WEBVTT - The Rise of the Four Hour Husband 0:00:08.234 --> 0:00:10.914 You're listening to I'm on a MIA podcast. 0:00:19.794 --> 0:00:23.554 Hello, and welcome to Unleashed, the podcast for gen X women. 0:00:23.914 --> 0:00:27.234 You need a laugh if you remember using a pencil 0:00:27.354 --> 0:00:30.474 to manually wind a cassette tape back together. 0:00:30.714 --> 0:00:34.793 Oh my gosh, welcome you found your people. So who 0:00:34.914 --> 0:00:36.514 is on the sofa this week? 0:00:36.994 --> 0:00:39.074 Hi, I'm Mary Cosas. I'm an actress rider. 0:00:39.634 --> 0:00:42.553 I'm Grace Bam Bam Lamb as Bruna Pepperoni you like 0:00:42.593 --> 0:00:44.634 to call me. I'm a fashion stylist. 0:00:44.793 --> 0:00:48.354 I'm Bruna Pepperoni or Pep Andrea as I'm more commonly known. 0:00:48.434 --> 0:00:49.874 I'm a film and TV producer. 0:00:50.354 --> 0:00:54.194 Hi. I'm Kath Mahoney or Mahoney as Grace Lamb likes 0:00:54.234 --> 0:00:55.714 to call me, and I'm a comedian. 0:00:56.074 --> 0:00:58.034 All right, wherever you're listening. 0:00:57.994 --> 0:01:02.434 I'm clench your jaw, now, clench your pelvic floor. Get 0:01:02.474 --> 0:01:09.874 ready to unleash. Okay, who's bursting at the seams? 0:01:09.914 --> 0:01:10.394 To start? 0:01:10.714 --> 0:01:14.354 Okay, first order of business today, I need to play 0:01:14.474 --> 0:01:17.354 something that came into our DMS because I think it's 0:01:17.354 --> 0:01:19.434 the best thing I have heard in ages. 0:01:19.754 --> 0:01:21.914 This is from Unleisha Jess. 0:01:22.994 --> 0:01:24.954 Hey, guys, I have a bit of a suggestion. 0:01:25.674 --> 0:01:29.434 My suggestion is that Kath should be the next Bachelorette. 0:01:30.234 --> 0:01:32.714 Not only would it be really good for her dating life, 0:01:33.274 --> 0:01:36.314 but we all agree, my girlfriends and I that Kath 0:01:36.434 --> 0:01:38.874 is one of the funniest women in Australia and would 0:01:38.954 --> 0:01:40.754 make for the best television. 0:01:41.434 --> 0:01:47.234 What do you think, Absolutely, you would be fantastic for 0:01:47.954 --> 0:01:51.874 many reasons. One, you're intelligent, to your heartfelt. Three you're 0:01:51.914 --> 0:01:57.474 not relying on your cleavage. So I think that that 0:01:57.514 --> 0:01:59.074 would be something that would be awesome. 0:01:59.114 --> 0:02:02.114 How do you feel about that, Kath going on national 0:02:02.154 --> 0:02:04.354 TV to find love to be crushed? 0:02:06.394 --> 0:02:08.913 I mean, look to find love? What have we got 0:02:08.913 --> 0:02:09.434 to lose? 0:02:10.073 --> 0:02:12.714 We've got some context Channel Night. I guess we'd have 0:02:12.754 --> 0:02:13.754 good content. 0:02:14.274 --> 0:02:18.554 Else great content. I feel very optimistic about this plan. 0:02:18.634 --> 0:02:20.194 I love what Jess is suggesting. 0:02:20.274 --> 0:02:23.234 Do you think okay? I did okay? What do you think, Grace? 0:02:24.394 --> 0:02:27.114 I mean, I don't watch TV, but if you're on 0:02:27.194 --> 0:02:27.714 I watch it? 0:02:27.874 --> 0:02:29.474 You would watch it? Wouldn't You could come? You be 0:02:29.554 --> 0:02:34.114 my stylist? Show would be? Would it be the Golden Bachelorette? 0:02:34.474 --> 0:02:34.794 No? 0:02:36.394 --> 0:02:39.314 Well, I was a lady of a certain age. Those 0:02:39.394 --> 0:02:43.354 young peeps, look, I mean, why not? 0:02:43.554 --> 0:02:46.514 Why not? For the show for the good of the show. 0:02:46.754 --> 0:02:48.754 Let's do it, all right, Bruner, I mean you are 0:02:49.194 --> 0:02:50.794 your producer extraordinary? 