Speaker 1: This episode of CZ the A is brought to you
Speaker 1: by Mitsubishi.
Speaker 2: You know, you can be eating all the kale salads
Speaker 2: and drinking all the green smoothies, but if you've got
Speaker 2: a really loud inner critic, or what I call you,
Speaker 2: in a Mean Girl, you need to work on your
Speaker 2: mindset as well. And I really encourage everyone in all
Speaker 2: of my books in my podcast to delete the word
Speaker 2: perfect and perfection from your vocabulary because it just is
Speaker 2: ammo for your in a Mean Girl to compare you
Speaker 2: to everybody else.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Sees the YA Podcast. Busy and happy
Speaker 1: are not the same thing. We too rarely question what
Speaker 1: makes the heart seeing. We work, then we rest, but
Speaker 1: rarely we play and often don't realize there's more than
Speaker 1: one way. So this is a platform to hear and
Speaker 1: explore the stories of those who found lives. They adore
Speaker 1: the good, bad and ugly. The best and worst day
Speaker 1: will bear all the facets of seizing your yay. I'm
Speaker 1: Sarah Davidson or a spoonful of Sarah, a lawyer turned funtraper.
Speaker 1: I know who swapped the suits and heels to co
Speaker 1: found matcha Maiden and matcha Milk Bar. Cca is a
Speaker 1: series of conversations on finding a life you love and
Speaker 1: exploring the self doubt, challenge, joy and fulfillment along the way. Hello,
Speaker 1: lovely yighborhood. I hope you're having a wonderful week and
Speaker 1: that you enjoyed our first co hosted EA's of our
Speaker 1: Lives episode, bringing some friendly banter tier ears so it's
Speaker 1: not just me waxing lyrical alone every week. I'm very
Speaker 1: glad to hear that many of you seem to love
Speaker 1: Abby and Jemma just as much as I do. We
Speaker 1: had so much fun. Please do let me know if
Speaker 1: you have any other thoughts or feelings about our new segment,
Speaker 1: as I really wanted to keep developing as a Yiahborhood production,
Speaker 1: so if you did like the fast pace of a
Speaker 1: co hosted episode, I can definitely keep doing that. Just
Speaker 1: flick me a message anytime and I'll make sure I'm
Speaker 1: always taking your feedback on board. For our regular segment,
Speaker 1: I'm thrilled to be joined by my dear friend Melissa
Speaker 1: Amber to celebrate the launch of her fourth and very
Speaker 1: much needed book, Comparisonitis. This week. In a time where
Speaker 1: the minute details of everyone else's lives are more visible,
Speaker 1: than ever, which we've spoken about many times on this podcast.
Speaker 1: Comparisonitis is a must have guide to arming yourself against
Speaker 1: the dangers of continual social comparison and self doubt, which
Speaker 1: you all know I have suffered from many times and
Speaker 1: continue too often, and I'm sure many of you can
Speaker 1: identify with that as well. Melissa is one of the
Speaker 1: absolute og leaders in self development and well being, growing
Speaker 1: from a blogspot newbie over a decade ago to now
Speaker 1: multiple best selling author, podcaster with over sixteen million downloads,
Speaker 1: ted X speaker and very very soon to be new Mamma.
Speaker 1: It's quite lovely now that enough time has passed since
Speaker 1: my move out of corporate law to have been able
Speaker 1: to experience multiple chapters and stages in the lives of
Speaker 1: people I've been lucky enough to connect with since the
Speaker 1: early days, and I actually interviewed Melissa for her very
Speaker 1: first book before either of us had podcasts. It was
Speaker 1: just hosted on YouTube randomly, just as mel was at
Speaker 1: my very first speaking gig. Ever, Meil has taught me
Speaker 1: so much over the years, particularly around self awareness, boundaries,
Speaker 1: and continual growth, and she shares so many of those
Speaker 1: lessons today. We chat about everything from her fascinating earlier
Speaker 1: days as a dancer at the Moulin Rouge in Paris,
Speaker 1: to the weirdest health hacks we've tried getting pregnant and
Speaker 1: trusting the process. I hope you guys enjoy Mel. Welcome
Speaker 1: to the show.
Speaker 2: Yay, babe. I'm so excited to be here with you.
Speaker 2: What an honor.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's my honor to have you and to have
Speaker 1: your wonderful neighborly leaf blower who's providing some beautiful ambiance
Speaker 1: broud chat in the background.
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, don't be silly.
Speaker 1: I feel like the last year of working and podcasting
Speaker 1: from home, it's just been a symphony of home uncontrollable
Speaker 1: domestic set.
Speaker 2: I know, I just never know when they're going to
Speaker 2: do the leaf blowing, and it's just so unpredictable. But
Speaker 2: it's all good. That's life.
Speaker 1: Hey, I'm actually really surprised at how many people blow
Speaker 1: their leaves so regularly.
Speaker 2: I know, right.
Speaker 1: Well before we kick off, as you know, I start
Speaker 1: by asking each guest what the most down to earth
Speaker 1: thing is about them to break the ice. And you're
Speaker 1: known for being very open about the behind the scenes
Speaker 1: of your life and Korea, but for anyone who hasn't
Speaker 1: read your books, or who might have seen you at
Speaker 1: a sparkly speaking gig or a book launch, you know,
Speaker 1: it could be easy to forget that things aren't always
Speaker 1: as glossy as they seem on the surface. So what
Speaker 1: would you say, is something really relatable about you?
Speaker 2: I mean, the first thing that just came to mind
Speaker 2: is I am currently pregnant, and no one told me
Speaker 2: the amount of times you have to get up to
Speaker 2: pee in the middle of the night, Like, no one
Speaker 2: told me this. And also I'm wearing a belly band
Speaker 2: right now that is for secral iliac lower back pain.
Speaker 2: It's very sexy, Like Nick is like, wow, that's beautiful,
Speaker 2: that's really hot, really into it, really into the belly band.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's pregnancy though, right like your boobs grow.
Speaker 1: We're both like itty bitty titty humidity members and we've
Speaker 1: bondered over that in the past. I just saw your
Speaker 1: boobs and I was like, what is happening? But you
Speaker 1: get the glorious boobs and then all the rest of
Speaker 1: your body's just doing all the weird things. It's like,
Speaker 1: this is mean, Just give me only the boobs.
Speaker 2: It's so wild. The body is amazing though, like truly magical.
Speaker 2: It's just such a miracle, and watching it transform has
Speaker 2: been so beautiful.
Speaker 1: I can't even imagine how exciting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's very exciting.
Speaker 1: I also love how the very first page in the
Speaker 1: intro of Comparis, your brand new book, starts with I
Speaker 1: was sitting on the toilet. It's like, oh, well, you know,
Speaker 1: if you've got to ever break down the barriers, that's
Speaker 1: the way to do it, exactly exactly, So the first
Speaker 1: section is your way to ya. And because you're such
Speaker 1: a prolific writer and podcaster and speaker, people can find
Speaker 1: this story in many other places. And I want to
Speaker 1: concentrate mostly on your brand new book today, but I
Speaker 1: do think it's important to give the neighborhood a little
Speaker 1: bit of context for how you ended up here in
Speaker 1: case some of them don't know you. So give us
Speaker 1: the crash course, take us back to young mel and,
Speaker 1: you know, talk us through what you were like as
Speaker 1: a kid, and then your time at Mulon Rouge, your health, crash,
Speaker 1: and the many other stepping stones that it's taken you
Speaker 1: to get here today that don't get as much airtime
Speaker 1: as the highlights.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, because we could be here for a days
Speaker 2: just sharing this story. But I'll give you. I'll give
Speaker 2: you the nutshell version. So I like you started dancing
Speaker 2: really young. I think I was three when Mum put
Speaker 2: me into dance class, and I loved it so much,
Speaker 2: like I loved performing. I was that kid that would
Speaker 2: get the neighbors together. And we had a roller garage
Speaker 2: door where I lived, and I would like put on
Speaker 2: shows for my whole neighborhood, and I'd set all the
Speaker 2: neighbors outside and then we would be inside, and then
Speaker 2: the show would start with like the garage door going up.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, stop.
Speaker 2: Grand entrance, the grand and we'd be like in pose,
Speaker 2: like in position. That was such a beautiful part of
Speaker 2: my childhood. We did that a lot, made my poor
Speaker 2: neighbors and parents and aunts and uncles sit through these
Speaker 2: torturous concerts in my garage. And then later on in life,
Speaker 2: I started doing acting and singing and TV presenting, and
Speaker 2: I did a little bit of modeling and was working
Speaker 2: professionally from the age of like fifteen. So whilst I
Speaker 2: was in high school, I was booking these big acting
Speaker 2: jobs and TV jobs and dancing gigs and I absolutely
Speaker 2: loved it, loved it so much. And then after school
Speaker 2: I applied for a Bachelor of Business and got in
Speaker 2: majoring in marketing. And there was something inside me that
Speaker 2: was like, this isn't for you, this isn't for you.
Speaker 2: Like go and go and follow your dream of being
Speaker 2: a performer. So I went and studied performing arts for
Speaker 2: a year and acting, and then went to the Mulan
Speaker 2: Rouge in Paris and lived in Paris and danced there
Speaker 2: for a year, which I just loved, and then moved
Speaker 2: to London for two years and I worked there as
Speaker 2: a dancer and actress and TV presenter and absolutely loved it.
