Speaker 1: We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land. We're recording
Speaker 1: on today.
Speaker 2: Are you sh roll wear so much at that phrase?
Speaker 2: And everyone says it the days are long but the
Speaker 2: years short or time is a thief? Yeah, because it's
Speaker 2: just really laming cliche, but it's also fucking accurat.
Speaker 1: It is it is. It is.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to Eat, Sleep, Shit, repeat, the podcast that
Speaker 2: is all about the madness that is motherhood and everything
Speaker 2: unhinged in between.
Speaker 1: I'm Kelly McCarran, I'm Key Resells and it's our man
Speaker 1: lands birthday.
Speaker 2: And I am not okay, But if all goes well,
Speaker 2: he will be receiving a kitten in a box today,
Speaker 2: so I'll be distracted by tiny paws and tiny little mows.
Speaker 1: Okay, this is possibly the greatest thing ever. He's actually
Speaker 1: getting a cat.
Speaker 2: He's actually getting a cat. We're recording this a week
Speaker 2: in advance. He should be getting a cat, getting alat
Speaker 2: he is.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 2: It's so interesting because I don't know if I've ever
Speaker 2: mentioned the cat on the pod, but about a year
Speaker 2: ago we had a random cat visiting on the.
Speaker 1: Reg I remember, I remember Clarence.
Speaker 2: Clarence and then all of a sudden. I think it
Speaker 2: was around winter. Clarence just like stopped coming and visiting.
Speaker 2: And it was really sad because sometimes we had to
Speaker 2: boot Clarence out because he and Percy would fight. Only
Speaker 2: Percy never fought with him. Clarence would try to dominate Percy.
Speaker 2: But like, he was really good with the kids, and
Speaker 2: Lenny loved playing with Clarence and we started feeding him,
Speaker 2: let him I did with them. I defleed him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you really looked after that car.
Speaker 2: I really did. And I was very sad when Clarence
Speaker 2: stopped coming to visit us. And then there was one
Speaker 2: day where I was looking outside and Lenny was just
Speaker 2: lying on the deck thing, just waving this toy sadly around,
Speaker 2: trying to get Percy to play with him, and I
Speaker 2: was like, oh god.
Speaker 1: But also can we talk about how Clarence wasn't a strake,
Speaker 1: He was actually a domestic.
Speaker 2: Cat that was just coming wildly unsure. Well, no, sorry,
Speaker 2: he was, because yes, that tade that he came over
Speaker 2: with a collar on, and we were like, oh, oh okay,
Speaker 2: parent has just been coming over to get fed twice,
Speaker 2: which we don't mind because it and he had like
Speaker 2: one eye and it was just a funny much perse Well,
Speaker 2: then Percy lost his leg and we were like, we
Speaker 2: have a one eyed homeless cat and a three legged cat.
Speaker 1: Taught me through the decision to adding another pet, Like,
Speaker 1: was Luke into this because you've had a rough trot
Speaker 1: with cats? And I'd be like, it is quite an
Speaker 1: emotional decision for you to get another one, I would imagine.
Speaker 2: So basically, to cut a long story shot, I'll give
Speaker 2: you the TLDR of our history with cats. Luke and
Speaker 2: I got together about ten years ago, and then we
Speaker 2: had been living together for about six months and both
Speaker 2: of us really wanted a pet. We loved pets, and
Speaker 2: it was I think that was like one thing that
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, because I'd always wanted
Speaker 2: a pet as a grown up. I always had family pets, yeah,
Speaker 2: as a kid and a teenager. But every partner I'd
Speaker 2: had before hadn't wanted to get a pet. That we
Speaker 2: always like, no, that's a silly thing to do, and
Speaker 2: Luke was like, yeah, let's get a cat. Like, because
Speaker 2: we're an apartment we didn't want to get a dog. Anyway,
Speaker 2: I started looking around at cats too, because we thought
Speaker 2: we will adopt maybe even an older cat or just
Speaker 2: I don't even know how the decision came around to
Speaker 2: get a cat instead of a kitten. But this one
Speaker 2: cat that I found up for adoption, its face just
Speaker 2: called to me. And it had a ridiculous name. Its
Speaker 2: name was Whitechapel and it was a very overweight British
Speaker 2: short hair cat that the owners wanted to rehome because
Speaker 2: they had little kids, and White Chapel was kind of
Speaker 2: old and really cranky. And so I went around and
Speaker 2: Luke was like, not into getting a cat that was
Speaker 2: being rehomed that was older. I don't know, I think
Speaker 2: he was a bit set on a kitten. Yeah, anyway,
Speaker 2: I went to visit this cat one night and I
Speaker 2: sent a photo of this cat and Luke was like,
Speaker 2: bring that cat home.
Speaker 1: That's really sweet. So did you take it there?
Speaker 2: And then no, No. I arranged to come back in
Speaker 2: a week or so because it was this people's cat
Speaker 2: they needed to cat.
Speaker 1: Sorry, and we.
Speaker 2: Took Whitechapel, who we then called Herbie because we were like,
Speaker 2: that's a ridiculous name. Sorry that you're ten years old
Speaker 2: and we are calling you a new name, but.
Speaker 1: It's not gonna work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So we got Herbie. Herbie was twelve kilos. He
Speaker 2: was very overweight, and long story short, unfortunately we had
Speaker 2: to put Herbie down only ten months later because it
Speaker 2: turns out that another reason we think they were trying
Speaker 2: to rehome him was because he was absolutely riddled with cancer.
Speaker 1: So you do think they knew about it.
Speaker 2: I don't know how you wouldn't. You wouldn't. Yeah, Like
Speaker 2: he was pretty sick from the get go anyway, So
Speaker 2: that was pretty traumatic, but quite quickly I actually wanted
Speaker 2: more cats, like to begin with it, cat, I wanted
Speaker 2: another cat to be on with those. Oh I'm never
Speaker 2: getting a pet again. And then it was like a
Speaker 2: month later, I was like, oh my god, you we
Speaker 2: just needed they needed the companionship because it was traumatic.
Speaker 2: It was awful. Everyone has had to put a pet down.
Speaker 2: It's a family member, like you just love it. And
Speaker 2: I wanted to get something that was a wildly different experience.
Speaker 2: So we were looking at kittens. I found this lady
Speaker 2: that was.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like they had a litter that they needed.
Speaker 2: To Yeah, they had a litter that they were looking
Speaker 2: for homes for. Except these were the last two kittens left,
Speaker 2: and I sent a photo of them to Luke, and
Speaker 2: I was like, which one. There was a white one
Speaker 2: and a little brown one. I said, I can't choose,
Speaker 2: maybe the bram one and he was like, get them both.
Speaker 2: I was like, we can't separate them because they were
Speaker 2: in this little box together and they were just so
Speaker 2: cute because they were siblings anyway, so lol, we got
Speaker 2: them both and we named them Percy and Polly, and
Speaker 2: they were the cutest little siblings. It was such a
Speaker 2: magical few years with them both. But unfortunately, when Polly
Speaker 2: was only two, she developed a heart condition. And this
Speaker 2: is the short version of this story, but the shit
Speaker 2: that we have done for our pets. We went through
Speaker 2: over a year and a paf of every single day,
Speaker 2: no matter what we were doing, where we were, we
Speaker 2: had to be home at seven am seven pm to
Speaker 2: give our cat her medicine and of several different types
Speaker 2: of medicine that we're helping her heart. So we'd be
Speaker 2: at like a wedding and Luke would have to disappear
Speaker 2: for an hour to go back home and give the
Speaker 2: cat medicine. And then we'd pay for like vet nurses
Speaker 2: to stay with our pets yes while we were away,
Speaker 2: because they needed to be able to medicate the cats.
Speaker 2: They also needed to know what to do if Polly
Speaker 2: started panicking.
Speaker 1: It was a full time thing, like a lot of
Speaker 1: time job.
