WEBVTT - How Robin Bailey Survived Repeated, Unimaginable Loss 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:02.840 I lay on that floor in my walk in wardrobe 0:00:02.960 --> 0:00:06.600 and I cried and I cried, and then I just thought, 0:00:07.400 --> 0:00:08.440 no one's coming. 0:00:09.360 --> 0:00:10.720 No one's going to come and. 0:00:11.360 --> 0:00:16.000 Sweep you up and drive you off, Like get up, girl, 0:00:16.480 --> 0:00:20.040 get your big girl pants on, and start moving, because 0:00:20.079 --> 0:00:23.560 those kids need you, and you need to be okay. 0:00:23.720 --> 0:00:25.280 You need to believe you're okay. 0:00:27.160 --> 0:00:29.639 Robin Bailey is one of those voices you feel like, 0:00:29.760 --> 0:00:32.640 you know if you've ever listened to her on the radio, 0:00:33.080 --> 0:00:36.080 and you might not even realize that you have, you'll 0:00:36.120 --> 0:00:39.839 know what I mean. She's warm, she's funny, she's incredibly open. 0:00:40.680 --> 0:00:43.760 She has this way of making people feel like they're 0:00:43.760 --> 0:00:49.120 not alone. And now she's written a memoir, Flamingo's Aren't 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:53.479 Born Pink, which tells the story of her life. It's 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:57.400 a life that's been shaped by some extraordinary highs and 0:00:57.480 --> 0:01:02.880 some very very very deep losses. Robin lost her father 0:01:02.920 --> 0:01:06.640 when she was a child. Years later, her first husband 0:01:06.680 --> 0:01:10.720 took his own life, and then after finding love again, 0:01:11.440 --> 0:01:14.919 she lost her second husband to cancer. So I wanted 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:18.240 to sit down with Robin and really understand how she's 0:01:18.319 --> 0:01:21.800 lived through all of that, how she's raised her boys 0:01:21.880 --> 0:01:25.639 through it. And how she's found her way back to joy, 0:01:26.840 --> 0:01:32.080 because this conversation isn't just about grief. It's about resilience 0:01:33.720 --> 0:01:37.240 and what it takes to keep going through repeated life 0:01:37.319 --> 0:01:41.479 altering loss and who you become on the other side 0:01:41.480 --> 0:01:52.880 of it. This is Robin Bailey. Robin Bailey legend, living legend. 0:01:54.680 --> 0:01:55.280 I'm happy to. 0:01:55.280 --> 0:01:57.800 Say that only one that says that my love WI 0:01:57.920 --> 0:01:58.520 lave me. 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:00.880 To no filter. 0:02:01.840 --> 0:02:02.360 Thank you. 0:02:03.480 --> 0:02:06.200 I know you'll have no problem with the no filter 0:02:06.280 --> 0:02:10.280 part of no filter no because I have just read 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:20.000 your extraordinary book, Oh my goodness, extraordinary memoir, Flamingo's Aren't 0:02:20.040 --> 0:02:23.359 Born Pink, my family's story of healing, hope and living 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:27.200 life in color, and you just missed actually me gassing 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:30.639 you up to Bree, our producer, because I was saying 0:02:30.760 --> 0:02:34.000 I was going to do as I always do if 0:02:34.000 --> 0:02:36.560 someone's written a book. I always read the book, but 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:39.640 sometimes you read and sometimes you like reading for context 0:02:39.720 --> 0:02:43.880 or whatever. I read, read, read this book, and this 0:02:44.040 --> 0:02:49.840 morning when I finished it, I was howling, howling. 0:02:50.880 --> 0:02:54.560 Kay, You're only the third person outside of the process 0:02:55.760 --> 0:03:00.000 who has actually given me honest feedback apart from my mind. 0:03:00.240 --> 0:03:02.760 But my mum loves it. And loves me and loves 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:06.560 my children. So thank you. That's just amazing. 