Speaker 1: We acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
Speaker 1: on today.
Speaker 2: Not everyone does love being a mum, but no one
Speaker 2: really likes the bad shit.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: I hate being a mum. When my toddler is screaming
Speaker 2: so loudly that they could hear three streets away, when
Speaker 2: I'm brushing his teeth at night, I hate that part
Speaker 2: of being a mother.
Speaker 3: Hate it.
Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, and welcome back to our podcast with no
Speaker 2: current name.
Speaker 4: I'm Kellen McCarron and I'm curious selves and regardless of
Speaker 4: whatever we end up being called, we are still always
Speaker 4: going to be that wildly unhinged podcast all about the
Speaker 4: madness that his motherhood and everything in between.
Speaker 3: Today we're giving unhinged advice on many.
Speaker 2: A topic, if you will, because it's our first monthly
Speaker 2: episode where we answer your questions and give sometimes questionable
Speaker 2: advice to your dilemmas. Don't forget you can always add yours.
Speaker 2: The link will live in our instabio and we will
Speaker 2: also pop it in the show notes. But first, yeah, queen,
Speaker 2: everything through the shit.
Speaker 4: I have a voice that is really failing, so apologies
Speaker 4: for sound and st sexy, Y'll I like it.
Speaker 1: I am up first this week.
Speaker 4: My pit is I don't want everyone to get Madam
Speaker 4: at home sleep training, but not really so I kind
Speaker 4: of had to look at the old calendar and realize
Speaker 4: that Suki Dooki is four months my goodness, and her
Speaker 4: sleep had been a bit shit the past couple of nights,
Speaker 4: and it was like, duh, the four months sleep regression.
Speaker 4: But I'm not like freaking out about that at all.
Speaker 4: I'm just kind of being more aware of kind of
Speaker 4: the rhythms to how she's sleeping and when she likes
Speaker 4: to sleep.
Speaker 3: She certainly doesn't like to sleep at the moment.
Speaker 4: She doesn't want to sleep right now, which is not
Speaker 4: very good because we're trying to record a podcast.
Speaker 1: But when I was reading this thing, it was like
Speaker 1: the Huckleberry app.
Speaker 4: They were like, don't think of it as a regression,
Speaker 4: Like developmentally, she's just hitting a massive new milestone. She's
Speaker 4: now starting to sleep like an adult. And I was
Speaker 4: just like, fuck yeah.
Speaker 1: But I've been.
Speaker 4: Flirting with the idea of a loose routine see where
Speaker 4: we land, and I started trying it, and I had
Speaker 4: a little suspicion that her biggest nap she really likes
Speaker 4: to do in the morning.
Speaker 1: So it's just completely the opposite to what Rue did.
Speaker 1: I've just got to learn how to do it a
Speaker 1: bit differently.
Speaker 4: And I was really hoping that we might have the
Speaker 4: same routine, which I can get around. But she loves
Speaker 4: a really long nap in the morning and a really
Speaker 4: long nap in the afternoon, which sounds brilliant, but when
Speaker 4: you have to get things done or leave the house.
Speaker 3: Or drop the child off at daycare, yeah.
Speaker 1: It's just a little bit tricky.
Speaker 3: How many naps do they have at this age?
Speaker 4: I forget three to four a day. She's probably sitting
Speaker 4: out a solid three, but she does a lot of catnapping.
Speaker 4: And also if I have to get up, it's the
Speaker 4: end of her nap. Because she does all of her
Speaker 4: naps a contact naps during the day, I can't, for
Speaker 4: the life of me get her down. When Rue gets home,
Speaker 4: and I can see that she's really tired at like
Speaker 4: six point fifteen, but I can't put her down, and
Speaker 4: I know it's like, just do another contact nap, But
Speaker 4: by the end of the day, I am so touched out.
Speaker 3: You also need to cook dinner for Rue, and like,
Speaker 3: because Charlie's.
Speaker 4: Not there, I want my focus to also be on Rue,
Speaker 4: Like I really miss her and I've been with Suki
Speaker 4: all day. She's had my attention all day, and I
Speaker 4: really just want to be able to pop her down
Speaker 4: and for her to go to sleep, and just for
Speaker 4: me to have that like hour hour and a half
Speaker 4: with Rue until I'm ordering her around to do things
Speaker 4: because she needs to go to sleep, you know, Like
Speaker 4: I want them to be a bit more positive in
Speaker 4: our nighttime routine.
Speaker 1: And it's just really really hard.
Speaker 4: I know we'll get there, but it's hard to try
Speaker 4: and think of in what reality am I ever going
Speaker 4: to be able to have a routine at night with
Speaker 4: the both of them. It just seems so chaotic. And
Speaker 4: I tried to do it once last night. I put
Speaker 4: her down. She just cried, cried, cried, cried. So I
Speaker 4: just picked her up and I was like, all right, well,
Speaker 4: we gave that a try, Let's not try that.
Speaker 1: Again for a while.
Speaker 4: So I think what I'm going to do the new
Speaker 4: plan moving forward is just to bring out the cozy
Speaker 4: Ltuti side sleeper that I have, just to pop her
Speaker 4: in there because it's mesh on the side, so she'll
Speaker 4: be able to see me and I'll just grew up
Speaker 4: if she cries, but then I'll put her down because
Speaker 4: she is tired. I'm thinking if I put her in
Speaker 4: like an arms out swaddle, which she can be, and
Speaker 4: now maybe she will just naturally fall asleep if we're
Speaker 4: in the room together, because I think for her, she
Speaker 4: just does.
Speaker 3: She'll be able to hear you.
Speaker 2: And yeah, she just want to miss out. She's very inquisitive.
Speaker 2: She is like right now, she wants to be part
Speaker 2: of our conversation.
Speaker 4: She really She's across the rooms, bubbling away and I'm
Speaker 4: just letting her do it.
Speaker 1: She's in the bouncer, but she's just like girls, I'm still.
Speaker 3: Out, yeah, and I've got a lot to add.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So I'll let you know how all of that goes.
Speaker 4: I'm trying not to spiral about it, get overwhelmed by it.
Speaker 4: But I'm just ready to just try to make that
Speaker 4: last night nap or beginning of her night's sleep really
Speaker 4: get together so that Ru and I can have that
Speaker 4: time again.
Speaker 1: My peak quick.
Speaker 4: Story left at four point fifty to go pick up Rue.
Speaker 4: Went down to my car park and some piece of
Speaker 4: shit ass hat as I called them, fully fully parked
Speaker 4: me in as inn, there was no way I could
Speaker 4: get her.
Speaker 1: I tried this.
Speaker 4: There was this other gentleman in a car park who
Speaker 4: he and his wife and I will like, very friendly,
Speaker 4: and he's like, you're not going to be able to
Speaker 4: get out, and I was like, I've got to go
Speaker 4: get my daughter from daycare. And it's not like, oh,
Speaker 4: I parked and I can go get an uber. I
Speaker 4: can't get an uber or a cab with a baby.
Speaker 4: I can get a cab with RU, but I still
Speaker 4: have the baby, So like, what am I going to do?
Speaker 1: And I can't.
Speaker 4: This is obviously stupid, and I know I need to
Speaker 4: learn how to do this, but I don't actually know
Speaker 4: how to take the car seats in and out, so
Speaker 4: I need to obviously learn how to do that for
Speaker 4: situations like this, but I was just really really pissed off.
Speaker 1: Anyway, it ended up being fine.
Speaker 4: I called my girlfriend back, Goldie's mum, and she luckily
Speaker 4: didn't have her little baby. Her mother in law was
Speaker 4: at her house, so she's on our emergency contact list,
Speaker 4: so she was able to pick up Ru and drop
Speaker 4: her over.
