1 00:00:21,650 --> 00:00:24,370 Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mother a Mia podcast. 2 00:00:25,130 --> 00:00:28,450 Speaker 2: Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We 3 00:00:28,530 --> 00:00:31,930 Speaker 2: have recorded this podcast on the Gatagul people of the 4 00:00:31,970 --> 00:00:35,690 Speaker 2: Eor nation. We pay our respects to their elders past 5 00:00:35,730 --> 00:00:39,370 Speaker 2: and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and 6 00:00:39,410 --> 00:00:41,130 Speaker 2: Torus s right islander cultures. 7 00:00:41,410 --> 00:00:45,930 Speaker 1: Hi, It's Grace from This Glorious Mess introducing hot Pod Summer. 8 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:49,210 Speaker 1: It's one hundred hours of curated listening across the Muma 9 00:00:49,290 --> 00:00:52,090 Speaker 1: Mea network, just for you to escape the chaos and 10 00:00:52,210 --> 00:00:54,810 Speaker 1: enjoy with the kids at home and the weather warming up. 11 00:00:54,970 --> 00:00:57,490 Speaker 1: We're going to share some episodes of Little Love Stories. 12 00:00:58,050 --> 00:01:01,450 Speaker 1: Little Love Stories is an open hearted conversation with someone 13 00:01:01,490 --> 00:01:04,010 Speaker 1: who has love to share that love can be anything, 14 00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:07,210 Speaker 1: a time in someone's life, a person, or even an object. 15 00:01:07,810 --> 00:01:10,810 Speaker 1: It's all about discovering the magic everywhere you look. So 16 00:01:10,850 --> 00:01:13,610 Speaker 1: I hope you enjoy this episode of Little Love Stories. 17 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,850 Speaker 3: I love you how you live with them? 18 00:01:22,930 --> 00:01:25,930 Speaker 1: From Mamma Mia and This Glorious Mess. Welcome to Little 19 00:01:25,930 --> 00:01:29,730 Speaker 1: Love Stories. I'm Grace Rufrey. Have you ever met someone 20 00:01:29,850 --> 00:01:34,050 Speaker 1: new and felt that undeniable spark, Not a romantic one, 21 00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:37,410 Speaker 1: but the spark of friendship like a lightning strike. It 22 00:01:37,450 --> 00:01:39,810 Speaker 1: tells you this person is going to play a special 23 00:01:39,890 --> 00:01:42,930 Speaker 1: role in your life. Well, that's exactly what happened when 24 00:01:43,010 --> 00:01:46,330 Speaker 1: Damian Callanan met Cal Wilson in two thousand and one. 25 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,770 Speaker 4: You're one of the few responsible ones, can you look 26 00:01:48,810 --> 00:01:51,490 Speaker 4: after Cal Wilson? And Cal was standing next to her, 27 00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:56,290 Speaker 4: and she was this little bouncy blonde with significant trousers 28 00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:59,010 Speaker 4: and complicated shoes and all sorts of things going on, 29 00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:01,050 Speaker 4: but just a baming heart. 30 00:02:01,250 --> 00:02:04,050 Speaker 1: It's been almost a year since the world lost the vibrant, 31 00:02:04,130 --> 00:02:07,650 Speaker 1: glowing spark of the ever funny kiwek comedian Cal Wilson. 32 00:02:08,610 --> 00:02:11,330 Speaker 1: Cal and Damien went on to collaborate on comedy shows 33 00:02:11,370 --> 00:02:15,610 Speaker 1: like ski House and live performances across the country. Damien, 34 00:02:15,690 --> 00:02:17,530 Speaker 1: who had the honor of being the MC at both 35 00:02:17,570 --> 00:02:20,050 Speaker 1: Cal's wedding and her funeral, what he calls one of 36 00:02:20,090 --> 00:02:23,690 Speaker 1: the most hotant gigs of his life, says that amidst 37 00:02:23,730 --> 00:02:26,210 Speaker 1: the pain of losing her, the moments that bring him 38 00:02:26,250 --> 00:02:29,330 Speaker 1: joy is hearing the countless stories people feel compelled to 39 00:02:29,370 --> 00:02:32,570 Speaker 1: share with him, and he's gathered an endless collection of 40 00:02:32,650 --> 00:02:34,290 Speaker 1: cal Wilson moments. 41 00:02:34,170 --> 00:02:35,130 Speaker 3: So even in death. 42 00:02:35,210 --> 00:02:38,210 Speaker 4: Kelle is kind of bringing people together and people, as 43 00:02:38,210 --> 00:02:41,530 Speaker 4: you say, randoms or vocals. When I was doing media 44 00:02:41,570 --> 00:02:44,250 Speaker 4: after she first died away, I'd have producers like on 45 00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:46,530 Speaker 4: the line saying I had one experience with Cal. 46 00:02:46,330 --> 00:02:46,850 Speaker 3: And it was this. 47 00:02:47,130 --> 00:02:49,250 Speaker 4: The most interesting one was a producer who said, I 48 00:02:49,290 --> 00:02:52,010 Speaker 4: was actually a flight to Adelaide Kelsey next to me, 49 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:53,650 Speaker 4: and she was just tepping around a computer for the 50 00:02:53,690 --> 00:02:55,890 Speaker 4: first twenty minutes and then she's laid a computer shut 51 00:02:55,890 --> 00:02:57,730 Speaker 4: and second in the pock and said, I'm so sorry, 52 00:02:57,770 --> 00:02:58,170 Speaker 4: who are you? 53 00:02:58,330 --> 00:02:58,890 Speaker 5: What do you do? 54 00:02:59,130 --> 00:03:01,290 Speaker 1: Cal had a way of making people feel like her 55 00:03:01,330 --> 00:03:04,290 Speaker 1: best friend, with so much room in her heart to 56 00:03:04,330 --> 00:03:07,730 Speaker 1: share herself with friends, whilst also cherishing the deep love 57 00:03:07,810 --> 00:03:10,370 Speaker 1: she had for her husband, Chris and their son Digby. 58 00:03:10,730 --> 00:03:13,890 Speaker 1: When someone's life touches so many it can feel unjust 59 00:03:13,930 --> 00:03:16,650 Speaker 1: and unfair to lose them. But that's not the part 60 00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:18,170 Speaker 1: Damien chooses to focus on. 61 00:03:18,690 --> 00:03:21,810 Speaker 3: Why. That's not how I think about life. 62 00:03:21,890 --> 00:03:26,410 Speaker 4: I think if you get into the cruelties and disappointments 63 00:03:26,770 --> 00:03:29,770 Speaker 4: with that angle, then you're always going to live in 64 00:03:29,970 --> 00:03:33,530 Speaker 4: disappointment and grief. I kind of go wan me why 65 00:03:33,610 --> 00:03:36,930 Speaker 4: I was so close to her and how fortunate I 66 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,010 Speaker 4: was to have her in my orbit. 67 00:03:39,730 --> 00:03:43,970 Speaker 1: Cow brought immeasurable joy to Damien's life. Decades of friendship 68 00:03:44,010 --> 00:03:46,930 Speaker 1: have now become memories full of warmth and the pang 69 00:03:46,930 --> 00:03:51,170 Speaker 1: of grief. Yet it's those stories, connections, and even the 70 00:03:51,250 --> 00:03:54,690 Speaker 1: silly little jokes that keep her legacy alive. But before 71 00:03:54,690 --> 00:03:57,370 Speaker 1: we get there, here's some love that people want to 72 00:03:57,370 --> 00:03:57,930 Speaker 1: share today. 