 0:06:31.130 --> 0:06:32.610 My husband's side. 0:06:33.650 --> 0:06:36.330 And you know what, judge me as much as you want. 0:06:36.410 --> 0:06:39.410 I have in the past week spoken to three separate 0:06:39.450 --> 0:06:43.090 girlfriends of mine with their husbands, and they have all 0:06:43.250 --> 0:06:46.770 said the same thing. When we're like, nah, man, like, 0:06:46.810 --> 0:06:50.010 that's not happening for us right right now. 0:06:50.770 --> 0:06:54.170 It'll get back there. But I mean, just lock your door. 0:06:54.210 --> 0:06:55.690 If you really worried about your. 0:06:55.650 --> 0:06:58.370 Kid walking in on you, just get a lock for 0:06:58.530 --> 0:07:01.970 that time frame, and you know, if you hear the 0:07:02.010 --> 0:07:04.290 door knock, just get dressed really quickly. 0:07:06.090 --> 0:07:06.730 Are you okay? 0:07:08.210 --> 0:07:12.170 When it comes to baby's kids sleep, there's a million 0:07:12.290 --> 0:07:17.210 and one methods, opinions, research techniques about how, don't why. 0:07:17.610 --> 0:07:19.530 I think what was popular when we were having kids 0:07:19.650 --> 0:07:21.650 was the tizzy What was that called? 0:07:21.690 --> 0:07:22.410 Save say? 0:07:22.530 --> 0:07:25.890 I did that ah for my first baby from two 0:07:25.930 --> 0:07:29.290 weeks and from two weeks and still in the womb. 0:07:29.450 --> 0:07:32.810 I still feel guilty and am very concerned about the 0:07:32.930 --> 0:07:34.970 trauma that I have impacted. 0:07:34.490 --> 0:07:35.970 For yourself or the kid both. 0:07:36.170 --> 0:07:38.170 Yeah. Well, look, that's just. 0:07:38.170 --> 0:07:42.010 One of many now, because everywhere you turn there's another method, right. 0:07:42.010 --> 0:07:42.890 The fading method. 0:07:43.170 --> 0:07:45.010 So that's when you put them into beds while the 0:07:45.090 --> 0:07:48.290 child is still drowsy, then stay by their side until 0:07:48.290 --> 0:07:48.650 they fall. 0:07:48.810 --> 0:07:50.050 Isn't that just gonus leep? 0:07:50.330 --> 0:07:51.610 I don't know. It's the method though. 0:07:51.730 --> 0:07:55.250 The five three three rule a training method that involves 0:07:55.370 --> 0:07:57.010 specific intervals for sleep. 0:07:57.090 --> 0:07:59.010 It sounds like something you do it like a gym, 0:07:59.050 --> 0:07:59.570 like a gym. 0:07:59.570 --> 0:08:02.170 Class, or the diets you know, the. 0:08:02.530 --> 0:08:06.050 Dice, Okay, all right? The pickup put down methods. 0:08:05.730 --> 0:08:07.650 Also sounds like something you do at the gym. The 0:08:07.730 --> 0:08:09.090 five minute method. 0:08:08.970 --> 0:08:12.050 You just let them cry for five minutes apparently, right, Okay. 0:08:12.090 --> 0:08:15.250 The chair method sounds creepy. Instead of leaving the room, 0:08:15.450 --> 0:08:17.490 you just sit in a chair next to the cod 0:08:17.610 --> 0:08:18.090 that's creepy. 0:08:18.330 --> 0:08:20.210 Look, I'm not gonna lie. I've probably done that at 0:08:20.210 --> 0:08:22.450 some stay, let's be honest. I didn't realize it was 0:08:22.450 --> 0:08:24.810 an actual method though. I thought it was just me 0:08:24.930 --> 0:08:28.370 leasing my shit. I so advanced he can't put down 0:08:28.690 --> 0:08:29.850 and shushpat method. 0:08:30.210 --> 0:08:32.450 Yeah, that also speaks for its tummy. 0:08:32.650 --> 0:08:36.290 Yeah. The thing responsive settling. 