Speaker 1: We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
Speaker 1: on today.
Speaker 2: I saw two or three pediatricians and that was a
Speaker 2: good five hundred dollars a pop. I saw multiple gps.
Speaker 2: I saw the community nurses, and everyone just told me
Speaker 2: babies cry. We just sat in this bit of misery.
Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to Eat, Sleep, Shit, Repeat, your
Speaker 1: wildly unhinged podcast about the madness that is motherhood and
Speaker 1: everything in between. I'm Kelly McCarron and I'm writing solo today. Ha ha.
Speaker 1: He is in Newborn Territory. She's cluster feeding and it's
Speaker 1: her full time job. So I have three ran over
Speaker 1: the pod. But don't you worry. I'm not doing a
Speaker 1: part two about ghosts. I've dragged my sister into the
Speaker 1: studio to farm her for content and share her for
Speaker 1: Ray Interparenting, which is a pretty wild story about the
Speaker 1: dog and the puff aka my niece and nephew and
Speaker 1: how they came to be. Em and I are strowingly
Speaker 1: different people. She has a very sensible job in insurance.
Speaker 1: She's very organized, like she you know, puts the toys
Speaker 1: away and such, and basically she's in charge of the
Speaker 1: chaos that is my life. Despite being the younger out
Speaker 1: of us, we do both have the exact same wicked
Speaker 1: sense of humor. She is a very funny person and
Speaker 1: my favorite person to hang out with, and although when
Speaker 1: we do have the occasional fight it is a grade
Speaker 1: ay blow up, we generally get along very well and
Speaker 1: have the sort of relationship you imagine or want other
Speaker 1: people to have, because there's nothing quite like it. She
Speaker 1: also lives just ten minutes away from me, which is
Speaker 1: very handy and pretty much the only reason I live
Speaker 1: in Sydney at this point. So welcome emy. All right,
Speaker 1: So m it's just a bit of a tail. So
Speaker 1: first of all, we need to get into you deciding
Speaker 1: to have children, your dodgy genes IVF. Talk about that.
Speaker 2: My journey into her wanting children. I've always wanted children.
Speaker 2: I was that person growing up who would steal everyone's babies.
Speaker 2: I was so so excited to be a mum. I
Speaker 2: don't know how many of you know this, but Kell
Speaker 2: and I, our mum was diagnosed with ovarian and uterine
Speaker 2: cancer probably about ten eleven years ago now. She had
Speaker 2: some genetic testing done, so my sister, brother and I
Speaker 2: all had the same kind of testing, and it turns
Speaker 2: out we actually have a genetic predisposition to some different
Speaker 2: kinds of cancer.
Speaker 1: Beg your pardon you and brother Sam do. I was
Speaker 1: the chosen one without the gene.
Speaker 2: And Kelly now lives with survivors guilt. What it meant
Speaker 2: for Adrian and I when it came to having kids
Speaker 2: is that we wanted to try IVF because we wanted
Speaker 2: to try to take the gene out of our family
Speaker 2: line with the genetic condition, but there's a fifty percent
Speaker 2: chance of us passing it on to another child, so
Speaker 2: it's quite a high percentage. So Adrian and I decided
Speaker 2: to start doing IVF in twenty nineteen. We saved up
Speaker 2: all the money and I was so naive. I went
Speaker 2: in and I just thought it would work. There was
Speaker 2: no perceived notion for me that it wouldn't.
Speaker 1: She also told not one person that she was going
Speaker 1: through it, including myself, Like, not one person knew that
Speaker 1: she was doing IVF or going through IVF, which anyone
Speaker 1: that's gone through IVF or knows someone that's gone through IVF.
Speaker 1: It's not like just oh, I'm doing this. It's not
Speaker 1: just like taking a medicine. And then going in to
Speaker 1: get inseminated.
Speaker 2: No, we didn't tell anyone. So we did it the
Speaker 2: same year Kel was getting married, and Kell had waited
Speaker 2: a long time to get married, And even though the
Speaker 2: firefest was the firefest that it was, we didn't want
Speaker 2: to take away from that. And also I had this
Speaker 2: idealistic notion that I would surprise everyone on Christmas and
Speaker 2: tell everyone I was pregnant. So we started IVF, got
Speaker 2: the medication, started our cycle. Everything was going along just fine,
Speaker 2: as it usually does. Side effects were really crappy. I
Speaker 2: was twenty eight when we did this, so I was
Speaker 2: still quite young, and I just thought it would work.
Speaker 2: All the initial testing when you do IVF and all
Speaker 2: the discussions, they constantly prep you for it not working,
Speaker 2: and so you meet with psychologists and all of the
Speaker 2: healthcare team. They're keep preparing for you not to work.
Speaker 2: But I just had it in my head it would
Speaker 2: I had it all planned out, I had my announcement
Speaker 2: to the family. I just thought it would anyway. So
Speaker 2: we go to the day where we get our eggs
Speaker 2: taken out. That was all fine. In the end, I
Speaker 2: think we got about fourteen embryos and then they were
Speaker 2: all fertilized, and then on day one, which is the
Speaker 2: next day after, they called to tell me out of
Speaker 2: all the ones they'd fertilized, only five had progressed, so
Speaker 2: actually started dividing cells. Then I got a call on
Speaker 2: day two and I was told that one of the
Speaker 2: five had not made it to day two. And then
Speaker 2: we waited the next four days until we got the
Speaker 2: final results. And then I found out only one of
Speaker 2: our five initial embryos had progressed and was ready to
Speaker 2: be able to be genetically tested. So it went through
Speaker 2: the genetic testing, which takes a good cup weeks, and
Speaker 2: I still remember the dad I got the phone call.
Speaker 2: I was at work and I got a call from
Speaker 2: the clinic and they told me that the one embryo
Speaker 2: we had had the gene that we were trying to
Speaker 2: eradicate from the line. And with IVF, when you do
Speaker 2: something like that, you actually then don't have the option
Speaker 2: to use that embryo. Just say, if you're looking for
Speaker 2: a gene and we find that gene, that's it, and
Speaker 2: they dispose of it. I don't know another way to
Speaker 2: say that. So we were very very upset about that,
Speaker 2: and I'm sorry if this is a bit of a
Speaker 2: trigger warning for other women who've gone through IVF multiple times,
Speaker 2: because I can't I can't imagine what that's like. I
Speaker 2: only did it once, but it was horrible. When you
Speaker 2: have IVF, you do a follow up meetings with all
Speaker 2: your doctors. So when we had ours, she told me
Speaker 2: that the quality of my eggs was the same as
Speaker 2: someone much older, like someone in their forties. She said
Speaker 2: that they were really fragmented that there was basically no
Speaker 2: chance of us falling pregnant naturally, and then we just
Speaker 2: had to prepare for future rounds and she was going
Speaker 2: to change the medication I was on, and also put
Speaker 2: me on a range of different like vitamins and different
Speaker 2: supplements and things like that, which she said she only
Speaker 2: really uses on people who are older who are going
Speaker 2: through IVF to try to just improve the overall health.
Speaker 2: And she recommended acupuncture and a lot of other stuff.
Speaker 2: So we started to say for our second round, and
Speaker 2: we became quite lax about contraception because we didn't think
Speaker 2: we could fall pregnant, and then Low and Bohole January
Speaker 2: twenty twenty, we found out we were pregnant. I still
Speaker 2: remember that first appointment with the doctor. I could not
Speaker 2: understand how it had happened. So I hadn't gotten my period,
Speaker 2: it was late, so I was like, oh, there's no way.
Speaker 2: But I'd also was feeling a bit sick and whatnot.
Speaker 2: So I went and took a pregnancy test and it
Speaker 2: was positive. I booked in to see a doctor the
Speaker 2: next day because I just could not believe it. The
Speaker 2: doctor was really lovely and he just said for women,
Speaker 2: fertility so much medicalized these days, but often it's not.
Speaker 2: He's like, we can't explain how it happened, but this
Speaker 2: happens all the time, basically. Then we told our family
Speaker 2: probably a week or two later, my pop had passed away,
Speaker 2: and that was very sad. It was my mum's last
Speaker 2: remaining parent and it was she was very upset. So
Speaker 2: it was really nice to be able to give her
Speaker 2: a little bit of excitement and all that because it
Speaker 2: was her first grandchild.
Speaker 1: But by that point Emma had told us all about
Speaker 1: the IVF and that her and Adrian were really going
Speaker 1: to struggle and that sort of thing. So we were
Speaker 1: all like, what did you secretly just do her out?
Speaker 1: Like what?
Speaker 2: Everyone was quite surprised, So will we.
