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Speaker 1: You're listening to I'm Ama Mia podcast out Louders, you

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Speaker 1: will know that Friday is a news free zone for

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Speaker 1: us and that rulesticks even when a prince is stripped

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Speaker 1: of his title. We will be talking about Prince Andrew

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Speaker 1: and the King in depth on Monday's show. For now,

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Speaker 1: enjoy a break from the news cycle Friday. Hello, and

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Speaker 1: welcome to MoMA Mia out loud. It's what women are

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Speaker 1: actually talking about on Friday. On Friday, the thirty first

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Speaker 1: of October, which is Halloween. Friends, it is Halloween today,

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Speaker 1: and we'll do a little bit of talking about that later.

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Speaker 1: I'm Holly Waynwright and I just want to remind you

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Speaker 1: all that every Saturday morning, the newsletter that I write

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Speaker 1: just for out Louders will drop in your inbox if

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Speaker 1: you subscribe, and it could be about anything. It could

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Speaker 1: be about anything we've talked about on the show. I

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Speaker 1: write like an essay, I get my thoughts out. I'm

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Speaker 1: real there. I hope you like it, but if you

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Speaker 1: want to in your inbox, you've got to subscribe. There

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Speaker 1: is a link in the show notes. Go do that.

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Speaker 2: And I'm m Vernon and I'm Jesse Stevens.

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Speaker 1: And on our agenda today.

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Speaker 3: There is a new fitness craze that has taken over

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Speaker 3: my entire life. And no, I'm not exaggerating. It's on

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Speaker 3: my Instagram, it's on my dating apps. I have no

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Speaker 3: idea what's going on.

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Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear about it. I need to

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Speaker 1: talk about a very specific Halloween tipping point that I'm

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Speaker 1: living through in my house. And I've got a hack

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Speaker 1: for saying nope when you absolutely cannot.

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Speaker 2: And raw dogging boredom.

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Speaker 4: I've got some feedback for all those twenty year olds

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Speaker 4: flexing about how long they can stare at a wall.

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Speaker 3: But first, so you might remember, on Friday last week,

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Speaker 3: we talked about celebrity relationships and how we feel connected

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Speaker 3: to them, and how some of those celebrity relationships can

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Speaker 3: impact our relationships in real life. We discussed a Victoria

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Speaker 3: and David Beckham. I talked about Dua Lipa and Callum

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Speaker 3: Turner and how they're so publicly obsessed with each other,

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Speaker 3: and I said the line, I never want a nonchalant man.

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Speaker 3: I want my men to be as chalant as possible.

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Speaker 1: It was one of m ziconic lines.

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Speaker 5: You know what I said listening to that I said, preach, Oh, preach,

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Speaker 5: for sure.

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Speaker 2: I loved it.

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Speaker 1: You know who didn't say preach a lot of the others.

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Speaker 1: But you know what, that was more about the Calum

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Speaker 1: and Dua thing, and that you were like, I want

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Speaker 1: this and I want it for thirty years, looking into

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Speaker 1: each other's eyes and laughing into each other's mouth. I

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Speaker 1: thought about Louders were like m I think they genuinely

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Speaker 1: felt very, very concerned for me. However, I did get

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Speaker 1: a few out louders come into my DM saying, Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm too scared to post in the group. Oh that's

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Speaker 1: so sad.

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Speaker 3: Me post in the group like everyone's against me.

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Speaker 1: But they said a lot of them are in.

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Speaker 3: And by a lot of them, I mean three of

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Speaker 3: them are in long term relationships for over twenty years

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Speaker 3: and are still Dua Lipa and Calum Turner come on,

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Speaker 3: come on. So I took some of that feedback on

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Speaker 3: and I kind of revisited some of my past relationships,

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Speaker 3: and I kind of spiraled because no, I realized that

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Speaker 3: a lot of the times where I've broken up with

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Speaker 3: a partner I had at the time was because he

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Speaker 3: never loved me loudly.

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Speaker 1: I love this loving loudly business. It felt like a

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Speaker 1: big catalyst for like the end of relationship. I remember

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Speaker 1: I dated a guy and he hated PDA, Like, he

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Speaker 1: didn't even like to hold hands. He would give like

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Speaker 1: weird side hugs. He loved a high five. He loved

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Speaker 1: a high five.

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Speaker 3: And it kind of in my head, I couldn't figure out,

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Speaker 3: like why he would be so intimate behind closed doors

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Speaker 3: but then feel like a platonic friend outside in the world.

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Speaker 3: And it just made me convince myself that he just

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Speaker 3: didn't like me, and I couldn't handle that in a relationship.

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Speaker 4: And you get to demand that someone loves you loudly,

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Speaker 4: I think you are absolutely spot on. I was reading

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Speaker 4: in Cosmopolitan about how chilance, however we're going to say yes. Well,

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Speaker 4: when I read it, in my head, I say chalance.

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Speaker 4: But I feel like we should sayant how it's a

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Speaker 4: sixth love language, and if that is your love language,

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Speaker 4: then let's not especially let's be real in heterosexual relationships.

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Speaker 4: Let's not accept this kind of apathetic. I don't really

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Speaker 4: care whether it's buying your gifts or holding your hand.

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Speaker 4: I'm not going to do any of that. It made

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Speaker 4: me think of have you heard of the bird test. Yes,

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Speaker 4: the bird test, and I think that this is what

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Speaker 4: you mean.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 4: There's like the kissing and looking lovingly into each other's eyes.

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Speaker 2: But the bird test, We've talked about it on the

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Speaker 2: show before.

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Speaker 4: It's when you're standing in your kitchen with your partner

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Speaker 4: and you say, wow, look at that bird. And it's

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Speaker 4: about the level of enthusiasm they show to the bird.

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Speaker 4: Do they look at it.

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Speaker 1: Or even if they look up from what you're doing.

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Speaker 4: I think Brent would go wow. I think he's a

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Speaker 4: bird man, Oh definitely, and he would be very interested

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Speaker 4: in the bird. And that says something about emotional connection

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Speaker 4: and curiosity and interest.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I'm with you, and I'm very much on board

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Speaker 1: with and wanting to be loved loudly. I think there

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Speaker 1: are like two different things at play here, right, Because

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Speaker 1: the thing that I was kind of being maybe a

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Speaker 1: little patronizing about last week, I'll own it was the

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Speaker 1: idea that that limerent phase where you cannot keep your

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Speaker 1: hands off each other in public has to last forever

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Speaker 1: for a relationship to be real. I think that's what

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Speaker 1: a lot about louders were reacting to, right is limerate.

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Speaker 1: So limmerence is different from love because limerence is the

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Speaker 1: physical obsession you have at the beginning of.

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Speaker 2: A relationship, like infatuation.

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Speaker 1: And some people are addicted to limerens and it can

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Speaker 1: be a red flag cough David Harbor, because it means

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Speaker 1: that you are always pursuing that, You're always pursuing that,

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Speaker 1: and when that naturally fades, because it does most of

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Speaker 1: the time, that will fade and leave, hopefully in a

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Speaker 1: good relationship, leave something even solid and beautiful and even

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Speaker 1: better in its wake. But that actual bit that, like

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Speaker 1: you can't walk past me without me wanting to touch you.

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Speaker 1: I think about you all the time. I just want

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Speaker 1: to say your name to my friends. That's limerens. And

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Speaker 1: if you're obsessed with limerens, it's actually means you're always

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Speaker 1: in pursuit of that. And Cereal cheetahs are often obsessed

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Speaker 1: with limerens. Sex addicts are often obsessed with limerens. Like,

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Speaker 1: what are you trying to say? No?

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Speaker 6: No, no, no, But.

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Speaker 1: What I'm saying is that's one thing over here right

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Speaker 1: laughing in each other's mouths all the time. I'm not

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Speaker 1: saying that is Calum and Juwa, as we know, they

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Speaker 1: both read books. We have a lot of hope for

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Speaker 1: them and their love. But the thing is is that

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Speaker 1: particular thing is very specific. Yeah, but wanting to be

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Speaker 1: loved loudly and have somebody show up for you. Absolutely.

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Speaker 1: In fact, it made me think when we were talking

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Speaker 1: about this that whenever I listened to Sabrina Carpenter singing

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Speaker 1: and I love her and I think she's so clever,

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Speaker 1: it makes me really sad about the standards that we're

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Speaker 1: apparently young women are accepting. Because you know, there's that song,

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Speaker 1: the one about like I get wet at the thought

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Speaker 1: of you being a responsible guy, tears run down my thighs,

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Speaker 1: and then she's like her standards for the things that

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Speaker 1: make her that excited. Are you remember how to use

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Speaker 1: your phone?

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Speaker 6: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: You text me first, and you treat me not even that,

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Speaker 1: just like you remember how to use your phone and

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Speaker 1: you treat me like I'm a per and with feelings.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, Sabrina, is this how little we can see?

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Speaker 1: But that's where you are, right. Chalant is somebody who

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Speaker 1: will tell you they care, and absolutely you deserve Chalant's

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Speaker 1: my friend.

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Speaker 4: And you deserve a lot of it, especially early I

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Speaker 4: reckon that it's a mad red flag if you're with

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Speaker 4: someone for say the first six months, and there's no chance.

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Speaker 4: And I've been in that where it's like there's no effort,

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Speaker 4: there's no excitement, there's no enthusiasm about you.

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Speaker 1: You just go.

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Speaker 2: We need somewhere to fall.

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Speaker 4: We need to get to a point where it's like

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Speaker 4: there is nowhere to go but down from here in

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Speaker 4: terms of like, yeah, maybe you don't have that. You know,

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Speaker 4: you can't sleep. It's so unsustainable, right because I can't

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Speaker 4: keep you can't eat, you're so excited.

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Speaker 3: And that's why situation ship break ups hurt so much,

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Speaker 3: because you're breaking up while you're still in the chalant's face, yes,

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Speaker 3: where everything about that person you're obsessed with. But I

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Speaker 3: think what a lot of the louders were arguing was

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Speaker 3: that I want this for like the whole relationship, Like

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Speaker 3: I don't just want it for the first phase. I

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Speaker 3: want it forever. And they were like, you can't have

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Speaker 3: that forever because that's not how normal relationships work.

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Speaker 2: I think what you want is effort.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you don't want because you see sometimes long term

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Speaker 4: relationships where people treat each other worse than they would

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Speaker 4: an acquaintance.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, just dismissive way and the visible way, and a

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Speaker 1: lot of women break up long relationships over exactly that.

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Speaker 1: They're like, I am invisible to you. You never ever

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Speaker 1: put your hand on my ass when I walk past anymore,

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Speaker 1: and I used to like it that you did that sometimes.

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Speaker 1: Obviously that's not an example that works for everybody. Consent consent,

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Speaker 1: but they feel invisible. And that's why lots of women

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Speaker 1: do leave long relationships because they feel like that comfort

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Speaker 1: has gone.

