WEBVTT - Soft Launch 0:00:12.850 --> 0:00:15.530 You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. 0:00:17.930 --> 0:00:21.290 Mama Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters. 0:00:21.330 --> 0:00:32.170 This podcast is recorded on moving in together. Some couples 0:00:32.210 --> 0:00:34.370 do it quickly, some choose to wait a while. For 0:00:34.450 --> 0:00:37.690 Fionna and Steve, it was the former, wasting no time 0:00:37.730 --> 0:00:41.050 in creating their own special memories and routines. Plus, it 0:00:41.170 --> 0:00:43.730 really is the best way to really get to know someone. 0:00:44.170 --> 0:00:48.410 I quite liked that thing of sharing a space, sharing 0:00:48.410 --> 0:00:51.370 a home, Like when he wasn't as good places and 0:00:51.410 --> 0:00:53.450 I'd come back and he'd have all the candles lurt 0:00:53.490 --> 0:00:55.850 and some like jazz music which we used to listen 0:00:55.890 --> 0:00:57.850 to on and he'd be like reading one of our 0:00:57.850 --> 0:00:59.810 favorite books, and my dog would be cilled up next 0:00:59.850 --> 0:01:02.090 to him, and I'd like come in and we're like 0:01:02.090 --> 0:01:05.810 He's like hey, and everything smells amazing, and I'm just like, yeah, 0:01:06.010 --> 0:01:07.050 this is so nice. 0:01:07.290 --> 0:01:09.810 But even though you share a space, there are always 0:01:09.890 --> 0:01:13.610 places secrets can be hidden, secrets that, when found, will 0:01:13.650 --> 0:01:16.090 have you questioning whether you ever really knew that person 0:01:16.130 --> 0:01:16.450 at all. 0:01:16.810 --> 0:01:20.210 I was like, Steve, I know, and then he smiles 0:01:20.210 --> 0:01:23.530 at men, he goes you went on my iPad. I 0:01:23.570 --> 0:01:29.930 forgot to eraise them from there. Oh my god. That 0:01:30.050 --> 0:01:33.370 was his first reaction was the smile at the fact 0:01:33.370 --> 0:01:37.090 that he'd forgotten or had been caught. The smile shock 0:01:37.170 --> 0:01:37.810 me to my core. 0:01:47.610 --> 0:01:50.090 I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an X. 0:01:50.330 --> 0:01:52.610 Come with me as we dive into a collection of 0:01:52.770 --> 0:01:56.970 unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the 0:01:57.010 --> 0:02:00.450 hearts of the very people who lived them. Today, I'm 0:02:00.490 --> 0:02:03.530 introducing you to Fiona. Fiona looks at her life in 0:02:03.610 --> 0:02:08.370 two parts BA and AA Before and After Australia. She 0:02:08.490 --> 0:02:10.210 moved across the ditch from New Zealand. 0:02:10.730 --> 0:02:13.330 So I moved and with Lisa, the friend of mine, 0:02:13.850 --> 0:02:17.410 made a lot of friends. Work was going great, brought 0:02:17.450 --> 0:02:19.010 my dog over and I was like, yeah, you know, 0:02:19.370 --> 0:02:22.850 the only thing kind of not necessarily missing but that 0:02:22.850 --> 0:02:25.210 could be an add on was to meet a man. 0:02:25.890 --> 0:02:30.330 So I started joining the dating apps and I matched 0:02:30.410 --> 0:02:35.450 with Steve, who was a musician and my dad's a musician, 0:02:35.570 --> 0:02:39.450 so a little bit of a connection there. Six foot six, 0:02:39.570 --> 0:02:43.730 so gorgeous there as well, great looking man, and so yeah, 0:02:43.770 --> 0:02:48.650 we matched. We started talking and it turned out that 0:02:48.690 --> 0:02:51.090 he actually lived about two and a half hours away 0:02:51.530 --> 0:02:54.130 from me in Sydney, but he'd just been visiting at 0:02:54.130 --> 0:02:55.170 the time that we'd matched. 0:02:55.610 --> 0:02:58.090 They were both thirty, had a heap of shared interests, 0:02:58.170 --> 0:03:00.770 and as it turned out, very similar lifestyles. 0:03:01.130 --> 0:03:04.490 He was well traveled that he moved around a lot 0:03:04.890 --> 0:03:08.690 as a musician, and my job as a chef means 0:03:08.730 --> 0:03:12.610 I move around a lot like freelance. Kind of that 0:03:12.730 --> 0:03:15.610 I understood that lifestyle of not just always being in 0:03:15.610 --> 0:03:18.690 one place and liked that he would kind of understand 0:03:18.690 --> 0:03:21.530 that I wouldn't be around all the time either. He 0:03:21.610 --> 0:03:27.050 mentioned just about his passions for music, that he studied 0:03:27.890 --> 0:03:30.810 opera and things at school, and I was like, wow, 0:03:30.850 --> 0:03:33.930 like it's really interesting. He looks like such a big, 0:03:33.970 --> 0:03:37.330 buff guy, but he's theater trained and operatraying, and I 0:03:37.410 --> 0:03:40.290 kind of liked that difference to be evening, like he 0:03:40.370 --> 0:03:43.130 looks so tough, but you like did ballet at school. 0:03:43.170 --> 0:03:45.810 Like I'm like, you know, that like mixture for me. 0:03:45.890 --> 0:03:49.170 I was like, that's very attractive. We chatted for about 0:03:49.170 --> 0:03:52.930 two weeks and then we organized for him to come 0:03:52.970 --> 0:03:55.610 and meet me and Sydney and we'd have our first date. 0:03:56.650 --> 0:03:59.690 And our first date was actually one of the better 0:03:59.690 --> 0:04:04.850 first dates that i'd had conversation flowed, and we had 0:04:04.850 --> 0:04:08.730 a great icebreaker because where he was dressed exactly the 0:04:08.770 --> 0:04:11.370 same as the matri d e down to like same 0:04:11.690 --> 0:04:16.290 whose same pants, like same shirt, and they both didn't 0:04:16.330 --> 0:04:21.410 have hair. So that was, yeah, a great icebreaker, good conversation, 0:04:22.410 --> 0:04:26.650 like very intellectual, quite funny, had a good head on 0:04:26.650 --> 0:04:30.370 his shoulders. I mean being a bit nervous about the 0:04:30.450 --> 0:04:32.930 musician thing because it can be something that's a bit 0:04:33.050 --> 0:04:36.690 like touch and go, like where your next paycheck's going 0:04:36.770 --> 0:04:39.210 to come from. But he treated it like a business 0:04:39.570 --> 0:04:41.170 and I was like, okay, well that's screaz. That why 0:04:41.170 --> 0:04:43.290 I do it here, Like I arrive on time, I 0:04:43.330 --> 0:04:45.330 make sure I never drink on the job. Like he 0:04:45.650 --> 0:04:49.330 came across very professional. That made like that seem like 0:04:49.370 --> 0:04:52.090 a not an issue anymore. We had a little smooch 0:04:52.170 --> 0:04:56.890 after the date, and then I think we went to 0:04:57.490 --> 0:04:59.610 one more pub after that and had like a closing 0:04:59.690 --> 0:05:02.210 drink and watched some live music that was going on, 0:05:03.370 --> 0:05:06.010 and then yeah, did our good night switch and he 0:05:06.370 --> 0:05:09.610 went just so you know, I don't sleep with girls 0:05:09.610 --> 0:05:13.490 on a first date. I wasn't going to sleeve on 0:05:13.610 --> 0:05:16.330 the first date. Like he was like, oh, well, a 0:05:16.370 --> 0:05:18.690 lot of girls have a problem that I won't go 0:05:18.770 --> 0:05:21.730 home with them, like I've I've run into that issue before, 0:05:22.090 --> 0:05:24.090 and I said, you don't have that issue. I wasn't 0:05:24.090 --> 0:05:27.970 inviting you home, Okay, Green Flag for a dating app 0:05:28.010 --> 0:05:30.610 made up. Fiona was keen to keep chatting and hopefully 0:05:30.650 --> 0:05:33.810 see him again if she got that often elusive text. 0:05:33.890 --> 0:05:35.050 After the first date. 0:05:36.050 --> 0:05:38.650 I heard from him straight away and he was very 0:05:38.850 --> 0:05:41.610 very chatty. We would talk on the phone a lot, 0:05:42.370 --> 0:05:44.970 said that I was exactly what he'd been looking for. 0:05:45.090 --> 0:05:49.410 And then I went away for work for four weeks 0:05:49.650 --> 0:05:51.410 so we couldn't see each other. So it was very 0:05:52.530 --> 0:05:56.570 like it went straight into being like a long distance relationship. 0:05:57.170 --> 0:05:59.690 I had done long distance relationships before, but there were 0:05:59.730 --> 0:06:02.170 things that he added and that I hadn't done before. 0:06:02.650 --> 0:06:05.810 So we would like, you can watch a movie together 0:06:05.890 --> 0:06:08.610 on your phone while on FaceTime, so you can like 0:06:08.690 --> 0:06:11.450 link your phones together and be on FaceTime and be 0:06:11.490 --> 0:06:14.570 what it at that exact same time. So when I'd 0:06:14.610 --> 0:06:18.010 finished work, we'd like share watching movies together and like 0:06:18.170 --> 0:06:20.090 chat throughout it and fall asleep. And I was like, 0:06:20.810 --> 0:06:22.490 it's quite a cute way of like if you're not 0:06:22.530 --> 0:06:24.810 going to be around each other all the time of 0:06:24.810 --> 0:06:27.730 being able to like keep it alive when you're like, 0:06:27.810 --> 0:06:29.450 we've been on one date and now we're not going 0:06:29.450 --> 0:06:32.250 to see each other for a month, so we're very 0:06:32.290 --> 0:06:35.650 keen on each other. And then I work on boats. 