Speaker 2: Thank god for pet insurance and thank god I had
Speaker 2: an understanding boss that was fine with me taking lots
Speaker 2: of time off through all of these or just being
Speaker 2: able to like rush home. Oh my god, remember the
Speaker 2: kiddie cam. Yes, I do. I remember the kid because
Speaker 2: Keen and I were working together when Polly was diagnosed
Speaker 2: with this. So she's with me through this, actually, and
Speaker 2: you're working with me through herbie dying as well. So
Speaker 2: I literally had like a baby monitor for my cats
Speaker 2: and I would the day because I just had such
Speaker 2: bad anxiety that I was going to come home and
Speaker 2: she would be dead anyway. One hour was pregnant and
Speaker 2: I was in lockdown. One day she was having an
Speaker 2: episode and we thought that it was just a regular episode.
Speaker 2: The VET said bring her in. She died and it
Speaker 2: was absolutely fucked and percy for I still get so
Speaker 2: upset talking about this, and it was like two and
Speaker 2: a half years ago.
Speaker 1: Wait, so Polly died before Len.
Speaker 2: Lenn never met her.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I didn't realize that.
Speaker 2: I knows who she is because you've got photos and
Speaker 2: I like show him. But she was Luke's cat. She
Speaker 2: was Luke's baby. But it was funny because she was
Speaker 2: with me through that first trimester and when I was
Speaker 2: so ill, and it was just like she knew because
Speaker 2: she would come and sit on my womb and she
Speaker 2: never sat on me, but she would sit directly on my.
Speaker 1: Worms are so intuitive around it's insane.
Speaker 2: And Percy would just me out at the door and
Speaker 2: he looked for her for weeks. It was fucked. It
Speaker 2: was really sad.
Speaker 1: That's really sad.
Speaker 2: So we decided that we would get Lenny a kitten
Speaker 2: because we thought Lenny really deserves a little friend because
Speaker 2: he's so caring with animals and he just loves them
Speaker 2: so much.
Speaker 1: And also getting pets for your kids is.
Speaker 2: Like teaching them responsibility, teaching really care.
Speaker 1: I always I got a bird.
Speaker 2: Your parents and your grandparents sucked in that regard, because
Speaker 2: every kid deserves a pet. I think if you can
Speaker 2: afford it.
Speaker 1: Ylan, it was a blue budgy.
Speaker 2: Percy I think would really enjoy the friend. So that's
Speaker 2: why we are getting a kitten, but we're getting a girl,
Speaker 2: just to really minimize the risk of any dominance problems.
Speaker 2: You know, it'll be a little girlfriend for the.
Speaker 1: Person to get along with. Very sweet.
Speaker 2: So we're going to go to the iris PCA on
Speaker 2: the weekend hopefully and pick out a little friend with
Speaker 2: land to take home. Anyway, So that is why Lenny
Speaker 2: is getting a cat and we're getting not getting a
Speaker 2: dog because they seem like too much hard work and
Speaker 2: we still don't have a big enough backyard.
Speaker 1: And also a dog and a cat like it's too risk.
Speaker 2: It's been cruel for Purse. Yeah, I think he tolerates dogs,
Speaker 2: but like he's only got three legs. How's he going
Speaker 2: to run away from a dog?
Speaker 1: It's not very nice. Well, the other thing I'm quite
Speaker 1: excited about today, I must say is the fact that
Speaker 1: it's the last recording day for me before I go
Speaker 1: on Matte leave.
Speaker 2: Which is probably for the best given she's terrified of cats,
Speaker 2: and next week there will be an extra one.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm going to fully miss out on
Speaker 1: the cat. Can I just say? Though? When I rocked
Speaker 1: up this morning, Cal was like, yeah, how many weeks
Speaker 1: are you? Like, thirty three, thirty four. I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: thirty seven weeks today and you're like, why are we
Speaker 1: still working?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I was like, what is wrong with you? What
Speaker 2: are you chucking?
Speaker 1: And me?
Speaker 2: But Ru is going to want to come over and
Speaker 2: visit the kit, for.
Speaker 1: She loves all animals. She's not scatter cats like me.
Speaker 1: But I will just say that having one three legged
Speaker 1: pussy is scary enough without a small feeline running around.
Speaker 1: So I am kind of glad leave his beginning. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just a little bit.
Speaker 2: Well, moving on, So we've discussed the gift, hopefully a
Speaker 2: pussy in a box.
Speaker 1: Hopefully a pussy in a.
Speaker 2: Box, because today is Lenny's third birthday and I just
Speaker 2: simply cannot fathom where the last three years have gone.
Speaker 2: But it also feels like a lifetime. I just roll
Speaker 2: why I so much at that phrase and everyone says
Speaker 2: it the days are long, but the years is short
Speaker 2: or time.
Speaker 1: Is a thief?
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's just really laying cliche, but it's also
Speaker 2: so fucking accurate.
Speaker 1: It is it is, it is.
Speaker 2: But Key, I'm really interested. I feel like you have
Speaker 2: felt differently about Ru's birthdays to how I've always felt
Speaker 2: around Lenny's. So can you walk me through how you
Speaker 2: felt She's had two and she has a third upcoming.
Speaker 1: Yes, So I've always been really excited to celebrate her
Speaker 1: but also us, Like I feel like, especially the first
Speaker 1: birthday was such a milestone just to like reflect on, like, hey,
Speaker 1: we made it through that first year.
Speaker 2: I remember you were like, there's drinks. This is for us.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, there's alcohol at any party that I'm hosting.
Speaker 1: Just let me tell you. When I was thinking about
Speaker 1: being a mom and how I would parent, I felt like,
Speaker 1: I think a lot of what I'm doing is definitely
Speaker 1: like healing in a child. I know that sounds so wanky,
Speaker 1: but like I don't want her to have any like
Speaker 1: really weird feelings around anything. I have a lot of
Speaker 1: weird feeling around my.
Speaker 2: Birthday because a birthday, I hate it. I always like
Speaker 2: feel let down by it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I don't want her to feel that way.
Speaker 1: Like I want to like celebrate these milestones with her,
Speaker 1: make them really exciting, not in like an extravagant way.
Speaker 1: Watch me like rent a fucking jumping castle.
Speaker 2: Next shit, You'll be like, hell, are you available? Face painting?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Actually, the latest kid's birthday I went to, there
Speaker 1: was a face painter and it went off.
Speaker 2: Kids love it and they wait patiently.
Speaker 1: They do, and I'm like, where's this energy for anything else?
Speaker 2: Yeah? We really why and more people not ask me
Speaker 2: to do?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you are so good. Actually I can.
Speaker 2: Do pussy cats and unicorns and shit.
Speaker 1: Can you do barber black sheep? Because that's what we
Speaker 1: requested it.
Speaker 2: This sounds offensive.
Speaker 1: She wanted a black sheep?
Speaker 2: Can we not have black face kids running around?
Speaker 1: We were a little bit like, this is a little bit.
Speaker 2: White face with black ears.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, something in the middle or something in it all.
Speaker 1: But like, I don't want it to be particularly over
Speaker 1: the top. But what I always want to feel is
Speaker 1: that we're celebrating her each year and the things that
Speaker 1: she's accomplished and up until I think she can really
Speaker 1: do stuff that is worth celebrating. It's more celebrating us, yeah,
Speaker 1: but also giving thanks to the people who are like
Speaker 1: in our supports, ceiling and our village exactly. I think
Speaker 1: for me, it's just about doing all the things that
Speaker 1: I wish were done for me kind of thing. Anyway,
Speaker 1: So the traditions that we've kind of implemented so far
Speaker 1: have been writing a letter.
Speaker 2: For each birthday to her, like in a baby book.
Speaker 1: No, just like birthday card, oh, like a little letter,
Speaker 1: just say do you store them? Though? I store all
Speaker 1: of her stuff. I saw all of my cards, all
Speaker 1: of Charlie's cards. I just have like a box that
Speaker 1: everything goes into. We also have like a tradition that
Speaker 1: Lucy's boyfriend John makes her birthday cake. The first year
Speaker 1: he did a number one, and then the second year
Speaker 1: he did a giant turtle because she was so obsessed
Speaker 1: with turtles. Was really cute.