73 00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:02,730 Speaker 6: The person that fills my cup is my nine year 74 00:04:02,770 --> 00:04:06,090 Speaker 6: old sister, Ellie May. Every time I see her, even 75 00:04:06,130 --> 00:04:10,650 Speaker 6: when she's being annoying and grumpy, I just she lights 76 00:04:10,690 --> 00:04:12,130 Speaker 6: me up and I just want to spend time with 77 00:04:12,170 --> 00:04:14,490 Speaker 6: her and give her a hug and be a good 78 00:04:14,490 --> 00:04:15,130 Speaker 6: sister to her. 79 00:04:15,490 --> 00:04:17,410 Speaker 7: So it's not so much a person that fills my cup, 80 00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:20,250 Speaker 7: but my dog fills my cup. Every time I walk 81 00:04:20,290 --> 00:04:23,090 Speaker 7: through the or he's so happy to see me and 82 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:25,010 Speaker 7: I could be gone for a minute to put something 83 00:04:25,050 --> 00:04:26,970 Speaker 7: in the rubbish, been outside, or get something from my car, 84 00:04:27,210 --> 00:04:30,770 Speaker 7: or a whole day at work and he's just ecstatic 85 00:04:31,050 --> 00:04:32,810 Speaker 7: and it's just for me because I'm there, and it 86 00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:35,930 Speaker 7: makes me feel so special and I love him. 87 00:04:36,010 --> 00:04:36,610 Speaker 1: He's the best. 88 00:04:36,890 --> 00:04:38,970 Speaker 8: I love catching up with my friend al no matter 89 00:04:39,010 --> 00:04:42,370 Speaker 8: what we're doing because she has the most vibrant, positive, 90 00:04:42,690 --> 00:04:46,290 Speaker 8: uplifting energy, and as soon as I see her, I'm 91 00:04:46,330 --> 00:04:47,130 Speaker 8: having a good day. 92 00:04:47,490 --> 00:04:51,450 Speaker 9: I've known my friend Claire since we were eleven years old. 93 00:04:52,010 --> 00:04:55,170 Speaker 9: We live in different hemispheres and have done for the 94 00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:59,010 Speaker 9: last getting on for twenty years. Having said that we 95 00:04:59,050 --> 00:05:03,130 Speaker 9: are so close, we have very long like hours and 96 00:05:03,210 --> 00:05:07,570 Speaker 9: hours long WhatsApp call catch ups every couple of months, 97 00:05:08,330 --> 00:05:11,650 Speaker 9: and we revert to being eleven years old. I don't 98 00:05:11,690 --> 00:05:14,490 Speaker 9: think we've actually grown up at all. She is the 99 00:05:14,530 --> 00:05:18,250 Speaker 9: one person in my life who can be guaranteed to 100 00:05:18,450 --> 00:05:20,450 Speaker 9: absolutely make me barely laugh. 101 00:05:20,970 --> 00:05:21,650 Speaker 1: I do nothing. 102 00:05:21,850 --> 00:05:25,330 Speaker 9: Yeah, she absolutely fills my cup and I can't wait 103 00:05:25,370 --> 00:05:26,730 Speaker 9: till the next one. 104 00:05:30,290 --> 00:05:34,010 Speaker 1: Damien, you start your story by procrastinating this task. 105 00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:35,890 Speaker 4: Sorry, I'm just going to go to put the kettle on. 106 00:05:36,090 --> 00:05:41,450 Speaker 4: So I start everything by procrastinating. Everything starts with procrastinating. Absolutely, 107 00:05:41,610 --> 00:05:45,130 Speaker 4: I'd already done that. I'd already written a piece about 108 00:05:45,170 --> 00:05:48,250 Speaker 4: her after she passed away in a lead up to 109 00:05:48,290 --> 00:05:50,730 Speaker 4: the funeral, and there was a way of me kind 110 00:05:50,730 --> 00:05:53,090 Speaker 4: of throat clearing a bit to know what to say, 111 00:05:54,130 --> 00:05:55,170 Speaker 4: knowing that there were going to be a lot of 112 00:05:55,170 --> 00:05:58,970 Speaker 4: people saying things. But I still had to introduce myself 113 00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:02,570 Speaker 4: and my relationship with Cal before handing over the keys, 114 00:06:02,610 --> 00:06:05,610 Speaker 4: if you like, so, I think because I'd already gone 115 00:06:05,690 --> 00:06:07,850 Speaker 4: through that, and then I was asked to write this, 116 00:06:07,970 --> 00:06:10,490 Speaker 4: I thought, Okay. My first instinct was I may would 117 00:06:10,530 --> 00:06:12,010 Speaker 4: just use that you had a look at it and 118 00:06:12,050 --> 00:06:13,930 Speaker 4: we talked about it, and I went, no, do the 119 00:06:14,010 --> 00:06:16,250 Speaker 4: right thing by your friend. Talk about what it's like now, 120 00:06:16,490 --> 00:06:19,450 Speaker 4: what it's like a year later, and what has changed. 121 00:06:19,490 --> 00:06:22,170 Speaker 4: And it's actually quite howful to do that in a way. 122 00:06:22,490 --> 00:06:24,810 Speaker 4: And I don't think there's been many deaths in my 123 00:06:24,890 --> 00:06:29,170 Speaker 4: life that I have processed as much as Cal's because 124 00:06:29,730 --> 00:06:33,570 Speaker 4: we have such a close band of friends that have 125 00:06:33,690 --> 00:06:36,490 Speaker 4: come together, which I alluded to in the article. I'm 126 00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:39,890 Speaker 4: much closer to now having made that decision to then 127 00:06:39,970 --> 00:06:41,650 Speaker 4: sit down and go, well, what do I think Now? 128 00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:44,530 Speaker 4: You have to open up some doors that you're not 129 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:45,650 Speaker 4: sure if you want to or not. 130 00:06:45,930 --> 00:06:48,130 Speaker 1: That was the tricky thing, because some things are in 131 00:06:48,130 --> 00:06:50,850 Speaker 1: a box and you go not yet, I need to 132 00:06:50,850 --> 00:06:53,490 Speaker 1: get through today. Whatever tasket is it, whatever thing, and 133 00:06:53,570 --> 00:06:54,770 Speaker 1: that just needs to be in the box for a 134 00:06:54,770 --> 00:06:55,130 Speaker 1: little bit. 135 00:06:55,210 --> 00:06:55,610 Speaker 3: Yeah. 136 00:06:55,690 --> 00:06:59,370 Speaker 4: When hell did pass away, I was on tour but 137 00:06:59,450 --> 00:07:01,970 Speaker 4: the show that I'm about to tour now double feature, 138 00:07:02,010 --> 00:07:04,810 Speaker 4: which is about grief. Largely, it's Mum and Dad's story 139 00:07:05,290 --> 00:07:08,290 Speaker 4: through the eyes of her not in year old self. 140 00:07:08,530 --> 00:07:11,170 Speaker 4: We found this diary on the night of Dad's funeral 141 00:07:11,210 --> 00:07:13,850 Speaker 4: that we didn't know existed, that charted at the beginning 142 00:07:13,890 --> 00:07:17,210 Speaker 4: of their relationship, and it's a beautiful, romantic snapshot of 143 00:07:17,530 --> 00:07:20,490 Speaker 4: post War War two Australia, but also a window in 144 00:07:20,650 --> 00:07:23,410 Speaker 4: to a version of my mum. I never possibly knew 145 00:07:23,450 --> 00:07:23,890 Speaker 4: I was going. 146 00:07:23,850 --> 00:07:24,570 Speaker 3: To get to know. 147 00:07:25,290 --> 00:07:27,730 Speaker 4: So I was performing that show, so it was obviously 148 00:07:28,290 --> 00:07:32,530 Speaker 4: my grief scepters were pretty wide open, and I'd have 149 00:07:32,690 --> 00:07:36,770 Speaker 4: to lie. I didn't have to, but yeah, obviously only 150 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:40,450 Speaker 4: I was very ill finding out that it was about 151 00:07:40,490 --> 00:07:43,810 Speaker 4: to end, and we're basically told we're allowed to come 152 00:07:43,890 --> 00:07:47,330 Speaker 4: and say goodbye. I had to drive from Warnable to 153 00:07:47,370 --> 00:07:49,850 Speaker 4: Melbourne and fly to Sydney, spend five hours and I 154 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:53,090 Speaker 4: see you with all the nearest and dearest. Then I 155 00:07:53,130 --> 00:07:56,050 Speaker 4: got back on the plane that night, slept for three hours, 156 00:07:56,050 --> 00:07:58,010 Speaker 4: and Zilla drove me down to Warnable and did eleven 157 00:07:58,050 --> 00:07:58,730 Speaker 4: am Mattinee. 158 00:07:59,330 --> 00:08:00,170 Speaker 3: Everything went wrong. 159 00:08:00,450 --> 00:08:02,010 Speaker 1: I want to go back to the beginning because like 160 00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:04,970 Speaker 1: all good love stories, and a friendship is a love story. 161 00:08:05,530 --> 00:08:08,250 Speaker 1: I would love you to tell the story of when 162 00:08:08,290 --> 00:08:09,610 Speaker 1: you met Cal Wilson. 163 00:08:10,050 --> 00:08:13,530 Speaker 4: Cal and I met at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. 164 00:08:13,930 --> 00:08:18,130 Speaker 4: It was opening night party and I suspect the year 165 00:08:18,250 --> 00:08:22,530 Speaker 4: was around two thousand on. My show was quite early, 166 00:08:22,610 --> 00:08:25,050 Speaker 4: and I was also in a venue that was adjacent 167 00:08:25,170 --> 00:08:29,130 Speaker 4: to the Lower Town Hall, which was the old Festival Club, 168 00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,770 Speaker 4: and I kind of got there unfashionably early and it 169 00:08:31,850 --> 00:08:35,650 Speaker 4: was kind of like standing and Susan Proven, the festival director, 170 00:08:35,770 --> 00:08:38,250 Speaker 4: spotted me in the corner and she marched up and 171 00:08:38,330 --> 00:08:40,010 Speaker 4: she said, dam mc callum, you're one of the few 172 00:08:40,010 --> 00:08:40,850 Speaker 4: responsible ones. 173 00:08:41,010 --> 00:08:42,330 Speaker 3: Can you look after Cal Wilson? 