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Speaker 4: To the can I ask M for a specific example.

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Speaker 4: So you've been with your partner for thirty years, that

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Speaker 4: makes you what in your fifties? Yes, okay, what's an

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Speaker 4: example of a like a moment of cholants that you

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Speaker 4: imagine in your relationship thirty years down the track.

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Speaker 3: So we're at home and he's like, Hey, I've just

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Speaker 3: booked a table at your favorite restaurant.

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Speaker 1: Let's just go out. Let's put something nice, let's just

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Speaker 1: go out. We're out.

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Speaker 3: He's holding my hand and he's standing on the side

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Speaker 3: of the road. So for car comes, he gets hit,

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Speaker 3: not me. I'm safe, and we're walking to the restaurant.

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Speaker 3: He takes up my chair, I sit down. He goes,

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Speaker 3: you look so beautiful tonight, and he says that in

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Speaker 3: a loud voice, so the tables around.

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Speaker 2: Us and here, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 3: And then he leans in for a kiss, and then

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Speaker 3: I kiss him back, and then we eat, and then

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Speaker 3: we kiss again, and then we walk home hand in hand.

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Speaker 4: I think that's fair, so do I, and I support

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Speaker 4: I saw it in her ambition.

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Speaker 1: I think what you heard in a lot of the

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Speaker 1: gen x derision that came me away is a little bitterness,

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Speaker 1: little judgments. Because one thing that people in long term

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Speaker 1: relationships get very defensive about is the idea that young

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Speaker 1: people are looking at them in the restaurant and going

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Speaker 1: look at those saddos. They've barely looked at each other

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Speaker 1: the whole time or touched each other the whole time,

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Speaker 1: and you don't know what they're going through. I think

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Speaker 1: it is fair enough to want somebody to touch you,

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Speaker 1: look at you, and say I like you. Sabrina Carpenter,

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Speaker 1: please take note. This should not be that level of

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Speaker 1: excitement that should be the base.

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Speaker 4: Out Louders High Rocks has not only taken over my

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Speaker 4: TikTok feed, but also the weekends of all of my friends.

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Speaker 2: What is it?

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Speaker 4: Plus the people in their twenties, raw dogging boredom. Please

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Speaker 4: allow me to puff a fish for a moment.

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Speaker 1: Oh yes, out louders, We've got a list of dilemma

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Speaker 1: and we need your collective wisdom to help us and

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Speaker 1: our partners. U Ea, solve it? Please? Okay, here it is.

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Speaker 1: My friend is getting married later this year and is

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Speaker 1: very excited about the dress, celebration, and of course marrying

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Speaker 1: the love of her life. She recently had a birthday

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Speaker 1: and her future sister in law presented her with a

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Speaker 1: gift of earrings and said they could be her something

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Speaker 1: new for the wedding. The earrings are pretty and reasonably expensive,

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Speaker 1: but not anything like what the brid was planning to wear.

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Speaker 1: Oh she is very fashioned forward and has a completely

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Speaker 1: different look in mind for the day. Her fiance's sister,

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Speaker 1: who gave her the earrings, is quite upset about not

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Speaker 1: being asked to be a bridesmaid, so I think she's

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Speaker 1: trying to find a way to be part of the

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Speaker 1: special day. How can the bride to be say politely

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Speaker 1: that she doesn't want to wear the ear rings at

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Speaker 1: her wedding without hurting her future sister in law's feelings

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Speaker 1: and damaging their relationship. Further, friends, if you are this bride,

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Speaker 1: what do you do next?

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Speaker 3: Oh, I think it's a pretty ballsy move to give

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Speaker 3: something to a bride that you expect them to wear

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Speaker 3: at their wedding. Good point, But I came up with

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Speaker 3: a list of lies that she could do. I think

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Speaker 3: firstly she shouldn't wear them to the wedding, but also

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Speaker 3: not bring it up. And these are my list of lies.

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Speaker 3: I've already got these earrings gifted by my mum. Instead,

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Speaker 3: they're sentimental. I'm saving you earrings for my honeymoon. I

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Speaker 3: have the perfect outfit for them. Oh, I misheard you. Sorry,

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Speaker 3: Oh I forgot.

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Speaker 1: And my last one, I'm saving them for a special occasion,

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Speaker 1: more special. I didn't really think that one. Through these

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Speaker 1: lies a lot.

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Speaker 4: I like those lies, so I was thinking deception two.

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Speaker 4: Maybe get another ear pierced, another piercing on the ear

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Speaker 4: so you can wear your nice ear rings that you

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Speaker 4: like in your big ear hole. And then maybe like

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Speaker 4: a hidden ear hole, you could kind of hang those

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Speaker 4: so you're technically doing it technically.

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Speaker 1: And my other.

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Speaker 4: No, because it'll be like at the top of your

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Speaker 4: ear you put your hair over it. And my other

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Speaker 4: option was maybe when you do if you do an

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Speaker 4: outfit change, then you could change earrings.

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Speaker 2: And make a point of it.

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Speaker 4: Then, So if you want to walk down the aisle

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Speaker 4: like once all the photos are done or whatever, put

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Speaker 4: the earrings you don't really want to wear on it

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Speaker 4: and be like, look, I'm wearing the earrings. I think

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Speaker 4: I would probably just wear them to keep the peace.

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Speaker 4: But I actually what if you really hated them? I

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Speaker 4: hair down, hair down, I would just cop it.

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Speaker 1: What do you think I think when the sister in

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Speaker 1: law at the wedding says, why are you wearing my earrings?

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Speaker 1: You say, oh, I am wearing your ear rings? Didn't

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Speaker 1: I tell you I got my nippless Okay? Any better

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Speaker 1: ideas than we would like to hear them? You can

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Speaker 1: jump in the out Loud Facebook group and if you

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Speaker 1: have a dilemma of your own, please send it to

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Speaker 1: us at out loud at momamea dot com dot au.

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Speaker 1: We would love to help you out.

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Speaker 4: So not expecting that there have been a few stories

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Speaker 4: have tickled our fancy this week, and I want to

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Speaker 4: talk about raw dogging boredom.

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Speaker 1: Can we just get it on the table, friends, that

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Speaker 1: raw dogging in this context does not mean anything a

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Speaker 1: little bit ceed, a little bit inappropriate, because that's what

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Speaker 1: we all think raw dogging means. But we have redefined

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Speaker 1: it and now it just means without distraction.

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Speaker 4: Without distraction, because it used to mean having without a condom.

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Speaker 4: So I'm seeing this everywhere, seeing it on YouTube on TikTok,

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Speaker 4: and it's mostly people in their twenties practicing boredom. One

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Speaker 4: productivity influencer his name is Rowan. He recently filmed himself

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Speaker 4: raw dogging boredom for an hour every day in an

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Speaker 4: attempt to improve his attention span. So it's watching a

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Speaker 4: generation trying to work out what it feels like to

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Speaker 4: disconnect because they never have, right and neuroscientists say boredom

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Speaker 4: critical for creative thinking, very very good for us. M

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Speaker 4: genuine question, do young people think they have invented meditation

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Speaker 4: because they just need it? On the record that from

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Speaker 4: five thousand BC maybe before, people have been doing this.

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Speaker 3: I do think it's way too easy to go viral now.

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Speaker 3: And I also wish I kind.

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Speaker 1: Of did this first. I know, because you don't have

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Speaker 1: to do anything, you don't have.

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Speaker 3: To do anything on behalf of young people. I do

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Speaker 3: want to apologize because I do think we can't make

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Speaker 3: staring at a wall a challenge. So we already got

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Speaker 3: so much going on what I can't afford places to

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Speaker 3: live touch. What I love about this is that you

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Speaker 3: guys think that before there were smartphones, and I lived

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Speaker 3: before there were smartphones.

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Speaker 1: That's what we were all doing. You're just sitting around

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Speaker 1: staring at walls.

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Speaker 3: We literally think it's gone like ice age, and then

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Speaker 3: smartphones were.

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Speaker 1: Like, what did you do before smartphones? Oh, we didn't

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Speaker 1: know what to do. We just sat at home and

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Speaker 1: staid at the wall, like that's not what happened.

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Speaker 2: Not what your grandmother did promise.

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Speaker 3: I do regularly, raw dog boredom. I just never called

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Speaker 3: it that, but I remember it's been on the record.

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Speaker 3: When we did a subscriber episode on what did you

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Speaker 3: Do Yesterday? And Sunday we were we were all talking

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Speaker 3: about what we did on Sunday, and mine was I

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Speaker 3: remember sitting in bed and just staring at a wall,

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Speaker 3: doing nothing.

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Speaker 1: And I could have made a challenge out of it.

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Speaker 2: We should have filmed it.

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Speaker 1: Can you not read a book because then you're doing something? No,

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Speaker 1: But I thought the point of this was to retrain

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Speaker 1: yourself from the dopamine hit of technic right, because this

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Speaker 1: isn't quite meditation, because I'm getting served a lot of

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Speaker 1: these videos, probably because you know, I'm always banging on

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Speaker 1: about how I want to be able to meditate. It's

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Speaker 1: been years now, I still haven't got there, So I'm

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Speaker 1: being served a lot of this. These people are not meditating.

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Speaker 1: These people are tortured. The videos I'm served are like

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Speaker 1: there's a clock at the front and it's ticking down,

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Speaker 1: and these people are sitting on the wall like looking

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Speaker 1: like they're going cold turkey from some real hardcore drug.

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Speaker 1: They're not meditating.

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Speaker 2: That is meditation.

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Speaker 1: Well, no, it's inside your head, it's meditation. Like, why

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Speaker 1: can't they just that's how they read a book? That's

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Speaker 1: their reaction.

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Speaker 3: I saw a tweet that said, scrolling on your phone

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Speaker 3: is like a cigarette for the eyes.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and I believe that not even from the eyes,

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Speaker 1: for your feelings for everything. And I was reading, so

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Speaker 1: I totally agree with the detoxy bit, like put your

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Speaker 1: phone in a drawer for an hour. I mean, do

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Speaker 1: whatever you want to do if this is your thing,

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Speaker 1: But like, you can detox from dopamine without staring at

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Speaker 1: a wall that's my point. Go for a walk outside

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Speaker 1: and go for a walk, read something, listen to music,

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Speaker 1: do something, because aren't we supposed to be trying to

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Speaker 1: decouple ourselves from the endless dopamine hit of New New

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Speaker 1: More More.

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Speaker 2: But isn't it interesting?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 4: Because I was thinking about this in the context of

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Speaker 4: religion and religious institutions, some of them have a few.

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Speaker 2: Things to answer for.

