WEBVTT - Why All New Mothers Need Mothering 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:03.080 We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:03.720 on today. 0:00:06.880 --> 0:00:10.559 I'm sure there were mothers in my group that were 0:00:10.600 --> 0:00:13.720 feeling the same things. I felt that I would just 0:00:13.840 --> 0:00:18.400 had the blinkers on because the mental chatter was so loud. 0:00:20.480 --> 0:00:23.919 Hello, and welcome back to eat, sleep, shit, repeat, the 0:00:23.960 --> 0:00:26.079 Wildly I'm hinted podcast all about the man as that 0:00:26.239 --> 0:00:29.960 is motherhood and every little thing in between. I'm Kiri 0:00:30.120 --> 0:00:32.800 Cels and I am full of bases about sillies. 0:00:32.840 --> 0:00:34.919 It's because you just had a banana, I do. I'm 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:36.920 Kelly McCarron and we've got a ripper of an epp 0:00:36.960 --> 0:00:39.239 for you this week. So no, dilly darling, Shall I 0:00:39.360 --> 0:00:41.960 just kick things off with my peak and my pitch? 0:00:42.080 --> 0:00:44.159 Go on your little foxy more on over there. 0:00:44.200 --> 0:00:45.880 He just goes, oh, I thank good, as it's not 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:47.599 moti to do peak and pit and I was like, 0:00:47.600 --> 0:00:50.479 oh shit, I've got so many pits but no peaks. 0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:54.960 Well fine, I'm the most miserable person, but I always 0:00:55.000 --> 0:00:56.640 winch about things with a sense of humor. 0:00:56.640 --> 0:00:58.720 Well, I would say that your peak is that your 0:00:58.720 --> 0:01:00.040 face is settled and your looking. 0:01:00.920 --> 0:01:03.320 I am looking not too shabby. 0:01:03.480 --> 0:01:06.160 So I decided to an at home die job, a 0:01:06.240 --> 0:01:09.199 box die if you will, many a hairdresser. 0:01:09.400 --> 0:01:11.640 I'm staring at the repercussions of that right now. 0:01:11.680 --> 0:01:12.800 It's not that bad. 0:01:13.720 --> 0:01:14.800 Look, it's not that bad. 0:01:15.120 --> 0:01:19.120 In your own words, it's not horrendous. It's not horrendous. Yes, 0:01:19.200 --> 0:01:22.800 I have a ginge tinge, a little bit overtoned, greenish 0:01:22.840 --> 0:01:23.280 at the back. 0:01:23.360 --> 0:01:24.920 It's fine, it's fine. It's just hair. 0:01:24.920 --> 0:01:25.640 Don't do the job. 0:01:26.080 --> 0:01:28.840 It's just hair. So the peak is I guess that 0:01:29.319 --> 0:01:34.480 I'm still hot. Here, you are hot. 0:01:34.880 --> 0:01:36.959 Let's just go into my pitz because they're quiet, they're 0:01:37.000 --> 0:01:37.640 all funny. 0:01:37.840 --> 0:01:40.320 So can I just say that your period of hotness 0:01:40.440 --> 0:01:42.679 is running alongside my period of being. 0:01:43.200 --> 0:01:46.000 She turned up in these very pregnant pants and I went, 0:01:46.480 --> 0:01:49.040 why do you let the pants to my house? 0:01:49.040 --> 0:01:51.120 I was like, Kelly, they're the only pants have fit 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:54.840 me right now. Okay, just fucking the stretchy fit. 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:58.960 Really currently leaning into the stereotype of black women having 0:01:58.960 --> 0:01:59.920 big asses. 0:01:59.640 --> 0:02:05.440 Because Charlie's like, oh, I think it's it is tripled in, 0:02:06.000 --> 0:02:07.040 but it looks great. 0:02:07.320 --> 0:02:11.600 There is nothing quite like a juicy a rump. 0:02:11.919 --> 0:02:14.360 Yeah, I reckon, that's why it's a boy anyway, This 0:02:14.440 --> 0:02:16.160 is not about me, This is about you. 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:21.840 Bad roots. Number one in my pits. Number two in 0:02:21.919 --> 0:02:26.320 my pits is my child has started saying for fuck's sake? 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:32.240 So when did this happen? 