1 00:00:10,888 --> 00:00:15,528 Speaker 1: You're listening to another mere podcast. Mumma Mer acknowledges the 2 00:00:15,568 --> 00:00:18,768 Speaker 1: traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast is 3 00:00:18,808 --> 00:00:22,608 Speaker 1: recorded on This episode contains discussions of pregnancy loss, which 4 00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:32,528 Speaker 1: may be distressing for some listeners. When friendship turns into love, 5 00:00:32,808 --> 00:00:35,568 Speaker 1: it feels less like a leap and more like coming home. 6 00:00:35,808 --> 00:00:38,608 Speaker 1: There is risk in crossing that line, but when it works, 7 00:00:38,728 --> 00:00:42,287 Speaker 1: love born from friendship carries a rare intimacy, and that 8 00:00:42,368 --> 00:00:44,368 Speaker 1: was certainly the case for Simone and Anthony. 9 00:00:45,008 --> 00:00:48,408 Speaker 2: It was really an immediate chemistry. We really took off, 10 00:00:48,608 --> 00:00:50,448 Speaker 2: We spread our wings. That was it. We were in 11 00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:54,528 Speaker 2: the air. It was a really sort of fast, fast connection, 12 00:00:54,928 --> 00:00:58,208 Speaker 2: fast feelings. They developed so quickly. 13 00:00:59,248 --> 00:01:02,928 Speaker 1: But when lovers turn into strangers, it's the most painful 14 00:01:02,968 --> 00:01:06,528 Speaker 1: and quiet heartbreak of all. That person you knew so intimately, 15 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:09,608 Speaker 1: relied on so heavily is now someone you don't really 16 00:01:09,688 --> 00:01:10,327 Speaker 1: know it all. 17 00:01:10,768 --> 00:01:13,168 Speaker 2: I went around to his house and I stood at 18 00:01:13,168 --> 00:01:16,648 Speaker 2: his front door. It was nighttime by then, it was 19 00:01:16,688 --> 00:01:19,848 Speaker 2: freezing cold. It was night at time, and I stood 20 00:01:19,888 --> 00:01:23,928 Speaker 2: at his door and I said to him, I'm bleeding 21 00:01:24,128 --> 00:01:27,928 Speaker 2: and I'm scared. I don't know what to do. He 22 00:01:28,128 --> 00:01:32,008 Speaker 2: turned around to me and he said, I'm watching a 23 00:01:32,087 --> 00:01:34,728 Speaker 2: movie with my two kids. I can't deal with this 24 00:01:34,968 --> 00:01:37,248 Speaker 2: right now, and he slammed the door in my face 25 00:01:38,408 --> 00:01:39,288 Speaker 2: and ned me it. 26 00:01:49,008 --> 00:01:51,608 Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an eggs. 27 00:01:51,808 --> 00:01:53,928 Speaker 1: Come with me as we dive into a collection of 28 00:01:54,088 --> 00:01:58,208 Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships passed through the eyes and the 29 00:01:58,208 --> 00:02:01,768 Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who lived them. The year 30 00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:04,688 Speaker 1: was twenty nineteen and Simone had just come out of 31 00:02:04,688 --> 00:02:08,248 Speaker 1: a twelve year relationship with her ex husband. She'd been 32 00:02:08,288 --> 00:02:10,088 Speaker 1: on the dating scene for a bit and had some 33 00:02:10,208 --> 00:02:13,168 Speaker 1: fun but never found anything serious. But you know what 34 00:02:13,208 --> 00:02:15,928 Speaker 1: they say, sometimes what you've been looking for has been 35 00:02:16,048 --> 00:02:17,847 Speaker 1: right in front of you the whole time. 36 00:02:18,328 --> 00:02:22,408 Speaker 2: I'd been single for about four months when Anthony and 37 00:02:22,448 --> 00:02:26,968 Speaker 2: I started to, I guess, form a relationship. I had 38 00:02:27,088 --> 00:02:31,008 Speaker 2: known him through our social circle. He was actually sort 39 00:02:31,008 --> 00:02:33,847 Speaker 2: of on the outer of mine and my husband's friendship group, 40 00:02:34,008 --> 00:02:37,167 Speaker 2: so we would occasionally be at the same social situations. 41 00:02:37,568 --> 00:02:40,168 Speaker 2: I used to actually say to my husband at the time, 42 00:02:41,008 --> 00:02:43,888 Speaker 2: he's such a genuinely nice guy. He would always take 43 00:02:43,928 --> 00:02:47,048 Speaker 2: that time to stop and have a conversation, and you 44 00:02:47,328 --> 00:02:50,328 Speaker 2: feel like he was really listening to what you were saying. 45 00:02:50,368 --> 00:02:53,208 Speaker 2: It wasn't just you know, that brief chit chat. It 46 00:02:53,248 --> 00:02:56,688 Speaker 2: was quite deep, meaningful conversation. And I always walked away 47 00:02:58,128 --> 00:03:01,968 Speaker 2: from our talks feeling really light and just happy. It 48 00:03:02,048 --> 00:03:04,568 Speaker 2: was just that positive energy that he radiated, and I 49 00:03:04,608 --> 00:03:07,368 Speaker 2: really felt that we had known each other of each 50 00:03:07,368 --> 00:03:12,168 Speaker 2: other for about fifteen years before we started out. Well, 51 00:03:12,168 --> 00:03:14,568 Speaker 2: I guess we're in that situation where we were both single, 52 00:03:15,407 --> 00:03:18,168 Speaker 2: and he had come out of a marriage a couple 53 00:03:18,248 --> 00:03:22,048 Speaker 2: of years before and had our serious relationship after his 54 00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:25,208 Speaker 2: marriage ended, and obviously at the time we started talking, 55 00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:27,968 Speaker 2: he was single, and he just happened to slip into 56 00:03:27,968 --> 00:03:31,928 Speaker 2: my DMS one night. That's where it all started. I'd 57 00:03:31,928 --> 00:03:34,768 Speaker 2: actually taken my son, who was fourteen at the time, 58 00:03:34,968 --> 00:03:37,688 Speaker 2: to see a band, and I'd popped a story on 59 00:03:37,728 --> 00:03:40,928 Speaker 2: my Instagram and he'd responded, or he'd replied to the 60 00:03:41,008 --> 00:03:43,448 Speaker 2: story and said, oh, how was the band? And I 61 00:03:43,488 --> 00:03:46,608 Speaker 2: loved them? And this is about midnight the night that 62 00:03:46,728 --> 00:03:49,008 Speaker 2: the concert was and I was back home in bed 63 00:03:49,048 --> 00:03:52,288 Speaker 2: by then, and we just started back and forth banter 64 00:03:52,568 --> 00:03:56,208 Speaker 2: and how's life going, and heard you've broken up with 65 00:03:56,248 --> 00:03:59,368 Speaker 2: such and such, and it just started a really nice 66 00:03:59,368 --> 00:04:01,968 Speaker 2: flow of conversation that went till about three o'clock in 67 00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:04,728 Speaker 2: the morning. That first night, I managed to give him 68 00:04:04,768 --> 00:04:07,728 Speaker 2: my number and I told him I hated speaking on 69 00:04:07,768 --> 00:04:10,368 Speaker 2: the phone. I liked to text message, but I hated 70 00:04:10,408 --> 00:04:13,128 Speaker 2: to chat on the phone. And anyway, the next morning, 71 00:04:13,168 --> 00:04:16,648 Speaker 2: after the concert, I had this person call me at 72 00:04:16,688 --> 00:04:19,568 Speaker 2: about eight o'clock in the morning from an unknown number, 73 00:04:19,768 --> 00:04:22,448 Speaker 2: and I answered the phone and it was him, and 74 00:04:22,528 --> 00:04:24,688 Speaker 2: he just started laughing. As soon as I picked up 75 00:04:24,728 --> 00:04:27,967 Speaker 2: the phone. I said, oh, you got me hate talking 76 00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:29,888 Speaker 2: on the phone. And we ended up chatting for three 77 00:04:29,967 --> 00:04:32,248 Speaker 2: hours that first morning over the phone, and it was 78 00:04:32,288 --> 00:04:36,688 Speaker 2: just lovely. The communication was easy, it flowed. We had 79 00:04:36,727 --> 00:04:38,888 Speaker 2: so much to talk about, we had a lot in common. 80 00:04:39,448 --> 00:04:42,528 Speaker 2: We just started talking every day, either on the phone 81 00:04:42,727 --> 00:04:45,408 Speaker 2: or sending voice notes or just on messenger. 82 00:04:45,727 --> 00:04:48,128 Speaker 1: And when they were talking every day already, it was 83 00:04:48,168 --> 00:04:50,728 Speaker 1: a pretty good sign they should move these conversations to 84 00:04:50,808 --> 00:04:52,808 Speaker 1: the face to face in person kind. 85 00:04:53,128 --> 00:04:55,608 Speaker 2: So I turned forty one that year, and it had 86 00:04:55,768 --> 00:04:58,248 Speaker 2: just been my birthday and I was telling him that 87 00:04:58,408 --> 00:05:01,527 Speaker 2: my fortieth was during COVID and I was meant to 88 00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:03,848 Speaker 2: go to Bali and I had this beautiful dress to 89 00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:06,647 Speaker 2: wear for my fortieth and I told him that I 90 00:05:06,688 --> 00:05:10,208 Speaker 2: never got to go and experience the family holiday Bali 91 00:05:10,288 --> 00:05:11,927 Speaker 2: and he said to me, well, I want to take 92 00:05:11,967 --> 00:05:13,528 Speaker 2: you out and we're going to pretend that it's your 93 00:05:13,528 --> 00:05:16,968 Speaker 2: fortieth birthday and you're going to wear that dress. And 94 00:05:17,048 --> 00:05:19,088 Speaker 2: I told him I'd never been to this was a 95 00:05:19,168 --> 00:05:23,448 Speaker 2: very fancy restaurant in the city, Tepanyaki, place that I'd 96 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,647 Speaker 2: always wanted to go to, and he told me that 97 00:05:25,727 --> 00:05:27,808 Speaker 2: he was going to take me there, and so we 98 00:05:27,847 --> 00:05:31,008 Speaker 2: set up a date, this first catch up as an 99 00:05:31,048 --> 00:05:34,608 Speaker 2: actual date. We decided a couple of weeks leading up 100 00:05:34,648 --> 00:05:36,848 Speaker 2: to that actual first date that we wanted to see 101 00:05:36,847 --> 00:05:40,087 Speaker 2: each other before then, and so it ended up being 102 00:05:40,128 --> 00:05:43,087 Speaker 2: that I went around to his house the week before 103 00:05:43,528 --> 00:05:46,807 Speaker 2: and he said he'd cook me dinner. And so I 104 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,847 Speaker 2: turned up at his house with a bottle of wine, 105 00:05:48,888 --> 00:05:52,607 Speaker 2: and he had prepared this beautiful platter, a grazing platter, 106 00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:55,407 Speaker 2: and he had a bottle of champagne waiting for me, 107 00:05:55,648 --> 00:05:59,448 Speaker 2: and his house was spotless, and we just shed a 108 00:05:59,528 --> 00:06:03,488 Speaker 2: beautiful evening together. We talked and we laughed, and it 109 00:06:03,528 --> 00:06:06,888 Speaker 2: was like we'd been a couple in a former life. Almost. 