0:02:51.354 --> 0:02:52.234 Would you put call in? 0:02:52.354 --> 0:02:54.794 I am one putting a call in? 0:02:55.194 --> 0:02:58.274 Really, let's go, cav go. 0:03:00.674 --> 0:03:04.474 All right, ladies. Something has been irritating me all week. 0:03:04.754 --> 0:03:05.514 But stay with me. 0:03:05.954 --> 0:03:07.114 I promise you. I'm not a bad mother. 0:03:08.074 --> 0:03:12.274 It's my son, My son, my beautiful son, really gave 0:03:12.314 --> 0:03:13.394 me the shits last week. 0:03:13.594 --> 0:03:14.194 What happened? 0:03:14.394 --> 0:03:19.314 He's been sick, home sick. Okay, we're gen X. 0:03:19.394 --> 0:03:19.594 Yeah. 0:03:19.954 --> 0:03:22.834 I grew up my brother and my sister in a 0:03:22.874 --> 0:03:26.914 household that, unless you legit had been hit by a 0:03:26.954 --> 0:03:30.594 car and had body parts protruding through his stomach like 0:03:30.634 --> 0:03:33.154 an alien, you were not getting the day off now, 0:03:34.314 --> 0:03:37.394 you know, chicken parks, mumps and a push. We were 0:03:37.394 --> 0:03:39.794 allowed to stay, but we were still sent to school spotty. 0:03:39.914 --> 0:03:41.154 I remember that with. 0:03:42.754 --> 0:03:46.434 All over the pox and so. So that's just how 0:03:46.434 --> 0:03:49.354 we've grown up. So I have no sympathy at all 0:03:49.634 --> 0:03:53.474 really for illness. Lewis was I will say he was 0:03:53.514 --> 0:03:57.874 sick in a cold and coughing sort of scenario. Nothing temperatary, 0:03:58.154 --> 0:04:02.394 you know, hospital esque, not dying, not dying dot com. 0:04:02.434 --> 0:04:06.354 So the first night that he wakes me up, and 0:04:06.394 --> 0:04:09.314 I'm in pair, eat menopause, hell with my sleep at 0:04:09.314 --> 0:04:09.714 the moment. 0:04:09.794 --> 0:04:11.594 So that sucked me right off the fact. 0:04:11.434 --> 0:04:14.354 That he woke me when I was asleep to tell 0:04:14.394 --> 0:04:16.393 me he couldn't go to stay. It's like three in 0:04:16.433 --> 0:04:19.394 the morning, So I shoved some neurofen. I just give 0:04:19.474 --> 0:04:23.274 him the tiet roll. I give him the tilet roll 0:04:23.513 --> 0:04:28.553 I can. Then hear noises that just sound like clearing 0:04:28.594 --> 0:04:31.314 the throat, blowing the nose like a trumpet. I thought, 0:04:31.354 --> 0:04:33.393 I'm gonna have to teach him that after the third 0:04:33.433 --> 0:04:36.193 trumpet blow, if no snot's coming out, let it happen. 0:04:36.633 --> 0:04:40.034 Nothing's going on. So that first morning gave him a 0:04:40.034 --> 0:04:40.873 bit more medicine. 0:04:41.034 --> 0:04:43.674 Realized I had like a chicken soup that I bought 0:04:43.834 --> 0:04:45.713 in the fridge for my lunch. I was like, right 0:04:45.794 --> 0:04:49.553 to tick, that'll suffice for him, fine, But I realized, 0:04:49.594 --> 0:04:52.074 like I gave him the one day off, and then 0:04:52.113 --> 0:04:53.674 I could see that we were going for a few 0:04:53.753 --> 0:04:56.113 days in a row and I just had zero sympathy. 0:04:56.313 --> 0:04:59.354 I pretty much have I reckon, I've got about an hour's. 0:04:58.953 --> 0:05:02.194 Worth of sympathy in me, and then it just it 0:05:02.274 --> 0:05:04.593 just really annoys me, to the point that you also 0:05:04.633 --> 0:05:06.593 then have to you have to do sympathy, you have 0:05:06.594 --> 0:05:08.393 to do the nurse stuff, you have to pretend to 0:05:08.393 --> 0:05:12.313 be an interested and then I work from home, so 0:05:12.433 --> 0:05:14.794 having anyone else in my space it's a little flat, 0:05:15.433 --> 0:05:20.074 was annoying. So that first day I was barely sympathetic. 