WEBVTT - INBOX: Why We All Need A Work Bestie

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to a Mother Me podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Hello, and welcome to Beers in Box. I'm M ven

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<v Speaker 2>M and I'm a Taurus, which apparently means as a

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<v Speaker 2>work colleague, I'm patient, reliable, and steady, and I think

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<v Speaker 2>all of our producers here can attest that that is

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<v Speaker 2>extremely inaccurate.

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<v Speaker 3>And I'm so first.

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<v Speaker 1>I know this makes me sound very uncool, but I

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<v Speaker 1>actually don't believe in star science.

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<v Speaker 2>It is that bad controversial.

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<v Speaker 1>We do.

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<v Speaker 2>We know, girlies in the office.

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<v Speaker 1>I know what makes me uncool, especially like I'm a

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<v Speaker 1>gen Z coach Gensey very much into star Science. For

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<v Speaker 1>the record, I am a virgo though, and I'm told

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<v Speaker 1>in terms of work, we apparently take pride and strongly

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<v Speaker 1>identify in our work.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like that's you.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't believe it. M our. Other co host Michelle

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<v Speaker 3>Batters view.

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<v Speaker 1>Is an aries what do the stars say about her

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<v Speaker 1>work life?

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<v Speaker 2>It says that she's independent, self asshured and full of ideas,

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<v Speaker 2>which I feel like is her in a nutshell? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>maybe you should believe into star signs.

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<v Speaker 3>I know, I know.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, So every week for Inbox, we answer your burning

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<v Speaker 2>career questions in the simplest way possible because we're busy

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<v Speaker 2>and we know you're busy as well. We don't sugarcoat.

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<v Speaker 2>We get straight to the answers without the need of

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<v Speaker 2>a corporate translator. M.

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<v Speaker 1>This week we're nailing the art of small talk, feeling

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<v Speaker 1>more secure in our jobs, and figuring out how.

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<v Speaker 3>To break the work colleague threshold.

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<v Speaker 2>So jumping straight into it this week. So if we

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<v Speaker 2>received this question from Marli.

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<v Speaker 3>What do I talk about when I find myself standing

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<v Speaker 3>next to the big boss in the coffee line?

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<v Speaker 1>On No, This question makes me laugh because m do

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<v Speaker 1>you remember the first time I met you?

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<v Speaker 2>And I do Mia Friedman.

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<v Speaker 1>Who's the big boss of Mum and Mia. She actually

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<v Speaker 1>told this story about how she was in the elevator

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<v Speaker 1>with you, and you know, she said, hi, am, how

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<v Speaker 1>are you going? And she, you know, asked you some

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<v Speaker 1>questions and then she stopped and she waited and she

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<v Speaker 1>stayed silent, and she waited for you to say something

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<v Speaker 1>because it was your turn to talk, and you didn't

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<v Speaker 1>say anything, and then the doors opened.

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<v Speaker 4>You got how the elevator walked off And I was like,

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<v Speaker 4>that's such a boss move, because if that was me,

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<v Speaker 4>I would have been, you know, taking every opportunity to

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<v Speaker 4>ask a million questions, sort of sucking up to the

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<v Speaker 4>big boss of it.

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm keen to hear what's your approach to this?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, she loves telling the story. What she

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<v Speaker 2>forgets to say is that I was extremely hungover that

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<v Speaker 2>morning and they physically could not say any words. Well actually,

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<v Speaker 2>which I feel like I'm throwing myself under the bus,

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<v Speaker 2>because I actually do have another small talk story with

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<v Speaker 2>other co founder Mom and Mia Jason. It was during

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<v Speaker 2>a MoMA mea Christmas party and I think the attire

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<v Speaker 2>of the party was like we're out of lawn bowls

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<v Speaker 2>and he was wearing a cricket hat and we found

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<v Speaker 2>ourselves like it was just me and him waiting in

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<v Speaker 2>line at the bar, and I was like, oh, we

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<v Speaker 2>probably have to make conversation. How do I do this?

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<v Speaker 2>He was fine, just not talking to me, by the way,

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<v Speaker 2>So I really put myself in this situation. He was

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<v Speaker 2>wearing the cricket hat and that's all I could think about.