110 00:06:07,008 --> 00:06:09,248 Speaker 2: It was like we just hit it off from day dot. 111 00:06:09,928 --> 00:06:13,487 Speaker 2: So our first date was just a date at home, 112 00:06:13,688 --> 00:06:16,087 Speaker 2: and then the following week we went out for this amazing, 113 00:06:16,408 --> 00:06:20,607 Speaker 2: very fancy tapernaki date. I actually went and got ready 114 00:06:20,688 --> 00:06:23,608 Speaker 2: at his house, and I just remember sitting on his 115 00:06:23,688 --> 00:06:26,328 Speaker 2: bedroom floor in front of the wardrobe where there was 116 00:06:26,368 --> 00:06:28,688 Speaker 2: a big mirror, and I was sitting on the floor 117 00:06:28,727 --> 00:06:31,767 Speaker 2: doing my makeup and curling my hair, and he came 118 00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:33,608 Speaker 2: into his room and he just looked at me, and 119 00:06:33,648 --> 00:06:36,407 Speaker 2: he gave me this big grin, and I grinned back, 120 00:06:36,448 --> 00:06:39,008 Speaker 2: and I just felt it was just this connection of 121 00:06:39,648 --> 00:06:41,687 Speaker 2: how has this not happened? How has it taken so 122 00:06:41,808 --> 00:06:44,968 Speaker 2: long for us to fill this connection with each other? 123 00:06:45,008 --> 00:06:48,328 Speaker 2: It just felt so right. We had a beautiful evening. 124 00:06:48,448 --> 00:06:52,848 Speaker 2: We shared wine, and we had a delicious tapernaki dinner, 125 00:06:52,888 --> 00:06:55,968 Speaker 2: and we dressed up. Then we drove home and I 126 00:06:56,008 --> 00:06:58,248 Speaker 2: stayed at his house, and it was just there was 127 00:06:58,288 --> 00:06:59,527 Speaker 2: no awkward moments. 128 00:06:59,928 --> 00:07:02,967 Speaker 1: From there. It was all systems go. Simon and Anthony 129 00:07:03,008 --> 00:07:07,087 Speaker 1: were practically inseparable, and those three little words quickly lingered 130 00:07:07,087 --> 00:07:07,568 Speaker 1: in the air. 131 00:07:09,168 --> 00:07:12,568 Speaker 2: It was really and immediate chemistry. We really took off. 132 00:07:12,648 --> 00:07:14,488 Speaker 2: We spread our wings. That was it we were in 133 00:07:14,528 --> 00:07:17,607 Speaker 2: the air. It was a really sort of fast connection, 134 00:07:18,048 --> 00:07:24,248 Speaker 2: fast feelings. They developed so quickly. We would spend evenings 135 00:07:24,568 --> 00:07:27,648 Speaker 2: at his house or my house, sharing a bottle of 136 00:07:27,688 --> 00:07:31,208 Speaker 2: wine and listening to music. We both are really passionate 137 00:07:31,248 --> 00:07:34,848 Speaker 2: about music and seeing live music, so we shared a 138 00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:38,088 Speaker 2: lot of each other's favorite bands that the other hadn't 139 00:07:38,128 --> 00:07:40,608 Speaker 2: heard of, and we had that connection of talking and 140 00:07:40,688 --> 00:07:45,208 Speaker 2: dissecting lyrics and singing to each other. It was just 141 00:07:45,288 --> 00:07:49,008 Speaker 2: such simple times. We wouldn't necessarily go out and do 142 00:07:49,128 --> 00:07:52,328 Speaker 2: a lot, but it was just sharing those moments together 143 00:07:52,808 --> 00:07:55,807 Speaker 2: that for me felt super special and being able to 144 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:59,848 Speaker 2: be so open and vulnerable. We would write each other 145 00:07:59,968 --> 00:08:03,808 Speaker 2: poems and send them, and this was in the space 146 00:08:03,888 --> 00:08:07,488 Speaker 2: of the first four weeks of not quite I guess 147 00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:10,568 Speaker 2: officially dating. We were just sharing these fee for each 148 00:08:10,607 --> 00:08:13,727 Speaker 2: other that just developed so quickly. It was very powerful. 149 00:08:14,448 --> 00:08:17,648 Speaker 2: After quite a hard separation from my ex husband. It 150 00:08:17,688 --> 00:08:22,408 Speaker 2: felt so nice to feel appreciated and to have someone 151 00:08:22,448 --> 00:08:25,808 Speaker 2: put time and effort and thought into my needs and 152 00:08:25,848 --> 00:08:28,807 Speaker 2: wants as well, and just to laugh like we would 153 00:08:28,888 --> 00:08:32,368 Speaker 2: laugh all the time. It was just such a special 154 00:08:32,408 --> 00:08:35,408 Speaker 2: time and I was full of excitement and hope that 155 00:08:35,528 --> 00:08:39,608 Speaker 2: I thought, Wow, this is what real true love feels like. 156 00:08:39,648 --> 00:08:43,088 Speaker 2: It was leading into We hadn't obviously, we hadn't said it, 157 00:08:43,168 --> 00:08:46,368 Speaker 2: but I felt that we both had those feelings that 158 00:08:46,408 --> 00:08:50,448 Speaker 2: wanted to come out. He would tell me that he 159 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:55,248 Speaker 2: had never felt this way about someone before. He felt 160 00:08:55,408 --> 00:08:59,648 Speaker 2: safe with me. He had never felt that he could 161 00:08:59,648 --> 00:09:06,288 Speaker 2: be vulnerable and honest and so open with someone. There 162 00:09:06,328 --> 00:09:09,768 Speaker 2: was one night, very very early on in the peace, 163 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,888 Speaker 2: that he'd had a few drinks. He was on the 164 00:09:11,888 --> 00:09:16,048 Speaker 2: phone to me, and I could tell he was almost 165 00:09:16,128 --> 00:09:19,208 Speaker 2: blurted out I love you, and he didn't quite say it. 166 00:09:19,248 --> 00:09:21,968 Speaker 2: But there was a lot of times. I guess he 167 00:09:22,008 --> 00:09:24,528 Speaker 2: didn't really have to do a lot as such to 168 00:09:25,888 --> 00:09:30,208 Speaker 2: show me that the feelings were reciprocated. I just felt them, 169 00:09:30,248 --> 00:09:32,488 Speaker 2: just those simple little messages in the day, like I 170 00:09:32,528 --> 00:09:34,608 Speaker 2: can't wait for our kids to meet, and I can't 171 00:09:34,648 --> 00:09:36,888 Speaker 2: wait to build a future with you, I can't wait 172 00:09:36,968 --> 00:09:40,088 Speaker 2: to see where we're out in twelve months, or I 173 00:09:40,168 --> 00:09:42,768 Speaker 2: want to marry you one day, the typical things that 174 00:09:42,768 --> 00:09:46,488 Speaker 2: a female wants to hear in a relationship. I don't 175 00:09:46,648 --> 00:09:49,728 Speaker 2: remember the first time we actually told each other. It 176 00:09:49,888 --> 00:09:54,528 Speaker 2: was just that feeling of wow, this is actually this 177 00:09:54,608 --> 00:09:57,568 Speaker 2: is love, like we love each other, and we would 178 00:09:57,608 --> 00:09:59,608 Speaker 2: sometimes just stare at each other across the room like 179 00:09:59,688 --> 00:10:03,848 Speaker 2: how how is this? How did this happen? And it 180 00:10:03,928 --> 00:10:06,648 Speaker 2: just felt so good. We would say very early on, 181 00:10:06,888 --> 00:10:10,408 Speaker 2: it feels like we've been together for five years. Of 182 00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:12,968 Speaker 2: feels like we're an old married couple that have grown 183 00:10:13,248 --> 00:10:17,488 Speaker 2: so so much together, but we've only been seeing each 184 00:10:17,488 --> 00:10:21,008 Speaker 2: other a month or two months at that stage. I'm 185 00:10:21,048 --> 00:10:25,168 Speaker 2: not a person that dives headfirst into things, but this 186 00:10:25,448 --> 00:10:27,648 Speaker 2: just felt like I just wanted to dive straight in 187 00:10:27,688 --> 00:10:31,888 Speaker 2: and just discover everything we could about our relationship and 188 00:10:31,928 --> 00:10:33,848 Speaker 2: life together and building a future together. 189 00:10:34,648 --> 00:10:38,008 Speaker 1: And building a future included some other very important people 190 00:10:38,088 --> 00:10:38,728 Speaker 1: in their lives. 191 00:10:38,968 --> 00:10:41,728 Speaker 2: We both had kids, and we discussed our future together. 192 00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:45,088 Speaker 2: It didn't feel that we were moving too fast at all. 193 00:10:45,688 --> 00:10:49,208 Speaker 2: We were both excited to meet each other's kids. My 194 00:10:49,328 --> 00:10:52,408 Speaker 2: son he was fourteen, and he had two sons as well, 195 00:10:53,048 --> 00:10:56,048 Speaker 2: and we decided that we would hold off on meeting 196 00:10:56,128 --> 00:10:59,528 Speaker 2: each other's kids until we really spent a lot of 197 00:10:59,608 --> 00:11:03,368 Speaker 2: quality time together. We thought maybe six months would be 198 00:11:03,888 --> 00:11:06,088 Speaker 2: a good amount of time to have with each other 199 00:11:06,408 --> 00:11:09,968 Speaker 2: to make sure that this was serious before. We then 200 00:11:10,008 --> 00:11:14,208 Speaker 2: introduced our kids and brought them into into the relationship. 