Speaker 2: Had a ball. I was living the dream, traveling the world,
Speaker 2: making great money partying. You get treated like a celebrity
Speaker 2: over there because you're a big dancer or whatever, and
Speaker 2: you get invited to all these clubs and these openings
Speaker 2: and living the dream. And then my v expired and
Speaker 2: I had to move back to Australia and I was
Speaker 2: absolutely devastated, like I really didn't want to go. I
Speaker 2: felt it was really premature. I wasn't ready to leave.
Speaker 2: And as you know, as an entertainer, the industry in
Speaker 2: Australia is just not as big as London or New
Speaker 2: York or LA And so I knew that I was
Speaker 2: kind of closing the door on that chapter of my life.
Speaker 2: So I came back. I was very depressed. I had
Speaker 2: to leave a boy that I was seeing back in England.
Speaker 2: He kind of broke up with me. I was like,
Speaker 2: let's do long distance, it'll be easy.
Speaker 1: Ali was so close.
Speaker 2: Yeah, He's like no, no, And I was like devastated.
Speaker 2: And so I didn't have a job. I was starting
Speaker 2: from scratch. I was sleeping on a friend's single fold
Speaker 2: out hospital bed in her lounde room. So it was
Speaker 2: so classy. I had no job, no friends, no boyfriend.
Speaker 2: I was doing nannying, just like cash nannying jobs and
Speaker 2: admin just to make a couple of hundred dollars a week,
Speaker 2: like two hundred dollars a week, just so I could
Speaker 2: buy some food and put petrol in my car and
Speaker 2: things like that. And it was a really dark time
Speaker 2: in my life. I was spiraling into depression. I started
Speaker 2: experiencing anxiety and panic attacks and had an eating disorder
Speaker 2: and it was just like a snowball effect of toxic, unhealthy,
Speaker 2: very very unhealthy behaviors and habits, and I started partying
Speaker 2: a lot just to numb the pain, and it ended
Speaker 2: up taking me hitting rock bottom for me to kind
Speaker 2: of change course and to reevaluate my life. And I
Speaker 2: ended up in hospital with a whole host of physical
Speaker 2: health is shoes and also mental health issues. And it
Speaker 2: was there in hospital that I had a huge realization
Speaker 2: that I was responsible for getting myself there, and I
Speaker 2: was the only person that could get myself out. And
Speaker 2: a little voice inside me said, which I didn't know
Speaker 2: at the time was my intuition because I didn't I
Speaker 2: wouldn't have known what my intuition was back then, but
Speaker 2: at the time said to me, get healthy and happy again,
Speaker 2: and you'll live a life beyond your wildest dreams. And
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't know how to get healthy
Speaker 2: and happy, but I just made a commitment to myself
Speaker 2: to do it. I was like, I'm going to do
Speaker 2: whatever it takes to get healthy and happy. Don't know
Speaker 2: how to do it, I'm just going to do it, though,
Speaker 2: I'm just going to put one foot in front of
Speaker 2: the other. And I made that my mission. Also when
Speaker 2: I was in hospital, I had some new friends that
Speaker 2: I just recently met at this thing called yoga. I'd
Speaker 2: never tried it before, and so woo woo. I'd recently
Speaker 2: met these friends, like maybe a month before i'd hit
Speaker 2: rock bottom, and they sent me a care package and
Speaker 2: in that care package they sent this to the hospital.
Speaker 2: And in that care package was a book that changed
Speaker 2: my life, and that was Louise Hayes, You Can Heal
Speaker 2: Your Life. And I remember reading this book and turning
Speaker 2: to my mom and saying, why haven't you told me this? Like,
Speaker 2: why haven't you told me that we create our own
Speaker 2: reality and that everything that we've manifested in our life
Speaker 2: is our manifestation. And I was just so gobsmacked. And
Speaker 2: my mum, you know, turned to him and said, oh, darling,
Speaker 2: you know, we're doing the best that we could. And
Speaker 2: absolutely they were. And ah, but I was like all
Speaker 2: these light bulbs were just going off in my mind.
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, Like I'm responsible for getting myself here.
Speaker 2: I've created this, like and some people see that as
Speaker 2: an opportunity to spiral darker into the darkness, where I
Speaker 2: saw it as inspiration and I thought, wow, okay, I
Speaker 2: created this. How funny? Let me create something better? And
Speaker 2: so I went on a mission to get happy and
Speaker 2: healthy again. That was like my motto, happy and healthy.
Speaker 2: Happy and healthy had no idea where to really start,
Speaker 2: but I just kept putting one foot in front of
Speaker 2: the other. And when I got out of hospital, I
Speaker 2: knew that the lowest hanging fruit for me was to
Speaker 2: sort out my health first, because if you don't have
Speaker 2: your health, you can't do the things that you want
Speaker 2: to do in the world. So I went on and
Speaker 2: studied holistic nutrition and got healthy, and then realized that
Speaker 2: you know, you can be eating all the kale salads
Speaker 2: and drinking all the green smoothies, but if you've got
Speaker 2: a really loud inn a critic or what I call
Speaker 2: you're in a mean girl telling you that you're not
Speaker 2: good enough and you're not smart enough, and who do
Speaker 2: you think you are, then there's no point in like
Speaker 2: even bothering to nourish yourself. You need to work on
Speaker 2: your mindset as well. And so I studied meditation teacher training,
Speaker 2: I did my life coaching certificate, I did my yoga
Speaker 2: teacher training, I studied acu energetics, which is energy healing work,
Speaker 2: and I literally dove headfirst into all things personal development.
Speaker 2: And spirituality became obsessed. I went every seminar, every workshop,
Speaker 2: read every book, and because I started to feel happy
Speaker 2: and healthy for the first time in my life. And
Speaker 2: I'd grown up with so many health issues, like I
Speaker 2: was that kid, I was the kid with exzema. I
Speaker 2: was the kid that was always on antibiotics. So for
Speaker 2: me to feel happy and healthy for the first time
Speaker 2: in my life was such a huge thing. And so
Speaker 2: I kept on just following that. I kept on walking
Speaker 2: toward the things that made me feel good and walking
Speaker 2: away from the things that didn't. And that's how I
Speaker 2: kind of got to where I am today. I then
Speaker 2: started this thing called a blog in twenty ten, which
Speaker 2: is like so vintage, so ed well. I was blogging
Speaker 2: five days a week when I first started Wow, And
Speaker 2: I was blogging about my battles with my body, and
Speaker 2: my battles with my eating disorder, and my battles with
Speaker 2: my inner mean girl, and all these things that I
Speaker 2: was learning and discovering along my journey. And people would
Speaker 2: stop me in the street and say, I thought I
Speaker 2: was the only one. Like I thought I was the
Speaker 2: only one that struggled with this, or dealt with anxiety
Speaker 2: or whatever. It is. And then I began getting asked
Speaker 2: to speak as like a motivational speaker, and I was like,
Speaker 2: I don't even know, Like what is that?
Speaker 1: I was like, explain to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was like, all right, I'll do it. And
Speaker 2: my first gig was like for a big lulu lemon thing.
Speaker 2: I did that and was just like, Okay, I'm just
Speaker 2: going to wing it, like I don't really know what
Speaker 2: I'm doing, but I'm just going to show up and
Speaker 2: do it, And started running my own live events and
Speaker 2: workshops and group the Goddess groups. Yes, I did them
Speaker 2: weekly for two years. And then I went and wrote
Speaker 2: my first ebook and created online courses, and then wrote
Speaker 2: my first book, Mastering Your Mean Girl, and started my
Speaker 2: podcast and here I am today. You know, that's been
Speaker 2: the last like eleven years.
Speaker 1: What a journey. And I love reminding our listeners that
Speaker 1: your great successes now have been eleven or more years
Speaker 1: in the making, or even your whole lifetime, and just
Speaker 1: looking at the time since we've known each other before
Speaker 1: your book came out, you know, your first book, so
Speaker 1: much has changed for both of us that we never
Speaker 1: could have predicted. And I can just never emphasize enough
Speaker 1: the importance of patience and openness as you wait for
Speaker 1: all the dots to connect, which often they don't until
Speaker 1: quite a while down the track. So our quote for
Speaker 1: yeas of our lives this week was the day you
Speaker 1: plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit.
Speaker 1: And I'm sure there've been many times where you just
Speaker 1: wanted all your seeds to bloom all at once, but
Speaker 1: that would have deprived you of what you learned from
Speaker 1: each experience. And with your dancing career, for example, even
Speaker 1: though you've since grown out of that chapter, at the time,
Speaker 1: it probably was your passion and joy. And at that age,
Speaker 1: maybe you wouldn't have been ready to become a podcaster
Speaker 1: or to be a best selling author launching her fourth book.
Speaker 1: Maybe you wouldn't have had anything to talk about in
Speaker 1: those books. So I always need to be reminded that
Speaker 1: you can't just rush to the end and all the
Speaker 1: baby steps accumulate into what gets you ready for what
Speaker 1: comes next. So maybe take us back to that very beginning,
Speaker 1: you know, as you came out of your health revelations,
Speaker 1: to how you took those first steps pushing through the
Speaker 1: fear of being in a new industry. Going back to
Speaker 1: being a beginner and learning new skills and just trusting
Speaker 1: that it would work out.