Speaker 1: So everything was fine.
Speaker 4: But what I am proud about is that I am
Speaker 4: such an anxious person that often, in the heat of
Speaker 4: the moment, especially when things aren't fair, I'll get swept
Speaker 4: up in it and I'll handle it and it's not
Speaker 4: an overreaction, but I always have like reaction regret. So me,
Speaker 4: I wanted to obviously write this really rude note and
Speaker 4: be like, you're a dickhead. I hope you know what
Speaker 4: you've done. In my head, I just thought I want
Speaker 4: to say something because it's not nice, but I also
Speaker 4: don't want to have any feelings afterwards that I'd done
Speaker 4: something wrong. And this is really unique to me. I
Speaker 4: think my anxiety is obviously insane. So I wrote a
Speaker 4: firm but fair note, and the note said, hello, you
Speaker 4: parked me in. As a result, I was unable to
Speaker 4: pick up my daughter from daycare next time. Leave a
Speaker 4: phone number, thanks, And I felt like that was enough
Speaker 4: for me to get it off my chest, pop it
Speaker 4: on the windscreen. It's a dick move on a party
Speaker 4: bags you already think I had in the car, But
Speaker 4: I just thought you can read between the lines. And
Speaker 4: I also thought, often the tone and how you say
Speaker 4: something can affect the impact of it, especially in a
Speaker 4: situation like this, like how many times has a friend
Speaker 4: gotten a note on their car saying you're a.
Speaker 1: Dickhead you fucking parked me in. But then it becomes
Speaker 1: a joke.
Speaker 2: I posted it on our Insta and everyone agreed that
Speaker 2: you were far too nice, So I think you should
Speaker 2: be proud.
Speaker 4: I just know myself and I know that what would
Speaker 4: happen is that I would turn this into that I've
Speaker 4: done something wrong and that I shouldn't have reacted like that.
Speaker 4: But I wanted them to feel guilty because I'd handled
Speaker 4: it so nicely.
Speaker 3: Someone pointed out that you could have called the police.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know.
Speaker 4: Well, actually someone who was there who was like so
Speaker 4: pissed off about it, more so than me goking, he
Speaker 4: actually put in a complaint to Strata, So they're probably
Speaker 4: going to get in trouble.
Speaker 1: So go me, Okay, your turn.
Speaker 2: My pit is that I am absolutely drowning. I feel
Speaker 2: like I'm flailing around like a fish. I am so
Speaker 2: overwhelmed with everything at the moment. Luke is doing night
Speaker 2: shift five nights a week. I work full time. As
Speaker 2: I mentioned last week, I have all my coms overloading me.
Speaker 3: I have no help.
Speaker 2: My grandma still isn't exactly like she's not ready to
Speaker 2: go on a cruise. There are five different building projects
Speaker 2: around the house. Everything is just a disaster because I
Speaker 2: start things and then never do them. The gardening needs
Speaker 2: to be done, and I have to get an accountant,
Speaker 2: which is then just a huge job getting them to
Speaker 2: sort through everything and everything that I have to send them.
Speaker 2: I need to set up a website. I haven't eaten
Speaker 2: a home cooked meal for weeks. I need to go
Speaker 2: to the dentist. I'm having stomach cramps. My vertigo is back.
Speaker 2: I still haven't done the forms for any surgery with
Speaker 2: HCF like to get any money back. My list just
Speaker 2: keeps getting longer. And the problem isn't the hours in
Speaker 2: the day.
Speaker 3: I have enough self awareness to recognize that.
Speaker 2: It is just that my brain seems to be getting
Speaker 2: worse and worse at being able to actually finish a
Speaker 2: task and get through a to do list, and it's
Speaker 2: just really really stressing me out.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, he is that.
Speaker 2: I'm really enjoying getting dressed at the moment. Winter fashion
Speaker 2: is so much fun. Winter's a mess yet, like just
Speaker 2: being able to layer and play around with clothes and
Speaker 2: it's just so much more interesting than chucking on a dress.
Speaker 2: So I'll pull things out that I've had for six
Speaker 2: years and I just forgot that I did and I'm
Speaker 2: just having a lot of fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. I love that. I have been
Speaker 1: very inspired by you. So keep it up.
Speaker 2: Next up our unhinged parenting, or just advice in general,
Speaker 2: lack thereof, if you will, before.
Speaker 4: We get into your questions and dilemmas a reminder that
Speaker 4: we are in no way qualified to give advice. Think
Speaker 4: of kel as you're drunk aunt. She'll tell you like
Speaker 4: it is, but also has a heart of gold. And
Speaker 4: I'm more like a good friend who will be sensitive
Speaker 4: about your feelings but still give hopefully helpful advice.
Speaker 2: Tibid Question number one, Kiris, do you want to take
Speaker 2: it away perfect?
Speaker 4: Is it better to live far from your support network
Speaker 4: or village to earn a high income or stay close
Speaker 4: to them and accept a more modest lifestyle such a
Speaker 4: good one.
Speaker 1: What do you think?
Speaker 2: Hell, this one is so good and it's so hard
Speaker 2: you straight away think, we'll obviously just accept the more
Speaker 2: modest lifestyle so you have people around you. But it's
Speaker 2: not always as easy as that.
Speaker 3: You don't know.
Speaker 2: So, what sort of jobs are available in the area
Speaker 2: that someone sort of grew up or that their family
Speaker 2: and friends are in. It really made me think because
Speaker 2: over the past year or so, I've been in a
Speaker 2: situation where I don't think I've ever mentioned this to
Speaker 2: you before, but our family friends that live on the
Speaker 2: same as state as my parents are selling their house.
Speaker 2: There's acres, there's a pool, there's so much space, and
Speaker 2: it's incredible and we can afford it, and it would
Speaker 2: be in the same a state as my parents. That
Speaker 2: is a pretty good gig, but we would not be
Speaker 2: I mean, Luke could work anywhere. Technically I can work
Speaker 2: anywhere because I would just be coming to Sydney, but
Speaker 2: Luke would not be earning the same amount that he
Speaker 2: would be in Sydney.
Speaker 3: And even though we'd be.
Speaker 2: Close to my parents, I only have one friend up there.
Speaker 2: He doesn't have anyone, and we'd be moving away from
Speaker 2: the village that we've sort of created. It's so hard,
Speaker 2: but I would say, while you're younger, if there's an
Speaker 2: option to create a village where you can earn more money,
Speaker 2: I would do that just because you're going to get
Speaker 2: to a life stagehere. You probably don't want to work
Speaker 2: keeps and you sort of do want to take that
Speaker 2: step back in your career. Maybe that is now, though
Speaker 2: I don't know, what do you think it's so hard?
Speaker 4: I think it comes down to like what brings you
Speaker 4: the most joy because for us, we currently choose to
Speaker 4: live in Sydney for the lifestyle and also the money,
Speaker 4: Like we couldn't earn necessarily the same money that we
Speaker 4: could had we both lived in Brisbane. So the longer
Speaker 4: we're here, the longer I actually see us living here,
Speaker 4: And I think.
Speaker 1: What it is. It's like, obviously it would be easier.
Speaker 4: To live near family, for sure, and every time we
Speaker 4: get together with our family, we're just like, oh so
Speaker 4: so nice. But I also love where we live and
Speaker 4: I love that we get to do things that I
Speaker 4: might not get to do.
Speaker 1: How to move back home.
