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Speaker 1: You're listening to a Muma Mia podcast. Mumma Mea acknowledges

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Speaker 1: the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast

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Speaker 1: is recorded on.

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Speaker 2: Hi.

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Speaker 1: I'm Claire Murphy. This is Mumma MEA's twice daily news podcast,

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Speaker 1: The Quickie. In September twenty twenty three, we're a bit

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Speaker 1: shocked to hear that Hugh Jackman and Debraly Finess were separating.

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Speaker 1: They seem to be like a Hollywood success storier partnership

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Speaker 1: that we could rely on as something real, But like

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Speaker 1: anyone's relationship that isn't your own, we can never tell

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Speaker 1: what's going on behind closed married doors, and so the

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Speaker 1: pair parted. Now, more than a year later, Hugh is

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Speaker 1: dating Sutton Foster, a former stage colleague who he has

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Speaker 1: a long history with, and many are wondering what is

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Speaker 1: it like to get back out there after divorce. Today

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Speaker 1: we speak to an expert about looking for love after

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Speaker 1: the turmoil of separation and divorce, how to navigate it

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Speaker 1: later in life, and why some choose to never dip

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Speaker 1: atoe in ever again. But first, here's a from the

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Speaker 1: QUICKI newsroom, Thursday, January sixteenth. Several officials linked to the

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Speaker 1: ongoing negotiations between Hamas and Israel have claimed both sides

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Speaker 1: have agreed to a cease fire. The exact details of

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Speaker 1: the deal are yet to be revealed, but also say

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Speaker 1: it will, at least after fifteen months of the deadliest

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Speaker 1: conflict between the two sides in history, lead to a

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Speaker 1: pause in fighting. The plan still needs to be approved

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Speaker 1: by Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Nettnahu's security Cabinet and then

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Speaker 1: his full cabinet, who are likely to agree to it

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Speaker 1: so long as Netanya who does. The deal will also

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Speaker 1: include the return of all or some of the more

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Speaker 1: than one hundred hostages still being held in Gaza after

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Speaker 1: being taken by Hamas in the October seven terror attack.

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Speaker 1: The three phase agreement will likely begin with the release

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Speaker 1: of hundreds of Palestinian women and children imprisoned in Israel.

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Speaker 1: Soldiers and older men may be released in further phases

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Speaker 1: of the ceasefire agreement. Prime Minister Anthony Albnizi will have

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Speaker 1: the opportunity to change up his ministry ahead of the

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Speaker 1: federal election, with retiring NDIS Minister Bill Shorten deciding to

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Speaker 1: quit politics a week earlier than expected. Shorten will now

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Speaker 1: take up a role as Vice Chancellor of the University

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Speaker 1: of Canberra, while the PM looks to switch up the

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Speaker 1: cabinet roles. Amanda Rishworth, the current Social Services Minister, looks

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Speaker 1: likely to take on the NDIS portfolio, while Finance Minister

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Speaker 1: Katie Gallagher will add centling to her duties and Ali

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Speaker 1: will become the Junior Disability Minister. Australians are set to

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Speaker 1: head to the polls any time between now and May seventeen.

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Speaker 1: A sixteen year old boy has died after consuming a

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Speaker 1: lethal amount of alcohol on Christmas Day, in an example

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Speaker 1: of Australia's toxic drinking culture. The boy's mother said he'd

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Speaker 1: been given some drinks to consume over the summer holidays

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Speaker 1: despite being underage, which he then insisted on bringing to

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Speaker 1: Christmas lunch despite her pleas to leave some behind. The boy,

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Speaker 1: who cannot be named due to his age, then proceeded

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Speaker 1: to scull up to seven vodka cruises before lunch, his

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Speaker 1: cousin saying that after throwing up, he explained it was

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Speaker 1: a tactical vomit to set himself up for more drinking. Later,

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Speaker 1: relatives believe he continued to shotgun alcohol and sneak drinks

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Speaker 1: from the eskis before passing out on the lawn. He

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Speaker 1: was placed on a couch to sleep it off, where

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Speaker 1: his uncle found him the next morning, gray and foaming

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Speaker 1: at the mouth. Scans at the hospital showed he was

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Speaker 1: brain dead. Coroner Catherine Fitzgerald said an ambulance should have

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Speaker 1: been called when he lost consciousness, and that his death

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Speaker 1: is not only a stark reminder of the dangers of

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Speaker 1: encouraging miners to consume alcohol, but also that it could

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Speaker 1: have been prevented at several stages had a responsible adult

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Speaker 1: taken charge. Impeach South Korean President yunsukyoel has been arrested

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Speaker 1: and questioned after a week's long standoff with authorities. MPs

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Speaker 1: voted to impeach the president and strip him of his

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Speaker 1: duties after his short lived December three declaration of martial law.