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:33.200 The first time? 0:02:33.360 --> 0:02:35.480 No, no, the first time it happened was a couple 0:02:35.480 --> 0:02:37.600 of weeks ago. I messaged my father, who has a 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:41.639 huge problem with children swearing, and said, your grandson has 0:02:41.639 --> 0:02:46.640 a potty mouth. And my dad's response was, Luke should 0:02:46.680 --> 0:02:47.800 be proud of himself. 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:50.440 Does Luke have a body mouth? 0:02:50.680 --> 0:02:52.040 This was part of the lull. 0:02:52.440 --> 0:02:55.160 Lenny didn't learn it from Luke, who says, for fuck's 0:02:55.160 --> 0:02:58.840 sake all the time you do all the time for 0:02:58.919 --> 0:03:03.720 fox sake? This for sake that I hear and I'm like, 0:03:03.800 --> 0:03:05.960 oh no. So that was a few weeks ago. I 0:03:06.000 --> 0:03:09.720 told him that he wasn't supposed to say that. Then 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:12.720 the other night, I'm getting cranky about something and I'm like, 0:03:13.000 --> 0:03:17.079 fux sake, and then he just starts giggling and repeating 0:03:17.120 --> 0:03:20.160 it and repeating it, repeating it. Luke can't help himself. 0:03:20.560 --> 0:03:26.000 He bursts out laughing, and Lenny then obviously thinks it's 0:03:26.080 --> 0:03:27.639 hilarious and keep saying it. 0:03:28.040 --> 0:03:30.120 Of course he does. He's getting that positive reinforcement. 0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:32.880 So I just, yeah, that's quite the pit because all 0:03:32.880 --> 0:03:37.160 I'm imagining now is him going to daycare, beautiful misreget 0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:41.400 being like, oh no, something's happened. And then I'm going 0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:47.080 for fact's sake, and oh dear me, and of course 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:47.520 it's my. 0:03:47.520 --> 0:03:50.920 Fault, of course, of course, of course. 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:52.600 Wait, so did we do your peek? 0:03:52.600 --> 0:03:52.720 Oh? 0:03:52.720 --> 0:03:55.240 Your peak is just that you're hot. No, so I'll 0:03:55.280 --> 0:03:58.000 just tell you another bitch, another pitch. 0:03:58.760 --> 0:04:00.960 Three pits. We're so lucky. 0:04:01.120 --> 0:04:03.600 This one's annoying. I've got to have another thing on 0:04:03.640 --> 0:04:08.400 my bloody brain. No, when I tell you that I 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:12.960 hate medical stuff, yeah, more than the average person. I 0:04:13.040 --> 0:04:18.240 get proper panic attacks. People get it doesn't hurt. Oh no, shit, 0:04:18.320 --> 0:04:23.360 it doesn't hurt. I'm thinking about the pressure and feeling 0:04:23.440 --> 0:04:27.039 things like go into my veins and like all the anticipation. 0:04:27.560 --> 0:04:30.320 It's just knowing that it's happening. It's foul, it's disgusting, 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:33.599 and it's all I can focus on, and it really 0:04:33.680 --> 0:04:36.200 creeps me out, and I get very anxious about it. 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:40.080 Even just a blood test, it sends me into a spiral, 0:04:40.520 --> 0:04:44.880 a proper spiral. So anyway, I have to have an 0:04:44.920 --> 0:04:46.400 awake procedure. 0:04:47.040 --> 0:04:48.960 Yuck, what do you mean? What are they gonna do? 0:04:49.040 --> 0:04:51.320 I feel like someone that's okay with medical stuff would 0:04:51.360 --> 0:04:52.400 be like, that's foul. 0:04:52.560 --> 0:04:54.920 What can you have that you're awake? That's like a procedure. 0:04:55.040 --> 0:04:58.040 Well, it's not like operation or anything. But what they 0:04:58.040 --> 0:04:59.440 do is, I'm going to spell it out for you. 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:02.000 I'm already getting kind of here bebies antists. 0:05:02.040 --> 0:05:03.200 Okay, well, you're gonna have to listen. 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:07.240 They're going to insert a catheter into the vein on 0:05:07.320 --> 0:05:09.440 my hands. 