WEBVTT - F*ck First — And Other Cheat Codes For Life 0:00:10.287 --> 0:00:13.047 You're listening to a MoMA mea podcast. 0:00:13.727 --> 0:00:16.767 Mamma Mere acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters 0:00:16.807 --> 0:00:23.487 that this podcast is recorded on Hello and welcome to 0:00:23.567 --> 0:00:26.087 Mamma Mia out Loud and to our Friday show where 0:00:26.127 --> 0:00:28.367 we take a break from the news cycle. 0:00:28.127 --> 0:00:29.407 And breathe out. 0:00:30.687 --> 0:00:31.567 He's sound relaxed. 0:00:32.087 --> 0:00:34.007 It's the noise I make also after I drink tea, 0:00:34.287 --> 0:00:37.927 which I happen to have here. Listened you want to 0:00:38.047 --> 0:00:40.327 die today? 0:00:40.487 --> 0:00:43.447 It's Friday, the fourth of October, and I am bollywayen 0:00:43.487 --> 0:00:44.647 Wright only Friedman. 0:00:44.887 --> 0:00:47.407 I'm Jesse Stevens and may you had a birthday this week. 0:00:47.407 --> 0:00:49.047 And there are two things that make you sound of 0:00:50.047 --> 0:00:53.167 well seamol. The first is what you just did like that. 0:00:53.327 --> 0:00:53.487 Yes. 0:00:53.727 --> 0:00:56.007 The second I've been wanting to bring this up, but 0:00:56.287 --> 0:00:57.767 you know any thinker, but you don't bring it up. 0:00:58.167 --> 0:01:01.087 Is that when you have scripts that sometimes I know 0:01:01.167 --> 0:01:02.087 it is, yeah, yeah. 0:01:01.927 --> 0:01:02.367 You know what I mean. 0:01:03.767 --> 0:01:06.007 Intro, you lick your finger when you. 0:01:05.967 --> 0:01:08.847 Turn every time turns the page. 0:01:09.487 --> 0:01:10.207 It doesn't help. 0:01:10.367 --> 0:01:12.967 I don't understand. It does because it gives you traction, 0:01:13.207 --> 0:01:15.967 like it makes the page stick. But I agree with you. 0:01:16.087 --> 0:01:17.967 I don't understand. I was talking to someone else who 0:01:18.047 --> 0:01:21.767 does this? Why does it start? When you are a 0:01:21.767 --> 0:01:24.967 certain age you start licking your fingers and I. 0:01:24.967 --> 0:01:27.607 Can hear it to microponion, and then you do it, 0:01:27.687 --> 0:01:29.607 and my mum does it, and like your. 0:01:29.647 --> 0:01:30.407 Brand does it. 0:01:30.567 --> 0:01:33.887 Oh yeah, why I've never seen anyone under the edge 0:01:33.927 --> 0:01:35.007 because you slippery. 0:01:35.087 --> 0:01:37.047 I don't know why I do it for your fingers 0:01:37.087 --> 0:01:38.847 get less traction. 0:01:39.887 --> 0:01:41.447 You lose the lubrication. It's like you. 0:01:44.807 --> 0:01:47.767 Finger so you need friction on anyway, never mind. 0:01:48.207 --> 0:01:51.087 On the show today, cheat codes for life? 0:01:51.167 --> 0:01:53.087 Do you need one? What are they? And what are ours? 0:01:53.127 --> 0:01:57.687 It's a chaotic Friday wisdom dump plus recommendations, which include 0:01:57.767 --> 0:01:59.687 the TV show that I would really rather be at 0:01:59.687 --> 0:02:02.567 home watching right now, and so would you. 0:02:02.887 --> 0:02:05.647 Also, Jesse has something depressing for you to watch. 0:02:05.687 --> 0:02:10.487 Correct and Mere's deep fashion hyper focus and ugly birthday cakes, 0:02:10.607 --> 0:02:14.367 debunking teenage conspiracies, and a very confronting driver's license photo. 0:02:14.807 --> 0:02:17.767 Yes it's our best and worst, but first we are 0:02:17.767 --> 0:02:22.167 Friedman friends. Have you noticed something weird is happening with 0:02:22.207 --> 0:02:24.967 party invitations? Jesse? You drew it to my attention and 0:02:25.007 --> 0:02:27.287 now I'm noticing it everywhere. What's going on? 0:02:27.647 --> 0:02:27.727 So? 0:02:28.047 --> 0:02:30.167 What is going on. There was an article in Slate 0:02:30.487 --> 0:02:34.367 all about this new trend where party invitations they're arriving 0:02:34.407 --> 0:02:37.367 too early, earlier and earlier. They think we don't notice. 