Speaker 1: You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Mama Maya acknowledges
Speaker 1: the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast
Speaker 1: is recorded on Hello and welcome to canceled the podcast
Speaker 1: that looks at silly celebrity crimes and assigns charges and
Speaker 1: sentences to them so that we can all move on
Speaker 1: with our lives. I'm Jesse Stevens and I'm joined by
Speaker 1: Claire Stephens and Claire do you have a lazy girl
Speaker 1: sorry for us today?
Speaker 2: Absolutely, Jesse.
Speaker 1: This is from Hannah shed Hey, guys, last night I
Speaker 1: made pasta.
Speaker 2: Honestly well done, Hannah.
Speaker 1: Well a moment for Hannah.
Speaker 2: Pasta is a lazy girl's a go to. It's a staple.
Speaker 1: When I drained it in the sink, a few bigger
Speaker 1: chunks got stuck in the plug thing that stops food
Speaker 1: going down the drains. Sadian brackets. Don't know what it's called,
Speaker 1: too lazy Google, I know, yeah, it's just the drain plug.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 1: She said, I couldn't be bothered walking the five meters
Speaker 1: to the bin, so I washed them under the tie
Speaker 1: and chuck them in the ball.
Speaker 2: She hate them, Oh, just raw. She's a lazy girl.
Speaker 1: A raw past raw dog, that pasta, because okay, I
Speaker 1: have this all the time where I am doing the
Speaker 1: draining situation. Then they fall into the sink and I think,
Speaker 1: be honest, be honest, when was the last time you
Speaker 1: watched the sink? And I go, oh, sorry, I washed
Speaker 1: the sink recently because I bathed Matilda in it? All right, yep,
Speaker 1: Because I was like, I throw things, dirty things in
Speaker 1: the sink all the time. How dirty is my sink?
Speaker 1: But by then I've thrown that at the bowl. There's
Speaker 1: a thing you can get that I've seen on Facebook
Speaker 1: where it's like, if you've got like pasta, you pour
Speaker 1: it into this little plastic thing that's like over the
Speaker 1: sink and then you chuck that in the bin. But
Speaker 1: again it's the issue of actually chucking it in the bin. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're not going to make it there. Then you've got
Speaker 1: food scraps everywhere. Oh I feel you, I feel you relatable.
Speaker 1: You are about to enter the canceled courtroom. The defendants
Speaker 1: are celebrities, The chargers are petty. The rulings are final. Claire.
Speaker 1: Today on trial is David Jude Hayworth law David David,
Speaker 1: known to friends. He does not look like a David
Speaker 1: known to friends aka us as Jude.
Speaker 3: My parents stupidly had this idea to name me and
Speaker 3: my sister after their best friends. My dad's best friend
Speaker 3: is David and my sister's best friend is Andrew. But
Speaker 3: they never called us those names. But no one's ever
Speaker 3: called me David. Everyone's called me Jude. But I get
Speaker 3: people always like, oh, you changed your name to Judee
Speaker 3: because you're an actor.
Speaker 1: Jude was born in nineteen seventy one in London to
Speaker 1: two school teachers and mate so far same Wilvel Wivel,
Speaker 1: we have a lot in common. Interest in performing began
Speaker 1: in childhood. He was cast in the Odd play, and
Speaker 1: then by seventeen he had dropped out of school to
Speaker 1: pursue the acting thing full time. Before he'd even been
Speaker 1: in a movie. He was nominated for Tony Award for
Speaker 1: his role in a Broadway play. We've said at once,
Speaker 1: we'll say it again. We think people who do theater
Speaker 1: are the capital R capital A. Real actors, Yeah yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: why because they have to memorize their lives for a
Speaker 1: whole play. His real breakout role came in nineteen ninety nine.
Speaker 1: What movie was it? Claire not Alphie. That was next
Speaker 1: a talented mystery.
Speaker 2: Oh I was that, Dicky.
Speaker 1: I watched that again recently, partner better the second time.
Speaker 1: But oh, it's so because it had Matt Damon, it
Speaker 1: had Gwyneth Paltrow, brilliant, and he's just so convincing. Vicky
Speaker 1: Greenley's that it's Tom Tom Ripley West together.