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:11.200 Yeah yeah, step one. 0:05:11.200 --> 0:05:16.200 Hey, catheters then inflate a balloon in my elbow so 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:20.040 that then they can feed something up through to the 0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:22.479 corotid artery in my neck. 0:05:23.120 --> 0:05:25.280 Why why do you have a carotid artery in your neck? 0:05:25.560 --> 0:05:27.760 Sweety, you do too. It's probably one of your nodules. 0:05:31.120 --> 0:05:36.240 It's like, what are you see? Sorry? 0:05:36.279 --> 0:05:39.200 Did you pass science? 0:05:39.279 --> 0:05:43.360 I don't think so? Okay, got it? 0:05:43.440 --> 0:05:43.720 Got it. 0:05:43.839 --> 0:05:46.040 Crottid artery is a piece of our body that we need. 0:05:46.120 --> 0:05:49.000 God, everyone has one. It's very important. We also have 0:05:49.040 --> 0:05:49.799 one in our leg. 0:05:50.400 --> 0:05:52.839 Wow. Yeah, that's why. Like, if a shark bites you 0:05:52.839 --> 0:05:54.240 too high, you bleed out by the time you get 0:05:54.240 --> 0:05:54.560 to water. 0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:57.120 Understood, Okay, crottid artery, So then where are we going 0:05:57.120 --> 0:05:57.640 from there? 0:05:57.760 --> 0:06:02.360 So then the crottid artery, they inject like a die 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:05.560 into my brain from the corodid diary, different dies, and 0:06:05.600 --> 0:06:07.160 this is why I need to be awake, because I 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:09.520 need to do different things for them while they're having 0:06:09.520 --> 0:06:13.280 a look at my veins in my brain. 0:06:13.440 --> 0:06:16.920 And I literally was like, I can't do that. 0:06:17.240 --> 0:06:20.839 No, there's a one percent risk of stroke with this 0:06:20.960 --> 0:06:22.919 sort of a thing, and I'm like one percent, Like 0:06:23.000 --> 0:06:26.240 you know, that's fine. Yeah, Well there's a zero point 0:06:26.320 --> 0:06:29.000 five percent of the aneurysm bursting at the size that 0:06:29.040 --> 0:06:31.120 it is yea, so which is like I'm kind of like, ok, 0:06:31.240 --> 0:06:31.719 it's only. 0:06:31.560 --> 0:06:32.239 A little bit bigger. 0:06:32.360 --> 0:06:33.520 So yeah. 0:06:33.560 --> 0:06:35.800 And also there's a chance that this might show that 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:39.120 it's just a really dodgy looking vein not even. 0:06:39.839 --> 0:06:41.719 Okay, So is that why they wanted to do it 0:06:41.720 --> 0:06:42.360 to rule yes out? 0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:46.640 So I'm like, the way that my brain works is surely, 0:06:47.120 --> 0:06:49.599 because I will be in such a state of panic 0:06:49.720 --> 0:06:52.600 and anxiety, my blood pressure is going to be higher. 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:56.200 Surely that like then ups my risk of a stroke 0:06:56.320 --> 0:06:59.240 by tenfold. So I was like, I'm just not doing it. 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:01.480 I told my family. I told Luke that I'm I'm like, 0:07:01.520 --> 0:07:02.320 I'm sorry, I'm just. 0:07:02.279 --> 0:07:03.600 Not doing it. I cannot do that. 0:07:03.920 --> 0:07:05.800 And there's not another way, Like there's something. 0:07:06.400 --> 0:07:09.120 This is it. I guess it's a peak. 0:07:09.600 --> 0:07:09.960 Okay. 0:07:10.080 --> 0:07:10.680 I found one. 0:07:11.160 --> 0:07:13.600 Talking to Sandy, my bestie friend of the pod we've 0:07:13.600 --> 0:07:15.920 had her on. She's a nurse, and she was like, 0:07:15.960 --> 0:07:18.480 I don't understand why no one has spelled this out 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:21.360 for you. She's like, they told you that they would 0:07:21.400 --> 0:07:23.760 sedate you, correct, like not put you to sleep, but 0:07:23.800 --> 0:07:24.200 sedate you. 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:27.960 I was like, yeah, oh so they will sedate you. Yeah, 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:30.840 but not they'll give you like some valium or something. 0:07:30.960 --> 0:07:32.080 No, well that's what I thought. 