1 00:00:10,888 --> 00:00:14,648 Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mom with Me podcast, Muma Me 2 00:00:14,728 --> 00:00:17,768 Speaker 1: your acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters. 3 00:00:17,848 --> 00:00:27,608 Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on Relationships can be a lot 4 00:00:27,768 --> 00:00:30,568 Speaker 1: like games. You win some, you lose some, and just 5 00:00:30,648 --> 00:00:33,087 Speaker 1: when you think you know the rules, they change. There 6 00:00:33,128 --> 00:00:36,128 Speaker 1: are highs, lows, and the occasional plot twist you don't 7 00:00:36,128 --> 00:00:36,688 Speaker 1: see coming. 8 00:00:36,888 --> 00:00:39,488 Speaker 2: I finish the appointment and check my phone and I 9 00:00:39,528 --> 00:00:42,448 Speaker 2: have a whole string of texts from him, basically saying, 10 00:00:42,528 --> 00:00:44,647 Speaker 2: I can't believe you do this to me. This is 11 00:00:44,648 --> 00:00:47,648 Speaker 2: the last straw. We're done. It was such a tiny 12 00:00:47,728 --> 00:00:50,488 Speaker 2: little tiff that we'd had, and we've been together for 13 00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:52,728 Speaker 2: nearly two years, and I was like, surely he's not 14 00:00:52,728 --> 00:00:53,408 Speaker 2: breaking up with me. 15 00:00:54,008 --> 00:00:56,368 Speaker 1: But the thing about games is when they're over, you 16 00:00:56,488 --> 00:00:59,448 Speaker 1: usually get a clean slate, a chance to reset and 17 00:00:59,528 --> 00:01:02,648 Speaker 1: start again. But sometimes just when you think it's over, 18 00:01:03,048 --> 00:01:04,527 Speaker 1: that's when the real games begin. 19 00:01:05,008 --> 00:01:08,408 Speaker 2: I have an email from the Healthcare Complaints Commission and 20 00:01:08,488 --> 00:01:10,848 Speaker 2: my stomach drops to think that someone has put in 21 00:01:10,848 --> 00:01:13,648 Speaker 2: a complaint about me. It was really frightening. I just 22 00:01:13,888 --> 00:01:17,967 Speaker 2: had no clue why on earth they would decide two 23 00:01:18,087 --> 00:01:21,447 Speaker 2: years after to have her go at my career. 24 00:01:31,128 --> 00:01:33,608 Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ex 25 00:01:33,808 --> 00:01:36,008 Speaker 1: Come with me as we dive into a collection of 26 00:01:36,128 --> 00:01:40,328 Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the 27 00:01:40,328 --> 00:01:44,328 Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who lived them. Remember being nineteen, 28 00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:48,208 Speaker 1: meeting someone, forming a friendship that develops into a crush 29 00:01:48,248 --> 00:01:51,328 Speaker 1: and then effortlessly into something more. Ah, those were the 30 00:01:51,488 --> 00:01:55,528 Speaker 1: days when everything felt simpler, lighter, and full of possibility. 31 00:01:55,888 --> 00:01:58,328 Speaker 1: And that's exactly how it began for Jade and Harry. 32 00:01:58,568 --> 00:02:01,768 Speaker 2: We met at church. We were part of a giant 33 00:02:01,768 --> 00:02:03,728 Speaker 2: friend group. I was really good friends with his sister, 34 00:02:04,048 --> 00:02:05,968 Speaker 2: and then I just met him in the group and 35 00:02:06,008 --> 00:02:08,248 Speaker 2: we kind of clicked and it went from there. We 36 00:02:08,368 --> 00:02:11,007 Speaker 2: naturally kind of just gravitated towards each other within those 37 00:02:11,007 --> 00:02:13,608 Speaker 2: groups on our little nights out. We were good at 38 00:02:14,088 --> 00:02:18,048 Speaker 2: catching up with other people, but we still just kind 39 00:02:18,088 --> 00:02:20,648 Speaker 2: of hung with each other. It was nice to see 40 00:02:21,288 --> 00:02:24,768 Speaker 2: that my friends within that group they all liked him 41 00:02:24,808 --> 00:02:27,088 Speaker 2: to We could do the same things together, so it 42 00:02:27,088 --> 00:02:30,128 Speaker 2: wasn't like we had separate hobbies or separate passions and 43 00:02:30,168 --> 00:02:32,808 Speaker 2: things like that. We had joint groups. So that was 44 00:02:32,888 --> 00:02:36,248 Speaker 2: really fun. There was a lot of people around and 45 00:02:36,528 --> 00:02:38,568 Speaker 2: he had eyes to me, and I think that was 46 00:02:38,608 --> 00:02:41,568 Speaker 2: really awesome. It was such a nice feeling to be 47 00:02:41,768 --> 00:02:44,408 Speaker 2: like this guy who I think is so cool. And 48 00:02:45,328 --> 00:02:48,008 Speaker 2: he lived on campus at UNI, so I thought he 49 00:02:48,048 --> 00:02:51,288 Speaker 2: was really cool and had his stuff together. He likes me, 50 00:02:51,528 --> 00:02:54,008 Speaker 2: and he was pretty direct about it. He said, I 51 00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,408 Speaker 2: want to take you on a date, I want to 52 00:02:55,407 --> 00:02:57,928 Speaker 2: do this, all this kind of stuff, and so all 53 00:02:57,928 --> 00:03:03,368 Speaker 2: of that attention and just directness was really nice. At 54 00:03:03,368 --> 00:03:06,208 Speaker 2: the time, we both were committed churchgoers, and so I 55 00:03:06,248 --> 00:03:08,288 Speaker 2: guess that was a nice commonality that built a bit 56 00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:13,048 Speaker 2: of a foundation in our relationship. Pretty early on, I thought, oh, yeah, 57 00:03:13,128 --> 00:03:16,168 Speaker 2: he's going to be my boyfriend, and things were serious. 58 00:03:15,968 --> 00:03:18,048 Speaker 1: And he pretty much nailed the dating stuff too. 59 00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:21,847 Speaker 2: He would do kind of the cheesy romantic stuff, which 60 00:03:22,528 --> 00:03:25,568 Speaker 2: at nineteen I thought was the best thing ever. You'd 61 00:03:25,568 --> 00:03:27,808 Speaker 2: get a love note, or you'd get a printed out 62 00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:31,248 Speaker 2: photo or his ten things I love about you things 63 00:03:31,288 --> 00:03:34,088 Speaker 2: like that. So all the cheesy stuff that nineteen year 64 00:03:34,088 --> 00:03:36,688 Speaker 2: old me wanted and thought was the dream in a 65 00:03:36,768 --> 00:03:39,968 Speaker 2: relationship he did. We did a lot of beach dates, 66 00:03:40,008 --> 00:03:41,688 Speaker 2: so we would go on like little hikes and have 67 00:03:41,808 --> 00:03:44,528 Speaker 2: like a picnic. I remember doing a sunrise picnic over 68 00:03:44,528 --> 00:03:49,008 Speaker 2: the beach and bringing all the snacks and card games 69 00:03:49,048 --> 00:03:52,208 Speaker 2: and things like that, which was really nice. I went 70 00:03:52,648 --> 00:03:54,688 Speaker 2: to India on a mission trip. I was over there 71 00:03:54,688 --> 00:03:57,888 Speaker 2: for like three weeks, and when I came back, it 72 00:03:58,008 --> 00:04:01,648 Speaker 2: was so nice. I had really missed him and I 73 00:04:01,688 --> 00:04:03,968 Speaker 2: had been saying how much I had been craving a 74 00:04:04,048 --> 00:04:06,168 Speaker 2: pizza the entire time I was in India, and so 75 00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,088 Speaker 2: he had brought pizza and then we went down to 76 00:04:08,128 --> 00:04:09,528 Speaker 2: the beach and ate it on the beach because I 77 00:04:09,488 --> 00:04:11,848 Speaker 2: hadn't been for a swim in weeks because I was 78 00:04:11,888 --> 00:04:13,968 Speaker 2: in India, and it was just kind of everything that 79 00:04:14,008 --> 00:04:16,488 Speaker 2: I'd said that I wanted. He had it all there 80 00:04:16,528 --> 00:04:18,568 Speaker 2: ready for me, and because I hadn't seen him in 81 00:04:18,608 --> 00:04:20,528 Speaker 2: a few weeks, I was really missing him. So that 82 00:04:20,568 --> 00:04:24,368 Speaker 2: was like a really precious time. I would go out 83 00:04:24,408 --> 00:04:27,327 Speaker 2: of my way, because we lived about forty five minutes 84 00:04:27,327 --> 00:04:29,208 Speaker 2: from each other. I would make the time. You know, 85 00:04:29,327 --> 00:04:31,527 Speaker 2: I might have finished UNI and I might have a 86 00:04:31,568 --> 00:04:33,807 Speaker 2: really long day, but I was like so excited I 87 00:04:33,847 --> 00:04:36,648 Speaker 2: wanted to spend my time with him. It was perfect. 88 00:04:36,967 --> 00:04:38,888 Speaker 2: He told me I was beautiful. He told me all 89 00:04:38,888 --> 00:04:40,688 Speaker 2: the things I wanted to hear, just. 90 00:04:40,688 --> 00:04:44,248 Speaker 1: When you thought this seemingly perfect relationship couldn't get any better. 91 00:04:44,568 --> 00:04:46,168 Speaker 2: We spent a lot of really nice time with each 92 00:04:46,168 --> 00:04:48,888 Speaker 2: other's family, which was really precious. I was really close 93 00:04:48,928 --> 00:04:52,007 Speaker 2: with his sister. He had a really really big family. 94 00:04:52,048 --> 00:04:54,888 Speaker 2: He was actually a triplet and he had twin brothers 95 00:04:54,967 --> 00:04:58,248 Speaker 2: as well, plus two older sisters. So hanging out with 96 00:04:58,288 --> 00:05:01,008 Speaker 2: his family, we'd do often beach trips together was really 97 00:05:01,008 --> 00:05:04,208 Speaker 2: really precious, and that was really nice. Memories. My family 98 00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:07,167 Speaker 2: right up front were like, yeah, he's great because he 99 00:05:07,248 --> 00:05:09,888 Speaker 2: showed a really really good face to my family. The 100 00:05:09,888 --> 00:05:12,488 Speaker 2: fact that his family loved me was so reassuring. The 101 00:05:12,528 --> 00:05:14,767 Speaker 2: fact that he introduced me to his family really early. 102 00:05:15,528 --> 00:05:17,848 Speaker 2: He had like these twin brothers that were really little. 