0:05:21.354 --> 0:05:23.354 By the next day and the next day, so we 0:05:23.354 --> 0:05:24.593 had three days at home. 0:05:24.753 --> 0:05:27.833 I was awful, Like, I was so awful. I was 0:05:27.914 --> 0:05:30.113 just like, what do you mean. There's no food in 0:05:30.113 --> 0:05:30.553 the house. 0:05:30.633 --> 0:05:33.153 There's like toasts, there's you know, we can have chicken 0:05:33.193 --> 0:05:36.394 soup again. Anyway, it just really annoyed me, and I 0:05:36.433 --> 0:05:39.914 realized speaking to other gen X mums who got kids 0:05:39.914 --> 0:05:41.594 at school, I'm not the only one. 0:05:42.513 --> 0:05:45.753 I think probably the same time I had two thirteen 0:05:45.834 --> 0:05:49.154 year olds home. All of the said, funnily enough, it 0:05:49.193 --> 0:05:53.313 was the last week of school. It's very interesting that 0:05:53.393 --> 0:05:56.674 they didn't have the cold the whole week when they 0:05:56.674 --> 0:06:00.113 started their holidays. They're out and about on their holidays, 0:06:00.193 --> 0:06:02.873 and it's so funny you say that. So I try 0:06:02.914 --> 0:06:06.074 and appear empathetic, and I did a pretty good job 0:06:06.113 --> 0:06:08.113 for the first few days, and then at one point 0:06:08.193 --> 0:06:11.074 I went, oh, come on, mate, like stop putting it on, 0:06:11.433 --> 0:06:15.113 and he looked at me like I stabbed him, like 0:06:15.234 --> 0:06:17.753 I was the worst mother in the world for the 0:06:17.834 --> 0:06:21.034 lack of sympathy. But I had that same thought, like 0:06:21.193 --> 0:06:23.873 I went to school, come hell or high water. Yeah, 0:06:24.113 --> 0:06:25.833 is because we had less to do at home. We 0:06:25.873 --> 0:06:26.673 wanted to go to school. 0:06:26.714 --> 0:06:27.393 I don't know, I don't know. 0:06:27.633 --> 0:06:30.954 I did notice one thing, like if any of my 0:06:31.193 --> 0:06:32.953 friends my girlfriends are. 0:06:32.834 --> 0:06:35.514 Sick, I would be the first to check in, Can 0:06:35.553 --> 0:06:37.393 I do something? Can I come over? Can I bring 0:06:37.433 --> 0:06:38.193 you bought food? 0:06:38.234 --> 0:06:40.433 I'm not going to make you food, But I have 0:06:40.594 --> 0:06:45.154 like genuine compassion for my friends, which just evaporated within 0:06:45.193 --> 0:06:52.674 twenty four hours. My own kin, Grace Mary. 0:06:50.474 --> 0:06:51.794 What are we in like Outlander? 0:06:52.354 --> 0:06:55.674 My own kin from my own lines. 0:06:55.993 --> 0:06:58.194 I also think we could add there's a couple of 0:06:58.274 --> 0:07:02.313 layers to this. I think when we're looking at men 0:07:02.594 --> 0:07:06.034 or boys that try to play the I'm a man, 0:07:06.274 --> 0:07:08.993 i'm a boy, I'm tough on this, on that, and 0:07:08.993 --> 0:07:12.554 then they can't handle like a running nose or a cough, 0:07:12.634 --> 0:07:15.074 and then they're they're really dragging that out. 0:07:15.274 --> 0:07:18.314 I think that there's something about certainly. 0:07:17.953 --> 0:07:22.114 I know with males, older males, when they say things 0:07:22.154 --> 0:07:25.953 like I've got a saw tummy, Oh my god, I'm like, 0:07:26.114 --> 0:07:29.273 what are you going to start saying mummy and words 0:07:29.354 --> 0:07:32.074 like that too. I just I just think that there's 0:07:32.274 --> 0:07:39.874 more more impatience around males that perhaps are sick than females. Also, 0:07:39.953 --> 0:07:42.834 sometimes you feel like it's a manipulation, don't you Like 0:07:42.874 --> 0:07:44.594 we look at it cynically a lot of the time, 0:07:44.834 --> 0:07:47.874 especially with kids, when they say that they're unwell, you're going, 0:07:47.914 --> 0:07:48.474 but are you. 0:07:48.953 --> 