Speaker 4: Although it's tough, I think what's really good about it
Speaker 4: is that it gets you out of your bubble because
Speaker 4: you're constantly meeting new people, especially as a parent. The
Speaker 4: next phase I'm really looking forward to is school. It's
Speaker 4: like that next stage of building your village, because that's
Speaker 4: when your kids go on to make their friends and
Speaker 4: they hang out with them quite a lot, and you
Speaker 4: have different sports activities or whatever activities that they're into.
Speaker 4: So you end up but this is what I've heard anyway,
Speaker 4: having like another group of friends that you add to
Speaker 4: your village.
Speaker 1: So I don't know. I think I'm in the.
Speaker 4: Boat of do it for the lifestyle because you only
Speaker 4: live once. But if it's not working, change it up.
Speaker 4: Don't feel like you fully have to do one thing
Speaker 4: or the other. Like, if you can afford it and
Speaker 4: it works for you, try it out. And if you
Speaker 4: end up wanting to move closer to family, that's okay
Speaker 4: as well. But for us at the moment, lifestyle and
Speaker 4: just seeing our family more frequently, I think that's also key.
Speaker 4: Is like, yeah, not just waiting for big holidays, like
Speaker 4: doing a long weekend here and there, getting together those
Speaker 4: things are really important. So making sure that you're still
Speaker 4: having those touch points even though parenting in a different
Speaker 4: place is pretty hard.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: You know, if my sister, because apparently they've got like
Speaker 2: a base in Paul McCrary for my brother in law's work,
Speaker 2: if they moved up to Paul McCreary, I'd move back.
Speaker 3: I'd buy that property in a heartbeat.
Speaker 4: Yeah, because she's a big lifeline.
Speaker 2: For you, huge huge I could live without seeing my
Speaker 2: friends every week. Like, you know, I could live with
Speaker 2: seeing my friends once a month because I'd be coming
Speaker 2: down to Sydney so much anyway, But I just could
Speaker 2: not live without seeing her and my niece and nephew
Speaker 2: all the time. Yeah, question number two, what are the
Speaker 2: main things I need to plan for approximately one year
Speaker 2: off starting to try for kids? Fitness, money, relationship and housing.
Speaker 4: And the way of housing. Babies are little for ages
Speaker 4: and like Toddler's a little don't be stressed out about housing,
Speaker 4: I don't think. I think, take that off your plate
Speaker 4: unless you're only adding one person.
Speaker 2: Unless you know that you're going to have to move
Speaker 2: when they're really little, because that is so stressful.
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 4: Don't let the hell that you live in deter you
Speaker 4: from having a children, Like everything doesn't have to be perfect.
Speaker 4: Like people often move their baby out of the room
Speaker 4: at six months, So you've got nine slash ten months
Speaker 4: of pregnancy and then six months where they're gonna live
Speaker 4: in your room even longer, very little, even longer, even longer.
Speaker 3: Sonny, it's over three. Does he need his own room? No,
Speaker 3: he doesn't because he doesn't use.
Speaker 4: It exactly, So don't let that be a deterrent. But
Speaker 4: for me, I would say the things that you need
Speaker 4: to focus on is your relationship and your finances for sure,
Speaker 4: because they are the two things that will be the
Speaker 4: most strained after having a baby, and they need to
Speaker 4: be rock solid going into Yeah, this huge, big life change.
Speaker 3: I completely agree.
Speaker 2: I actually have friends that I would say have one
Speaker 2: of the healthiest relationships out of all of my friends
Speaker 2: and their relationships who they didn't even have anything wrong
Speaker 2: that they needed.
Speaker 3: To speak to a counselor about, but they.
Speaker 2: Went and did a bunch of counseling marriage counseling sessions
Speaker 2: while she was pregnant because she was like, I do
Speaker 2: not want to have a baby into with life. Sorted
Speaker 2: some stuff out and done a bunch of sessions so
Speaker 2: if you can afford it.
Speaker 3: I thought that was such a good idea.
Speaker 4: It is such a good idea, Like anytime you're investing
Speaker 4: in your relationship is amazing.
Speaker 3: And I agree.
Speaker 2: Financially, it would be nice to be able to have
Speaker 2: time off proper maternity leave without having to worry too much.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I agree, I agree. Okay, Question three best
Speaker 4: wedding planning tip please, I'm in the trenches kind of
Speaker 4: love keys eight week approach. But alas, what do you think,
Speaker 4: cal don't bother? Save your money, what a waste of money?
Speaker 3: Don't do it.
Speaker 4: So on the flip side of that, I would say,
Speaker 4: don't worry about the small things. Don't worry about the
Speaker 4: pomp and ceremony of it all. I think the simpler
Speaker 4: the better, and often the more fun because you worry less,
Speaker 4: you care less, and on the day, honestly it doesn't matter.
Speaker 4: But definitely get some kind of wet weather.
Speaker 2: Or you will all end up partying in side, which
Speaker 2: to be fair, is still fun.
Speaker 1: Was really fun.
Speaker 4: But just don't get caught up in the small stuff
Speaker 4: like bombonds and table settings like who cares?
Speaker 1: Who cares?
Speaker 4: Just make sure good food, good music, and shrinks pitches.
Speaker 3: That's so true.
Speaker 2: One of my biggest piece of advice after I got
Speaker 2: married was like, fuck the details, because no one cares
Speaker 2: about them the way that you do.
Speaker 3: I was just so heavy on the details.
Speaker 2: But for weeks prior I bought like these biodegradable silk
Speaker 2: rose petals.
Speaker 4: Aren't normal rose petals biodegradable, They're a flower.
Speaker 2: It's too hard, like in a small town area it's
Speaker 2: too hard to guarantee that you're gonna get rose petals
Speaker 2: God on the day. Also, it would have been so
Speaker 2: expensive because I wanted the entire grounds of the backyard
Speaker 2: area basically littered with rose petals.
Speaker 1: Got it.
Speaker 3: So I was.
Speaker 2: Buying these like shrink wrapped packs of them from China
Speaker 2: and like separating them, spending hours and hours and hours
Speaker 2: of nights, and they were meant to all be on
Speaker 2: the ground when people returned from the ceremony. No one
Speaker 2: else cared. It was such a waste of money. It
Speaker 2: was bad for the environment. I was so caught up
Speaker 2: on like stupid details that no one cared about. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so I completely agree question number four. I'm exclusively breastfeeding
Speaker 2: my first baby. She will be six months old when
Speaker 2: I get married in August. She refuses to take a bottle.
Speaker 2: Do I keep trying or do I just accept on
Speaker 2: miss twenty percent of my expensive wedding breastfeeding and not
Speaker 2: drinking the stupid bespoken cocktails we've paid for.
Speaker 4: Okay, this is funny two kind of wedding questions, But
Speaker 4: this I can so relate to.
Speaker 1: I get your stress.
Speaker 4: I've had my first outings recently and I'm at the
Speaker 4: moment exclusively breastfeeding, and it's very stressful. The thought of
Speaker 4: them not taking a bottle bit different because I hadn't
Speaker 4: tried it and you haven't it's not working. But in
Speaker 4: my experience, I completely left the house, like we did
Speaker 4: not try when I was around. I don't think it
Speaker 4: was just luck that she took the bottle. I think
Speaker 4: it was because I was not there. So I think
Speaker 4: keep trying. And also there is no backup plan, do
Speaker 4: you know what I mean? Like, if you're always there,
Speaker 4: you're quicker to just end it and be like, oh,
Speaker 4: we've got to feed them. But if they're not there,
Speaker 4: I truly believe that she will take it. So keep trying.