Speaker 1: Then we found out that it happened in the caravan
Speaker 1: at bloody Christmas trime.
Speaker 2: It didn't happen in the caravan, so yeah, So then
Speaker 2: we told everyone we were pregnant. I had a pretty
Speaker 2: normal pregnancy. I still remember. I did some spotting and
Speaker 2: I was actually bleeding through some of my first trimester,
Speaker 2: and that was a big concern for a lot of
Speaker 2: for me more than the doctors, because they, I guess,
Speaker 2: weren't as concerned about it as I was. But I
Speaker 2: was quite worried about it because my embryos that had
Speaker 2: been such poor quality. I thought that it meant that
Speaker 2: I was going to likely miscarry. Thankfully, we got lucky
Speaker 2: and that didn't happen, and everything went pretty well. I
Speaker 2: had a pretty normal pregnancy. Nothing too exciting happened. I
Speaker 2: was high risk because I've had hypertension since I was
Speaker 2: about sixteen years old. I've been through all the medical
Speaker 2: tests and everything. No one knows why. It's just something
Speaker 2: I've always just had to deal with and I've been
Speaker 2: on medication for years. Hypertensions high blood pressure for anyone
Speaker 2: who doesn't know. So while I was pregnant, my blood
Speaker 2: pressure actually got better, which was really strange. So I
Speaker 2: was already in the high care unit at the hospital,
Speaker 2: so I was seeing doctors all the time and they
Speaker 2: were keeping a really class iron me, which was great.
Speaker 2: But I ended up coming completely off on my blood
Speaker 2: pressure medication when I was pregnant with Evelyn, and they
Speaker 2: don't know how or why that happened, but it's like
Speaker 2: my body fixed itself until I went into labor. With Evy.
Speaker 2: I went into labor normally she was breached, so I
Speaker 2: was booked in for a c section at thirty nine
Speaker 2: weeks in a couple of days, and we tried the
Speaker 2: ec be, the manual turning and things like that. None
Speaker 2: of it worked, so they just booked us in.
Speaker 1: We need to find video to insert for socials of
Speaker 1: Nanny trying to coax Evelyn around. I'll find the video
Speaker 1: and pop it on socials so people could see. It
Speaker 1: was so cute our grandma, who were both very close
Speaker 1: to adore where like if she's still with us, she
Speaker 1: does have dementia and doesn't know who we are most
Speaker 1: of the time, but she would like gently caress Emma's
Speaker 1: tummy and like try to massage Eavy around. I don't
Speaker 1: know what she thought she was doing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it didn't work. She was very comfortable in there.
Speaker 2: She did not move. So I went into labor. Normally,
Speaker 2: i'd have been having contractions on and off for about
Speaker 2: a day, and then I started to bleed really heavily,
Speaker 2: so I caught the hospital. They said to come in.
Speaker 2: I went in. My blood pressure was up. They weren't
Speaker 2: super worried. They kept us there for about six hours
Speaker 2: or I was still bleeding really heavily, and then everything
Speaker 2: sort of started to happen at once, which I think
Speaker 2: is quite common for anyone who's had any kind of
Speaker 2: birth with their complications. It's all very peaceful. In the
Speaker 2: next minute, you've got ten people in your room. We
Speaker 2: weren't told anything. They just said, oh, look, we're taking
Speaker 2: you in now you can have your baby. And so
Speaker 2: we were wheeled down the hall, went into the room.
Speaker 2: Had a spinal If anyone else who's had my sea section, mums, no,
Speaker 2: the shakes are absolutely horrible. So I was like vibrating
Speaker 2: off the table. My poor husband. So anyway, we're having
Speaker 2: the sea section. Everything was fine. They were jolting around
Speaker 2: as they always do. At one point I did feel
Speaker 2: them jolt my side quite heavily and I didn't think
Speaker 2: anything about it at the time, but then they sewed
Speaker 2: me up. Adrian went away, my husband went away with Evelyn,
Speaker 2: and then I was wheeled to recovery and I was
Speaker 2: in recovery for about four hours because my blood pressure
Speaker 2: was really high and wasn't coming down. I also couldn't
Speaker 2: really see so like everything was really glary, the lights
Speaker 2: were really bright. Yeah, everything was really distorted. I was
Speaker 2: shaking and I was felt freezing cold. It was a
Speaker 2: really weird sensation. So they didn't let me leave. They
Speaker 2: wanted one of the specialists. And when you have hypertension
Speaker 2: impregnate and see you don't see cardiologists. You actually see
Speaker 2: nephthrologists who look after your kidneys because that's the biggest
Speaker 2: part of your body that can be affected through hypertension
Speaker 2: in pregnancy. So they were waiting for a specialist to
Speaker 2: come and see me. In the end, they didn't, so
Speaker 2: I was wheeled off to the maternity ward because they
Speaker 2: were busy. So I was there got to feed everyone,
Speaker 2: which was nice. I was still feeling really strange, like
Speaker 2: I still couldn't really see anything, and then.
Speaker 1: Surprise, surprise, she was breastfeeding another child. Sorry, like I
Speaker 1: said at the top, we've both got really bad sense
Speaker 1: of the humor.
Speaker 2: No, I wasn't, But what was actually this was actually
Speaker 2: really cool. I remember them asking me if I wanted
Speaker 2: to breastfeed her, and I was like, oh, I don't
Speaker 2: think I can. I don't think there's any milk in there.
Speaker 2: And they just started squeezing my nipples and it started
Speaker 2: just started coming out, and I was like, Oh, that's
Speaker 2: really cool. I can't believe I did that. My body
Speaker 2: did that. So then I was in the maternity ward
Speaker 2: and I had some physicians come in and they started
Speaker 2: playing around with my feet and checking my blood pressure
Speaker 2: and doing a few things, and I was just off
Speaker 2: in my own world. I was quite out of it.
Speaker 2: Then hit the guy left, and then he came back
Speaker 2: with another specialist and they started playing around with my
Speaker 2: feet again and stuff like that, and then they the
Speaker 2: next minute he was like, we're moving you back up,
Speaker 2: like to a different unit of the hospital, back to
Speaker 2: the birthing unit, And so up we went. Evelyn came
Speaker 2: with me. My husband had gone home for a couple
Speaker 2: of hours that time to walk our dog. Again. No
Speaker 2: one really said anything to me about what was going on.
Speaker 2: The next minute, I was just hooked up to a
Speaker 2: drip and I had a midwife sit with me for
Speaker 2: about two hours, just watching me. So it turned out
Speaker 2: I had developed preclampsy and I was having what we
Speaker 2: call hyperreflexia, so it means that when you do like
Speaker 2: a test on a reflex test, it my limits were
Speaker 2: not normal. So when they were playing around with my feet,
Speaker 2: they were testing my reflexes, and my reflexes were going
Speaker 2: completely crazy, and what it meant was was that my
Speaker 2: brain was being affected by the high blood pressure. So
Speaker 2: they put me on this strip called magnesium sulfate, which
Speaker 2: stopped you having seizures because that was going to be
Speaker 2: the next thing that was going to happen if they
Speaker 2: didn't get me on it. It can also cause you
Speaker 2: to your heart to fail, so that's why nurses sit
Speaker 2: with you for the first hour or two because that's
Speaker 2: when the dose is the highest, and then they drop
Speaker 2: it down and then you stay on this strip for
Speaker 2: twenty four to forty eight hours, depending on how well
Speaker 2: you are. So I was just sitting in this room
Speaker 2: for I think I ended up staying on it for
Speaker 2: twenty four hours, so not the forty eight, which was good,
Speaker 2: and it did start to settle things down, but I
Speaker 2: still could barely see, like everything was still really bright.
Speaker 2: But they dimmed all the lights in the room. And
Speaker 2: I hadn't even told them that I was feeling like
Speaker 2: that at this point. They just did it all. Everyone
Speaker 2: kept quite a close eye on me for the next day.
Speaker 2: Then I had all the specialists coming to see me.
Speaker 2: They ended up moving me probably about a day later,
Speaker 2: back to the normal ward. My blood pressure was still
Speaker 2: really high, but I wasn't having any neurological symptoms anymore,
Speaker 2: so they took me off the magnesium sulfate and instead
Speaker 2: put me on a whole cohort of blood pressure medication.
