WEBVTT - Not My Circus

0:00:10.888 --> 0:00:15.408
<v Speaker 1>You're listening to a Mother mea podcast Muma Me acknowledges

0:00:15.448 --> 0:00:18.608
<v Speaker 1>the traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast

0:00:18.688 --> 0:00:28.128
<v Speaker 1>is recorded on Power is an interesting thing when it

0:00:28.168 --> 0:00:31.688
<v Speaker 1>comes to relationships. It can be shared, moved around, when

0:00:31.728 --> 0:00:35.288
<v Speaker 1>life and circumstances change. It can even be kind of hot.

0:00:35.647 --> 0:00:38.848
<v Speaker 2>I wasn't doing really much with my life. He had

0:00:38.888 --> 0:00:42.368
<v Speaker 2>a full time job, It's a respectable job. He was

0:00:42.408 --> 0:00:45.888
<v Speaker 2>a bit older than me. He had a masculine energy,

0:00:45.888 --> 0:00:49.647
<v Speaker 2>which I did find quite attractive, so tall, dark. He

0:00:49.808 --> 0:00:52.568
<v Speaker 2>was telling me about all the traveling he had done,

0:00:52.968 --> 0:00:55.848
<v Speaker 2>and how just all about the things he's been doing,

0:00:56.128 --> 0:00:57.768
<v Speaker 2>and it just sounded so interesting.

0:00:58.248 --> 0:01:01.928
<v Speaker 1>But the key to navigating different power dynamics is in balance.

0:01:02.248 --> 0:01:05.288
<v Speaker 1>So when a relationship starts with the scales very much

0:01:05.368 --> 0:01:08.408
<v Speaker 1>tipped one way, it can prove near impossible to shift it,

0:01:08.768 --> 0:01:10.928
<v Speaker 1>and all of a sudden you can find yourself nowhere

0:01:10.968 --> 0:01:13.768
<v Speaker 1>near the driver's seat, spinning out of control.

0:01:14.048 --> 0:01:17.368
<v Speaker 2>I was keeping receipts because if he was going to

0:01:17.408 --> 0:01:20.167
<v Speaker 2>make accusations against me, I wanted to be known that no,

0:01:20.648 --> 0:01:22.488
<v Speaker 2>he was the one that was doing the wrong thing.

0:01:22.888 --> 0:01:24.968
<v Speaker 2>I felt like it was impacting my job because I

0:01:25.008 --> 0:01:26.928
<v Speaker 2>felt like I was going to get in trouble. He

0:01:27.048 --> 0:01:29.488
<v Speaker 2>did say that if I interfered in his life in

0:01:29.528 --> 0:01:31.128
<v Speaker 2>any way, he would get payback.

0:01:40.888 --> 0:01:43.728
<v Speaker 1>I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ex

0:01:43.928 --> 0:01:46.167
<v Speaker 1>Come with me as we dive into a collection of

0:01:46.368 --> 0:01:50.648
<v Speaker 1>unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

0:01:50.688 --> 0:01:54.768
<v Speaker 1>hearts of the very people who lived them. Leah's story begins,

0:01:54.808 --> 0:01:57.888
<v Speaker 1>as so many do, a young woman who still felt

0:01:57.928 --> 0:02:00.968
<v Speaker 1>like a girl with just one fairly non serious high

0:02:00.968 --> 0:02:04.248
<v Speaker 1>school situationship to her name. But at twenty one, while

0:02:04.288 --> 0:02:06.408
<v Speaker 1>working in a cafe to make ends meet as she

0:02:06.448 --> 0:02:08.447
<v Speaker 1>tried to find her way in the big wide world,

0:02:08.728 --> 0:02:10.808
<v Speaker 1>her dating life was about to change.

0:02:11.007 --> 0:02:13.568
<v Speaker 2>I'd finished UNI, but I wasn't doing really much with

0:02:13.648 --> 0:02:17.287
<v Speaker 2>my life, and I met Ethan when he came in

0:02:17.408 --> 0:02:21.288
<v Speaker 2>to get coffee. He was coming in quite a few times,

0:02:21.768 --> 0:02:25.488
<v Speaker 2>making eye contact and being really chatty, and then I

0:02:25.528 --> 0:02:27.808
<v Speaker 2>was a bit slow to realize, like, oh, this person's

0:02:27.808 --> 0:02:31.847
<v Speaker 2>actually interested in me. And then he asked for my number.

0:02:31.928 --> 0:02:33.407
<v Speaker 2>I read it down a receipt and I gave it

0:02:33.448 --> 0:02:36.567
<v Speaker 2>to him. I was so excited when the text came

0:02:36.648 --> 0:02:39.928
<v Speaker 2>through with him asking me how I was and that

0:02:39.968 --> 0:02:43.088
<v Speaker 2>he thought I was cute, and I was flattered. I

0:02:43.088 --> 0:02:45.648
<v Speaker 2>think everyone thinks, oh, to meet people these days, you

0:02:45.728 --> 0:02:47.688
<v Speaker 2>got to meet them on a dating app. That's how

0:02:47.808 --> 0:02:50.208
<v Speaker 2>generally people meet these days. So to meet someone in

0:02:50.248 --> 0:02:53.088
<v Speaker 2>the wild, I thought, was like quite lucky, and it

0:02:53.208 --> 0:02:55.048
<v Speaker 2>made me feel like it was a bit more special

0:02:55.488 --> 0:02:57.888
<v Speaker 2>because I had no idea who he was, and didn't

0:02:57.888 --> 0:03:00.328
<v Speaker 2>already have a preconceived idea based off a dating app

0:03:00.608 --> 0:03:03.968
<v Speaker 2>what he was like. He had a masculine energy, which

0:03:04.048 --> 0:03:08.688
<v Speaker 2>I did find quite attractive. So tull, dark, sort of quiet,

0:03:08.968 --> 0:03:12.007
<v Speaker 2>but very chat when you get to know him. He

0:03:12.407 --> 0:03:16.288
<v Speaker 2>organized the date really quickly. We messaged back and forth,

0:03:16.328 --> 0:03:19.208
<v Speaker 2>he sent me some photos of him at work, and

0:03:19.288 --> 0:03:22.407
<v Speaker 2>then he organized to pick me up and we went

0:03:22.488 --> 0:03:25.248
<v Speaker 2>on a date to a restaurant by the Bitch.

0:03:25.608 --> 0:03:28.408
<v Speaker 1>His work was a serious, full time job, but he

0:03:28.448 --> 0:03:31.328
<v Speaker 1>also worked part time in the Army reserves. And he

0:03:31.407 --> 0:03:34.488
<v Speaker 1>was thirty three, twelve years older than Leah, so she

0:03:34.568 --> 0:03:37.168
<v Speaker 1>thought it all sounded pretty great. A mature guy with

0:03:37.248 --> 0:03:40.128
<v Speaker 1>a serious job and good work ethic, and he was

0:03:40.208 --> 0:03:41.008
<v Speaker 1>interested in her.

0:03:41.528 --> 0:03:43.808
<v Speaker 2>It was the best first date I've ever had because

0:03:43.848 --> 0:03:47.648
<v Speaker 2>we were just sharing pizza together and he was telling

0:03:47.688 --> 0:03:50.928
<v Speaker 2>me about all the traveling he had done, and how

0:03:51.528 --> 0:03:53.648
<v Speaker 2>just all about the things he's been doing, and it

0:03:53.768 --> 0:03:56.408
<v Speaker 2>just sounded so interesting, like he really wanted to live

0:03:56.488 --> 0:03:58.888
<v Speaker 2>life to the fullest. I don't think we had a

0:03:58.928 --> 0:04:02.608
<v Speaker 2>whole lot in common, but we did get along really well.