Speaker 2: And that's really important. I think one of the biggest
Speaker 2: motivators that kept me going was the feedback I was
Speaker 2: getting from people, and that was, Oh, my goodness. I
Speaker 2: thought I was the only one. I thought I was
Speaker 2: the only one that dealt with food issues or body
Speaker 2: image or whatever. And there definitely was times at the
Speaker 2: start where my inner mean girl would say, yeah, but
Speaker 2: you're not fully healed. But you're not you know, thriving
Speaker 2: with your health. You know you've still got this issue
Speaker 2: or this issue, and you know, who do you think
Speaker 2: you are to speak about this? So that definitely did
Speaker 2: come up. And then I took myself through and I
Speaker 2: created this mastering Amingo process which I did my TED
Speaker 2: talk on which you heard and I talk about in
Speaker 2: my book. But then I started doing that process and
Speaker 2: I kept on coming back to but I'm not proclaiming
Speaker 2: to be perfect. There's no such thing. And I really
Speaker 2: encourage everyone in all of my books and my podcast
Speaker 2: and programs and live events to delete the word perfect
Speaker 2: and perfection from your vocabulary because it just is ammo
Speaker 2: for your in a mean girl to compare you to
Speaker 2: everybody else, and so I've deleted those words from my vocabulary.
Speaker 2: And for me, it's like, I'm not trying to be perfect.
Speaker 2: I'm not saying I'm perfect. All I'm doing is sharing
Speaker 2: my story, sharing my journey, sharing what's worked for me
Speaker 2: for health, what's worked for me and my career, what's
Speaker 2: worked for me and my relationships, what's worked for me
Speaker 2: in all the different areas of my life. And that's
Speaker 2: all we can really do. When you speak from personal experience,
Speaker 2: that actually, like Brene Brown says, you know, vulnerability makes
Speaker 2: people lean in. And when you share from your heart
Speaker 2: and you just share your story and where you're at
Speaker 2: and what's worked for you, that actually engages people and
Speaker 2: it makes people lean in. As opposed to repeating some
Speaker 2: story that you've heard somewhere else or so and so
Speaker 2: did this. It's like, well, what's worked for you, Like,
Speaker 2: I want to know what's worked for you and maybe
Speaker 2: I could try it and see if it resonates for me. So,
Speaker 2: wherever you're at, just share from your own perspective, share
Speaker 2: from your own experience, because that's what's going to connect you.
Speaker 1: I think that's something you've done really well. Weaving in
Speaker 1: the anecdotal with your messages and sharing vulnerable and bumpier
Speaker 1: chapters just as you're coming through them in the hope
Speaker 1: that your experience might be someone else's survival guide. And
Speaker 1: one of the bumpiest parts early on in anyone's journey
Speaker 1: is it can be really disheartening when you set big
Speaker 1: goals but then feel so far away from them. There's
Speaker 1: such a fine line between striving for more to motivate
Speaker 1: yourself on one hand, and then slipping into perpetual dissatisfaction
Speaker 1: with what you haven't yet achieved on the other. So
Speaker 1: talk to us about how you've just embraced the stage
Speaker 1: that you're in while still aiming high. I remember when
Speaker 1: you did your Goddess groups. You did those for two
Speaker 1: years and that was the perfect delivery of your message
Speaker 1: in smaller intimate groups in person, but then suddenly it wasn't,
Speaker 1: And so you evolved into the next part with the
Speaker 1: podcast and Ted talks and who knows what's going to
Speaker 1: come next. So what advice do you have for people
Speaker 1: who are in a chapter that they don't necessarily want
Speaker 1: to be in but they're not sure what comes next,
Speaker 1: And without detracting from where they are so that they
Speaker 1: do enjoy the ride.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's such a good point. It's a really good point.
Speaker 2: And we have to trust the process because everything is
Speaker 2: always unfolding exactly the way that it's supposed to. And
Speaker 2: there's things now that I want to do in five
Speaker 2: years or ten years, but I've got them on my
Speaker 2: vision boards, so to speak, and then I let them go.
Speaker 2: I'm not holding onto them with white knuckle grip and
Speaker 2: getting stressed out about it not happening right now because
Speaker 2: I know the phase that I'm in in my life
Speaker 2: right now, and I allow that to be and I
Speaker 2: try not to change it. And I had a mentor
Speaker 2: once say to me probably he said, are you going
Speaker 2: to retire? And I was like, I don't think so.
Speaker 2: I think I'll always write books and I don't know.
Speaker 2: I just think that I'll always share my message. And
Speaker 2: he goes, okay, cool. And you want to live till
Speaker 2: like you're one hundred And I'm like yeah, and he's like.
Speaker 1: Okay, cool.
Speaker 2: So You've got a long time to work and to
Speaker 2: create and to write more best selling books and to
Speaker 2: interview Oprah and Tony Robbins and to speak on stage
Speaker 2: with Tony Robbins and Oprah and to be interviewed by them, like,
Speaker 2: You've got a long time to do all of those things.
Speaker 2: Why do you need to do it all? This was
Speaker 2: a couple of years ago. He said, why do you
Speaker 2: need to do it all this year? And it hit
Speaker 2: me like a ton of bricks, and I thought, why
Speaker 2: am I rushing? Like why am I racing to fit
Speaker 2: everything in and to do everything that I want to
Speaker 2: do and create in my life this year? Like, once
Speaker 2: I realize that I've got the rest of my life
Speaker 2: to do all of these amazing things that I want
Speaker 2: to do, I don't have to do them today and
Speaker 2: I can just trust the process. Reminding myself that everything
Speaker 2: is always unfolding exactly the way it's supposed to. Are
Speaker 2: mantras of mine that I use all the time. And
Speaker 2: I'm at a different phase now in my life than
Speaker 2: I was a couple of years ago, even two years ago,
Speaker 2: when I was, you know, rehearsing my Ted talk and
Speaker 2: doing all that. I'm in a completely different phase. I'm
Speaker 2: about to have my first child and launching my fourth book,
Speaker 2: comparison Itis. Like it's just such a different phase. And
Speaker 2: there's people out there that are doing amazing things, and
Speaker 2: they're hitting the New York Times bestseller list again and
Speaker 2: again and again, and you know, being interviewed by Oprah
Speaker 2: and doing all of these things, and they're in that
Speaker 2: phase of their life and I'm in this phase. And
Speaker 2: we can't compare, which we'll talk about later. We can't
Speaker 2: compare anyone else's journey to where we're at. We just
Speaker 2: need to stay in our own lane and trust the
Speaker 2: process and know that everything's always unfolding exactly the way
Speaker 2: it's supposed to do for us.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, and definitely want to get into the juicy comparison
Speaker 1: itis because I think it is just, I mean, such
Speaker 1: perfect timing for the book as your gift to the world,
Speaker 1: because we all need it so desperately right now. But
Speaker 1: just before that, I think something that you said about
Speaker 1: the fact that if you are going to live a
Speaker 1: long and healthy life and you're not necessarily going to retire,
Speaker 1: that we do have a lot of time to achieve
Speaker 1: a lot of different things. And something that I've watched
Speaker 1: as a friend over the last I don't know, two
Speaker 1: to five years is also you giving yourself permission along
Speaker 1: the same note of changing chapters, and you know the
Speaker 1: how changing even if the wise stays the same, is
Speaker 1: also permission for you to change your mind, and that
Speaker 1: your purpose at one stage of your life is going
Speaker 1: to be different to your purpose at another stage of
Speaker 1: your life. In health, in relationships, in structure, in even
Speaker 1: where you live. You had a Sydney chapter where you
Speaker 1: needed to be in and around the buzz. Now you're
Speaker 1: having anost chapter because you can afford to be, you know,
Speaker 1: giving yourself the space physically and living in an environment
Speaker 1: that's slower and healthier. You know, all those changes. You're
Speaker 1: allowed to change your mind about what you think. And
Speaker 1: I know you and Nick have been through quite a
Speaker 1: few things where you would openly experiment with new ways
Speaker 1: of treating your body and new modalities and have since said,
Speaker 1: actually I thought it worked, Maybe it didn't work. So
Speaker 1: talk to us about not being too scared to change
Speaker 1: your mind on something when you do enter a new
Speaker 1: phase and you think, actually that's not really might have
Speaker 1: worked for me once, but it doesn't now because that
Speaker 1: when you live so publicly and you do share so
Speaker 1: vulnerably about each chapter, it's hard then to share the
Speaker 1: change as well with everyone and bring them along for
Speaker 1: the ride.
Speaker 2: Yes, something that I teach a lot and talk about
Speaker 2: a lot is it's okay to change your mind, and
Speaker 2: it's even okay to change your mind within the same
Speaker 2: hour if you want to. Like, there's no rules, and
Speaker 2: I think if you are, you know, I'm so dedicated
Speaker 2: and love personal development and growth, and so does Nick
Speaker 2: and a lot of our friends as well. We all
Speaker 2: love it. We all want to keep evolving and growing,
Speaker 2: which is why we're here on earth. And there's been yes,
Speaker 2: so many different things that I'm like, I changed my
Speaker 2: mind on that, and I might change it again and
Speaker 2: again and again. And how cool is that? Because if
Speaker 2: I stayed the same, how boring would that be? Like,
Speaker 2: you know, and I know people who have stayed the same.