Speaker 2: I was on three different kinds of medication that I
Speaker 2: had to take about five times a day, and I
Speaker 2: was on that for probably four to six months, and
Speaker 2: then all of a sudden, my blood pressure just started
Speaker 2: to drop and drop and drop, and so I just
Speaker 2: had to wean myself off the medication under their advice, obviously,
Speaker 2: but it was really horrible. So if anyone else who's
Speaker 2: had preclamsy before, I'm really sorry. It really sucks. The
Speaker 2: medication makes you feel so unwell, your muscles all you
Speaker 2: can't like I couldn't hold Evelyn, like I couldn't move
Speaker 2: It's all. It was horrible, and I couldn't talk about
Speaker 2: it for a long time after having her, because.
Speaker 1: You I hate this word, but I don't know what
Speaker 1: other word to use, because of the trauma that you
Speaker 1: felt when you were reflecting back, or because you didn't
Speaker 1: want to be reminded, or you just didn't want to
Speaker 1: talk about it. You're not a talker though, until after
Speaker 1: the fact. We're very similar in that regard, and then
Speaker 1: we all say things afterwards in each other or other people,
Speaker 1: like why didn't you say anything? But sometimes it's easier
Speaker 1: just to tunnel through because other people's sympathy or whatnot
Speaker 1: aren't actually going to help. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know why I didn't. I just couldn't, Like
Speaker 2: I didn't want to think about it, and I felt
Speaker 2: like I was stuck if I did, so I just
Speaker 2: didn't talk about it. I didn't do anything, and then
Speaker 2: ys in hospital for a way while because they were
Speaker 2: still concerned about my blood pressure and things can escalate
Speaker 2: quite quickly when it's high for the postpartum period, so
Speaker 2: they kept me there for a while. Then I got
Speaker 2: sent home and.
Speaker 1: No one could visit you at the hospital because it
Speaker 1: was COVID.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so lockdown one. So it was just my husband
Speaker 2: in the hospital with me. And then yet then we
Speaker 2: went home about a week later. Everything was fine for
Speaker 2: a while, like we just settled into parenting life. Everything
Speaker 2: was going fine. She was fit, like breastfeeding us finding okay,
Speaker 2: like a bit painful, but not too bad, and everything
Speaker 2: was chugging along. Then about it was probably about ten
Speaker 2: days after she was born, Evelyn started to cry. I
Speaker 2: don't consider myself a dramatic person, but she cried and
Speaker 2: screamed all day every day unless she slept, and she
Speaker 2: didn't sleep. She'd sleep for twenty minutes at a time
Speaker 2: every couple of hours, so she also was chronically overtired.
Speaker 2: But she did not sleep, and she just screamed all
Speaker 2: the time. And I didn't know what to do. She
Speaker 2: just screamed and screamed and screamed.
Speaker 1: Babies cry, didn't you know. That's what every doctor likes
Speaker 1: to tell you.
Speaker 2: That's what every doctor did tell me. So I saw
Speaker 2: two or three pediatricians and that was a good five
Speaker 2: hundred dollars a pop. I saw multiple gps. I saw
Speaker 2: the community nurses, and everyone just told me babies cry.
Speaker 1: Remember the night after it had started, I put a
Speaker 1: call out on Instagram. People are so helpful. So I
Speaker 1: went to the shops and bought every single thing that
Speaker 1: was recommended, like grape water, like any single thing, and
Speaker 1: got all these methods. And then I went over and
Speaker 1: I'm trying to like give her gas massages, baby massages
Speaker 1: while Ni's going at Eveline's just going ah, and then
Speaker 1: I'm being a human snool like vibrating under her. It
Speaker 1: was proper unhinged.
Speaker 2: It really was like Kelly was the only person. Well,
Speaker 2: my mum was there a lot too, but Kelly, because
Speaker 2: she's in Sydney, sat with my husband and I threw
Speaker 2: this and it was so bad, and because everyone kept
Speaker 2: telling us babies cry, we just sat in this pit
Speaker 2: of miser for months. And then my husband went away
Speaker 2: when Evelyn was about six weeks old. He was in
Speaker 2: the army, so he was gone for six weeks and
Speaker 2: I ended up. She was so unsettled that my dad
Speaker 2: ended up coming to Sydney to get me and Evelyn
Speaker 2: and bring us back to their place, and she screamed
Speaker 2: so much, like they live on property that his neighbors
Speaker 2: asked him what he was doing to his granddaughter because
Speaker 2: she would not stop screaming. There was like she would
Speaker 2: go hours and hours. We did the whole weitch I've
Speaker 2: taken her a hospital before when she was screaming so much.
Speaker 2: We bought the Wilby's and all of the everything under
Speaker 2: the sun. Nothing worked, and every doctor continued to tell
Speaker 2: me babies just cry. And she was also she vomited
Speaker 2: all the time, and it's just she was just it
Speaker 2: was horrible.
Speaker 1: As a first time mum. Em also was on the
Speaker 1: younger side, like no one really in your friendship circle,
Speaker 1: not many people had babies, so you didn't also have
Speaker 1: a point of reference of what was normal. So you
Speaker 1: just listen and to the medical professionals and thought, I
Speaker 1: guess this is normal, I guess or babies just scream
Speaker 1: like this.
Speaker 2: Because I'd wanted a baby for so long and I
Speaker 2: felt so lucky I'd had one, And then I guess
Speaker 2: this isn't really a talk for right now. But then
Speaker 2: there was the whole because we felt pregnant. Obviously the
Speaker 2: reasons for us doing IVF were medical, there also was
Speaker 2: there's a part of us it always worries still about
Speaker 2: the genetic things. I realized I didn't cover up on
Speaker 2: that before.
Speaker 1: Can I just tell the wild part of that that
Speaker 1: eavy and puff you finished yum can't be tested because
Speaker 1: it's not consensual, but like, okay, but you could be
Speaker 1: tested for chicken pox or like that is the silliest thing.
Speaker 1: You could be tested for anything low iron reflux. But
Speaker 1: you can't be tested because it's not consensual.
Speaker 2: So that's something that they never telled us as well.
Speaker 2: We did. We have asked about getting the kids tested
Speaker 2: because I just believe education and information is important. So
Speaker 2: if they do carry the gene, I want to know
Speaker 2: because I want doctors to constantly look after them and
Speaker 2: watch out for them like they do for me. Like
Speaker 2: every year, I have so many tests and things that
Speaker 2: are run, and every time anyone is somewhat concerned about
Speaker 2: anything or I have some kind of weird symptom, I'll
Speaker 2: have an ultrasound a blood test. Like I'm probably the
Speaker 2: safest person when it comes to any kind of cancer
Speaker 2: diagnosis because yes, I'm more likely to get it, but
Speaker 2: I'm also so much more likely to catch it really early.
Speaker 2: So yeah, Evelyn's crying Adrian's mum has passed away. We're
Speaker 2: very sad. He's working a lot, he's in the Army.
Speaker 2: I'm on maternity leave going mad. I'd wanted this baby
Speaker 2: more than anything, and she just screams all the time.
Speaker 2: No one would tell me anything was wrong. I went
Speaker 2: out to lunch one day to work colleagues. One of
Speaker 2: them was a first time mum, and their babies are
Speaker 2: just sitting there perfectly, and I just felt like I
Speaker 2: was failing. She woke up every hour for the first
Speaker 2: six months. I literally was just on autopilot. I was
Speaker 2: so numb to everything. I just felt so out of it.
Speaker 2: We went to Trasilian, we did all of the stuff
Speaker 2: that everyone recommends, and still we weren't getting anywhere. Over
Speaker 2: that period, Agent I did comfort ourselves with wine most evenings.
Speaker 2: I know that's terrible, don't recommend, but we would drink
Speaker 2: too much wine and then have sex. A lot of
Speaker 2: you are probably thinking that's really weird given everything that's
Speaker 2: going on, but I think it was probably the only
Speaker 2: way we felt like we were connecting. Because, like anyone
Speaker 2: who says that babies bring you closer, I don't understand it. Obviously,
Speaker 2: I love him very much. But we both were at
Speaker 2: like lockerheads all the time because this little thing would
Speaker 2: scream at us all the time. I felt resemful being
Speaker 2: at home with this little babyhood scream. He's working so
Speaker 2: hard coming home to me miserable on her screaming. So
Speaker 2: I think it was the only way that we felt connected.
Speaker 1: I'm still baffled as like, why would you want to
Speaker 1: be touched like you're stick of You're so touched out
Speaker 1: and like, but everyone's very different anyway, everyone's either wine,
Speaker 1: everyone's very different. But you were on birth control. I
Speaker 1: would like to remind yes.
Speaker 2: I was on birth control, and I was on the
Speaker 2: mini peel and which they say is safe to take away.