0:08:36.290 --> 0:08:38.770 Just sounds like you're responding to their needs. And I 0:08:38.810 --> 0:08:43.930 think the meanest one it's called extinction. So basically you 0:08:44.050 --> 0:08:46.450 just shove them in the bed and no matter how 0:08:46.850 --> 0:08:49.450 much long, right, you just ignore it. 0:08:49.570 --> 0:08:52.250 Our whole point is each to your own. Whatever works 0:08:52.250 --> 0:08:54.490 for you is whatever works for you. That's what you do. 0:08:54.530 --> 0:08:55.610 You booth totally. 0:08:55.690 --> 0:08:58.650 And I did that trauma inducing save our seet method 0:08:58.730 --> 0:09:01.130 for my first but by my second I was just 0:09:01.250 --> 0:09:04.770 like demand feed coasally, whateverever gets you through. 0:09:04.970 --> 0:09:07.570 Yeah, and you know what, every bloody baby's different. Like 0:09:07.650 --> 0:09:09.690 my twins. I must say like, I did a method 0:09:09.890 --> 0:09:12.050 and it worked great for them, and then I thought, oh, 0:09:12.130 --> 0:09:14.650 with Banjo, I'm going to get this done really early. 0:09:14.730 --> 0:09:18.290 You know, no way, mate, That kid was an anti sleeper. 0:09:18.410 --> 0:09:20.330 I used to laugh at me at three am when 0:09:20.330 --> 0:09:22.250 I'd be trying to do the pat the shush, the 0:09:22.290 --> 0:09:23.450 pick up, the put down, the. 0:09:23.690 --> 0:09:24.490 Whatever it was. 0:09:24.570 --> 0:09:27.530 He'd literally laugh at me in the middle of the night, 0:09:27.650 --> 0:09:29.730 and I was like, right, I quit. 0:09:30.330 --> 0:09:32.210 I think it's totally luck of the draw. 0:09:32.610 --> 0:09:35.410 What I do agree with in most of these methods 0:09:35.450 --> 0:09:38.410 is that a sleeping baby means a sleeping parent, right, 0:09:38.450 --> 0:09:40.410 And that's what we're talking about today. 0:09:40.570 --> 0:09:42.250 How we can sleep. 0:09:42.450 --> 0:09:43.330 Save mums sleep. 0:09:43.410 --> 0:09:46.010 Yes, out of the way, Tissy Hall, here we come, 0:09:46.490 --> 0:09:57.010 save our sleeps. Clearly we've got issues. I love how 0:09:57.010 --> 0:09:58.930 we're like, oh, we're not going to talk about the 0:09:58.970 --> 0:10:00.530 kids sleep. All we've done is talk about the kids 0:10:00.530 --> 0:10:02.410 sleep because I think they're both so traumatized. 0:10:02.490 --> 0:10:05.930 Well it's a lifelong trauma imprint in my brain. But 0:10:06.050 --> 0:10:08.730 you know, Teek, someone told me this beautiful advice once. 0:10:09.010 --> 0:10:11.490 They said, you know, it doesn't matter what you do, 0:10:11.970 --> 0:10:14.650 you can't spoil a baby. It's whatever works for you 0:10:14.890 --> 0:10:17.170 and your baby. And at the end of the day, 0:10:17.450 --> 0:10:19.010 they're not going to be still in your bed when 0:10:19.010 --> 0:10:19.570 they're eighteen. 0:10:19.850 --> 0:10:20.210 Yeah. 0:10:20.610 --> 0:10:23.610 So now on to actually our sleep, which was the point. 0:10:23.930 --> 0:10:25.050 How is your sleep? 0:10:25.410 --> 0:10:29.610 M I am an insomniac, so that's interesting. 0:10:29.730 --> 0:10:31.170 How is your lack of sleep. 0:10:31.210 --> 0:10:32.730 I should say it's very consistent. 0:10:33.250 --> 0:10:35.650 It actually first started when I was pregnant with my 0:10:35.730 --> 0:10:39.730 first the hormonal change. It just completely hit me and 0:10:39.810 --> 0:10:42.050 I became an insomniac. And I've sort of dabbled in 0:10:42.050 --> 0:10:42.490 an out. 0:10:42.570 --> 0:10:44.570 Is it because you can't turn your brain off? 0:10:45.090 --> 0:10:45.930 Yeah? I will. 0:10:46.090 --> 0:10:49.410 Now obviously I'm not pregnant, but I still have insomnia 0:10:49.450 --> 0:10:51.050 and it is in a bad phase at the moment. 