Speaker 1: You're listening to another mia podcast.
Speaker 2: Mumma Mea acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We
Speaker 2: have recorded this podcast on the Gadigul people of the
Speaker 2: Eor nation. We pay our respects to their elders past
Speaker 2: and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and
Speaker 2: torres Rate Islander cultures.
Speaker 1: Hi, it's Anal's Todd here from This Glorious Mess, introducing
Speaker 1: Hot Pod Summer, one hundred hours of curated listening across
Speaker 1: the Mummamere network, just for you to escape the chaos
Speaker 1: and enjoy with the kids at home and the weather
Speaker 1: warming up. We've got episodes of Parents Anonymous to share.
Speaker 1: Parents Anonymous is part game show, part church confessional. You
Speaker 1: share your deepest parenting shame, and myself and Stacey Hicks
Speaker 1: rate you, but the worst parenting wins the most points,
Speaker 1: so really you can't lose. And if you want more,
Speaker 1: there's a link in the show Enjoy Parents Anonymous. Welcome
Speaker 1: to This Glorious Mess. I'm Annealie Todd, single parent, self
Speaker 1: confessed hot mess and happily learning on the job that
Speaker 1: is parenting.
Speaker 3: And I'm Stacy Hicks. I'm the deputy editor at Mumma Mia,
Speaker 3: and I'm much more alive and much less filled. It's
Speaker 3: not than I was last time.
Speaker 1: So it's looking good, which selfishly, I am very grateful.
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry for putting you through that. Thanks for
Speaker 3: putting up with me. This is our favorite time of
Speaker 3: week where you let out all of your parenting confessions
Speaker 3: in our very silly version of group therapy.
Speaker 1: This is Parents Anonymous, where you share your story and
Speaker 1: get the guilt off your chest. And it's just a
Speaker 1: way to release the shame and the guilt. And I've
Speaker 1: got some shame and guilt to release for you, sweet Stacy.
Speaker 1: And then we give you points based on our very
Speaker 1: serious and very scientific grading system, which is.
Speaker 3: Really not scientific at all. We just grade you how
Speaker 3: we're feeling at the time.
Speaker 1: It's a vibe check and we're all in this together.
Speaker 3: So first off, every episode we confess something that we've done,
Speaker 3: just to make sure it's a safe space. We're not
Speaker 3: sitting up on our high horse. No, So what's yours
Speaker 3: this week?
Speaker 1: It's dangerous not giving single parents a good name.
Speaker 3: Oh and I am.
Speaker 1: And it's just it's like, oh, that single mum's house,
Speaker 1: you know, it's giving that so I had some friends over,
Speaker 1: and the children had their friends over. And I have
Speaker 1: a little rooftop, little private, very chic, very secret life
Speaker 1: of us rooftop nice for some, I know, thank you
Speaker 1: so much, tiny townhouse, but the rooftop is the selling point.
Speaker 1: And so the children were on the rooftop and this
Speaker 1: is three stories high, and there's a little ledge all
Speaker 1: the way around a rooftop, as one would suspect and
Speaker 1: need given it three stories high. And I was downstairs
Speaker 1: working on the ground level, and one of the children
Speaker 1: ran outside and looked up and started conversing with a
Speaker 1: child where there is no rooftop but just another landing
Speaker 1: of just a flat piece of metal that is not
Speaker 1: part of the enclosed rooftop. So I ran up and
Speaker 1: the kids had jumped over the edge of the balcony
Speaker 1: and were just running around free range, three stories in
Speaker 1: the sky with no barricade, and I died and screamed.
Speaker 1: I had to actually send a little group chat message
Speaker 1: to my friend saying, please, can you talk to your
Speaker 1: children about not climbing over the rooftop barrier and running
Speaker 1: around in open space three stories high. I did tell
Speaker 1: them off. Full disclosure.
Speaker 3: Sometimes they do things that you don't think it's necessary
Speaker 3: to tell them is not a good idea, and then
Speaker 3: they just do it anyway. So I feel like this
Speaker 3: isn't on you.
Speaker 1: I blame YouTube game show giving jackass. That's what it's
Speaker 1: giving exactly, And I would like to blame external influencers
Speaker 1: that are not myself. It's fine, but I did endanger
Speaker 1: the lives of other people's to it, not my own.
Speaker 1: My kids knew not to do it. It's just sett of
Speaker 1: humble brag in there. Yes, the genius kids didn't do
Speaker 1: it because they're probably scared of the wrath of me.
Speaker 1: But the other people's children did put their lives in
Speaker 1: danger and it was a little bit scary.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is a little bit scary, but nothing bad happened,
Speaker 3: so we're okay.
