1 00:00:21,290 --> 00:00:21,610 Speaker 1: So much. 2 00:00:21,650 --> 00:00:26,450 Speaker 2: You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges 3 00:00:26,530 --> 00:00:29,370 Speaker 2: the traditional owners of the land. We have recorded this 4 00:00:29,450 --> 00:00:33,610 Speaker 2: podcast on the Gadigul people of the Eora Nation. We 5 00:00:33,650 --> 00:00:36,770 Speaker 2: pay our respects to their elders past and present and 6 00:00:36,850 --> 00:00:41,170 Speaker 2: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander cultures. 7 00:00:41,530 --> 00:00:44,170 Speaker 3: Hello help, I have a teenager listeners. My name is 8 00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:47,730 Speaker 3: Grace Rufray. I'm the producer of Mamma MIA's parenting podcast, 9 00:00:47,810 --> 00:00:51,010 Speaker 3: This Glorious Mess. I'm dropping into your ears to let 10 00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:53,370 Speaker 3: you know about a new podcast offering that we have 11 00:00:53,530 --> 00:00:55,850 Speaker 3: just launched, and it's called Little Love Stories. 12 00:00:56,530 --> 00:00:58,010 Speaker 1: Little Love Stories. 13 00:00:57,730 --> 00:01:00,970 Speaker 3: Is an open hearted interview with someone who has some 14 00:01:01,130 --> 00:01:04,890 Speaker 3: love to share, whether it's about a person, an object, 15 00:01:05,370 --> 00:01:09,490 Speaker 3: or an event. Little Love Stories explores gratitude through written 16 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,490 Speaker 3: form first and then in the form of a love letter, 17 00:01:12,730 --> 00:01:15,970 Speaker 3: and that letter becomes a heartfelt conversation. And there's such 18 00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:17,850 Speaker 3: a wide range of stories that we have coming up. 19 00:01:17,890 --> 00:01:21,090 Speaker 3: There's the poignant with a love letter to breast post 20 00:01:21,130 --> 00:01:24,730 Speaker 3: mistectomy stories with heart writing to a mother who's no 21 00:01:24,810 --> 00:01:27,890 Speaker 3: longer with us and pivoting a full one eighty two. 22 00:01:27,930 --> 00:01:30,410 Speaker 3: Some silliness sharing a love letter to a therma mix 23 00:01:30,530 --> 00:01:34,610 Speaker 3: for making parenting just that little bit easier. It shows 24 00:01:34,610 --> 00:01:37,250 Speaker 3: that the world is full of so many little moments 25 00:01:37,250 --> 00:01:39,890 Speaker 3: of love and magic, and it's just up to us 26 00:01:39,970 --> 00:01:43,490 Speaker 3: to start noticing them. The very first episode of Little 27 00:01:43,530 --> 00:01:46,170 Speaker 3: Love Stories, which you are about to hear, is from 28 00:01:46,250 --> 00:01:50,170 Speaker 3: our This Glorious Mess host, Analise Todd. Analise is a 29 00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:53,330 Speaker 3: single mother to two tween boys and it certainly hasn't 30 00:01:53,370 --> 00:01:56,330 Speaker 3: been easy for her to transition to this new lifestyle. 31 00:01:56,930 --> 00:01:59,250 Speaker 3: But she had a moment recently that gave her some 32 00:01:59,410 --> 00:02:02,770 Speaker 3: hope and even a little bit of perspective. This is 33 00:02:02,810 --> 00:02:08,210 Speaker 3: Little Love Stories by This Glorious Mess. I love you 34 00:02:09,410 --> 00:02:14,290 Speaker 3: have you live with your From Mamma Mia and This 35 00:02:14,410 --> 00:02:18,530 Speaker 3: Glorious Mess. Welcome to Little Love Stories. I'm Grace ru Ray, 36 00:02:18,650 --> 00:02:21,450 Speaker 3: the producer of This Glorious Mess, and if my voice 37 00:02:21,490 --> 00:02:24,570 Speaker 3: sounds familiar, you may have heard me on Mumma MEA's news. 38 00:02:24,330 --> 00:02:25,570 Speaker 1: Podcast, The Quickie. 39 00:02:25,810 --> 00:02:29,450 Speaker 3: As I've gotten older, I've enjoyed hearing stories about bravery. 