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Speaker 1: You're listening to a MoMA mea podcast.

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Speaker 2: Mama Mayer acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters

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Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded on.

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Speaker 3: Do you guys say the story about the olympian who

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Speaker 3: chopped off his finger?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 1: Oh, no, tell me about that. I saw it, but

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Speaker 1: I didn't really understand.

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Speaker 3: What I've done isomo clickbait of you, because like very hyperbolic.

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Speaker 2: He didn't headline.

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Speaker 1: I was like, do you know what I immediately thought?

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Speaker 1: I was like, was it in the wood chopping? Wait?

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Speaker 1: I used to show.

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Speaker 2: All right, he's a hockey sports.

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Speaker 1: Fer.

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Speaker 2: Her to tell.

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Speaker 3: Us he injured the end of his finger, and he

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Speaker 3: knew that if he had to go to the Olympics

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Speaker 3: with this injury, then he wouldn't be able to compete

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Speaker 3: to compete in what so hockey? He's a hockey dude.

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Speaker 3: He got the end of his finger chopped off, as

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Speaker 3: in he professionally, professionally and like he had the on

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Speaker 3: advice medical advice or that kind of thing. Anyway, my

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Speaker 3: second cousin or some ship so I saw the story, right, yeah,

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Speaker 3: some Irish like mum's cousin or whatever. My mum keeps

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Speaker 3: being like, what are your cousins. There's a hockey player

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Speaker 3: for the Olympics, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And

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Speaker 3: then I saw this picture and I was like, I'm

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Speaker 3: pretty sure it's my bloody cousin.

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Speaker 2: Christmas next Christmas, Kansas. He reaches for the ham. Okay,

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Speaker 2: are we ready? Hello? And welcome to Mama Mia out

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Speaker 2: Loud and to our Friday show where we take a

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Speaker 2: break from the news cycle and breathe out. I have

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Speaker 2: nothing else happens like it would just be nice for

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Speaker 2: a while, wouldn't it. Today It's Friday, the twenty sixth

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Speaker 2: of July. I'm Holly Wainwright, I'm.

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Speaker 3: Me a Freedman, and I'm Jesse Stevens.

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Speaker 2: And on the show today, is your family Toxic? If

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Speaker 2: you don't know, there's a handy quiz you can take

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Speaker 2: to find out online, Plus a really good Aussie celebrity

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Speaker 2: beauty product, the Olympic adjacent docco everyone is talking about,

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Speaker 2: and a productivity classic recommendations and best it was of

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Speaker 2: the week, including a different kind of outage, a groundbreaking

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Speaker 2: new fashion trend, and Luna's latest skill. But first, Mere Friedman.

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Speaker 1: In case you missed it, there is only one correct

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Speaker 1: time to eat dinner and I've been doing it all along.

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Speaker 1: Forget seven thirty pm. The correct time to eat dinner

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Speaker 1: aligns with a toddler and according to the most acclaimed

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Speaker 1: restauranteurs across Sydney, this isn't just about when you eat

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Speaker 1: at home. The most popular dinner booking time is six pm.

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Speaker 2: Wow, that's early, isn't it. Apparently it's a big shift,

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Speaker 2: right because we used to eat much later we did.

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Speaker 1: Restaurant booking platforms have all confirmed this breaking news. One

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Speaker 1: platform claimed, based on the millions of reservations booked over

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Speaker 1: the last six months, six pm is the most popular

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Speaker 1: time for dining out, and more analysis showed that six

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Speaker 1: pm is our favorite time slot across Australia and five

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Speaker 1: pm is also offering the largest year on year growth.

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Speaker 2: That's wild the bookings. Well, I read this article and

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Speaker 2: it said that they've had to bring forward opening times

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Speaker 2: because it used to be that seven thirty eight point

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Speaker 2: thirty were the most popular, and a big city like Sydney,

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Speaker 2: so they often wouldn't open till six. But they've had

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Speaker 2: to change their whole structure because now we're all kids.

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Speaker 3: I've heard a lot of people from overseas speaking recently

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Speaker 3: about how Australia shuts down too early, because they say,

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Speaker 3: if they've come from New York or London, they go

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Speaker 3: to go and have dinner at nine nine thirty and

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Speaker 3: everywhere is closed. When we were doing our live shows,

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Speaker 3: we'd come off stage at nine o'clock nine fifteen and

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Speaker 3: you couldn't find anywhere to go and get some food.

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Speaker 1: That's the only time I've found it annoying because I've

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Speaker 1: noticed I've got a group of girlfriends and we go

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Speaker 1: out to dinner. We've got a standard booking and it's crept.

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Speaker 1: It started at six o'clock and it's crept. It's now

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Speaker 1: five thirty year. I don't know how. We were sitting

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Speaker 1: there the other night and a group of very elderly

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Speaker 1: ladies came in just as we were leaving home in

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Speaker 1: bed by seven thirty.

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Speaker 2: The theory is COVID broke us, made us all want

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Speaker 2: to be home more, made us make cocktails at home,

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Speaker 2: made us do all that stuff more in the house.

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Speaker 2: So we've just shifted earlier and earlier. Also, we're not

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Speaker 2: working in the office as much, so it's not like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I won't be able to get out of the office

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Speaker 2: before half plus five. But I want to know, if

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Speaker 2: you're not in a restaurant, if you're just at home,

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Speaker 2: what time do you like to eat dinner?

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Speaker 3: The correct time is seven thirty. I'm sorry, it just

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Speaker 3: is based on what based on my stomach, seven point

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Speaker 3: thirty is the time that universally it's the vibe.

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Speaker 2: What about when you were growing up? What time did

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Speaker 2: you eat dinner when you were growing up? Seven? Probably?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think seven thirty feels late to me.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, it does because you're not finished till eight

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Speaker 3: and eight. You're you're edging towards bed.

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Speaker 2: But English we are six six because the.

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Speaker 3: Sun goes down at three. What's difficult, though, is then

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Speaker 3: a little baby comes along and all the advice I've

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Speaker 3: been going to the out loud as asking for advice

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Speaker 3: on my baby that throws all her food on the floor,

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Speaker 3: and they say you've got to sit down and eat

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Speaker 3: with her. I'm like, but she has dinner at five

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Speaker 3: point thirty and I'll.

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Speaker 1: Come and heat with her.

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Speaker 3: That's still like, can she go to your restaurant looking

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Speaker 3: because no one's eating in our house.

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Speaker 2: This is exactly when it all changes, right, because if

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Speaker 2: I'm allowed to just live my life how I want

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Speaker 2: to live my life. I'm a seven thirty person too.

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Speaker 2: Definitely I am, definitely and often later eight. It's not

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Speaker 2: good for you, apparently.

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Speaker 1: No, I'm on to dessert by seventhing.

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Speaker 2: Often eight o'clock or later on the weekend. But when

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Speaker 2: my kids were small and everyone said you have to

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Speaker 2: eat together, I was like, I'm not eating at five.

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Speaker 2: I'm just not. Also, it's not practical for lots of

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Speaker 2: people who don't get home from work, so we always

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Speaker 2: had kids tea, then the kids go to bed, then

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Speaker 2: grown up seat. But the problem with that is that

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Speaker 2: pushes you later and later too.

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Speaker 1: In my house, we sort of it's a bit like

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Speaker 1: a choose your own adventure. Just wandering into the kitchen

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Speaker 1: when you're hungry. That's always amazed me get something wonder off.

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Speaker 1: I want to know what I allowed to do.

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Speaker 3: I have two more theories as to why our dinner

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Speaker 3: keeps getting like comically early. One is the right of

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Speaker 3: this five am club bullshit.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's true.

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Speaker 3: If you've got to be up at five, you've got

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Speaker 3: to be in bed by what nine or something, And

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Speaker 3: so I reckon that's why people are getting up earlier

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Speaker 3: and The second reason is lockout laws lack of night life.

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Speaker 3: So if you did want to have a night we

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Speaker 3: know there's nowhere to go, right, So if you have

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Speaker 3: an eight o'clock dinner and then it's just ten o'clock

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Speaker 3: and then what, it's not like you can go and

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Speaker 3: get a drink.

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Speaker 1: I have a different theory. I think it's because there's

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Speaker 1: lots of good stuff to watch on streaming.

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Speaker 2: Yes, and that is one of the things that's floated

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Speaker 2: in this too, is that the COVID times that also

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Speaker 2: made us watch everything at home makes you want to

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Speaker 2: be home. Did you know that Elon Musk has fathered

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Speaker 2: twelve children? It's one of my favorite fat Does Elon

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Speaker 2: Musk know that he's jokes? Of course he does. Anyway,

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Speaker 2: A quick rundown of Musk's crew that we know about devastatingly. Actually,

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Speaker 2: he lost his first baby with his first wife, who's

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Speaker 2: a Canadian writer called Justin Wilson to SIDS at only

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Speaker 2: ten weeks old. They then went on to have twins

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Speaker 2: and then triplets vire IVF. I didn't know that. So

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Speaker 2: his oldest kids are those kids, the kids he had

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Speaker 2: with Justine Wilson. Then he had three kids with the

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Speaker 2: singer Grimes. And now he's had three kids with one

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Speaker 2: of his executives at Neuralink, which is one of his businesses,

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Speaker 2: called Chevon Zillis. So that's all the children.

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Speaker 3: Is he still with Chevon?

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Speaker 1: Who knows?

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Speaker 2: I don't know if they're with I don't think that's

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Speaker 2: a thing.

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Speaker 3: Oh, okay, all right, he don't know.

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Speaker 1: He tends to just inseminate them, all right.

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Speaker 2: He's not having a man. I don't think it's a

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Speaker 2: conventional arrangement. But I don't know that. But why am

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Speaker 2: I telling you this? I'm so glad you asked. It's

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Speaker 2: because at least one of his adult children have cut

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Speaker 2: him off legally filing to drop his name from THEIRS.

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Speaker 2: That's because his daughter, Vivian, who's twenty years old, is

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Speaker 2: trans and her father Elon refuses to recognize that fact,

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Speaker 2: and he's publicly stated recently that Vivian fell victim to

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Speaker 2: a woke mind virus. Okay, Elon. He's not alone in

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Speaker 2: being a high profile father whose children want nothing to

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Speaker 2: do with him, though Brad Pittstell to Shiloh, for example,

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Speaker 2: Tom Cruise's daughter. Sorry, they're two more examples. Considering the

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Speaker 2: context of those that Brad Pitt is alleged to have

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Speaker 2: abused Shiloh's mom in front of her, and Tom Cruise

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Speaker 2: is reported to have cut off his daughter's mother over

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Speaker 2: well maybe religion scientology for shartology. Who could blame them,

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Speaker 2: But they are also examples of a growing group of

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Speaker 2: young people and not so young people who are being

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Speaker 2: advised and assisted in cutting off family members who are

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Speaker 2: deemed toxic.

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Speaker 1: I finally cut my mom off. He hate that this

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Speaker 1: is my reality. I don't want to be the child

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Speaker 1: who has to cut off their only living parent because

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Speaker 1: the dynamic is so abusive and toxic.

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Speaker 3: Why cutting my dad out of my life was the

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Speaker 3: best thing that ever happened for our relationship.

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Speaker 1: I went no contact with my sister a little over

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Speaker 1: a year ago. It just goes to show sometimes your family,

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Speaker 1: sometimes your family are your biggest hears.

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Speaker 4: I am no longer accepting toxic behavior just because we

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Speaker 4: call each other family.

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Speaker 3: As I've been going through therapy, I have just realized

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Speaker 3: how toxic some.

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Speaker 1: Family dynamics and relationships can be because we've allowed our

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Speaker 1: families to treat us any type of way.

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Speaker 2: In fact, there are a lot of coaches online who

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Speaker 2: will help you do it, and there are a lot

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Speaker 2: of people online who will cheerlead you through the process.

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Speaker 2: One of these people is a guy called Patrick Tian.

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Speaker 2: He is a coach who'll help you understand if you

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Speaker 2: need to cut off your family and how to do.

