WEBVTT - A Cancelled Girls' Guide To Christmas 0:00:10.367 --> 0:00:14.847 You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Mama Mayor acknowledges 0:00:14.887 --> 0:00:17.607 the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast 0:00:17.647 --> 0:00:19.047 is recorded on out louders. 0:00:19.047 --> 0:00:21.807 If you're missing your weekly out loud routine over the break, 0:00:21.847 --> 0:00:24.727 and why wouldn't you be, we wanted to let you 0:00:24.807 --> 0:00:27.087 know that we are still dropping episodes for Mama Mea 0:00:27.167 --> 0:00:31.087 subscribers all summer long. So as a subscriber, you get 0:00:31.127 --> 0:00:34.007 full access to out loud, including the back catalog of 0:00:34.047 --> 0:00:37.847 over two hundred and fifty subscriber only episodes. Listen to 0:00:37.927 --> 0:00:41.567 us until your ears bleed. Subscribe to Mama Maya via 0:00:41.567 --> 0:00:43.327 the link in the episode description. 0:00:43.847 --> 0:00:47.727 Hello, out louders, it is Jesse here. I am wishing 0:00:47.767 --> 0:00:52.167 you the marriest Christmas and happy Holidays to anyone who celebrates. 0:00:52.847 --> 0:00:56.487 Can you believe we are finally, finally here? The thing is, 0:00:56.727 --> 0:00:59.207 I don't know about you, out louders, but for some 0:00:59.407 --> 0:01:03.607 people this day can be underwhelming or overwhelming. There's a 0:01:03.647 --> 0:01:05.407 lot of stress, there's a lot of work, there's a 0:01:05.447 --> 0:01:08.767 lot of chaos, there's a lot of family dynamics, which 0:01:08.807 --> 0:01:11.807 is why wait this time last year, my twin sister 0:01:11.847 --> 0:01:13.887 Claara and I sat down and we decided to just 0:01:13.927 --> 0:01:15.727 write a list of all the things that needed to 0:01:15.727 --> 0:01:18.687 be canceled about Christmas. Look, we're not grinches. It's all 0:01:18.727 --> 0:01:21.607 for a bit of fun. But Claire at the time 0:01:22.087 --> 0:01:25.687 was ridiculously pregnant. Never had anyone been more pregnant. My 0:01:25.807 --> 0:01:28.487 daughter Luna was about five months old. We just had 0:01:28.487 --> 0:01:30.567 a lot to get off our chests. You get the picture. 0:01:31.007 --> 0:01:33.767 But our feelings about Christmas have not changed. So if 0:01:33.807 --> 0:01:37.087 you're feeling not that festive about Christmas, if you'd like 0:01:37.167 --> 0:01:39.247 to have a little bit of a laugh, a little 0:01:39.247 --> 0:01:41.527 bit of a winge with us on Christmas Day, then 0:01:41.607 --> 0:01:55.047 here is a little treat enjoy. Hello and welcome to Canceled, 0:01:55.167 --> 0:01:58.967 the podcast that looks at silly celebrity crimes and assigns 0:01:59.127 --> 0:02:01.487 charges and sentences to them so we can all move 0:02:01.487 --> 0:02:04.287 on with our lives. I'm Jesse Stevens and I'm joined 0:02:04.287 --> 0:02:06.967 by Claire Stephens. Claire, do you have a lazy girls 0:02:07.007 --> 0:02:09.687 story for us today? I do, and there's one I 0:02:09.727 --> 0:02:13.087 can relate to a lot at the moment. So this 0:02:13.287 --> 0:02:17.447 was to the email podcast at Mymaya dot com dot au. 0:02:17.527 --> 0:02:19.527 I hol if people are bothered as an email, that's 0:02:19.567 --> 0:02:22.407 by this, I know. And another thing is this email 0:02:22.447 --> 0:02:25.327 doesn't say like dear so and so, no straight enough, 0:02:25.327 --> 0:02:28.567 and it's not. It never kind of has caps no, 0:02:29.047 --> 0:02:34.647 it just says lazy girl story for you. Recently went 0:02:34.687 --> 0:02:38.087 to Bali for a girls trip. However, my friend Steph 0:02:38.247 --> 0:02:41.647 listener of the podcast Love Is Stair, was keen throughout 0:02:41.647 --> 0:02:44.047 the whole week to get her nails done. On the 0:02:44.127 --> 0:02:46.447 last day of our holiday, she was adamant to get 0:02:46.487 --> 0:02:49.687 her money petty because and I quote, I just want 0:02:49.727 --> 0:02:52.367 someone to cut my toenails because I can't be bothered 0:02:52.407 --> 0:02:57.407 doing it myself. She's a lazy girl. Now. The reason 