Speaker 3: Okay, did we know.
Speaker 1: Each other from there? He did Cold Mountain There.
Speaker 2: Alive happened in an instant.
Speaker 1: I want to marry you, Alphie.
Speaker 3: Oh blimey, I'm so rude. I haven't introduced myself.
Speaker 1: I'm healthy, healthy, healthy, the holiday I have him brackets, outstanding,
Speaker 1: Sherlock Holmes, Contagion, a documentary Before It's Time, and a
Speaker 1: bunch of Fantastic Beasts. He did that movie with Natalie Portman. Closer, yep,
Speaker 1: he did Closer, Great dountrack just on Fantastic Beasts. Apparently
Speaker 1: it's grossed quite well. Do you know anyone who's ever
Speaker 1: watched a Fantastic Beast?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: No, Rory, your husband watches Fantastic Beasts.
Speaker 2: We've watched them together, and he's fine.
Speaker 1: Fine, it's not fine, It's okay, okay, because I think
Speaker 1: he plays Dumbledore. Yeah, yeah, I don't understand. Is it
Speaker 1: a prequel, Yes it is. No, I didn't enjoy them,
Speaker 1: I know I didn't. No, it's got any redmain in it,
Speaker 1: which made me think was going to be outstanding. I've
Speaker 1: seen two minutes of one and I went, oh, this
Speaker 1: isn't it. Yeah, no, it's not it. You're taking the
Speaker 1: Harry Potter universe and you're butchering just trying some bassin.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: My structure for today is as follows a close family
Speaker 1: member accepting bribes from the press, the Sienna Miller nanny
Speaker 1: cheating scandal. Seven kids to four different women, no judgment,
Speaker 1: just facts and fecal centered perfume. The family member who
Speaker 1: accepted bribes, oh, this would be every member of our
Speaker 1: family if we were famous. Can you imagine you're twenty
Speaker 1: five bucks to leak?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: Our uncle Ross would be like, I am there, give
Speaker 1: me five bucks. I'll give you childhood photos. I got them,
Speaker 1: I got them on my phone. Jude Law and Sienna
Speaker 1: Miller were famously victims of the News of the World scandal.
Speaker 1: We did a massive deep dive on this scandal in
Speaker 1: our episode on Rupert Murdoch, but basically it was a
Speaker 1: legal phone hacking that ended with News of the World,
Speaker 1: a newspaper, being closed down. In twenty fourteen, Jude Law
Speaker 1: gave testimony in the News of the World trial.
Speaker 3: Jude Law, the actor has arrived to go into the
Speaker 3: witness box at the phone hacking trial, which is being
Speaker 3: held at the Old Bailey, was greeted by a crowd
Speaker 3: of television cameras.
Speaker 1: And the lawyer was like, you're the first person in
Speaker 1: this case where I don't have to ask who you
Speaker 1: are or what you do.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's nice as you are healthy.
Speaker 1: You are Jude Law, beautiful man man who I want
Speaker 1: to kiss. Basically, he is giving testimony against editors of
Speaker 1: News of the World, and he's saying that the media
Speaker 1: would arrive at a location that he'd organized completely in secret,
Speaker 1: didn't make any sense that they'd know where he was.
Speaker 3: Jude Law told the court there seemed to be an
Speaker 3: unhealthy amount of information that meant they had access to
Speaker 3: my life and my whereabouts.
Speaker 1: And in the courtroom someone passes him a note with
Speaker 1: a name written on it of a person very close
Speaker 1: to him, an intimate direct family member who was being
Speaker 1: paid to leak against him. He was then asked when
Speaker 1: he first learned of this, and his voice cracked as
Speaker 1: he said today, he wasn't aware of that.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: So this immediate family member sold information to the tabloids
Speaker 1: in two thousand and five about an alleged affair that
Speaker 1: happened between his ex partner, Sianna Miller. Do you know
Speaker 1: who she allegedly had an affair with?
Speaker 2: Sienna?
Speaker 1: Sienna? In two thousand and five, No, had an alleged
Speaker 1: affair with Daniel Craig James Bonster.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, they'd.