Speaker 2: I know people they're still beating that same drum and
Speaker 2: they have been for twenty thirty, forty, fifty, sixty years whatever,
Speaker 2: and that's their truth and that's okay. But like for me,
Speaker 2: I'm like, I love color in my life and I
Speaker 2: love experimenting with different things, and you know, I want
Speaker 2: to encourage everyone that if you do change your mind
Speaker 2: about something, it's okay. You're allowed. You are allowed. You're
Speaker 2: not in school, like and you're not going to get
Speaker 2: sent to the principal's office if you do change your mind.
Speaker 2: You're allowed to change your mind, you know, about anything
Speaker 2: and everything. If you don't want to have kids, and
Speaker 2: then all of a sudden you do, like that's okay.
Speaker 2: If you want to eat this way and then you
Speaker 2: want to change it to this way. Great, if you
Speaker 2: believe in hardcore fitness and then all of a sudden
Speaker 2: you just want to do yin yoga, like awesome, that's awesome,
Speaker 2: and I'm so happy for you. But just know that
Speaker 2: you're allowed to change your mind. You're allowed to say
Speaker 2: and speak openly about it if you want to, and
Speaker 2: you also don't have to you know, you don't have
Speaker 2: to tell anyone that you've changed your mind. But I
Speaker 2: think for me, it shows growth and it shows evolution,
Speaker 2: and I want to share that with others as well,
Speaker 2: so that they feel like they can too change their
Speaker 2: mind about anything. Like there was a time where I
Speaker 2: would say I don't believe in marriage and I don't
Speaker 2: want to have kids, Like there was a time where
Speaker 2: I believed that, like before I met my husband, Like
Speaker 2: I would say I don't think I'll get married, like
Speaker 2: I just don't think i'll get married and I don't
Speaker 2: think i'll have kids, And then I met my husband,
Speaker 2: I was like, let's get married and have babies right now. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And even though we didn't have babies straight away, we
Speaker 2: did get married very quickly. So we got married like
Speaker 2: six months after we were together.
Speaker 1: So that's just one of the many, many lessons that
Speaker 1: I have learned from you. We said it's okay to, yeah,
Speaker 1: to absolutely have shifts as you evolve, And I think
Speaker 1: if you communicate why and how you've gone through that
Speaker 1: transition and bring people along on the ride with you
Speaker 1: that're totally okay with it and can definite appreciate that
Speaker 1: as you grow and learn new things, it's yeah, quite
Speaker 1: liberating to not have to stick to something so origidly
Speaker 1: just because you said it once in public and then
Speaker 1: you feel terrible that you've changed your mind about it.
Speaker 1: But I also think that one of the things that
Speaker 1: makes it very difficult to do that is the dreaded comparisonitis,
Speaker 1: because we are influenced by so many different things around us,
Speaker 1: and it can be hard to speak about the things
Speaker 1: that you feel and you believe if they don't necessarily
Speaker 1: align with what everyone else is doing and whatever else believes.
Speaker 1: So tell us about your latest book, Comparisonitis. Why you
Speaker 1: thought it was so important to write it now. I
Speaker 1: love how it's structured treating comparisonitis like the illness that
Speaker 1: it actually can be. You know, it's a problem. There's
Speaker 1: a prescription, there's antidotes and remedies, which, in your signature
Speaker 1: creativity is the most wonderful way to repitch something in
Speaker 1: a way that helps you actually combat it. So talk
Speaker 1: us through, so where the idea came from. I know
Speaker 1: that you actually started a totally different book, wrote eighty
Speaker 1: thousand words, and then decided to scribe it and start
Speaker 1: a new once. So, yeah, introduce us to this beautiful
Speaker 1: new book of yours.
Speaker 2: Yes, So it's called comparison Ititis, How to stop comparing
Speaker 2: yourself to others and be genuinely happy. And I love
Speaker 2: this book so much, and I'm so excited that it's
Speaker 2: out there, and it's so timely because I feel like,
Speaker 2: now more than ever, we are suffering from comparison ititis
Speaker 2: and we need to do something about it. You know,
Speaker 2: social media is one of the biggest areas where we compare.
Speaker 2: It's not going anywhere. We need to look at it
Speaker 2: so that we can help ourselves and then also help
Speaker 2: our younger generations and the generations that are growing up
Speaker 2: with phones as soon as they come out of the
Speaker 2: womb pretty much in their hand, which is just wild.
Speaker 2: There's a couple of reasons why I wrote this book.
Speaker 2: One of them was the story you shared before about
Speaker 2: I was sitting on the toilet one day scrolling little
Speaker 2: poop scrolling Instagram as you do. I mean, guilty, who
Speaker 2: hasn't done that? This is something I do not recommend,
Speaker 2: but I you know, it's like one of those things
Speaker 2: that I was doing, and I talk about it in
Speaker 2: the book. I do not recommend doing this. Anyway, I'm
Speaker 2: sitting on the toilet scrolling Instagram, and I'm comparing myself
Speaker 2: very unhealthily to another person who has just hit the
Speaker 2: New York Times best Selling list for like the millionth time,
Speaker 2: and my inner mean girl is saying, why aren't your
Speaker 2: books hitting the list? You're not good enough. Your books
Speaker 2: aren't good enough. Sure they're best sellers, but they're not
Speaker 2: New York Times bestsellers like compare, compare, Compare. And then anyway,
Speaker 2: I sat there and wasted probably twenty minutes of my
Speaker 2: life that I'll never get back again, comparing myself to
Speaker 2: this person. And then I came upstairs to my office
Speaker 2: and I opened my computer and went to my emails,
Speaker 2: and there was an email in there from a lady
Speaker 2: called Kathy. And Kathy said to me, Hi, Melissa, I
Speaker 2: you know, I just want to share how much your
Speaker 2: work has inspired me. Your books, your podcast. I've been
Speaker 2: to some of your live events. You know, I do
Speaker 2: your meditations every day. You have changed my life. And
Speaker 2: it was such a beautiful email, and she proceeded to
Speaker 2: go on and tell me that I've inspired her so
Speaker 2: much to write her own book. And she was saying,
Speaker 2: you know, I would love some advice from you, Melissa.
Speaker 2: I dream of having best selling books like you, and please,
Speaker 2: can you give me any advice on where to start?
Speaker 2: And I had this light bulb moment and I thought, literally,
Speaker 2: Kathy's writing me that email, comparing herself to me, and
Speaker 2: at that same time, I'm sitting on the toilet comparing
Speaker 2: myself to someone else. And I had this realization that
Speaker 2: we're all just comparing ourselves to other people, and that
Speaker 2: New York Times bestselling author was probably comparing herself to
Speaker 2: someone else as well, and it's this vicious cycle. You know,
Speaker 2: it's a vicious cycle and it's not healthy at all.
Speaker 2: And I had this realization. I was like, I need
Speaker 2: to talk about this. Then I Another reason why I
Speaker 2: wanted to write this book was I a few years ago,
Speaker 2: I had a friend who took her own life. And
Speaker 2: you know, she was just so divine babe, like she
Speaker 2: was our age. She was so smart, so beautiful, had
Speaker 2: a great job, a great partner, had everything going for her,
Speaker 2: and compared herself so even to me, like I'm one
Speaker 2: of her friends, and she would say to me, I'm
Speaker 2: never going to find the love that you and Nick have.
Speaker 2: Never She would say these things to me, and you know,
Speaker 2: it would break my heart. And I was like, yes
Speaker 2: you will, Yes you will, of course you will. No,
Speaker 2: I'll never I'll never have that. And this was before
Speaker 2: she was with her partner, and she was very heavily
Speaker 2: bullied in high school and she battled depression and anxiety
Speaker 2: for twenty years. And so you know, I was looking
Speaker 2: at the data and the rise of depress, the rise
Speaker 2: of anxiety, the rise of panic attacks, the rise of
Speaker 2: suicide and suicidal thoughts. I thought, I have got to
Speaker 2: do something about this, like what can I do? And
Speaker 2: I looked into comparison and how that is affecting depression, anxiety,
Speaker 2: panic attacks, and suicidal thoughts, and that was another reason
Speaker 2: why I wanted to write this book. And like you said,
Speaker 2: Nick and I were writing another book together. We were
Speaker 2: writing a book and we had written eighty thousand words.
Speaker 2: I had a contract signed with my publishers, wrote eighty
Speaker 2: thousand words, and then just said, this isn't the next book.