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Speaker 1: Yun then remained hold up in his hillside residence, guarded

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Speaker 1: by security staff who blocked any attempts to arrest him.

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Speaker 1: After more than three thousand police officers marched on his

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Speaker 1: residence before dawn on Wednesday, he then turned himself in

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Speaker 1: for questioning at the corruption investigation offices. Yun claims the

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Speaker 1: investigation easy illegal, but that he handed himself in to

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Speaker 1: prevent unsavory bloodshed. He's now refusing to talk and has

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Speaker 1: not consented to having any interviews recorded on video. That's

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Speaker 1: what's happening in the world today.

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Speaker 3: Next.

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Speaker 1: Dating after divorce, so advice for those who were stepping

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Speaker 1: out after the marriage is over. When Cassandra decided to

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Speaker 1: get back into dating after separating from her husband, she

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Speaker 1: decided to try on a few men for size. She

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Speaker 1: kept a short log of those experiences and it's well,

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Speaker 1: we'll let you decide for yourself.

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Speaker 4: Tom fifty couldn't get it up and sent me fake

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Speaker 4: flowers to work, told me he had herpes. After the fact,

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Speaker 4: Dr Adam forty shocking sleep apnea. I had to sleep

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Speaker 4: in another room with his poodle. Jim thirty five learning

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Speaker 4: the piano, did a keyboard concert for me. Then he

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Speaker 4: got locked out of his house and had a panic attack,

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Speaker 4: so I broke in for him and calmed him down.

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Speaker 4: Dan thirty caught a blue tongue lizard and played with

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Speaker 4: it for ages whilst on our date. Tim hit on

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Speaker 4: me while at the pool on holiday at the Gold Coast.

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Speaker 4: He had viagra and coke in his kitchen. Told me

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Speaker 4: he was separated, but I later saw on social media

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Speaker 4: they're very much married. Phil forty has PTSD from the Army,

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Speaker 4: obsessed with butt stuff and he could only climax if

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Speaker 4: I told him I wanted him to come in my mouth.

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Speaker 4: John thirty five won't have sex on weekdays, just wants

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Speaker 4: to sleep over and cuddle. Won't show his body, asks

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Speaker 4: for permission to come. James thirty met at a wedding.

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Speaker 4: He bit my volver and gave me a hickey on

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Speaker 4: my neck. Has a successful podcast, Absolute Douche. Bill sixty five.

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Speaker 4: He DMed me and informed me I was going to

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Speaker 4: have a drink with him. Gross Leon thirty eight, an engineer.

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Speaker 4: I met him at a work conference. He just hopped

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Speaker 4: into my car at the end of the day as

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Speaker 4: I was leaving and told me we were going for

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Speaker 4: a drink, then proceeded to spam me on LinkedIn. Ted

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Speaker 4: twenty five we go to the same gym. He leaves

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Speaker 4: bait goods and notes on the bonnet of my car

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Speaker 4: when I'm working out. Milf Fetish never went there, but

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Speaker 4: he's incessant.

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Speaker 1: For Donna Marie, the online dating space really wasn't for her.

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Speaker 1: She felt it was too hard to really get to

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Speaker 1: know someone properly. She put herself out there and after

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Speaker 1: a bit of a rocky start, found her second chance love.

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Speaker 3: I dated all the dicks in the world. When I

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Speaker 3: say dicks, I mean idiots, and I actually put myself

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Speaker 3: through a lot of pain in all honesty, but I

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Speaker 3: cud have a lot of great sex, and I always

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Speaker 3: wanted to meet the love of my life and I

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Speaker 3: never gave up on that. I had to kind of

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Speaker 3: shift who I was dating and revamped that a little bit.

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Speaker 3: And once I did that, I had this big moment

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Speaker 3: sorry oprah aha, moment of like what I was chasing

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Speaker 3: versus what I deserved, and and every turd that came

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Speaker 3: my way I was able to say fuck off. Was

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Speaker 3: really interesting heading into my forties, like a lot of

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Speaker 3: the guys my age didn't want to date me because

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Speaker 3: I was too old.