Speaker 2: I wonder if she's gonna want to whale this year.
Speaker 2: She's still obsessed with the whale. I know, whales of
Speaker 2: hard or a snail. Snail John that would.
Speaker 1: Want a snail, She could want Mowana. I think it
Speaker 1: might be the year a black sheet. Or she might
Speaker 1: want Poor, the pig that is literally on Mowana for
Speaker 1: twenty seconds that she's obsessed with.
Speaker 2: Lenny's asked for a big truck. So I've got trucks
Speaker 2: are easy, though, I reckon I'll be able to know it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I reckon, truck's easy. You just make it yellow
Speaker 1: and put some on.
Speaker 2: Someone said, tell me about buying one. I'm like, I'm
Speaker 2: a fucking spinning three hundred and fifty.
Speaker 1: Dollars a cake. Also the uglier, the like it's like
Speaker 1: that's what I reckon, Yeah, I reckon it's really funny.
Speaker 1: And then like a family photograph. I know that's like silly,
Speaker 1: but sometimes on these days you can forget to like
Speaker 1: take a family pick together. I love seeing them next
Speaker 1: to each other and seeing how much she's changed, but
Speaker 1: also seeing how much we have changed. Like you can
Speaker 1: really see the confidence from first to second birth. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we know how to hold her.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what you're doing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, A little bit more so for her first birthday, well,
Speaker 1: she had pneumonia which wouldn't fin out to the end
Speaker 1: of the day. I forget, never forget.
Speaker 2: Oh she's a bit floppy. I get it together, GF,
Speaker 2: this is your day.
Speaker 1: It was so bad. Obviously, looking back, it was obvious
Speaker 1: that she was unwell, but we just didn't pick up
Speaker 1: on it. But I remember I was being so stressed,
Speaker 1: mainly because it was a fucking cyclone weather. It was
Speaker 1: event Still, people rocked up though, and we got a
Speaker 1: little gazebo up happening and whatever. I made the most
Speaker 1: of it, but I also loved it so much because
Speaker 1: we got to really thank our village in that moment.
Speaker 1: Just made a really small speech, just saying like, obviously,
Speaker 1: living in Sydney, you're our chosen family and we're just
Speaker 1: so thankful to have you here, and just like seeing
Speaker 1: people turn up for your kid is like really special,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know, I really really liked it.
Speaker 2: That's such a good point because I think that's where
Speaker 2: I feel very sad for Lenn every year. I'm like,
Speaker 2: oh God, there's really no one in his corner. But
Speaker 2: then you pointed out last year you were like, Kelly,
Speaker 2: you don't have birthday parties from.
Speaker 1: You don't And that's when people show up to show
Speaker 1: you their love. Like I think it's really a card,
Speaker 1: that's all I'm saying. Who sends cards these days? Well
Speaker 1: you send a text message and that's not very personal.
Speaker 1: But if you have a birthday, people do cards still,
Speaker 1: like they really do. You need to do it. Because
Speaker 1: this is the thing, right, is that we isolate ourselves
Speaker 1: to the point where we think, oh, no one cares.
Speaker 1: But if you have an event, people like, oh fuck yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm coming to that. I'm going to celebrate you. I'm
Speaker 1: going to support you. I'm going to like be there
Speaker 1: for you. Who wasn't there, Kelly, Both times because you're like, oh.
Speaker 2: You know, you want to support someone. The first time,
Speaker 2: I did make up an excuse because I just didn't
Speaker 2: feel like gone because it was really bad weather, and.
Speaker 1: I was it was really mean.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, so then everyone got sick, did they not?
Speaker 2: And that's what I was scared of.
Speaker 1: No, no one got sick. Rue had to go to
Speaker 1: hospital for three to four days. I mean it was
Speaker 1: not good. Yeah, she her breathing was really bad. She got.
Speaker 2: That was also during the stage where Lenny would just scream,
Speaker 2: so it would have sat in a fucking corner with him.
Speaker 2: It's yeah, it is more miserable for me. Back in
Speaker 2: the day. My second party, we actually did have something on.
Speaker 2: I can't even remember what it was, but I remember
Speaker 2: having to tell him being like because we had joked
Speaker 2: or she roasted me the whole year about me not
Speaker 2: attending Rue's first birthday and then I was like, what
Speaker 2: was it? I can't but it was something I actually
Speaker 2: could have.
Speaker 1: It was like some friend I'd never heard of his
Speaker 1: birthday or something, and I was like, whatever, I'm sure
Speaker 1: it's not true.
Speaker 2: It was.
Speaker 1: It was true, it was legitimate. It was fine. I
Speaker 1: loved just like you know, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: I really like, can you at least give me notice
Speaker 2: for Bruce's birth birthday because be really awkward.
Speaker 1: Okay, it'll be the last two weeks of April or
Speaker 1: the first week of May, so just keep those three
Speaker 1: weeks free. Three weeks. We'll figure it out. But yeah,
Speaker 1: as I said, it kind of ended up in a
Speaker 1: bit of a fucked way. Everyone had so much fun though.
Speaker 1: It was really fun and a few people stayed after
Speaker 1: and it was just really good. But then I realized
Speaker 1: you'd been sleeping for like five hours and.
Speaker 2: You were like, shit, I have to take your to hospital.
Speaker 2: And then it was like four days.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we actually then spent our first proper mother's
Speaker 1: day in hospital, which was really sad. Bomb bomb second
Speaker 1: birthday also not great. Also not great. It was a
Speaker 1: few months after Deb's passing, so.
Speaker 2: Bareley it was like, it's like two months, Yeah, it
Speaker 2: was do we.
Speaker 1: Want to celebrate? Do we not want to celebrate? But
Speaker 1: what got it across the line for me is that
Speaker 1: we decided to co host with her bestie Goldies parents
Speaker 1: Luke and Back, and honestly, joint birthdays are so much fun.
Speaker 1: Sharing the lot.
Speaker 2: Me and my sister are going to do a joint
Speaker 2: one next year for the Yes. Good, but at the
Speaker 2: moment we didn't have anywhere to do so.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so fair enough, fair enough. But I think what
Speaker 1: happens with a lot of these kind of kid related
Speaker 1: tasks is that the mental load does fall to the mum.
Speaker 1: Like it doesn't matter how helpful the dad or you know,
Speaker 1: the secondary care is a lot of that mental load
Speaker 1: still falls on you. So if you join forces, you're
Speaker 1: kind of sharing that mental load. Which and cost and
Speaker 1: cost yeah, which was also.
Speaker 2: Telling me what you spent on that second birthday that
Speaker 2: on it was like so good.
Speaker 1: Oh it was not expensive now, it was really reasonable.
Speaker 1: But what I really liked about that birthday was just
Speaker 1: like so nice after having not really socialized much in
Speaker 1: those two months leading up to her birthday, it was
Speaker 1: really nice just to have all of our friends in
Speaker 1: one place to catch up. And I think that's another
Speaker 1: reason why it's important to do birthdays, is because a
Speaker 1: lot of parenting little kids is not seeing all of
Speaker 1: your friends all the time. Yeah, so like having something
Speaker 1: in the calendar that's kid friendly, that's a little bit
Speaker 1: more relaxed, you can see your friends. It's a good
Speaker 1: thing to tick off the list, ye know, instead of
Speaker 1: not doing anything and then going even longer without potentially
Speaker 1: seeing friends. And afterwards, the after party is always funner
Speaker 1: than the party. Like we hung out with Beck's family
Speaker 1: and Georgie. Charlie's sister was in town, so that was
Speaker 1: really beautiful as well, just to kind of like reflect
Speaker 1: on how lucky we are to have them in our lives.