40 00:02:29,890 --> 00:02:32,690 Speaker 3: When we're young, bravery is really only marketed to us 41 00:02:32,730 --> 00:02:35,650 Speaker 3: as physical strength or maybe standing up to the bad 42 00:02:35,650 --> 00:02:40,090 Speaker 3: guy or the bully or these sensationalized Hollywood ideas of bravery. 43 00:02:40,610 --> 00:02:44,570 Speaker 3: But with age and experience, I realized bravery comes in 44 00:02:44,690 --> 00:02:49,090 Speaker 3: many forms and unexpected moments. Our story today is our 45 00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:53,010 Speaker 3: very own host of this glorious mess. Annalise Todd, our 46 00:02:53,050 --> 00:02:56,970 Speaker 3: wise cracking and open hearted writer, podcaster and single mum 47 00:02:57,050 --> 00:02:59,770 Speaker 3: of two. There has been such a stigma for so 48 00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:04,410 Speaker 3: many years about single mums. It's portrayed us as negative. 49 00:03:04,570 --> 00:03:07,970 Speaker 4: I don't take this position lightly or responsibility lightly, to 50 00:03:08,170 --> 00:03:12,130 Speaker 4: just normalize that this is what a family can look like. 51 00:03:12,250 --> 00:03:15,330 Speaker 3: But Analie's Todd isn't just deep in the throes of parenting. 52 00:03:15,850 --> 00:03:19,010 Speaker 3: She's been demonstrating strength to her two sons in some 53 00:03:19,170 --> 00:03:22,650 Speaker 3: less obvious ways. Oh well, here's an opportunity that I 54 00:03:22,690 --> 00:03:25,050 Speaker 3: can give this to my sons. Now, I can show 55 00:03:25,090 --> 00:03:28,330 Speaker 3: them that women can be strong and brave and capable. 56 00:03:28,770 --> 00:03:31,450 Speaker 3: So I was really drawn to today's little love story 57 00:03:31,490 --> 00:03:34,290 Speaker 3: as it asked the question, how do you instill and 58 00:03:34,370 --> 00:03:38,370 Speaker 3: teach respect to people children, even when you're still learning 59 00:03:38,450 --> 00:03:39,730 Speaker 3: how to respect yourself. 60 00:03:40,530 --> 00:03:41,610 Speaker 1: But first, here's. 61 00:03:41,410 --> 00:03:45,290 Speaker 3: What a little bit of love sounds like today? 62 00:03:47,210 --> 00:03:49,490 Speaker 2: Oh my god, what's the word excellent? 63 00:03:49,570 --> 00:03:49,810 Speaker 4: Question? 64 00:03:49,850 --> 00:03:51,010 Speaker 1: I want to get my answer right. 65 00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:53,450 Speaker 3: Okay, what does love mean to you? 66 00:03:53,850 --> 00:03:54,330 Speaker 1: Safety? 67 00:03:55,050 --> 00:04:01,810 Speaker 4: Support, passion, support, adoration, comfort. 68 00:04:01,970 --> 00:04:07,650 Speaker 2: Yeah, safety, intimacy and. 69 00:04:08,850 --> 00:04:14,530 Speaker 3: Heart stressful. Interesting and I'm. 70 00:04:14,890 --> 00:04:18,850 Speaker 2: Eating sexy, communicating. 71 00:04:19,610 --> 00:04:23,410 Speaker 1: Dedication, compromise and trust. 72 00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:33,690 Speaker 3: Warm, full and safe, Anlys, I've been looking forward to 73 00:04:33,730 --> 00:04:36,930 Speaker 3: this conversation. Welcome to little love Stories. You have so 74 00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:40,010 Speaker 3: many stories, but this one, it's a pretty important one 75 00:04:40,050 --> 00:04:40,850 Speaker 3: for you right now. 76 00:04:41,090 --> 00:04:41,770 Speaker 1: Yeah, it is. 77 00:04:41,850 --> 00:04:44,370 Speaker 4: I think it's important for me and I think I 78 00:04:44,490 --> 00:04:48,970 Speaker 4: love sharing single parents stories and voices. You wanted to 79 00:04:49,050 --> 00:04:51,130 Speaker 4: redefine what it is to be a single parent, or 80 00:04:51,130 --> 00:04:53,370 Speaker 4: at least the perceived perception of what it is to 81 00:04:53,370 --> 00:04:55,770 Speaker 4: be a single parent. What do you feel like those 82 00:04:55,810 --> 00:04:58,810 Speaker 4: perceptions are. I mean, look at the fifties, they weren't 83 00:04:58,810 --> 00:05:00,970 Speaker 4: even allowed out of the house. And I think there 84 00:05:00,970 --> 00:05:05,250 Speaker 4: has been such a stigma for so many years about 85 00:05:05,570 --> 00:05:06,410 Speaker 4: single mums. 86 00:05:06,810 --> 00:05:08,130 Speaker 1: It's betrayed as negative. 