103 00:05:18,128 --> 00:05:20,008 Speaker 2: They were like little babies, and he was so good 104 00:05:20,008 --> 00:05:24,728 Speaker 2: with them, and I went, oh, he's perfect. About two 105 00:05:24,768 --> 00:05:27,207 Speaker 2: months into the relationship, I remember going on a date night, 106 00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:29,888 Speaker 2: and I'm a perfectionist. I need everything to go to plan, 107 00:05:29,967 --> 00:05:32,047 Speaker 2: and so I had thought that I felt that I 108 00:05:32,087 --> 00:05:33,728 Speaker 2: loved him, and I knew that I was going to 109 00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:35,768 Speaker 2: say it at some point, and I had this big 110 00:05:35,808 --> 00:05:37,888 Speaker 2: plan in my head that Okay, on this really nice 111 00:05:37,967 --> 00:05:39,688 Speaker 2: date night, that we're going on, we're going to say it, 112 00:05:40,087 --> 00:05:41,847 Speaker 2: and then for some reason we got into a bit 113 00:05:41,847 --> 00:05:44,608 Speaker 2: of a tiff that night and it wasn't anything major, 114 00:05:44,688 --> 00:05:46,448 Speaker 2: but we were just a little bit annoyed at each 115 00:05:46,448 --> 00:05:48,768 Speaker 2: other and it didn't go perfectly to plan, and I 116 00:05:48,847 --> 00:05:51,448 Speaker 2: was so disappointed because in my head, that was when 117 00:05:51,448 --> 00:05:53,088 Speaker 2: we were going to say we loved each other. And 118 00:05:53,327 --> 00:05:55,248 Speaker 2: I ended up crying to him, and then he told 119 00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:57,968 Speaker 2: me he loved me. I thought I was dating to 120 00:05:58,008 --> 00:06:00,327 Speaker 2: marry right from the get go, so with my first boyfriend, 121 00:06:00,408 --> 00:06:04,687 Speaker 2: I thought, okay, maybe, but then that was definitely not it. 122 00:06:04,768 --> 00:06:06,367 Speaker 2: And then when I met Harry, I was like, Okay, 123 00:06:06,448 --> 00:06:09,248 Speaker 2: this is serious, Like this is my person, this is it. 124 00:06:09,408 --> 00:06:12,527 Speaker 2: I'm especially coming from a church world, a lot of 125 00:06:12,528 --> 00:06:15,248 Speaker 2: people get married really really young, and I didn't want that. 126 00:06:15,888 --> 00:06:18,528 Speaker 2: But that's kind of the understanding that I had of it, 127 00:06:18,607 --> 00:06:21,287 Speaker 2: because everyone else around me was in serious relationships and 128 00:06:21,327 --> 00:06:23,368 Speaker 2: was getting ready to like lock it down. 129 00:06:23,808 --> 00:06:26,967 Speaker 1: But like any relationship, they also had their little TIFFs. 130 00:06:27,368 --> 00:06:30,928 Speaker 2: It was such silly things. It wasn't anything of importance 131 00:06:30,928 --> 00:06:34,767 Speaker 2: that we would fight over. We wouldn't fight over life 132 00:06:34,847 --> 00:06:37,848 Speaker 2: decisions or values or things like that. It was just 133 00:06:37,928 --> 00:06:40,088 Speaker 2: disagreements where he would get frustrated with me or I 134 00:06:40,087 --> 00:06:42,128 Speaker 2: would get frustrated with him, and we couldn't work through 135 00:06:42,128 --> 00:06:45,087 Speaker 2: it because we were immature and young. We had come 136 00:06:45,128 --> 00:06:49,488 Speaker 2: from different churches and met at a common church, and 137 00:06:50,448 --> 00:06:53,048 Speaker 2: we definitely had a few different views, and so we 138 00:06:53,087 --> 00:06:56,488 Speaker 2: had a few fights about it. Nothing crazy, because I 139 00:06:56,528 --> 00:06:59,528 Speaker 2: thought that I was pretty open, so if he told 140 00:06:59,568 --> 00:07:01,927 Speaker 2: me something new, I was happy to believe it or 141 00:07:01,967 --> 00:07:04,847 Speaker 2: go along with it or question it. But sometimes, because 142 00:07:04,847 --> 00:07:06,848 Speaker 2: I can be a little bit stubborn, we did have 143 00:07:06,888 --> 00:07:08,767 Speaker 2: a few fights over it. Because he would never ever 144 00:07:08,847 --> 00:07:11,288 Speaker 2: change his mind. It was something that I really strongly 145 00:07:11,328 --> 00:07:13,888 Speaker 2: believed it would kind of turn into a fight because 146 00:07:13,888 --> 00:07:16,328 Speaker 2: he wouldn't change his mind. Ever, there was. 147 00:07:16,328 --> 00:07:18,328 Speaker 1: One thing that did eat away at Jade. 148 00:07:18,727 --> 00:07:20,688 Speaker 2: He didn't have a job. So when we first met, 149 00:07:20,688 --> 00:07:23,208 Speaker 2: we're nineteen and we're both in UNI. But by twenty 150 00:07:23,288 --> 00:07:25,728 Speaker 2: I had graduated UNI and started my full time career 151 00:07:25,848 --> 00:07:27,888 Speaker 2: and he was kind of still figuring things out, and 152 00:07:27,968 --> 00:07:30,568 Speaker 2: I was trying to be really gracious and go, that's okay. 153 00:07:30,848 --> 00:07:32,608 Speaker 2: I'm really fortunate to have known what I wanted to 154 00:07:32,648 --> 00:07:35,248 Speaker 2: do from a really young age. So not everyone is 155 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,768 Speaker 2: in that same boat, so I was trying to give 156 00:07:36,848 --> 00:07:38,528 Speaker 2: him some grace in going figure out what you want 157 00:07:38,568 --> 00:07:41,368 Speaker 2: to do, restart, all that kind of stuff. He didn't 158 00:07:41,448 --> 00:07:44,568 Speaker 2: drive a car, and some of the behaviors that came 159 00:07:44,648 --> 00:07:48,208 Speaker 2: up were he was pretty self centered, and I am 160 00:07:48,288 --> 00:07:51,408 Speaker 2: quite a giving person, so I thought, it's totally fine. 161 00:07:51,408 --> 00:07:52,968 Speaker 2: This is what you do in a relationship. You give 162 00:07:53,008 --> 00:07:56,768 Speaker 2: and you sacrifice, but it wasn't necessarily two way. I 163 00:07:56,848 --> 00:08:00,808 Speaker 2: really liked that he was protective. I liked that he 164 00:08:00,928 --> 00:08:04,888 Speaker 2: cared about me so deeply and he was vocal about it, 165 00:08:04,928 --> 00:08:07,047 Speaker 2: and he was vocal about it to me and to 166 00:08:07,088 --> 00:08:11,208 Speaker 2: other people. And I really appreciated that. I'm an oldest child, 167 00:08:11,328 --> 00:08:14,247 Speaker 2: so I think you always take on the protector role yourself. 168 00:08:14,408 --> 00:08:16,768 Speaker 2: You're the care for other people, and having someone be 169 00:08:16,848 --> 00:08:18,807 Speaker 2: the care for me and the protector for me was 170 00:08:18,888 --> 00:08:22,488 Speaker 2: really nice because took the pressure off. It felt like, yeah, 171 00:08:22,488 --> 00:08:24,488 Speaker 2: I was really loved and looked after and cared for. 172 00:08:25,328 --> 00:08:27,968 Speaker 1: About a year into their relationship, Jade was still living 173 00:08:27,968 --> 00:08:30,368 Speaker 1: at home when she received some pretty big news. 174 00:08:30,727 --> 00:08:32,408 Speaker 2: I found out that my parents were going to have 175 00:08:32,448 --> 00:08:34,488 Speaker 2: to move up to the Gold Coast for work, and 176 00:08:34,607 --> 00:08:36,808 Speaker 2: so I was stuck with this decision going do I 177 00:08:36,848 --> 00:08:38,608 Speaker 2: move with them or do I move out of home? 178 00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,728 Speaker 2: Because I've just got this full time job, which is 179 00:08:40,808 --> 00:08:43,368 Speaker 2: really exciting, and so I made a decision that I 180 00:08:43,448 --> 00:08:45,048 Speaker 2: was going to move out of home when they left. 181 00:08:45,208 --> 00:08:48,008 Speaker 2: So they were moving in June or July of that year, 182 00:08:48,008 --> 00:08:49,928 Speaker 2: and I found out in January. So over the next 183 00:08:49,928 --> 00:08:53,408 Speaker 2: six months, my decision was to find a house. Really 184 00:08:53,688 --> 00:08:56,248 Speaker 2: cracked down into my full time job and see how 185 00:08:56,288 --> 00:09:00,648 Speaker 2: we go with that. With Harry, he was living at 186 00:09:00,688 --> 00:09:02,648 Speaker 2: home at the time, still figuring out his job. And 187 00:09:02,688 --> 00:09:05,808 Speaker 2: I remember one day I came home from work and 188 00:09:05,968 --> 00:09:07,568 Speaker 2: my mom pulled me aside and she said, I need 189 00:09:07,608 --> 00:09:10,408 Speaker 2: to talk to you. And I said to her, what's 190 00:09:10,448 --> 00:09:13,288 Speaker 2: going on? And she said, look, Harry called me. He's 191 00:09:13,328 --> 00:09:14,968 Speaker 2: had a fight with his dad. He's been kicked out 192 00:09:14,968 --> 00:09:17,008 Speaker 2: of home, and he called me to come and stay 193 00:09:17,008 --> 00:09:20,448 Speaker 2: at our house. So I had heard none of it. 194 00:09:20,488 --> 00:09:23,048 Speaker 2: I was at work the whole day and it was 195 00:09:23,088 --> 00:09:25,008 Speaker 2: only as I walked in the door that my mom 196 00:09:25,088 --> 00:09:26,888 Speaker 2: told me. So I had no clue that he had 197 00:09:26,888 --> 00:09:28,488 Speaker 2: had a fight with his dad. I had no clue 198 00:09:28,488 --> 00:09:31,088 Speaker 2: that he was kicked out of home, but he felt 199 00:09:31,528 --> 00:09:33,568 Speaker 2: comfortable enough to call my mom and ask for a 200 00:09:33,568 --> 00:09:37,088 Speaker 2: place to stay. And because of my parents' personalities, they 201 00:09:37,128 --> 00:09:39,928 Speaker 2: really saw this as a good thing. They want my 202 00:09:39,968 --> 00:09:42,368 Speaker 2: partner to feel comfortable with them, They want him to 203 00:09:42,368 --> 00:09:44,768 Speaker 2: be able to come to them with issues and concerns, 204 00:09:45,128 --> 00:09:47,248 Speaker 2: and so they thought this is great. Actually, it's a 205 00:09:47,248 --> 00:09:49,688 Speaker 2: good thing that he cares enough to come to us. 206 00:09:50,448 --> 00:09:52,248 Speaker 2: It was just a little bit of a shock. I 207 00:09:52,288 --> 00:09:54,168 Speaker 2: thought that if he had enough time to call my 208 00:09:54,248 --> 00:09:56,608 Speaker 2: mom and ask if he can stay with us, maybe 209 00:09:56,648 --> 00:09:58,168 Speaker 2: he would have had time to flick a message to 210 00:09:58,208 --> 00:09:59,888 Speaker 2: me to say that he was going to be staying 211 00:09:59,888 --> 00:10:01,328 Speaker 2: with me for a little bit, because he's in a 212 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:03,568 Speaker 2: rock and a hard place at the time. Because I 213 00:10:03,568 --> 00:10:05,488 Speaker 2: loved him, I thought it was perfectly fine, and I 214 00:10:05,568 --> 00:10:08,968 Speaker 2: was glad that he felt comfortable with us, but still 215 00:10:08,968 --> 00:10:11,288 Speaker 2: would have been nice to heads up. And so he 216 00:10:11,368 --> 00:10:14,808 Speaker 2: came and he moved in with us, without really any 217 00:10:15,528 --> 00:10:18,848 Speaker 2: clarity around how long this would be, what the rules 218 00:10:18,848 --> 00:10:21,968 Speaker 2: of it were. My family are very religious, so it's 219 00:10:22,008 --> 00:10:24,208 Speaker 2: not like we were staying together. And I had always 220 00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:25,848 Speaker 2: said that I wouldn't move in with him until we 221 00:10:25,848 --> 00:10:29,288 Speaker 2: were engaged or married, so that wasn't really on the cards. 