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Speaker 4: However, they had this covered not only with meditation but

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Speaker 4: with prayer, right Like my Nan prayed every day and

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Speaker 4: that was her moment of getting in touch with her

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Speaker 4: inner monologue. I've read the things recently about how a

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Speaker 4: lot of people don't know what the inner monologue sounds

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Speaker 4: like anymore because there's a scrolling but there's the music,

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Speaker 4: there's a podcast, there's books, right like, it's all input,

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Speaker 4: and so how do we just sit with no input

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Speaker 4: for a moment?

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Speaker 1: I agree, obviously, and I love the idea that your

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Speaker 1: Nan would have called it, that what are you doing

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Speaker 1: that I'm getting in touch with my in a monologue,

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Speaker 1: Like when I'm folding, washing or scrubbing the toilet, I'm

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Speaker 1: just getting in touch with my in a monologue. That's

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Speaker 1: what we've been doing. But not that I'm comparing prey

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Speaker 1: to scrubbing toilets. Let's on the table, but I think

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Speaker 1: you're right about that. But I also think that there

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Speaker 1: are different levels of input. The thing that we have

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Speaker 1: with our phones is which we've talked about a lot.

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Speaker 1: I'm having a bad feeling. Must scroll, ord, must scroll, upset, tired, hungry,

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Speaker 1: must scroll. And I read in a subsett recently saying that, like,

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Speaker 1: the definition of addiction is the only thing that will

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Speaker 1: make me feel better about this thing that I'm addicted

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Speaker 1: to is more of this thing that I'm addicted to,

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Speaker 1: Like you just keep doing it and so breaking that

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Speaker 1: is great, but I do think it's being replaced.

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Speaker 4: Well.

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Speaker 1: I don't think we should present as the choices of

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Speaker 1: life is either being constantly on your phone or staring

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Speaker 1: at a wall, like there are a lot of other

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Speaker 1: things to do there that will get you more in

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Speaker 1: touch with yourself while not torturing yourself.

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Speaker 4: Do you know you know recently you spoke on the

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Speaker 4: show about famous uswords and Jangodor that documentary. I was

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Speaker 4: watching that and listening to her talk about nature, and

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Speaker 4: I had to check myself and go.

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Speaker 5: Oh, twelve hours watching a gorilla like.

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Speaker 1: Sit boring, And then I went listen to how interesting

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Speaker 1: gorilla really? But then she.

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Speaker 4: Would explain what that gorilla did, and I was like,

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Speaker 4: that is also the most profoundly interesting thing you could watch.

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Speaker 2: I'd watch that.

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Speaker 4: And then I was away recently and I was snorkling

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Speaker 4: and I watched this sea turtle eating grass right and

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Speaker 4: this massive and as you see it and you go,

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Speaker 4: oh my god, it's sea turtle, and then you're kind

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Speaker 4: of floating there.

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Speaker 2: Watching it, and you're like, should I like keep watching

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Speaker 2: the sea.

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Speaker 1: Anything else?

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Speaker 6: And I like come up or like go down, or

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Speaker 6: like you in an art gallery, Like when I go

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Speaker 6: to an art gallery, I judge like I have to

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Speaker 6: look at a piece of artwork, and I only move

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Speaker 6: away if someone else moves away because I don't want

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Speaker 6: them to think I don't understand what's happening with the art.

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Speaker 1: How long do I have to engage to hang with

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Speaker 1: the turtle? Jesse, I do love a turtle.

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Speaker 4: I keep telling people that it was like twenty five minutes,

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Speaker 4: but I reckon realistically it was five. And I just

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Speaker 4: like floated there watching it, and I went, this is

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Speaker 4: actually pretty interesting, like if you lock into it and

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Speaker 4: watch it, you know, float up and put its head

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Speaker 4: up and all of that, and you go, it's just

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Speaker 4: a different pace, right, And so that's what you're saying,

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Speaker 4: is that that's the opposite to looking at a wall. Yes,

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Speaker 4: that's but it's incredibly mindful and like your inner monologue

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Speaker 4: is going, it's peace, but it's a different kind of input.

438
00:20:42,474 --> 00:20:46,474
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think that that's what we're trying to fix, right. Yeah.

439
00:20:46,674 --> 00:20:50,073
Speaker 1: I flew to Perth last week, five hours from Sydney

440
00:20:50,114 --> 00:20:52,714
Speaker 1: to Perth. Yeah. That I was sitting on the aisle

441
00:20:52,754 --> 00:20:55,273
Speaker 1: and the man in the middle of the seats was

442
00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:57,794
Speaker 1: a young man, very nice, smelt nice. That's what I

443
00:20:57,994 --> 00:20:59,434
Speaker 1: was like, that if someone's going to be sit that

444
00:20:59,434 --> 00:21:02,274
Speaker 1: close to me, smelt good. He raw dog the whole flight.

445
00:21:02,674 --> 00:21:05,154
Speaker 1: He didn't have a book, he didn't have a phone,

446
00:21:05,474 --> 00:21:09,474
Speaker 1: he didn't watch anything. He just sat there and occasionally

447
00:21:09,594 --> 00:21:11,714
Speaker 1: put his head down on the table, like on his arms,

448
00:21:11,874 --> 00:21:14,033
Speaker 1: as if to have a little nap. And I was

449
00:21:14,194 --> 00:21:16,834
Speaker 1: obsessed with him. What was he doing?

450
00:21:16,994 --> 00:21:19,114
Speaker 5: Okay, Holly, And should I have asked him?

451
00:21:19,474 --> 00:21:22,194
Speaker 4: I've kind of started doing this because I can't keep

452
00:21:22,874 --> 00:21:24,874
Speaker 4: I can't keep my eyes open if I'm still now

453
00:21:24,954 --> 00:21:26,274
Speaker 4: because I'm just tired all the time.

454
00:21:26,674 --> 00:21:27,474
Speaker 2: And I got on my.

455
00:21:27,434 --> 00:21:29,234
Speaker 4: Flight two and a half hours and I kind of

456
00:21:29,274 --> 00:21:30,674
Speaker 4: put my head back. I knew I wasn't going to

457
00:21:30,994 --> 00:21:33,474
Speaker 4: fall asleep, but I just had my eyes closed. I

458
00:21:33,554 --> 00:21:36,954
Speaker 4: love the places I go, like I just really I

459
00:21:37,034 --> 00:21:40,434
Speaker 4: half daydream and then I think about like, I feel

460
00:21:40,514 --> 00:21:41,874
Speaker 4: very refreshed when I opened my.

461
00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:44,434
Speaker 1: Eyes, saying that the man next to me had a

462
00:21:44,674 --> 00:21:47,033
Speaker 1: very rich in a life. Yes, yes, he was just

463
00:21:47,154 --> 00:21:48,994
Speaker 1: there frolicking in his mind.

464
00:21:48,874 --> 00:21:51,354
Speaker 2: Guard and if he asked, it pulled him out of it.

465
00:21:52,034 --> 00:21:53,834
Speaker 1: And even when they came and said do you want

466
00:21:53,874 --> 00:21:58,234
Speaker 1: a cup of tea? Didn't want anything. He was just himself.

467
00:21:58,714 --> 00:22:01,674
Speaker 1: You probably would have tried to pick him up. He wasn't.

468
00:22:01,714 --> 00:22:03,314
Speaker 1: Really you were a schalant man.

469
00:22:03,794 --> 00:22:05,354
Speaker 2: He sounds chalant.

470
00:22:07,434 --> 00:22:10,714
Speaker 3: So there is a new fitness craze that has taken

471
00:22:11,074 --> 00:22:13,594
Speaker 3: over my life, and I actually feel like I'm going crazy.

472
00:22:14,034 --> 00:22:14,594
Speaker 1: I have been.

473
00:22:14,514 --> 00:22:18,634
Speaker 3: Seeing on my Instagram, on my TikTok, on my dating apps,

474
00:22:19,154 --> 00:22:22,513
Speaker 3: different variations of the specific type of photo, and this

475
00:22:22,634 --> 00:22:28,714
Speaker 3: photo usually includes two men, both really good looking, both

476
00:22:28,834 --> 00:22:31,954
Speaker 3: with aps, both sweating a bit. They have their shirts off,

477
00:22:32,434 --> 00:22:34,994
Speaker 3: and they're standing hand in hand in front of this

478
00:22:35,114 --> 00:22:38,033
Speaker 3: big TV that has like a time stamp on it,

479
00:22:38,074 --> 00:22:42,794
Speaker 3: so like one hour sixteen minutes. And this is a

480
00:22:42,834 --> 00:22:46,754
Speaker 3: new type of fitness workout. It is called high rocks,

481
00:22:47,234 --> 00:22:50,474
Speaker 3: which is an abbreviation for hybrid rock stars.

482
00:22:50,794 --> 00:22:51,794
Speaker 1: I found out recently.

483
00:22:51,914 --> 00:22:55,834
Speaker 3: I prefer the abbreviation to the meaning yes, this thing,

484
00:22:55,954 --> 00:22:57,514
Speaker 3: And now that I've said it, I feel like you'll

485
00:22:57,514 --> 00:22:59,513
Speaker 3: see it all over your Instagram as well. It is

486
00:22:59,674 --> 00:23:03,594
Speaker 3: a massive global competition where people can take part in

487
00:23:04,034 --> 00:23:07,394
Speaker 3: and they compete in this big circuit that includes an

488
00:23:07,434 --> 00:23:11,273
Speaker 3: eight k run that's split up in between workout stations.

489
00:23:11,274 --> 00:23:13,914
Speaker 3: So for example, you would do run for one k

490
00:23:14,154 --> 00:23:16,513
Speaker 3: and then you'll do like a sled push and you

491
00:23:16,634 --> 00:23:18,833
Speaker 3: run another k and then you do something else. So

492
00:23:18,874 --> 00:23:20,914
Speaker 3: it's like this big kind of course that they do,

493
00:23:21,034 --> 00:23:23,914
Speaker 3: and they host these massive events in different countries and

494
00:23:23,954 --> 00:23:26,154
Speaker 3: it's now been a huge global thing.

495
00:23:26,274 --> 00:23:29,194
Speaker 4: So apparently it's gained popularity because you know how there's

496
00:23:29,274 --> 00:23:31,874
Speaker 4: run clubs. Yeah, but a lot of those people don't

497
00:23:31,874 --> 00:23:35,194
Speaker 4: want to run marathons, and there's also strength training, but

498
00:23:35,234 --> 00:23:38,874
Speaker 4: those people don't necessarily want to compete at CrossFit, you know,

499
00:23:38,874 --> 00:23:39,714
Speaker 4: they have those mad.

500
00:23:39,674 --> 00:23:42,874
Speaker 5: Hout like competitions is it like CrossFit more accessible?