0:02:57.487 --> 0:02:59.647 I can relate to this at the moment is because 0:02:59.647 --> 0:03:02.887 I physically I can't get down there. I mean, look, 0:03:02.967 --> 0:03:05.247 I can and steal it, just it feels like a 0:03:05.287 --> 0:03:07.407 long way and it is a lot cheaper in Bali, 0:03:07.647 --> 0:03:10.207 it is. I remember getting them done ai ones and 0:03:10.247 --> 0:03:12.967 they were like, oh, it's just take a second to dry, 0:03:13.007 --> 0:03:14.727 and I was like yeah. Anyway, I walked along the 0:03:14.727 --> 0:03:19.927 beach for weeks, I had sand and I was like, ah, 0:03:20.327 --> 0:03:25.607 should have listen. Well, I think getting a pedicure is 0:03:25.647 --> 0:03:30.327 the laziest girl thing ever, because pedicures are like cockroaches. Yeah, yeah, 0:03:30.327 --> 0:03:36.007 they would stand anything like a nuclear apocalypse. Yeah. My pedicure, 0:03:36.487 --> 0:03:42.647 the one I have right now is from my wedding February. 0:03:44.487 --> 0:03:47.047 That's so bad and he's kind of grown out. But 0:03:47.287 --> 0:03:52.847 like the actual mail, polish has not munched. Look on 0:03:52.887 --> 0:03:57.367 today's episode, we're not during a celebrity. Oh, we're doing 0:03:57.447 --> 0:04:04.287 Christmas because Christmas needs to get canceled and real talk, 0:04:04.567 --> 0:04:06.567 it's the end of the ear. You're pregnant as fuck. 0:04:06.647 --> 0:04:09.487 I have a five month old. I'm really pregnant. Walking 0:04:09.487 --> 0:04:12.647 around the office, everyone just goes, whoa, you're very big, 0:04:12.687 --> 0:04:17.767 You're enormous, and we ran out of time to prep lazy. 0:04:17.967 --> 0:04:20.327 She's a lazy girl because this time of year, I mean, 0:04:20.407 --> 0:04:23.927 speaking of canceling things work for one, it keeps going 0:04:23.967 --> 0:04:26.407 and I'm like, no, we're not broken up yet. Yeah, no, 0:04:26.447 --> 0:04:29.287 we're not breaking up till December twenty two. I don't understand. 0:04:29.527 --> 0:04:32.367 I checked out last week. Yeah, well, apparently we had 0:04:32.367 --> 0:04:34.807 to prep for this podcast. We only had a week 0:04:34.887 --> 0:04:37.967 warning and we turned up frazzled, and we had twelve 0:04:37.967 --> 0:04:40.127 minutes and we went we can't tell Telyssa, we haven't 0:04:40.127 --> 0:04:43.767 prepped te Lissa is our producer. She'll say to us, 0:04:43.807 --> 0:04:46.327 you had one job. So we were like, what can 0:04:46.367 --> 0:04:48.567 we do with not a lot of time? And I said, 0:04:48.567 --> 0:04:52.167 you know what I feel like canceling personally is Christmas. 0:04:52.287 --> 0:04:55.167 So we're going to do Christmas because and I quote me, 0:04:55.327 --> 0:04:58.247 this is my only note. We know the general story 0:04:59.047 --> 0:05:03.247 and this is mostly based on vibes and feelings, exclusively 0:05:03.407 --> 0:05:05.807 based on There will be no structure because it will 0:05:05.847 --> 0:05:08.767 only become apparent after the fact. Then there will probably 0:05:08.807 --> 0:05:10.887 be a struck that can be applied. It wasn't intentional. 0:05:11.527 --> 0:05:18.647 So without further ado your wine, bread nose, ludo, and 0:05:19.287 --> 0:05:26.567 this is just yeah, where Christmas special? Christmas is something 0:05:26.607 --> 0:05:30.207 that happens on the seven or twenty five. How you 0:05:30.247 --> 0:05:35.927 did a lot of research? Yes, since forever we think 0:05:36.447 --> 0:05:39.087 the Christ in Christmas comes from Jesus Christ, but we 0:05:39.127 --> 0:05:44.527 didn't fact check that, which brings me to my first problem. 