Speaker 1: You're listening to a MoMA mea podcast.
Speaker 2: Mamma Mere acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded on Hello and welcome to
Speaker 2: Mamma Mia out Loud and to our Friday show where
Speaker 2: we take a break from the news cycle.
Speaker 1: And breathe out.
Speaker 3: He's sound relaxed.
Speaker 1: It's the noise I make also after I drink tea,
Speaker 1: which I happen to have here. Listened you want to
Speaker 1: die today?
Speaker 2: It's Friday, the fourth of October, and I am bollywayen
Speaker 2: Wright only Friedman.
Speaker 3: I'm Jesse Stevens and may you had a birthday this week.
Speaker 3: And there are two things that make you sound of
Speaker 3: well seamol. The first is what you just did like that.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 3: The second I've been wanting to bring this up, but
Speaker 3: you know any thinker, but you don't bring it up.
Speaker 3: Is that when you have scripts that sometimes I know
Speaker 3: it is, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
Speaker 3: Intro, you lick your finger when you.
Speaker 2: Turn every time turns the page.
Speaker 3: It doesn't help.
Speaker 1: I don't understand. It does because it gives you traction,
Speaker 1: like it makes the page stick. But I agree with you.
Speaker 1: I don't understand. I was talking to someone else who
Speaker 1: does this? Why does it start? When you are a
Speaker 1: certain age you start licking your fingers and I.
Speaker 3: Can hear it to microponion, and then you do it,
Speaker 3: and my mum does it, and like your.
Speaker 1: Brand does it.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, why I've never seen anyone under the edge
Speaker 3: because you slippery.
Speaker 2: I don't know why I do it for your fingers
Speaker 2: get less traction.
Speaker 3: You lose the lubrication. It's like you.
Speaker 1: Finger so you need friction on anyway, never mind.
Speaker 2: On the show today, cheat codes for life?
Speaker 1: Do you need one? What are they? And what are ours?
Speaker 2: It's a chaotic Friday wisdom dump plus recommendations, which include
Speaker 2: the TV show that I would really rather be at
Speaker 2: home watching right now, and so would you.
Speaker 1: Also, Jesse has something depressing for you to watch.
Speaker 2: Correct and Mere's deep fashion hyper focus and ugly birthday cakes,
Speaker 2: debunking teenage conspiracies, and a very confronting driver's license photo.
Speaker 1: Yes it's our best and worst, but first we are
Speaker 1: Friedman friends. Have you noticed something weird is happening with
Speaker 1: party invitations? Jesse? You drew it to my attention and
Speaker 1: now I'm noticing it everywhere. What's going on?
Speaker 4: So?
Speaker 3: What is going on. There was an article in Slate
Speaker 3: all about this new trend where party invitations they're arriving
Speaker 3: too early, earlier and earlier. They think we don't notice.
Speaker 3: But this Shria Murphy, She's created an event planning app.
Speaker 3: She's actually charted this. She actually has some data to
Speaker 3: support her point, which is that they've seen a fourteen
Speaker 3: percent increase in the median time between when someone creates
Speaker 3: an event and when the event actually happens. So apparently
Speaker 3: the invitations are being sent twenty percent earlier than they
Speaker 3: ever have. So you're not imagining it. You are getting
Speaker 3: invites for things in twenty twenty five, which is in
Speaker 3: another lifetime.
Speaker 1: I got invited to a wedding mix him and I
Speaker 1: got invited to It is a destination though, three or
Speaker 1: four months ago. Yeah, it's in Italy.
Speaker 3: I think that's your exception. My thing is like it'll
Speaker 3: be a kid's birthday invitation, or it'll be girls drinks,
Speaker 3: and we're talking months months in advance.
Speaker 1: Well like with a like one of those paper paperless
Speaker 1: post Do you mean that you get chat both both? Oh?
Speaker 1: Like someone will say, let's make it so for my
Speaker 1: group chats when we try to organize something, often it
Speaker 1: does have to be long way in advance because this
Speaker 1: one can't do then, and this one's traveling and this
Speaker 1: one can't.
Speaker 3: So we're too busy. Are we all too busy? And
Speaker 3: so we've got to go months and months in advance
Speaker 3: in order to secure anymouw Jesse, Oh, that's a really
Speaker 3: great question. Well, what's awkward about this whole thing is
Speaker 3: that I'm free next weekend and actually the weekend after.
Speaker 3: So I keep getting these invites and it's like, pencil
Speaker 3: it in or write it in your diary for April
Speaker 3: twenty twenty five, and I'm like, don't know if I'll
Speaker 3: be in Australia, don't know if you'll feel like it.
Speaker 3: I don't know, because that's the future, and the future
Speaker 3: and by them exactly makes.
Speaker 1: Me feel claustrophobic committing to anything more than two weeks
Speaker 1: in advance.
Speaker 3: I feel similarly. I think it used to be pretty
Speaker 3: customary if you're having a birthday or something two weeks
Speaker 3: and now I feel like it's I know, if it's.
Speaker 1: A wedding or a big occasion, like when we did
Speaker 1: our upfronts for work, I know this is a work
Speaker 1: function but we did a save the date. A save
Speaker 1: the date basically means we don't have our shit together
Speaker 1: yet to have made an invitation and worked out the details,
Speaker 1: but we just want to make sure you don't miss out.
Speaker 3: I understand that, especially when big bucks are being spent,
Speaker 3: but if it's like a birthday.
Speaker 1: It's just DIBs.
Speaker 2: It's just somebody going I'm calling DIBs on that day,
Speaker 2: and I'm going to call DIBs in that day ages
Speaker 2: in advance, because then none of you have got an
Speaker 2: excuse to not come. That's the whole reason for it,
Speaker 2: because as Mia just said, we've all got ridiculously busy.
Speaker 2: I Am not that popular or busy, but I've got
Speaker 2: groups of friends that we just cannot seem to make
Speaker 2: it work.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen them all.
Speaker 3: Year, and that's because you're away every weekend. Tollywayne right,
Speaker 3: You've got a lot going on.
Speaker 2: Well, and I travel lot for work and all the
Speaker 2: rest of it.
Speaker 1: But it's just hard.
Speaker 2: But then I'm a last minute person, so I will
Speaker 2: remember that it's my kid's birthday in two weeks and
Speaker 2: text everybody who needs to come to their party and
Speaker 2: go thinking of having something for Billy on you know,
Speaker 2: next Saturday morning, and everyone's like, your life had that
Speaker 2: blackout for two years.
Speaker 1: But it's interesting, isn't it?
Speaker 2: Because you're either a last minute personally or not. I
Speaker 2: could never organize anything that far. But Penny has already
Speaker 2: organized my birthday party. It's not a birthday party, birthday dinner,
Speaker 2: which is at Christmas. Oh my goodness, yeah to calling DIBs.
Speaker 1: Okay. My view on this is that it is about
Speaker 1: mental load, and the worst thing when you are trying
Speaker 1: to organize anything is this one saying I can't come,
Speaker 1: but I can't come, but I'm away that weekend, and
Speaker 1: then it goes back and forth until you lose the
Speaker 1: will to have an event at all.
Speaker 3: Do you guys use polls?
Speaker 1: What's that?
Speaker 3: Every group chat I have now has a pole function
Speaker 3: and we have vote on the date where you have
Speaker 3: to vote on the date. And I recently there was
Speaker 3: a girl's you know, there might be fifteen of us,
Speaker 3: and I went, I've not been carrying them mental load.
Speaker 3: I don't know how to do this, but I've.
Speaker 1: Got to learn.
Speaker 3: I've got to get on the hold.
Speaker 1: You made a poll.
Speaker 3: I made a poll and I said, can you do
Speaker 3: the twenty first of October for dinner. Can you do this?
Speaker 1: Day's such a good idea. And then we just go
Speaker 1: on everyone's back and I can do it. Oh no,
Speaker 1: wait and so and then you wait, and then there's
Speaker 1: always a laggard. And then you're like, hey, we're waiting
Speaker 1: for you, Jesse, can you make that date?