174 00:08:42,970 --> 00:08:45,210 Speaker 4: And Cal was stand next to her, and as I 175 00:08:45,290 --> 00:08:49,250 Speaker 4: described in the piece, she was this little bouncy blonde 176 00:08:49,370 --> 00:08:52,850 Speaker 4: with significant trousers and complicated shoes and all sorts of 177 00:08:52,850 --> 00:08:57,010 Speaker 4: things going on, but just a beaming heart. And we 178 00:08:57,130 --> 00:09:00,290 Speaker 4: just started talking. And you know, you have those we 179 00:09:00,370 --> 00:09:04,370 Speaker 4: call them instant friends, because became a parent straightaway that 180 00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:06,930 Speaker 4: we had a lot in common, but there was just 181 00:09:07,050 --> 00:09:10,290 Speaker 4: not an ounce of awkwardness and wide ranging it went 182 00:09:10,330 --> 00:09:16,930 Speaker 4: from hilarity to sharing secrets. Relationship fails and we just 183 00:09:17,010 --> 00:09:19,210 Speaker 4: talked for the whole night. When neither of us moved 184 00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:21,050 Speaker 4: from that corner, people came in and out of our 185 00:09:21,130 --> 00:09:23,410 Speaker 4: order a little bit, but my memory is that we 186 00:09:23,410 --> 00:09:27,530 Speaker 4: were largely uninterrupted, and then throughout that festival we just 187 00:09:27,570 --> 00:09:28,850 Speaker 4: kind of just kept catching up. 188 00:09:28,930 --> 00:09:32,610 Speaker 1: And yeah, you continued to both work on your own careers, 189 00:09:32,610 --> 00:09:34,410 Speaker 1: but you always seem to find a way back to 190 00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:36,850 Speaker 1: each other through other projects. What are the projects that 191 00:09:36,890 --> 00:09:38,370 Speaker 1: you did work on together. 192 00:09:38,690 --> 00:09:42,050 Speaker 4: Well, the main one which really solidified the friendship was 193 00:09:42,410 --> 00:09:45,130 Speaker 4: Ski House, which was a Channel ten sketch comedy show. 194 00:09:45,290 --> 00:09:47,690 Speaker 4: I think we'd done one season and col wasn't in 195 00:09:47,730 --> 00:09:50,890 Speaker 4: the cast, and then we got a second season and 196 00:09:51,250 --> 00:09:53,490 Speaker 4: Cal was invited to join, and that's what prompted her 197 00:09:53,530 --> 00:09:56,290 Speaker 4: to move to Australia. She had done other things in 198 00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,130 Speaker 4: Australia was a bit back and forth, but this was 199 00:09:58,130 --> 00:10:01,250 Speaker 4: that Okay, well I'll move over for this. So we 200 00:10:01,330 --> 00:10:05,050 Speaker 4: had that and then we tended to just constantly get 201 00:10:05,170 --> 00:10:07,410 Speaker 4: passed together on the Melburne Comedy Festival road show over 202 00:10:07,410 --> 00:10:09,290 Speaker 4: those years, even if it was just for a week 203 00:10:09,410 --> 00:10:11,490 Speaker 4: or kind of a combination of things that in that 204 00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:15,450 Speaker 4: period that just we're just so pleased to be together. Yeah, 205 00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:18,610 Speaker 4: we just played so much together. We're just I makeing 206 00:10:18,610 --> 00:10:20,330 Speaker 4: its sound that the friendship was just play. It wasn't, 207 00:10:20,330 --> 00:10:24,850 Speaker 4: because there was no one in the world more capable 208 00:10:25,450 --> 00:10:29,690 Speaker 4: of responding to other people's problems. In those years too, 209 00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:33,570 Speaker 4: in the first decade of this millennia, I went through stuff, 210 00:10:33,610 --> 00:10:38,410 Speaker 4: you know, my mum's tragic accident and end of relationship 211 00:10:38,530 --> 00:10:41,370 Speaker 4: quite close to it, and cal was just always she 212 00:10:41,450 --> 00:10:43,970 Speaker 4: knew exactly what to do and how to support you 213 00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:47,450 Speaker 4: and not judge sometimes when you're in those situations, the 214 00:10:47,530 --> 00:10:52,330 Speaker 4: tricky ends of relationships where there's some murky things from 215 00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:55,890 Speaker 4: all parties, she go, I'm here for you, and so 216 00:10:55,970 --> 00:10:57,770 Speaker 4: I'm here to celebrate you and what's going on and 217 00:10:57,850 --> 00:11:00,850 Speaker 4: whatever decisions you make. She had like every tap that 218 00:11:00,970 --> 00:11:04,450 Speaker 4: a friend needs, every appliance. It's like it's it's like 219 00:11:04,490 --> 00:11:08,690 Speaker 4: a brilliant coffee machine. Can you know, can make express though. 220 00:11:08,610 --> 00:11:10,850 Speaker 1: It's like you need to party, I'm there, you need 221 00:11:10,890 --> 00:11:13,290 Speaker 1: to cry on my shoulder, one hundred percent everything. 222 00:11:13,650 --> 00:11:15,810 Speaker 4: So I think that's what made her so special. And 223 00:11:15,850 --> 00:11:17,730 Speaker 4: you know I was there for her too, But I 224 00:11:18,730 --> 00:11:22,210 Speaker 4: do feel like she supported me in more vulnerable moments. 225 00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:23,010 Speaker 3: A lot of her. 226 00:11:22,890 --> 00:11:27,890 Speaker 4: Earlier life bumps, if you like, preceded our relationship PELI. 227 00:11:27,930 --> 00:11:30,250 Speaker 4: Once she moved to Australia, she had I mean, I'm 228 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:31,930 Speaker 4: not you know, I can't get inside her head, but 229 00:11:32,730 --> 00:11:35,850 Speaker 4: it was more clear sailing. Their thirties and forties were 230 00:11:35,930 --> 00:11:37,530 Speaker 4: more clear sailing than her twenties. 231 00:11:37,970 --> 00:11:38,490 Speaker 3: What do you. 232 00:11:38,450 --> 00:11:42,090 Speaker 1: Think makes friendship chemistry? Is it a lightning in a 233 00:11:42,090 --> 00:11:45,290 Speaker 1: bottle situation? Is it the same amount of silliness or 234 00:11:45,370 --> 00:11:47,770 Speaker 1: is it just made by two people who are open 235 00:11:48,170 --> 00:11:51,810 Speaker 1: with each other to lean all in. What makes friendship 236 00:11:51,930 --> 00:11:54,650 Speaker 1: chemistry like yours and cow so magic. 237 00:11:54,850 --> 00:11:55,730 Speaker 3: It's a good question. 238 00:11:56,330 --> 00:11:59,530 Speaker 4: I think in our world, play is the way in 239 00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:03,890 Speaker 4: really and call and I have that in spades and 240 00:12:03,970 --> 00:12:07,410 Speaker 4: would just instantly go into it. I was out last 241 00:12:07,530 --> 00:12:11,050 Speaker 4: night with Emily Taheny, great comic actress, and am I 242 00:12:11,210 --> 00:12:13,450 Speaker 4: really close. I've done her since you first started performing. 243 00:12:13,490 --> 00:12:16,010 Speaker 4: She's the sister of Fianna Lachlan who Founa and I 244 00:12:16,090 --> 00:12:19,410 Speaker 4: used to work closely together and we have that play too. 245 00:12:20,010 --> 00:12:22,370 Speaker 4: And we saw each other at a dinner party on 246 00:12:22,370 --> 00:12:24,050 Speaker 4: the weekend, and then we went to a band together 247 00:12:24,090 --> 00:12:26,090 Speaker 4: last night and it was just like, oh, you know 248 00:12:26,130 --> 00:12:28,450 Speaker 4: those people just come back to and it's just in 249 00:12:28,450 --> 00:12:30,850 Speaker 4: between each song where we're just start having a conversation 250 00:12:30,970 --> 00:12:34,930 Speaker 4: in a different accent in response to that particular song. 251 00:12:35,650 --> 00:12:38,170 Speaker 3: But with Cal, it was it was that, but also. 252 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,050 Speaker 4: Could just flick at flicker sweech too serious and not 253 00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:41,730 Speaker 4: that Emily and I don't have that as well. 254 00:12:42,130 --> 00:12:43,610 Speaker 3: It's a combination of factors. 