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Speaker 1: Hello, out louders, it is Jesse here. I am wishing
Speaker 1: you the marriest Christmas and happy Holidays to anyone who celebrates.
Speaker 1: Can you believe we are finally, finally here? The thing is,
Speaker 1: I don't know about you, out louders, but for some
Speaker 1: people this day can be underwhelming or overwhelming. There's a
Speaker 1: lot of stress, there's a lot of work, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of chaos, there's a lot of family dynamics, which
Speaker 1: is why wait this time last year, my twin sister
Speaker 1: Claara and I sat down and we decided to just
Speaker 1: write a list of all the things that needed to
Speaker 1: be canceled about Christmas. Look, we're not grinches. It's all
Speaker 1: for a bit of fun. But Claire at the time
Speaker 1: was ridiculously pregnant. Never had anyone been more pregnant. My
Speaker 1: daughter Luna was about five months old. We just had
Speaker 1: a lot to get off our chests. You get the picture.
Speaker 1: But our feelings about Christmas have not changed. So if
Speaker 1: you're feeling not that festive about Christmas, if you'd like
Speaker 1: to have a little bit of a laugh, a little
Speaker 1: bit of a winge with us on Christmas Day, then
Speaker 1: here is a little treat enjoy. Hello and welcome to Canceled,
Speaker 1: the podcast that looks at silly celebrity crimes and assigns
Speaker 1: charges and sentences to them so we can all move
Speaker 1: on with our lives. I'm Jesse Stevens and I'm joined
Speaker 1: by Claire Stephens. Claire, do you have a lazy girls
Speaker 1: story for us today? I do, and there's one I
Speaker 1: can relate to a lot at the moment. So this
Speaker 1: was to the email podcast at Mymaya dot com dot au.
Speaker 1: I hol if people are bothered as an email, that's
Speaker 1: by this, I know. And another thing is this email
Speaker 1: doesn't say like dear so and so, no straight enough,
Speaker 1: and it's not. It never kind of has caps no,
Speaker 1: it just says lazy girl story for you. Recently went
Speaker 1: to Bali for a girls trip. However, my friend Steph
Speaker 1: listener of the podcast Love Is Stair, was keen throughout
Speaker 1: the whole week to get her nails done. On the
Speaker 1: last day of our holiday, she was adamant to get
Speaker 1: her money petty because and I quote, I just want
Speaker 1: someone to cut my toenails because I can't be bothered
Speaker 1: doing it myself. She's a lazy girl. Now. The reason
Speaker 1: I can relate to this at the moment is because
Speaker 1: I physically I can't get down there. I mean, look,
Speaker 1: I can and steal it, just it feels like a
Speaker 1: long way and it is a lot cheaper in Bali,
Speaker 1: it is. I remember getting them done ai ones and
Speaker 1: they were like, oh, it's just take a second to dry,
Speaker 1: and I was like yeah. Anyway, I walked along the
Speaker 1: beach for weeks, I had sand and I was like, ah,
Speaker 1: should have listen. Well, I think getting a pedicure is
Speaker 1: the laziest girl thing ever, because pedicures are like cockroaches. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: they would stand anything like a nuclear apocalypse. Yeah. My pedicure,
Speaker 1: the one I have right now is from my wedding February.
Speaker 1: That's so bad and he's kind of grown out. But
Speaker 1: like the actual mail, polish has not munched. Look on
Speaker 1: today's episode, we're not during a celebrity. Oh, we're doing
Speaker 1: Christmas because Christmas needs to get canceled and real talk,
Speaker 1: it's the end of the ear. You're pregnant as fuck.
Speaker 1: I have a five month old. I'm really pregnant. Walking
Speaker 1: around the office, everyone just goes, whoa, you're very big,
Speaker 1: You're enormous, and we ran out of time to prep lazy.
Speaker 1: She's a lazy girl because this time of year, I mean,
Speaker 1: speaking of canceling things work for one, it keeps going
Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, we're not broken up yet. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: we're not breaking up till December twenty two. I don't understand.
Speaker 1: I checked out last week. Yeah, well, apparently we had
Speaker 1: to prep for this podcast. We only had a week
Speaker 1: warning and we turned up frazzled, and we had twelve
Speaker 1: minutes and we went we can't tell Telyssa, we haven't
Speaker 1: prepped te Lissa is our producer. She'll say to us,
Speaker 1: you had one job. So we were like, what can
Speaker 1: we do with not a lot of time? And I said,
Speaker 1: you know what I feel like canceling personally is Christmas.