Speaker 3: And you're like, no, the most popular date wins. What's
Speaker 3: your cheat code for life? I just told you mine,
Speaker 3: and it's my polls. But there was a good one.
Speaker 3: That's a good one. The thing you swear by that
Speaker 3: opens doors makes everything easier and you wish you knew earlier.
Speaker 3: There is a Reddit thread going viral where people share
Speaker 3: their insights, and some are pretty obvious, from looking people
Speaker 3: in the eye to learning to say no to getting
Speaker 3: enough sleep. Here are some other popular examples I came
Speaker 3: across get everything in writing. So if you're in a
Speaker 3: meeting and your manager promises you something, then make sure
Speaker 3: you get them to email it to you. Or let's
Speaker 3: say your accountant assures you of something and it just
Speaker 3: sounds a bit like I would want to just confirm that.
Speaker 3: Get it in writing. Another one is you can make
Speaker 3: more friends in two months by becoming interested in other
Speaker 3: people than you can in two years by trying to
Speaker 3: get other people interested in you.
Speaker 1: That's very good advice.
Speaker 3: I love that one. And no one stops someone carrying pizza.
Speaker 3: You can get backstage at concerts. Now we don't can
Speaker 3: don't trespassing, but think about it. If someone came to
Speaker 3: this off and they just had a few things of
Speaker 3: pizza and it smelt good, I'd let him in if
Speaker 3: you were backstage, if we were backstage at Out Loud,
Speaker 3: back to go on stage for our show.
Speaker 1: Don't give people ideas unless they have pizza, in which
Speaker 1: case come on after the show.
Speaker 3: You're allowed. We asked people in the Mummeya office what
Speaker 3: their cheat code to life is, and here's what they
Speaker 3: told us.
Speaker 4: My life pack is don't put the email address of
Speaker 4: the person you're emailing in until you've written and double
Speaker 4: checked your email. It really saves any unedited or unfinished
Speaker 4: emails being sent accidentally.
Speaker 5: The biggest lesson it was actually from my dad that
Speaker 5: my dad ever taught me was always admit when you've
Speaker 5: made a mistake. If you can do anything in life
Speaker 5: is always admit when you're wrong and when you've made
Speaker 5: a mistake because that way, you're always going to reflect
Speaker 5: on your behavior and your role in something, and it
Speaker 5: also makes you look at the other side of things.
Speaker 6: When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I try to take a moment
Speaker 6: and take five deep breasthts. I think this helps me
Speaker 6: process what has happened and to not overreact.
Speaker 7: When I'm talking to someone new, I try to remember
Speaker 7: one personal fact about them. If I know that I'm
Speaker 7: going to see them again, like the name of their
Speaker 7: dog or what suburb they live in, I can ask
Speaker 7: them about it the next time I see them. Then
Speaker 7: they know that I've listened to them and that I
Speaker 7: care what they're saying, and hopefully they can become more
Speaker 7: trusting of me after that.
Speaker 8: So if I'm ever in a situation where I'm asked
Speaker 8: for my opinion about something that's important or a big
Speaker 8: decision or something that I just know it's going to
Speaker 8: take a lot of thought, it's just in the moment
Speaker 8: saying hey, let me just sleep on this and get
Speaker 8: back to you tomorrow. I used to think that I
Speaker 8: needed to sort of have an answer straight away ready
Speaker 8: to go, but sleeping on something just always gives me
Speaker 8: so much more clarity.
Speaker 3: Okay, so my friend has this great cheek code. She
Speaker 3: always looks smart at the airport, and she reckons that's
Speaker 3: the secret to getting upgraded to business class.
Speaker 9: One of the best things I got from a parenting
Speaker 9: book is just add water. So if your kid is
Speaker 9: losing their shit, you either put them outside with the sprinklers,
Speaker 9: throw them in the bath, or give them a drink
Speaker 9: of water. I've actually started doing that myself, and it
Speaker 9: is a game changer. So if I've got a tough
Speaker 9: decision to make, or if i want to go and
Speaker 9: yell at someone, I'll take a shower first, I'll drink
Speaker 9: a glass of water. It always calms me down and
Speaker 9: it always works.
Speaker 1: Out loud As Hollywood's enthusiastically agreeing with almost all of
Speaker 1: those hues, like yep, yep, that works, Yep, I agree,
Speaker 1: I do. I don't do them all, but they're all
Speaker 1: very good.
Speaker 3: I also to ask the out louders they had any
Speaker 3: and here are some that they came up with. I
Speaker 3: really like this one from Brooks. She says, I'm a
Speaker 3: big fan of don't put it down, put it away,
Speaker 3: So you're not allowed to, like just put your bag down.
Speaker 3: It's got a place, put it away. Another one from Kirby.
Speaker 3: Every Sunday I make uniform packs for each kid, so
Speaker 3: school uniform, undie socks, roll it up and put a
Speaker 3: rubber band around it. They go in baskets in our buffet,
Speaker 3: and each morning kids go and grab their own pack
Speaker 3: and get dressed. I wish I was like her, I'm
Speaker 3: not too. Another one that I really liked was from Chloe.
Speaker 3: This is again for kids, which is every time you're
Speaker 3: giving medication, text your partner what time because you forget,
Speaker 3: you know how it's got to be like four or
Speaker 3: six hours away.
Speaker 1: But if you don't have a partner, text.
Speaker 3: Anyone, text yourself. Yeah, make a note of it, Liz,
Speaker 3: good quality roboback. I would really like a robovacking. My
Speaker 3: other one actually is, and I've started doing this. I
Speaker 3: never regret it is taking a photo of where I
Speaker 3: parked that, yeah, because I have just told it.
Speaker 2: And then I always to take a photo of if
Speaker 2: you're in the shopping center, the place that you enter
Speaker 2: the shopping center, because it's all very well knowing you're
Speaker 2: on C seven, but you can't remember where C seven
Speaker 2: is exactly right, and if you know that you came
Speaker 2: in next to T two.
Speaker 3: Then you're fine, Yes, yes, Maya. You had a birthday
Speaker 3: this week, so i'd hope that you'd learned a few lessons.
Speaker 3: What are some of your cheat codes?
Speaker 1: I have written down four I could just think of
Speaker 1: off the top of my head. Right. The first is
Speaker 1: if you are someone who has to have daily medication
Speaker 1: but you sometimes can't remember if you've had it or not.
Speaker 1: I now have a pill box with the days, and
Speaker 1: I just dispense all my pills, you know, every couple
Speaker 1: of weeks into this pill box. But the other way
Speaker 1: to do it is to say out loud, I'm having
Speaker 1: my pill now on Tuesday. As you have it, I
Speaker 1: say it.
Speaker 3: You'd be so annoying to live with. I know you're
Speaker 3: annoying to live Yeah you did. Where do you buy
Speaker 3: those pill boxes?
Speaker 1: Chemist?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Or Amazon? Chemist?
Speaker 3: You think you know, and then you get into bed
Speaker 3: and you go, no, no, I took that pill.
Speaker 1: Yeah I was that yesterday. And it's like, I think
Speaker 1: I have a memory of taking that pill. I'm always
Speaker 1: living in my head, and half the time I'm on
Speaker 1: an automatic pilot. I don't remember what I've done or
Speaker 1: what I haven't done. It might not be a pill
Speaker 1: It might be if you always forget to turn off
Speaker 1: your hair straight now and you know you're driving to
Speaker 1: work and you're like, did I turn it off? And
Speaker 1: you're like, so I'm turning off my hair straightener today
Speaker 1: on Tuesday.
Speaker 3: I know it. Oh, it's so weird.
Speaker 1: Moving on, We're next to life.
Speaker 2: That's like how you tell come live with me, knock
Speaker 2: your head up three times on the pillow, and go,
Speaker 2: I will not have a bad dream tonight.