0:06:35.690 --> 0:06:38.050 So I got off the boat for the end of 0:06:38.090 --> 0:06:41.090 the charter and he picked me up and he had 0:06:41.330 --> 0:06:44.170 a bottle of wine in the car, and he'd packed 0:06:44.170 --> 0:06:46.010 like an overnight bag and he took me straight out 0:06:46.050 --> 0:06:49.610 for this lovely jazz night. Like we had a really 0:06:49.690 --> 0:06:50.930 nice time, and I'd just come off the boat, so 0:06:50.970 --> 0:06:53.490 I was pretty naked, but he kept his energy up 0:06:53.530 --> 0:06:55.090 and I think it kind of bought my energy up 0:06:55.090 --> 0:06:58.690 as well, and now we just had like a lovely 0:06:58.770 --> 0:07:01.370 time together. I had to go back on the boat 0:07:01.410 --> 0:07:04.930 the next day, and he was going to stay somewhere else, 0:07:05.490 --> 0:07:06.930 and he did the same thing, like we're not sitch 0:07:06.930 --> 0:07:09.410 a look, if you're going to sleep in your car, 0:07:09.810 --> 0:07:13.010 don't worry like I've got a out. You're more than 0:07:13.050 --> 0:07:15.290 welcome to krash. We've been talking for a month, You've 0:07:15.330 --> 0:07:17.610 taken me out for this amazing time. You're more than 0:07:17.690 --> 0:07:20.130 welcome to stay, and don't worry like there's going to 0:07:20.210 --> 0:07:23.130 be no pressure to do anything. He's like, okay, great. 0:07:23.530 --> 0:07:25.290 So he stayed at mine. I had to leave super 0:07:25.290 --> 0:07:27.290 early in the morning, and I was like, look, let 0:07:27.330 --> 0:07:30.490 yourself out whenever you want to go, and i'll see 0:07:30.490 --> 0:07:31.330 you when i'm back. 0:07:31.450 --> 0:07:32.850 And see him when she got back. 0:07:33.010 --> 0:07:36.450 She did, so probably six weeks in. I was like, 0:07:36.650 --> 0:07:39.730 I'll introduce you to my friends. So he came and 0:07:39.810 --> 0:07:43.250 we had like this big dinner party with mimosas, and 0:07:43.410 --> 0:07:45.650 I cooked and another friend of mine cooked and we 0:07:45.770 --> 0:07:49.050 just had really nice, wholesome time and he met everyone 0:07:49.130 --> 0:07:51.570 and he was amazing, Like I thought he was brilliant, 0:07:51.570 --> 0:07:54.170 and I was like, yeah, like my friends can be 0:07:54.250 --> 0:07:55.890 quite full on. And I was like yeah, it's like 0:07:56.330 --> 0:07:58.810 he's handling it and he's thrown it back and I 0:07:58.970 --> 0:08:01.730 just thought, yeah, this is it. And then he was like, oh, 0:08:01.770 --> 0:08:05.330 there's this concert on tonight, Fred again, I've always wanted 0:08:05.330 --> 0:08:07.290 to see them. Do you want to go? So I 0:08:07.330 --> 0:08:11.290 was like, okay, we'll go to this concert. And then 0:08:11.370 --> 0:08:14.050 on the way there up at me, I left my 0:08:14.090 --> 0:08:16.810 idea at home and we got to the concert and 0:08:16.850 --> 0:08:19.250 they were like, you can't get in without ID, and 0:08:19.290 --> 0:08:21.130 I was like, oh no, So we had to go 0:08:21.250 --> 0:08:23.810 back to pick it up to then come back again, 0:08:24.370 --> 0:08:27.130 and I remember feeling really nervous about how we're going 0:08:27.210 --> 0:08:30.330 to miss half this concert, and he was so calm 0:08:30.370 --> 0:08:32.650 and cool and collected. He was like, hey, it's a mistake. 0:08:32.770 --> 0:08:35.050 Things happened, don't worry, Like I'll pay for the ubers, 0:08:35.090 --> 0:08:38.210 like it's an accident. We rushed out, like we'll just 0:08:38.250 --> 0:08:40.210 go get your idea and we'll come back and we'll 0:08:40.210 --> 0:08:42.450 watch what's there. And for me that was a big 0:08:42.490 --> 0:08:45.170 thing because I'm a bit airy fairy. I like that 0:08:45.210 --> 0:08:47.210 someone's like, you know, it's all right, and I liked 0:08:47.250 --> 0:08:50.890 that it was no like anger or moodiness around it, 0:08:50.970 --> 0:08:53.130 so I was like, yeah, that's pretty good. And then 0:08:53.170 --> 0:08:55.810 after the concert he asked me if I wanted to 0:08:55.810 --> 0:08:59.450 be his girlfriend, and I was like, yes, okay, let's 0:08:59.490 --> 0:09:03.610 do it. He was a very good boyfriend. I can 0:09:03.650 --> 0:09:06.490 be quite reserved when it comes to my feelings and 0:09:06.570 --> 0:09:09.570 talking about things, and I think what I really like 0:09:09.690 --> 0:09:14.090 fell for was him gently pushing me to talk about things. 0:09:14.450 --> 0:09:17.250 So if I would get quiet because something bugged me 0:09:17.450 --> 0:09:19.970 or long days, he'd be like, you need to talk 0:09:20.050 --> 0:09:22.450 about this, like don't just block it. 0:09:22.530 --> 0:09:22.690 Up. 0:09:22.730 --> 0:09:24.690 You need to talk about these things, like you're gonna 0:09:24.690 --> 0:09:27.050 feel so much better. And he had like a lot 0:09:27.130 --> 0:09:31.450 of emotional maturity intelligence. Yeah, And I was like, you know, 0:09:31.450 --> 0:09:33.650 if that is something that I really want to get 0:09:33.650 --> 0:09:36.330 better at. And so that i'd met someone who was like, 0:09:37.130 --> 0:09:39.250 talk about this or I'd be like if he'd done 0:09:39.290 --> 0:09:40.570 something that bugged me, and I was like, I don't 0:09:40.610 --> 0:09:42.090 want to piss you off by telling you that you've 0:09:42.090 --> 0:09:45.090 done something that bugs me, and he'd like, you need 0:09:45.130 --> 0:09:47.890 to and then I would and he'd be calm and like, oh, 0:09:48.210 --> 0:09:50.010 I didn't know that that was a problem, Like I 0:09:50.050 --> 0:09:51.970 would just be more conscious of it next time. So 0:09:52.330 --> 0:09:54.850 for me, I was like, yeah, okay, this is pretty 0:09:55.690 --> 0:09:58.490 like this is good for what I would like for 0:09:58.570 --> 0:10:01.370 my future as someone who will encourage me to speak 0:10:01.730 --> 0:10:02.650 and to speak freely. 0:10:03.050 --> 0:10:05.010 It meant that he was a good talker too. He 0:10:05.090 --> 0:10:07.370 opened up about his past, so she got to know 0:10:07.490 --> 0:10:09.530 him on a deeper level quite quickly. 0:10:09.890 --> 0:10:13.690 He'd had six years long term relationship when they split up. 0:10:14.090 --> 0:10:16.410 They took a couple of years off and now they 0:10:16.410 --> 0:10:18.490 were friends and so I was like, okay, well that's good. 0:10:18.530 --> 0:10:21.730 That seems again emotionally mature because they were quite young 0:10:21.770 --> 0:10:24.730 at the time that they got together. So I was like, 0:10:24.970 --> 0:10:27.850 that's a good sign to me. And they're talking bad 0:10:27.850 --> 0:10:29.730 about one X, I'm like, you know, if there's one, 0:10:30.130 --> 0:10:33.130 we've all got at least one bad X. That is true. 0:10:33.450 --> 0:10:35.690 So I was like, yeah, you know, if you were 0:10:35.730 --> 0:10:37.810 talking bad about all of them, I'd have a problem. 0:10:37.890 --> 0:10:41.450 But the fact that it's a standalone then not so much. 0:10:42.410 --> 0:10:47.970 And he shared some sexual trauma that he had, which 0:10:48.050 --> 0:10:50.010 was a reason as to why he didn't want to 0:10:50.610 --> 0:10:55.650 rush into things. And I think, I mean we naturally progressed. 0:10:55.650 --> 0:10:58.090 I couldn't say exactly when it happened, but it took 0:10:58.130 --> 0:11:00.730 some time for him to get comfortable. So there was 0:11:00.770 --> 0:11:04.090 a lot of like genuinely taking it very slow with 0:11:04.130 --> 0:11:07.090 the different levels of things, to the extent of like 0:11:07.530 --> 0:11:09.410 start off with dry humping and then like a bit 0:11:09.450 --> 0:11:12.090 of a care like it was very much like back 0:11:12.130 --> 0:11:15.410 in high school, and you're like learning to walk, you're 0:11:15.490 --> 0:11:18.530 learning to walk that path. The silver lining of us 0:11:18.570 --> 0:11:22.570 not rushing into sex was the fact that we got 0:11:22.610 --> 0:11:25.130 to take it slowly, so you get to explore and 0:11:25.170 --> 0:11:28.130 know each other properly before you even do that. And 0:11:28.210 --> 0:11:31.250 also that it meant that he wasn't just looking for 0:11:31.290 --> 0:11:34.930 one thing and like playing around or faking it to 0:11:34.930 --> 0:11:39.010 get into my pants. You know, like once he was comfortable, 0:11:39.210 --> 0:11:42.730 and it still wasn't a big priority to him, so 0:11:42.810 --> 0:11:45.210 I think, I, well, I came in thinking, you know, 0:11:45.330 --> 0:11:49.370 once he's comfortable, it'll become something quite frequent, but it 0:11:49.450 --> 0:11:54.250 still wasn't very frequent, so I was like, it'll get there. 