0:05:44.647 --> 0:05:47.927 It's very gudy. It is it's quite religious, and that 0:05:47.967 --> 0:05:52.687 feels exclusionary. It feels exclusionary in that like it feels 0:05:53.207 --> 0:05:55.687 inclusive and that when I go to the shopping center, 0:05:55.727 --> 0:05:58.487 it feels like everyone wants me to buy things regardless 0:05:58.487 --> 0:06:01.767 of my religion, so I feel included that way. But 0:06:01.967 --> 0:06:04.487 then you listen to a hymn and it's like, oh, 0:06:04.767 --> 0:06:09.687 hark the angels sink, and it's like, well, what if 0:06:09.727 --> 0:06:12.327 I don't believe in angels? What then? Yeah? And then 0:06:12.367 --> 0:06:16.767 you go you look at people's Christmas decorations and there's reindeer, 0:06:17.247 --> 0:06:23.127 and I go brain deeer and not religious, but it's 0:06:23.167 --> 0:06:29.967 still some bullshit. But that's a different point. Okay, here 0:06:29.967 --> 0:06:32.447 are some of my notes. This is actually a really 0:06:32.447 --> 0:06:34.927 good one. People always say you have to catch up 0:06:34.967 --> 0:06:38.087 before it, and no, we don't. That's a great point. 0:06:38.087 --> 0:06:41.327 And it started to happen. It started to become very 0:06:42.047 --> 0:06:44.887 we must catch up before Christmas, and it's like what 0:06:44.927 --> 0:06:46.927 would happen if we didn't? And we just caught up 0:06:47.167 --> 0:06:50.287 in January. And what's really hard is that when people 0:06:50.327 --> 0:06:52.167 say that, got to see you before Christmas. We've got 0:06:52.167 --> 0:06:55.047 to go get lunch, get a coffee before Christmas, it's like, one, 0:06:55.167 --> 0:06:59.767 why yeah? And two how do you politely say I'm 0:06:59.847 --> 0:07:02.567 busy every day until then? How do you politely I 0:07:02.607 --> 0:07:05.887 don't want yeah, sorry, I'm not busy every day until then, 0:07:06.167 --> 0:07:09.407 but lightly say no to all of the day it's 0:07:09.447 --> 0:07:11.207 a trap, it's a prison. The lead up to Christmas 0:07:11.247 --> 0:07:14.327 is a prison. And then you find in the three 0:07:14.327 --> 0:07:16.207 weeks before Christmas like I'm going out to dinner to 0:07:16.287 --> 0:07:18.167 night with blah and your partner's like why, and it's like, 0:07:18.207 --> 0:07:20.327 I don't know. I don't know a pre Christmas thing. 0:07:20.367 --> 0:07:22.607 I don't know. And then after Christmas there are these 0:07:22.687 --> 0:07:29.087 weeks you're very I'm so free. 0:07:28.367 --> 0:07:33.887 O'clock wall self pity for thirty Stan and the Shakes, thirty, 0:07:33.927 --> 0:07:37.007 dinner with me, seven o'clock, wrestle with myself lo then 0:07:37.887 --> 0:07:38.447 I'm booked. 0:07:38.807 --> 0:07:42.327 Look, families are weird, and Christmas really brings in to 0:07:43.287 --> 0:07:47.447 the spotlight families. You often have to spend Christmas Day 0:07:47.647 --> 0:07:50.687 with your family or a family a family. This year 0:07:51.727 --> 0:07:55.927 is the first slash only year in my life where 0:07:55.967 --> 0:07:58.127 I get to tap out of Christmas because I'm gonna 0:07:58.127 --> 0:08:01.007 be birthing a baby or having just birthed a baby. 0:08:01.447 --> 0:08:03.407 I thought you were still going to show up. Oh see, 0:08:03.767 --> 0:08:07.407 there's this weird pressure to still turn up. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, 0:08:07.687 --> 0:08:10.967 I'm out. I'm not buying gifts, I'm not turning up, 0:08:10.967 --> 0:08:14.887 I'm not raising my can't bike Oh there is, Yes, 0:08:14.927 --> 0:08:18.607 there is. I'm bringing the New Jesus into the world. Okay, 0:08:18.807 --> 0:08:22.567 Now it did make me slightly nostalgic about all the 0:08:22.647 --> 0:08:26.167 people that I will miss. Yeap. So the thing about 0:08:26.247 --> 0:08:29.207 Christmas is that the moment you think your family might 0:08:29.247 --> 0:08:32.487 be normal, someone starts crying for no reason and hides 0:08:32.567 --> 0:08:36.007 in a push for four hours. Never is the madness 0:08:36.367 --> 0:08:39.527 of your family more apparent than on Christmas Day. So 0:08:39.567 --> 0:08:42.247 your worst comes out in people. Oh here are some 0:08:42.287 --> 0:08:46.807 people you might come across. So firstly, the nosy auntie. 