WEBVTT - Angie Kent Always Knew She’d Be A Solo Mum 0:00:05.800 --> 0:00:09.879 You're listening to a Mom with Mia podcast. Deep down 0:00:10.039 --> 0:00:13.800 in my whole being, I knew that I was going 0:00:13.880 --> 0:00:16.480 to have my first baby on my own. I've always 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:19.480 thought it, and I've never met anyone that I want 0:00:19.520 --> 0:00:22.799 to have a baby with since that knowing. So I 0:00:22.919 --> 0:00:26.239 just thought, well, you ain't getting any younger. I'm thirty 0:00:26.279 --> 0:00:31.400 six next month, and I really just thought it, now's 0:00:31.440 --> 0:00:38.080 the time, like I'm not waiting for anyone. 0:00:41.160 --> 0:00:45.839 Hello, and welcome to No Filter. I'm Kate Lanebrook and 0:00:45.880 --> 0:00:49.560 today we're welcoming back to the show. Someone you will 0:00:49.600 --> 0:00:54.240 definitely remember. Angie Kent first joined us in twenty nineteen, 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:58.280 just after the Bachelourette, when she was newly in love 0:00:58.520 --> 0:01:03.640 and stepping into a very public new chapter. Well, a 0:01:03.680 --> 0:01:07.039 lot has changed since then. In the years since, Angie 0:01:07.080 --> 0:01:11.040 has gone inward, done a lot of reflection, made some 0:01:11.160 --> 0:01:14.720 deeply intentional choices about how she wants her life to live, 0:01:14.800 --> 0:01:21.240 and she's also moved into a yurt. Most recently, she 0:01:21.400 --> 0:01:25.640 shared her decision to become a solo mum by choice, 0:01:25.760 --> 0:01:29.360 documenting her IVF journey and opening up a much bigger 0:01:29.360 --> 0:01:35.800 conversation about modern motherhood, partnership, and autonomy. This is a thoughtful, 0:01:35.840 --> 0:01:40.400 honest conversation about trusting your instincts, letting go of timelines 0:01:40.440 --> 0:01:44.440 that no longer fit and maybe never did, and choosing 0:01:44.480 --> 0:01:48.440 a life that feels aligned even when it looks different 0:01:48.520 --> 0:01:53.680 to what you imagined. Here is Angie Kent. Angie Kent, 0:01:55.240 --> 0:01:56.520 welcome to No Filter. 0:01:56.680 --> 0:01:58.640 Thank you so much for having me. I'm a bit 0:01:58.640 --> 0:02:00.400 excited now. 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:03.760 I know this is not your first rodeo, because you 0:02:03.840 --> 0:02:09.800 also had a rodeo or rodeo with mea in twenty nineteen. 0:02:10.040 --> 0:02:14.360 I did when you were fresh off BATCHI. 0:02:16.280 --> 0:02:19.360 I remember that now. That was such a good chat. 0:02:19.920 --> 0:02:25.480 And if you think about that version of you now, 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:30.120 does it feel like a version or does it feel 0:02:30.120 --> 0:02:36.120 like you're on a continuum of evolution and the same you. 0:02:36.640 --> 0:02:41.240 Wow, that's such a good question. You know what a 0:02:41.280 --> 0:02:44.360 bit of both. I think I look back at that person, 0:02:44.480 --> 0:02:49.280 what's that twenty nineteen, so six seven six seven years ago? 0:02:49.840 --> 0:02:51.480 And I think, who. 0:02:51.360 --> 0:02:53.120 Is sixty six years ago? 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:58.880 Who is that little person that had no real idea 0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:04.080 of anything to do with a television or dating multiple 0:03:04.080 --> 0:03:07.359 people at once, and then all the media and whatnot, 0:03:08.200 --> 0:03:12.360 And then now looking at myself thinking it is the 0:03:12.400 --> 0:03:18.200 same person, but I've just I don't know, I feel different, 0:03:18.200 --> 0:03:20.960 but I also feel the same, if that makes sense. 0:03:21.160 --> 0:03:23.200 I don't know. It's a hard one. 0:03:24.160 --> 0:03:26.840 The whole point of being alive is that where you 0:03:26.920 --> 0:03:29.000 start at A is not where you end up at 0:03:29.080 --> 0:03:33.560 Z or along the way at C or F or whatever. 