0:11:54.530 --> 0:11:57.570 He was very vocal that he was a highly sexual 0:11:57.610 --> 0:12:01.130 person and really liked it and enjoyed every aspect of it, 0:12:01.530 --> 0:12:04.330 but that it was just him getting over something, and 0:12:04.370 --> 0:12:06.690 so I was like, totally fine. So I did see 0:12:06.730 --> 0:12:09.250 it as something that would happen in the future, that 0:12:09.290 --> 0:12:13.530 it would be something regular and fun, enjoyable for both 0:12:13.530 --> 0:12:13.810 of us. 0:12:14.290 --> 0:12:16.410 And remember they leaved a couple of hours away from 0:12:16.450 --> 0:12:18.810 each other, so when they did see each other, they 0:12:18.850 --> 0:12:20.010 wanted to make the most of it. 0:12:20.330 --> 0:12:22.850 He'd come and stay with me for about four or 0:12:22.890 --> 0:12:26.210 five days while he was in Sydney, and I would 0:12:26.210 --> 0:12:27.970 go and stay with him two and a half hours 0:12:28.010 --> 0:12:31.530 away every second week for a weekend around my work, 0:12:32.210 --> 0:12:35.010 and so we kind of did long distance, but because 0:12:35.010 --> 0:12:36.650 it was such a long trip, we kind of stayed 0:12:36.650 --> 0:12:40.570 for a while, and then after I think we were 0:12:41.330 --> 0:12:44.650 six months in he was getting lots more work in 0:12:44.690 --> 0:12:49.690 Sydney and I had to move out from Lisa's house 0:12:50.330 --> 0:12:53.810 because they were selling the property. So I was looking 0:12:53.850 --> 0:12:57.290 at moving into a different part of Sydney and thought, 0:12:57.690 --> 0:13:00.410 why don't we move in together. Then at least we're 0:13:00.410 --> 0:13:03.410 having the rent and you're staying quite frequently at the moment, 0:13:04.170 --> 0:13:07.570 and he was like, absolutely, that would be great. Six 0:13:07.610 --> 0:13:10.530 months and is not a lot of time, but like, 0:13:10.650 --> 0:13:13.770 I'm very much like if it's gonna work out, it's 0:13:13.770 --> 0:13:16.090 gonna work out. If it's not, it's not like you 0:13:16.130 --> 0:13:18.490 can spend two years not living with someone moving and 0:13:18.530 --> 0:13:21.170 it doesn't work out, and some people moving straight away 0:13:21.210 --> 0:13:23.930 and it does. I think if you're compatible living together, 0:13:24.690 --> 0:13:27.690 you should probably find out sooner rather than later. He 0:13:27.810 --> 0:13:30.930 worked nights, I work days, but I could join him 0:13:30.930 --> 0:13:32.690 for his nights, you know, being a musician, and I 0:13:32.730 --> 0:13:35.490 could go and you know, watch their gize my favorite thing. 0:13:35.490 --> 0:13:37.930 I'd bring my crossword or my book and I'd be 0:13:38.010 --> 0:13:40.810 like the Muzo's girlfriend in the corner doing my crosswords, 0:13:40.850 --> 0:13:44.050 watching and just being like eh. So I absolutely loved 0:13:44.050 --> 0:13:45.930 it for that, and then he was home with the 0:13:45.970 --> 0:13:49.570 dog for the day, and there were so many amazing parts. 0:13:50.370 --> 0:13:52.930 But dear listener, when you do move in with someone, 0:13:53.090 --> 0:13:55.730 no matter how well you know them, it's inevitable you'll 0:13:55.810 --> 0:13:58.050 learn things about them you didn't know before. 0:13:58.810 --> 0:14:02.410 I got the impression from us visiting each other that 0:14:02.530 --> 0:14:06.010 he was very clean and put together and organized, and 0:14:06.010 --> 0:14:08.530 I'm very clean and put together and organized. But I 0:14:08.530 --> 0:14:10.730 didn't realize that when I was coming to visit, he 0:14:10.850 --> 0:14:12.530 was doing that because I was coming to visit and 0:14:12.530 --> 0:14:14.410 it wasn't how he lived. So then when we were 0:14:14.450 --> 0:14:17.450 actually living together, I'd get drunk because I'd be like, 0:14:18.730 --> 0:14:20.770 I've made dinner and the dishes are still here in 0:14:20.810 --> 0:14:23.450 the afternoon the next day, and if I do the dishes, 0:14:23.490 --> 0:14:24.890 You're like, no, no, no, I'm going to do them. 0:14:24.930 --> 0:14:27.290 I'm like, but they can't sit there for twelve hours. 0:14:27.610 --> 0:14:29.450 And there were things that I'd be like, I don't 0:14:29.770 --> 0:14:33.090 want a relationship, which I'd been very vocal about the 0:14:33.090 --> 0:14:36.090 whole time, I don't want to be the mother in 0:14:36.930 --> 0:14:39.490 this relationship, and tell me that he was such a 0:14:39.530 --> 0:14:42.730 big gamer, which is one of the things was that. 0:14:43.010 --> 0:14:45.250 I mean, sometimes i'd come home from work, and he 0:14:45.650 --> 0:14:48.010 has gotten out of bed and onto the computer, and 0:14:48.050 --> 0:14:50.250 I've been at work and come back and hasn't moved. 0:14:50.570 --> 0:14:54.250 And I understand everyone's got hobbies and things that they enjoy, 0:14:54.970 --> 0:14:58.970 but six hours of anything is too much. Sometimes he'd 0:14:58.970 --> 0:15:01.850 be like, you're absolutely right. I've had a shock of 0:15:01.890 --> 0:15:05.370 a day. I ended up gaming instead of working. I 0:15:05.450 --> 0:15:06.930 had so much work to do today and I did 0:15:06.930 --> 0:15:10.410 this instead. And other times he would be like, you're 0:15:10.410 --> 0:15:12.170 so controlling, Like why do you I feel like kept 0:15:12.210 --> 0:15:13.930 to control it. This is my house too, If I 0:15:13.970 --> 0:15:16.450 want to live like that, it would very It would 0:15:16.490 --> 0:15:19.370 differ depending on his mood for how he would respond. 0:15:20.210 --> 0:15:22.010 As adults, I feel like, yes, you can have some 0:15:22.090 --> 0:15:24.690 days where we've had a rough time and you've skipped 0:15:24.690 --> 0:15:27.410 the dishes, but every day is not okay, And like 0:15:28.010 --> 0:15:29.490 I make the bed every morning when I get up, 0:15:29.490 --> 0:15:30.930 but if you're getting up at ten, you've got to 0:15:30.930 --> 0:15:32.330 make the bed. I don't want to come home in 0:15:32.330 --> 0:15:34.490 the afternoon to a bed not made. And they all 0:15:34.530 --> 0:15:39.490 seemed quite trivial to me, but they are still problems, 0:15:39.850 --> 0:15:42.690 and they are problems that get worse over time, not better. 0:15:42.890 --> 0:15:44.730 If they don't like the noil doesn't get hit on 0:15:44.730 --> 0:15:48.090 the head. They started happening pretty much straight off the band. 0:15:48.450 --> 0:15:51.490 There wasn't the honeymoon period of we've just moved in together. 0:15:51.490 --> 0:15:54.090 How fun is this? I thought it just takes some 0:15:54.130 --> 0:15:56.090 time to get used to living with each other. To 0:15:56.170 --> 0:16:00.050 be honest, I think that I'd lived alone for the 0:16:00.130 --> 0:16:03.170 last few years. He lived in a flatmate situation, but 0:16:03.250 --> 0:16:05.250 not with the girlfriend for the last few years. So 0:16:06.010 --> 0:16:09.010 and that's the difference between sharing your space and sharing 0:16:09.010 --> 0:16:12.370 your bed and sharing your bathroom. Like that's change. And 0:16:12.410 --> 0:16:15.170 I think it's an adjustment period for anyone, you know. 0:16:15.290 --> 0:16:18.490 So I just thought it's going to take some adjusting. 0:16:19.290 --> 0:16:22.050 Actually found that I quite liked coming home to someone 0:16:22.410 --> 0:16:26.650 like I quite liked that thing of sharing a space, 0:16:26.690 --> 0:16:29.490 sharing a home, like when he was in as good 0:16:29.530 --> 0:16:31.290 places and I'd come back and he'd have all the 0:16:31.330 --> 0:16:34.130 candles lit and some like jazz music which we used 0:16:34.170 --> 0:16:36.250 to listen to on and he'd be like reading one 0:16:36.250 --> 0:16:38.050 of our favorite books, and my dog would be killed 0:16:38.090 --> 0:16:40.210 up next to him, and I'd like come in and 0:16:40.250 --> 0:16:43.090 we're like he's like hey, and everything smells amazing, and 0:16:43.130 --> 0:16:46.250 I'm just like, yeah, this is so nice. I mean, 0:16:46.290 --> 0:16:48.370 take that away, just coming home to a tidy house 0:16:48.370 --> 0:16:51.570 and someone who's happy to see you. It's like, you know, 0:16:51.730 --> 0:16:54.890 it's just simple things. So I definitely loved that side 0:16:54.890 --> 0:16:55.210 of it. 0:16:55.530 --> 0:16:57.330 And at the end of the day, she really did 0:16:57.410 --> 0:16:58.170 love him. 0:16:58.330 --> 0:17:00.810 Before we'd moved in, had to have done that. I 0:17:00.850 --> 0:17:04.250 love you is. He was a very passionate person, and 0:17:04.290 --> 0:17:07.890 my love for him, like he was very open about 0:17:07.970 --> 0:17:10.170 his emotions, so my love for him felt very real 0:17:10.930 --> 0:17:13.970 because there was there was so much depth behind the 0:17:14.010 --> 0:17:17.610 reasons why I loved him. There wasn't a surface thing. 