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Speaker 1: It, and he will sell you all the things that

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Speaker 1: you need to do it, including the template of an

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Speaker 1: email courses.

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Speaker 2: A bit like the breakup coaches that we spoke about

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Speaker 2: last week. I'm really conflicted about this guy, a bit

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Speaker 2: like the breakup coaches again. He has these different sort

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Speaker 2: of strategies to decide whether you need to go no

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Speaker 2: contact or just some contact with parents who are problematic.

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Speaker 2: And he has a sort of quiz online that's like

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Speaker 2: a map that you can follow, and it says do

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Speaker 2: you need to cut your family off? And the answers

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Speaker 2: are yes, you do or no, they're just a bit difficult.

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Speaker 2: Twom is just one of the people who has these

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Speaker 2: webinars and all these things who will coach you in

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Speaker 2: how to do it. And then there's a trend on

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Speaker 2: TikTok and other social media platforms of people kind of

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Speaker 2: cheering you on and guiding you through it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like strangers who would just say, yeah, you should

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Speaker 1: definitely cut your parents off.

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Speaker 2: Family estrangement is a growing business. What do we think

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Speaker 2: about that.

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Speaker 3: There is a reason why if if you've been seeing

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Speaker 3: a psychologist for a lot of years and you have

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Speaker 3: complicated family dynamics, that psychologist probably hasn't told you to

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Speaker 3: cut your mum or your dad or your siblings off.

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Speaker 3: And that is because as part of their training, they

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Speaker 3: do no harm. They can't do anything to you or

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Speaker 3: guide you in a way that could potentially lead you

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Speaker 3: to harm. And also it is not part of their extensive,

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Speaker 3: extensive training to coach you necessarily and to make decisions

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Speaker 3: for you. You'll notice this that they'll offer feel about

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Speaker 3: that Jesse exactly. And it can be quite frustrating because

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Speaker 3: you think, I just want you to tell me whether

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Speaker 3: or not I should quit my job, and they will

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Speaker 3: not tell you that. They will help you make the

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Speaker 3: decision because that's empowering. That's how you get a bit

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Speaker 3: of self esteem, and that's what they're there for. They're

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Speaker 3: a psychologist. So I find this incredibly distressing, and I've

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Speaker 3: been reading a lot about it. You find is a

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Speaker 3: life coach. The coaches who are coming on suggesting that

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Speaker 3: you should cut yourself off from family members. I've been

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Speaker 3: keeping a close eye on this for years, right because

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Speaker 3: it does seem to be bubbling up, and every time

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Speaker 3: we write a story on the website about estrangement, it

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Speaker 3: goes viral, and.

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Speaker 2: I have both sides. Actually, there's a really big group

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Speaker 2: of parents of adult children who are estranged from their children,

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Speaker 2: who feel very aggrieved about it, and whenever we write

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Speaker 2: about that too on Mamma Mia, we get a huge,

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Speaker 2: huge response.

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Speaker 3: And my initial feeling has been, like I believe so

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Speaker 3: much in the family unit. I don't mean a mum

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Speaker 3: and a dad and kids. I mean whether it's a

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Speaker 3: relationship with a grandparent or a sibling or your chosen family.

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Speaker 3: I just think that's central to mental health is having

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Speaker 3: that support system. So I've always been like, you need

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Speaker 3: some support system, even if it's chosen. You can have

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Speaker 3: toxic parents, but you've got a unit. However, in my

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Speaker 3: life in the last few years, I have had two

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Speaker 3: friends have absolutely catastrophic falling out with close, close family

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Speaker 3: members and I could not support them more wholeheartedly in estrangement.

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Speaker 3: So I think that it's so case by case in

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Speaker 3: terms of whether or not and in fact, in both

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Speaker 3: of these I wouldn't say that abuse is a factor.

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Speaker 3: I think that we've probably got to carve out any

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Speaker 3: physical sexual emotional abuse is one thing you need to

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Speaker 3: protect yourself. And I would support anyone in that this

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Speaker 3: isn't a case of abuse. But cut off their family

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Speaker 3: members did what ten years of therapy wouldn't have been

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Speaker 3: able to do, which was like protect themselves. And I've all.

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Speaker 2: The energy and toxicity and negativity that you carry around

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Speaker 2: with you when you're constantly thinking about how to deal

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Speaker 2: with this relationship that's making your life worse, not better.

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Speaker 1: I think it's very interesting this idea. I have recently

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Speaker 1: interviewed someone called Africa Brook about what she calls the

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Speaker 1: Age of intolerance, and it was more about cancel culture, actually,

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Speaker 1: but this is kind of similar in a way. It's

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Speaker 1: like canceling your family. And we were talking about this

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Speaker 1: age of intolerance and this idea that we used to

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Speaker 1: accept a certain amount of friction and discomfort in our

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Speaker 1: lives for better and for worse. The worse scale, it's

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Speaker 1: sort of like we'll just suck it up, you know.

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Speaker 1: And at the better scale, it's like, well, if you

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Speaker 1: cut off everybody that you disagree with or that you

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Speaker 1: have conflict with, you get to end up being fairly

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Speaker 1: isolated in your life. We were talking about this idea

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Speaker 1: of how much dysfunction do you just accept is par

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Speaker 1: of the course in family relationships, and when does it

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Speaker 1: become pathologized, like it actually is toxic? And what does

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Speaker 1: toxic even mean. It's toxic just something that makes you

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Speaker 1: feel a bit bad or a bit sad. And when

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Speaker 1: I watch some of these videos of this guy on

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Speaker 1: his YouTube channel and he's talking about here are the

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Speaker 1: six childhood trauma triggers, and it's like, it's all just very.

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Speaker 3: It's very general.

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Speaker 2: Let's use an example that isn't too extreme, right because

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Speaker 2: Elon musk I could not fault his daughter for choosing

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Speaker 2: not to engage with you. If your parents exactly your humanity,

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Speaker 2: that is fair enough.

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Speaker 3: So use it less publicly like the things use it

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Speaker 3: as a political force.

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Speaker 2: It's horribly So let's use a less extreme example and

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Speaker 2: prosecute that like a very common one. Because one of

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Speaker 2: the things that is difficult about family is they have

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Speaker 2: a lot of expectations about who you are, right, And

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Speaker 2: let's say that every time you go spend time with

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Speaker 2: your mother or your father, you can feel their disappointment

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Speaker 2: in you, like that you haven't lived up to whatever

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Speaker 2: expectations they had of you. Maybe you didn't get married,

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Speaker 2: maybe you didn't have children. Maybe your career isn't that

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Speaker 2: successful and they were really ambitious for you. Maybe they

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Speaker 2: feel you haven't lived up to your potential. Maybe you're

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Speaker 2: doing a job they don't approve of. Whatever. So let's

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Speaker 2: just imagine that every time you hang out with that family,

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Speaker 2: you feel that they project that and you feel shit

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Speaker 2: about yourself, and you leave that family dinner or that

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Speaker 2: you know, visit to granny or whatever, just always feeling crap.

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Speaker 2: If we use that example, so it's not abuse, it's

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Speaker 2: not extreme, it's not denying you humanity, but it is

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Speaker 2: it makes you feel shit all the time. Are you

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Speaker 2: allowed to just opt out? I would say yes, you

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Speaker 2: absolutely are.

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Speaker 1: Well, you're in adults, so of course you can.

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Speaker 2: But what do we think about that? Does that fall

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Speaker 2: into this thing that you're saying about, like, can't we

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Speaker 2: just deal with a bit of discomforting?

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Speaker 3: There's a difference between opting out and estrangement.

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Speaker 2: What's the difference between opticum and estrangement. If I just

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Speaker 2: keep saying every time Mum calls me and says can

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Speaker 2: you come over on Sunday, I say, oh no, sorry,

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Speaker 2: I'm busy, or like can you come to this thing? No,

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Speaker 2: I can't, And then six months have gone by and

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Speaker 2: I haven't seen her. Is that estrangement er opting out?

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Speaker 3: I don't think it is. So a lot of this.

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Speaker 3: There is actually almost a process and a rule book

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Speaker 3: for estrangement, and there's a special letter that you send

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Speaker 3: and it's basically like you were toxic. I'm not according

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Speaker 3: to this particularly, yes, exactly right, and it's no contact,

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Speaker 3: like absolutely, I'm not going back and forth.

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Speaker 1: You're dead to me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you're not justifying yourself and that you've got parents

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Speaker 3: saying I'm grieving this more than I grieved the loss

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Speaker 3: of a parent like that. There's an enormous amount of

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Speaker 3: pain with that, and in some cases perhaps it's justified.

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Speaker 3: But if you are finding yourself in context, whether it

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Speaker 3: be with friends or sometimes it's extended family, like you

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Speaker 3: even find that the family Christmas at the end of

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Speaker 3: the year makes you feel like shit, you have every

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Speaker 3: right to be like, I'm not going to put myself Yeah,

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Speaker 3: in that as without cutting yourself entirely off right.

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Speaker 1: Okay, my flag here and I agree with all of that,

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Speaker 1: is when you go to therapy, generally, there'll be things

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Speaker 1: about your childhood and the way you were parented that

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Speaker 1: were less than optimal. For most people, particularly gen X's

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Speaker 1: who grew up in the seventies when free range parenting

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Speaker 1: was kind of the way it all happened, benig neglect

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Speaker 1: we call it. We were parented in a very different

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Speaker 1: way to the way we parent which is a lot

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Speaker 1: more like helicopters. And so I think that there's a

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Speaker 1: pretty common thing when you go to therapy that you

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Speaker 1: get very angry with your parents for a while and

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Speaker 1: you're like, oh, this thing that happened to me when

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Speaker 1: I was a kid, that's the reason i'm this or

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Speaker 1: i'm that, And I went through that, and I'm sure

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Speaker 1: my kids have gone through that. In fact I know

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Speaker 1: I have. Then you come out the other side of it,

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Speaker 1: and I don't know as when I had kids that

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Speaker 1: I became a little more compassionate and a little more understanding,

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Speaker 1: and my parents expressed regret for like, you know, the

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Speaker 1: fact that they used to fight in front of me

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Speaker 1: or whatever it was, and there was no abuse in

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Speaker 1: my house at all, But you know, it was the

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Speaker 1: seventies and our parents back then were a lot more

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Speaker 1: focused on their own lives than doing the right thing

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Speaker 1: by their kids all the time. And there's so many

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Speaker 1: things I've done wrong to my kids, so many things

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Speaker 1: you don't mean to, but you're operating with the best

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Speaker 1: tools that you had at that time. So I think

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Speaker 1: what you say whole. The distinction for me is if

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Speaker 1: you go and it's still in current present tens where

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Speaker 1: they're making you feel terrible, then I agree. You don't

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Speaker 1: want to put yourself in that situation if you're historically

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Speaker 1: angry about the fact that you know, maybe there wasn't

387
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Speaker 1: food on the table every night because they were out

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Speaker 1: partying or something, and that was just a period of

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Speaker 1: their lives, or again, I don't want to talk about neglect,

390
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Speaker 1: but their parenting of you is suboptimal, and you're angry

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Speaker 1: with them now as people in their seventies or eighties,

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Speaker 1: that can be incredibly cruel, And I don't know if

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Speaker 1: i'd support I'm.

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Speaker 2: Going to struggle with a bit with this. I think

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Speaker 2: everybody's got different views on family and like, as you

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Speaker 2: said at the beginning, Jesse, family is very very central

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Speaker 2: to you and your life, and it is to you

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Speaker 2: to me right, and it is to me too. Of

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Speaker 2: course I have my own family, and of course, but

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Speaker 2: I don't think that the point of being a parent

401
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Speaker 2: is that I own you and you have to hang

402
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Speaker 2: out with me and you have to be in my

403
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Speaker 2: life and it doesn't matter how I treat you. And

404
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Speaker 2: again I'm not talking about extremes. You just have to

405
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Speaker 2: because I warned you. Yeah, And you're like, I think

406
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Speaker 2: we all are individuals and the family unit is important,

407
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Speaker 2: but it's not given, Like it's not a given if

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Speaker 2: you when you think of family, you think a very

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Speaker 2: positive thing. But for a lot of people, they don't.