87 00:05:08,330 --> 00:05:12,170 Speaker 4: And I don't take this position lightly or responsibility lightly 88 00:05:12,250 --> 00:05:16,050 Speaker 4: to just normalize that this is what a family can 89 00:05:16,090 --> 00:05:18,490 Speaker 4: look like and it's okay, And it's actually not all 90 00:05:18,530 --> 00:05:21,770 Speaker 4: doom and gloom, and it's far from it. Silver linings 91 00:05:21,810 --> 00:05:23,370 Speaker 4: to any situation in life. 92 00:05:23,450 --> 00:05:24,490 Speaker 1: So I'm just. 93 00:05:24,450 --> 00:05:26,690 Speaker 4: Happy to share it and be here with your beautiful, 94 00:05:26,770 --> 00:05:27,850 Speaker 4: soothing voice. 95 00:05:28,330 --> 00:05:31,170 Speaker 3: So your little love story essay, it's full of vivid 96 00:05:31,170 --> 00:05:34,210 Speaker 3: examples of your life as a single mum. It begins 97 00:05:34,210 --> 00:05:37,490 Speaker 3: with you describing your unique commune life as you call it. Yes, 98 00:05:37,690 --> 00:05:40,210 Speaker 3: I can confirm I have been to the commune. So 99 00:05:40,290 --> 00:05:43,770 Speaker 3: you had a moment Analie where your perspective of being 100 00:05:43,770 --> 00:05:46,290 Speaker 3: a single parent. I won't say it started to change immediately, 101 00:05:46,330 --> 00:05:49,810 Speaker 3: but it opened up the possibility for change. Can you 102 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,890 Speaker 3: taught me through that trigger point what happened and how 103 00:05:52,930 --> 00:05:54,130 Speaker 3: it started to evolve. 104 00:05:54,370 --> 00:05:55,090 Speaker 1: I had a. 105 00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:57,930 Speaker 4: Beautiful friend over who'd been a single mom for many, 106 00:05:57,930 --> 00:06:00,770 Speaker 4: many years, and she also has two sons very similar 107 00:06:00,810 --> 00:06:03,530 Speaker 4: ages to mine, and so I was very much sort 108 00:06:03,570 --> 00:06:07,490 Speaker 4: of leaning in on her because, especially in those early times, 109 00:06:07,530 --> 00:06:09,570 Speaker 4: you just lean in on other single parents because they 110 00:06:09,610 --> 00:06:10,490 Speaker 4: just get it. 111 00:06:10,490 --> 00:06:11,010 Speaker 1: It was like a. 112 00:06:10,890 --> 00:06:14,370 Speaker 4: Friday night, we'd had a commune dinner, and of course 113 00:06:14,450 --> 00:06:17,330 Speaker 4: I can never get the TV or internetworking in my house. 114 00:06:17,370 --> 00:06:20,570 Speaker 4: It's just a permanent pain point, and we were try 115 00:06:20,610 --> 00:06:24,330 Speaker 4: trying to set up the TV. It was just so frustrating, 116 00:06:24,330 --> 00:06:25,810 Speaker 4: But obviously I was trying to hide in front of 117 00:06:25,810 --> 00:06:28,930 Speaker 4: the kids and my girlfriend she was just so calm 118 00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:33,050 Speaker 4: under pressure, and her little boy, I think he would 119 00:06:33,050 --> 00:06:37,890 Speaker 4: have been gosh nine. He just said, my mum will 120 00:06:37,890 --> 00:06:42,570 Speaker 4: figure it out. She can do anything, and she did 121 00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:45,930 Speaker 4: figure it out. In that moment, I just saw this 122 00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:49,250 Speaker 4: hope for a positive that can come out of the 123 00:06:49,330 --> 00:06:53,770 Speaker 4: experience for children of divorce, because, of course, when you 124 