0:17:17.650 --> 0:17:20.970 There was like so many things we talked about past 0:17:21.050 --> 0:17:24.610 and future and family and his family and mine that 0:17:24.890 --> 0:17:30.970 felt very like intense, but our lives itself weren't necessarily intense. 0:17:31.090 --> 0:17:33.410 We were just going through the motions, but they love 0:17:33.490 --> 0:17:36.290 did for me for sure. He very much felt the 0:17:36.370 --> 0:17:39.250 same and called me like his dreamer and he loves 0:17:39.250 --> 0:17:42.090 it because he's always been a dreamer and has so 0:17:42.170 --> 0:17:44.930 many big plans and I'm just as much of a 0:17:45.010 --> 0:17:47.570 dreamer than him, but I've got a way to make 0:17:47.610 --> 0:17:49.610 it happen, and he loves it for me because he 0:17:49.650 --> 0:17:51.690 never knows quite how to get there, but he'll come 0:17:51.690 --> 0:17:53.450 to me with his dreams and I'll be like, yes, 0:17:53.530 --> 0:17:55.290 it sounds amazing. We could put this in place and 0:17:55.330 --> 0:17:57.210 do this then. And you know, because I'm a planner, 0:17:57.250 --> 0:17:59.490 so he was like, yay, you make my dreams feel 0:17:59.530 --> 0:18:04.130 like they could come true. We had plans to dreams 0:18:04.330 --> 0:18:08.090 of running like wedding venues. So my parents both have 0:18:08.170 --> 0:18:11.330 amazing properties, so we were like, we could do a 0:18:11.370 --> 0:18:14.570 low wedding like me as a chef, him as a musician. 0:18:15.130 --> 0:18:19.010 Me good at organizing his, like people skills. They've got vineyards, 0:18:19.050 --> 0:18:21.970 there's like the wine, Like we've got all of the 0:18:22.010 --> 0:18:25.410 things that together we could come up with this wedding 0:18:25.450 --> 0:18:28.410 idea that was definitely one of our dreams. And traveling 0:18:28.450 --> 0:18:31.970 as well. Both loved to travel. 0:18:32.010 --> 0:18:34.490 But the travel plans would have to wait because when 0:18:34.530 --> 0:18:36.930 Steve did move to Sydney, things got a bit tricky 0:18:36.970 --> 0:18:37.570 money wise. 0:18:37.930 --> 0:18:41.650 I was footing the bill for a lot, and I 0:18:41.650 --> 0:18:44.410 mean he was very much like I'm going to get there, 0:18:44.530 --> 0:18:46.690 like I've got this sorted and I'm going to get this, 0:18:46.890 --> 0:18:49.850 and very much like, yeah, of course you will. I'll 0:18:49.850 --> 0:18:51.690 put it for now and then you know, we'll just 0:18:51.850 --> 0:18:54.090 swap rolls a bit later. In your foot everything for 0:18:54.130 --> 0:18:56.690 then one of our favorite things that we like to 0:18:56.690 --> 0:18:59.130 do together, me being a chef would be like, let's 0:18:59.170 --> 0:19:02.170 go out and eat. We'd loved nice food, nice drink, 0:19:02.210 --> 0:19:04.530 and environments where there's like live music. That was like 0:19:04.610 --> 0:19:09.890 our thing that we did together. And stop contributing to 0:19:09.970 --> 0:19:13.130 things like that while not wanting to stop doing them. 0:19:13.610 --> 0:19:17.050 His reasons were that his booking agents weren't paying him, 0:19:17.330 --> 0:19:20.730 so that he had a lot of invoices owing from 0:19:20.850 --> 0:19:25.690 venues and bookers that just were overdue, and he was like, 0:19:25.810 --> 0:19:28.770 got thousand dollars owing and no one's paying me. It's 0:19:28.770 --> 0:19:31.210 so frush. I'm so I'm so sorry. I wish I 0:19:31.250 --> 0:19:32.890 could be paying for this. We should be paying for that, 0:19:32.930 --> 0:19:35.450 but no one is paying me. And I feel like 0:19:35.490 --> 0:19:38.010 I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because 0:19:38.450 --> 0:19:40.650 I need to be here to be getting the work, 0:19:40.690 --> 0:19:43.570 but if the work's not paying me, then then I'm stuck. 0:19:43.570 --> 0:19:44.970 And I was like, you know what, that's actually a 0:19:45.010 --> 0:19:48.890 really difficult position to be in. So when he would skip, 0:19:48.890 --> 0:19:50.410 I'd be like, look, as soon as you get paid, 0:19:50.450 --> 0:19:53.890 just backlog it kind of thing. It was a stress 0:19:53.890 --> 0:19:58.450 for me, not necessarily money wise, but for the integrity 0:19:58.450 --> 0:20:03.250 around being comfortable and happy living with your girlfriend, even 0:20:03.250 --> 0:20:06.770 though it is quite new. I mean even more so 0:20:06.890 --> 0:20:08.810 that it is quite new that you are quite happy 0:20:08.850 --> 0:20:13.370 for them to shoulder an entire rent. He was going 0:20:13.410 --> 0:20:15.370 out a lot, so he'd like go to his gigs 0:20:15.370 --> 0:20:17.290 and then come back at like four in the morning 0:20:17.330 --> 0:20:20.010 and start cooking food and start doing things like that. 0:20:20.050 --> 0:20:22.610 And that started being a problem because I'm like, hey, 0:20:22.970 --> 0:20:25.690 remember you're low on money. You shouldn't be going out 0:20:25.770 --> 0:20:29.290 for five hours after your work is finished and spending 0:20:29.370 --> 0:20:32.250 money like and again the mothering thing. I don't want 0:20:32.250 --> 0:20:33.890 to tell you what to do with your money, but yes, 0:20:33.930 --> 0:20:37.530 you should prioritize rent over drinking for five hours. So 0:20:37.650 --> 0:20:41.050 the little niggling things that were bugging me at the 0:20:41.050 --> 0:20:45.970 beginning started becoming worse as the time progressed, and I 0:20:46.010 --> 0:20:49.690 started questioning if it's what I wanted, like for my future. 0:20:49.890 --> 0:20:53.650 He started being really funny with his phone, which we'd 0:20:53.650 --> 0:20:56.010 always had like an open phone policy. I've got nothing 0:20:56.010 --> 0:20:58.450 to hide. You want to put some like, look at 0:20:58.450 --> 0:21:00.970 some photos, put some music on, like we knew each 0:21:00.970 --> 0:21:04.290 other's passwords. And then it started being funny, like I'd 0:21:04.290 --> 0:21:06.410 go in to change a song or something, and he'd 0:21:06.450 --> 0:21:08.810 be like, what are you doing, Like I'm entitled to 0:21:08.810 --> 0:21:11.170 my privacy. I'm like, babe, I'm just changing the song. 0:21:11.890 --> 0:21:13.970 Or we'd go for like a weekend away and I'd 0:21:13.970 --> 0:21:16.770 be like, can you send me all the pictures? He'd like, yeah, 0:21:16.770 --> 0:21:17.930 I'll get around to it. And I think I'll just 0:21:17.930 --> 0:21:19.730 do it, and I'm like, go in and start sending 0:21:19.770 --> 0:21:21.970 the photos. He's like, what are you looking for? I 0:21:22.010 --> 0:21:26.010 definitely thought he was hiding something. He had a very 0:21:26.010 --> 0:21:32.730 close relationship with a different ex girlfriend, and I mean, 0:21:32.770 --> 0:21:35.530 I didn't mind the friendships of the ex girlfriend, but 0:21:35.570 --> 0:21:39.450 I minded when I started like understanding that she had 0:21:39.450 --> 0:21:43.010 become his kind of like confident and out like the 0:21:43.050 --> 0:21:46.970 person he would complain to. Basically, like everyone should have 0:21:46.970 --> 0:21:48.890 a voice. If you need to complain, telling your friends 0:21:49.010 --> 0:21:51.890 is important. I don't think ex girlfriends are the appropriate 0:21:51.890 --> 0:21:54.410 people to do that with, though, but I think it 0:21:54.450 --> 0:21:57.130 makes our relationship look weak to someone used to be 0:21:57.210 --> 0:22:00.130 romantic with, and I just don't. I don't kind of agree, 0:22:00.490 --> 0:22:03.250 and his like, how am I? Like, we've been friends 0:22:03.330 --> 0:22:06.050 longer than we were dating, and like, I understand you 0:22:06.130 --> 0:22:09.450 have enough friends go and talk to another one and 0:22:09.490 --> 0:22:11.250 that just wants So I thought what was going on 0:22:11.290 --> 0:22:12.850 with the phone was that he didn't want me to 0:22:12.890 --> 0:22:15.610 see that. He was still complaining to her about it. 0:22:16.290 --> 0:22:18.690 I was just like, I have no interest in going 0:22:18.730 --> 0:22:21.170 through everything, but now that you're telling me I can't, 0:22:21.210 --> 0:22:25.290 I really want to go through everything. At no point 0:22:25.290 --> 0:22:27.810 did I think that he was cheating at all. I 0:22:27.850 --> 0:22:31.930 thought he was being disloyal to our relationship with his 0:22:32.090 --> 0:22:36.370 ex girlfriend, just with like how they were communicating. I 0:22:36.410 --> 0:22:40.850 think I arrive with trust. I mean, he was different. 