0:07:32.120 --> 0:07:34.200 I was like, it'll just be stupid on valume, which 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:37.080 is what I had with my laser eye surgery, doesn't 0:07:37.120 --> 0:07:37.640 do anything. 0:07:37.760 --> 0:07:38.120 Yeah. 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:41.760 She's like, no, the anetheist is there. She said, I've 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:45.560 had this sedation every single time with my egg collection 0:07:45.600 --> 0:07:47.200 because I don't want to put you on because obviously 0:07:47.240 --> 0:07:50.120 that's like a thing. Yeah, she goes, I do not 0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:55.160 remember a single thing. You're so out of it, I swear, 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:59.320 And she said, if at any point you are aware. Yeah, 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:03.320 you're in so much a state of like whatevs because 0:08:03.360 --> 0:08:06.040 you're so drugged. You will be fine. So you'll just 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:08.000 be like doing what they say. You probably won't even 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:08.840 remember it. 0:08:08.840 --> 0:08:09.520 It will be fine. 0:08:09.920 --> 0:08:13.560 Oh Okayhames, you just really need to go friends. Thank you, 0:08:13.680 --> 0:08:16.720 Sandy Peaky Is I've got really good friends. 0:08:16.880 --> 0:08:24.240 Yes, we love it. So moving on to today's topic, 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:26.760 It's something I'm very excited about given I have been 0:08:26.840 --> 0:08:31.440 a number two on the way post birth aftercare. Yes, 0:08:31.880 --> 0:08:35.640 something I've never really thought much about before, but something 0:08:35.679 --> 0:08:38.240 that definitely with this pregnancy has been top of mind. 0:08:38.320 --> 0:08:40.840 Oh yes, and you're really thinking about it this time around. 0:08:41.160 --> 0:08:45.840 So let's chat first about your aftercare experience with Rue 0:08:46.240 --> 0:08:48.720 and what you will be doing the same I guess 0:08:49.120 --> 0:08:51.679 post birth this time, and what you'll be doing differently 0:08:51.800 --> 0:08:53.760 with the big baby that's. 0:08:53.640 --> 0:08:55.800 Growing, big baby that we think maybe a boy, but 0:08:55.840 --> 0:08:58.800 we're not too sure. So with Rue, I went privately. 0:08:59.320 --> 0:09:01.160 I ended up having to get an emergency C section 0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:04.080 after a couple of days of laboring. Because I went privately, 0:09:04.120 --> 0:09:05.760 I was able to and also had a sea section. 0:09:05.800 --> 0:09:07.360 I was able to stay in the hospital for about 0:09:07.400 --> 0:09:10.080 a week, so at the end of that week, and 0:09:10.280 --> 0:09:12.520 while I was in hospital, I should say they were 0:09:12.559 --> 0:09:16.560 like breastfeeding classes. They were just like random classes that you. 0:09:16.559 --> 0:09:18.920 Could go to run one of the classes. Yes, friends, 0:09:19.040 --> 0:09:19.439 she did. 0:09:19.600 --> 0:09:21.760 She did, and I was like hey, yeah, And then 0:09:21.760 --> 0:09:22.800 when we interviewed her, I. 0:09:22.760 --> 0:09:24.040 Was like, yes, that's where I know. 0:09:24.040 --> 0:09:25.120 Who are you from? 0:09:25.440 --> 0:09:26.840 I got my titty out in front of you. 0:09:28.240 --> 0:09:30.000 At the time, like I didn't really think much. But 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:33.080 we also put ruined nursery for like a few hours. 