Speaker 1: So we're going to do Christmas because and I quote me,
Speaker 1: this is my only note. We know the general story
Speaker 1: and this is mostly based on vibes and feelings, exclusively
Speaker 1: based on There will be no structure because it will
Speaker 1: only become apparent after the fact. Then there will probably
Speaker 1: be a struck that can be applied. It wasn't intentional.
Speaker 1: So without further ado your wine, bread nose, ludo, and
Speaker 1: this is just yeah, where Christmas special? Christmas is something
Speaker 1: that happens on the seven or twenty five. How you
Speaker 1: did a lot of research? Yes, since forever we think
Speaker 1: the Christ in Christmas comes from Jesus Christ, but we
Speaker 1: didn't fact check that, which brings me to my first problem.
Speaker 1: It's very gudy. It is it's quite religious, and that
Speaker 1: feels exclusionary. It feels exclusionary in that like it feels
Speaker 1: inclusive and that when I go to the shopping center,
Speaker 1: it feels like everyone wants me to buy things regardless
Speaker 1: of my religion, so I feel included that way. But
Speaker 1: then you listen to a hymn and it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: hark the angels sink, and it's like, well, what if
Speaker 1: I don't believe in angels? What then? Yeah? And then
Speaker 1: you go you look at people's Christmas decorations and there's reindeer,
Speaker 1: and I go brain deeer and not religious, but it's
Speaker 1: still some bullshit. But that's a different point. Okay, here
Speaker 1: are some of my notes. This is actually a really
Speaker 1: good one. People always say you have to catch up
Speaker 1: before it, and no, we don't. That's a great point.
Speaker 1: And it started to happen. It started to become very
Speaker 1: we must catch up before Christmas, and it's like what
Speaker 1: would happen if we didn't? And we just caught up
Speaker 1: in January. And what's really hard is that when people
Speaker 1: say that, got to see you before Christmas. We've got
Speaker 1: to go get lunch, get a coffee before Christmas, it's like, one,
Speaker 1: why yeah? And two how do you politely say I'm
Speaker 1: busy every day until then? How do you politely I
Speaker 1: don't want yeah, sorry, I'm not busy every day until then,
Speaker 1: but lightly say no to all of the day it's
Speaker 1: a trap, it's a prison. The lead up to Christmas
Speaker 1: is a prison. And then you find in the three
Speaker 1: weeks before Christmas like I'm going out to dinner to
Speaker 1: night with blah and your partner's like why, and it's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know a pre Christmas thing.
Speaker 1: I don't know. And then after Christmas there are these
Speaker 1: weeks you're very I'm so free.
Speaker 3: O'clock wall self pity for thirty Stan and the Shakes, thirty,
Speaker 3: dinner with me, seven o'clock, wrestle with myself lo then
Speaker 3: I'm booked.
Speaker 1: Look, families are weird, and Christmas really brings in to
Speaker 1: the spotlight families. You often have to spend Christmas Day
Speaker 1: with your family or a family a family. This year
Speaker 1: is the first slash only year in my life where
Speaker 1: I get to tap out of Christmas because I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be birthing a baby or having just birthed a baby.
Speaker 1: I thought you were still going to show up. Oh see,
Speaker 1: there's this weird pressure to still turn up. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm out. I'm not buying gifts, I'm not turning up,
Speaker 1: I'm not raising my can't bike Oh there is, Yes,
Speaker 1: there is. I'm bringing the New Jesus into the world. Okay,
Speaker 1: Now it did make me slightly nostalgic about all the
Speaker 1: people that I will miss. Yeap. So the thing about
Speaker 1: Christmas is that the moment you think your family might
Speaker 1: be normal, someone starts crying for no reason and hides
Speaker 1: in a push for four hours. Never is the madness
Speaker 1: of your family more apparent than on Christmas Day. So
Speaker 1: your worst comes out in people. Oh here are some
Speaker 1: people you might come across. So firstly, the nosy auntie.
Speaker 1: This person has been cooking since four thirty am. Yeah,
Speaker 1: their behavior could be attributed to that, all the fact
Speaker 1: they haven't slept in five weeks. But they're delusional. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they want to know why are you not married yet?
Speaker 1: And even though you've had a baby a week before. Yeah,
Speaker 1: come out quick, quick, and then I'm gonna judge you
Speaker 1: for that. Are also the one when you're a teenager
Speaker 1: who started yelling, what on earth have you been eating?