222 00:10:29,368 --> 00:10:32,048 Speaker 2: So there was a lot of ambiguity around what was 223 00:10:32,088 --> 00:10:33,968 Speaker 2: going on. But he started to live with. 224 00:10:33,928 --> 00:10:36,488 Speaker 1: Us and things were going really well. 225 00:10:36,888 --> 00:10:39,168 Speaker 2: I liked that we don't have to drive forty five 226 00:10:39,208 --> 00:10:40,848 Speaker 2: minutes to catch up with each other. We can just 227 00:10:40,928 --> 00:10:43,728 Speaker 2: hang out, you know, we can be in the TV 228 00:10:43,848 --> 00:10:46,168 Speaker 2: room at the same time and things like that. Because 229 00:10:46,208 --> 00:10:48,328 Speaker 2: he was a gamer and I absolutely am not a 230 00:10:48,368 --> 00:10:50,968 Speaker 2: gamer in the slightest. He would play his little games 231 00:10:50,968 --> 00:10:53,248 Speaker 2: sometimes and so that was a bit of space too. 232 00:10:53,328 --> 00:10:55,208 Speaker 2: I would go to the gym. We had different hobbies 233 00:10:55,248 --> 00:10:58,448 Speaker 2: things like that. But yet it actually didn't come with 234 00:10:58,488 --> 00:11:00,848 Speaker 2: the complications that you would expect from moving in with someone. 235 00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:03,968 Speaker 2: I guess because it was that step of distance. My 236 00:11:04,048 --> 00:11:06,608 Speaker 2: parents were still around, we're still He's more just rooming 237 00:11:06,648 --> 00:11:09,328 Speaker 2: with us rather than living together. It was great coming 238 00:11:09,368 --> 00:11:11,487 Speaker 2: home from work and just having him there so that 239 00:11:11,488 --> 00:11:13,848 Speaker 2: then we could hang out rather than organizing a date night. 240 00:11:13,848 --> 00:11:15,808 Speaker 2: And when I can see you, it's really good. And 241 00:11:15,928 --> 00:11:18,448 Speaker 2: just the fact that we could do those couply things 242 00:11:18,488 --> 00:11:21,768 Speaker 2: that I had like fantasized about, like come make dinner 243 00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:23,568 Speaker 2: with me and things like that, Like it was really 244 00:11:23,688 --> 00:11:27,328 Speaker 2: nice playboard games, watch the same TV shows together. We 245 00:11:27,408 --> 00:11:28,848 Speaker 2: had to pull at our house, go for late night 246 00:11:28,848 --> 00:11:32,128 Speaker 2: swims together. It was really really lovely. I went, perfect, 247 00:11:32,368 --> 00:11:34,048 Speaker 2: this is it, this is what it's meant to be. 248 00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:37,048 Speaker 2: This is how you do a serious relationship. You don't 249 00:11:37,088 --> 00:11:40,208 Speaker 2: do fancy dates. You just watch movies together and do 250 00:11:40,328 --> 00:11:43,408 Speaker 2: life together. We definitely thought the marriages where we were headed. 251 00:11:43,888 --> 00:11:46,448 Speaker 2: I can't remember if we had a timeline. I feel 252 00:11:46,448 --> 00:11:49,648 Speaker 2: like we'd spoken about potentially dating for three years before 253 00:11:49,688 --> 00:11:51,968 Speaker 2: we got engaged, because we saw so many people who 254 00:11:52,408 --> 00:11:54,728 Speaker 2: in the church got engaged within like a year of 255 00:11:54,808 --> 00:11:56,768 Speaker 2: dating each other, and we both agreed that we didn't 256 00:11:56,768 --> 00:11:58,968 Speaker 2: want that, but we both agreed that that's where we 257 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:01,048 Speaker 2: were headed. We wanted to get married to each other, 258 00:12:01,208 --> 00:12:03,488 Speaker 2: and we wanted to do a lot of travel together 259 00:12:03,528 --> 00:12:06,728 Speaker 2: once we got married. So we were working towards that, 260 00:12:06,888 --> 00:12:09,368 Speaker 2: but we were still maybe like a year out. I 261 00:12:09,368 --> 00:12:12,528 Speaker 2: could work one hundred percent picture myself marrying him, and 262 00:12:12,768 --> 00:12:17,608 Speaker 2: while that picture was kind of interrupted with a few 263 00:12:17,688 --> 00:12:21,488 Speaker 2: concerns that I ignored and I definitely pushed down, I 264 00:12:21,488 --> 00:12:25,088 Speaker 2: could still picture it, and if I ignored all the 265 00:12:25,128 --> 00:12:28,488 Speaker 2: other concerns, it was exactly what I wanted. We still 266 00:12:28,528 --> 00:12:31,048 Speaker 2: fought pretty much the same amount as we did before. 267 00:12:31,448 --> 00:12:33,528 Speaker 2: It was all over silly things. He still was a 268 00:12:33,528 --> 00:12:36,688 Speaker 2: bit self centered, he still wasn't working a few of 269 00:12:36,728 --> 00:12:39,727 Speaker 2: those things, but I thought I loved him for. 270 00:12:39,688 --> 00:12:42,288 Speaker 1: The most part. It was domestic bliss. How he had 271 00:12:42,288 --> 00:12:44,848 Speaker 1: lived with Jade and her family for almost six months 272 00:12:45,048 --> 00:12:48,008 Speaker 1: when Jade's parents moved into state, so there were some 273 00:12:48,008 --> 00:12:49,528 Speaker 1: pretty big decisions to be made. 274 00:12:50,128 --> 00:12:53,208 Speaker 2: I was moving out, and the conversation came up of 275 00:12:53,288 --> 00:12:55,208 Speaker 2: what on earth are you going to do? At this point, 276 00:12:55,248 --> 00:12:57,568 Speaker 2: He's still not really talking with his family very much, 277 00:12:57,928 --> 00:12:59,568 Speaker 2: and my family's going to go in a minute, so 278 00:12:59,608 --> 00:13:02,288 Speaker 2: he can't live with them, And so he decided that 279 00:13:02,368 --> 00:13:05,248 Speaker 2: he was going to move with his grandparents in a 280 00:13:05,288 --> 00:13:07,688 Speaker 2: really small country town about six hours out of Sydney, 281 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:10,408 Speaker 2: and so that's what happened. I moved up home, stayed 282 00:13:10,448 --> 00:13:12,728 Speaker 2: in Sydney full time working, my parents moved up to 283 00:13:12,728 --> 00:13:15,008 Speaker 2: the Gold Coast, and he moved six hours away was 284 00:13:15,048 --> 00:13:18,608 Speaker 2: more country town. That meant that in my first year 285 00:13:18,648 --> 00:13:20,648 Speaker 2: of full time work, living out of home for the 286 00:13:20,648 --> 00:13:23,128 Speaker 2: first time at age twenty one, and with my parents 287 00:13:23,168 --> 00:13:25,968 Speaker 2: moving away, I was also in a long distance relationship 288 00:13:26,008 --> 00:13:29,088 Speaker 2: for the first time, which was really tricky. He did 289 00:13:29,088 --> 00:13:31,488 Speaker 2: come and visit a few times. But even the times 290 00:13:31,528 --> 00:13:35,528 Speaker 2: when he would visit, it wasn't really lovely as I expected. 291 00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:39,288 Speaker 2: We thought it was complicated. I was really trying to 292 00:13:39,328 --> 00:13:42,008 Speaker 2: put the screws on to say, Hey, what's going on? 293 00:13:42,048 --> 00:13:43,607 Speaker 2: Are you getting a job? What are you doing? All 294 00:13:43,608 --> 00:13:45,727 Speaker 2: this kind of stuff, And we weren't the best at 295 00:13:45,728 --> 00:13:48,888 Speaker 2: communicating long distance. We'd have face times, we'd text, but 296 00:13:49,368 --> 00:13:51,728 Speaker 2: we would even fight over face times and things like that, 297 00:13:52,088 --> 00:13:54,128 Speaker 2: and as we were creeping up to almost the two 298 00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:58,448 Speaker 2: years of being together, it was really tough. So I'm 299 00:13:58,488 --> 00:14:01,208 Speaker 2: a FaceTime kind of person. So we'd have some face times, 300 00:14:01,688 --> 00:14:06,048 Speaker 2: often for a couple of hours, but conversation wasn't flowing. 301 00:14:06,528 --> 00:14:09,408 Speaker 2: And then we'd talk about some serious things, so I'd ask, Hey, 302 00:14:09,488 --> 00:14:12,208 Speaker 2: how we going with job applications, and then he'd get 303 00:14:12,208 --> 00:14:14,888 Speaker 2: annoyed at me, and then I would get upset, and 304 00:14:14,928 --> 00:14:17,368 Speaker 2: then he'd get annoyed that I was upset, and then 305 00:14:17,408 --> 00:14:21,888 Speaker 2: it just perpetuated into these awful little arguments. And the 306 00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:24,568 Speaker 2: only reason that we're on FaceTime is because we're living 307 00:14:24,568 --> 00:14:27,928 Speaker 2: apart and we supposedly love each other, and life is hard, 308 00:14:28,408 --> 00:14:31,608 Speaker 2: so when you're having a FaceTime that's supposed to reassure 309 00:14:31,648 --> 00:14:33,448 Speaker 2: you and make you feel better, and it turns into 310 00:14:33,448 --> 00:14:37,808 Speaker 2: this argument. It was just really awful. I had a 311 00:14:37,888 --> 00:14:40,128 Speaker 2: little bit of a higher expectation of him because he 312 00:14:40,208 --> 00:14:43,808 Speaker 2: had made the decision to move away and he didn't 313 00:14:43,808 --> 00:14:45,808 Speaker 2: have a job, so I expected him to drive and 314 00:14:45,888 --> 00:14:49,568 Speaker 2: visit me when he could, and when things were really 315 00:14:49,608 --> 00:14:53,288 Speaker 2: really rough, I really asked him, please come. We need 316 00:14:53,328 --> 00:14:55,368 Speaker 2: to catch up in person. We need to see each other. 