0:09:33.120 --> 0:09:34.520 I don't let you keep them in there for like 0:09:34.840 --> 0:09:37.640 nights on end, but we did like maybe a five 0:09:37.679 --> 0:09:39.400 hour stint where she was in the nursery on one 0:09:39.400 --> 0:09:41.320 of the nights so you could just get some get 0:09:41.400 --> 0:09:44.280 some sleep and get some rest. Then we were out 0:09:44.400 --> 0:09:48.320 on the Sunday, which was Mother's Day, and then on 0:09:48.360 --> 0:09:51.400 the Monday, Charlie's mum and dad arrived for a week. 0:09:51.600 --> 0:09:53.160 They didn't stay with us because we live in a 0:09:53.200 --> 0:09:55.720 little apartment, but they stayed in a hotel a couple 0:09:55.760 --> 0:09:58.920 of doors down and they would just come over in 0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:01.920 the morning, help us, just look after the baby, let 0:10:02.000 --> 0:10:04.400 me get some rest, cook for us, we go and 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:05.079 have a drink. 0:10:05.520 --> 0:10:07.760 Were just like my god, that sounds so nice. 0:10:07.800 --> 0:10:09.960 It was really nice. And then after a week they 0:10:10.040 --> 0:10:13.120 left and it was just us. But I think a 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:16.400 few weeks later I then joined my mother's group, and 0:10:16.440 --> 0:10:19.680 then that kind of became my support, my village, my 0:10:19.720 --> 0:10:22.720 people because I was very lucky with the Mother's group 0:10:23.120 --> 0:10:25.000 that I found, we were all very like minded. 0:10:25.120 --> 0:10:26.600 You really leaned into it as well. 0:10:26.679 --> 0:10:29.080 Yeah, but also I think it's just luck of being 0:10:29.280 --> 0:10:32.520 with people that are the same type of parent that 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:36.079 you are, like non judge, going with the flow, not. 0:10:36.120 --> 0:10:39.280 Afraid to like be vulnerable, vulnerable. 0:10:39.280 --> 0:10:41.360 I think that was a big key, because you know, 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:43.480 there were a couple of people who were like, everything's 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:45.880 so great, and I was just like, is it you fuck? 0:10:45.960 --> 0:10:51.320 I mean, fuck, nothing's bad, nothing at all even hurt. 0:10:51.920 --> 0:10:53.120 Tell me, have you had sex yet? 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:55.439 How's your vision? 0:10:55.520 --> 0:10:59.440 How is it good? So that was our first experience, 0:10:59.520 --> 0:11:04.080 which was really great. I think I actually realized probably 0:11:04.760 --> 0:11:07.319 how good that experience was with after we spoke to 0:11:07.360 --> 0:11:10.720 our upcoming person that we interviewed for this episode, Larissa. 0:11:11.040 --> 0:11:13.360 That was probably maybe the first time I really reflected 0:11:13.400 --> 0:11:16.240 on that whole journey and the help that we had 0:11:16.880 --> 0:11:18.559 this time around. Obviously things are going to be like 0:11:18.640 --> 0:11:21.920 quite different. We have a toddler, I am not working 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:24.920 full time, like employed by a company full time. So 0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:28.720 and then in the way of family we have of 0:11:28.760 --> 0:11:31.800 course Charlie's brother and sisters shout out to Jim friend 0:11:31.800 --> 0:11:36.240 of the Pod, who are in Sydney. But obviously Charlie's 0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:39.920 mum passed away earlier this year. So I had been 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:44.880 thinking about this for quite a few weeks, about the 0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:48.520 idea of like what's our aftercare gonna look, like, what 0:11:48.559 --> 0:11:50.560 support are we going to have? Of course, I know, 0:11:50.760 --> 0:11:53.480 given like recent events, like all of our friends have 0:11:53.640 --> 0:11:56.400 just you know, sent messages and said, hey, like we 0:11:56.440 --> 0:11:59.040 are here to support you during this time. But I 0:11:59.120 --> 0:12:04.800 also really worried just about like not having that maternal figure. 