0:04:02.968 --> 0:04:07.128
<v Speaker 2>I found him very funny and he was just really kind.

0:04:07.688 --> 0:04:10.608
<v Speaker 2>I remember feeling quite excited to get to know him more.

0:04:11.008 --> 0:04:13.768
<v Speaker 2>He said he didn't have social media, and I did

0:04:13.808 --> 0:04:15.728
<v Speaker 2>actually try to look him up because I was so

0:04:15.848 --> 0:04:19.048
<v Speaker 2>curious about him, and I couldn't find anything. But then

0:04:19.087 --> 0:04:21.048
<v Speaker 2>I ended up liking that he didn't have social media

0:04:21.128 --> 0:04:23.528
<v Speaker 2>because of his job, because it forced me to get

0:04:23.568 --> 0:04:26.768
<v Speaker 2>to know him on our dates, Like I wasn't wasting

0:04:26.808 --> 0:04:30.248
<v Speaker 2>any time looking at his profile or anything like that.

0:04:30.648 --> 0:04:33.328
<v Speaker 2>He just seem so mature and just sensible, like you

0:04:33.368 --> 0:04:35.128
<v Speaker 2>have an issue, just talk it out. So he just

0:04:35.168 --> 0:04:37.727
<v Speaker 2>seemed just really, really sensible.

0:04:37.847 --> 0:04:40.648
<v Speaker 1>But it was very much casual to begin with. After

0:04:40.688 --> 0:04:43.488
<v Speaker 1>that first date on the beach, more started to flow,

0:04:43.847 --> 0:04:46.527
<v Speaker 1>no pressure, just hanging out, having fun and getting to

0:04:46.528 --> 0:04:47.088
<v Speaker 1>know each other.

0:04:47.528 --> 0:04:50.487
<v Speaker 2>The first few dates we would just do very normal

0:04:50.528 --> 0:04:53.047
<v Speaker 2>activities like going to the beach, going on a walk,

0:04:53.128 --> 0:04:56.688
<v Speaker 2>going to a cafe, and the most boring activities were

0:04:56.768 --> 0:04:59.928
<v Speaker 2>just so much fun because he was just so funny

0:05:00.008 --> 0:05:02.248
<v Speaker 2>and engaged and just he just wanted to have a

0:05:02.327 --> 0:05:04.688
<v Speaker 2>good time. Like just getting to know each other just

0:05:04.688 --> 0:05:09.168
<v Speaker 2>felt so effortless. The first kiss was in the car

0:05:09.327 --> 0:05:12.008
<v Speaker 2>after one of the dates. I just always felt like

0:05:12.048 --> 0:05:14.168
<v Speaker 2>he was more into me than I was into him,

0:05:14.448 --> 0:05:16.687
<v Speaker 2>and I kind of liked that because I feel like,

0:05:17.288 --> 0:05:20.087
<v Speaker 2>normally I feel like I'm always chasing people who don't

0:05:20.168 --> 0:05:23.488
<v Speaker 2>like me. When we saw each other, it was definitely

0:05:23.528 --> 0:05:27.167
<v Speaker 2>in odd times because his schedule was varied and so

0:05:27.368 --> 0:05:30.248
<v Speaker 2>was mine, and so it was in odd times, but

0:05:30.288 --> 0:05:32.408
<v Speaker 2>would always make an effort because we did live close

0:05:32.488 --> 0:05:34.688
<v Speaker 2>by to see each other, even if it was at

0:05:34.768 --> 0:05:37.608
<v Speaker 2>night or in the morning. It was because I didn't

0:05:37.607 --> 0:05:39.888
<v Speaker 2>have a normal nine to five, we were able to

0:05:39.928 --> 0:05:42.688
<v Speaker 2>meet up at odd times. Every time we hung out,

0:05:42.847 --> 0:05:44.808
<v Speaker 2>I felt like I was having a good time and

0:05:44.888 --> 0:05:48.128
<v Speaker 2>so was he. And then if we weren't together, he

0:05:48.327 --> 0:05:51.208
<v Speaker 2>was sending me text messages about what he's doing in

0:05:51.248 --> 0:05:54.208
<v Speaker 2>his day, sending me photos about what he was up to,

0:05:54.688 --> 0:05:57.208
<v Speaker 2>So I never felt insecure at all, Like I really

0:05:57.288 --> 0:06:01.128
<v Speaker 2>did feel like secure in the relationship. And so while

0:06:01.128 --> 0:06:03.488
<v Speaker 2>we weren't boyfriend girlfriend just yet. I just felt so

0:06:03.688 --> 0:06:07.488
<v Speaker 2>confident that he was trying to date me, to make

0:06:07.528 --> 0:06:09.888
<v Speaker 2>it into a serious relationship. When we got to the

0:06:09.888 --> 0:06:12.367
<v Speaker 2>stage where I thought were about to get more serious,

0:06:12.967 --> 0:06:16.808
<v Speaker 2>he disclosed that he had some issues with a previous

0:06:16.888 --> 0:06:20.688
<v Speaker 2>partner and he wanted to take it slow because he

0:06:20.727 --> 0:06:22.568
<v Speaker 2>wants to make sure it's right. And I just thought

0:06:22.568 --> 0:06:24.728
<v Speaker 2>that was sensible. He didn't want to rush into anything,

0:06:25.327 --> 0:06:27.167
<v Speaker 2>and so yeah, he did warn me, but I never

0:06:27.168 --> 0:06:28.808
<v Speaker 2>thought that was a bad thing. I just thought he

0:06:28.888 --> 0:06:30.928
<v Speaker 2>was being sensible and that he trusted me to tell

0:06:30.928 --> 0:06:34.768
<v Speaker 2>me about his previous relationships and where's other people wouldn't

0:06:34.768 --> 0:06:38.328
<v Speaker 2>be telling you about an ex because they really don't

0:06:38.368 --> 0:06:40.727
<v Speaker 2>tell you. But he was happily disclosing about how his

0:06:40.768 --> 0:06:44.288
<v Speaker 2>previous relationship was and how it didn't work out, and

0:06:44.768 --> 0:06:47.608
<v Speaker 2>he might not be fully over her. But that's why

0:06:47.607 --> 0:06:50.048
<v Speaker 2>he moved cities and he was in a new city

0:06:50.568 --> 0:06:55.128
<v Speaker 2>because that relationship had broken down. She had gone really

0:06:55.207 --> 0:06:59.048
<v Speaker 2>upset that it had ended. She was stalking him and

0:06:59.568 --> 0:07:02.328
<v Speaker 2>he just kept going back to her because she was

0:07:02.368 --> 0:07:06.408
<v Speaker 2>emotionally abusive, and so he's had a lot of trauma

0:07:06.488 --> 0:07:09.087
<v Speaker 2>from that. That's why he felt like he just wanted

0:07:09.128 --> 0:07:11.968
<v Speaker 2>to be up sure that the person who was dating

0:07:12.008 --> 0:07:15.888
<v Speaker 2>was sensible, and so like hearing a guy talking about

0:07:16.368 --> 0:07:19.488
<v Speaker 2>being abused, you do feel sorry for them. And the

0:07:19.528 --> 0:07:21.368
<v Speaker 2>fact he trusted me enough to tell me made me

0:07:21.408 --> 0:07:23.927
<v Speaker 2>feel like, oh, that's good enough for me. It was

0:07:23.968 --> 0:07:26.408
<v Speaker 2>around the time of COVID, so we weren't actually being

0:07:26.408 --> 0:07:29.088
<v Speaker 2>able to stay at each other's house, so that really

0:07:29.208 --> 0:07:34.368
<v Speaker 2>made it hard because we were having lockdowns and people