201 00:11:14,928 --> 00:11:18,688 Speaker 2: Six weeks after we'd started dating, we actually planned a 202 00:11:18,688 --> 00:11:22,008 Speaker 2: holiday with our kids, and we booked a holiday. It's 203 00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:25,928 Speaker 2: just it just felt so crazy that we'd been dating 204 00:11:26,008 --> 00:11:29,728 Speaker 2: six weeks and we were already looking six months ahead 205 00:11:29,768 --> 00:11:32,128 Speaker 2: to this family holiday with our kids who hadn't even 206 00:11:32,168 --> 00:11:35,368 Speaker 2: met yet. So we sort of we talked about when 207 00:11:35,368 --> 00:11:38,888 Speaker 2: they would meet, and it happened to actually happen earlier 208 00:11:39,168 --> 00:11:39,888 Speaker 2: then planned. 209 00:11:41,008 --> 00:11:43,888 Speaker 1: Simone was thrilled she had the man of her dreams, 210 00:11:43,928 --> 00:11:47,968 Speaker 1: a holiday planned, and everything was just well easy. That's 211 00:11:48,088 --> 00:11:51,048 Speaker 1: until just a mere two weeks later, it wasn't. 212 00:11:51,288 --> 00:11:54,328 Speaker 2: At this stage, we'd been dating about two months, and 213 00:11:54,688 --> 00:11:59,128 Speaker 2: I noticed a change in his behavior. His attitude towards me, 214 00:11:59,448 --> 00:12:02,208 Speaker 2: or his behaviors towards me changed a little bit. He 215 00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:06,088 Speaker 2: felt distant, and when I raised it with him, he 216 00:12:06,128 --> 00:12:08,848 Speaker 2: told me that he was feeling really depressed, that he 217 00:12:08,968 --> 00:12:13,127 Speaker 2: had had depression in the past, or he had experienced 218 00:12:13,168 --> 00:12:16,168 Speaker 2: mental illness in the past, as I had to, and 219 00:12:16,208 --> 00:12:19,128 Speaker 2: so I was really able to help him navigate through 220 00:12:19,168 --> 00:12:22,488 Speaker 2: those feelings. I felt like I wanted to help him, 221 00:12:22,848 --> 00:12:25,208 Speaker 2: and I wanted him to know that I was there 222 00:12:25,248 --> 00:12:28,487 Speaker 2: to support him, and I wasn't going anywhere. This one 223 00:12:28,528 --> 00:12:32,048 Speaker 2: particular night, he was having a very bad bout of 224 00:12:32,128 --> 00:12:36,528 Speaker 2: depression and he called me. He was drunk and he 225 00:12:36,608 --> 00:12:39,688 Speaker 2: had a knife. He was in his kitchen with some 226 00:12:39,808 --> 00:12:43,328 Speaker 2: of his close friends, and he told me that he 227 00:12:43,408 --> 00:12:46,968 Speaker 2: just didn't know how to deal with life. He was experiencing. 228 00:12:47,088 --> 00:12:50,608 Speaker 2: I think a lot of heartaches steal from his previous partner. 229 00:12:51,448 --> 00:12:54,288 Speaker 2: I think that night in particular, a lot of his 230 00:12:54,368 --> 00:12:57,768 Speaker 2: emotion came out and he was grieving her. And his 231 00:12:57,848 --> 00:13:00,208 Speaker 2: kids happened to be at home with him, and I 232 00:13:00,288 --> 00:13:02,488 Speaker 2: rushed to his side to be there for him, and 233 00:13:02,528 --> 00:13:07,048 Speaker 2: that's how I met his kids. It wasn't the occasion 234 00:13:07,048 --> 00:13:09,368 Speaker 2: that I thought it would be. It was more I 235 00:13:09,448 --> 00:13:11,648 Speaker 2: was there for him, and all my focus was on 236 00:13:11,728 --> 00:13:16,288 Speaker 2: Antony and not his kids. But I did really have 237 00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:20,808 Speaker 2: a connection, especially with his youngest son. The next morning, 238 00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:24,128 Speaker 2: Anthony and I woke up and his youngest son had 239 00:13:24,128 --> 00:13:26,968 Speaker 2: slept with us, and his son rolled over to me 240 00:13:27,008 --> 00:13:30,408 Speaker 2: and said, Hi, I'm Campbell, and it's nice to meet you. 241 00:13:30,448 --> 00:13:33,648 Speaker 2: And my dad really likes you. And Anthony just kind 242 00:13:33,648 --> 00:13:35,888 Speaker 2: of wrapped him in a cuddle and he's like, yeah, yeah, 243 00:13:35,928 --> 00:13:38,568 Speaker 2: we do like her, don't we. And it was a 244 00:13:38,608 --> 00:13:39,288 Speaker 2: sweet moment. 245 00:13:39,728 --> 00:13:42,288 Speaker 1: The first meeting with the kids didn't go as planned, 246 00:13:42,648 --> 00:13:45,848 Speaker 1: and while the situation was confronting, it ultimately brought them 247 00:13:45,888 --> 00:13:48,248 Speaker 1: closer together. It also felt like the right time for 248 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,968 Speaker 1: Simone to introduce Anthony to her son Harrison. 249 00:13:51,448 --> 00:13:55,528 Speaker 2: From there, we talked through how he was feeling, and 250 00:13:56,208 --> 00:14:00,048 Speaker 2: I felt that things improved after that. He come over 251 00:14:00,128 --> 00:14:03,727 Speaker 2: to my house one night. Anthony had and my son, 252 00:14:04,128 --> 00:14:06,808 Speaker 2: who stayed with me fifty percent at the time, he 253 00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:11,928 Speaker 2: was there, and so Harrison met him just a casual environment, 254 00:14:12,088 --> 00:14:15,008 Speaker 2: just in his own environment, and came out of his 255 00:14:15,128 --> 00:14:19,528 Speaker 2: room and he met Anthony and they got along really well. 256 00:14:19,688 --> 00:14:24,208 Speaker 2: My son's into skateboarding and surfing and all your typical 257 00:14:24,288 --> 00:14:28,248 Speaker 2: teenage boy traits, and Anthony was still into all of 258 00:14:28,288 --> 00:14:30,768 Speaker 2: those types of things. So they had a really good 259 00:14:30,848 --> 00:14:35,368 Speaker 2: connection and loving music, and my son's just such a 260 00:14:35,488 --> 00:14:39,248 Speaker 2: laid back dude, and Anthony would just look at him 261 00:14:39,288 --> 00:14:42,888 Speaker 2: sometimes and he'd just say, Harrison, if you were anymore 262 00:14:42,928 --> 00:14:45,728 Speaker 2: laid back, you would be dead, Like you're just so chilled. 263 00:14:46,368 --> 00:14:49,408 Speaker 2: When we used to laugh about that, because Harrison was 264 00:14:49,448 --> 00:14:51,848 Speaker 2: and still is. He's just so laid back. So they 265 00:14:51,888 --> 00:14:57,528 Speaker 2: got along great. It felt like home. It just felt 266 00:14:57,568 --> 00:15:01,408 Speaker 2: so right, and it was just so nice to be 267 00:15:01,488 --> 00:15:06,088 Speaker 2: able to give Harrison a sense of family again, because 268 00:15:06,128 --> 00:15:09,608 Speaker 2: he did lose that after my husband and I had separated. 269 00:15:10,248 --> 00:15:13,168 Speaker 1: It wasn't just Harrison who gave Anthony the tick of approval. 270 00:15:13,528 --> 00:15:14,928 Speaker 1: Simone's family did too. 271 00:15:15,488 --> 00:15:18,688 Speaker 2: They thought he was great. He just had this personality 272 00:15:18,768 --> 00:15:22,808 Speaker 2: of just such charisma, and he would always put a 273 00:15:22,848 --> 00:15:26,128 Speaker 2: smile on anyone's face, and they could see how happy 274 00:15:26,168 --> 00:15:30,568 Speaker 2: he made me. And there was one time at Christmas, 275 00:15:30,648 --> 00:15:33,128 Speaker 2: we had a big family Christmas at my mum's house, 276 00:15:33,168 --> 00:15:36,168 Speaker 2: and he came and he grabbed me in the lounge 277 00:15:36,208 --> 00:15:39,568 Speaker 2: room and just started dancing with me around my mum's 278 00:15:39,608 --> 00:15:42,288 Speaker 2: lounge room, and my mom was just watching from the kitchen, 279 00:15:42,968 --> 00:15:46,208 Speaker 2: and she could just see how happy he'd made me. 280 00:15:46,848 --> 00:15:49,568 Speaker 1: But when it came to her friends, the feelings were mixed. 281 00:15:49,848 --> 00:15:53,048 Speaker 2: There was one particular friend of mine who I treasured dearly. 282 00:15:53,168 --> 00:15:56,328 Speaker 2: She was quite a close friend and she knew him 283 00:15:57,048 --> 00:15:59,808 Speaker 2: through our social circle, but in her closer sense than 284 00:15:59,848 --> 00:16:03,848 Speaker 2: I did, and she'd heard things about him from his 285 00:16:04,048 --> 00:16:10,368 Speaker 2: past relationships, and she had warned me. She had said, Oh, 286 00:16:10,448 --> 00:16:13,088 Speaker 2: I think he's a nice guy, but I would never 287 00:16:13,488 --> 00:16:17,288 Speaker 2: recommend to any of my girlfriends to date him, just 288 00:16:17,328 --> 00:16:21,248 Speaker 2: because of the situations and experience she'd had with him 289 00:16:21,528 --> 00:16:23,808 Speaker 2: and the things that she'd heard about him in the past. 290 00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:27,648 Speaker 2: And I did value her opinion. I didn't see that 291 00:16:27,768 --> 00:16:30,808 Speaker 2: side of him. I saw the good things. About six 292 00:16:30,888 --> 00:16:36,928 Speaker 2: months into the relationship again, Anthony his behavior changed towards me. 293 00:16:37,928 --> 00:16:43,648 Speaker 2: He became distant again. He told me that he'd gone 294 00:16:43,688 --> 00:16:47,568 Speaker 2: out to one of his mates houses one night and 295 00:16:48,128 --> 00:16:52,248 Speaker 2: they had got on the ice, which is not something 296 00:16:52,368 --> 00:16:57,488 Speaker 2: that I've ever been around. I know of people that 297 00:16:57,568 --> 00:17:00,688 Speaker 2: have done it, but it's not something that I've ever 298 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:05,487 Speaker 2: been around in my social circle. And he explains that 299 00:17:05,768 --> 00:17:09,447 Speaker 2: from that night that he'd just again fallen into this 300 00:17:09,568 --> 00:17:13,167 Speaker 2: deep pole of depression, and he called it the black Dog. 301 00:17:13,808 --> 00:17:16,808 Speaker 2: There was one day in particular