0:02:37.567 --> 0:02:41.447 But this Shria Murphy, She's created an event planning app. 0:02:41.567 --> 0:02:43.687 She's actually charted this. She actually has some data to 0:02:43.727 --> 0:02:46.487 support her point, which is that they've seen a fourteen 0:02:46.527 --> 0:02:49.927 percent increase in the median time between when someone creates 0:02:49.927 --> 0:02:54.087 an event and when the event actually happens. So apparently 0:02:54.247 --> 0:02:58.087 the invitations are being sent twenty percent earlier than they 0:02:58.127 --> 0:03:02.447 ever have. So you're not imagining it. You are getting 0:03:02.647 --> 0:03:06.047 invites for things in twenty twenty five, which is in 0:03:06.127 --> 0:03:07.127 another lifetime. 0:03:07.327 --> 0:03:10.207 I got invited to a wedding mix him and I 0:03:10.247 --> 0:03:12.847 got invited to It is a destination though, three or 0:03:12.887 --> 0:03:14.247 four months ago. Yeah, it's in Italy. 0:03:14.327 --> 0:03:18.007 I think that's your exception. My thing is like it'll 0:03:18.007 --> 0:03:21.687 be a kid's birthday invitation, or it'll be girls drinks, 0:03:21.687 --> 0:03:24.247 and we're talking months months in advance. 0:03:24.247 --> 0:03:28.127 Well like with a like one of those paper paperless 0:03:28.167 --> 0:03:32.087 post Do you mean that you get chat both both? Oh? 0:03:32.167 --> 0:03:34.487 Like someone will say, let's make it so for my 0:03:34.567 --> 0:03:37.047 group chats when we try to organize something, often it 0:03:37.047 --> 0:03:39.287 does have to be long way in advance because this 0:03:39.327 --> 0:03:41.207 one can't do then, and this one's traveling and this 0:03:41.247 --> 0:03:41.687 one can't. 0:03:41.847 --> 0:03:43.807 So we're too busy. Are we all too busy? And 0:03:43.847 --> 0:03:45.647 so we've got to go months and months in advance 0:03:45.687 --> 0:03:49.007 in order to secure anymouw Jesse, Oh, that's a really 0:03:49.007 --> 0:03:51.447 great question. Well, what's awkward about this whole thing is 0:03:51.447 --> 0:03:55.247 that I'm free next weekend and actually the weekend after. 0:03:55.487 --> 0:03:58.167 So I keep getting these invites and it's like, pencil 0:03:58.207 --> 0:04:01.167 it in or write it in your diary for April 0:04:01.327 --> 0:04:03.487 twenty twenty five, and I'm like, don't know if I'll 0:04:03.487 --> 0:04:05.887 be in Australia, don't know if you'll feel like it. 0:04:05.967 --> 0:04:08.287 I don't know, because that's the future, and the future 0:04:08.327 --> 0:04:11.047 and by them exactly makes. 0:04:10.887 --> 0:04:13.727 Me feel claustrophobic committing to anything more than two weeks 0:04:13.727 --> 0:04:14.367 in advance. 0:04:14.767 --> 0:04:18.127 I feel similarly. I think it used to be pretty 0:04:18.127 --> 0:04:20.487 customary if you're having a birthday or something two weeks 0:04:20.527 --> 0:04:22.927 and now I feel like it's I know, if it's. 0:04:22.847 --> 0:04:24.727 A wedding or a big occasion, like when we did 0:04:24.767 --> 0:04:27.007 our upfronts for work, I know this is a work 0:04:27.007 --> 0:04:29.207 function but we did a save the date. A save 0:04:29.287 --> 0:04:31.527 the date basically means we don't have our shit together 0:04:31.607 --> 0:04:35.607 yet to have made an invitation and worked out the details, 0:04:36.127 --> 0:04:38.367 but we just want to make sure you don't miss out. 0:04:38.687 --> 0:04:41.447 I understand that, especially when big bucks are being spent, 0:04:41.807 --> 0:04:44.407 but if it's like a birthday. 