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Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mother Mia podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges

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Speaker 1: the traditional owners of the land. We have recorded this

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Speaker 1: podcast on the Gatagul people of the Eor nation. We

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Speaker 1: pay our respects to their elders past and present and

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Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torus s right

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Speaker 1: islander cultures.

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Speaker 2: Hi. It's Grace from This Glorious Mess introducing hot Pod Summer.

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Speaker 2: It's one hundred hours of curated listening across the Muma

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Speaker 2: Mea network just for you to escape the chaos and

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Speaker 2: enjoy with the kids at home and the weather warming up.

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Speaker 2: We're going to share some episodes of Little Love Stories.

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Speaker 2: Little Love Stories is an open hearted conversation with someone

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Speaker 2: who has love to share that love can be anything,

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Speaker 2: a time in someone's life, a person, or even an object.

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Speaker 2: It's all about discovering the magic everywhere you look. So

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Speaker 2: I hope you enjoy this episode of Little Love Stories.

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Speaker 3: I love you, How can you live with you?

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Speaker 2: From Mamma Mia and This Glorious Mess. Welcome to Little

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Speaker 2: Love Stories. I'm Grace Roofray. When you have a sister,

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Speaker 2: there is a bond like no other with a sister. Myself,

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Speaker 2: it's something I can only describe as aggressive loyalty. And

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Speaker 2: today's guest also called Grace, but Grace O'Connell, she knows

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Speaker 2: this bond all too well. Just a few years older

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Speaker 2: than her sister Lil, they went through the typical sibling

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Speaker 2: ups and downs, the fights, the disagreements and everything in between,

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Speaker 2: but they have always felt like they were soulmates, the

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Speaker 2: perfect match for each other. On Christmas Day in twenty seventeen,

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Speaker 2: Lil got sick. What seemed like a simple cold or

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Speaker 2: flu quickly escalated into something far worse.

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Speaker 4: My mum had always done this when we were little.

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Speaker 4: She'd set alarms when we were sick to wake up

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Speaker 4: in the night and just check on us. And if

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Speaker 4: she hadn't have done that, there's a very high chance

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Speaker 4: Little wouldn't be with us.

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Speaker 2: To Grace, her mum and Lil were rushed into the

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Speaker 2: emergency room and Lil was diagnosed with me Ninja cockle

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Speaker 2: disease and was quickly placed on a ventilator. Grace and

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Speaker 2: her mum spent weeks in the ICU, watching in disbelief

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Speaker 2: as Lil fought for her life. All of it a

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Speaker 2: surreal nightmare. How were they just days before celebrating Christmas,

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Speaker 2: and now they were caught in this horrible whirlwind of

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Speaker 2: uncertainty and fear.

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Speaker 4: So we were there, and it was at night time

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Speaker 4: that it really only kicked in for Mum and I

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Speaker 4: because we wouldn't leave unless we were forced.

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Speaker 2: Out of that room. It's always been the three of us.

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Speaker 2: We're a unit. You cannot separate us. Thankfully, Lil turned

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Speaker 2: a corner, no longer in imminent danger of life and death,

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Speaker 2: but the ordeal was far from over. Further tests revealed

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Speaker 2: that her kidneys were failing, with less than ten percent

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Speaker 2: function remaining. She was put on dialysis, and the family

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Speaker 2: began searching for a donor. When her parents went a match,

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Speaker 2: Grace immediately volunteered. Initially, she was told no that Grace

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Speaker 2: persisted pushing until she was finally tested, and as fate

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Speaker 2: would have it, she wasn't match.

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Speaker 4: He said, the operation actually took longer than a normal

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Speaker 4: donation operation because we didn't realize how big and healthy

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Speaker 4: your kidney was. She's so healthy and she's so good now,

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Speaker 4: and I'm living a normal life, except for occasionally when

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Speaker 4: I'm doing stretches at the gym, I'll feel a little

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Speaker 4: bit of a Oh that's a little bit off. But

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Speaker 4: she apart from the medication and the check ins and

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Speaker 4: the testing that she still has to do, she's a

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Speaker 4: healthy young woman.

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Speaker 2: Today's little love story is about family. It's about sisterly bond,

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Speaker 2: and it's about Grace's Kidney's new job. But before we

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Speaker 2: get there, we went on the street and we asked,

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Speaker 2: how do you show love to your loved ones.

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Speaker 1: My love language is words affirmation, and I know everyone

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Speaker 1: around me is not, and so I never feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm doing a good job at it. I think I

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Speaker 1: figured out that my partner's is acts of service, but like,

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Speaker 1: I don't.

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Speaker 2: Want to do that. I'm feminism, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: I don't want do extra cooking your cleaning for you, sir.

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Speaker 3: I think mine would be reaching out to people when

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Speaker 3: it's been a while and sort of checking in, Like

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Speaker 3: I've got a close circle of friends, and I make sure,

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Speaker 3: oh it's been a few weeks. I must check in

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Speaker 3: with them, remembering things that they're up too and asking

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Speaker 3: them about it, because I just know it's these little

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Speaker 3: things that actually make people feel like seen, Okay.