that I'd gone to 302 00:17:16,888 --> 00:17:19,408 Speaker 2: visit him on his work site. He was a tradesman, 303 00:17:20,128 --> 00:17:23,568 Speaker 2: and we were up in a on this scaffolding and 304 00:17:23,608 --> 00:17:27,167 Speaker 2: were overlooking a train line, and I just said to him, 305 00:17:27,208 --> 00:17:30,568 Speaker 2: what's wrong with you. You've just become so distant, And 306 00:17:30,648 --> 00:17:34,048 Speaker 2: there was no life in his eyes. He was soulless, 307 00:17:34,728 --> 00:17:36,927 Speaker 2: and he just said, like the black dogs got me. 308 00:17:37,688 --> 00:17:41,088 Speaker 2: And at that time I didn't know why. And it 309 00:17:41,168 --> 00:17:44,328 Speaker 2: wasn't until a few weeks later that he told me 310 00:17:44,408 --> 00:17:46,568 Speaker 2: he got out to his mates and he got on 311 00:17:46,648 --> 00:17:50,128 Speaker 2: the ice and that was why there was this change 312 00:17:50,128 --> 00:17:54,528 Speaker 2: in his behavior. My first question was why why did 313 00:17:54,568 --> 00:17:59,687 Speaker 2: he feel the need to even experiment with such a 314 00:17:59,808 --> 00:18:05,248 Speaker 2: dangerous drug when he was a big drinker, a big 315 00:18:05,288 --> 00:18:10,488 Speaker 2: social drinker as I was too, but nothing more. And 316 00:18:10,968 --> 00:18:16,008 Speaker 2: I never ever wanted to be with someone that was 317 00:18:16,048 --> 00:18:18,888 Speaker 2: around that. I didn't want my child around it. I 318 00:18:18,928 --> 00:18:22,648 Speaker 2: didn't want to be in a relationship with someone that 319 00:18:23,488 --> 00:18:26,447 Speaker 2: was experimenting with such a dangerous drug. I wasn't prepared 320 00:18:26,488 --> 00:18:29,488 Speaker 2: to lose someone over a drug. I would rather walk 321 00:18:29,528 --> 00:18:35,808 Speaker 2: away the experience from his behaviors after he'd done that 322 00:18:35,808 --> 00:18:40,488 Speaker 2: that night, I just I wasn't prepared to put up 323 00:18:40,528 --> 00:18:46,368 Speaker 2: with that behavior. He would be very rude, he would 324 00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:52,648 Speaker 2: be angry, he wouldn't talk. It was the lifeless eyes 325 00:18:52,688 --> 00:18:54,808 Speaker 2: that was one thing that really stood out for me. 326 00:18:54,888 --> 00:18:58,407 Speaker 2: That was just no There was no life behind his 327 00:18:58,528 --> 00:19:00,448 Speaker 2: eyes and the eyes of the windows of the soul. 328 00:19:00,768 --> 00:19:06,928 Speaker 2: There was no joy. It was scary. He made light 329 00:19:06,968 --> 00:19:09,608 Speaker 2: of the situation. He said, it was just I was 330 00:19:09,608 --> 00:19:12,128 Speaker 2: just It's one of those nights. We'd had a few beers, 331 00:19:12,408 --> 00:19:15,648 Speaker 2: his mate had just broken up with his missus. He 332 00:19:15,768 --> 00:19:19,328 Speaker 2: needed some company. I never do it. It was just 333 00:19:19,368 --> 00:19:22,648 Speaker 2: this one time, and I won't ever do it again. 334 00:19:23,528 --> 00:19:27,728 Speaker 2: And I believed him, and we didn't really ever speak 335 00:19:27,768 --> 00:19:30,768 Speaker 2: of it again after after he'd got through that week. 336 00:19:31,408 --> 00:19:34,487 Speaker 2: I think it scared him. I think the change that 337 00:19:34,528 --> 00:19:38,407 Speaker 2: he noticed in his mental health after that night, I 338 00:19:38,448 --> 00:19:41,008 Speaker 2: think it really did scare him. But I could only 339 00:19:41,008 --> 00:19:42,648 Speaker 2: see the good in him, and I thought he was 340 00:19:42,688 --> 00:19:45,927 Speaker 2: great because he was honest about it, and he'd opened 341 00:19:46,008 --> 00:19:48,248 Speaker 2: up to his mistake and he'd owned it. We did 342 00:19:48,408 --> 00:19:51,368 Speaker 2: kind of have those peaks on troughs in his mental health. 343 00:19:52,088 --> 00:19:56,008 Speaker 2: There was another occasion, this is about six months into 344 00:19:56,808 --> 00:20:02,407 Speaker 2: our relationship, that he had seen or run into his ex. 345 00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:05,688 Speaker 2: This is the partner that he'd had after separating from 346 00:20:05,768 --> 00:20:12,968 Speaker 2: his wife, and again, I think opened up a piece 347 00:20:13,008 --> 00:20:16,888 Speaker 2: of him that he hadn't dealt with, He hadn't healed 348 00:20:17,248 --> 00:20:21,728 Speaker 2: from the breakup with her, and again he became distant 349 00:20:22,328 --> 00:20:27,848 Speaker 2: and pushed me away, and I found out that he 350 00:20:27,968 --> 00:20:31,048 Speaker 2: later came to me crying on the phone one day 351 00:20:31,088 --> 00:20:34,488 Speaker 2: and he said to me, I got really drunk last 352 00:20:34,568 --> 00:20:37,008 Speaker 2: night and I went to her house. I just had 353 00:20:37,048 --> 00:20:39,008 Speaker 2: to talk it out with her. There were so many 354 00:20:39,008 --> 00:20:43,008 Speaker 2: things that were left unsaid between us, and I needed closure, 355 00:20:44,208 --> 00:20:47,368 Speaker 2: And he said, but then we ended up kissing each other, 356 00:20:47,808 --> 00:20:50,848 Speaker 2: and I don't know if I slept with her. I 357 00:20:50,888 --> 00:20:53,447 Speaker 2: believed him. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, 358 00:20:53,608 --> 00:20:57,967 Speaker 2: and I said to him, this has to stop this 359 00:20:58,768 --> 00:21:02,688 Speaker 2: up and down moods and the mental stay. You need 360 00:21:02,728 --> 00:21:04,888 Speaker 2: to get some help. I said. I'm here to help you, 361 00:21:05,848 --> 00:21:08,168 Speaker 2: but I need you to tell me if you're all in, 362 00:21:08,808 --> 00:21:11,048 Speaker 2: because if you're not all in with me, then I 363 00:21:11,088 --> 00:21:14,568 Speaker 2: can't continue this. If you tell me that you want this, 364 00:21:14,688 --> 00:21:17,407 Speaker 2: I will be there and I will support you, and 365 00:21:17,448 --> 00:21:20,048 Speaker 2: I will help you in any way I can. And 366 00:21:20,088 --> 00:21:23,088 Speaker 2: I told him I needed two weeks no contact with 367 00:21:23,208 --> 00:21:25,768 Speaker 2: him for him to really figure out what he wanted 368 00:21:26,128 --> 00:21:30,407 Speaker 2: out of me and to start working on how he 369 00:21:30,528 --> 00:21:34,408 Speaker 2: was going to deal with his demons. And he agreed 370 00:21:34,408 --> 00:21:38,927 Speaker 2: to that, but he didn't didn't honor what I'd asked 371 00:21:38,928 --> 00:21:42,048 Speaker 2: of him, so he kept contacting me and calling me 372 00:21:42,168 --> 00:21:44,288 Speaker 2: and telling me he wanted to be with me, and 373 00:21:44,448 --> 00:21:47,528 Speaker 2: he missed me, and I just said, look, you need 374 00:21:47,568 --> 00:21:50,208 Speaker 2: to you need to leave me alone for two weeks. 375 00:21:50,448 --> 00:21:54,288 Speaker 2: You need to figure this out without that constant connection 376 00:21:54,488 --> 00:21:57,888 Speaker 2: with me. And after that two weeks, he told me 377 00:21:57,928 --> 00:22:00,728 Speaker 2: he was all in. He was one hundred percent all in. 378 00:22:02,048 --> 00:22:05,968 Speaker 2: And this was around Christmas time, and then we started 379 00:22:06,648 --> 00:22:11,447 Speaker 2: talking about the future. I was so her. It was 380 00:22:11,488 --> 00:22:13,488 Speaker 2: like I had an angel on one shoulder and a 381 00:22:13,528 --> 00:22:15,687 Speaker 2: devil on the other, and the devil was telling me 382 00:22:15,768 --> 00:22:20,128 Speaker 2: to walk away, that I didn't need another tumultuous relationship. 383 00:22:20,408 --> 00:22:22,848 Speaker 2: I'd come too far in my own healing and my 384 00:22:22,888 --> 00:22:26,208 Speaker 2: own personal journey to allow someone to break me down again. 385 00:22:26,848 --> 00:22:30,128 Speaker 2: Then there was that devil that said, this man gives 386 00:22:30,128 --> 00:22:34,088 Speaker 2: me so much happiness when times are good. You can 387 00:22:34,128 --> 00:22:36,568 Speaker 2: fix him. That's what this devil was telling me. I 388 00:22:37,088 --> 00:22:41,088 Speaker 2: can fix him. It wasn't long after that two week 389 00:22:41,328 --> 00:22:46,368 Speaker 2: break that we just jumped right into why I felt 390 00:22:46,448 --> 00:22:49,368 Speaker 2: at that time, Okay, we've got through all the bad stuff. 391 00:22:50,368 --> 00:22:54,328 Speaker 2: Rough seas are over, smooth sailing, We've been honest, We've 392 00:22:54,368 --> 00:22:57,648 Speaker 2: got everything on the table, and we can really start 393 00:22:57,648 --> 00:23:00,688 Speaker 2: focusing now. And there was one night we'd had the 394 00:23:00,728 --> 00:23:04,128 Speaker 2: couple of wines at my house. We were big drinkers, 395 00:23:04,768 --> 00:23:08,967 Speaker 2: not to get blind drunk, but we would have a 396 00:23:08,968 --> 00:23:12,528 Speaker 2: bottle of wine and say, three nights a week during 397 00:23:12,568 --> 00:23:15,648 Speaker 2: the week, and we'd had a couple of drinks this night, 398 00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:18,487 Speaker 2: and then he'd said to me, I'd love to have 399 00:23:18,528 --> 00:23:21,208 Speaker 2: a little girl. And it was just just a casual conversation, 400 00:23:22,488 --> 00:23:25,008 Speaker 2: and I said to him, would you have more children? 