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Speaker 2: They think of family and they think of a very

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Speaker 2: negative thing or a very oppressive thing, or something that

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Speaker 2: makes their life more difficult and they can't let go

413
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Speaker 2: of anger or they can't like go of issues, And

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Speaker 2: why would they put themselves through that just because you're

415
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Speaker 2: supposed to and because our culture likes to say family

416
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Speaker 2: comes first bloodstick of the water, they'll be the ones

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Speaker 2: with you at the end. Like that's not really.

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Speaker 1: People profiting off family estrangement because this guy, and you know,

419
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Speaker 1: businesses are businesses, and if he's helping peop, great, But

420
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Speaker 1: if someone is selling products and trying to funnel you

421
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Speaker 1: literally into paying him money to do a thing, then

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Speaker 1: that's not a therapist, is not that.

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Speaker 3: There's also a sinister element to community. And the sinister

424
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Speaker 3: element can be that when you come in and you're estranged,

425
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Speaker 3: what I'm projecting on you is what happened to me.

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Speaker 3: So let's say I was the victim of abuse from

427
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Speaker 3: my family, and then you come in. And one example

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Speaker 3: in this New York Times article was someone said many

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Speaker 3: have had absent or workaholic fathers, for instance. That is trauma.

430
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Speaker 3: It is abandonment, it is neglect. Now we can have

431
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Speaker 3: an argument about whether having a workaholic father is yeah,

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Speaker 3: trauma or not.

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Speaker 1: But I mean, I don't think that's the same as

434
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Speaker 1: about minute No.

435
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Speaker 2: It depends.

436
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Speaker 3: Yes. I don't think it is either. Right, So you

437
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:02,567
Speaker 3: come in with that, which is just like I had

438
00:21:02,567 --> 00:21:05,087
Speaker 3: a father who was away a lot, which is a pain.

439
00:21:05,487 --> 00:21:08,407
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, two jobs and was not known yet.

440
00:21:08,487 --> 00:21:10,527
Speaker 3: But then I project what happened to me onto you,

441
00:21:10,607 --> 00:21:12,407
Speaker 3: and I welcome you into the community. And then the

442
00:21:12,447 --> 00:21:14,327
Speaker 3: way that they're talking as well, is they're going, oh,

443
00:21:14,407 --> 00:21:16,007
Speaker 3: every time I think I might reach out to my

444
00:21:16,047 --> 00:21:18,727
Speaker 3: father again, yeah, I go to the community. In the community,

445
00:21:18,967 --> 00:21:22,567
Speaker 3: don't do it toxic. Yeah, And so you think there

446
00:21:22,567 --> 00:21:26,967
Speaker 3: are so many nuances within that, and you also know

447
00:21:27,407 --> 00:21:31,167
Speaker 3: that there are people who any relationships, anyone could drop

448
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:34,567
Speaker 3: dead at any minute. And you hear people express regret

449
00:21:34,727 --> 00:21:37,567
Speaker 3: over not reconciling, but things that were never said. So

450
00:21:37,687 --> 00:21:40,087
Speaker 3: part of this movement as well is that you send

451
00:21:40,087 --> 00:21:44,127
Speaker 3: the letter and you don't read or receive or engage

452
00:21:44,127 --> 00:21:48,527
Speaker 3: with what comes back. And that's not really how life works,

453
00:21:48,647 --> 00:21:51,927
Speaker 3: like it does if you're in a domestic violence situation.

454
00:21:52,007 --> 00:21:53,447
Speaker 3: It does if again.

455
00:21:53,287 --> 00:21:55,407
Speaker 1: It's like blocking someone on Instagram, Yeah.

456
00:21:55,167 --> 00:21:57,887
Speaker 3: But if it's something like there was something that happened

457
00:21:57,927 --> 00:22:01,527
Speaker 3: in your childhood that you want to work through. I

458
00:22:01,607 --> 00:22:04,327
Speaker 3: believe that a lot of resolution can probably take place

459
00:22:04,327 --> 00:22:06,887
Speaker 3: on the other side of a few really difficult conversations,

460
00:22:06,927 --> 00:22:11,167
Speaker 3: and that every relationship you have will be imperfect, like

461
00:22:11,247 --> 00:22:13,047
Speaker 3: there's going to be flaws in it.

462
00:22:13,127 --> 00:22:16,527
Speaker 2: That's true, and hopefully a lot of resolution can be

463
00:22:16,567 --> 00:22:18,887
Speaker 2: had on the other side of difficult conversations. But that's

464
00:22:18,887 --> 00:22:22,167
Speaker 2: something that happens in movies. Right, like that doesn't really

465
00:22:22,207 --> 00:22:24,367
Speaker 2: happen that much in real life for some people, they

466
00:22:24,367 --> 00:22:27,647
Speaker 2: are they've dug in, you've dug in. This isn't impass.

467
00:22:27,967 --> 00:22:30,007
Speaker 2: Somebody here has to decide what can I live with?

468
00:22:30,287 --> 00:22:33,527
Speaker 2: And yes, ideally we're all the bigger person and go, yeah,

469
00:22:33,527 --> 00:22:35,047
Speaker 2: I'll go and hang out with dad, even though every

470
00:22:35,047 --> 00:22:36,367
Speaker 2: time I go out and hang out with Dad, I

471
00:22:36,407 --> 00:22:39,527
Speaker 2: walk out of there feeling like one centimeter t all

472
00:22:40,007 --> 00:22:41,647
Speaker 2: or you could go, you know what. It takes me

473
00:22:41,687 --> 00:22:43,887
Speaker 2: so long to build myself back up again after I

474
00:22:44,007 --> 00:22:46,447
Speaker 2: do that. I'm just not putting myself through it anymore.

475
00:22:46,447 --> 00:22:48,807
Speaker 2: It doesn't mean he's a monster, but it's not something

476
00:22:48,807 --> 00:22:50,687
Speaker 2: I want in my life. I think the fact that

477
00:22:50,727 --> 00:22:52,607
Speaker 2: there's a support community for that is a good thing.

478
00:22:53,087 --> 00:22:56,007
Speaker 3: I jumped on and did the test because I wanted

479
00:22:56,007 --> 00:22:56,447
Speaker 3: to saye.

480
00:22:56,247 --> 00:22:58,727
Speaker 1: What some of the friendly toxic is he his family? Not?

481
00:22:59,127 --> 00:23:01,447
Speaker 3: No, I think all our families are toxic to very degree.

482
00:23:01,567 --> 00:23:04,087
Speaker 3: But there were some questions that were so clear that

483
00:23:04,127 --> 00:23:06,047
Speaker 3: I went, this is actually a really good thing to consider.

484
00:23:06,127 --> 00:23:08,367
Speaker 3: And then there were others that were just so general,

485
00:23:08,407 --> 00:23:10,687
Speaker 3: and I just find the length this general. Again, A

486
00:23:10,767 --> 00:23:15,407
Speaker 3: qualified psychologist, a qualified counselor won't use broad strokes terms.

487
00:23:15,447 --> 00:23:17,687
Speaker 1: I feel like it's leading the witness. It's leading the witness,

488
00:23:17,687 --> 00:23:22,007
Speaker 1: and you go, oh, my family was above fifty percent toxic.

489
00:23:22,087 --> 00:23:25,007
Speaker 1: Therefore I should cut contact and buy these resources.

490
00:23:25,167 --> 00:23:26,767
Speaker 3: That might not be the best thing. So some of

491
00:23:26,807 --> 00:23:30,127
Speaker 3: the questions were so you kind of decide, I agree,

492
00:23:30,207 --> 00:23:31,927
Speaker 3: like this happened all the time. This didn't happened at all.

493
00:23:32,567 --> 00:23:37,087
Speaker 3: Eye witnessed or experienced harsh, critical and disrespectful communication from

494
00:23:37,087 --> 00:23:38,447
Speaker 3: family members or caregivers.

495
00:23:38,927 --> 00:23:42,407
Speaker 1: Disrespectful I mean when you're seven, like and your parents says,

496
00:23:42,447 --> 00:23:43,127
Speaker 1: go to your room.

497
00:23:43,407 --> 00:23:46,567
Speaker 3: Or emotional neglect, even an emotional neglect is a real

498
00:23:46,967 --> 00:23:49,367
Speaker 3: thing with a very specific definition. But in this it

499
00:23:49,447 --> 00:23:52,447
Speaker 3: said defined it as not being a priority, feeling like

500
00:23:52,487 --> 00:23:54,647
Speaker 3: you're not a priority. I think that everyk in the

501
00:23:54,687 --> 00:23:58,007
Speaker 3: world has felt like they're not a priority because they weren't.

502
00:23:58,367 --> 00:24:03,127
Speaker 1: You know who feels like they're always a priority? Nightmares like, yes,

503
00:24:03,327 --> 00:24:06,767
Speaker 1: spoiled nightmares, who are just that's who Donald Trump grows

504
00:24:06,807 --> 00:24:09,167
Speaker 1: up to be. Look, I think if I really dig

505
00:24:09,407 --> 00:24:11,767
Speaker 1: deep into why I'm so against it is that it

506
00:24:11,887 --> 00:24:14,727
Speaker 1: is my biggest fear. It is my absolute biggest fear.

507
00:24:14,847 --> 00:24:17,247
Speaker 1: Because I've done a lot of terrible things as a mother,

508
00:24:17,447 --> 00:24:20,447
Speaker 1: like just not on purpose and not like terrible terrible things.

509
00:24:20,967 --> 00:24:23,527
Speaker 1: But what if my kids decide to cut me off?

510
00:24:23,607 --> 00:24:25,167
Speaker 1: I would I couldn't cope.

511
00:24:25,407 --> 00:24:28,247
Speaker 3: It's a shift too. It feels like there's a point

512
00:24:28,287 --> 00:24:30,327
Speaker 3: at which the children have the power.

513
00:24:30,527 --> 00:24:33,167
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, that's the thing is. That's what I mean though,

514
00:24:33,247 --> 00:24:36,327
Speaker 2: is that you don't just deserve that. You have to

515
00:24:36,367 --> 00:24:40,007
Speaker 2: work right. You don't just get that connection because you're

516
00:24:40,047 --> 00:24:42,967
Speaker 2: their mother, Like you have to be someone they want

517
00:24:42,967 --> 00:24:43,527
Speaker 2: to be around.

518
00:24:44,207 --> 00:24:47,607
Speaker 1: Out loud as if this is you know, something that's

519
00:24:47,647 --> 00:24:49,447
Speaker 1: going on in your life or something that's gone on

520
00:24:49,487 --> 00:24:52,527
Speaker 1: in your life. We're thinking of you as sending our love.

521
00:24:52,967 --> 00:24:54,167
Speaker 1: You've got to do what's good for you.

522
00:25:12,367 --> 00:25:14,687
Speaker 3: It's Friday, so we want to help set up your

523
00:25:14,727 --> 00:25:18,567
Speaker 3: weekend with our very best recommendations. Maya, what have you got?

524
00:25:18,727 --> 00:25:22,287
Speaker 1: Get the mood with Simone Biles Rising? Not that anyone

525
00:25:22,287 --> 00:25:26,047
Speaker 1: wants Bile Rising, but Simone Biles Rising is brilliant. It

526
00:25:26,127 --> 00:25:29,167
Speaker 1: is a doco on Netflix. I think it's like two

527
00:25:29,287 --> 00:25:32,487
Speaker 1: or three parts. Of course, the story has not been completed.