0:08:48.047 --> 0:08:51.927 This person has been cooking since four thirty am. Yeah, 0:08:52.007 --> 0:08:54.767 their behavior could be attributed to that, all the fact 0:08:54.807 --> 0:08:57.807 they haven't slept in five weeks. But they're delusional. Yeah, 0:08:57.967 --> 0:09:00.127 they want to know why are you not married yet? 0:09:00.847 --> 0:09:05.007 And even though you've had a baby a week before. Yeah, 0:09:05.727 --> 0:09:08.407 come out quick, quick, and then I'm gonna judge you 0:09:08.407 --> 0:09:11.447 for that. Are also the one when you're a teenager 0:09:11.647 --> 0:09:14.287 who started yelling, what on earth have you been eating? 0:09:14.287 --> 0:09:18.167 Look at your skin? Yeah, chocolate, and it's like, actually, 0:09:18.407 --> 0:09:21.887 the research has been conducted. It's not chocolate, it's not hormons. Yeah, 0:09:22.247 --> 0:09:25.167 she tells you what she really thinks, and she goes 0:09:25.207 --> 0:09:28.847 to sleep standing up in the kitchen fully clothed at 0:09:28.967 --> 0:09:34.607 nine pm. Yeah, then they have toge. She treats a 0:09:34.687 --> 0:09:39.167 lot of wine. Then there's the train red cousin. Everyone 0:09:39.207 --> 0:09:40.967 loves a train rec cousin because it really takes a 0:09:40.967 --> 0:09:44.487 spotlight off you. Yes, and if sorry sorry, if you're 0:09:44.527 --> 0:09:47.407 like I don't have one, it's you. You are the 0:09:47.447 --> 0:09:50.367 train red cousin. We all love this person. They make 0:09:50.447 --> 0:09:54.447 us feel better by comparison. But they're lacking direction. Perhaps 0:09:54.447 --> 0:09:57.527 they've been in trouble with the law. They probably tried 0:09:57.567 --> 0:10:01.127 to get out of Christmas Day but their parents force them. 0:10:01.167 --> 0:10:03.847 They're negative in the group chat yeah or probably silent. 0:10:04.007 --> 0:10:07.727 And then someone, probably the nosey Auntie, offends them by 0:10:07.807 --> 0:10:11.487 asking something like, so you put your family through quite 0:10:11.567 --> 0:10:14.487 enough this year, haven't you. And that's not a question, 0:10:14.727 --> 0:10:18.487 that's a comment. Every year, the train reck cousin swears 0:10:18.527 --> 0:10:20.847 they're done. I'm not coming next year. Yeah, you watch 0:10:20.927 --> 0:10:23.367 I'm not only to one person. Yeah, And then that 0:10:23.447 --> 0:10:26.807 one person spreads it like wildfire after they've had two 0:10:26.807 --> 0:10:29.727 bottles of so the train rec cousin leads and they're 0:10:29.767 --> 0:10:31.967 just like, oh my god, Marie, they ain't come and 0:10:32.007 --> 0:10:34.647 be coming back. Why, Well, I'll tell you why. Because 0:10:34.727 --> 0:10:39.447 Joan's upset. Joan's in the kitchen standing up as sleeve. 0:10:40.927 --> 0:10:45.407 Then there's the Prodigy. Now the train rec cousin hates 0:10:45.447 --> 0:10:49.007 the Prodigy. Yes, the Prodigy is relatively indifferent to the training. 0:10:49.087 --> 0:10:52.287 Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, so the Prodigy, no young person 0:10:52.487 --> 0:10:52.927 likes them. 0:10:53.127 --> 0:10:53.247 All. 0:10:53.247 --> 0:10:56.087 The young people are like ner yeah, and I reckon 0:10:56.087 --> 0:10:58.127 that the Prodigy can change year to years. Who's had 0:10:58.127 --> 0:11:00.647 the best year? Oh god? Yeah, And there's a contest 0:11:00.647 --> 0:11:03.487 in the leader who's going to be the Prodigy? Yeah? 0:11:03.527 --> 0:11:07.487 And they might have gotten an annoyingly high HC always 0:11:08.167 --> 0:11:10.847 following the atar. It's like, oh you know Ben got 0:11:10.927 --> 0:11:14.127 ninety nine Yeah, Mum told me, Yeah, Mum called, good 0:11:14.167 --> 0:11:17.127 for him. Or they've got a great career, or they've 0:11:17.167 --> 0:11:20.647 saved a beautiful rescue dog, or they volunteered in Africa 0:11:20.687 --> 0:11:23.447 for three years. You should see their home. Yeah. Or 0:11:23.487 --> 0:11:26.687 they're just very sweet and have like a floral dress 0:11:26.687 --> 0:11:29.687 and sensible shoes. Yeah yeah, and you're like, okay, I 0:11:29.767 --> 0:11:33.807 have pudding on my top and it's eleven am old. 0:11:33.927 --> 0:11:37.087 People love the Prodigy because that's what Christmas is for 0:11:37.127 --> 0:11:39.527 the Prodigy is for the old people on Christmas. Yeah, yeah, 0:11:39.567 --> 0:11:42.287 they go, this is the youth, this is the next generation. 