Speaker 1: Thank goodness, it's okay.
Speaker 3: Well, my little confession this week look not one of
Speaker 3: my best parenting performances. But my daughter thinks sleep is
Speaker 3: for the week, and so she does this fun little
Speaker 3: thing sometimes, particularly when mummies stayed up and scrolled on
Speaker 3: TikTok for too long, those are the nights she chooses.
Speaker 3: She somehow knows to then wake up from about one
Speaker 3: until about four.
Speaker 1: That is so annoying.
Speaker 3: I love her.
Speaker 1: She's not self sufficient. It's not like she's off playing
Speaker 1: tea sets on her own.
Speaker 3: She's she's three, and it's all about that Mummy needs
Speaker 3: to be in with her doing whatever she's decided acting
Speaker 3: or like no not well one minute yes and one
Speaker 3: minute no. She just decides on the vibe. But it
Speaker 3: got to about the two hour mark and I was
Speaker 3: just sick of it, and she won't let me leave
Speaker 3: the room. So I made up the excuse, mummy's just
Speaker 3: got a wee. I'm just gonna wea. I'll be right back.
Speaker 3: But instead I went an ate grated cheese straight from
Speaker 3: the packet in the lounge room because I was at
Speaker 3: that point.
Speaker 1: You mean, my sustenance at that time.
Speaker 3: I did. I did. I was not prepared to be
Speaker 3: up for two hours into three hours in the middle
Speaker 3: of the night.
Speaker 1: So that's what I did.
Speaker 3: Maybe shnak, yeah, look could have been worse. It's fine.
Speaker 3: Could have been a vodka.
Speaker 1: Well what I felt like, that's probably what I would
Speaker 1: have done, ye little medicinal red.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, that would have been nice. Avoided that, So
Speaker 3: I'm gonna take it as a wind.
Speaker 1: Compared to me and endangering the lives of minus yours
Speaker 1: is a very minor. Mine's quite pathetic now, but anyway,
Speaker 1: moving on now, this show doesn't exist without your guilty confessions,
Speaker 1: and as you can hear, we express ours. Sometimes they're
Speaker 1: worse than others. I was pretty bad this week. I'll
Speaker 1: step up my game next week. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: to do something more danger I will do something horrible,
Speaker 1: do better, and by better I mean worse. But we
Speaker 1: would love you to leave us a voice note, or
Speaker 1: if you want to be fully anonymous, you can email
Speaker 1: us and we'll even read them out for you, so
Speaker 1: it will not be your voice. We will not use
Speaker 1: your name. No one will ever know it's you. Thank you,
Speaker 1: and keep sharing because they bring us so much joy
Speaker 1: in our otherwise bleak lives they do. All the links
Speaker 1: and how you can send us your stories are in
Speaker 1: the show notes for all your confession options, and on
Speaker 1: today's show, the three new confessions that we have not
Speaker 1: heard yed are called Babies, home Improvement Right, Actual Emergency Services, requiet,
Speaker 1: Oh this is new, and home Alone. I do love
Speaker 1: that movie. An All right, let's go.
Speaker 3: My son has just started what feels like a deep
Speaker 3: obsession with the inside of cupboards. He calls to anything
Speaker 3: with a door and tries to open it to either
Speaker 3: get in or pull everything out. It's way earlier than
Speaker 3: I thought this stuff would happen, and feel completely underprepared,
Speaker 3: and also like a parent who has not childproofed anything,
Speaker 3: literally nothing. It's like I blinked, and now he's crawling.
Speaker 3: So I got a handyman to install a bunch of
Speaker 3: child safety devices on cupboards, doors, and drawers. They are
Speaker 3: so good that I cannot even get into them. So
Speaker 3: now I don't latch them up and I just leave
Speaker 3: them open, so I may as well have not got
Speaker 3: them in the first place. So embarrassing. Ah. Look, I
Speaker 3: never did the childproofing thing for this exact reason, because
Speaker 3: when I went to other people's houses that had kids,
Speaker 3: I was one of the last ones in my group
Speaker 3: to have kids. I would have that thing of being like, sorry,
Speaker 3: how do I open our fridge or how do I
Speaker 3: open your cupboard? I really think it's more just you know,
Speaker 3: you move the knifes up high and everything else. It's
Speaker 3: a learning exercise for them.
Speaker 1: It is one of the most annoying phases one hundred
Speaker 1: percent the cupboard phase and also they jam their fingers
Speaker 1: in the cupboard. Yeah, it's not even about the mess
Speaker 1: or the danger, it's just annoying. Do you know what
Speaker 1: I did for this age and stage? And this is
Speaker 1: for me, who's quite useless. I think this is quite level.