0:07:50.754 My line to my boys and my husband and my 0:07:50.794 --> 0:07:55.114 son is like, try giving birth. Shut up, try cutting 0:07:55.114 --> 0:07:59.354 our stomach, copen like I did. Shut up, That's what 0:07:59.393 --> 0:08:01.874 I do. But my mum was fierce. Like the only 0:08:02.034 --> 0:08:04.953 two times that I was allowed to stay home was 0:08:05.194 --> 0:08:07.994 during primary school because high school went to UK boarding school, 0:08:08.034 --> 0:08:11.874 so she can't control. In primary school, I only missed 0:08:11.914 --> 0:08:15.434 school two times. One time I basically told her I 0:08:15.474 --> 0:08:17.754 was sick. She didn't believe me until I threw up 0:08:17.754 --> 0:08:20.153 in front of her and she goes, oh, that's serious. 0:08:20.354 --> 0:08:22.114 Because my mom will bait me and say to me, 0:08:22.514 --> 0:08:24.914 why don't you watch TV? And if I say yes, 0:08:24.994 --> 0:08:28.314 that means I'm faking it, right, the second incident. Second 0:08:28.354 --> 0:08:31.234 incident was I had a fucking boil on my ass 0:08:31.674 --> 0:08:33.794 and I was kept saying to my mom, something's oozing 0:08:33.874 --> 0:08:34.554 out of my butt. 0:08:35.154 --> 0:08:35.714 She looked at it. 0:08:35.754 --> 0:08:38.234 She's just like a huge fucking boil. She took me 0:08:38.274 --> 0:08:40.994 to the doctor and they cut me open. Three people 0:08:40.994 --> 0:08:44.834 hold me down because the doctor, the pedutrician, did not 0:08:44.954 --> 0:08:47.594 use anesthetic, so he cut me open. 0:08:47.874 --> 0:08:49.114 Three people holding me down. 0:08:50.474 --> 0:08:52.714 I mean, grace is the case for white children should 0:08:52.714 --> 0:08:54.034 be believed exactly. 0:08:54.914 --> 0:08:58.034 Meanwhile, my mom was holding me down my shoulder and 0:08:58.034 --> 0:09:00.074 then she found out I had knit at the same time. 0:09:00.194 --> 0:09:01.593 When it rains it paused. 0:09:03.954 --> 0:09:04.514 Three time. 0:09:04.954 --> 0:09:07.074 She'd let me stay at home and that was it. 0:09:07.154 --> 0:09:10.114 I don't remember getting sect that much. I just been kissing. 0:09:10.114 --> 0:09:11.234 These days are such woosies. 0:09:11.474 --> 0:09:13.994 Yeah, I'm with you. 0:09:26.874 --> 0:09:28.874 So something happened to a friend of mine this week 0:09:28.994 --> 0:09:30.954 and it's really got me thinking, if. 0:09:30.834 --> 0:09:33.114 Her husband is unwell, what do you need? What can 0:09:33.154 --> 0:09:34.714 I do for you? Let me go get that. 0:09:35.554 --> 0:09:40.114 So my friend she's unwell and the husband's great for 0:09:40.154 --> 0:09:46.794 about four hours first day, very very committed. After that, nothing, 0:09:47.074 --> 0:09:50.474 but she is bedridden for at least a week and 0:09:50.634 --> 0:09:51.594 cannot get up and do. 0:09:51.594 --> 0:09:56.274 What she normally confront him about the lack of continued love. 0:09:56.914 --> 0:09:59.874 Yeah, I think she was more disappointed than in any 0:09:59.914 --> 0:10:02.234 place to confront him. I think she was like, what is. 0:10:02.154 --> 0:10:02.834 Going on here? 0:10:02.914 --> 0:10:05.234 Why is this not happening? In return? 0:10:05.314 --> 0:10:07.794 And she was justified, like she literally couldn't get out 0:10:07.834 --> 0:10:10.394 of bed. So she's telling me this, and I'm feeling 0:10:10.434 --> 0:10:12.954 for a right because she takes great care of her 0:10:13.074 --> 0:10:15.594 husband and her children and her home and their life. 0:10:15.634 --> 0:10:16.394 She's that person. 0:10:16.714 --> 0:10:21.154 Her love language in her marriage is to be the caregiver. 