Speaker 2: You're breastfeeding, because at that point I was mixed feeding
Speaker 2: because because she was so unsettled, I could not have
Speaker 2: her on me all the time, so that having people
Speaker 2: be able to give her a bottle really helped anyway. Then,
Speaker 2: I because I was on the mini pill, I was
Speaker 2: getting two periods a month, and it just was the
Speaker 2: way it was. It had been that way for months.
Speaker 2: I was just kind of used to it. And then
Speaker 2: it got to the end of May twenty twenty one
Speaker 2: and my period. By second period hadn't arrived. The week
Speaker 2: before Kelly had called and told me she was pregnant
Speaker 2: with Lennie. And then I didn't get my second period
Speaker 2: of the month, and so I had some old expired
Speaker 2: pregnancy tests from when I was felt pregnant with Evelyn,
Speaker 2: and so I went and did one, and two lines
Speaker 2: showed up. I couldn't believe it. I went to the
Speaker 2: shops and bought another one, like one of those really
Speaker 2: expensive manual ones where it tells you if you're actually
Speaker 2: pregnant or not, because I was wanted there to be
Speaker 2: no ambiguity, and yet said I was pregnant.
Speaker 1: When she calls me, she's sobbing, and then she goes
Speaker 1: downstairs and Adriene is just staring into the abyss. Evelyn's
Speaker 1: still screaming, and yeah, so you can get pregnant on
Speaker 1: the mini pill and even those who have terrible eggs,
Speaker 1: according to the fertility specialists.
Speaker 2: And before anyone asks, yes, I was taking it properly apparently,
Speaker 2: and I don't know if this is medically correct, but
Speaker 2: one doctor told me. This was my renal specialist who
Speaker 2: I had to go back and see obviously because of
Speaker 2: my blood pressure issues with Evelyn. She told me that
Speaker 2: the mini pill doesn't work as effectively once you stop breastfeeding,
Speaker 2: and I've stopped breastfeeding a couple of weeks before this.
Speaker 2: So after we found it we're pregnant with Wesley, we thought, okay,
Speaker 2: well we need to sort out the first one being Evelyn.
Speaker 2: So I booked in an appointment that day with this
Speaker 2: doctor i'd been seeing at the time and said, we
Speaker 2: need to fix this. Something's not right. No one's listening
Speaker 2: to me. Please help us. We've just found out we're
Speaker 2: pregnant again. So she's like, okay, well let's try let's
Speaker 2: see if it's reflux. She's vomiting a lot, maybe it's reflux.
Speaker 2: So she puts her on reflex meds. Look, it helps
Speaker 2: a little bit. It's not a significant improvement, it helps
Speaker 2: a little bit. She's still waking all the time. So
Speaker 2: then we try all of the different sleep training options.
Speaker 2: Please don't judge me, but we tried them all. A
Speaker 2: couple of months after she started on the reflex meds,
Speaker 2: I posted a video of her and said something about
Speaker 2: her vomiting all the time, and this doctor followed me
Speaker 2: on Facebook and Instagram, and so she calls me out
Speaker 2: of the blue and says, oh, you mentioned she's still
Speaker 2: vomiting in your story. I want you to try putting
Speaker 2: her on a dairy free formula. And she's like, I
Speaker 2: mean completely dairy free. There's only one you can buy
Speaker 2: that's not prescription. And she's like, there's actual allergies babies
Speaker 2: can have to dairy and so we did that. I
Speaker 2: did that that day. It was very expensive. In two weeks,
Speaker 2: she was sleeping for longer and crying less. Within six weeks,
Speaker 2: we had like a completely different baby. She was so settled.
Speaker 2: She started to actually gain weight, she started to have
Speaker 2: normal poos, and she was so happy. Then she started
Speaker 2: to eat more solid foods because she started to get older,
Speaker 2: and then she starts to have really gross poos and
Speaker 2: sorry this is gross for anyone, but she's literally pooing
Speaker 2: out her food whole. She would pooh and there would
Speaker 2: be orange in her like I'm not on corn, I
Speaker 2: mean like orange and apple, like bits of actual chunks
Speaker 2: of food. And I was like, this isn't normal. We're
Speaker 2: on a list to see an allergy specialist. And then
Speaker 2: we saw the allergy specialist when she was one and
Speaker 2: like two months I think, and I walk into this room,
Speaker 2: she'd also started screaming again all the time, Like I
Speaker 2: would pick her up from daycare, heavily pregnant, she would
Speaker 2: scream and scream and scream. She would roll around on
Speaker 2: the ground screaming when we got home and just scream
Speaker 2: until bedtime. We see this allergy specialist, and I just
Speaker 2: looked completely desperate. He was not particularly kind or helpful
Speaker 2: all but he did do allergy testing on her, and
Speaker 2: it turned out she tested positive on the skin prick
Speaker 2: testing to dairy and soy. And it turns out soy
Speaker 2: was the one that was actually impacting her most. It
Speaker 2: was causing all of the terrible like the disgusting pousan like.
Speaker 2: It was just upset her stomach so much so. And
Speaker 2: that's why for a short window of time it was
Speaker 2: good when she was just on this dairy free formula
Speaker 2: because there was also no soy in that formula, so
Speaker 2: she was the only window of time where she was
Speaker 2: a happy, normal sort of baby. It's wild that not
Speaker 2: one doctor like cows and protein milk and allergies and
Speaker 2: soy is actually not that uncommon. Like it's wild that
Speaker 2: not one doctor picked that up. I feel like I'm
Speaker 2: much less of an asshole after having Evelyn as a baby,
Speaker 2: because I was that person who'd be like, oh, you're
Speaker 2: gluten free too, Like I was an asshole. I was,
Speaker 2: and I think that's what a lot of doctors did
Speaker 2: to me. They're like, Oh, another mom who think her
Speaker 2: baby's got reflux. Another mom who says her baby's not
Speaker 2: sleeping and crying. That's what babies do. I have so
Speaker 2: much more patience and I'm so much more open because
Speaker 2: I've never experienced anything that like that in my life.
Speaker 2: So Evelyn starts on this really restrictive diet. Finding food
Speaker 2: without soy in it is so hard. You can't give
Speaker 2: them normal bread. She was on such a restricted diet,
Speaker 2: but it worked like her. Poo's previously were so bad.
Speaker 2: I had the ladies at day care calling and talking
Speaker 2: to me about it. Not diarrhea, just disgusting.
Speaker 1: One day I was looking after and I didn't realize
Speaker 1: that there was soy in the batter in KFC. Well
Speaker 1: that's what I got for ordering my niece KFC for lunch.
Speaker 1: I literally had to hose her down in the shower
Speaker 1: like a small dog. There was feces everywhere.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so we got her on a very restricted diet.
Speaker 2: It again really helped and she started to settle a bit.
Speaker 2: Then I it was my mother in law's death anniversary,
Speaker 2: so like it was one year to the day since
Speaker 2: she'd passed away, and I started to feel a bit funny,
Speaker 2: like I wasn't feeling great, Like I was thirty five
Speaker 2: weeks pregnant. I was like, I'm not feeling good. So
Speaker 2: I was like, and my husband was talking to his
Speaker 2: sister overseasing on the phone because they were talking about
Speaker 2: their mum and whatnot, and she's had a baby, and
Speaker 2: she was just sort of like, oh, I hope Emma's
Speaker 2: all right, and was making jokes because I was also
Speaker 2: experiencing intermittent pain. I was thirty five weeks. And then
Speaker 2: I sat on the lounge for most of the night.
Speaker 2: And I'm normally not the type of person who can
Speaker 2: just sit around. I normally like to do twenty brilliant things,
Speaker 2: and so I just sat there, and the pain's getting
Speaker 2: worse and a bit more frequent, and I was like,
Speaker 2: this feels familiar. But I did think it was Braxton
Speaker 2: Hicks because it was thirty five weeks. I was like, Nah,
Speaker 2: it's fine, it'll yeah, it won't actually be labor. I'll
Speaker 2: just sit and wait it out. They were going to
Speaker 2: book me in for another C section because the babies
Speaker 2: were so close together. The hospital that I was going
Speaker 2: to they didn't actually allow you to try for a
Speaker 2: v back when the babies was close together as mine,
Speaker 2: so and to after everything happen with Evelyn's birth, I
Speaker 2: didn't mind the idea of having something planned and knowing
Speaker 2: what I was expecting in a gap. I was worried
Speaker 2: about going into labor earlier than I did because Evelyn
Speaker 2: I was thirty eight weeks, so I wanted them to
Speaker 2: book it in earlier, but they said, because of health reasons,
Speaker 2: they wanted to wait till I was thirty eight or
Speaker 2: thirty nine weeks, which was fine, but then, yeah, thirty
Speaker 2: five weeks, I'm in a lot of pain. I called
Speaker 2: the hospital and I was like, what do you want
Speaker 2: me to do? And they were like, oh, and my
Speaker 2: blood pressure throughout this pregnancy as well. I didn't touch
Speaker 2: on that. My blood pressure was pretty good. I was
Speaker 2: on medication the whole time, but it didn't I didn't
Speaker 2: go completely off at lack last time, but it was
Speaker 2: pretty manageable. Yeah, it's COVID as well. So we'd spent
Speaker 2: most of the time just by ourselves.