0:04:44.007 --> 0:04:44.847 It's just DIBs. 0:04:45.127 --> 0:04:47.967 It's just somebody going I'm calling DIBs on that day, 0:04:48.047 --> 0:04:50.087 and I'm going to call DIBs in that day ages 0:04:50.127 --> 0:04:52.207 in advance, because then none of you have got an 0:04:52.247 --> 0:04:54.807 excuse to not come. That's the whole reason for it, 0:04:54.847 --> 0:04:58.127 because as Mia just said, we've all got ridiculously busy. 0:04:58.567 --> 0:05:01.047 I Am not that popular or busy, but I've got 0:05:01.087 --> 0:05:03.567 groups of friends that we just cannot seem to make 0:05:03.607 --> 0:05:03.967 it work. 0:05:04.007 --> 0:05:04.887 I haven't seen them all. 0:05:04.887 --> 0:05:07.527 Year, and that's because you're away every weekend. Tollywayne right, 0:05:07.567 --> 0:05:08.527 You've got a lot going on. 0:05:08.487 --> 0:05:10.167 Well, and I travel lot for work and all the 0:05:10.167 --> 0:05:10.527 rest of it. 0:05:10.607 --> 0:05:11.567 But it's just hard. 0:05:11.847 --> 0:05:14.327 But then I'm a last minute person, so I will 0:05:14.367 --> 0:05:17.127 remember that it's my kid's birthday in two weeks and 0:05:17.207 --> 0:05:19.847 text everybody who needs to come to their party and 0:05:19.887 --> 0:05:22.407 go thinking of having something for Billy on you know, 0:05:22.487 --> 0:05:27.047 next Saturday morning, and everyone's like, your life had that 0:05:27.167 --> 0:05:28.847 blackout for two years. 0:05:29.447 --> 0:05:30.487 But it's interesting, isn't it? 0:05:30.487 --> 0:05:32.247 Because you're either a last minute personally or not. I 0:05:32.247 --> 0:05:35.487 could never organize anything that far. But Penny has already 0:05:35.527 --> 0:05:38.767 organized my birthday party. It's not a birthday party, birthday dinner, 0:05:38.887 --> 0:05:42.407 which is at Christmas. Oh my goodness, yeah to calling DIBs. 0:05:42.487 --> 0:05:46.007 Okay. My view on this is that it is about 0:05:46.047 --> 0:05:49.647 mental load, and the worst thing when you are trying 0:05:49.687 --> 0:05:53.847 to organize anything is this one saying I can't come, 0:05:53.887 --> 0:05:56.247 but I can't come, but I'm away that weekend, and 0:05:56.287 --> 0:05:58.007 then it goes back and forth until you lose the 0:05:58.007 --> 0:05:59.327 will to have an event at all. 0:05:59.367 --> 0:06:00.447 Do you guys use polls? 0:06:00.967 --> 0:06:01.527 What's that? 0:06:01.647 --> 0:06:04.047 Every group chat I have now has a pole function 0:06:04.647 --> 0:06:06.207 and we have vote on the date where you have 0:06:06.247 --> 0:06:08.247 to vote on the date. And I recently there was 0:06:08.247 --> 0:06:10.287 a girl's you know, there might be fifteen of us, 0:06:10.687 --> 0:06:12.847 and I went, I've not been carrying them mental load. 0:06:13.047 --> 0:06:14.407 I don't know how to do this, but I've. 0:06:14.247 --> 0:06:14.687 Got to learn. 0:06:14.727 --> 0:06:15.527 I've got to get on the hold. 0:06:15.567 --> 0:06:16.007 You made a poll. 0:06:16.087 --> 0:06:17.887 I made a poll and I said, can you do 0:06:18.407 --> 0:06:21.487 the twenty first of October for dinner. Can you do this? 0:06:21.567 --> 0:06:23.327 Day's such a good idea. And then we just go 0:06:23.367 --> 0:06:24.967 on everyone's back and I can do it. Oh no, 0:06:25.087 --> 0:06:27.247 wait and so and then you wait, and then there's 0:06:27.287 --> 0:06:30.167 always a laggard. And then you're like, hey, we're waiting 0:06:30.207 --> 0:06:32.207 for you, Jesse, can you make that date? 0:06:32.247 --> 0:06:35.487 And you're like, no, the most popular date wins. What's 0:06:35.567 --> 0:06:38.047 your cheat code for life? I just told you mine, 0:06:38.047 --> 0:06:40.647 and it's my polls. But there was a good one. 0:06:40.687 --> 0:06:43.247 That's a good one. The thing you swear by that 0:06:43.327 --> 0:06:47.247 opens doors makes everything easier and you wish you knew earlier. 