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<v Speaker 2>So I was like, hey, Ja, so I really like

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<v Speaker 2>your cricket hat and he was like, thanks, Sam. I

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<v Speaker 2>had no idea what to say next, so I just

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<v Speaker 2>started listing cricketers that I knew, and I don't know

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<v Speaker 2>that many, so I just started saying, yep, Adam Zampa

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<v Speaker 2>throughout Coli pat Commons, and he was like, yep, yep,

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<v Speaker 2>they're all cricketers. And then I was like, it's shame

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<v Speaker 2>about Shane Warn. He was like, yep, it's a shame.

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<v Speaker 2>And then I got my drink and I ran out

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<v Speaker 2>of there. It was a little wor I think about

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<v Speaker 2>this moment like at least once a month.

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<v Speaker 1>See, that's funny because I actually rate what you just did.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh let me no, I rate that.

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<v Speaker 1>Let me tell you why. First of all, the worst

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<v Speaker 1>thing that you can do is feel so nervous to

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<v Speaker 1>talk to a big boss that you actually just don't

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<v Speaker 1>do it at all. So a lot of people will

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<v Speaker 1>kind of not take that opportunity. But don't make the

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<v Speaker 1>mistake that I always made in my career, which is

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<v Speaker 1>you're so desperate to talk to them that you just

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<v Speaker 1>come across as really fawning and like trying way too hard.

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<v Speaker 1>I like to sort of say, you know, this boss

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<v Speaker 1>is a human and it actually helps them to get

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<v Speaker 1>to know younger people in the company, and anyone in

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<v Speaker 1>the company so it's not just like they're this amazing

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<v Speaker 1>person and you're just trying to not screw it up

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<v Speaker 1>and just like ask the right questions. It's like it's

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<v Speaker 1>in their interest to get to know you as well.

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<v Speaker 1>So I always just like to take a pretty simple

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<v Speaker 1>approach to this, which is, if you do find yourself

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<v Speaker 1>standing next to the big boss in the coffee line

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<v Speaker 1>and you've got this opportunity to talk to someone number one,

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<v Speaker 1>just like try to get a little bit of a

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<v Speaker 1>vibe with them, try to create some kind of connection.

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<v Speaker 1>And so I've got a couple of go tos that

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<v Speaker 1>I use, but it is helpful to introduce yourself and

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<v Speaker 1>remind them of your name. Depending on how big your

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<v Speaker 1>company is, they might not know who you are. So like,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I'm Sophie. I work in marketing, and my

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<v Speaker 1>go to question I just love to say, you know

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<v Speaker 1>what's big for you this week and just kind of

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<v Speaker 1>drive funny yeah, because then you get just like a

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<v Speaker 1>little piece of little nugget of information from them, and

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<v Speaker 1>just remember that they might tell you something about their

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<v Speaker 1>personal life or something work related.

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<v Speaker 3>Try and remember that for next time you chat to them.

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<v Speaker 1>And then the other thing that I love doing is.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, often they will say what are you working

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<v Speaker 1>on right now?

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<v Speaker 3>And it's a weirdly hard question to answer.

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<v Speaker 1>Because you're like, I'm working on forty things. Which of

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<v Speaker 1>these things do I say? And like you won't even understand,

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<v Speaker 1>So I.

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<v Speaker 3>Like, don't laugh at me, but I say this. I

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<v Speaker 3>used to practice on my way to work, and I.

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<v Speaker 1>Would always just have like a couple of bullet points

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<v Speaker 1>in my head of like things that I'm working on

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<v Speaker 1>that kind of relate to something bigger that's going on

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<v Speaker 1>in the company.

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<v Speaker 3>Working at a bier.

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<v Speaker 1>Company like Google, I did find that was helpful because

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<v Speaker 1>if you do have these opportunities in the lift or

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<v Speaker 1>in the coffee line with senior leaders, you can speak

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<v Speaker 1>confidently about what you're working on, and you can show

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<v Speaker 1>up as someone who's working on important things and really

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<v Speaker 1>got it together.