0:07:34.368 --> 0:07:37.448
<v Speaker 2>were getting sick, and he had to be careful because

0:07:37.488 --> 0:07:40.088
<v Speaker 2>he was still having to work. And he would tell

0:07:40.128 --> 0:07:42.408
<v Speaker 2>me how like because he has no friends or family,

0:07:42.408 --> 0:07:44.528
<v Speaker 2>because he has moved to a new city, he only

0:07:44.528 --> 0:07:46.568
<v Speaker 2>has himself to look out for him. So he was

0:07:46.688 --> 0:07:48.408
<v Speaker 2>very focused on, like he doesn't want to lose any

0:07:48.528 --> 0:07:52.568
<v Speaker 2>hours at work. It meant he would come to my place,

0:07:52.968 --> 0:07:55.448
<v Speaker 2>or we will drive up and meet somewhere, and it

0:07:55.488 --> 0:07:58.808
<v Speaker 2>felt normal because during COVID there were so many cars

0:07:58.848 --> 0:08:01.688
<v Speaker 2>by the beach, so many cars parked in random street

0:08:01.727 --> 0:08:03.408
<v Speaker 2>where people were trying to meet up with each other

0:08:03.607 --> 0:08:06.608
<v Speaker 2>because they were trying to be careful because of the restrictions.

0:08:07.208 --> 0:08:11.368
<v Speaker 2>So we were seeing each other regularly, texting lots, like

0:08:11.448 --> 0:08:14.968
<v Speaker 2>we were basically in a relationship, but just without the label.

0:08:15.288 --> 0:08:17.488
<v Speaker 2>I didn't ever stay at his house because he had

0:08:17.488 --> 0:08:19.768
<v Speaker 2>housemates and I could understand that it would be a

0:08:19.808 --> 0:08:22.648
<v Speaker 2>bit awkward trying to sleep over, so he would only

0:08:22.727 --> 0:08:26.328
<v Speaker 2>really come to mind. We will see each other every

0:08:26.408 --> 0:08:28.968
<v Speaker 2>few days, even if it was just for a couple hours,

0:08:29.848 --> 0:08:34.848
<v Speaker 2>texting multiple times a day, sending photos. We didn't do

0:08:35.248 --> 0:08:38.648
<v Speaker 2>call so much because I think it was just too

0:08:38.727 --> 0:08:41.808
<v Speaker 2>hard with both our schedules were just so different. It

0:08:41.968 --> 0:08:43.688
<v Speaker 2>wasn't even an option for me, and I think this

0:08:43.888 --> 0:08:46.928
<v Speaker 2>was like my second relationship. I was just doing what

0:08:47.128 --> 0:08:50.088
<v Speaker 2>I thought was normal at the time. We were about

0:08:50.288 --> 0:08:52.848
<v Speaker 2>probably five months in when I started putting pressure on

0:08:52.848 --> 0:08:54.568
<v Speaker 2>for it to be more serious. It's coming off to

0:08:54.568 --> 0:08:58.088
<v Speaker 2>my birthday. I wanted him to show up for me,

0:08:58.768 --> 0:09:00.808
<v Speaker 2>and it was also around the time of his birthday,

0:09:00.928 --> 0:09:03.288
<v Speaker 2>so I just felt like I wanted I just think

0:09:03.408 --> 0:09:06.648
<v Speaker 2>especially around special occasions, if you're dating someone, you kind

0:09:06.648 --> 0:09:09.568
<v Speaker 2>of want them to come to things because you've told

0:09:09.768 --> 0:09:11.768
<v Speaker 2>I've told my friends and family I'm dating this person,

0:09:12.128 --> 0:09:16.088
<v Speaker 2>so I wanted them to all meet him. He wasn't

0:09:16.208 --> 0:09:18.848
<v Speaker 2>keen on the idea. I think he just saying how

0:09:18.968 --> 0:09:22.008
<v Speaker 2>busy he was and how he had a lot going on.

0:09:22.648 --> 0:09:25.568
<v Speaker 2>He wasn't enthusiastic about doing that, and it did make

0:09:25.608 --> 0:09:29.048
<v Speaker 2>me feel bad. And I remember thinking, like, if other

0:09:29.088 --> 0:09:31.808
<v Speaker 2>people had a guy that was flaky like this, you'd

0:09:31.848 --> 0:09:34.048
<v Speaker 2>say to them like, move on, find someone else. But

0:09:34.168 --> 0:09:36.528
<v Speaker 2>I thought, you know what, I'm never going to get

0:09:36.528 --> 0:09:39.288
<v Speaker 2>a perfect person. I just need to find someone who's

0:09:39.368 --> 0:09:42.528
<v Speaker 2>nice and kind and ticks most of the boxes and

0:09:42.568 --> 0:09:44.488
<v Speaker 2>that I can work with that. I'm happy to accept

0:09:44.568 --> 0:09:46.248
<v Speaker 2>him being a little bit flaky, like to me, that

0:09:46.328 --> 0:09:48.168
<v Speaker 2>was not a bad thing. Like when people say, oh,

0:09:48.168 --> 0:09:51.168
<v Speaker 2>if you've slightly just cut him off, well, no, because

0:09:51.488 --> 0:09:54.088
<v Speaker 2>everyone has flaws. And that was probably the one thing

0:09:54.128 --> 0:09:57.648
<v Speaker 2>that I found hard was he wasn't super super available.

0:09:58.208 --> 0:10:00.648
<v Speaker 2>There was things that I was thinking, I'm not too sure,

0:10:01.048 --> 0:10:03.688
<v Speaker 2>but I just could not let him go. Like I

0:10:03.768 --> 0:10:06.088
<v Speaker 2>just thought there was so much potential in the relationship

0:10:06.208 --> 0:10:08.648
<v Speaker 2>that we just not explored. But I just thought there

0:10:08.688 --> 0:10:11.248
<v Speaker 2>was so much there to see to experience together. That

0:10:11.928 --> 0:10:13.088
<v Speaker 2>made me so excited.

0:10:14.008 --> 0:10:16.248
<v Speaker 1>It had been a while now and Lea was starting

0:10:16.288 --> 0:10:18.728
<v Speaker 1>to get a bit frustrated. She wanted to be with him,

0:10:18.728 --> 0:10:21.208
<v Speaker 1>but she wanted him to want that to that was

0:10:21.208 --> 0:10:23.648
<v Speaker 1>still having a great time together. There was definitely a

0:10:23.688 --> 0:10:27.608
<v Speaker 1>spark and physical connection. They shared everything from stories to

0:10:27.688 --> 0:10:30.808
<v Speaker 1>dreams and because it's the twenty twenties, memes.

0:10:31.208 --> 0:10:33.968
<v Speaker 2>One day he sent me an Instagram story of a

0:10:34.088 --> 0:10:37.488
<v Speaker 2>meme and I remember looking at being like, you don't

0:10:37.528 --> 0:10:41.728
<v Speaker 2>have Instagram, so where's the screenshot come from. I was

0:10:41.768 --> 0:10:44.008
<v Speaker 2>in shock, and I was starting to feel like I'm

0:10:44.008 --> 0:10:46.288
<v Speaker 2>so dumb. I'm going to be smarter and I'm going

0:10:46.288 --> 0:10:48.408
<v Speaker 2>to be a detective and try and figure this out.

0:10:48.728 --> 0:10:52.128
<v Speaker 2>Don't jump to conclusions or make any assumptions. You're going

0:10:52.168 --> 0:10:54.168
<v Speaker 2>to get all the facts before you even say anything.

0:10:55.928 --> 0:10:58.808
<v Speaker 2>And I immediately used a fake Instagram account to go

0:10:59.208 --> 0:11:03.088
<v Speaker 2>add the profile, and I went through the following list

0:11:03.488 --> 0:11:07.808
<v Speaker 2>and I found his name, except he had a different surname.