0:06:48.087 --> 0:06:50.807 There is a Reddit thread going viral where people share 0:06:50.887 --> 0:06:53.887 their insights, and some are pretty obvious, from looking people 0:06:53.887 --> 0:06:56.487 in the eye to learning to say no to getting 0:06:56.567 --> 0:06:59.527 enough sleep. Here are some other popular examples I came 0:06:59.567 --> 0:07:02.487 across get everything in writing. So if you're in a 0:07:02.527 --> 0:07:04.967 meeting and your manager promises you something, then make sure 0:07:05.007 --> 0:07:06.927 you get them to email it to you. Or let's 0:07:06.927 --> 0:07:09.247 say your accountant assures you of something and it just 0:07:09.367 --> 0:07:12.367 sounds a bit like I would want to just confirm that. 0:07:12.687 --> 0:07:15.567 Get it in writing. Another one is you can make 0:07:15.647 --> 0:07:18.327 more friends in two months by becoming interested in other 0:07:18.367 --> 0:07:20.687 people than you can in two years by trying to 0:07:20.687 --> 0:07:22.767 get other people interested in you. 0:07:22.927 --> 0:07:23.967 That's very good advice. 0:07:24.087 --> 0:07:27.927 I love that one. And no one stops someone carrying pizza. 0:07:28.567 --> 0:07:32.447 You can get backstage at concerts. Now we don't can 0:07:32.487 --> 0:07:35.887 don't trespassing, but think about it. If someone came to 0:07:35.967 --> 0:07:37.447 this off and they just had a few things of 0:07:37.487 --> 0:07:41.407 pizza and it smelt good, I'd let him in if 0:07:41.407 --> 0:07:43.687 you were backstage, if we were backstage at Out Loud, 0:07:44.167 --> 0:07:46.287 back to go on stage for our show. 0:07:46.447 --> 0:07:49.247 Don't give people ideas unless they have pizza, in which 0:07:49.287 --> 0:07:51.687 case come on after the show. 0:07:54.207 --> 0:07:57.767 You're allowed. We asked people in the Mummeya office what 0:07:57.807 --> 0:08:00.047 their cheat code to life is, and here's what they 0:08:00.087 --> 0:08:00.527 told us. 0:08:02.167 --> 0:08:04.807 My life pack is don't put the email address of 0:08:04.807 --> 0:08:08.127 the person you're emailing in until you've written and double 0:08:08.247 --> 0:08:11.367 checked your email. It really saves any unedited or unfinished 0:08:11.367 --> 0:08:12.967 emails being sent accidentally. 0:08:13.367 --> 0:08:15.447 The biggest lesson it was actually from my dad that 0:08:15.487 --> 0:08:17.607 my dad ever taught me was always admit when you've 0:08:17.607 --> 0:08:19.607 made a mistake. If you can do anything in life 0:08:19.687 --> 0:08:21.687 is always admit when you're wrong and when you've made 0:08:21.727 --> 0:08:23.727 a mistake because that way, you're always going to reflect 0:08:24.127 --> 0:08:26.967 on your behavior and your role in something, and it 0:08:27.007 --> 0:08:28.767 also makes you look at the other side of things. 0:08:28.927 --> 0:08:31.807 When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I try to take a moment 0:08:32.007 --> 0:08:35.327 and take five deep breasthts. I think this helps me 0:08:35.447 --> 0:08:39.287 process what has happened and to not overreact. 