Speaker 1: So picture this baby that hasn't shut up and stopped
Speaker 1: screaming through lockdowns as well.
Speaker 2: You can't escape. It was pretty hrah. But she's a
Speaker 2: beautiful girl. Now, she's the sweetest thing in the world.
Speaker 2: She is it anyway, So I got rock up to hospital.
Speaker 2: I drove myself. I didn't take my hospital bag because
Speaker 2: I was like, nap, it's brax and Hicks. I'm being dramatic.
Speaker 2: It's fine. And I'm on my way to the hospital
Speaker 2: site a set of traffic lights and I started like
Speaker 2: getting a contraction again, and I was.
Speaker 1: Like, oooh, this hurts.
Speaker 2: I forgot how much of these hats. And I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm glad I'm going to hospital because you'll know, everyone's
Speaker 2: pregnancies are different. But between my contractions I felt fine.
Speaker 2: So if they're five minutes apart, you feel fine. You're like,
Speaker 2: now it's being dramatic, it's fine. You talk yourself out
Speaker 2: of it. So that's what i'd been doing for hours.
Speaker 2: Rock up to hospital. They check me. I was once
Speaker 2: centimeter dilated and they were like, oh, we're not sure,
Speaker 2: like we're going to start you on meds, and my
Speaker 2: blood pressure was up a bit too. So the drug
Speaker 2: they give you to stop labor is also actually an
Speaker 2: anti hypotensive medication. It's called nephetipine, so it was one
Speaker 2: of the drugs I left hospital like I was on
Speaker 2: when I left the hospital with Evelyn, So they had me.
Speaker 2: They gave me so much of this medication like it was.
Speaker 2: I think I had a couple of tablets every fifteen minutes,
Speaker 2: and then they dropped it to every hour or two
Speaker 2: because that's how they try to stop labor. They had
Speaker 2: me on a drip to try to get more fluid
Speaker 2: into me to see if it'll all stop. It didn't.
Speaker 2: It just got worse and worse. My husband came the
Speaker 2: next morning with one of his friends. He'd dropped Eavy
Speaker 2: off with one of the neighbors. He got a friend
Speaker 2: to drop him off so he could pick up the
Speaker 2: car that I'd kindly left for him by driving myself.
Speaker 2: He dropped off my bag, but he wasn't allowed into
Speaker 2: the hospital because even though I was in layby, it
Speaker 2: was COVID and until I was actually given birth, he
Speaker 2: wasn't allowed in. I still remember he left the bag
Speaker 2: with security because he wasn't allowed in, and he'd made
Speaker 2: me a coffee and I love my morning coffee, and
Speaker 2: he'd put it in a keep cup in a plastic
Speaker 2: bag and put it in the front of my suitcase.
Speaker 2: Security brought my bag up. He told me about the coffee,
Speaker 2: so I pulled it out and one of the nurses
Speaker 2: looked at me and she's like, you can't have that, and.
Speaker 1: I was like, what do you mean.
Speaker 2: So they would't let me eat or drink anything because
Speaker 2: they didn't know what was gonna happen. So I just
Speaker 2: couldn't drink this coffee, and I was so sad.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's a coffee that will actually send a woman
Speaker 1: over the edge. Do you remember when I was at
Speaker 1: that sleep school down in Camden and no one had
Speaker 1: the iced coffee and I was walking through the streets sobbing.
Speaker 1: Not one person get me a fucking piece of ice,
Speaker 1: so I.
Speaker 2: Couldn't have my coffee. They didn't let me eat anything.
Speaker 2: I was there for all day. I had midwife coming
Speaker 2: in and out and they'd come and check me. That'd
Speaker 2: sit with me for a while and just see how
Speaker 2: things were progressing. They started me at giving me steroids.
Speaker 2: The hope was that they would be able to give
Speaker 2: me two lots of steroids. I only ended up getting one.
Speaker 2: The steroids help mature the baby's lungs. Then some of
Speaker 2: the doctors came in and started to talk to me
Speaker 2: and said, look, you're the only woman in this hospital
Speaker 2: who doesn't have COVID. We're going to have to move you.
Speaker 2: And I got so upset because I'd had Evelyn in
Speaker 2: that hospital, and while her birth experience was terrible, I
Speaker 2: felt safe because they'd saved my life last time. I
Speaker 2: felt very safe and the idea of not being with
Speaker 2: that specialist who looked after me last time, who'd seen
Speaker 2: me through this whole pregnancy, and she she's lovely, shout
Speaker 2: out dodtr macres. She's great, Like she's she's amazing. So
Speaker 2: while I was pregnant with Wesley, I found the most
Speaker 2: amazing GP. The doctor I've seen before was fine, but
Speaker 2: I think I always felt resentful that I wasn't taken
Speaker 2: seriously when Evelyn was small, like it was a really,
Speaker 2: really terrible time. So I found this new do who
Speaker 2: specializes looks after mums and babies, and she still I
Speaker 2: travel to see her now, like she's the most amazing doctor,
Speaker 2: Like she's so has that perfect balance of being friendly
Speaker 2: and kind but also just being professional. So they told
Speaker 2: me they were going to move me. I was very
Speaker 2: upset about it, like I kept sobbing, and then they
Speaker 2: felt so bad about it, and I was like I
Speaker 2: really oh, I can't stop crying. But in the end,
Speaker 2: so they had what they had one of the patient
Speaker 2: transport vehicles come. They transferred me to a different hospital.
Speaker 2: I was like having very frequent contractions and they I'd
Speaker 2: asked for drugs, wasn't really given any, and they kept
Speaker 2: asking me every time I'd go quite what was wrong?
Speaker 2: It was driving me mad.
Speaker 1: When I was in labor after contractions, sometimes Luke would
Speaker 1: be like are you okay? And I still think back
Speaker 1: to that and I wouldn't punch him in the face,
Speaker 1: like are you joking? And I remember Emma calling me
Speaker 1: or maybe I called you to check in because Dad
Speaker 1: was like she was like bro, what But Emma goes
Speaker 1: to me on the phone, I got how bud this is?
Speaker 1: And you do you have to like block it out
Speaker 1: of your mind? That pain?
Speaker 2: Oh, I was so bad. So anyway, they transferred me
Speaker 2: to this different hospital. I get in there, the midwife
Speaker 2: goes to me, oh, you're not very far along, like
Speaker 2: you'll be screaming, and Megula fuds. I'm not a screamer.
Speaker 2: I'm not. Then they examined me and I was hating
Speaker 2: a bit centimeters dilated and they're like, oh, okay, right,
Speaker 2: we're gonna have to get you in now for a caesar.
Speaker 2: So they took me in. I did end up actually
Speaker 2: going under a general. I was so anxious. They put
Speaker 2: the spinal in and I just kind of lost it
Speaker 2: a little bit, and they kept saying to me, it's fine,
Speaker 2: and had they had all the like the pediatric team
Speaker 2: were there, and I'm looking up with all these doctors
Speaker 2: and they're they're waiting to take my baby, and I
Speaker 2: just kind of lost it. So they put me under.
Speaker 2: I woke up. I was in recovery. I felt great,
Speaker 2: my blood pressure was good. I was fine. I was
Speaker 2: high as a kite because they gave me lots of
Speaker 2: good meds. Adrian wasn't with me. So what happened with
Speaker 2: Adrian was because I arrived at this different hospital and
Speaker 2: then they found out how far along I was. They
Speaker 2: called Adrian and were like, you need to come here
Speaker 2: now if you want to be there for the birth.
Speaker 2: He quickly called his friends who to look after Evelyn.
Speaker 2: They rock up. They don't know anything about babies at
Speaker 2: this point. They've had kids since and the great Dad's,
Speaker 2: but at the time they didn't and so they they
Speaker 2: did try their best, and then Kelly rocked up a
Speaker 2: few hours later to find Eveylyn whod done a huge
Speaker 2: pooh and didn't know what was going on. So Adrine
Speaker 2: got to the hospital. But because I'd been under a
Speaker 2: general they don't allow partners in, so Adrian he was
Speaker 2: with the baby, who is now known as Puff or Wesley.