Speaker 1: Look at your skin? Yeah, chocolate, and it's like, actually,
Speaker 1: the research has been conducted. It's not chocolate, it's not hormons. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she tells you what she really thinks, and she goes
Speaker 1: to sleep standing up in the kitchen fully clothed at
Speaker 1: nine pm. Yeah, then they have toge. She treats a
Speaker 1: lot of wine. Then there's the train red cousin. Everyone
Speaker 1: loves a train rec cousin because it really takes a
Speaker 1: spotlight off you. Yes, and if sorry sorry, if you're
Speaker 1: like I don't have one, it's you. You are the
Speaker 1: train red cousin. We all love this person. They make
Speaker 1: us feel better by comparison. But they're lacking direction. Perhaps
Speaker 1: they've been in trouble with the law. They probably tried
Speaker 1: to get out of Christmas Day but their parents force them.
Speaker 1: They're negative in the group chat yeah or probably silent.
Speaker 1: And then someone, probably the nosey Auntie, offends them by
Speaker 1: asking something like, so you put your family through quite
Speaker 1: enough this year, haven't you. And that's not a question,
Speaker 1: that's a comment. Every year, the train reck cousin swears
Speaker 1: they're done. I'm not coming next year. Yeah, you watch
Speaker 1: I'm not only to one person. Yeah, And then that
Speaker 1: one person spreads it like wildfire after they've had two
Speaker 1: bottles of so the train rec cousin leads and they're
Speaker 1: just like, oh my god, Marie, they ain't come and
Speaker 1: be coming back. Why, Well, I'll tell you why. Because
Speaker 1: Joan's upset. Joan's in the kitchen standing up as sleeve.
Speaker 1: Then there's the Prodigy. Now the train rec cousin hates
Speaker 1: the Prodigy. Yes, the Prodigy is relatively indifferent to the training.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, so the Prodigy, no young person
Speaker 1: likes them.
Speaker 4: All.
Speaker 1: The young people are like ner yeah, and I reckon
Speaker 1: that the Prodigy can change year to years. Who's had
Speaker 1: the best year? Oh god? Yeah, And there's a contest
Speaker 1: in the leader who's going to be the Prodigy? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And they might have gotten an annoyingly high HC always
Speaker 1: following the atar. It's like, oh you know Ben got
Speaker 1: ninety nine Yeah, Mum told me, Yeah, Mum called, good
Speaker 1: for him. Or they've got a great career, or they've
Speaker 1: saved a beautiful rescue dog, or they volunteered in Africa
Speaker 1: for three years. You should see their home. Yeah. Or
Speaker 1: they're just very sweet and have like a floral dress
Speaker 1: and sensible shoes. Yeah yeah, and you're like, okay, I
Speaker 1: have pudding on my top and it's eleven am old.
Speaker 1: People love the Prodigy because that's what Christmas is for
Speaker 1: the Prodigy is for the old people on Christmas. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: they go, this is the youth, this is the next generation.
Speaker 1: Look at what we've done, look at what we've created.
Speaker 1: And it's like, you know, Jane's in a bush, but
Speaker 1: instead we look at the prodigy. Yeah. And the annoying
Speaker 1: thing is that you get in the car on the
Speaker 1: way home with your family and your mom says, why
Speaker 1: aren't you more like Francis And you're like, because no,
Speaker 1: but I almost like preempt it. I'll get in the
Speaker 1: car and just be like, Francis is pretty full of ourselves,
Speaker 1: Like I try and undermine Frances. She just planned to
Speaker 1: see Yeah, yeah, oh wow, France is a big noting ourselves.
Speaker 1: We want to know about people. The mom's like, what's
Speaker 1: actually wrong with you? Seriously being more like Francis. Then
Speaker 1: there's the sentimental old person and I reckon every year
Speaker 1: this person their emotions hit earlier and earlier because I reckon,
Speaker 1: I've turned up eleven am and they're like, oh look around,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I haven't had a coffin yet. This
Speaker 1: is a lot. So it's the fact seeing the family
Speaker 1: together gives them all the feelings at once, and it's
Speaker 1: often a grandparent They then start talking about the people
Speaker 1: who are no longer there to celebrate Chris. They want
Speaker 1: to do a speech about it, and it's really true
Speaker 1: and it's really important. Does it bring down the fi
Speaker 1: because there are little kids who are like, where am
Speaker 1: I presents? They've got this misty eyed old person who's
Speaker 1: just like I missed the love of my life. And
Speaker 1: they's like, Tom just open and he's pressing like he's
Speaker 1: opening them all under the trains and it's making noises exactly,
Speaker 1: it's really loud. Then there's a conservative uncle.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you go woke, you go broke.