0:10:21.434 --> 0:10:22.554 She just does it naturally. 0:10:23.114 --> 0:10:26.514 So I said to her, obviously, you've got different love languages. 0:10:27.074 --> 0:10:30.794 You know, that's your way of giving love, showing love. 0:10:31.474 --> 0:10:34.274 Maybe that's not his language. Would that be fair to say? 0:10:34.794 --> 0:10:37.514 I think so. I love I love love languages. 0:10:37.754 --> 0:10:39.594 Yeah, what is your love language? 0:10:39.754 --> 0:10:42.554 Well, I went on a date last year and because 0:10:42.634 --> 0:10:44.074 everyone now on the date and you know, on the 0:10:44.154 --> 0:10:45.674 dating apps, talks about what their love. 0:10:45.674 --> 0:10:49.834 Language is, it's a thing. Yeah, it's a thing. 0:10:50.114 --> 0:10:53.834 Okay, So there's five love languages. First, one acts of 0:10:53.874 --> 0:10:57.394 service in the lawn, filling the color petrol, picking the 0:10:57.434 --> 0:11:01.914 kids up, words of affirmation, praise, I'm proud, of you. 0:11:01.914 --> 0:11:02.674 You're amazing. 0:11:03.114 --> 0:11:03.554 I love you. 0:11:03.714 --> 0:11:07.274 I love you. Physical touch fairly self explanatory. 0:11:08.474 --> 0:11:14.434 Receiving gifts also love that and quality time like no phones, 0:11:14.514 --> 0:11:15.154 one on one. 0:11:15.474 --> 0:11:17.434 You know, however, you sort of roll. 0:11:17.754 --> 0:11:19.754 This guy said to me, what are your love languages? 0:11:19.794 --> 0:11:26.154 And I said all five. We had two more dates 0:11:26.154 --> 0:11:28.994 after that. His love language was acts of service, and 0:11:29.034 --> 0:11:30.914 I was a bit like, oh, that's really lovely, but 0:11:31.074 --> 0:11:32.714 I'm going to need you to tell me that this 0:11:32.914 --> 0:11:34.074 and blah blah blah. 0:11:34.114 --> 0:11:35.194 So yeah, it's tricky. 0:11:35.434 --> 0:11:37.794 But I did have a partner who did a lot 0:11:37.834 --> 0:11:43.314 of big sort of gift stuff, spectacular stuff, and then 0:11:43.394 --> 0:11:46.594 kind of ghosted me and disappeared. So I am very 0:11:47.034 --> 0:11:49.314 sort of cautious of love bomb I think the. 0:11:49.274 --> 0:11:50.434 Kids call it love bombing. 0:11:50.634 --> 0:11:53.754 Yeah. Now, so for me, it will probably the most 0:11:53.754 --> 0:11:54.194 important thing. 0:11:54.314 --> 0:11:56.154 No, it's not what it used to be. I mean, 0:11:56.314 --> 0:11:59.714 buy me great stuff, I think it is, which it's 0:11:59.754 --> 0:12:01.314 not for me, definitely not anymore. 0:12:01.434 --> 0:12:03.474 I'm not a big fan of receiving gifts. 0:12:03.874 --> 0:12:06.194 I just feel like I don't need it, Like I 0:12:06.514 --> 0:12:08.834 love the idea year behind it, but I don't really 0:12:08.874 --> 0:12:11.834 need any more things, and I don't want someone, you know, 0:12:12.114 --> 0:12:14.594 having to go to that expense. But I'll always take 0:12:14.634 --> 0:12:18.554 thoughtfulness above everything. And if someone's just like thinking about 0:12:19.114 --> 0:12:21.634 you know what matters to me and just a simple 0:12:22.274 --> 0:12:24.034 something that requires effort. 0:12:23.754 --> 0:12:26.714 I find a lot more impressive and thoughtful. 0:12:27.034 --> 0:12:28.514 I say, take the gifts and say thank you. 0:12:29.554 --> 0:12:31.754 Can either receipt. 0:12:32.394 --> 0:12:34.794 So you'll love language, We know what do you mean? 0:12:35.154 --> 0:12:38.954 Gift giving is yes, yes, I am a big gift giver. 