Speaker 1: I've found another check code. If you don't want to
Speaker 1: have a bad dream. Just before you go to sleep,
Speaker 1: imagine white color white, like white, like looking at a
Speaker 1: white sheet, like with your eyes closed, a white wall
Speaker 1: or something like that. If you just think white, white, white,
Speaker 1: and then you won't have a bad scientific take her away.
Speaker 1: My next cheak code for life is when I'm feeling
Speaker 1: really emotional and I'm having big feelings that seem out
Speaker 1: of proportion to the thing that's happening that never happened.
Speaker 3: It doesn't happen very often, so I don't know why
Speaker 3: you would need a cheat code.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much, Happy birthday, Except I always forget this
Speaker 1: cheat code. But please mind. I had a therapist who
Speaker 1: used to do this and she would say, how old
Speaker 1: do you feel right now? Pet? She would say, and
Speaker 1: that sounds passive aggressive, but she was never being passive aggressive.
Speaker 1: She like, I didn't mind her calling me pet, but
Speaker 1: it was very clarifying. It immediately tunes you in or
Speaker 1: tunes me into, going, I feel six years old? What
Speaker 1: was going on in my life when I was six
Speaker 1: years old? What does this feel like to me? And
Speaker 1: if you literally say to yourself, either out loud or
Speaker 1: in your head, particularly if you're having an argument with someone,
Speaker 1: if you just are like, how well do you feel
Speaker 1: right now? Pet? So here's something I warn against is
Speaker 1: asking your partner bash because I've tried that with my
Speaker 1: partner and he's tried that with me because we were
Speaker 1: at the therapist together and we both found it pretty useful.
Speaker 1: But anyway, that can make things a bit worse. But
Speaker 1: I find that to me to be really clarifying because
Speaker 1: at the time, you genuinely do believe that your big
Speaker 1: feeling is about this thing, but it feels like you've
Speaker 1: been a bit taken over and you don't understand why
Speaker 1: you're so upset. Anyway, So that helps my next one.
Speaker 1: And I've got so many Okay, this is a really
Speaker 1: good one. How to make a decision. So you know,
Speaker 1: when you're a bit like I don't know, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. Sometimes you can overthink it,
Speaker 1: you can over intellectualize it, and you just need to
Speaker 1: get in touch with your gut. And your gut is
Speaker 1: actually not we will, it's actually just the accumulation of
Speaker 1: all the experiences that you've ever had. And your gut
Speaker 1: is good. So what you do is you say to yourself,
Speaker 1: should I go to this part? If I want to
Speaker 1: go to this party or not, I don't know, I
Speaker 1: don't know. Can I be bothered? Say to yourself, I'm
Speaker 1: definitely going to this party. I'm definitely going. As if
Speaker 1: you've made the decision, and see what emotion comes up
Speaker 1: in you, and it might be relief, it might be dread, dread,
Speaker 1: it might be nausea, exciting, and then just observe that
Speaker 1: for a second and then just go, Okay, I'm definitely
Speaker 1: not going to this party. And observe what And it
Speaker 1: might be relief, it might be disappointment. It might be
Speaker 1: And someone taught me that when I didn't know whether
Speaker 1: I should move overseas to New York or take a
Speaker 1: job as editor of Cosmo, and I was really torn
Speaker 1: because they were both pretty exciting opportunities, and she talked
Speaker 1: me through that, and it's something that I've used a
Speaker 1: lot of times since and it never gets me wrong.
Speaker 1: And then the last one is something I learned from
Speaker 1: this podcast many years ago. Instead of saying I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: say thank you for your understanding, and then you kind
Speaker 1: of manipulate someone into not being mad with you, so.
Speaker 3: Like in emails or life, in meetings or.
Speaker 1: Like I'm so sorry I'm late, it's like, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for understanding I've just had the worst morning,
Speaker 1: or yes, I couldn't coind apart.
Speaker 3: You've said as well, when I say i'm sorry, I
Speaker 3: then put some responsibility on you to make me feel better,
Speaker 3: which is really annoying for the person who's been.
Speaker 1: Saying like I'm so sorry and they're just like yeah.
Speaker 1: But if you just go thank you so much for
Speaker 1: understanding or for not leaving or whatever, it is like
Speaker 1: it flips it and it gives the person a compliment
Speaker 1: and some status for being a good person and kind
Speaker 1: of tricks them into being less mad with you.
Speaker 3: Holly, what do you have Okay, you have some cheek cuts.
Speaker 2: I have no practical ones because my practical life is terrible.
Speaker 2: You know the people who are like like the lady
Speaker 2: with the school uniform. I wish I was that, but
Speaker 2: I'm never that, and I just can't get my shit
Speaker 2: together in that way. But I have like other ones
Speaker 2: this one. Who did we steal this from me? I'm
Speaker 2: always fuck first?
Speaker 1: Oh? Yes, that was from Dan Savage who has the
Speaker 1: sex podcast. This is very good advice.
Speaker 3: Does this mean that you should say with people all
Speaker 3: the time?
Speaker 4: Away?
Speaker 1: What it means?
Speaker 2: So this is particularly good advice for a phase in
Speaker 2: your life. Right, So imagine this. You and your partner
Speaker 2: have got a date night, and it's rare that you've
Speaker 2: got a date night because you know, you've got kids
Speaker 2: and you've got whatever. But maybe you find the kids
Speaker 2: out to their grandparents for the night, maybe whatever, and
Speaker 2: you go, it's going to be great. We're gonna go
Speaker 2: out for a meal, we're gonna have cocktails, and we're
Speaker 2: gonna come home, we're gonna have sex.
Speaker 1: Gonna be great. No, you're not, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: Like, by the time you've gone out and you've had
Speaker 2: the cocktails and you've eaten the food, and what you
Speaker 2: want to do when you come back is line on
Speaker 2: the couch and watch something stupid.
Speaker 1: Asleep. You feel bloated, you'll get sloppy. Fuck first.
Speaker 2: Always getting ready for a wedding, it's a sauning date.
Speaker 2: Fuck first, then go out, got a dinner date, Fuck first,
Speaker 2: always fuck first.
Speaker 3: That is, you've got a big meal, you're not feeling no.
Speaker 2: Late night sex is not it when you're not like
Speaker 2: it's different when you're in a different phase of your life.
Speaker 2: But when you're an established so they go, you weren't
Speaker 2: expecting sex, cheek.
Speaker 1: Because then you have an empty stomach.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, And also about with the spring in your step,
Speaker 2: and then when you sit there at dinner you're not.
Speaker 1: Like, it's just good. It's just always a good plan.
Speaker 1: That's very sound.
Speaker 2: I really like that one. You too, won't agree with
Speaker 2: me about this. Anyone who bitches to you is also
Speaker 2: bitching about you. That is a fine bitch words to
Speaker 2: live by. You know how we often talk about how
Speaker 2: you need people in your life. You can bitch too,
Speaker 2: and you do right like generally. But people who always
Speaker 2: bitch to you about everybody, they are also bitching to everybody.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, without question, but I'm not bitching about everybody
Speaker 3: on my bitch about like two people to you, but
Speaker 3: I'm not bitching about you. Do you believe me? Oh
Speaker 3: my god, she doesn't.
Speaker 1: I realized that about when I used to get Brazilian
Speaker 1: bikini waxes and my waxa used to tell me things
Speaker 1: about her other clients. Yes, And I was a bit like, no,
Speaker 1: that's true.
Speaker 2: Right in professional settings, this is particularly true, I agree. Like,
Speaker 2: sometimes you'll interview someone for a job when I've been
Speaker 2: a manager, and actually me is terrible this because she
Speaker 2: always tries to get people to bitch in job interviews.
Speaker 2: But like if the person that you're interviewing will bitch
Speaker 2: about their current employer.
Speaker 1: But it's a test, hire them.
Speaker 3: That's why I do it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is. It's a test and forgossip person, thank
Speaker 1: you for your understanding. But I love it.
Speaker 2: Listening and changing your mind is a sign of strength,
Speaker 2: not weakness.
Speaker 1: Yea one hundred. Every time strong opinions lose me.