317 00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:58,888 Speaker 2: You're not doing anything out at your grandparents' house, so 318 00:14:59,888 --> 00:15:01,608 Speaker 2: why don't you just come and be at my house 319 00:15:01,648 --> 00:15:04,808 Speaker 2: instead so we can spend some time together. And he 320 00:15:04,888 --> 00:15:07,008 Speaker 2: was pretty annoyed about that, so he did it in 321 00:15:07,048 --> 00:15:10,128 Speaker 2: the end, but begrudgingly, which was really tough. And I 322 00:15:10,248 --> 00:15:12,768 Speaker 2: just remember some of those nights when we would have arguments, 323 00:15:13,208 --> 00:15:17,768 Speaker 2: just crying, like because I just I wanted my person 324 00:15:18,088 --> 00:15:19,808 Speaker 2: and I thought that he was my person, but he 325 00:15:19,928 --> 00:15:22,688 Speaker 2: wasn't giving me anything that I needed, and it was 326 00:15:22,768 --> 00:15:27,208 Speaker 2: just making my already hard life even harder. He could 327 00:15:27,248 --> 00:15:30,168 Speaker 2: have gotten a job and rented his own place, but 328 00:15:30,528 --> 00:15:32,568 Speaker 2: he didn't. He could have gone back to his parents 329 00:15:32,608 --> 00:15:35,208 Speaker 2: and apologize and asked to stay with them, but he didn't. 330 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,528 Speaker 2: He decided to move out with his grandparents because it 331 00:15:38,528 --> 00:15:40,808 Speaker 2: would be a free place to live, there wouldn't be 332 00:15:40,848 --> 00:15:43,768 Speaker 2: the pressure from his parents, and he could just kind 333 00:15:43,768 --> 00:15:46,528 Speaker 2: of do what he wanted. So the plan was that 334 00:15:46,608 --> 00:15:48,728 Speaker 2: he was going to live out there and potentially apply 335 00:15:48,968 --> 00:15:50,848 Speaker 2: to be in the police force or something. That was 336 00:15:50,888 --> 00:15:55,248 Speaker 2: his next career goal. But it really wasn't happening during 337 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,488 Speaker 2: those six months that we were kind of apart. I 338 00:15:57,488 --> 00:16:00,328 Speaker 2: think maybe we saw each other three times. 339 00:16:00,768 --> 00:16:04,928 Speaker 1: Three times wasn't ideal. But with Christmas approaching, quality time 340 00:16:04,968 --> 00:16:07,048 Speaker 1: together was only a few short weeks away. 341 00:16:07,248 --> 00:16:09,408 Speaker 2: The plan was he was going to come spend most 342 00:16:09,448 --> 00:16:10,968 Speaker 2: of the month of December with me, and we're going 343 00:16:11,008 --> 00:16:14,208 Speaker 2: to do Christmas together. So he comes back to Sydney 344 00:16:14,688 --> 00:16:18,128 Speaker 2: in December, we spend a couple of days together, and 345 00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:19,968 Speaker 2: he does have a little bit of conversation with his 346 00:16:20,008 --> 00:16:23,208 Speaker 2: family while he's in Sydney, which is awesome. And during 347 00:16:23,208 --> 00:16:26,648 Speaker 2: that conversation they start to talk about potentially a trip 348 00:16:26,688 --> 00:16:30,848 Speaker 2: to America. So one of his sisters had married an American, 349 00:16:31,208 --> 00:16:33,688 Speaker 2: moved over to America and had a baby, and so 350 00:16:33,808 --> 00:16:36,448 Speaker 2: none of the family had met this baby. And because 351 00:16:36,488 --> 00:16:39,128 Speaker 2: Harry wasn't employed, he was kind of the perfect candidate 352 00:16:39,168 --> 00:16:41,288 Speaker 2: to be the family representative to go over and visit 353 00:16:41,288 --> 00:16:44,408 Speaker 2: the baby. And so as he started rekindling this relationship 354 00:16:44,448 --> 00:16:48,488 Speaker 2: with his family and having more communication with them, they said, Hey, 355 00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:51,528 Speaker 2: why not for Christmas as your Christmas present, why don't 356 00:16:51,568 --> 00:16:54,328 Speaker 2: we send you over to America. And he came back 357 00:16:54,368 --> 00:16:56,728 Speaker 2: to me told me about this. Obviously, I was a 358 00:16:56,728 --> 00:16:58,848 Speaker 2: little bit upset because we had these plans to spend 359 00:16:58,888 --> 00:17:02,168 Speaker 2: Christmas together. But I was like, absolutely, go, I think 360 00:17:02,208 --> 00:17:03,888 Speaker 2: that's a great thing that you can go visit your sister. 361 00:17:04,008 --> 00:17:06,007 Speaker 2: She's had a baby, she's gotten married, she really does 362 00:17:06,128 --> 00:17:08,767 Speaker 2: need the support. And so, as sad as it was, 363 00:17:09,488 --> 00:17:12,007 Speaker 2: we decided that that's what we're gonna do. He had 364 00:17:12,008 --> 00:17:13,848 Speaker 2: bought me a whole bunch of Christmas presents and left 365 00:17:13,848 --> 00:17:15,288 Speaker 2: all this stuff at my house and then I dropped 366 00:17:15,328 --> 00:17:16,048 Speaker 2: him at the airport. 367 00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:20,248 Speaker 1: Coincidentally, Harry also had a small network in America, connections 368 00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:23,768 Speaker 1: he'd built through online gaming friendships forged behind the scenes 369 00:17:23,808 --> 00:17:25,808 Speaker 1: that suddenly didn't feel so far away. 370 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:28,888 Speaker 2: He played PC games a lot, and he had friends 371 00:17:28,968 --> 00:17:32,448 Speaker 2: on Discord, which I even spoke to. At times. I'd 372 00:17:32,488 --> 00:17:34,128 Speaker 2: put on his headset and have a chat with them 373 00:17:34,168 --> 00:17:36,408 Speaker 2: as a joke. I know that he would play games 374 00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:39,528 Speaker 2: quite late into the night because the people that he's 375 00:17:39,568 --> 00:17:41,968 Speaker 2: playing are in America. I know that they were real friends. 376 00:17:42,208 --> 00:17:44,248 Speaker 2: He spoke to me about them all the time. 377 00:17:44,608 --> 00:17:46,728 Speaker 1: So while it was hard to say goodbye, Jade was 378 00:17:46,768 --> 00:17:49,728 Speaker 1: excited for Harry to reunite with his family, to meet 379 00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:52,688 Speaker 1: his new niece, and to finally connect with his online 380 00:17:52,728 --> 00:17:56,288 Speaker 1: friends in the flesh. They'd be fine, wouldn't they. 381 00:17:56,888 --> 00:18:00,487 Speaker 2: So he goes to America. On the trip there and 382 00:18:00,488 --> 00:18:02,928 Speaker 2: on the layovers, we're texting a little bit. We still 383 00:18:02,928 --> 00:18:05,488 Speaker 2: have a fire overtext, which is just ridiculous. It was 384 00:18:05,568 --> 00:18:08,207 Speaker 2: such a I can't even remember what we fought over it, 385 00:18:08,248 --> 00:18:09,727 Speaker 2: but it was something so tiny, and he got an 386 00:18:09,768 --> 00:18:12,048 Speaker 2: anoyed at me, maybe for messaging too much or something 387 00:18:12,088 --> 00:18:14,648 Speaker 2: like that. And then he gets to America and his 388 00:18:14,688 --> 00:18:16,528 Speaker 2: plan is to spend a couple of days by himself, 389 00:18:16,568 --> 00:18:18,248 Speaker 2: doing a bit of solo travel, and then he'll catch 390 00:18:18,288 --> 00:18:21,008 Speaker 2: up with his sister. He's maybe been in America for 391 00:18:21,128 --> 00:18:24,967 Speaker 2: like two three days, and one day he asks me 392 00:18:25,448 --> 00:18:27,687 Speaker 2: to do him a favor, and I was at work, 393 00:18:27,808 --> 00:18:30,488 Speaker 2: and I think the favor was to convert some of 394 00:18:30,528 --> 00:18:33,407 Speaker 2: his cryptocurrency or something like that, and I was like, no, 395 00:18:33,968 --> 00:18:37,008 Speaker 2: I am at work. I'm busy. I don't do cryptocurrency, 396 00:18:37,088 --> 00:18:38,528 Speaker 2: and he's like, but I need help. I can't do 397 00:18:38,568 --> 00:18:40,968 Speaker 2: it when I'm overseas. I have to do it in Australia. 398 00:18:41,008 --> 00:18:43,328 Speaker 2: And I just texted him and said, I'm at work, 399 00:18:43,368 --> 00:18:45,727 Speaker 2: I can't do it right now. I'm really busy. I'm sorry. 