0:12:05.200 --> 0:12:07.199 And it's something I never worried about before because dev 0:12:07.360 --> 0:12:09.280 was like such a big part of. 0:12:09.480 --> 0:12:10.080 Very hands on. 0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:13.480 Yeah, and like yeah, I always kind of had that 0:12:13.520 --> 0:12:16.360 in my back pocket, like, you know, she's the best 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:20.760 resource that we could have. So I had done a 0:12:20.760 --> 0:12:24.120 little bit of reading and you know, duelers have been 0:12:24.120 --> 0:12:26.800 something that has been popping up quite a lot in 0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:32.000 recent years, and I kind of floated the idea to Charlie. 0:12:32.040 --> 0:12:33.920 I just and I was quite nervous because, look, it's 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:35.640 not a cheap thing to do. 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:39.120 It's also okay, I know that this isn't the right word, 0:12:39.160 --> 0:12:41.880 but it's a little bit woo woo when someone says, Duela, 0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:45.760 I think you automatically think free birthing, water birth at home. 0:12:46.440 --> 0:12:50.200 But it's like in a lake pushing your baby at yourself. 0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:54.360 Yeah, it's not like that. It's also a luxury. 0:12:54.800 --> 0:12:55.240 It is a. 0:12:55.240 --> 0:12:58.120 Luxury, and I think free birthing and water birthing at 0:12:58.120 --> 0:13:00.560 home on one end of the scale. 0:13:00.640 --> 0:13:02.320 How too, if you want to do that, by the way, 0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:02.880 how to you. 0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:06.800 I still would like to be in a medical environment 0:13:06.920 --> 0:13:10.240 that just suits my personality. But I do really want 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:13.040 like someone that's advocating for me, because in hindsight, when 0:13:13.040 --> 0:13:15.360 I'm looking back at my first berth, there are some 0:13:15.480 --> 0:13:17.200 things that I would have liked to have done in 0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:19.120 the moment, of course, to change it. It may not 0:13:19.160 --> 0:13:20.760 have had any effect on the outcome, but I'm like, oh, 0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:23.040 I wonder if that did. But I wasn't like in 0:13:23.280 --> 0:13:25.840 a great state of mind to be advocating for myself. 0:13:25.880 --> 0:13:27.720 And Charlie it's the first time we're both doing it, 0:13:27.760 --> 0:13:29.520 you know. Like we did our best and we got 0:13:29.559 --> 0:13:30.559 a healthy baby out of it. 0:13:30.800 --> 0:13:32.960 You're literally just like learning as you go with the. 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:35.560 First really, but as I said, like it is a 0:13:35.559 --> 0:13:38.520 bit of an investment. So we have already been paying 0:13:38.559 --> 0:13:42.480 for fucking private health for you know, since even before rue, 0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:44.560 So we've been paying for private health for like three 0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:48.040 and a half almost four years. It's not cheap monthly. 0:13:48.160 --> 0:13:52.800 It is in fact, robbery is what it is. Daylight hobbery, 0:13:52.920 --> 0:13:56.200 daylight robbery. And I was really nervous because, like, you know, 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:58.680 just the way that everything is at the moment with 0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:03.840 cost of living crisis, like we are hanging on not flush. Yeah, 0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:06.320 so I kind of said to him like, oh, baby, know, 0:14:06.480 --> 0:14:09.320 like we're gonna have a toddler this time around, We're 0:14:09.320 --> 0:14:11.800 not gonna have like the support that we necessarily had 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:15.800 last time. Like, what would your thoughts be on getting Adula? 