Speaker 2: He came to see me and then he had to
Speaker 2: leave because again because it was COVID and what had
Speaker 2: happened was Wesley had actually needed to be resuscitated when
Speaker 2: he was born, So I was very lucky. I wasn't awake.
Speaker 2: He was having a lot of trouble breathing on his own,
Speaker 2: so he was put up on a sea pat machine.
Speaker 2: He also had was hyperglycemic, so he had no blood sugar,
Speaker 2: so they had to start with this special type of
Speaker 2: needle to get his blood sugar up and things like that.
Speaker 2: He was a really sick little wea. The next day
Speaker 2: Adrian came back to visit me to see Wesley. I
Speaker 2: wasn't allowed to get up out of bed yet because
Speaker 2: they'd had a caesar, so I couldn't go to see him,
Speaker 2: and they couldn't bring him to see me because he
Speaker 2: was on sea pap. Then they told me the hospital
Speaker 2: they had moved me to was too small to cater
Speaker 2: for his medical needs and they needed to move him.
Speaker 2: So they got me up. Probably it was probably it
Speaker 2: was over twenty four hours. It was like it was
Speaker 2: quite a long time after he was born. But they
Speaker 2: got me up and I got to go and see him,
Speaker 2: which was really nice, and we got to have a cuddle.
Speaker 2: He had his helmet, he had his cubby, his little oxygen.
Speaker 1: Hebby knowing the Puff now, I mean he's called the
Speaker 1: Puff because as a baby he looked like a little
Speaker 1: cream puff, like he's so fair and round, so we
Speaker 1: just started calling him Weszle Puff and then puff. But
Speaker 1: the puff so round even as a tiny little PREMI
Speaker 1: in his head gear and his little cubby.
Speaker 2: I still remember they gave him to me to hold me,
Speaker 2: and it was like he had all these wires and
Speaker 2: all these doctors around watching him like I couldn't just
Speaker 2: cuddle him, and I started sobbing. And I had not
Speaker 2: cried this whole like I was so numb to everything
Speaker 2: that had been going on. I just hadn't gotten upset,
Speaker 2: and it was the first time I was like, I
Speaker 2: was so upset that it did all happen in the
Speaker 2: poor little darling. So the NETS team were amazing. They
Speaker 2: packed him up and took him in this little oxyton
Speaker 2: and took him away, which was very sad. And then
Speaker 2: I had to stay in the hospital for another couple
Speaker 2: of days, and then COVID went ballistic. There was like
Speaker 2: when there were like forty k thousand cases to day
Speaker 2: and stuff. So then Adrian was not allowed to come
Speaker 2: and see me in the hospital. I was just there
Speaker 2: by myself. I would call the other hospital every day
Speaker 2: where Wessie was and just the nikki there and be like, hey,
Speaker 2: how's he going, and they I remember one day that
Speaker 2: nurse said to me, oh, the midwife or nurse said
Speaker 2: to me, oh, well, he really needs some breast milk,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, great, I've pumped it. It's in the fridge.
Speaker 2: I'm not sure how you would like me to get
Speaker 2: it there, given I can't leave and my husband can't
Speaker 2: come in. And I didn't say that, but in hindsight,
Speaker 2: I'm like, that was just a really mean thing to say.
Speaker 2: I'd approve them to like to use formula. I was like,
Speaker 2: to give him what he needs, please don't feed him
Speaker 2: like it's fine. I'll give like I'm pumping now to
Speaker 2: be fine anyway. Then I end up asking to go
Speaker 2: home because there's fairly any nurses because of COVID. My
Speaker 2: husband can't come home. I've got my first little baby
Speaker 2: at home, the other one in another hospital. So I
Speaker 2: asked to go home, and they're looking at me and
Speaker 2: they sort of wanted to keep me there because they
Speaker 2: thought something looked funny about the scar, but they were
Speaker 2: in the end they being like, they said, no, go home.
Speaker 2: I had to walk myself out of the hospital because
Speaker 2: there wasn't enough nurse staff to help me, and my
Speaker 2: husband wasn't allowed him. And that's after a C section,
Speaker 2: so that was very painful. And he greeted me out
Speaker 2: the front door and then I started sobbing again, and
Speaker 2: then we went got to go and see where it's
Speaker 2: at the hospital.
Speaker 1: He was in, but you guys couldn't go in together.
Speaker 1: And also bear in mind, like I mean, anyone that's
Speaker 1: had two hunder two, well no, but think about your
Speaker 1: child when they were fifteen months old. Ebie was a baby.
Speaker 1: She was a baby, like she really just started walking.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so we went and then he was still he
Speaker 2: was at the hospital there for a couple of weeks,
Speaker 2: so we would go to see him every day. We
Speaker 2: weren't allowing together because of COVID, so we'd go one
Speaker 2: after the other. He was doing pretty well, except because
Speaker 2: he had had a bottle first. They think that's why
Speaker 2: he didn't really ever take to breastfeeding. But I still
Speaker 2: had a pretty good supply, so with we's I just
Speaker 2: pumped all the time. It actually worked out really well,
Speaker 2: so he always like he got a lot of breast milk.
Speaker 2: Not that it's bad if your formula feed, because you're here.
Speaker 2: I ended up giving up and did formula feed him,
Speaker 2: So no judgment from me, but yeah, so that is
Speaker 2: exact exactly. But because Adrian had this big lot of
Speaker 2: time off, and because I felt like with Evelyn, I
Speaker 2: gave up on so many things because she was so
Speaker 2: unsettled and I felt like I was losing my mind
Speaker 2: with where's I wanted to try so I and because
Speaker 2: he was also prayer Mine, he'd be exposed extra germs
Speaker 2: and stuff, so I wanted to just do anything I could.
Speaker 2: Then we get told we can take him home. It's
Speaker 2: really cool. So one thing they do went before you
Speaker 2: take home a premie baby, if they've been in the hospitals,
Speaker 2: they let you stay the night at the hospital with
Speaker 2: them beforehand. So they have special room set up for
Speaker 2: mums and they give you a night where you're feeding
Speaker 2: them and you're just with them and the nursing team
Speaker 2: and stuff. So we did that, which was really nice.
Speaker 2: So because it got to the point where he'd off oxygen,
Speaker 2: but he wasn't feeding properly himself, so he'd still needed
Speaker 2: no nose chew feeding or whatever that's called. But yeah,
Speaker 2: then he was feeding by himself for a couple of days.
Speaker 2: Still not great, but because he was quite big and
Speaker 2: chubby as he still is now, they weren't really concerned.
Speaker 2: They just said I had to make sure I fed
Speaker 2: him every two hours and then bring him back for
Speaker 2: more regular checkups. So we brought Wesi home and he
Speaker 2: compared to it like this, sounds terrible. He was a
Speaker 2: dream baby, Like he was really chilled. And because they like.
Speaker 1: They effectively sleep train when because they can't get to
Speaker 1: a newborn every single second. So you kind of got
Speaker 1: like this few weeks old sleep trained baby because the
Speaker 1: baby's like, I guess help isn't coming.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like it sounds terrible. That's the one perk, Like
Speaker 2: you've got to look at the positives, Like he came
Speaker 2: out on a schedule and just he was chilled. He
Speaker 2: did get quite unsettled for a little while, but it
Speaker 2: was all the things like I'd been through with Evely
Speaker 2: and I didn't really beat around the bush. Plus I
Speaker 2: have had this amazing GP. So I went into his
Speaker 2: six and I was like, look, he's sleeping pretty well.
Speaker 2: He's vomiting quite a lot, especially after feeds, his arching back,
Speaker 2: his et cetera. And so they ended up putting him
Speaker 2: on reflux meds and he was really good. He had
Speaker 2: one pooh that was a bit bloody. So he was
Speaker 2: on sort of a synthesized formula because I stoppedreastfeeding with
Speaker 2: Wezzy at six weeks when Agel went back to work,
Speaker 2: because he's still he wouldn't take the boob. So I
Speaker 2: was pumping and stuff, and I was like, you know what,
Speaker 2: that's enough. He got it to these vaccinations, he's fine. Yeah,
Speaker 2: we started him on formula. The formula we fed him,
Speaker 2: he had a bit of blood in his poos, so
Speaker 2: they suggested with evidence history to go on the dairy
Speaker 2: formula again, but because of COVID and the issues with formula,
Speaker 2: I couldn't actually get it. But I found this other
Speaker 2: brand that still had dairy in it, but it was synthesized,
Speaker 2: so we used that with Wezzy and it was great.