Speaker 2: This isn't my next book. And I emailed my publisher
Speaker 2: and I said I want to write this book. And
Speaker 2: I wrote a one page proposal and I said, this
Speaker 2: is the book I want to write next. It's called
Speaker 2: comparison Idis. This is what I want to write, and
Speaker 2: this is why. And she said, yep, let's do it. Absolutely,
Speaker 2: let's go for it. So we parked that other book
Speaker 2: and I went to write this book. And I'm just
Speaker 2: so glad that it's out now. There's so many like
Speaker 2: you said, it's broken up into three parts, and there's
Speaker 2: so many tools and tips and tricks that really help
Speaker 2: people heal from this toxic comparison itis. It's really a
Speaker 2: book about radical self love. Because when you love yourself
Speaker 2: so much, you don't compare yourself to anybody else. And
Speaker 2: it's so needed right now with the way that the
Speaker 2: world is going and being at home a lot and
Speaker 2: being on social media a lot. You know, I was
Speaker 2: thinking about during the writing process. I felt pregnant, and
Speaker 2: I thought, wow, I do not want my daughter to
Speaker 2: ever feel like she is less than anyone else. I
Speaker 2: don't ever want like I was imagining, imagining her comparing
Speaker 2: herself to other people and saying, well, she's prettier than
Speaker 2: me or and I just like it pulled on my
Speaker 2: heartstrings so much, like and anyone listening who has children,
Speaker 2: I'm sure you feel the same. Like you would not
Speaker 2: want or even any small people in your life. You
Speaker 2: would not want them to compare themselves. You know, you
Speaker 2: just want to hold them and say, but you're so
Speaker 2: beautiful and amazing and you're a miracle. And the thing
Speaker 2: is is we are all miracles. There is one in
Speaker 2: four hundred trillion chances that you were born, and that
Speaker 2: is magic and we need to remember that. And that
Speaker 2: book is really about remembering the magic of who you are,
Speaker 2: the miracle of who you are, because when you know
Speaker 2: that deep in your core, you will not compare yourself
Speaker 2: to anyone else.
Speaker 1: Hey, Yahborhood, Just a quick word about our partner and
Speaker 1: Yea before we continue with today's episode. As you've probably seen,
Speaker 1: I've been zipping around town in a fabulous yamobile from Mitsubishi,
Speaker 1: the amazing new Eclipse Cross and I'm so grateful to
Speaker 1: the team for making our yeas of our live segment possible.
Speaker 1: You all know I love working with partners who use
Speaker 1: their influence in business for good and not only are
Speaker 1: Mitsubishi enabling us to shine a lie on unsung heroes
Speaker 1: in the community, They've also just extended their own partnership
Speaker 1: with Disaster Relief Australia. As part of this, they'll be
Speaker 1: providing twenty five suv and all terrain vehicles across Adelaide, Brisbane, Canberra, Melbourne,
Speaker 1: Sydney and Townsville, helping to fulfill Disaster Relief Australia's mission
Speaker 1: to provide rapid disaster response in the wake of natural disasters.
Speaker 1: Throughout the devastating twenty nineteen and twenty twenty bush by
Speaker 1: A season, Mitsubishi helped Disaster Relief Australia deploy nearly six
Speaker 1: hundred volunteers across the country to support with clearing bush
Speaker 1: via Land and this support accounted to a community value
Speaker 1: of over two point two million dollars, which will only
Speaker 1: continue to grow this year. What a privilege it is
Speaker 1: to have a partner in Yea with such a big heart.
Speaker 1: And keep an eye out for the Yamobile as we'll
Speaker 1: be heading out with Disaster Relief Australia to see more
Speaker 1: of what they do in the coming months. Now back
Speaker 1: to the show, and I think the most amazing thing
Speaker 1: about it is that you always dissect an issue like
Speaker 1: your mean girl or like comparison itis, in a way
Speaker 1: that makes us think about the way it operates on
Speaker 1: our lives. Like before you give it a name, you
Speaker 1: can't actually identify when you're doing it or what you're
Speaker 1: doing it about. And you break down very very clearly,
Speaker 1: you know the difference between upwards comparison, downwards comparison, the
Speaker 1: different pain points we have it about because some of
Speaker 1: us are triggered by body comparisons, some it's career comparison.
Speaker 1: And you're mentioning falling pregnant while you are writing how
Speaker 1: much comparison about not being able to get pregnant comparison
Speaker 1: that there had been, And there's even a quiz in
Speaker 1: the book to help you identify practically where it's affecting you,
Speaker 1: because in some areas, comparison isn't all bad. It's a
Speaker 1: healthy evolutionary mechanism to be inspired to do things differently.
Speaker 1: It means that we don't always stay in our own
Speaker 1: comfort zone, but it's and it tips over into obsessive
Speaker 1: and negative and self worth reflective. That that's where you
Speaker 1: need to start to build an immunity, as you mentioned
Speaker 1: to it. And I don't want to reveal too much
Speaker 1: else because I think everyone should go and read the book,
Speaker 1: but just the way that it's structured alone makes you
Speaker 1: reflect so heavily on what's useful for you, what's not,
Speaker 1: and what your own habits are. And once you know
Speaker 1: your own habits, you can combat them. But until you
Speaker 1: know and identify what you're actually doing, it's impossible. So
Speaker 1: I just think it's come at such a perfect time.
Speaker 1: The details of everyone else's lives have never been more visible,
Speaker 1: and we are the pressure on ourselves to be successful
Speaker 1: and to keep kicking goals is wonderful, but also I
Speaker 1: think has its downsides and can be quite toxic. So
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of you. I loved every word. I
Speaker 1: honestly don't know like I have written one and I
Speaker 1: don't think I have any words left. But somehow you
Speaker 1: still have incredible wisdom and insights on more and more
Speaker 1: topics and are about to go on or have just
Speaker 1: gone on Matt leave. So maybe talk us through the
Speaker 1: motherhood side of things. As you just mentioned, you're having
Speaker 1: a beautiful baby girl. A lot of what you do
Speaker 1: now is aimed at the world that you want to
Speaker 1: bring a young woman into. You have had a bit
Speaker 1: of a bumpy ride, Like I don't think there is
Speaker 1: anything but a bumpy ride when it comes to conception
Speaker 1: and fertility and pregnancy. And we're already a stepmom to
Speaker 1: Leo or little Monkey for many, many years now. So
Speaker 1: from a mum's perspective, how do you think comparison itis operates?
Speaker 1: And what have you been doing to kind of build
Speaker 1: your immunity in a new area of your life?
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, there's a whole chapter called CPR Conscious
Speaker 2: Parenting Remedies because honestly, like I surveyed my audience, and
Speaker 2: I surveyed, I did lots and lots of research on
Speaker 2: the main areas where people compare themselves and luck you me.
Speaker 2: Body image is a huge one, career is a huge one,
Speaker 2: relationships is a huge one, and parenting is a huge one.
Speaker 2: It's so important that we stay in our own lane
Speaker 2: when it comes to parenting and conception and pregnancy and
Speaker 2: all of that. I definitely didn't when I was consciously conceiving.
Speaker 2: The eighteen months that my husband and I consciously were
Speaker 2: conceiving was some of the most challenging eighteen months of
Speaker 2: my life. You know, it was so hard. And when
Speaker 2: your heart is yearning to be a mama and everything else,
Speaker 2: you manifest in your life so well, and you you know,
Speaker 2: I couldn't manifest this. I couldn't control this, and control
Speaker 2: being the operative word here. I had to learn and
Speaker 2: practice surrender and letting go of control. They were like
Speaker 2: my two biggest spiritual assignments during that time. There was
Speaker 2: nothing wrong like I do all the tests. There was
Speaker 2: nothing wrong with my body. There was nothing wrong with
Speaker 2: Nick's body, like nothing. It was just this spiritual assignment
Speaker 2: for us to practice surrender and letting go of control.
Speaker 2: And there was times where I compared myself what she's
Speaker 2: pregnant again, like share it around. I'm like, like first
Speaker 2: time she first time they tried, like.
Speaker 1: All those people who were like me, Oh it was
Speaker 1: an accident.
Speaker 2: I didn't know and you're like, oh yeah, knife in
Speaker 2: my heart. Oh my gosh, like let me just pull
Speaker 2: the knife out of my heart. And so happy for them, truly,
Speaker 2: so happy. And it still triggered me to compare and
Speaker 2: and to spiral into the what's wrong with me? Why
Speaker 2: can't what's wrong with my body? Why can't I get pregnant?
Speaker 2: Like you know so much? And it was such a lesson.
Speaker 2: It was such a lesson for me. And it's soon
Speaker 2: as soon as I did surrender and let go of
Speaker 2: control fully, like it happened like that, you know, And
Speaker 2: it was it was such a beautiful growth period. It's
Speaker 2: like growth on steroids. That's what I feel like that
Speaker 2: meeteen months was just on steroids. And I think we
Speaker 2: have to remember when it comes to conception and when
Speaker 2: it comes to pregnancy, when it comes to parenting and
Speaker 2: all areas of our life, like we have to stay
Speaker 2: in our own lane. And I talk about this a lot.
Speaker 2: We've got to put on our blinkers, stay in our
Speaker 2: own lane. And trust. Come back to what I was
Speaker 2: saying before. Trust in the process of life, and remember
Speaker 2: that everything is always unfolding exactly the way it's supposed to.
Speaker 2: It was not meant to happen a month earlier, or
Speaker 2: two months earlier or three it wasn't. It just wasn't.
Speaker 2: And now I can see. But when you're in it,
Speaker 2: you're like, why is this not happening? But I also
Speaker 2: remind myself that there'll be a time in the future
Speaker 2: where I'll look back and I will say, oh, that
Speaker 2: happened because that needed to happen, And then that happened,
Speaker 2: and of course it's perfect, you know, of course it's
Speaker 2: happened that way. When we're in it, we just have
Speaker 2: to remind ourselves to trust the process and let go
Speaker 2: of the control and just stay in our own lane.