400 00:18:46,248 --> 00:18:47,967 Speaker 2: We can chat after work if you're really stuck, but 401 00:18:48,048 --> 00:18:49,648 Speaker 2: surely you don't need me to do this right this 402 00:18:49,768 --> 00:18:52,528 Speaker 2: very second. I go into an appointment with a patient 403 00:18:52,608 --> 00:18:55,288 Speaker 2: and then I finish the appointment and check my phone 404 00:18:55,688 --> 00:18:57,568 Speaker 2: and I have a whole string of texts from him 405 00:18:58,048 --> 00:19:00,248 Speaker 2: basically saying I can't believe you do this to me. 406 00:19:00,768 --> 00:19:04,328 Speaker 2: This is the last straw. We're done. And I'm a 407 00:19:04,328 --> 00:19:06,728 Speaker 2: little bit gobsmacked because it was such a tiny little 408 00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:09,408 Speaker 2: tiff that we'd had, and we'd been together for nearly 409 00:19:09,408 --> 00:19:11,728 Speaker 2: two years, and I was like, surely he's not breaking 410 00:19:11,808 --> 00:19:14,888 Speaker 2: up with me. And I went to respond and I 411 00:19:14,928 --> 00:19:18,328 Speaker 2: was blocked, And so then I went to Instagram and 412 00:19:18,368 --> 00:19:21,088 Speaker 2: I was blocked on Instagram. I went to TikTok and 413 00:19:21,128 --> 00:19:24,048 Speaker 2: I was blocked on TikTok, and I checked and I 414 00:19:24,128 --> 00:19:26,248 Speaker 2: was blocked on Discord and I was like, wow, this 415 00:19:26,328 --> 00:19:28,048 Speaker 2: guy has gone to the nth degree to block me 416 00:19:28,088 --> 00:19:31,927 Speaker 2: on everything. We're in different countries. It's over. And I 417 00:19:32,048 --> 00:19:34,928 Speaker 2: was just gobsmacked at the time. I don't even think 418 00:19:34,928 --> 00:19:37,888 Speaker 2: I cried. I just was so shocked that he had 419 00:19:38,208 --> 00:19:40,368 Speaker 2: broken up with me over such a small thing and 420 00:19:40,408 --> 00:19:44,608 Speaker 2: had blocked me on everything, and so I just told 421 00:19:44,608 --> 00:19:46,768 Speaker 2: my friends what happened and was really in a state 422 00:19:46,808 --> 00:19:48,568 Speaker 2: of shock. I think I went out for dinner with 423 00:19:48,568 --> 00:19:50,768 Speaker 2: some friends that night, trying to distract myself, and then 424 00:19:51,808 --> 00:19:54,568 Speaker 2: reality started to hit. I guess that it was really over. 425 00:19:55,248 --> 00:19:58,168 Speaker 2: The next day, I got a message from his parents saying, hey, 426 00:19:58,248 --> 00:20:00,687 Speaker 2: how are you just wondering if you've heard from Harry, 427 00:20:00,728 --> 00:20:03,008 Speaker 2: because he's supposed to be catching up with his sister 428 00:20:03,048 --> 00:20:06,888 Speaker 2: today and we haven't heard from him. And I said, oh, actually, no, 429 00:20:06,968 --> 00:20:09,088 Speaker 2: he broke up with me, and so they didn't know 430 00:20:09,168 --> 00:20:12,447 Speaker 2: this either, and they were super apologetic and so sad 431 00:20:12,528 --> 00:20:15,128 Speaker 2: and so sorry. His sister came over a couple of 432 00:20:15,208 --> 00:20:17,407 Speaker 2: days later and we had this lovely girl's night and 433 00:20:17,408 --> 00:20:20,688 Speaker 2: I vented to them about what had happened. I decided 434 00:20:20,728 --> 00:20:22,848 Speaker 2: that I would pack up all of the Christmas presents 435 00:20:22,848 --> 00:20:24,728 Speaker 2: that he'd bought me. I think he had his Xbox 436 00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:27,328 Speaker 2: at my place, all of his belongings. I packed them 437 00:20:27,328 --> 00:20:29,447 Speaker 2: all up. I gave them back to his sister. But 438 00:20:29,528 --> 00:20:31,408 Speaker 2: before I did that, I took a photo of them, 439 00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:33,888 Speaker 2: and I emailed it to him because I thought, if 440 00:20:33,888 --> 00:20:36,608 Speaker 2: he's in another country and I'm blocked on every social media, 441 00:20:37,168 --> 00:20:38,927 Speaker 2: I need to get through to him somehow. So I 442 00:20:38,968 --> 00:20:42,208 Speaker 2: sent him an email that just said, Hey, I've given 443 00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:45,008 Speaker 2: all your stuff back to your sister. Your family is 444 00:20:45,008 --> 00:20:46,687 Speaker 2: a bit worried about you because you haven't caught up 445 00:20:46,688 --> 00:20:49,288 Speaker 2: with your other sister. I hope you're okay. Reach out 446 00:20:49,328 --> 00:20:52,328 Speaker 2: if you can. And that opened the lines of communication. 447 00:20:53,768 --> 00:20:56,288 Speaker 2: So he responded to that email a day later with 448 00:20:56,328 --> 00:21:00,608 Speaker 2: this really really long email, this essay saying, I am 449 00:21:00,688 --> 00:21:04,648 Speaker 2: so sorry. I got really scared. I'm in America. I 450 00:21:04,688 --> 00:21:07,848 Speaker 2: got COVID and so now I'm in lockdown. I don't 451 00:21:07,888 --> 00:21:10,568 Speaker 2: know what to do. It's really scary. I'm so sorry. 452 00:21:10,608 --> 00:21:12,568 Speaker 2: I shouldn't have broken up with you. I just got scared. 453 00:21:13,088 --> 00:21:16,247 Speaker 2: He kept saying that he was trying to figure out 454 00:21:16,288 --> 00:21:18,727 Speaker 2: some accommodation he couldn't stay with his sister because he 455 00:21:18,768 --> 00:21:20,648 Speaker 2: was sick and he didn't want to get the baby sick. 456 00:21:20,928 --> 00:21:22,688 Speaker 2: He needed to figure out how to get flights back 457 00:21:22,688 --> 00:21:26,728 Speaker 2: to Australia. He went so far to say that he 458 00:21:26,768 --> 00:21:28,888 Speaker 2: wants to come back to Australia because he desperately wants 459 00:21:28,928 --> 00:21:31,008 Speaker 2: to marry me, and so he's going to earn me back. 460 00:21:31,848 --> 00:21:34,368 Speaker 2: All this time, he still hasn't caught up with his sister. 461 00:21:34,968 --> 00:21:38,328 Speaker 2: I'm still not unblocked on everything. We're still emailing, but 462 00:21:39,048 --> 00:21:41,967 Speaker 2: the general vibe of conversation is him saying he's going 463 00:21:42,008 --> 00:21:44,168 Speaker 2: to get back he wants me back, and me saying, well, 464 00:21:44,248 --> 00:21:46,128 Speaker 2: you're going to have to earn it, because I don't 465 00:21:46,128 --> 00:21:47,008 Speaker 2: think that's good enough. 466 00:21:47,528 --> 00:21:50,408 Speaker 1: Three weeks of emails back and forth followed, and while 467 00:21:50,448 --> 00:21:53,407 Speaker 1: Harry was saying all the right things, his behavior was 468 00:21:53,448 --> 00:21:54,688 Speaker 1: still a little off. 469 00:21:55,048 --> 00:21:58,407 Speaker 2: I decided to check if I'm still blocked, because I 470 00:21:58,448 --> 00:22:01,967 Speaker 2: was like, surely at this point he's reconsidering. And I 471 00:22:02,048 --> 00:22:05,328 Speaker 2: was still blocked on Instagram. I was still blocked on Facebook. 472 00:22:05,608 --> 00:22:08,247 Speaker 2: And then I looked up his name on TikTok and 473 00:22:08,288 --> 00:22:11,328 Speaker 2: a TikTok came up of him and another girl. He 474 00:22:11,368 --> 00:22:14,007 Speaker 2: hadn't posted it, but he was tagged in it, and 475 00:22:14,208 --> 00:22:17,568 Speaker 2: it was just a really stupid TikTok trend. But at 476 00:22:17,568 --> 00:22:21,328 Speaker 2: the end of the video they kiss and my stomach dropped. 477 00:22:21,368 --> 00:22:24,048 Speaker 2: I was just like, Oh, my gosh, he has moved 478 00:22:24,088 --> 00:22:28,088 Speaker 2: on that quickly from a two year relationship. It was insane. 479 00:22:28,248 --> 00:22:31,207 Speaker 2: I decided to comment on the TikTok and I just 480 00:22:31,248 --> 00:22:36,568 Speaker 2: said run. He broke up with me two weeks ago. 481 00:22:38,208 --> 00:22:40,208 Speaker 2: The next day I received a DM from this girl 482 00:22:40,248 --> 00:22:45,288 Speaker 2: and she says, hey, can we talk And we end 483 00:22:45,368 --> 00:22:48,167 Speaker 2: up having a call, and on this call, she tells 484 00:22:48,208 --> 00:22:51,928 Speaker 2: me that he has actually been staying with her the 485 00:22:52,128 --> 00:22:56,407 Speaker 2: entire time. Harry had met this girl, Emma on Discord 486 00:22:56,888 --> 00:23:00,088 Speaker 2: nine months earlier. They used to play games together, PC 487 00:23:00,288 --> 00:23:05,048 Speaker 2: games together, and nine months earlier, Harry had told Emma 488 00:23:05,088 --> 00:23:07,488 Speaker 2: that he loved her, and that was the start of 489 00:23:07,568 --> 00:23:12,928 Speaker 2: their nine month long internet relationship. When his parents had 490 00:23:12,928 --> 00:23:15,128 Speaker 2: offered to fly him to America to see his sister, 491 00:23:15,608 --> 00:23:18,088 Speaker 2: Harry decided that he was going to see Emma instead, 492 00:23:18,568 --> 00:23:21,407 Speaker 2: and so he took the tickets with the intention to 493 00:23:21,448 --> 00:23:24,888 Speaker 2: never see his sister, flew directly to Emma. So even 494 00:23:24,928 --> 00:23:27,408 Speaker 2: when he was talking to me on the flight there, 495 00:23:27,448 --> 00:23:28,848 Speaker 2: he was actually talking to her because she was the 496 00:23:28,888 --> 00:23:30,848 Speaker 2: one who picked her up from the airport, and he 497 00:23:30,888 --> 00:23:33,328 Speaker 2: stayed with her the whole time, and they started their 498 00:23:33,328 --> 00:23:38,008 Speaker 2: real life relationship. It was unbelievable. I was so shocked 499 00:23:38,048 --> 00:23:40,687 Speaker 2: because even when Harry had first broke up with me 500 00:23:41,128 --> 00:23:42,687 Speaker 2: and I was chatting to my friends, one of my 501 00:23:42,728 --> 00:23:44,568 Speaker 2: friends said to me, oh, do you think he's cheating? 502 00:23:44,608 --> 00:23:46,768 Speaker 2: And I literally laughed in her face because I went 503 00:23:46,888 --> 00:23:50,528 Speaker 2: no way, like, absolutely not. There's no sign. He lived 504 00:23:50,528 --> 00:23:53,368 Speaker 2: with me for three months and my family I would 505 00:23:53,368 --> 00:23:56,088 Speaker 2: have known. He's not that kind of person. He keeps 506 00:23:56,088 --> 00:23:59,168 Speaker 2: emailing me saying he wants to marry me. There's no way. 507 00:23:59,488 --> 00:24:02,687 Speaker 2: He's had every opportunity when we nearly broke up multiple times, 508 00:24:02,768 --> 00:24:04,888 Speaker 2: he had every opportunity to take that and run if 509 00:24:04,928 --> 00:24:07,368 Speaker 2: he was seeing someone else, and he didn't. He begged 510 00:24:07,448 --> 00:24:09,207 Speaker 2: me back. He did all these things to be with me, 511 00:24:09,288 --> 00:24:11,608 Speaker 2: so I really didn't think that he would be cheating. 512 00:24:11,768 --> 00:24:15,648 Speaker 2: So when she told me, I just couldn't believe it. 513 00:24:15,768 --> 00:24:19,008 Speaker 2: I felt sick. It was awful. She ended up sending 514 00:24:19,008 --> 00:24:21,447 Speaker 2: me a lot of screenshots as proof, and it was 515 00:24:21,488 --> 00:24:25,088 Speaker 2: so interesting comparing because at the same time he was 516 00:24:25,128 --> 00:24:27,328 Speaker 2: telling two girls that he loved them, and two girls 517 00:24:27,328 --> 00:24:28,968 Speaker 2: that he wanted to be with them and was planning 518 00:24:28,968 --> 00:24:32,207 Speaker 2: a life with them. It's just psychopathic. I could not 519 00:24:32,288 --> 00:24:34,728 Speaker 2: believe that he could do that, and also to take 520 00:24:35,168 --> 00:24:38,328 Speaker 2: a free flight from his parents to see his sister 521 00:24:38,448 --> 00:24:41,768 Speaker 2: who needed family and support, and to go and see 522 00:24:41,808 --> 00:24:44,448 Speaker 2: his other girlfriend. It was just crazy. 