Speaker 2: He actually was fine. And then a couple of months
Speaker 2: later we got him on normal formula and he didn't
Speaker 2: have the same issues, but he did have pretty bad reflux.
Speaker 2: Every time his medication like needed upping so he'd put
Speaker 2: on weight, he just starts vomiting everywhere all the time.
Speaker 2: It was really funny, like it sounds terrible, not he
Speaker 2: wasn't in pain, but he would just like sit there
Speaker 2: and start vomiting everywhere. So he was on. He was
Speaker 2: on that till just over one and he was look,
Speaker 2: he was Wesley was He was quite a good baby,
Speaker 2: but he was a sick baby. He we were in
Speaker 2: and out of hospital with him multiple times. He kept
Speaker 2: getting bronchiolitis.
Speaker 1: I never realized, and two he had wes. What a
Speaker 1: difference those last few weeks make in terms of their
Speaker 1: lung development because his little lungs. He struggled so much.
Speaker 2: When I had Evely, and I remember getting to the
Speaker 2: end of my pregnancy being like, oh, I just want
Speaker 2: him to get like, I just want to get him out.
Speaker 2: And one of this woman I worked with, who was
Speaker 2: also a doctor, said to me, Oh, no, you want
Speaker 2: to keep him in there every day you can. And
Speaker 2: I didn't realize how important it was. But he kept
Speaker 2: getting sick, obviously as all kids do, but he couldn't
Speaker 2: fight it. He ended up in hospital multiple times. He
Speaker 2: had bronchiolitis multiple multiple times. And for any parent who's
Speaker 2: hurt a kid with it, oh, it's absolutely horrible, Like
Speaker 2: they can't yet It's like so basically it happens is
Speaker 2: when all of the aole lie in their in their
Speaker 2: lungs gets filled with so it's like the snot from
Speaker 2: your nose is through their lungs and the only way
Speaker 2: to get it out is the hospital does is It's
Speaker 2: really it's pretty horrible to watch your baby go through it.
Speaker 2: But it does help is they literally stick the suction
Speaker 2: tubes down their nose and airways and suck all the
Speaker 2: gunk out, and they literally can fill tubes with it.
Speaker 2: It's gross, but it's the only thing that helps them
Speaker 2: is their relief of breathing. But so, yeah, he was
Speaker 2: in and out of hospital a fair bit. Poor Kell.
Speaker 2: We had Evelyn dumped on her quite a number of
Speaker 2: times because at that point Adrian also changed jobs to
Speaker 2: try to be home more with us, and because it
Speaker 2: started a new job, he obviously had to take leave.
Speaker 2: But it got to the point where it was so
Speaker 2: often and frequent, like we had to come up with
Speaker 2: Kell as our BABYSITTERU, why.
Speaker 1: Like me and my sister we have awful births and
Speaker 1: awful babies. And yes we're very lucky of course that
Speaker 1: we've got healthy baby. Well now they're healthy, but like
Speaker 1: we do not labor welld you not birth? Well? We
Speaker 1: do not have good newborns.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we don't. But he was always sick. He was
Speaker 2: really happy, like he was a pretty he was. He loved,
Speaker 2: like it sounds silly, he loved the dancing fruits on TV.
Speaker 2: He just frothed on it. One morning, my husband I
Speaker 2: were out for breakfast and he just fell asleep sitting
Speaker 2: on Adrian's lap at breakfast, like he was really happy
Speaker 2: little boy, but he just got so sick. The last time.
Speaker 2: I just remember the last time he got really sick.
Speaker 2: He was over one, and I thought by that point
Speaker 2: he should be better. And Evelyn had been sick all
Speaker 2: week and she'd had croups. So everyone knows as well
Speaker 2: how horrible that, especially the first time when you think
Speaker 2: they're dying and you think you're choking because and they're
Speaker 2: vomiting up by and can't breathe, and so you rush
Speaker 2: him to hospital. And so she'd had that, and then
Speaker 2: she'd been sick and fussy all week, and then it
Speaker 2: got to the Friday and I'm looking at Were's and
Speaker 2: I'd seen the doctor every single day that week. My
Speaker 2: doctor again was amazing. I'd call up in the morning
Speaker 2: and say I'm really sorry, and they'd be like fuck,
Speaker 2: and they'd always find a way to fit us him.
Speaker 2: So that Friday, I'm looking at Where's and I'm like,
Speaker 2: he doesn't look right. And he had a little bit
Speaker 2: of he was retracting a little bit. He had this
Speaker 2: with the wheeze and I said to my husband, I
Speaker 2: think we need to take him back to the doctor.
Speaker 2: And he's like, and we can't go to the doctor again, Like,
Speaker 2: surely not. And so I called my our dad. So
Speaker 2: our dad's a paramedic, and he has been a life
Speaker 2: saver for us, I think a few times with kids,
Speaker 2: like whenever there's something wrong, he always tells us what
Speaker 2: to do. And he's not the type like he let
Speaker 2: me ski for three days with a broken arm in
Speaker 2: our sixteen He's not a soft man.
Speaker 1: There is absolutely no room for hypochondria in our family hysterics.
Speaker 1: We grew up with a very tough and up mentality,
Speaker 1: one that we probably will not be passing on to
Speaker 1: our children. But you know, it's rare for him to say,
Speaker 1: got to the hospital.
Speaker 2: But with Wesley, quite a number of times i'd send
Speaker 2: him videos of his breathing and he'd be like, take
Speaker 2: him straight to hospital. He's a heart, yes, yes, And
Speaker 2: this day I called him and there's this thing with
Speaker 2: babies we account It's called their respiratory rate, so you
Speaker 2: basically count how many times you can see them breathing.
Speaker 2: Wesley's was continuously quite high, and he was retracting, so
Speaker 2: I went to see the GP. She looked at me
Speaker 2: and she's like, sick, he's in. I was like, I
Speaker 2: was like, I don't even know anymore. And she took
Speaker 2: him in. She's like, yeah, no, he's pretty sicky. Gonna
Speaker 2: have to take him to hospital or write your letter.
Speaker 2: So I took him in. We waited for about three hours,
Speaker 2: and in the end, I said to one of the
Speaker 2: nurses because there'd been a few times we'd been that
Speaker 2: they just sent me home because they'd looked at him
Speaker 2: and they're like, yeah, he has a virus, bring him
Speaker 2: back if he gets worse. Like they hadn't really taken
Speaker 2: it very seriously, and so in the end I'd be
Speaker 2: seeing my GP every day instead of the hospital because
Speaker 2: they're also so busy over COVID. So I wondered if
Speaker 2: this was going to be one of those times because
Speaker 2: they just we just waited for so long. In the end,
Speaker 2: they were like, let us look at him again, and
Speaker 2: they did and they were like, no, you're not going home.
Speaker 2: So they took us in and then he ended up
Speaker 2: on oxygen. We were there for three or four days
Speaker 2: or the poor little thing like he's seeing.
Speaker 1: Like, oh, it was.
Speaker 2: It was actually it was heartbreaking, the poor little thing.
Speaker 2: He was so sick. His heart rate was so high,
Speaker 2: like he was so unsettled. He's always loved his weetbis though,
Speaker 2: so that was really handy because he would he wouldn't
Speaker 2: drink any fluids, but he'd loved wheat pics, so I
Speaker 2: could always give him wheat picks and eat it.
Speaker 1: I've just remembered, Wesley. I love that you like. He's
Speaker 1: such an easy baby. He wouldn't drink fluids for months
Speaker 1: at a time out of a sippy cup or a bottle,
Speaker 1: like she couldn't fit. So Emma had to syringe him
Speaker 1: all his fluids for months because the bloke wouldn't learn
Speaker 1: how to use a bloody sippy cup.
Speaker 2: We did have to do that, we had to, so
Speaker 2: it was probably good two to three month period where
Speaker 2: he took through his bottles, couldn't deal with a straw,
Speaker 2: and so every ten minutes I just syringe, keep syringing
Speaker 2: in ten meals of water like we just did it
Speaker 2: all the time, and then just gave him wheat bix
Speaker 2: because he was obsessed with it. He used to wake
Speaker 2: up at two am most mornings, have two wheat bicks
Speaker 2: and then go back to sleep like that was just
Speaker 2: his thing, like he but so he always had enough fluid.
Speaker 2: I promise I didn't deprive him and leave him dehydrated.