255 00:12:43,970 --> 00:12:46,930 Speaker 1: You said you can't get into Cal's head, but your 256 00:12:46,930 --> 00:12:49,650 Speaker 1: little love story is kind of trying to get into 257 00:12:49,690 --> 00:12:52,330 Speaker 1: Cal's head. Yeah, you talk about wanting to call, which 258 00:12:52,370 --> 00:12:55,410 Speaker 1: is one of the most relatable reflexes in grief. It's cruel. 259 00:12:55,450 --> 00:12:56,810 Speaker 1: It's one of the most cruel parts of it, the 260 00:12:56,850 --> 00:13:00,130 Speaker 1: desire to tell them something that only they will specifically understand. 261 00:13:00,970 --> 00:13:03,890 Speaker 1: What are some of the reflexes that you have today 262 00:13:03,970 --> 00:13:05,330 Speaker 1: or the things that you want to tell her. 263 00:13:05,570 --> 00:13:07,490 Speaker 4: Look, I went through them a little bit in the article, 264 00:13:07,530 --> 00:13:09,810 Speaker 4: but it was hard to articulate all of them. The 265 00:13:09,850 --> 00:13:12,050 Speaker 4: one that was the hardest to articulate, which I didn't 266 00:13:12,050 --> 00:13:14,570 Speaker 4: write about, this is a friend. This is a friend 267 00:13:14,850 --> 00:13:17,810 Speaker 4: thing like, this is not my need, but it's like 268 00:13:18,810 --> 00:13:22,010 Speaker 4: I wanted to know that Chris and Digbio OK, and 269 00:13:22,050 --> 00:13:25,890 Speaker 4: that we're kind of all around them in different ways, 270 00:13:25,890 --> 00:13:28,850 Speaker 4: and we can't be there all the time, but that 271 00:13:29,130 --> 00:13:32,570 Speaker 4: in their own ways they're coping really well. It's been 272 00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,890 Speaker 4: horrible to watch in some ways. 273 00:13:35,650 --> 00:13:36,090 Speaker 3: We had a. 274 00:13:36,050 --> 00:13:39,410 Speaker 4: Working bee the other day on because it's home, and 275 00:13:39,410 --> 00:13:42,490 Speaker 4: it was joyous having everyone around, and I remember driving home, 276 00:13:42,490 --> 00:13:44,250 Speaker 4: as it said, I would have just loved to have 277 00:13:44,250 --> 00:13:46,770 Speaker 4: been there to hear all that banter. And we've got 278 00:13:46,810 --> 00:13:50,690 Speaker 4: an extraordinary amount done in six or seven hours, because 279 00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:53,290 Speaker 4: I know that would be her biggest worry by miles, 280 00:13:53,370 --> 00:13:54,810 Speaker 4: like I know she'd be worried for all of us 281 00:13:54,850 --> 00:13:57,650 Speaker 4: and leaving your family behind. And I know she can't 282 00:13:58,050 --> 00:14:01,410 Speaker 4: hear or see you or feel, but if there was 283 00:14:01,770 --> 00:14:04,170 Speaker 4: something out there, I would really want to reassure that 284 00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:13,810 Speaker 4: they're okay and we're looking after them. 285 00:14:14,010 --> 00:14:17,410 Speaker 1: When losing a friend with such depth and connection, it's 286 00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:20,170 Speaker 1: so incredibly hard to go through because they're a part 287 00:14:20,210 --> 00:14:22,210 Speaker 1: of your They're a part of your every day. But 288 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:25,970 Speaker 1: friends are often referred to as the forgotten grievers because 289 00:14:26,010 --> 00:14:29,050 Speaker 1: there is an assumption that what you're going through is 290 00:14:29,130 --> 00:14:33,490 Speaker 1: less and you, as one of Cal's best friends, and 291 00:14:34,370 --> 00:14:36,450 Speaker 1: having been involved in her life for so long, you've 292 00:14:36,530 --> 00:14:39,730 Speaker 1: kind of become this conduit for people to share their 293 00:14:39,770 --> 00:14:42,970 Speaker 1: grief of cow with you, and you've held space for 294 00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:44,490 Speaker 1: quite a lot of people to do that, which I'm 295 00:14:44,490 --> 00:14:47,130 Speaker 1: sure has been beautiful and painful and all those things 296 00:14:47,170 --> 00:14:50,850 Speaker 1: wrapped up into one. But there are some incredible connections 297 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,690 Speaker 1: that have come out of it, like cal is still 298 00:14:53,770 --> 00:14:56,930 Speaker 1: placing her magic everywhere. What are some of those stories 299 00:14:57,010 --> 00:14:59,490 Speaker 1: or connections that have emerged in the past year. 300 00:14:59,810 --> 00:15:02,770 Speaker 4: Well, the first one was I met Brodi Connell on 301 00:15:03,290 --> 00:15:07,330 Speaker 4: the night at Ice you saying goodbye and for the listeners, 302 00:15:07,530 --> 00:15:11,370 Speaker 4: Bridy and your wonderful host Grace. At the time, we're 303 00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:13,770 Speaker 4: about to create a play called The Planet and other 304 00:15:13,810 --> 00:15:15,850 Speaker 4: plans with Hot House Sea. 305 00:15:16,210 --> 00:15:19,410 Speaker 3: I knew Brody was, but I then two weeks. 306 00:15:19,170 --> 00:15:23,610 Speaker 4: Later bizarrely got contacted by Color Conway, the artistic director 307 00:15:23,650 --> 00:15:26,570 Speaker 4: of Hot House, who had recently been connected on other things. 308 00:15:26,570 --> 00:15:28,370 Speaker 4: She'd seen my show and she said, would you do 309 00:15:28,410 --> 00:15:32,050 Speaker 4: this play? I said, I'm pretty busy, sent me the 310 00:15:32,050 --> 00:15:34,890 Speaker 4: script and it was written by yourself and Briety, and 311 00:15:35,530 --> 00:15:36,730 Speaker 4: it was about grief. 312 00:15:36,410 --> 00:15:38,050 Speaker 3: And well, of course I'm doing it. 313 00:15:38,450 --> 00:15:41,570 Speaker 4: So that was the first one to create these substantial 314 00:15:41,610 --> 00:15:46,050 Speaker 4: relationships which will be lifelong and then there's been many 315 00:15:46,130 --> 00:15:50,770 Speaker 4: little ones, but kind of most recently, we've connected strongly 316 00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:54,490 Speaker 4: with Andrew Huellen, who is the artist who painted Cal's 317 00:15:54,530 --> 00:15:59,050 Speaker 4: Archibald portrait that won the Packers Prize before got sick. 318 00:15:59,090 --> 00:16:02,010 Speaker 4: It was in that year though, and so her painting 319 00:16:02,050 --> 00:16:04,410 Speaker 4: then was part of the touring exhibition and it became 320 00:16:04,450 --> 00:16:07,250 Speaker 4: a bit of a pilgrimage really for people to go 321 00:16:07,450 --> 00:16:10,210 Speaker 4: directly up. I was on the Mornington Peninsula Gallery and 322 00:16:10,250 --> 00:16:13,010 Speaker 4: we all went down and it's an exquisite painting, it 323 00:16:13,090 --> 00:16:13,570 Speaker 4: really is. 324 00:16:13,650 --> 00:16:15,810 Speaker 1: It's listeners. You would have seen it before. 325 00:16:15,970 --> 00:16:18,450 Speaker 4: Yeah, it was actually used as the painting on the 326 00:16:18,490 --> 00:16:21,250 Speaker 4: front of the magazine and it was used for that emotions. 327 00:16:21,370 --> 00:16:25,050 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's colorful, it's got her beautiful hair dress, it's stunning. 