501
00:23:43,074 --> 00:23:45,674
Speaker 4: So the thing about CrossFit is that when it gets

502
00:23:45,714 --> 00:23:48,914
Speaker 4: to the competition level, like it's really really hard. My

503
00:23:49,074 --> 00:23:52,273
Speaker 4: friends who do this say anyone can do it. I

504
00:23:52,314 --> 00:23:55,674
Speaker 4: say that I can't do it. But pushing something or

505
00:23:56,034 --> 00:23:58,554
Speaker 4: rowing like if you practice and practice you can get

506
00:23:58,554 --> 00:24:00,794
Speaker 4: good at that. It's not like as skills based as.

507
00:24:00,714 --> 00:24:02,074
Speaker 1: Some of these insurance.

508
00:24:02,474 --> 00:24:04,634
Speaker 5: It markets itself as for anybody.

509
00:24:04,794 --> 00:24:08,513
Speaker 1: Yeah, and are you telling me that their pictures of

510
00:24:08,554 --> 00:24:11,034
Speaker 1: their buff bodies with their time behind them on their

511
00:24:11,154 --> 00:24:15,714
Speaker 1: dating profiles? And is that the hot? Do you find

512
00:24:15,754 --> 00:24:16,154
Speaker 1: it hot?

513
00:24:16,274 --> 00:24:18,234
Speaker 3: I thought it was kind of like a joke thing.

514
00:24:18,434 --> 00:24:20,914
Speaker 3: So then I sent it to some like a group

515
00:24:20,954 --> 00:24:22,714
Speaker 3: of my friends and I was like, are you guys

516
00:24:22,714 --> 00:24:24,594
Speaker 3: seeing this? And this is like a group of friends

517
00:24:24,594 --> 00:24:26,634
Speaker 3: that's like both men and women, and I was like

518
00:24:26,674 --> 00:24:28,714
Speaker 3: are you seeing this? And a lot of the women

519
00:24:28,714 --> 00:24:30,634
Speaker 3: were like, what the hell's going on? All the men

520
00:24:30,634 --> 00:24:32,273
Speaker 3: were like, I can't believe he did that in that

521
00:24:32,354 --> 00:24:32,994
Speaker 3: short of time.

522
00:24:34,074 --> 00:24:35,154
Speaker 1: Do women do high rocks?

523
00:24:35,194 --> 00:24:35,313
Speaker 4: Two?

524
00:24:35,594 --> 00:24:36,634
Speaker 1: Women do high Rocks?

525
00:24:36,634 --> 00:24:36,794
Speaker 6: Two?

526
00:24:36,914 --> 00:24:39,074
Speaker 3: But the reason I found out about high Rocks was

527
00:24:39,074 --> 00:24:42,154
Speaker 3: because it was a scandal at the Sydney High Rocks event.

528
00:24:42,914 --> 00:24:44,954
Speaker 3: This is what happened, like.

529
00:24:45,074 --> 00:24:48,994
Speaker 4: Guys, missus because I just painted and like, well it's

530
00:24:49,034 --> 00:24:51,914
Speaker 4: a deck because it's unresponsive, and you just kept doing

531
00:24:51,954 --> 00:24:54,634
Speaker 4: the war balls and then crossed the line by himself.

532
00:24:54,634 --> 00:24:57,314
Speaker 1: He's leftod what a piece of shit?

533
00:24:58,874 --> 00:25:01,513
Speaker 3: Speaking of chalants, can we just talk about the umby

534
00:25:01,594 --> 00:25:04,634
Speaker 3: up the.

535
00:25:04,354 --> 00:25:05,634
Speaker 2: Made me want to row?

536
00:25:07,194 --> 00:25:09,194
Speaker 1: People don't go to raves anymore, right, so they go

537
00:25:09,314 --> 00:25:09,994
Speaker 1: do this instead?

538
00:25:10,074 --> 00:25:10,834
Speaker 2: They go do this.

539
00:25:11,634 --> 00:25:15,434
Speaker 4: Yeah, speaking of chalance, if your girlfriend is unconscious in

540
00:25:15,514 --> 00:25:17,794
Speaker 4: any context, we stop our race.

541
00:25:18,114 --> 00:25:20,314
Speaker 1: Can we all agree, I don't just stop your race,

542
00:25:20,394 --> 00:25:22,354
Speaker 1: you pick her up like she's a princess and you

543
00:25:22,434 --> 00:25:26,034
Speaker 1: continue on time. She needs to write a song about that.

544
00:25:26,354 --> 00:25:28,114
Speaker 4: It should be part of our etiquette guide that we've

545
00:25:28,114 --> 00:25:28,914
Speaker 4: been putting together.

546
00:25:29,354 --> 00:25:32,154
Speaker 1: Come on, actually, we should totally do one for how

547
00:25:33,474 --> 00:25:36,674
Speaker 1: and then everyone can pass angli like tag people with it. Anyway,

548
00:25:36,714 --> 00:25:39,154
Speaker 1: we digress. So what happened? A woman collapse?

549
00:25:39,234 --> 00:25:41,834
Speaker 3: A woman collapse at the Sydney High Rocks event. She

550
00:25:41,954 --> 00:25:45,714
Speaker 3: was doing it with her partner, so allegedly she collapsed

551
00:25:45,794 --> 00:25:48,114
Speaker 3: and then he was checking in on her and then

552
00:25:48,274 --> 00:25:51,354
Speaker 3: he What it looked like from spectators was that she

553
00:25:51,514 --> 00:25:53,593
Speaker 3: was on the floor. People had to come help her,

554
00:25:53,594 --> 00:25:55,754
Speaker 3: and he just continued to him and.

555
00:25:55,714 --> 00:25:58,714
Speaker 4: He asked, this is the allegation that he did, ask

556
00:25:58,914 --> 00:26:00,194
Speaker 4: do I need her to finish it?

557
00:26:00,354 --> 00:26:03,234
Speaker 5: And they were like no, and so he kept going.

558
00:26:03,794 --> 00:26:06,234
Speaker 2: And then a lot of comments were like, well, what

559
00:26:06,314 --> 00:26:09,914
Speaker 2: could he do? They will paramedics, they would.

560
00:26:09,674 --> 00:26:13,194
Speaker 4: Have asked him to stay out of the way.

561
00:26:15,154 --> 00:26:15,994
Speaker 1: In the background.

562
00:26:18,594 --> 00:26:21,834
Speaker 4: You'll be all right, women were commenting, going The first

563
00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:24,234
Speaker 4: question I'd ask when I came to was did you finish?

564
00:26:24,234 --> 00:26:24,994
Speaker 2: And what was your time?

565
00:26:26,154 --> 00:26:30,154
Speaker 1: The first question? What is wrong with people? I think

566
00:26:30,194 --> 00:26:32,714
Speaker 1: if this is on the dating app, this is red flag.

567
00:26:32,954 --> 00:26:35,313
Speaker 1: You think it's a red berg. Well, I have a

568
00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:39,234
Speaker 1: thing about like guys with really intense hobbies and this

569
00:26:39,354 --> 00:26:42,194
Speaker 1: level of like working out great, like look after yourself

570
00:26:42,234 --> 00:26:45,834
Speaker 1: great and everything. But if that's on your dating app,

571
00:26:45,874 --> 00:26:47,794
Speaker 1: what you're telling me is I'm not going to see

572
00:26:47,834 --> 00:26:49,833
Speaker 1: you very often because you are going to be at

573
00:26:49,834 --> 00:26:51,034
Speaker 1: the gym now locked.

574
00:26:51,114 --> 00:26:52,914
Speaker 2: Now you're wrong, You're.

575
00:26:52,434 --> 00:26:54,234
Speaker 1: Wrong unless you're both into it.

576
00:26:54,474 --> 00:26:58,754
Speaker 4: No, Holly, he's inevitably going to get injured. He's going

577
00:26:58,794 --> 00:27:00,754
Speaker 4: to do his a cl which is six or twelve months.

578
00:27:01,314 --> 00:27:05,314
Speaker 4: There is nothing more holand needs you to help me

579
00:27:05,434 --> 00:27:05,954
Speaker 4: more down.

580
00:27:08,354 --> 00:27:10,914
Speaker 1: So right, Okay, well that's another red flag. So are

581
00:27:10,954 --> 00:27:12,394
Speaker 1: you never going to see him and then you're going

582
00:27:12,434 --> 00:27:14,074
Speaker 1: to see him way too much because you're going to

583
00:27:14,074 --> 00:27:16,874
Speaker 1: be being his nurse made Exactly do you think this

584
00:27:16,994 --> 00:27:18,354
Speaker 1: is one of the things I'm interested in? I was

585
00:27:18,474 --> 00:27:19,994
Speaker 1: when I was listening to this Is Why We Fight,

586
00:27:20,034 --> 00:27:22,914
Speaker 1: you know, the new Moment Here podcast that's like couples counseling.

587
00:27:22,954 --> 00:27:27,354
Speaker 1: It's so good, utterly obs Yes, it's so interesting. So

588
00:27:27,554 --> 00:27:30,674
Speaker 1: the first episode it had this couple. So, David is

589
00:27:30,714 --> 00:27:32,674
Speaker 1: a musician. So being a musician at the level that

590
00:27:32,714 --> 00:27:34,794
Speaker 1: he's doing it involves going out at night. Jess does

591
00:27:34,834 --> 00:27:37,674
Speaker 1: not like going out at night hanging around in nightclubs

592
00:27:37,674 --> 00:27:40,154
Speaker 1: with lots of sexy, interesting people. He had not shown

593
00:27:40,234 --> 00:27:42,313
Speaker 1: himself to be very sensitive to how that made just

594
00:27:42,434 --> 00:27:44,954
Speaker 1: feel very insecure. So she didn't like going to nightclubs

595
00:27:44,994 --> 00:27:48,074
Speaker 1: and being you know, around sexy, interesting people because she

596
00:27:48,114 --> 00:27:50,594
Speaker 1: thought he liked them a bit too much. Also, it

597
00:27:50,714 --> 00:27:53,634
Speaker 1: means that this is his number one thing, being a musician,

598
00:27:53,634 --> 00:27:55,354
Speaker 1: and she didn't seem interested in seeing him being a

599
00:27:55,474 --> 00:27:58,514
Speaker 1: musician at all. So here's a problem. If you fall

600
00:27:58,514 --> 00:28:00,714
Speaker 1: in love with someone who has like a mad hobby

601
00:28:00,834 --> 00:28:03,714
Speaker 1: or passion or shobby or whatever we want to call it,

602
00:28:04,074 --> 00:28:07,234
Speaker 1: and you feel yourself to be in competition with it,

603
00:28:07,234 --> 00:28:09,194
Speaker 1: it's always going to be a problem. Is that true?