Speaker 1: Totally. Absolutely, that's such good advice because so often you
Speaker 1: do look back and it all makes sense, but you
Speaker 1: won't have that perspective in the moment. You just have
Speaker 1: to trust that it will come and you will absolutely
Speaker 1: find it on reflection later on. It's just definitely a
Speaker 1: trust in the universe exercise, but another we've kind of
Speaker 1: morphed into the n AATA and talked a lot about. Obviously,
Speaker 1: comparison itis is the biggest NATA for so many of us,
Speaker 1: and that's intertwined with self doubt and imposter syndrome. But
Speaker 1: another thing that I think you have been a huge,
Speaker 1: huge role model for me for. And it's funny when
Speaker 1: I look back at my journey, there are clear people
Speaker 1: who represent certain big lessons without which I wouldn't have
Speaker 1: done anything that I've done or be any of the
Speaker 1: person who I am. And one of the things I
Speaker 1: think I've told you this many many times is how
Speaker 1: amazingly you safeguard your time and your energy to make
Speaker 1: sure that you can write books and do the podcast
Speaker 1: and show up for your family and be a great
Speaker 1: wife and a great stepmom and now a great mother,
Speaker 1: and particularly with another child coming into your world, I
Speaker 1: imagine that only becomes more important. I think something women
Speaker 1: generally struggle with so much is boundaries. We feel like
Speaker 1: our identity is wrapped up in delivering to everyone and
Speaker 1: doing having at all and having balance. And you really
Speaker 1: really taught me from early on that having strong boundaries
Speaker 1: is not an act of aggression. It's not even to
Speaker 1: you know, it's just respecting yourself and knowing where your
Speaker 1: limits are and how to make sure that you don't
Speaker 1: burn out. And my big failing for the first couple
Speaker 1: of years in business was burning out over and over
Speaker 1: and being like, I left corporate to be a wellness person,
Speaker 1: and I'm less well than I was before. I've always
Speaker 1: looked up to the way that you've managed your calendar
Speaker 1: and blocked out time for certain things, for your physical, mental,
Speaker 1: emotional health, for boundaries with social media, for you know everything.
Speaker 1: How do you do that? What are some of the
Speaker 1: biggest strategies that taught you how to even how to
Speaker 1: craft a gentle no that doesn't feel hard for you
Speaker 1: to put up that boundary, and even how to figure
Speaker 1: out how many days a week you need of downtime
Speaker 1: versus you know, how did you work all that.
Speaker 2: Out trial and error? For sure?
Speaker 1: Because I feel like I met you after all the
Speaker 1: trial and error and that you just figured it out.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, And people would people that would meet me
Speaker 2: now would think, oh, yeah, you have you always been
Speaker 2: like this? Like is this just how you you know,
Speaker 2: were born? You came out of the womb like.
Speaker 1: This with a calender that's color coded.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And like healthy boundaries and definitely not like, definitely
Speaker 2: not like. I come from a long lineage of people pleasers,
Speaker 2: and that was something I had to reprogram and it
Speaker 2: took burnout. It took me getting a dreamal fatigue and
Speaker 2: chronic fatigue to realize that I have to put myself first,
Speaker 2: Like I cannot give from an empty cup. I have
Speaker 2: to be overflowing with love and energy and vitality so
Speaker 2: that I can give to my friends and my husband
Speaker 2: and my family. Otherwise what is the point. So I
Speaker 2: have experienced burnout like you, so I know that I
Speaker 2: don't want to experience that again necessarily. So that's that
Speaker 2: was the motivator as to why I have crafted a
Speaker 2: life that is purely self, love centered and soul driven.
Speaker 2: And that's exactly how I live my life, and everything
Speaker 2: I do in my life is a full body hell yeah.
Speaker 2: So every business decision it has to be a full
Speaker 2: body hell yeah. Every personal decision has to be a
Speaker 2: full body hell yeah. And if it's not, it's a
Speaker 2: thank you so much for thinking of me, But I'm
Speaker 2: not going to be able to do this. And that
Speaker 2: is quote unquote challenging for a lot of people who,
Speaker 2: like myself, had been conditioned to people please. I grew
Speaker 2: up in a very Catholic Italian family, where it's like
Speaker 2: should was my middle name. You should do this, you
Speaker 2: should do that for your aunt, you should do that
Speaker 2: for your sibling, you should do that for your mother,
Speaker 2: your grandmother, whatever. So should was my middle name. And
Speaker 2: I realized that it's not how I wanted to live
Speaker 2: my life. It didn't feel good and it was burning
Speaker 2: me out. And Nick is a big spander for me
Speaker 2: and this His family doesn't have shoulds, and when I
Speaker 2: know shults like and we've been together almost eight years,
Speaker 2: and I remember first meeting his family and just thinking, Wow,
Speaker 2: they place zero expectations on each other. There is no
Speaker 2: shoulds whatsoever. And it was so inspiring for me to
Speaker 2: see and witness another way to be, And so I
Speaker 2: started to live that way too. And I talk about
Speaker 2: this in my second book, Open Wide, about practicing crystal
Speaker 2: clear communication. And this is how you express to people
Speaker 2: that you know, Oh, thank you so much for thinking
Speaker 2: of me, for this speaking gig or for that invitation,
Speaker 2: but I just have to lovingly decline. And I know
Speaker 2: you're like me, babe, where you want to do all
Speaker 2: the things like you want to do everything. And there
Speaker 2: was a time at the start of my career where
Speaker 2: I said yes to everything. Literally every opportunity that came
Speaker 2: my way, I said yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And
Speaker 2: I was at a different phase. I was single, I
Speaker 2: didn't have a steps on, I wasn't pregnant. I was
Speaker 2: building my career. That's what I was doing, and it
Speaker 2: was all amazing, but I did end up burning myself out.
Speaker 2: And so come back to your own personal boundaries and
Speaker 2: get clear on what makes you feel really good. Overscheduling
Speaker 2: my calendar does not feel good for me. It just doesn't.
Speaker 2: And being pregnant, like even more so now one activity
Speaker 2: a day, like I can you know, I've got two
Speaker 2: activities today and I'm like, whoa, it's a bit too much.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's a bit too much. Where literally
Speaker 2: like if you had have looked at my calendar years ago,
Speaker 2: it was just back to back, back to back things
Speaker 2: like no white space. And now when I look at
Speaker 2: my calendar, I feel so overwhelmed if there's not enough
Speaker 2: white space. And it's a different phase in my life.
Speaker 2: But I think you need to work out what feels
Speaker 2: good for you and inject self care and self love
Speaker 2: into your every day, not just on Friday nights when
Speaker 2: you have a bubble bath. Every day needs to have
Speaker 2: self care every day, even if it's just ten minutes.
Speaker 2: That it doesn't have to be five hours. It doesn't
Speaker 2: have to be going to the spa, even if it's
Speaker 2: just ten minutes of laying on your bed closing your
Speaker 2: eyes and breathing deeply, or meditating, or having a cup
Speaker 2: of tea in the sun without your phone, whatever fills
Speaker 2: you up, Like, create a self love menu. I talk
Speaker 2: about that in mastering your Mean Girl. Create a self
Speaker 2: love menu and inject self love and self care every day.
Speaker 2: Like people say to me, you get so much self
Speaker 2: care and self love into your every day, And I'm.
Speaker 1: Like, I put it there if I told you.
Speaker 2: Like, like all the things I did, Like my whole
Speaker 2: is about self care and self love, from what I eat,
Speaker 2: to what I do, to spending time and nature, to
Speaker 2: my little daily rituals to going to bed early, like
Speaker 2: it's all an act of self love. And I think
Speaker 2: if you are currently feeling very overwhelmed and maybe very stressed,
Speaker 2: that taking a look at your calendar and looking at
Speaker 2: what you are saying yes to, that you really don't
Speaker 2: want to, and just being really honest, and this isn't
Speaker 2: about being rude to people. This is just about communicating. Like,
Speaker 2: now I'm on maternity leave and I have to like
Speaker 2: not look at my inbox because of all these opportunities
Speaker 2: that are coming to me. Can you be on this podcast?
Speaker 2: Can you do this speaking gig? Can you do this?
Speaker 2: And I'm just like I have to not look at
Speaker 2: it because I'm like there's a part of me that's
Speaker 2: like I want to do all the things, but then
Speaker 2: there's also a part of me that's like boundaries. Melissa,
Speaker 2: Like you're about to give birth and you're on maternity leave,
Speaker 2: and now like I have to check like even doing
Speaker 2: this interview because I'm technically on maternityly I had to
Speaker 2: ask Nick. I said, can I do this interview with Sarah?
Speaker 2: And He's like, okay, that's the last one. Then that
Speaker 2: is it?
Speaker 1: And I know, thank you so much my life. We
Speaker 1: had this scheduled for last week, which was Mel's last
Speaker 1: official day, and because I appreciate so much your boundaries,
Speaker 1: what they mean to you and how important they are,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I'm so sorry, can we please
Speaker 1: do But that's the thing that when people know you
Speaker 1: have strong boundaries and they understand why they respect them,
Speaker 1: then rather than constantly pushing you because they know that
Speaker 1: you're you know, your cave in the end, it's I think,
Speaker 1: such a strong sign of respect for yourself but also
Speaker 1: means you can turn up as your best self every
Speaker 1: time you do something. You never turn up to a
Speaker 1: speaking gig thinking, oh, I'm not going to do a
Speaker 1: good job because I'm you know, exhausted, because like last week,
Speaker 1: I couldn't do this interview because I lost my boys,
Speaker 1: which was we are responsible by me because I had
Speaker 1: not managed my calendar that week. It was International Women's
Speaker 1: Day and I got all on the female empowerment, got
Speaker 1: to say yes to every woman that asks me everything,
Speaker 1: And it's enjoyable in the moment, but then at the
Speaker 1: end you're like, who what am I sacrificing for that?