328 00:16:25,090 --> 00:16:28,810 Speaker 4: It's stunning, and it captures her, captures all the hers. 329 00:16:29,250 --> 00:16:32,210 Speaker 4: So even in death, Hella is kind of bringing people 330 00:16:32,210 --> 00:16:35,890 Speaker 4: together and people, as you say, randoms or vocals. When 331 00:16:35,890 --> 00:16:38,250 Speaker 4: I was doing media after she first died away, I'd 332 00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:41,010 Speaker 4: have producers like on the line saying, oh, I had 333 00:16:41,050 --> 00:16:43,130 Speaker 4: one experience with Cal and it was this, you know, 334 00:16:43,610 --> 00:16:46,010 Speaker 4: Probably the most interesting one was a producer who said 335 00:16:46,170 --> 00:16:49,090 Speaker 4: I was actually a flight to Adelaide, kelsity next to 336 00:16:49,130 --> 00:16:50,850 Speaker 4: me and she was just tapping around a computer for 337 00:16:50,850 --> 00:16:52,730 Speaker 4: the first twenty minutes, and then she just laid a 338 00:16:52,770 --> 00:16:54,530 Speaker 4: computer shut and stuck it in the pocket and said, 339 00:16:54,570 --> 00:16:56,370 Speaker 4: I'm so sorry, Who are you and what do you do? 340 00:16:56,810 --> 00:17:00,210 Speaker 4: Everyone's connection with col is indelible. There was not a 341 00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:03,370 Speaker 4: one off, you know. Circumstances have now dictated that I 342 00:17:03,410 --> 00:17:05,770 Speaker 4: have heard possibly a hundred. 343 00:17:05,490 --> 00:17:06,890 Speaker 3: Of those stories. 344 00:17:07,650 --> 00:17:10,490 Speaker 4: You know, even after a show, her interaction with someone 345 00:17:11,210 --> 00:17:13,290 Speaker 4: or people just go I felt like I knew her 346 00:17:13,530 --> 00:17:17,170 Speaker 4: particular magical quality to still be connecting people. 347 00:17:17,690 --> 00:17:20,250 Speaker 1: You call these moments in your little love story a 348 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:23,690 Speaker 1: cow Wilson moment, and then everyone has one, and Damien, 349 00:17:23,730 --> 00:17:26,410 Speaker 1: my sister even has a cow Wilson moment from a 350 00:17:26,570 --> 00:17:30,370 Speaker 1: comedy buy in Melbourne. My cow Wilson moments are now 351 00:17:30,730 --> 00:17:33,770 Speaker 1: just through you and Brandy and I get to hear 352 00:17:33,850 --> 00:17:35,810 Speaker 1: about this person that I never got the chance to 353 00:17:35,810 --> 00:17:39,610 Speaker 1: meet three people like you, which is so lovely and 354 00:17:39,610 --> 00:17:42,130 Speaker 1: it's just from the outside looking in. Cow just seems 355 00:17:42,130 --> 00:17:44,930 Speaker 1: to be one of those people that bought brightness and 356 00:17:45,450 --> 00:17:49,050 Speaker 1: was completely unforgettable. Can you talk to me about the 357 00:17:49,370 --> 00:17:53,650 Speaker 1: joy of her mixed with the why her that grief 358 00:17:53,690 --> 00:17:54,210 Speaker 1: brings out. 359 00:17:54,530 --> 00:17:54,890 Speaker 3: I don't know. 360 00:17:54,970 --> 00:17:58,170 Speaker 4: I mean, the joy of her is abundantly clear. I mean, 361 00:17:58,170 --> 00:18:00,530 Speaker 4: she was a very She was a wonderful performer and 362 00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:04,010 Speaker 4: had that ability on stage which everyone does to make 363 00:18:04,010 --> 00:18:06,210 Speaker 4: you feel like a friend is talking to you that 364 00:18:06,290 --> 00:18:09,690 Speaker 4: were just catching up. And she did that through crowd 365 00:18:09,690 --> 00:18:13,010 Speaker 4: work a little bit. She'd get people's stories based on 366 00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:15,410 Speaker 4: a thing that she was working on. As my favorite 367 00:18:15,490 --> 00:18:19,010 Speaker 4: kind of crowd work where people feel completely open that no, 368 00:18:19,050 --> 00:18:20,690 Speaker 4: they're not going to get disparaged or. 369 00:18:21,090 --> 00:18:24,210 Speaker 3: That's the public col. The private col is much the same. 370 00:18:24,370 --> 00:18:26,690 Speaker 4: She walks in a room on every two of US 371 00:18:26,930 --> 00:18:29,890 Speaker 4: comedy Vessel, Rocho and Buddy, and everyone knows her and 372 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:32,810 Speaker 4: loves her. She'll fight a fight, like you know, she 373 00:18:32,890 --> 00:18:36,410 Speaker 4: holds her ground when people are being dig which I 374 00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:38,810 Speaker 4: loved about it too. She was feisty, but only when 375 00:18:38,810 --> 00:18:42,170 Speaker 4: it was required. But her first instinct was always incredibly 376 00:18:42,210 --> 00:18:46,410 Speaker 4: optimistic and welcoming the why her. That's not how I 377 00:18:46,450 --> 00:18:50,930 Speaker 4: think about life. I think if you get into the 378 00:18:51,010 --> 00:18:56,890 Speaker 4: cruelties and disappointments with that angle, then you're always going 379 00:18:56,970 --> 00:19:02,010 Speaker 4: to live in disappointment and grief and unresolved grief. It's 380 00:19:02,050 --> 00:19:05,090 Speaker 4: same with Korea, like why not me? Why didn't I 381 00:19:05,130 --> 00:19:07,050 Speaker 4: get that all? That's like, you've just got to push 382 00:19:07,090 --> 00:19:09,650 Speaker 4: that stuff away and just deal with the good things 383 00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:13,610 Speaker 4: that you've got. And so with col as devastating as 384 00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:17,370 Speaker 4: it was, I kind of go why me? Why I 385 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:20,890 Speaker 4: was so close to her? And how fortunate I was 386 00:19:20,930 --> 00:19:24,490 Speaker 4: to have her in my orbit that we met that night. 387 00:19:24,610 --> 00:19:27,330 Speaker 4: The circumstances threw us together in a unique situation that 388 00:19:27,370 --> 00:19:30,610 Speaker 4: allowed us to talk endlessly for a long period of time. 389 00:19:30,650 --> 00:19:32,090 Speaker 4: I could have chosen to end it, but I just 390 00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:35,090 Speaker 4: didn't want to because this is fabulous. I guess that's 391 00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:36,930 Speaker 4: my approach to grief. 392 00:19:37,170 --> 00:19:39,410 Speaker 1: You also talk about in your letter that you mceed 393 00:19:39,770 --> 00:19:42,730 Speaker 1: both Cal's wedding and a funeral, and you called it 394 00:19:43,570 --> 00:19:48,130 Speaker 1: one of your proudest gigs. How did you carve out 395 00:19:48,170 --> 00:19:50,090 Speaker 1: space for your own grief in a space where you 396 00:19:50,130 --> 00:19:52,290 Speaker 1: were also facilitating others that day? 397 00:19:52,690 --> 00:19:55,010 Speaker 4: Being asked to do something like that, you have to 398 00:19:55,090 --> 00:19:59,450 Speaker 4: divorce part of yourself, which is almost impossible. Her death 399 00:19:59,610 --> 00:20:04,050 Speaker 4: was suddent for most people because her illness was kept secret. 400 00:20:04,090 --> 00:20:05,490 Speaker 4: Because no one knew what was wrong. It was a 401 00:20:05,530 --> 00:20:08,650 Speaker 4: mystery illness. What it was wasn't revealed until the days 402 00:20:08,650 --> 00:20:11,490 Speaker 4: before she passed away. The more kind of tragic the death, 403 00:20:11,490 --> 00:20:14,650 Speaker 4: the kind of harder it is to control the grief around, 404 00:20:14,730 --> 00:20:17,650 Speaker 4: and it heightens grief as well as the fact that 405 00:20:17,690 --> 00:20:20,410 Speaker 4: Carl was incredibly loved and popular and important in some 406 00:20:20,690 --> 00:20:24,490 Speaker 4: new people's lives. So look, you can't completely prepare yourself. 407 00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:27,290 Speaker 4: You know, I knew that she would like better be levity. 408 00:20:27,650 --> 00:20:30,770 Speaker 4: I think that's one of my great skills as a performer, 409 00:20:30,850 --> 00:20:34,650 Speaker 4: that I can move between light and shade with deafness, 410 00:20:35,570 --> 00:20:38,010 Speaker 4: because I do that in my shows I'm used to. 411 00:20:38,810 --> 00:20:40,850 Speaker 4: You can go from the funniest moment in the show 412 00:20:40,930 --> 00:20:42,490 Speaker 4: to the saddest moment of the show, but you've got 413 00:20:42,530 --> 00:20:46,170 Speaker 4: to move back to the comedy quite carefully, take steady 414 00:20:46,210 --> 00:20:49,810 Speaker 4: steps of the audience. And I kind of shocked. So 415 00:20:49,850 --> 00:20:52,170 Speaker 4: I guess I had those skills. But on the day, 416 00:20:52,290 --> 00:20:54,410 Speaker 4: you just you don't know how each person's going to 417 00:20:54,810 --> 00:20:58,370 Speaker 4: how they're going to cope. And one of Cal's brothers 418 00:20:58,570 --> 00:21:02,730 Speaker 4: had to deliver the words of her parents because they 419 00:21:02,810 --> 00:21:04,650 Speaker 4: couldn't fly out from New Zealand to be there, so 420 00:21:04,650 --> 00:21:10,330 Speaker 4: they were watching it on strain and he was almost 421 00:21:10,410 --> 00:21:13,450 Speaker 4: inconsolable trying to deliver those words. 