604
00:28:09,474 --> 00:28:11,593
Speaker 3: I don't really see it as a red flag because

605
00:28:11,794 --> 00:28:14,714
Speaker 3: they're putting on their dating profile. So if I swipe right,

606
00:28:14,834 --> 00:28:16,793
Speaker 3: I know exactly what I'm going to get. I know

607
00:28:16,794 --> 00:28:19,514
Speaker 3: I'm going to get a guy, a really attractive man

608
00:28:19,914 --> 00:28:22,434
Speaker 3: who's at the gym twenty four seven. I think I

609
00:28:22,554 --> 00:28:25,754
Speaker 3: take issue with it if that's not on his dating profile,

610
00:28:26,114 --> 00:28:28,793
Speaker 3: and then he starts becoming a hybrid rock star like

611
00:28:28,914 --> 00:28:32,274
Speaker 3: two months into us dating, and that changes the whole dynamic.

612
00:28:32,634 --> 00:28:35,434
Speaker 3: I feel like, and I never thought I'd ever say this,

613
00:28:35,554 --> 00:28:37,593
Speaker 3: but I feel like, if you're going to take on

614
00:28:37,754 --> 00:28:39,914
Speaker 3: an intense hobby and you're in a relationship and that

615
00:28:39,954 --> 00:28:41,954
Speaker 3: hobby's going to take up most like eighty percent of

616
00:28:41,954 --> 00:28:44,234
Speaker 3: your life, that needs to be a conversation before you

617
00:28:44,274 --> 00:28:44,674
Speaker 3: take it on.

618
00:28:45,074 --> 00:28:48,234
Speaker 1: Or but also if you're already doing it at the beginning,

619
00:28:48,874 --> 00:28:51,074
Speaker 1: you need to think about that because the problem is

620
00:28:51,074 --> 00:28:53,514
Speaker 1: if you go, oh, this is cute, but then everything

621
00:28:53,594 --> 00:28:55,194
Speaker 1: changes a few months in and you're like, hold on,

622
00:28:55,234 --> 00:28:57,034
Speaker 1: why are you always doing this? On a Saturday morning,

623
00:28:57,034 --> 00:28:58,434
Speaker 1: and he's like, well, I've always done this on a

624
00:28:58,434 --> 00:29:00,794
Speaker 1: Saturday morning. Either maybe you like doing the same thing

625
00:29:01,194 --> 00:29:03,594
Speaker 1: or you love having that time to do your own thing.

626
00:29:03,674 --> 00:29:06,234
Speaker 1: But if it makes you insecure or leaves you all

627
00:29:06,234 --> 00:29:08,834
Speaker 1: alone with kids for hours, problem, Jesse, do you think?

628
00:29:08,954 --> 00:29:11,394
Speaker 1: Or unconscious on the floor or unconscious on the floor,

629
00:29:11,434 --> 00:29:11,954
Speaker 1: do you think?

630
00:29:12,474 --> 00:29:16,394
Speaker 4: Look, there's terms like golf widow and like someone who

631
00:29:16,434 --> 00:29:18,194
Speaker 4: loses their husband to go for like.

632
00:29:19,194 --> 00:29:23,354
Speaker 1: Widow, triathling widow. Like there's a lot of story. I

633
00:29:23,514 --> 00:29:26,514
Speaker 1: say that then be a hybrid rock star widow. But

634
00:29:26,834 --> 00:29:28,794
Speaker 1: there's and this happens a lot to middle aged dudes.

635
00:29:28,834 --> 00:29:31,354
Speaker 1: I've suddenly become obsessed with the lycra and the cycling

636
00:29:31,394 --> 00:29:34,874
Speaker 1: and stuff. And it's great because fitness, because activity, because

637
00:29:34,874 --> 00:29:37,914
Speaker 1: socializing with other people. But if it takes you away

638
00:29:37,914 --> 00:29:39,314
Speaker 1: for five hours every day.

639
00:29:39,234 --> 00:29:40,354
Speaker 2: Look, it's just interesting.

640
00:29:40,394 --> 00:29:42,954
Speaker 4: Who has the time for a hobby that takes up

641
00:29:42,994 --> 00:29:43,874
Speaker 4: twenty hours of your wait?

642
00:29:44,114 --> 00:29:44,874
Speaker 2: Is what I'll say.

643
00:29:44,954 --> 00:29:47,954
Speaker 4: Because I'm just not seeing a lot of women going, Hey,

644
00:29:48,114 --> 00:29:50,834
Speaker 4: I now play golf for eight hours on a Saturday

645
00:29:50,874 --> 00:29:52,954
Speaker 4: and a Sunday and also on Wednesday afternoon.

646
00:29:53,034 --> 00:29:53,954
Speaker 2: I just don't say.

647
00:29:53,754 --> 00:29:58,114
Speaker 1: It do you think that Dave and Jess should broke off?

648
00:30:00,234 --> 00:30:01,594
Speaker 2: That isn't off my conversation.

649
00:30:04,074 --> 00:30:06,474
Speaker 1: I have to get something off my chest about Halloween.

650
00:30:06,514 --> 00:30:09,474
Speaker 1: As you're listening to us today, it is Halloween thirty

651
00:30:09,514 --> 00:30:11,514
Speaker 1: first of October. We're not going to have one of

652
00:30:11,514 --> 00:30:13,914
Speaker 1: those conversations about whether it's American or not. It's done.

653
00:30:13,954 --> 00:30:17,314
Speaker 1: It's here, deal with here. You can deal with it everybody.

654
00:30:17,874 --> 00:30:22,154
Speaker 1: But your relationship with this event is entirely dependent on

655
00:30:22,194 --> 00:30:24,474
Speaker 1: your life stage. Right, you're either not really aware of

656
00:30:24,514 --> 00:30:27,114
Speaker 1: it at all, or when you're young and carefree, it

657
00:30:27,154 --> 00:30:30,234
Speaker 1: just means a piss up costume party, which is always fun, right,

658
00:30:30,274 --> 00:30:33,514
Speaker 1: people like that? Apparently this year very popular costumes for

659
00:30:33,554 --> 00:30:37,834
Speaker 1: grown ups. K Pop demon Hunters, the Louver Heisters, Yes,

660
00:30:38,074 --> 00:30:41,314
Speaker 1: so black, like cat Burglar with dripping diamonds. That's been

661
00:30:42,634 --> 00:30:46,514
Speaker 1: Travis and Taylor, Oh so big. I wonder if we're

662
00:30:46,514 --> 00:30:48,514
Speaker 1: not going to see a late surgeon Lily Allen, David

663
00:30:48,514 --> 00:30:54,474
Speaker 1: Harber costumes. Oh really, I'd go as their house like

664
00:30:54,594 --> 00:30:57,914
Speaker 1: really paper, I love it. So there's that phase of

665
00:30:57,954 --> 00:31:00,874
Speaker 1: your life, right. Then there's the little kids, which is

666
00:31:01,274 --> 00:31:04,674
Speaker 1: pumpkin outfits and trying to avoid them being traumatized every

667
00:31:04,714 --> 00:31:07,554
Speaker 1: time they go to Bunnings or anywhere like that big

668
00:31:07,594 --> 00:31:11,594
Speaker 1: for kids, Oh huge, really getting huger all the time.

669
00:31:11,794 --> 00:31:13,634
Speaker 1: But actually I read a piece in the Herald this week.

670
00:31:13,674 --> 00:31:14,994
Speaker 1: I love to know what you think about this, Jesse,

671
00:31:14,994 --> 00:31:18,354
Speaker 1: because this is your life stage from a writer called

672
00:31:18,474 --> 00:31:21,634
Speaker 1: Cherry Gilmour complaining about the fact that you can't escape

673
00:31:21,674 --> 00:31:23,394
Speaker 1: Halloween at the minute. So if you do go to Bonnings,

674
00:31:23,434 --> 00:31:25,354
Speaker 1: there's like a blood dripping zombie at the door. You

675
00:31:25,434 --> 00:31:28,354
Speaker 1: go into Spotlight, there's death with the side like come

676
00:31:28,394 --> 00:31:31,274
Speaker 1: on it, and how little kids get traumatized and that's

677
00:31:31,314 --> 00:31:33,714
Speaker 1: really hard for parents. So there's actually a petition, big

678
00:31:33,714 --> 00:31:36,274
Speaker 1: petition being circulated about pulling that in. What are your

679
00:31:36,274 --> 00:31:36,914
Speaker 1: thoughts about that?

680
00:31:37,074 --> 00:31:39,954
Speaker 4: Saying there is walking down the street with a two

681
00:31:40,034 --> 00:31:42,074
Speaker 4: year old at ten am and there's a dead body.

682
00:31:41,794 --> 00:31:42,314
Speaker 1: On a lawn.

683
00:31:42,754 --> 00:31:44,634
Speaker 2: It's such a hard thing to explain.

684
00:31:45,074 --> 00:31:48,714
Speaker 4: And then there's like a decapitated man holding his own

685
00:31:48,754 --> 00:31:51,834
Speaker 4: head or whatever, and you're like that man's bleeding from

686
00:31:51,874 --> 00:31:55,914
Speaker 4: the arteries in and necks that they've lost or like

687
00:31:56,034 --> 00:31:59,594
Speaker 4: this time for a biology less like there's skeleton heads

688
00:31:59,594 --> 00:32:03,234
Speaker 4: and it's like that's what we call a decomposing body,

689
00:32:03,434 --> 00:32:05,954
Speaker 4: can you set like? And then Lerna looks at it

690
00:32:05,994 --> 00:32:07,994
Speaker 4: the other day there's a spider bigger than me, right,

691
00:32:08,194 --> 00:32:11,674
Speaker 4: spider bigger than mummy, and she's like scary, like scary spider,

692
00:32:12,074 --> 00:32:14,834
Speaker 4: and I was like it's funny, and I was like, hell.

693
00:32:17,074 --> 00:32:19,234
Speaker 1: It's a whole thing. So there's that phase of your

694
00:32:19,234 --> 00:32:22,674
Speaker 1: life where a petition you're just raging against, the petition

695
00:32:22,754 --> 00:32:25,514
Speaker 1: to watch stop Halloween. Well, no, it's more than I'll

696
00:32:25,554 --> 00:32:31,954
Speaker 1: tell you what they want. It says mums need hobbies

697
00:32:32,794 --> 00:32:36,434
Speaker 1: protect children from distressing Halloween displays in shopping centers. One

698
00:32:36,474 --> 00:32:39,074
Speaker 1: petitioner wrote, we wouldn't let our children be exposed to

699
00:32:39,114 --> 00:32:41,394
Speaker 1: horror films at a young age, but placing them at

700
00:32:41,394 --> 00:32:43,234
Speaker 1: the front of the store, you're taking away the choice

701
00:32:43,274 --> 00:32:45,674
Speaker 1: of exposure. Blah blah. The idea is that you should

702
00:32:45,714 --> 00:32:47,994
Speaker 1: know that you're stepping into scary space. So there's that

703
00:32:48,074 --> 00:32:51,354
Speaker 1: whole era of being outraged by Halloween. And then there's

704
00:32:51,354 --> 00:32:53,594
Speaker 1: the primary school era kids and tweens, which is like

705
00:32:53,674 --> 00:32:56,634
Speaker 1: lots of scary, cute dress ups and fake blood and stuff.