Speaker 1: This is the know about climate change. So I don't
Speaker 1: know about them refugees no, okay, yeah, yeah, because you
Speaker 1: don't know who's here. He's got some thoughts on the
Speaker 1: referendum and he'll share them. Yes, he thinks political correctness
Speaker 1: has gone too far. People tiptoe around him until around
Speaker 1: five pm and then you just start to stirshey. You
Speaker 1: just start going, hey, if you don't believe in climate change,
Speaker 1: why you got a tesla? And he's like he just
Speaker 1: loses it hot today, isn't it? Yeah? Unseasonably, wouldn't you say?
Speaker 1: The conservative uncle is particularly hard to buy for because
Speaker 1: he has everything, has everything, he has everything. He's made
Speaker 1: good money, he's made it in business. Yeah, what he
Speaker 1: has done is for forty five years he's burned fossil.
Speaker 1: No one knows for what, No one knows what product
Speaker 1: he's created. But he's made a motster. He has challenging
Speaker 1: the environment. And we all go, we all bag the
Speaker 1: contre we open our presents, and he's given everyone a
Speaker 1: cheeky hundred. You go, you know what, that's gonna save
Speaker 1: my year? We used to say sometimes with the rich uncle,
Speaker 1: you go, I've really factored that into Christmas spending. You
Speaker 1: go out and you go to buy something. There you go,
Speaker 1: like one hundred and fifty on the back burner waiting
Speaker 1: for me. And then if one year they decide not
Speaker 1: to give it out, my budget's thrown. But this money,
Speaker 1: it's from fossil fuels. Yeah, well, sharing your spoils, please
Speaker 1: share the stranger. Oh, now, we don't know if this
Speaker 1: is This isn't every family, every family, but every Christmas
Speaker 1: Day we turn up and there's a person there and
Speaker 1: we think, I've never seen you before in my life.
Speaker 1: I don't believe I'll ever see you again. And just
Speaker 1: to bigly. They're not a partner. No, No, they turn
Speaker 1: up either really early or really late, sometimes really late,
Speaker 1: and you go, you've wan bity in off the street.
Speaker 1: You've seen there's a party and it's Christmas. We have
Speaker 1: to be polite. Yeah, there is someone at our Christmas.
Speaker 1: Basically it was our auntie was marriage and then they
Speaker 1: got divorced and then he got remarried, so really already
Speaker 1: it was like should you be here? But she kind
Speaker 1: of still comes that man has died, so she is
Speaker 1: so the new partner of our auntie sex who is
Speaker 1: no longer with us. Yeah. Literally in June, starts writing
Speaker 1: on Facebook walls, Yeah, see you at Christmas, and it's
Speaker 1: like I don't know how to undo this. No, but
Speaker 1: you'll be here at ten thirty and it doesn't start
Speaker 1: till one. And the thing is that the stranger always
Speaker 1: gets a prosen gets a present, brings nothing. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: doesn't bring a plate. You're like, who thought of that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and ask things. Well, yeah, the stranger will often be
Speaker 1: like anything for a Celia, And it's like beggars cannot
Speaker 1: be two shoes. And I'd say, why didn't you share
Speaker 1: your dietaries? But you weren't invite No, you couldn't get
Speaker 1: her head's up. Then there's the awkward date. They want out.
Speaker 1: They don't remember signing up for this. They're like, my
Speaker 1: family's not like this, and they're like congrats. Yeah, they're
Speaker 1: like why are you here? And they're like, what's with
Speaker 1: the auntie who keeps asking really personal questions? Okay, well
Speaker 1: she's our one, only we may make fun of her.
Speaker 1: And he's like, what about the guy who's in the bushes?
Speaker 1: Be they well? And this sucks after the Prodigy and
Speaker 1: it's like, you know nothing, you don't understand the dynamics,
Speaker 1: and we asked the Prodigy no questions about the h
Speaker 1: then sure even no, no, man, mama not asking for
Speaker 1: your atil mate. Everyone saw it on Facebook. The awkward
Speaker 1: date probably feels judged because they're actively being judged by
Speaker 1: everybody there. That is the point. Even the sentimental old person. Yes, especially,
Speaker 1: but you think it's quite nice. Then the person leaves
Speaker 1: and they're like, no, no, I didn't know about that.