523 00:24:44,928 --> 00:24:47,088 Speaker 1: So Jade broke the news to his family. 524 00:24:47,648 --> 00:24:49,888 Speaker 2: I said, hey, I don't know whether you've heard from him, 525 00:24:49,888 --> 00:24:52,768 Speaker 2: but I've just found out that he's okay, but he's 526 00:24:52,768 --> 00:24:56,447 Speaker 2: staying with this chick. He wasn't planning on seeing his sister. 527 00:24:56,888 --> 00:25:00,328 Speaker 2: I'm really sorry. His family was so beautiful about it. 528 00:25:00,408 --> 00:25:03,968 Speaker 2: They were so apologetic. I had a FaceTime with the 529 00:25:04,048 --> 00:25:07,048 Speaker 2: sisters as I was crying, and they were just really 530 00:25:07,168 --> 00:25:10,167 Speaker 2: kind and supportive. They were so apolyg jed it for 531 00:25:10,208 --> 00:25:12,928 Speaker 2: his actions, not that it's had anything to do with them, 532 00:25:13,568 --> 00:25:16,967 Speaker 2: And from that point onwards, his mum decided that they 533 00:25:16,968 --> 00:25:19,528 Speaker 2: were going to bring him back, so they were organizing 534 00:25:19,528 --> 00:25:23,407 Speaker 2: his flights, liaising with this girl and her family because 535 00:25:23,688 --> 00:25:26,167 Speaker 2: they weren't sure if her family was aware that he 536 00:25:26,288 --> 00:25:30,007 Speaker 2: was cheating on her With me. Kind of we were 537 00:25:30,048 --> 00:25:33,048 Speaker 2: both the other woman in this situation, and so they 538 00:25:33,048 --> 00:25:35,128 Speaker 2: were chatting with her and her family and organizing to 539 00:25:35,128 --> 00:25:37,687 Speaker 2: bring him back because they were so ashamed of what 540 00:25:37,768 --> 00:25:39,768 Speaker 2: he'd done and how he behaved and all that kind 541 00:25:39,808 --> 00:25:42,727 Speaker 2: of stuff. Me and this girl kind of bonded. We 542 00:25:42,768 --> 00:25:44,608 Speaker 2: both were like, I can't believe that this guy is 543 00:25:44,648 --> 00:25:47,488 Speaker 2: so awful. She told me that she didn't know about me, 544 00:25:48,168 --> 00:25:50,488 Speaker 2: that she just thought she was yet in a relationship 545 00:25:50,528 --> 00:25:52,407 Speaker 2: with him. She didn't realize there was someone on the side. 546 00:25:53,768 --> 00:25:57,008 Speaker 1: Harry moved back to Australia to his grandmother's house six 547 00:25:57,048 --> 00:26:00,688 Speaker 1: hours away, and Jade didn't hear a word from him. Meanwhile, 548 00:26:00,688 --> 00:26:04,608 Speaker 1: her bond with Emma only continued to grow until. 549 00:26:05,048 --> 00:26:08,488 Speaker 2: Emma blocks me and I find out from Harry's sister 550 00:26:08,608 --> 00:26:11,608 Speaker 2: that he sold his car and use the money to 551 00:26:11,648 --> 00:26:13,808 Speaker 2: buy one way ticket to America to be with her, 552 00:26:14,648 --> 00:26:17,568 Speaker 2: and I just couldn't believe it. I was like, Wow, 553 00:26:18,088 --> 00:26:20,328 Speaker 2: I can't believe a that she would be with him, 554 00:26:20,848 --> 00:26:24,128 Speaker 2: and b that after a month of knowing each other 555 00:26:24,128 --> 00:26:26,288 Speaker 2: in real life, he's willing to move countries for her, 556 00:26:26,648 --> 00:26:28,927 Speaker 2: when literally a few weeks ago he was telling me 557 00:26:28,968 --> 00:26:33,288 Speaker 2: that he wanted to marry me. So my brain always 558 00:26:33,288 --> 00:26:35,728 Speaker 2: goes a million miles an hour, and all it was 559 00:26:35,768 --> 00:26:38,448 Speaker 2: telling me was all of these awful things about how 560 00:26:38,448 --> 00:26:40,768 Speaker 2: he picked someone better, how he wasn't good enough, how 561 00:26:41,208 --> 00:26:43,648 Speaker 2: I should have known better, how I did this to myself, 562 00:26:43,728 --> 00:26:47,848 Speaker 2: all of these really awful negative thoughts that obviously are triggered. 563 00:26:48,328 --> 00:26:51,728 Speaker 2: I was depressed. I couldn't control these awful thoughts that 564 00:26:51,768 --> 00:26:54,167 Speaker 2: were going around in my head, and doing everyday lovely 565 00:26:54,248 --> 00:26:58,088 Speaker 2: things was just getting really hard because my brain was 566 00:26:58,088 --> 00:26:59,848 Speaker 2: just going a million miles an hour telling me all 567 00:26:59,888 --> 00:27:02,888 Speaker 2: these bad things and reminding me or making up stories 568 00:27:02,928 --> 00:27:05,448 Speaker 2: about what could be happening or what they could be 569 00:27:05,488 --> 00:27:07,487 Speaker 2: saying about me, or what this said about me, or 570 00:27:07,608 --> 00:27:09,848 Speaker 2: what my life would be now that this is over. 571 00:27:10,128 --> 00:27:12,728 Speaker 2: I didn't believe I could get any more. So it 572 00:27:12,768 --> 00:27:16,088 Speaker 2: was a lot of sleepless nights, struggling to get up 573 00:27:16,128 --> 00:27:18,967 Speaker 2: in the morning, really just dragging my feet through the 574 00:27:19,048 --> 00:27:21,447 Speaker 2: day and not being able to find the joy in life. 575 00:27:22,088 --> 00:27:25,768 Speaker 2: And so during that period, reaching out, going to see 576 00:27:25,768 --> 00:27:29,888 Speaker 2: a therapist and just getting over the stigma was so helpful. 577 00:27:30,288 --> 00:27:32,448 Speaker 1: Jad was doing all the work to get herself into 578 00:27:32,448 --> 00:27:35,168 Speaker 1: a better place, and it was working. Harry and Emma 579 00:27:35,208 --> 00:27:38,328 Speaker 1: were starting to become a distant memory, but that was 580 00:27:38,408 --> 00:27:39,488 Speaker 1: about to change. 581 00:27:39,688 --> 00:27:41,768 Speaker 2: My mom calls me and she says, hey, I need 582 00:27:41,808 --> 00:27:43,288 Speaker 2: to tell you something before you hear it through the 583 00:27:43,288 --> 00:27:46,128 Speaker 2: grape vine. She says that she's had a conversation with 584 00:27:46,168 --> 00:27:48,967 Speaker 2: Harry's mum and they found out some information that they 585 00:27:49,048 --> 00:27:51,568 Speaker 2: wanted to tell me, and that information was that Harry 586 00:27:51,608 --> 00:27:56,688 Speaker 2: and Emma got married. Emma was nineteen, Harry was twenty one. 587 00:27:57,448 --> 00:27:59,288 Speaker 2: They'd known each other in person for a month, that 588 00:27:59,408 --> 00:28:03,208 Speaker 2: had an online relationship for nine months. I was just 589 00:28:03,328 --> 00:28:06,687 Speaker 2: so gobsmacked, but it was so hilarious. I remember that 590 00:28:06,808 --> 00:28:09,407 Speaker 2: night texting my girlfriends and being like, we need to 591 00:28:09,408 --> 00:28:11,528 Speaker 2: go out, but this is the funniest thing that's ever 592 00:28:11,568 --> 00:28:14,648 Speaker 2: happened to me. This is now a joke. Let's go celebrate. 593 00:28:14,688 --> 00:28:16,448 Speaker 2: And so we went out. We had heaps of fun 594 00:28:17,008 --> 00:28:20,088 Speaker 2: coming out of it. I definitely worked on myself, so 595 00:28:20,168 --> 00:28:22,808 Speaker 2: all the normal things, working out, going to my therapist, 596 00:28:23,048 --> 00:28:26,368 Speaker 2: eating well, working like, doing my job well and investing 597 00:28:26,368 --> 00:28:30,048 Speaker 2: time into that. But then the other thing was I 598 00:28:30,088 --> 00:28:33,808 Speaker 2: started to date like properly, so I jumped on online 599 00:28:33,888 --> 00:28:35,928 Speaker 2: dating all that kind of stuff, and I just went 600 00:28:35,968 --> 00:28:39,528 Speaker 2: out with people just for the sake of it. I 601 00:28:39,568 --> 00:28:43,288 Speaker 2: wasn't necessarily looking for anything serious, but I wasn't opposed 602 00:28:43,288 --> 00:28:45,248 Speaker 2: to it, and I think that was actually something that 603 00:28:45,288 --> 00:28:48,608 Speaker 2: was really helpful in helping me move on and develop 604 00:28:48,688 --> 00:28:51,168 Speaker 2: that level of self confidence, because not only was I 605 00:28:51,208 --> 00:28:53,648 Speaker 2: working on myself and getting proud of myself on my own, 606 00:28:53,688 --> 00:28:55,888 Speaker 2: but also seeing that there is so many fish in 607 00:28:55,928 --> 00:28:58,288 Speaker 2: the sea and people want you, you just have to 608 00:28:58,328 --> 00:29:00,368 Speaker 2: put yourself out there. So it really helped for me 609 00:29:00,408 --> 00:29:02,848 Speaker 2: to take him off this pedestal of being the only 610 00:29:02,888 --> 00:29:05,448 Speaker 2: guy that will ever love me and going there are 611 00:29:05,528 --> 00:29:07,968 Speaker 2: so many other people that will love me. I actually 612 00:29:08,088 --> 00:29:10,488 Speaker 2: have the power to choose someone who is good enough. 