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<v Speaker 2>That's smart. Okay, I'm going to adopt that because that

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<v Speaker 2>was way better than my strategy of talking about a

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<v Speaker 2>sport that I have no idea about and our a

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<v Speaker 2>co founded things. I'm a massive cricket fan. I'm spending

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<v Speaker 2>all my spare time researching cricket things. In case he

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<v Speaker 2>asks me about it.

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<v Speaker 1>Again, No, you created connection with him, which is why

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<v Speaker 1>I think it was so brilliant.

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<v Speaker 3>A fake one.

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<v Speaker 2>So so we got this next question straight to our

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<v Speaker 2>biz instagram. We are Beerz by Mama Mam make sure

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<v Speaker 2>you follow us, and it said, how do I ask

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<v Speaker 2>for feedback from my manager to help me improve without

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<v Speaker 2>giving off the vibes that I'm insecure about my role?

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 3>You know, the opposite is true.

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<v Speaker 1>So asking for feedback actually shows power and as much

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<v Speaker 1>as you can lean in and embrace it, that's going

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<v Speaker 1>to help you so much in your career. It's just

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<v Speaker 1>a massive unlock. So I managed a lot of people,

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<v Speaker 1>and the ones that proactively came to me and asked

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<v Speaker 1>me for feedback about how they're doing in their role,

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<v Speaker 1>they came across as the ones who are actually more

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<v Speaker 1>confident and more secure in themselves. So I think this

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<v Speaker 1>feedback loop that you can create, particularly with your manager,

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<v Speaker 1>because your manager is probably the closest to seeing you,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, do your job, and so creating this feedback

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<v Speaker 1>loop with them is so important. The thing is, it's

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<v Speaker 1>really hard, and I think people have this thing of

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<v Speaker 1>like feedback's a gift.

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<v Speaker 3>Ask for feedback.

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<v Speaker 1>It is actually so hard to do consistently and so

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<v Speaker 1>just something I think might be interesting for you them.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you know that seventy percent of managers are actually

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<v Speaker 1>uncomfortable communicating and forty percent are uncomfortable giving feedback at all,

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<v Speaker 1>So just remember like it's hard as a manager to

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<v Speaker 1>give feedback. It's hard for you to hear it, it's

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<v Speaker 1>hard for you to ask for it, but it is

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<v Speaker 1>really important. So the one thing that I found has

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<v Speaker 1>worked in my career and then also with the people

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<v Speaker 1>that I manage, is it's not just a once off

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<v Speaker 1>thing where you, you know, once a year you have

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<v Speaker 1>your performance review and they either give you feedback, you

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<v Speaker 1>ask the feedback and it's like set and forget feedback.

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<v Speaker 1>And having a feedback loop is actually an going conversation

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<v Speaker 1>and you have to constantly remind your manager that you

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<v Speaker 1>want feedback. So I would start really simple and try

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<v Speaker 1>to be specific. So I would pick a couple of

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<v Speaker 1>things that you want to work on. So maybe it's

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<v Speaker 1>like I want to work on my presentation skills at meetings,

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<v Speaker 1>So I'd say to my manager, I'm really trying to

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<v Speaker 1>work on my presentation skills right now in this next

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<v Speaker 1>meeting that we're doing. The team meeting, Can you give

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<v Speaker 1>me some feedback on how I go and just try

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<v Speaker 1>to be a bit more specific about what you're asking

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<v Speaker 1>for feedback on. I had a really cool system with

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<v Speaker 1>one of my managers where he knew I was working

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<v Speaker 1>on presentation skills.

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<v Speaker 3>Every time we were in a room.

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<v Speaker 1>Together and I was speaking in a meeting, he would

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<v Speaker 1>just write one thing on a post it note and

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<v Speaker 1>just hand it to me as we walked out the door.

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<v Speaker 1>He didn't even have to tell me the feedback, and

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<v Speaker 1>it was always just one thing I did well and

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<v Speaker 1>one thing that I needed.

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<v Speaker 3>To work on or I could work on oh so good,

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<v Speaker 3>and it would just helped so much.

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<v Speaker 1>It just like took all the pain out of it

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<v Speaker 1>was just like this very casual kind of ongoing thing.

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<v Speaker 3>That would be my.