528
00:25:32,527 --> 00:25:36,807
Speaker 1: Because Simone Biles is the gymnastics superstar who withdrew from

529
00:25:36,847 --> 00:25:39,647
Speaker 1: the twenty twenty Tokyo Olympics due to mental health concern

530
00:25:39,727 --> 00:25:42,087
Speaker 1: American We talked about it on the show. I forge

531
00:25:42,087 --> 00:25:44,167
Speaker 1: the greatest of all time, not just the greatest of

532
00:25:44,207 --> 00:25:46,407
Speaker 1: all time gymnast, but I think the greatest of all

533
00:25:46,447 --> 00:25:49,927
Speaker 1: time athletes. According to how many world championships she's won

534
00:25:49,967 --> 00:25:50,527
Speaker 1: in her sport.

535
00:25:50,647 --> 00:25:54,047
Speaker 3: I forgot because Tokyo was three years ago. I forgot that.

536
00:25:54,167 --> 00:25:56,487
Speaker 3: It bothers me. How you say gymnast?

537
00:25:56,647 --> 00:25:56,767
Speaker 4: Oh?

538
00:25:56,847 --> 00:25:59,487
Speaker 1: Yes, it was the twenty twenty Tokyo Olympics that was

539
00:25:59,487 --> 00:26:04,327
Speaker 1: held into twenty twenty one, and she was a gymnast, gymnast, gymnast?

540
00:26:04,487 --> 00:26:06,047
Speaker 3: Oh it annoys me? How you say it?

541
00:26:06,207 --> 00:26:08,847
Speaker 1: Anyway, Anyway, she was the premiere gym nask in her

542
00:26:08,887 --> 00:26:11,047
Speaker 1: general I need you to sell this to me, because

543
00:26:11,327 --> 00:26:13,687
Speaker 1: although I know that she's amazing, now reminded me who

544
00:26:13,727 --> 00:26:13,927
Speaker 1: she was.

545
00:26:13,967 --> 00:26:15,767
Speaker 2: I've seen all those like she Yeah, No, one's done

546
00:26:15,807 --> 00:26:17,767
Speaker 2: so many twisting. Why would I watch a documentary about

547
00:26:17,767 --> 00:26:18,247
Speaker 2: gym nasts.

548
00:26:18,247 --> 00:26:21,287
Speaker 1: Well, gymnastics is such an interesting spot, is there? A

549
00:26:21,327 --> 00:26:24,527
Speaker 1: lot of the doco is about her comeback and the

550
00:26:24,527 --> 00:26:27,247
Speaker 1: fact that she got what's called the twisty so she

551
00:26:27,367 --> 00:26:30,807
Speaker 1: was doing the vault at the Olympics and in midair

552
00:26:30,807 --> 00:26:33,207
Speaker 1: she forgot where she was. And you know, it can

553
00:26:33,287 --> 00:26:37,167
Speaker 1: look like all these little things jumping around and doing tricks,

554
00:26:37,207 --> 00:26:41,247
Speaker 1: but actually they're incredible athletes and they can be killed

555
00:26:41,607 --> 00:26:46,327
Speaker 1: in critically catastrophically injured in their sport, which is something

556
00:26:46,327 --> 00:26:50,247
Speaker 1: that you wouldn't say of like basketball or swimming. And

557
00:26:50,327 --> 00:26:54,567
Speaker 1: so she decided to pull out because she said mentally

558
00:26:54,607 --> 00:26:57,647
Speaker 1: she wasn't capable of continuing. She recognized that there was

559
00:26:57,647 --> 00:26:59,287
Speaker 1: a would be a risk to her life if she

560
00:26:59,887 --> 00:27:01,127
Speaker 1: did it, and stuffed up.

561
00:27:02,487 --> 00:27:08,167
Speaker 2: I've always had really good intuition about things, and unfortunately

562
00:27:08,247 --> 00:27:10,367
Speaker 2: I felt that way about the Olympics.

563
00:27:12,327 --> 00:27:16,127
Speaker 4: Simone is a once in a lifetime athlete.

564
00:27:16,607 --> 00:27:20,047
Speaker 1: She's not just dominant, she is clushing herself.

565
00:27:20,767 --> 00:27:24,447
Speaker 4: Now. The greatest ever is a phone liles.

566
00:27:27,287 --> 00:27:30,167
Speaker 3: Wow, Never in my life have I seen her do that.

567
00:27:30,247 --> 00:27:37,887
Speaker 1: Never, So having these mental blocks and then Janu recently.

568
00:27:37,087 --> 00:27:37,927
Speaker 2: Some more files.

569
00:27:38,007 --> 00:27:40,567
Speaker 3: Is out of the competition tonight.

570
00:27:42,407 --> 00:27:46,447
Speaker 1: But remember she was also a survivor of Larry Nassa,

571
00:27:46,487 --> 00:27:51,807
Speaker 1: who was the physiotherapist of the USA Women's gymnastas two. Yeah,

572
00:27:52,007 --> 00:27:53,887
Speaker 1: a little bit, and she talks about a little bit

573
00:27:53,927 --> 00:27:57,567
Speaker 1: and about how she thought she was okay, but you know,

574
00:27:57,967 --> 00:27:59,927
Speaker 1: she won her first tournament as an underdog when she

575
00:27:59,967 --> 00:28:02,767
Speaker 1: was about fifteen, and she said every tournament she's ever

576
00:28:02,807 --> 00:28:05,767
Speaker 1: been in since then, and she's now twenty six, the

577
00:28:05,847 --> 00:28:09,567
Speaker 1: expectation has been that she'll win and she has so

578
00:28:09,727 --> 00:28:12,847
Speaker 1: imagine that pressure. So the fact that she's come back

579
00:28:12,967 --> 00:28:14,327
Speaker 1: at the age of twenty six, which is going to

580
00:28:14,367 --> 00:28:16,687
Speaker 1: make her the oldest gymnast I think ever in the

581
00:28:16,727 --> 00:28:20,607
Speaker 1: American team, maybe the oldest gymnast in Olympic history to compete,

582
00:28:21,287 --> 00:28:23,767
Speaker 1: is a really big deal. So the documentary, I was

583
00:28:23,927 --> 00:28:26,527
Speaker 1: listening to an interview the maker of the documentary and said,

584
00:28:26,807 --> 00:28:29,087
Speaker 1: it's interesting making a documentary where the end of it

585
00:28:29,127 --> 00:28:32,207
Speaker 1: isn't written yet because who knows how she'll go. I mean,

586
00:28:32,287 --> 00:28:34,967
Speaker 1: it's going to be all eyes in Paris to see

587
00:28:34,967 --> 00:28:37,927
Speaker 1: how she goes. It was about what that process was

588
00:28:38,007 --> 00:28:41,767
Speaker 1: coming back, really really interesting in her husband, and there's

589
00:28:41,807 --> 00:28:43,927
Speaker 1: a funny part Jesse where he talks about meeting They

590
00:28:44,007 --> 00:28:46,287
Speaker 1: met on the Apps and they went on a date

591
00:28:46,327 --> 00:28:49,487
Speaker 1: and he's a pro NFL player and she got out

592
00:28:49,527 --> 00:28:51,647
Speaker 1: of her range drover and he said, I got scared

593
00:28:51,647 --> 00:28:54,447
Speaker 1: because she was so small. I've never ever seen someone

594
00:28:54,527 --> 00:28:55,447
Speaker 1: so small before.

595
00:28:56,607 --> 00:28:58,727
Speaker 2: Look at you watching a sports documentary?

596
00:28:59,047 --> 00:29:00,527
Speaker 3: Where is it? Netflix?

597
00:29:00,567 --> 00:29:03,287
Speaker 1: Netflix? That's that gymnastics I always love. That's the only

598
00:29:03,287 --> 00:29:05,327
Speaker 1: thing I watched in the Olympics, Holly, how about you?

599
00:29:05,567 --> 00:29:09,207
Speaker 2: I have a biute product. Look, you know I'm bougie.

600
00:29:09,327 --> 00:29:11,247
Speaker 2: Lee Campbell calls me a boogie bitch when it comes

601
00:29:11,247 --> 00:29:12,847
Speaker 2: to beauty, and I am a bit. I have to say.

602
00:29:12,927 --> 00:29:14,527
Speaker 2: I like a bit of a splurge when it comes

603
00:29:14,607 --> 00:29:14,847
Speaker 2: to be.

604
00:29:15,007 --> 00:29:17,167
Speaker 1: Both boogie and basic. That's what we love about it.

605
00:29:17,647 --> 00:29:21,527
Speaker 2: It's just I contain multitudes as I like that about

606
00:29:21,567 --> 00:29:25,647
Speaker 2: myself too. When I was in Sydney recently and I

607
00:29:25,687 --> 00:29:28,687
Speaker 2: took Matilda to one of the fancy makeup stores Mecca,

608
00:29:28,727 --> 00:29:30,807
Speaker 2: and I remembered how much everything costs, I was like,

609
00:29:30,847 --> 00:29:34,127
Speaker 2: oh shit, And I remembered why this is such a

610
00:29:34,127 --> 00:29:38,647
Speaker 2: good record, right. Celeste Barber has just released a beauty range.

611
00:29:38,687 --> 00:29:40,887
Speaker 2: Now we all know who celest Barbara is. She is

612
00:29:41,087 --> 00:29:46,287
Speaker 2: a influencer, content creator, comedian actress. She just released a

613
00:29:46,327 --> 00:29:49,207
Speaker 2: makeup range and people are a little bit irolly about

614
00:29:49,207 --> 00:29:52,087
Speaker 2: some celebrity makeup ranges and skincare ranges. Because everybody's got

615
00:29:52,087 --> 00:29:55,167
Speaker 2: one now, right, so it's like, oh, are they any

616
00:29:55,207 --> 00:29:57,767
Speaker 2: good whatever? And the thing is, is that one of

617
00:29:57,807 --> 00:30:00,127
Speaker 2: these products that's in this range. I've been using it

618
00:30:00,167 --> 00:30:01,967
Speaker 2: for the past week as I've been on holiday and

619
00:30:02,047 --> 00:30:05,207
Speaker 2: doing different things, and it's bloody great. Right. It's called

620
00:30:05,247 --> 00:30:07,487
Speaker 2: Bam Bam Bam, which a is a really good name,

621
00:30:08,167 --> 00:30:10,767
Speaker 2: but it's called Bambam because it does three things. It's

622
00:30:10,767 --> 00:30:14,287
Speaker 2: a lip cheek, an eye tint, and it's twenty two bucks,

623
00:30:14,287 --> 00:30:16,407
Speaker 2: which is not bad. It's not super cheap, but it's

624
00:30:16,407 --> 00:30:19,287
Speaker 2: nowhere near the few use Well. I've been using it

625
00:30:19,367 --> 00:30:21,247
Speaker 2: on my cheeks and my lips, and the thing is

626
00:30:21,247 --> 00:30:24,127
Speaker 2: the reason I'm recommending it is I have a very

627
00:30:24,167 --> 00:30:27,367
Speaker 2: expensive product that does the same things, which I also

628
00:30:27,447 --> 00:30:31,447
Speaker 2: really like, but it costs like three times that legs.

629
00:30:31,887 --> 00:30:33,247
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it costs more than three times.

630
00:30:33,287 --> 00:30:36,847
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe not quite that much, but yeah, a lot

631
00:30:37,087 --> 00:30:38,687
Speaker 2: a lot more. And I was like, I bet it

632
00:30:38,727 --> 00:30:40,487
Speaker 2: won't last. I bet it will wear off quickly, and

633
00:30:40,527 --> 00:30:43,087
Speaker 2: I was wrong. It's really good. It's got a bit

634
00:30:43,127 --> 00:30:45,527
Speaker 2: of not shine, not in a glittery way, but a

635
00:30:45,527 --> 00:30:49,087
Speaker 2: bit of like glow to it, and it stays the

636
00:30:49,127 --> 00:30:50,487
Speaker 2: pigment is strong and it stays.

637
00:30:50,887 --> 00:30:51,967
Speaker 1: You can only buy it online.

638
00:30:52,047 --> 00:30:54,007
Speaker 2: You can only buy it online, so you have to

639
00:30:54,047 --> 00:30:57,087
Speaker 2: buy it from her brand, which is called Booy Beauty.