0:11:08.448 --> 0:11:10.928
<v Speaker 2>The Instagram one was real one. I was given the

0:11:10.928 --> 0:11:13.568
<v Speaker 2>fake one. I didn't tell him because I wanted to

0:11:13.568 --> 0:11:16.448
<v Speaker 2>find out as much information as I can before he

0:11:16.848 --> 0:11:21.368
<v Speaker 2>maybe started deleting things or hiding things more. His profile

0:11:21.608 --> 0:11:24.928
<v Speaker 2>was all lockdown, so it was really hard to see

0:11:25.048 --> 0:11:28.768
<v Speaker 2>anything on his profile on his Instagram, and he didn't

0:11:28.768 --> 0:11:31.768
<v Speaker 2>accept a fake account. From there, I went to Facebook,

0:11:31.808 --> 0:11:35.848
<v Speaker 2>I looked him up. I found his profile his Facebook

0:11:36.368 --> 0:11:39.247
<v Speaker 2>profile only had photos by himself. There was no pictures

0:11:39.608 --> 0:11:42.928
<v Speaker 2>with anyone. But I went through everyone who liked his

0:11:43.008 --> 0:11:47.168
<v Speaker 2>photos and that's where I found the wife. I went

0:11:47.248 --> 0:11:52.168
<v Speaker 2>through everyone who liked his Facebook profile photo and saw

0:11:52.248 --> 0:11:54.888
<v Speaker 2>a woman who had hearted it with the same surname.

0:11:55.448 --> 0:11:57.888
<v Speaker 2>I looked her up on Instagram and I saw in

0:11:57.928 --> 0:12:02.248
<v Speaker 2>the profile Ethan's name with a ring emoji. They were

0:12:02.288 --> 0:12:05.968
<v Speaker 2>definitely married. It was one hundred percent married. I could

0:12:05.968 --> 0:12:10.968
<v Speaker 2>see they had been married two years prior, and that

0:12:11.608 --> 0:12:14.448
<v Speaker 2>the dog that he had was a shared dog with her,

0:12:15.128 --> 0:12:18.208
<v Speaker 2>and he didn't have housemates. He was living with her.

0:12:18.968 --> 0:12:22.048
<v Speaker 2>I was thinking, has everything been a lie? Do I

0:12:22.088 --> 0:12:24.688
<v Speaker 2>even know this person? He knows a lot about me

0:12:24.888 --> 0:12:27.688
<v Speaker 2>and I was my true self, and I feel like

0:12:27.728 --> 0:12:30.168
<v Speaker 2>I've been dating a fake. I don't even know what

0:12:30.248 --> 0:12:32.568
<v Speaker 2>to call it. It's not catfishing, but yeah, I was

0:12:32.688 --> 0:12:36.568
<v Speaker 2>in shock. I immediately started thinking about every story he'd

0:12:36.608 --> 0:12:41.328
<v Speaker 2>ever told me about this ex, about how she was funny,

0:12:41.448 --> 0:12:43.688
<v Speaker 2>but then she didn't take a break up well and

0:12:43.728 --> 0:12:46.048
<v Speaker 2>she was stalking him and it was having a hard

0:12:46.048 --> 0:12:49.768
<v Speaker 2>time to get over. Were they possibly about his ex wife?

0:12:50.208 --> 0:12:53.568
<v Speaker 2>He told me he'd moved from up North down to

0:12:53.728 --> 0:12:56.528
<v Speaker 2>get away from this X. But I could see that

0:12:56.568 --> 0:12:59.608
<v Speaker 2>they had both previously lived up north and were both

0:12:59.688 --> 0:13:02.648
<v Speaker 2>now living in the same town as me. So I

0:13:02.648 --> 0:13:06.408
<v Speaker 2>could see a recent photo together, the pair of them

0:13:06.528 --> 0:13:09.488
<v Speaker 2>by the beach holding the dog. The photos were very

0:13:09.528 --> 0:13:12.007
<v Speaker 2>recent and within like the last week on the Facebook.

0:13:12.328 --> 0:13:16.248
<v Speaker 2>So it made me think that this was a serious

0:13:16.328 --> 0:13:20.208
<v Speaker 2>relationship that's happening now, not something in the past. It

0:13:20.248 --> 0:13:23.488
<v Speaker 2>couldn't be justified with oh, we'd split or she was

0:13:23.968 --> 0:13:26.088
<v Speaker 2>just an ex. I wouldn't have believed that.

0:13:26.608 --> 0:13:30.528
<v Speaker 1>Leah was dumbfounded and totally confused, so she did what

0:13:30.648 --> 0:13:32.928
<v Speaker 1>any of us would. She rallied her troops.

0:13:33.168 --> 0:13:35.568
<v Speaker 2>My family were like, I would just forget to move on,

0:13:35.688 --> 0:13:38.168
<v Speaker 2>don't say anything. It's probably worse for the wife than

0:13:38.168 --> 0:13:40.688
<v Speaker 2>it is for you, so just have nothing to do

0:13:40.768 --> 0:13:42.528
<v Speaker 2>with them. But my friends were like, I think you

0:13:42.568 --> 0:13:45.528
<v Speaker 2>need to tell the wife because if that was you,

0:13:45.528 --> 0:13:49.168
<v Speaker 2>you'd want to know. So I decided to just wait

0:13:49.208 --> 0:13:52.728
<v Speaker 2>a week, just to sit and think about it, and

0:13:53.048 --> 0:13:56.607
<v Speaker 2>funnily enough, he was hardly messaging me. I was thinking, well,

0:13:56.648 --> 0:13:59.048
<v Speaker 2>of course you're not messaging me, You're probably busy with

0:13:59.088 --> 0:14:02.208
<v Speaker 2>your wife. So I started thinking like, oh, was I

0:14:02.328 --> 0:14:06.368
<v Speaker 2>the main one carrying the conversation and planning us hanging

0:14:06.408 --> 0:14:09.048
<v Speaker 2>out and putting in the effort to make it work.

0:14:09.528 --> 0:14:12.168
<v Speaker 2>Was it me that had done most of the that,

0:14:12.968 --> 0:14:15.727
<v Speaker 2>So now that I wasn't reaching out, he wasn't reaching

0:14:15.768 --> 0:14:19.128
<v Speaker 2>out either. A week later, he messages me saying he

0:14:19.168 --> 0:14:23.088
<v Speaker 2>misses me and asking how I was going. I replied,

0:14:23.928 --> 0:14:26.088
<v Speaker 2>I know you have a wife. I'm not going to

0:14:26.168 --> 0:14:29.728
<v Speaker 2>tell her. Please tell me what was real and what wasn't.

0:14:30.488 --> 0:14:33.768
<v Speaker 2>I wasn't actually expecting an answer. I was just hoping

0:14:33.808 --> 0:14:36.728
<v Speaker 2>he'd apologize, because I wasn't trying to come off as

0:14:36.728 --> 0:14:38.968
<v Speaker 2>a threat that I was going to tell the wife.

0:14:38.968 --> 0:14:40.448
<v Speaker 2>I just wanted him to admit to it, like I

0:14:40.488 --> 0:14:42.808
<v Speaker 2>get it. People make mistakes and then we can move on.

0:14:43.728 --> 0:14:45.168
<v Speaker 2>Not that I would be wanting to be with him,

0:14:45.168 --> 0:14:48.448
<v Speaker 2>but I just wanted him to admit to it. He said,

0:14:49.248 --> 0:14:52.128
<v Speaker 2>I don't know where the hell you've got this information from.