706
00:32:56,914 --> 00:33:01,074
Speaker 1: I have tipped now into the teen parenting era of Halloween,

707
00:33:01,514 --> 00:33:03,274
Speaker 1: and I don't want to go into too much detail.

708
00:33:03,314 --> 00:33:08,754
Speaker 1: But suddenly it's sexy princesses, sexy fire, sexy witch, sexy cat,

709
00:33:08,834 --> 00:33:13,074
Speaker 1: everything's sexy, and you're suddenly like, oh, we're here, are

710
00:33:13,114 --> 00:33:16,434
Speaker 1: we now? Personally, I find Halloween hell because I'm on

711
00:33:16,434 --> 00:33:18,994
Speaker 1: the record of saying I hate costume parties, hate dress ups,

712
00:33:18,994 --> 00:33:22,194
Speaker 1: and that this is like the national holiday for people

713
00:33:22,194 --> 00:33:25,474
Speaker 1: who love it. But has it become compulsory?

714
00:33:25,914 --> 00:33:29,074
Speaker 4: You guys, I think it's about whether or not you're single,

715
00:33:29,554 --> 00:33:33,314
Speaker 4: because it's not just the teen girls. It's a divorced

716
00:33:33,914 --> 00:33:36,474
Speaker 4: like that's forty year olds who are like, it is

717
00:33:36,514 --> 00:33:39,794
Speaker 4: time for me to relaunch my breasts, and you don't

718
00:33:39,834 --> 00:33:42,514
Speaker 4: get a lot of opportunities to do that. So you

719
00:33:42,594 --> 00:33:46,434
Speaker 4: go as Christina Aguilera from the dirty film Claer, which, like,

720
00:33:47,354 --> 00:33:50,154
Speaker 4: I guess it's scary, but it's also mostly hot and

721
00:33:50,234 --> 00:33:52,634
Speaker 4: I appreciate that. Emm, are you going hot this year?

722
00:33:53,434 --> 00:33:57,114
Speaker 1: I'm going semi hot? Emma, are you going to a party?

723
00:33:57,154 --> 00:33:59,274
Speaker 3: I'm going to a party on the weekend, And I'm

724
00:33:59,274 --> 00:34:02,434
Speaker 3: going as Doughci, the rapper who want to Grammy And

725
00:34:02,474 --> 00:34:04,114
Speaker 3: she wears like a lot of like mix of like

726
00:34:04,194 --> 00:34:08,954
Speaker 3: sexy outfits, but also really fun rungy, like big office suits,

727
00:34:08,953 --> 00:34:11,473
Speaker 3: and I'm going as a fun grungy big office suits.

728
00:34:11,354 --> 00:34:13,194
Speaker 1: A little bit as sexy going there's a little bit

729
00:34:13,234 --> 00:34:14,433
Speaker 1: of sexy, but I get really good.

730
00:34:14,473 --> 00:34:17,234
Speaker 3: I'm at that age where, yes, I'm single, but I'm

731
00:34:17,274 --> 00:34:20,554
Speaker 3: also at that age where it's kind of like try

732
00:34:20,594 --> 00:34:23,194
Speaker 3: hard if you go a bit too sexy, like you're

733
00:34:23,194 --> 00:34:25,194
Speaker 3: meant to have fun with it and be like cool,

734
00:34:25,194 --> 00:34:27,074
Speaker 3: and I was. I was in a conversation with two

735
00:34:27,114 --> 00:34:30,354
Speaker 3: friends and they were talking about how one day one

736
00:34:30,354 --> 00:34:33,234
Speaker 3: of the friends went as Ursula from Yeah, a little

737
00:34:33,234 --> 00:34:38,314
Speaker 3: moment and like like really like tentacles everywhere, like went overboard.

738
00:34:38,594 --> 00:34:39,794
Speaker 3: And then the other friend was like, but it was

739
00:34:39,794 --> 00:34:43,314
Speaker 3: fine because she was in a relationship. Yeah, she was

740
00:34:43,474 --> 00:34:45,834
Speaker 3: trying to find any It was fine she could do that.

741
00:34:45,994 --> 00:34:47,754
Speaker 1: I think a lot of this is summed up by

742
00:34:47,794 --> 00:34:51,434
Speaker 1: an excellent substack quote that I saw by Claire Zulki,

743
00:34:51,834 --> 00:34:55,674
Speaker 1: and she said, a young lady becomes a woman the Halloween.

744
00:34:55,754 --> 00:34:58,754
Speaker 1: She stops dressing up as a sexy something and starts

745
00:34:58,794 --> 00:35:03,074
Speaker 1: dressing as an unattractive man. It's so true. Maybe like

746
00:35:03,074 --> 00:35:04,234
Speaker 1: a jewel fief.

747
00:35:06,434 --> 00:35:07,234
Speaker 2: After the break.

748
00:35:07,274 --> 00:35:10,194
Speaker 4: It's our best records, including one of the best celebrity

749
00:35:10,234 --> 00:35:13,794
Speaker 4: interviews I've listened to, and Holly has a hack for

750
00:35:13,874 --> 00:35:16,554
Speaker 4: those of us who just can't say no.

751
00:35:16,914 --> 00:35:20,674
Speaker 1: One unlimited out loud access. We drop episodes every Tuesday

752
00:35:20,714 --> 00:35:24,794
Speaker 1: and Thursday exclusively for Mamma MIAs subscribers. Follow the link

753
00:35:24,794 --> 00:35:26,554
Speaker 1: at the show notes to get us in your ears

754
00:35:26,834 --> 00:35:29,554
Speaker 1: five days a week. And a huge thank you to

755
00:35:29,754 --> 00:35:40,953
Speaker 1: all our current subscribers. Vibes ideas Atosphere, something casual, something fun.

756
00:35:41,514 --> 00:35:43,034
Speaker 2: This is my best recommendation.

757
00:35:44,394 --> 00:35:46,794
Speaker 4: It's Friday, so we want to help set up your

758
00:35:46,914 --> 00:35:49,993
Speaker 4: weekend with our best recommendations. M I want to hear

759
00:35:50,034 --> 00:35:50,794
Speaker 4: your reco first.

760
00:35:50,794 --> 00:35:51,074
Speaker 2: Please.

761
00:35:51,514 --> 00:35:54,554
Speaker 3: Okay, a movie just dropped on Netflix last week. It

762
00:35:54,594 --> 00:35:57,393
Speaker 3: is called a House of Dynamite, and I need you

763
00:35:57,474 --> 00:35:59,434
Speaker 3: both to watch it immediately because.

764
00:35:59,234 --> 00:36:01,394
Speaker 1: I need to talk about it. What does the genre?

765
00:36:02,674 --> 00:36:07,994
Speaker 1: It is like, drama, thriller, respens right, dispense, Idris Elba,

766
00:36:08,434 --> 00:36:14,114
Speaker 1: yeahber Caitlin Deaver who played Bell Gibson, and also Rebecca Ferguson.

767
00:36:14,554 --> 00:36:15,514
Speaker 1: Really good cast.

768
00:36:15,594 --> 00:36:18,834
Speaker 3: So the whole idea of the movie is a missile

769
00:36:18,954 --> 00:36:21,994
Speaker 3: is coming to the USA and the President and his

770
00:36:22,434 --> 00:36:24,194
Speaker 3: government friends have to stop it.

771
00:36:24,314 --> 00:36:28,434
Speaker 1: I've seen this movie before Missus.

772
00:36:29,114 --> 00:36:30,394
Speaker 2: But I love this movie.

773
00:36:30,714 --> 00:36:34,073
Speaker 1: Like I said, they've made this movie many times. No, no, no, no.

774
00:36:34,274 --> 00:36:38,354
Speaker 3: This movie is the most intense thing I've ever watched. Okay,

775
00:36:38,394 --> 00:36:41,114
Speaker 3: I need to explain it. It's in three parts and

776
00:36:41,194 --> 00:36:43,433
Speaker 3: the whole movie is about how the president and all

777
00:36:43,434 --> 00:36:46,474
Speaker 3: these government officials are on this big call to figure

778
00:36:46,474 --> 00:36:49,034
Speaker 3: out how to stop this missile from coming to the US,

779
00:36:49,314 --> 00:36:52,914
Speaker 3: and each part shows the different perspective from each person

780
00:36:53,074 --> 00:36:57,034
Speaker 3: on that call. It is so intense. I saw an

781
00:36:57,114 --> 00:37:00,434
Speaker 3: article on Slate and the headline because I immediately researched

782
00:37:00,434 --> 00:37:03,433
Speaker 3: everything about this movie afterwards, and the headline was I've

783
00:37:03,434 --> 00:37:06,594
Speaker 3: been reporting on nuclear war for decades and no movie

784
00:37:06,594 --> 00:37:08,394
Speaker 3: has shaken me more like this one.

785
00:37:08,954 --> 00:37:09,114
Speaker 6: Oh.

786
00:37:09,194 --> 00:37:11,274
Speaker 5: I saw that and I wondered what movie it was about.

787
00:37:11,474 --> 00:37:14,474
Speaker 3: Okay, So, and now this is the facts, right. We

788
00:37:14,594 --> 00:37:19,873
Speaker 3: have put five hundred billion dollars into these devices called gbis,

789
00:37:19,914 --> 00:37:23,034
Speaker 3: which stand for ground based interceptors that are meant to

790
00:37:23,074 --> 00:37:26,714
Speaker 3: like intercept a missile if they are coming into reiltry. Yeah,

791
00:37:26,754 --> 00:37:30,754
Speaker 3: five hundred billion dollars. These interceptors only have a sixty

792
00:37:30,794 --> 00:37:35,354
Speaker 3: one percent success rate. And that's what that whole movie

793
00:37:35,474 --> 00:37:37,634
Speaker 3: is about. It's not like action e Like, you don't

794
00:37:37,634 --> 00:37:40,714
Speaker 3: see any like crazy things happen, but it's all about

795
00:37:40,754 --> 00:37:43,634
Speaker 3: the tenth moment of how are they going to stop?

796
00:37:43,634 --> 00:37:47,954
Speaker 1: This does not sound relaxing. It's not relaxing, very stress inducing.

797
00:37:47,954 --> 00:37:49,514
Speaker 1: But I do enjoy that sometimes.

798
00:37:49,674 --> 00:37:51,834
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I it ends in a way that's not

799
00:37:51,874 --> 00:37:53,034
Speaker 3: going to make you satisfied.