Speaker 2: Hell, people who are very much like you know, oh
Speaker 2: you used to think this, and no you think that,
Speaker 2: and you said that that time and all that stuff.
Speaker 2: They don't know what they're doing. Those people, they're silly.
Speaker 2: And if you don't have a better idea, shut the
Speaker 2: fuck up.
Speaker 1: That is something I was by a lot.
Speaker 2: You know, when you're just like I don't like that,
Speaker 2: that's wrong. Da da da da da, And you can
Speaker 2: get into a really negative cycle. You've got to ask yourself,
Speaker 2: have I got a better idea?
Speaker 1: Do I think?
Speaker 3: How would I do it?
Speaker 1: And honest yeah, is it better? Always? Yeah, that's what?
Speaker 3: And can you be bothered to do it? Because you
Speaker 3: probably can't, in which case forget about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3: There are some Okay, mine are weird. Good one that
Speaker 3: I have is about memory. I've said it before, years
Speaker 3: and years ago, but this is something I did when
Speaker 3: I was studying at school, and I read this fact
Speaker 3: somewhere and the fact might not be true. It doesn't matter.
Speaker 3: If you want to remember something, memorize something, whether it's
Speaker 3: like a speech or a fact or notes. I'll print
Speaker 3: it on green paper. I read it once. Apparently if
Speaker 3: you read off green paper, it's a trigger for memory.
Speaker 2: Do you have green paper for that purpose?
Speaker 3: I used to. I haven't needed it recently, but if
Speaker 3: I was like doing a speech where I felt like
Speaker 3: I needed to know this completely off by heart. I
Speaker 3: would do it on green paper.
Speaker 1: I wonder if you can replicate that on your phone,
Speaker 1: because I mean, who's going to go out and buy
Speaker 1: green paper?
Speaker 3: See? I always do paper. I think phones very very different.
Speaker 3: I think that my brain is wired to forget everything
Speaker 3: I look at that's on are I think when it's
Speaker 3: on paper, it holds totally different.
Speaker 1: So did you like print out all your school notes
Speaker 1: on green paper? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yep? And how green green that I'm still like read
Speaker 3: it like that the black is still visible. But even
Speaker 3: if it's not, if I'm telling my brain this green
Speaker 3: paper means I'll memorize it, it's like pale green.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So that's always helped me. My rule for emails or
Speaker 3: messages or anything is do not open it until you
Speaker 3: can reply.
Speaker 2: That's a really good rule because I always forget that rule,
Speaker 2: and that's why I'm very bad on email.
Speaker 1: I've got a minute, I'm going to read it. I'll go.
Speaker 1: I'll get back to that later. No, I won't.
Speaker 3: Now, my memory is not good enough for that. I
Speaker 3: use the Pomodori method for just about everything. Yeah, so timing, yep.
Speaker 3: I have a stopwatch for everything I do, what it is.
Speaker 3: It's like recently I had this big ish project that
Speaker 3: I had to complete, and it was like pulling teeth.
Speaker 3: I just was not enjoying any I knew I needed
Speaker 3: to do it, but it was a job, and every
Speaker 3: time I sat down to do it, I would go,
Speaker 3: you're going to do twenty minutes. Look the clock, time
Speaker 3: it now, and just get twenty minutes of it.
Speaker 1: So it's like you almost have to sneak up on yourself. Yep, yeah,
Speaker 1: I do that.
Speaker 2: I set thirty minutes on my phone, and then I
Speaker 2: put my phone in a drawer somewhere away.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 2: And then when my thirty minutes goes off, that I focus.
Speaker 2: I'm allowed to play with my phone for four minutes.
Speaker 1: Then I have to put another timer on.
Speaker 3: It actually makes you satisfied because sometimes when you're doing projects,
Speaker 3: you can spend twenty minutes doing something and you've got
Speaker 3: no more words, and you actually don't feel like you've
Speaker 3: got anywhere, but you always have. So it's a way
Speaker 3: of measuring progress. Another one I have is when you're
Speaker 3: speaking to someone and they're telling you something, say you're right,
Speaker 3: rather than I know, like if I'm really engaged and Holly,
Speaker 3: you're telling me about the substance and your analysis of it,
Speaker 3: and I say, yeah, I know, yeah, I know. It's
Speaker 3: quite dismissive, and it sounds like I think I know everything.
Speaker 3: It makes you feel a lot smarter if I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 3: you're right, you're right, it's true, which I think is
Speaker 3: helpful for relation.
Speaker 1: That's interesting tangent on that is that I found this
Speaker 1: particularly when I had little kids and everyone's giving you
Speaker 1: a lot of advice. Oh, and people like push it
Speaker 1: onto you. And I used to try and push back
Speaker 1: like I used to resent it, and then I realized
Speaker 1: they'll keep going until you say, what a great idea, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that will shut them up. Then they'll move on because
Speaker 1: they think that you're going to do it and you're not.
Speaker 1: But you just say that to make them still on them.
Speaker 1: You just go. That is such a if anyone's giving
Speaker 1: you advice you don't want to take.
Speaker 3: My last one is argue the point, not the person
Speaker 3: related to that, and never argue on the internet. But
Speaker 3: anyone I see, or even if I'm having a discussion
Speaker 3: or an argument with someone, there is a threshold by
Speaker 3: which they've completely lost me and it's like any name calling,
Speaker 3: even in people that I really respect their opinion, It's like,
Speaker 3: at that point, I've just write it off. And it's
Speaker 3: something that's really really hard to keep yourself accountable for.
Speaker 3: And I think I'm better at it now than I
Speaker 3: was five years ago, and hopefully in five years I'll
Speaker 3: be much much better at it. But like playing the ball,
Speaker 3: not the player or whatever.
Speaker 1: So you mean, like the way the Internet's made everyone
Speaker 1: jump straight to you're a racist, you're a fascist, ye, or.
Speaker 2: Even like the vice presidential debate this week, Roundly people
Speaker 2: are generally saying Jade Vance won that and all the
Speaker 2: leftist people don't like him, right, including myself. But rather
Speaker 2: than admitting that he won that, you know, like, but
Speaker 2: that doesn't mean we should all go.
Speaker 1: Out and vote for him.
Speaker 2: They're all going, look at his stupid way he looks stupid,
Speaker 2: Look at his stupid eyeline. I look at his stupid
Speaker 2: and it's not eyeliner. But that's not the point. But
Speaker 2: it's like petty name calling. I'm like, immediately I think
Speaker 2: a lot less of that person.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: I also think that if we're having an argument and
Speaker 3: you say something that I don't agree with, and then
Speaker 3: I go, well, you would think that because and I
Speaker 3: bring up something from your personal life, I've clearly lost
Speaker 3: my either train of thought or my point, because if
Speaker 3: my point's strong enough, then I don't need to start
Speaker 3: character assassinating you or making assumptions about your life. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's something that I try and hold myself too.
Speaker 1: Smart, because by calling someone a name, you just immediately
Speaker 1: shut down any possibility of conversation.
Speaker 2: Or making something personal that isn't personal.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like, because then immediately just put somebody's back up and
Speaker 2: you don't. Yeah, I agree, good one. I've got one
Speaker 2: more sleep on it. Always, always, always, everything i'm really
Speaker 2: really upset about. I nearly always feel better the next day.
Speaker 2: So unless you can't sleep on it, because it's a
Speaker 2: decision that needs to be made right now.
Speaker 3: How about but everyone says about not going to bed
Speaker 3: angry with your partner. What do you think of that?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: No, sometimes I'm not a grudge keeper, so I couldn't be.
Speaker 2: Like I've got friends who cannot speak to their partner
Speaker 2: for three days and live in the same house.
Speaker 3: I could never ever do that.
Speaker 2: It's just not my nature. It doesn't mean I'm particularly not.
Speaker 2: It's just like I'm more of a goldfish, do you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. So that's not so much of
Speaker 2: a problem.