0:14:53.048 --> 0:14:56.328
<v Speaker 2>Who's talking shit about me? Kept asking me if anyone

0:14:56.368 --> 0:14:59.888
<v Speaker 2>from his work had spoken to me, and I was

0:14:59.928 --> 0:15:02.768
<v Speaker 2>saying no, and then he said, oh, have you been

0:15:02.768 --> 0:15:08.328
<v Speaker 2>stalking me? We went back and forth texting, and it

0:15:08.368 --> 0:15:10.408
<v Speaker 2>was just me trying to get him to tell me

0:15:10.488 --> 0:15:13.328
<v Speaker 2>the truth. I just wanted him to tell me the

0:15:13.368 --> 0:15:15.928
<v Speaker 2>truth about their relationship because I felt like I'd been

0:15:15.928 --> 0:15:18.288
<v Speaker 2>honest in the whole time I was dating him, and

0:15:18.568 --> 0:15:21.168
<v Speaker 2>everything he told me about himself was probably a lie.

0:15:21.688 --> 0:15:25.688
<v Speaker 2>It just made me just want answers. I just asked

0:15:25.728 --> 0:15:29.848
<v Speaker 2>him to tell me about the wife. He refused because

0:15:29.888 --> 0:15:33.048
<v Speaker 2>he was quite intimidating and told me about how he

0:15:33.088 --> 0:15:35.688
<v Speaker 2>had a previous ex charge with stalking. I'm not sure

0:15:35.728 --> 0:15:38.408
<v Speaker 2>whether it was some other girlfriend he was cheating or

0:15:38.448 --> 0:15:40.648
<v Speaker 2>when he was with the wife. It did make me

0:15:40.888 --> 0:15:44.568
<v Speaker 2>very scared to tell the wife because I just thought, oh,

0:15:44.848 --> 0:15:47.648
<v Speaker 2>I just found him very intimidating, Like I'm just someone

0:15:47.688 --> 0:15:50.568
<v Speaker 2>that works in a cafe. I don't think it's worth

0:15:50.928 --> 0:15:53.528
<v Speaker 2>the fight. I did spend quite a bit of time

0:15:54.128 --> 0:15:58.568
<v Speaker 2>looking up his wife, him, their friends and family on

0:15:58.808 --> 0:16:02.208
<v Speaker 2>social media, just trying to like understand who he really was,

0:16:02.528 --> 0:16:05.608
<v Speaker 2>because he'd always made out that he was some struggling

0:16:05.848 --> 0:16:08.968
<v Speaker 2>guy working two jobs. You know, he wasn't even eating well.

0:16:09.008 --> 0:16:12.888
<v Speaker 2>He was eating tasty for dinner because he was, you know, struggling,

0:16:13.208 --> 0:16:15.768
<v Speaker 2>And I just thought, you have a partner, and I

0:16:15.848 --> 0:16:18.048
<v Speaker 2>am like, I'm on my own, You're not actually on

0:16:18.048 --> 0:16:18.448
<v Speaker 2>your own.

0:16:18.568 --> 0:16:21.568
<v Speaker 1>From dating this guy for six months, she suddenly realized

0:16:21.608 --> 0:16:24.968
<v Speaker 1>she had no idea who he was was yet what

0:16:25.168 --> 0:16:28.008
<v Speaker 1>he was capable of. So she started to put together

0:16:28.048 --> 0:16:31.848
<v Speaker 1>a file documenting everything she found and how she'd found it.

0:16:32.288 --> 0:16:35.168
<v Speaker 2>So we'd go back and forth texting, and then he

0:16:35.168 --> 0:16:37.768
<v Speaker 2>would say something, right, leave me the hell alone. If

0:16:37.768 --> 0:16:40.528
<v Speaker 2>you contact me any further, I'm going to consider this

0:16:40.568 --> 0:16:43.368
<v Speaker 2>harassment and report you to the police. I was worried

0:16:43.368 --> 0:16:45.848
<v Speaker 2>that he might continue to say that I was stalking him,

0:16:45.848 --> 0:16:47.608
<v Speaker 2>and I wanted to be like, no, I didn't. I

0:16:47.648 --> 0:16:50.088
<v Speaker 2>found out legally, and I think at this point I'd

0:16:50.128 --> 0:16:53.288
<v Speaker 2>started a part time government job, and then he was

0:16:53.488 --> 0:16:56.168
<v Speaker 2>implying that I'd used a government system to look him

0:16:56.248 --> 0:16:59.808
<v Speaker 2>up to find out this information, which I definitely hadn't,

0:16:59.928 --> 0:17:02.048
<v Speaker 2>and I felt like it was impacting my job because

0:17:02.088 --> 0:17:03.608
<v Speaker 2>I felt like I was going to get in trouble,

0:17:03.608 --> 0:17:05.407
<v Speaker 2>even though I know I hadn't done anything wrong, but

0:17:05.488 --> 0:17:08.447
<v Speaker 2>I felt like they could go that way. I was

0:17:08.528 --> 0:17:12.848
<v Speaker 2>becoming paranoid and worried that he was going to do something.

0:17:13.447 --> 0:17:16.208
<v Speaker 2>He did say that if I interfered in his life

0:17:16.208 --> 0:17:19.128
<v Speaker 2>in any way, he would get payback. I never met

0:17:19.208 --> 0:17:22.207
<v Speaker 2>up with him again. He kept trying to get me

0:17:22.248 --> 0:17:24.528
<v Speaker 2>to meet up with him because he wanted to explain things,

0:17:24.808 --> 0:17:26.687
<v Speaker 2>but I didn't want that. I own if you're going

0:17:26.688 --> 0:17:28.488
<v Speaker 2>to explain it, explain it to me by text.

0:17:28.768 --> 0:17:29.248
<v Speaker 1>And yeah.

0:17:29.368 --> 0:17:31.768
<v Speaker 2>We went back and forth over a few months. So

0:17:31.888 --> 0:17:34.408
<v Speaker 2>after a couple months of texting back and forth, I

0:17:34.488 --> 0:17:37.128
<v Speaker 2>decided to add him on my real account on Instagram.

0:17:37.568 --> 0:17:39.568
<v Speaker 2>If he wasn't going to give me the answers, I thought,

0:17:39.608 --> 0:17:42.368
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to try find them myself. And that's where

0:17:42.368 --> 0:17:46.208
<v Speaker 2>I saw that there was no pictures of the wife.

0:17:46.248 --> 0:17:50.288
<v Speaker 2>There was only pictures with a paramedic named Chloe. And

0:17:50.368 --> 0:17:53.448
<v Speaker 2>I was then also in shock because I was like, wait,

0:17:54.048 --> 0:17:56.407
<v Speaker 2>did I get it wrong. There was pictures for the

0:17:56.488 --> 0:18:00.488
<v Speaker 2>last two years of them going on holiday. The most

0:18:00.528 --> 0:18:02.967
<v Speaker 2>recent photo was one from the previous year. There was

0:18:03.008 --> 0:18:06.088
<v Speaker 2>nothing from this year. So it was like for the

0:18:06.088 --> 0:18:09.328
<v Speaker 2>first two years of their marriage he was with Chloe,

0:18:09.408 --> 0:18:12.368
<v Speaker 2>but it was It was weird because Chloe's relationship with

0:18:12.408 --> 0:18:15.927
<v Speaker 2>Ethan seemed very serious, like they were taking holidays, whereas

0:18:15.928 --> 0:18:18.568
<v Speaker 2>for me it was just something way more casual. Then

0:18:18.608 --> 0:18:21.927
<v Speaker 2>I was in shock again. I thought I was in

0:18:21.928 --> 0:18:24.768
<v Speaker 2>a relationship and now I'm like he was in a

0:18:24.808 --> 0:18:29.248
<v Speaker 2>serious relationship with her, like going on holidays. At least