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Speaker 2: I show love to the people I love with acts

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Speaker 2: of service. But very specific acts of service.

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Speaker 1: So it will be something like I will pay your

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Speaker 1: bill for you because I know that you don't want

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Speaker 1: to have to deal with the mental load of going.

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Speaker 2: Through bepay because f B pay.

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Speaker 1: But also I'll cook you something, and I'll cook you

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Speaker 1: the thing that is your favorite meal.

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Speaker 5: Probably the way I show love to the people I

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Speaker 5: know is just by spending quality time. I'm not a

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Speaker 5: big fan of like buying or gift giving or anything

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Speaker 5: like that, but just you know, spending a good one

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Speaker 5: on one time with a deeper, meaningful is probably the

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Speaker 5: best way.

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Speaker 2: Grace O'Connell, thank you so much for coming on Little

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Speaker 2: Love Stories. You've written the most beautiful story about you

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Speaker 2: and your sister, Lil or Lily. How would you like

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Speaker 2: to refer to her? I say, Lil Lil? And how

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Speaker 2: many years between you and Lil are there? It's two years.

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Speaker 2: She's my younger sister, so I feel like the two

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Speaker 2: years difference up until you became adults complete trauma. But

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Speaker 2: then we became adults and now inseparable. So I have

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Speaker 2: a sister and it's two and a half years between us,

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Speaker 2: and there is this thing of I would call it

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Speaker 2: like aggressive loyalty.

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Speaker 4: Yes, absolutely, passionate, aggressive loyalty. I would do anything for you,

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Speaker 4: but also, don't touch my stuff.

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Speaker 2: With my sister, it was that, don't touch my staff.

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Speaker 2: She'd rent her clothes to me, like literally, make me

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Speaker 2: pay money if I wanted to borrow them. Are you joking?

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Speaker 2: That's crazy? This is an audio medium, and I just

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Speaker 2: want everyone to know that Grace's eyes are white. Like

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Speaker 2: just why you're like, what a good idea as the

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Speaker 2: older sister, because I'm the younger sister, you're thinking that's

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Speaker 2: a great idea. I can't believe. I didn't think that.

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Speaker 4: I mean, it wasn't my sister, but it was definitely

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Speaker 4: my mum who did that. Exchange clothes for chores and

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Speaker 4: you know, compensation at certain stages.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, you do start your letter by talking about

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Speaker 2: you and Lil as children, and there's a beautiful sense

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Speaker 2: of mischief that you seem to talk about. Can you

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Speaker 2: describe your relationship as you said before the adult mode

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Speaker 2: kicked in, Well, it's kind of crazy because we have

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Speaker 2: very different personalities. When we were little, so she was

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Speaker 2: very much this kind of soft spoken party animal, like

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Speaker 2: she would always instigate a situation. She would instigate a fight.

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Speaker 2: She'd be the one to instigate anything, and I'd be

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Speaker 2: the one who would kind of follow that up and

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Speaker 2: really push that through. But as adults, and you know,

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Speaker 2: when we started becoming individual people and finding ourselves away

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Speaker 2: from each other, when we moved out of home, that's

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Speaker 2: when the kind of oh, God, I really miss you

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Speaker 2: and I didn't realize how much I love you and

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Speaker 2: how important you are to me really clicked in because

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Speaker 2: we weren't seeing each other every day, and she started

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Speaker 2: pursuing her own stuff, and I was like, God, that's

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Speaker 2: so interesting. You've just blossomed it into this multifaceted person

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Speaker 2: that I totally took for granted, as we all do

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Speaker 2: when we're kids. And obviously because of what happened with us,

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Speaker 2: that's just made our bond so much stronger. We never

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Speaker 2: used to vocally tell each other we love each other,

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Speaker 2: and now it's just every day, and it's without blinking.

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Speaker 2: And it was in twenty seventeen that Lil first got sick.

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Speaker 2: Could you read out that part of your letter?

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Speaker 4: And then you fell sick, and like your foot missing

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Speaker 4: the final step in the dark, everything stopped. The laughter

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Speaker 4: was replaced with fear. And the joy with grief. I

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Speaker 4: couldn't fathom a life without you, my other half. I

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Speaker 4: fell asleep every night asking the same question, over and over,

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Speaker 4: why you?

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Speaker 2: Why not me? It haunted me, It still does. Could

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Speaker 2: you take me back to Christmas Day twenty seventeen.

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Speaker 4: We were going to a family Christmas lunch and Lil

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Speaker 4: had been feeling sick for a couple of days prior

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Speaker 4: to that, but nothing out of the ordinary in terms

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Speaker 4: of cold or flu symptoms. So she had a sore throat,

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Speaker 4: had a runnie nose, etcetera, etc. And then we went

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Speaker 4: to this lunch and her symptoms just gradually progressed and

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Speaker 4: progressed and progressed, and she started throwing up and we

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Speaker 4: had to put her into bed at our family's house.