Speaker 1: Been in Layer Cake together. It turns out that after
Speaker 1: the revelations in the paper, law confronted Craig, who was
Speaker 1: his coastar in a movie a few years before, and
Speaker 1: they had been friends for years and years. The lawyer
Speaker 1: is all like, so, did you tell Craig that he
Speaker 1: had to tell his current girlfriend about the affair because
Speaker 1: Craig had a girlfriend too, And it's like, yes, okay,
Speaker 1: love this line of questioning, is it directly relevant to
Speaker 1: the case against his boy? No? No, And a few
Speaker 1: things I'll say about this. Firstly, how do you expect anyone,
Speaker 1: even a close family member, to keep that kind of
Speaker 1: gossip to themselves. It's too exciting, it needs to be shared.
Speaker 1: And also, how do you expect a lawyer whose job
Speaker 1: it is to prosecute two editors of Views of the
Speaker 1: World not to also spend time in court, not to
Speaker 1: get sidetracked, not to get side and the judge. The
Speaker 1: judge says, look, is this about News of the World. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: But Jude Law, tell me about CNST. Were you upset,
Speaker 1: how did you react? Did you fight? And then you
Speaker 1: turn to News of the World and you say, I
Speaker 1: don't condone this, but do you have a voice recording
Speaker 1: of any of their fights so that I can hear
Speaker 1: for evidence?
Speaker 2: I reckon.
Speaker 1: The judge is like, I'm gonna subpoena Jude your text,
Speaker 1: Sienna's text, Daniel Greig's text.
Speaker 2: For all time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And everyone's like, is that relevant to this case? Well?
Speaker 2: Who cheated on? Fucking who?
Speaker 1: And in what order? And may I say, News of
Speaker 1: the World, if you have the recording of Jude Law
Speaker 1: calling Daniel Craig to talk about the cheating with Sienna Miller,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna need that, yeah, personally, and I'm gonna let
Speaker 1: you off Scott free in return.
Speaker 2: Oh come on.
Speaker 1: Come on, let me listen, let me listen. So News
Speaker 1: of the World recorded a voice message that Miller left
Speaker 1: on Craig's phone, so they had hacked the phone, which
Speaker 1: four context. And the thing we talked about in our
Speaker 1: Riper Murdock episode is it was all about the fact
Speaker 1: that if you called somebody's phone, there was a pin
Speaker 1: to be let into their voice messages and you'd guess
Speaker 1: the pin.
Speaker 2: And that's why.
Speaker 1: So this was a voice message and Sienna Miller said,
Speaker 1: I'm out with Jude, I met some restaurant. I love you,
Speaker 1: and that was apparently evidence. But Miller said in court,
Speaker 1: I think the thing that is being slightly misconstrued about
Speaker 1: this voicemail message was that I said I love you,
Speaker 1: and that this was some incredibly important declaration of love.
Speaker 1: Since we became friends in two thousand and three, always
Speaker 1: ended my phone calls with I love you, as I
Speaker 1: did with all my friends and family. I actually believe
Speaker 1: that I'd say I love you to lots of people
Speaker 1: who I'm not having an affair with. Then she says
Speaker 1: whether or not I was in a relationship with Daniel Craig,
Speaker 1: it was not a relationship. It was a very brief
Speaker 1: encounter and he was my best friend me saying I
Speaker 1: love you. Whether anything romantic happened briefly or not, there
Speaker 1: was nothing significant, you had an affair, nothing not. Did
Speaker 1: you have an affair, yes or no? I don't care.
Speaker 1: If it was brief okay? Was it fleeting okay? With
Speaker 1: clearly fleeting what I'm hearing? What I am hearing. We
Speaker 1: had a lapse in judgment, yes, and there was a
Speaker 1: sexual rendezvous once twice, not over and over again. Did
Speaker 1: I love him as a friend? Did he pay scot
Speaker 1: Marga h yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2: Have you seen Bond? Have you seen him Bond? The
Speaker 2: name's Bond, Gem's Bond.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's obviously horrendous what News of the World did,
Speaker 1: But they could have tapped more phones in this situation,
Speaker 1: I will say, because some of these calls to hear
Speaker 1: would have been border la mm hmm. But Claire, don't
Speaker 1: go thinking that law is a simple victim. No, no, no, no.