Speaker 1: And it's always something like I do like a haircut, yeah,
Speaker 1: or like I picked up on a sadness and you're like,
Speaker 1: oh really, Yeah, they're always right, but they are the
Speaker 1: people who come to Christmas. And that's a big reason
Speaker 1: why Christmas is canceled because it's chaos. It's absolute chaos,
Speaker 1: and I hate and this has happened with our Christmas
Speaker 1: on one side of our family. Oh, only the kids
Speaker 1: get presents. Well, I didn't agree to that. I actually didn't,
Speaker 1: and you didn't put this down for a vote, but
Speaker 1: someone said it, and it is immature, argumentature and shameful
Speaker 1: to go no, I want a present, as a thirty
Speaker 1: three year old woman to say, I want a present,
Speaker 1: and I want it to be a specific type of present,
Speaker 1: almost like a toy, Like I want it to be
Speaker 1: something I can enjoy on the day. So what happens
Speaker 1: is we all sit around smiling as the kids and
Speaker 1: it's like out of light lego and then you sit
Speaker 1: down and go, oh, can I help you with that? No,
Speaker 1: I'm putting together the Tyrannosaurus Rex and it's like it's
Speaker 1: Christmas afternoon. I have nothing to play with it.
Speaker 3: This happened.
Speaker 1: That's articulous. It is so unfair, just another thing about
Speaker 1: actual Christmas day. Things are closed and wrying to get
Speaker 1: a I need a coffee to my bird at really
Speaker 1: hard it's a normal day. What else on age the
Speaker 1: last minute? Christmas? No, you know what, we've worked as
Speaker 1: lazy girls. We've worked out even actually no, no, I
Speaker 1: always do like an online thing that I can print
Speaker 1: for that I've got print No, no, no. My hack
Speaker 1: is this and it has been for years and years
Speaker 1: and years. But I've actually got too lazy. But Christmas Eve,
Speaker 1: the shops are open and actually most people haven't left
Speaker 1: it to the last minute. Yeah, lazy girls have free roam,
Speaker 1: you do, and every now and then they've actually started
Speaker 1: the boxing late. So you go it's that late and
Speaker 1: you're like, yeah, oh everybody, Oh, were you shopping on
Speaker 1: December sixteenth? Because I wasn't. I was doing nothing. Now
Speaker 1: I've got a deal on the three gifts that were
Speaker 1: left in the shopping center. And the adrenaline means I'm
Speaker 1: making very fast decisions, okay, And I miss the memo
Speaker 1: about who's buying for who, and I've overdone it, actually
Speaker 1: overdone it, and I don't have any craving pa. One
Speaker 1: thing I thought in the lead up to Christmas, because
Speaker 1: Christmas is not just the day, it is a season,
Speaker 1: is that it's a sensory assault. Walking around at night
Speaker 1: with the Christmas lights, with you know, and music, the carols,
Speaker 1: the everything is so so offensive and you just want
Speaker 1: to go. I know that you've put a reindeer with
Speaker 1: kind of white fluff in your front yard. It's forty degrees.
Speaker 1: I've never seen a reindeer here. This is really confusing.
Speaker 1: There's a lack of coherence around what we're telling ourselves
Speaker 1: about all the Christmas carols, Christmas Baby, it's cold outside,
Speaker 1: it's really hot. We do go waste on screen. And
Speaker 1: you've got to have a pool. Yeah, having Christmas somewhere
Speaker 1: without a pool is an absolute crime, an absolute crime
Speaker 1: for lazy girls. The admin involved in Christmas Tree in
Speaker 1: Christmas Tree, I was actually gonna say that because this year,
Speaker 1: for the first time, and I think it is because
Speaker 1: I'm with child, I've thought, shall we Christmas tree as
Speaker 1: our own independent adult and that Christmas tree? Your Christmas
Speaker 1: tree is not a Christmas It's tiny, fifty bar it's tiny,
Speaker 1: and it sits on like a little tape in your house. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I just wanted to smell like Christmas. I thought
Speaker 1: for Luna. It doesn't really smell like it's like a
Speaker 1: Luna sized Christmas tree it's tiny. But the thing about
Speaker 1: a Christmas tree is it's like, you get it, it
Speaker 1: gets a few weeks use it's dead, and then it's
Speaker 1: like where do I bin it? And then you've got
Speaker 1: to decorate it? Where are the decorations? I've been thinking
Speaker 1: about that I don't know wish and that does bring
Speaker 1: me to Santa is handsy because I was in the
Speaker 1: shopping center and I saw a little thing set up
Speaker 1: and I went, oh, I've got to get a photo
Speaker 1: with a luna, like that's really really cute. And then
Speaker 1: I went, now, he's a bit handsy, and it's almost
Speaker 1: like that's part of his brand. I sit on my
Speaker 1: lap and tell me what presents you want. Just doesn't
Speaker 1: like snacks out and like a beer, so he's a
Speaker 1: drunk wait a beer out for Santa. I just feel
Speaker 1: like it's happened. I feel like he likes a beer,
Speaker 1: no milk and cookies and stuff. See what's happened in
Speaker 1: our family is that our cousin Simon, who we've talked
Speaker 1: about before, he has a disability and he just makes
Speaker 1: Christmas so much fun. But every year he dresses up
Speaker 1: as Santa. But the problem is that it's woolen bloody.