422 00:21:13,970 --> 00:21:15,530 Speaker 5: But in the middle of that, I had to go 423 00:21:15,570 --> 00:21:17,530 Speaker 5: and move the microphone to get. 424 00:21:17,490 --> 00:21:22,170 Speaker 3: It closer to closer to him. So you just find 425 00:21:22,170 --> 00:21:25,490 Speaker 3: yourself institute, how am I doing this? This man is just. 426 00:21:25,490 --> 00:21:29,810 Speaker 4: Bereft and I completely feel but I had to kind of, 427 00:21:30,210 --> 00:21:33,250 Speaker 4: you know, not remove my empathies because I was doing 428 00:21:33,290 --> 00:21:34,930 Speaker 4: it very gently and he knew me, so I was 429 00:21:34,970 --> 00:21:37,810 Speaker 4: able to kind of comfort him in a moment. But yeah, 430 00:21:37,850 --> 00:21:41,770 Speaker 4: there's a combination of your own grief, the technicalities of 431 00:21:41,810 --> 00:21:46,090 Speaker 4: what's happening, and writing the moment. So I was constantly 432 00:21:46,170 --> 00:21:48,570 Speaker 4: coming on after it. I'd like at him, see coming 433 00:21:48,610 --> 00:21:50,730 Speaker 4: on after each one. I'm working out what does the 434 00:21:50,770 --> 00:21:55,210 Speaker 4: audience need, acknowledging the emotion of what just happened, and 435 00:21:55,250 --> 00:21:56,850 Speaker 4: then just giving them a. 436 00:21:56,850 --> 00:21:59,210 Speaker 5: Little just a little valve release. 437 00:21:59,890 --> 00:22:02,050 Speaker 3: And I felt like I did that well. 438 00:22:02,250 --> 00:22:04,090 Speaker 4: I wrote of it this and the piece, and I 439 00:22:04,090 --> 00:22:06,170 Speaker 4: guess it was the moment that caught me the most 440 00:22:06,770 --> 00:22:09,290 Speaker 4: was it was very tricky because it was on the 441 00:22:09,330 --> 00:22:12,050 Speaker 4: first floor and the coffin had to leave doesn't just 442 00:22:12,090 --> 00:22:13,450 Speaker 4: go out the door. It had to wait at the 443 00:22:13,450 --> 00:22:16,050 Speaker 4: lift lobby, and I had no idea that there was 444 00:22:16,050 --> 00:22:18,810 Speaker 4: going to be thirty or forty people going with cal. 445 00:22:19,010 --> 00:22:20,730 Speaker 4: But I had to hold the other people because the 446 00:22:20,730 --> 00:22:23,250 Speaker 4: reception drinks were happening on the other side of the room, 447 00:22:23,290 --> 00:22:26,330 Speaker 4: so they couldn't walk through the coffins. So I kind 448 00:22:26,330 --> 00:22:28,250 Speaker 4: of flagged that with them and I said, look, can 449 00:22:28,290 --> 00:22:31,010 Speaker 4: one of you just let me know when it's okay 450 00:22:31,010 --> 00:22:33,050 Speaker 4: to let people go? So I had to just stand 451 00:22:33,410 --> 00:22:36,650 Speaker 4: and I became the entire focus. Then I forgot though, 452 00:22:37,330 --> 00:22:42,530 Speaker 4: what happens when it coffin leaves church. It's the cork 453 00:22:42,570 --> 00:22:46,170 Speaker 4: out of the bottle. But normally what happens is that 454 00:22:46,490 --> 00:22:50,730 Speaker 4: people's congregations start to follow, so they don't really have 455 00:22:50,810 --> 00:22:53,570 Speaker 4: time to emote, say oh, we're getting out and we're going. 456 00:22:53,930 --> 00:22:56,170 Speaker 4: In this instance, they all just sat there and as 457 00:22:57,090 --> 00:23:01,290 Speaker 4: they left the room completely just disintegrated. 458 00:23:01,770 --> 00:23:04,730 Speaker 3: I was watching dear friends literally. 459 00:23:04,330 --> 00:23:08,490 Speaker 4: Collapse on the ground in grief and wrapping their arms 460 00:23:08,490 --> 00:23:14,490 Speaker 4: around each other and just complete raw grief that just 461 00:23:15,090 --> 00:23:17,890 Speaker 4: cascaded through the room, and I just had to stand 462 00:23:18,010 --> 00:23:18,850 Speaker 4: like a bollard. 463 00:23:19,530 --> 00:23:23,130 Speaker 3: Holy I got the word to let people go. 464 00:23:24,010 --> 00:23:26,570 Speaker 4: That was by far the hardest moment I had to 465 00:23:26,570 --> 00:23:30,530 Speaker 4: control my grief at that moment, like it was I think. 466 00:23:30,370 --> 00:23:32,450 Speaker 3: If I had got if I had gone, like, I 467 00:23:32,450 --> 00:23:37,490 Speaker 3: don't know what would happen. Was holding that, yeah, just 468 00:23:37,610 --> 00:23:42,170 Speaker 3: holding it. And then once people started to move, thankfully. 469 00:23:41,730 --> 00:23:43,490 Speaker 4: There were toilets just kind of at the back of 470 00:23:43,530 --> 00:23:47,290 Speaker 4: where I was, and I just walked into the bathrooms 471 00:23:47,290 --> 00:23:48,290 Speaker 4: and just stood. 472 00:23:48,570 --> 00:23:50,490 Speaker 3: I knew it'd it to myself. People were going the 473 00:23:50,570 --> 00:23:52,490 Speaker 3: other way, and I just howled. 474 00:23:53,570 --> 00:23:55,730 Speaker 4: I was able to kind of just like, yeah, you 475 00:23:55,770 --> 00:23:57,370 Speaker 4: know when it's like there are those moments where you 476 00:23:57,490 --> 00:23:59,730 Speaker 4: just have the full throttle. 477 00:23:59,730 --> 00:24:02,370 Speaker 1: Release yeah, shoulder cryes, I called them. 478 00:24:02,250 --> 00:24:04,810 Speaker 4: Oh, absolutely, just it's not coming out of partsy body. 479 00:24:04,850 --> 00:24:09,130 Speaker 4: It shouldn't come out or before. And it was so 480 00:24:09,250 --> 00:24:11,450 Speaker 4: kind of abrupt, it was like just like the top 481 00:24:11,490 --> 00:24:13,250 Speaker 4: off the volcano. And then I had to kind of 482 00:24:13,290 --> 00:24:15,810 Speaker 4: compose myself a little bit and go back into the room. 483 00:24:15,970 --> 00:24:19,370 Speaker 4: I did do a bit in and about cals frustrating 484 00:24:19,450 --> 00:24:27,530 Speaker 4: ability to always be empathetic all circumstances, and so exhorted 485 00:24:27,570 --> 00:24:30,330 Speaker 4: everyone to write, You've got to be more like Cal Wilson. 486 00:24:30,770 --> 00:24:32,690 Speaker 4: Since she just passed away, I've been doing that. I've 487 00:24:32,690 --> 00:24:36,490 Speaker 4: bought seventeen copies of the Big Issue a crowdfunded a 488 00:24:36,490 --> 00:24:38,130 Speaker 4: comedian show who I don't really rate. 489 00:24:54,010 --> 00:24:56,530 Speaker 1: Cal's last job was bake Off, and you say in 490 00:24:56,570 --> 00:24:58,610 Speaker 1: your letter that you've still not watched it because, and 491 00:24:58,650 --> 00:25:00,570 Speaker 1: I think the reason you haven't is one of the 492 00:25:00,570 --> 00:25:03,130 Speaker 1: most beautiful quotes about grief that I've ever heard. You said, 493 00:25:03,130 --> 00:25:06,050 Speaker 1: it's because the joy of seeing her shine is still 494 00:25:06,050 --> 00:25:08,890 Speaker 1: outweighed by the pain. So I wanted to know what 495 00:25:08,930 --> 00:25:11,970 Speaker 1: are the days or the moments where the joy of 496 00:25:12,010 --> 00:25:13,410 Speaker 1: Cal outweighs the pain. 497 00:25:13,650 --> 00:25:16,370 Speaker 4: Look at the moment, it's when I'm talking about her 498 00:25:16,450 --> 00:25:20,770 Speaker 4: with my friends and recalling moments. That's the time she 499 00:25:20,770 --> 00:25:23,330 Speaker 4: feels the most alive to me. Because You'll always have 500 00:25:23,490 --> 00:25:26,850 Speaker 4: new Cal anecdotes tell and we relish in hearing them. 501 00:25:27,410 --> 00:25:30,850 Speaker 4: I have watched some clips of her. I remember when 502 00:25:31,370 --> 00:25:34,090 Speaker 4: I started working with you and Bridy. Bridy sent me 503 00:25:34,170 --> 00:25:37,330 Speaker 4: a couple of clips of her working with Cal on 504 00:25:37,330 --> 00:25:40,410 Speaker 4: whose line is in any way Australian version. So I 505 00:25:40,490 --> 00:25:43,610 Speaker 4: kind of went through and found some sketches from Skihouse 506 00:25:43,930 --> 00:25:46,490 Speaker 4: of Cal and I together, and I found that kind 507 00:25:46,530 --> 00:25:48,250 Speaker 4: of company, just going oh yeah, we did that one, 508 00:25:48,330 --> 00:25:50,930 Speaker 4: did that one and shared them with Bridy. I found 509 00:25:50,970 --> 00:25:52,690 Speaker 4: that easy. I think it was more because it was 510 00:25:52,730 --> 00:25:55,970 Speaker 4: a more historic version of Cal. It's the more recent 511 00:25:56,010 --> 00:25:59,370 Speaker 4: ones I think are the artist to watch. And I 512 00:25:59,410 --> 00:26:01,450 Speaker 4: did try and watch the previous season of The Bakeoff. 