Speaker 1: You see, when this information came out about Miller's affair,
Speaker 1: apparently his publicist went and had a meeting with News
Speaker 1: of the World and asked them to backdate Sienna Miller's
Speaker 1: affair and make it look like it was earlier than
Speaker 1: it was, and please allow me to tell you why,
Speaker 1: oh my Jude Law and the many oh dirty dog.
Speaker 1: Oh well, well, Jude was busy with some naughtiness of
Speaker 1: his own. For some background, Jude and Sienna meet on
Speaker 1: the set of Alphie in two thousand and four, and
Speaker 1: then by Christmas they are engaged just so hot. They
Speaker 1: must have just been like looking at each other being like,
Speaker 1: we're so hot, You're so hot, I'm so hot together,
Speaker 1: We're hot red carpet photos. Oh, it's upsetting. A few
Speaker 1: months later, come the rumors. Remember we did a thing
Speaker 1: in high school where the teacher's got all the students.
Speaker 1: It was like a day and they were like, rumors
Speaker 1: are damaging, and I'm pretty sure we had to do
Speaker 1: like a liturgical dance to the damage. Yeah yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: they are, But like rumors can also be fun, Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, and rumors can at times be true. By
Speaker 1: this stage, Law had three kids with his ex wife,
Speaker 1: and they had a lovely young nanny named Daisy. Okay,
Speaker 1: who is his ex wife, a woman named Sadie. She's
Speaker 1: an actress. I didn't recognize her. She'd been in something
Speaker 1: to do with the vampire. Things are going really well.
Speaker 1: He'd been shooting a movie in New Orleans and would
Speaker 1: often have the nanny come so that he could work
Speaker 1: and also see the kids. Then one night, his children
Speaker 1: are with their mum, Sadie, at a dinner party, and
Speaker 1: one of the children walks into this dinner party and
Speaker 1: announces that they caught their dad in bed with the nanny.
Speaker 1: That kid is everything. So Sadie, his ex wife, speaks
Speaker 1: to Daisy and is like, weird, they just said that
Speaker 1: they caught you in bed with Jude. And Daisy's like
Speaker 1: what and denies it. Then suddenly Jude law Sadie alike
Speaker 1: to the nanny, Oh, we don't need you next weekend,
Speaker 1: right or the one after that? And Daisy is like,
Speaker 1: how am I meant to have an affair with Jude
Speaker 1: Laura if I can't even see him? Yeah, that makes
Speaker 1: it tricky. Then the journalists start to call. They're like, Daisy,
Speaker 1: we've heard this rumor. And then Jude calls Daisy and
Speaker 1: is like, by the way, you're fired and you can't
Speaker 1: come anymore. You can't come, you're not the nanny anymore.
Speaker 1: My wife is pissed off ever since I had an
Speaker 1: affair with you, And Daisy is all like I've lost
Speaker 1: my job, I've lost my boyfriend. I think old it
Speaker 1: would tell all interview love. So would you like to
Speaker 1: know the dirtiest details.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Because you won't believe it. The Daisy kept a diary.
Speaker 3: Dear diary. I'm sorry, syell men.
Speaker 1: Just a note on diaries. Who keeps a diary? I'll
Speaker 1: tell you who not lazy girls, adulterers and murderers. And
Speaker 1: if there's one piece of advice I'd give you, don't
Speaker 1: keep a diary if you're doing those things.
Speaker 2: It's a record.
Speaker 1: Miller had gone back to London for a place she
Speaker 1: was in and Lauren Daisy went to a BA or something.
Speaker 1: This is all according to Daisy, so like not verified,
Speaker 1: but you know, she kept dies and they talk and
Speaker 1: they have wine, and then at three am, he says,
Speaker 1: it's a big house. If you get lonely, let me know.
Speaker 1: And she turns around she was going to go to bed,
Speaker 1: and then she turns around they start kissing.