0:03:33.880 --> 0:03:37.800 Well that's so you are constantly evolving, but you seem 0:03:37.840 --> 0:03:42.800 to have had many incarnations. When you started on goggle Box, yeah, 0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:46.320 and you were with ev did that feel to you 0:03:46.520 --> 0:03:51.560 like the start of something or just an adventure? 0:03:52.280 --> 0:03:56.240 I feel like that was the start of something in 0:03:56.280 --> 0:04:01.120 the in terms of us being on television, but in 0:04:01.200 --> 0:04:05.280 terms of our relationship and where we were. We lived 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:08.160 together with a man with down syndrome and rescue dogs, 0:04:08.160 --> 0:04:10.600 and it felt like and I kind of, you know, 0:04:10.800 --> 0:04:13.120 I was at that age where I was. I would 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:16.480 have been just twenty five when we started Gogglebox, And 0:04:16.680 --> 0:04:20.599 when you're twenty five, I feel like you feel like 0:04:20.680 --> 0:04:23.120 the world is on your shoulders. I don't know what 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:25.520 it is. I don't know why we think that. Maybe 0:04:25.560 --> 0:04:28.960 it's because we just turn into adults around that age, really, 0:04:29.000 --> 0:04:31.000 and I felt so like, what am they going to 0:04:31.160 --> 0:04:33.839 do with my life? I'm just you know, I'm just 0:04:33.960 --> 0:04:37.479 kind of nannying and working behind the scenes in production 0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:39.800 and I'm not really dating. And you know, you hit 0:04:39.880 --> 0:04:41.800 that twenty five year old age and you feel like 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:43.960 society's like, so, when are you're going to get a 0:04:44.000 --> 0:04:46.599 boyfriend or a girlfriend, or when are you gonna have 0:04:46.720 --> 0:04:49.560 your real career? And then goggle Box kind of came 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:54.040 and it did kind of feel like, wow, like what 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:56.960 is going to happen with this? And we kind of 0:04:57.040 --> 0:04:59.360 rode the wave and it went kind of crazy there 0:04:59.400 --> 0:05:01.920 for a while. It was it was quite the adventure. 0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:06.880 What you're describing really is the quintessential caught to life crisis. 0:05:06.920 --> 0:05:13.680 I think, yeah, that happens, you know, mid twenties. I 0:05:13.680 --> 0:05:16.880 mean some people have it their whole life. Yeah, and 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:22.680 I think particularly in modern times because there's so much comparison. Yeah, 0:05:22.720 --> 0:05:28.960 and comparison really eats awayat at your notion of self 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:30.600 worth or direction. 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:33.960 Yeah. I think that's what it is if you compare 0:05:34.000 --> 0:05:38.720 yourself to say, for me, people back home where they 0:05:38.800 --> 0:05:42.320 had already been married for three or four years, I'm 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:45.320 originally from the Sunshine Coast or you know, they already 0:05:45.320 --> 0:05:47.520 started having kids, and I was always this kind of 0:05:48.160 --> 0:05:52.600 classified as this wild person that left as soon as 0:05:52.640 --> 0:05:55.360 she graduated from high school and went to university and 0:05:55.560 --> 0:05:58.400 lived in America, Like I always kind of did the 0:05:58.440 --> 0:06:03.680 opposite to what was expected of me. So then when I, yeah, 0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:06.640 hit twenty five, you feel like your quarter life crisis, 0:06:06.680 --> 0:06:09.479 Like you feel so old, and I look back and 0:06:09.520 --> 0:06:11.680 I just want to shriek myself and be like, you're 0:06:11.880 --> 0:06:15.679 so young. Just keep doing what you're doing and don't 0:06:15.720 --> 0:06:19.599 be so frickin' serious, because I feel like I'm less 0:06:19.640 --> 0:06:23.239 serious now than I was then