401 00:23:25,168 --> 00:23:28,368 Speaker 2: He'd had a vasectomy, so it was really not something 402 00:23:28,408 --> 00:23:32,128 Speaker 2: I guess he'd considered too seriously. He'd had that vasectomy 403 00:23:32,328 --> 00:23:34,688 Speaker 2: while he was married, after he'd had his two kids, 404 00:23:35,888 --> 00:23:40,167 Speaker 2: and I'd never considered any more kids. He said I 405 00:23:40,208 --> 00:23:43,768 Speaker 2: would with you, And my heart just melted, and I said, 406 00:23:43,808 --> 00:23:46,888 Speaker 2: I think I would never really thought about this before, 407 00:23:46,928 --> 00:23:50,128 Speaker 2: but I love you that much that I would love 408 00:23:50,288 --> 00:23:52,768 Speaker 2: to share that experience with you and have a child 409 00:23:52,848 --> 00:23:56,407 Speaker 2: with you. And imagine if we did have a little 410 00:23:56,448 --> 00:23:59,248 Speaker 2: girl and she had three older brothers that would just 411 00:23:59,328 --> 00:24:03,288 Speaker 2: adore her and dote on her. And that's how the 412 00:24:03,288 --> 00:24:07,328 Speaker 2: conversation started. And the next morning he woke up early 413 00:24:07,408 --> 00:24:09,608 Speaker 2: for work and he rolled over in bed and he said, 414 00:24:09,968 --> 00:24:13,048 Speaker 2: do you remember what we discussed last night? I said, yeah, yeah, 415 00:24:13,088 --> 00:24:16,688 Speaker 2: I remember he said, let's talk about it more tonight. 416 00:24:17,408 --> 00:24:20,728 Speaker 2: Let's see what our options are. That's how we started 417 00:24:21,128 --> 00:24:25,927 Speaker 2: planning a family together, or extending a family. We did 418 00:24:25,968 --> 00:24:29,088 Speaker 2: a bit of research online. We went and saw my 419 00:24:29,248 --> 00:24:32,008 Speaker 2: doctor to see what options I had because at the 420 00:24:32,088 --> 00:24:36,848 Speaker 2: time I was now approaching forty two. How I'm highly fertile. 421 00:24:36,968 --> 00:24:40,008 Speaker 2: We knew that, and I knew that from past history, 422 00:24:41,048 --> 00:24:45,407 Speaker 2: and she then referred us to see a doctor that 423 00:24:45,528 --> 00:24:49,927 Speaker 2: could do the reversal for Anthony. The other option that 424 00:24:49,968 --> 00:24:53,447 Speaker 2: we had would be to try IVF. We decided to 425 00:24:53,728 --> 00:24:56,088 Speaker 2: go with the reversal, although it did cost quite a 426 00:24:56,088 --> 00:24:58,648 Speaker 2: bit of money, we thought that we probably had a 427 00:24:58,728 --> 00:25:04,368 Speaker 2: higher chance of a successful pregnancy rather than risk rounds 428 00:25:04,408 --> 00:25:07,688 Speaker 2: of IVF and it coming all it turning into, I guess, 429 00:25:07,928 --> 00:25:11,368 Speaker 2: quite a costly situation for us. 430 00:25:12,728 --> 00:25:16,048 Speaker 1: Four months after that initial conversation, Anthony was booked in 431 00:25:16,088 --> 00:25:19,608 Speaker 1: for his vasectomy reversal, which also led to another serious 432 00:25:19,648 --> 00:25:20,687 Speaker 1: milestone for the couple. 433 00:25:21,088 --> 00:25:24,528 Speaker 2: We had at this stage decided I was going to 434 00:25:24,568 --> 00:25:26,968 Speaker 2: move in with him if we were going to start 435 00:25:27,008 --> 00:25:29,248 Speaker 2: this family, and so I'd moved in with him. Not 436 00:25:29,368 --> 00:25:32,888 Speaker 2: long after the procedure. We decided that we would rent 437 00:25:32,928 --> 00:25:36,608 Speaker 2: my house out and that we'd move in to his house. 438 00:25:36,688 --> 00:25:39,888 Speaker 2: He had more room. He had a room off the 439 00:25:39,928 --> 00:25:43,688 Speaker 2: back of his house for Harrison, who was the oldest 440 00:25:43,688 --> 00:25:47,088 Speaker 2: of the three boys, my son, he'd have that room. 441 00:25:47,208 --> 00:25:50,768 Speaker 2: So he was really excited about the chance of having 442 00:25:51,608 --> 00:25:54,648 Speaker 2: his own space without having to deal with the younger 443 00:25:54,688 --> 00:25:58,408 Speaker 2: two and having to deal with parents making as much 444 00:25:58,448 --> 00:26:00,927 Speaker 2: noise as he wanted, staying up till all hours if 445 00:26:00,928 --> 00:26:04,208 Speaker 2: he wanted to. So one weekend, Harrison and I went 446 00:26:04,288 --> 00:26:07,968 Speaker 2: down to Bunnings and we got paint to paint the room, 447 00:26:08,128 --> 00:26:11,407 Speaker 2: and we got the floorboards down, and me and my 448 00:26:11,448 --> 00:26:14,808 Speaker 2: son spent this amazing afternoon listening to all his favorite 449 00:26:14,888 --> 00:26:19,128 Speaker 2: music and painting this room. And there's not a lot 450 00:26:19,168 --> 00:26:21,648 Speaker 2: of happy memories of that time, but that was one 451 00:26:21,648 --> 00:26:23,687 Speaker 2: of those that I really looked back fondly, and I 452 00:26:23,768 --> 00:26:27,808 Speaker 2: just felt this real great connection with Harrison and this 453 00:26:28,008 --> 00:26:32,608 Speaker 2: excitement of this next chapter for us. And we were 454 00:26:32,608 --> 00:26:34,128 Speaker 2: going to be a family, and I was going to 455 00:26:34,128 --> 00:26:37,208 Speaker 2: be living with three boys and a partner and being 456 00:26:37,248 --> 00:26:40,007 Speaker 2: surrounded by boys, and I loved that I was the 457 00:26:40,048 --> 00:26:42,328 Speaker 2: only female and they were going to look after me. 458 00:26:43,168 --> 00:26:47,168 Speaker 2: And so yeah, we moved in six weeks after we 459 00:26:47,248 --> 00:26:54,488 Speaker 2: moved in, Anthony again started acting distant, pulling away, and 460 00:26:54,568 --> 00:26:57,368 Speaker 2: he told me he'd made a big mistake. He told 461 00:26:57,408 --> 00:27:00,368 Speaker 2: me that he wasn't in love with me, that I 462 00:27:00,368 --> 00:27:04,888 Speaker 2: shouldn't have moved in, he shouldn't have had the vasectomy reversal. 463 00:27:05,888 --> 00:27:10,967 Speaker 2: He doesn't know why he did what he did, but 464 00:27:11,448 --> 00:27:17,288 Speaker 2: he just felt that things weren't right. I was so broken. 465 00:27:18,048 --> 00:27:23,848 Speaker 2: I didn't cope. I could barely get out of bed. 466 00:27:25,448 --> 00:27:30,088 Speaker 2: I started to drink a lot to cope so much 467 00:27:30,248 --> 00:27:34,967 Speaker 2: that I didn't care about anything. I didn't care about 468 00:27:35,808 --> 00:27:39,927 Speaker 2: my job, I didn't care about being a mum. I 469 00:27:39,968 --> 00:27:44,568 Speaker 2: didn't care about myself. I didn't care about my family. 470 00:27:45,168 --> 00:27:49,888 Speaker 2: I pushed everyone away. I pushed my friends away. I 471 00:27:49,888 --> 00:27:56,568 Speaker 2: couldn't deal with this heartbreak. I felt that after my 472 00:27:56,608 --> 00:27:59,648 Speaker 2: marriage breakdown, I felt I'd got my happily ever after 473 00:28:00,408 --> 00:28:04,488 Speaker 2: and it had just come crumbling down on me. And 474 00:28:04,528 --> 00:28:10,808 Speaker 2: I was so angry. I was so hurt, and I 475 00:28:10,968 --> 00:28:15,648 Speaker 2: just didn't know how to deal with the hurt. One day, 476 00:28:15,688 --> 00:28:20,207 Speaker 2: I got in my car and i'd been drinking. I 477 00:28:20,328 --> 00:28:22,648 Speaker 2: was very over the limit and I got pulled over 478 00:28:24,568 --> 00:28:29,888 Speaker 2: and I lost my license. So long with everything else there, 479 00:28:29,928 --> 00:28:34,848 Speaker 2: I felt that I was losing I then lost my license, 480 00:28:35,088 --> 00:28:42,528 Speaker 2: and I just felt like I felt like I completely 481 00:28:42,568 --> 00:28:47,648 Speaker 2: lost any hope in my life. Anthony was like a 482 00:28:47,688 --> 00:28:54,728 Speaker 2: stranger to me. He was so cold. He wouldn't look 483 00:28:54,848 --> 00:28:58,448 Speaker 2: me in the eye. He would look past me. He 484 00:28:58,488 --> 00:29:02,768 Speaker 2: would walk past me in the hallway and just almost 485 00:29:03,688 --> 00:29:07,528 Speaker 2: shouldered me out the way to get past. He looked 486 00:29:07,568 --> 00:29:14,808 Speaker 2: at me in disgust. And amongst all of this that 487 00:29:14,888 --> 00:29:18,448 Speaker 2: I was dealing with at the time, I then had 488 00:29:18,488 --> 00:29:21,048 Speaker 2: to try and find out how I was going to 489 00:29:21,088 --> 00:29:26,728 Speaker 2: get the strength to pack all my belongings in the 490 00:29:26,768 --> 00:29:31,408 Speaker 2: house and try and find somewhere to live because my 491 00:29:31,488 --> 00:29:35,168 Speaker 2: house was being rented out. I didn't have the energy 492 00:29:35,208 --> 00:29:42,208 Speaker 2: for any of them. It was just so painful. I 493 00:29:42,328 --> 00:29:51,248 Speaker 2: ended up moving out and my parents hired a truck 494 00:29:51,448 --> 00:29:53,928 Speaker 2: and they moved everything out of the house so I 495 00:29:53,968 --> 00:29:56,968 Speaker 2: didn't have to deal with it, and they put it 496 00:29:57,008 --> 00:30:00,248 Speaker 2: in storage for me, and I moved in with a 497 00:30:00,328 --> 00:30:07,928 Speaker 2: girlfriend who took me in and just just looked after me. 498 00:30:08,368 --> 00:30:13,368 Speaker 2: I had such amazing friends during that time. They gave 499 00:30:13,408 --> 00:30:16,048 Speaker 2: me everything that I needed, but at the time I 500 00:30:16,128 --> 00:30:18,768 Speaker 2: just couldn't see it because all I wanted was him. 501 00:30:19,168 --> 00:30:24,128 Speaker 2: Even after all of this hurt, all I wanted was 502 00:30:24,208 --> 00:30:26,768 Speaker 2: him to tell me that he'd made a mistake and 503 00:30:26,808 --> 00:30:29,128 Speaker 2: he wanted me back, and he loved me, and he 504 00:30:30,088 --> 00:30:34,048 Speaker 2: wanted him to tell me to come home. I got 505 00:30:34,048 --> 00:30:37,528 Speaker 2: in to see a psychologist and she recommended that I 506 00:30:37,568 --> 00:30:41,528 Speaker 2: have no contact, which I knew was for the best, 507 00:30:41,968 --> 00:30:45,608 Speaker 2: but at the same time, it was so hard because 508 00:30:46,728 --> 00:30:49,808 Speaker 2: I was hurting so much, but the only person that 509 00:30:49,848 --> 00:30:52,528 Speaker 2: could made me feel better was the one person I 510 00:30:52,528 --> 00:30:58,648 Speaker 2: couldn't reach out to. He ended up contacting me through WhatsApp. 