800
00:37:53,434 --> 00:37:56,594
Speaker 1: Ooh, don't tell me how it ends. I didn't. How

801
00:37:57,274 --> 00:37:59,354
Speaker 1: are my interests so hot?

802
00:37:59,754 --> 00:38:02,154
Speaker 4: I love and so Okay, I'm so into that and

803
00:38:02,234 --> 00:38:04,354
Speaker 4: I'm going to tack on another reco onto that, and

804
00:38:04,354 --> 00:38:06,754
Speaker 4: which is I just finished the late season of The Diplomat.

805
00:38:07,114 --> 00:38:07,993
Speaker 1: I do love that show.

806
00:38:08,154 --> 00:38:11,514
Speaker 4: And in terms of Nuclear Wolf, like that kind of

807
00:38:11,554 --> 00:38:14,674
Speaker 4: comes up as a bit of a theme again. Brilliant again,

808
00:38:14,994 --> 00:38:16,754
Speaker 4: Cliff hang up, which just makes me need to watch

809
00:38:16,754 --> 00:38:17,114
Speaker 4: the next thing.

810
00:38:17,274 --> 00:38:20,154
Speaker 1: Well, so very satisfying this season. I've started watching it

811
00:38:20,194 --> 00:38:22,634
Speaker 1: for people who's watched The West Wing because C. J.

812
00:38:22,754 --> 00:38:25,873
Speaker 1: Craig is the former Vice President of the US and

813
00:38:25,954 --> 00:38:29,274
Speaker 1: her husband is Josh Josh from the West. If you

814
00:38:29,314 --> 00:38:30,794
Speaker 1: don't watch The West Wing, you don't what I'm talking about.

815
00:38:30,914 --> 00:38:32,834
Speaker 2: From the Hammettel yeah yeah, ah.

816
00:38:32,994 --> 00:38:36,314
Speaker 1: And so seeing them together on screen again, you should

817
00:38:36,314 --> 00:38:38,274
Speaker 1: know who Josh is because he's the patron saint of

818
00:38:38,314 --> 00:38:42,594
Speaker 1: wearing a backpack, and you always wear Josh for a backpack. Anyway,

819
00:38:42,634 --> 00:38:45,554
Speaker 1: I dig West. Only West wing people are interested in

820
00:38:45,594 --> 00:38:47,234
Speaker 1: anything coming out of my map. Now stop talking.

821
00:38:47,594 --> 00:38:49,433
Speaker 2: The Diplomat's brilliant. It's so good.

822
00:38:49,474 --> 00:38:50,274
Speaker 1: Love the diplomat.

823
00:38:50,434 --> 00:38:53,754
Speaker 4: But this is my other recommendation for this week. When

824
00:38:53,794 --> 00:38:56,794
Speaker 4: I was away, my Claire, my sister, sent me this.

825
00:38:57,514 --> 00:39:00,434
Speaker 4: My Claire sent me this and said, this is maybe

826
00:39:00,474 --> 00:39:01,634
Speaker 4: the best interview I've listened to.

827
00:39:01,914 --> 00:39:02,433
Speaker 1: And it was.

828
00:39:02,554 --> 00:39:06,434
Speaker 4: Louis Tomlinson from One Direction, From One Direction on Diary

829
00:39:06,434 --> 00:39:09,234
Speaker 4: of the CEO. And I was like, nothing about this

830
00:39:10,034 --> 00:39:14,234
Speaker 4: would necessarily interest me. I'm not a mad one directioner.

831
00:39:14,594 --> 00:39:18,594
Speaker 4: I'm quite agnostic and lots of love to Louis. But

832
00:39:19,034 --> 00:39:21,234
Speaker 4: is he among the top three.

833
00:39:21,194 --> 00:39:22,834
Speaker 2: Most famous one directioners.

834
00:39:22,954 --> 00:39:25,154
Speaker 5: He's not Harry stars He's not Harry Starles. Let's just

835
00:39:25,194 --> 00:39:25,554
Speaker 5: say that.

836
00:39:26,034 --> 00:39:28,714
Speaker 1: Now I knew Harry Stiles doesn't do this kind of thing.

837
00:39:28,754 --> 00:39:32,674
Speaker 1: I wonder if he will when he does his album Kravitz. Maybe. Yeah.

838
00:39:33,234 --> 00:39:35,674
Speaker 4: I didn't know a lot about him, which was what

839
00:39:35,834 --> 00:39:37,554
Speaker 4: made this interview so great.

840
00:39:37,674 --> 00:39:38,754
Speaker 2: So it covers a few things.

841
00:39:38,874 --> 00:39:41,913
Speaker 4: The one massive thing is sort of the relaunch of

842
00:39:41,954 --> 00:39:45,314
Speaker 4: his career. When he was twenty four, One direction split

843
00:39:46,234 --> 00:39:49,274
Speaker 4: and he went from doing Wembley Stadm to ninety thousand

844
00:39:49,274 --> 00:39:52,834
Speaker 4: people to these tiny events with two thousand, and he

845
00:39:52,834 --> 00:39:56,873
Speaker 4: would cover songs from one direction and literally in the

846
00:39:56,874 --> 00:39:59,754
Speaker 4: period of a few years, he'd gone from ninety thousand

847
00:39:59,754 --> 00:40:02,834
Speaker 4: to singing the same song looking out to no.

848
00:40:02,674 --> 00:40:05,834
Speaker 1: One that it's a bit like spice.

849
00:40:05,514 --> 00:40:09,714
Speaker 4: Girls, like yeah, I guess you forget, like how hard

850
00:40:09,754 --> 00:40:12,794
Speaker 4: they continue to try, And he's going, I knew at

851
00:40:12,794 --> 00:40:15,354
Speaker 4: twenty four that the heights of my career were behind me.

852
00:40:15,914 --> 00:40:16,513
Speaker 2: How do you.

853
00:40:16,514 --> 00:40:20,873
Speaker 4: Then reassess what success looks like? So that was one part,

854
00:40:20,914 --> 00:40:24,794
Speaker 4: But the most interesting part was his discussions around grief.

855
00:40:25,034 --> 00:40:27,154
Speaker 4: And I won't go into it, but I did not

856
00:40:27,194 --> 00:40:30,154
Speaker 4: realize that at thirty three he had experienced.

857
00:40:29,754 --> 00:40:30,954
Speaker 1: So much loss.

858
00:40:31,674 --> 00:40:36,034
Speaker 2: And there's this bit where he says, you know, you kick.

859
00:40:35,874 --> 00:40:40,194
Speaker 4: Your toe, and your response to that is so irrational,

860
00:40:40,234 --> 00:40:42,234
Speaker 4: like you kick your toe and you just go of course,

861
00:40:42,234 --> 00:40:42,953
Speaker 4: I've kicked my toe.

862
00:40:42,994 --> 00:40:44,154
Speaker 2: Of course this would happen to me.

863
00:40:44,594 --> 00:40:46,433
Speaker 4: And he got in this state of mind of just

864
00:40:46,474 --> 00:40:48,433
Speaker 4: like the world was against him because all these bad

865
00:40:48,434 --> 00:40:50,354
Speaker 4: things kept happening, and he talks about how he got

866
00:40:50,354 --> 00:40:54,074
Speaker 4: out of that, and also lots of different experiences with

867
00:40:54,154 --> 00:40:56,473
Speaker 4: people who died who he felt it was his job

868
00:40:56,514 --> 00:40:59,554
Speaker 4: to look after, and the guilt he carries. He's so

869
00:40:59,754 --> 00:41:03,234
Speaker 4: articulate and insightful. It is a brilliant interview. We have

870
00:41:03,434 --> 00:41:04,794
Speaker 4: a link in our show notes.

871
00:41:05,074 --> 00:41:10,714
Speaker 1: I've got a life hack because you know, I'm a guru. Totally.

872
00:41:10,754 --> 00:41:14,874
Speaker 1: I could meditate. How's due lingo going? Exactly? My little

873
00:41:14,874 --> 00:41:17,754
Speaker 1: owl is really mad with me. He just keeps emailing me,

874
00:41:17,794 --> 00:41:21,474
Speaker 1: like what does it take. We talked last week actually

875
00:41:21,514 --> 00:41:23,754
Speaker 1: about NAP. We talked about how it was time to

876
00:41:23,994 --> 00:41:26,394
Speaker 1: remember that the year isn't over and you can it's

877
00:41:26,394 --> 00:41:28,834
Speaker 1: still time to hold onto your not like notop energy

878
00:41:28,874 --> 00:41:30,513
Speaker 1: being kind of I don't have to do all these

879
00:41:30,514 --> 00:41:32,714
Speaker 1: things everybody wants me to do. I'm going to protect

880
00:41:32,714 --> 00:41:35,594
Speaker 1: my piece, et cetera, and how I'm shit at it anyway.

881
00:41:36,194 --> 00:41:38,594
Speaker 1: I found a new strategy that a very smart woman

882
00:41:38,594 --> 00:41:41,074
Speaker 1: who you probably know, Jesse Amantha Imbas. She's like a

883
00:41:41,114 --> 00:41:43,913
Speaker 1: productivity guru. I've had her on mid before and I

884
00:41:44,034 --> 00:41:46,314
Speaker 1: did her podcast. I think you've done it before. It's

885
00:41:46,314 --> 00:41:48,234
Speaker 1: called How I Work. She does a podcast called How

886
00:41:48,234 --> 00:41:50,754
Speaker 1: I Work, and it's all about work and productivity and stuff,

887
00:41:51,274 --> 00:41:53,794
Speaker 1: and I did that recently, and when I was talking

888
00:41:53,834 --> 00:41:55,994
Speaker 1: to her and telling her about my massive failures with

889
00:41:56,074 --> 00:41:58,433
Speaker 1: NAP in terms of like saying no to things and

890
00:41:58,674 --> 00:42:01,274
Speaker 1: managing your time, she said, I've got a strategy for you.