Speaker 1: And I don't know, there's just a lot of people
Speaker 1: that care about Ruin. It's so sweet to have those reminders.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: And I'm never not going to have a birthday party
Speaker 1: for her, even if you.
Speaker 2: Feel like I should fail.
Speaker 1: They're so fun.
Speaker 2: I know it's too late now though.
Speaker 1: This is the thing. It doesn't have to be big.
Speaker 2: I'm having our immediate family over for a barbecue. Yeah, lovely,
Speaker 2: you know. And then Uncle Stink's my best friend is
Speaker 2: coming over today after daycare and we're putting a little
Speaker 2: birthday party on just us.
Speaker 1: So we're doing things exactly. And that's what I wanted
Speaker 1: to say. It like doesn't have to be big birthday.
Speaker 2: Heaps of people, so yeah, but it's.
Speaker 1: Just something that's like celebrating, Oh yeah, no, doing.
Speaker 2: We celebrate him. I should have Clara. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And also the two birthday parties I've had for have
Speaker 1: been in our backyard. They're not over the top. We
Speaker 1: get some bunting from Kmart and we get a couple
Speaker 1: of what are those tables called trestle table.
Speaker 2: Trestle tables, chuck a little thing. Give me one of
Speaker 2: those birthday parties. I hate seeing Pinterest birthday parties. No,
Speaker 2: I'm just like, who is that for? No? I know
Speaker 2: who are you doing this for? For the gram? Also
Speaker 2: give me a proper, low key like past the past al.
Speaker 1: Yes, oh my god, he is old enough.
Speaker 2: Maybe next year I want to do like a proper
Speaker 2: birthday party, like proper lollibags. Yes, none of this ship
Speaker 2: with healthy stuff in them or stup a little toys,
Speaker 2: give the lollies. I want to do like past the
Speaker 2: pastl musical chairs, like just all the ugly, like tacky
Speaker 2: birthday ship that we had, party hats so yes.
Speaker 1: Egg spoon rays like all that fun stuff. It doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be aesthetic, but it just needms to be
Speaker 1: fun exactly with some champagne.
Speaker 2: With some champagne for the time, and if it's the morning,
Speaker 2: look you can do a bellini.
Speaker 1: The most exactly lovely, So talk me through your feelings
Speaker 1: then about birthdays?
Speaker 2: Oh goodness me. The reason why I did want to
Speaker 2: do this episode because you might be listening and thinking, well,
Speaker 2: this is just a very narcissistic way for you to
Speaker 2: chat about your child's birthday party.
Speaker 1: No, I don't think so. I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people listening are going to be either you or me
Speaker 1: about this. Well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's funny because when I did sort of ask
Speaker 2: the shit is what they thought, which I'll read some
Speaker 2: of the responses later in the episode. A couple of
Speaker 2: different people said, I think I'm alone in how I
Speaker 2: feel about this, and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: that's why I want to do this episode, because it's
Speaker 2: not You're not alone. One thing that I have learned
Speaker 2: is that you are never alone. Not one thought that
Speaker 2: you have is a unique experience. I promise you that totally.
Speaker 1: And I think it's just that we are conditioned to
Speaker 1: believe that there's only one way of doing things because
Speaker 1: there is a dominating visual of what it means to
Speaker 1: be a good parent exactly, which means like an over
Speaker 1: the top aesthetic Pinterest's birthday party, and it's like fucking hell,
Speaker 1: that sounds really stressful exactly.
Speaker 2: So I personally get very depressed around Len's birthday. I
Speaker 2: always really really struggle because for me, it reminds me
Speaker 2: of the day I first completely disassociated from my life,
Speaker 2: Like the pain was just so intense and I just
Speaker 2: couldn't deal with it that I kind of just went
Speaker 2: elsewhere because I'm thinking about his birth of days and
Speaker 2: for thirty nine weeks in four days, I grew learning
Speaker 2: in my body, and I imagined our life together, and
Speaker 2: I imagined his day of birth being the happiest day
Speaker 2: of my life. And every year then the day would
Speaker 2: just be like this big cause for celebration because it's
Speaker 2: the day that he entered the world. Yet the shadow
Speaker 2: on his birthday is that it's a day that began
Speaker 2: the hardest period of my life, and I remember moments
Speaker 2: and feelings not really the day, and I think that
Speaker 2: it signals the start of my PPD, which turned so
Speaker 2: much of Len's first year, especially into just like this
Speaker 2: big folk yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: So I feel really depressed about it, and then I
Speaker 2: feel guilty that I feel depressed about it, and then
Speaker 2: I feel just so overwhelmed with grief for all of
Speaker 2: those lost memories and those precious moments that I will
Speaker 2: never get back. Especially I think an added layer is
Speaker 2: because I am so sure that he is just the
Speaker 2: one baby. So a big part of why I would
Speaker 2: want to have a second is I want another turn. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I want to do it again and like remember the
Speaker 2: moments and get memories like yeah, it's part of that
Speaker 2: rather than even it's just weird. And another layer of
Speaker 2: why I find it so hard is because I have
Speaker 2: such an incredible memory. Usually, Yeah, it freaks people out.
Speaker 2: The visceral way that I remember things is almost weird,
Speaker 2: Like it does freak people out sometimes, the stuff that
Speaker 2: I can remember, like I literally can feel the joy
Speaker 2: that fizzed inside me. I can feel like my whole
Speaker 2: body just fizzing the joy when I was a teenager
Speaker 2: and was playing like Red Rover at a school sleepover,
Speaker 2: because we were far too old to be playing Red Rover,
Speaker 2: like you know, we were teenagers, we were too cool,
Speaker 2: But that kind of just made it all the more fun.
Speaker 2: Like I remember that moment, I remember the joy that
Speaker 2: was fizzing through me. I don't have any photos of this,
Speaker 2: so it's not like it's a photo that I'm looking
Speaker 2: at and remembering it's the joy, and I remember it
Speaker 2: like I remember the anger that was reverberating through me
Speaker 2: and almost fizzing with anger. This one time that I
Speaker 2: was an angsty fifteen year old and I had a
Speaker 2: stupid fight with my parents about talking on the phone
Speaker 2: to a boy because it was dial up season and
Speaker 2: Mum had to work, and I just was sitting outside
Speaker 2: crying angry tears and I just felt pure hatred at
Speaker 2: the world for my woes. I remember that like I
Speaker 2: remembered terror ripping through my body. On my wedding days,
Speaker 2: I walked up the aisle and I refused to look
Speaker 2: up at anyone. And that was the first moment I
Speaker 2: realized I actually don't like being the center of attention.
Speaker 2: I always thought I did, but I really don't. I
Speaker 2: felt terrified. Yeah, yeah, And it was funny. I recently
Speaker 2: went to visit my friends that had a newborn, and
Speaker 2: I was reminding one of my friends details that he'd
Speaker 2: forgotten about his own time as a father with his firstborn.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, my god, remember these notes that
Speaker 2: you used to make and details about a haircut, and
Speaker 2: then this story of spilt milk, and he's looking at
Speaker 2: me like an absolute shock. How could I remember these
Speaker 2: details about his life that he didn't remember that I
Speaker 2: was reminding the fog. I remember stuff like that about
Speaker 2: everyone at all different stages, and I'll correct people. Sometimes.
Speaker 2: I'll be like, no, it wasn't that, it was the
Speaker 2: other correct, we could do that, and then they're like, well,
Speaker 2: it's helpful. I would say it's very helpful. Probably not
Speaker 2: great that I remind people of things they'd rather forget.
Speaker 2: Yet my own time and my own memory with Lenny
Speaker 2: feels like this big blur. It feels like it's happened
Speaker 2: to someone else and I just watched from the periphal.
Speaker 2: I know what's happened because I document so much of
Speaker 2: my life with videos and photos, but I don't remember it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't remember his chubby little hands clapping, but I
Speaker 2: have a video of his chubby little hands clapping, And
Speaker 2: now I will look at the shape of his cheeks
Speaker 2: and the way he purses his little lips when he's
Speaker 2: pleased with himself. Those are things that I can't capture
Speaker 2: with photos and videos. And I'm so terrified that I'm
Speaker 2: going to lose those memories too.
