WEBVTT - Blood Is Thicker 0:00:10.858 --> 0:00:13.598 You're listening to a Mamma Mia podcast. 0:00:14.338 --> 0:00:17.248 Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and 0:00:17.308 --> 0:00:27.358 waters this podcast is recorded on. We spend a lot 0:00:27.378 --> 0:00:31.518 of time talking and thinking about romantic relationships, searching for 0:00:31.578 --> 0:00:34.678 and finding that one person who'll enrich your life, who'll 0:00:34.698 --> 0:00:37.738 choose you and only you, even change your last name. 0:00:38.338 --> 0:00:41.818 But what about friendships? Those deep, unbreakable bonds. The ones 0:00:41.858 --> 0:00:44.568 who make your life better without the strings attached. Those 0:00:44.668 --> 0:00:48.208 soulmate-level best friends. They're the person you call with good news. 0:00:48.428 --> 0:00:50.588 The one you laugh and cry with. The one you 0:00:50.608 --> 0:00:53.268 run to when your heart is broken. They know your secrets, 0:00:53.408 --> 0:00:57.008 your history, your dreams, every side and every version of you. 0:00:57.448 --> 0:01:00.178 You just couldn't imagine life without them. But you don't 0:01:00.238 --> 0:01:02.578 have to, because you know through all of life's ups 0:01:02.638 --> 0:01:05.377 and downs, the good times and the bad, they'll always 0:01:05.458 --> 0:01:19.018 be there. Won't they? I'm Georgia Love and this is 0:01:19.158 --> 0:01:22.218 Everyone Has an Ex-Best Friend. Come with me as we 0:01:22.258 --> 0:01:25.798 dive into a collection of stories about friendships past, through 0:01:25.837 --> 0:01:28.018 the eyes and the hearts of the very people who 0:01:28.058 --> 0:01:31.218 lived them. We all know the saying, blood is thicker 0:01:31.238 --> 0:01:33.997 than water. At the end of the day, family comes first. 0:01:34.418 --> 0:01:37.057 But what about the saying, friends are the family you choose? 0:01:37.458 --> 0:01:39.698 Just because you share a bloodline with someone doesn't mean 0:01:39.738 --> 0:01:42.678 they'll always have your back. Well, for Rachel, she didn't 0:01:42.698 --> 0:01:44.698 need to decide which saying she found to be most 0:01:44.738 --> 0:01:46.648 true because she had both in one. 0:01:47.438 --> 0:01:48.157 I'm the youngest. 0:01:48.378 --> 0:01:52.798 Deborah is the eldest. Kelly is the second eldest. We 0:01:52.878 --> 0:01:56.378 have different dads as well. So they've got the same dad, 0:01:56.798 --> 0:02:01.828 different dad to me. So between me and Deborah, there's 13, 0:02:01.828 --> 0:02:05.528 14 year age gap. When I was growing up, my 0:02:05.608 --> 0:02:08.108 sisters basically raised me like. 0:02:07.988 --> 0:02:10.008 Mum was out and about. 0:02:10.748 --> 0:02:13.018 And I spent a lot of time growing up with 0:02:13.048 --> 0:02:15.418 my sisters and my older sister because she was so 0:02:15.478 --> 0:02:18.718 cool and She let me do whatever I want, basically. 0:02:19.438 --> 0:02:26.188 My mum was never really emotionally invested in us, so 0:02:26.248 --> 0:02:30.268 I got that love and care from my sisters and 0:02:30.308 --> 0:02:34.668 then from Deborah. She gave me the attention and the 0:02:34.728 --> 0:02:37.968 love that I craved from my mum. All it was 0:02:38.028 --> 0:02:41.208 was us three for a long time. 0:02:41.907 --> 0:02:44.067 It was a different relationship than many would have had 0:02:44.108 --> 0:02:47.407 with their sisters growing up. because Deborah especially had done 0:02:47.448 --> 0:02:49.528 a lot of the growing up part before Rachel even 0:02:49.578 --> 0:02:53.158 came along, and this made their bond incredibly special and close. 0:02:53.558 --> 0:02:55.698 But it also meant the inevitable next step of growing 0:02:55.758 --> 0:02:58.378 up for Deborah came much earlier than her younger sibling. 