0:03:08.080 --> 0:03:15.160 It's so frank as in points to be alarming, like 0:03:15.240 --> 0:03:22.120 it really is, but it also encompasses really eloquently your 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:29.080 life journey and what it has entailed and what it 0:03:29.160 --> 0:03:34.680 is that you've experienced that is I think unique to you, 0:03:36.000 --> 0:03:40.960 the grief that you have known and a word that's 0:03:41.040 --> 0:03:46.640 used a lot resilience, but that we sense the joy 0:03:46.680 --> 0:03:49.080 of you and what you did for your three boys. 0:03:50.040 --> 0:03:52.720 Aren't they the best? Though? I'm so proud that they 0:03:52.760 --> 0:03:53.560 finished the book. 0:03:53.640 --> 0:03:56.240 They each had their own say, Like That's the thing 0:03:56.320 --> 0:03:59.720 I just loved the most because they agreed to do 0:03:59.760 --> 0:04:02.200 it and I didn't. There was no pushing for me. 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:05.120 This was a genuine, honest they said, no, Mum, we 0:04:05.200 --> 0:04:08.000 want to have our say. And that's what I love 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:10.120 the most about it, I think because it is our 0:04:10.200 --> 0:04:12.440 story over the last ten years. 0:04:12.080 --> 0:04:16.440 And it's a huge story and all of you, I 0:04:16.480 --> 0:04:21.760 have to say, a pink flamingo. But what were you 0:04:22.000 --> 0:04:24.560 when you were born? What color were you? 0:04:26.000 --> 0:04:28.760 Wow? I think I was like a little white. Have 0:04:28.880 --> 0:04:31.360 you seen the cute little videos on YouTube? I watch 0:04:31.400 --> 0:04:33.880 a lot of animal videos and there's little flamingos with 0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:37.000 really long legs, like a splattering. 0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:37.839 Around in a pond. 0:04:38.360 --> 0:04:41.400 I was very sporty as a young kid, and I 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:45.560 think I was a bit awkward. I'm dyslexic, so I 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:48.120 found the world a little bit of a foreign place, 0:04:48.680 --> 0:04:52.280 and I didn't do very well in school. So I 0:04:52.279 --> 0:04:55.200 feel like I do associate with a baby flamingo that's 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:59.119 like looks at its pink potential, but isn't quite there yet. 0:04:59.320 --> 0:05:03.440 And yet you obviously potential is an interesting word because 0:05:04.040 --> 0:05:06.719 you've gone on to have an extraordinary career. Now people 0:05:06.839 --> 0:05:12.159 outside of Brisbane, and I'm from Brisbane might not know you. 0:05:12.720 --> 0:05:16.000 There literally would be no one in Brisbane that doesn't 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:20.200 know you because you've had You've been in radio there 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:25.880 for decades and you've had extraordinary success in radio. And 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:29.080 also you've been very open about sharing with your listeners 0:05:31.240 --> 0:05:36.120 the pain and tribulations that have befallen you. 0:05:36.920 --> 0:05:40.160 Yes, yeah, I guess that's true. 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:44.400 What do you think equipped you to be a communicator? 0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:49.400 Like you say you're dyslexic, but you're so articulate. Your 0:05:49.440 --> 0:05:54.160 written word is also articulate, and you're an expert communicator. 0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:57.080 Well, I came from a family of women. 0:05:57.320 --> 0:05:59.720 So my father died of a heart attack when I 0:05:59.760 --> 0:06:05.080 was eleven, and I was fifth generation single mom, And 0:06:05.400 --> 0:06:08.960 in all of the situations, it was never the choice 0:06:09.200 --> 0:06:13.840 of my mother, my grandmother, my great grandmother, and you know, 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:17.599 my grandmother was the eldest of two daughters, my mother 0:06:17.680 --> 0:06:20.360 was the eldest of two daughters. My sister is the 0:06:20.400 --> 0:06:22.920 eldest of two daughters. And there was only women in 0:06:22.920 --> 0:06:27.040 my life. Literally, I mean, no grandfather, no brother's, nothing. 