0:08:39.807 --> 0:08:42.967 When I'm talking to someone new, I try to remember 0:08:43.247 --> 0:08:46.127 one personal fact about them. If I know that I'm 0:08:46.127 --> 0:08:48.527 going to see them again, like the name of their 0:08:48.567 --> 0:08:51.847 dog or what suburb they live in, I can ask 0:08:51.887 --> 0:08:54.047 them about it the next time I see them. Then 0:08:54.087 --> 0:08:56.127 they know that I've listened to them and that I 0:08:56.247 --> 0:08:59.287 care what they're saying, and hopefully they can become more 0:08:59.327 --> 0:09:00.527 trusting of me after that. 0:09:00.967 --> 0:09:03.127 So if I'm ever in a situation where I'm asked 0:09:03.287 --> 0:09:05.847 for my opinion about something that's important or a big 0:09:05.887 --> 0:09:10.047 decision or something that I just know it's going to 0:09:10.127 --> 0:09:11.927 take a lot of thought, it's just in the moment 0:09:12.007 --> 0:09:14.247 saying hey, let me just sleep on this and get 0:09:14.247 --> 0:09:17.007 back to you tomorrow. I used to think that I 0:09:17.127 --> 0:09:20.287 needed to sort of have an answer straight away ready 0:09:20.287 --> 0:09:23.647 to go, but sleeping on something just always gives me 0:09:23.687 --> 0:09:24.687 so much more clarity. 0:09:24.967 --> 0:09:27.287 Okay, so my friend has this great cheek code. She 0:09:27.327 --> 0:09:29.647 always looks smart at the airport, and she reckons that's 0:09:29.647 --> 0:09:32.447 the secret to getting upgraded to business class. 0:09:32.647 --> 0:09:34.407 One of the best things I got from a parenting 0:09:34.447 --> 0:09:36.967 book is just add water. So if your kid is 0:09:37.087 --> 0:09:40.407 losing their shit, you either put them outside with the sprinklers, 0:09:40.727 --> 0:09:42.687 throw them in the bath, or give them a drink 0:09:42.687 --> 0:09:45.367 of water. I've actually started doing that myself, and it 0:09:45.527 --> 0:09:47.807 is a game changer. So if I've got a tough 0:09:47.807 --> 0:09:49.207 decision to make, or if i want to go and 0:09:49.287 --> 0:09:51.567 yell at someone, I'll take a shower first, I'll drink 0:09:51.567 --> 0:09:54.007 a glass of water. It always calms me down and 0:09:54.087 --> 0:09:54.967 it always works. 0:09:55.647 --> 0:09:59.647 Out loud As Hollywood's enthusiastically agreeing with almost all of 0:09:59.687 --> 0:10:02.767 those hues, like yep, yep, that works, Yep, I agree, 0:10:03.207 --> 0:10:05.607 I do. I don't do them all, but they're all 0:10:05.727 --> 0:10:06.247 very good. 0:10:06.527 --> 0:10:10.127 I also to ask the out louders they had any 0:10:10.167 --> 0:10:12.207 and here are some that they came up with. I 0:10:12.247 --> 0:10:14.127 really like this one from Brooks. She says, I'm a 0:10:14.127 --> 0:10:16.567 big fan of don't put it down, put it away, 0:10:16.727 --> 0:10:19.447 So you're not allowed to, like just put your bag down. 0:10:19.487 --> 0:10:23.087 It's got a place, put it away. Another one from Kirby. 0:10:23.247 --> 0:10:26.287 Every Sunday I make uniform packs for each kid, so 0:10:26.327 --> 0:10:28.327 school uniform, undie socks, roll it up and put a 0:10:28.407 --> 0:10:31.287 rubber band around it. They go in baskets in our buffet, 0:10:31.967 --> 0:10:34.127 and each morning kids go and grab their own pack 0:10:34.167 --> 0:10:36.327 and get dressed. I wish I was like her, I'm 0:10:36.327 --> 0:10:40.727 not too. Another one that I really liked was from Chloe. 0:10:40.807 --> 0:10:42.967 This is again for kids, which is every time you're 0:10:42.967 --> 0:10:46.087 giving medication, text your partner what time because you forget, 0:10:46.407 --> 0:10:47.727 you know how it's got to be like four or 0:10:47.767 --> 0:10:48.487 six hours away. 0:10:48.487 --> 0:10:50.967 But if you don't have a partner, text. 0:10:50.647 --> 0:10:53.847 Anyone, text yourself. Yeah, make a note of it, Liz, 0:10:54.327 --> 0:10:58.087 good quality roboback. I would really like a robovacking. My 0:10:58.167 --> 0:11:02.127 other one actually is, and I've started doing this. I 0:11:02.207 --> 0:11:04.247 never regret it is taking a photo of where I 0:11:04.287 --> 0:11:08.007 parked that, yeah, because I have just told it. 0:11:08.607 --> 