Speaker 1: I think they's sleep on it things interesting because I
Speaker 1: try to be that sometimes, but then I do sleep
Speaker 1: because you have to in the course of an argument,
Speaker 1: and then I just kind of lose interest. Grade Maybe
Speaker 1: that's good, right, yeah, because it can be frustrating when
Speaker 1: I want to hold it. If it was worth holding,
Speaker 1: you maybe would hold it.
Speaker 3: Out Louders please jump in to the mummy or out
Speaker 3: Louders Facebook group. We've got a thread in there that
Speaker 3: will pin with a whole lot of cheat codes for life.
Speaker 3: Please jump in and add yours. I am reading all
Speaker 3: of them.
Speaker 1: That's actually a low path.
Speaker 2: It's Friday, and we're going to help you set up
Speaker 2: your weekend for maximum pleasure and enjoyment and intellectual stimulation.
Speaker 2: Mea Friedman, what is your recommendation for this week?
Speaker 1: It's very specific And if anyone has been following some
Speaker 1: of the videos I've been putting of my outfits on
Speaker 1: Instagram lately, I've become very fixated with Copenhagen Street style.
Speaker 2: See I don't know anything about this and I need
Speaker 2: you to explain it to me.
Speaker 3: Are you talking about Copenhagen the place?
Speaker 1: Yeah, not the ice s creen, No, that's Hargan Dash.
Speaker 3: Is there a brand Copenhagen.
Speaker 1: No, it's a city, all right, Yeah, it was a city,
Speaker 1: but in which our Mary is queen, the queen of that. Okay,
Speaker 1: So I'm not very good about geography, and I just
Speaker 1: learned that Copenhagen's in Denmark. I didn't know where it
Speaker 1: was anyway. There's a particular style of fashion that comes
Speaker 1: out of Copenhagen, and it's very I can't explain it.
Speaker 2: Your vibe, right, your vibe, it's like cool edgy, baggy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's things that don't match obviously. Do you know
Speaker 1: how we did our three words? It's my three words,
Speaker 1: so it's comfortable. It's a bit quirky. That wasn't one
Speaker 1: of my words, but it's a bit quirky and it
Speaker 1: sparks joy. So it's like there's a lot of color,
Speaker 1: there's interesting textures.
Speaker 2: Where do I find it? Because you keep telling me this,
Speaker 2: but I haven't found any.
Speaker 1: So I literally just go to YouTube, and this is
Speaker 1: very interesting. I used to watch the news in the
Speaker 1: morning when I was on the treadmill each morning. Now
Speaker 1: I just go to YouTube exactly. I go to YouTube
Speaker 1: and I just search Copenhagen street style and there are
Speaker 1: videos and I just watch them. I just watch people
Speaker 1: in Copenhagen and they ride bikes and they're stylish, and
Speaker 1: I just watch them and it is so soothing and
Speaker 1: usually there's music.
Speaker 3: It's fun. I'm looking at it now. Was there a
Speaker 3: fashion week recently?
Speaker 1: A fashion week recently?
Speaker 3: Like I like this purple thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is so Some of the brands that are
Speaker 1: Copenhagen is Bauman, Fettergarten and Gharany is one that you
Speaker 1: might have heard of. Those kind of iconic shoes. They're
Speaker 1: called Garni ballery Is shoes.
Speaker 2: Was gharney from Copenhagen, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Gharney's I think it's all yeah no, but it's a style.
Speaker 1: You don't have to buy those labels. It's not about
Speaker 1: I don't let look at the things and go I'm
Speaker 1: going to go and buy that thing. It's more a vibe.
Speaker 1: It's a vibe and I'm just obsessed and I I
Speaker 1: think I want to go and live in Copenhagen for
Speaker 1: a bit next year. As if.
Speaker 2: Next year you have you made yourself? I know, I
Speaker 2: think it would be very exciting to.
Speaker 1: Go and do that. I'm all for midlight. Yeah, I've
Speaker 1: just stopped resisting my hyperfixations. And it's just like I'm
Speaker 1: in Copenhagen at the moment, and that's where I like
Speaker 1: to be.
Speaker 3: You know how, when my little girl Learner is at
Speaker 3: your place, sometimes she watches dogs at the park, dog TV,
Speaker 3: Dog TV, This is your dog TV, this is my
Speaker 3: dog TV.
Speaker 1: It's really soothing for my brain because I can't just
Speaker 1: be on the treadmill or anything without having something to watch.
Speaker 1: But it's very, very soothing, particularly at the moment when
Speaker 1: the news story is so blue and it's slow, because
Speaker 1: often the videos are into my emotion and I don't
Speaker 1: like talking. I don't want people to say what they're wearing.
Speaker 1: I just like the ones with music that shows the
Speaker 1: people walking in the street. All right, it's my creative mate.
Speaker 1: Think I'll be here and I'll be gone. Is this Copenhagen?
Speaker 1: What about this? I thought I was French. France isn't
Speaker 1: that far from Denmark?
Speaker 5: Maybe?
Speaker 1: Anyway.
Speaker 2: I can't even tell you how much I would rather
Speaker 2: be at home right now watching nobody wants this.
Speaker 1: I've just started.
Speaker 9: We've done this podcast for like one hundred and eighteen episodes,
Speaker 9: and this story you're telling it just.
Speaker 1: Sounds like very familiar. All right, I could make healthier
Speaker 1: relationship choices.
Speaker 8: Hi everyone, I'm Joanne.
Speaker 2: I'm Noah.
Speaker 3: Did you know what. There's a rabbi here? No shit,
Speaker 3: yeah where he.
Speaker 1: Has a beard and he was definitely judging me. Sounds
Speaker 1: like a rabbi. Here's your farm.
Speaker 4: There is not a Jewish bone in her body unless
Speaker 4: you put one in her sh you're the rabbi.
Speaker 9: It's heart right.
Speaker 1: I'm sure all the out Lauder is watching it.
Speaker 2: In fact, they were in the group saying watch this,
Speaker 2: and I was like, everybody's telling me to watch it.
Speaker 2: We've all got to watch it. And it is on Netflix.
Speaker 2: It is a rom com series starring Kirsten Bell and
Speaker 2: Adam Brodie. And he's a rabbi and she's a chaotic
Speaker 2: podcaster who has a sex podcast with her sister from Succession, Yes,
Speaker 2: from Succession, she was Willa and they are falling in
Speaker 2: love and it is the most delightful silly show. The
Speaker 2: episodes are all short, which makes me happy. Some of
Speaker 2: it's funny I've left out loud three times so far,
Speaker 2: watch three episodes, so that's one last pre episode.
Speaker 1: That's not bad.
Speaker 2: The chemistry is amazing and I love it. My friends
Speaker 2: based Emily in Paris, that's my thing. I want to watch.
Speaker 1: My non Jewish friends keep texting me who was single?
Speaker 1: Do you know any sexy rabbis you can introduce me to?
Speaker 2: So I have questions for my Jewish friend because obviously,
Speaker 2: because the plot line is he's a rabbi, she's not.
Speaker 3: Jewish person, which is what I am.
Speaker 2: And in fact, I listened to Kristin Bell and Adam
Speaker 2: Brody being interviewed about this on Jax Shepherd's podcast Funny
Speaker 2: that because he's married to Christin Bell, and it was
Speaker 2: going to be called Shisa because they produced it obviously,
Speaker 2: so siser is what they said.
Speaker 1: It's like talked out of it. Yeah, it's like a slang.
Speaker 1: It's not a derogatory term at least I don't think
Speaker 1: it is. It's slang for a woman who isn't Jewish.
Speaker 2: And so, for example, when Kristin Bell turns up at
Speaker 2: the synagogue and all the family see her, and the
Speaker 2: family are all very pissed off about the shiksa like
Speaker 2: very pissed off, and that's gonna be the whole point
Speaker 2: of this.
Speaker 1: I wanted to know.
Speaker 2: And I know you might not have watched enough of it,
Speaker 2: but the stereotypes of the Jewish family in this are very,
Speaker 2: very boldly drawn. Right there's the overbearing mother who she's
Speaker 2: going to lose her mind if he doesn't marry a
Speaker 2: Jewish woman. There's the sister in law who's going to
Speaker 2: lose her mind if he doesn't marry a Jewish woman.