00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:56,690 Speaker 4: have kids, and especially if you separated, the first thing 125 00:06:56,730 --> 00:06:59,530 Speaker 4: you think about is inflicting pain and trauma and how 126 00:06:59,530 --> 00:07:02,330 Speaker 4: it's going to impact them and the blueprint of their life. 127 00:07:02,450 --> 00:07:05,090 Speaker 4: But in that moment, I saw a positive from the 128 00:07:05,210 --> 00:07:09,810 Speaker 4: child's perspective of how he viewed his mum, that faith, 129 00:07:09,850 --> 00:07:13,170 Speaker 4: and how he viewed her as so strong and capable 130 00:07:13,170 --> 00:07:15,610 Speaker 4: and brave, and I thought, oh, well, here's an opportunity 131 00:07:15,610 --> 00:07:18,410 Speaker 4: that I can give this to my sons. Now I 132 00:07:18,450 --> 00:07:21,450 Speaker 4: can show them that women can be wrong and brave 133 00:07:21,490 --> 00:07:24,770 Speaker 4: and capable, and I can make them feel very connected 134 00:07:24,810 --> 00:07:27,570 Speaker 4: with women, and that's hopefully going to set them up 135 00:07:27,610 --> 00:07:31,610 Speaker 4: for relationships, whether it's romantic or any women in their lives. 136 00:07:31,730 --> 00:07:34,610 Speaker 4: I felt like, great, they can have that connection and 137 00:07:34,650 --> 00:07:35,650 Speaker 4: that respect to women. 138 00:07:35,930 --> 00:07:38,330 Speaker 3: In another part of your essay, you talk about how 139 00:07:38,330 --> 00:07:41,050 Speaker 3: you would never have chosen this life but then you 140 00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:43,890 Speaker 3: go on to speak about how it's given you identity. 141 00:07:44,090 --> 00:07:45,610 Speaker 3: Could you read that part out for us? 142 00:07:46,210 --> 00:07:50,850 Speaker 4: Yes, nobody has kids thinking they will only see them 143 00:07:50,890 --> 00:07:55,330 Speaker 4: half the time. It's incomprehensible, even nearly two years on. 144 00:07:56,330 --> 00:07:59,610 Speaker 4: I miss them when I'm not with them. It goes 145 00:07:59,650 --> 00:08:02,570 Speaker 4: against the very instinct we form from the moment they're 146 00:08:02,570 --> 00:08:07,250 Speaker 4: planked on our chest to sniff their heads and kiss 147 00:08:07,250 --> 00:08:11,050 Speaker 4: them good night every night. When I'm with them, there's 148 00:08:11,210 --> 00:08:14,010 Speaker 4: a feeling of wholeness that I don't have when. 149 00:08:13,850 --> 00:08:14,490 Speaker 1: They're not there. 150 00:08:15,650 --> 00:08:18,490 Speaker 4: But I didn't get a choice, so I'm choosing to 151 00:08:18,530 --> 00:08:21,330 Speaker 4: make the best of it, and I do like many 152 00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:24,330 Speaker 4: things in life that test us, that breaks down the 153 00:08:24,450 --> 00:08:27,290 Speaker 4: very fiber of our being. When we do manage to 154 00:08:27,330 --> 00:08:30,290 Speaker 4: rebuild ourselves back together again, it can be the making 155 00:08:30,330 --> 00:08:33,290 Speaker 4: of us. And I would go as far as saying 156 00:08:33,290 --> 00:08:35,690 Speaker 4: that as a single mum, I am a more present, 157 00:08:35,970 --> 00:08:39,210 Speaker 4: better parent than I was before. And for that, and 158 00:08:39,290 --> 00:08:42,570 Speaker 4: for all the reasons above, I can only have gratitude 159 00:08:42,650 --> 00:08:44,570 Speaker 4: for all the silver linings that brings. 