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Speaker 2: What the fuck?

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Speaker 3: Then I'm asarchic and I did a reading for this

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Speaker 3: guy and long story short, he's my now brother in law.

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Speaker 3: So he introduced me to my husband. But that was

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Speaker 3: like five years later because I went off and moved

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Speaker 3: to Melbourne and now it came back and then Mike

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Speaker 3: my now husband said to his brother ring Dona Marine,

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Speaker 3: say that all the things that happened in the reading

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Speaker 3: came true. We became friends. He didn't even know I

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Speaker 3: liked him. I say to the girls, now, let go

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Speaker 3: of the rule book, Let go of all the bullshit

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Speaker 3: you've been learned about Danny. If you want to ask

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Speaker 3: them out, empower yourself and ask them out and get

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Speaker 3: to know them. Take your time. I was just mates

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Speaker 3: with my now husband for a year, and I really

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Speaker 3: wanted to have sex with him, but I just thought

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Speaker 3: I'm sick of fucking things up. So a year later,

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Speaker 3: I shaved my fan. He got the dress on all

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Speaker 3: of that New Year's Eve because he's a muso bass player.

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Speaker 3: How fucking hot is that? And can I just say

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Speaker 3: he's seven years younger than me. And I thought he

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Speaker 3: was going to ask me out New Year's Eve and

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Speaker 3: I was going to have a happy New Year. I didn't.

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Speaker 3: He went home and I'm like, what the fuck? And

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Speaker 3: then his brothers rang me three weeks later into January

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Speaker 3: and said, what's going on with Mike? And I said,

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Speaker 3: he's not into me and they said he goes. He's

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Speaker 3: really shy, you know. He doesn't even know you like him.

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Speaker 3: He told Michael liked him. We're in school again. And

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Speaker 3: then Mike rang me straight away and asked me out,

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Speaker 3: and of course I let it go to voicemail to

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Speaker 3: hear his voice. I was in love with Mike before

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Speaker 3: I dated him, and we moved in pretty much straight

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Speaker 3: away three months in, got married within two years. Don't

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Speaker 3: have kids, can't have kids. But yeah, we're celebrating ten

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Speaker 3: years marriage this year, twelve years together. You know, get

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Speaker 3: to know them in person.

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Speaker 1: For Brin, she feels like dating in your fifties and beyond.

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Speaker 1: It's not really comparable to your thirties and forties.

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Speaker 5: I think the dating experience for older wills is vastly different.

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Speaker 5: Often these women have had their families and may have

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Speaker 5: grown up kids, or be empty nesters and not looking

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Speaker 5: for a father, marriage or cohabitation. This raises a very

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Speaker 5: different mindset and approaches to dating and often looking for

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Speaker 5: different qualities. This is often not addressed with dating advice.

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Speaker 1: The rate of divorces granted in Australia in twenty twenty

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Speaker 1: three was actually slightly lower than the year before, but

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Speaker 1: still forty eight thousand, seven hundred couples split that year,

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Speaker 1: with the median age of those divorces creeping upwards now

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Speaker 1: at forty seven for men and forty four for women.

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Speaker 1: Dating apps, of course, have become the go to platform

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Speaker 1: for divorced singles seeking new connections, but for an alarming number,

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Speaker 1: the use of these apps doesn't begin after the separation,

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Speaker 1: with thirty percent of people admitting to using dating apps

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Speaker 1: while still connected with their partner, with men being particularly

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Speaker 1: active at forty six percent. However, for those genuinely seeking

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Speaker 1: love after divorce, did platforms offer unprecedented opportunities to meet

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Speaker 1: compatible partners. Research also indicates that divorces typically re enter

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Speaker 1: serious relationships within three years of their divorce. Many experts

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Speaker 1: suggest the success stems from divorces being more self aware

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Speaker 1: and a lot clearer about what they want in a partner. So,

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Speaker 1: if you are on the other side of a marriage

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Speaker 1: and you're keen to get back out there, doctor Love

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Speaker 1: is a relationship expert, and today we are going to

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Speaker 1: pick her brain. Soldia Love. The first question we've heard

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Speaker 1: many people ask when we broach this topic with them

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Speaker 1: is how do you actually know that you're ready to

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Speaker 1: date again? And are there any warning signs that maybe

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Speaker 1: we're not.

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Speaker 2: You never are ready to date again.