511 00:30:59,008 --> 00:31:02,168 Speaker 2: We never used WhatsApp to talk. It was always messenger 512 00:31:03,128 --> 00:31:06,928 Speaker 2: or just phone, and I had him blocked on all 513 00:31:06,968 --> 00:31:11,888 Speaker 2: of my socials and emails. He couldn't contact me, and 514 00:31:11,968 --> 00:31:17,048 Speaker 2: I'd never considered to even bother about what's up. And 515 00:31:17,128 --> 00:31:21,888 Speaker 2: he called me and he just started the conversation by saying, 516 00:31:21,928 --> 00:31:25,888 Speaker 2: how are you? And I really miss you and I 517 00:31:25,928 --> 00:31:30,608 Speaker 2: don't know what's going through my mind, but I just 518 00:31:32,008 --> 00:31:36,288 Speaker 2: I wish things were different with us. And I just 519 00:31:36,328 --> 00:31:40,288 Speaker 2: said to him, what do we do now? How do 520 00:31:40,408 --> 00:31:46,088 Speaker 2: we come back from this? And one of our favorite 521 00:31:46,128 --> 00:31:49,368 Speaker 2: bands were playing a few days later and we had tickets, 522 00:31:50,368 --> 00:31:52,608 Speaker 2: and he asked me if I still wanted to go, 523 00:31:52,928 --> 00:31:57,848 Speaker 2: and I was so torn. Of course I wanted to go. 524 00:31:58,048 --> 00:32:01,928 Speaker 2: I wanted to go and forget every situation that he'd 525 00:32:01,928 --> 00:32:05,808 Speaker 2: put me in that hurt me. But the other part 526 00:32:05,848 --> 00:32:11,848 Speaker 2: of me was saying that it's like prolonging hurt, it's 527 00:32:11,928 --> 00:32:15,128 Speaker 2: just gonna keep coming back and rubbing soul in that wounds. 528 00:32:16,128 --> 00:32:18,648 Speaker 2: Like you need to move forward without him, and I could, 529 00:32:19,968 --> 00:32:24,288 Speaker 2: And so I went out with him and we had 530 00:32:24,928 --> 00:32:28,168 Speaker 2: just the best night. It was like old times again, 531 00:32:29,248 --> 00:32:32,088 Speaker 2: and it felt like a first date. It felt like 532 00:32:32,168 --> 00:32:35,608 Speaker 2: our first date again. It felt like the past few 533 00:32:35,648 --> 00:32:41,208 Speaker 2: months it had not really happened. It felt like again 534 00:32:41,568 --> 00:32:46,288 Speaker 2: that we got through another rough part and that maybe 535 00:32:46,368 --> 00:32:50,608 Speaker 2: we just needed to step back to go forward. It 536 00:32:50,688 --> 00:32:56,328 Speaker 2: felt like he really realized that he was in love 537 00:32:56,368 --> 00:33:01,168 Speaker 2: with me and that maybe we could make this work. 538 00:33:02,768 --> 00:33:05,728 Speaker 2: One of my girlfriends who has been like a lifelong 539 00:33:05,768 --> 00:33:11,208 Speaker 2: friend of mine, she's such a beautiful person. She finds 540 00:33:11,248 --> 00:33:17,088 Speaker 2: it hard to really be assertive with someone, and let's 541 00:33:17,248 --> 00:33:19,688 Speaker 2: still do this day. I will never forget that conversation 542 00:33:19,808 --> 00:33:23,448 Speaker 2: that she pulled me up and she just set simone, 543 00:33:24,328 --> 00:33:28,688 Speaker 2: what are you doing? Can you not see that you 544 00:33:28,808 --> 00:33:32,248 Speaker 2: nearly lost everything because of the choices she made from 545 00:33:32,288 --> 00:33:36,168 Speaker 2: the situations that he'd put you in. And again I 546 00:33:36,248 --> 00:33:39,648 Speaker 2: stuck up for Anthony, and I said, yeah, but he 547 00:33:39,768 --> 00:33:43,648 Speaker 2: realizes now he lost me, and now he realizes that 548 00:33:43,728 --> 00:33:46,848 Speaker 2: he needs me and he wants me, and things will 549 00:33:46,888 --> 00:33:52,528 Speaker 2: be different and we will move slowly. And the look 550 00:33:52,568 --> 00:33:55,168 Speaker 2: in her eyes, I could just see that she just 551 00:33:56,288 --> 00:33:59,888 Speaker 2: she couldn't support, she couldn't support my decision. 552 00:34:00,168 --> 00:34:03,288 Speaker 1: Simone was conflicted, but she couldn't find the feeling she 553 00:34:03,368 --> 00:34:06,528 Speaker 1: had for Antony. So they gave it another go, taking 554 00:34:06,528 --> 00:34:09,248 Speaker 1: it slow with the hope this time would be different. 555 00:34:09,888 --> 00:34:13,208 Speaker 2: I kept a lot of our a lot of time 556 00:34:13,288 --> 00:34:17,848 Speaker 2: together secret from my friends and family because I didn't 557 00:34:18,128 --> 00:34:22,408 Speaker 2: want to face the truth or the judgments that people 558 00:34:22,448 --> 00:34:27,647 Speaker 2: would give me. I wanted to protect him. We did 559 00:34:27,728 --> 00:34:31,607 Speaker 2: move very slowly. We didn't focus on what was going 560 00:34:31,648 --> 00:34:34,928 Speaker 2: to happen in six months time or twelve months time. 561 00:34:35,008 --> 00:34:38,448 Speaker 2: It was just really in the now, how it probably 562 00:34:38,488 --> 00:34:42,888 Speaker 2: should have been. From the start of the relationship. We 563 00:34:43,728 --> 00:34:47,288 Speaker 2: started to go out a little bit more openly, and 564 00:34:47,528 --> 00:34:52,728 Speaker 2: I would get surprised looks from friends and in our 565 00:34:52,768 --> 00:34:55,888 Speaker 2: social circle. I thought, you know, I thought, you guys 566 00:34:55,928 --> 00:35:00,607 Speaker 2: broke up, what's happening, And it was really hard to 567 00:35:00,688 --> 00:35:04,688 Speaker 2: explain to them how we were I guess dating again 568 00:35:04,768 --> 00:35:09,688 Speaker 2: after everything that happened without feeling judged and the sh 569 00:35:09,848 --> 00:35:13,968 Speaker 2: shame of you know, losing my license and not everyone 570 00:35:14,248 --> 00:35:18,328 Speaker 2: knew about that, but the town we live in is 571 00:35:18,328 --> 00:35:20,448 Speaker 2: a small town, so it was hard to hide. 572 00:35:20,768 --> 00:35:23,608 Speaker 1: And as for the prospect of expanding their family. 573 00:35:23,488 --> 00:35:29,368 Speaker 2: We didn't start actively trying. We weren't safe. The chances 574 00:35:29,408 --> 00:35:33,168 Speaker 2: of me being able to conceive with a vasectomy reversal 575 00:35:33,248 --> 00:35:36,288 Speaker 2: and my age were I think zero point zero five percent, 576 00:35:37,528 --> 00:35:40,848 Speaker 2: and so it was not something that really even crossed 577 00:35:40,848 --> 00:35:44,168 Speaker 2: our minds that would happen. And we'd actually gone away 578 00:35:44,368 --> 00:35:47,567 Speaker 2: on a weekend trip to a rural Victorian town to 579 00:35:47,608 --> 00:35:50,727 Speaker 2: see a band and when we were there, he said 580 00:35:50,768 --> 00:35:53,928 Speaker 2: to me, your boobs are really big. I said, yeah, 581 00:35:53,928 --> 00:35:57,368 Speaker 2: they are, aren't they? And I had gained weight, I guess, 582 00:35:57,408 --> 00:36:01,808 Speaker 2: not being active through that period of grief and loss 583 00:36:01,888 --> 00:36:05,888 Speaker 2: of everything that come you know with that, you know, 584 00:36:06,008 --> 00:36:08,848 Speaker 2: drinking too much. I had gained weight and I just 585 00:36:08,888 --> 00:36:11,448 Speaker 2: said it's probably just wait again, and I felt fine. 586 00:36:11,568 --> 00:36:15,688 Speaker 2: And it wasn't until about three or four weeks later 587 00:36:17,048 --> 00:36:21,808 Speaker 2: he again rang me and said to me, I can't 588 00:36:21,848 --> 00:36:25,328 Speaker 2: do this. I've made a mistake again. I just I 589 00:36:25,368 --> 00:36:30,728 Speaker 2: can't be in the relationship with you. I felt so 590 00:36:30,888 --> 00:36:35,728 Speaker 2: physically sick that I thought I've got to do a 591 00:36:35,768 --> 00:36:42,088 Speaker 2: pregnancy test. Either I'm just so physically sick from another bombshell, 592 00:36:43,288 --> 00:36:47,688 Speaker 2: or I'm pregnant. And I did a test and it 593 00:36:47,728 --> 00:36:50,168 Speaker 2: was like a Christmas tree light up. That test was 594 00:36:50,168 --> 00:36:56,168 Speaker 2: positive within seconds of me testing. So the day that 595 00:36:56,208 --> 00:36:59,768 Speaker 2: I had done the test was the day that he 596 00:37:00,568 --> 00:37:02,688 Speaker 2: told me that he wasn't in love with me and 597 00:37:02,728 --> 00:37:04,647 Speaker 2: he didn't want to be with me, and he'd made 598 00:37:04,648 --> 00:37:08,647 Speaker 2: a mistake calling me and contacting me on WhatsApp that day, 599 00:37:08,728 --> 00:37:12,488 Speaker 2: and he just ripped everything away from me again, but 600 00:37:12,568 --> 00:37:16,368 Speaker 2: this time I was pregnant. I held off for a 601 00:37:16,408 --> 00:37:20,768 Speaker 2: couple of days. I needed to process in my own 602 00:37:20,848 --> 00:37:31,168 Speaker 2: mind what this meant for me and my future. And 603 00:37:31,208 --> 00:37:34,728 Speaker 2: when I did tell him he didn't believe me. I 604 00:37:34,768 --> 00:37:36,688 Speaker 2: said I would take a test in front of him 605 00:37:36,728 --> 00:37:39,968 Speaker 2: if he didn't believe me, and he said, well, yeah, 606 00:37:40,008 --> 00:37:42,208 Speaker 2: I think I want to see you do a test. 607 00:37:43,008 --> 00:37:48,288 Speaker 2: We never actually did that test together, but it wasn't 608 00:37:48,328 --> 00:37:53,848 Speaker 2: a moment of celebration at all. It was a feeling 609 00:37:53,888 --> 00:38:00,368 Speaker 2: of complete dread. It felt really unfair that there was 610 00:38:00,408 --> 00:38:06,008 Speaker 2: so much hope and excitement and planning together for this future, 611 00:38:07,368 --> 00:38:12,368 Speaker 2: and then it happens he took it away. He took 612 00:38:12,408 --> 00:38:19,288 Speaker 2: that happiness away from the occasion. From that moment, I 613 00:38:19,368 --> 00:38:25,608 Speaker 2: was scared of decisions I might have to make. I 614 00:38:25,688 --> 00:38:29,087 Speaker 2: was scared of what my future looked like without him 615 00:38:29,168 --> 00:38:34,408 Speaker 2: in it. Still, my thoughts kept reverting back to him 616 00:38:34,448 --> 00:38:37,408 Speaker 2: and just wanting him to tell me that it would 617 00:38:37,408 --> 00:38:40,608 Speaker 2: be okay and that he'd be with me. And it 618 00:38:40,728 --> 00:38:45,888 Speaker 2: just didn't come. It never happened. He had told me 619 00:38:46,008 --> 00:38:52,808 Speaker 2: that I should have an abortion. He had messaged me 620 00:38:52,888 --> 00:38:58,968 Speaker 2: one day and said to me, I've called an abortion clinic, 621 00:38:59,688 --> 00:39:02,248 Speaker 2: but I can't make the appointment for you. You need 622 00:39:02,288 --> 00:39:05,888 Speaker 2: to do that yourself. You'll ruin your life if you 623 00:39:06,008 --> 00:39:08,888 Speaker 2: carry on with this pregnancy. You will ruin my life, 624 00:39:08,928 --> 00:39:12,768 Speaker 2: and you will ruin all of our kids. Lis He 625 00:39:12,928 --> 00:39:17,928 Speaker 2: put all of this on me to make this decision 626 00:39:17,968 --> 00:39:21,768 Speaker 2: that would affect everyone. When he was fifty percent of 627 00:39:23,448 --> 00:39:29,567 Speaker 2: the bland posies. I told my best friend, who was 628 00:39:29,608 --> 00:39:32,928 Speaker 2: the one I spoke of earlier, who was very doubtful 629 00:39:33,568 --> 00:39:40,567 Speaker 2: about our second try of her relationship, and she was 630 00:39:40,648 --> 00:39:43,768 Speaker 2: so supportive of me and said that she would be 631 00:39:43,848 --> 00:39:47,328 Speaker 2: there no matter what I decided to do. She was 632 00:39:47,368 --> 00:39:52,567 Speaker 2: going to be there. And my mum, she was so supportive, 633 00:39:52,968 --> 00:39:57,328 Speaker 2: and I had a close circle of friends that were 634 00:39:57,328 --> 00:39:59,688 Speaker 2: all all there for me no matter what. 635 00:40:00,288 --> 00:40:03,368 Speaker 1: Her friends and family rallied around her, desperate to keep 636 00:40:03,408 --> 00:40:07,248 Speaker 1: her and the baby safe. And Anthony, well, the same 637 00:40:07,328 --> 00:40:08,328 Speaker 1: patterns continued. 638 00:40:08,928 --> 00:40:13,047 Speaker 2: They had a scale and done which dated to be 639 00:40:13,088 --> 00:40:17,248 Speaker 2: about seven weeks pregnant, and Anthony came to the scan 640 00:40:18,888 --> 00:40:23,168 Speaker 2: and after that scan he got excited about it. He 641 00:40:23,248 --> 00:40:27,288 Speaker 2: did the old Oh it'll be fine, we'll work this out, 642 00:40:27,368 --> 00:40:30,288 Speaker 2: and I'm excited and we're going to be happy and 643 00:40:30,328 --> 00:40:34,008 Speaker 2: we're going to have a family. And it was about 644 00:40:34,048 --> 00:40:38,848 Speaker 2: three or four weeks of it being a happy occasion 645 00:40:39,488 --> 00:40:43,008 Speaker 2: where he would message me and tell me that he 646 00:40:43,088 --> 00:40:45,848 Speaker 2: loved me and he loved our little blueberry or whatever 647 00:40:45,888 --> 00:40:50,008 Speaker 2: the size of it was at the time, week to week, 648 00:40:51,168 --> 00:40:55,168 Speaker 2: and he'd send me names that he liked. We started 649 00:40:55,968 --> 00:40:58,448 Speaker 2: looking again to a future, but I think by then, 650 00:40:58,488 --> 00:41:01,168 Speaker 2: well I knew by then that this was it was 651 00:41:01,208 --> 00:41:05,248 Speaker 2: not going to happen, and I knew. I knew he 652 00:41:05,288 --> 00:41:08,728 Speaker 2: would turn around in future and say no, this is 653 00:41:08,728 --> 00:41:12,688 Speaker 2: a mistake, and he did again, and by this stage 654 00:41:12,728 --> 00:41:17,208 Speaker 2: I was about sixteen weeks pregnant. And then it really 655 00:41:17,288 --> 00:41:22,608 Speaker 2: just all came crashing down. He again treated me like 656 00:41:22,648 --> 00:41:26,527 Speaker 2: a stranger, and he told me he was on the 657 00:41:26,608 --> 00:41:29,768 Speaker 2: dating scene, but he wasn't in love with me because 658 00:41:29,808 --> 00:41:32,168 Speaker 2: he wasn't ready to settle down with a new partner. 659 00:41:36,528 --> 00:41:39,047 Speaker 2: He told me that he would not be a part 660 00:41:39,088 --> 00:41:44,248 Speaker 2: of this child's life. He told me that I'd be 661 00:41:44,288 --> 00:41:47,408 Speaker 2: doing it all alone, and mentally I was not stable 662 00:41:47,528 --> 00:41:52,527 Speaker 2: enough to have a baby. There was one night, well, 663 00:41:52,608 --> 00:41:57,648 Speaker 2: one day, that I had been spotting bleeding, and I 664 00:41:57,728 --> 00:42:00,848 Speaker 2: tried calling him and he never picked up the phone, 665 00:42:01,728 --> 00:42:03,928 Speaker 2: and so I went around to his house and I 666 00:42:03,968 --> 00:42:06,848 Speaker 2: stood at his front door. It was nighttime by then, 667 00:42:07,888 --> 00:42:11,368 Speaker 2: it was freezing cold, it was not and I stood 668 00:42:11,368 --> 00:42:15,688 Speaker 2: at his door and I said to him, I'm bleeding 669 00:42:15,808 --> 00:42:20,127 Speaker 2: and I'm scared. I don't know what to do. And 670 00:42:20,168 --> 00:42:24,208 Speaker 2: he turned around to me and he said, I'm watching 671 00:42:24,288 --> 00:42:26,928 Speaker 2: a movie with my two kids. I can't deal with 672 00:42:26,968 --> 00:42:29,248 Speaker 2: this right now, and he slammed the door in my 673 00:42:29,328 --> 00:42:33,728 Speaker 2: face and he left me there and it was then 674 00:42:33,808 --> 00:42:37,288 Speaker 2: that I knew this was not the man that I thought. 675 00:42:37,608 --> 00:42:41,408 Speaker 2: He was not the man that I fell in love with. 676 00:42:42,968 --> 00:42:47,288 Speaker 2: I ended up staying with my mom for the next 677 00:42:47,728 --> 00:42:52,288 Speaker 2: month or so. I'm barely able to get out of bed. No. 678 00:42:52,728 --> 00:42:56,567 Speaker 2: I lost my job because I couldn't work. I then 679 00:42:56,648 --> 00:43:02,808 Speaker 2: started bleeding quite happily, and I lost my baby at 680 00:43:02,888 --> 00:43:09,448 Speaker 2: twenty three weeks. There was a complications that they're not 681 00:43:09,488 --> 00:43:13,608 Speaker 2: too sure what happened. They said it can be quite 682 00:43:13,648 --> 00:43:18,047 Speaker 2: common in my age. My had a work colleague it 683 00:43:18,128 --> 00:43:20,568 Speaker 2: actually happened to her as well at the same age. 684 00:43:21,808 --> 00:43:26,208 Speaker 2: And when I was at the hospital losing my baby, 685 00:43:27,928 --> 00:43:31,448 Speaker 2: I called Anthony and I asked him to pick me 686 00:43:31,568 --> 00:43:36,408 Speaker 2: up and take me home. After on the way home, 687 00:43:37,568 --> 00:43:39,408 Speaker 2: I said to him, could you please take me to 688 00:43:39,448 --> 00:43:41,928 Speaker 2: the chemist. I need to get some pain killers. I'm 689 00:43:41,968 --> 00:43:45,768 Speaker 2: in a lot of pain. And he snapped at me 690 00:43:45,888 --> 00:43:48,888 Speaker 2: and he said, you know, I've got two other kids 691 00:43:48,888 --> 00:43:52,328 Speaker 2: at home. I can't deal with your shit right now. 692 00:43:53,488 --> 00:43:55,448 Speaker 2: And that was I think the last time I ever 693 00:43:55,488 --> 00:43:59,208 Speaker 2: spoke to him, that I ever saw him. 694 00:43:59,528 --> 00:44:03,648 Speaker 1: Simone was absolutely heartbroken. She'd lost her baby boy Tom 695 00:44:03,688 --> 00:44:06,168 Speaker 1: in twenty three weeks, and now I was faced with 696 00:44:06,208 --> 00:44:09,127 Speaker 1: an unfathomable sense of loss and loneliness. 697 00:44:10,048 --> 00:44:14,008 Speaker 2: I didn't take care of myself. I didn't know how to. 698 00:44:15,608 --> 00:44:23,848 Speaker 2: All I felt was pain and sadness and darkness. I 699 00:44:23,968 --> 00:44:28,888 Speaker 2: just didn't want to be alive. I never attempted anything, 700 00:44:29,848 --> 00:44:34,488 Speaker 2: but I just couldn't find a way out of this 701 00:44:35,648 --> 00:44:38,328 Speaker 2: torture that I felt that I was living every day. 702 00:44:39,888 --> 00:44:44,488 Speaker 2: I just experienced so much loss, and if I hadn't 703 00:44:44,528 --> 00:44:50,607 Speaker 2: had my friends and my family and my son, He's 704 00:44:50,648 --> 00:44:54,127 Speaker 2: the only thing that kept me going was that I 705 00:44:54,208 --> 00:45:01,047 Speaker 2: had to be around. The first six months, I just 706 00:45:01,168 --> 00:45:07,047 Speaker 2: drank myself stupid every day. I didn't know how to 707 00:45:07,088 --> 00:45:12,008 Speaker 2: cope any other way other than to medicate myself and 708 00:45:12,168 --> 00:45:16,008 Speaker 2: numb everything. And I knew it wasn't the right thing 709 00:45:16,088 --> 00:45:18,928 Speaker 2: to do, but I just didn't know how else to 710 00:45:19,008 --> 00:45:23,008 Speaker 2: get any kind of relief from this pain that I 711 00:45:23,088 --> 00:45:29,047 Speaker 2: was feeling. And I had friends that were there for me, 712 00:45:29,288 --> 00:45:35,087 Speaker 2: Like twenty four seven somehow managed to start getting me 713 00:45:35,128 --> 00:45:38,208 Speaker 2: out of this helhold that I was allowing myself to 714 00:45:38,288 --> 00:45:45,808 Speaker 2: live in. And I eventually just started focusing on being 715 00:45:45,848 --> 00:45:49,127 Speaker 2: grateful for small things every day. You know, he was 716 00:45:49,208 --> 00:45:54,408 Speaker 2: just the most smallest of things. And I got myself 717 00:45:54,448 --> 00:45:59,928 Speaker 2: a dog, and she ultimately saved me. And I know 718 00:46:00,048 --> 00:46:04,127 Speaker 2: that sounds cliche, so many people say that, but she 719 00:46:04,248 --> 00:46:06,527 Speaker 2: really did because I had a purpose. I had to 720 00:46:06,568 --> 00:46:10,087 Speaker 2: get up and walk her every morning. And I lived 721 00:46:10,088 --> 00:46:12,687 Speaker 2: across the road from the beach, and so we would 722 00:46:12,728 --> 00:46:14,728 Speaker 2: go to the beach at six o'clock in the morning. 