Speaker 2: All the women are like ah, and the men are
Speaker 2: all a bit woo. He himself is a wonderful character,
Speaker 2: like a really good guy. Is that offensive?
Speaker 1: Like, I'm not offended by it, Like, of all the
Speaker 1: things that are going on at the moment, that's not
Speaker 1: on my list of things that I find problematic. No, Like,
Speaker 1: there's truth in stereotypes right often. And I'm only speaking
Speaker 1: for myself, And again I haven't watched much of it,
Speaker 1: so I don't know what's going to happen. But you know,
Speaker 1: I think in these very mainstream blockbustery shows, there are
Speaker 1: so many stereotypes that's kind of the point of them.
Speaker 1: Like everyone is sort of reduced and there's like the
Speaker 1: gay Asian best friend and you know, so it's like
Speaker 1: there are many stereotypes of many different people. The thing
Speaker 1: that I think is funny is that now the cool
Speaker 1: job is being a podcast.
Speaker 2: I know. And it's funny because her and her sister
Speaker 2: are negotiating with Spotify to buy their podcast. In the
Speaker 2: show Spotify like it's sex, sex, and Kristen Bell because
Speaker 2: obviously she's getting a little bit cold feet because she's
Speaker 2: about fall in love and she's like, it's not just sex,
Speaker 2: it's feminism and blah blah blah, and she says to
Speaker 2: her sister, we don't just want to be a call
Speaker 2: your daddy knockoff, and her sister's like, no, God forbid,
Speaker 2: that pays thirty five million dollars to get our show contemporary.
Speaker 2: It's very contemporary. It's funny, it's cute. The chemistry is amazing.
Speaker 2: And speaking of cheat codes, they said this on the
Speaker 2: interview I saw, but their first kiss is billed as
Speaker 2: the best kiss that either of them have ever had, right,
Speaker 2: and it's supposed to be the most amazing kiss and
Speaker 2: you can feel it through the screen. But she said
Speaker 2: it was all about his hand on her face. So yeah,
Speaker 2: speaking about cheat codes for life. Men and women just
Speaker 2: need to know that that hand on face is hot, hot, hot,
Speaker 2: hot hot. The chemistry is great. Anyway, that's my reco.
Speaker 3: My reco is a documentary on Netflix and depressing. Look
Speaker 3: I haven't watched the very very end yet, so I'm
Speaker 3: unclear on that. But an out Louder put it in
Speaker 3: the group over the weekend and was like, Jesse needs
Speaker 3: to watch this. Oh my goodness, this show has blown
Speaker 3: my mind. It's called Into the Fire The Lost Daughter,
Speaker 3: and it's actually produced by Charlie's the Run.
Speaker 10: She'd been missing twenty one years when they finally found me.
Speaker 10: I was only seventeen years old when I put my
Speaker 10: daughter of her adoption. Throughout my life, she's always in
Speaker 10: my mind. When I found out she went missing, I thought,
Speaker 10: I gotta find this kid alive. I don't care if
Speaker 10: I have to walk over God's green Earth to do it.
Speaker 10: If I couldn't do any nothing else for her, I
Speaker 10: was going to do this.
Speaker 3: And it's a two parter. It begins with a woman
Speaker 3: named Kathy and she had a child when she was
Speaker 3: sixteen who she placed for adoption. And it's complicated why
Speaker 3: she made that decision. She was sort of pushed into
Speaker 3: it by her mother, but she thought, I love this
Speaker 3: baby and I want this baby to have the most
Speaker 3: incredible life she can possibly have. She named the baby Alexis.
Speaker 3: Wanted her to find the best family, and so the
Speaker 3: agency said, we found this great family. So she goes
Speaker 3: off to this family and she thinks about it every
Speaker 3: single day, but it's a closed adoption, so she can't know.
Speaker 3: And then she gets a letter in the mail. This
Speaker 3: isn't a spoiler years and years later that says, Hi,
Speaker 3: we're the adoption agency. We need a sample of your
Speaker 3: DNA because a body has just shown up and we
Speaker 3: think that it's your daughter and you're the only biological connection.
Speaker 3: And so she's like, what has happened? And it turns
Speaker 3: out that at fourteen her daughter went missing. So it's
Speaker 3: anyone who has placed a child up for adoption your
Speaker 3: worst nightmare. Now the re and why this is such
Speaker 3: a fascinating documentary is because of Kathy, who has not
Speaker 3: met this well, she didn't meet the charge. She saw
Speaker 3: her last when she was about seven months old, but
Speaker 3: fights to find out what happened, what the truth about
Speaker 3: the family that she went to and uncovers all of
Speaker 3: this stuff, like it's one of those documentaries that you're
Speaker 3: sitting there and you just gasped. Luca and I were
Speaker 3: just going, like the twists in the first episode are amazing.
Speaker 1: And this is all real. When did that happen?
Speaker 3: She got that letter in twenty ten, So it's about
Speaker 3: what's been happening over really the last ten years.
Speaker 1: It's just amazing, unusual shit.
Speaker 3: Yeah. It is called Into the Fire The Lost Order,
Speaker 3: and it is on Netflix.
Speaker 1: Out loud as.
Speaker 2: If you want to listen to us every day of
Speaker 2: the week, and why wouldn't you, you can get access
Speaker 2: to exclusive segments on Tuesdays and Thursdays by becoming a
Speaker 2: Muma mea subscriber. Follow the link in the show notes
Speaker 2: to subscribe, and a big thank you to all our
Speaker 2: current subscribers.
Speaker 1: It's time for our best and worst moments of the week,
Speaker 1: where we share a little more from our personal lives. Holly,
Speaker 1: do you want to kick off? What's your worst of
Speaker 1: the week.
Speaker 2: My worst of the week is that my daughter, like
Speaker 2: every fourteen year old in the world, I imagine, is
Speaker 2: addicted to TikTok. That's where she gets all her world
Speaker 2: news from. Sometimes This is helpful because it's like adore
Speaker 2: into a topic I want to discuss. So she'll be like,
Speaker 2: what's happening with Trump and Harris and the American election?
Speaker 2: I want to know? Like I saw that he called
Speaker 2: her a blah blah and she said blah, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: teachable moment.
Speaker 1: This is fun.
Speaker 2: And sometimes it's just like a chaotic stream of conspiracy
Speaker 2: that just makes you realize one of the many reasons.
Speaker 1: Why the world is so weird.
Speaker 3: But what I think I'm on Matilda's.
Speaker 1: Ticto, I think you must be.
Speaker 2: This week, in particular, we talked about the P. Diddy
Speaker 2: allegations last week and the fact that he is currently
Speaker 2: in jail and on an ever increasing slate of charges
Speaker 2: of sexual abuse and sex trafficking and all kinds of
Speaker 2: awful things. And Matilda's TikTok algorithm is clearly obsessed with this,
Speaker 2: which is not great to start with, but it also
Speaker 2: it's so blatantly misogynistic. Like so she'll sort of say
Speaker 2: to me, so, what about that P Diddy stuff? And
Speaker 2: I'll be like, oh God, And I'll be like, okay,
Speaker 2: and let's talk about that a bit. And she's like,
Speaker 2: I've heard that, like Beyonce knows about it, and Rihanna
Speaker 2: knows about it, and it's all this person's fault and
Speaker 2: that person's fault, and it's.
Speaker 1: Always women, women, women, women women.
Speaker 2: And she's like, and there's a big conspiracy about this
Speaker 2: and this and this, and you're just like, whoa.
Speaker 3: And there's a conspiracy theory about why Kanye got up
Speaker 3: at the VMA yes and said I'm gonna let you
Speaker 3: finish yep. And it's basically like Beyonce is at the center.
Speaker 3: This is a conspiracy? Is it the center of the
Speaker 3: p didy thing? I can't even fully follow it, but
Speaker 3: my algorithm wants me to believe.