in terms of feeling 0:06:23.280 --> 0:06:26.560 everything so deeply. But I think that also comes with 0:06:26.680 --> 0:06:31.800 age therapy, the right diagnosis. I'm now medicated very well 0:06:31.839 --> 0:06:34.360 for my ADHD and my autism. Well, not that you 0:06:34.400 --> 0:06:37.200 can be medicated for autism, but I understand it better 0:06:37.280 --> 0:06:40.920 now that I'm like, I feel things and I can 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:43.080 kind of like go, okay, that's what that is, Let 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:44.719 it go, that's what that is, instead of being like, 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:48.320 oh my god, my world is going to end, like 0:06:48.680 --> 0:06:51.520 it's just a feeling now. And I think that's one 0:06:51.560 --> 0:06:55.039 of the best things about getting older, is that you 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:57.039 kind of get to learn more about yourself in that 0:06:57.080 --> 0:06:59.440 way and not compare as much. 0:07:00.839 --> 0:07:04.200 When you talk about your upbringing. And I was interesting 0:07:04.200 --> 0:07:06.080 because I was listening to you on a podcast where 0:07:06.120 --> 0:07:10.720 you just alluded to the fact that you said you 0:07:10.720 --> 0:07:12.560 had a lot of anxiety growing up. 0:07:13.160 --> 0:07:15.240 Yes, a lot of anxiety. 0:07:16.000 --> 0:07:18.520 What was the origin of that or what was the 0:07:19.480 --> 0:07:22.520 manifestation of that? Do you think I think. 0:07:22.400 --> 0:07:27.520 That I looking back now, I do understand it probably 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:31.800 wasn't just anxiety. It probably was undiagnosed, a lot of it, 0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:38.600 undiagnosed ADHD and not knowing my place right, I guess 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:42.600 with having a brother that was so kind of easily 0:07:42.640 --> 0:07:47.400 diagnosed with back then you would say aspergis we don't 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:50.200 say that now. Obviously it's just autistic spectrum. And he 0:07:50.200 --> 0:07:52.880 had a chromosome abdomality, so everything was kind of like 0:07:52.920 --> 0:07:58.000 focused on his diagnosis and how he was held in 0:07:58.040 --> 0:08:00.280 the world, whereas I was the oldest sibling and it 0:08:00.360 --> 0:08:02.760 was kind of like you needed to do this, you 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:04.520 need to do that. And I always kind of felt 0:08:04.720 --> 0:08:08.800 like I had to be perfect, and yeah, I kind 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:12.000 of just carried on with me until my teens, and 0:08:13.000 --> 0:08:15.600 I yeah, kind of took it out on my body 0:08:15.640 --> 0:08:19.160 and ways of having a severe eating disorder, and then 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:23.040 obviously that creates more anxiety because of information and everything 0:08:23.120 --> 0:08:27.760 and just navigating family. I mean, everybody has a story 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:30.520 with their family, and it wasn't always easy growing up. 0:08:30.760 --> 0:08:35.040 So I was quite an anxious but very high masking person. 0:08:35.199 --> 0:08:37.280 I could perform right. 0:08:37.679 --> 0:08:40.800 Well, I was going to say, because when the country 0:08:40.839 --> 0:08:44.400 fell in love with you on goggle Box, and they did, 0:08:44.439 --> 0:08:47.800 and it was a different time than when everybody was 0:08:47.839 --> 0:08:50.879 watching that show, everybody was watching television and everybody was 0:08:50.920 --> 0:08:54.839 watching you watching television wild, So it did come across 0:08:54.839 --> 0:09:03.479 as just so like an authentically happy young woman who 0:09:03.599 --> 0:09:08.599 was in a very unusual situation. You mentioned Tom earlier, 0:09:09.119 --> 0:09:12.360 the young man that you lived with, Yes, and the 0:09:12.400 --> 0:09:17.160 situation with Ev where it was just lovely to see. Yeah, 0:09:17.239 --> 0:09:21.520 And yet what you're saying is that under that there 0:09:21.599 --> 0:09:25.559 was not It was not the happy young woman that 0:09:25.959 --> 0:09:28.119 we were reading on the screen. 