Speaker 2: He had enough fluid. But yeah, So that was the
Speaker 2: last time he was really sick, and since then it's
Speaker 2: gotten better. But I think it left just quite anxious
Speaker 2: for quite a long time every time he was unwell,
Speaker 2: because he was just it just progressed so quickly, and
Speaker 2: two under twos very hard. There were nights where Evie
Speaker 2: wouldn't sleep and he wouldn't sleep without me there. So
Speaker 2: I'd be patting him to sleep, and Evelyn to sleep
Speaker 2: lying on the floor next to her, cot with him
Speaker 2: on the floor next to me. I also was working
Speaker 2: at that time too, because in this financial climate we
Speaker 2: all need to and also I felt like work was
Speaker 2: a break that I didn't feel guilty about. So I
Speaker 2: quite enjoyed going back to work with both the kids.
Speaker 2: That gave me an outlet. Plus I had, particularly with Evelyn,
Speaker 2: I had the most amazing manager who was so understanding
Speaker 2: and kind and actually she actually she was managing me
Speaker 2: for a while when I first went back with Wes,
Speaker 2: and she just was Yeah, she was incredible she really
Speaker 2: looked after me, and it made me want to work
Speaker 2: harder too when I could, because she just made me
Speaker 2: want to make her life easier. So it was really
Speaker 2: hard having two under two. But once the sickness subsided,
Speaker 2: things started to get a lot easier. And I think
Speaker 2: it's probably only been over the past six to twelve
Speaker 2: months things have felt normal and we've sort of I
Speaker 2: feel a little bit less horned buy everything. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I still like find it really upsetting to talk about it,
Speaker 2: especially with Wesley. I thought I might get like a
Speaker 2: healing kind of birth, like I thought that might happen,
Speaker 2: and then that wasn't the case. This sounds really woo woo,
Speaker 2: but I can't help but flack. So when I went
Speaker 2: in and my blood pressure was up, the medication brought
Speaker 2: it all down. And like they do say that baby's
Speaker 2: bodies also protect the mums, but then that makes me
Speaker 2: feel terrible because then I'm like, well, then he was
Speaker 2: so sick, so if his little body did that for mine, like,
Speaker 2: it just makes me feel awful. Plus I did I
Speaker 2: had a chocolate thick shake from McDonald's the week before,
Speaker 2: and I was worried that had sent me into preterm labor, and.
Speaker 1: You gave your baby with listeria, if you want to
Speaker 1: use that logic, your body grew him for nine months
Speaker 1: and protected him and gave him his limbs and those
Speaker 1: delicious chubby little thighs and those big round cheeks and
Speaker 1: that puffy head that he refuses to let anyone cut.
Speaker 1: So the moral of the story is that fertility makes
Speaker 1: no sense and countryception doesn't really work. Not to trust it.
Speaker 1: And yeah, so what would you say the biggest takeaways?
Speaker 1: What are your pros and cons of having two so
Speaker 1: close together? Oh?
Speaker 2: Look, they love each other now and I love that.
Speaker 2: I don't know if i'd recommend it or not, because
Speaker 2: it was so hard. I remember everyone telling me, Oh,
Speaker 2: it's gonna get easier. I promise it'll go fast. When
Speaker 2: you're in it, it doesn't feel like it. Everyone would say, oh,
Speaker 2: four months it will get better, six months will get better.
Speaker 2: That never happened, and so I get better. No, and
Speaker 2: so for all like it, I don't know, Like I
Speaker 2: just I feel so bad for any women who are
Speaker 2: going through it because it's so so horrible, and you
Speaker 2: feel so guilty for feeling that it's so horrible, and
Speaker 2: you are so grateful because all you want is a
Speaker 2: baby like that, so many women don't get to have,
Speaker 2: and that also just sucks. It's just I just feel
Speaker 2: so bad for any woman who's going through it, Like
Speaker 2: I promise you're not alone. Like it sucks. It's the
Speaker 2: worst horrible thing ever.
Speaker 1: And it sucks. But advocate for yourself and your baby.
Speaker 1: Make someone listen to you. Everyone knows that babies cry,
Speaker 1: like you're delusional if you think that they don't, like,
Speaker 1: no one's that silly. But baby's not meant to scream
Speaker 1: in agony for hours and hours and hours for a
Speaker 1: prolonged period of time. So advocate for yourself and your baby.
Speaker 2: But also I think watch out for and I'm not
Speaker 2: saying other people your responsibility, but watch out for your
Speaker 2: friends and family. Because it did get to the point
Speaker 2: where I didn't feel like I could even talk about it.
Speaker 2: I didn't feel like I could describe it. People would
Speaker 2: say like, oh, and I ended up writing before a
Speaker 2: few doctor's appointments. I found myself hating to write list
Speaker 2: so I'd be like, Okay, cried from this point in
Speaker 2: time to this point of time, and did X, Y
Speaker 2: and Z this Pooh looked like this, cried here, slept
Speaker 2: like this, Like I wrote these notes and I had
Speaker 2: to just give it to them because I couldn't say it.
Speaker 2: I just felt so overwhelmed and terrible and that I
Speaker 2: was doing something wrong in all of this, and I
Speaker 2: just wanted these babies and I was just failing at it.
Speaker 2: It was horrible. So I'd say, you try to watch
Speaker 2: out for other people, Like I get anxious ridiculously when
Speaker 2: some of my friends have kids, because I'm like, I
Speaker 2: hate the idea of someone else going through that and
Speaker 2: feeling like they can't talk about it.
Speaker 1: I could not agree more. And I remember I think
Speaker 1: it was summy when she had a baby, you know,
Speaker 1: she said in a group text she was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: everything's really good, and I was like, then sent her
Speaker 1: a private message being like, how are you really and
Speaker 1: she's like, no, no, kel, I appreciate you, but actually
Speaker 1: I'm fuck because I just assume that everyone's having an
Speaker 1: awful time. But that actually isn't a normal, healthy lived experience. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I should say it's very normal because it happens a lot,
Speaker 1: but that's not the norm. You shouldn't be miserable all
Speaker 1: day every day and your baby shouldn't be either.
Speaker 2: And I found that too, Like I messaged a lot
Speaker 2: of my friends, they're like, Emma, I'm sure, we're promised,
Speaker 2: we're fine. But I did have one girlfriend too, hope
Speaker 2: she doesn't mind me talking about, but she had a
Speaker 2: really terrible sleeper, Like he was a happy little boy,
Speaker 2: but he's a terrible sleeper. And we messaged a fair
Speaker 2: bit because then it's just nice to know that, like,
Speaker 2: as much as sucks, you're not going to die, like
Speaker 2: you can google, can I die from lack of sleep?
Speaker 2: Or am I gonna? Like?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: But you like it's nice to I don't know. Sometimes
Speaker 2: it's nice just to sit with someone who understands it.
Speaker 2: Like Kell and I when the boys were small, we
Speaker 2: would just sit together.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: Well she wasn't a mat leave, but I was on
Speaker 2: that leave and we'd just sit together. Sometimes days we
Speaker 2: wouldn't even talk, but we'd just be there in each
Speaker 2: other's company.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we still do that to be fair. On a
Speaker 1: Saturday morning, if the kids are being awful, we'll look
Speaker 1: at each other and then we'll be like, it's nine am.
Speaker 1: How have we already lived like an entire week? It's
Speaker 1: nine am, Well, thank you so much for joining us today.
Speaker 1: M M is a notoriously private person, so sharing these
Speaker 1: sorts of stories is very important, because no experience is
Speaker 1: actually unique once you start.
Speaker 2: Talking, Like when I felt like everyone else was doing
Speaker 2: great and all these people were thriving, and I'm out
Speaker 2: in public with a baby that won't stop screaming and
Speaker 2: everyone's stare at me. It you feel really alone, lacks.
Speaker 2: It's horrible. So I just hope all the mums know
Speaker 2: they can always reach out. Feel free to DM me
Speaker 2: if you're feeling bad.
Speaker 1: People can't because you're so private, but they can always.
Speaker 1: They can DM me and then I can forward you
Speaker 1: on or post in the Eat Sleepshit Repeat group. You
Speaker 1: can do it anonymously and and we'll respond to you.
Speaker 1: I tag. If she doesn't say anything like can you
Speaker 1: help this person? Thanks em she let me farm her
Speaker 1: Trauma for content and Luke for wrangling the three kids.
Speaker 1: If you have heard them out there, that is why,
Speaker 1: or the little voices here or there, share the pod
Speaker 1: on your socials, please and rache and review us. Eat
Speaker 1: Sleep's audio producer is the fab Mattie Joanno, who is
Speaker 1: now copying one hundred percent of my unhinged text while
Speaker 1: Key is teet bound by a baby Bye