0:11:42.367 --> 0:11:44.207 Look at what we've done, look at what we've created. 0:11:44.247 --> 0:11:47.007 And it's like, you know, Jane's in a bush, but 0:11:47.087 --> 0:11:50.327 instead we look at the prodigy. Yeah. And the annoying 0:11:50.367 --> 0:11:51.727 thing is that you get in the car on the 0:11:51.767 --> 0:11:54.527 way home with your family and your mom says, why 0:11:54.567 --> 0:11:57.767 aren't you more like Francis And you're like, because no, 0:11:57.807 --> 0:12:00.087 but I almost like preempt it. I'll get in the 0:12:00.127 --> 0:12:02.607 car and just be like, Francis is pretty full of ourselves, 0:12:03.207 --> 0:12:06.167 Like I try and undermine Frances. She just planned to 0:12:06.167 --> 0:12:09.247 see Yeah, yeah, oh wow, France is a big noting ourselves. 0:12:10.167 --> 0:12:15.367 We want to know about people. The mom's like, what's 0:12:15.447 --> 0:12:19.447 actually wrong with you? Seriously being more like Francis. Then 0:12:19.487 --> 0:12:24.767 there's the sentimental old person and I reckon every year 0:12:24.847 --> 0:12:28.687 this person their emotions hit earlier and earlier because I reckon, 0:12:28.727 --> 0:12:34.407 I've turned up eleven am and they're like, oh look around, 0:12:35.047 --> 0:12:38.167 and I'm like, I haven't had a coffin yet. This 0:12:38.207 --> 0:12:41.647 is a lot. So it's the fact seeing the family 0:12:41.687 --> 0:12:45.327 together gives them all the feelings at once, and it's 0:12:45.367 --> 0:12:48.527 often a grandparent They then start talking about the people 0:12:48.527 --> 0:12:50.527 who are no longer there to celebrate Chris. They want 0:12:50.527 --> 0:12:53.567 to do a speech about it, and it's really true 0:12:53.607 --> 0:12:55.687 and it's really important. Does it bring down the fi 0:12:57.327 --> 0:12:59.167 because there are little kids who are like, where am 0:12:59.207 --> 0:13:03.967 I presents? They've got this misty eyed old person who's 0:13:04.047 --> 0:13:06.607 just like I missed the love of my life. And 0:13:06.687 --> 0:13:10.527 they's like, Tom just open and he's pressing like he's 0:13:10.567 --> 0:13:14.047 opening them all under the trains and it's making noises exactly, 0:13:14.167 --> 0:13:16.647 it's really loud. Then there's a conservative uncle. 0:13:18.047 --> 0:13:20.487 Yeah, you go woke, you go broke. 0:13:21.367 --> 0:13:24.447 This is the know about climate change. So I don't 0:13:24.487 --> 0:13:28.527 know about them refugees no, okay, yeah, yeah, because you 0:13:28.607 --> 0:13:30.887 don't know who's here. He's got some thoughts on the 0:13:30.927 --> 0:13:33.927 referendum and he'll share them. Yes, he thinks political correctness 0:13:34.007 --> 0:13:38.327 has gone too far. People tiptoe around him until around 0:13:38.367 --> 0:13:42.287 five pm and then you just start to stirshey. You 0:13:42.407 --> 0:13:45.087 just start going, hey, if you don't believe in climate change, 0:13:45.087 --> 0:13:48.327 why you got a tesla? And he's like he just 0:13:48.447 --> 0:13:53.087 loses it hot today, isn't it? Yeah? Unseasonably, wouldn't you say? 0:13:53.967 --> 0:13:57.447 The conservative uncle is particularly hard to buy for because 0:13:57.447 --> 0:14:00.447 he has everything, has everything, he has everything. He's made 0:14:00.487 --> 0:14:02.927 good money, he's made it in business. Yeah, what he 0:14:02.967 --> 0:14:06.567 has done is for forty five years he's burned fossil. 