0:11:10.487 And then I always to take a photo of if 0:11:10.527 --> 0:11:13.127 you're in the shopping center, the place that you enter 0:11:13.207 --> 0:11:15.807 the shopping center, because it's all very well knowing you're 0:11:15.847 --> 0:11:18.647 on C seven, but you can't remember where C seven 0:11:18.727 --> 0:11:20.487 is exactly right, and if you know that you came 0:11:20.527 --> 0:11:21.847 in next to T two. 0:11:22.247 --> 0:11:25.807 Then you're fine, Yes, yes, Maya. You had a birthday 0:11:26.167 --> 0:11:29.047 this week, so i'd hope that you'd learned a few lessons. 0:11:29.127 --> 0:11:30.807 What are some of your cheat codes? 0:11:31.047 --> 0:11:34.407 I have written down four I could just think of 0:11:34.407 --> 0:11:37.047 off the top of my head. Right. The first is 0:11:37.407 --> 0:11:40.167 if you are someone who has to have daily medication 0:11:40.927 --> 0:11:43.207 but you sometimes can't remember if you've had it or not. 0:11:43.687 --> 0:11:46.447 I now have a pill box with the days, and 0:11:46.487 --> 0:11:49.167 I just dispense all my pills, you know, every couple 0:11:49.207 --> 0:11:51.927 of weeks into this pill box. But the other way 0:11:51.927 --> 0:11:55.327 to do it is to say out loud, I'm having 0:11:55.367 --> 0:11:59.767 my pill now on Tuesday. As you have it, I 0:11:59.807 --> 0:12:00.167 say it. 0:12:00.487 --> 0:12:02.927 You'd be so annoying to live with. I know you're 0:12:02.927 --> 0:12:05.407 annoying to live Yeah you did. Where do you buy 0:12:05.407 --> 0:12:06.247 those pill boxes? 0:12:06.407 --> 0:12:06.727 Chemist? 0:12:07.127 --> 0:12:07.327 Yeah? 0:12:07.567 --> 0:12:08.647 Or Amazon? Chemist? 0:12:08.967 --> 0:12:11.847 You think you know, and then you get into bed 0:12:11.927 --> 0:12:13.487 and you go, no, no, I took that pill. 0:12:13.767 --> 0:12:17.607 Yeah I was that yesterday. And it's like, I think 0:12:17.607 --> 0:12:19.687 I have a memory of taking that pill. I'm always 0:12:19.767 --> 0:12:21.447 living in my head, and half the time I'm on 0:12:21.487 --> 0:12:24.047 an automatic pilot. I don't remember what I've done or 0:12:24.087 --> 0:12:26.127 what I haven't done. It might not be a pill 0:12:26.167 --> 0:12:28.847 It might be if you always forget to turn off 0:12:28.887 --> 0:12:31.167 your hair straight now and you know you're driving to 0:12:31.207 --> 0:12:32.567 work and you're like, did I turn it off? And 0:12:32.607 --> 0:12:35.887 you're like, so I'm turning off my hair straightener today 0:12:35.927 --> 0:12:36.767 on Tuesday. 0:12:37.887 --> 0:12:40.007 I know it. Oh, it's so weird. 0:12:41.407 --> 0:12:46.527 Moving on, We're next to life. 0:12:46.687 --> 0:12:50.367 That's like how you tell come live with me, knock 0:12:50.447 --> 0:12:52.007 your head up three times on the pillow, and go, 0:12:52.087 --> 0:12:54.127 I will not have a bad dream tonight. 0:12:56.407 --> 0:12:58.247 I've found another check code. If you don't want to 0:12:58.247 --> 0:13:00.887 have a bad dream. Just before you go to sleep, 0:13:01.447 --> 0:13:05.727 imagine white color white, like white, like looking at a 0:13:05.727 --> 0:13:08.767 white sheet, like with your eyes closed, a white wall 0:13:08.887 --> 0:13:11.327 or something like that. If you just think white, white, white, 0:13:11.567 --> 0:13:14.287 and then you won't have a bad scientific take her away. 0:13:16.247 --> 0:13:19.927 My next cheak code for life is when I'm feeling 0:13:20.367 --> 0:13:24.487 really emotional and I'm having big feelings that seem out 0:13:24.487 --> 0:13:27.807 of proportion to the thing that's happening that never happened. 