Speaker 2: This is quote.
Speaker 1: The next thing I know, we are dragging each other
Speaker 1: upstairs to his bedroom, kissing, and then in the bedroom,
Speaker 1: ripping off each other's clothes. We threw ourselves onto the
Speaker 1: giant bed. I wanted him so much we kicked off
Speaker 1: our underwear. It was mind blowing, rampant sex, amazing, wonderful.
Speaker 2: He's married.
Speaker 1: He actually wasn't. He was only engaged. Oh okay, Oh,
Speaker 1: he had just finalized his divorce from Sadie, which meant
Speaker 1: that he could now marry Sienna. But they're engaged. But
Speaker 1: then at dawn, after three rounds of sex, Jude's son
Speaker 1: comes in and is like, Daddy, Daddy, I'm having a
Speaker 1: bad dream. Oh no, and Jude is like, it's okay,
Speaker 1: go back to bed. I wonder if the bad dream,
Speaker 1: you know, when you're half asleep and the noises around
Speaker 1: you get way. I wonder if there were like groans
Speaker 1: and I had a dream that I was in the
Speaker 1: jungle and no, that was just daddy. No, I'm thinking,
Speaker 1: did you have a bad dream that Daddy's having sex
Speaker 1: with the You can't believe it? Yeah, Daisy told the
Speaker 1: Mirror it was amazing. Jude was a masterful lover who
Speaker 1: made my whole body tingle mate. You don't need to
Speaker 1: share that. They had sex again on multiple trips, once
Speaker 1: on a pool table, once after she heard him arguing
Speaker 1: on the phone with Miller, and once she asked him
Speaker 1: how he felt about Sienna Miller, he said, she is
Speaker 1: very dear to me, but it's hard. I don't make
Speaker 1: a habit of this talking about the affair. Oh good
Speaker 1: on you. So Daisy says she went to the press
Speaker 1: because she was upset that Jude didn't fight for her
Speaker 1: when she got sacked. And it's like, I mean this lovingly.
Speaker 1: What did you expect Sadie to do? Sadie the ex wife? Yeah?
Speaker 1: What she going to do? Oh? The nanny's excuse me
Speaker 1: being with Juwe I am going to put my flag
Speaker 1: in the ground my ex husband's mistress. Yeah, I'm going
Speaker 1: to stop everything and really advocate for her right to employment.
Speaker 1: Miller might have learned about all of this from a headline,
Speaker 1: and then a few days later, Law came out and
Speaker 1: issued a public apology that read, following the reports in
Speaker 1: today's papers, I just want to say I'm deeply ashamed
Speaker 1: and upset that I've hurt Sienna and the people most
Speaker 1: close to us, Jude said, I want to publicly apologize
Speaker 1: to Sienna and our respective family is for the pain
Speaker 1: that I have called. They were then off and on
Speaker 1: again for a bit, which is. I think when the
Speaker 1: Daniel Craig thing happened. Then they got back together a
Speaker 1: few years later, but then they broke up ultimately again.
Speaker 1: Oh no, seven kids to four different women. I'm not
Speaker 1: saying Jude Law is Nick Cannon yasher Man, Nick Cannon
Speaker 1: aka mister Controversial, but I am saying he's more than
Speaker 1: halfway there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, which again, that really expressive.
Speaker 1: Did you know jud Law had seven kids?
Speaker 2: No Ah, I knew he had a lot.