Speaker 4: Do not give up, because it's your wedding day. You
Speaker 4: deserve to have a good day and you deserve to
Speaker 4: not have to breastfeed the whole day and have some fun.
Speaker 3: It also would just be so good for your sort
Speaker 3: of autonomy. In general.
Speaker 2: I was a little bit more brutal, same advice as Key,
Speaker 2: but just a little bit more brutal with if the
Speaker 2: baby is hungry enough, she will take the bottle. Babies
Speaker 2: are at their core, they're going to do what they
Speaker 2: can to survive like all humans do. I'm not saying
Speaker 2: torture the baby. I'm just saying that she if you
Speaker 2: are gone, of course she's going to scream for a
Speaker 2: little while. But you know what you say, been can
Speaker 2: suck it up and deal with it, or your partner whatever,
Speaker 2: because your baby will end up, they will get hungry
Speaker 2: and they will take the bottle, and your partner's just
Speaker 2: going to have to go through that discomfort for a
Speaker 2: little while, just like you've had to go through the
Speaker 2: discomfort of nipples adjusting mass di this sometimes the baby
Speaker 2: screaming for half an hour because they've got gas. So
Speaker 2: it's going to be heart but persevere because it will
Speaker 2: be worth it.
Speaker 4: I love that you touched on that discomfort helt because
Speaker 4: it's so true, Like it's a greally good opportunity for
Speaker 4: your partner or whoever is helping you raise your kids
Speaker 4: to really step up and take some of that away
Speaker 4: from you, like alleviate some of that stress. You don't
Speaker 4: need to be there, no, because I think it's very
Speaker 4: stressful to watch your kid and distress obviously.
Speaker 2: And your boobies can't they start leaking everywhere. It's not
Speaker 2: in our nature to listen to a baby cry. No
Speaker 2: one likes to listen to a baby cry, and it
Speaker 2: sounds awful, even just saying let your baby cry.
Speaker 4: Also, something my best friend said to me when I
Speaker 4: was freaking out about going on the boat and leaving
Speaker 4: Suki for the first time. Hadn't done a bottle any
Speaker 4: of that. She said, if she doesn't take the bottle,
Speaker 4: you can syringe milk into her mouth, and that's how
Speaker 4: they do it in the hospital for baby when they're
Speaker 4: going to have it.
Speaker 1: I have a bottle.
Speaker 4: So if you get to it and you really won't
Speaker 4: take the bottle, someone can be there syringing the.
Speaker 1: Milk to feed her. And that is your backup plan.
Speaker 4: We don't want to keep doing that forever, but to
Speaker 4: make sure that you don't have to breastfeed on your
Speaker 4: wedding day, I reckon that is your tip if we don't.
Speaker 1: Get the bottle into them.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Agree.
Speaker 4: Question number five. I am nearly twelve months into parenting
Speaker 4: a beautiful little girl and yet still have regretful what
Speaker 4: on earth I've done to my once relaxed life. I'm
Speaker 4: in a constant state of stress, debt, and overwhelm, and
Speaker 4: although I absolutely adore my baby. I absolutely hate being
Speaker 4: a mother and I wish I could turn back time.
Speaker 2: This, Oh what do you think really broke my heart
Speaker 2: because it sounds obviously I'm not a doctor, shock horror,
Speaker 2: it does sound like postpartum depression, though in so many
Speaker 2: ways I can relate to those feelings, So I just
Speaker 2: I think you need to speak to a professional because
Speaker 2: you shouldn't be feeling this shit. I also think that
Speaker 2: she needs to find a good mum crew, because friends
Speaker 2: that are in the same boat really really help, which
Speaker 2: is why he has always spoken so highly of her
Speaker 2: mother's group. But anyone, just one person, that's pretty much
Speaker 2: all you need that's in a similar sort of stage
Speaker 2: to you. Just someone to vent, to go for a
Speaker 2: walk with the babies to I mean, the baby's one,
Speaker 2: so to leave the baby and go out for a
Speaker 2: drink or and you also need to be making time.
Speaker 3: For yourself to have that separation.
Speaker 2: But my main thing would be that to go speak
Speaker 2: to your GP and get them to do one of
Speaker 2: those little scory things, because it does sound like postpartum depression,
Speaker 2: which is the worst thing. As Clarea and I touched
Speaker 2: on last week, it's such an awful feeling.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And if you're as you said, you're in with
Speaker 4: mental health review, you do get a certain amount that
Speaker 4: are discounted from the government, so that should help. It
Speaker 4: is still an investment, but hopefully you can find somewhere
Speaker 4: that bulk bills you can maybe that'll get it across
Speaker 4: the line.
Speaker 3: You get ten and you get ten h.
Speaker 1: I agree with Kel. Definitely chat to your GP. Just
Speaker 1: make sure that there is no kind of postpartum depression creeping.
Speaker 2: Out, and let them know your financial state that they
Speaker 2: don't then suggest to give you a faruh for some
Speaker 2: really expensive psychologist that will only sort of subsidize it,
Speaker 2: not bulk.
Speaker 1: Bill it absolutely. And also remember that the first five.
Speaker 4: Years and I know we're talking about the first year,
Speaker 4: but they always talk about how labor intensive the first
Speaker 4: five years is and that it gets easier each year.
Speaker 4: So you're only year one into that first five years
Speaker 4: of when they're out their littlest and they need you
Speaker 4: the most.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 4: For me, having a toddler has been the hardest. Give
Speaker 4: me a baby any day, but toddler's I really struggle with.
Speaker 4: And the thing that keeps me going is knowing that
Speaker 4: hopefully they are going to have a really long life
Speaker 4: and the grand scheme of things. The first five years
Speaker 4: is such a blip in the overall experience of what
Speaker 4: motherhood is. So I know that it is hard right
Speaker 4: now and we want to rule out any kind of
Speaker 4: mental health stuff, but just to remember that this is
Speaker 4: going to be hopefully only this hard for a really
Speaker 4: short amount of time and once that part passes, Like
Speaker 4: maybe having a baby was the hardest part for you,
Speaker 4: and this next toddler phase is going to be where
Speaker 4: you flourish as a mum and a lot of and
Speaker 4: to actually be able exactly kel you are the person
Speaker 4: I'm talking about, like some people are, just like you
Speaker 4: don't get a lot back from a baby. Maybe you
Speaker 4: do not get a lot back from a baby toddlers,
Speaker 4: you get a bit more your time to flourish and
Speaker 4: really lean into or feel confident and accepting of your motherhood.
Speaker 4: Face could just be around the corner. So don't lose hope.
Speaker 4: Is the other thing, Like it is real. It is
Speaker 4: such a massive change and you're only twelve months in,
Speaker 4: so just give yourself a little bit of grace.
Speaker 2: Also, not everyone does love being a mum in the
Speaker 2: regard because I think that when people say I hate
Speaker 2: being a mother, but no one really likes the bad shit,
Speaker 2: because the thing is is that you're saying, I absolutely
Speaker 2: adore my baby. So you do like being a mum
Speaker 2: in that regard. You just don't like the state of stress,
Speaker 2: debt and overwhelmed, which is so normal.
Speaker 3: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like, sometimes I hate being a mum when my toddler
Speaker 2: is screaming so loudly that they could hear three streets away,
Speaker 2: when I'm brushing his teeth at night.
Speaker 3: I hate that. I hate that part of being a mother.
Speaker 3: Hate it.
Speaker 2: So there are parts that, even three years down the track,
Speaker 2: I think, oh, dear.
Speaker 3: Lord, I really do not enjoy this.
Speaker 1: Definitely, So yes.