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Speaker 6: It's about taking the risk, especially when you've been in

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Speaker 6: a relationship. Some of us have stayed in a relationship

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Speaker 6: for a long time and we've hit a comfort zone

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Speaker 6: where we stay.

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Speaker 2: We probably shouldn't, but we're very comfortable.

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Speaker 6: So coming out into the dating game pheels daunting, can

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Speaker 6: feel excited as well. It's like joining Jim, that feeling

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Speaker 6: of Oh, I don't want to do it, but I should,

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Speaker 6: And the first few times are really awkward, and then

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Speaker 6: you find momentum. Some of the red flags that you're

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Speaker 6: not ready is that you're still quite emotionally charged over

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Speaker 6: your separation or your divorce, which means you're still in

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Speaker 6: a space of crying figling fluttered around the experience of

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Speaker 6: the divorce, letting go of the relationship. That could be

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Speaker 6: quite hard to try and connect with someone when you're

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Speaker 6: still in that space.

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Speaker 1: The next question we get asked quite a bit is

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Speaker 1: how on earth do you adjust to modern day dating?

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Speaker 1: Because there are people who are back out in the

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Speaker 1: world who dated pre dating apps, maybe even pre smartphones.

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Speaker 1: It is a whole new world out there, sometimes looking

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Speaker 1: like they're seemingly endless. Choice or no choice at all,

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Speaker 1: depending on which way you want to look at it.

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Speaker 1: How do we adjust to modern day dating?

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Speaker 6: Well, the first thing you've got to do is know

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Speaker 6: what you want. Modern day dating is quite specific. You

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Speaker 6: can sort of put a bio up there and sort

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Speaker 6: of swipe that's white, right, depending on what you're looking for.

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Speaker 6: So if you don't know what you're looking for, you

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Speaker 6: are going to feel super overwhelmed in that space. So

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Speaker 6: do you want something casual, do you want a committed relationship?

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Speaker 6: Do you just want friendship or companionship? You've got to

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Speaker 6: be really honest about what you want before you go

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Speaker 6: out in the dating game. You probably need to look

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Speaker 6: at setting boundaries.

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Speaker 2: You've also been in.

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Speaker 6: A previous relationship where probably involved unhealthy dynamics in the relationship,

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Speaker 6: hence why the divorce. So this is a really good

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Speaker 6: time for you to set boundaries for any relationship that

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Speaker 6: you're going to go into or any type of dating.

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Speaker 2: So what are you willing to accept in the dating game?

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Speaker 6: And these are things that you're not conscious of or

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Speaker 6: you probably don't do as you're entering in a dating

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Speaker 6: field as a twenty five year old and then you

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Speaker 6: come out of a relationship after twenty years and you're

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Speaker 6: forty five and you're like, shit, like, what are my boundaries?

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Speaker 6: I don't know what they were, I've never set them.

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Speaker 6: So my advice would be to start slow. If you're

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Speaker 6: getting into online dating, don't put too much pressure on yourself.

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Speaker 6: Start with casual conversations, enjoy meeting new people. Just remember

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Speaker 6: that the perfect match isn't always the first person you're

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Speaker 6: going to find, so I think your expectation needs to

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Speaker 6: be adjusted.

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Speaker 2: Just go out there and have some fun.

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Speaker 6: Basically, my motto to all of my clients is get curious.

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Speaker 2: Just get curious.

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Speaker 6: About people, get to know people, because when you start

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Speaker 6: to get to know other people in the dating game,

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Speaker 6: you actually also start to learn a lot about yourself.

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Speaker 6: What is it that I enjoy and what I don't

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Speaker 6: enjoy anymore?

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Speaker 2: Who am I?

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Speaker 1: A lot of the feedback that we got when we

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Speaker 1: asked for advice for people who'd actually been there and

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Speaker 1: done that was that you need to be right with

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Speaker 1: yourself before you go out searching for a significant other

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Speaker 1: because for a lot of people, you come out looking

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Speaker 1: very different, feeling very different. You're older, maybe you're wiser,

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Speaker 1: but maybe you feel like your body is not what

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Speaker 1: it was in it's twenty So a lot of people

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Speaker 1: said that it's really important to get right with yourself

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Speaker 1: and be healthy and happy with yourself before you start

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Speaker 1: looking for someone else.