Speaker 1: I hadn't thought about it enough, and I quite like
Speaker 1: doing this research. Jude's eldest, Rath, is twenty seven years old,
Speaker 1: and he's the eldest of three kids between Jude and
Speaker 1: Sadie Frost. They also have Iris and Rudy. Then, in
Speaker 1: two thousand and nine, he had a baby with models
Speaker 1: Fromantha Burke. Her name is Sophia. Then he had Aida
Speaker 1: with a woman named Katherine in twenty fifteen. Aida was
Speaker 1: born after they had already split up. Then, it's understood
Speaker 1: he has two children with his current wife, Philip Haakone,
Speaker 1: who he married in twenty nineteen. Private have not released
Speaker 1: the sex or birth dates of either of them. It's
Speaker 1: understood that the youngest was born in twenty twenty three,
Speaker 1: so that means as a twenty seven year age gap
Speaker 1: Betweeny's eldest and he's youngest. There's some beautiful baby names
Speaker 1: in there. Thanks for the inspo. He does have beautiful
Speaker 1: baby names. I like Jude too. I like Dude, but
Speaker 1: his name's David. Yeah. What I will say is from
Speaker 1: my reading, he seems like a good dad. He actually
Speaker 1: does seem like a good dad. He seems like he
Speaker 1: really loves kids. Okay, the nanny was not his finest moment,
Speaker 1: but he's involved. Here's the question. Do you think that
Speaker 1: Sadie Frost seems like a good mum? Yeah? Absolutely think
Speaker 1: Sadie f Well, why didn't you say that? Because she's
Speaker 1: not a child, She's not a child. Do you think
Speaker 1: he's a good dad the way he talks about his
Speaker 1: kids very lovingly? And what does he say so when
Speaker 1: he had his kids, because he had the first three
Speaker 1: quite young, and he's like, yeah, I used to be
Speaker 1: able to sleep in, he used to have more freedom,
Speaker 1: but I love it. I love getting up early looking
Speaker 1: after those kids. He's often pictured. He takes them out
Speaker 1: a lot. He's got very good relationships with his eldest kids.
Speaker 1: He's clearly learned a lot about the Spotlight, which is
Speaker 1: why with his new wife they have a lot of privacy.
Speaker 1: And this sounds weird, right, But with Katherine Harding, they've
Speaker 1: only been dating for like seven months or something, and
Speaker 1: then she fell pregnant and then they broke up, and
Speaker 1: Katherine Harding has gone on the record and been like,
Speaker 1: he's amazing. He's an amazing now to their little one. Okay, great?
Speaker 1: Is it the bare minimum?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: But I'm comparing him to Nick Cannon. Okay, yeah, compared
Speaker 1: to Nick Cannon, Father of the Year.
Speaker 3: Correct.
Speaker 1: Lastly, fecal centered perfume. I no speaking at the twenty
Speaker 1: twenty three Cahn Film Festival about his role as Henry
Speaker 1: the Eighth in his upcoming film Firebrand.
Speaker 3: She was the sixth wife of the vengeful king Henry
Speaker 3: the eight and won't be a patron to heretics. You
Speaker 3: will kill me that he did my mother, wives who
Speaker 3: came before her all met untimely ends.
Speaker 1: I really want to say that I'd like to see
Speaker 1: that I love I love movies about historical figures such
Speaker 1: as Elizabeth with k Kate lunchet Law said he had
Speaker 1: a special perfume made to really get into character. Lovely idea.
Speaker 1: He said. It smells of blood, fecal matter, and sweat
Speaker 1: to resemble the smell of the King's rotting leg in
Speaker 1: his final days.
Speaker 2: Your perfume is delightful.
Speaker 1: This is a quote from Jude law. I've read several
Speaker 1: interesting accounts that you could smell Henry three rooms away.
Speaker 1: His leg was rotting so badly he hid it with
Speaker 1: rose oil. I thought it would have a great impact
Speaker 1: if I smelled awful. He got this perfumer to make it,
Speaker 1: and at first he used it quite sparingly, and then
Speaker 1: he just went all out over the top. The director said.
Speaker 1: When Jude walked in on set, it was just horrible.
Speaker 1: Oh what do you think of that? Okay, a few things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: one mate is called acting. We can just act, we
Speaker 1: don't We can act like there's a bad smell without
Speaker 1: having literal shit in the end. Yeah, it's upsetting for everyone.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 1: And how do you get the smell of fickle matter?
Speaker 1: Do you need a driper shit? Great question, And it's
Speaker 1: just interesting because it's like, Okay, this is for you
Speaker 1: to get in character. Well, it's not just affecting you,
Speaker 1: is it's affecting a camera man and in fact the
Speaker 1: makeup art.
Speaker 2: The way that.