Speaker 2: I would say very normal. However, not okay that you
Speaker 2: are still feeling like this. It's okay, of course, but
Speaker 2: I want you to feel better. So I do think
Speaker 2: that you should go speak to your GP and reach
Speaker 2: out maybe in the Facebook group. We need to build
Speaker 2: you a village and some people around that you can
Speaker 2: spend some time with. How do I find my style
Speaker 2: as a mum? Nothing fits. I now need pockets to
Speaker 2: hold things, Clothes fit differently on my body, and it
Speaker 2: feels like everything is only suitable for my body pre baby,
Speaker 2: and I don't have the funds to fix it.
Speaker 3: I feel like, did you write this.
Speaker 1: In this is literally me?
Speaker 3: You touched on this last week?
Speaker 1: Definitely.
Speaker 4: I have been really struggling as well, and I don't
Speaker 4: want to spend heaps of money as I don't have
Speaker 4: a lot of money to spend. But what I found's
Speaker 4: been helping is using Pinterest as kind of like style
Speaker 4: inspiration and looking at what you've got and different things
Speaker 4: that you can put together. I think that obviously, if
Speaker 4: your body is a different size to what it was,
Speaker 4: you're going to have to spend a little bit of
Speaker 4: money to be able to put that don't make you
Speaker 4: feel shit, and I think that is half of it.
Speaker 4: So what I think you should do is for those things, thrifting, deepop,
Speaker 4: even kmer just for your basics, a T shirt that fits,
Speaker 4: and a really light bulb moment for me the other
Speaker 4: day was just this video that I saw on Instagram
Speaker 4: of a stylus. It says like a lot of my
Speaker 4: clients come to me and they're like nothing suits me.
Speaker 4: And I think what she was saying was like we
Speaker 4: need to get away from things quote unquote suiting us
Speaker 4: because the image that we are sold in marketing of
Speaker 4: fashion is on one specific body type. And I know
Speaker 4: that I'm guilty of this. Is like, when I see
Speaker 4: something on a body type that isn't mine, I buy it,
Speaker 4: and then I get home and I put it on
Speaker 4: my body and I'm like, oh, that doesn't look how.
Speaker 3: I thought it was because you're not five eight exactly.
Speaker 4: But I think you have to objectively look at it
Speaker 4: and say does it not suit you or does it
Speaker 4: just look different on your body? Because this stylist was
Speaker 4: saying that wipes out eighty percent of what you can
Speaker 4: quote unquote can wear. So wear what makes you happy.
Speaker 4: Just get a size that fits and that you feel
Speaker 4: comfortable and confident in, and try and get the image
Speaker 4: of the model that you may have seen wearing or
Speaker 4: the inspiration that you may have seen wearing it, and
Speaker 4: just be comfortable on how it looks on you.
Speaker 3: That is such good advice.
Speaker 1: Key. It changed my approach a lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I remember getting rid of so many different clothes
Speaker 2: after I had land because I just didn't feel like,
Speaker 2: if I really thought about it, probably really regret some
Speaker 2: of the things I got rid of. Because you know
Speaker 2: how much I love my clothes. But another period that
Speaker 2: this reminded me of was when I got my boobs
Speaker 2: done because my body changed so much, so my style
Speaker 2: changed and for so long I didn't know what to
Speaker 2: wear anymore and what would suit me. Yeah, so it
Speaker 2: is like whenever your body changes more so than like
Speaker 2: we all fluctuate, most women fluctuate. There's always, you know,
Speaker 2: maybe two sizes, a couple of kilos, depending on the month,
Speaker 2: time of year, what not, where we might fluctuate. But
Speaker 2: whenever our bodies change more so than that, it is
Speaker 2: a jarring and it does take us time to get
Speaker 2: used to. But you've also got to remember that it
Speaker 2: actually isn't important at the end of the day. And
Speaker 2: as Key said, just wear stuff that you'll like, even
Speaker 2: if you don't fit into a lot of things. There's
Speaker 2: no way that everything in your wardrobe was form fitting,
Speaker 2: so you could only wear it at maybe your pre
Speaker 2: baby smaller sized, do you know what I mean? Like
Speaker 2: there would be some thing, So as he said, use Pinterest,
Speaker 2: look at where you can make work, go to op shops,
Speaker 2: go to places like if you're in Sydney, U turn
Speaker 2: has the outlet in punch bowl.
Speaker 3: I think there's another outlet.
Speaker 2: Now you can literally get like three feelings, three things
Speaker 2: for twenty bucks. It's insane and like a lot of
Speaker 2: it's good stuff. So deepop eBay even I've heard that eBay.
Speaker 1: Is apparently having a resurgence. Facebook market Blows is another one.
Speaker 2: Try to stay away from Tamu and Sheen because you're
Speaker 2: just going to end up with rubbish that doesn't actually
Speaker 2: fit you either because it's made poorly.
Speaker 3: Like at least in Chemic you can try to trap.
Speaker 4: On exactly question seven. I'm struggling to relax at night
Speaker 4: and I end up scrolling on my phone until I
Speaker 4: fall asleep. What are your favorite ways to unwind and
Speaker 4: relax at night?
Speaker 2: Well, Kee likes to watch TV shows for Charlie, which
Speaker 2: I think is so cute.
Speaker 3: You guys are so.
Speaker 2: Good that you like wait till he gets home and
Speaker 2: when the kids are in bed, and that you also
Speaker 2: don't get much sleep, I feel because you mustn't go
Speaker 2: to bed till late.
Speaker 1: We do go to bed quite late.
Speaker 4: But that's what I was gonna say in relation to
Speaker 4: like finding ways to relax and wind down at night,
Speaker 4: get into bed early and go to bed early. Honestly,
Speaker 4: I know it sounds so simple and stupid, but like
Speaker 4: the other night, I did have shingles, but I was
Speaker 4: like trying to sit up and just quote unquote relax, right,
Speaker 4: but I just was like.
Speaker 1: Fuck it, I'm just gonna go to bed.
Speaker 4: And I still like did whatever I was going to do,
Speaker 4: Like I still kind of lay down, but I was like,
Speaker 4: I felt so smug because I was in bird early
Speaker 4: and I actually did fall asleep. And I think it's
Speaker 4: almost like the fear of not being able to fall
Speaker 4: asleep at a different time I think can sometimes be
Speaker 4: a barrier for just like getting into bed.
Speaker 3: But also reverse procrastination where you're.
Speaker 2: Like, oh, it's the only time I've had for myself
Speaker 2: all day, so you I don't want to go to bed.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And for some reason, sleep we don't see as
Speaker 4: a reward or relaxing or a way to bring wine.
Speaker 4: But babe, that is that's going to make you feel refreshed.
Speaker 4: So I know it's boring, but go to bed early
Speaker 4: and read a book in bed, or read a boring
Speaker 4: book and bed, and then you'll fall asleep even quicker.
Speaker 1: What did you think.
Speaker 3: Cal a couple of nights a week.
Speaker 2: I go to bed with Lens, So some nights I'll
Speaker 2: be in bed at like eight o'clock. I don't go
Speaker 2: to bed then, like but then, because I'm in bed
Speaker 2: so early, I'm probably more likely to go to bed,
Speaker 2: you know, put my phone down or put my book
Speaker 2: down or whatever. It is more likely to do that
Speaker 2: closer to ten, rather than if I'm up and about
Speaker 2: and doing stuff around the house us after he's gone
Speaker 2: to sleep, then it's probably closer to like eleven, And
Speaker 2: just that one hour can make the world of difference
Speaker 2: in the morning.
Speaker 4: We are the only species on the planet that fight sleep.