Speaker 1: No, I'm so scared, You're not.
Speaker 2: I just want to freeze, freeze time because I don't
Speaker 2: want to ever forget. And now I feel like I'm
Speaker 2: in it and the fog is gone. Of course, things
Speaker 2: are still hard sometimes and I feel exhausted, but I
Speaker 2: feel like I can really enjoy and embrace him. But
Speaker 2: I'm just so scared that I'm going to forget stuff
Speaker 2: that I can't capture because my memories have failed me
Speaker 2: so much so far in motherhood. And I feel so
Speaker 2: cranky because postpartum depression is this fog that robbed me
Speaker 2: of all of these memories and moments and his birthdays
Speaker 2: just a reminder of that, because in some ways I
Speaker 2: feel like it does continue to do so, and I'm
Speaker 2: just terrified of continuing to forget. My memory has for
Speaker 2: so long been a big superpower for me, but when
Speaker 2: it comes to the most important thing, I can't grasp
Speaker 2: my memories.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I know a.
Speaker 2: Lot of people would feel like this. What I would
Speaker 2: give for like half an hour with him when he
Speaker 2: was a baby, Yeah, to remember it and to feel
Speaker 2: like I was there. Yeah, And just also to tell
Speaker 2: him that I love him. Oh. I told him that
Speaker 2: when he was little, I didn't remember if I did,
Speaker 2: and also to tell myself that you will be okay,
Speaker 2: you are a good mum, Like I just wish that
Speaker 2: I could tell future me that then of course that
Speaker 2: makes sense.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but can I just say, like, none of that
Speaker 1: was your fault?
Speaker 2: I know that, but that doesn't make it. I don't
Speaker 2: think any of it's my fault.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think that you've done so much work well, well,
Speaker 1: but you've come so far. Yeah, maybe that's a better
Speaker 1: way to put it. Not everyone's newborn phase is easy, right,
Speaker 1: but it's this much. It's so small in the grand
Speaker 1: scheme of his whole life.
Speaker 2: I think it's just that they physically changed so much
Speaker 2: within that period too. Yeah, that's the fucked thing that
Speaker 2: I think that zero to three there are just so
Speaker 2: many stages. I don't think from three till six he
Speaker 2: will change as much. Yeah, but he will lean out,
Speaker 2: he will grow a little bit, but he's not gonna
Speaker 2: it's not going to be this entirely new person that's
Speaker 2: learning how to sit up and.
Speaker 1: Yeah, those little things. But I don't know if I
Speaker 1: remember a lot of that stuff either. Some of it
Speaker 1: I do, some of it I don't. But I think
Speaker 1: that the thing was you were always there for him.
Speaker 1: You never just like left him, you.
Speaker 2: Know sometimes yeah you wanted to, you thought about it,
Speaker 2: it didn't but you didn't.
Speaker 1: And I think that's the thing. Like you always showed
Speaker 1: up every day no matter how hard it was, and
Speaker 1: you would say tomorrow is a new day, like it's
Speaker 1: not going to necessarily be as bad as a last.
Speaker 1: Like you had a lot of hope in those moments
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 2: I'm weirdly optimistic.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we's sharing how rough it was.
Speaker 2: Also, like just in sometimes in general, I'm like weirdly
Speaker 2: optimistic about stuff.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well I think you know, it always has a
Speaker 1: way of working itself out, Like this is.
Speaker 2: Such a tangent. But at the end of February, Luke's
Speaker 2: starting a new job that will have him away Monday
Speaker 2: through Saturday.
Speaker 1: I did not know.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, no, it's this is a discussion for
Speaker 2: another day. And my one concern I can't miss nipple.
Speaker 1: What do we know day.
Speaker 2: I've spoke to so many people. I'm like, maybe I
Speaker 2: could just bring him and set him up with some
Speaker 2: things to do and he can just watch and sit there.
Speaker 2: And every single person has been like, are you serious?
Speaker 1: I actually think that's a good idea.
Speaker 2: Why wouldn't he other kids sit there.
Speaker 1: I remember going to like my uncle's basketball games as
Speaker 1: a kid to watch him, like play basketball and stuff.
Speaker 2: I don't think he'll watched, but I'll set him up
Speaker 2: with an iPad, snacks, toy cars. It'll be fine, and
Speaker 2: hoping that he'll just watch me. We'll sit there. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'll be able to see him. Obviously, I reckon they're.
Speaker 1: A little bit more resilient than what people think. I
Speaker 1: think that's fine.
Speaker 2: I guess you don't think I'm actually being We're the optimism. No, okay,
Speaker 2: right away.
Speaker 1: That's like you want to do your netdie. You found
Speaker 1: a solution, and I reckon it's.
Speaker 2: Nettie is the most important.
Speaker 1: Anyway.
Speaker 2: I do think that it is getting better, so I
Speaker 2: will agree with you on that. And a sign is
Speaker 2: that I even wanted to do this episode because last
Speaker 2: year I didn't even want to acknowledge that it was
Speaker 2: his birthday.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't we say much in the clouds.
Speaker 2: It was like it wasn't a thing obviously said to him,
Speaker 2: it's your birthday.
Speaker 1: But as you were saying all that stuff, like I
Speaker 1: totally get it. I have so much weird feelings around
Speaker 1: my birthday, and if there's any trauma associated to something,
Speaker 1: you don't want to celebrate it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I.
Speaker 1: Think seeing him grow and change, you want to celebrate
Speaker 1: the new stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And it also helps as he gets older because
Speaker 2: now he's so excited. Yeah, he keeps saying I'm three
Speaker 2: next week, I'm a big boy. And he's really smart
Speaker 2: and he is excited for presence of course in the
Speaker 2: food although so things. I also wanted to give a
Speaker 2: tip because one of my last sessions with my psychologist
Speaker 2: lol was this time last year when we talked about
Speaker 2: all this stuff. Yeah, and I spoke about all the
Speaker 2: grief that I feel around Wednesday. She suggested that I
Speaker 2: do something for me every year on the day. I
Speaker 2: love that, Like, I take it off from work if
Speaker 2: I can, and actually just go and do stuff that's
Speaker 2: just for me, to also celebrate how far I've come
Speaker 2: every year.
Speaker 1: Definitely.
Speaker 2: Now. I didn't last year because I got really busy
Speaker 2: from work. But I am aiming today that this episode
Speaker 2: is going well.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Nice.
Speaker 2: Before we move on to the shitter responses, would you
Speaker 2: like to hear a bit of a poem that I
Speaker 2: wrote for Lenn, Yes, I would.
Speaker 1: It's just the thing Kel loves to do, a sneaky
Speaker 1: script surprise.
Speaker 2: I sent her like the skeleton of the script and
Speaker 2: I'm like.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's a bit small. We're gonna have to beef
Speaker 1: this out.
Speaker 2: And then she's unaware of the secret script that I
Speaker 2: have that has all of the stuff in it, but
Speaker 2: I don't want to read first. You also then you
Speaker 2: try to call me, and you'll send me a message, Oh,
Speaker 2: just did the script?
Speaker 1: Are you okay? Yeah?
Speaker 2: And I'm like, fox sake, yes, I'm fine. Okay. Now
Speaker 2: I'm no author, I'm no Silvia Plath. Oh but here
Speaker 2: is my little ode if you will to learn to
Speaker 2: learn it's so bad.
Speaker 1: But what's a title.
Speaker 2: It's titled three Candles.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I just got a little like wave
Speaker 1: of emotion over me. It's very poetic.
Speaker 2: Well it is a poem, I know.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, you're really committing.