Speaker 1: And I think the white space trick in your calendar
Speaker 1: is such a good one because you can visualize. But
Speaker 1: the other thing you mentioned as well is which leads
Speaker 1: to the last section very nicely Playta, is that you
Speaker 1: do things every day and it doesn't have to be
Speaker 1: big things. It can be small. The ten minute routines
Speaker 1: one minute routines. But something that's very hard when you're
Speaker 1: in an industry that is about self development and wellness
Speaker 1: and vitality is that things like meditation and exercise, they
Speaker 1: still are a bit of a box ticking exercise, there's
Speaker 1: still something we do for an outcome. What other things
Speaker 1: you do that have no outcome, that are purely for play,
Speaker 1: that are unrelated to comparison it as self doubt, mentoring,
Speaker 1: tear podcasting. It's when you have a podcast, everything is
Speaker 1: work because you want to hear about new stories and
Speaker 1: you're always scouting. What are the things you do that
Speaker 1: disconnect you from productive? Melissa author, Melissa Mom, Melissa wife.
Speaker 2: Melissa definitely dancing silly in the lounde room with Nick,
Speaker 2: And this is something we aim to do each day.
Speaker 2: And I love music and he's a musician, so we
Speaker 2: have music playing most of the day in the house
Speaker 2: and we will just do one song a day. That's
Speaker 2: our little ritual. We're like one song a day and
Speaker 2: we just dance so silly, like it just oh my god,
Speaker 2: it doesn't even matter what we look like. And he
Speaker 2: has some moves called the Spider. One of my favorite
Speaker 2: moves that he does is the Spider, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: do the Spider. Do the Spider. It's the best. And
Speaker 2: I've said to him, I'm like, when I go into labor,
Speaker 2: can you just do the Spider? And he's like sure,
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. So for me, it's like there's no outcome,
Speaker 2: it's just pure joy. It's so much fun to do
Speaker 2: that with him. And you know, there was a couple
Speaker 2: of years where we did ballroom dance lessons together, which
Speaker 2: was so fun. That's right, so fun. When we lived
Speaker 2: in Sydney, we did I think for about two years,
Speaker 2: maybe even longer. We did weekly ballroom dance lessons and
Speaker 2: Nick has never danced before in his life and it
Speaker 2: was so beautiful. And I was talking about it with
Speaker 2: him the other day. I was like, I miss that.
Speaker 2: Like we got the professional shoes and everything, and we
Speaker 2: were like dancing with the stars, here we come, and and.
Speaker 1: We took it so seriously.
Speaker 2: We like did little competitions and things and we won,
Speaker 2: like we won the Waltz Best Waltz why, like.
Speaker 1: So, why is that not in your Instagram?
Speaker 2: But I got it totally. Champion Division Q exactly like
Speaker 2: Division Z, Oh my gosh. But it was just so
Speaker 2: much fun to do that we did that just purely
Speaker 2: for ourselves. I very rarely posted about it. I've only
Speaker 2: posted about it since we finished doing the lessons, But
Speaker 2: during it, no one knew. I never posted our weekly classes.
Speaker 2: It was just for us, and it was something that
Speaker 2: we would be doing work all day and then like
Speaker 2: three o'clock would hit and we'd jump in the car
Speaker 2: we'd go to our hour lesson and we just had
Speaker 2: an hour to ourselves, and you know, it was so
Speaker 2: much fun. And I think finding something each day that
Speaker 2: you can do that just brings you so much joy.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's baking cookies like I don't know. Maybe it's
Speaker 2: doing silly voices and characters with your partner or your
Speaker 2: roommates or your kids. Like I think bringing play and
Speaker 2: silliness into your every day is so important. We can
Speaker 2: get so serious in our day to day life, especially
Speaker 2: when you are running a business and you're an entrepreneur.
Speaker 2: I think, you know something that always says to me,
Speaker 2: He's like, I love You're like a big kid, you know,
Speaker 2: And I get that from my dad. My dad is
Speaker 2: a big kid, Like he's still such a kid, and
Speaker 2: he said, Nick always says, I love that you got
Speaker 2: that from him because you are You're a big kid.
Speaker 2: You just are silly and playful, and I think we
Speaker 2: need to There's been times where I've forgotten that, and
Speaker 2: we need to remember that. So find those things that
Speaker 2: just bring you and inject a little bit of joy
Speaker 2: and yay and play into your everyday life and try
Speaker 2: and do it. Do it by yourself, or do it
Speaker 2: with your kids, do it with your partner or your roommate, whoever,
Speaker 2: but just inject that into your day.
Speaker 1: People should see us when we first see each other
Speaker 1: when it hasn't you know, when it's been a while,
Speaker 1: we're all like, just like do these stupid day gosh.
Speaker 2: And my voice goes up like fifteen octaves.
Speaker 1: We don't turn into those people. When you see other
Speaker 1: women do it, you're just like, oh, shut up. But
Speaker 1: then when you see your own friends, you're.
Speaker 2: Like, Ah, there's a funny meme going around. I don't
Speaker 2: know if you've seen it where these two kids they
Speaker 2: when they first see each other and they're just over
Speaker 2: excited and so cute and they're like The caption said,
Speaker 2: like tag a friend that you are like this with
Speaker 2: you and you see and I was like, I thought
Speaker 2: of you, so so excited, oh so excited.
Speaker 1: All right, my love. To finish our second last question,
Speaker 1: what are three interesting things about you that don't normally
Speaker 1: come up in conversation. And for someone who shares as
Speaker 1: openly as you do, this will be very difficult, but
Speaker 1: try and think of things that maybe only Nick would know,
Speaker 1: like sleep habits, or like weird quirky things that you
Speaker 1: like to eat or don't like to eat, or weird
Speaker 1: party tricks, like what are some weird things about you?
Speaker 2: The first one that just came to mind that you
Speaker 2: said sleep, and this is something that I do every
Speaker 2: night is I tape my mouth my lips closed every night.
Speaker 2: You do know I do. And this and I'll tell
Speaker 2: you why is because.
Speaker 1: The spider thing.
Speaker 2: No it's not as fire, No, it's okay. So I've
Speaker 2: done a lot of research in the effects of mouth breathing.
Speaker 2: So you don't want to breathe through your mouth. You
Speaker 2: want to breathe through your nose because your nose actually
Speaker 2: has all of these hairs in there to filter the air.
Speaker 2: So you don't want to be a mouth breather. You
Speaker 2: want to be a nose breather, and actually being a
Speaker 2: mouth breather can change the shape of your teeth and
Speaker 2: your jaw and everything like that. So you want to
Speaker 2: be a nose breather, right And since I got pregnant,
Speaker 2: Nick said, I started breathing through my mouth at nighttime.
Speaker 2: And that's because stuff does happen with your nose, like
Speaker 2: it shifts and like you get quite congested. Donkey. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's really weird. They don't tell you that when you
Speaker 2: get pregnant as well. So I tape my mouth every night.
Speaker 2: I just put like a tiny bit of tape on
Speaker 2: my lips to keep my mouth closed, and sometimes I
Speaker 2: wear these nose those strips that open up.
Speaker 1: You are so damn sexy right now. I won't even
Speaker 1: believe the bedtime.
Speaker 2: It gets worse, it gets worse. I then have ear
Speaker 2: plugs in and an ie mask, and so Nick, I'm like,
Speaker 2: good night, babe. And then I go roll over and
Speaker 2: I put all my paraphernaliaer on, and.
Speaker 1: It's just like, bye, honey, this is so intimate and sexy.
Speaker 2: So hot right now. So that's like my sleep, my
Speaker 2: sleep routine.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. I would just wake up with the tape off,
Speaker 1: because I'm like, I'm sure I would just yawn it
Speaker 1: open or something I sleep eat. You see, it's so
Speaker 1: weird to get up and go to the kitchen. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And the only reason I know is because and I
Speaker 1: can't imagine how many times it's happened where there isn't
Speaker 1: a packet or a skin or something to tell me
Speaker 1: that I've done it. I would wake up with like
Speaker 1: avocado skins and a spoon next to the bed.
Speaker 2: It's so that's hilarious. Well, since being pregnant, I've woken
Speaker 2: up and you are hungry, more hungry, so I go
Speaker 2: and eat, but I'm awake. I'm very aware of what.
Speaker 1: I'm doing, so you know how like I don't really
Speaker 1: I'm not a sweet tooth. I'm not really into like
Speaker 1: I like chocolate every now and then, but it's not like,
Speaker 1: you know, I'd rather cheese and pizza. But when I
Speaker 1: was traveling a lot, I would wake up in a
Speaker 1: hotel room and the mini bar would be like empty
Speaker 1: packets of stuff I just don't even like, like cherry rites,
Speaker 1: not a big fan cherry righte packet next to my head.