Speaker 1: Smell works, you stop smelling it. After all, everybody else
Speaker 1: know who doesn't Everyone walks into the room, your coast stars,
Speaker 1: your coas stars, who are just in the next suburb,
Speaker 1: over going, you know, anyone else? Smell that sounds like rotting.
Speaker 1: That's the smell of a rotting I don't like it
Speaker 1: when actors do things like this. I just think it's okay, we.
Speaker 2: Can just pretend.
Speaker 1: We can pretend. And he's married. So he went home
Speaker 1: and his wife was like, you're an actor. I don't
Speaker 1: the way you need to smell like shit. Smell like shit,
Speaker 1: sweat and and rot, blood, fecal matter and sweat. With
Speaker 1: that said, I do think these sorts of details are
Speaker 1: great for promotion because my story fun fun, fun. Yes,
Speaker 1: I want to watch it and be like, when he
Speaker 1: walks into a room, does everyone flinch because of the smell?
Speaker 1: And would I want to sniff? Absolutely? Oh, I'm curious.
Speaker 1: I care so much about how the past smell.
Speaker 2: I think about it a lot.
Speaker 1: Because they didn't brush their teeth, for example, Yeah, they
Speaker 1: didn't wash their hair. There were cockroaches living in Queen
Speaker 1: Elizabeth's weird. Yeah, and they used to when you would
Speaker 1: be causeted up. You'd be causeted up in for the season,
Speaker 1: for the season, and you wouldn't wash. What does that
Speaker 1: smell like? So bad? And then you had your rags
Speaker 1: like because it's not they had tampons or pads where
Speaker 1: you are constantly changing. So I guess in that case,
Speaker 1: I mean, you really smell that blood. But I think
Speaker 1: the corset thing makes me think about dead skin and
Speaker 1: I really don't enjoy that. It's like when you get
Speaker 1: a cast off. Yeah, when you broke your leg, got
Speaker 1: a cast.
Speaker 2: They cut it off and you go.
Speaker 1: You just walk into one of those castles and you'd
Speaker 1: be like, oh, get me out of him.
Speaker 2: I don't like it, Claire.
Speaker 1: It is time for charges and sentences. My charge, this
Speaker 1: charge actually comes from Sienna Miller's mum, who made a
Speaker 1: statement in the wake of the nanny fiasco, and she said,
Speaker 1: the man can't keep it in his pants, And that's
Speaker 1: my charge for dude law. He can't keep it in
Speaker 1: his pants. It's wiggling around. It's a common ailment. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's his fatal flaw. Among men who are beautiful and
Speaker 1: have been given everything they want. Yeah, yeah, he's really
Speaker 1: is impregnated a lot of people, no judgment, seven kids.
Speaker 1: He's got a life of its own. It does, it does,
Speaker 1: and maybe he's recovered. Maybe he's recovered. Maybe with this
Speaker 1: new Philippa by all accounts going very well. But we
Speaker 1: can prosecute her story at crime. So that's how the
Speaker 1: law works. My sentence. If I was Siena Miller and
Speaker 1: Jude Law had what can only be described as a
Speaker 1: wandering dick, I'd get out the perfume and what I
Speaker 1: would say is, Jude, I'm going to London for my play. Oh,
Speaker 1: I forgot this detail too. In the wake of it,
Speaker 1: she was doing a play every night in London to
Speaker 1: eight hundred people, and she broke down on stage. She said,
Speaker 1: it's the worst time of her entire life. And there's
Speaker 1: like six weeks that she can't account for because she
Speaker 1: just can't even remember it. She was so heartbroken, but
Speaker 1: she was on stage, she broke down, and then she
Speaker 1: didn't do the next night. But then she came back.
Speaker 1: Sam's thirty five thousand dollars engagement ring. Oh anyway, if
Speaker 1: I imagine, oh, that'd be a good. You'd be happy
Speaker 1: with the money you spent on that ticket to see
Speaker 1: Sienna Miller cry irl about.
Speaker 2: Jude wondering dick. You'd never forget it. That's just so fun.