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Speaker 4: When we brought her home, Mum was really concerned, because

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Speaker 4: she's hyper concerned for both of us if we register

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Speaker 4: any symptom of anything. We brought her home, Mum said

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Speaker 4: to us, you know, we're only around the corner from

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Speaker 4: the hospital, but it's Christmas Day. It would be ridiculous

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Speaker 4: to take her to the hospital. We'll just give her

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Speaker 4: some medication and put her in bed.

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Speaker 2: We put her in bed and.

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Speaker 4: My mum had always done this when we were little.

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Speaker 4: She'd set alarms when we were sick to wake up

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Speaker 4: in the night and just check on us. And if

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Speaker 4: she hadn't have done that, there's a very high chance

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Speaker 4: Little wouldn't be with us today. She set an alarm

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Speaker 4: for three am, and I remember she walked into Lil's

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Speaker 4: room and her body was completely covered in purple blood clots.

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Speaker 4: It was a terrifying vision that I still can't get

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Speaker 4: out of my mind. I'll never be able to get

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Speaker 4: it out of my mind. Then she woke me up

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Speaker 4: quickly and we luckily were ten minutes away from Saint

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Speaker 4: Vincent's and we rushed to the hospital. Walked into the hospital,

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Speaker 4: the nurses took one look at her. They thought she

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Speaker 4: was having an allergic reaction or she was potentially on something.

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Speaker 4: She sat down with the nurse and the nurse looked

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Speaker 4: at her again and immediately pushed my mum and my

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Speaker 4: sister off her. They locked her into a room and

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Speaker 4: she was immediately taken into er put on intense antibiotics.

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Speaker 4: And that's when we found out that she had mininja cockle.

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Speaker 2: And that moment of being thrust away was that because

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Speaker 2: they were concerned of it's infectious, or it was the

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Speaker 2: pace in which she needed medical treatment, like.

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Speaker 4: It is extremely infectious. So they pushed us off her

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Speaker 4: because we'd already had too much contact with her. You

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Speaker 4: can catch minage cockle through saliva through contact with other people,

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Speaker 4: just like you'd catch cold, really, so them pushing us

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Speaker 4: off her was their immediate reaction of you need to

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Speaker 4: get away from her right now because you could very

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Speaker 4: well catch this. And it was also the immediacy, as

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Speaker 4: you said, of needing to get her in start her

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Speaker 4: on antibiotics, and she became unconscious. They started her on

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Speaker 4: the antibiotics, and we had a social worker mom, and

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Speaker 4: I couldn't go near her. So the next person we

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Speaker 4: had contact with was the doctor who told us she

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Speaker 4: had managed cockle, and then the next person who came

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Speaker 4: up to us was a social worker. I refused to

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Speaker 4: talk to the social worker.

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Speaker 2: My mom did, and she told me that Grace, it's

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Speaker 2: very likely that LITL isn't going to make it really

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Speaker 2: nice because with me ninjacockle, you have severe blood clotting

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Speaker 2: and then you get sepsis. So yeah, that's why didn't

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Speaker 2: you want to talk to the social work. Is it

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Speaker 2: because you wanted the facts rather than feeling like you

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Speaker 2: were being led into a place of she's going to

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Speaker 2: die and they were setting you up to deal with that.

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Speaker 4: Yes, absolutely, I just refused to accept that she was

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Speaker 4: going to die. It all happened so quickly. Everything, every

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Speaker 4: stage of what happened, from her having the mildest symptom

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Speaker 4: to her being in that hospital bed in the ear

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Speaker 4: and then having to pretty much clear out the ear

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Speaker 4: for her happened within forty eight hours, you know. So

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Speaker 4: she went from being my sister and being the love

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Speaker 4: of my life and totally fine, and the next second

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Speaker 4: I had someone coming up to me saying, you have

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Speaker 4: to figure out how to live without her, And so

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Speaker 4: I just couldn't even fathom that.

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Speaker 2: How long were you all in that acute, this is

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Speaker 2: life or death situation. How long until her prognosis and

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Speaker 2: her being on dialysis? How long until that happened? Well,

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Speaker 2: she was in the er overnight and then she was

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Speaker 2: moved to ICU, and she was in ICU for three

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Speaker 2: to four weeks, and so it was kind of still

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Speaker 2: within that first week in the ICU, Mom and I

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Speaker 2: just set up camp in her room. By that stage.