0:22:41.170 --> 0:22:44.210 He said that trust needs to be built, and mine 0:22:44.370 --> 0:22:47.090 was that you arrive with trust and then it can 0:22:47.170 --> 0:22:49.690 kind of be lost. If someone doesn't give you a reason, 0:22:50.170 --> 0:22:53.170 then you should trust him. But I think also making 0:22:53.210 --> 0:22:55.250 sure you communicate hey, I'm starting not to trust you 0:22:55.370 --> 0:22:57.970 right now because of this behavior is really important. 0:22:58.570 --> 0:23:01.650 There were also issues with sex. Stavid shared that he'd 0:23:01.690 --> 0:23:04.850 had trauma around this in the past, so Fiona understood 0:23:04.890 --> 0:23:07.410 and wasn't pushy, but it also did start to play 0:23:07.410 --> 0:23:08.130 on her mind a bit. 0:23:08.450 --> 0:23:12.210 It was very complicated because I would say to look, 0:23:12.610 --> 0:23:15.050 I don't want to keep trying it on and get rejected. 0:23:15.290 --> 0:23:18.170 It'll mess with my confidence. And he said, yeah, I 0:23:18.210 --> 0:23:21.210 completely understand. So I said, so the next time this happens, 0:23:21.850 --> 0:23:23.810 I need you to be the person who instigates it. 0:23:24.370 --> 0:23:27.090 And it would take so long, but eventually'd end up 0:23:27.330 --> 0:23:32.650 instigating at some point and sometimes it would work, sometimes 0:23:32.650 --> 0:23:35.570 it wouldn't, and then I would be like, okay, well 0:23:35.610 --> 0:23:38.490 it's not working. What do you think the problem is? Like? 0:23:38.530 --> 0:23:42.450 How can we get like you happy and horny? And 0:23:42.530 --> 0:23:45.690 he said, well, I need you to instigate it and 0:23:45.730 --> 0:23:47.770 I went okay, we are going around in circles. He 0:23:47.810 --> 0:23:49.730 was like, oh, it's it's such a turn on when 0:23:49.730 --> 0:23:53.010 people instigate things. I'm like, yes, but then you reject it. 0:23:53.490 --> 0:23:57.210 So I'm like, so it would just be a catch 0:23:57.250 --> 0:23:58.570 twenty two am I going to am I going to 0:23:58.650 --> 0:24:01.610 try this on and it's going to literally flop? Or 0:24:01.610 --> 0:24:03.570 I'm going to try this on and it's going to work. 0:24:03.770 --> 0:24:07.850 So it was yeah, it was just you had to 0:24:07.890 --> 0:24:09.890 take it time by time, you know. 0:24:10.890 --> 0:24:13.610 So, yeah, they were his shoes, but they weren't enough 0:24:13.650 --> 0:24:16.530 to break them. So Fiona thought to herself she needed 0:24:16.570 --> 0:24:19.130 to stop looking for what was wrong and focus on 0:24:19.170 --> 0:24:19.770 what was right. 0:24:20.290 --> 0:24:22.850 I loved him, I trusted him, and before any of 0:24:22.850 --> 0:24:26.570 this I thought nothing was going on absolutely nothing. 0:24:27.010 --> 0:24:27.930 Wait before what? 0:24:28.450 --> 0:24:33.090 So we're ten months and now and I caught him 0:24:33.130 --> 0:24:39.650 watching a horn of his ex girlfriend in the bathroom, 0:24:39.690 --> 0:24:41.730 Not of the ex girlfriend he was friends with, but 0:24:41.810 --> 0:24:44.650 the one that he didn't like, the crazy one was awful, 0:24:45.290 --> 0:24:47.970 and I was flabb I guess it was an old 0:24:48.050 --> 0:24:49.730 video that they had from when they were together. It 0:24:49.770 --> 0:24:52.410 wasn't something new, It was obviously just something that he 0:24:52.410 --> 0:24:56.410 had stored somewhere and was using while I was asleep. 0:24:57.210 --> 0:24:59.410 Fiona had walked in on him in the bathroom in 0:24:59.450 --> 0:25:01.690 the middle of the night. She didn't say anything at 0:25:01.730 --> 0:25:04.010 the time because he hadn't seen her, and she was 0:25:04.050 --> 0:25:06.930 in such shock she just scampered back to bed. She 0:25:06.970 --> 0:25:09.570 had a huge course the next day and just couldn't 0:25:09.570 --> 0:25:10.490 deal with this right now. 0:25:10.770 --> 0:25:12.850 So I was, you know, like working for all this 0:25:13.890 --> 0:25:18.690 sex stuff and the problems with like ed because of 0:25:18.810 --> 0:25:20.850 the past words that I thought was there, and now 0:25:20.890 --> 0:25:23.730 he's like in the bathroom, able to do it alone 0:25:24.490 --> 0:25:28.170 over someone that he doesn't even like. I was like, 0:25:28.210 --> 0:25:31.690 I'm just going to let this sit until I get 0:25:31.730 --> 0:25:34.330 back from course and then talk about it with him. 0:25:34.650 --> 0:25:36.690 And then I actually ended up texting a midway through 0:25:36.730 --> 0:25:38.250 the course, because it was just like boiling up in 0:25:38.330 --> 0:25:41.050 me to say something. So I sent a message and 0:25:41.050 --> 0:25:44.330 I think something along the lines of, hey, this is 0:25:44.370 --> 0:25:47.730 what you're doing last night, I think that is so disrespectful. 0:25:47.850 --> 0:25:52.330 After the issues that we've had around sex. I would 0:25:52.330 --> 0:25:54.810 have hoped that that was not kind of what you 0:25:54.810 --> 0:25:57.290 would be resorting to do kind of thing, and that like, 0:25:57.410 --> 0:25:59.330 when I get home, we really need to talk about this. 0:26:00.410 --> 0:26:02.130 One of the things that I mentioned to him about 0:26:02.130 --> 0:26:05.770 it was that like, you're horny and you we released it, 0:26:05.810 --> 0:26:08.210 hasn't that and then going to that instead of coming 0:26:08.250 --> 0:26:13.130 to me like that makes me feel rubbish and unattractive 0:26:13.330 --> 0:26:15.850 and all of the things that you know, we should 0:26:15.890 --> 0:26:19.810 never feel as women. So I was very much like, yeah, 0:26:19.890 --> 0:26:22.250 I was put down by it. Let's say it brought 0:26:22.250 --> 0:26:26.850 me down a peg. He felt really embarrassed about it 0:26:27.370 --> 0:26:30.770 and uncomfortable, and like he was like, it's the first 0:26:30.770 --> 0:26:34.610 time it happened. Like I was just drunk and reminiscing, 0:26:35.410 --> 0:26:38.490 and you know, you were asleep. The fallout from that 0:26:38.770 --> 0:26:42.050 was we had the argument. He said he felt horrible. 0:26:42.130 --> 0:26:44.970 I believed he felt horrible, and we were meant to 0:26:45.010 --> 0:26:48.170 be going away on a trip like a bit of 0:26:48.210 --> 0:26:51.690 a road trip for his for his music the next day, 0:26:51.850 --> 0:26:54.130 and so I kind of made the decision to let 0:26:54.170 --> 0:26:56.930 it go and just have our time away. The trip 0:26:56.970 --> 0:27:00.490 had been planned, we'd hide the car, the dogs that 0:27:00.610 --> 0:27:03.450 had been organized, and I thought, you know what, just 0:27:03.570 --> 0:27:06.530 let it go and have a nice weekend and let's 0:27:06.570 --> 0:27:10.330 see what's happened. Reconvene on the monday, but let's see 0:27:10.330 --> 0:27:10.810 what happens. 0:27:11.850 --> 0:27:14.610 So off they went on their trip, and immediately, if 0:27:14.650 --> 0:27:16.930 you only could see, Steve was making a real effort 0:27:16.970 --> 0:27:18.210 to try to make it up to him. 0:27:18.530 --> 0:27:20.650 He drove the whole way, which I love. There were 0:27:20.690 --> 0:27:24.210 little things that I would do for him, which would 0:27:24.250 --> 0:27:27.650 be like sneaky things, you know, like when you say 0:27:27.650 --> 0:27:29.810 you're going to the bathroom, but you sneakily pay the 0:27:29.810 --> 0:27:31.570 bill and then you come back and they're like, can 0:27:31.610 --> 0:27:33.010 we get the bill, and they're like, it's already been 0:27:33.010 --> 0:27:35.210 taken care of, you know, like there's like a power 0:27:35.210 --> 0:27:37.730 in that that I've always loved doing. Or like someone 0:27:37.810 --> 0:27:40.330 mentions that they like something in a shop and then 0:27:40.370 --> 0:27:42.050 you go back and buy it when they're not looking, 0:27:42.370 --> 0:27:45.250 and then that's a surprise to them. And that weekend 0:27:45.610 --> 0:27:48.130 he was doing so much of that, and I thought 0:27:48.130 --> 0:27:51.730 that this was obviously things that he knew that I liked, 0:27:51.810 --> 0:27:54.410 and also just I feel really bad about what happened, 0:27:54.610 --> 0:27:56.770 Like let me make it up to you. So I 0:27:56.810 --> 0:27:59.210 found an amazing piece of art that I liked in 0:27:59.210 --> 0:28:02.730 a shop there, and he did the whole like, oh, yeah, 0:28:02.930 --> 0:28:04.570 I'll catch up with you, bought it and like put 0:28:04.570 --> 0:28:07.210 it in the passenger seat and was like surprise, and 0:28:07.250 --> 0:28:09.450 I was like yay, Like that's so nice. Thank you. 0:28:09.530 --> 0:28:12.410 Like little things and I was like we were in 0:28:12.450 --> 0:28:15.090 a really good place. There were times that I just 0:28:15.130 --> 0:28:18.130 caught myself crying and I couldn't tell why. I didn't 0:28:18.130 --> 0:28:20.650 know if I was still just kind of getting over 0:28:21.130 --> 0:28:24.490 or like coping with what i'd found on the have 0:28:24.530 --> 0:28:27.330 been on the Thursday with the ex girlfriend. But I 0:28:27.530 --> 0:28:30.770 just found like little pockets would I just be like, oh, 0:28:30.810 --> 0:28:32.130 and I feel a bit sad, and I was like, 0:28:32.170 --> 0:28:34.130 these tears are coming out and not much of a cry, 0:28:34.170 --> 0:28:36.010 and I was like, where are all these tears coming from? 0:28:36.410 --> 0:28:39.770 But for the most part, it was lovely. The gigs 0:28:39.770 --> 0:28:42.090 were great, all the people we met were lovely. It 0:28:42.170 --> 0:28:46.330 was great to see more of Australia at our final destination. 