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Speaker 6: I do think it's very important to take some time

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Speaker 6: to heal after a separation or a divorce, So rushing

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Speaker 6: into dating too quickly can be a way of avoiding

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Speaker 6: emotional pain. It is essential to give yourself time to heal,

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Speaker 6: reflect and really rediscover sort of some of the things

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Speaker 6: that you like and who you are as an individual

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Speaker 6: outside of a relationship. You've been in what we would

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Speaker 6: say maybe a long term relationship, so you've only got

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Speaker 6: to know yourself as a person in that relationship. So

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Speaker 6: now it's like, right, I'm not part of that relationship,

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Speaker 6: who am I? So it's okay to be alone for

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Speaker 6: a while. There's this self love and acceptance that's really

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Speaker 6: crucial before maybe welcoming someone else. But you don't have

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Speaker 6: to be perfect, and you don't have to have it

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Speaker 6: all together or have all the answers. That's a lot

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Speaker 6: of pressure, and I'll tell you why. Sometimes people feel

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Speaker 6: like they've got to work on this themselves before they

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Speaker 6: move on or they have a relationship. Fortunately, when you

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Speaker 6: work on yourself by yourself, a lot of stuff doesn't

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Speaker 6: come up. It's when you're in a relationship that your

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Speaker 6: stuff comes up. It's the other person that actually pushes

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Speaker 6: your boundaries or sets your triggers off, and it gives

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Speaker 6: you an opportunity to work on them. But if you

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Speaker 6: don't have someone in a relationship with, if you're not

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Speaker 6: with anyone, you don't get to discover what those things are.

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Speaker 6: So although you might feel healed when you enter a relationship,

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Speaker 6: there are going to be things that trigger you that

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Speaker 6: you thought you were healed on and you're not.

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Speaker 2: But it takes the relationship to bring them up.

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Speaker 1: Can we talk about that idea of rushing into it,

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Speaker 1: because some of the commentary around dating after divorce is

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Speaker 1: about how quickly someone seems to move on or not

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Speaker 1: move on, And I guess the reality is you're not

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Speaker 1: in someone else's marriage, so that marriage might have essentially

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Speaker 1: been over for years before that person officially separates, So

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Speaker 1: for them, it doesn't feel like it's too soon to

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Speaker 1: move on. And there are others who feel like they

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Speaker 1: really need to leave that time after divorce for themselves

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Speaker 1: in order to kind of get their ducks in a

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Speaker 1: row and figure out what they want. How do you

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Speaker 1: have a conversation with someone who might tell you they

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Speaker 1: think you've moved on too quickly.

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Speaker 6: I don't even know if it's their place to have

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Speaker 6: a judgment around anyone's sort of timeline on how they've

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Speaker 6: moved on. Like you said, quite often when I see

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Speaker 6: people that are going through a separation or in a

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Speaker 6: relationship where they feel like they're already starting to move

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Speaker 6: out of the relationship, particularly women, they tend to mourn

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Speaker 6: the relationship while they're in it. And so you'll speak

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Speaker 6: to women after they've left a relationship and they'll say,

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Speaker 6: you know, I checked out about two years ago, or

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Speaker 6: I've been emotionally separating myself. I've felt divorce in this

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Speaker 6: relationship for the last two or three years. It's only

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Speaker 6: now that I've taken the action steps or I've physically

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Speaker 6: moved out of the relationship. So I think while they

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Speaker 6: could mean well, I think you've moved on too quickly,

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Speaker 6: we could definitely say, look, appreciate your concern, but for me,

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Speaker 6: this feels right and.

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Speaker 2: This is what I feel I need to do, they can't.

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Speaker 6: Really say that that's wrong, can they unless they're going

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Speaker 6: to gaslight your opinion or what you feel is right

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Speaker 6: for your relationship. But definitely it's putting them in the

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Speaker 6: place of thank you for that comment, but for me,

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Speaker 6: this is the right thing for me.

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Speaker 2: And who's going to argue if you think that's the

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Speaker 2: right thing.

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Speaker 1: I'd love to know if you agree with this or not.

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Speaker 1: But we've received a lot of stories from people who

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Speaker 1: have been dating post divorce, and admittedly they've all come

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Speaker 1: from women, but it seems there's a bit of a

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Speaker 1: trend between the women and the men who are dating

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Speaker 1: out there after divorce, and it seems very much highlighted

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Speaker 1: when you read the stories of how men have been

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Speaker 1: behaving in this space, because it seems like maybe there

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Speaker 1: is a certain element of letting go and setting yourself

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Speaker 1: free and going a little bit wild, and maybe that

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Speaker 1: comes from years of i don't know, having to suppress

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Speaker 1: certain things within a marriage because you weren't compatible with

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Speaker 1: your partner about that, whether that be sexually or a men,

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Speaker 1: and so they kind of just let it all go

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Speaker 1: and it gets a little bit weird, or there's the

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Speaker 1: other side where they are so unsure of themselves now

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Speaker 1: that they still haven't quite figured out how to people

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Speaker 1: again back out in the dating world. Do you think

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Speaker 1: that's the case where you find people are kind of

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Speaker 1: two ends of a spectrum.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely.