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Speaker 4: We'd been vaccinated for the strain that she got, so

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Speaker 4: we were okay to be around her, and so we

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Speaker 4: just locked ourselves in her room. We couldn't have anyone

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Speaker 4: else come in. I just remember viscerallym brushing her hair

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Speaker 4: in the bed, doing all these more comforting things that

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Speaker 4: through her comforted me as well because it felt like

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Speaker 4: a sense of normality. She was in ICU for three

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Speaker 4: to four weeks. Within that first week or two, they

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Speaker 4: were still telling us that if she needs to go

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Speaker 4: on a VENTI later, then it's not looking good. She

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Speaker 4: may still not make it. After the first week, I

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Speaker 4: believe they started telling us to no, she's on the up.

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Speaker 4: So these small improvements are starting to come through. The

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Speaker 4: blood clotting diminished, the antibiotics were kicking in, and luckily

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Speaker 4: with ninchaccle, it's very very common that you end up

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Speaker 4: losing limbs because of the blood clotting because of sepsis.

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Speaker 4: With that, because she hadn't lost any limbs in the

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Speaker 4: sepsis and the blood clotting started receding, they started looking

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Speaker 4: at other parts of her body and that's when we

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Speaker 4: found out pretty much completely lost kidney function. So she

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Speaker 4: ended up with three to five percent of kidney function.

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Speaker 4: We just spent the whole time when she was in

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Speaker 4: ICU for three to four weeks, just processing getting her well,

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Speaker 4: let alone processing what the next steps would be.

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Speaker 2: When you're in that situation, sitting in a hospital bed,

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Speaker 2: looking around being like, how are we here? Yeah? This,

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Speaker 2: we're at Christmas and now yeah, I guess the whiplash

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Speaker 2: of that, and now we're talking about organ donation and yes,

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Speaker 2: I don't know if it's an out of body experience

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Speaker 2: or impost or just an alternate reality. Do you know

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Speaker 2: what's so crazy is that on that hospital ward in

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Speaker 2: the ICU, they had a Christmas tree and it looked

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Speaker 2: identical to the Christmas tree that my family had at

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Speaker 2: their house on Christmas Day. So we were there, and

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Speaker 2: it was at night time that it really only kicked

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Speaker 2: in for Mum and I because we wouldn't leave unless

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Speaker 2: we were forced out of that room.

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Speaker 4: It's always been the three of us. We're a unit.

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Speaker 4: You cannot separate us. So we'd spend the nights there

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Speaker 4: and they'd turn the lights out and everyone would be

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Speaker 4: sleeping and we'd just look at that Christmas tree and

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Speaker 4: Mum and I would just look at each.

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Speaker 2: Other and go, how did this happen? She's such a

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Speaker 2: healthy young woman.

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Speaker 4: It just I still, to this day, I can't if

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Speaker 4: I put myself back in that situation, I still can't

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Speaker 4: understand how or why it was her, how or why

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Speaker 4: we were here. It was such a blur in that

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Speaker 4: ICU unit. I can't remember names or faces of nurses

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Speaker 4: and doctors because that's never something you imagine happening to anyone.

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Speaker 4: So we were just in absolute adrenaline fueled panic mode.

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Speaker 4: Really just held in this kind of limbo for that

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Speaker 4: entire time.

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Speaker 2: And he did start looking for a donor, and they

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Speaker 2: do go to family first, but they didn't want to

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Speaker 2: go to you as an option. Why was that?

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Speaker 4: They tested my mom and my dad first, and unfortunately

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Speaker 4: they were incompatible for different reasons. And I'd always since

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Speaker 4: the beginning kind of put my hands up, but I,

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Speaker 4: for some reason, always assumed that either mum or dad

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Speaker 4: would be compatible. Because as you're going, when we're in

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Speaker 4: the ICU, even when we're in ED and everything, it's

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Speaker 4: just this enormous amount of information and education that you

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Speaker 4: need to suddenly be aware of. And so even just

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Speaker 4: processing that, let alone, what the donation process looks like

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Speaker 4: was so much to take on. They didn't test me

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Speaker 4: initially because of my age, and because I'm a woman

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Speaker 4: and I can carry a child. If you have kidney,

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Speaker 4: it's much more difficult for you to carry a child.

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Speaker 4: It's not impossible. There's a lot of women who have

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Speaker 4: one kidney who have successfully carried through term, but it's

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Speaker 4: just a much higher risk. So they said to me,

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Speaker 4: you know, we don't want to test you because of

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Speaker 4: that reason. And I remember sitting down and this is

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Speaker 4: the most visceral memory I have, sitting down with my

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Speaker 4: nephrologist and he told me that, and I said, this

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Speaker 4: is my sister. What do you think I'm going to do?

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Speaker 4: I wouldn't think twice about making this decision. I was like,

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Speaker 4: how do you know if you don't at least test me,

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Speaker 4: I might be incompatible. This was when she was on dialysis,

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Speaker 4: So when she got out of the ICU, she went

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Speaker 4: to the ward and then they started her on dialysis.