0:06:27.200 --> 0:06:31.240 So I think women have an innate sense of communication. 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:35.000 And my grandmother and my mother are the two most 0:06:35.040 --> 0:06:37.960 influential women of my life. 0:06:38.160 --> 0:06:39.000 And I you know, my. 0:06:39.040 --> 0:06:42.960 Mom's a very practical black and white person, so I 0:06:43.000 --> 0:06:46.119 think I am. My sister's quite similar to my mom. 0:06:46.720 --> 0:06:49.040 So I think I felt like that was my place 0:06:49.080 --> 0:06:52.320 in the family that and you know, when you go 0:06:52.440 --> 0:06:55.400 through a profound grief, like Dad put us to bed 0:06:56.680 --> 0:06:59.000 that night, and then I was woken by Mom saying 0:06:59.040 --> 0:07:02.640 that he died. That you know, that shock of at 0:07:03.279 --> 0:07:08.760 and the being eleven and not having hit puberty, so 0:07:09.560 --> 0:07:14.720 grief in childhood, I think I just found a comfort 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:19.560 in being emotional and communicating emotionally and I think growing 0:07:19.640 --> 0:07:22.080 up with my mum and my sister being this incredibly 0:07:22.120 --> 0:07:26.760 and my grandmother these incredibly strong, dominant women, I felt 0:07:26.800 --> 0:07:29.320 like I could feel my way through life. 0:07:29.400 --> 0:07:32.280 And I feel like that's how I learned to live. 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:38.960 And because schooling was really tough for me, I just went, well, 0:07:38.960 --> 0:07:41.960 if I can sense someone, and if I can read 0:07:42.040 --> 0:07:47.120 a person, then that's going to give me a greater understanding, 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:50.640 where the other things that I do aren't as easy. 0:07:51.160 --> 0:07:52.680 Like developing another sceense. 0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:54.400 Yeah, I think so. 0:07:54.800 --> 0:07:57.720 And I think radio really provided that for me too, 0:07:57.840 --> 0:08:00.800 because it's interesting. You don't see the people that you 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:02.680 broadcast to, but you can feel them. 0:08:02.760 --> 0:08:03.800 I can feel them. 0:08:04.240 --> 0:08:06.840 You know, there's a when you actually just have someone 0:08:06.880 --> 0:08:10.560 in your ears. I think there's an essence to them 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:13.360 that I often can pick up, particularly if it's a 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:14.440 deeper conversation. 0:08:16.160 --> 0:08:20.200 Yeah, and I think that's how I've learned to live life. 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:24.560 When you say you found school difficult, where was school? 0:08:24.600 --> 0:08:25.840 Where did you grow up? 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:28.960 I went to Abbotsford Primary School. I lived in the 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:31.440 inner West of Sydney. We grew up at a time 0:08:31.440 --> 0:08:34.600 where it was not trendy. Let me tell you all 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:37.360 the fruit and fish and chip shop owners of five 0:08:37.440 --> 0:08:40.440 Dot bought in abbots Fit and the Parramatta River stunk. 0:08:43.440 --> 0:08:46.280 We had the quarantine station just around the corner. 0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:50.040 It was not you know, it was and it was 0:08:50.080 --> 0:08:51.640 a great place to grow up. 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:54.480 I grew up on a caulder sac like there was 0:08:54.520 --> 0:08:57.680 a park down the bottom and then the river. So 0:08:57.720 --> 0:09:00.160 I went to Abbotsford Primary School and then I went 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:02.120 to Concord High. 0:09:02.600 --> 0:09:03.439 I was very. 0:09:03.320 --> 0:09:06.120 Lucky that my mum was in a big a world 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:10.120 traveler and a really curious person, and so in the 0:09:10.200 --> 0:09:12.920 year ten I went and became an exchange student in 0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:16.640 America for twelve or for nine months, and then I 0:09:16.679 --> 0:09:21.360 came back, and then I went overseas for a couple 0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:23.800 of years, but I went in after I came back 0:09:23.800 --> 0:09:25.839 from America, I went to Glennie In which was a 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:30.200 Rudolph Steiner school in middle in Sydney. So I went 0:09:30.200 --> 0:09:33.720 from a very kind of inner West to Concord High 0:09:33.760 --> 0:09:37.760 to Steiner and then I got into UNI at A 0:09:37.920 --> 0:09:41.360 and U to study journalism. But the prospect of trying 0:09:41.360 --> 0:09:44.760 to do university and study was just too big for. 0:09:44.679 --> 0:09:47.360 Me because of the reading and the writing. 0:09:48.120 --> 0:09:51.720 Just the reading and the comprehension it took. It scared 0:09:51.960 --> 0:09:55.720 me and when I because I'm old. When I was 0:09:55.760 --> 0:09:57.800 going through you could have a choice between a cadet 0:09:57.880 --> 0:09:59.000 chip and. 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:05.760 UNI degree. So I chose a cadetship and practical. Yeah. 0:10:05.880 --> 0:10:08.240 So I went out to Burke, to two W E B. 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:11.360 Burke in far western New South Wales, and it was 0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:14.839 a great place to start because even though it had 0:10:14.880 --> 0:10:19.000 the biggest broadcasting area went into Queensland, New South Wales 0:10:19.040 --> 0:10:22.280 and South Australia, there were three thousand people in that 0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:24.959 town and if you said the wrong thing, they rise. 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:27.800 Did you ever the. 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:37.480 Job I hate, like talking about cotton farming and all 0:10:37.520 --> 0:10:39.160 the water issues around? 0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:39.760 Yes? 0:10:40.800 --> 0:10:43.520 Yeah, yeah things a lot of the time. 0:10:43.880 --> 0:10:46.480 But you know, it taught me that words have consequence 0:10:46.640 --> 0:10:49.680 and radio stories have people listening, and that they care, 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:52.320 and that if you want to say something, you better 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:56.359 be able to back it up and to be really respectful, 0:10:56.640 --> 0:10:58.240 be really respectful of people. 0:10:58.240 --> 0:11:00.480 There's nothing like a drunk gun on a Friday coming 0:11:00.520 --> 0:11:04.880 into the pub seeking you out is not happening. What 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:06.480 you said about his water intake? 0:11:06.600 --> 0:11:10.839 Yeah, you're going to speak some truths, right And then 0:11:10.920 --> 0:11:13.280 so you found yourself in Brisbane with it like a 0:11:13.400 --> 0:11:17.480 very unusual after a bit of you know, ping ponging 0:11:17.600 --> 0:11:23.640 around with a very unusual package of talents, so behind 0:11:23.679 --> 0:11:29.840 the microphone and in producing and with a new scenes, 0:11:31.040 --> 0:11:34.160 and then you found yourself in front of the mic 0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:37.960 and that proved to be magic. 0:11:38.440 --> 0:11:39.480 That's exactly true. 0:11:39.520 --> 0:11:42.960 And you've got to understand that when I started, you know, 0:11:43.360 --> 0:11:46.520 there weren't women on air a lot. 0:11:46.800 --> 0:11:48.520 There weren't a lot of women on air. There weren't 0:11:48.559 --> 0:11:49.520 very many of us at all. 0:11:50.000 --> 0:11:53.880 So what era? So is this nineties nineties? 0:11:55.280 --> 0:11:56.240 Like I was. 0:11:56.440 --> 0:12:00.600 I was absolutely the laughing track for Jamie Dunn, God. 0:12:00.400 --> 0:12:01.080 Bless his soul. 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:02.680 I grow, yeah, I grow. 0:12:03.320 --> 0:12:05.520 Like part of my job was to laugh at his jokes. 0:12:05.520 --> 0:12:09.800 And my friends used to always, you know, give me 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:11.840 a nudge every now and then, going oh yeah, I 0:12:11.840 --> 0:12:14.160 heard your fake laugh ten times in your laugh you know. 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:17.640 Was I think there was even a comedy sketch about 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:20.120 laughing girl in radio right. 0:12:20.240 --> 0:12:22.560 That was the laughing girl in Radio right. 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:24.679 And you know it'd come off the back of being 0:12:24.679 --> 0:12:27.720 a barrel girl on Hey hey, Like for my feminist 0:12:27.720 --> 0:12:30.079 mother and grandmother, that must have been hard to swallow. 0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:33.400 But yeah, like I think that was the. 0:12:33.320 --> 0:12:36.040 Way I could see in and I was always of 0:12:36.120 --> 0:12:38.160 the belief you've got to be in it to change it. 0:12:38.920 --> 0:12:41.640 And there's you know, my sister is much more. 0:12:41.679 --> 0:12:45.600 My sister Pip is this extraordinary activist, but she, you know, 0:12:45.679 --> 0:12:49.600 agitates from the outside, whereas I'm much more, you know, 0:12:49.679 --> 0:12:53.200 get in there, make them, make them like you make them, 0:12:53.400 --> 0:12:56.760 you know, just be that a squeaky wheel. And that's 0:12:57.080 --> 0:12:58.840 you know, I don't know how to do anything else, 0:12:58.880 --> 0:13:00.760 and I've been doing it for thirty seven years. 0:13:00.840 --> 0:13:04.000 It's funny though, but because you you obviously loved it 0:13:04.080 --> 0:13:06.760 and you were drawn to it, and mostly what you 0:13:07.200 --> 0:13:10.840 you love and you're drawn to, you don't sit there 0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:13.160 going I want to get in and change this thing. 0:13:13.160 --> 0:13:15.600 I love when I'm drawn too. So what was it 0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:19.480 that you loved even before you became aware that it 0:13:19.640 --> 0:13:23.800 needed some tweaking to accommodate women and the future. 0:13:24.559 --> 0:13:26.400 I think I always wanted to be a meetia. I 0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:28.560 used to laugh that I wanted to be the next 0:13:28.679 --> 0:13:30.800 youn event on a you know, back in the day, 0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:31.640 on a current affair. 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:35.800 But I thought that radio was all about storytelling. 0:13:36.040 --> 0:13:39.080 And you know, one of the things I saw from 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:42.280 my mother and my grandmother, who were both aucas that 0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:47.120 storytelling was such an amazing thing within our society and 0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:51.240 culture and that, and I just looked at radio and thought, 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:54.840 there are so many opportunities here, and one of which 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:56.559 is there aren't any women telling. 0:13:56.320 --> 0:13:58.920 A lot of stories. And particularly in the commercial business. 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:01.880 You got to you got to separate ABC to commercial 0:14:01.880 --> 0:14:07.400 because they're very different beasts. Really Okay, well, on the 0:14:07.440 --> 0:14:11.360 outside they have been different. I haven't worked for the ABC, 0:14:11.640 --> 0:14:14.640 but I see that they have more quotas for women 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:16.840 and that kind of stuff. 0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:21.520 And also I think highly prescriptive now, probably more so 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:24.440 than ever. I think there's probably very little freedom for 0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:27.640 a broadcaster. Whereas you stepped into a space and you 0:14:27.800 --> 0:14:33.360 claimed your freedom. So when you were broadcasting, was there 0:14:33.440 --> 0:14:38.760 when you first started behind the mic? Was there a 0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:42.480 moment that you can remember where you told a story 0:14:42.600 --> 0:14:47.000 or you shared something that was slightly unusual, that actually 0:14:47.040 --> 0:14:49.600 where the world rose to meet you and you went, oh, 0:14:49.640 --> 0:14:50.120 that's it. 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:51.840 I think it was. 0:14:52.000 --> 0:14:56.120 And you know, I cannot I cannot underestimate or you know, 0:14:56.240 --> 0:14:59.600 downplay the impact that Jamie Dunn and An Skippon had 0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:03.000 on my I spent ten years with them. And you know, 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:05.600 one of the great things about kind of being considered 0:15:05.640 --> 0:15:10.040 the laugh track is that you can listen and learn, 0:15:10.160 --> 0:15:13.000 and I did that, and what I think I learned 0:15:13.040 --> 0:15:15.120 from Jamie was that, you know, he could take one 0:15:15.200 --> 0:15:19.440 simple idea and craft this incredible story and he could 0:15:19.480 --> 0:15:22.360 take you on this journey of highs and lows and 0:15:22.520 --> 0:15:26.720 always deliver something that you weren't expecting. And so I 0:15:26.840 --> 0:15:29.800 started to push to do I mean, it sounds awful now, 0:15:29.920 --> 0:15:32.240 but I started to push to do the things that 0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:36.280 were traditionally female, like I would do an interview with 0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:42.080 a fashion person or about clothes, and then being allowed 0:15:42.120 --> 0:15:47.200 to craft that into something that I could then have 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:50.480 control over the narrative of it and control over what 0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:54.640 people took away from it. And I think what I 0:15:54.720 --> 0:15:57.880 realized is that, certainly in that early nineties period where 0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:00.520 there was a lot of comedy and the commit on 0:16:00.560 --> 0:16:05.000 air was a really big thing, there wasn't emotional content. 0:16:05.840 --> 0:16:09.000 And I don't you know, people those that hate me, 0:16:09.080 --> 0:16:11.680 and there are, you know, I'm either loved or hated 0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:12.560 in radio. 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:13.600 And I'm fine with both of them. 0:16:13.800 --> 0:16:17.640 That's actually every woman in every public facing woman. 0:16:17.880 --> 0:16:20.640 Really, Yeah, that's true. That's true. 0:16:20.800 --> 0:16:24.040 But for those that criticize me, it's that I'm too emotional, right, 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:26.920 because of course you can't actually be great at something 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:30.320 without someone tearing you down. But I learned really early 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:33.840 on that because my father had died so young, and 0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:37.520 that I'd been forced into very deep emotional conversations at 0:16:37.600 --> 0:16:40.640 such a young age, I wasn't frightened of them, right, 0:16:40.720 --> 0:16:45.160 But you weren't hearing them, you weren't experiencing what people 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:47.880 were going through. And I know with the B one 0:16:47.880 --> 0:16:51.120 I five Morning Crew we had we did a charity 0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:53.840 of every year raising money for the Royal Children's Hospital, 0:16:54.240 --> 0:16:57.520 and Agro was so great at making kids laugh. But 0:16:57.640 --> 0:16:59.800 I also learned that if I then went and talked 0:16:59.800 --> 0:17:03.479 to them and mums or dads, I would then understand 0:17:03.520 --> 0:17:05.880 what was going on behind the scene, and. 0:17:05.840 --> 0:17:10.479 There was another then dimension to the exchange. 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:12.080 And it wasn't all terrible. 0:17:12.119 --> 0:17:14.280 In fact, that's the other thing I think I've learned 0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:17.080 very early on that's also quite important. And I hope 0:17:17.119 --> 0:17:20.760 this comes through in the book that I don't ever 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:23.879 want people to read this and want to walk away 0:17:23.920 --> 0:17:26.320 and like throw it into cornugo. That's just so sad 0:17:26.359 --> 0:17:30.440 and depressing. Every story must be lined with hope. If 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:33.399 we don't have hope as human beings, regardless of what 0:17:33.560 --> 0:17:36.720 situation we're in, particularly in this global crisis that we're 0:17:36.720 --> 0:17:40.320 in now, then you kind of want to give up. 0:17:40.960 --> 0:17:45.360 And having, you know, having a husband who suicided and 0:17:45.400 --> 0:17:50.600 knowing what hopelessness actually can look like. It's like, I 0:17:50.720 --> 0:17:53.679 want every story for people to walk away feeling like 0:17:53.880 --> 0:17:57.480 a there was an impact, like they felt something, but 0:17:57.680 --> 0:17:59.960 b they kind of saw that there was a positive 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:02.200 out of all of it, because there is. 0:18:02.359 --> 0:18:05.240 So when you that is very striking in fact, and 0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:08.199 that does come through in the book that you have. 0:18:08.680 --> 0:18:13.119 You have. I think the you've got the energizer Bunny, 0:18:13.400 --> 0:18:17.439 as as your emotional default setting, which is that you 0:18:17.560 --> 0:18:22.200 feel the shock, but then you get up. You get up, 0:18:22.920 --> 0:18:24.720 and you not only get up, but you rise. 0:18:26.080 --> 0:18:29.119 I think I remember very clearly after Tony died and 0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:31.560 I was just so overwhelmed. 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:32.560 I just couldn't. 0:18:32.600 --> 0:18:36.000 I looked at these young boys nine twelve and fourteen, 0:18:36.080 --> 0:18:38.440 and I thought, you know, I was the breadwinner in 0:18:38.480 --> 0:18:41.760 the family, but Tony was the primary caregiver. He had 0:18:41.760 --> 0:18:43.920 told me many times that I didn't get the boys 0:18:43.960 --> 0:18:46.000 as much as him, because you know, he was their 0:18:46.119 --> 0:18:48.000 dad and they were boys and I only came from 0:18:48.040 --> 0:18:50.040 a family, but you know, blah blah blah. And I 0:18:50.080 --> 0:18:53.280 remember just thinking, I lay on that floor in my 0:18:53.359 --> 0:18:57.320 walk in wardrobe and I cried and I cried, and 0:18:57.359 --> 0:19:01.560 then I just thought, no one's coming, No one's going 0:19:01.640 --> 0:19:06.000 to come and sweep you up and drive you off, Like, 0:19:06.600 --> 0:19:10.160 get up, girl, get your big girl pants on, and 0:19:10.280 --> 0:19:14.280 start moving, because those kids need you, and you need 0:19:14.320 --> 0:19:17.479 to be okay. You need to believe you're okay. And 0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:19.800 so I think that was a really pivotal moment, really 0:19:19.840 --> 0:19:22.680 early on. I just was like, yeah, I mean I cry, 0:19:22.720 --> 0:19:25.080 don't get me wrong, and I do still to this day, 0:19:25.280 --> 0:19:28.960 have moments or I just gough, but then they pass, 0:19:29.240 --> 0:19:32.440 you feel them, you let them kind of wash through you, 0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:34.720 and then you go, yeah, I'm okay, I'm good. 0:19:35.080 --> 0:19:38.680 So to contextualize what you're talking about, this was your husband, 0:19:38.720 --> 0:19:43.000 your first husband, Tony, and you'd been together, was fin 0:19:43.119 --> 0:19:47.920 your eldest fourteen at the time, Yes, yeah, and you 0:19:48.200 --> 0:19:52.320 had the marriage had run its course or you had 0:19:52.359 --> 0:19:54.760 realized for you that you could no longer stay in 0:19:54.800 --> 0:20:01.359 the marriage. Yep, And both of you were very outgoing 0:20:01.400 --> 0:20:04.440 and community minded people like I love the stories in 0:20:04.480 --> 0:20:06.960 the book. You paint a really beautiful picture of who 0:20:07.040 --> 0:20:11.600 Tony was, a very engaged like I loved the he 0:20:11.960 --> 0:20:17.240 I love the garbage can drinks. Yeah, the WILLI bin 0:20:17.320 --> 0:20:19.639 bar when the bins are out for collection. It started 0:20:19.680 --> 0:20:21.439 with him in a mate having beers and then the 0:20:21.480 --> 0:20:23.199 whole sort of streak can. 0:20:23.320 --> 0:20:26.720 I highly recommend it if anyone wants to start a 0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:29.720 great idea, unless, of course, your rubbish collection is at. 0:20:29.800 --> 0:20:36.920 You know, four am and he was struggling with you 0:20:38.200 --> 0:20:44.520 needing to leave the marriage. M definitely, as is often 0:20:44.560 --> 0:20:50.200 the case, but this was so unexpected that he would 0:20:50.280 --> 0:20:53.439 take his own life, that he would do it in 0:20:53.440 --> 0:20:54.280 the family home. 0:20:55.400 --> 0:20:59.359 Yeah, I look, I think, I you know, I've spoken. 0:20:59.400 --> 0:21:01.879 I've done a lot of therapy, as have my kids. 0:21:01.920 --> 0:21:05.560 But it's it's usually not the people you're expecting, you know, 0:21:05.840 --> 0:21:12.840 it's often not always but to do to go through 0:21:12.880 --> 0:21:17.960 with it, I mean, as I've spent nearly eleven going 0:21:17.960 --> 0:21:20.520 on to twelve years coming to terms with that choice, 0:21:20.680 --> 0:21:23.680 I mean, I do, I do see that it takes 0:21:24.200 --> 0:21:27.840 a huge amount I always say courage, but a huge 0:21:28.520 --> 0:21:34.720 amount of balls to actually go through with it, like, so, yeah, 0:21:34.920 --> 0:21:36.919 it was a shock a lot. 0:21:37.920 --> 0:21:40.280 And I don't think anyone thought he would he did. 0:21:40.600 --> 0:21:43.080 You know, he had made attempts and by that I 0:21:43.280 --> 0:21:48.800 say he'd done quite public things, so he'd he'd had 0:21:49.040 --> 0:21:51.840 some overdose of pills that had made him fall asleep, 0:21:51.840 --> 0:21:53.720 but he went and did it in a public park 0:21:55.640 --> 0:22:00.679 and then he you know, things like that, which you 0:22:00.680 --> 0:22:02.320 know now I kind of look back on it. At 0:22:02.320 --> 0:22:07.000 the time he said, oh, he'd accidentally taken medication, Like, yeah, 0:22:07.280 --> 0:22:09.840 I'm a pretty astute person and I did not see 0:22:09.880 --> 0:22:11.400 that coming, and I. 0:22:11.480 --> 0:22:15.400 Or did anybody else. And he had a lot of friends, 0:22:16.160 --> 0:22:19.760 a lot of colleagues, very active in the boys sporting worlds, 0:22:19.920 --> 0:22:21.199 like nobody saw it. 0:22:21.520 --> 0:22:23.320 He had a group of men around him because he 0:22:23.400 --> 0:22:26.679 was really struggling with our separation, and they were like 0:22:26.800 --> 0:22:28.800 his gang of five, and they would check in on 0:22:28.880 --> 0:22:30.840 him and make sure that, you know, just to kind 0:22:30.880 --> 0:22:34.080 of have beers and touch point and none of them, 0:22:34.359 --> 0:22:36.640 none of them sort of this coming. 0:22:38.480 --> 0:22:42.159 After the break, Robin shares the moment she had to 0:22:42.200 --> 0:22:47.560 tell her three boys their father had died and then 0:22:47.640 --> 0:22:53.760 you were placed because of his suicide in the situation 0:22:53.840 --> 0:22:57.200 where you had to the boys had to come home 0:22:57.200 --> 0:23:02.040 from school. You had to talk your boys through what 0:23:02.240 --> 0:23:05.120 you had to tell them what had happened. And it's 0:23:05.160 --> 0:23:08.120 interesting you talk about how I think it was Chines's 0:23:08.200 --> 0:23:10.639 dad that was like, don't tell don't tell them what, 0:23:11.400 --> 0:23:13.919 don't tell them what happened? Say it was a heart attack. 0:23:15.520 --> 0:23:22.280 What was it in that moment, through the fog of everything, 0:23:22.480 --> 0:23:29.080 that unimaginable, that made you know that the truth was 0:23:29.119 --> 0:23:31.520