0:02:59.138 --> 0:03:02.028 They moved out when I was six. 0:03:02.608 --> 0:03:04.828 I still saw them frequently, you know, like, and I 0:03:04.888 --> 0:03:09.588 would go to Deborah's house for, like, sleepovers, and that 0:03:09.628 --> 0:03:12.808 was my escape. Essentially, like, when they left home, like, 0:03:12.868 --> 0:03:15.028 I grew up as an only child. because they were 0:03:15.048 --> 0:03:19.988 all adults, got married, started having their own kids, and 0:03:21.108 --> 0:03:24.108 I was at home with mum. When she met her husband, 0:03:24.148 --> 0:03:28.148 they got married. They moved about six hours away. Deborah's 0:03:28.198 --> 0:03:32.418 husband left before she did, so he left to start 0:03:32.458 --> 0:03:36.558 work and set up, and he actually left on my 0:03:36.618 --> 0:03:41.658 ninth or tenth birthday. And so I was so upset, 0:03:41.818 --> 0:03:45.758 and I was just so... heartbroken because again like they 0:03:45.798 --> 0:03:50.718 were my safe space but like our relationship kind of 0:03:50.758 --> 0:03:54.018 got stronger school holidays I used to go down there 0:03:54.038 --> 0:03:57.398 and basically spend my entire holidays down there with her 0:03:57.418 --> 0:04:03.068 I would go down and spend weeks with them we 0:04:03.088 --> 0:04:07.548 would go on family holidays together whenever they came up 0:04:07.828 --> 0:04:10.928 to Perth pretty much everything else that was going on 0:04:10.948 --> 0:04:13.368 in my life it would have to wait and I 0:04:13.388 --> 0:04:17.017 would spend all the time with them. It was just 0:04:17.308 --> 0:04:20.838 that little add-on, you know, we confided in each other. 0:04:20.858 --> 0:04:24.358 That's who we were. It was like a good. 0:04:24.138 --> 0:04:28.178 10 years that we just, we did everything together. It's 0:04:28.217 --> 0:04:31.238 not that normal relationship where you grow up with your 0:04:31.278 --> 0:04:34.277 friends or your best friend and you get married together 0:04:34.298 --> 0:04:36.838 and then you have babies together, like similar timing. 0:04:37.498 --> 0:04:39.157 You go through a lot together. 0:04:39.768 --> 0:04:43.588 Our childhood, we had trauma that we dealt with that we, 0:04:44.548 --> 0:04:48.217 you don't feel awkward talking about it with your sister 0:04:48.258 --> 0:04:51.497 because you've lived it together. You know, and then when 0:04:51.518 --> 0:04:57.677 you're venting about home life or your mum, she already understands. 0:04:58.398 --> 0:05:01.907 Like you don't have to explain yourself or as a woman, 0:05:02.048 --> 0:05:05.168 you kind of overthink a lot of things. So when 0:05:05.188 --> 0:05:07.747 you're telling your friends, you're more of a like, you know, 0:05:07.788 --> 0:05:12.628 am I overreacting? are my thoughts and feelings right or 0:05:12.688 --> 0:05:16.308 am I just seeing it differently? Whereas like she already knows, 0:05:17.068 --> 0:05:22.528 like you just, you've lived the same life essentially. Family, 0:05:23.087 --> 0:05:26.518 you can't really choose. Like it's just handed to you, 0:05:26.538 --> 0:05:29.958 whereas like friends you choose. So when you have that 0:05:30.878 --> 0:05:34.577 inner sister or a family member, like that bond that 0:05:34.597 --> 0:05:36.938 you'd like, you actively have to go out and find 0:05:36.977 --> 0:05:41.588 that bond like in life. but it's like handed to 0:05:41.607 --> 0:05:44.547 you on a silver platter. Like, it was amazing. 0:05:44.928 --> 0:05:47.378 The only thing living apart did for Rachel and Deborah's 0:05:47.408 --> 0:05:50.957 relationship was strengthen it. Over the years became far less 0:05:51.018 --> 0:05:53.458 a big and little sister bond and just a pure, 0:05:53.618 --> 0:05:56.698 true friendship. And as they continued to grow, so too 0:05:56.738 --> 0:05:57.498 did their family. 