Speaker 1: I had one cupboard that was all just plastic tupperware
Speaker 1: kid's plates, and that was the lowest and that was
Speaker 1: the one that they had the access to. That was
Speaker 1: the pulling out things cupboard. And it was always messy, disorganized.
Speaker 1: It always was covered in like dog hair or human
Speaker 1: hair because it was all over the ground. And then
Speaker 1: it was shoved in at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: And that was the things cupboard. And that's how I
Speaker 1: got through that phase.
Speaker 3: That was one of our activities that got us through,
Speaker 3: you know, in the depths where you're counting down to
Speaker 3: the next nap, when they're in that thinking.
Speaker 1: More until like four o'clock.
Speaker 3: Wine that too, but when you're like, okay, we've got
Speaker 3: forty five minutes left on this wake window, which I
Speaker 3: was such a psycho with that stuff. But then I
Speaker 3: would be like, what else can we do? And one
Speaker 3: of the things I would let her do. Granted I
Speaker 3: had my baby in lockdown. So spare thought for me
Speaker 3: was that she would play in the tupperwar draw for
Speaker 3: about it. So you've just got to let them play
Speaker 3: with these things, to be honest, that's the stuff they
Speaker 3: like more than toys. So really this is a cost
Speaker 3: saving exercise for you. The fact that you can't get
Speaker 3: these cupboards closed is going to benefit you in the
Speaker 3: long run. Couse, he lives times. Just entertain them with a.
Speaker 1: Little any weight or two, it's fine. I'd like to
Speaker 1: bring up that back in our day, or more accurately
Speaker 1: for your day. No, our parent no, I had little
Speaker 1: baby closy things that I sort of stuck around and
Speaker 1: then never used. As well, our parents didn't use them,
Speaker 1: and we managed to survive. I think as long as
Speaker 1: there's like no access to harmful chemicals or steak knives,
Speaker 1: yeah you're winning. It's everything else is kind of like whatever, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's fine, So what are we rating this one? Then
Speaker 1: it's very mild, it's very inoffensive. I think points come
Speaker 1: off for the wasted money of the handyman, because you
Speaker 1: could have just popped off to Bunnings and stuck them
Speaker 1: on yourself and then knock those and that would have
Speaker 1: been cheaper.
Speaker 3: Look, that part's embarrassing. I'm not gonna lie to it is.
Speaker 3: But you're among friends. I do this too.
Speaker 1: That was that was an unnecessary outsourced cost. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think I'm going to give them six little cups of
Speaker 1: poison out of ten.
Speaker 3: I ended up just doing a big old baby gate
Speaker 3: that was so ugly, but a retractable one though, that
Speaker 3: went across.
Speaker 1: Our trip over every time that you walked in and out.
Speaker 1: I did, accai.
Speaker 3: I'm a very tall person and stepped over at one
Speaker 3: time and tripped over onto the floor and winded myself.
Speaker 3: So I'm giving you eight baby gates out of ten.
Speaker 1: All right, moving on the next one, Stace, what have
Speaker 1: we got actual emergency services required? I am the worst
Speaker 1: parent in the world.
Speaker 3: I could give you a close run.
Speaker 1: Few months we've all thought that obviously, Oh I leave
Speaker 1: my baby in the car when I pick up my
Speaker 1: toddler from daycare. Oh god, it's too hard to wrangle
Speaker 1: them both, and it's a two minute in and out.
Speaker 1: But this time I locked them in the car, and
Speaker 1: then I was the mom having the full blown meltdown
Speaker 1: in the car park, had to get an emergency locksmith.
Speaker 1: And now I don't leave my baby in the car. Ever,
Speaker 1: does she mean.
Speaker 3: She locked them both in the car? Somehow that's less
Speaker 3: bad yes, than just a baby than just the Somehow,
Speaker 3: I don't know. Somehow endangering both your children is less
Speaker 3: bad for the optics with the other daycare parents because
Speaker 3: it doesn't look like you left your baby alone. You
Speaker 3: just it was a little miss.
Speaker 1: It looked more like an accident than if you just
Speaker 1: locked the baby. Then they would know that that was intentional.
Speaker 3: Look, I can see why you do this, because getting
Speaker 3: a baby in and out of a car.
Speaker 1: Seat is the most annoying thing.
Speaker 3: I don't know why we don't have the ones like
Speaker 3: in America where they swivel and so you can just
Speaker 3: get them in and out really easily.