0:18:29.288 --> 0:18:31.328
<v Speaker 2>she knew his real name. I didn't get to know

0:18:31.368 --> 0:18:33.928
<v Speaker 2>his real name, so I kind of I was just jealous. Honestly,

0:18:35.048 --> 0:18:37.768
<v Speaker 2>in my head, I was thinking, Oh, maybe he was

0:18:37.808 --> 0:18:41.008
<v Speaker 2>with her for two years and then moved cities and

0:18:41.288 --> 0:18:43.288
<v Speaker 2>maybe he wasn't seeing her now. But then there was

0:18:43.328 --> 0:18:45.407
<v Speaker 2>some recent photos and some comments, and that's why I

0:18:45.448 --> 0:18:47.927
<v Speaker 2>was getting confused. And then the other big thing that

0:18:47.968 --> 0:18:50.488
<v Speaker 2>I saw on Instagram was that he bought a house,

0:18:51.408 --> 0:18:53.688
<v Speaker 2>and I was just trying to work out which girl

0:18:53.728 --> 0:18:56.528
<v Speaker 2>did he buy the house with. He bought the house

0:18:57.528 --> 0:19:00.488
<v Speaker 2>probably around the time that I had found out he

0:19:01.608 --> 0:19:04.448
<v Speaker 2>had a wife, So that's probably why he didn't really

0:19:04.488 --> 0:19:07.968
<v Speaker 2>care to try to explain or talk to me or anything,

0:19:08.008 --> 0:19:10.648
<v Speaker 2>because he was too busy doing that. Like he really

0:19:10.648 --> 0:19:12.128
<v Speaker 2>didn't care about me. I was nothing.

0:19:13.328 --> 0:19:15.687
<v Speaker 1>Leah was more confused than ever, but at the end

0:19:15.728 --> 0:19:18.288
<v Speaker 1>of the day, she'd already learned Ethan was a liar.

0:19:18.648 --> 0:19:21.248
<v Speaker 1>There was no doubt Leah had unknowingly been the other

0:19:21.328 --> 0:19:24.728
<v Speaker 1>woman to either his ex wife or this Chloe. What

0:19:24.808 --> 0:19:26.608
<v Speaker 1>good would it do for her to get herself even

0:19:26.648 --> 0:19:28.088
<v Speaker 1>more tangled up in his lines.

0:19:28.448 --> 0:19:30.768
<v Speaker 2>I think I just had enough answers to know that

0:19:31.208 --> 0:19:34.408
<v Speaker 2>he was just a massive cheeto and that he wasn't

0:19:34.408 --> 0:19:37.448
<v Speaker 2>going to change. And I don't think even telling them

0:19:37.568 --> 0:19:41.048
<v Speaker 2>was going to bring me any peace or third, I

0:19:41.488 --> 0:19:44.608
<v Speaker 2>believe me, and I just think looking back, there were

0:19:44.648 --> 0:19:46.808
<v Speaker 2>so many signs that he was cheating that I missed

0:19:47.088 --> 0:19:49.207
<v Speaker 2>and that I felt dumb and that I have to

0:19:49.328 --> 0:19:51.448
<v Speaker 2>just move on by trying to build up my confidence.

0:19:52.088 --> 0:19:54.407
<v Speaker 2>Things like when we did hang out, we were doing

0:19:54.728 --> 0:19:59.128
<v Speaker 2>mundane activities like going to get your car cleaned, which

0:19:59.168 --> 0:20:01.968
<v Speaker 2>could have been explained away to the wife, or going

0:20:02.008 --> 0:20:05.048
<v Speaker 2>to get a haircut, or meeting up at the shops

0:20:05.048 --> 0:20:08.728
<v Speaker 2>and hanging out. Those sorts of activities the partner was

0:20:08.728 --> 0:20:10.528
<v Speaker 2>not going to pick up on. They probably just thought

0:20:10.568 --> 0:20:13.288
<v Speaker 2>he was there by himself. I was spending quite a

0:20:13.288 --> 0:20:15.848
<v Speaker 2>bit of time thinking about all the signs that I

0:20:15.928 --> 0:20:19.328
<v Speaker 2>had missed. For example, he said he was allergic to perfume,

0:20:19.328 --> 0:20:21.648
<v Speaker 2>and there was one day he was like sweating himself,

0:20:21.688 --> 0:20:23.608
<v Speaker 2>acting like he was having about to have a rash

0:20:23.648 --> 0:20:26.008
<v Speaker 2>or a breakout because of perfume, and then he was

0:20:26.008 --> 0:20:29.447
<v Speaker 2>always getting his car cleaned. Just things like that that.

0:20:29.728 --> 0:20:33.328
<v Speaker 2>I go Leah, like, how did you not realize he

0:20:33.408 --> 0:20:36.128
<v Speaker 2>probably just didn't want to go home smelling like another woman.

0:20:36.848 --> 0:20:38.768
<v Speaker 2>He was probably getting his car cleaned all the time

0:20:38.808 --> 0:20:41.808
<v Speaker 2>in case there was any brown hair in the car

0:20:41.888 --> 0:20:45.088
<v Speaker 2>because his wife was blonde. At this point, I decided,

0:20:45.088 --> 0:20:46.768
<v Speaker 2>and I'm going to have to forget to move on,

0:20:46.928 --> 0:20:49.608
<v Speaker 2>except it as a bad memory and just forget. So yeah,

0:20:49.648 --> 0:20:53.448
<v Speaker 2>I moved cities, I went back to UNI. I changed

0:20:53.768 --> 0:20:57.128
<v Speaker 2>jobs and was doing full time the government job while studying,

0:20:57.248 --> 0:20:58.927
<v Speaker 2>and I just thought, I have to forget to move on.

0:20:59.488 --> 0:21:02.768
<v Speaker 1>So that was that a bad experience with the bad guy,

0:21:03.088 --> 0:21:06.608
<v Speaker 1>But it was behind her, not Leah's circus, not her monkeys.

0:21:07.008 --> 0:21:09.368
<v Speaker 1>But dear listener, you can see by how long this

0:21:09.408 --> 0:21:12.848
<v Speaker 1>episode has left, the story isn't finished just yet.

0:21:12.968 --> 0:21:16.207
<v Speaker 2>So it's now been a few years and I have

0:21:16.368 --> 0:21:19.288
<v Speaker 2>completely moved on. I haven't even thought about him. Every

0:21:19.368 --> 0:21:23.528
<v Speaker 2>relationship since has honestly been so much better. And I'm

0:21:23.728 --> 0:21:27.168
<v Speaker 2>in my hometown where my mum lives, and I'm at

0:21:27.168 --> 0:21:30.207
<v Speaker 2>the shops, and then I get a text from Ethan

0:21:30.328 --> 0:21:32.288
<v Speaker 2>saying he had just seen me at the shops and

0:21:32.648 --> 0:21:35.528
<v Speaker 2>he was wondering how it was going. I was thinking,

0:21:36.328 --> 0:21:39.967
<v Speaker 2>please don't disturb my peace. Like I've moved on. You

0:21:40.088 --> 0:21:42.528
<v Speaker 2>got away with it. I never told a single person

0:21:42.568 --> 0:21:45.168
<v Speaker 2>about what you did, and you're texting me right now,

0:21:45.608 --> 0:21:49.288
<v Speaker 2>like I was just like in shock. I was like okay,

0:21:50.168 --> 0:21:51.727
<v Speaker 2>And so then I was like, h let me go

0:21:52.088 --> 0:21:54.808
<v Speaker 2>on social media and check out what these people are doing.