513 00:26:01,690 --> 00:26:05,290 Speaker 4: I did watch one episode, but I found it incredibly. 514 00:26:04,730 --> 00:26:10,530 Speaker 1: Hard seeing them so full and moving and bright is confronting. 515 00:26:10,890 --> 00:26:13,130 Speaker 4: Bakeoff is interesting too because it was a bit of 516 00:26:13,170 --> 00:26:15,610 Speaker 4: a drained job for her and it's what she was 517 00:26:15,650 --> 00:26:18,250 Speaker 4: working on when she got sick. And as we know, 518 00:26:18,290 --> 00:26:21,410 Speaker 4: this second season with her as one of the host 519 00:26:21,850 --> 00:26:24,570 Speaker 4: has just started to air. This is a beautiful story. 520 00:26:25,290 --> 00:26:29,010 Speaker 4: Earlier in the year, I was trying to find ways 521 00:26:29,010 --> 00:26:32,970 Speaker 4: to get Chris out about doing things, says, making sure 522 00:26:33,090 --> 00:26:35,810 Speaker 4: Digby was all right. Nothing thinking about him and Call 523 00:26:35,850 --> 00:26:38,450 Speaker 4: and I have very similar music tastes. Both had a 524 00:26:38,450 --> 00:26:42,530 Speaker 4: great love for New Zealand independent music, Flying Nun Records 525 00:26:42,530 --> 00:26:45,570 Speaker 4: and so on, and we are constantly introduced music to 526 00:26:45,610 --> 00:26:47,890 Speaker 4: each other. It was actually a band that I really 527 00:26:47,890 --> 00:26:50,370 Speaker 4: wanted I spoke to Cal about and she hadn't heard 528 00:26:50,410 --> 00:26:52,210 Speaker 4: of him and my guy, I can't believe you don't 529 00:26:52,250 --> 00:26:55,050 Speaker 4: know the orb Weavers, and I just kept going to 530 00:26:55,090 --> 00:26:57,290 Speaker 4: message her to send her a linked songs that she 531 00:26:57,330 --> 00:27:00,170 Speaker 4: got sick and I never did so now now the 532 00:27:00,250 --> 00:27:03,250 Speaker 4: orb Weavers are like I just I love them. It's 533 00:27:03,330 --> 00:27:08,210 Speaker 4: like the band that I didn't share anyway. Chris is 534 00:27:08,250 --> 00:27:11,090 Speaker 4: a DJ. He does kind of like beats. He hosts 535 00:27:11,090 --> 00:27:13,930 Speaker 4: a show like Internet Dolph Music, you know, but kind 536 00:27:13,930 --> 00:27:17,170 Speaker 4: of slightly the chill end of Dolf. So our music 537 00:27:17,250 --> 00:27:21,010 Speaker 4: convergence is quite separate, but there's like little middle grounds. Anyway, 538 00:27:21,010 --> 00:27:24,610 Speaker 4: there was this German jazz band called connic Rose touring 539 00:27:24,690 --> 00:27:26,690 Speaker 4: Australia and I was listening to him and going. 540 00:27:26,690 --> 00:27:27,730 Speaker 3: You know what, I reckon? 541 00:27:27,810 --> 00:27:29,890 Speaker 4: That might be summer in the middle of Chris and 542 00:27:29,970 --> 00:27:32,810 Speaker 4: my interest. So I told him and I said, they 543 00:27:32,890 --> 00:27:34,650 Speaker 4: played at the Jazz Lab in Brunswick. Do you want 544 00:27:34,650 --> 00:27:35,130 Speaker 4: to go anywhere? 545 00:27:35,250 --> 00:27:38,090 Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, let's do that. So we went. I could 546 00:27:38,090 --> 00:27:39,690 Speaker 3: tell he was really pleased. 547 00:27:39,490 --> 00:27:41,090 Speaker 4: You know, to be out about doing it and it 548 00:27:41,210 --> 00:27:44,250 Speaker 4: was a new experience both and they were fantastic. But 549 00:27:44,410 --> 00:27:46,450 Speaker 4: just before they started, it was very dark in the 550 00:27:46,530 --> 00:27:48,090 Speaker 4: jazz Lab and there was a couple sitting next to 551 00:27:48,170 --> 00:27:49,570 Speaker 4: us and Chris land. 552 00:27:49,410 --> 00:27:51,090 Speaker 5: Ode and he said, do you reckon that? 553 00:27:51,170 --> 00:27:53,770 Speaker 4: Warm was on bake Off and I said, mate, I've 554 00:27:53,770 --> 00:27:56,650 Speaker 4: only watched one episode, finding it hard. He said, yeah, same, 555 00:27:57,050 --> 00:27:58,770 Speaker 4: and I said, so I can't tell any sort of 556 00:27:59,010 --> 00:28:00,330 Speaker 4: Google showing a phone. 557 00:28:00,330 --> 00:28:02,090 Speaker 3: Do you reckon that to her? And I think it is? 558 00:28:02,770 --> 00:28:04,490 Speaker 4: Said should I say it? And I said, yeah, yeah, 559 00:28:04,490 --> 00:28:06,890 Speaker 4: I think that would be lovely. So he leaned around. 560 00:28:06,890 --> 00:28:08,650 Speaker 4: Of course he had to start by saying, Hi, are 561 00:28:08,690 --> 00:28:10,890 Speaker 4: you off, bakeoff? And she went and oh yeah, And 562 00:28:10,930 --> 00:28:12,690 Speaker 4: I could tell by the face that she was quite. 563 00:28:12,490 --> 00:28:13,730 Speaker 3: Pleased to be recognized. 564 00:28:14,250 --> 00:28:16,490 Speaker 4: But then the next question, well, the next thing I 565 00:28:16,490 --> 00:28:19,970 Speaker 4: had to be said was ah, Gor Wilson's husband, And 566 00:28:20,010 --> 00:28:23,130 Speaker 4: then I just this woman's face just and then they 567 00:28:23,250 --> 00:28:28,090 Speaker 4: hugged for about a minute and then cried, and then 568 00:28:28,130 --> 00:28:31,570 Speaker 4: we all sat down together, and of course she started 569 00:28:31,610 --> 00:28:33,970 Speaker 4: to reveal more wonderful stories about Cal. 570 00:28:34,330 --> 00:28:37,210 Speaker 5: During the season, her husband, who was with her his. 571 00:28:37,090 --> 00:28:41,290 Speaker 4: Brother had passed away. Cal organized a card and checked 572 00:28:41,290 --> 00:28:43,610 Speaker 4: in with her every day. She said, she was just 573 00:28:43,770 --> 00:28:47,730 Speaker 4: incredibly kind and because this woman, like a lot of people, 574 00:28:48,370 --> 00:28:50,770 Speaker 4: not close enough to know the full story, and just 575 00:28:50,810 --> 00:28:52,890 Speaker 4: hearing him the shock of it, but then never being 576 00:28:52,930 --> 00:28:56,370 Speaker 4: able to connect to the story of what happened to her. 577 00:28:56,610 --> 00:28:59,330 Speaker 4: And then Chris very graciously, as he often does, He's 578 00:28:59,410 --> 00:29:02,770 Speaker 4: very open talked about what had gone on, so she 579 00:29:02,850 --> 00:29:05,170 Speaker 4: got the full picture, and we spent the whole night 580 00:29:05,210 --> 00:29:08,570 Speaker 4: with this couple watching a band somewhere in the middle 581 00:29:08,610 --> 00:29:09,650 Speaker 4: of our music interests. 582 00:29:10,050 --> 00:29:11,810 Speaker 1: It's when you hear stuff like this where you, like 583 00:29:12,130 --> 00:29:13,170 Speaker 1: Calm Wilson, you're. 584 00:29:13,050 --> 00:29:15,370 Speaker 3: A witch, absolute witch. 585 00:29:15,210 --> 00:29:18,050 Speaker 1: And you orchestrated it this whole thing, didn't you. 586 00:29:18,290 --> 00:29:19,970 Speaker 4: And I don't think it's over. I think that's just 587 00:29:20,010 --> 00:29:21,890 Speaker 4: going to be throughout my life. It's just going to 588 00:29:21,890 --> 00:29:25,250 Speaker 4: be little things. She's just planted ready to happen. 