Speaker 1: You've got to bend over and crunch it out, and
Speaker 1: they cry, and then.
Speaker 3: When you've got a toddler who's checking a tantrum when
Speaker 3: you're on the way out. I totally understand why you've
Speaker 3: done it. And it is literally a quick in and out.
Speaker 1: Although I would like to state legally that it is
Speaker 1: illegal to leave your baby in a car, so just
Speaker 1: I just want illegal.
Speaker 3: To jaywalk too. But we're all doing it.
Speaker 1: We're not recommending that you leave baby vocating animals, you
Speaker 1: know as well, just a little cheeky caveat Okay, all right,
Speaker 1: legalities you with the rules today.
Speaker 3: Yes, not advocating for it. But everyone does it.
Speaker 1: Well, everyone's done it at least once. Yes, definitely yes
Speaker 1: see see. But I think that this was a good
Speaker 1: learning This was a learning tool for this person because
Speaker 1: now they don't do it anymore. That's why I'm an
Speaker 1: advocate for public shame, because when we have moments of
Speaker 1: public shame, which I'm assuming this was a pretty big one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: then we don't do it again.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, how I'm done. They're obviously fine, You're obviously
Speaker 3: a great mum. You snapped into actually did the right thing.
Speaker 3: So we're giving you seven car keys out of ten.
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you because this is pretty bad.
Speaker 1: So it's like we're rating it as so we're rating
Speaker 1: it really high or really low because it's pretty bad. Okay, okay.
Speaker 1: And for the fact that you told us about it, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love you for telling us. And the fact that
Speaker 1: the daycare people will definitely would have been judging you.
Speaker 3: They would have been a group chat going around.
Speaker 1: And the early educators as well as the other parents
Speaker 1: could have very much been judging this. So for that,
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you nine and a half locksmiths.
Speaker 1: Love that. Now it's a biggie.
Speaker 3: Confession. Three home alone, I leave my Oh, we've got
Speaker 3: a theme this week. I leave my son alone a lot. H.
Speaker 3: I don't mean in the I'm going to the gym.
Speaker 3: Catch you laid away. Here's the thing. He's four months old. Oh,
Speaker 3: he's at the point where he's awake for twelve hours
Speaker 3: a day.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 3: Don't get me wrong. When the kid smiles and all laughs,
Speaker 3: I swoon with butterflies. But I don't understand how parents
Speaker 3: can do the whole. I stimulate my baby all day long.
Speaker 3: Most of the time, I'm the last thing he's interested in.
Speaker 3: He wants to look at the fish tank, he wants
Speaker 3: to play with his toys, swipe at the floppy giraffe
Speaker 3: on his play mat, or watch his mobile. So during
Speaker 3: the day I spend what is probably a bad parent
Speaker 3: amount of time leaving him alone. He'll be crawling around
Speaker 3: on his mat, chewing on toys, staring at various objects
Speaker 3: in the room, or babbling to himself while I play
Speaker 3: a video game. Browsing Internet or do chores. People tell
Speaker 3: me that I need to interact with him, but I
Speaker 3: venture that I only get accumulative two hours a day
Speaker 3: of direct back and forth interaction with him.
Speaker 1: How is a four month old crawling around?
Speaker 3: He must just be like rolling around. Oh that's awful,
Speaker 3: to be honest. I think when my daughter was little,
Speaker 3: I had this thing of thinking that you had to
Speaker 3: be there and be their full source of entertainment. But
Speaker 3: they actually don't care. They're new to the world, so
Speaker 3: everything is like the best. Like if they see a
Speaker 3: cloud day made, they say, a little leaf on the ground, awesome.
Speaker 3: They've never seen any of these things before, Like they
Speaker 3: actually enjoy all of that stuff. You're still there in
Speaker 3: the house. Life is their YouTube exactly. I was a
Speaker 3: little bit worried when you said you leave him alone
Speaker 3: a lot. I thought you met you were popping out
Speaker 3: to the shop, So you're not. You're there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, supervisions recommended.
Speaker 3: And it's only going to get harder from here, Like
Speaker 3: the baby is going to need you more and more
Speaker 3: as the baby starts to get more mobile. But while
Speaker 3: they're a little crawling, rolling potato.
Speaker 1: Hang on common Also, can we circle back to it.
Speaker 1: Why is a four month awake for twelve hours a day.
Speaker 1: They should be I've just been a while, but their
Speaker 1: mean to sleep quite a bit during the day.
Speaker 3: Well maybe that's because you had babies that slept, But
Speaker 3: my baby was only awake for about this amount of
Speaker 3: time as well, so all day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, didn't sleep during the time.