0:21:56.328 --> 0:22:00.568
<v Speaker 2>I could see that he still owned the house that

0:22:00.608 --> 0:22:04.328
<v Speaker 2>he'd bought when we were dating, and it had not

0:22:04.368 --> 0:22:06.488
<v Speaker 2>been sold, So that, to me suggested he was not

0:22:06.848 --> 0:22:09.488
<v Speaker 2>divorced from the wife because they still owned that house together.

0:22:10.048 --> 0:22:11.848
<v Speaker 2>And then I could see that Chloe was not with

0:22:11.968 --> 0:22:15.488
<v Speaker 2>him because there was no photos. That's when I decided

0:22:15.488 --> 0:22:18.328
<v Speaker 2>to message Chloe and ask her, and that's how I

0:22:18.368 --> 0:22:22.728
<v Speaker 2>found out. I said, were you dating a man named Ethan?

0:22:23.408 --> 0:22:25.728
<v Speaker 2>I was dating him, and I believe he has a

0:22:25.728 --> 0:22:29.608
<v Speaker 2>wife and multiple partners. I'm just wanting the truth. I'd

0:22:29.608 --> 0:22:32.208
<v Speaker 2>really appreciate if you could tell me what had happened.

0:22:33.688 --> 0:22:36.648
<v Speaker 2>She said, Yes, I know Ethan. I was in a

0:22:36.688 --> 0:22:40.288
<v Speaker 2>relationship with him for a few years. Chloe didn't know

0:22:40.328 --> 0:22:44.408
<v Speaker 2>about me, but she wasn't surprised to hear that he

0:22:44.568 --> 0:22:47.768
<v Speaker 2>was cheating with me because he'd done it multiple times.

0:22:47.808 --> 0:22:51.648
<v Speaker 2>Before she'd moved down from up North down with him,

0:22:52.248 --> 0:22:55.848
<v Speaker 2>and she found out that he was going between two

0:22:56.088 --> 0:23:01.088
<v Speaker 2>townhouses between hers and the wife's. Chloe was told that

0:23:01.488 --> 0:23:04.207
<v Speaker 2>he was married, but they had since been divorced, and

0:23:04.328 --> 0:23:06.488
<v Speaker 2>because of the whole when you're divorced you have to

0:23:06.528 --> 0:23:09.048
<v Speaker 2>wait one year, she thought she was dating him during

0:23:09.048 --> 0:23:11.008
<v Speaker 2>that one year, so she thought they were in the

0:23:11.008 --> 0:23:14.368
<v Speaker 2>process of getting divorced. And then once she realized the

0:23:14.408 --> 0:23:18.288
<v Speaker 2>wife had moved from up North down with at the

0:23:18.288 --> 0:23:22.088
<v Speaker 2>same time as them, that's when she realized maybe maybe

0:23:22.088 --> 0:23:25.408
<v Speaker 2>they're not divorced. Ethan even nearly bought a house with her,

0:23:25.648 --> 0:23:27.128
<v Speaker 2>which is kind of crazy because I knew that he

0:23:27.128 --> 0:23:30.167
<v Speaker 2>probably bought a house with the wife. And then Ethan

0:23:30.248 --> 0:23:33.207
<v Speaker 2>also said things like, oh, we'll try for a baby

0:23:33.968 --> 0:23:35.768
<v Speaker 2>and like, So Chloe really did think she was in

0:23:35.768 --> 0:23:38.328
<v Speaker 2>a proper relationship when your in the process of buying

0:23:38.328 --> 0:23:41.247
<v Speaker 2>a house and trying for a kid. He was in

0:23:41.288 --> 0:23:45.967
<v Speaker 2>a marriage and also in a full blown relationship with

0:23:46.048 --> 0:23:49.088
<v Speaker 2>another woman, and I was the other other woman, just

0:23:49.328 --> 0:23:52.648
<v Speaker 2>in a side relationship. She knew that he was a

0:23:52.648 --> 0:23:55.648
<v Speaker 2>bit of a cheaterh but he would say to her

0:23:55.768 --> 0:23:58.208
<v Speaker 2>things like, oh, I cheat because of things you do,

0:23:58.288 --> 0:24:00.928
<v Speaker 2>so she he put it back on her. She told

0:24:00.968 --> 0:24:03.568
<v Speaker 2>me that the wife probably already knows about this, but

0:24:03.888 --> 0:24:06.927
<v Speaker 2>just won't leave him. She told me, Ethan will go

0:24:07.248 --> 0:24:10.447
<v Speaker 2>to whoever will give him a home cooked meal, a

0:24:10.488 --> 0:24:15.048
<v Speaker 2>clean house, sex, pay for a holiday. He would just

0:24:15.088 --> 0:24:19.448
<v Speaker 2>go wherever he could get his needs met. I just thought, oh,

0:24:19.488 --> 0:24:22.407
<v Speaker 2>my gosh, she had it way worse than me, And

0:24:22.448 --> 0:24:24.568
<v Speaker 2>it's sad to say that hearing someone else had it

0:24:24.608 --> 0:24:27.247
<v Speaker 2>worse made me feel a bit better, but like it

0:24:27.288 --> 0:24:30.288
<v Speaker 2>also just made me not feel crazy because fears I

0:24:30.368 --> 0:24:33.687
<v Speaker 2>kept this file on him because I don't want to

0:24:33.688 --> 0:24:36.968
<v Speaker 2>get sued for defamation or you know, sued for stalking

0:24:37.008 --> 0:24:40.207
<v Speaker 2>or harassment or anything. That I was wanting to be

0:24:40.288 --> 0:24:43.088
<v Speaker 2>so careful, and then hearing she had an experience worse

0:24:43.128 --> 0:24:46.808
<v Speaker 2>than mine, it made me feel so validated that he

0:24:46.928 --> 0:24:50.888
<v Speaker 2>really was a liar, a really good liar, and not

0:24:50.928 --> 0:24:53.608
<v Speaker 2>a good person. When you think you're the other women,

0:24:53.648 --> 0:24:55.568
<v Speaker 2>you think, oh, you know that there's a wife and

0:24:55.608 --> 0:24:58.328
<v Speaker 2>it's a bad relationship. Like I was dating someone who

0:24:58.408 --> 0:25:01.608
<v Speaker 2>I truly thought was only dating me, and that's right,

0:25:01.648 --> 0:25:03.608
<v Speaker 2>and of why I was shocked, because I truly did

0:25:03.608 --> 0:25:06.728
<v Speaker 2>not know about these people. So Chloe was very forthcoming

0:25:06.768 --> 0:25:09.048
<v Speaker 2>and answering all the questions, and then she goes, oh,

0:25:09.088 --> 0:25:11.808
<v Speaker 2>can you do one? And I said yes, and she goes,

0:25:12.128 --> 0:25:15.687
<v Speaker 2>he has a new partner named Jenna. Can you please

0:25:15.768 --> 0:25:18.488
<v Speaker 2>warn her? Because I wish more people had warned me.

0:25:19.608 --> 0:25:21.488
<v Speaker 2>Chloe had warned Jenna, but she didn't want a bar

0:25:21.568 --> 0:25:23.808
<v Speaker 2>of it. She just didn't believe it. She goes, oh,

0:25:23.848 --> 0:25:26.447
<v Speaker 2>he has a pass. Everyone has a past. So I

0:25:26.448 --> 0:25:29.328
<v Speaker 2>think Chloe thought if I warn Jenna, least she has

0:25:29.328 --> 0:25:32.328
<v Speaker 2>the information so that she can decide what she wants

0:25:32.368 --> 0:25:34.808
<v Speaker 2>to do. Like she might not listen to me, but

0:25:34.848 --> 0:25:37.488
<v Speaker 2>at least she was aware. And I kind of understand

0:25:37.488 --> 0:25:39.808
<v Speaker 2>it because I remember the shop when I first found

0:25:39.808 --> 0:25:42.848
<v Speaker 2>out that, so I yeah, I wish I knew sooner.