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Speaker 4: And she was on dialysis for five hours a day,

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Speaker 4: three days a week, and every second day she was

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Speaker 4: having seizures. Every other day she was being tested. So

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Speaker 4: she had no quality of life, any sense of normality

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Speaker 4: had completely gone. So we were living together at the time,

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Speaker 4: and I had to come home to that every day

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Speaker 4: and see that this beautiful, strong woman, just all of

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Speaker 4: this outward strengths that she's trying to project to make

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Speaker 4: Mum and I feel better about this situation and make

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Speaker 4: everyone around us feel better about this situation and feel

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Speaker 4: more positive, was just completely wiped away. I said to

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Speaker 4: this doctor, I was like, if you don't test me,

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Speaker 4: she's going to go on the list and she's not

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Speaker 4: going to be able to live her life. So I said,

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Speaker 4: please just try it.

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Speaker 2: You're a match. Could you please read that part of

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Speaker 2: your little love story? So I made a decision, the

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Speaker 2: easiest decision I have ever made in my life, to

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Speaker 2: give you back yours. When they tested me to be

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Speaker 2: your donor, they said what we had was rare, that

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Speaker 2: our organs were the most compatible match for each other,

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Speaker 2: As if we needed to be told. Once you were

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Speaker 2: told that you're a match, how quickly do you go

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Speaker 2: into surgery? How quickly does that process go? Very quickly?

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Speaker 2: I was told I was a match on the twenty

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Speaker 2: eighth of June, and then we went into surgery on

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Speaker 2: the twentieth of August. So today, six years ago is

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Speaker 2: the day we're recording. Our day of recording is the

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Speaker 2: twentieth of August, which is your anniversary. Yeah, which is

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Speaker 2: quite special that we're having this conversation today. I couldn't

347
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Speaker 2: think of doing anything better. And how did Lil bounce back?

348
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Speaker 2: How quickly did she bounce back. It was the most

349
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Speaker 2: beautiful part of this entire journey. Her energy immediately came back.

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Speaker 2: You know, there was the medical component of it, which

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Speaker 2: is when you lose an organ, obviously you have a

352
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Speaker 2: deficit and your body has to compensate. When you gain

353
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Speaker 2: an organ, your progression for that recovery is just so

354
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:15,770
Speaker 2: much better. We're both in hospital for about a week.

355
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Speaker 2: I unfortunately had to stay longer because I contracted an

356
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Speaker 2: infection when I was in hospit, but they were going

357
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Speaker 2: to release me after like two days. Lil had to

358
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Speaker 2: stay in hospital for a week because they needed to

359
00:19:27,330 --> 00:19:29,330
Speaker 2: test her and make sure she wasn't going to reject

360
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Speaker 2: the kidney. Yeah, her bounce back was just incredible when

361
00:19:32,450 --> 00:19:34,330
Speaker 2: she went home. You know, I've got this beautiful video

362
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Speaker 2: of my mum bringing our dog to the hospital and

363
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Speaker 2: her sitting outside and seeing him for the first time.

364
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Speaker 2: I mean it was a slow kind of six to

365
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Speaker 2: eight weeks after that of us, you know, adjusting and everything.

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Speaker 2: But because we were living together and we could do

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Speaker 2: that together, it just made it so much more joyful.

368
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Speaker 2: It was just payoff that we deserved and we needed

369
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Speaker 2: after everything we've been through. I think there is a

370
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Speaker 2: little section in your Little Love Story where you talk

371
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Speaker 2: about our Titanic reference going in and going out. Can

372
00:20:02,970 --> 00:20:06,090
Speaker 2: you tell me what that is? Can you explain? It

373
00:20:06,170 --> 00:20:08,730
Speaker 2: was so silly. We used to love Titanic as kids,

374
00:20:08,730 --> 00:20:10,730
Speaker 2: and we'd always kind of take the piss out of

375
00:20:10,730 --> 00:20:13,010
Speaker 2: it a bit, which it was just that weird situation.

376
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Speaker 4: We have a photo of us when we were five

377
00:20:14,450 --> 00:20:18,130
Speaker 4: years old and we're holding hands in like don't leave me, Jack,

378
00:20:18,170 --> 00:20:22,130
Speaker 4: don't let go Jack kind of situation. And so to

379
00:20:22,330 --> 00:20:26,130
Speaker 4: mark the transplant anniversary, my sister last year posted on

380
00:20:26,170 --> 00:20:28,290
Speaker 4: social media that photo side by side with a photo

381
00:20:28,290 --> 00:20:30,650
Speaker 4: of us just about to be rolled into the theater

382
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Speaker 4: with our hands reached out. When we were doing that,

383
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Speaker 4: just before we went in, we were just trying to

384
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Speaker 4: make light of the situation because its very depressing.

385
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Speaker 2: It's very depressive, it's very heavy, but also when you've

386
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Speaker 2: had so much depressing, the sense of humor is a

387
00:20:47,690 --> 00:20:49,690
Speaker 2: bit dark. Yeah, it goes a bit.