Speaker 3: I guess she's not factoring in naps.
Speaker 1: Twelve hours or is that the total awake time of
Speaker 1: the twenty for hour period.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: This just doesn't feel like it's enough sleep.
Speaker 3: I think she's meaning sleeps at night, but this is
Speaker 3: about the amount during the day with your little naps
Speaker 3: that time.
Speaker 1: The baby sounds very resilient, very advanced.
Speaker 3: The baby doesn't care, thinks that you and him are
Speaker 3: the same person at the moment anyway, And do you
Speaker 3: know what this speaks to is a very advanced secure
Speaker 3: attachment style, which is not what my baby's had. It
Speaker 3: was very anxious or disorganized, which is the worst style
Speaker 3: of attachment.
Speaker 1: And they needed me all the time. So this is
Speaker 1: actually great, and I think just keep nurturing that self sufficient,
Speaker 1: secure attachment where you're not really needed.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's great, It's a win. This kid will be
Speaker 3: so happy to entertain themselves. They're used to it, so
Speaker 3: self supering.
Speaker 1: Fine, they'll be successful in life, they'll be good at relationships,
Speaker 1: not too needy.
Speaker 3: As long as you're not popping out to the nail
Speaker 3: salon supervision, you're a great parent within earshot, yeah.
Speaker 1: Or the little monitor.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's fine, so fine, Yeah fine, So what are
Speaker 3: we giving it? Look? I think it's pretty harmless. I
Speaker 3: think this person's actually giving themselves a hard time for
Speaker 3: something that doesn't need it.
Speaker 1: There's a saying, and it's no good parent ever has
Speaker 1: wondered if they're a bad parent? Yes? Is that? Did
Speaker 1: I say that the right way?
Speaker 3: Wait? Wait, no, that's wrong.
Speaker 1: Wait there's a say, it's a really good me.
Speaker 3: If you were a good parent, you would ask yourself
Speaker 3: if you're a bad parent, Like a bad parent just
Speaker 3: doesn't care.
Speaker 1: A bad parent doesn't care.
Speaker 3: I don't think we've nailed it, but you get.
Speaker 1: The viet The sentiment's there.
Speaker 3: If you're worrying about whether you're a good enough parent,
Speaker 3: then you are one exactly that was better.
Speaker 1: Yes, kind of you nailed it, and you're nailing it
Speaker 1: and you're fine because the fact that you care means
Speaker 1: that you're a good parent.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what are we giving to this one?
Speaker 1: My awarding system this week has been for the worst person,
Speaker 1: So I think that this one's fine. So I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna throw like a cheeky five and a half supervision
Speaker 1: points out of ten.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is absolutely fine. And I don't think that
Speaker 3: this one is very bad on the scale because babies
Speaker 3: are boring. Babies are They're really no so fun but
Speaker 3: so far so boring.
Speaker 1: For about eight months, they're quite actually enjoyable. Yeah they're viby,
Speaker 1: but a four month old is a worm. They're boring
Speaker 1: and so enjoy it while they're not needy.
Speaker 3: Just leave them on that little playmate, they'll be happy
Speaker 3: as larry. So I'll give you six playmates out of ten?
Speaker 1: Are we declaring the winner this week?
Speaker 3: So first we had the baby with the failed baby proofing.
Speaker 1: Fine, fine, Fine.
Speaker 3: Then next we had the baby in the car.
Speaker 1: Leaving the baby in the car the daycare early educators
Speaker 1: and parents at pick up.
Speaker 3: Look.
Speaker 1: I love the chaos of that, I really do. And
Speaker 1: it's really illegal. So like such a stickler for the rules,
Speaker 1: but today is illegal, Stacey. So I feel like because
Speaker 1: home alone, like just not really interacting as much of
Speaker 1: the four month old. Yeah, the best. Worst was definitely
Speaker 1: locking a baby at a toddler in a car, having
Speaker 1: to involve the emergency services. Yeah, it's just a unanimous
Speaker 1: obvious clip. You well done, to you, well done. We
Speaker 1: don't advocate for children, I'm dogs.
Speaker 3: If you've got a confession, we'd love to hear from you.
Speaker 3: Please send us your secret shame. All the details are
Speaker 3: in our show. Yes see you next time, You next time.
Speaker 1: If you're looking for something else to listen to, Mama
Speaker 1: Miya is officially presenting one hundred hours of summer listens,
Speaker 1: from meaningful conversations to incredible stories, fashion, beauty, and more.
Speaker 1: There's a link in the show notes