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Speaker 6: What you do find, though, is that men and women

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Speaker 6: do divorce quite different. You will find that men tend

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Speaker 6: to move on to dating a little bit quicker after

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Speaker 6: divorce than women, and a lot of the time it's

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Speaker 6: because men are not equipped with the toolbox to deal

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Speaker 6: with the emotional gaps that they've got, so they go

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Speaker 6: on to dating to fill those gaps and find companionship,

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Speaker 6: but they may not always process the emotional fallouts from

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Speaker 6: their relationships fully before entering relationships, whereas women are more

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Speaker 6: likely to take the time to reflect and heal before

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Speaker 6: dating again. And we as women often seek support from

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Speaker 6: friends or family, or we go to therapy and we're

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Speaker 6: happy to do that, whereas men they feel like.

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Speaker 2: There's a social expectation that they should just get.

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Speaker 6: Back out there and start dating, whereas women approach dating

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Speaker 6: a little.

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Speaker 2: Bit more cautiously after divorce. So you tend to have people,

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Speaker 2: whether it's.

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Speaker 6: Men or women, that may go out and go I

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Speaker 6: have been in a relationship and I've felt trapped or

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Speaker 6: felt suppressed, and I'm going out to live my life

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Speaker 6: and they go through this few years of craziness. But

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Speaker 6: that again is just literally acting out and filling in

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Speaker 6: emotional gap that was not served in the relationship. There's

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Speaker 6: still some work to do if you're going from one

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Speaker 6: extreme or the other. What it shows is that you're

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Speaker 6: not healing and you're reacting to the divorce or the

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Speaker 6: separation in a way that you think serves you, and

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Speaker 6: you're seeing it in your behavior.

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Speaker 2: So there's some work to do.

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Speaker 6: If you're doing anything in any extreme, it shows that

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Speaker 6: hang on a minute, this is a red flag around

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Speaker 6: why am I doing so much of this going out?

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Speaker 6: Why am I sleeping with so many people? Why am

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Speaker 6: I not getting out of the house? And I'm a

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Speaker 6: recluse and I'm hiding. So anything that extreme shows you

401
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Speaker 6: need some help after love.

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Speaker 1: What advice do you have for people who are back

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Speaker 1: out in the dating world post breakup who also have

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Speaker 1: family to consider That might be younger children, it might

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Speaker 1: be older grown children, It might be ex's who are

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Speaker 1: still playing a you know, significant role in that person's life. Like,

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Speaker 1: what advice do you have for people to navigate the

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Speaker 1: fact that they have this whole life still happening while

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Speaker 1: still trying to create a new one.

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Speaker 6: It's difficult because I particularly see this in women, is

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Speaker 6: that there's this prective factor around children and you know,

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Speaker 6: I want to date, but the children are a priority.

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Speaker 6: And then there's also underlying social expectation of what a

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Speaker 6: mother is and how they should act. And if you've

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Speaker 6: got adult children, particularly if you're a mother and you've

416
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Speaker 6: got boys, there is a time type of dance between

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Speaker 6: still showing up as a mother but also having this

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Speaker 6: life as an individual and as a woman, and how

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Speaker 6: do you not bring that into the house and how

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Speaker 6: do you not change up the dynamic at home.

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Speaker 2: So the adjustment is quite important.

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Speaker 6: And with children, it's really important to involve them positively

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Speaker 6: in your not necessarily your dating because that's probably something

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Speaker 6: you keep to yourself, but more so, if you find

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Speaker 6: a relationship and a new partner, you should only be

426
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Speaker 6: introducing them to make sure they feel secure when that

427
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Speaker 6: relationship you think.

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Speaker 2: Is going to be a serious relationship.

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Speaker 6: What we see is that when women or men are

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Speaker 6: bringing in several different types of people in the home

431
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Speaker 6: or having a changeover in relationships, there's a very unsettled

432
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Speaker 6: feeling in the home and the children feel like a

433
00:22:00,534 --> 00:22:01,814
Speaker 6: little bit displaced in.