388
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Speaker 4: Dark, it really does. And we've always had a bit

389
00:20:52,450 --> 00:20:53,890
Speaker 4: of a dark sense of humor of the two of us,

390
00:20:54,490 --> 00:20:57,090
Speaker 4: and we relish in it. And we've got very funny parents,

391
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Speaker 4: so the trickle down effect is incredible.

392
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Speaker 2: So when my mom and.

393
00:21:00,490 --> 00:21:04,170
Speaker 4: Dad were watching us, we're just full of pride and fear.

394
00:21:04,650 --> 00:21:06,530
Speaker 4: You know, when we were about to go in, it

395
00:21:06,570 --> 00:21:07,970
Speaker 4: was Lil and I who was kind of keeping it

396
00:21:08,010 --> 00:21:11,770
Speaker 4: buoyant because we're just looking at the next steps. You know,

397
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Speaker 4: this was the beginning of Lill getting her life back.

398
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Speaker 4: This is the beginning of our family getting our life back.

399
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Speaker 4: This is the beginning of us being able to finally

400
00:21:19,010 --> 00:21:21,890
Speaker 4: deal with our trauma. So the don't let go Jack

401
00:21:22,010 --> 00:21:25,690
Speaker 4: situation was as much for them as it was for us.

402
00:21:25,770 --> 00:21:27,610
Speaker 4: And then we got out of the theater, and you know,

403
00:21:27,610 --> 00:21:30,290
Speaker 4: we were very groggy, and when we woke up again,

404
00:21:30,690 --> 00:21:33,210
Speaker 4: we couldn't actually be near each other because we had

405
00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:35,690
Speaker 4: different medical teams and they didn't want the medical teams

406
00:21:35,730 --> 00:21:37,530
Speaker 4: to get mixed up and give us the wrong information.

407
00:21:38,090 --> 00:21:41,050
Speaker 4: We were separated on the ward, but we'd call each

408
00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:43,930
Speaker 4: other and FaceTime each other. And it's the same thing

409
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:46,170
Speaker 4: as the you know, I didn't let go and.

410
00:21:48,090 --> 00:21:51,850
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. And what do you live with

411
00:21:52,250 --> 00:21:54,890
Speaker 2: now having only one kidney? Like you said, the recovery,

412
00:21:55,090 --> 00:21:57,490
Speaker 2: there is a deficit for you, whereas Lil gained something.

413
00:21:57,850 --> 00:22:00,650
Speaker 2: What was that your body getting used to that.

414
00:22:01,090 --> 00:22:04,530
Speaker 4: This is why we can live donate kidneys, because if

415
00:22:04,570 --> 00:22:07,090
Speaker 4: you have one kidney, your kidney actually grows to compensate

416
00:22:07,210 --> 00:22:10,330
Speaker 4: for the loss of the other kidney. So I have

417
00:22:10,410 --> 00:22:12,810
Speaker 4: to check in every year with my neuprologist. And the

418
00:22:12,850 --> 00:22:15,490
Speaker 4: first year I went in, I was terrified because you

419
00:22:15,530 --> 00:22:18,250
Speaker 4: can actually function with seventy five to eighty five percent

420
00:22:18,290 --> 00:22:21,130
Speaker 4: kidney function or less. And he told me I had

421
00:22:21,210 --> 00:22:23,970
Speaker 4: ninety five percent kidney function, and my sister as well.

422
00:22:24,610 --> 00:22:27,170
Speaker 4: He said to me, it's the funniest thing, he said,

423
00:22:27,210 --> 00:22:30,810
Speaker 4: the operation actually took longer than a normal donation operation

424
00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:32,130
Speaker 4: because we didn't realize how.

425
00:22:32,010 --> 00:22:36,450
Speaker 2: Big and healthy your kidney was. So giving it to her,

426
00:22:36,570 --> 00:22:39,250
Speaker 2: you know, she's so healthy and she's so good now,

427
00:22:39,290 --> 00:22:42,250
Speaker 2: and she's on immune suppressants and everything. I am not

428
00:22:42,290 --> 00:22:47,530
Speaker 2: on anything. I'm not technically immune suppressed, so I'm living

429
00:22:47,530 --> 00:22:50,890
Speaker 2: a normal life, except for occasionally when I'm doing stretchers

430
00:22:50,930 --> 00:22:52,290
Speaker 2: at the gym, I'll feel a little bit of a

431
00:22:52,370 --> 00:22:54,690
Speaker 2: oh that's a little bit off, but you know, a

432
00:22:54,850 --> 00:22:59,090
Speaker 2: lopsided I was slowly upsided. But she, apart from the

433
00:22:59,130 --> 00:23:00,970
Speaker 2: medication and the check ins and the testing that she

434
00:23:01,010 --> 00:23:06,010
Speaker 2: still has to do, she's a healthy young woman. She

435
00:23:06,130 --> 00:23:08,770
Speaker 2: makes me jealous every day with how much she goes

436
00:23:08,810 --> 00:23:10,890
Speaker 2: to the gym, and I don't right now. You know,

437
00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:15,570
Speaker 2: she's thriving, So that's all we possibly could have wanted.