0:09:28.319 --> 0:09:31.160 Not always. No, I think in those moments where you 0:09:31.199 --> 0:09:34.559 saw me with Ev and the dogs, I was genuinely 0:09:34.559 --> 0:09:37.439 happy watching television with my best friend in the world 0:09:37.559 --> 0:09:40.559 and having all those rescue dogs around, and we got 0:09:40.599 --> 0:09:43.239 to drink whatever we wanted. So obviously we're always a 0:09:43.280 --> 0:09:46.080 little bit buzz the first few seasons, we were like 0:09:48.199 --> 0:09:50.119 they had to kind of realist in and be like, yeah, 0:09:50.199 --> 0:09:53.240 you probably can't get that drunk and say that stuff anymore. 0:09:53.599 --> 0:09:55.559 Thank god I was back then, otherwise we would have 0:09:55.599 --> 0:09:58.240 been a cancel. These days, you could not say the 0:09:58.280 --> 0:10:00.200 shit we we used to say and be that drunk 0:10:00.239 --> 0:10:02.920 on television. Now, it's just different times. It was like 0:10:02.959 --> 0:10:07.400 ten years ago, right, But behind all of that, there 0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:15.079 was a girl that had severe eating disorder for fifteen years. 0:10:15.719 --> 0:10:21.280 What I thought was just chronic anxiety, navigating just the 0:10:21.359 --> 0:10:25.480 highs and lows of my body forever changing. I didn't 0:10:25.599 --> 0:10:30.600 know I had endometriosis, adino myosis, pcos PMDD, all these 0:10:30.640 --> 0:10:34.800 things I didn't know, So I would often just numb, numb, numb, numb, numb, 0:10:35.199 --> 0:10:40.040 whether that be alcohol, whether that be at the time 0:10:40.239 --> 0:10:44.040 severely bollimic, whether that be working myself to the ground. 0:10:44.119 --> 0:10:47.400 I was just constantly numbing so I could be the 0:10:47.439 --> 0:10:51.360 perfect person that I thought was for everybody. So yeah, no, 0:10:51.479 --> 0:10:54.719 it wasn't what you saw on Google Books. Was definitely Angie. 0:10:55.199 --> 0:10:59.359 But there was another side of me, for sure. 0:11:01.040 --> 0:11:02.879 And in a way it seems like if you look 0:11:02.920 --> 0:11:06.439 at the trajectory of your life, which has been marked 0:11:06.439 --> 0:11:13.040 with some really significant reality television moments. It's like the 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:15.960 quest for yourself is to return to the essence of 0:11:16.000 --> 0:11:18.679 who that woman is, that young woman, which is you, 0:11:20.479 --> 0:11:23.760 but having learnt things and divesting yourself of the things 0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:25.720 that aren't serving you along the way. 0:11:25.880 --> 0:11:30.559 Yes, I love that. That's so perfectly put. I feel 0:11:30.559 --> 0:11:32.640 like that person on the couch that you saw that 0:11:32.760 --> 0:11:35.520 had no idea of you know, the judgment from the 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:38.679 outside world or social media. Really even back then. I 0:11:38.719 --> 0:11:43.880 love that person so innocent and so open to say 0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:46.839 whatever came to her mind, but also with the knowledge 0:11:46.880 --> 0:11:49.559 of how to better look after myself, how to stick 0:11:49.599 --> 0:11:52.080 up for myself, how to not take things on, to 0:11:52.160 --> 0:11:55.000 know more about therapy, medication, all of that. I love 0:11:55.479 --> 0:11:58.599 the two mixed together as a beautiful way to look 0:11:58.640 --> 0:12:00.800 at it. I think I support that Angie Moore, like 0:12:00.800 --> 0:12:03.400 I just want to cuddle her and not be upset. 