Speaker 4: Every other species but sleeps animals. We don't prioritize sleep enough.
Speaker 4: I honestly think that's the secret.
Speaker 2: My ideal way to relax really would be like a
Speaker 2: nice glass of red, something on the television that I
Speaker 2: can like a two screener thing so I don't have
Speaker 2: to concentrate that much on it, or a book or
Speaker 2: a podcast that I'm listening to, saying that I can
Speaker 2: listen to whilst I'm doing a really good puzzle, and
Speaker 2: like some chocolates or just something maybe some lollies, like
Speaker 2: a snack that I really like feeling cozy in my
Speaker 2: pajamas at the moon.
Speaker 3: I love being cozy. I love winter pajamas and socks.
Speaker 4: Or you've just reminded me of one. An audiobook in bed,
Speaker 4: like laying in bed with my eyes shut listening to
Speaker 4: an audiobook. When you're listening to a podcast or audiobook
Speaker 4: or something, usually you're on the rum, but there's something
Speaker 4: that quite relaxed and unwinding about, like laying down and
Speaker 4: listening to something.
Speaker 2: Question number eight advice for when you are so touched
Speaker 2: out slash burnt out from work, life, admin and parenting
Speaker 2: and you have nothing left. Your partner at the end
Speaker 2: of the day he is so understanding, but I feel
Speaker 2: like I'm a really, really bad wife.
Speaker 1: Oh this is such a good one.
Speaker 2: I know some people they're just annoyingly smug though they're like,
Speaker 2: our relationships so good. Yeah you know why, Well, you
Speaker 2: have parents around the corner that take your children slash
Speaker 2: child once weeks.
Speaker 3: You can go on a date night, that's why.
Speaker 1: And you're probably really rich. Yeah, you can.
Speaker 2: Afford babysitters whenever you want to. I really struggle to
Speaker 2: justify the cost of a babysitter. They're worth every cent
Speaker 2: of course, but it's like that adds hundreds of dollars.
Speaker 3: Onto your night.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a lot. It is a lot.
Speaker 3: What's your advice? You're better at this than me.
Speaker 2: My advice is it's a season and shit, but it's
Speaker 2: a season.
Speaker 4: I think that's really good advice. But mine is to
Speaker 4: have no TV nuts. So I think Charlie and I
Speaker 4: we actually this happened recently with us. We've fallen into
Speaker 4: a bit of like a ships and the night kind
Speaker 4: of thing, very routine y, and we don't like make
Speaker 4: enough conversation. So say we do have something to watch
Speaker 4: on TV that we want to do. When we're actually
Speaker 4: eating dinner, we don't have the TV on, so we
Speaker 4: have conversation over dinner. We don't have a dining room table,
Speaker 4: so we have dinner in our couch. It's very informal,
Speaker 4: but we have that time where we make sure that
Speaker 4: we talk and then no TV nights.
Speaker 1: But it's not that.
Speaker 4: We talk to each other, it's just that we both
Speaker 4: sit on the couch together but doing our own things.
Speaker 4: So it's spending time together where you don't necessarily have
Speaker 4: to chat, but it's without costraction of a TV that's
Speaker 4: dumbing you, so for instance, like we might read a book,
Speaker 4: or one of us is playing a game, or I
Speaker 4: did actually buy us a board game to play together.
Speaker 3: Our board games are great.
Speaker 4: Sitting together and each other's company without having a television on,
Speaker 4: I think is a really good one.
Speaker 1: Pillow talk is.
Speaker 4: My absolute favorite though, because it is the best part
Speaker 4: of the night, and we just got into this habit
Speaker 4: where we would like get into bed and talk until
Speaker 4: we fell asleep, and I just thought that that was
Speaker 4: so cute.
Speaker 2: Anyway, can I just say that's quite unrealistic because not
Speaker 2: that many people go to bed at the same time.
Speaker 4: It doesn't have to be every night, but it's a
Speaker 4: you're in bed one night and you just have a
Speaker 4: little chat in bed.
Speaker 1: It's quite nice.
Speaker 2: If Luke and I tried to do that on the
Speaker 2: one night that we go to bed at the same
Speaker 2: time because he doesn't know shift, Lenny would have a
Speaker 2: lot to say because he's between us.
Speaker 4: So true, it does not work if there's a kiddo
Speaker 4: in the bed. Question nine, what age did you get
Speaker 4: your babies off bottles? And how did you do it?
Speaker 4: So much conflicting advice?
Speaker 1: How did you do it?
Speaker 3: Cal Like I could not remember.
Speaker 2: It shows how quickly you just forget mundane things or
Speaker 2: things that don't matter down the track. I could not
Speaker 2: tell you what the rules are around toddlers and babies
Speaker 2: and milk and that sort of thing. All I remember
Speaker 2: about it is that Lenny gave up his So he
Speaker 2: mustn't have been having bottles of milk during the day.
Speaker 3: It must have just been a night thing. But I
Speaker 3: remember it was around.
Speaker 2: Eighteen months because and I've spoken about this before, he
Speaker 2: literally just stopped because he had hand foot mouth and
Speaker 2: it was just so bad that he didn't want to
Speaker 2: do anything, and that sort of just weaned him off
Speaker 2: his night bottle. But then I was just so sad
Speaker 2: because I was like, but I don't remember the last
Speaker 2: night feed. I don't remember the last night bottle with
Speaker 2: his little noises going. So about eighteen months and just
Speaker 2: literally he weaned himself because he had hand to foot
Speaker 2: in mouth. I was never in any sort of rush
Speaker 2: to I mean I would have, like, obviously didn't like
Speaker 2: waking up in the middle of the night to give
Speaker 2: him a bottle, but it was also just I wake
Speaker 2: up in the middle of the night for a drink
Speaker 2: or to go for a week so maybe he does too.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, we did it. I think around the twelve
Speaker 4: thirteen month mark. She just didn't really want it. At
Speaker 4: twelve months you can start giving them cow's milk so
Speaker 4: you don't have to broastfeed or give them formula animal
Speaker 4: They're fine to have cow's milk. But I remember it
Speaker 4: being really hard after Bali and I don't know when
Speaker 4: that was because the nanny is God bless them, and
Speaker 4: it was such a good trick. Women were traveling would
Speaker 4: give her bottles in bed to fall asleep. So I
Speaker 4: remember that being really hard to wean that part of it.
Speaker 4: But I was never stressed about weaning the bottle. Like
Speaker 4: I know that we introduced like a different kind of
Speaker 4: water bottle that was like a bit more adult for her,
Speaker 4: and she was like pretty into that. But I don't
Speaker 4: think it's a stressful, like a thing to be stressed about.
Speaker 4: I know one of my girlfriends, they're like two and
Speaker 4: a half year old, still has bottles. Like it's not
Speaker 4: a big deal if it doesn't bother you. I don't
Speaker 4: think let it be a big thing.
Speaker 2: My girlfriend Ash, she's been on the pod before Diddy
Speaker 2: was well, even Harley, they were old toddlers from memory
Speaker 2: closer to four and still having because they called it Motti's.
Speaker 2: And I'll never forget because they'd be like lying in
Speaker 2: the dark and go I want mom Motties, and I'd
Speaker 2: be like, oh, dear lord, but it would just be
Speaker 2: in like a sippy cup. But they still actually and
Speaker 2: sometimes Lenny still has a milk before bed, like in
Speaker 2: a cup.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like if it's helping themself sooth. Fuck, yeah, keep
Speaker 4: that maybe eat that bottle. Don't get rid of it.
Speaker 4: They'll get rid of it when they don't.