438
00:23:16,130 --> 00:23:18,130
Speaker 2: This is a potentially a wanky question, but I want

439
00:23:18,170 --> 00:23:21,090
Speaker 2: to ask it. Has going through an experience like this.

440
00:23:21,170 --> 00:23:24,730
Speaker 2: I don't know whether it's the kidney donation or seeing

441
00:23:25,170 --> 00:23:27,250
Speaker 2: the love of your life in a position where they

442
00:23:27,330 --> 00:23:30,930
Speaker 2: might die, has it changed your day to day how

443
00:23:30,930 --> 00:23:33,250
Speaker 2: you look at the world. And maybe it's not every

444
00:23:33,290 --> 00:23:35,570
Speaker 2: single day, because we're still living life and getting up

445
00:23:35,570 --> 00:23:37,890
Speaker 2: and going work and doing annoying things. But are there's

446
00:23:37,890 --> 00:23:40,570
Speaker 2: small things in your everyday life that you can tell

447
00:23:40,610 --> 00:23:43,370
Speaker 2: are different because of this experience. How you're viewing them

448
00:23:43,450 --> 00:23:46,850
Speaker 2: is different. Oh definitely. I think. I mean not to

449
00:23:47,530 --> 00:23:50,850
Speaker 2: blow this situation up, but it's kind of changed everything.

450
00:23:51,730 --> 00:23:54,210
Speaker 2: Before you're in a situation like that, you don't realize

451
00:23:54,250 --> 00:23:58,930
Speaker 2: how volatile life is and how quickly you can lose someone.

452
00:23:59,930 --> 00:24:04,130
Speaker 2: And I came out of that situation. I mean, we're

453
00:24:04,170 --> 00:24:07,210
Speaker 2: still coping with the trauma from it. It will never

454
00:24:07,250 --> 00:24:10,290
Speaker 2: be something we can get over. I know Lil is

455
00:24:10,330 --> 00:24:12,770
Speaker 2: here and she's healthy today, and I'm so grateful for that.

456
00:24:13,570 --> 00:24:17,410
Speaker 2: That trauma was just horrific and it still is. So

457
00:24:17,650 --> 00:24:19,690
Speaker 2: I think what it changed about me is this sense

458
00:24:19,770 --> 00:24:25,010
Speaker 2: of just not wasting time, not wasting any day. This

459
00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:28,410
Speaker 2: is going to sound winking out, but not forgetting to

460
00:24:28,450 --> 00:24:31,050
Speaker 2: tell the people you love that you love them, spending

461
00:24:31,050 --> 00:24:33,930
Speaker 2: time with them. And it's just kind of shaped my

462
00:24:34,170 --> 00:24:37,610
Speaker 2: self importance as well, because you know, everyone talks to me,

463
00:24:37,970 --> 00:24:39,490
Speaker 2: I tell them the kidney story and they're like, you're

464
00:24:39,530 --> 00:24:43,530
Speaker 2: so amazing, that's so amazing, and I'm like, it is amazing,

465
00:24:43,690 --> 00:24:45,730
Speaker 2: but I don't see it in that way. What would

466
00:24:45,730 --> 00:24:48,610
Speaker 2: you have done? So I walk into life now and

467
00:24:48,690 --> 00:24:52,930
Speaker 2: I don't judge myself as much, you know, I try

468
00:24:52,970 --> 00:24:57,130
Speaker 2: to feel as confident as I possibly can because I

469
00:24:57,170 --> 00:24:59,410
Speaker 2: look at my sister and everything she's been through, and

470
00:24:59,450 --> 00:25:04,050
Speaker 2: she's such an inspiration in that sense. She's confident, she's strong,

471
00:25:04,170 --> 00:25:08,330
Speaker 2: she's so beautiful, and she loves so much more now

472
00:25:08,410 --> 00:25:10,730
Speaker 2: after what we've been through, and so do we. And

473
00:25:10,770 --> 00:25:12,890
Speaker 2: I think that's what we've gained from it. Our love

474
00:25:12,970 --> 00:25:15,850
Speaker 2: now for everything we do and everyone in our lives

475
00:25:15,970 --> 00:25:21,050
Speaker 2: is just so much bigger and stronger and louder. And

476
00:25:21,050 --> 00:25:23,250
Speaker 2: I think that's what I got out of it. So

477
00:25:23,290 --> 00:25:26,210
Speaker 2: we our sixties on today, on the day, could you

478
00:25:26,290 --> 00:25:29,010
Speaker 2: please read the final part of your letter.