Speaker 1: He gets so hot and you just see him now.
Speaker 1: He kind of puts it on beca. It's a bit
Speaker 1: of fun, and then it's like it's too hot. This
Speaker 1: is a work held in safety issue because this man's
Speaker 1: gonna faint. Every time somebody tries to be Santa, they
Speaker 1: regret it. They regret it immediately because they're handing out
Speaker 1: gifts with panting children. Give me my gift, and there's
Speaker 1: just a lot of sweat and energy in the room.
Speaker 1: There's not a lot of ventilation. There's a lot of
Speaker 1: Like Santa takes his outfit off. That outfit. I'm not
Speaker 1: saying Simon's outfit, but that ot fits fucking stamped because
Speaker 1: it's just got sweat and like children's spittle on it.
Speaker 1: It's far, far too much. Speaking of sweat, Mum always
Speaker 1: has a sweaty upper lip, which is a sign of impatience.
Speaker 1: Impatience because she's made something like, say a salad and
Speaker 1: she said, put this in the back seat way there,
Speaker 1: and I go, I've rested my foot in the salad,
Speaker 1: and I know Mum's gonna screen. She's really, she's really
Speaker 1: at her wits end. Yeah, it's been always left something
Speaker 1: at home and one year we left Nan. We did.
Speaker 1: We nearly got there and we were like, we've left Nan.
Speaker 1: She need to go back and get her and she
Speaker 1: was like, did you leave me? All the lights were
Speaker 1: off and we were like no, we were just sleeping.
Speaker 1: Christmas Ry Christmas. But that's another thing, is the gender
Speaker 1: inequality of Christmas and the mental load, because that was
Speaker 1: actually what made me think of Christmas in the first
Speaker 1: place as something to cancel. Yeah, because it is women
Speaker 1: who are the ones who constantly have to think of
Speaker 1: all the presents, all the food, where will it be?
Speaker 1: And then at the end of the day, the men
Speaker 1: are like, we'll move back the furniture and they make
Speaker 1: this sep people are moving like a table and all
Speaker 1: the men are like, we'll move the table. And it's
Speaker 1: like what food was on that table and all the
Speaker 1: presents and like, no, how Auntie has collapsed in the
Speaker 1: kitchen from making all that food. She's not okay Christmas food.
Speaker 1: The spies ham with flies with flies because the thing
Speaker 1: is it's too hot for meat and so anything you
Speaker 1: have is covered in flies. I'm not a prawn person,
Speaker 1: but when did we all accept that when we ate prawns.
Speaker 1: We'd have bowls of water on the table where we
Speaker 1: dipped our dirty fishy little fingers during COVID, and then
Speaker 1: keep peeling the prawn And then someone's always like, I
Speaker 1: ate the head, I ate the poos, I ate the eyes,
Speaker 1: Yah yah, God, just have chicken eyes meal. Why should
Speaker 1: we do this? Oh? For a year, it's fits revolting.
Speaker 1: But the thing is, with all this said, lots of
Speaker 1: reason to cancel Christmas. I woke you're looking forward to it. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: It's my favorite time of I love it. I said
Speaker 1: to my partner, Hey, I'm recording a podcast in seven
Speaker 1: minutes about Christmas. You're Jewish? Anything to add? And he said, no,
Speaker 1: I'm not offended by Christmas. I'm Jewish. I'm not offended.