0:12:03.839 --> 0:12:06.679 Whereas you know you spend so much time beating yourself up, 0:12:06.719 --> 0:12:08.879 going why did you do that back then? But now 0:12:08.880 --> 0:12:10.120 I look at her and I just want to like 0:12:10.319 --> 0:12:12.760 squeeze a little face and say, you know what you 0:12:12.800 --> 0:12:15.040 were doing the best you could Joe, you were doing 0:12:15.040 --> 0:12:17.040 the best you could, and the. 0:12:16.920 --> 0:12:19.920 Best was great. But the essence when I talk about 0:12:19.920 --> 0:12:23.359 the essence of you, and this leads us onto the 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:27.880 next sort of chapter, the essence of you was someone 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:30.999 who seemed to have confidence in the fact that they 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:34.719 were loved and lovable. Right, that's just the essence of 0:12:36.079 --> 0:12:40.520 what you projected. And then yet not too many years later, 0:12:41.439 --> 0:12:49.199 you ended up being the Bachelorette, and I was astounded. 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:54.080 I remember this series because I remember you saying you 0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:55.639 had never been in love. 0:12:57.520 --> 0:13:00.480 No, I don't think so, not at the time, not 0:13:00.719 --> 0:13:04.519 like that truly madly, deeply loved. But to be hones, 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:07.960 As I've gotten older, I feel like I have been 0:13:08.000 --> 0:13:12.280 in love, but in different ways, like I am so 0:13:12.599 --> 0:13:15.120 in I don't know if this is weird, but I 0:13:15.160 --> 0:13:17.280 think loves in different films, like I'm so in love 0:13:17.319 --> 0:13:19.320 with my dog, I'm so in love with my friends, 0:13:19.359 --> 0:13:21.760 I'm so in love with my house. But no, I 0:13:21.920 --> 0:13:26.240 don't feel like even now I've had that like I 0:13:26.280 --> 0:13:28.960 can't live without you type of love. I don't even 0:13:28.959 --> 0:13:31.760 know if that is real. I don't know if that's 0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:33.759 just a movie thing or if it is real life. 0:13:34.160 --> 0:13:37.600 Because you had this lovely connection with Karlin, who was 0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:41.520 very kind to you and really looked out for you 0:13:41.599 --> 0:13:48.359 and played the guitar to you. Yeah, which is a 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:52.040 beautiful lot. And I was surprised to hear you say that. 0:13:52.359 --> 0:13:54.960 And yet there was a drive in you to try 0:13:55.000 --> 0:13:58.439 and find that romantic love, wasn't there? 0:13:59.000 --> 0:13:59.760 Oh my god? 0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:03.719 Yes, I was like, and where did that drive come from? 0:14:04.559 --> 0:14:09.439 I felt like because I was twenty nine and I 0:14:09.640 --> 0:14:14.200 had never really put relationships first. I've always been career, 0:14:14.359 --> 0:14:18.519 travel friends, family, to the point that was probably a 0:14:18.559 --> 0:14:24.320 bit detrimental to myself more often than not. But I thought, okay, well, 0:14:24.359 --> 0:14:29.080 I'm twenty nine. I just left goggle Box. I lost 0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:31.400 the love of my life, my nanny, and not long 0:14:31.440 --> 0:14:33.360 before that my Poppy, who was also the love of 0:14:33.359 --> 0:14:35.560 my life. And I felt all this loss and all 0:14:35.600 --> 0:14:38.120 this change, and then even and I were like, nah, 0:14:38.359 --> 0:14:40.680 we can't do goggle Box anymore because I wanted to 0:14:40.680 --> 0:14:44.840 go keep traveling and find myself. And then we got 0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:49.200 offered the Jungle I'm a celebrity, and then the Bachelorette 0:14:49.239 --> 0:14:51.760 came after that, so it was all just like boom boom, 0:14:51.760 --> 0:14:55.440 boom boom, and I thought to myself okay, because I'm 0:14:55.440 --> 0:14:58.760 a bit woo woo spiritual, and I thought to myself, Okay, 0:14:58.800 --> 0:15:03.759 my nanny and my poppy want you to find a partner. 