0:14:15.920 --> 0:14:18.400 Like we would use her for you know, we meet 0:14:18.480 --> 0:14:20.920 up with her maybe pre birth, she would be present 0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:23.320 at the birth, and then we can have as many 0:14:23.400 --> 0:14:26.320 check ins as we'd like post birth with her. And 0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:29.040 he I couldn't really even finish my sentence before he 0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:31.360 just said like, yeah, absolutely, I think that is a 0:14:31.640 --> 0:14:36.480 really good idea. He's just also like, we're all still 0:14:36.640 --> 0:14:37.760 really in. 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:40.080 The depths of grief and you just don't know when 0:14:40.120 --> 0:14:42.000 those big swings are gonna come. 0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:46.520 So he was almost like, obviously, I'm gonna be there 0:14:46.520 --> 0:14:49.120 for you and be supportive, but I would love that 0:14:49.240 --> 0:14:52.000 if we had someone else as well in case I 0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:53.240 can't be there fully. 0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:58.120 And why are we both getting teary? You know, I'm 0:14:58.120 --> 0:15:01.160 not pregnant. What's my excuse? Ah? 0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:04.240 So that was wonderful, Like that was really good. We're 0:15:04.240 --> 0:15:05.800 both on the same page with that. So I was 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:08.560 like very relieved, and then I just kind of put 0:15:08.560 --> 0:15:11.000 it out to my Sydney group of girlfriends like, hey, 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:13.920 did anyone use a Duela? Would they recommend one? And 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:18.000 one of my girlfriends Bellau wrote back, yep key, I'll 0:15:18.000 --> 0:15:20.120 message you privately and I was like, oh my god, 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:23.440 I have just won the jackpot. Here a f the jackpot. Anyway, 0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:25.520 she was lovely. She actually told me about a service 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:27.640 that exists called she Birth. So it's a website. They 0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:29.280 do a lot of stuff, but they have like a 0:15:29.320 --> 0:15:31.080 section that says what can I help you with? And 0:15:31.640 --> 0:15:34.600 it is dueller services. It's basically like a matchmaking service 0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:38.320 for you know, expecting parents and duellers. You can pay 0:15:38.400 --> 0:15:40.720 I think it's like five hundred dollars to use their service, 0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:43.960 and they'll go through what you're looking for, like what 0:15:44.080 --> 0:15:46.840 kind of support, because it is really bespoke what you 0:15:46.960 --> 0:15:49.360 need out of a dueler, and like what you're looking for. 0:15:49.400 --> 0:15:51.960 So for us, say we're really looking for someone who's 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:54.280 quite maternal and who. 0:15:54.200 --> 0:15:57.320 I would be looking for like an overbearing mother in 0:15:57.400 --> 0:15:57.960 law type. 0:15:58.120 --> 0:16:00.520 Yeah, so you want someone to take care of me? Yeah, 0:16:00.560 --> 0:16:02.400 And they can then narrow it down and they give 0:16:02.400 --> 0:16:04.160 you a couple of options. You can meet with them 0:16:04.160 --> 0:16:05.800 and then make your decision and if you're not happy, 0:16:05.840 --> 0:16:08.200 I think you can go back again. But really, luckily, 0:16:08.320 --> 0:16:10.760 she said, gave me the name of her So she 0:16:10.800 --> 0:16:12.480 gave me she birth's the name of her dollar that 0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:15.400 she used who she loved. But then she was like, also, 0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:19.520 my chiropractor is amazing. She has actually had a bit 0:16:19.560 --> 0:16:22.440 of time off because she's got young kids, but she 0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:24.560 was mentioning that she might want to come back, and 0:16:24.640 --> 0:16:27.400 she's like, if I had a second I would absolutely 0:16:27.440 --> 0:16:30.760 go to her because she's just so amazing. I went 0:16:30.800 --> 0:16:34.960 onto her website and she has like qualifications in like 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.800 Chinese medicine, so that's like a big thing. 