160 00:08:45,410 --> 00:08:47,890 Speaker 3: When you're reading parts of your article out, it kind 161 00:08:47,890 --> 00:08:49,170 Speaker 3: of hit you in a different way. 162 00:08:49,410 --> 00:08:50,250 Speaker 1: What did it bring up? 163 00:08:50,250 --> 00:08:51,330 Speaker 3: And what are you feeling now. 164 00:08:52,290 --> 00:08:55,970 Speaker 4: In order to function in fifty to fifty custody, you 165 00:08:56,170 --> 00:09:00,530 Speaker 4: have to be able to compartmentalize. When I'm with my kids, 166 00:09:00,570 --> 00:09:03,810 Speaker 4: I'm all in, But when I'm not with them, I 167 00:09:03,970 --> 00:09:07,410 Speaker 4: have to be able to have a wall because it's 168 00:09:07,490 --> 00:09:11,130 Speaker 4: just too painful. No one has kids thinking they'll only 169 00:09:11,170 --> 00:09:12,290 Speaker 4: see them half the time. 170 00:09:12,810 --> 00:09:15,570 Speaker 3: It's a grief And we know so much about these 171 00:09:15,970 --> 00:09:18,970 Speaker 3: silver linings of your beautiful commune life, But can. 172 00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,930 Speaker 1: You talk us through a few of those think. 173 00:09:20,770 --> 00:09:22,970 Speaker 4: It's so important to caveat because I get a lot 174 00:09:23,010 --> 00:09:25,410 Speaker 4: of feedback from single mums when I talk about my 175 00:09:25,490 --> 00:09:29,570 Speaker 4: experience who don't get breaks, who have soul custody. I 176 00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:32,570 Speaker 4: cannot speak to them and their experience because that would 177 00:09:32,650 --> 00:09:36,410 Speaker 4: be the kind of relentless, exhausting experience that I can't 178 00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:39,170 Speaker 4: even imagine, and most of us couldn't fathom doing that 179 00:09:39,250 --> 00:09:39,770 Speaker 4: on your own. 180 00:09:39,810 --> 00:09:41,050 Speaker 1: Twenty four seven. 181 00:09:41,530 --> 00:09:44,370 Speaker 4: For those of us who do get breaks, it's kind 182 00:09:44,410 --> 00:09:45,530 Speaker 4: of like a double life. 183 00:09:45,970 --> 00:09:46,170 Speaker 1: You know. 184 00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:49,130 Speaker 4: When I'm in mum mode, I'm all in, But then 185 00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:51,370 Speaker 4: when I don't have my kids, I get to be 186 00:09:51,570 --> 00:09:55,130 Speaker 4: really selfish. For the first time in ten years, I 187 00:09:55,210 --> 00:09:58,010 Speaker 4: was able to be selfish and I think that's such 188 00:09:58,050 --> 00:10:01,970 Speaker 4: a foreign concept, particularly for mums, to be able to 189 00:10:02,010 --> 00:10:04,410 Speaker 4: have the freedom and the luxury to be selfish. Well, 190 00:10:04,530 --> 00:10:09,010 Speaker 4: let's dig into what you've found about yourself through having 191 00:10:09,050 --> 00:10:11,930 Speaker 4: this time to rediscover who you are. What are the 192 00:10:11,930 --> 00:10:14,970 Speaker 4: parts about your identity that you've discovered by being a 193 00:10:15,010 --> 00:10:18,690 Speaker 4: single parent. I love not being someone's wife. 194 00:10:19,650 --> 00:10:19,970 Speaker 1: I do. 195 00:10:20,170 --> 00:10:22,530 Speaker 4: I love it, I absolutely love it, and I will 196 00:10:22,570 --> 00:10:26,050 Speaker 4: never be someone's wife again. I just don't want that label. 197 00:10:26,850 --> 00:10:28,930 Speaker 4: I was so young when I got married, and I 198 00:10:29,010 --> 00:10:33,250 Speaker 4: feel like at forty, I finally can focus on me 199 00:10:33,570 --> 00:10:36,890 Speaker 4: and my career and I've got the time and space 200 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:37,370 Speaker 4: to do that. 201 00:10:37,490 --> 00:10:37,770 Speaker 1: Now. 202 00:10:38,330 --> 00:10:39,970 Speaker 4: I can go to the gym, I can go to 203 00:10:40,010 --> 00:10:41,770 Speaker 4: the beach and read a book. This is when I 204 00:10:41,770 --> 00:10:44,170 Speaker 4: don't have my kids, obviously, I go out a lot 205 00:10:44,250 --> 00:10:49,050 Speaker 4: with friends, and I feel like I refound joy, you know, 206 00:10:49,090 --> 00:10:51,650 Speaker 4: like that character and inside out too, the function of 207 00:10:51,730 --> 00:10:53,410 Speaker 4: joy that takes over your brain. And I feel like 208 00:10:53,450 --> 00:10:55,610 Speaker 4: she was lost and she was lost in the back 209 00:10:55,610 --> 00:10:59,050 Speaker 4: brain for a long time and she's back and it's 210 00:10:59,210 --> 00:11:02,170 Speaker 4: just I feel joy in life again. And how do 211 00:11:02,250 --> 00:11:04,970 Speaker 4: you put that joy that you've found back into parenting? 