0:14:07.327 --> 0:14:10.327 No one knows for what, No one knows what product 0:14:10.687 --> 0:14:15.367 he's created. But he's made a motster. He has challenging 0:14:15.407 --> 0:14:18.167 the environment. And we all go, we all bag the 0:14:18.207 --> 0:14:21.567 contre we open our presents, and he's given everyone a 0:14:21.687 --> 0:14:25.887 cheeky hundred. You go, you know what, that's gonna save 0:14:25.967 --> 0:14:29.327 my year? We used to say sometimes with the rich uncle, 0:14:29.567 --> 0:14:33.127 you go, I've really factored that into Christmas spending. You 0:14:33.207 --> 0:14:34.807 go out and you go to buy something. There you go, 0:14:35.007 --> 0:14:37.087 like one hundred and fifty on the back burner waiting 0:14:37.127 --> 0:14:39.367 for me. And then if one year they decide not 0:14:39.407 --> 0:14:43.287 to give it out, my budget's thrown. But this money, 0:14:43.327 --> 0:14:47.447 it's from fossil fuels. Yeah, well, sharing your spoils, please 0:14:47.647 --> 0:14:52.167 share the stranger. Oh, now, we don't know if this 0:14:52.367 --> 0:14:56.167 is This isn't every family, every family, but every Christmas 0:14:56.247 --> 0:14:59.527 Day we turn up and there's a person there and 0:14:59.567 --> 0:15:02.527 we think, I've never seen you before in my life. 0:15:02.967 --> 0:15:04.807 I don't believe I'll ever see you again. And just 0:15:04.807 --> 0:15:08.047 to bigly. They're not a partner. No, No, they turn 0:15:08.207 --> 0:15:14.047 up either really early or really late, sometimes really late, 0:15:14.087 --> 0:15:15.967 and you go, you've wan bity in off the street. 0:15:16.127 --> 0:15:18.487 You've seen there's a party and it's Christmas. We have 0:15:18.567 --> 0:15:21.087 to be polite. Yeah, there is someone at our Christmas. 0:15:21.127 --> 0:15:24.687 Basically it was our auntie was marriage and then they 0:15:24.687 --> 0:15:27.527 got divorced and then he got remarried, so really already 0:15:27.527 --> 0:15:30.247 it was like should you be here? But she kind 0:15:30.287 --> 0:15:33.647 of still comes that man has died, so she is 0:15:34.007 --> 0:15:38.287 so the new partner of our auntie sex who is 0:15:38.327 --> 0:15:41.247 no longer with us. Yeah. Literally in June, starts writing 0:15:41.247 --> 0:15:43.767 on Facebook walls, Yeah, see you at Christmas, and it's 0:15:43.807 --> 0:15:46.127 like I don't know how to undo this. No, but 0:15:46.247 --> 0:15:48.567 you'll be here at ten thirty and it doesn't start 0:15:48.567 --> 0:15:52.527 till one. And the thing is that the stranger always 0:15:52.527 --> 0:15:55.247 gets a prosen gets a present, brings nothing. Yeah, it 0:15:55.407 --> 0:15:58.367 doesn't bring a plate. You're like, who thought of that? Yeah, 0:15:58.367 --> 0:16:01.567 and ask things. Well, yeah, the stranger will often be 0:16:01.727 --> 0:16:07.047 like anything for a Celia, And it's like beggars cannot 0:16:07.087 --> 0:16:10.367 be two shoes. And I'd say, why didn't you share 0:16:10.367 --> 0:16:14.607 your dietaries? But you weren't invite No, you couldn't get 0:16:14.607 --> 0:16:18.327 her head's up. Then there's the awkward date. They want out. 0:16:18.487 --> 0:16:21.167 They don't remember signing up for this. They're like, my 0:16:21.247 --> 0:16:25.407 family's not like this, and they're like congrats. Yeah, they're 0:16:25.447 --> 0:16:27.807 like why are you here? And they're like, what's with 0:16:27.887 --> 0:16:30.887 the auntie who keeps asking really personal questions? Okay, well 0:16:30.967 --> 0:16:34.607 she's our one, only we may make fun of her. 0:16:35.047 --> 0:16:37.647 And he's like, what about the guy who's in the bushes? 0:16:38.647 --> 0:16:43.007 Be they well? And this sucks after the Prodigy and 0:16:43.047 --> 0:16:46.087 it's like, you know nothing, you don't understand the dynamics, 0:16:46.087 --> 0:16:49.087 and we asked the Prodigy no questions about the h 0:16:50.127 --> 0:16:54.767 then sure even no, no, man, mama not asking for 0:16:54.807 --> 0:16:57.247 your atil mate. Everyone saw it on Facebook. The awkward 0:16:57.327 --> 0:17:02.927 date probably feels judged because they're actively being judged by 0:17:03.007 --> 0:17:07.047 everybody there. That is the point. Even the sentimental old person. Yes, especially, 0:17:08.647 --> 0:17:12.247 but you think it's quite nice. Then the person leaves 0:17:12.247 --> 0:17:14.727 and they're like, no, no, I didn't know about that. 0:17:14.767 --> 0:17:17.887 And it's always something like I do like a haircut, yeah, 0:17:18.167 --> 0:17:21.167 or