589 00:29:25,530 --> 00:29:28,890 Speaker 1: One of the cruel parts of grief is torturing yourself 590 00:29:28,890 --> 00:29:32,890 Speaker 1: and looking at last messages. But you and I'm only 591 00:29:32,970 --> 00:29:35,170 Speaker 1: laughing because I know what the answer to this question is. 592 00:29:35,890 --> 00:29:39,210 Speaker 1: You and cal shared a last message that I guess 593 00:29:39,370 --> 00:29:43,810 Speaker 1: perfectly captures your friendship, a very mature game that you 594 00:29:43,850 --> 00:29:45,970 Speaker 1: have with each other. Could you tell me the game 595 00:29:46,410 --> 00:29:48,850 Speaker 1: that you have and then also what your last message was. 596 00:29:49,250 --> 00:29:52,810 Speaker 4: She introduced me to what is colloquially known as the 597 00:29:52,850 --> 00:29:56,170 Speaker 4: cock game. It's very simple and very mature game where 598 00:29:56,730 --> 00:30:00,610 Speaker 4: the abbreviation often a Creek sign is ck rather than 599 00:30:00,730 --> 00:30:05,450 Speaker 4: full Creek word. Very simply, you just replace ck with 600 00:30:05,690 --> 00:30:10,930 Speaker 4: cock and joy ensues. So it leads to things like 601 00:30:11,250 --> 00:30:15,490 Speaker 4: nine mile cock, Mother's cock. So my wife saw the 602 00:30:15,490 --> 00:30:20,170 Speaker 4: Holy Grail in California, big cock, some of my favorites. 603 00:30:20,610 --> 00:30:26,010 Speaker 4: Considerable cock, it's dainty, two muckcock, just one letter away 604 00:30:26,010 --> 00:30:30,090 Speaker 4: from being brilliant, but still two muckcock. Oh punk Bill's cock. 605 00:30:32,490 --> 00:30:34,810 Speaker 4: Cal and I, whenever we saw one, we would usually 606 00:30:34,810 --> 00:30:36,850 Speaker 4: just text the name. If it could stop and take 607 00:30:36,850 --> 00:30:40,010 Speaker 4: a photo, we would faithful cock. There's so many and 608 00:30:40,130 --> 00:30:41,850 Speaker 4: again spread a course. I've got a couple of other 609 00:30:41,890 --> 00:30:44,610 Speaker 4: friends who play the game will send it to me. 610 00:30:44,650 --> 00:30:46,530 Speaker 4: But it was very much a call, and I think 611 00:30:46,970 --> 00:30:49,130 Speaker 4: I believe she talked about it in one of her shows. 612 00:30:49,450 --> 00:30:51,450 Speaker 4: It was not just a secret, but it was certainly 613 00:30:51,490 --> 00:30:53,130 Speaker 4: very much a call, and I think so. Yeah, So 614 00:30:53,210 --> 00:30:57,210 Speaker 4: the last message I texted Cal was circular cock. 615 00:30:57,610 --> 00:30:59,050 Speaker 3: We had a couple of exchanges. 616 00:30:59,090 --> 00:31:02,130 Speaker 4: She was just before she was basically sedated, Just a 617 00:31:02,130 --> 00:31:04,930 Speaker 4: couple of exchanges about looking after the cats and things. 618 00:31:04,970 --> 00:31:06,610 Speaker 3: But yeah, it was like circular. 619 00:31:06,290 --> 00:31:08,610 Speaker 5: Cock, a mental love heart from her. 620 00:31:09,050 --> 00:31:12,130 Speaker 3: Do you know it's beautiful day Grace. I talked about it. 621 00:31:12,170 --> 00:31:14,090 Speaker 5: At the memorial, and a lot of people saw the memorial. 622 00:31:14,170 --> 00:31:17,570 Speaker 4: I now have random people reach out to me on 623 00:31:17,770 --> 00:31:21,010 Speaker 4: whatever social media when they've come up with a found 624 00:31:21,010 --> 00:31:23,970 Speaker 4: a cock name or just a weird Australian place name 625 00:31:24,410 --> 00:31:26,930 Speaker 4: that fits in that Uber did say on the time, 626 00:31:27,010 --> 00:31:29,410 Speaker 4: on the day of the memorial that we should try 627 00:31:29,450 --> 00:31:32,650 Speaker 4: and get a creek named after her Cow's cocks Cock 628 00:31:33,090 --> 00:31:35,650 Speaker 4: Tum Ballard was there and he saw me at the 629 00:31:35,690 --> 00:31:38,090 Speaker 4: Comedy Republic afterwards and he said, I know someone on 630 00:31:38,210 --> 00:31:40,410 Speaker 4: marraban and Council dat we can make this happen. 631 00:31:43,770 --> 00:31:45,050 Speaker 1: Is that the perfect legacy? 632 00:31:45,570 --> 00:31:46,130 Speaker 3: I think so. 633 00:31:46,290 --> 00:31:47,890 Speaker 4: I don't want it to be a shitcock, though I 634 00:31:47,930 --> 00:31:50,730 Speaker 4: wanted to. I don't want to just be like such 635 00:31:51,170 --> 00:31:54,930 Speaker 4: a drain coming out of an industrial part of Westwoods Gray. 636 00:31:55,410 --> 00:31:59,410 Speaker 1: It's got to be a good cock, good cock all right. 637 00:31:59,450 --> 00:32:02,730 Speaker 1: If anyone from the council is listening, any council, any 638 00:32:02,770 --> 00:32:03,930 Speaker 1: council will take anything. 639 00:32:04,010 --> 00:32:05,570 Speaker 3: She probably tour he to every council. 640 00:32:05,690 --> 00:32:08,690 Speaker 1: So Col Wilson Cox of Australia and there's just one 641 00:32:08,730 --> 00:32:09,690 Speaker 1: in every state. 642 00:32:09,690 --> 00:32:11,130 Speaker 3: Where it could be. Yeah. 643 00:32:11,210 --> 00:32:14,770 Speaker 4: Yeah, at the end of the year they get a 644 00:32:14,850 --> 00:32:16,410 Speaker 4: ribbon for be the best col cock. 645 00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:20,410 Speaker 1: Now, the question that we ask at the end of 646 00:32:20,410 --> 00:32:24,410 Speaker 1: every little love stories is what does love mean to you. 647 00:32:24,810 --> 00:32:29,610 Speaker 4: I think the ultimate happiness comes from being surrounded by 648 00:32:29,650 --> 00:32:33,090 Speaker 4: as much love as possible. But to do that, you 649 00:32:33,170 --> 00:32:36,210 Speaker 4: have to love yourself. You have to love things that 650 00:32:36,250 --> 00:32:39,090 Speaker 4: are hard to love, people that are hard to love, 651 00:32:39,370 --> 00:32:42,370 Speaker 4: situations that are hard to love, because if you just 652 00:32:42,450 --> 00:32:44,970 Speaker 4: take the love shrinks. And Cow was kind of the 653 00:32:45,010 --> 00:32:47,730 Speaker 4: embodiment of that, surrounding herself with love, and she left 654 00:32:47,770 --> 00:32:51,770 Speaker 4: all that love behind. So I think that is, you know, 655 00:32:52,330 --> 00:32:54,530 Speaker 4: my definition of it, and there's different kinds of love within. 656 00:32:54,650 --> 00:33:00,690 Speaker 4: That's passion and commitment and adoration that I have you 657 00:33:00,770 --> 00:33:03,410 Speaker 4: with my partner. As I get older, I think that 658 00:33:03,450 --> 00:33:05,170 Speaker 4: all the other loves are just as important. 659 00:33:05,610 --> 00:33:07,690 Speaker 1: Danie, thank you for coming on Little Love Stories and 660 00:33:07,730 --> 00:33:11,130 Speaker 1: sharing your love for Cal and letting me into all 661 00:33:11,170 --> 00:33:13,850 Speaker 1: of these stories of Cal. It's just been a pleasure 662 00:33:13,890 --> 00:33:14,570 Speaker 1: to listen. 663 00:33:14,290 --> 00:33:17,450 Speaker 4: To my pleasure, Grace, and it was a delight to 664 00:33:17,490 --> 00:33:20,250 Speaker 4: share them with you. 665 00:33:20,130 --> 00:33:22,930 Speaker 1: You can read Damien's full Little Love Story essay, which 666 00:33:22,970 --> 00:33:25,850 Speaker 1: will be dropped into our episode show notes. If you 667 00:33:25,930 --> 00:33:27,530 Speaker 1: have a story you'd like to share with us, we 668 00:33:27,570 --> 00:33:29,810 Speaker 1: would love to hear it. We're always on the lookout 669 00:33:29,850 --> 00:33:32,730 Speaker 1: for great stories and new perspectives around this glorious mess 670 00:33:32,730 --> 00:33:34,930 Speaker 1: site no matter where you come from and who you are. 671 00:33:35,530 --> 00:33:37,650 Speaker 1: To submit your story, you can leave us a voice 672 00:33:37,650 --> 00:33:39,810 Speaker 1: note or email us. All the details will be in 673 00:33:39,850 --> 00:33:42,530 Speaker 1: our show notes. Little Love Stories is produced by me 674 00:33:42,650 --> 00:33:48,290 Speaker 1: Grace Reorey with audio production by Leah Porge's. If you're 675 00:33:48,290 --> 00:33:50,210 Speaker 1: looking for something else to listen to, Mumma Me who 676 00:33:50,250 --> 00:33:54,370 Speaker 1: is presenting one hundred hours of summer listens from meaningful conversations, 677 00:33:54,610 --> 00:33:58,530 Speaker 1: incredible stories, fashion, beauty, and a bit of silliness. There's 678 00:33:58,530 --> 00:34:00,370 Speaker 1: a link to more things to listen to in the 679 00:34:00,410 --> 00:34:00,970 Speaker 1: show notes