Speaker 1: The only person in the hotel room.
Speaker 2: I did not know this about you. This is hilarious.
Speaker 1: It's new it's like the last probably just before COVID
Speaker 1: was started. So just around the wedding, I noticed when
Speaker 1: I was traveling.
Speaker 2: Every night do you do packets? Well?
Speaker 1: I don't know, because what if I eat things that
Speaker 1: don't have a skin or a packet, and you know.
Speaker 2: Nick like wake up and is he like where's Sarah?
Speaker 1: No, but he's definitely woke up and I am eating
Speaker 1: and he'll ask me about it and be like.
Speaker 2: What is that?
Speaker 1: And I'll be like a cheese toasty and He'll be like,
Speaker 1: how did you make that? You I make things?
Speaker 2: Whoa, this is brilliant, This is so good.
Speaker 1: And he'll tell me like, maybe you don't want to
Speaker 1: eat that. You know you won't sleep. Well, it's like
Speaker 1: two am, and apparently I get really like, what are
Speaker 1: you saying? What are you saying? I need to stop
Speaker 1: eating so I need to watch my weight, Like I
Speaker 1: get all feisty about it. That's so weird.
Speaker 2: That is hilarious.
Speaker 1: It's great.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I love it. Well with your sleep
Speaker 2: habits and my sleep habits, we're very sexy. But I
Speaker 2: have to admit, like my Nick does wear the nose
Speaker 2: strip as well and the eye masks so we're in
Speaker 2: it together.
Speaker 1: Oh that's good. At least you're in it together. What
Speaker 1: are your other two?
Speaker 2: Ooh, I'm trying to think if there's any food things.
Speaker 1: Or even just like habit things like do you have, oh,
Speaker 1: pet peeves? Do you have any pet peeves? Like mine
Speaker 1: is like slow walking people who walk through deep on
Speaker 1: the foot path and you can't get around.
Speaker 2: That is pretty funny. I'm a little bit of like
Speaker 2: a principal police like, you know, like when something is principal,
Speaker 2: Like I'm like, but it's principal, like you know, you
Speaker 2: can't do that, like you can't litter, like it's you know, like, oh, okay,
Speaker 2: actually I just I go up to people on the
Speaker 2: beach that are smoking and I tell them that they
Speaker 2: I'm like, you actually can't smoke on the beach, and
Speaker 2: and if they drop their butt in the sand, I'm like,
Speaker 2: you're gonna pick that up, aren't you and take that
Speaker 2: to the bin? I like teasure, I know. I'm like,
Speaker 2: so that's.
Speaker 1: That's something, and it's a good one.
Speaker 2: This is a good one. But yeah, like I just
Speaker 2: can't stand the smoking on the beach right next to me.
Speaker 2: I'm like trying to lay there and enjoy my time
Speaker 2: and then someone comes and sits and smokes right next
Speaker 2: to you. Not fun. Definitely not fun. Let me think.
Speaker 1: There's definitely weird things about you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what else? What else?
Speaker 1: Like is there any weird skill? Like are you double jointed?
Speaker 1: Or is there anything when you were a dancer that
Speaker 1: you were like either really bad at or really good at?
Speaker 1: Like I suck at tennis, like I'm really coordinated all
Speaker 1: other ball sports great, can't play tennis. Don't know why,
Speaker 1: don't know why ball sports.
Speaker 2: Are not my forte. Like Nick and Leo, they make
Speaker 2: fun of me. They're like, oh, they will go down
Speaker 2: to the beach and I'll be like, oh, play and
Speaker 2: they're like no, like they don't actually want me to play.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh, like okay, Like We've got this
Speaker 2: little tennis racket and ball thing and I'm like okay,
Speaker 2: I'll just I'll just sit and watch them. Okay they
Speaker 2: just laugh. Oh wait, they just laugh at me constantly
Speaker 2: with my They're like catch this, catch this, and I'll
Speaker 2: like try and catch it, and then no, that's it's
Speaker 2: pretty embarrassing.
Speaker 1: Do you have a middle name? Have I asked you that?
Speaker 2: What's your Mary?
Speaker 1: I did not know that.
Speaker 2: MMA like seriously and very catholic and very so good catholic.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like so confentye.
Speaker 2: So cool.
Speaker 1: Very last question we love. What's your favorite quote?
Speaker 2: I love quotes. I'm like you, I think, and one
Speaker 2: that I love a lot and I've used a lot
Speaker 2: during really challenging times. Is this too.
Speaker 1: Shell pass such a good one?
Speaker 2: It's such a goodie. Whenever you're going through something challenging,
Speaker 2: just remind yourself that this too shell pass past. I
Speaker 2: have written it on post it notes and stuck it
Speaker 2: all over my house at different times when I've gone
Speaker 2: through things, even when I was going through the conception journey,
Speaker 2: reminding myself that this will pass. It's a really beautiful quote.
Speaker 2: And I love quotes like you and put them as
Speaker 2: reminders in your phone or alarms in your phone to
Speaker 2: go off so that you can remind yourself.
Speaker 1: I also think it's good for the good times as well,
Speaker 1: to remember this too shall pass, so that you don't
Speaker 1: let it pass you by and you fully appreciate it
Speaker 1: while it's there, because everything is temporary and you do
Speaker 1: tend to think things will last forever. So I think
Speaker 1: that's a really, really beautiful one to finish on. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for giving me a day of your
Speaker 1: maternity leave and sharing so generously. The book is absolutely brilliant.
Speaker 1: It is such a pleasure and honor that I interviewed
Speaker 1: you for your very first book. Do you remember I
Speaker 1: got an advanced copy of that one back five years ago? Baby?
Speaker 2: I think it was six six years ago. Yeah, so yeah,
Speaker 2: we would have met like over six years ago, and
Speaker 2: I gave you a copy of the book when we
Speaker 2: first met, when we had lunch at that cafe in Sydney,
Speaker 2: And yeah, I just I remember meeting you that first
Speaker 2: day and it was like, oh my god, hi, and
Speaker 2: we would love you. I love you, I want to
Speaker 2: be friends with you, and we were like instant friends
Speaker 2: and I was like, I'm going to be friends with her.
Speaker 2: I just knew it.
Speaker 1: And to be back doing it again six years later
Speaker 1: for the fourth book is just It's been such a
Speaker 1: privilege to be on the journey with you, and you've
Speaker 1: obviously had such a big impact on me. So love
Speaker 1: you loads and thank you so much.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me, Honey. I love
Speaker 2: and adore you. You're such a dear friend to me
Speaker 2: and I'm so proud of you and your incredible book.
Speaker 2: I read it in a few days and your amazing podcast.
Speaker 2: I remember when I was in LA and you called
Speaker 2: me on the beach. I was walking. I was in
Speaker 2: San Diego. I was walking up and down the beach
Speaker 2: and you called me and you were like, I'm going
Speaker 2: to start a podcast. What do I need to do?
Speaker 2: And I was like, right, okay, you need this, you
Speaker 2: need this, you need this, and you're fine, and you're
Speaker 2: like cool, all right, And then a week later you
Speaker 2: started your podcast. So I'm just so proud of you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, I don't think you're This was
Speaker 1: the only one i'd listened to. I didn't really even
Speaker 1: know what podcasts were then, and I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: just going to give it a try and just see
Speaker 1: what happens. And you were like one of the very
Speaker 1: first people to make podcasts cool, Like you started before,
Speaker 1: honestly before it was a thing here.
Speaker 2: Really, Yeah, I know, I love it. It's been a
Speaker 2: couple of years now, and I just I love doing it.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's the best fun. You get to interview
Speaker 2: and have amazing, inspiring conversations with epic humans. It's awesome.
Speaker 1: Well, everyone also jump over and listen to the Melissa
Speaker 1: Ambrosini Podcast. Some of the guests have been absolutely incredible.
Speaker 1: You've had pretty much everyone amazing in the world on
Speaker 1: their sixteen million downloads and counting, so amazing listening material
Speaker 1: you guys. Head over, I'll pop a link in the
Speaker 1: show notes.
Speaker 2: Thank you, my love.
Speaker 1: Well, I think you can probably see why mel has
Speaker 1: propelled onto the global stage with her knack for simplifying
Speaker 1: our most complicated human tendencies and helping us all build
Speaker 1: lives that work best for us. Comparison Itis is the
Speaker 1: circuit breaker we all need to stop comparison and negative
Speaker 1: self talk in its tracks and I'll pop a link
Speaker 1: in the show notes so you can grab your copy.
Speaker 1: I'd love you to do what the neighborhood does best
Speaker 1: and shower Melt with love for sharing so generously today
Speaker 1: by sharing this episode along with any takeaways you had
Speaker 1: and tagging out Melissa Ambrosini and myself. And if you've
Speaker 1: listened all the way to the end, you will know
Speaker 1: that I'll be picking a few of you this week
Speaker 1: to win a copy of her book. So please get sharing,
Speaker 1: lovely people, And if you haven't subscribed or left a review,
Speaker 1: do take a few seconds of your time to help
Speaker 1: us keep spreading the Yea as far and wide as possible.
Speaker 1: I can't say how much it helps us keep growing
Speaker 1: the show and of course keep it as an independent production.
Speaker 1: It really means so much. Hope you're having a wonderful
Speaker 1: week and are seizing your ya