like I picked up on a sadness and you're like, 0:17:21.247 --> 0:17:25.087 oh really, Yeah, they're always right, but they are the 0:17:25.127 --> 0:17:28.727 people who come to Christmas. And that's a big reason 0:17:28.767 --> 0:17:32.367 why Christmas is canceled because it's chaos. It's absolute chaos, 0:17:32.407 --> 0:17:35.767 and I hate and this has happened with our Christmas 0:17:35.807 --> 0:17:38.367 on one side of our family. Oh, only the kids 0:17:38.407 --> 0:17:41.287 get presents. Well, I didn't agree to that. I actually didn't, 0:17:41.647 --> 0:17:44.487 and you didn't put this down for a vote, but 0:17:44.567 --> 0:17:49.847 someone said it, and it is immature, argumentature and shameful 0:17:49.887 --> 0:17:51.687 to go no, I want a present, as a thirty 0:17:51.727 --> 0:17:55.087 three year old woman to say, I want a present, 0:17:55.087 --> 0:17:57.127 and I want it to be a specific type of present, 0:17:57.327 --> 0:17:59.887 almost like a toy, Like I want it to be 0:17:59.927 --> 0:18:02.167 something I can enjoy on the day. So what happens 0:18:02.207 --> 0:18:04.727 is we all sit around smiling as the kids and 0:18:04.767 --> 0:18:07.407 it's like out of light lego and then you sit 0:18:07.407 --> 0:18:09.927 down and go, oh, can I help you with that? No, 0:18:10.127 --> 0:18:12.607 I'm putting together the Tyrannosaurus Rex and it's like it's 0:18:12.687 --> 0:18:14.367 Christmas afternoon. I have nothing to play with it. 0:18:15.487 --> 0:18:16.247 This happened. 0:18:17.127 --> 0:18:29.247 That's articulous. It is so unfair, just another thing about 0:18:29.287 --> 0:18:33.607 actual Christmas day. Things are closed and wrying to get 0:18:33.607 --> 0:18:39.167 a I need a coffee to my bird at really 0:18:39.207 --> 0:18:41.287 hard it's a normal day. What else on age the 0:18:41.327 --> 0:18:46.167 last minute? Christmas? No, you know what, we've worked as 0:18:46.247 --> 0:18:50.327 lazy girls. We've worked out even actually no, no, I 0:18:50.367 --> 0:18:54.047 always do like an online thing that I can print 0:18:54.127 --> 0:18:57.327 for that I've got print No, no, no. My hack 0:18:57.487 --> 0:18:59.207 is this and it has been for years and years 0:18:59.207 --> 0:19:02.287 and years. But I've actually got too lazy. But Christmas Eve, 0:19:02.927 --> 0:19:06.607 the shops are open and actually most people haven't left 0:19:06.647 --> 0:19:10.127 it to the last minute. Yeah, lazy girls have free roam, 0:19:10.767 --> 0:19:14.047 you do, and every now and then they've actually started 0:19:14.087 --> 0:19:18.247 the boxing late. So you go it's that late and 0:19:18.287 --> 0:19:21.087 you're like, yeah, oh everybody, Oh, were you shopping on 0:19:21.127 --> 0:19:25.127 December sixteenth? Because I wasn't. I was doing nothing. Now 0:19:25.967 --> 0:19:28.887 I've got a deal on the three gifts that were 0:19:28.967 --> 0:19:32.567 left in the shopping center. And the adrenaline means I'm 0:19:32.607 --> 0:19:36.647 making very fast decisions, okay, And I miss the memo 0:19:36.687 --> 0:19:39.167 about who's buying for who, and I've overdone it, actually 0:19:39.207 --> 0:19:44.687 overdone it, and I don't have any craving pa. One 0:19:44.727 --> 0:19:46.847 thing I thought in the lead up to Christmas, because 0:19:46.887 --> 0:19:49.527 Christmas is not just the day, it is a season, 0:19:50.167 --> 0:19:54.727 is that it's a sensory assault. Walking around at night 0:19:54.847 --> 0:19:59.447 with the Christmas lights, with you know, and music, the carols, 0:19:59.487 --> 0:20:03.847 the everything is so so offensive and you just want 0:20:03.847 --> 0:20:06.247 to go. I know that you've put a reindeer with 0:20:06.487 --> 0:20:09.847 kind of white fluff in your front yard. It's forty degrees. 0:20:10.487 --> 0:20:13.487 I've never seen a reindeer here. This is really confusing. 