0:05:58.077 --> 0:06:02.118 I was 16 when Deborah had her first child and 0:06:02.878 --> 0:06:09.228 myself and her firstborn were extremely close friends. we were 0:06:09.268 --> 0:06:12.908 each other's favourite people. She would come and stay with 0:06:12.967 --> 0:06:15.788 me and I would spend every waking minute with her. 0:06:15.808 --> 0:06:19.208 And then when I would take leave from work, I 0:06:19.258 --> 0:06:22.758 would go down and spend a week, two weeks with them. 0:06:23.837 --> 0:06:26.517 The age gap between myself and Debra is similar between 0:06:26.538 --> 0:06:30.077 the age gap between myself and her firstborn. So yeah, 0:06:30.278 --> 0:06:35.398 it's almost like that same relationship that I had with 0:06:35.418 --> 0:06:39.308 Debra that I have with her firstborn. She would come 0:06:39.388 --> 0:06:43.248 to me when she had problems, like, you know, and 0:06:43.327 --> 0:06:46.268 I would be there for her when she needed, like, 0:06:46.308 --> 0:06:48.267 you know, someone else that's not your mum, you know. 0:06:49.288 --> 0:06:53.718 That favourite auntie, that's what I was. That just added 0:06:53.977 --> 0:06:56.517 that extra, you know, like I had another new little 0:06:56.538 --> 0:06:59.758 best friend. Just wanted to be there all the time. 0:07:01.577 --> 0:07:04.367 This brought Rachel and Deborah even closer too. And over 0:07:04.398 --> 0:07:07.278 this period, Rachel was no longer a kid herself. She 0:07:07.318 --> 0:07:09.718 grew up, got her own place, a great job and 0:07:09.758 --> 0:07:12.278 met a man who would change everything. He made her 0:07:12.318 --> 0:07:15.018 feel loved and safe in a way she'd never had before. 0:07:15.658 --> 0:07:18.148 Someone who chose her and cared for her and would 0:07:18.208 --> 0:07:20.428 stay by her side. For the first time in her 0:07:20.468 --> 0:07:23.408 life at 23, Rachel felt she didn't need her big 0:07:23.468 --> 0:07:25.948 sister the way she had before. Deborah could now be 0:07:26.028 --> 0:07:28.867 just her best friend without the added pressure of feeling 0:07:28.928 --> 0:07:31.528 she needed to take care of her. So when things 0:07:31.568 --> 0:07:34.758 hit a rough patch in her romantic relationship, Rachel felt 0:07:34.878 --> 0:07:37.348 now as a proper adult, She had to deal with 0:07:37.388 --> 0:07:38.008 it on her own. 0:07:38.708 --> 0:07:40.508 Myself and my boyfriend, we had a bit of a 0:07:40.548 --> 0:07:43.358 rough patch and he kind of needed some time to 0:07:44.138 --> 0:07:47.698 think about things and that really, like, it put me 0:07:47.738 --> 0:07:50.237 in a hole, like, I can't even explain. You know, 0:07:50.318 --> 0:07:53.018 even my housemate, my friend that I lived with, I 0:07:53.058 --> 0:07:56.177 didn't even talk to her. Even she was like, well, 0:07:56.438 --> 0:07:57.797 you're just not the same person. 0:07:58.278 --> 0:08:00.978 Are you okay? And I was like, no, I'm not okay. Like, 0:08:01.018 --> 0:08:03.578 I don't, you know, so I shut off from everyone. 0:08:04.098 --> 0:08:04.718 It was everyone. 0:08:04.738 --> 0:08:07.148 It wasn't just her, but I think she really took 0:08:07.208 --> 0:08:12.488 that to heart. I guess she felt irrelevant maybe or 0:08:12.588 --> 0:08:16.808 because I wasn't mentally okay. We wouldn't talk as much 0:08:16.868 --> 0:08:19.997 as we usually would, you know, like we had like 0:08:20.038 --> 0:08:22.617 a chat and she wouldn't respond or I'd get like 0:08:22.857 --> 0:08:24.278 one-word responses. 0:08:24.938 --> 0:08:27.518 But she brushed it aside. She'd been in a bad place. 0:08:27.798 --> 0:08:30.898 Maybe she was just overly sensitive. Anyway, things were about 0:08:30.948 --> 0:08:33.448 to change for the better. