WEBVTT - The New Dating Rule That Blew Up A Comments Section 0:00:08.234 --> 0:00:15.874 You're listening to Amma Mia podcast. Hello out louders, Holly here. 0:00:16.514 --> 0:00:18.914 If you're clicking on Friday show hoping you're going to 0:00:18.954 --> 0:00:20.834 hear a bit of an update of what's happening in 0:00:20.834 --> 0:00:23.354 Britain with the arrest of the man formerly known as 0:00:23.394 --> 0:00:25.794 Prince Andrew, you are not going to find that on 0:00:25.834 --> 0:00:29.034 this show. On this show, you are going to hear myself, 0:00:29.154 --> 0:00:33.194 Jesse and Claire Stephens having our usual Friday news free 0:00:33.234 --> 0:00:36.114 conversation that hopefully will send you into the weekend smiling. 0:00:36.554 --> 0:00:39.034 But if you want to know about what's going on 0:00:39.114 --> 0:00:41.994 with Andrew, what I think about it, what happened, why now, 0:00:42.034 --> 0:00:44.473 what it means for the monarchy, all that stuff, obviously 0:00:44.513 --> 0:00:46.833 we'll talk about it on Monday. But also there is 0:00:46.913 --> 0:00:50.313 a special little episode in your feed, so go and 0:00:50.394 --> 0:00:55.834 check out that emergency meeting. Enjoy the show. Hello, and 0:00:55.994 --> 0:00:58.154 welcome to MoMA Mia out Loud. It's what women are 0:00:58.194 --> 0:01:01.514 actually talking about on Friday, the twentieth of February. I 0:01:01.554 --> 0:01:03.114 am Holly Wainwright. 0:01:02.834 --> 0:01:05.194 I'm Claire Stephen, and I'm Jesse Stephens. 0:01:05.434 --> 0:01:07.674 And with the two Stephens again. 0:01:07.514 --> 0:01:11.634 Why was my name second? I know I noticed that 0:01:11.634 --> 0:01:14.914 Claire must have done the Yeah, yeah, that's weird. 0:01:15.034 --> 0:01:17.834 Emily Vernham is still traveling, so I get the pleasure 0:01:17.834 --> 0:01:19.714 of the double Stevens. There's lots of the outloud has 0:01:19.754 --> 0:01:21.434 been commenting on how good it is to have you 0:01:21.434 --> 0:01:22.674 two together. The chemistry. 0:01:22.834 --> 0:01:24.994 Yeah, well we delayed the other comments, don't we claim 0:01:25.874 --> 0:01:27.594 the ones you get kicked out of the group, so 0:01:27.674 --> 0:01:28.514 you be careful. 0:01:29.074 --> 0:01:32.034 You have been working on that chemistry since the womb. 0:01:31.834 --> 0:01:32.954 So yes, exactly. 0:01:33.194 --> 0:01:36.394 Here's what's on our agenda for today. The most famous 0:01:36.434 --> 0:01:41.034 magazine editor in the world has sat down with her successor. 0:01:41.634 --> 0:01:44.874 I wrote predecessor on the notes I'm looking at That 0:01:45.114 --> 0:01:48.714 was wrong. She has sat down with her successor and 0:01:48.754 --> 0:01:53.514 they gave a very awkward insight into the generational divisions 0:01:53.634 --> 0:01:54.674 in your average office. 0:01:54.714 --> 0:01:57.474 I have so many thoughts on that video, plus the 0:01:57.514 --> 0:02:01.474 thirty five new dating rules that have unsurprisingly started a 0:02:01.514 --> 0:02:04.674 fight in the comments section. Woot have you ever been 0:02:04.674 --> 0:02:09.594 on a date? Clip? Yes? Okay, think you have never 0:02:09.633 --> 0:02:12.793 been on a date? And our recommendations, including a new 0:02:12.834 --> 0:02:15.954 discovery that has legitimately changed my life. 0:02:16.474 --> 0:02:19.793 But first, I want to imagine, like just for a 0:02:19.794 --> 0:02:22.954 little holiday for the brain, imagine being twenty one year 0:02:22.994 --> 0:02:27.314 old Apple Martin right with that face. If just in 0:02:27.354 --> 0:02:30.234 case anyone's confused about the words Apple and Martin being together, 0:02:30.274 --> 0:02:34.074 this is Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's daughter. She is 0:02:34.194 --> 0:02:36.274 for reasons that are not yet clear, but I feel 0:02:36.354 --> 0:02:39.194 are going to become clear, being pushed on the culture 0:02:39.234 --> 0:02:39.634 quite a lot. 0:02:39.674 --> 0:02:41.234 At the moment, I think she wants to be an 0:02:41.274 --> 0:02:42.634 actor and in a band. 0:02:42.834 --> 0:02:45.474 Yes, she wants to be an actor. I'm sure she's 0:02:45.514 --> 0:02:47.154 about to be in lots of things. 0:02:47.274 --> 0:02:49.474 Apparently she had a rebellious streak which led her to 0:02:49.554 --> 0:02:51.674 law school for five minutes, and I was like, that's 0:02:51.674 --> 0:02:54.314 not what my rebellious stroke looked like. But now she's 0:02:54.314 --> 0:02:55.874 given up Laura, and she's like, jokes, I want to 0:02:55.874 --> 0:02:56.314 be an actor. 0:02:56.434 --> 0:03:00.034 Yeah. And so she did a video for Vogue, like 0:03:00.114 --> 0:03:04.514 a getting Ready video, which actually I enjoyed because she 0:03:04.594 --> 0:03:06.714 starts with a completely bare face. She's one of the 0:03:06.714 --> 0:03:09.154 best looking humans on the planet, but she does have 0:03:09.234 --> 0:03:11.634 some pimples and some dark circles, and by the end 0:03:11.634 --> 0:03:13.913 she looks different, and I was like, oh, makeup love 0:03:13.954 --> 0:03:15.274 it anyway. 0:03:15.594 --> 0:03:19.994 We'd all independently watched that video and had reminds yeah. 0:03:19.874 --> 0:03:22.434 Yeah, anyway, the bit of it I want to talk 0:03:22.474 --> 0:03:24.754 about is a very relatable bit I think. Right, she 0:03:24.834 --> 0:03:27.794 talks about having bad skin when she was a teenager, 0:03:27.914 --> 0:03:30.714 But the unrelatable part about that is when your mom 0:03:30.834 --> 0:03:33.754 is Gwyneth Paltrow, she has some fixes up her sleep. 0:03:33.834 --> 0:03:35.914 This is what Apple said about her acne face. 0:03:36.314 --> 0:03:38.874 If I have a pimple, it's not the end of 0:03:38.914 --> 0:03:41.234 my life. And my mom definitely gave me advice and 0:03:41.314 --> 0:03:43.674 like God bless her, she would ask all of her 0:03:43.994 --> 0:03:47.234 super goofy people about like where I should go visit 0:03:47.274 --> 0:03:49.914 I went to the dermatologist a million times. You find 0:03:49.914 --> 0:03:53.754 a good chill skincare routine and like, drink a lot 0:03:53.794 --> 0:03:57.274 of water, And honestly, the more that you stress about it, 0:03:57.314 --> 0:04:00.554 the worst it'll get. Most likely this is all stressed, 0:04:00.754 --> 0:04:03.594 so honestly, I think that everyone is still gorgeous. 0:04:03.914 --> 0:04:08.834 Honestly, say, a chill skincare routine she does in this 0:04:08.914 --> 0:04:11.274 video is at least ten steps long, but still no 0:04:11.394 --> 0:04:13.834 shape to Apple, Lots of us have fancy skincare routines. 0:04:14.234 --> 0:04:17.073 But the bit I love about this is there's something 0:04:17.113 --> 0:04:20.953 about generation ex parents who cannot deal with their children 0:04:21.034 --> 0:04:24.154 having spots and who will if they have the resources, 0:04:24.753 --> 0:04:27.553 take them to the dermatologists, give them twenty five products, 0:04:27.953 --> 0:04:30.713 consult as in this case, they're goopy friends. Now, is 0:04:30.714 --> 0:04:33.914 this our experience as children, that our parents were fixing 0:04:33.914 --> 0:04:35.714 our faces. We're different generations, but. 0:04:35.714 --> 0:04:38.474 Still we are. And two of us had the same 0:04:38.553 --> 0:04:41.553 mother growing up, but in fact, I think all three 0:04:41.553 --> 0:04:42.513 of us had the same mother. 0:04:43.914 --> 0:04:44.594 As Stevens. 0:04:45.513 --> 0:04:50.034 Very similar people. But when it's Gwyneth Paltrow and your 0:04:50.154 --> 0:04:53.113 daughter's face is probably an extension of your brand being Goop, 0:04:53.433 --> 0:04:56.153 And like having good skin is critical to the way 0:04:56.154 --> 0:04:58.714 that you project yourself. I imagine that there is this kind 0:04:58.794 --> 0:05:03.073 of unsaid like sweetie, let's fix your skin up. Whereas 0:05:03.594 --> 0:05:07.074 with our mum it was like this is character built. 0:05:07.674 --> 0:05:09.433 What are you going to fix your face every time 0:05:09.433 --> 0:05:11.514 you hate something about it? It's like, well that, and 0:05:11.553 --> 0:05:13.794 it's actually the world we live in now, yes, And 0:05:13.834 --> 0:05:15.674 it's like it's a slippery slope. As soon as you 0:05:15.674 --> 0:05:21.394 fix your skin, you'll have another issue cystic acne, and 0:05:21.513 --> 0:05:24.474 it hurts. And there was a new drug out on 0:05:24.513 --> 0:05:26.794 the market that I remember everyone was taking and Mum 0:05:26.914 --> 0:05:30.594 was like, no, no, no, we're not on principal character building. 0:05:30.714 --> 0:05:32.834 You are not to take that drug. She was so 0:05:32.834 --> 0:05:36.474 so against it. I remember watching those skincare ads and 0:05:36.633 --> 0:05:40.073 just saying, please, it will fix it. Britney Spears says 0:05:40.113 --> 0:05:46.553 it will fix it. Why would she lie people? And 0:05:46.633 --> 0:05:48.474 in fact, this is you know recently we talked about 0:05:48.513 --> 0:05:52.993 petty hills will die on. This is my petty hill, you, 0:05:53.553 --> 0:05:57.914 Apple Martin, that's not acne. Two or three pimples is 0:05:58.193 --> 0:06:00.993 not acne. Acne is when it's like a whole part 0:06:01.034 --> 0:06:03.474 of your face. I remember a girl at school touching 0:06:03.474 --> 0:06:06.513 my forehead and going ooh bumpy because it was just 0:06:06.594 --> 0:06:10.633 there was so many bumps, like acnees are real. It's 0:06:11.113 --> 0:06:14.193 painful and cystic, like it's a real It can be 0:06:14.274 --> 0:06:16.514 like a health issusue with hormones or to do with whatever, 0:06:17.313 --> 0:06:19.634 having three bumps like use some clear whistle. 0:06:19.794 --> 0:06:21.913 Yeah, I get that. Although to be fair to Apple, 0:06:21.993 --> 0:06:24.113 she did say she used to have acne. She wasn't 0:06:24.113 --> 0:06:26.993 claiming to have it now. Good. But I want to 0:06:27.073 --> 0:06:31.474 speak for like the helicopter parents, not that I necessarily 0:06:31.474 --> 0:06:34.193 am one, but there are plenty in my generation. There 0:06:34.354 --> 0:06:37.073 is something even though we all know that it doesn't 0:06:37.113 --> 0:06:40.473 matter and our children are beautiful to us at all times. 0:06:40.914 --> 0:06:43.713 There is something confronting because we all think our children 0:06:43.753 --> 0:06:46.153 are beautiful, right, whether they are, whether they're not, we 0:06:46.234 --> 0:06:48.193 all look at them and go, oh, my god, you're 0:06:48.193 --> 0:06:51.393 the most perfect thing I've ever seen. It's the perfect. 0:06:51.714 --> 0:06:55.354 There is something very confronting when they break out, like 0:06:55.474 --> 0:06:57.393 when they go through that very not you're suddenly like, 0:06:57.794 --> 0:07:00.834 my child is blemished. And I can see how the helicopters, 0:07:00.873 --> 0:07:04.513 the Queen helicopters, are like, this will not be happening. 0:07:04.953 --> 0:07:07.154 And in defense of gen X mums, it's like, do 0:07:07.193 --> 0:07:11.754 you remember so vividly how awful it was the toilet 0:07:11.794 --> 0:07:13.713 took on your self esteem? And also it can scar, 0:07:14.114 --> 0:07:15.713 so it's like if you do have really bad skin, 0:07:15.794 --> 0:07:17.234 it can be something that you deal with for your 0:07:17.393 --> 0:07:20.953 entire life. So I understand getting involved, but I must 0:07:21.034 --> 0:07:24.594 say when I've seen instances where the mother says something 0:07:24.634 --> 0:07:25.874 before the kid does. 0:07:26.514 --> 0:07:29.034 Something about like you've got to fix your diet darling. 0:07:29.274 --> 0:07:32.833 Yeah, exactly right. I've seen lots of Facebook groups where 0:07:33.914 --> 0:07:37.194 on the one hand, it will be mum saying I've 0:07:37.234 --> 0:07:41.674 noticed my childhoods acne, what do I do? And that 0:07:41.794 --> 0:07:46.154 always frustrates me because, as we've learned from Apple Martin, 0:07:46.314 --> 0:07:49.514 and as we've also learned from Kendall Jenner, even if 0:07:49.514 --> 0:07:52.274 you have access to the best dermatologists, the best doctor, 0:07:52.354 --> 0:07:56.314 the best ski, all the goofy people, you're still going 0:07:56.393 --> 0:08:00.273 to get pimples. So skincare is capitalism, like there is 0:08:00.393 --> 0:08:02.714 only so much it can do. If you're a teenage girl, 0:08:02.754 --> 0:08:05.033 you're gonna get pimples. And then the other thing I 0:08:05.114 --> 0:08:08.434 noticed that's sort of in the same world is parents 0:08:08.434 --> 0:08:11.393 saying I've noticed my child's put on weight. 0:08:11.514 --> 0:08:12.034 What do I do? 0:08:12.514 --> 0:08:14.794 Should I say that we only eat healthy food now? 0:08:15.074 --> 0:08:20.674 And you think, oh no, the complex that almost objectifying 0:08:20.714 --> 0:08:23.154 your child is going to give them when it's a 0:08:23.194 --> 0:08:24.393 phase the past. 0:08:24.554 --> 0:08:26.794 I know, and you're one hundred percent right, but I'm 0:08:26.834 --> 0:08:29.274 just going to speak with honesty, and they can come 0:08:29.314 --> 0:08:32.594 up like you can't help, like you have eyes, you 0:08:32.594 --> 0:08:34.914 look at your child and we all know, like you 0:08:34.953 --> 0:08:36.474 don't mention it. You don't talk about weight, we don't 0:08:36.474 --> 0:08:38.914 talk about spots, we don't talk about external appearances because 0:08:38.953 --> 0:08:41.954 what's inside that matters. But you can see what's going on, 0:08:41.994 --> 0:08:45.514 and it takes a certain amount of discipline not to 0:08:45.594 --> 0:08:49.514 be likedars, did we eat a whole pack of lollies? 0:08:52.074 --> 0:08:54.074 I'm just going to say it, like I'm just going 0:08:54.154 --> 0:08:56.354 to say it. I can just imagine Quinny doing that, 0:08:56.394 --> 0:08:59.074 and I can also imagine her going like, when we 0:08:59.154 --> 0:09:01.434 fix the acne issue, then Apple, we can take you 0:09:01.474 --> 0:09:04.714 on the red cap until all that time has come. 0:09:05.434 --> 0:09:07.474 Let's just pretend you want to be a private. 0:09:09.634 --> 0:09:12.354 Let's pretend you want to do something boring like more. 0:09:13.154 --> 0:09:16.154 My general experience of having now a sixteen year old 0:09:16.194 --> 0:09:18.034 and my friends who do is that we're all in 0:09:18.074 --> 0:09:20.274 awe of how good looking our kids are. Like kids 0:09:20.274 --> 0:09:22.474 are better looking than we were ever right when I 0:09:22.554 --> 0:09:24.834 was a teenager, I was not as good looking. 0:09:25.034 --> 0:09:27.314 They have better skin. Is it skincare? 0:09:27.394 --> 0:09:28.994 And when I say that, sorry, I don't mean to 0:09:29.034 --> 0:09:30.994 say like, oh, my daughter's good looking. What I mean 0:09:31.034 --> 0:09:33.794 is they just seem to know, like how to do 0:09:33.874 --> 0:09:36.874 their face. They don't seem to be wearing really embarrassing things. 0:09:37.154 --> 0:09:39.354 We spoke at a high school at our old high 0:09:39.394 --> 0:09:41.434 school recently, and we looked out and we were like, 0:09:41.514 --> 0:09:43.474 hang on, this is not what it looked like. Everyone's 0:09:43.474 --> 0:09:45.634 skin was better. They know how to do their hair. 0:09:46.074 --> 0:09:48.833 Orthodontic work. I think has come a long way. If 0:09:48.834 --> 0:09:52.994 they're not taking the risks that we know they don't take. No, 0:09:53.114 --> 0:09:55.434 but like in a good way, in a classy way. Yeah, 0:09:55.474 --> 0:09:57.514 exactly right. I think they just get really good advice 0:09:57.514 --> 0:09:58.114 from TikTok. 0:09:58.394 --> 0:10:00.434 It was one of the things social media is making 0:10:00.474 --> 0:10:01.234 their lives better. 0:10:03.034 --> 0:10:07.914 You come here, I thank you. No, no, I don't have 0:10:07.954 --> 0:10:12.874 a hair. You have twins to get it. 0:10:13.514 --> 0:10:13.874 Get it. 0:10:14.074 --> 0:10:19.634 She can't get it obnoxiously. Can you feel it when 0:10:19.674 --> 0:10:21.474 I pull it? That's the first time I ever seen it, 0:10:21.474 --> 0:10:22.994 because I get one on my cheek that grows to 0:10:23.114 --> 0:10:26.674 like yeah, or I get one in the middle of 0:10:26.714 --> 0:10:29.114 my forehead that shows up overnight. But you've got one 0:10:29.154 --> 0:10:31.074 on your chain that's like a long whisker. But I 0:10:31.114 --> 0:10:32.194 don't think a camera will pick it. 0:10:33.794 --> 0:10:37.953 For the record, Jesse has never picked me up what 0:10:37.954 --> 0:10:38.754 twins can do. 0:10:39.474 --> 0:10:42.114 So I saw it. It was like blowing in the 0:10:42.114 --> 0:10:42.834 wind a little bit. 0:10:42.994 --> 0:10:44.714 Yeah, okay, moving on. 0:10:46.674 --> 0:10:49.554 Last week, the iconic Modern Love column in The New 0:10:49.634 --> 0:10:53.514 York Times published a list of thirty five new dating rules. 0:10:53.994 --> 0:10:58.474 The authors Maya Lee and Daniel Jones explained that thirty 0:10:58.514 --> 0:11:01.834 one years ago, on Valentine's Day, a book called The 0:11:01.914 --> 0:11:03.114 Rules was published. 0:11:03.114 --> 0:11:04.394 Oh yes, it was. 0:11:04.394 --> 0:11:07.474 Was that like a man book that all the men? No, no, 0:11:07.794 --> 0:11:09.074 it was later, so it was. 0:11:09.434 --> 0:11:12.034 It was massive. I mean, not my thing, but it 0:11:12.114 --> 0:11:15.194 was massive and wing of the game. The Rules was 0:11:15.274 --> 0:11:19.474 all about playing hard to get, basically, don't call him back. 0:11:20.394 --> 0:11:23.714 And it promised time tested secrets for capturing the heart 0:11:23.874 --> 0:11:28.474 of mister right. Some of those included things like don't 0:11:28.514 --> 0:11:31.754 talk to a man first, don't meet him halfway or 0:11:31.754 --> 0:11:34.434 go dutch on a date, don't tell him what to do, 0:11:35.234 --> 0:11:39.234 and don't discuss the rules with your therapist. That's always 0:11:39.274 --> 0:11:41.914 a red flot, which I'm like, yeah, no, that's getting 0:11:41.954 --> 0:11:45.234 people into an awful situation. The other one was don't 0:11:45.274 --> 0:11:49.674 call him and rarely return his call. Wait, this is 0:11:49.714 --> 0:11:50.474 setting you up. 0:11:50.394 --> 0:11:53.074 For a ver you know, I watched I'm sure we'll 0:11:53.114 --> 0:11:54.714 talk about it at a later date, but I watched 0:11:54.874 --> 0:11:57.194 most of the first episode of that new show that's 0:11:57.194 --> 0:12:00.154 about Carolyn Bissett. Yeah, and this is set in the 0:12:00.194 --> 0:12:02.914 early nineties, right, and she is a rules girl, that's 0:12:02.914 --> 0:12:04.994 what we used to call them rules girls. And so 0:12:05.114 --> 0:12:08.674 she says he asked for her her number and she's like, no, 0:12:08.874 --> 0:12:10.954 not giving you my number, and he's like well, and 0:12:10.994 --> 0:12:14.034 she's like, you know where I work? Like it's that very. 0:12:14.194 --> 0:12:16.114 Rules girl, Yeah, that ain't me. 0:12:16.354 --> 0:12:17.994 It was like she says to her friend at one 0:12:17.994 --> 0:12:20.714 point in the beginning, why would he pursue you when 0:12:20.754 --> 0:12:22.954 he knows he doesn't have to? That is the rules. 0:12:24.394 --> 0:12:27.514 So I would like to think that those rules are 0:12:27.674 --> 0:12:31.074 a little bit outdated. So according to the New York Times, 0:12:31.114 --> 0:12:34.514 there are new dating rules as crowdsourced from their audience, 0:12:34.874 --> 0:12:36.994 and there are some I'd like to discuss, and I'm 0:12:36.994 --> 0:12:38.554 sure there are something that you'd like to bring to 0:12:38.594 --> 0:12:42.674 the table. Rule one was don't be gross. 0:12:43.394 --> 0:12:46.074 This broad, that's quite broad. How do we. 0:12:47.554 --> 0:12:53.594 Feels really personally? Don't immediately talk about medical maladies that 0:12:53.674 --> 0:12:55.754 are gross and controllable. 0:12:56.634 --> 0:12:59.794 So if em Vernon was here, let's be honest, she 0:12:59.834 --> 0:13:02.554 would immediately dislike that one. She would be like, he 0:13:02.634 --> 0:13:04.154 sits in the chair and I've told him about my 0:13:04.194 --> 0:13:09.154 vaginismus five minutes before, exactly and gross. I'm not saying 0:13:09.194 --> 0:13:10.914 it's gross, but that would fall into that. 0:13:11.154 --> 0:13:14.274 Yeah, yeah, or like your lactose intolerance. I actually find 0:13:14.474 --> 0:13:18.754 health issues are really interesting topic of conversation, same recent surgeries, 0:13:18.994 --> 0:13:22.194 somebody might have like Crohn's disease, somebody might have like 0:13:22.234 --> 0:13:24.794 about like and I actually think a lot of the 0:13:24.794 --> 0:13:28.154 comments said this was ablest, and I actually am a 0:13:28.194 --> 0:13:31.674 little bit on board with that. But also, gross things 0:13:31.714 --> 0:13:35.154 are only gross if you think the person is gross. Yeah, 0:13:35.714 --> 0:13:39.954 if you think that somebody's hot, then nothing's groll. 0:13:40.114 --> 0:13:42.474 That's just interesting, I reckon that's true of nearly all 0:13:42.514 --> 0:13:46.194 these rules, Like it's fine if they're hot, but you're 0:13:46.274 --> 0:13:49.354 right that it's ablest, but be honest, Like you don't 0:13:49.394 --> 0:13:51.274 really want on a first date for them to be 0:13:51.314 --> 0:13:54.194 talking about the klonoscopy or like the things that send 0:13:54.194 --> 0:13:56.274 them to the toilet at speed, Like I just think 0:13:56.474 --> 0:13:57.953 that is okay to save that. 0:13:58.234 --> 0:14:01.234 We've all got those stories and they're fun, but you 0:14:01.394 --> 0:14:03.914 just hold them in your back pocket for a rainy day, 0:14:04.514 --> 0:14:07.314 Like I don't need to hear like Jake of a 0:14:07.394 --> 0:14:11.674 Lordie in an interview talking about and intolerance and the 0:14:11.794 --> 0:14:14.833 exact issue he's got and how many times it makes 0:14:14.874 --> 0:14:15.994 him go to the toilet. 0:14:16.194 --> 0:14:19.634 Later that's later anyway, Sorry, Yeah, got caught up. 0:14:19.514 --> 0:14:20.274 In that rule. 0:14:20.354 --> 0:14:27.594 Number five roommates after age twenty eight, No room so 0:14:27.794 --> 0:14:31.114 and cost of living Christ Okay, so I'm not allowed 0:14:31.114 --> 0:14:31.554 to be poor. 0:14:32.314 --> 0:14:34.314 I would not have got together with elderly boyfriend. That 0:14:34.354 --> 0:14:35.834 was the case when I met him. He was way 0:14:35.834 --> 0:14:38.114 too old to have flatmates, but he had flatmates. Like, 0:14:38.194 --> 0:14:40.114 it's the reality of the world. 0:14:39.914 --> 0:14:42.514 And they're a vibe. What's your issue? 0:14:43.314 --> 0:14:45.714 They give you people to bond about. Bitches. Yeah, you 0:14:45.754 --> 0:14:46.754 know what it's like. 0:14:46.794 --> 0:14:50.394 Cool, they'll live alone in an awful apartment, Yes, in 0:14:50.394 --> 0:14:56.434 a studio part Yeah. Rule fifteen worrisome names. Avoid men 0:14:56.474 --> 0:15:00.074 who go by the childhood diminutive of their name e g. 0:15:00.714 --> 0:15:04.674 John who goes by Johnny nearly is rolling in her 0:15:05.234 --> 0:15:09.394 as they often remain child like as adults. You can't 0:15:09.434 --> 0:15:17.234 police someone's name. You can't be judgmental, terrible everyone single. Yeah, 0:15:17.314 --> 0:15:20.194 I read these and just when you're too judgmental, you're 0:15:20.194 --> 0:15:23.194 all contradicting yourselves because there were a lot of rules 0:15:23.234 --> 0:15:25.434 that just went And this is a problem with rules 0:15:25.874 --> 0:15:27.594 is that then you get a new set and they're 0:15:28.034 --> 0:15:30.554 completely different. I just think if you're going in with 0:15:30.594 --> 0:15:32.954 that attitude, you're the problem. Yeah. 0:15:33.074 --> 0:15:35.834 So, like I gave my kids, So my son's called Billy, 0:15:35.874 --> 0:15:38.914 and I have to admit that I did think Billy 0:15:38.914 --> 0:15:41.074 will be cute when he's little. When he's grown up, 0:15:41.114 --> 0:15:44.154 people can call him Bill. But what's the tipping point, Like, 0:15:44.194 --> 0:15:46.354 what's the tipping point between when you get rid of 0:15:46.394 --> 0:15:46.914 the y? 0:15:47.074 --> 0:15:47.154 Like? 0:15:47.554 --> 0:15:49.834 And also in Australia, we don't roll like that. We 0:15:49.994 --> 0:15:52.194 just put a Y on everything all the time. If 0:15:52.234 --> 0:15:54.994 he's Davy's Dave O, well oh in that case, and 0:15:55.034 --> 0:15:55.914 then like are we're not. 0:15:55.834 --> 0:15:58.514 Allowed to and it's not his fault. His name's Billy, 0:15:58.794 --> 0:16:02.954 Like it's my fault, that's not his fault. Rule twenty 0:16:02.994 --> 0:16:05.434 three was the Jane Air test. Holy, I feel like 0:16:05.474 --> 0:16:07.194 you've got a lot of thoughts about this. If if 0:16:07.234 --> 0:16:09.994 they won't try to read your favorite book, how will 0:16:09.994 --> 0:16:11.794 they try to love and understand you? 0:16:11.914 --> 0:16:14.154 Okay, there were some of these that I've taken a 0:16:14.194 --> 0:16:16.674 note with and I've said yes, full agreement, and some 0:16:16.754 --> 0:16:21.074 I like that you're play with you. There are some 0:16:21.274 --> 0:16:24.394 that I'm going full agreement and some that I've said absolutely, 0:16:24.394 --> 0:16:28.474 this is absolutely not I do not require my partner 0:16:28.514 --> 0:16:31.554 to read my favorite books. I'm allowed to like my things, 0:16:31.594 --> 0:16:33.594 and they're allowed to like their things, and they don't 0:16:33.714 --> 0:16:35.234 have to be the same in order for us to 0:16:35.234 --> 0:16:38.834 be compatible. Imagine if I mean, I guess it's cute. 0:16:38.874 --> 0:16:42.154 I think, what's M's favorite couple Julipa and Callum, Yeah, 0:16:42.234 --> 0:16:46.074 Callum James bond that guy they bonded because they were 0:16:46.074 --> 0:16:48.034 reading the same book or he pretended to be reading 0:16:48.074 --> 0:16:50.234 the same book or something. And it is great. But 0:16:50.354 --> 0:16:52.714 on the other hand, like, imagine if I said Janeay's 0:16:52.754 --> 0:16:56.834 my favorite book and Brent Bread like, no, no, he 0:16:56.874 --> 0:16:59.794 would never read that book and he doesn't need to know. 0:17:00.114 --> 0:17:03.874 And what am I meant to play Rory's favorite video games? 0:17:04.194 --> 0:17:07.873 And I'm meant to watch his chess YouTube video. I 0:17:07.914 --> 0:17:10.313 don't want to take an interest. I don't think dating 0:17:10.354 --> 0:17:12.714 should come with a reading list. No, I've got enough 0:17:12.754 --> 0:17:14.674 to do without more jobs. 0:17:14.914 --> 0:17:18.394 No, there was something I really liked though. Don't change 0:17:18.434 --> 0:17:20.914 yourself for dating unless it's a change you would be 0:17:20.954 --> 0:17:24.674 glad to make anyway, like being tidier or drinking less, 0:17:24.674 --> 0:17:27.033 says Mary Rhodes, one of the people in this And 0:17:27.274 --> 0:17:29.474 I think that's a good rule because when we say 0:17:29.514 --> 0:17:32.073 never change for a guy or a girl, like, I 0:17:32.114 --> 0:17:34.514 totally support that. I don't think you should should give 0:17:34.514 --> 0:17:38.714 oneself a personality transplant. But somebody being a good influence 0:17:38.754 --> 0:17:39.994 on you is not a bad thing. 0:17:40.394 --> 0:17:43.674 No, and you do sometimes you need a bit of encouragement, yes, 0:17:43.674 --> 0:17:47.834 and you do grow in the same direction, consciously or unconsciously, 0:17:47.914 --> 0:17:50.394 like if you've got a partner who likes to get 0:17:50.474 --> 0:17:53.354 up early, it becomes harder to sleep in. Like all 0:17:53.394 --> 0:17:56.754 of those little things would actually works. 0:17:56.634 --> 0:18:00.514 Quite well, never guess that. Meantime, I had. 0:18:00.434 --> 0:18:03.714 A few that I was speaking to some women in 0:18:03.754 --> 0:18:06.033 the office, and I also thought about ones that like 0:18:06.194 --> 0:18:09.234 rules I had when I was dating in my twenties. 0:18:09.874 --> 0:18:13.874 One is, ask yourself after the date if you felt 0:18:13.914 --> 0:18:16.553 like you were being yourself, because sometimes a date can 0:18:16.594 --> 0:18:19.313 feel like it went well, but then you go, oh, 0:18:19.354 --> 0:18:20.874 I don't I feel like I was putting it on 0:18:20.914 --> 0:18:24.593 a bit or I felt as though I couldn't quite 0:18:24.994 --> 0:18:27.434 be totally myself or give on a stancewers And I 0:18:27.434 --> 0:18:30.354 think that's sometimes a hint. And I really liked this one, 0:18:30.434 --> 0:18:32.793 which is if it's a seven out of ten, like 0:18:32.834 --> 0:18:35.874 if it's lessane hundred percent, give them a second date, 0:18:36.274 --> 0:18:38.954 because no one's their best self on a first date. 0:18:39.314 --> 0:18:42.074 Things are weird, things are awkward. I'm a bit over 0:18:42.114 --> 0:18:44.834 the ick culturally and the idea that, oh, who was 0:18:44.834 --> 0:18:46.793 wearing these socks, or who's wearing these shoes or he 0:18:46.834 --> 0:18:49.073 said this thing, and blah blah blah blah blah. If 0:18:49.154 --> 0:18:52.674 we are going to be that hard and fast about dating, 0:18:52.714 --> 0:18:54.594 I think we're going to miss some really good ones. 0:18:55.434 --> 0:18:59.514 So I reckon that, don't write people off to quickly. 0:19:00.354 --> 0:19:03.794 The other one was give yourself a drink limits why 0:19:03.834 --> 0:19:06.634 I wish I wish I had done that a few times. 0:19:07.754 --> 0:19:09.594 That's why it's dangerous to do the meeting for a 0:19:09.674 --> 0:19:12.794 drink thing. Yeah, yeah, because you know, I totally support 0:19:12.834 --> 0:19:15.274 the meeting for dinner thing. Because when I was dating, 0:19:15.314 --> 0:19:17.074 and I was thinking about this when I was in 0:19:17.114 --> 0:19:20.594 my twenties, for gen X, dating wasn't really a thing. 0:19:20.754 --> 0:19:22.994 We just kind of bumped into people. Like all my 0:19:23.034 --> 0:19:25.594 relationships in my twenties are like you bumped into pople 0:19:25.594 --> 0:19:28.273 started hanging out. Dating apps have certainly obviously made a 0:19:28.354 --> 0:19:31.793 more American in my mind, dating much more of a 0:19:31.794 --> 0:19:34.874 widespread thing. But in my thirties I was dating very 0:19:34.874 --> 0:19:37.594 early days of like online dating and stuff, and I 0:19:37.914 --> 0:19:40.554 made that rookie era about dinner more times than I 0:19:40.594 --> 0:19:44.434 should have, and suffering through because I think you're not 0:19:44.834 --> 0:19:47.354 compatible with as many people as you think you are, really, 0:19:47.594 --> 0:19:49.674 but you can overlook most of that if they're hot. 0:19:49.994 --> 0:19:53.394 But sitting through dinner with someone that you have nothing 0:19:53.434 --> 0:19:57.313