Speaker 2: To the bit. Three candles now, three tiny flames for
Speaker 2: years that passed but can't remain, a chubby hand, a
Speaker 2: cheeky face, the fleeting pace of time's embrace. Your laughter
Speaker 2: is so loud, so pure, and so sweet. Tiny shoes
Speaker 2: on growing feet, a dimpled grin those big blue eyes,
Speaker 2: A boundless little boy who lights my skies. I watch
Speaker 2: you grow, my heart it feels tight, for time has
Speaker 2: wings and takes its flight. The cot stands empty once
Speaker 2: your nest. The many dummies now take their rest. You run,
Speaker 2: you leap, a blur of glee, high energy in all
Speaker 2: that you see, each laugh, each tumble feels the air
Speaker 2: a little whirlwind everywhere. I hold your hand. Though you
Speaker 2: might not stay, for life will call you far away.
Speaker 2: But even as I grieve the past, the moments here
Speaker 2: are fleeting and fast. I cherish now the in between,
Speaker 2: the fragile thread of what has been. For Though I
Speaker 2: long for time to freeze, your future, is yours to cease.
Speaker 2: Three candles burn, A tender plea to pause this time,
Speaker 2: just you and me. A piece of me will always
Speaker 2: yearn for days that time cannot return. Yet in your
Speaker 2: eyes a spark, I see a gift that life has
Speaker 2: given me. Though time moves on, my love will stay
Speaker 2: forever yours in every way.
Speaker 1: Cows really sweet cry right now you.
Speaker 2: Can save it for Roue his birthday.
Speaker 1: It was really good. I feel like that was really
Speaker 1: good poem.
Speaker 2: Really yes, it's so lame. It's so like rhyme.
Speaker 1: I don't rhyme if I find those poems hard to
Speaker 1: read and relate to.
Speaker 2: I really like a little rhyming.
Speaker 1: I love a rhyme. I think that's beautiful. You need
Speaker 1: to get that printed out and framed for him.
Speaker 2: Oh that's a nice idea. Can you imagine when he's
Speaker 2: a teenage He'll be like, fux sake, especially for every year.
Speaker 2: The next year, I'm like four candles, four candles, twenty
Speaker 2: eight candles. At the end of my life, He's like,
Speaker 2: why not only do I have a letter, an unhinged
Speaker 2: letter from you every year, but I have a really
Speaker 2: badly written poem where you just have to rhyme everything.
Speaker 1: But then imagine if he turned around for your fiftieth
Speaker 1: and was like fifty candles and wrote you a poet?
Speaker 2: Are you writing a movie?
Speaker 1: I think, I am.
Speaker 2: Wow. I'll get this baby out of her all right.
Speaker 2: Moving on to some shitter responses, because I think it's
Speaker 2: important to acknowledge all of the different ways that people feel.
Speaker 2: I haven't included everything, obviously, because there was a lot,
Speaker 2: but we will also pop some more on our socials
Speaker 2: and I just try to choose like a different array
Speaker 2: of responses that articulate different things that we feel.
Speaker 1: Love that.
Speaker 2: So I'm not an experienced mum. Firstly, Okay, I'm like
Speaker 2: not finished the first line, and I'm like, here's some
Speaker 2: feedback that no one asked for.
Speaker 1: I was like experienced. I'm not experienced.
Speaker 2: No one is experienced. I hate that this mum has
Speaker 2: put this because it's like we're literally experienced.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: I really doubt there are many actually experienced moms with
Speaker 2: like ten kids under a belt. No listen, well, there
Speaker 2: wouldn't be many, no listening to our unhinged rambles. My
Speaker 2: son is only eighteen months, but I feel so mixed
Speaker 2: about his birthday so far. He was a much wanted
Speaker 2: IVF baby, four years of trying, possibly our only child.
Speaker 2: I feel guilt wishing time away, especially during tantrums and
Speaker 2: teething shit sleep times. But I also feel immense sadness
Speaker 2: at him growing and changing from a baby so quickly.
Speaker 2: This is why I think that it must just been
Speaker 2: those first years that people find it so hard when
Speaker 2: they do change so much from a baby. They're a newborn,
Speaker 2: then they're a baby, then they're a toddler.
Speaker 1: I know, but I just don't have those feelings. So
Speaker 1: I just think I'm so excited for her to get older.
Speaker 2: I wonder if some of it has to do with
Speaker 2: you knowing that you're giving her a sibling and it
Speaker 2: wasn't your only one.
Speaker 1: I think so, because that's the commonality between you and
Speaker 1: the shitter, right.
Speaker 2: There was a lot of commonality if they were one
Speaker 2: and done or if it was their last baby.
Speaker 1: Yeah. See, then I can understand that because I've read
Speaker 1: that a lot with like last pregnancies, you know, like
Speaker 1: knowing this is going to be your last pregnancy and
Speaker 1: really like being emotional about that. So yeah, I think
Speaker 1: for sure that would have a lot to do with it.
Speaker 2: I cry every year for my every child the night before.
Speaker 2: I'm super sentimental, and I mourn the versions of my babies.
Speaker 2: I take a photo of them sleeping creep alert on
Speaker 2: their last night that age. Isn't that cute? I'm maybe
Speaker 2: I'm also really sentimental. Yeah, so that is something that
Speaker 2: I would do. I kind of love it. I love
Speaker 2: the idea of like a mum creeping in it, like
Speaker 2: for a fourteen year old being.
Speaker 1: Like he this is your last night of being before doom.
Speaker 2: Birthdays are weird. This is another really good point. Birthdays
Speaker 2: are weird when you've had a traumatic birth. A mixture
Speaker 2: of pride for how far you've come, happiness that your
Speaker 2: little one is a year older, but also some sadness
Speaker 2: that you're surrounded by people celebrating and no one is
Speaker 2: acknowledging that this is also the anniversary of one of
Speaker 2: the hardest days of your life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's such a good point, such a good point.
Speaker 2: So this mom she talks about like everything that she
Speaker 2: does in the prep and then she says, all you
Speaker 2: do is prep and it's such a busy day. Then
Speaker 2: you sit down at like nine pm and it hits you.
Speaker 2: The memories flood back, their first smile, the year that's gone,
Speaker 2: the hard time that don't seem that hard anymore they
Speaker 2: definitely were, and the good time seems so much better.
Speaker 2: You reflect on yourself and you feel good and horrible
Speaker 2: at the same time for various reasons, and someone asks, oh,
Speaker 2: how are you or what are your thoughts? And there
Speaker 2: is no way to verbalize every single feeling that you have,
Speaker 2: so you just say, oh, it's their birthday. It's just
Speaker 2: been a big day, and inside you're just trying to
Speaker 2: process everything. Wow.
Speaker 1: I never realized that this was such a thing for people.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it is such a thing. Like I
Speaker 2: just I feel like you are an exception. There was
Speaker 2: a lot of people. I would say seventy five to
Speaker 2: eighty percent of the respondents had lots of feelings about it,
Speaker 2: and then so twenty five ish.
Speaker 1: I wonder if that will change, like as they get older.
Speaker 1: I think for me, I'm one thing that I'm thinking
Speaker 1: that is going to be really hard is like school.
Speaker 1: When they start school, I feel like that's going to
Speaker 1: be a really big emotional.
Speaker 2: Shaker, the idea of like sending them off into the
Speaker 2: big wide world.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's just so interesting having this perspective. I
Speaker 1: feel silly not realizing that that.
Speaker 2: Why would you thought if it wasn't your experience. Guess
Speaker 2: I feel happy, But then there's this other part of
Speaker 2: me that's really sad and angry. Sad because time is
Speaker 2: a thief and it feels like only yesterday pushed her
Speaker 2: out of my huha. I couldn't believe we'd already made
Speaker 2: it past the twelvemonth mark. I can only imagine how
Speaker 2: fast her little life is going to go from here,
Speaker 2: and it devastates me that I can't hit pause and
Speaker 2: soak up every little second, which leads me to why
Speaker 2: I feel anger. I hate the social constructs of how
Speaker 2: society has essentially forced mothers to have to go back
Speaker 2: to work. We always knew when she turned one it
Speaker 2: was a sign of the end of my maternity leave,
Speaker 2: and now that it's here, I can't help but feel
Speaker 2: so angry that I can't choose to be a stay
Speaker 2: at home mum and raise my child that I chose
Speaker 2: to have. Instead, I have to palmer off to family
Speaker 2: members or daycare while I go to earn more money
Speaker 2: because it's impossible in twenty twenty five to live off
Speaker 2: one income per household. Yeah that was also a really
Speaker 2: valid point.