613 00:29:10,248 --> 00:29:13,328 Speaker 1: For me, and she did. His name was Matt, so. 614 00:29:13,328 --> 00:29:16,568 Speaker 2: We did meet on hand. There was not necessarily huge 615 00:29:16,608 --> 00:29:18,688 Speaker 2: fireworks when I first met him. There was just a 616 00:29:18,768 --> 00:29:22,408 Speaker 2: sense of calm. When I went on our first date, 617 00:29:22,808 --> 00:29:26,808 Speaker 2: I was running super late, and he was really patient 618 00:29:26,848 --> 00:29:29,088 Speaker 2: and waited and it was just really natural, And I 619 00:29:29,088 --> 00:29:32,088 Speaker 2: think that's the thing that I have really appreciated. It 620 00:29:32,128 --> 00:29:35,328 Speaker 2: was just steady but nice. It's not like I wasn't 621 00:29:35,408 --> 00:29:37,408 Speaker 2: enjoying my time. I really enjoyed my time, but I 622 00:29:37,408 --> 00:29:40,688 Speaker 2: didn't feel pressure. I didn't feel anxious before date, I 623 00:29:40,808 --> 00:29:42,568 Speaker 2: was looking forward to it, but it just brought a 624 00:29:42,568 --> 00:29:45,408 Speaker 2: sense of peace and calm, which was really lovely. He's 625 00:29:45,528 --> 00:29:50,168 Speaker 2: like the nicest person ever, literally like my other half. 626 00:29:50,968 --> 00:29:53,928 Speaker 2: So my life goes on. I move on. I have 627 00:29:54,048 --> 00:29:57,248 Speaker 2: forgotten about Harry. And then one night in December, I'm 628 00:29:57,288 --> 00:30:00,808 Speaker 2: sitting at work scrolling my emails and I see an 629 00:30:00,888 --> 00:30:04,808 Speaker 2: email from Emma and Harry and it takes me a 630 00:30:04,848 --> 00:30:07,168 Speaker 2: minute to be like, who are these people? And then 631 00:30:07,208 --> 00:30:09,608 Speaker 2: it clicks and I'm like, oh my goodness, Harry my 632 00:30:10,128 --> 00:30:12,768 Speaker 2: and Emma his new wife. And so I get one 633 00:30:12,808 --> 00:30:14,928 Speaker 2: of my friends to read the email first because I'm like, 634 00:30:14,968 --> 00:30:17,808 Speaker 2: what on earth have they sent me? And she tells me, 635 00:30:17,808 --> 00:30:21,008 Speaker 2: don't read it. She goes, don't read it, it's ridiculous. 636 00:30:21,208 --> 00:30:25,448 Speaker 2: It's a load of full I obviously read it, and 637 00:30:25,528 --> 00:30:29,048 Speaker 2: so Harry had basically sent me this really long email 638 00:30:29,408 --> 00:30:32,968 Speaker 2: that said I never loved you, I was never attracted 639 00:30:32,968 --> 00:30:35,608 Speaker 2: to you. I only stayed with you because I was 640 00:30:35,728 --> 00:30:39,808 Speaker 2: using you. I was using your family. You're worthless and 641 00:30:39,848 --> 00:30:43,888 Speaker 2: now I'm really happily married. Emma's email, on the other hand, 642 00:30:44,568 --> 00:30:46,928 Speaker 2: was a lot of fun. She sent me an even 643 00:30:47,008 --> 00:30:49,888 Speaker 2: longer email and the whole gist of the email was 644 00:30:49,888 --> 00:30:51,968 Speaker 2: that she basically thought that I was still in love 645 00:30:51,968 --> 00:30:55,328 Speaker 2: with Harry, and she had proof. Her email starts out 646 00:30:55,448 --> 00:30:57,968 Speaker 2: with saying how worthless I am and what a terrible person. 647 00:30:58,008 --> 00:30:59,808 Speaker 2: And one of the things that she decides to mention 648 00:31:00,008 --> 00:31:02,728 Speaker 2: is my career, the fact that I work in healthcare. 649 00:31:02,848 --> 00:31:05,128 Speaker 2: And one of the things that she says in the email, 650 00:31:05,128 --> 00:31:07,888 Speaker 2: which is just so random, She's like, how can you 651 00:31:07,888 --> 00:31:10,048 Speaker 2: even call yourself a midwife? You take me here are 652 00:31:10,088 --> 00:31:13,168 Speaker 2: selfies in the bathroom. Do you know how dirty bathrooms are? 653 00:31:13,248 --> 00:31:15,328 Speaker 2: There are so many more gems on a phone than 654 00:31:15,368 --> 00:31:18,488 Speaker 2: a toilet, And it was just the most random, ridiculous thing. 655 00:31:18,928 --> 00:31:20,688 Speaker 2: Then she goes on to say her proof that I'm 656 00:31:20,688 --> 00:31:23,848 Speaker 2: still in love with Harry, and her proof had an 657 00:31:23,888 --> 00:31:27,608 Speaker 2: attached PDF file. And when I opened up this pdf file, 658 00:31:27,968 --> 00:31:31,408 Speaker 2: there was screenshots of so much. The first thing was 659 00:31:31,848 --> 00:31:35,008 Speaker 2: tagged photos on Facebook. So even though I wasn't friends 660 00:31:35,008 --> 00:31:37,448 Speaker 2: with him anymore, he was blocked. I deleted all our photos. 661 00:31:37,688 --> 00:31:39,928 Speaker 2: There was still some group photos that were tagged in together, 662 00:31:40,248 --> 00:31:42,088 Speaker 2: and she couldn't believe that I still had those on 663 00:31:42,128 --> 00:31:45,328 Speaker 2: my profile. The other thing is she had gone through 664 00:31:45,328 --> 00:31:48,568 Speaker 2: my Spotify so she found me on Spotify, went through 665 00:31:48,568 --> 00:31:51,888 Speaker 2: my whole Spotify and screenshotted lyrics of songs in my 666 00:31:51,968 --> 00:31:55,928 Speaker 2: playlists that obviously were like love songs or breakup songs, 667 00:31:55,928 --> 00:31:57,528 Speaker 2: and she said, look at the songs that you listen to. 668 00:31:57,648 --> 00:31:59,488 Speaker 2: This is proof that you're still in love with him. 669 00:32:00,128 --> 00:32:02,688 Speaker 2: She signed off by saying, well, you'll never have him. 670 00:32:02,888 --> 00:32:04,608 Speaker 2: We're married now and we're going to come to Australia 671 00:32:04,648 --> 00:32:07,408 Speaker 2: to get married for a second time. Good luck and 672 00:32:07,408 --> 00:32:07,928 Speaker 2: all the best. 673 00:32:09,408 --> 00:32:11,648 Speaker 1: I took those emails with a grain of salt. It 674 00:32:11,688 --> 00:32:13,808 Speaker 1: had been a years since she and Harry had broken up, 675 00:32:13,928 --> 00:32:16,328 Speaker 1: and their words said far more about them than they 676 00:32:16,368 --> 00:32:19,768 Speaker 1: did about her. Clearly they needed to unburden themselves. So 677 00:32:19,888 --> 00:32:22,768 Speaker 1: Jade didn't reply. She let the silence stand. That was 678 00:32:22,808 --> 00:32:25,688 Speaker 1: the end of it. Well so she thought, Because one 679 00:32:25,768 --> 00:32:26,488 Speaker 1: year later. 680 00:32:26,848 --> 00:32:29,528 Speaker 2: I'm sitting in the car at my current boyfriend's basketball 681 00:32:29,528 --> 00:32:32,288 Speaker 2: game and going through my emails yet again, and I 682 00:32:32,328 --> 00:32:35,768 Speaker 2: have an email from the Healthcare Complaints Commission and my 683 00:32:35,888 --> 00:32:38,968 Speaker 2: stomach drops because I really love my job. I'm really 684 00:32:38,968 --> 00:32:41,208 Speaker 2: proud of it, and to think that someone has put 685 00:32:41,248 --> 00:32:43,608 Speaker 2: in a complaint about me, it was really frightening, and 686 00:32:43,648 --> 00:32:46,088 Speaker 2: I open up the complaint and it's anonymous, but I 687 00:32:46,128 --> 00:32:50,008 Speaker 2: start to read it, and the complaint says, Jade is 688 00:32:50,088 --> 00:32:53,448 Speaker 2: such a terrible midwife. She takes mirror selfies in the bathroom. 689 00:32:53,648 --> 00:32:56,648 Speaker 2: Bathrooms are really unhygienic. How can she be a midwife? 690 00:32:56,688 --> 00:33:00,368 Speaker 2: And instantly I know, without a shadow of doubt, this 691 00:33:00,408 --> 00:33:03,928 Speaker 2: is Emma. Emma has put in a complaint to the 692 00:33:04,048 --> 00:33:07,608 Speaker 2: health Care Complaints Commission about me because it mirrors the 693 00:33:07,648 --> 00:33:11,168 Speaker 2: email that she sent me a year before. I was 694 00:33:11,288 --> 00:33:14,168 Speaker 2: really upset and I'm like, I can't believe that she's 695 00:33:14,208 --> 00:33:16,608 Speaker 2: doing this to me. What have I done to deserve this? 696 00:33:17,448 --> 00:33:19,488 Speaker 2: And so I reached out to the union. It was 697 00:33:19,528 --> 00:33:22,488 Speaker 2: about a four week process of putting in my response, 698 00:33:22,528 --> 00:33:25,088 Speaker 2: waiting for the Healthcare Complaints Commission to come back and 699 00:33:25,168 --> 00:33:27,768 Speaker 2: to state our case and things like that. And luckily 700 00:33:27,808 --> 00:33:30,808 Speaker 2: when we so, I actually had a screenshot of the email, 701 00:33:30,928 --> 00:33:33,168 Speaker 2: so I hadn't deleted it. I just never responded to it. 702 00:33:33,248 --> 00:33:35,888 Speaker 2: So when we put the email next to the complaint, 703 00:33:35,968 --> 00:33:39,288 Speaker 2: it was very clear to see. I just had no 704 00:33:39,408 --> 00:33:44,088 Speaker 2: clue why on earth they would decide two years after 705 00:33:45,168 --> 00:33:47,488 Speaker 2: to have a go at my career. I explained the 706 00:33:47,528 --> 00:33:50,608 Speaker 2: situation we have to get a lawyer, and so I 707 00:33:50,688 --> 00:33:53,328 Speaker 2: work with the lawyer and basically we fight this claim 708 00:33:53,448 --> 00:33:56,208 Speaker 2: as what's called the vexatious claim, which just proves that 709 00:33:56,608 --> 00:33:58,048 Speaker 2: this is someone who's just trying to have a go 710 00:33:58,128 --> 00:34:00,368 Speaker 2: at you to ruin your career, and it's not actually 711 00:34:01,048 --> 00:34:04,608 Speaker 2: an unsafe practice or something that needs to be investigated. 712 00:34:04,648 --> 00:34:07,448 Speaker 2: And of course it gets wiped and everything's fine. But 713 00:34:08,047 --> 00:34:11,408 Speaker 2: I could not believe it, and so so I hadn't 714 00:34:11,448 --> 00:34:13,968 Speaker 2: had any contact with Harry's family for that year. But 715 00:34:14,047 --> 00:34:16,488 Speaker 2: I do reach out to his mum and I go, hey, 716 00:34:16,648 --> 00:34:19,448 Speaker 2: this has just happened, and this is really serious. She's 717 00:34:19,488 --> 00:34:22,728 Speaker 2: tried to attack my career. I know that it's her 718 00:34:22,928 --> 00:34:26,888 Speaker 2: because it mirrors the email verbatim. It's been proved that 719 00:34:26,968 --> 00:34:29,728 Speaker 2: it's her, even though it's anonymous. Have you had any 720 00:34:29,728 --> 00:34:31,607 Speaker 2: contact do you know why this might be happening? Now? 721 00:34:31,608 --> 00:34:35,488 Speaker 2: A year later, and Harry's poor mom says that Harry 722 00:34:35,528 --> 00:34:39,008 Speaker 2: hasn't had any contact with her since he cheated on 723 00:34:39,048 --> 00:34:41,728 Speaker 2: me and got married to this girl, So he's completely 724 00:34:41,728 --> 00:34:44,288 Speaker 2: cut off his whole family, and so his poor mom 725 00:34:44,328 --> 00:34:46,368 Speaker 2: is really sad about it and goes, look, I'm really sorry. 