0:12:39.394 --> 0:12:42.714 As one of my love languages, I would say, so, 0:12:42.874 --> 0:12:44.674 what's the one where you tell people how you feel? 0:12:44.754 --> 0:12:51.074 That's not my love words of relation, acts of service. Yes, 0:12:51.234 --> 0:12:54.554 I would say, I'm very much that person. But can 0:12:54.594 --> 0:13:00.234 I just say what I like to risceive? Yes, language 0:13:00.514 --> 0:13:04.114 like certainly for me, the things when people remember things 0:13:04.554 --> 0:13:08.074 that are specific to me. I love it. And actually 0:13:08.154 --> 0:13:10.474 I have very clear memories. I remember really clearly. I 0:13:10.554 --> 0:13:14.234 had really bad morning sickness with the twins and my husband. 0:13:14.274 --> 0:13:15.994 The only thing I could eat with cinnamon donuts from 0:13:15.994 --> 0:13:19.074 this one particular place, and every day he would go 0:13:19.794 --> 0:13:22.794 and wait for their place to open until they made 0:13:22.794 --> 0:13:25.554 those cinnamon donuts. And I just remember, like I still 0:13:25.594 --> 0:13:28.274 think about that. That to me is love. 0:13:28.474 --> 0:13:29.194 That's beautiful. 0:13:29.274 --> 0:13:31.674 Yeah, So that's like a very specific thing and I 0:13:31.714 --> 0:13:34.154 and you know he would do that for me today. 0:13:34.354 --> 0:13:37.034 But if he could remember exactly what I. 0:13:36.914 --> 0:13:41.674 Loved, you could just encourage him with the list. I think. Yeah, Grace, 0:13:41.674 --> 0:13:43.194 what about you? What's your love language? 0:13:43.434 --> 0:13:48.114 Everything? Yes, if I like you, I got order verhotypical ares. 0:13:48.674 --> 0:13:51.034 But at the same time, if you betray me your 0:13:51.234 --> 0:13:54.314 dad to me, yes, simple as that. Because I give 0:13:54.394 --> 0:13:57.634 so much and when someone's in trouble, I'm the first 0:13:57.674 --> 0:14:00.114 one to be there, and I'm kind of like Harveychai 0:14:00.194 --> 0:14:04.034 Tell from pop fiction. Yeah yeah, when people are in trouble, 0:14:04.594 --> 0:14:06.714 they call me, yeah, and I'm that straight away. 0:14:06.914 --> 0:14:07.994 What can I fix? 0:14:08.194 --> 0:14:08.394 Right? 0:14:09.034 --> 0:14:13.114 But when people don't reciprocate, I don't understand why, because 0:14:13.154 --> 0:14:15.594 I I think when you're good to people, it doesn't 0:14:15.634 --> 0:14:18.994 mean that I'm asking for a return. I just thought 0:14:19.034 --> 0:14:22.074 they were on the same level of giving and taking. 0:14:22.314 --> 0:14:24.434 So when people don't give as much as I give, 0:14:24.874 --> 0:14:29.274 I'm like, oh, I misunderstood where our friendship or relationship. 0:14:29.274 --> 0:14:31.194 But I don't think you did misunderstand. I think that 0:14:31.234 --> 0:14:34.714 goes to how different people kind of think about love, 0:14:34.794 --> 0:14:37.674 Like I'm the same as you, Like I'm always shocked 0:14:37.674 --> 0:14:39.754 when people don't behave in the same way I do, 0:14:39.874 --> 0:14:41.754 or don't reciprocate in the same way I do it, 0:14:41.954 --> 0:14:43.394 or don't show up in the same way I do. 0:14:43.634 --> 0:14:45.754 But some people just aren't built like that. They show 0:14:45.794 --> 0:14:49.394 love in different ways, and it's interesting. So yeah, I'm 0:14:49.394 --> 0:14:51.154 trying not to get angry about it, but I've had 0:14:51.154 --> 0:14:53.794 many a conversation like I just don't understand and also 0:14:53.874 --> 0:14:55.994 don't expect people to change who they are. No, they 0:14:56.034 --> 0:14:57.234 don't inherently change. 