640
00:30:57,447 --> 00:30:59,367
Speaker 2: And I haven't tried everything, so I'm not recommending the

641
00:30:59,367 --> 00:31:03,007
Speaker 2: whole range. But this bam bam bam blush thing lip

642
00:31:03,047 --> 00:31:05,927
Speaker 2: thing I think is really good. So I will now

643
00:31:05,967 --> 00:31:06,647
Speaker 2: try the other thing.

644
00:31:06,807 --> 00:31:10,247
Speaker 3: Yeah, I tried the where the hell is my nourished lipstick?

645
00:31:10,327 --> 00:31:12,527
Speaker 3: To be clear, we weren't saying any product mayor was

646
00:31:12,527 --> 00:31:13,807
Speaker 3: when we went to our office and stole it or

647
00:31:13,847 --> 00:31:16,047
Speaker 3: stole it. And I tried that and it was a

648
00:31:16,127 --> 00:31:17,927
Speaker 3: really good because I like a lip tint, not like

649
00:31:17,967 --> 00:31:19,967
Speaker 3: a lipstick, and it was pigmented.

650
00:31:20,247 --> 00:31:23,167
Speaker 2: Big fan. Yes, good good products. So I'm reckoing Booy

651
00:31:23,247 --> 00:31:25,687
Speaker 2: dot com. I think is the site twenty two dollars

652
00:31:25,727 --> 00:31:26,767
Speaker 2: affordable and good.

653
00:31:27,287 --> 00:31:30,367
Speaker 3: I am recommending a book that I listened to on

654
00:31:30,647 --> 00:31:33,127
Speaker 3: Audible over the summer and I forgot to recommend it,

655
00:31:33,167 --> 00:31:35,127
Speaker 3: and then I've been listening to interviews with the author since,

656
00:31:35,127 --> 00:31:36,687
Speaker 3: and I was like, why did I never recommend that

657
00:31:36,927 --> 00:31:38,407
Speaker 3: Atomic Habits by James Clear.

658
00:31:38,487 --> 00:31:40,167
Speaker 1: I started listening to that too Audible.

659
00:31:40,447 --> 00:31:43,727
Speaker 2: Oh that's a productivity classic. Right, it's been around a while.

660
00:31:43,847 --> 00:31:45,927
Speaker 3: It has. I think it's been like New York Times

661
00:31:45,927 --> 00:31:49,687
Speaker 3: bestseller list forever. And the reason I'm recommending it now

662
00:31:49,847 --> 00:31:52,487
Speaker 3: is because we're in the media slump. A lot of

663
00:31:52,527 --> 00:31:56,007
Speaker 3: people are feeling like the habits have gone out the window.

664
00:31:56,327 --> 00:31:59,727
Speaker 3: We had goals in regards to remember those remember goals.

665
00:32:00,127 --> 00:32:02,647
Speaker 3: There was exercise. If you feel like you're a bit

666
00:32:02,687 --> 00:32:05,567
Speaker 3: disorganized or your life is a bit chaotic and you

667
00:32:05,647 --> 00:32:07,927
Speaker 3: need to kind of get on top of it all again,

668
00:32:08,367 --> 00:32:10,727
Speaker 3: listen to this book or read this book. I liked

669
00:32:11,007 --> 00:32:12,607
Speaker 3: listening to it almost as a podcast.

670
00:32:13,287 --> 00:32:15,887
Speaker 1: That was my idea too. And then yeah, I obviously

671
00:32:15,927 --> 00:32:17,807
Speaker 1: didn't get in the habit at well enough because I

672
00:32:17,807 --> 00:32:18,687
Speaker 1: didn't complete it.

673
00:32:18,767 --> 00:32:20,567
Speaker 2: He said kind of that, can you give me an

674
00:32:20,607 --> 00:32:22,967
Speaker 2: example of an atomic habit that I should, like, give

675
00:32:22,967 --> 00:32:24,447
Speaker 2: me an example of what I would get if I

676
00:32:24,487 --> 00:32:24,967
Speaker 2: listened to this.

677
00:32:25,127 --> 00:32:27,687
Speaker 3: He says that every habit you have is a vote

678
00:32:27,687 --> 00:32:29,687
Speaker 3: for the person you want to be. And he says,

679
00:32:29,847 --> 00:32:32,607
Speaker 3: shell up yeap that. His other big thing is you

680
00:32:32,607 --> 00:32:34,807
Speaker 3: think you don't have habits, but you do, you just

681
00:32:34,807 --> 00:32:36,567
Speaker 3: didn't choose them. So if you don't choose what time

682
00:32:36,607 --> 00:32:38,047
Speaker 3: you're going to get up, or you don't choose what

683
00:32:38,087 --> 00:32:39,647
Speaker 3: you're going to do. You do have a way of

684
00:32:39,687 --> 00:32:42,887
Speaker 3: doing things, they're just not intentional. He has specific hacks

685
00:32:42,927 --> 00:32:45,007
Speaker 3: about like exercise and I think laying your shoes out

686
00:32:45,047 --> 00:32:46,567
Speaker 3: and all that kind of stuff, which you will have heard.

687
00:32:46,527 --> 00:32:48,607
Speaker 1: Before done any of the hacks or was it just

688
00:32:48,927 --> 00:32:51,247
Speaker 1: do these things or is it about his how to

689
00:32:51,287 --> 00:32:53,567
Speaker 1: make the right habits stick for you?

690
00:32:53,927 --> 00:32:57,727
Speaker 3: It was about values, like knowing what your values are

691
00:32:57,767 --> 00:33:00,487
Speaker 3: and then knowing what you want your life to look like,

692
00:33:01,527 --> 00:33:03,927
Speaker 3: how to stick at a habit, the science of habits,

693
00:33:03,927 --> 00:33:06,447
Speaker 3: how long it takes, but also was just like a

694
00:33:06,487 --> 00:33:11,487
Speaker 3: real analysis of how habits everything. They're all that matters really,

695
00:33:11,647 --> 00:33:13,727
Speaker 3: from everything from if you want to spend time with

696
00:33:13,767 --> 00:33:16,767
Speaker 3: family or career ambitions or whatever. It's like, it's just habits.

697
00:33:16,807 --> 00:33:19,567
Speaker 3: And the atomic habit thing is so clever because an

698
00:33:19,607 --> 00:33:22,567
Speaker 3: atom is a tiny little thing, but atomic is explosive,

699
00:33:22,687 --> 00:33:25,687
Speaker 3: like it affects your whole life. So your think from

700
00:33:25,727 --> 00:33:29,647
Speaker 3: making your bed or whatever like actually does have these impacts.

701
00:33:29,687 --> 00:33:33,327
Speaker 3: And I can honestly say that that book changed my life.

702
00:33:33,327 --> 00:33:36,007
Speaker 3: I'm not a routined person. I'm not good at habits.

703
00:33:36,567 --> 00:33:38,807
Speaker 3: I am now I would say that I've got a

704
00:33:38,847 --> 00:33:42,167
Speaker 3: way that I do things that I commit to and

705
00:33:42,407 --> 00:33:44,727
Speaker 3: it's just stuck with me. He's very very good.

706
00:33:44,847 --> 00:33:47,647
Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, I'll get back into that. If you want

707
00:33:47,687 --> 00:33:49,887
Speaker 2: to get all our recommendations in one place, you've got

708
00:33:49,887 --> 00:33:52,087
Speaker 2: to sign up for the Mom and Mere out Loud newsletter.

709
00:33:52,127 --> 00:33:55,127
Speaker 2: It's written by our friend m Vernum, so it's always

710
00:33:55,127 --> 00:33:57,807
Speaker 2: funny this week. In there, you'll also be able to

711
00:33:57,847 --> 00:33:59,927
Speaker 2: find out what day of the week are you quiz,

712
00:34:00,087 --> 00:34:02,047
Speaker 2: which we spoke about a couple of weeks ago. There's

713
00:34:02,087 --> 00:34:03,727
Speaker 2: going to be a link to how you can sign

714
00:34:03,767 --> 00:34:05,327
Speaker 2: up for the newsletter and make sure you never miss

715
00:34:05,367 --> 00:34:06,967
Speaker 2: out in our show notes.

716
00:34:09,327 --> 00:34:15,407
Speaker 4: Hello, this is Rainy. I call it from a hotel

717
00:34:15,927 --> 00:34:20,007
Speaker 4: overnight shift where I monitor all the security operations for

718
00:34:20,167 --> 00:34:23,407
Speaker 4: the hotel large hotel, and I just wanted to say

719
00:34:23,447 --> 00:34:26,287
Speaker 4: I love your show and that's where I'm listening from

720
00:34:26,887 --> 00:34:27,927
Speaker 4: in my overnights.

721
00:34:28,327 --> 00:34:28,847
Speaker 2: I need it.

722
00:34:28,887 --> 00:34:31,087
Speaker 4: I need a dose of Australia because I live in

723
00:34:31,127 --> 00:34:34,847
Speaker 4: another country and it really helps to hear your voices

724
00:34:34,887 --> 00:34:37,967
Speaker 4: and hear all the news and everything from Australia. Again,

725
00:34:38,127 --> 00:34:40,567
Speaker 4: thanks so much, ladies, and keep up the good work.

726
00:34:40,847 --> 00:34:44,127
Speaker 4: I Love Mama Mia and I Love Mamia out Loud.

727
00:34:48,847 --> 00:34:52,407
Speaker 2: Every Tuesday and Thursday, we drop new segments of Mom

728
00:34:52,447 --> 00:34:55,887
Speaker 2: and Mia out Loud just for Mamma and Mia subscribers.

729
00:34:56,367 --> 00:34:58,207
Speaker 2: Follow the link in the show notes to get your

730
00:34:58,287 --> 00:35:01,127
Speaker 2: daily dose of out Loud and a big thank you

731
00:35:01,167 --> 00:35:03,287
Speaker 2: to all our current subscribers.

732
00:35:12,607 --> 00:35:14,647
Speaker 1: It's time for Best and Worst of the Week, where

733
00:35:14,687 --> 00:35:17,327
Speaker 1: we recap some of the things that have gone on

734
00:35:17,527 --> 00:35:21,687
Speaker 1: in our personal lives that have been well highs and lows. Really,

735
00:35:21,767 --> 00:35:23,767
Speaker 1: I'm going to start. The rules are that we start

736
00:35:23,807 --> 00:35:26,207
Speaker 1: with the low and we end on a high. My

737
00:35:26,327 --> 00:35:30,447
Speaker 1: low is being a bad friend. My friends have every

738
00:35:30,487 --> 00:35:32,687
Speaker 1: right to cut me off because I've got two friends

739
00:35:32,687 --> 00:35:34,567
Speaker 1: who are going through difficult things at the moment. One

740
00:35:35,087 --> 00:35:38,207
Speaker 1: is going through a health issue and the other one

741
00:35:38,687 --> 00:35:42,447
Speaker 1: recently lost someone who's close to her. And the friends

742
00:35:42,567 --> 00:35:45,527
Speaker 1: know each other not through me, but they sort of

743
00:35:46,207 --> 00:35:48,687
Speaker 1: keep in touch with each other broadly through me. When

744
00:35:48,687 --> 00:35:51,447
Speaker 1: each of them heard what had happened to the other,

745
00:35:51,887 --> 00:35:54,727
Speaker 1: they each asked me for the other person's address so

746
00:35:54,767 --> 00:35:57,727
Speaker 1: that they could send them a care package. I'm in

747
00:35:57,767 --> 00:36:00,927
Speaker 1: the middle sending both of these people who are going

748
00:36:00,927 --> 00:36:04,607
Speaker 1: through really tough things. The address of the other person

749
00:36:04,727 --> 00:36:07,207
Speaker 1: so that they could send. Have I sent either of

750
00:36:07,247 --> 00:36:11,327
Speaker 1: them anything? I have not, and I'm paralyzed because I

751
00:36:11,447 --> 00:36:13,967
Speaker 1: don't know what to send.