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:40.720 So like, I think that's just like an added area 0:16:40.720 --> 0:16:44.440 that I'd like to explore for the second birth, like acupuncture, 0:16:44.600 --> 0:16:47.320 even just the way that Chinese. 0:16:47.000 --> 0:16:52.680 Culture approach post birth aftercare. Another girlfriend of mine who 0:16:53.120 --> 0:16:55.600 moved back from the States, she got a dollar and 0:16:55.640 --> 0:16:59.000 she did like the five five rules. So it's five 0:16:59.040 --> 0:17:01.040 days in the bed, five days on the bed, five 0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:03.400 days near the bed. This gives you a solid two 0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:09.040 weeks of focused, intentional rest. So basically post birth, you 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:12.160 are letting your body move back to where it needs 0:17:12.160 --> 0:17:14.320 to be, like the organs are moving, You're actually resting 0:17:14.359 --> 0:17:18.119 your body rather than just trying to be up and about. 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:20.560 And I say a lot of people are resting, but 0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:24.840 like conscious intentional rest where you're like, Okay, for five days, 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:28.320 I'm inside the bed and it's a luxury. Like who 0:17:28.359 --> 0:17:29.760 knows if I'll actually be abut to do this, but 0:17:30.000 --> 0:17:34.000 I'm really interested in that though, different types of practices 0:17:34.080 --> 0:17:38.040 this time around because of what we've been through and 0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:42.360 I'm just really kind of aware of now more than ever. 0:17:43.160 --> 0:17:47.560 You know, post birth hormones, all of that stuff, having 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:48.960 to deal with a toddler on top of that, Like, 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:51.439 it's not going to be easy. So I think just 0:17:51.520 --> 0:17:53.840 having a bit more of a plan, someone to catch 0:17:53.920 --> 0:17:55.760 us if we fall that kind of. 0:17:55.680 --> 0:17:57.760 Thing, having guess summer baby, so you don't need to 0:17:57.760 --> 0:18:00.439 worry so much about what bugs rubrings home. I know 0:18:00.600 --> 0:18:03.440 that will be actually with this winter. Shout out to 0:18:03.440 --> 0:18:04.840 anyone that's had a baby over the past. 0:18:04.880 --> 0:18:06.680 You mins at home. 0:18:06.920 --> 0:18:10.360 So many of like my audience on an insta each week, 0:18:10.440 --> 0:18:12.000 right and we're picking pits and it's like, I've got 0:18:12.040 --> 0:18:13.960 a baby, I've got a newborn, and I've got a toddler. 0:18:14.040 --> 0:18:17.600 We are literally and you've got to take them to hospital. 0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:20.280 Like it's just sucks. It's awful. It is awful. 0:18:20.440 --> 0:18:22.919 Good thing is they have really good immune systems. By 0:18:24.240 --> 0:18:26.920 the time they get to you know, like daycare or whatever, 0:18:26.920 --> 0:18:30.160 they're tough as not. But that's kind of where we've 0:18:30.240 --> 0:18:34.120 landed at the moment, and I'm feeling really good about that. 0:18:34.720 --> 0:18:38.960 So instead of feeling like quite lost and maybe apprehensive 0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:41.119 about what that time is going to look like, just 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:44.880 knowing that we're like have someone to help us and 0:18:44.880 --> 0:18:47.560 that we can call on as much as possible, like 0:18:47.600 --> 0:18:50.240 I think the fee will cover you know, a pre 0:18:50.359 --> 0:18:53.080