0:13:27.807 --> 0:13:29.447 It doesn't happen very often, so I don't know why 0:13:29.527 --> 0:13:30.607 you would need a cheat code. 0:13:30.887 --> 0:13:36.607 Thanks so much, Happy birthday, Except I always forget this 0:13:36.727 --> 0:13:42.007 cheat code. But please mind. I had a therapist who 0:13:42.127 --> 0:13:44.647 used to do this and she would say, how old 0:13:44.647 --> 0:13:47.127 do you feel right now? Pet? She would say, and 0:13:47.167 --> 0:13:49.767 that sounds passive aggressive, but she was never being passive aggressive. 0:13:49.807 --> 0:13:51.967 She like, I didn't mind her calling me pet, but 0:13:52.007 --> 0:13:56.527 it was very clarifying. It immediately tunes you in or 0:13:56.567 --> 0:14:00.807 tunes me into, going, I feel six years old? What 0:14:00.927 --> 0:14:02.087 was going on in my life when I was six 0:14:02.207 --> 0:14:05.967 years old? What does this feel like to me? And 0:14:06.007 --> 0:14:10.087 if you literally say to yourself, either out loud or 0:14:10.447 --> 0:14:12.847 in your head, particularly if you're having an argument with someone, 0:14:13.607 --> 0:14:15.607 if you just are like, how well do you feel 0:14:15.647 --> 0:14:19.847 right now? Pet? So here's something I warn against is 0:14:19.927 --> 0:14:23.967 asking your partner bash because I've tried that with my 0:14:24.047 --> 0:14:26.687 partner and he's tried that with me because we were 0:14:26.727 --> 0:14:30.207 at the therapist together and we both found it pretty useful. 0:14:30.487 --> 0:14:32.567 But anyway, that can make things a bit worse. But 0:14:32.607 --> 0:14:35.367 I find that to me to be really clarifying because 0:14:35.367 --> 0:14:38.047 at the time, you genuinely do believe that your big 0:14:38.087 --> 0:14:40.207 feeling is about this thing, but it feels like you've 0:14:40.207 --> 0:14:42.847 been a bit taken over and you don't understand why 0:14:42.927 --> 0:14:46.287 you're so upset. Anyway, So that helps my next one. 0:14:46.567 --> 0:14:48.327 And I've got so many Okay, this is a really 0:14:48.367 --> 0:14:50.607 good one. How to make a decision. So you know, 0:14:50.647 --> 0:14:52.047 when you're a bit like I don't know, I don't know, 0:14:52.087 --> 0:14:54.567 I don't know what to do. Sometimes you can overthink it, 0:14:54.567 --> 0:14:56.367 you can over intellectualize it, and you just need to 0:14:56.367 --> 0:14:58.047 get in touch with your gut. And your gut is 0:14:58.087 --> 0:15:01.727 actually not we will, it's actually just the accumulation of 0:15:01.767 --> 0:15:03.767 all the experiences that you've ever had. And your gut 0:15:03.927 --> 0:15:07.927 is good. So what you do is you say to yourself, 0:15:08.287 --> 0:15:09.767 should I go to this part? If I want to 0:15:09.767 --> 0:15:11.167 go to this party or not, I don't know, I 0:15:11.207 --> 0:15:14.487 don't know. Can I be bothered? Say to yourself, I'm 0:15:14.487 --> 0:15:17.127 definitely going to this party. I'm definitely going. As if 0:15:17.167 --> 0:15:20.087 you've made the decision, and see what emotion comes up 0:15:20.167 --> 0:15:23.767 in you, and it might be relief, it might be dread, dread, 0:15:23.927 --> 0:15:26.927 it might be nausea, exciting, and then just observe that 0:15:26.967 --> 0:15:28.807 for a second and then just go, Okay, I'm definitely 0:15:28.887 --> 0:15:31.647 not going to this party. And observe what And it 0:15:31.727 --> 0:15:33.687 might be relief, it might be disappointment. It might be 0:15:34.087 --> 0:15:36.007 And someone taught me that when I didn't know whether 0:15:36.047 --> 0:15:39.447 I should move overseas to New York or take a 0:15:39.527 --> 0:15:42.207 job as editor of Cosmo, and I was really torn 0:15:43.047 --> 0:15:47.367 because they were both pretty exciting opportunities, and she talked 0:15:47.407 --> 0:15:49.487 me through that, and it's something that I've used a 0:15:49.487 --> 0:15:52.047 lot of times since and it never gets me wrong. 