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<v Speaker 1>Advice is like ask for feedback on specific things and

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<v Speaker 1>just know it's not something you ask for once. You

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<v Speaker 1>sort of have to keep asking for it because it's

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<v Speaker 1>quite hard for managers sometimes to give feedback to.

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<v Speaker 2>Is there such thing as kind of overdoing it, because

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<v Speaker 2>obviously your manager probably manages other people, they have their

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<v Speaker 2>own work to work on, Like, is there a such

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<v Speaker 2>thing as just being too much and being annoying when

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<v Speaker 2>you're constantly asking them for feedback or asking them for

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<v Speaker 2>like a raise or like a promotion, or like can

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<v Speaker 2>I work on this new project? Is there such thing

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<v Speaker 2>as doing too much?

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<v Speaker 3>Yes?

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<v Speaker 1>Definitely, Really ask yourself, like is it feedback you're looking

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<v Speaker 1>for or is it some kind of recognition that you're

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<v Speaker 1>doing a good job from your manager and sort of

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<v Speaker 1>separate like validation validation exactly. So it's cool that you

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<v Speaker 1>have enough awareness that you realize that remembering that your

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<v Speaker 1>manager probably has other people that they're looking after and

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<v Speaker 1>not overdoing it for sure, specifically with feedback, your manager

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<v Speaker 1>is not the only person that you need to be

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<v Speaker 1>asking or like that you can ask for feedback or

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<v Speaker 1>go to to help you when it comes to things

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<v Speaker 1>like you know, your career, getting better at your job.

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<v Speaker 1>You should be leaning on other leaders in the company, peers,

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<v Speaker 1>like ask other people feedback. You don't need to be

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<v Speaker 1>going to your manager for everything. And I think it's

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<v Speaker 1>actually really helpful to start building relationships with people other

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<v Speaker 1>than your manager as well.

0:10:15.010 --> 0:10:17.090
<v Speaker 2>So after the break, we are going to be tackling

0:10:17.130 --> 0:10:26.970
<v Speaker 2>the social side of work. So our final question for

0:10:27.050 --> 0:10:28.850
<v Speaker 2>this week comes from Dylan.

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<v Speaker 1>This feels like such a weird question, But how do

0:10:32.450 --> 0:10:33.610
<v Speaker 1>I make friends at work?

0:10:34.250 --> 0:10:36.690
<v Speaker 3>I just started a new job and don't know anyone yet.

0:10:36.890 --> 0:10:40.610
<v Speaker 2>Ah, Dylan, I know we'll hang out with you.

0:10:40.930 --> 0:10:43.929
<v Speaker 1>I would love to hear your answer on this too. M.

0:10:44.090 --> 0:10:47.050
<v Speaker 1>I think it's funny, isn't it something like making friends

0:10:47.090 --> 0:10:50.130
<v Speaker 1>at work? Should I make friends at work? There's this

0:10:50.250 --> 0:10:53.809
<v Speaker 1>amazing study that I read recently that actually said when

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<v Speaker 1>it comes to sort of how you feel about your job,

0:10:56.330 --> 0:10:59.690
<v Speaker 1>beyond the salary you're getting or your manager, it actually

0:10:59.730 --> 0:11:00.490
<v Speaker 1>came down.

0:11:00.290 --> 0:11:02.610
<v Speaker 3>To do you have a work bestie? Do you have

0:11:02.610 --> 0:11:03.690
<v Speaker 3>a best friend at work?

0:11:03.930 --> 0:11:06.689
<v Speaker 1>And this had actually so much in fluence on people's

0:11:07.170 --> 0:11:10.650
<v Speaker 1>experience in the workplace. So it sounds like a cute question,

0:11:10.730 --> 0:11:13.530
<v Speaker 1>but it actually is really important. So I think it's

0:11:13.530 --> 0:11:16.130
<v Speaker 1>also been made so much harder with hybrid work and

0:11:16.210 --> 0:11:19.010
<v Speaker 1>work from home. Especially for young people coming in, it

0:11:19.050 --> 0:11:21.730
<v Speaker 1>can feel really intimidating. You're coming into this organization where

0:11:21.730 --> 0:11:24.250
<v Speaker 1>it feels like everyone's already friends, and you're like, how

0:11:24.250 --> 0:11:25.410
<v Speaker 1>do I actually break into this?