Speaker 1: And I went, well, there you go. The thing is,
Speaker 1: I love a present. I've always loved a present. I've
Speaker 1: always got bad presence from my mum, who, over the
Speaker 1: years I believe was trolling me. But now I look
Speaker 1: back on it and I go, no. She had four
Speaker 1: kids under two and a half. It was actually a
Speaker 1: really stressful time. And then she had one kid cry
Speaker 1: for Christmas morning and go, you don't know me, and
Speaker 1: that was coping until I was twenty nine. Top contenders
Speaker 1: for bad presents for you include a blender. A blender definitely,
Speaker 1: But then she started trolling me, like the year that
Speaker 1: I wanted nice bras from Bras and Things. So she
Speaker 1: got me like a thing that had the Bras and
Speaker 1: Things logo, and then I opened it and was the
Speaker 1: ugliest dressing gown and I was like, is this funny, dude?
Speaker 1: Is this funny? You're money money? And I go, I
Speaker 1: want this perfume and she'd be like, well, how about
Speaker 1: this fake one I got from this stupid shop. And
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I'm not gonna wear it, So
Speaker 1: joke's on us. I don't get it. Jack and the
Speaker 1: our brothers they get a present like me, you mum, yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's three candles, but they don't think to remove
Speaker 1: this chicken that's like three ft one guys. Come on.
Speaker 1: Another thing that comes up at Christmas that I do
Speaker 1: want to talk about is Christmas move I can't do them.
Speaker 1: I can do love.
Speaker 4: Actually, whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world,
Speaker 4: I think about the arrivals gate at Hethrow Airport. Seems
Speaker 4: to me that love is everywhere.
Speaker 3: Often it's not particularly dignified or he.
Speaker 4: Was worthy, but it's always there, fathers and sons, mothers
Speaker 4: and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. If
Speaker 4: you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling, you'll
Speaker 4: find that love actually is all around and.
Speaker 1: I can do absolutely no, that's a league of its own.
Speaker 1: But the whole genre of like, I watch Christmas movie
Speaker 1: every day and Christmas. The weird thing about me is
Speaker 1: that I do actually watch it. So Netflix has all
Speaker 1: those like a Christmas Prince, a Christmas Prince too, et cetera.
Speaker 1: Isn't it always just like someone going back to their
Speaker 1: home town for Christmas and they rediscover an old love.
Speaker 1: There's snow and not always tay kiss on Christmas. Absolutely correct,
Speaker 1: And so that is my criticism that we have the
Speaker 1: same plot that we get away with because it's about
Speaker 1: Christmas and Australia's tried to do it in the heat,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh no, no, no, oh, not the same vibe. No,
Speaker 1: it's got to have the snow and the snowy outfits.
Speaker 1: Lindsay Lohan did a Christmas movie.
Speaker 3: When people look at me, all they see is the
Speaker 3: spoiled daughter of the Hotel Magnet.
Speaker 1: I'm coming then coming in. I just want people to
Speaker 1: remember me from more than my last names. They are
Speaker 1: so so, so bad and I'm sick. And we've said
Speaker 1: it before. I mean, this is something that's come up
Speaker 1: a lot, is the cancelation of the Christmas album. Well,
Speaker 1: your career's in the toilet. You can't just record Silent Night. No.
Speaker 1: I think that we're gonna move on from it, because
Speaker 1: Michael boublaz self pointed King of Chrisman coming out of
Speaker 1: his cave, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Speaker 1: I don't like it because we've said he's trying to
Speaker 1: own something that isn't his tone. It should be shared. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and Mum puts it on on Christmas and I have
Speaker 1: memories of tension because she's sweating and stressed. Dad's moving
Speaker 1: furniture frantically that doesn't need to be moved. I've got
Speaker 1: a ship present, I'm crying and Michael Boublair is going bells.
Speaker 1: Then you're shut up, Michael Boublay, why we're listening to
Speaker 1: an album? Because even now someone has a stereo and
Speaker 1: there's an album playing, and it's like, do we not
Speaker 1: have a Spotify Yeah, no, someone has a physical CD.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I got a Christmas album from Sanity, Like,
Speaker 1: where did you get that Christmas album? Why are we
Speaker 1: going to play one?
Speaker 3: Maria?
Speaker 1: I know she's the nulmbour one. She is the queen
Speaker 1: of Christmas. But there will be think about who's not
Speaker 1: had a very good year. I mean we probably haven't
Speaker 1: even seen it, but there'll be launches of Christmas album.
Speaker 1: Oh I have recorded a Christmas album. Oh there's something
Speaker 1: I didn't as it already exists. I can access every
Speaker 1: Christmas song ever written on Spotify immediately, which actually, now
Speaker 1: that you say it, what we're really getting to is
Speaker 1: Christmas can feel repeated. Oh my god. Maybe that's why
Speaker 1: children try and gate keep it, because it's like for adults,
Speaker 1: it comes around and you're like, this is a lot.