0:10:51.050 --> 0:10:53.450 And I think it's I get ideas that pop into 0:10:53.450 --> 0:10:56.530 my head in the night and I just start thinking 0:10:56.570 --> 0:10:59.130 and then going on different trains and thoughts and what 0:10:59.170 --> 0:11:00.490 have I got on work tomorrow? 0:11:00.530 --> 0:11:02.250 And when am I getting the kids back? And you know, 0:11:02.770 --> 0:11:03.610 start doing. 0:11:03.370 --> 0:11:05.610 The mental load stuff. And I think it all relates 0:11:05.650 --> 0:11:07.210 back to what we were referred to not long ago 0:11:07.250 --> 0:11:10.210 what Maggie Dent said to Kate Ritchie on Nova. She 0:11:10.330 --> 0:11:12.130 was trying to explain to fits in and Whip the 0:11:12.170 --> 0:11:14.810 mental load of a mum and how they're like, okay, 0:11:14.890 --> 0:11:17.090 kids are in bed, they're shower their fair, there's okay, 0:11:17.290 --> 0:11:19.530 they go to bed and they go to bed, whereas 0:11:19.810 --> 0:11:23.650 moms have life like this completely different wiring where we 0:11:23.850 --> 0:11:26.250 then lie down in bed and we're like, oh, did 0:11:26.330 --> 0:11:27.210 they eat enough broccoli? 0:11:27.370 --> 0:11:30.250 Oh? I need to book my eyebrows in for the wax. 0:11:30.010 --> 0:11:31.730 You know, like all the things, or what did I 0:11:31.770 --> 0:11:33.770 do at my twenty first birthday? That was the best 0:11:33.810 --> 0:11:36.010 one that she said, because that's me. So I'll sit 0:11:36.050 --> 0:11:38.210 there and spiral about something I did sixteen years to 0:11:38.250 --> 0:11:42.090 go really, yeah, that's just a whole other diagnosis. 0:11:42.210 --> 0:11:43.850 Yeah, I think you should say someone but that mine's 0:11:43.850 --> 0:11:44.890 more current spiraling. 0:11:45.890 --> 0:11:48.250 So tis if you share a bed with a partner. 0:11:49.010 --> 0:11:51.730 I learned about a new methodology that you might be 0:11:51.890 --> 0:11:52.530 interested in. 0:11:52.770 --> 0:11:53.610 It's sleep divorce. 0:11:54.170 --> 0:11:56.290 Oh am, I divorcing my sleep. 0:11:56.570 --> 0:11:58.770 No, you're divorcing your partner's sleep. 0:11:59.130 --> 0:12:02.210 So it's this Scandinavian method and it's like a sliding 0:12:02.330 --> 0:12:06.570 scale of things that you can try to save our sleep, 0:12:06.770 --> 0:12:09.850 which is what we've been really interested in need. So 0:12:10.010 --> 0:12:13.450 things like wearing an eyemask, ear plugs, Like I think 0:12:13.490 --> 0:12:14.290 snoring is something. 0:12:14.370 --> 0:12:16.450 Oh yeah, so I woke up this morning and my 0:12:16.570 --> 0:12:17.770 husband was not in the bed. 0:12:18.090 --> 0:12:20.490 Well that's a snoring. That's the end of it. 0:12:21.850 --> 0:12:24.810 Because you've got things like separate dooers so you don't 0:12:24.850 --> 0:12:28.610 have the fight. Separate mattresses side by side. 0:12:28.970 --> 0:12:29.290 Wow. 0:12:29.530 --> 0:12:31.970 And then the very end of the divorce is the 0:12:32.010 --> 0:12:33.090 separate rooms, which. 