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<v Speaker 3>I'm keen to hear what would be so your tips.

0:11:28.730 --> 0:11:29.290
<v Speaker 3>I feel like.

0:11:29.250 --> 0:11:33.650
<v Speaker 2>It's very situational and I've been very lucky with my

0:11:33.770 --> 0:11:36.610
<v Speaker 2>workplace a Mummia, because we're all women, we all have

0:11:36.690 --> 0:11:39.810
<v Speaker 2>the same passions, we're all very similar age, and a

0:11:39.850 --> 0:11:42.890
<v Speaker 2>lot of the friendships I made with women who don't

0:11:42.890 --> 0:11:45.970
<v Speaker 2>work in Mummy anymore, but they become like my closest,

0:11:45.970 --> 0:11:50.930
<v Speaker 2>closest lifelong friends was mainly because we were all from

0:11:50.970 --> 0:11:54.850
<v Speaker 2>either different parts of Sydney or different parts of Australia,

0:11:54.890 --> 0:11:57.410
<v Speaker 2>and we didn't really have anyone else, like, we didn't

0:11:57.450 --> 0:11:59.650
<v Speaker 2>have a close friendship group, and we just kind of

0:11:59.970 --> 0:12:02.850
<v Speaker 2>came together. Because workers in the city, it was easy

0:12:02.890 --> 0:12:06.810
<v Speaker 2>to hang out. But I think the main reason why

0:12:06.970 --> 0:12:09.130
<v Speaker 2>I was able to make friends at work was because

0:12:09.170 --> 0:12:10.890
<v Speaker 2>I always kind of said yes to a lot of

0:12:10.930 --> 0:12:14.970
<v Speaker 2>things like after work drinks, like hanging out someone started

0:12:15.050 --> 0:12:18.410
<v Speaker 2>team sport, things like that, going for dinners, putting your

0:12:18.410 --> 0:12:21.010
<v Speaker 2>hand out for doing like extra work like out of

0:12:21.090 --> 0:12:24.370
<v Speaker 2>hours if it's like something fun to do. I think

0:12:24.370 --> 0:12:28.570
<v Speaker 2>it's those little things that made my friendships kind of form,

0:12:28.690 --> 0:12:32.530
<v Speaker 2>as well as just being super interested in people not

0:12:32.730 --> 0:12:34.610
<v Speaker 2>just for the work they do in the company, but

0:12:34.650 --> 0:12:38.170
<v Speaker 2>their personal lives as well, and remembering things I've told you,

0:12:38.250 --> 0:12:40.490
<v Speaker 2>like I know, I'm lucky because a lot of us

0:12:40.530 --> 0:12:41.970
<v Speaker 2>are the same age, but I know there's so many

0:12:41.970 --> 0:12:43.850
<v Speaker 2>workplaces where a team could be made up of some

0:12:43.890 --> 0:12:46.370
<v Speaker 2>people in the twenties, some people in their fifties. And

0:12:46.450 --> 0:12:49.610
<v Speaker 2>I think the like genuine interest you have in people

0:12:49.890 --> 0:12:52.970
<v Speaker 2>is the thing that makes friendships form. Things like, oh,

0:12:52.970 --> 0:12:55.090
<v Speaker 2>how is your son's birthday on the weekend? Did you

0:12:55.130 --> 0:12:57.010
<v Speaker 2>end up getting him that present? Like little things like that.

0:12:57.050 --> 0:13:00.050
<v Speaker 2>I feel like I really appreciate when people remember things

0:13:00.090 --> 0:13:01.930
<v Speaker 2>like that from my personal life, and I think that

0:13:02.010 --> 0:13:03.050
<v Speaker 2>goes two ways.

0:13:03.490 --> 0:13:06.770
<v Speaker 1>I don't even need to answer this question because I

0:13:06.810 --> 0:13:09.050
<v Speaker 1>think that was for Hex.

0:13:09.930 --> 0:13:13.610
<v Speaker 3>You're the career coach now, No, I totally.