Speaker 1: We just did it. Yeah. Yeah, and even like Christmas
Speaker 1: concerts and like if you go to church and they
Speaker 1: do the Nativity plan, yeah, and you think seen it.
Speaker 1: I've seen it. I know how it ends. I know
Speaker 1: how it ends. Yeah, and you're gonna tell me again,
Speaker 1: and then we're gonna do a Carolyn the Domain type thing,
Speaker 1: kissing carols and it's like it's not better or worse
Speaker 1: than I've ever had it before. It's incredibly similar. It
Speaker 1: does need a freshen up. I think we need a
Speaker 1: new love. Actually, that's a good point. I'd be watching
Speaker 1: that every yeah. Yeah, and the holiday and Amanda.
Speaker 3: Are in exactly the same place.
Speaker 1: Where do I want to go by myself depressed at Christmas?
Speaker 3: Just six thousand miles apart?
Speaker 2: That makes sense. We switch houses, cars, everything big.
Speaker 1: I need you to answer this.
Speaker 3: Are there any men in your town?
Speaker 1: The holiday is brilliant, it's brilliant. Yeah, absolute masterpiece. But
Speaker 1: I do think we need more variety because we're settling
Speaker 1: some terrible art when it comes to Christmas. That's why
Speaker 1: people get grinchy.
Speaker 3: Cheer up, dude, that's Christmas, Jesse.
Speaker 1: It's time for charges and sentences. My only charge for
Speaker 1: Christmas is that we do seem to reserve the joy
Speaker 1: of it for children and start gatekeeping. So, as you
Speaker 1: said at the beginning, I would argue strongly, Christmas isn't
Speaker 1: just for the children. And that thing is weird. And
Speaker 1: I don't know why we start acting like we're too
Speaker 1: good for Christmas. We do so like we've grown out
Speaker 1: of it. No, so you always make fun of the
Speaker 1: kid after lunch, He's like presence, presence, presence, No, that
Speaker 1: saying what we are all thinking, and that's why you
Speaker 1: plan to seed. I go after the loudest, naughtiest kid. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I go, oh, you know, I heard they don't
Speaker 1: want to do presents till dinner and they I've been there,
Speaker 1: going pres present. Let's start a chat. Let's start a chat.
Speaker 1: And so I just think we do gatekeeper and we
Speaker 1: pretend we're too good for it. Oh, we won't do
Speaker 1: presence for adults. My charge for Christmas is really all
Speaker 1: the above, and my sentence is presence for adults. Yeah. Absolutely, money,
Speaker 1: not like, oh we'll do a little silly Chris Kringle
Speaker 1: that eighty bucks.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: I know they can't living crisis, but I want something nice.
Speaker 1: Oh silly, let's do silly. No. I want you to
Speaker 1: think about me on one day of your life, and
Speaker 1: I will go at midnight the night the night before,
Speaker 1: and I will find a boxing nearly boxing day sale
Speaker 1: where even no, my sentences stop, the gate keeping stop.
Speaker 1: Christmas is for everyone. I love that. Yeah, what a
Speaker 1: beautiful festive message. Look, thank you so much for joining
Speaker 1: us on this episode of Canceled. We want to know
Speaker 1: your like, whether you want to cancel Christmas, what your
Speaker 1: reasons are for canceling Christmas. We should put like a
Speaker 1: box up on our Instagram. It's just like reasons to
Speaker 1: cancel Christmas. Follow us on Instagram. We will have a
Speaker 1: link in our show notes. Canceled is produced by Telsapezas.
Speaker 1: Who's just us, the lack of structure, the lack of
Speaker 1: work we went into. Since we're sorrys did you just
Speaker 1: rant about Christmas?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yep, pretty much. Yes, checked out, Delisa. We have checked
Speaker 1: out out and you should too. Canceled has audio editing
Speaker 1: by Tom Lyon and we will be back next week.
Speaker 1: Bye out louders. I hope you enjoyed this episode and
Speaker 1: if you want more lolls over the summer break, that's
Speaker 1: very fortunate because Canceled is dropping lots of episodes over
Speaker 1: hot pod summer. Will pop a link in the show notes.
Speaker 1: We have plenty of mum Mia out Loud coming for
Speaker 1: you too, so make sure you follow us in your
Speaker 1: favorite podcast app and you will never miss an episode.
Speaker 1: Merry Christmas again