0:12:33.010 --> 0:12:34.130 Sounds like where you're at. 0:12:33.970 --> 0:12:36.210 Now, things are looking up. 0:12:36.370 --> 0:12:38.370 Yeah, unfortunately for you. We've got an expert that we're 0:12:38.370 --> 0:12:39.370 going to chat to about it. 0:12:39.370 --> 0:12:42.130 Does a sleep divorce mean that I'm on the verge 0:12:42.130 --> 0:12:42.770 of divorce. 0:12:43.290 --> 0:12:47.490 No, It's all about bettering everyone's sleep, so you do 0:12:47.610 --> 0:12:49.930 have more of that connected intimate time. 0:12:50.250 --> 0:12:52.850 It's actually going to save us from divorce. 0:12:54.210 --> 0:12:57.170 I'm not an expert in that arena given that I 0:12:57.170 --> 0:13:00.010 am separated and divorce, so don't ask me. 0:13:00.290 --> 0:13:02.170 Well time for the sleep expert. 0:13:02.210 --> 0:13:05.330 Then, if you share a bed with a partner, you 0:13:05.450 --> 0:13:08.930 might be interested in trying a sleep divorce all around 0:13:09.010 --> 0:13:12.130 the idea of giving each person more freedom and better 0:13:12.210 --> 0:13:15.370 quality sleep. To explain this phenomenon, I had a chat 0:13:15.370 --> 0:13:19.210 with Rachel Beard, a sleep wellness manager at ah Beard's 0:13:19.210 --> 0:13:24.570 Sleep Wellness Center. Rachel, I am a divorced insomniac. 0:13:25.170 --> 0:13:27.370 Why do we need a sleep divorce? 0:13:28.010 --> 0:13:31.250 The foundation of our health and well being is good 0:13:31.330 --> 0:13:35.650 quality sleep. And if your sleep is not long and 0:13:35.770 --> 0:13:40.490 uninterrupted as it should be, because your partner is either snoring, tossing, 0:13:40.530 --> 0:13:44.090 and turning. Maybe you have different sleep schedules and you're 0:13:44.090 --> 0:13:47.290 getting in and out of bed at separate times. But ultimately, 0:13:47.330 --> 0:13:50.250 if your sleep is being disrupted by your partner, a 0:13:50.330 --> 0:13:54.250 sleep divorce is more of an extreme way to help 0:13:54.290 --> 0:13:56.850 eliminate those disturbances throughout the night. 0:13:57.010 --> 0:14:02.210 But how can we protect that, you know, incidental intimacy 0:14:02.250 --> 0:14:04.410 that comes with sharing a bed with someone. 0:14:04.570 --> 0:14:08.090 Yeah, definitely, I think I wouldn't go from nothing to 0:14:08.170 --> 0:14:12.290 a sleep divorce because that's very well could impact on 0:14:12.370 --> 0:14:15.970 your spark or your connection possibly start smaller. Like the 0:14:15.970 --> 0:14:20.010 Scandinavian sleep method of the separate doners is another incremental 0:14:20.050 --> 0:14:22.570 drump that you you could implement to just test and 0:14:22.610 --> 0:14:25.010 trial to see if it works. If a couple is 0:14:25.250 --> 0:14:29.930 seriously having their sleep impacted by their partner's movements or 0:14:29.970 --> 0:14:32.450 snoring or sleep talking, I'm a big sleep talker, so 0:14:32.610 --> 0:14:34.810 my poor partner has to deal with that every now 0:14:34.850 --> 0:14:39.890 and again. If it's severely impacting your sleep quality, then 0:14:40.290 --> 0:14:43.290 looking at something like a sleep divorce is definitely something 0:14:43.290 --> 0:14:46.770 to consider. Without a good night's sleep, it impacts and 0:14:46.890 --> 0:14:51.090 manifests itself in every aspect of our lives, from our 0:14:51.170 --> 0:14:56.210 mood and our relationships, so yeah, making incremental changes, experimenting 0:14:56.210 --> 0:14:59.850 with new things is a great way to really prioritize 0:14:59.850 --> 0:15:03.210 your sleep and get better sleep for both individuals. Things 0:15:03.250 --> 0:15:07.330 like social media and TikTok have definitely increased the awareness 0:15:07.730 --> 0:15:12.050 and really helping to reduce the taboo around sleeping separately. 