212 00:11:05,050 --> 00:11:07,530 Speaker 1: Do the two go hand in hand, they definitely do. 213 00:11:07,650 --> 00:11:11,210 Speaker 4: And it goes back to having the breaks because I 214 00:11:11,210 --> 00:11:14,050 Speaker 4: don't see them, so I get rested and I have 215 00:11:14,130 --> 00:11:17,490 Speaker 4: that time and space to be selfish. So when I 216 00:11:17,530 --> 00:11:21,410 Speaker 4: am with them, I'm just so grateful for all of 217 00:11:21,490 --> 00:11:23,930 Speaker 4: the time that I have, and I just cherish every second. 218 00:11:24,570 --> 00:11:26,930 Speaker 4: I don't take them for granted anymore. I truly believe 219 00:11:26,930 --> 00:11:28,370 Speaker 4: I took them for granted. I used to be like 220 00:11:28,410 --> 00:11:31,410 Speaker 4: ough parent burnout and I'm tired, and I just want 221 00:11:31,410 --> 00:11:33,890 Speaker 4: to go out with my friends. Well now I would 222 00:11:33,930 --> 00:11:35,610 Speaker 4: like to see them more and I can't. So when 223 00:11:35,610 --> 00:11:39,090 Speaker 4: I'm with them, I just breathe them in, yes, creepily. 224 00:11:39,130 --> 00:11:41,330 Speaker 4: When they're asleep, I'll just walk past and sniff their 225 00:11:41,370 --> 00:11:43,130 Speaker 4: heads as will you do that with small children that 226 00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:45,330 Speaker 4: aren't yours? I know I am a head sniffer. It's 227 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:47,290 Speaker 4: a beautiful smell. It's intoxicating. 228 00:11:47,570 --> 00:11:50,050 Speaker 3: We've heard all about the duality of balancing roles as 229 00:11:50,090 --> 00:11:52,210 Speaker 3: a single parent, but next up we hear the importance 230 00:11:52,250 --> 00:12:02,410 Speaker 3: of reclaiming personal time and identity. Annalie's the final part 231 00:12:02,410 --> 00:12:05,810 Speaker 3: of your essay talks about who you are, defining yourself 232 00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:08,330 Speaker 3: as Now, could you read that out for us? I 233 00:12:08,370 --> 00:12:12,050 Speaker 3: am good at filling my social calendar, but have also 234 00:12:12,250 --> 00:12:15,050 Speaker 3: gotten good at being on my own, and I am 235 00:12:15,130 --> 00:12:18,690 Speaker 3: proud of that. Being single and having half my time 236 00:12:18,730 --> 00:12:22,730 Speaker 3: to myself, I got my identity back. But more than that, 237 00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:26,570 Speaker 3: there's a strength and resilience ingrained in my new identity. 238 00:12:27,490 --> 00:12:30,290 Speaker 3: When I am with my kids, I cherish every second 239 00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:33,970 Speaker 3: I get with them. I have more patience and am 240 00:12:34,010 --> 00:12:36,330 Speaker 3: just so appreciative of the time I do have with 241 00:12:36,370 --> 00:12:39,890 Speaker 3: them that I used to take for granted. I've become 242 00:12:39,930 --> 00:12:43,370 Speaker 3: a fun mum and I'm way more relaxed. I don't 243 00:12:43,370 --> 00:12:45,930 Speaker 3: sweat the small stuff like ice cream for dinner. 244 00:12:46,050 --> 00:12:49,210 Speaker 4: Sure, I mean sometimes picnick in front of the Telly 245 00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:51,450 Speaker 4: watching Age Inappropriate Reality TV? 246 00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:53,290 Speaker 1: Definitely. We love doing that. 247 00:12:54,010 --> 00:12:57,130 Speaker 4: And we get to do activities together now that I 248 00:12:57,250 --> 00:13:00,530 Speaker 4: enjoy doing with the kids, And even though I see 249 00:13:00,570 --> 00:13:03,890 Speaker 4: them less, I don't feel like a spectator on the 250 00:13:03,930 --> 00:13:04,890 Speaker 4: sidelines anymore. 