726 00:34:46,368 --> 00:34:49,008 Speaker 2: I don't know why this is happening, but unfortunately he's 727 00:34:49,048 --> 00:34:51,888 Speaker 2: not a part of our family anymore either, by his choice. 728 00:34:51,968 --> 00:34:55,087 Speaker 1: It was a stressful situation, and even though Jade's name 729 00:34:55,168 --> 00:34:57,768 Speaker 1: was cleared of any wrongdoing at work, it had rocked 730 00:34:57,768 --> 00:35:00,888 Speaker 1: her pretty hard. Thankfully, Matt was there supporting her the 731 00:35:00,928 --> 00:35:01,448 Speaker 1: whole time. 732 00:35:01,568 --> 00:35:05,208 Speaker 2: He'd heard the story about my ex and all of 733 00:35:05,208 --> 00:35:09,368 Speaker 2: the craziness, so he was super supportive, but definitely was 734 00:35:09,448 --> 00:35:12,168 Speaker 2: pretty and going, let's make sure that there's nothing that 735 00:35:12,208 --> 00:35:13,968 Speaker 2: they can do to get to you. I mean, I 736 00:35:14,008 --> 00:35:16,248 Speaker 2: hadn't done anything wrong at work, so I was safe, 737 00:35:16,288 --> 00:35:18,248 Speaker 2: but it stills a little bit of a hit to 738 00:35:18,288 --> 00:35:20,768 Speaker 2: the ego and the confidence when that happens. So we 739 00:35:20,808 --> 00:35:22,728 Speaker 2: both made sure that all of our socials were on private, 740 00:35:22,728 --> 00:35:24,527 Speaker 2: which they were, and all that kind of stuff, and 741 00:35:24,888 --> 00:35:27,048 Speaker 2: he just supported me through it and made me able 742 00:35:27,088 --> 00:35:31,208 Speaker 2: to see the laughable side of it. So life moves on. 743 00:35:31,648 --> 00:35:34,087 Speaker 2: I just add it as yet another chapter in this 744 00:35:34,168 --> 00:35:37,128 Speaker 2: crazy story and I forget about it once we're finished 745 00:35:37,128 --> 00:35:37,648 Speaker 2: with the lawyer. 746 00:35:38,088 --> 00:35:39,647 Speaker 1: And then you guessed it. 747 00:35:39,928 --> 00:35:44,128 Speaker 2: One year later, I am on a holiday with my family. 748 00:35:44,688 --> 00:35:47,728 Speaker 2: We were talking about the fact that my boyfriend used 749 00:35:47,768 --> 00:35:50,368 Speaker 2: to make little DJ mixes back when he was in 750 00:35:50,448 --> 00:35:52,768 Speaker 2: UNI and post them on SoundCloud, and I was like, oh, 751 00:35:52,768 --> 00:35:55,208 Speaker 2: that's so funny. I wonder if they're still there, And 752 00:35:55,288 --> 00:35:58,848 Speaker 2: so he brings up his SoundCloud to see if the 753 00:35:58,888 --> 00:36:02,167 Speaker 2: mixers are still there, and SoundCloud gives you a little 754 00:36:02,168 --> 00:36:04,448 Speaker 2: bit of a breakdown of your top listeners and things 755 00:36:04,448 --> 00:36:08,408 Speaker 2: like that. And because he only mixed DJ things tracks 756 00:36:08,528 --> 00:36:11,688 Speaker 2: in Uni, he didn't think that he would have any listeners. 757 00:36:11,688 --> 00:36:14,768 Speaker 2: It's just a silly Uni thing. But he has a 758 00:36:14,888 --> 00:36:18,087 Speaker 2: number one top listener who listens to each of his 759 00:36:18,168 --> 00:36:22,008 Speaker 2: two tracks every single month for the last eight months. 760 00:36:22,528 --> 00:36:28,248 Speaker 2: And it's Emma. Emma has found my boyfriend on SoundCloud 761 00:36:28,968 --> 00:36:32,448 Speaker 2: and has for some reason decided to listen to every 762 00:36:32,488 --> 00:36:36,488 Speaker 2: single one of his things, his two uploads, every single 763 00:36:36,568 --> 00:36:40,328 Speaker 2: month for eight months. And at this where just like, 764 00:36:40,528 --> 00:36:44,647 Speaker 2: what the hell? How I don't understand what is your 765 00:36:44,688 --> 00:36:47,527 Speaker 2: motive behind this? How did you find him? How did 766 00:36:47,528 --> 00:36:50,448 Speaker 2: you find him on SoundCloud of all things? His username 767 00:36:50,528 --> 00:36:53,368 Speaker 2: wasn't even his proper name. I just was like, this 768 00:36:53,528 --> 00:36:57,687 Speaker 2: is crazy, it was insane. I had blocked and made 769 00:36:57,688 --> 00:37:00,528 Speaker 2: myself really private before I posted anything, just to protect 770 00:37:00,568 --> 00:37:04,608 Speaker 2: our safety. And so unless she has a burner account 771 00:37:04,808 --> 00:37:07,688 Speaker 2: that I wasn't aware of that she's talking me on 772 00:37:08,208 --> 00:37:11,328 Speaker 2: unless she has a burner account that she's stalking him on. 773 00:37:11,488 --> 00:37:13,647 Speaker 2: But how would she find him? I don't even get it. 774 00:37:13,848 --> 00:37:15,848 Speaker 2: He and I literally didn't even grow up in the 775 00:37:15,888 --> 00:37:19,368 Speaker 2: same place. I don't understand how she could have known 776 00:37:19,568 --> 00:37:21,207 Speaker 2: and we met on hinge. It's not like we met 777 00:37:21,488 --> 00:37:25,047 Speaker 2: at the same church or at the same workplace. But yeah, 778 00:37:25,248 --> 00:37:29,008 Speaker 2: and also, what do you gain from stalking someone's SoundCloud 779 00:37:29,048 --> 00:37:32,408 Speaker 2: and listening to their mixes twice a month every month? 780 00:37:33,248 --> 00:37:36,288 Speaker 2: It's just so random. So when he pulls it up 781 00:37:36,488 --> 00:37:38,888 Speaker 2: and sees Emma, he goes, hold on, I think I 782 00:37:38,928 --> 00:37:41,328 Speaker 2: know who that is. Is that your ex's wife? And 783 00:37:41,368 --> 00:37:44,488 Speaker 2: I was like, oh my gosh, it is. We're both gobsmacked. 784 00:37:44,648 --> 00:37:47,567 Speaker 2: And then in May of twenty twenty five, we pull 785 00:37:47,648 --> 00:37:49,768 Speaker 2: up the SoundCloud again, just curious to see if she's 786 00:37:49,808 --> 00:37:52,768 Speaker 2: still looking, and she is. She still has continued every 787 00:37:52,808 --> 00:37:56,848 Speaker 2: month to listen to the tracks twice from December until May, 788 00:37:57,168 --> 00:38:00,248 Speaker 2: and so at that point my boyfriend blocks her and goes, 789 00:38:00,848 --> 00:38:03,768 Speaker 2: that's it. We cannot do this anymore. And that was 790 00:38:03,808 --> 00:38:06,527 Speaker 2: the last that we heard from Harry or Emma. 791 00:38:06,608 --> 00:38:09,008 Speaker 1: And While Jade was relieved to finally be on her 792 00:38:09,048 --> 00:38:12,208 Speaker 1: own three years after the breakup, what she missed most, 793 00:38:12,488 --> 00:38:15,928 Speaker 1: the ache that never fully faded wasn't Harry, but the 794 00:38:15,968 --> 00:38:18,688 Speaker 1: family she'd lost with him. 795 00:38:19,128 --> 00:38:22,528 Speaker 2: I haven't had any conversation with Harry's family or anything 796 00:38:22,568 --> 00:38:25,448 Speaker 2: like that, so I'm not sure whether he's ever spoken 797 00:38:25,528 --> 00:38:28,728 Speaker 2: to them again since the breakup. And unfortunately, my friendship 798 00:38:28,768 --> 00:38:31,368 Speaker 2: with the sister did kind of deteriorate just because of 799 00:38:31,368 --> 00:38:33,968 Speaker 2: the distance that we had to make to protect myself 800 00:38:34,008 --> 00:38:36,248 Speaker 2: and my life and my current relationship and those kind 801 00:38:36,248 --> 00:38:39,328 Speaker 2: of things. But no bad blood. I ran into one 802 00:38:39,368 --> 00:38:41,567 Speaker 2: of his brothers at the beach and we didn't say 803 00:38:41,568 --> 00:38:44,448 Speaker 2: anything to each other, but Harry definitely wasn't there, so 804 00:38:44,488 --> 00:38:48,168 Speaker 2: I assume that he's just living life in America with 805 00:38:48,248 --> 00:38:51,127 Speaker 2: a girl who still wants to stalk his ex. It's 806 00:38:51,208 --> 00:38:55,208 Speaker 2: really sad when you lose other things when you end 807 00:38:55,248 --> 00:38:58,848 Speaker 2: a relationship, anyr relationship is obviously hard, regardless of whether 808 00:38:58,888 --> 00:39:01,808 Speaker 2: it was bad blood, nice blood, all that kind of stuff. 809 00:39:01,848 --> 00:39:04,328 Speaker 2: But that was one of the really hardest things, was 810 00:39:04,368 --> 00:39:07,368 Speaker 2: losing a family that was really kind to me and 811 00:39:07,848 --> 00:39:13,288 Speaker 2: was supportive, and some really good friends. But I think overall, 812 00:39:13,448 --> 00:39:16,368 Speaker 2: I have gained so much from this breakup. I've gained 813 00:39:16,448 --> 00:39:18,488 Speaker 2: a really funny story to tell when you've had a 814 00:39:18,528 --> 00:39:21,848 Speaker 2: few drinks. I've also gained an amazing therapist and a 815 00:39:21,888 --> 00:39:25,248 Speaker 2: good boyfriend, and emotional maturity and so much that I 816 00:39:25,288 --> 00:39:28,647 Speaker 2: would never have achieved if I didn't go through this trauma, 817 00:39:28,728 --> 00:39:30,608 Speaker 2: because I feel like sometimes you really need to be 818 00:39:30,648 --> 00:39:32,768 Speaker 2: broken down in order to be rebuilt, and this gave 819 00:39:32,808 --> 00:39:36,648 Speaker 2: me such a great opportunity. So while they're auscars and 820 00:39:36,848 --> 00:39:39,608 Speaker 2: things that I've lost along the way that are really sad, 821 00:39:40,008 --> 00:39:42,008 Speaker 2: there's also so much that I've gained that I just 822 00:39:42,008 --> 00:39:43,248 Speaker 2: have to be grateful for it. All. 823 00:39:59,928 --> 00:40:02,567 Speaker 1: Everyone has an ex It's a Minti Media production and 824 00:40:02,648 --> 00:40:05,648 Speaker 1: proudly part of the Mum and mea Network. This episode 825 00:40:05,808 --> 00:40:09,167 Speaker 1: was written and produced by Linda Scott, interview conducted by 826 00:40:09,208 --> 00:40:12,728 Speaker 1: Eilish Laney and narrated by me Georgia Love. If you 827 00:40:12,768 --> 00:40:15,368 Speaker 1: have a story you'd like to share, email podcast at 828 00:40:15,408 --> 00:40:18,368 Speaker 1: momamea dot com dot au. You can support the show 829 00:40:18,408 --> 00:40:21,008 Speaker 1: by following it in your favorite podcast app and leaving 830 00:40:21,048 --> 00:40:23,047 Speaker 1: us a five star review. We'll see you for the 831 00:40:23,048 --> 00:40:24,128 Speaker 1: next episode.