752
00:36:14,287 --> 00:36:16,687
Speaker 3: There's lots of discussions in the outlouders about what to

753
00:36:16,687 --> 00:36:20,647
Speaker 3: say people, do you say? The big one is dinner ladies.

754
00:36:20,847 --> 00:36:23,967
Speaker 3: I love a dinner ladies about her. Yeah, because food

755
00:36:24,047 --> 00:36:25,687
Speaker 3: is the thing that it's really hard.

756
00:36:25,967 --> 00:36:27,647
Speaker 1: Never no one's ever sad about food.

757
00:36:27,687 --> 00:36:30,327
Speaker 2: But you know, when I did that episode about grief

758
00:36:30,367 --> 00:36:33,367
Speaker 2: on mid with Jackie Bailey, who's an expert, she says,

759
00:36:33,487 --> 00:36:37,727
Speaker 2: chocolate or whatever somebody's thing is, so she loves chocolate, right,

760
00:36:38,007 --> 00:36:39,807
Speaker 2: And she says she has a group of girlfriends who

761
00:36:39,807 --> 00:36:41,967
Speaker 2: whenever Jackie has lost someone, and as you would know

762
00:36:41,967 --> 00:36:43,207
Speaker 2: if you listened to the episode she's lost, a lot

763
00:36:43,247 --> 00:36:46,247
Speaker 2: of people will just send her a big box of

764
00:36:46,407 --> 00:36:49,847
Speaker 2: giant dairy milk bars and it always makes her smile,

765
00:36:50,647 --> 00:36:53,727
Speaker 2: gives her a treat like just something like silly like

766
00:36:53,807 --> 00:36:55,407
Speaker 2: that that you know they love. So if they love

767
00:36:55,447 --> 00:36:58,647
Speaker 2: a particular kind of cake or for if.

768
00:36:58,487 --> 00:37:00,847
Speaker 1: I don't know, because both of these friends live in

769
00:37:00,887 --> 00:37:01,567
Speaker 1: different cities.

770
00:37:01,607 --> 00:37:03,167
Speaker 2: To me, that's what post is for.

771
00:37:03,407 --> 00:37:06,567
Speaker 1: Hence I've got everyone's addresses now, and so I'm passing

772
00:37:06,567 --> 00:37:08,647
Speaker 1: them on to each other, and I'm just like, oh,

773
00:37:08,687 --> 00:37:11,127
Speaker 1: I feel so bad about myself. They should send me

774
00:37:11,167 --> 00:37:12,007
Speaker 1: something because I feel bad.

775
00:37:12,047 --> 00:37:14,207
Speaker 2: I'm sure you've made them feel good in other ways

776
00:37:14,247 --> 00:37:16,887
Speaker 2: you might not have seen I have. You've probably sent

777
00:37:16,927 --> 00:37:18,007
Speaker 2: them funny little memes.

778
00:37:18,127 --> 00:37:20,847
Speaker 1: I've provided them with helpful information, like the stresses of

779
00:37:20,887 --> 00:37:23,927
Speaker 1: other people. No, not really. Sometimes I'll provide a little

780
00:37:23,967 --> 00:37:26,287
Speaker 1: bit of distraction, but I'm just a bit useless with

781
00:37:26,327 --> 00:37:30,007
Speaker 1: that stuff. Anyway, I will do better. My best is

782
00:37:30,047 --> 00:37:33,367
Speaker 1: that leopard print is back, not just back as a trend,

783
00:37:33,887 --> 00:37:36,687
Speaker 1: but well because I'm a basic bitch back in my head.

784
00:37:36,967 --> 00:37:39,127
Speaker 1: The downside is that I gave away on my leopard

785
00:37:39,207 --> 00:37:41,767
Speaker 1: because I decided you get to a certain ag well,

786
00:37:41,767 --> 00:37:44,247
Speaker 1: I thought I got to a certain age, and I

787
00:37:44,487 --> 00:37:46,607
Speaker 1: was a bit hungover from because I was very much

788
00:37:46,607 --> 00:37:50,127
Speaker 1: a Leopard fan. Leopard is a neutral Carol Baskin, Oh

789
00:37:50,167 --> 00:37:51,447
Speaker 1: you cool gets and kittens.

790
00:37:51,487 --> 00:37:54,007
Speaker 2: It's Carol at Big Cat Rescue.

791
00:37:54,207 --> 00:37:56,447
Speaker 1: You get to a certain age, and I was giving

792
00:37:56,487 --> 00:37:59,007
Speaker 1: a bit of Carol Baskin from Tiger King, and that's

793
00:37:59,047 --> 00:38:00,607
Speaker 1: not a happy time for any of us. It was

794
00:38:00,767 --> 00:38:03,007
Speaker 1: happened during lockdown. We'll watch that. I don't know what's

795
00:38:03,007 --> 00:38:05,487
Speaker 1: happened to Carol. Carol did like a leopard print. I

796
00:38:05,607 --> 00:38:08,447
Speaker 1: just was starting to feel a bit oh no, So

797
00:38:08,567 --> 00:38:10,727
Speaker 1: I got rid of all my leopard print and now

798
00:38:10,727 --> 00:38:12,167
Speaker 1: I have to buy all new leopard print.

799
00:38:12,247 --> 00:38:14,207
Speaker 3: I got into the lift the other day and there

800
00:38:14,287 --> 00:38:16,247
Speaker 3: was a leopard in the lift and it was Mea,

801
00:38:16,527 --> 00:38:20,367
Speaker 3: and she was just decked out, ra just in her leopard,

802
00:38:20,407 --> 00:38:23,127
Speaker 3: talking about her leopard, looking at herself in the mirror

803
00:38:23,207 --> 00:38:26,527
Speaker 3: in her leopard, talking about how sad she was she's

804
00:38:26,527 --> 00:38:28,727
Speaker 3: thrown out her leopard. And I went, it's honestly not

805
00:38:28,767 --> 00:38:31,127
Speaker 3: even nine o'clock on a Monday, and this is a lot.

806
00:38:31,207 --> 00:38:34,407
Speaker 2: My daughter told me leopard was back, because, like you know, souprey,

807
00:38:34,447 --> 00:38:37,287
Speaker 2: I've got leopard jeans and everything, and she's leopard jeans.

808
00:38:38,127 --> 00:38:40,367
Speaker 1: I bought a pair of cotton on leopard jeans for

809
00:38:40,407 --> 00:38:44,047
Speaker 1: like fifty five bucks there on sale, like oversized leopard jeans,

810
00:38:44,287 --> 00:38:46,327
Speaker 1: And have you worn those yet? No? Because I got

811
00:38:46,367 --> 00:38:48,807
Speaker 1: the wrong side, so I have to buy them again. Anyway,

812
00:38:49,087 --> 00:38:52,207
Speaker 1: Leopard is back and I'm happy about it. Bless you.

813
00:38:53,167 --> 00:38:56,927
Speaker 2: Okay, My worst is remember how last Friday there was

814
00:38:56,967 --> 00:38:59,967
Speaker 2: that big crowd strike outage and no one could do anything.

815
00:39:00,487 --> 00:39:02,727
Speaker 2: I can one up that because on Saturday I went

816
00:39:02,767 --> 00:39:04,647
Speaker 2: back home to where I live, which out loud as

817
00:39:04,687 --> 00:39:06,327
Speaker 2: may or may not know, is in a regional area

818
00:39:06,327 --> 00:39:07,967
Speaker 2: of New South Wales, and.

819
00:39:07,887 --> 00:39:08,727
Speaker 1: We had a power cut.

820
00:39:08,927 --> 00:39:12,607
Speaker 2: And since I've moved to the regions, we have power cuts.

821
00:39:12,887 --> 00:39:14,687
Speaker 2: I'd say all the time. It would be an exaggeration,

822
00:39:14,727 --> 00:39:18,167
Speaker 2: but frequently. How often we've lived in our new house

823
00:39:18,207 --> 00:39:20,847
Speaker 2: for eighteen months. The day we moved in, we had

824
00:39:20,887 --> 00:39:22,887
Speaker 2: a power cut, and I'd say we've probably had about

825
00:39:22,887 --> 00:39:27,727
Speaker 2: four more every time the weather's a bit weird anytime, What.

826
00:39:27,807 --> 00:39:29,607
Speaker 3: Does it take a long time for them to fix?

827
00:39:29,847 --> 00:39:32,167
Speaker 2: And so what happens is and any regional out louders

828
00:39:32,207 --> 00:39:33,687
Speaker 2: right now will be nodding because this is the thing.

829
00:39:34,087 --> 00:39:36,047
Speaker 2: All the lights go out, everything goes off. It's freezing cold,

830
00:39:36,047 --> 00:39:38,007
Speaker 2: the heaters are down. We can't have a hard shower,

831
00:39:38,047 --> 00:39:39,767
Speaker 2: I can't put the heater on, so it's cold in

832
00:39:39,807 --> 00:39:42,127
Speaker 2: your house, cold everywhere for day rum and you get

833
00:39:42,127 --> 00:39:44,767
Speaker 2: a text message that says power outed. You're like, yeah,

834
00:39:44,967 --> 00:39:49,327
Speaker 2: I can see that. We don't know when it's going

835
00:39:49,407 --> 00:39:51,727
Speaker 2: to come back. But we're hoping sometime before and then

836
00:39:51,767 --> 00:39:53,167
Speaker 2: it's a bit like you know when Telstra tell you

837
00:39:53,207 --> 00:39:56,367
Speaker 2: when someone's coming, it'll be like sometime before two thirty

838
00:39:56,367 --> 00:39:58,447
Speaker 2: am or whatever, and maybe it will and maybe it won't.

839
00:39:58,487 --> 00:40:01,367
Speaker 2: And on Saturday afternoon it went out at about because

840
00:40:01,407 --> 00:40:03,247
Speaker 2: it was windy, was really windy down where we were,

841
00:40:03,247 --> 00:40:05,487
Speaker 2: and I think some power lines blew over. It went

842
00:40:05,527 --> 00:40:08,767
Speaker 2: out at about four and it was beginning to get dark,

843
00:40:08,807 --> 00:40:10,647
Speaker 2: and I had one of Billy's little friends came back

844
00:40:10,687 --> 00:40:12,207
Speaker 2: with us to stay over, and I was like, how

845
00:40:12,207 --> 00:40:14,367
Speaker 2: am I going to entertain this? Can't charge your phones,

846
00:40:14,767 --> 00:40:17,767
Speaker 2: can't charge your tech, so no screens, no lights.

847
00:40:17,967 --> 00:40:19,727
Speaker 1: You could go in the car and charge through you

848
00:40:19,847 --> 00:40:21,087
Speaker 1: if you've got to charge.

849
00:40:21,887 --> 00:40:25,087
Speaker 2: Luckily, our local and this is also lots of regional places.

850
00:40:25,087 --> 00:40:29,527
Speaker 2: Our local got our local pub and the club like

851
00:40:29,687 --> 00:40:32,607
Speaker 2: have gener yeah, yeah, because they know that the power

852
00:40:32,607 --> 00:40:34,207
Speaker 2: goes out a lot. So we all had to go

853
00:40:34,247 --> 00:40:35,887
Speaker 2: to the pub for dinner and then just hope it

854
00:40:35,927 --> 00:40:37,607
Speaker 2: was We came back to the house and it was

855
00:40:37,607 --> 00:40:40,327
Speaker 2: pitch black, and all anyone does is in the Facebook

856
00:40:40,327 --> 00:40:42,927
Speaker 2: groups is like, is your power out? Should power out?

857
00:40:42,967 --> 00:40:45,007
Speaker 2: Sho your power coming back? You know how local Facebook

858
00:40:45,007 --> 00:40:47,727
Speaker 2: groups or everything some powers back and ours wasn't, and

859
00:40:47,727 --> 00:40:49,487
Speaker 2: I was like, how am I going to entertain these kids?