Speaker 3: Want it to exactly. They all do it at their
Speaker 3: own time. All right.
Speaker 2: Last question, what is the funniest or strangest thing that
Speaker 2: has happened to you on a first date. I need
Speaker 2: some lulls because I'm so nervous about getting in the
Speaker 2: dating pool. I split with my partner last year for context.
Speaker 2: I'm ready for some light fun.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 4: I just remember this guy that I was talking to
Speaker 4: on tender. This is when I lived in New York,
Speaker 4: and like we had this like really fun first day
Speaker 4: and night out. I took him back to my apartment
Speaker 4: and like I went to the bathroom and then I
Speaker 4: came back. But I don't think he well, he didn't.
Speaker 4: He didn't hear that. I had like come back to
Speaker 4: the room, and just before I opened the door, he
Speaker 4: did a huge fart yuck, And I was so grossed
Speaker 4: out that I just.
Speaker 1: Blew balled him. I didn't do anything with him.
Speaker 4: Because I was so grossed out, like it was so big.
Speaker 4: And then he was like fluffing the douner cover, like
Speaker 4: to get rid of the scout, and I was like,
Speaker 4: why didn't you just wait and like go to the
Speaker 4: bathroom like a civilized person.
Speaker 2: To do it.
Speaker 4: But I do not understanding ill, and it just put
Speaker 4: me off. And then afterwards, like the next day, he
Speaker 4: was like messaging me and I was like not wanting
Speaker 4: to message back, and he was just like got really
Speaker 4: mean and was like I wasn't like I was trying
Speaker 4: to make my girlfriend, and I was like.
Speaker 2: If I want to be your girlfriend when you fart
Speaker 2: like that, yuck, I don't even know if that's funny
Speaker 2: or gross.
Speaker 1: It's probably both.
Speaker 4: But I was just like, oh my god, how do
Speaker 4: I get this person to leave my apartment? I'm so
Speaker 4: turned off by you right now? And I was so
Speaker 4: drunk too, and I still cut through the drunkness. I
Speaker 4: feel like it made me really sobered up and be like,
Speaker 4: not doing anything with this guy.
Speaker 1: It's gross. Anyway, what's yours?
Speaker 2: I have so many funny dating stories. I was so
Speaker 2: good at dating, and so I would. You haven't asked
Speaker 2: for advice, You've just asked for dating lolls. But my
Speaker 2: advice is don't let especially if you're kind of like, oh,
Speaker 2: I just want some fun, have fun, because the worst
Speaker 2: thing that can happen, like obviously, bar actual criminals, the
Speaker 2: worst thing that's going to happen is you're gonna have
Speaker 2: a really funny story the next day. You know, their
Speaker 2: stakes are a lot higher when you're parents, because if
Speaker 2: you're co parenting with someone that you've split up from,
Speaker 2: you would only have a couple of nights peaking. You
Speaker 2: don't want to waste them on duds. But just make
Speaker 2: it a drink if it's not going anywhere, like it
Speaker 2: doesn't have to be a really long affair.
Speaker 3: But there was one I don't even.
Speaker 2: Know if I've told you this key, but I was
Speaker 2: talking to this bloke and we'd been talking for a
Speaker 2: while and we'd organized to go on a first date.
Speaker 2: But then my housemate, who was my really good friend
Speaker 2: said oh, we're doing birthday drinks pub crawl, and.
Speaker 3: So I canceled this date.
Speaker 2: All of these boys were at my house and one
Speaker 2: of them just looked so familiar George, who was my
Speaker 2: guy friend that I lived with whose birthday was And
Speaker 2: I said, what's that guy's name? And he's like Nick,
Speaker 2: And I said, oh, my god, George, that's the guy
Speaker 2: that I canceled on. That's the guy that I've been
Speaker 2: talking to on Tinder. And George is looking at me like,
Speaker 2: what is wrong with you? You have met him so
Speaker 2: many times before that, he's been here, You have photos
Speaker 2: on Facebook, like tagged photos with him. How did you
Speaker 2: not realize that it was the same person? And how
Speaker 2: also is he here looking at you not realizing that it's
Speaker 2: the same person. I don't know if I was really
Speaker 2: catfishing on Tinder?
Speaker 1: Wait, so he didn't realize as well?
Speaker 2: No, because maybe I was a catfish because and I
Speaker 2: really wasn't dressed up this night because it was just
Speaker 2: a pub crawl with the boys, so I probably looked
Speaker 2: like a foot anyway. So then I saw him and
Speaker 2: I go, oh, Nika, it's Kelly, and he goes, yeah,
Speaker 2: I know, and I go Kelly from Tinder and he
Speaker 2: was like, oh, so he really didn't realize either. Neither
Speaker 2: of us realized that we'd been talking to each other
Speaker 2: and that we already knew each other, and just so strange.
Speaker 4: That is actually really funny, but thank god both of
Speaker 4: you didn't realize.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 2: But then to make the whole hymn thing so much
Speaker 2: weirder is that then years later, my first ever solo
Speaker 2: Barley trip, I was in this restaurant that my friend
Speaker 2: was the head chef of in Chengu. Then these guys
Speaker 2: came in and one of them looked really really familiar.
Speaker 2: One of them was talking to Dan, who was my
Speaker 2: friend that worked there. By the way, so me and
Speaker 2: Nick then we were friends for years. So we've spent
Speaker 2: a lot of time together over the next years and
Speaker 2: potentially did we hook up, yes or no? Not confirming
Speaker 2: potentially into me so knew each other quite well, some
Speaker 2: might say.
Speaker 1: Okay, anyway, these I'm reading between the landes here.
Speaker 2: These guys left, and one of the boys had just
Speaker 2: been staring at me so weird, and then I sort
Speaker 2: of just like made an excuse and.
Speaker 3: Walked off because I was like, who are these weirdows?
Speaker 2: Then I said to Dan, I said, oh my god,
Speaker 2: that looked so much like this bloke that I know
Speaker 2: in Sydney.
Speaker 3: And he goes, oh, Nick, he's Australian.
Speaker 1: Yeah he is, shut up, Kelly.
Speaker 3: And then he goes, oh, do you know him? And
Speaker 3: I was like, yes, yes I do.
Speaker 1: Did he recognize you that time?
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's why he'd been looking at me so weird.
Speaker 2: I opened my messages and I said, did I just
Speaker 2: see you and completely ignore you? And he's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I just had no idea what was going through your
Speaker 2: face because you clearly had no idea who I was,
Speaker 2: and I just didn't know what to do.
Speaker 1: Damn.
Speaker 3: So someone with such a good memory, I clearly suck
Speaker 3: at faces and just what is wrong with me? Honestly?
Speaker 4: But also I get that when you're in like a
Speaker 4: different country. I know the proximity of Bali to Australia,
Speaker 4: but you're not expecting it.
Speaker 2: I was not expecting to run into someone that I knew.
Speaker 2: But then Dan, after he said so do you know him?
Speaker 2: I said, yeah, just intimately.
Speaker 1: It's a Kelly. What is wrong with you?
Speaker 3: Anyway?
Speaker 2: That was, like I said, all dating stories are funny
Speaker 2: even like they're fine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they are, they are well.
Speaker 3: Is your recommendation this week?
Speaker 4: I am recommending an amazing television series that I have
Speaker 4: been watching called Mobland. It's all one word because mob
Speaker 4: Spaceland is a different show movie. Okay, Mobland one word.