Speaker 1: Yeah helps.
Speaker 2: I get really sad that she's getting old and I
Speaker 2: want it to stop. I also can't believe that it's
Speaker 2: been that long since she was born, and stress I've
Speaker 2: missed too many moments, and then worry I haven't loved
Speaker 2: her enough and I want to go back and do
Speaker 2: it again, and then hug her tight and never let
Speaker 2: her go. I feel things about how he's growing and
Speaker 2: maybe I wasted His baby is riddled with anxiety trying
Speaker 2: now for baby number two, but coming to terms that
Speaker 2: it might not happen, and then I really did waste
Speaker 2: the baby time. This is yes, but on the flip side,
Speaker 2: those feelings are forcing me to slow down and embrace
Speaker 2: the todd The time being away from family in a
Speaker 2: new city without a close circle means I feel sad
Speaker 2: that he won't have a giant party that he deserves
Speaker 2: on his third birthday, so I'll probably just overcompensate with
Speaker 2: too many presents. I play Stevie Wonder's Happy Birthday and
Speaker 2: Google Home when I go into his room on his birthday,
Speaker 2: which makes me superterio as we dance around, just remembering
Speaker 2: all the times before and how much he has grown.
Speaker 2: It's so very beautiful to see him change and grow,
Speaker 2: but also immensely sad as I think of him as
Speaker 2: my little baby. Two things can be true at once.
Speaker 2: I try to make his birth as fun and happy
Speaker 2: as possible. This year, he's choosing the theme Poor Patrol
Speaker 2: and the cake he wants me to bake for him.
Speaker 2: Seeing his little face light up as I came out
Speaker 2: with the candles really hit me in the feels. I
Speaker 2: know I'm probably alone in this and It could probably
Speaker 2: just be my mental health, but I feel a weird
Speaker 2: sense of guilt. Only way I can describe it is like, Oh,
Speaker 2: they're X years old now, and I wasted that year.
Speaker 2: I should have done more age appropriate activities with them.
Speaker 2: I wasted it. They missed out. It's really awful because
Speaker 2: I want to be more like, Oh, wow, look how
Speaker 2: far we have come. We're so much wiser. We're both are.
Speaker 2: For context, I have a fifteen year old and a
Speaker 2: one year old.
Speaker 1: This is so interesting.
Speaker 2: I wonder if it's like, are you sentimental?
Speaker 1: I am, but I just feel like my level of
Speaker 1: like I wonder if it has to do with how
Speaker 1: low the bar was for me, But do you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like for me, I just feel like
Speaker 1: the hardest part about being pregnant is that I feel
Speaker 1: like I've been a bit of a ship mum and
Speaker 1: because I've been grumpy and not had any kind of
Speaker 1: extra mph to give right But overall, I'm just like
Speaker 1: I'm fucking killing it because I think the bar is
Speaker 1: so low. I feel like, when I'm listening to all
Speaker 1: these people, what is the expectation that you're working to? Like,
Speaker 1: what are you thinking that you need to be doing like.
Speaker 2: I think it's pressured that everyone's putting them on themselves,
Speaker 2: or that we feel lost inside or I.
Speaker 1: Know, I think that is just crazy, Like, well, you
Speaker 1: can't tell people that the way they feel it. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I want to shake them and be like, you are
Speaker 1: doing it. You don't need to be so hard on yourself.
Speaker 1: Like seeing his little face light up when you brought
Speaker 1: out the cake with the candles. You did that, You
Speaker 1: created that moment and that memory for them. That is huge. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'm doing more activities throughout the year. You did
Speaker 1: what you could do.
Speaker 2: That's really good advice. You did what you could do. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I like that advice.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm the wrong person for this episode
Speaker 1: because I'm just like all of you are amazing and
Speaker 1: you better believe it now.
Speaker 2: No, that's what people need to feel. Okay that I
Speaker 2: want to read it, and then the rest I'll put
Speaker 2: on socials or what on. I have all of the
Speaker 2: feelings all at once. Parenting feels like I'm constantly adjusting
Speaker 2: to new normals, letting go of the old, embracing the you.
Speaker 2: There's better and worse things with every age. Parenting can
Speaker 2: force you to be more resilient with change. I thought
Speaker 2: that was really yeah, yeah, I like that. I feel
Speaker 2: proud I have a little gal. She's five, with disabilities,
Speaker 2: and every year I compile a video of all of
Speaker 2: our favorite moments over the year, and I can see
Speaker 2: her progress, which is much nicer than the annual NDIS appointments,
Speaker 2: which I have to say, how she isn't reaching any
Speaker 2: of her peers, and how challenging my life is. Oh god,
Speaker 2: I do feel sad for the little baby that she
Speaker 2: once was before I knew how hard our life would be.
Speaker 2: And I feel happy because she loves the shit out
Speaker 2: of her birthday and I write her a letter every
Speaker 2: year for her birthday.
Speaker 1: That is really sweet. I feel like also that perspective
Speaker 1: right when you've been through something hard, it gives you
Speaker 1: perspective and it gives you a little bit of like
Speaker 1: room to feel.
Speaker 2: Breathe and to feel that you're nailing it killing But.
Speaker 1: Not everyone has that perspective, and they have really high
Speaker 1: standards that they're holding themselves to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and no one else is.
Speaker 1: And no one else is. I guarantee any of these
Speaker 1: shitters that have written in.
Speaker 2: Their partners, their friends, friends, parents, they would all be
Speaker 2: saying that they're doing absolute still a job. I also
Speaker 2: think a really good piece of advice that I once
Speaker 2: heard is if you think that you're doing a bad job,
Speaker 2: or you worry that you're doing a bad job, you're
Speaker 2: a good parent. Because a bad parent wouldn't even.
Speaker 1: Worry, it, wouldn't give two shits.
Speaker 2: Or even think to think such a thing.
Speaker 1: No, they would definitely think they're killing it.
Speaker 2: And yeah, they would just like have middle aged white
Speaker 2: man confidence and be like, I'm slaying this. You absolutely not.
Speaker 1: No, it shows how much you care.
Speaker 2: Yeah, anyway, that's all I'll say about the birthday.
Speaker 1: But well, I wanted to say that I'm particularly blown
Speaker 1: away by just how much you love Lynn, how much
Speaker 1: of a good mum you are. So happy third birthday
Speaker 1: to your.
Speaker 2: Womb whatever you would call it.
Speaker 1: It was tough, but I feel like every year gets
Speaker 1: better and better. It does, and he's the happiest boy.
Speaker 2: Like, well, at the moment, we're going through some feelings,
Speaker 2: but yes.
Speaker 1: Feelings are feelings, feeling, they're all little shit at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, but he's happy. Recommendations, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: do have one this week.
Speaker 2: Oh why are you?
Speaker 1: Because I feel like you might give me shit for it. Oh,
Speaker 1: I've not watched it, so I've got a good So
Speaker 1: I realized I am a little bit late to this,
Speaker 1: but I know I'm a bit daggy, right, Like I've
Speaker 1: rewatched Friends that many times the series. But for me,
Speaker 1: it's really good, comforting, like it's just something you can
Speaker 1: put on. I know it's a little bit problematic. It
Speaker 1: has an age very well, but there's just something really
Speaker 1: like warming about it and you just feel like it's
Speaker 1: a warm hug slightly different TV show, but Veep has
Speaker 1: kind of filled that void for me.