860
00:40:49,527 --> 00:40:52,127
Speaker 2: And so we right, We've got a box that we

861
00:40:52,207 --> 00:40:54,167
Speaker 2: keep under the sync now that I've been nagging Brent

862
00:40:54,247 --> 00:40:56,967
Speaker 2: to do for ages. It's candles, torches, lamps because it

863
00:40:57,007 --> 00:41:01,367
Speaker 2: happened so often, and so we had all candles and stuff,

864
00:41:01,367 --> 00:41:02,567
Speaker 2: and I was like, it's going to be one of

865
00:41:02,567 --> 00:41:04,607
Speaker 2: those wholesome like we're going to wrap ourselves in doing

866
00:41:04,647 --> 00:41:07,167
Speaker 2: this because it's freezing and play board games or something,

867
00:41:07,207 --> 00:41:10,927
Speaker 2: and sang God that just before the board game was

868
00:41:10,967 --> 00:41:13,967
Speaker 2: cracked open, the lights came back on and we could

869
00:41:14,007 --> 00:41:16,367
Speaker 2: watch a movie, which is what we did. But the

870
00:41:16,407 --> 00:41:19,087
Speaker 2: board game dealow point, life's hard when there's no power.

871
00:41:19,127 --> 00:41:21,247
Speaker 2: I'm just putting it out there and shout out to

872
00:41:21,287 --> 00:41:23,287
Speaker 2: regional like louders who have to put up with that

873
00:41:23,367 --> 00:41:26,687
Speaker 2: more than most. My best though, was something that happened

874
00:41:26,727 --> 00:41:28,167
Speaker 2: when I was in the city. So I had a

875
00:41:28,167 --> 00:41:29,527
Speaker 2: couple of days off at the end of last week

876
00:41:29,527 --> 00:41:31,527
Speaker 2: and hung out with my family in Sydney and we

877
00:41:31,527 --> 00:41:33,927
Speaker 2: had a great time. And I did forget that I

878
00:41:34,007 --> 00:41:36,047
Speaker 2: was also going to recommend Twisters, which is the big

879
00:41:36,127 --> 00:41:38,887
Speaker 2: new action movie and Glenn Powell we went see that.

880
00:41:38,927 --> 00:41:41,047
Speaker 2: It was just so much fun and Glenn Powell, did

881
00:41:41,087 --> 00:41:43,207
Speaker 2: you like it? Brad Pitt from the nineties, one hundred

882
00:41:43,207 --> 00:41:45,967
Speaker 2: percent loved it great, very, very enjoyable.

883
00:41:46,047 --> 00:41:48,247
Speaker 1: So you saw that at Imax and it was like all.

884
00:41:48,207 --> 00:41:50,367
Speaker 2: Twisty green Yep. It was so much fun and the

885
00:41:50,407 --> 00:41:51,927
Speaker 2: kids loved it. We had a great time. So I

886
00:41:51,967 --> 00:41:54,727
Speaker 2: recommend that for a family outing. Then the next day

887
00:41:54,727 --> 00:41:57,127
Speaker 2: we did something much more cultural. I don't know anything

888
00:41:57,127 --> 00:42:00,287
Speaker 2: about art right, but I love portraits. So whenever I'm

889
00:42:00,287 --> 00:42:02,327
Speaker 2: in London, I always me and my friends will always

890
00:42:02,367 --> 00:42:05,647
Speaker 2: go to the National Portrait Gallery because it's got portraits

891
00:42:05,647 --> 00:42:08,327
Speaker 2: of like celebrities from now and then you know royals

892
00:42:08,327 --> 00:42:10,087
Speaker 2: from back in the day. And I portraits because I

893
00:42:10,127 --> 00:42:12,647
Speaker 2: love people and I love nosing that. The Archibald Prize

894
00:42:12,687 --> 00:42:15,087
Speaker 2: has been on at the Art Gallery of New South Wales,

895
00:42:15,087 --> 00:42:17,887
Speaker 2: which is a portrait competition and I've never ever been

896
00:42:18,007 --> 00:42:20,527
Speaker 2: in my whole life. Oh, I love the archim because

897
00:42:20,527 --> 00:42:21,407
Speaker 2: it's all portraits.

898
00:42:21,487 --> 00:42:23,247
Speaker 1: That's the only art that I can understand.

899
00:42:23,287 --> 00:42:26,247
Speaker 2: Yeah, portraits, and I love the diversity of it because

900
00:42:26,327 --> 00:42:28,087
Speaker 2: you'd think portraits are all going to look the same,

901
00:42:28,127 --> 00:42:30,967
Speaker 2: but they don't. So we went to the Archibald and

902
00:42:31,007 --> 00:42:32,567
Speaker 2: then this great thing happened, which is why it was

903
00:42:32,567 --> 00:42:35,607
Speaker 2: my best. My favorite portrait in there, because you can

904
00:42:35,647 --> 00:42:40,247
Speaker 2: all vote, was this piece by an artist called Natasha

905
00:42:40,327 --> 00:42:44,087
Speaker 2: Bienniek and it was called self Portrait with Florence and

906
00:42:44,287 --> 00:42:46,927
Speaker 2: it just, to use a wanky term, it just spoke

907
00:42:46,967 --> 00:42:49,007
Speaker 2: to me, right, I just loved this painting. And it's

908
00:42:49,007 --> 00:42:54,367
Speaker 2: a painting of a very tired mother holding a small child,

909
00:42:54,407 --> 00:42:57,127
Speaker 2: and it's just very detailed her paintings, as I discovered,

910
00:42:57,127 --> 00:42:59,967
Speaker 2: because she had another one in there, a very like realistic,

911
00:43:00,287 --> 00:43:05,447
Speaker 2: like very and it was really small and there was

912
00:43:05,487 --> 00:43:08,007
Speaker 2: just something about it that was so powerful. And so

913
00:43:08,047 --> 00:43:09,687
Speaker 2: I read the you know the thing me on the

914
00:43:09,767 --> 00:43:13,367
Speaker 2: side and Florence is her daughter. She calls her Flossy

915
00:43:13,367 --> 00:43:15,727
Speaker 2: and she's three. And what Natasha wrote in this thing

916
00:43:15,807 --> 00:43:17,527
Speaker 2: is she said, she follows me around the house and

917
00:43:17,607 --> 00:43:20,647
Speaker 2: yearns for my voice as she's falling asleep. I wanted

918
00:43:20,647 --> 00:43:23,407
Speaker 2: to make a painting that reflected the intensity of that bond.

919
00:43:23,767 --> 00:43:25,887
Speaker 2: And the painting is of a moment. I'm exhausted, I

920
00:43:25,887 --> 00:43:28,087
Speaker 2: haven't slept properly in years, and I'm trying to balance

921
00:43:28,127 --> 00:43:31,247
Speaker 2: my studio practice with parenting. At times, I found it

922
00:43:31,327 --> 00:43:34,127
Speaker 2: challenging to be a productive artist and an attentive mother,

923
00:43:34,527 --> 00:43:36,727
Speaker 2: and I think many working mothers find themselves in a

924
00:43:36,727 --> 00:43:39,847
Speaker 2: similar situation. No shit, she said, I wanted this painting

925
00:43:39,927 --> 00:43:41,687
Speaker 2: to continue the conversation and the thing is and the

926
00:43:41,687 --> 00:43:44,927
Speaker 2: reason this is my best That's exactly what I got

927
00:43:44,927 --> 00:43:46,167
Speaker 2: from it before reading the thing.

928
00:43:46,287 --> 00:43:49,207
Speaker 3: Do you know look in that you showed me before?

929
00:43:49,327 --> 00:43:51,647
Speaker 3: And I was just like reached into my heart. The

930
00:43:51,767 --> 00:43:54,927
Speaker 3: look on the mother's face and the very specific way

931
00:43:54,967 --> 00:43:56,487
Speaker 3: her daughter is sitting on yes, and.

932
00:43:56,407 --> 00:43:58,647
Speaker 2: The look on the daughter's face, and there's so much

933
00:43:58,767 --> 00:44:01,447
Speaker 2: love in it. It's not like a wingy portrait, not

934
00:44:01,487 --> 00:44:04,367
Speaker 2: that the portrait could win. Do you anyway even better?

935
00:44:04,447 --> 00:44:06,527
Speaker 2: To make this my absolute best? I took a picture

936
00:44:06,527 --> 00:44:08,247
Speaker 2: of it. I put it on my Instagram and I

937
00:44:08,287 --> 00:44:11,567
Speaker 2: tagged Natasha and I said this was my favorite picture

938
00:44:11,647 --> 00:44:16,007
Speaker 2: in the archiebald I voted for it, and Natasha answered

939
00:44:16,127 --> 00:44:20,527
Speaker 2: and said, oh my god, I'm an out louder. Oh

940
00:44:21,327 --> 00:44:24,047
Speaker 2: I was sure, she said, I can't believe you're really

941
00:44:24,087 --> 00:44:25,647
Speaker 2: like my portrait. I'm so glad it spoke to you.

942
00:44:25,727 --> 00:44:28,247
Speaker 2: And she has another amazing painting in the Art Gally

943
00:44:28,207 --> 00:44:29,887
Speaker 2: of New South Wales called Bath, which is of her

944
00:44:29,927 --> 00:44:32,207
Speaker 2: cleaning a bath, which sounds but it's so good. Again.

945
00:44:32,287 --> 00:44:36,807
Speaker 2: She's very into like exploring domesticity and work and I

946
00:44:36,847 --> 00:44:38,367
Speaker 2: was like, I can't believe we have out loud as

947
00:44:38,367 --> 00:44:41,047
Speaker 2: that talented, except of course I can played all off.

948
00:44:42,207 --> 00:44:44,527
Speaker 2: I was like, that is amazing and it was my

949
00:44:44,807 --> 00:44:48,087
Speaker 2: best of the week and oh, that's hard. That's speaks

950
00:44:48,127 --> 00:44:50,447
Speaker 2: to you. You know, it sounds high for Luton, but

951
00:44:50,527 --> 00:44:53,647
Speaker 2: it's like it's just the stuff that makes.

952
00:44:53,407 --> 00:44:54,447
Speaker 1: The wolf you felt seen.

953
00:44:55,167 --> 00:44:58,367
Speaker 3: My worst is I've spoken before about my pop with

954
00:44:58,447 --> 00:45:04,207
Speaker 3: his dementia and just watching how quickly the deterioration happens.

955
00:45:04,487 --> 00:45:07,167
Speaker 3: And it wasn't that long ago that he was very

956
00:45:07,167 --> 00:45:11,407
Speaker 3: independent and very sharp and like really proud, and he

957
00:45:12,047 --> 00:45:15,007
Speaker 3: valued himself so much on being useful, like he was

958
00:45:15,007 --> 00:45:17,287
Speaker 3: a person that came over and helped with things. And

959
00:45:17,327 --> 00:45:19,807
Speaker 3: even I was there the other day. He got out

960
00:45:19,887 --> 00:45:21,967
Speaker 3: a high chair that he'd built because he's really like

961
00:45:22,007 --> 00:45:24,807
Speaker 3: carpentry and stuff, and he'd built that for my cousin

962
00:45:25,207 --> 00:45:26,927
Speaker 3: that was there, and Luna was in the high chair

963
00:45:26,967 --> 00:45:29,887
Speaker 3: and I just thought, oh, things have changed so much,

964
00:45:30,127 --> 00:45:34,647
Speaker 3: like he's Yeah, just watching someone disappear a bit in

965
00:45:34,687 --> 00:45:37,487
Speaker 3: front of you is quite confronting, and I think that

966
00:45:37,527 --> 00:45:42,167
Speaker 3: there's this tendency to want to look away because it's

967
00:45:42,247 --> 00:45:45,647
Speaker 3: really confronting. But at the same time you don't. There

968
00:45:45,727 --> 00:45:49,327
Speaker 3: must be such loneliness because he can't even recall, like

969
00:45:49,367 --> 00:45:51,447
Speaker 3: an hour later, he doesn't even know it's there, so

970
00:45:51,487 --> 00:45:55,047
Speaker 3: he must just feel lonely. Every minute, every minute must

971
00:45:55,047 --> 00:45:56,447
Speaker 3: be an eternity like it.