0:15:04.239 --> 0:15:06.720 And so so when the Bachelorette popped up after the Jungle, 0:15:06.720 --> 0:15:09.240 where I really thought I found myself in the jungle, 0:15:09.640 --> 0:15:12.280 I did love that experience. I was like, this is it, 0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:15.920 this is how I find myself, my person. And I 0:15:15.960 --> 0:15:18.920 really like pedal to the metal. Like everything I do 0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:21.239 in my life, I gave it my all and I 0:15:21.359 --> 0:15:23.600 really really did want to fall in love. And I 0:15:23.640 --> 0:15:27.400 think a part of me did love my Top three, 0:15:27.440 --> 0:15:30.080 like I was obsessed with my Top three. I still 0:15:30.119 --> 0:15:33.000 look back and I'm like, oh my god, but yeah 0:15:33.040 --> 0:15:36.680 I did. I do think I did love, But looking 0:15:36.720 --> 0:15:40.000 back now, I don't feel that love. I guess that's 0:15:40.040 --> 0:15:42.760 because that's like every relationship when you break up, right, 0:15:42.880 --> 0:15:44.200 you're like, oh, well that's a lesson. 0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:47.320 Why do you think you weren't in love. 0:15:48.720 --> 0:15:52.640 With anyone or that particular person? 0:15:53.400 --> 0:15:57.360 Yeah? Yeah, like I guess. I mean, do you think 0:15:57.400 --> 0:16:02.800 it's something inside you that you're still unlocking the keys 0:16:02.840 --> 0:16:03.600 to yourself? 0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:05.840 Oh? I think so? 0:16:07.640 --> 0:16:11.680 Or is it that you believe there's still a person 0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:14.519 that you know the Dutch of got A saying there's 0:16:14.560 --> 0:16:17.520 no pot so crooked there isn't a lead somewhere to 0:16:17.560 --> 0:16:22.720 fit it. And is it that you that you haven't 0:16:22.760 --> 0:16:25.399 found that crooked lead yet? 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:31.480 I don't know about that, because I still to this day, 0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:38.440 don't put a whole lot of pressure on finding the one. 0:16:39.080 --> 0:16:44.320 I'm super content with working on me being the one. 0:16:44.680 --> 0:16:48.879 I desperately want to be a mother without the one. 0:16:49.239 --> 0:16:51.320 I've always thought I was going to be a mother 0:16:51.400 --> 0:16:56.640 without the one. I don't fully think that I'm closed 0:16:56.800 --> 0:17:01.360 off to finding somebody else one day or multiple somebody 0:17:01.359 --> 0:17:04.159 else is depending on what chapter of my life it is. 0:17:04.200 --> 0:17:07.800 I guess yes, but no, I'm not. I don't know 0:17:07.840 --> 0:17:11.159 if it's just part of my little tism brain, but 0:17:11.240 --> 0:17:14.359 I don't put a lot of pressure on relationships. I'm 0:17:14.399 --> 0:17:19.160 like so happy single, Like it's actually sad how much 0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:21.280 I spend time on my own. Well, other people think 0:17:21.280 --> 0:17:25.320 it's sad. I love it. I just I don't mind 0:17:25.440 --> 0:17:28.600 being single. And maybe after I have a baby, I 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:31.600 may be like, ah, oh my god, Okay, now I 0:17:31.639 --> 0:17:34.520 want to really really date. We'll just have to wait 0:17:34.560 --> 0:17:36.440 and see what these hormones do. 0:17:37.960 --> 0:17:47.080 Well. I think a lot of people say the extraordinary 0:17:47.159 --> 0:17:50.720 nature of love that you have for a baby can 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:55.160 often eclipse other types of love. Yes, but where are 0:17:55.200 --> 0:17:57.520 you at with that journey? Because I was going to say, 0:17:57.639 --> 0:18:04.160 here's another chapter in your in your reality show journey 0:18:04.240 --> 0:18:09.359 that is really punctuated periods of your life. And we've 0:18:09.399 --> 0:18:13.000 been able to keep abreast of the changing in you 0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:18.159 through watching you on these shows. So Big Miracles, the 0:18:18.240 --> 0:18:28.959 show about people conceiving trying to conceive using basically the 0:18:29.000 --> 0:18:36.560 gift of science, Yes, the gift of IVF. So you're 0:18:36.639 --> 0:18:41.759 now on that path, I am. I saw a clip 0:18:41.800 --> 0:18:45.639 of the show, Yes, where are you into it? Because 0:18:45.679 --> 0:18:47.119 I saw a clip of you on the show with 0:18:47.159 --> 0:18:54.879 some friends choosing your sperm donor, which is, as you say, 0:18:56.280 --> 0:18:59.199 the most momentous decision that you're making. 