Speaker 2: Politics is about people. Politics is about people.
Speaker 1: I've met some people, Okay, real people, and I gotta
Speaker 1: tell you a lot of them.
Speaker 2: Medi It's I remember, I always want to tort you.
Speaker 2: It's about Mara Juanna. Correct, No, what sure am I
Speaker 2: thinking of?
Speaker 1: Julia Louis Dreyfuss. So the chick from Seinfeld's done a
Speaker 1: bunch of other great roles, obviously, but she is the
Speaker 1: vice President of America.
Speaker 2: It was actually called Weeds.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Weeds. Yeah, that is actually I think a good show.
Speaker 1: I never watched it either, but it's just really funny
Speaker 1: and I think she's outstanding and she won a bunch
Speaker 1: of like Emmys for this role. Anything that she's on,
Speaker 1: you know, it's guaranteed to be good because obviously she
Speaker 1: takes a lot of time to read scripts and commit
Speaker 1: to something. But it's just so funny. It's obviously based
Speaker 1: around politics in the US, but it's just interesting and
Speaker 1: I don't know, they just the writing is so clever,
Speaker 1: and the personalities in it are just so heightened and
Speaker 1: ridiculous and funny and over the top. It's great. We
Speaker 1: watch it every night.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, an episode discovering more of a retro
Speaker 2: TV show because then you've got so many seasons.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's just it doesn't take itself too seriously.
Speaker 2: How long do the episodes go for? Oh like twenty
Speaker 2: twenty literally, like a friend's like a totally yeah, so good.
Speaker 1: It's a perfect little it's on Binge and we've just
Speaker 1: been loving it. And there's a few seasons as well.
Speaker 1: It's just so funny because it's just obviously like taking
Speaker 1: the piss out of politics and like what politicians do
Speaker 1: and so, but it's also behind the curtain, so you
Speaker 1: like see that.
Speaker 2: It's interesting. It's just always really like scandal, the BTS
Speaker 2: is Yeah, but that's a drama.
Speaker 1: That's a drama. This is very much comedy satire, highly recommend.
Speaker 1: Just feels a little void that Friends is. I can't
Speaker 1: watch Friends for like a twentieth time. I mean I can,
Speaker 1: and I will, but we need to watch something else.
Speaker 2: To introduce it to rue at some point.
Speaker 1: What's yours?
Speaker 2: I have two? First? One is the best book I've
Speaker 2: read so far this year. Okay, I know it's January.
Speaker 2: It's called Wedding People. Oh my god. I've been seeing
Speaker 2: it a lot, like I think it's a lot of
Speaker 2: people's book club books at the That's why I've seen it.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I saw someone from the Shameless podcast posted about it
Speaker 2: like it's blowing up at the moment. I think it
Speaker 2: was a huge book. It came out halfway through last year.
Speaker 2: I don't usually like what I would call chick lit
Speaker 2: eat oh I do, but it's actually not chick lit
Speaker 2: like it is. It's like a holiday read, but it's
Speaker 2: got quite dark themes. Okay, but it's written in a
Speaker 2: way that is just so beautiful. Have you ever read
Speaker 2: any of Matt Haiges's books. No, He writes The Midnight Library,
Speaker 2: The Life Impossible Reasons to live like, it's a lot
Speaker 2: about mental health. And he's a beautiful writer. It's almost
Speaker 2: like Matt Hagu wrote a chick lit novel. Oh wow,
Speaker 2: Like it's so good. Yeah, I can't even tell you
Speaker 2: how good it was. Every single person in the entire
Speaker 2: world could read this and enjoy it. I think, Okay,
Speaker 2: I just loved it. I'll put it on my list
Speaker 2: for post baby. Yeah, and I'm like through the birthing books.
Speaker 2: I read it on my Kindle. I think you could
Speaker 2: even listen to it, and it would be a nice
Speaker 2: one to listen to because it's so light, like it's
Speaker 2: not deep enough that there's different characters that you sort
Speaker 2: of need to pay attention to.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And then a movie that I watched on Amazon Prime,
Speaker 2: Beautiful Boy. It's older twenty eighteen.
Speaker 1: There are moments that I look at him, this kid
Speaker 1: that I raised, who I thought I knew inside and out,
Speaker 1: and I wonder.
Speaker 2: Who he is. It's got Steve Corell and Timothy Chamalay
Speaker 2: in it. How do you pronounce.
Speaker 1: Its shallam may challa may? What did I say, shamalay?
Speaker 1: That's the same thing, Charla may shallow shall I?
Speaker 2: I don't know you know who I'm talking about, Kylie
Speaker 2: Jenner's boyfriend, boyfriend. It's about a dad and his eldest
Speaker 2: son is struggling with drug addiction. Oh wow, my god,
Speaker 2: don't watch it if you're in a sad mood or it's.
Speaker 1: So Both of those actors are really good and end
Speaker 1: that role I can see that will be really believable.
Speaker 2: They are so believable. It is so good, and just
Speaker 2: Steve Correll's portrayal of this dad is just so beautiful
Speaker 2: and so accurate in every way that you can imagine
Speaker 2: you would behave. Oh it's so good.
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm gonna have to watch this. You've sold it
Speaker 1: to me. I love it.
Speaker 2: And the only reason I even discovered it was one
Speaker 2: day I was looking for where audio that I saw
Speaker 2: trending on TikTok came from, and it was a quote from.
Speaker 1: That Mad movie.
Speaker 2: That's because I was like, why, I've never heard that
Speaker 2: quote come out of Steve Carell's mouth, but I knew
Speaker 2: that it was his voice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you remember the quote?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's by John Lennon, Beautiful Boy, icing it to
Speaker 2: Lenny all the time. As it is, I just changed
Speaker 2: the lyrics to the Monster's gone, your mummy's here instead
Speaker 2: of your daddy's here. Obviously fucking John. But the audio
Speaker 2: it's Steve Corell's voice and he goes, do you know
Speaker 2: how much I love you? And then it moves into
Speaker 2: that song Anyway, It's just a really beautiful piece of
Speaker 2: audio that always used to make me cry. And then
Speaker 2: I like discovered it was from a movie, So highly
Speaker 2: recommend to the film. If you could take all the
Speaker 2: words in the language, it's still would describe.
Speaker 1: On each other. Isn't that interesting How even TikTok trending
Speaker 1: things can like, like I know, it's like makes you
Speaker 1: discover different things, but to make you discover a movie like.
Speaker 2: Random movie from twenty eighteen that I'd never heard of,
Speaker 2: and I probably would have watched it when it came
Speaker 2: out because I'm interested in those themes. I kind of
Speaker 2: like really fucked up shit, Like whenever I was watching
Speaker 2: Euphoria and the character would get sober, I'd be like, oh, boring.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you want you find the kind of like interesting,
Speaker 1: like the complexities of human experiences.
Speaker 2: And I don't understand addiction at all, so I find
Speaker 2: it a very interesting topic. Yeah, I love that beautiful
Speaker 2: boy Beautiful Boy on Amazon. It's free. It's not one
Speaker 2: of those ones you have to rent for or pay for.
Speaker 2: But yeah, it's really good. Anyway, that's all the time
Speaker 2: we have for today.
Speaker 1: That's it. Thank you so much for tuning in.
Speaker 2: We'll be back next week with something a little bit lighter,
Speaker 2: a bit of a law if you will.
Speaker 1: Which I want to.
Speaker 2: I'm not telling you, Oh, I just have to wait
Speaker 2: and see you. We've already recorded. We had a big
Speaker 2: chuckle recording it. Share the pod on your socials and
Speaker 2: please rate and review us. It really does mean the
Speaker 2: absolute world and it's the easiest way for you to
Speaker 2: support the pod.
Speaker 1: It really is. This episode was produced by myself, Key
Speaker 1: re Cells, and Kelly McCarran, with audio production by the
Speaker 1: wonderful Madeline Joanno.
Speaker 2: Bye Bye