0:13:13.210 --> 0:13:14.850
<v Speaker 2>Agree the promotion for me.

0:13:15.370 --> 0:13:17.090
<v Speaker 3>Dude took the words out of my mouth.

0:13:17.130 --> 0:13:19.210
<v Speaker 1>Those would be my two points to like say yes

0:13:19.250 --> 0:13:21.570
<v Speaker 1>to stuff, actually do things, and follow up.

0:13:21.690 --> 0:13:23.450
<v Speaker 3>So go and do the sewing.

0:13:23.130 --> 0:13:25.730
<v Speaker 1>Class, do the K pop dance class, Like actually hang

0:13:25.770 --> 0:13:28.929
<v Speaker 1>out with people and take an interest in people, ask

0:13:28.970 --> 0:13:32.490
<v Speaker 1>some questions, remember the answers, and just like be interested

0:13:32.570 --> 0:13:35.650
<v Speaker 1>in their life. Even before you're at the point where

0:13:35.650 --> 0:13:38.329
<v Speaker 1>you're starting to do things with people at work, maybe

0:13:38.410 --> 0:13:40.650
<v Speaker 1>a really simple way that you can start building that

0:13:40.770 --> 0:13:45.890
<v Speaker 1>initial connection is just noticing when your peers and coworkers

0:13:45.930 --> 0:13:48.570
<v Speaker 1>are doing stuff that you think is great, actually take

0:13:48.610 --> 0:13:51.850
<v Speaker 1>the time to send them this like message to say like, hey,

0:13:51.890 --> 0:13:54.290
<v Speaker 1>I thought your presentation in the meeting today was really cool.

0:13:54.570 --> 0:13:55.689
<v Speaker 3>This is what I liked about it.

0:13:55.850 --> 0:13:58.530
<v Speaker 1>I think so often you'll think your peers have done

0:13:58.530 --> 0:14:00.650
<v Speaker 1>something good and you're kind of like, ah, they know it.

0:14:00.730 --> 0:14:02.690
<v Speaker 1>You just like don't take the effort to actually tell them.

0:14:02.730 --> 0:14:06.450
<v Speaker 1>So tell your coworkers when they do something good, and

0:14:06.490 --> 0:14:08.730
<v Speaker 1>you'll be surprised how much that can form a little

0:14:08.770 --> 0:14:10.810
<v Speaker 1>connection or bond with them that you can build on

0:14:10.890 --> 0:14:11.250
<v Speaker 1>from there.

0:14:11.530 --> 0:14:14.010
<v Speaker 2>That's so good. It's also so simple. It's basically like,

0:14:14.210 --> 0:14:16.490
<v Speaker 2>just be a nice person. Yeah, and people want to

0:14:16.490 --> 0:14:17.250
<v Speaker 2>be your friend.

0:14:17.290 --> 0:14:20.730
<v Speaker 3>Just be cool. Thanks for helping us clear the biers inbox.

0:14:20.810 --> 0:14:22.730
<v Speaker 1>If you've got to work questions, send it our way.

0:14:22.930 --> 0:14:25.090
<v Speaker 1>You'll find a link to submit your questions in the

0:14:25.130 --> 0:14:25.690
<v Speaker 1>show notes.

0:14:25.930 --> 0:14:28.290
<v Speaker 2>And if you missed it earlier this week, Miss and

0:14:28.450 --> 0:14:31.690
<v Speaker 2>soph answered the question that we've all asked ourselves at

0:14:31.770 --> 0:14:35.970
<v Speaker 2>one point or another, should we be starting our own business?

0:14:36.050 --> 0:14:37.730
<v Speaker 2>Head back in the feed to check it out, and

0:14:37.730 --> 0:14:39.730
<v Speaker 2>we will also put a link in our show notes.

0:14:39.770 --> 0:14:42.650
<v Speaker 2>We'll be back here in the biz Inbox next week.

0:14:42.890 --> 0:14:48.410
<v Speaker 1>Bye see ya.

0:14:55.930 --> 0:14:59.290
<v Speaker 2>Mamma Maya acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters

0:14:59.330 --> 0:15:00.850
<v Speaker 2>that this podcast is recorded on