0:28:46.450 --> 0:28:48.770 So this is on the Sunday and we were meant 0:28:48.770 --> 0:28:52.490 to leave at five am on the Monday to get 0:28:52.530 --> 0:28:56.250 back to Sydney in time for my work. And we 0:28:56.330 --> 0:29:00.250 decided to watch parts of the Caribbean on his iPad 0:29:01.050 --> 0:29:04.210 and so we were lying in bed, had some nice food, 0:29:04.250 --> 0:29:06.490 had a bit of a cuddle, no shag, but a 0:29:06.570 --> 0:29:08.730 bit of a cuddle and still nice, spooned up and 0:29:08.730 --> 0:29:13.450 watched parts of the Caribbean, two of them, and then 0:29:14.450 --> 0:29:17.050 messages started popping up, not on his phone but on 0:29:17.050 --> 0:29:23.130 his iPad and they were from his brother. But I 0:29:23.210 --> 0:29:26.210 didn't realize that you could get messages on your iPad. 0:29:26.970 --> 0:29:29.530 He stopped the cuddling and he started like chatting with 0:29:29.570 --> 0:29:32.970 his brother a fair bit and I was like, okay, well, 0:29:33.130 --> 0:29:35.370 I'm just going to continue watching the movie. And then 0:29:35.490 --> 0:29:39.850 messages from Optus started popping up. It was like confirming 0:29:40.010 --> 0:29:45.290 ten am on Monday morning, and I was like, what's optis? 0:29:45.570 --> 0:29:49.850 And he goes, oh, it's that telecommunications thing. And I 0:29:49.850 --> 0:29:52.650 was like, why are they sending you messages about appointments 0:29:53.370 --> 0:29:57.570 and he went I don't know, like it's Optus And 0:29:57.610 --> 0:30:01.050 I was like that seems like a strange thing. He 0:30:01.090 --> 0:30:03.370 then went to sleep, and I went on to his 0:30:03.450 --> 0:30:07.330 iPad and looked at what Optus was, and it turned 0:30:07.330 --> 0:30:11.090 out that it was a wrothel service, and that he 0:30:11.170 --> 0:30:16.050 had been confirming a sex worker appointment for the morning. 0:30:16.050 --> 0:30:18.850 We got back the next day and I was just 0:30:19.610 --> 0:30:23.410 shell shopped. The messages dated back longer than I could 0:30:23.410 --> 0:30:27.890 read through, sometimes up to four times a week, and 0:30:27.930 --> 0:30:35.610 their appointments were two hours long. I couldn't actually understand. 0:30:36.210 --> 0:30:39.730 It didn't really quite feel real, I suppose because I'm like, 0:30:40.690 --> 0:30:46.850 this action of frequently visiting sex workers goes against everything 0:30:46.890 --> 0:30:49.250 that I've known from the moment I met this person. 0:30:50.330 --> 0:30:56.290 I was like, this feels like fake. I was reading 0:30:56.290 --> 0:30:57.890 through them, I was like, this has been going on 0:30:58.170 --> 0:31:02.210 a very long time. Like the comfortability around it of 0:31:02.290 --> 0:31:05.330 being like, Okay, well i'll have this one at when 0:31:05.370 --> 0:31:07.130 I get there at ten, and then maybe we'll swap 0:31:07.170 --> 0:31:09.130 out halfway through and I'll have this one for the 0:31:09.210 --> 0:31:12.010 last hour, and I'd be like, you know them all 0:31:12.050 --> 0:31:14.810 by name? There was like seven of them, like you 0:31:14.890 --> 0:31:16.410 know them all by name? Who you want to solf 0:31:16.490 --> 0:31:20.450 out with? Who's on for the dad? The brothel madam 0:31:20.890 --> 0:31:24.610 would addressing by name like Steve, we appreciate you so much, 0:31:24.730 --> 0:31:28.290 like thank you again for coming. I threw up. My 0:31:28.370 --> 0:31:30.970 body just was not like couldn't handle it. Like I 0:31:31.010 --> 0:31:33.530 know it was going on in my heart and my head, 0:31:33.530 --> 0:31:37.610 but my body was just in full shaking and hot 0:31:37.730 --> 0:31:40.970 flashes and you know, like sweating. I was like, this 0:31:41.050 --> 0:31:45.610 is like very real responses that were happening to something 0:31:45.650 --> 0:31:48.490 so emotional that I was like, wow, it feels like 0:31:49.450 --> 0:31:54.330 it's a full body yeah, full body experience. I was 0:31:54.370 --> 0:31:58.090 in shock, and I read through them. I realized what 0:31:58.170 --> 0:32:02.850 it was. I kind of went into I suppose organization mode. 0:32:02.890 --> 0:32:04.650 I was like, Okay, well I need to get out 0:32:04.690 --> 0:32:07.610 of this relationship. I can't have them living with me anymore. 0:32:08.210 --> 0:32:09.810 We are not going to wait until five am to 0:32:09.890 --> 0:32:12.170 drive back. This is a five hours away from where 0:32:12.170 --> 0:32:14.330 we lived. So I was like, I'm going to be 0:32:14.330 --> 0:32:16.850 stuck in a car off this person for five hours. 0:32:17.730 --> 0:32:20.330 So I packed our bags up while he's asleep. I 0:32:20.370 --> 0:32:25.090 took the keys off his key change for the apartment. 0:32:26.010 --> 0:32:28.570 I think I put most of the things in the car. 0:32:29.090 --> 0:32:33.130 I took screenshots on my phone of all of the messages, 0:32:34.290 --> 0:32:37.450 and I was just like, I need to make sure 0:32:37.490 --> 0:32:39.610 I have proved so you can't deny it. So I 0:32:39.690 --> 0:32:42.090 like got it all organized and then I woke them up. 0:32:42.370 --> 0:32:44.130 I was like, you need to tell me again who 0:32:44.210 --> 0:32:47.450 is optis? And he went, I've told you and I 0:32:47.610 --> 0:32:49.970 said who was Optis? And he went on to his 0:32:50.050 --> 0:32:53.410 phone and he was He was like scrolling through the messages, 0:32:53.410 --> 0:32:57.570 where's opteras. I was like, Steve, I know, and then 0:32:57.570 --> 0:33:00.010 he smiles at me and he goes, you went on 0:33:00.010 --> 0:33:05.210 my iPad. I forgot to erase them from there. Oh 0:33:05.330 --> 0:33:09.730 my god. Yeah. That was his first reaction was the 0:33:09.770 --> 0:33:13.370 smile at the fact that he'd forgotten or he'd been caught. 0:33:13.810 --> 0:33:17.290 The smile shook me to my core. But he was like, 0:33:17.330 --> 0:33:20.530 I'm so sorry. Do you want to talk about it? 0:33:20.570 --> 0:33:22.370 And I said, yes, I want to talk about it. 0:33:23.050 --> 0:33:27.490 He goes, okay, well, I've had an addiction to this 0:33:27.650 --> 0:33:31.610 for a very long time. I thought when we first 0:33:31.770 --> 0:33:35.170 met that you were going to be the love of 0:33:35.170 --> 0:33:39.170 my life, and I stopped my addiction for the first 0:33:39.290 --> 0:33:43.130 I think it was three months, and then when I 0:33:43.210 --> 0:33:47.450 realized that you weren't the one for me, I decided 0:33:47.490 --> 0:33:52.170 to go back to it. He told me that he'd 0:33:52.170 --> 0:33:54.930 lost the feelings for me, and just before we moved 0:33:54.930 --> 0:33:59.730 in together. So for me to hear that basically us 0:33:59.770 --> 0:34:03.210 moving in and living together was all it felt like 0:34:03.250 --> 0:34:06.250 I was being used. That it was like I was 0:34:06.290 --> 0:34:10.330 a convenient way to get to where he wanted to be, 0:34:10.650 --> 0:34:13.530 and that you know, he could skip frints sometimes and 0:34:13.530 --> 0:34:15.650 he would get free food. And I felt very much 0:34:16.210 --> 0:34:18.250 in that moment like I have just been taken for 0:34:18.330 --> 0:34:22.450 a ride. Obviously I'm in tears. Well, we're having this conversation. 