0:14:57.234 --> 0:15:00.074 In my experience, I actually lower my expectation now. The 0:15:00.154 --> 0:15:03.994 only people that I give so much too is Jason, 0:15:03.994 --> 0:15:06.674 my husband, and my son. Yeah, and before I was 0:15:07.474 --> 0:15:10.594 so thin with everyone. Now I realize, oh, it doesn't 0:15:10.674 --> 0:15:13.034 work both ways sometimes with some people. So I'm just like, 0:15:13.074 --> 0:15:14.194 you know what, fuck you. 0:15:15.554 --> 0:15:19.074 So so grace husband, Jason? How does he shaw love 0:15:19.194 --> 0:15:19.954 out of those things? 0:15:19.954 --> 0:15:21.434 I mean, I don't know what I've done in my 0:15:21.474 --> 0:15:24.114 previous life to deserve him, because that guy is fucking 0:15:24.154 --> 0:15:27.794 amazing and I'm a lot I know, and he put 0:15:27.874 --> 0:15:29.634 up with a lot. But at the same time, I 0:15:29.714 --> 0:15:33.914 give him twenty four to seven entertainment. Hell, I'm just saying, 0:15:34.594 --> 0:15:36.634 he you know. On my fiftieth birthday. I mean, he's 0:15:36.634 --> 0:15:39.274 done so many things for me and vice versa. On 0:15:39.354 --> 0:15:44.474 my fiftieth birthday, he basically did a video of sixty 0:15:44.554 --> 0:15:46.834 of my closest friends and you know, people I love 0:15:47.554 --> 0:15:50.554 all around the world, and some of them he's never met. 0:15:50.914 --> 0:15:54.594 So he basically went down through my whole entire contact list, 0:15:55.274 --> 0:15:57.594 ask them, contact them to get to make me a 0:15:57.674 --> 0:15:59.754 video of like a few minutes whatever and stuff. It 0:15:59.794 --> 0:16:01.554 took him two months to and a half months. Yeah, 0:16:02.074 --> 0:16:03.914 and I couldn't believe he pulled it off because a 0:16:03.914 --> 0:16:06.434 lot of people he had, you know he hasn't met, ye, 0:16:06.474 --> 0:16:09.234 because I've got for all around the world. And when 0:16:09.274 --> 0:16:11.274 he sent me that video, I was just like, oh 0:16:11.314 --> 0:16:12.714 my god. There's a lot of work. 0:16:12.954 --> 0:16:15.354 And they're the things that people talk about doing but 0:16:15.394 --> 0:16:17.794 don't do because it is too much. Ever, my husband 0:16:17.834 --> 0:16:20.074 did a similar thing for me and it's something I 0:16:20.114 --> 0:16:22.394 still hold on to now. And I know how much 0:16:22.434 --> 0:16:25.034 effort went into that, how much time. That's significant. 0:16:25.074 --> 0:16:27.114 No, I love that well. Brunner is that person for 0:16:27.194 --> 0:16:30.434 our group. She's always the one that's organizing an event. 0:16:30.554 --> 0:16:33.354 Last year my birthday, she organized a weekend away for 0:16:33.434 --> 0:16:36.794 all the girls and the best bit was that, you know, 0:16:36.874 --> 0:16:40.154 we thought we'd peaked. We'd had breakfast that morning, we'd 0:16:40.194 --> 0:16:42.194 had a beautiful dinner that night, and then we went 0:16:42.234 --> 0:16:45.034 into this separate room and then they all went away. 0:16:45.114 --> 0:16:47.394 The cake arrived and I was like, where is everyone? 0:16:47.754 --> 0:16:52.674 And they all walked in with Effie wigs. It was hilarious, 0:16:52.714 --> 0:16:54.674 like it was just the best thing ever. 0:16:54.914 --> 0:16:57.874 Everyone looked ridiculous. We had such a laugh. 0:16:58.074 --> 0:17:00.914 But you're always the one that's doing the birthday videos, 0:17:00.954 --> 0:17:03.514 You're always the one that's organizing everything. 0:17:03.794 --> 0:17:04.514 I'm more the. 0:17:04.513 --> 0:17:08.314 Person, like I'm very good in every day scenarios. I'm 0:17:08.314 --> 0:17:10.754 the person that'll wash the dishes if I can. I'm 0:17:10.754 --> 0:17:13.954 the person that'll burnie your backyard prior to a party. 0:17:14.114 --> 0:17:16.434 I'll help you organize your house. 