891
00:42:01,394 --> 00:42:03,634
Speaker 1: It's for people who can't say no. It's called the

892
00:42:03,754 --> 00:42:07,834
Speaker 1: yes but strategy. So the idea there is, instead of

893
00:42:07,874 --> 00:42:10,074
Speaker 1: a no or even a nup, you give them a

894
00:42:10,314 --> 00:42:15,994
Speaker 1: boundaryad yes right. Here are some examples. So, Yes, I

895
00:42:16,154 --> 00:42:20,354
Speaker 1: can host that birthday for your sister, but I can't

896
00:42:20,354 --> 00:42:23,914
Speaker 1: do the food, so everyone needs to bring a plate. Yes,

897
00:42:24,594 --> 00:42:27,034
Speaker 1: I can travel in to come to that in person meeting,

898
00:42:27,274 --> 00:42:30,514
Speaker 1: but if I absolutely can't dial in, it needs to

899
00:42:30,554 --> 00:42:34,074
Speaker 1: be on this day at around this time. Yes, I

900
00:42:34,114 --> 00:42:36,714
Speaker 1: can organize the costumes for the end of your dance party,

901
00:42:36,794 --> 00:42:39,554
Speaker 1: but I can't make them, so I'll be buying them

902
00:42:39,594 --> 00:42:42,553
Speaker 1: from this big box store. Here's how you transfer money bank,

903
00:42:43,154 --> 00:42:45,714
Speaker 1: So it's a yes but rather than a nup. So

904
00:42:45,834 --> 00:42:48,354
Speaker 1: you can do a thing and not close yourself off

905
00:42:48,514 --> 00:42:50,834
Speaker 1: from things you want to do or a helpful or

906
00:42:50,914 --> 00:42:53,194
Speaker 1: community building because you know how we talk about how

907
00:42:53,274 --> 00:42:56,754
Speaker 1: often at the minute, we're all getting so boundaried that

908
00:42:56,834 --> 00:43:00,114
Speaker 1: we kind of cut ourselves off from anything, when really

909
00:43:00,314 --> 00:43:04,553
Speaker 1: we can just ask for what we want. So like, yes,

910
00:43:04,754 --> 00:43:07,873
Speaker 1: I will do that, but it has to X, y

911
00:43:07,954 --> 00:43:09,234
Speaker 1: Z for me.

912
00:43:09,274 --> 00:43:11,873
Speaker 4: It blew my mind and I feel more comfortable with

913
00:43:11,954 --> 00:43:13,834
Speaker 4: that because I feel like I've given them what they wanted,

914
00:43:14,394 --> 00:43:17,393
Speaker 4: and then it's like more of a negotiation. I've never

915
00:43:17,474 --> 00:43:20,114
Speaker 4: considered that I could kind of do that, because often

916
00:43:20,154 --> 00:43:22,234
Speaker 4: it's a lack of boundaries in the aftermath.

917
00:43:22,274 --> 00:43:23,394
Speaker 2: That's what makes itself.

918
00:43:23,314 --> 00:43:26,314
Speaker 1: Make it crazy, because you say yes, I'll host Melissa's

919
00:43:26,314 --> 00:43:29,473
Speaker 1: birthday party, and then suddenly you're responsible for the guest

920
00:43:29,514 --> 00:43:31,354
Speaker 1: list and the drinks and this and this and this.

921
00:43:31,434 --> 00:43:33,674
Speaker 1: But somebody's got a host Melissa's birthday party or she

922
00:43:33,674 --> 00:43:36,514
Speaker 1: doesn't get it right. And I guess in a professional sense,

923
00:43:36,954 --> 00:43:38,474
Speaker 1: and I mean I said this in the interview, but

924
00:43:38,514 --> 00:43:41,034
Speaker 1: you're really lucky and privileged if you're in a position

925
00:43:41,034 --> 00:43:42,433
Speaker 1: in your life where people are coming at you and

926
00:43:42,474 --> 00:43:45,033
Speaker 1: asking you for things. Very often it's because your career

927
00:43:45,074 --> 00:43:47,634
Speaker 1: is doing well or whatever. Oh because you always say yes, yeah,

928
00:43:47,754 --> 00:43:50,634
Speaker 1: or because you're but also if you say yes, but

929
00:43:50,754 --> 00:43:52,393
Speaker 1: this is what I need. Then one of two things

930
00:43:52,434 --> 00:43:54,754
Speaker 1: will happen after that. Either that won't work and it's

931
00:43:54,794 --> 00:43:57,354
Speaker 1: a no, So that's fine, right. So like if if

932
00:43:57,354 --> 00:43:59,674
Speaker 1: somebody says, can you come and do this event for me?

933
00:43:59,714 --> 00:44:01,274
Speaker 1: And I say yes, but it'll have to be a

934
00:44:01,314 --> 00:44:03,393
Speaker 1: Tuesday night and they're like it can't be, then it's

935
00:44:03,434 --> 00:44:05,834
Speaker 1: a no, right, or they'll go, yeah, I can make

936
00:44:05,874 --> 00:44:08,434
Speaker 1: it a Tuesday night and you're that you're needing it.

937
00:44:08,674 --> 00:44:10,514
Speaker 1: And I remember when I interviewed Julie Good when a

938
00:44:10,554 --> 00:44:12,393
Speaker 1: years ago from Master Chef. She said this, She said

939
00:44:12,394 --> 00:44:14,714
Speaker 1: when her mental health is in the toilet, and she

940
00:44:14,794 --> 00:44:16,913
Speaker 1: was like, but I don't want to give up my

941
00:44:17,074 --> 00:44:19,914
Speaker 1: work and all the things that I love doing. She's like,

942
00:44:19,994 --> 00:44:22,514
Speaker 1: but I need to make some changes. She said. You

943
00:44:22,554 --> 00:44:25,114
Speaker 1: will be amazed how many times when you ask people

944
00:44:25,114 --> 00:44:27,674
Speaker 1: for what you need and you're like tying yourself up

945
00:44:27,714 --> 00:44:29,794
Speaker 1: about it, as women do, going like, oh, I sound

946
00:44:29,834 --> 00:44:32,194
Speaker 1: like a diva, I sound like I'm ungrateful, I sound

947
00:44:32,194 --> 00:44:35,114
Speaker 1: like I'm a terrible person. People just go okay, sure,

948
00:44:35,314 --> 00:44:38,554
Speaker 1: and then you're like, oh, and that's the yes, but strategy,

949
00:44:38,714 --> 00:44:39,873
Speaker 1: oh is it helpful?

950
00:44:40,234 --> 00:44:41,114
Speaker 2: I like that a lot.

951
00:44:41,314 --> 00:44:43,873
Speaker 1: Good I'm glad to be of service. I just say no,

952
00:44:46,274 --> 00:44:48,674
Speaker 1: she's a boundary. I love it.

953
00:44:49,594 --> 00:44:51,794
Speaker 4: A big thank you to all of you the out

954
00:44:51,834 --> 00:44:54,593
Speaker 4: louders for listening to today's show, and our fabulous team

955
00:44:54,714 --> 00:44:57,234
Speaker 4: for putting this show together. Do not forget that you

956
00:44:57,234 --> 00:44:59,794
Speaker 4: can watch us on YouTube and you can't necessarily see

957
00:44:59,794 --> 00:45:02,114
Speaker 4: this on YouTube. But throughout the course of this episode,

958
00:45:02,154 --> 00:45:02,953
Speaker 4: my belly.

959
00:45:02,634 --> 00:45:03,474
Speaker 2: Button has popped.

960
00:45:03,594 --> 00:45:05,834
Speaker 4: Ooh, like I've been touching it and I felt it

961
00:45:05,874 --> 00:45:07,234
Speaker 4: this morning, kind of come out of it.

962
00:45:07,434 --> 00:45:08,274
Speaker 1: Wait, that happened.

963
00:45:08,474 --> 00:45:11,194
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's happened really really early. It's feeling like

964
00:45:11,314 --> 00:45:13,674
Speaker 4: really quite. Can you show us after Yeah, yeah, yeah,

965
00:45:13,714 --> 00:45:15,914
Speaker 4: I will, but it's definitely it's just too early.

966
00:45:15,754 --> 00:45:17,873
Speaker 1: To It's got to watch the episode on YouTube and

967
00:45:17,954 --> 00:45:18,994
Speaker 1: tell us if you can.

968
00:45:18,874 --> 00:45:24,594
Speaker 4: Pick the exact moment when bell belly button pop m

969
00:45:24,794 --> 00:45:25,554
Speaker 4: read us out.

970
00:45:25,794 --> 00:45:28,354
Speaker 3: A big thank you to our team, our group executive

971
00:45:28,394 --> 00:45:32,394
Speaker 3: producer Route Divine, our executive producer Sasha Tanic, our senior

972
00:45:32,474 --> 00:45:35,953
Speaker 3: audio producer is Leah Porge's, our video producer is Josh Green,

973
00:45:35,994 --> 00:45:38,634
Speaker 3: and our junior content producer is Tessa Kodovic.

974
00:45:38,834 --> 00:45:42,434
Speaker 4: On yesterday's subscriber episode, we have such a treat which

975
00:45:42,514 --> 00:45:46,274
Speaker 4: is that Maya elbowed her way back in because she

976
00:45:46,434 --> 00:45:49,634
Speaker 4: was desperate to talk about the latest season of Nobody

977
00:45:49,634 --> 00:45:52,994
Speaker 4: Wants This We go Deep, a total dissection. She wanted

978
00:45:53,034 --> 00:45:55,274
Speaker 4: to talk about the Jewish elements. She wanted to talk

979
00:45:55,274 --> 00:45:57,034
Speaker 4: about the era of.

980
00:45:57,194 --> 00:46:00,074
Speaker 1: I say that I think that this show exists in

981
00:46:00,114 --> 00:46:04,594
Speaker 1: a peculiarly ageless universe. Yeah, we discussed that quite a lot.

982
00:46:04,954 --> 00:46:07,074
Speaker 4: It is the big debrief that you have been way

983
00:46:07,594 --> 00:46:09,754
Speaker 4: from one of the biggest shows of the year. If

984
00:46:09,754 --> 00:46:11,834
Speaker 4: you want to become a subscriber, there is a link

985
00:46:11,954 --> 00:46:12,794
Speaker 4: in the show notes.

986
00:46:13,154 --> 00:46:14,993
Speaker 1: You know, when you finish out Loud and you think

987
00:46:15,114 --> 00:46:18,954
Speaker 1: I need more of this energy, I need more Amelia Lester, Well,

988
00:46:19,034 --> 00:46:21,114
Speaker 1: I've got you. We have got a sister show called

989
00:46:21,154 --> 00:46:24,354
Speaker 1: Parenting out Loud, and it's everything parents are secretly thinking

990
00:46:24,394 --> 00:46:27,994
Speaker 1: about right now. It drops once a week on Saturday mornings,

991
00:46:28,194 --> 00:46:31,394
Speaker 1: and it might be exactly what your podcast feed's been missing.

992
00:46:31,794 --> 00:46:33,954
Speaker 1: It's been a big week for celebrity honesty in the

993
00:46:33,994 --> 00:46:38,314
Speaker 1: parenting department. Jennifer Aniston said something very honest about adoption,

994
00:46:38,754 --> 00:46:42,034
Speaker 1: and Hailey Bieber's comments about motherhood have the Internet losing

995
00:46:42,154 --> 00:46:45,274
Speaker 1: its mind. It's the same vibe to get here just

996
00:46:45,394 --> 00:46:49,194
Speaker 1: parenting coded, search, parenting out loud, tap, follow, and thank

997
00:46:49,234 --> 00:46:50,834
Speaker 1: us later links in the show notes