0:15:12.570 --> 0:15:14.730 Can I ask you a question analyse Yeah, of course, 0:15:14.930 --> 0:15:18.690 when you say you're divorced insomniac, can you tell me more. 0:15:18.970 --> 0:15:22.810 Like I would be lucky to get four hours a night? 0:15:23.170 --> 0:15:23.570 Oh? 0:15:23.890 --> 0:15:24.210 I know? 0:15:24.450 --> 0:15:28.050 Wow? Out of curiosity, do you track or measure or 0:15:28.090 --> 0:15:29.410 monitor your sleep in any way? 0:15:30.210 --> 0:15:31.290 No, I don't. 0:15:31.610 --> 0:15:34.330 I take sleeping tablets and melatonin really healthy. 0:15:34.490 --> 0:15:36.970 Okay. We always tell people if you can't measure it, 0:15:37.010 --> 0:15:39.890 you can't manage it, and we sleep how many hours 0:15:39.930 --> 0:15:41.530 of sleep you get and how you feel when you 0:15:41.570 --> 0:15:43.930 wake up. It's hard to truly know what's going on 0:15:44.010 --> 0:15:46.290 in the middle of the night with all the rage 0:15:46.330 --> 0:15:50.250 of tracking devices and wearables and non wearables. Now it's 0:15:50.370 --> 0:15:52.810 a really great place to start to, like I said, 0:15:53.050 --> 0:15:57.250 really know how much sleep you're getting, how much deep sleep, 0:15:57.290 --> 0:16:00.050 how much rem sleep, and then you can kind of 0:16:00.090 --> 0:16:04.090 create a plan from then onwards on how to positively 0:16:04.170 --> 0:16:04.610 change it. 0:16:05.250 --> 0:16:07.690 What do we know about the effects of bad sleep 0:16:07.730 --> 0:16:09.570 on a relationship, because I think it's a bit of 0:16:09.570 --> 0:16:11.890 that chicken or the egg, you know, it's like, well, 0:16:11.930 --> 0:16:14.930 separate rooms, but we need the sleep. So if we're 0:16:14.930 --> 0:16:18.730 not getting enough sleep, how does this change for a 0:16:18.810 --> 0:16:20.250 relationship When we. 0:16:20.250 --> 0:16:23.130 Don't get good quality sleep as a whole? It has 0:16:23.210 --> 0:16:25.730 both short term and long term effects. So long term 0:16:25.730 --> 0:16:30.010 effects putting us at an increased risk of developing serious 0:16:30.050 --> 0:16:34.250 illness and disease like type two diabetes, heart attack, obesity, 0:16:34.290 --> 0:16:34.930 and depression. 0:16:35.370 --> 0:16:38.930 Okay, great, my anxiety is now spiraling just hearing this. 0:16:39.050 --> 0:16:40.250 Yeah, even my sleep. 0:16:40.290 --> 0:16:46.130 Those are the long term, sorry, long term health impacts 0:16:46.210 --> 0:16:49.370 as well as short term health impacts, which is things 0:16:49.410 --> 0:16:51.770 like our mood and our energy levels, the way that 0:16:51.810 --> 0:16:54.930 we show up in our relationship with our partners, in 0:16:54.970 --> 0:16:57.930 the way that we show up at work, in our productivity. 