0:34:22.930 --> 0:34:25.650 I'm saying, I don't understand. You're telling me that you've 0:34:25.690 --> 0:34:30.210 got this sex addiction and specific sex work addiction and 0:34:30.250 --> 0:34:32.250 porn addiction, and I'm like, but you have had a 0:34:32.290 --> 0:34:36.450 girlfriend who adores you, like worship the ground you walk on, 0:34:36.530 --> 0:34:39.850 being like, let's go in there thebe and you're like, oh, 0:34:40.210 --> 0:34:45.250 rather not like I don't understand. He tried to explain 0:34:45.290 --> 0:34:48.810 it away. He wasn't very apologetic, which really shocked me 0:34:49.290 --> 0:34:53.170 because I wanted a human response and it was frustrating 0:34:53.210 --> 0:34:55.730 me that I couldn't get it. So there was a 0:34:55.730 --> 0:34:57.570 lot of I feel like, I just want you to 0:34:57.610 --> 0:35:01.330 act human. You have done something awful. I want you 0:35:01.370 --> 0:35:03.130 to cry, I want you to feel bad about what 0:35:03.170 --> 0:35:06.330 you've done, Like what you have done is always like, yeah, 0:35:06.330 --> 0:35:08.130 it's the most hopeful thing I've ever done to someone. 0:35:08.170 --> 0:35:10.650 To be honest, he was like, but I kind of 0:35:11.250 --> 0:35:13.330 I kin'd. I wanted to get caught because I didn't 0:35:13.370 --> 0:35:15.930 know how long I could keep doing this. I mean, 0:35:15.930 --> 0:35:18.090 that was probably the hardest part. I know, all of 0:35:18.090 --> 0:35:20.730 this is horrible, but that was one of the harder 0:35:20.770 --> 0:35:24.130 parts for me. Was because you know what, sex work 0:35:24.370 --> 0:35:27.090 is an addiction that quite a lot of guys have. 0:35:27.530 --> 0:35:30.970 So no, I wouldn't have stayed with him in any way, 0:35:31.010 --> 0:35:36.170 shape or form, but I did love him, and once 0:35:36.210 --> 0:35:38.850 I had kind of gotten through everything, if i'd seen 0:35:38.970 --> 0:35:44.210 like genuine breakdown, fears, emotions, I'm terrified I keep doing this. 0:35:44.890 --> 0:35:47.610 If it had like shown me some like I'm so vulnerable. 0:35:47.690 --> 0:35:50.490 I've been making this mistake for a very long time, 0:35:51.210 --> 0:35:53.490 throwing me honesty, throwing me that I would have been like, 0:35:53.530 --> 0:35:55.970 you know what, I will help you through this, but 0:35:56.090 --> 0:35:58.690 as a friend or in a different capacity that I'm 0:35:58.730 --> 0:36:00.250 not going to be here as your girlfriend, but you 0:36:00.330 --> 0:36:03.090 need help. I appear to be the only person in 0:36:03.130 --> 0:36:05.690 your life who knows about this and so if you 0:36:05.770 --> 0:36:08.370 want me to help your bloody help you. But the 0:36:08.410 --> 0:36:11.450 fact that it was just like, h well I've been 0:36:11.450 --> 0:36:16.130 called now, like that swap of personalities. I didn't know 0:36:16.130 --> 0:36:20.810 who I'd been living with. Well, we jumped in the car. Well, 0:36:20.930 --> 0:36:23.530 to be fair, I said we need to go, We 0:36:23.570 --> 0:36:26.330 need to go now, and he said I need more 0:36:26.370 --> 0:36:29.050 sleep before driving. And I said, well, I'm taking the car. 0:36:29.090 --> 0:36:31.530 Then he said, if you take the car, I will 0:36:31.530 --> 0:36:35.650 call the police and have you arrested for stealing the car. 0:36:36.490 --> 0:36:40.490 And I was like, I'm literally stuck five hours away 0:36:40.490 --> 0:36:42.850 from home. There is no public transport out here. I 0:36:42.890 --> 0:36:45.450 can't take the car because absolutely he would have called 0:36:45.490 --> 0:36:48.770 the police just to be like, I don't know, spiteful 0:36:48.770 --> 0:36:51.890 in that moment. So he slept for two hours while 0:36:51.930 --> 0:36:54.650 I sat in the bed next and I'm just I 0:36:54.650 --> 0:36:57.130 don't know, thinking, probably a bit of sobs here and there. 0:36:57.850 --> 0:37:01.450 But you could sleep. Yeah, that's another thing that's always creepy. 0:37:01.730 --> 0:37:06.330 You could sleep no conscience. The drive home was hell. 0:37:06.850 --> 0:37:09.290 Don't get being like, this is my hell loop. If 0:37:09.330 --> 0:37:10.890 I go to Hell, this is what I'm going to 0:37:10.930 --> 0:37:14.010 be reliving. They're sitting in a car do for these 0:37:14.050 --> 0:37:16.170 five hours. There are a couple of times where he 0:37:16.330 --> 0:37:18.370 was like, do you think we'd be able to work 0:37:18.450 --> 0:37:22.930 through this? And I said no. I did say, I 0:37:22.970 --> 0:37:26.450 was very vocal throughout is that cheating is my absolute 0:37:26.530 --> 0:37:29.890 no go. I don't mind if it kues or chay, 0:37:30.330 --> 0:37:34.130 it's a no go for me. So before we got 0:37:34.130 --> 0:37:37.250 home got home, I said like, I need you out today. 0:37:37.690 --> 0:37:39.810 I was like, like, my name's the only lease on 0:37:39.810 --> 0:37:42.850 the apartment. He moved in with me. He's got friends 0:37:42.890 --> 0:37:46.090 yet he doesn't have a full apartment of stuff. But 0:37:46.130 --> 0:37:49.410 I was like, look, you need to move out today. 0:37:49.530 --> 0:37:52.730 He's like, okay, it's that good. And then we walked 0:37:52.770 --> 0:37:55.970 upstairs to the apartment and I saw that he was 0:37:55.970 --> 0:37:57.970 bringing his bag in and I was like, what are 0:37:57.970 --> 0:38:01.730 you doing. You have a higher car until three it 0:38:01.810 --> 0:38:05.890 is now eight am, Like you can just put what 0:38:05.970 --> 0:38:09.050 you can fit into the high car, drop it to friends, 0:38:09.090 --> 0:38:11.530 come get the rest. Do they? And he was like okay? 0:38:12.330 --> 0:38:16.450 And then he went to use the bathroom and then 0:38:16.570 --> 0:38:19.010 just left with all of his things there and I 0:38:19.050 --> 0:38:21.970 was like, he didn't take anything with him, and I 0:38:22.010 --> 0:38:25.050 called him. I was like, look, Steve, you've got all 0:38:25.090 --> 0:38:27.930 of these things now in my apartment. You have to 0:38:27.970 --> 0:38:31.330 be out today and you can't just expect me to 0:38:31.450 --> 0:38:34.210 be able to move everything out in a day, And 0:38:34.250 --> 0:38:37.530 I said, I can. This is not an amicable breakup. 0:38:37.850 --> 0:38:40.690 We are not breaking up because it didn't work out. 0:38:40.730 --> 0:38:43.450 We didn't see eye to eye. Paths are going in 0:38:43.490 --> 0:38:46.690 separate directions. We are breaking up because you have been 0:38:46.770 --> 0:38:52.090 cheating on me consistently for the last what seven months 0:38:52.130 --> 0:38:56.970 of our relationship, and you've been paying for it, which 0:38:57.050 --> 0:39:00.170 was a massive rub with all the money issues that 0:39:00.210 --> 0:39:03.170 we had been having. I asked him one of the 0:39:03.250 --> 0:39:05.770 questions on that five hour car ride was how much 0:39:05.810 --> 0:39:09.610 did this cost? And he said one hundred and forty 0:39:09.610 --> 0:39:12.930 dollars And I said for how long? It's like for 0:39:12.970 --> 0:39:15.890 an hour? It was like for half an hour, so 0:39:16.290 --> 0:39:20.650 two hundred and eighty dollars an hour, and then going 0:39:20.690 --> 0:39:23.490 for two hours and going for that much a week. 0:39:24.050 --> 0:39:28.130 He is spending a fortune, like his rent was one 0:39:28.210 --> 0:39:31.690 hundred and seventy. It did make me feel icky. It 0:39:31.730 --> 0:39:33.530 was one of the things that I said to him 0:39:34.410 --> 0:39:40.210 was that he basically made me fund his addiction, and 0:39:40.250 --> 0:39:41.490 he was like, what do you mean. I was like, 0:39:42.130 --> 0:39:45.490 because I was paying for your accommodation and your food 0:39:45.610 --> 0:39:48.450 and your everything, so you could afford that. I was 0:39:48.490 --> 0:39:52.170 funding you cheating on me, like you were basically making 0:39:52.170 --> 0:39:53.850 me pay for it, because if you were paying for 0:39:53.890 --> 0:39:56.610 those things yourself, you wouldn't have been able to afford 0:39:56.650 --> 0:40:00.290 to go. So that you made me fund my own cheating. 0:40:00.810 --> 0:40:02.810 It was a lot to try to reckon with, let 0:40:02.890 --> 0:40:05.970 alone try to move on from. She was sick, confused, 0:40:06.010 --> 0:40:08.490 and so hurt because at the end of the day 0:40:08.650 --> 0:40:11.450 she had loved him, so she was heartbroken. On top 0:40:11.490 --> 0:40:13.770 of all, I don't think I ate for like six 0:40:13.890 --> 0:40:14.410 days straight. 0:40:14.810 --> 0:40:19.410 I was just hollow. I couldn't feel. And also I 0:40:19.450 --> 0:40:23.170 couldn't drink like normally, if something I have a bad day, 0:40:23.210 --> 0:40:25.490 give me a glass of wine. I couldn't even like 0:40:25.610 --> 0:40:27.930 people like get drunk, it'll make you feel better. I 0:40:27.930 --> 0:40:31.130 couldn't stomach the idea of having a glass of wine 0:40:31.250 --> 0:40:34.210 or a drink at all. He didn't pack up his stuff. 