0:18:59.919 --> 0:19:06.399 So I filmed that show in twenty four and I 0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:12.959 was blessed enough to get fourteen embryos from that IVF round, 0:19:13.080 --> 0:19:17.320 which I was totally blown away by, given the fact 0:19:17.320 --> 0:19:22.239 that I've had three laparoscopies for my endometriosis and PCOS 0:19:22.240 --> 0:19:25.240 and recently diagnosed with I don't know if you say 0:19:25.240 --> 0:19:30.520 adinomiosis or adnomiosis people say it differently, and just a 0:19:30.560 --> 0:19:33.840 bunch of other stuff going on in there. I am 0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:38.359 now at the stage where I am back on my 0:19:38.480 --> 0:19:40.680 magic mountain. I like to call it. It's a very 0:19:40.800 --> 0:19:44.440 healing mountain. I don't know anybody here. I spend most 0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:48.280 of my time moving, renovating, healing, hanging out with my dog. 0:19:48.800 --> 0:19:52.280 And I thought, you know what, I'm so ready to 0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:56.520 have my last laparoscopy, do a big clear out of 0:19:56.600 --> 0:20:00.040 anything that's in the way there that's causing me any 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:03.679 pain or strife. And then after that it's go time. 0:20:03.760 --> 0:20:08.879 I'm putting one of one of the fourteen embryos in 0:20:09.119 --> 0:20:11.280 my body and pray that I hold. 0:20:12.119 --> 0:20:14.040 Is that your plan for this year? 0:20:14.240 --> 0:20:16.999 Yes, so I'm hoping by the end of March I 0:20:17.040 --> 0:20:20.200 will be able to do my first embryo trans Wow. 0:20:20.480 --> 0:20:28.119 Yeah, don't go anywhere. We'll be back with Angie after 0:20:28.159 --> 0:20:35.680 this short break. What happened with you and Carlin? 0:20:36.320 --> 0:20:36.760 Oh? 0:20:36.840 --> 0:20:37.600 Yeah, what happened? 0:20:37.639 --> 0:20:40.199 I thought I was going to get out of that one. Look, 0:20:41.080 --> 0:20:47.879 I think I don't like to talk about him anymore 0:20:48.040 --> 0:20:51.759 at all. We didn't have the best break up, and 0:20:51.919 --> 0:20:56.160 anytime I was asked about it. I wanted to give 0:20:56.200 --> 0:20:57.879 my truth, but then that was kind of like a 0:20:59.399 --> 0:21:03.119 I would then get the repercussions. It's been so long 0:21:03.679 --> 0:21:07.679 that I hold no bad blood towards him. He's married, Yes, 0:21:07.720 --> 0:21:10.719 he has a baby, I think somebody told me. And 0:21:11.399 --> 0:21:15.400 as long as he is happy and he's his best version, 0:21:15.879 --> 0:21:20.720 because we weren't each other's best versions together by the end. 0:21:20.840 --> 0:21:23.080 At first it was lovely, and then the pandemic hit 0:21:23.520 --> 0:21:27.200 and it was just yes, it was just nasty. By 0:21:27.200 --> 0:21:29.399 the end, it was just we just did not vibe. 0:21:30.280 --> 0:21:33.000 Was the intensity of it too much? Too soon? 0:21:34.080 --> 0:21:37.760 I think on that show, you're like all you ever 0:21:37.840 --> 0:21:40.000 know is love, love, love, love, love, love love. You're 0:21:40.040 --> 0:21:42.159 taken away from your friends, your family, you have no phone, 0:21:42.520 --> 0:21:44.759 you've got producers around you. You're on like a movie 0:21:44.960 --> 0:21:47.840 set of love. Like it's so wild. When I look back, 0:21:47.879 --> 0:21:51.720 I'm like, oh my god, and you just like you 0:21:51.760 --> 0:21:55.080 then leave, And to be honest, I didn't know who 0:21:55.080 --> 0:21:57.080 I was going to pick. I was so torn by 0:21:57.119 --> 0:22:00.760 my top two their first time in history. They were like, 0:22:00.840 --> 0:22:03.560 there's never been a woman that just everybody always knows 0:22:03.600 --> 0:22:05.679 and they pretend they don't, But I did not know. 0:22:05.800 --> 0:22:08.439 I have made my mind up on that day, and 0:22:09.520 --> 0:22:11.679 I thought Carlum was the safest choice of I'm to 0:22:11.720 --> 0:22:15.039 be honest, he seemed really safe. He'd been married before. 