479
00:25:30,730 --> 00:25:33,250
Speaker 4: Today, we sit at the beach on a scorching hot

480
00:25:33,330 --> 00:25:37,210
Speaker 4: day and trace our scars with pride, our trauma and

481
00:25:37,250 --> 00:25:40,970
Speaker 4: our hardship, not defining who we are, but fueling our

482
00:25:41,010 --> 00:25:44,250
Speaker 4: desire to be whoever we want to be. So I

483
00:25:44,370 --> 00:25:49,130
Speaker 4: ask you, my little to take care of my precious gift.

484
00:25:50,170 --> 00:25:52,570
Speaker 4: Look after her as I have tasked her to look

485
00:25:52,610 --> 00:25:57,530
Speaker 4: after you, love her as I love you, and be

486
00:25:57,650 --> 00:26:01,410
Speaker 4: as proud of her and everything she represents as I

487
00:26:01,490 --> 00:26:01,890
Speaker 4: am of you.

488
00:26:03,290 --> 00:26:05,290
Speaker 2: What I love about this is that you're right like

489
00:26:06,050 --> 00:26:08,330
Speaker 2: you've packed your kidney off to give it. It's a

490
00:26:08,370 --> 00:26:12,810
Speaker 2: new job, which I have, really, you know, I think

491
00:26:12,850 --> 00:26:14,850
Speaker 2: we made these jokes all the time. It's very funny

492
00:26:15,450 --> 00:26:18,250
Speaker 2: about It could be food, it could be music, things

493
00:26:18,250 --> 00:26:22,170
Speaker 2: that I like that she's started to like, I mean,

494
00:26:22,210 --> 00:26:23,890
Speaker 2: that's always happened with us, but we blame it on

495
00:26:23,930 --> 00:26:26,770
Speaker 2: the kidney. Now she's like, God, your kidney's being annoying today.

496
00:26:29,010 --> 00:26:30,890
Speaker 2: She's like, I really didn't want to have a milkshake today,

497
00:26:30,890 --> 00:26:32,570
Speaker 2: but your kidney is telling me to have a milkshake,

498
00:26:32,570 --> 00:26:38,210
Speaker 2: and you're welcome. That's it's scientific. I'm sure it is

499
00:26:38,250 --> 00:26:41,810
Speaker 2: absolutely scientific. We always end our little love stories by

500
00:26:41,850 --> 00:26:45,370
Speaker 2: asking what does love mean to you? So crazy? What

501
00:26:45,370 --> 00:26:49,610
Speaker 2: does love mean to you today? Love means, I think,

502
00:26:49,650 --> 00:26:54,170
Speaker 2: giving yourself completely to the people in your life. Love

503
00:26:54,250 --> 00:26:59,810
Speaker 2: means being completely unhindered. Love means not being afraid to

504
00:27:01,090 --> 00:27:03,170
Speaker 2: tell the people you love that you love them. Love

505
00:27:03,250 --> 00:27:07,010
Speaker 2: means having the courage to fight, I think for the

506
00:27:07,050 --> 00:27:11,810
Speaker 2: people you love and for yourself, And love is people.

507
00:27:12,450 --> 00:27:15,970
Speaker 2: Love is strength and courage to fight for not just

508
00:27:15,970 --> 00:27:19,730
Speaker 2: what you deserve, but what the people you love deserves. Well,

509
00:27:20,890 --> 00:27:23,370
Speaker 2: that's a perfect please to end. Thank you so much,

510
00:27:23,410 --> 00:27:26,370
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. You can read Grace's full little

511
00:27:26,370 --> 00:27:28,810
Speaker 2: love story essay, which will be dropped into our episode.

512
00:27:28,850 --> 00:27:31,090
Speaker 2: Show notes. If you have a story that you'd like

513
00:27:31,130 --> 00:27:33,050
Speaker 2: to share with us, we would absolutely love to hear it.

514
00:27:33,130 --> 00:27:36,330
Speaker 2: We're always on the lookout for great stories a new perspective.

515
00:27:36,410 --> 00:27:39,090
Speaker 2: So if you've got some love, some gratitude for either

516
00:27:39,130 --> 00:27:41,970
Speaker 2: a person, a place, an object, a thing, a time

517
00:27:42,010 --> 00:27:44,370
Speaker 2: in your life, please get in touch. All the details

518
00:27:44,570 --> 00:27:47,410
Speaker 2: in our show notes. Little Love Stories is produced by

519
00:27:47,450 --> 00:27:52,490
Speaker 2: me Grace Ruverey, with audio production by Lou Hill. If

520
00:27:52,490 --> 00:27:54,410
Speaker 2: you're looking for something else to listen to, Mumma Me

521
00:27:54,450 --> 00:27:58,730
Speaker 2: Who's presenting one hundred hours of summer listens from meaningful conversations,

522
00:27:58,970 --> 00:28:02,930
Speaker 2: incredible stories, fashion, beauty and a bit of silliness. There's

523
00:28:02,930 --> 00:28:04,730
Speaker 2: a link to more things to listen to in the

524
00:28:04,770 --> 00:28:05,370
Speaker 2: show notes