0:40:34.490 --> 0:40:36.570 I had to pack it up. He didn't come back 0:40:37.450 --> 0:40:40.050 till about three days later. I said, look, I'm just 0:40:40.090 --> 0:40:41.530 gonna put it in the lobby. We've got like a 0:40:41.570 --> 0:40:44.370 locked area in the lobby. And I was like, put 0:40:44.370 --> 0:40:47.010 in the lobby ring up and I'll let you in 0:40:47.050 --> 0:40:49.570 and you can grab your stuff kind of thing. Three 0:40:49.610 --> 0:40:51.210 days later when he still wun't come pick it up, 0:40:51.250 --> 0:40:52.850 and he was like, if you leave my things in 0:40:52.890 --> 0:40:55.490 the lobby, I will call the police and say that 0:40:55.530 --> 0:41:00.010 it's been stolen. He was very much getting into like 0:41:00.170 --> 0:41:03.690 on the offensive. So I would bring it up and 0:41:03.690 --> 0:41:06.930 then drop it back down and then eventually got it. All. 0:41:06.970 --> 0:41:09.210 I found when I was cleaning out all of his 0:41:09.330 --> 0:41:13.170 things a bag full of pocket puts it, like seven 0:41:13.250 --> 0:41:15.530 of them. And I think it was such a shock 0:41:15.570 --> 0:41:18.890 as well because of the sex, because he seemed so 0:41:19.090 --> 0:41:22.930 low sexual that I'm finding these, like these sex toys 0:41:23.050 --> 0:41:26.570 and finding out on this. Actually, on the last day, 0:41:27.050 --> 0:41:29.530 we had flights booked to go to New Zealand in 0:41:29.570 --> 0:41:33.450 a month's time to see my family, and he wouldn't 0:41:33.450 --> 0:41:38.170 give me my flight details because we'd booked it under 0:41:38.170 --> 0:41:40.450 one thing, and he wouldn't give me the flight details, 0:41:40.490 --> 0:41:42.130 And he was using that as a bargaining chip as 0:41:42.130 --> 0:41:45.010 to why I should store his things for longer. So 0:41:45.890 --> 0:41:48.050 when I found his old phone amongst his things that 0:41:48.090 --> 0:41:49.930 I was packing up, I was like, I plugged this 0:41:50.010 --> 0:41:52.130 and in charge it. I bet it's still attached to 0:41:52.170 --> 0:41:55.850 his email, and I'm just going to send myself the flights, 0:41:56.170 --> 0:41:59.370 like then, you can't hold that over me. And I 0:41:59.370 --> 0:42:02.050 got it plugged in, got it charged passwards the same 0:42:02.090 --> 0:42:04.330 as the current one, and oh my gosh, it was 0:42:04.330 --> 0:42:10.170 a treasure trove of information dating back to like twenty 0:42:10.370 --> 0:42:14.930 sixteen of visiting sex workers and he filmed them, and 0:42:15.010 --> 0:42:18.890 also he had lots of pictures of the ex girlfriends 0:42:18.930 --> 0:42:23.930 on there. I saw him once after that because we'd 0:42:23.930 --> 0:42:28.330 put our passports together for our New Zealand trip, and 0:42:28.650 --> 0:42:31.010 when I moved him out, I didn't realize his passport 0:42:31.050 --> 0:42:33.130 was with mine still, so we had to meet up 0:42:33.170 --> 0:42:37.370 to do the passport swap over. He seemed very angry 0:42:37.370 --> 0:42:40.850 at me for telling people, and I was like, why 0:42:40.850 --> 0:42:44.530 shouldn't I though, like if it was just your story, 0:42:44.530 --> 0:42:47.090 but you made it my story as well, it's my 0:42:47.170 --> 0:42:49.650 story to tell now because you got me involved. But 0:42:49.770 --> 0:42:52.810 he's still he was very much like well, I think 0:42:52.850 --> 0:42:56.290 he just so badly wanted to protect that image that 0:42:56.730 --> 0:42:59.410 he didn't matter what he had done. He'd been living 0:42:59.450 --> 0:43:01.610 with what he was doing for a very long time, 0:43:02.090 --> 0:43:03.770 so it wasn't as much of a shock to him 0:43:03.770 --> 0:43:06.530 as it was to me, but because it was new 0:43:06.530 --> 0:43:08.970 to me, I was like, no, I need to talk 0:43:09.010 --> 0:43:11.530 about this. It's going to help me to talk about this. 0:43:12.210 --> 0:43:14.010 And I think that he just holds so much anger 0:43:14.050 --> 0:43:16.570 over that that I should have just let him move 0:43:16.610 --> 0:43:19.650 on and let him try again with someone new without 0:43:19.890 --> 0:43:24.530 anyone knowing. It definitely dented my confidence. It's still dented now, 0:43:25.210 --> 0:43:29.330 but it is it's getting better because I think I've 0:43:29.370 --> 0:43:33.250 done so much research on it, read up about men 0:43:33.290 --> 0:43:36.130 who have come up who have these issues and the 0:43:36.170 --> 0:43:38.810 women who stand by them or don't, and like the 0:43:38.810 --> 0:43:41.650 effects that it has, and I think it is such 0:43:41.650 --> 0:43:45.410 an addiction, like it's not real life. I think because 0:43:45.450 --> 0:43:49.010 he'd been doing it for so long, a real relationship, 0:43:49.450 --> 0:43:51.530 not that it was boring, but just wasn't the same. 0:43:52.370 --> 0:43:55.490 I don't think it's any reflection on me or anyone 0:43:55.530 --> 0:43:58.530 else who's been through it. Like there will be times 0:43:58.570 --> 0:44:01.450 that I will still feel super self conscious and a 0:44:01.450 --> 0:44:04.090 bit low about it, and when I do sleep with 0:44:04.090 --> 0:44:06.930 someone again, like it'll be like a it's going to 0:44:06.970 --> 0:44:09.490 have to take my time this time, you know. But 0:44:09.650 --> 0:44:11.410 I think like at its crux and what my heart 0:44:12.090 --> 0:44:15.010 is that it's actually not a reflection. I mean without 0:44:15.050 --> 0:44:17.210 putting in any work. I think that it then makes 0:44:17.210 --> 0:44:20.210 it really hard to live a normal life. And I 0:44:20.250 --> 0:44:24.050 do feel sorry for him for that, like that's going 0:44:24.130 --> 0:44:27.930 to be a massive issue to overcome. I think that 0:44:28.410 --> 0:44:31.890 trust in your gut is so important. Like the intuition 0:44:32.210 --> 0:44:36.570 on women is insane. We have got it just naturally 0:44:36.570 --> 0:44:38.890 in us. And I think while I was happy and 0:44:38.970 --> 0:44:42.090 joyful and madly in love, there was something there that 0:44:42.170 --> 0:44:45.210 I knew was off. I knew something was I couldn't 0:44:45.210 --> 0:44:47.650 figure out what it was. And I think that I 0:44:47.730 --> 0:44:50.970 put these trivial little issues in place to kind of 0:44:51.050 --> 0:44:54.170 bury bury that emotion and be like, oh, it's just 0:44:54.170 --> 0:44:56.930 because of this. But I think trust your gut because 0:44:57.250 --> 0:45:00.650 it's never really wrong. I never thought he was a cheater. 0:45:01.170 --> 0:45:02.530 I was like, you know what, he's a pain in 0:45:02.530 --> 0:45:04.930 the ass and he needs to do the dishes more, 0:45:05.570 --> 0:45:08.210 but he's not a cheater. And I was like, oh 0:45:08.250 --> 0:45:10.210 my god, you can't be a cheater and not do 0:45:10.330 --> 0:45:16.250 the dishes like peck one. Yeah, I've gone on a 0:45:16.290 --> 0:45:19.850 few dates. I'm very cautious now. I feel like my 0:45:20.130 --> 0:45:23.290 red flag radar is so high that any little thing 0:45:23.770 --> 0:45:26.730 I'm like, that's a no. I'm so happy with everything 0:45:26.770 --> 0:45:30.250 else that I've got going on, and it's a massive 0:45:30.290 --> 0:45:33.370 bonus that I found out about this. We never had kids, 0:45:33.810 --> 0:45:36.210 we never got married, it was only a year into 0:45:36.210 --> 0:45:39.770 the relationship, could have been three easily. If that little 0:45:39.970 --> 0:45:42.650 thing haven't happened while we're watching a movie, I might 0:45:42.650 --> 0:45:44.210 not have found out for a very long time. So 0:45:45.010 --> 0:45:47.810 thank you, universe. Appreciate that. 0:46:04.850 --> 0:46:07.810 Everyone Has an X is a Minti Media production and 0:46:07.850 --> 0:46:10.770 proudly part of the Mum and Me Network. It's written 0:46:10.810 --> 0:46:14.410 and narrated by Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott. 0:46:14.690 --> 0:46:18.090 If you like We've heard, support the podcast by hitting subscribe, 0:46:18.210 --> 0:46:20.770 writing a review, and leaving us five stars. You can 0:46:20.810 --> 0:46:23.690 also follow us on Instagram and Everyone has an X 0:46:23.970 --> 0:46:25.770 And if you have a story you'd like to share, 0:46:25.850 --> 0:46:28.090 you can contact us at Everyone Has an ex at 0:46:28.090 --> 0:46:32.130 mintimedia dot com, dot you, or submissions at mamamea dot 0:46:32.130 --> 0:46:35.250 com dot you with the word submission in the subject field.