972
00:45:57,367 --> 00:45:59,567
Speaker 1: That's kind so hard, And then you sort of say

973
00:45:59,567 --> 00:46:02,247
Speaker 1: to yourself, I've got a weekend, I've got limited amount

974
00:46:02,247 --> 00:46:04,287
Speaker 1: of time. Yeh, I'm going to go. He won't even

975
00:46:04,287 --> 00:46:06,847
Speaker 1: remember that I've been there. No, why am I going?

976
00:46:07,007 --> 00:46:07,287
Speaker 4: Yeah.

977
00:46:07,327 --> 00:46:09,927
Speaker 3: And my auntie who's just like he's a saint, like

978
00:46:10,367 --> 00:46:13,207
Speaker 3: she just cares for him, and it's you know, I

979
00:46:13,247 --> 00:46:15,247
Speaker 3: don't want to say thankless, but you know, there are

980
00:46:15,327 --> 00:46:18,207
Speaker 3: so many women in particular that are caring for parents

981
00:46:18,207 --> 00:46:21,207
Speaker 3: and it's just the hardest job in the world. My

982
00:46:21,407 --> 00:46:23,847
Speaker 3: best is I've got two quick ones. The first is

983
00:46:24,167 --> 00:46:26,207
Speaker 3: I've been trying to teach Luna sign language.

984
00:46:26,367 --> 00:46:28,687
Speaker 2: I know she is one of those she's journey into

985
00:46:28,767 --> 00:46:32,647
Speaker 2: one like Hi, my daughter's going to be I've been

986
00:46:32,767 --> 00:46:34,287
Speaker 2: talented all the sign language.

987
00:46:34,327 --> 00:46:35,367
Speaker 3: She's doing hs mad.

988
00:46:35,567 --> 00:46:38,767
Speaker 1: But the thinking is right that it makes them less frustrated.

989
00:46:38,927 --> 00:46:39,847
Speaker 3: Yes, that it can help you.

990
00:46:39,967 --> 00:46:42,247
Speaker 2: No, I know, and I want to apologize. I sounded

991
00:46:42,247 --> 00:46:44,447
Speaker 2: so dismissive. Then there'll be lots of moms and parents

992
00:46:44,487 --> 00:46:47,007
Speaker 2: listening to this coverer. But it's like in my circles,

993
00:46:47,007 --> 00:46:48,847
Speaker 2: the moms who were teaching the sign language, they were

994
00:46:48,887 --> 00:46:50,087
Speaker 2: the very high level moms.

995
00:46:50,127 --> 00:46:51,727
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, Alley, No one's teaching the

996
00:46:51,767 --> 00:46:52,887
Speaker 3: second kid the sign language.

997
00:46:52,887 --> 00:46:53,047
Speaker 2: I can.

998
00:46:53,127 --> 00:46:55,367
Speaker 3: Everyone's teaching the first kid the sign language. And that's

999
00:46:55,367 --> 00:46:57,607
Speaker 3: why I've got time. So I've been trying to teach

1000
00:46:57,647 --> 00:46:59,167
Speaker 3: to her. It's just so funny. She looks at me like,

1001
00:46:59,167 --> 00:47:00,647
Speaker 3: I don't know what you're doing. Then the other day,

1002
00:47:00,927 --> 00:47:03,887
Speaker 3: Luca gives her a potato chip. Right, probably shouldn't give

1003
00:47:03,927 --> 00:47:06,327
Speaker 3: a potato chip, but Alas that's where we were, gives

1004
00:47:06,327 --> 00:47:07,767
Speaker 3: it to it and she ate it and she was

1005
00:47:07,847 --> 00:47:11,127
Speaker 3: just overcome, right, and she's going mo, mo mo, like

1006
00:47:11,167 --> 00:47:13,687
Speaker 3: I want more, and she's pointing and she's shaking her

1007
00:47:13,767 --> 00:47:16,807
Speaker 3: arms around and she's like, dad's dad, how else do

1008
00:47:16,887 --> 00:47:20,007
Speaker 3: I communicate to you that I would like that another one.

1009
00:47:20,047 --> 00:47:22,567
Speaker 3: She then looks Luca in the eye, gets her sign

1010
00:47:22,607 --> 00:47:25,367
Speaker 3: and she goes more. She's never said the word more before.

1011
00:47:25,407 --> 00:47:26,527
Speaker 3: She says Mama, dad and nana.

1012
00:47:26,727 --> 00:47:29,887
Speaker 2: So it was the motivation that was yes, yes, she

1013
00:47:30,127 --> 00:47:33,047
Speaker 2: just looked she did her things high value treat.

1014
00:47:33,007 --> 00:47:38,327
Speaker 3: And just went high value more like clear as anything.

1015
00:47:38,407 --> 00:47:40,367
Speaker 3: And it was like she was out of her bag

1016
00:47:40,407 --> 00:47:42,327
Speaker 3: of tricks and she won't you guys are gonna make

1017
00:47:42,367 --> 00:47:42,647
Speaker 3: me do this?

1018
00:47:42,647 --> 00:47:44,327
Speaker 2: Aren't you must?

1019
00:47:44,527 --> 00:47:46,527
Speaker 3: And now she just every time she wakes up, it's

1020
00:47:46,567 --> 00:47:48,847
Speaker 3: just more like constantly does.

1021
00:47:48,767 --> 00:47:51,967
Speaker 1: She think that means chips? Though she's doing it hoping that.

1022
00:47:51,927 --> 00:47:54,487
Speaker 3: We open her book, and she goes more like turn

1023
00:47:54,527 --> 00:47:57,687
Speaker 3: the page, turn page. Honestly, have you ever met anyone

1024
00:47:58,287 --> 00:48:03,127
Speaker 3: that's so clever? And my other best is that I

1025
00:48:03,327 --> 00:48:06,367
Speaker 3: have been working on scripts like the last few months,

1026
00:48:06,407 --> 00:48:09,967
Speaker 3: just a few television show things that anyone who knows

1027
00:48:10,007 --> 00:48:12,687
Speaker 3: anything about the script stuff knows that you just got

1028
00:48:12,687 --> 00:48:14,847
Speaker 3: probably won't get anywhere, It probably won't get made. All

1029
00:48:14,887 --> 00:48:16,847
Speaker 3: of that might so you get it. To get to

1030
00:48:16,887 --> 00:48:19,487
Speaker 3: the point where you've actually written a script is like

1031
00:48:19,847 --> 00:48:22,567
Speaker 3: feels like an enormous achievement. And this week Claire and

1032
00:48:22,607 --> 00:48:25,367
Speaker 3: I submitted the first script that we've kind of from

1033
00:48:25,407 --> 00:48:27,607
Speaker 3: the beginning of the process to the end, wrote an episode,

1034
00:48:27,687 --> 00:48:31,367
Speaker 3: wrote this pilot. I can't explain what kind of process

1035
00:48:31,367 --> 00:48:34,087
Speaker 3: it was. It's the first creative process that I felt

1036
00:48:34,087 --> 00:48:38,047
Speaker 3: like was easy. It was really weird.

1037
00:48:37,687 --> 00:48:40,367
Speaker 1: Because it was just the two of you. This is strife,

1038
00:48:40,367 --> 00:48:43,287
Speaker 1: which was a group thing and a different headwriter, and

1039
00:48:43,327 --> 00:48:45,687
Speaker 1: you wrote one of the episodes together, but this was

1040
00:48:45,727 --> 00:48:48,367
Speaker 1: yours from idea yeap all the way through.

1041
00:48:48,247 --> 00:48:50,767
Speaker 3: And it's comedy, and it was just like I felt

1042
00:48:50,767 --> 00:48:52,367
Speaker 3: like I was writing bits to make clear laugh, and

1043
00:48:52,367 --> 00:48:53,807
Speaker 3: then she would edit it to make me laugh. And

1044
00:48:53,887 --> 00:48:56,527
Speaker 3: we just went back and forth, and I just I

1045
00:48:56,567 --> 00:48:58,687
Speaker 3: looked at Luca last night and I said to him,

1046
00:48:58,767 --> 00:49:00,367
Speaker 3: if I get the feedback that this is a piece

1047
00:49:00,367 --> 00:49:01,927
Speaker 3: of shit that I don't want to make it, I

1048
00:49:01,967 --> 00:49:04,487
Speaker 3: don't care because I just really enjoyed writing it, which

1049
00:49:04,527 --> 00:49:06,967
Speaker 3: I've never had before. I've always been so tied to

1050
00:49:07,007 --> 00:49:09,367
Speaker 3: the outcome. And I just kind of went.

1051
00:49:09,447 --> 00:49:13,087
Speaker 2: It's her atomic habits. I think it's she's learned to

1052
00:49:13,167 --> 00:49:14,327
Speaker 2: appreciate the journey.

1053
00:49:14,487 --> 00:49:16,087
Speaker 3: Yeah, the journey, not the destination.

1054
00:49:17,287 --> 00:49:17,567
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1055
00:49:17,727 --> 00:49:20,887
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I'm feeling growing about it, Aren't I just an'?

1056
00:49:20,927 --> 00:49:22,207
Speaker 3: I just so it's been a great week.

1057
00:49:22,527 --> 00:49:25,127
Speaker 1: Before we go, I want to know what ship keeps

1058
00:49:25,127 --> 00:49:29,007
Speaker 1: you up at night, because on yesterday's subscriber episode out Louders,

1059
00:49:29,527 --> 00:49:32,887
Speaker 1: we shared the moments from our lives that we think

1060
00:49:32,887 --> 00:49:35,327
Speaker 1: about at two am. I've actually thought of another one,

1061
00:49:35,727 --> 00:49:38,527
Speaker 1: which I'm going to see. What's for another episode? I've

1062
00:49:38,567 --> 00:49:41,167
Speaker 1: got another bad one. Oh, I've got another really bad one.

1063
00:49:41,207 --> 00:49:43,327
Speaker 3: I was being plagued by these embarrassing moments that I

1064
00:49:43,447 --> 00:49:47,167
Speaker 3: just randomly wanted to share with you both and unpaw Yours.

1065
00:49:46,807 --> 00:49:51,407
Speaker 1: Were funny and embarrassing and mine was just awful. If

1066
00:49:51,407 --> 00:49:53,567
Speaker 1: you want to listen, there's a link in the show

1067
00:49:53,567 --> 00:49:57,127
Speaker 1: notes and you can share your own embarrassing moments that

1068
00:49:57,247 --> 00:49:58,087
Speaker 1: keep you awake at night.

1069
00:49:59,847 --> 00:50:04,047
Speaker 2: Louders. Goodness a louder Friday, isn't it out Louders? Thank

1070
00:50:04,087 --> 00:50:06,127
Speaker 2: you so much for being with us through another week.

1071
00:50:06,207 --> 00:50:08,967
Speaker 2: We love hanging out with you and each other. Actually,

1072
00:50:09,407 --> 00:50:12,407
Speaker 2: this episode is produced by the wonderful Emilyin and Gozillas.

1073
00:50:12,487 --> 00:50:15,247
Speaker 2: There's been audio production by Leah Porge's so big thank

1074
00:50:15,287 --> 00:50:17,367
Speaker 2: you to them too, and all of our creative team

1075
00:50:17,447 --> 00:50:19,407
Speaker 2: and we will be back in your ears next week.

1076
00:50:19,767 --> 00:50:20,247
Speaker 1: Bye.

1077
00:50:22,447 --> 00:50:25,327
Speaker 3: Shout out to any Mum and Mia subscribers listening. If

1078
00:50:25,407 --> 00:50:27,367
Speaker 3: you love the show and you want to support us,

1079
00:50:27,607 --> 00:50:30,407
Speaker 3: subscribing to mom and Mia is the very best way

1080
00:50:30,447 --> 00:50:33,007
Speaker 3: to do so. There's a link in the episode description