0:22:15.280 --> 0:22:18.960 He was like super like chill compared to the other dudes. Right, yeah, 0:22:19.000 --> 0:22:22.600 but he just we gave it a year and then 0:22:22.600 --> 0:22:25.000 the pandemic hit. It was just too much time together 0:22:25.600 --> 0:22:31.200 and he and I just weren't compatible. Let's just say 0:22:31.240 --> 0:22:33.680 it like that, right. 0:22:34.800 --> 0:22:38.760 It's interesting because what you were saying about, I mean, 0:22:38.760 --> 0:22:40.999 I think there's often this disconnect when people leave a 0:22:41.159 --> 0:22:47.879 reality series, but particularly like The Bachelor's because you've literally 0:22:47.960 --> 0:22:53.800 had whistereia wrapped around every every pillar of every building 0:22:53.840 --> 0:22:57.199 that you go near, and then you step into the 0:22:57.240 --> 0:23:01.960 real world where MUD's splattering out of the gutter. Yeah, 0:23:02.119 --> 0:23:03.399 it's a real shot. 0:23:03.520 --> 0:23:06.600 It's like a drop, It's like and no one's. 0:23:06.399 --> 0:23:09.120 Laying out Yeah, no one's laying out a cheese platter 0:23:09.200 --> 0:23:13.040 for you with a buy a fire piece, with a 0:23:13.119 --> 0:23:14.159 cozy bland, and. 0:23:14.080 --> 0:23:16.840 No one's making you look like a Barbie doll every 0:23:16.879 --> 0:23:19.879 single day of your life. For eight weeks, you have 0:23:20.119 --> 0:23:24.039 full glam. All you care about is finding love and 0:23:24.080 --> 0:23:29.399 looking the right way and thinking that someone here is 0:23:29.440 --> 0:23:32.359 your one when really you don't know them. They're just 0:23:32.399 --> 0:23:36.000 telling you what you what they want you to know. 0:23:36.760 --> 0:23:39.720 And then it's the whirlwind of the press and everybody going, 0:23:39.800 --> 0:23:42.399 oh why didn't you pick this one? And oh my god, 0:23:42.440 --> 0:23:45.560 it was such it's such a full on show, like 0:23:46.480 --> 0:23:49.960 no one prepares you for it. It's pretty fucked up, 0:23:51.919 --> 0:23:52.959 to put it lightly. 0:23:54.760 --> 0:23:59.200 Well, when you go into it, is there an undertaking? 0:23:59.960 --> 0:24:03.199 Is there an undertaking or an understanding that of the 0:24:03.240 --> 0:24:05.200 mean that they have put in the hands that they 0:24:05.320 --> 0:24:08.959 do believe. Obviously they put some in because it's showbies 0:24:08.960 --> 0:24:10.879 and you need some friction, you need a bit of 0:24:10.919 --> 0:24:13.199 sand in the oyster so it can make a purpose. Yes, 0:24:13.879 --> 0:24:17.680 But is the understanding that they have put in some 0:24:17.840 --> 0:24:21.159 men who genuinely they believe are a match for you. 0:24:21.359 --> 0:24:23.959 That's what they tell you, But I don't. Yeah, I 0:24:24.000 --> 0:24:26.960 think so, because back then it wasn't as toxic as 0:24:26.960 --> 0:24:29.520 it is now. It was still very much like we 0:24:29.560 --> 0:24:32.800 want the franchise to keep going because we have success 0:24:32.840 --> 0:24:38.279 stories like Tim and Anna and Sam and schez Oh 0:24:38.280 --> 0:24:40.720 I don't know how to say her name, probably yeah, yeah, 0:24:40.840 --> 0:24:43.560 and a bunch of others Maddie and Laura for example, 0:24:44.000 --> 0:24:47.040 Like there's so many amazing success stories. 0:24:46.800 --> 0:24:48.360 Yes, you actually think. 0:24:48.240 --> 0:24:50.999 Oh my god, I could be Maddie and Laura, or 0:24:51.040 --> 0:24:55.080 I could be whoever is a bunch of them are 0:24:55.080 --> 0:24:58.840 still together? Jimmy, Yeah, like you do you well, that 0:24:58.960 --> 0:25:01.359 was after me, but you do hold that home. So 0:25:01.440 --> 0:25:04.240