251 00:13:04,970 --> 00:13:07,850 Speaker 3: What age inappropriate Reality TV? Did you watch? 252 00:13:07,930 --> 00:13:11,290 Speaker 4: The Real Housewives of Sydney is our favorite? Yes, that's 253 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:14,050 Speaker 4: probably our favorite. We just finished Young Sheldon. We've just 254 00:13:14,090 --> 00:13:15,090 Speaker 4: started modern family. 255 00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:15,610 Speaker 2: Like. 256 00:13:15,650 --> 00:13:18,330 Speaker 4: We just have these little rituals and things that we 257 00:13:18,370 --> 00:13:22,010 Speaker 4: do together. Now that all three of us just enjoy 258 00:13:22,090 --> 00:13:23,370 Speaker 4: and just love so much. 259 00:13:23,530 --> 00:13:24,130 Speaker 1: I can see it now. 260 00:13:24,210 --> 00:13:26,530 Speaker 3: There's this beautiful spark and this energy as you're talking 261 00:13:26,570 --> 00:13:28,770 Speaker 3: about it. So what is the most exciting part of 262 00:13:28,810 --> 00:13:31,810 Speaker 3: this part of your journey and rediscovering yourself? I think 263 00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:35,330 Speaker 3: the biggest misconception about a marriage ending is that your 264 00:13:35,370 --> 00:13:38,050 Speaker 3: life ends when your marriage does. And one part of 265 00:13:38,090 --> 00:13:42,130 Speaker 3: your life definitely ends, that's dead, but it's also this 266 00:13:42,330 --> 00:13:46,050 Speaker 3: new opportunity for a new life and a new story, 267 00:13:46,570 --> 00:13:49,690 Speaker 3: and you get to write that story. I'm just very 268 00:13:49,730 --> 00:13:52,410 Speaker 3: excited about my current story and where it's going to 269 00:13:52,450 --> 00:13:55,490 Speaker 3: go next. I'm just excited if someone is listening and 270 00:13:55,490 --> 00:13:57,570 Speaker 3: they're a single parent and they're holding that sense of 271 00:13:57,650 --> 00:14:01,610 Speaker 3: shame or failure that, as you've said, one part of 272 00:14:01,610 --> 00:14:04,050 Speaker 3: their life is completely over. What do you want them 273 00:14:04,050 --> 00:14:05,650 Speaker 3: to take away from this or what do you want 274 00:14:05,650 --> 00:14:09,130 Speaker 3: them to start to work towards. I guess their thought 275 00:14:09,210 --> 00:14:12,210 Speaker 3: process around how they see themselves and relationships. 276 00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:15,090 Speaker 4: If anyone's early on in the journey, there's so many 277 00:14:15,130 --> 00:14:17,650 Speaker 4: beautiful bits of advice I've been given. One of them 278 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:22,410 Speaker 4: is nothing as permanent. Everything's temporary, So no matter how 279 00:14:22,490 --> 00:14:25,530 Speaker 4: bad it feels in that moment, it literally won't feel 280 00:14:25,570 --> 00:14:28,530 Speaker 4: like that forever. And then the other beautiful piece of 281 00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:30,970 Speaker 4: advice that someone gave me was, don't focus on the 282 00:14:31,050 --> 00:14:33,850 Speaker 4: light at the end of the tunnel. Just look out 283 00:14:33,890 --> 00:14:36,410 Speaker 4: for the glimmers while you're in it, and then at 284 00:14:36,450 --> 00:14:40,290 Speaker 4: some stage you'll wake up and you'll realize that you're 285 00:14:40,330 --> 00:14:43,050 Speaker 4: back in the light without even realizing it, and you're 286 00:14:43,810 --> 00:14:45,970 Speaker 4: living and loving life, and the light's actually brighter than 287 00:14:45,970 --> 00:14:46,610 Speaker 4: it was before. 