0:25:43.328 --> 0:25:48.167
<v Speaker 2>So I messaged Jenna to say I dated Ethan, he

0:25:48.288 --> 0:25:51.968
<v Speaker 2>was a cheeterh and has a wife, and that he'd

0:25:52.008 --> 0:25:54.608
<v Speaker 2>messaged me recently, you know, when I was at the

0:25:54.608 --> 0:25:57.967
<v Speaker 2>shops trying to chat to me. I also said I

0:25:57.968 --> 0:26:00.128
<v Speaker 2>was really sorry to tell her this and that if

0:26:00.168 --> 0:26:03.448
<v Speaker 2>she had any questions, I'd answer them. She rode back

0:26:04.488 --> 0:26:08.407
<v Speaker 2>and said, can you please send me the screenshots? I

0:26:08.448 --> 0:26:12.128
<v Speaker 2>sent screenshots and or replied, and then I did get

0:26:12.128 --> 0:26:15.088
<v Speaker 2>a message from Ethan saying, I know you contacted Jenna.

0:26:15.768 --> 0:26:18.608
<v Speaker 2>You should be very careful. You're going to get charged

0:26:18.648 --> 0:26:22.128
<v Speaker 2>with disturbing the peace. I just decided I have to

0:26:22.128 --> 0:26:23.888
<v Speaker 2>forget and move on. He has to live with what

0:26:23.928 --> 0:26:26.128
<v Speaker 2>he's done, but I just have to accept it that

0:26:26.568 --> 0:26:29.207
<v Speaker 2>it is what it is. I can't be trying to

0:26:29.528 --> 0:26:33.207
<v Speaker 2>explain this to like different women. You want to help people,

0:26:33.608 --> 0:26:36.368
<v Speaker 2>but sometimes you really just got to let things go

0:26:36.408 --> 0:26:39.407
<v Speaker 2>and move on. I didn't really feel guilt. I just

0:26:39.408 --> 0:26:42.288
<v Speaker 2>felt more jealousy because at least they got to experience

0:26:42.288 --> 0:26:45.088
<v Speaker 2>a proper relationship and I'm not. And I was in

0:26:45.128 --> 0:26:47.648
<v Speaker 2>my early twenties and that's what I wanted. And he

0:26:47.888 --> 0:26:50.288
<v Speaker 2>said to me how he was wanting a serious relationship

0:26:50.328 --> 0:26:53.687
<v Speaker 2>too at the very beginning, but then was having doubts.

0:26:53.688 --> 0:26:56.288
<v Speaker 2>And then I felt those doubts were because of me,

0:26:56.968 --> 0:26:59.927
<v Speaker 2>maybe because of me not being good enough, and it

0:27:00.008 --> 0:27:01.808
<v Speaker 2>just made me want to work hard to impress him.

0:27:02.808 --> 0:27:04.848
<v Speaker 2>I did think he was a great guy. Like I

0:27:04.848 --> 0:27:07.848
<v Speaker 2>don't go telling lies, so I don't assume that when

0:27:07.888 --> 0:27:09.568
<v Speaker 2>I'm seeing someone that they're going to be lying to me.

0:27:10.168 --> 0:27:12.408
<v Speaker 2>He asked me out he was the one that wanted

0:27:12.448 --> 0:27:16.088
<v Speaker 2>to date me. He was actively trying to date me,

0:27:16.608 --> 0:27:19.128
<v Speaker 2>and it wasn't like a situation where he just found

0:27:19.208 --> 0:27:24.608
<v Speaker 2>himself accidentally cheating. It was very intentional. So now he's

0:27:24.608 --> 0:27:27.368
<v Speaker 2>probably in his late thirties and he's a grown man,

0:27:27.448 --> 0:27:31.168
<v Speaker 2>and he's going to have to just live with this.

0:27:32.208 --> 0:27:36.288
<v Speaker 2>I feel nothing towards him. I just hope he can

0:27:36.368 --> 0:27:39.328
<v Speaker 2>stop hurting people. I mean, he would always say things

0:27:39.408 --> 0:27:41.568
<v Speaker 2>like you don't know what I've been through or how

0:27:41.568 --> 0:27:44.008
<v Speaker 2>hard my life is, to imply like he's always had

0:27:44.048 --> 0:27:48.328
<v Speaker 2>a hard life to justify his poor behavior, and I

0:27:48.408 --> 0:27:50.568
<v Speaker 2>just hope he grows up. It's kind of embarrassing like

0:27:50.888 --> 0:27:54.088
<v Speaker 2>way to treat people. And I like to think in karma,

0:27:54.248 --> 0:27:56.608
<v Speaker 2>so like it might he might not have any consequences,

0:27:56.648 --> 0:28:00.848
<v Speaker 2>but maybe somewhere down the track. He mined, I do

0:28:00.968 --> 0:28:02.848
<v Speaker 2>look back and wish I didn't spend so much time

0:28:02.928 --> 0:28:06.288
<v Speaker 2>looking at the wife, the partner on social media, because

0:28:06.688 --> 0:28:08.848
<v Speaker 2>I look back and I just think time's precious, and

0:28:08.888 --> 0:28:11.207
<v Speaker 2>I just wish I didn't spend so much time thinking

0:28:11.248 --> 0:28:15.328
<v Speaker 2>about these people and what characteristics they had that I

0:28:15.368 --> 0:28:18.728
<v Speaker 2>didn't have, and just comparing myself I've just been focused

0:28:18.728 --> 0:28:22.008
<v Speaker 2>on trying to build up my confidence, getting into exercise,

0:28:22.488 --> 0:28:25.488
<v Speaker 2>actually having a career, because before I think I just

0:28:25.528 --> 0:28:28.407
<v Speaker 2>felt like I wasn't smart, I wasn't funny, which I

0:28:28.448 --> 0:28:30.927
<v Speaker 2>really felt like these other girls that he was in

0:28:30.968 --> 0:28:34.328
<v Speaker 2>a proper relationship with work because they were paramedics and nurses,

0:28:34.648 --> 0:28:37.368
<v Speaker 2>they were smart, they seemed very funny. They just seem

0:28:37.448 --> 0:28:40.448
<v Speaker 2>like more interesting people, and so I've just been trying

0:28:40.448 --> 0:28:43.328
<v Speaker 2>to focus on myself. It definitely has challenged me to

0:28:43.328 --> 0:28:46.168
<v Speaker 2>think more critically about things, like just because someone said

0:28:46.168 --> 0:28:48.488
<v Speaker 2>that doesn't mean it's true, Like does things add up?

0:28:48.608 --> 0:28:52.048
<v Speaker 2>Does it make sense? Actually look for red flags, which

0:28:52.128 --> 0:28:54.008
<v Speaker 2>I was very naive in the beginning.

0:29:10.128 --> 0:29:13.328
<v Speaker 1>Everyone Has an Ex's a MINTI Media production and proudly

0:29:13.368 --> 0:29:15.888
<v Speaker 1>part of the Mum and mea Network. This episode is

0:29:15.928 --> 0:29:18.968
<v Speaker 1>written and narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by

0:29:19.048 --> 0:29:21.488
<v Speaker 1>Linda Scott. If you have a story you'd like to share,

0:29:21.568 --> 0:29:24.888
<v Speaker 1>email podcast at momamea dot com dot you. You can

0:29:24.888 --> 0:29:27.728
<v Speaker 1>support us by following the show in your favorite podcast

0:29:27.768 --> 0:29:30.528
<v Speaker 1>app and leaving a five star review. We'll see you

0:29:30.568 --> 0:29:33.728
<v Speaker 1>for the next episode.