0:17:16.634 --> 0:17:17.354 You know, you pig. 0:17:17.434 --> 0:17:18.474 I'm a comport. 0:17:18.794 --> 0:17:21.914 Yeah, your love language, acts of service. 0:17:22.114 --> 0:17:22.434 It is. 0:17:22.594 --> 0:17:23.394 It's very action. 0:17:23.514 --> 0:17:27.274 But I'm also very verbal. I'm the always the person 0:17:27.354 --> 0:17:30.234 giving a speech. So I'm I'm a big fan and 0:17:30.274 --> 0:17:33.434 this was one of the benefits of being, you know, 0:17:33.594 --> 0:17:36.914 a child whose father was dying. I don't delay expressing 0:17:36.954 --> 0:17:39.634 how I feel about someone. I don't wait for a eulogy. 0:17:39.754 --> 0:17:42.554 I don't wait for an important birthday. I give those 0:17:42.594 --> 0:17:46.474 speeches every chance I get. There isn't a single person 0:17:46.514 --> 0:17:48.874 that I love that doesn't know why I love them. 0:17:49.034 --> 0:17:52.074 And I'm also a fan of bespoke love. I'm not 0:17:52.234 --> 0:17:55.554 generic about it. You will know exactly why I love you, 0:17:55.594 --> 0:17:58.914 what it is about your character that I love, because 0:17:59.674 --> 0:18:02.794 the last thing I want is anyone to not get 0:18:02.794 --> 0:18:05.634 a sense of how magnificent they are, because I think 0:18:05.674 --> 0:18:07.994 that's the ultimate you know, love language. 0:18:08.074 --> 0:18:10.074 Yeah, marriage, some your text and maybe like the second 0:18:10.114 --> 0:18:12.513 month after we met, and I like this and this 0:18:12.594 --> 0:18:14.553 about you, And I said to Jason, my husband, I'm like, 0:18:14.674 --> 0:18:15.754 is she a fucking lesbian? 0:18:18.794 --> 0:18:19.234 Possibly? 0:18:20.274 --> 0:18:23.234 So you would powerwash somebody's driveway, Mary, But how do 0:18:23.274 --> 0:18:24.354 you like to accept love? 0:18:25.754 --> 0:18:26.514 Oh? 0:18:26.594 --> 0:18:26.914 I like. 0:18:27.194 --> 0:18:30.834 My husband's really good at drawing, so he'll do little 0:18:30.914 --> 0:18:35.954 notes and do really cute like little pictures like animations 0:18:35.994 --> 0:18:38.394 and stuff for me, and I've collected them over the years. 0:18:38.594 --> 0:18:39.074 I love that. 0:18:39.234 --> 0:18:41.354 I don't want I get embarrassed at the idea of 0:18:41.354 --> 0:18:42.314 a candle lit dinner. 0:18:42.834 --> 0:18:47.274 I'm like, oh my god, that is so embarrassing. I'm 0:18:47.274 --> 0:18:48.194 gonna get dressed up. 0:18:48.234 --> 0:18:50.794 I mean, I'll do it, but not with any expectation 0:18:50.914 --> 0:18:54.234 that this is what romance should look like. I've found 0:18:54.754 --> 0:18:58.434 romance in the smallest things, not the biggest things, and 0:18:58.514 --> 0:19:00.513 I think most of us relate to that, right, I mean, 0:19:00.554 --> 0:19:02.474 I think we've all had I mean, I certainly have 0:19:03.114 --> 0:19:06.234 you know, the Five Pillars of Love. I've been in 0:19:06.314 --> 0:19:10.234 really good relationation ships, but physically it wasn't there. And 0:19:10.274 --> 0:19:12.674 that's just like, I mean, do we all not remember 0:19:12.714 --> 0:19:16.474 that feeling of like thinking every someone had everything and 0:19:16.474 --> 0:19:17.553 then physically you don't. 0:19:17.434 --> 0:19:20.394 Have a connection. Yeah, that's pretty kind of you know, 0:19:20.434 --> 0:19:22.273 I think that's pretty common and pretty jarring. 0:19:22.354 --> 0:19:25.833 Yeah, or it's physically there and there's there's no interest. 0:19:25.914 --> 0:19:28.874 I went out with such a great looking guy, I remember, 0:19:28.954 --> 0:19:33.874 and there was nothing, nothing exciting in the way that 0:19:34.074 --> 0:19:36.314