288 00:14:47,130 --> 00:14:50,130 Speaker 3: It really is similar to that beautiful grief metaphor. I 289 00:14:50,130 --> 00:14:51,890 Speaker 3: don't know if you've seen it, where there's like a 290 00:14:51,970 --> 00:14:54,730 Speaker 3: ball and over time people think the ball gets smaller, 291 00:14:54,770 --> 00:14:56,930 Speaker 3: but it's actually the space around it that gets bigger. 292 00:14:56,970 --> 00:14:59,610 Speaker 3: So that divorce or that separation could always be a 293 00:14:59,650 --> 00:15:03,130 Speaker 3: pain point, but you're always going to find more space 294 00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:04,970 Speaker 3: around it, and you're going to find space for the 295 00:15:05,090 --> 00:15:08,210 Speaker 3: joy to come in or for new opportunities and new experiences. 296 00:15:08,210 --> 00:15:10,530 Speaker 3: And it sounds like that's something that you've really found 297 00:15:10,530 --> 00:15:12,090 Speaker 3: in your life over the past two years. 298 00:15:12,250 --> 00:15:17,730 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just time. It just takes time and building new, beautiful, 299 00:15:17,770 --> 00:15:18,730 Speaker 4: positive memories. 300 00:15:19,530 --> 00:15:23,570 Speaker 3: We always end love stories with the question what qualities 301 00:15:23,730 --> 00:15:26,610 Speaker 3: do you hold most dear about love now? And what's 302 00:15:26,650 --> 00:15:27,970 Speaker 3: that for you, Annalise. 303 00:15:27,810 --> 00:15:29,250 Speaker 1: To feel safe with love. 304 00:15:29,650 --> 00:15:33,770 Speaker 4: It's light and it's joy, and there's a doctor Sue saying, 305 00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:34,530 Speaker 4: which I love. 306 00:15:35,290 --> 00:15:36,810 Speaker 1: We're all a little weird. 307 00:15:36,730 --> 00:15:39,250 Speaker 4: And life's a little weird and when we find someone 308 00:15:39,290 --> 00:15:42,130 Speaker 4: whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with 309 00:15:42,210 --> 00:15:44,410 Speaker 4: them and fall in mutual weirdness and. 310 00:15:44,450 --> 00:15:47,370 Speaker 1: Call it love. I love mutual weirdness. 311 00:15:47,450 --> 00:15:48,370 Speaker 3: Mutual weirdness. 312 00:15:48,610 --> 00:15:50,530 Speaker 1: That's our whole office, isn't it It is? That's why 313 00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:52,530 Speaker 1: I love coming to work every day. We're all just 314 00:15:52,570 --> 00:15:53,170 Speaker 1: being weird. 315 00:15:53,570 --> 00:15:55,570 Speaker 3: Oh, Annalise, Thank you so much for sharing your little 316 00:15:55,650 --> 00:15:59,170 Speaker 3: love story and having this conversation today. Annalise is very 317 00:15:59,170 --> 00:16:01,450 Speaker 3: clever and you can hear her on this glorious mess 318 00:16:01,490 --> 00:16:04,010 Speaker 3: every week, and her full little love story essay will 319 00:16:04,010 --> 00:16:05,650 Speaker 3: be dropped in our episode show notes. 320 00:16:05,690 --> 00:16:08,210 Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Thank you for having me, Gracey Grace. 321 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,530 Speaker 3: If you have a story you'd like to share with us, 322 00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,570 Speaker 3: we'd love to hear it. We're always on the lookout 323 00:16:12,570 --> 00:16:15,610 Speaker 3: for great stories and new perspectives. To submit your story, 324 00:16:15,650 --> 00:16:17,530 Speaker 3: you can leave us a voice note or email us. 325 00:16:17,650 --> 00:16:32,090 Speaker 3: All the details will be in our show notes. If 326 00:16:32,130 --> 00:16:34,530 Speaker 3: you loved this podcast, you can listen to more of 327 00:16:34,570 --> 00:16:37,370 Speaker 3: this glorious mess. There's a link in the show notes.