723 00:46:14,768 --> 00:46:18,448 Speaker 2: And I started swimming in the middle of winter, and 724 00:46:19,088 --> 00:46:24,728 Speaker 2: it was almost like a a cathartic experience feeling the 725 00:46:24,808 --> 00:46:28,488 Speaker 2: freezing cold water and feeling alive after I'd stepped out 726 00:46:28,968 --> 00:46:33,688 Speaker 2: and doing that every day, and then starting to go 727 00:46:33,808 --> 00:46:38,888 Speaker 2: for walks and starting to focus on my new job 728 00:46:38,928 --> 00:46:42,408 Speaker 2: that I got in between all of this. Somehow, I 729 00:46:42,448 --> 00:46:44,848 Speaker 2: was lucky that I was able to work from home, 730 00:46:45,088 --> 00:46:48,448 Speaker 2: so I could work in my woody and ug boots 731 00:46:48,488 --> 00:46:52,248 Speaker 2: and I didn't have to have hair and makeup done 732 00:46:52,408 --> 00:46:55,448 Speaker 2: and my work they were so supportive. They was just 733 00:46:55,488 --> 00:47:01,248 Speaker 2: so supportive of me. And I just feel like if 734 00:47:01,248 --> 00:47:05,728 Speaker 2: I hadn't had those small things, things could be really 735 00:47:05,808 --> 00:47:09,607 Speaker 2: really different or just still the same as they were. 736 00:47:10,568 --> 00:47:15,888 Speaker 2: As for Antony, I have heard from social circle that 737 00:47:16,008 --> 00:47:19,488 Speaker 2: a lot of people have cut him off or disconnected 738 00:47:19,808 --> 00:47:26,008 Speaker 2: themselves from him. I don't know to what extents, and 739 00:47:26,248 --> 00:47:28,888 Speaker 2: to be honest, I really don't. I don't need to know. 740 00:47:29,688 --> 00:47:33,808 Speaker 2: I'm just glad that I've not had to run into 741 00:47:33,888 --> 00:47:37,567 Speaker 2: him or you know that I don't hear his name 742 00:47:37,648 --> 00:47:40,728 Speaker 2: all the time. I think my friends are careful what 743 00:47:40,888 --> 00:47:43,328 Speaker 2: to mention around me as well, and I've told them 744 00:47:43,368 --> 00:47:45,848 Speaker 2: if you see him around, I don't need to know 745 00:47:45,928 --> 00:47:50,088 Speaker 2: about it. And I sometimes think how I would feel 746 00:47:50,168 --> 00:47:53,128 Speaker 2: or how I would react if I did see him. 747 00:47:53,768 --> 00:47:55,768 Speaker 2: I think now I'm strong enough just to look the 748 00:47:55,808 --> 00:47:59,728 Speaker 2: other way and pretend that he doesn't exist. I felt 749 00:47:59,808 --> 00:48:03,648 Speaker 2: looking back that he glossed over a lot of the truths, 750 00:48:03,928 --> 00:48:08,328 Speaker 2: and again he said what I wanted to hear. There 751 00:48:08,408 --> 00:48:11,208 Speaker 2: was a lot of lies and a seat around his 752 00:48:11,368 --> 00:48:14,968 Speaker 2: ex wife and as well as his more recent ex 753 00:48:15,568 --> 00:48:18,448 Speaker 2: who I'd found out he had only separated three weeks 754 00:48:18,488 --> 00:48:23,448 Speaker 2: before we started dating. She'd lived in his house, and 755 00:48:23,528 --> 00:48:26,288 Speaker 2: I thought they'd been separated for a good few months, 756 00:48:26,448 --> 00:48:30,408 Speaker 2: but found out it had been weeks, and that's when 757 00:48:30,448 --> 00:48:34,688 Speaker 2: I realized it was love bombing. He didn't want to 758 00:48:34,688 --> 00:48:39,567 Speaker 2: be alone. He treated me like I was disposable, that 759 00:48:39,688 --> 00:48:43,888 Speaker 2: I was like a playtoy that could be used in 760 00:48:43,928 --> 00:48:47,288 Speaker 2: the meantime, while he was looking for his next true love. 761 00:48:48,368 --> 00:48:52,087 Speaker 2: I feel that I was being used to mend his heart. 762 00:48:53,408 --> 00:48:57,087 Speaker 2: I was completely love bomb and no one deserves to 763 00:48:57,128 --> 00:49:00,448 Speaker 2: be treated like that. And I hope that anyone who 764 00:49:00,488 --> 00:49:03,208 Speaker 2: listens to this and might be going through a similar situation, 765 00:49:04,248 --> 00:49:06,167 Speaker 2: I just want them to know that it really does 766 00:49:06,248 --> 00:49:08,688 Speaker 2: get better, and you just need to lean into all 767 00:49:08,728 --> 00:49:13,928 Speaker 2: of those people that love unconditionally. I'm so proud of 768 00:49:14,048 --> 00:49:19,247 Speaker 2: myself well how far that I've come. They do say 769 00:49:19,288 --> 00:49:23,568 Speaker 2: that you become a stronger person when you've been through trauma, 770 00:49:23,768 --> 00:49:25,727 Speaker 2: and I would roll my eyes at people that told 771 00:49:25,728 --> 00:49:28,968 Speaker 2: me You'll get stronger, You'll be fine. How do you 772 00:49:29,048 --> 00:49:31,208 Speaker 2: get through? How do you how do you become stronger 773 00:49:31,328 --> 00:49:37,047 Speaker 2: from these these experiences? And I have. I've moved back 774 00:49:37,088 --> 00:49:40,607 Speaker 2: into my own home. I own my own home. I 775 00:49:40,648 --> 00:49:45,408 Speaker 2: have a great relationship with Harrison. My job is just 776 00:49:46,928 --> 00:49:53,968 Speaker 2: so enjoyable. My colleagues are amazing. I have lost twenty kilos. 777 00:49:54,288 --> 00:49:57,087 Speaker 2: I've become a gym junkie again, which I used to 778 00:49:57,128 --> 00:50:01,488 Speaker 2: be before Anthony. I look forward to my future. I 779 00:50:01,528 --> 00:50:06,048 Speaker 2: look ahead, I make plans. I want to go skydiving. 780 00:50:07,448 --> 00:50:10,488 Speaker 2: I've done so much in a work. I've sat in 781 00:50:10,528 --> 00:50:15,208 Speaker 2: solitude with myself. I don't drink fairly at all anymore. 782 00:50:16,528 --> 00:50:20,688 Speaker 2: I haven't tried to mask the pain anymore, and I 783 00:50:20,728 --> 00:50:23,608 Speaker 2: really feel, especially the last six months, that I'm on 784 00:50:23,648 --> 00:50:27,368 Speaker 2: the other side. If you had told me that nearly 785 00:50:27,448 --> 00:50:30,607 Speaker 2: three years ago, I would never have believed where I'd 786 00:50:30,648 --> 00:50:34,408 Speaker 2: be standing right now. And I'm just so proud that 787 00:50:34,448 --> 00:50:38,008 Speaker 2: I can. I can tell my story and I've come 788 00:50:38,048 --> 00:50:42,527 Speaker 2: out on the other side of it. I do grief occasionally, 789 00:50:42,688 --> 00:50:45,288 Speaker 2: but it's not that grief that I need to pick 790 00:50:45,288 --> 00:50:49,448 Speaker 2: a bottle of wine up and mask it. And I 791 00:50:49,448 --> 00:50:53,368 Speaker 2: haven't allowed a new man to come into my life 792 00:50:53,528 --> 00:50:58,728 Speaker 2: to create happiness for me. I've been single since Antony, 793 00:50:59,568 --> 00:51:02,808 Speaker 2: and I'm only now starting to ponder maybe dipping my 794 00:51:02,888 --> 00:51:06,688 Speaker 2: feet in the dating pool, so to speak. But I 795 00:51:06,728 --> 00:51:10,088 Speaker 2: can do it knowing that I am truly happy within 796 00:51:10,088 --> 00:51:12,728 Speaker 2: myself and I don't need another person to create that 797 00:51:12,848 --> 00:51:16,808 Speaker 2: for me. I definitely have regrets about the choices that 798 00:51:16,888 --> 00:51:21,128 Speaker 2: I made in the circumstances that were out of my control, 799 00:51:22,328 --> 00:51:26,448 Speaker 2: but I have owned up to those mistakes and I'm 800 00:51:26,488 --> 00:51:31,087 Speaker 2: just so lucky that with my drink driving offense that 801 00:51:31,168 --> 00:51:34,688 Speaker 2: I never hurt anyone, and I'm so grateful for that. 802 00:51:35,768 --> 00:51:39,047 Speaker 2: It's hard to say I'm grateful for the experience, but 803 00:51:39,128 --> 00:51:41,448 Speaker 2: I feel like if I hadn't had this experience, that 804 00:51:41,528 --> 00:51:43,928 Speaker 2: I wouldn't be the strong person that I am today. 805 00:51:45,288 --> 00:51:50,208 Speaker 2: If I could change change things, possibly I would. But 806 00:51:51,488 --> 00:51:55,087 Speaker 2: knowing how strong I am and knowing that I love 807 00:51:55,168 --> 00:52:00,448 Speaker 2: my life without needing someone else to do make me happy. 808 00:52:01,808 --> 00:52:06,567 Speaker 2: It's so empowering. I just want people out there to 809 00:52:06,688 --> 00:52:10,888 Speaker 2: know that no man or no woman is worth your 810 00:52:10,928 --> 00:52:14,328 Speaker 2: mental health. If you're seeing red flags or if you're 811 00:52:14,368 --> 00:52:18,928 Speaker 2: being warned by friends, and listen to that, listen to 812 00:52:18,968 --> 00:52:24,408 Speaker 2: that gut feeling, and just know that you're worse loving 813 00:52:24,448 --> 00:52:27,008 Speaker 2: yourself and no one needs to be that person to 814 00:52:27,648 --> 00:52:28,168 Speaker 2: complete you. 815 00:52:48,288 --> 00:52:51,128 Speaker 1: Everyone Has an Ex's a Minti Media production and proudly 816 00:52:51,248 --> 00:52:53,608 Speaker 1: part of the mum of Me network. This episode is 817 00:52:53,648 --> 00:52:56,808 Speaker 1: written and produced by Linda Scott. Interview conducted by Eilish 818 00:52:56,848 --> 00:52:59,728 Speaker 1: Delaney and narrated by me Georgia Love. If you have 819 00:52:59,768 --> 00:53:02,568 Speaker 1: a story you'd like to share, email podcast at momamea 820 00:53:02,648 --> 00:53:05,248 Speaker 1: dot com dot EU. You can support us by following 821 00:53:05,288 --> 00:53:07,488 Speaker 1: the show in your favorite podcast app and leaving a 822 00:53:07,528 --> 00:53:14,888 Speaker 1: five star review We'll see you for the next episode.