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Speaker 2: The dynamic of the relationship.

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Speaker 6: So I would say, go out and do your adult life,

436
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Speaker 6: keep it to yourself for a little while, to you

437
00:22:10,054 --> 00:22:12,294
Speaker 6: sort of you know, if you're ready to meet someone

438
00:22:12,334 --> 00:22:15,574
Speaker 6: and you're ready to have a meaningful relationship, involve the

439
00:22:15,654 --> 00:22:16,254
Speaker 6: children and.

440
00:22:16,214 --> 00:22:18,334
Speaker 2: Have a conversation. Don't hide it from them.

441
00:22:18,694 --> 00:22:21,254
Speaker 6: Let them know that you are out there and you

442
00:22:21,334 --> 00:22:23,814
Speaker 6: are interested in having someone come into your life and

443
00:22:23,854 --> 00:22:27,534
Speaker 6: have love again, so that they are not taken back

444
00:22:27,654 --> 00:22:30,654
Speaker 6: by seeing you or hearing you being with somebody.

445
00:22:31,294 --> 00:22:34,294
Speaker 1: Just finally, what advice do you have for women who

446
00:22:34,374 --> 00:22:37,454
Speaker 1: might be coming out of a relationship and are much older,

447
00:22:37,454 --> 00:22:40,374
Speaker 1: maybe they're in their sixties or seventies, because you know,

448
00:22:40,454 --> 00:22:42,534
Speaker 1: great divorce has been on the rise in the past

449
00:22:42,534 --> 00:22:45,334
Speaker 1: few years across Australia. So what advice do you have

450
00:22:45,374 --> 00:22:47,574
Speaker 1: to someone who might be stepping out into this world,

451
00:22:48,174 --> 00:22:50,334
Speaker 1: who might have been married for fifty years or sixty

452
00:22:50,414 --> 00:22:53,294
Speaker 1: years and are now coming out and seeing the world

453
00:22:53,374 --> 00:22:55,254
Speaker 1: from a different perspective for the first time in a

454
00:22:55,254 --> 00:22:55,734
Speaker 1: long time.

455
00:22:56,214 --> 00:22:59,294
Speaker 6: It really does depend on what their relationship was like,

456
00:22:59,734 --> 00:23:02,054
Speaker 6: particularly women that are in a relationship for a long

457
00:23:02,094 --> 00:23:05,254
Speaker 6: time and they're coming out at sixty or sixty five

458
00:23:05,334 --> 00:23:08,574
Speaker 6: years old, some of those women are actually just craving

459
00:23:09,254 --> 00:23:12,574
Speaker 6: a lot own time. They've given up so much time

460
00:23:13,214 --> 00:23:16,454
Speaker 6: in a relationship that no longer served them, and it

461
00:23:16,494 --> 00:23:19,054
Speaker 6: may have been a long time because they were the

462
00:23:19,134 --> 00:23:22,454
Speaker 6: type of women that you just got married and you stayed.

463
00:23:22,894 --> 00:23:25,334
Speaker 6: You know, it is a different type of cultural expectation

464
00:23:25,534 --> 00:23:27,694
Speaker 6: for them when they were getting into marriage, and so

465
00:23:27,934 --> 00:23:30,214
Speaker 6: they stayed in a relationship because that's what you did.

466
00:23:30,774 --> 00:23:33,694
Speaker 6: There's a very big emotional adjustment for them. They've had

467
00:23:33,774 --> 00:23:37,494
Speaker 6: decades of marriage and an emotional bond, whether it was

468
00:23:37,574 --> 00:23:41,214
Speaker 6: good emotions or bad emotions, They've had routines that are

469
00:23:41,254 --> 00:23:45,014
Speaker 6: deeply ingrained in them. So adjusting to life without a

470
00:23:45,094 --> 00:23:49,134
Speaker 6: long term partner, there is deep feelings of loss or

471
00:23:49,174 --> 00:23:52,454
Speaker 6: loneliness or maybe the fear of unknown. Okay, So there

472
00:23:52,494 --> 00:23:55,214
Speaker 6: is a mix of empowerment I've made a decision to

473
00:23:55,254 --> 00:23:58,014
Speaker 6: not do this at that age, but there's also a

474
00:23:58,054 --> 00:24:01,814
Speaker 6: feeling of grief and you know, there's a few concerns

475
00:24:01,814 --> 00:24:04,254
Speaker 6: that come up with these women, and one of them's

476
00:24:04,294 --> 00:24:05,374
Speaker 6: financial concerns.