0:16:57.930 --> 0:17:00.050 I mean, I know myself when I'm not well slept, 0:17:00.570 --> 0:17:04.570 I am irritable and groggy, and my ability to deal 0:17:04.570 --> 0:17:07.730 with stress is definitely not as good. So I think 0:17:08.050 --> 0:17:12.010 when you can physically relate to the feelings of a 0:17:12.010 --> 0:17:14.850 good night's sleep versus a bad night sleep and how 0:17:14.890 --> 0:17:18.570 they show up, particularly to the ones that we're closest with, 0:17:18.650 --> 0:17:21.570 like our loved ones. Unfortunately the ones that cop it 0:17:21.570 --> 0:17:23.290 the most, followed by the people that we work with 0:17:23.330 --> 0:17:27.250 because we spend so much time there. Highlights the importance 0:17:27.290 --> 0:17:31.210 of prioritizing your sleep and really wanting to do something 0:17:31.250 --> 0:17:32.010 to improve it. 0:17:32.210 --> 0:17:34.490 And I think as well, like a really common time 0:17:35.050 --> 0:17:37.970 is when people have new babies. That's when you're most 0:17:38.010 --> 0:17:38.930 sleep deprived. 0:17:39.250 --> 0:17:42.770 Definitely. I think as women, we go through so many 0:17:42.810 --> 0:17:47.490 different hormonal changes that yes, really can impact our sleep. 0:17:47.650 --> 0:17:51.730 Pregnancy is one, being a new mother is another. But 0:17:51.890 --> 0:17:55.650 even on a monthly basis, with our hormonal cycle, as women, 0:17:56.170 --> 0:17:59.730 we actually need twenty minutes more sleep than men. Do 0:17:59.770 --> 0:18:03.010 we get that probably not. Do we need it, Yes, 0:18:03.090 --> 0:18:06.290 we do. When you look at PMS, for example, the 0:18:06.330 --> 0:18:08.770 symptoms are quite similar to someone that hasn't had a 0:18:08.770 --> 0:18:09.810 good night's sleep. 0:18:09.650 --> 0:18:11.530 That just must be made twenty four to seven. 0:18:11.930 --> 0:18:14.330 We need to prioritize our sleep, whether we're alone, have 0:18:14.370 --> 0:18:14.850 a partner. 0:18:15.170 --> 0:18:16.970 This is just the most important thing. 0:18:17.330 --> 0:18:21.610 It's the foundational pillar of health and wellbeing, alongside regular 0:18:21.650 --> 0:18:26.050 exercise and balance nutrition. We know so much about exercise 0:18:26.090 --> 0:18:29.890 and its benefits on our health physically, mentally, emotionally, as 0:18:29.930 --> 0:18:32.970 well as how important it is to eat a balanced diet. 0:18:33.050 --> 0:18:36.690 When it comes to sleep, however, what is good sleep 0:18:36.970 --> 0:18:39.450 and how do I get it? And the fact that 0:18:40.010 --> 0:18:43.650 how well we sleep directly impacts how we look, how 0:18:43.690 --> 0:18:46.730 we feel, and how we perform. We should really start 0:18:46.770 --> 0:18:49.890 with a sleep routine rather than introducing a new gym 0:18:49.970 --> 0:18:52.810 routine or starting a new diet. 0:18:53.050 --> 0:18:57.170 I have melatonin each night? Is that bad? 0:18:57.610 --> 0:19:00.450 Yeah? So melotonin it's a hormone that's naturally produced in 0:19:00.490 --> 0:19:03.130 the body, but it's only produced once there's darkness. So 0:19:03.490 --> 0:19:05.490 when we wake up in the morning, you open your eyes, 0:19:05.770 --> 0:19:09.570 light hits your brain, the melotonin production stops. Now we've 0:19:09.610 --> 0:19:14.130 introduced into the bedrooms things like TVs and phones and 0:19:14.250 --> 0:19:18.010 tablets and laptops, and that light, that blue light in 0:19:18.050 --> 0:19:23.210 particular that's coming from devices and screens suppresses the production 0:19:23.250 --> 0:19:26.810 of melatonin. So when doing that, particularly in the hour 0:19:26.850 --> 0:19:30.970 before bedtime, you're literally suppressing a normal bodily function that 0:19:31.050 --> 0:19:34.210 should be happening. Honestly, it is the simplest tip, but 0:19:34.290 --> 0:19:36.850