0:15:52.087 --> 0:15:54.767 And then the last one is something I learned from 0:15:54.807 --> 0:15:59.247 this podcast many years ago. Instead of saying I'm sorry, 0:15:59.807 --> 0:16:04.687 say thank you for your understanding, and then you kind 0:16:04.687 --> 0:16:07.767 of manipulate someone into not being mad with you, so. 0:16:07.887 --> 0:16:10.527 Like in emails or life, in meetings or. 0:16:10.487 --> 0:16:13.407 Like I'm so sorry I'm late, it's like, thank you 0:16:13.487 --> 0:16:16.167 so much for understanding I've just had the worst morning, 0:16:16.287 --> 0:16:17.927 or yes, I couldn't coind apart. 0:16:17.807 --> 0:16:19.727 You've said as well, when I say i'm sorry, I 0:16:19.767 --> 0:16:22.167 then put some responsibility on you to make me feel better, 0:16:22.247 --> 0:16:23.927 which is really annoying for the person who's been. 0:16:23.807 --> 0:16:26.687 Saying like I'm so sorry and they're just like yeah. 0:16:26.687 --> 0:16:28.687 But if you just go thank you so much for 0:16:29.247 --> 0:16:31.727 understanding or for not leaving or whatever, it is like 0:16:32.047 --> 0:16:35.367 it flips it and it gives the person a compliment 0:16:36.007 --> 0:16:39.287 and some status for being a good person and kind 0:16:39.287 --> 0:16:41.127 of tricks them into being less mad with you. 0:16:41.447 --> 0:16:44.767 Holly, what do you have Okay, you have some cheek cuts. 0:16:45.207 --> 0:16:48.447 I have no practical ones because my practical life is terrible. 0:16:48.607 --> 0:16:50.527 You know the people who are like like the lady 0:16:50.527 --> 0:16:53.527 with the school uniform. I wish I was that, but 0:16:53.567 --> 0:16:55.927 I'm never that, and I just can't get my shit 0:16:56.007 --> 0:16:58.407 together in that way. But I have like other ones 0:16:59.607 --> 0:17:01.567 this one. Who did we steal this from me? I'm 0:17:01.847 --> 0:17:02.887 always fuck first? 0:17:03.207 --> 0:17:06.167 Oh? Yes, that was from Dan Savage who has the 0:17:06.207 --> 0:17:08.327 sex podcast. This is very good advice. 0:17:09.807 --> 0:17:11.807 Does this mean that you should say with people all 0:17:11.847 --> 0:17:12.127 the time? 0:17:12.447 --> 0:17:12.687 Away? 0:17:13.647 --> 0:17:14.287 What it means? 0:17:14.287 --> 0:17:17.407 So this is particularly good advice for a phase in 0:17:17.447 --> 0:17:21.327 your life. Right, So imagine this. You and your partner 0:17:21.847 --> 0:17:24.527 have got a date night, and it's rare that you've 0:17:24.567 --> 0:17:26.927 got a date night because you know, you've got kids 0:17:26.967 --> 0:17:28.687 and you've got whatever. But maybe you find the kids 0:17:28.687 --> 0:17:31.727 out to their grandparents for the night, maybe whatever, and 0:17:31.767 --> 0:17:33.127 you go, it's going to be great. We're gonna go 0:17:33.167 --> 0:17:34.487 out for a meal, we're gonna have cocktails, and we're 0:17:34.527 --> 0:17:35.607 gonna come home, we're gonna have sex. 0:17:35.727 --> 0:17:37.567 Gonna be great. No, you're not, you know what I mean. 0:17:37.607 --> 0:17:39.047 Like, by the time you've gone out and you've had 0:17:39.087 --> 0:17:41.527 the cocktails and you've eaten the food, and what you 0:17:41.567 --> 0:17:43.007 want to do when you come back is line on 0:17:43.087 --> 0:17:44.567 the couch and watch something stupid. 0:17:46.647 --> 0:17:49.367 Asleep. You feel bloated, you'll get sloppy. Fuck first. 0:17:49.767 --> 0:17:52.247 Always getting ready for a wedding, it's a sauning date. 0:17:52.367 --> 0:17:55.327 Fuck first, then go out, got a dinner date, Fuck first, 0:17:55.407 --> 0:17:56.207