477
00:24:05,814 --> 00:24:07,414
Speaker 2: What do I do? How do I do this?

478
00:24:08,054 --> 00:24:11,014
Speaker 6: Was that woman involved in the relationship financially or were

479
00:24:11,014 --> 00:24:15,014
Speaker 6: they not? How financially in tune or adept are they

480
00:24:15,134 --> 00:24:18,374
Speaker 6: can they make those decisions. They're also from an era

481
00:24:18,534 --> 00:24:22,014
Speaker 6: where they think society has a stigma around divorce and

482
00:24:22,094 --> 00:24:25,374
Speaker 6: what that means, and they may feel like they are

483
00:24:25,494 --> 00:24:28,934
Speaker 6: too old to start fresh or to date again, and

484
00:24:29,174 --> 00:24:32,614
Speaker 6: this can affect their confidence and how they approach new

485
00:24:32,614 --> 00:24:33,414
Speaker 6: opportunities that.

486
00:24:33,414 --> 00:24:34,014
Speaker 2: Are out there.

487
00:24:34,334 --> 00:24:36,414
Speaker 6: There are also men in this age group that want

488
00:24:36,414 --> 00:24:39,414
Speaker 6: to date, you know, and women feel like, who's going

489
00:24:39,494 --> 00:24:39,854
Speaker 6: to date me?

490
00:24:39,894 --> 00:24:40,454
Speaker 2: At this age?

491
00:24:40,454 --> 00:24:42,774
Speaker 6: I think I've had my time, which is not true.

492
00:24:43,374 --> 00:24:46,014
Speaker 6: There's a lot of men that are looking for women

493
00:24:46,094 --> 00:24:50,254
Speaker 6: in this age bracket that are available to have companionship, friendship.

494
00:24:50,294 --> 00:24:52,854
Speaker 6: If you don't want a romantic relationship, that is okay.

495
00:24:52,894 --> 00:24:55,094
Speaker 6: So this is where it's really important what do I need?

496
00:24:55,134 --> 00:24:55,774
Speaker 2: What do I want?

497
00:24:56,414 --> 00:24:59,694
Speaker 6: So they really do need to rediscover their personal identity

498
00:24:59,774 --> 00:25:02,214
Speaker 6: and their passions because they've been in a relationship for

499
00:25:02,294 --> 00:25:03,734
Speaker 6: so long they're like, who am I?

500
00:25:04,534 --> 00:25:06,934
Speaker 2: So there is an opportunity.

501
00:25:06,334 --> 00:25:10,534
Speaker 6: To date and I think, just like anyone else, your time,

502
00:25:11,094 --> 00:25:14,054
Speaker 6: just reflect on what it is that you want learn

503
00:25:14,094 --> 00:25:16,494
Speaker 6: from some of the mistakes in the relationship that you did,

504
00:25:16,614 --> 00:25:20,174
Speaker 6: but don't go out into the dating field comparing everybody

505
00:25:20,614 --> 00:25:22,534
Speaker 6: to that relationship, because that's.

506
00:25:22,414 --> 00:25:23,254
Speaker 2: Going to be unfair.

507
00:25:25,374 --> 00:25:28,174
Speaker 1: For those contemplating re entering the dating scene after divorce,

508
00:25:28,254 --> 00:25:32,614
Speaker 1: remember there is no universally agreed timeline for finding love again.

509
00:25:33,054 --> 00:25:36,214
Speaker 1: Their focus is just now on you. Good luck out there,

510
00:25:36,254 --> 00:25:39,014
Speaker 1: and hopefully, in bronze words, you don't have to date

511
00:25:39,094 --> 00:25:41,574
Speaker 1: too many dicks before you find either that's someone to

512
00:25:41,574 --> 00:25:44,254
Speaker 1: share your time with. Well you decide solo life is

513
00:25:44,294 --> 00:25:47,214
Speaker 1: the better option for you. Thanks for taking the time

514
00:25:47,214 --> 00:25:49,214
Speaker 1: to feed your mind with us today. The quickie is

515
00:25:49,254 --> 00:25:52,494
Speaker 1: produced by me Claire Murphy and our executive producer Taylor Strano,

516
00:25:52,774 --> 00:25:54,814
Speaker 1: with audio production by t Siegen Sadler.