Speaker 2: And it so it's like, this is what Matilda's saying
Speaker 2: to me. The reason that everybody at the Grammy's always
Speaker 2: thanks Beyonce is because they have to or they'll get murdered.
Speaker 2: Like she's like, very it's this right ever escalating, and
Speaker 2: so you're always trying to pull it back down. So
Speaker 2: maybe we're trapped in the cargoing somewhere and that's great,
Speaker 2: and I'll be like, so, you know, this is what
Speaker 2: appears to have happened, and I'll be talking to her
Speaker 2: about really serious things about how women can find themselves
Speaker 2: abused in this situation, blah blah, blah blah. And she's
Speaker 2: just like, yeah, but what about that, Taylor.
Speaker 3: Swift just like, oh my god, we're all being radicalized,
Speaker 3: all being.
Speaker 2: Radicalized, and it's very hard to unpick like the good
Speaker 2: the bad. And I know that it's easy to say, well,
Speaker 2: she shouldn't be on TikTok, but TikTok's where they live,
Speaker 2: so bring on the band so I don't have to
Speaker 2: deal with this anymore. I don't think that's going to happen.
Speaker 2: My best though, also involved spending time with kids, as
Speaker 2: people who follow me know and indeed who listen to
Speaker 2: this pod at and mid Is. We've been sponsored lately
Speaker 2: by Discovery Parks, and this isn't a sponsorship, but it's
Speaker 2: meant that we've gone away a couple of times, right,
Speaker 2: which has been really nice as a family to go
Speaker 2: away for weekends. And it's the school holidays, and I'm
Speaker 2: up in Sydney a lot for work, and there's a
Speaker 2: lot of time I don't get to spend with the kids,
Speaker 2: and so so having these little concentrated moments where we're
Speaker 2: all in the same place together has been amazing. We're
Speaker 2: actually going on holiday, not anything to do with that
Speaker 2: next week, And I don't know, I just love. I
Speaker 2: know some people don't love holidays. Me as one of them.
Speaker 1: I love and immorced togetherness.
Speaker 3: Of a fact since becoming a parent, the amount of
Speaker 3: people who say you never have a holiday again when
Speaker 3: you're a parent, Do you agree or disagree?
Speaker 1: Disagree? Now?
Speaker 2: Okay, So I saw Sally Heptath writing about this on
Speaker 2: her Instagram recently. Actually, there's a moment that ticks over.
Speaker 2: So when your kids are little, family holidays can just
Speaker 2: be they're just relocations. You go somewhere and you've got
Speaker 2: to follow them around all the time. You haven't got
Speaker 2: all your usual distractions, you won't get a break.
Speaker 1: But then there's a.
Speaker 2: Magical point where it ticks over. And this is what
Speaker 2: Sally was saying on hers like she used to look
Speaker 2: at the women lying by Paul's reading books while their
Speaker 2: kids frolicked.
Speaker 1: And be like that bitch.
Speaker 2: And She's like, now I'm that bitch, and I'm now
Speaker 2: that bitch. So these trips we've gone on, there are
Speaker 2: lots of things for the kids to do, and they
Speaker 2: can go and do them and I actually get a holiday,
Speaker 2: and so now it's much more enjoyable, relaxing, and you're
Speaker 2: together and you haven't got all the distractions and they've
Speaker 2: got to do this and I've got to do that,
Speaker 2: and I don't know, it's nice to be reminded sometimes
Speaker 2: that you like your family.
Speaker 3: My worst was actually related to last week. I was
Speaker 3: kind of under the weather and I just had a
Speaker 3: lot going on last week and I finished recording for
Speaker 3: Fridays out loud and I just felt like I'd done
Speaker 3: a ship job and I was driving home and it's
Speaker 3: one of the worst feelings in the world where you
Speaker 3: just feel like you tried your best but you couldn't
Speaker 3: give it one hundred percent that day, and you know
Speaker 3: that if you recorded that or if you did that
Speaker 3: piece of work on a different day, you'd have done better.
Speaker 3: And I just felt I hate that feeling.
Speaker 1: You know, this is where we have, of course, and
Speaker 1: it will be mean.
Speaker 3: Nought this week.
Speaker 1: I always carrying.
Speaker 3: It's just I've had with a few things. So the
Speaker 3: few you know, whether it's an event or something, and
Speaker 3: you walk off and you kind of go, oh, oh, my.
Speaker 1: Best I don't have that. I get like God, I
Speaker 1: was good. No, but I do like often after Friday Show,
Speaker 1: I'll be like, God, I'm sick of myself. I'm sick
Speaker 1: of my opinions, I'm sick of my voice, I'm sick
Speaker 1: of my face. I'm just I need to be in
Speaker 1: a dark room, not saying anything, just looking at Copenhagen
Speaker 1: fashion video. So yeah, it's like that kind of yucky.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then I get stuck kind of ruminating on it.
Speaker 2: You know what though, I'm just going to say, I
Speaker 2: know it's like Pollyanna, but I was listening to people
Speaker 2: talk about the football game that's this weekend, the NRL
Speaker 2: Grand Final, and they're saying that Nathan Cleary, Mary Fowler's
Speaker 2: boyfriend as we all know him, with a broken shoulder
Speaker 2: as he has, it's still going to be better, all right, podcast, Yes,
Speaker 2: like Nathan Cleary with a broken shoulder is better than no, Nathan, clearly,
Speaker 2: Jesse Stevens. Yeah, fifty is still better than ninety, better
Speaker 2: than you, better than me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, very often it's true. My best is it was
Speaker 3: aforementioned Mia turned older this week turned fifty three. I
Speaker 3: had a morning on Tuesday at home and I went,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna make this bitch of cake. Oh you're so nice,
Speaker 3: because I am a tild wife now and this has
Speaker 3: been a really interesting narrative clot point. But I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna make trad lives make cake, and so I
Speaker 3: told me it's daughter. I was like, I'm gonna make
Speaker 3: a cake because I had to make it real. And
Speaker 3: she said this is me as favorite cake because in
Speaker 3: my head I was going to make a really simple cake.
Speaker 3: But then she was like, this is me as favorite cake.
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness. It was the most complicated.
Speaker 1: It's literally called simple I know that's true. It's called
Speaker 1: simple chocolate cake. It's a taste recipe and I literally
Speaker 1: googled simple chocolate cake and it got me this recipe
Speaker 1: and it was so yummy. Yeah when I made it.
Speaker 3: Yes, when you made it, So you have to do
Speaker 3: something on a stove. Anyway, I tried really really hard.
Speaker 3: But what point did I know what had gone wrong?
Speaker 3: I think when I poured it into the cakedin I
Speaker 3: knew it was too thin, and then I went ittle
Speaker 3: rise in the oven, but it didn't. So it kind
Speaker 3: of looked like a brownie but tasted like frisbee.
Speaker 1: But but what strange is where the rest of the
Speaker 1: cake was because I've made that cake with that mixture,
Speaker 1: and it's like, I think the problem is you didn't
Speaker 1: put in self raising flower.
Speaker 3: I think that's what we did. So what I did
Speaker 3: is I'm patty. I made the cake and I brought
Speaker 3: it over. And this is why it's my best is
Speaker 3: because I was thinking on the way over, there are
Speaker 3: so many women with their mother in laws who would
Speaker 3: be terrified, who would have a mother in law who
Speaker 3: would really judge them for whether or not they're cooking
Speaker 3: a good meal, or whether or not their baby is
Speaker 3: wearing dirty clothes, which often is all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 3: And I thought, I am so lucky that this will
Speaker 3: inevitably become a joke, And like I didn't actually feel
Speaker 3: any pressure because I knew that it was the act
Speaker 3: of trying to make a cake that would innately be
Speaker 3: funny and that Maya would appreciate that. So then when
Speaker 3: we cut the cake, we all just sat around trying
Speaker 3: to guess what made it shit, which it was like,
Speaker 3: is their eggs?
Speaker 1: And then she also brought M and M's and she
Speaker 1: icd it icing was delicious. I ate all of it.