Speaker 1: Look, if Jude Law was my guy and I was
Speaker 1: going to London to be in a play, I'd say, Jude,
Speaker 1: put on your perfume on all your clothes. Oh my money, No no, no, not,
Speaker 1: you're a money. Put on your pooh perfume. Put on
Speaker 1: your poo perfume. No no, not a sprints Put it
Speaker 1: on your dick. Dad yourself, house yourself in your poo perfume.
Speaker 1: While I'm out, I'll get back. You can have a
Speaker 1: bath of scrub, put on something a bit nicer. But
Speaker 1: while I'm out, we wear our poo perfume everywhere. It's
Speaker 1: important for you and your wandering dick. Yes, it's helpful,
Speaker 1: my chastity belt. It is a Dude Law style. Jesse
Speaker 1: my charge. And we've had this before, had it a
Speaker 1: few times. Being a dirty dog, Yes, yes, he's a
Speaker 1: dirty dog.
Speaker 2: Such a dirty dog.
Speaker 1: And look, my sentence is, if he's gonna sit in
Speaker 1: court and it's going to come out that he wanted
Speaker 1: to backdate Sienna Miller's Yeah, his public le rendezvous.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: Then I'm gonna need more detail on the record, Yes,
Speaker 1: about his escapades. I know we've got. I don't know
Speaker 1: if there are any more details that haven't been given
Speaker 1: you all that she was paid handsomely for okay, and
Speaker 1: then what she did after that is she realized that
Speaker 1: her career was in the garter. Ye. And I think
Speaker 1: she tried to keep nannying. And I just want you
Speaker 1: to imagine you're hiring a nanny at the moment the
Speaker 1: daisy appears on your doorstep and you go hello, and
Speaker 1: then you have any references. Oh, they didn't give a reference.
Speaker 1: Who your last employers, Jude Law and Sadie Frost? Why
Speaker 1: did that end? A fuck?
Speaker 3: Jude?
Speaker 2: Okay, get out, get out.
Speaker 1: It's just not professional. It's not professional, and you worry,
Speaker 1: you worry, but it's not professional. And it's who was
Speaker 1: looking after the kids when you were doing the fucking Okay? Yes,
Speaker 1: but the perspective we haven't got, and that I'm going
Speaker 1: to be a bad dream. Probably looked for the nanny
Speaker 1: and then looked for daddy and there they were.
Speaker 2: That would have been scary.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I need the kid to tell his version of
Speaker 1: the story. I need more from him. I need the
Speaker 1: kid to stand up and be questioned in this side
Speaker 1: of the judge who's like, this is about news of
Speaker 1: the world. Ye like, this is actually you're not yourn
Speaker 1: elevant questioning a child about finding daddy in bed with
Speaker 1: another woman. Okay, what do you want to know about it?
Speaker 1: What was the nightmare? About the nightmare? You walk in
Speaker 1: when you say you saw them in bed?
Speaker 2: Yea was it active?
Speaker 1: No, it wasn't. It wasn't active. They were sleeping because
Speaker 1: they'd romped three times and then apparently when the kid
Speaker 1: left the room, they prompt again.
Speaker 2: Oh come on, it's what Daisy says.
Speaker 1: Okay, well the question is were they need Yes, did
Speaker 1: you hear them? Did you suspect little child? Yeah, daddy
Speaker 1: was being a bit naughty. Yeah? Did you when you
Speaker 1: walked in and told your mummy? Did you know you
Speaker 1: were starting? And if so, kudos? I like there was
Speaker 1: a dinner party. I know. I like that. It wasn't
Speaker 1: just a random NightWare bedtime story. It was like, hey,
Speaker 1: dinner party. There's forty five.
Speaker 2: Of you here.
Speaker 1: I found dad in bed with the nanny.
Speaker 2: I love children. I love children, Jesse. That's all we've
Speaker 2: got time for.
Speaker 1: The executive producer of Canceled is to listen as with
Speaker 1: audio editing by Tom Lyon. If you have a lazy
Speaker 1: girl story, please send them to us at The Twins
Speaker 1: Underscore Thoughts on Instagram, or you can email them in
Speaker 1: to podcasts at mamamea dot com dot au. We love
Speaker 1: to read them. We'll be back next week. Bye bye.