Speaker 4: That's a good point. Yes on Paramount Plus or if
Speaker 4: you have Amazon Prime. It's free with Amazon Prime. So
Speaker 4: it's a British crime drama and it's actually directed by
Speaker 4: Guy Ritchie. The cast is incredible. So Tom Hardy plays
Speaker 4: the lead. There's also Helen Mirren who plays called the
Speaker 4: matriarch of this gangland family, and also Pierce Brosnan who
Speaker 4: plays the patriarch of the family. So Harry DeSouza is
Speaker 4: the character played by Tom Hardy, and he's like the
Speaker 4: fixer for the family. So basically, whenever something comes up,
Speaker 4: Harry is the guy that fixes it. And we meet
Speaker 4: them at this bit of a crossroads for the family
Speaker 4: where these different gangland families are kind of fighting for power,
Speaker 4: but also the Harrigans that's the name of the lead
Speaker 4: center family that the whole thing is based around, are
Speaker 4: kind of losing their tight hold on basically the street
Speaker 4: cred that they have within London, set in London, and
Speaker 4: there's also a rat and there's all these different things.
Speaker 4: But my god, the way that these episodes leave you
Speaker 4: on a cliffhanger, it is quite violent. I'm just going
Speaker 4: to preface that. But it's one of those shows that
Speaker 4: you're just like, oh, I did not think that they
Speaker 4: would do that. It has everything, it's got sex. The
Speaker 4: casting of it was brilliant. Casting Pierce Brosnan and Helen
Speaker 4: Mirren as these kind of leaders of this family is
Speaker 4: so good because they're completely cast against type. Because both
Speaker 4: of those are known to the public as playing lovable
Speaker 4: characters and really celebrated for their decodes on careers. They
Speaker 4: play these Irish gangsters in this thing, and they are
Speaker 4: both ruthless and it is just like I can imagine,
Speaker 4: like you can see the fun that they are having playing.
Speaker 3: World characters far out of their comfort zone.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and they're not caricatures, like they bring a lot
Speaker 4: of like heart and depth to the roles of like
Speaker 4: the characters that they're playing. So they're really believable. And
Speaker 4: it's whenever an actor who is so famous and so
Speaker 4: well known, like Pierce brosn and played James Bond for years,
Speaker 4: whenever they make you forget that they are Pierce Broslin
Speaker 4: or Helen Mirren. I just think, as an audience, you
Speaker 4: are so lucky to be able to see actors at
Speaker 4: the top of their game, and it is so good.
Speaker 4: So it drops weekly, but we are so far into
Speaker 4: the series that you probably have I think eight episodes
Speaker 4: and I think the last one is coming in the
Speaker 4: next week or so. So it's a brilliant It's five
Speaker 4: out of five for me, no notes, like I really
Speaker 4: love it and I want to give too much away
Speaker 4: because I love a British crime dramame.
Speaker 1: It's like a modern Peaky Blinders, is how I would
Speaker 1: explain it.
Speaker 4: If you've seen Piky Blinders, also another fantastic TV show,
Speaker 4: but it's period. So actually I'm going to give more
Speaker 4: Bland four out of five because it's present day. Piky
Speaker 4: Blinders is five out of five because it's period and
Speaker 4: I love gone back to those twenties babes, so.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm going to watch that because after your last recommendation,
Speaker 2: holy you are up there now with Laura Brodnick for
Speaker 2: TV recommendations, I would say.
Speaker 1: Because oh my god, that's a lovely compliment.
Speaker 2: I can't even deal with how much I was so obsessed.
Speaker 2: It was so much better than Pulse, which was what
Speaker 2: spurred you to tell me about the Oh so good.
Speaker 4: I couldn't even watch Pulse. Charlie and I were like
Speaker 4: pissing ourselves laughing because it was too slow. We're like,
Speaker 4: once you've watched that, once you've watched changed television. For me,
Speaker 4: it's changed television, I think for everyone, the pace of it,
Speaker 4: the depth that you care. Anyway, I'm going to stop
Speaker 4: talking now because my voice is going, what's yours?
Speaker 2: Okay, But I have questions that I need you to answer.
Speaker 2: Oh for my recommendation. My recommendation is so weird this week,
Speaker 2: but I just think it's so interesting. If you're interested
Speaker 2: in ethics and morals and philosophy, you need to look
Speaker 2: at this website that we will put in the show
Speaker 2: notes of course, called Philosophy Experiments, because it will blow
Speaker 2: your mind with how your thinking can change and make
Speaker 2: absolutely no sense, or when something is perceived it can
Speaker 2: be so different. So I'm going to give you an example,
Speaker 2: and it's going to blow your mind, and then you're
Speaker 2: going to want to go away and do all of
Speaker 2: these tests and read all of this stuff because it's
Speaker 2: so cool and interesting. All Right, if you're going for
Speaker 2: a walk and there's a pond and there's a child
Speaker 2: drowning in the pond, what do you think you're morally
Speaker 2: required to do?
Speaker 1: Oh, this has happened to me. I would save the child.
Speaker 2: You had to save a child drowning in a pond
Speaker 2: and the surf. Yeah, you saved the child that was drowning.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But say you're walking past and you're a little bit
Speaker 2: late for work. You've got a really nice outfit on,
Speaker 2: so obviously it's going to get destroyed if you go
Speaker 2: into the pond. There are other people around to and
Speaker 2: you're not sure one hundred percent if the child is
Speaker 2: going to drown, and you think, oh, someone else will
Speaker 2: probably probably save it, do you think you morally would
Speaker 2: get in the water and.
Speaker 3: Save the child.
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2: So say you're walking along and someone from Oxfam or
Speaker 2: one of those places is like, can you please donate
Speaker 2: a dollar? Yeah, I know what you're gonna say to
Speaker 2: save this child in this other country, and you were
Speaker 2: one hundred percent by paying a dollar, I'm going to
Speaker 2: save a child's life.
Speaker 3: Do you morally think that you were required to donate.
Speaker 4: Ah, this is yeah, this is a hard one, isn't it,
Speaker 4: Because it's removed.
Speaker 1: It's like one step removed.
Speaker 2: It's actually just blown my mind with how different frameworks
Speaker 2: completely change your perception on different things.
Speaker 3: And oh, it's so interesting.
Speaker 1: That is really interesting.
Speaker 4: I like that it's going to make me think, and
Speaker 4: I think it'll probably make me a better person reading
Speaker 4: these things too.
Speaker 2: I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing,
Speaker 2: but I'm a lot less than average with how I
Speaker 2: think about things in terms like I'm too logical almost.
Speaker 2: Ah okay, Yeah, Because if there was two train tracks,
Speaker 2: as an example, and there was a train sort of
Speaker 2: speeding towards you and five other people, and you could
Speaker 2: divert it, but there was one person that was going
Speaker 2: to die if you diverted it, would you think that
Speaker 2: it was better morally to save yourself and the five
Speaker 2: other people or the one person.
Speaker 1: It'd be the five other people and me.
Speaker 2: So I responded with that I didn't think there was
Speaker 2: any moral difference, because as well, you could even then
Speaker 2: argue that you're like changing the course of fate. Almost anyway,
Speaker 2: it's so interesting, have a look at it. Obviously this
Speaker 2: is not for everyone. It's obviously very niche, like some
Speaker 2: people be go, oh, what is wrong with you? Kelly?
Speaker 3: Honestly on that note, fairly well, please rate and review us.
Speaker 1: We're off.
Speaker 3: Leave your questions in the link.
Speaker 2: In the show notes or in the ESSR pod on Insta.
Speaker 3: We'll be back in your ears next week.
Speaker 1: We will.
Speaker 4: It was produced by US and the audio production is
Speaker 4: by Mattie Joannu Bye should is Bye