0:20:13.847 --> 0:20:16.887 There's a lack of coherence around what we're telling ourselves 0:20:16.967 --> 0:20:24.247 about all the Christmas carols, Christmas Baby, it's cold outside, 0:20:24.407 --> 0:20:29.967 it's really hot. We do go waste on screen. And 0:20:30.007 --> 0:20:33.567 you've got to have a pool. Yeah, having Christmas somewhere 0:20:33.567 --> 0:20:37.887 without a pool is an absolute crime, an absolute crime 0:20:38.767 --> 0:20:45.687 for lazy girls. The admin involved in Christmas Tree in 0:20:46.727 --> 0:20:50.647 Christmas Tree, I was actually gonna say that because this year, 0:20:50.647 --> 0:20:52.407 for the first time, and I think it is because 0:20:52.447 --> 0:20:57.207 I'm with child, I've thought, shall we Christmas tree as 0:20:57.247 --> 0:21:03.647 our own independent adult and that Christmas tree? Your Christmas 0:21:03.687 --> 0:21:07.607 tree is not a Christmas It's tiny, fifty bar it's tiny, 0:21:07.647 --> 0:21:10.407 and it sits on like a little tape in your house. Yeah, 0:21:10.447 --> 0:21:12.687 but I just wanted to smell like Christmas. I thought 0:21:12.727 --> 0:21:15.207 for Luna. It doesn't really smell like it's like a 0:21:15.287 --> 0:21:18.367 Luna sized Christmas tree it's tiny. But the thing about 0:21:18.407 --> 0:21:20.767 a Christmas tree is it's like, you get it, it 0:21:20.767 --> 0:21:23.327 gets a few weeks use it's dead, and then it's 0:21:23.327 --> 0:21:27.007 like where do I bin it? And then you've got 0:21:27.007 --> 0:21:29.527 to decorate it? Where are the decorations? I've been thinking 0:21:29.527 --> 0:21:32.687 about that I don't know wish and that does bring 0:21:32.727 --> 0:21:37.687 me to Santa is handsy because I was in the 0:21:37.727 --> 0:21:39.727 shopping center and I saw a little thing set up 0:21:39.727 --> 0:21:41.487 and I went, oh, I've got to get a photo 0:21:41.487 --> 0:21:43.407 with a luna, like that's really really cute. And then 0:21:43.447 --> 0:21:45.847 I went, now, he's a bit handsy, and it's almost 0:21:45.887 --> 0:21:49.967 like that's part of his brand. I sit on my 0:21:50.047 --> 0:21:53.087 lap and tell me what presents you want. Just doesn't 0:21:53.847 --> 0:21:55.607 like snacks out and like a beer, so he's a 0:21:55.687 --> 0:22:01.327 drunk wait a beer out for Santa. I just feel 0:22:01.367 --> 0:22:03.447 like it's happened. I feel like he likes a beer, 0:22:03.887 --> 0:22:07.127 no milk and cookies and stuff. See what's happened in 0:22:07.167 --> 0:22:10.807 our family is that our cousin Simon, who we've talked 0:22:10.807 --> 0:22:13.447 about before, he has a disability and he just makes 0:22:13.527 --> 0:22:15.887 Christmas so much fun. But every year he dresses up 0:22:15.887 --> 0:22:21.527 as Santa. But the problem is that it's woolen bloody. 0:22:21.527 --> 0:22:23.647 He gets so hot and you just see him now. 0:22:23.647 --> 0:22:24.847 He kind of puts it on beca. It's a bit 0:22:24.847 --> 0:22:26.367 of fun, and then it's like it's too hot. This 0:22:26.407 --> 0:22:28.927 is a work held in safety issue because this man's 0:22:28.967 --> 0:22:32.487 gonna faint. Every time somebody tries to be Santa, they 0:22:32.527 --> 0:22:34.607 regret it. They regret it immediately because they're handing out 0:22:34.687 --> 0:22:39.047 gifts with panting children. Give me my gift, and there's 0:22:39.087 --> 0:22:41.407 just a lot of sweat and energy in the room. 0:22:41.447 --> 0:22:43.287 There's not a lot of ventilation. There's a lot of 0:22:43.887 --> 0:22:46.767 Like Santa takes his outfit off. That outfit. I'm not 0:22:46.807 --> 0:22:49.887 saying Simon's outfit, but that ot fits fucking stamped because 0:22:49.887 --> 0:22:55.047 it's just got sweat and like children's spittle on it. 0:22:55.047 --> 0:22:58.327 It's far, far too much. Speaking of sweat, Mum always 0:22:58.327 --> 0:23:01.447 has a sweaty upper lip, which is a sign of impatience. 0:23:01.527 --> 0:23:05.367 Impatience because she's made something like, say a salad and 0:23:05.407 --> 0:23:09.807 she said, put this in the back seat way there, 0:23:09.807 --> 0:23:14.407 and I go, I've rested my foot in the salad, 0:23:14.687 --> 0:23:20.087 and I know Mum's gonna screen. She's really, she's really 0:23:20.087 --> 0:23:23.367