Speaker 1: I'm going to put a photo of the cake in
Speaker 1: the out Louders newsletter this week.
Speaker 3: Maybe people can tell from looking at it what it
Speaker 3: was missing.
Speaker 1: And the thing is that it should have been my
Speaker 1: best actually of the week because no one else made
Speaker 1: an effort, Like I don't know if it's men in
Speaker 1: every family, just men in my family. They don't even understand.
Speaker 1: So Coco the night before put streamers up everywhere and
Speaker 1: blew up some balloons so that when I downstairs, Coco
Speaker 1: made an effort and she doesn't live in her house anymore,
Speaker 1: and Jesse made an effort. Luca did not even write
Speaker 1: me a card, and cards are my thing, like all
Speaker 1: I ask for is cards, like I don't expect anything.
Speaker 1: And the fact that Jesse did that when I know
Speaker 1: that cooking like that was just such a.
Speaker 3: Big made you a cake I was.
Speaker 1: It's the best. It's the best tasting cake of it
Speaker 1: that I know, but it's the best cake.
Speaker 3: It ever as a cake. So self phrasing flour is
Speaker 3: different flour yep.
Speaker 2: I wonder what it says about you if because Maya
Speaker 2: always says she can't cook, but she can bake, and
Speaker 2: I can cook, but I can't bake. So it's like
Speaker 2: I wonder there are bakers and there are cookers, right
Speaker 2: If I can make a pasta sauce like nobody's business,
Speaker 2: but I cannot bake a cake to save myself.
Speaker 3: The thing that.
Speaker 1: I reassured Jesse is that even if you make a
Speaker 1: shit cake, it's still a cake. So people aren't that
Speaker 1: sad because they can eat the icy.
Speaker 3: And I don't think it'll make you sick. Like, I
Speaker 3: don't think there was anything that bad.
Speaker 1: No, it was fine. My worst of the week was
Speaker 1: I had to go and get my driver's license renewed,
Speaker 1: and so I had to get a new photo and
Speaker 1: I went early because my son had to get his
Speaker 1: l's And that's been really fun too, driving with him.
Speaker 1: That's I've forgotten that that is actually quite fun, although
Speaker 1: that we're at the beginning of our one hundred and
Speaker 1: twenty hours, so talk to me after one hundred more hours.
Speaker 1: So he had to go to the RTA whatever it's called,
Speaker 1: the motoristue place, and I was like, oh, come as well,
Speaker 1: and I'll get renew my deals. Anyway, we thought we'd
Speaker 1: miss the crowds. It was Saturday morning. We were like
Speaker 1: the first ones there, like first minute that it opens.
Speaker 1: I just got up. I had a cup of tea,
Speaker 1: but I wasn't gonna be like put makeup and a
Speaker 1: showers just like in my like trackies and like whatever.
Speaker 1: You know how when you sometimes look and you just go,
Speaker 1: I just look natural. I just look like, you know,
Speaker 1: fresh natural.
Speaker 3: I look like myself, like I look by myself.
Speaker 1: So I did my picture whatever license arrived, and I like,
Speaker 1: I'm not a vain person as people say when they
Speaker 1: say that I'm on Instagram with no makeup and everything
Speaker 1: like that, but I was. I recoiled and I was
Speaker 1: actually I think I need to put this in the
Speaker 1: bin and get another one. And is that just too vain?
Speaker 1: Because it is so upsetting.
Speaker 2: Remember how I'm Vernham said that there's a whole service.
Speaker 1: Now that now I understand. I always didn't understand it,
Speaker 1: and now I understand it out louders. We also will
Speaker 1: put a photo of my driver's license photo in the
Speaker 1: newsletter show I would like people to showed us.
Speaker 2: And my first thing that I said to you, because
Speaker 2: it was true and you need to tear it, is you.
Speaker 1: Don't look that because you know what that that shock
Speaker 1: of like this is how I think I look and
Speaker 1: then there's that and you're like, wait, is that how
Speaker 1: I actually look?
Speaker 3: Yes, and we needed to confirm to you the person
Speaker 3: in that picture isn't you. And then when we did
Speaker 3: watch the substance and they're a bit where she turns
Speaker 3: into what I've been described as a Gollum like character.
Speaker 3: There was a lot of yelling look at me as.
Speaker 1: I had lots of fun putting that. It was an
Speaker 1: all agree about my driver's license. For my best of
Speaker 1: the week is loosely related. My parents are doing the
Speaker 1: great nomad thing a bit this year. They keep taking
Speaker 1: trips and they keep getting flat times. I mean, he's
Speaker 1: just every time I speak to them, they are by
Speaker 1: the side of a road somewhere in Australia, waiting for help.
Speaker 1: And so this week it was they were I don't
Speaker 1: even know where they are, somewhere in the South Coast,
Speaker 1: somewhere somewhere. Because it was my birthday, they rang me
Speaker 1: and they're like, guess where we are and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I forget where you've gone. I wasn't
Speaker 1: paying attention, and they're like, we're by the side of
Speaker 1: the road waiting. And last time I had Dad had
Speaker 1: to change a tire and so I spoke to them
Speaker 1: today and she was like, you know, just keeps us occupied.
Speaker 1: What would we do if we didn't have these exciting adventures?
Speaker 3: So, yeah, what do you talk about. They've been married
Speaker 3: a long time this way and it's all about.
Speaker 1: The tire team, Gray Nomad caravan. They should. They don't
Speaker 1: have a caravan. They need something that they can shelter
Speaker 1: in when they're by the side of the.
Speaker 2: Red And I get into that phase of life now
Speaker 2: where when we see caravans, we'll like to think that's
Speaker 2: the one we'll go on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the one you need, like a motor home.
Speaker 1: I think, because you don't want to toe something. It's
Speaker 1: a long way away.
Speaker 3: Don't worry.
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's in my future.
Speaker 3: There is a world of caravan TikTok waiting for you.
Speaker 3: I will say that it's a great place.
Speaker 1: You've got some weird tiktoks. So if you want to
Speaker 1: see all of those photos, the birthday cake, the driver's license,
Speaker 1: there's a link in the show notes. If you're not
Speaker 1: already subscribed to our newsletter, thank you out loud ers
Speaker 1: for being with us this week.
Speaker 2: We will see you next week of course, and a
Speaker 2: big thank you to our team executive producer Ruth Devine,
Speaker 2: whose cheap tap is throwing people's names in the freezer
Speaker 2: if they had what I do that?
Speaker 3: Ha ha, Yeah you freezing? Oh my love does this?
Speaker 1: Yeah, put them in the freezer. But literally, yeah, you
Speaker 1: write a piece of paper, yeah, and you put them
Speaker 1: in the freezer. You like, she's going in the freezer.
Speaker 3: Oh he in the Mighty grand famously did it to
Speaker 3: someone and they got very sick. And then she stopped
Speaker 3: doing it because she got scared that it was actually working.
Speaker 1: It's meant to sort of take their power away from you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think they can't affect you anyway. Yeah, I like
Speaker 1: a ship. Nor really scared of you.
Speaker 3: Oh you're in freezers all over the country.
Speaker 2: Seeing a producer Evelyn Gazillas, who swears by not sweating
Speaker 2: the small.
Speaker 3: So I can tell that's why she's a producing.
Speaker 2: Way that she could be through life when things don't
Speaker 2: go away. She tells herself that show is to like
Speaker 2: the food. Audio produces Leo Porgies, who swears by writing
Speaker 2: an email first ship.
Speaker 1: That's very smart. I always do that too.
Speaker 2: Lee is very clever and our social media producer is
Speaker 2: Isabelle Dolphin. His cheak code is not my monkey.
Speaker 1: That's a good one too.
Speaker 10: Bye bye.
Speaker 1: Shout out to any Mum and Maya subscribers listening. If
Speaker 1: you love the show and want to support us as well,
Speaker 1: subscribing to Mom and Miya is the very best way
Speaker 1: to do so. There is a link in the episode
Speaker 1: description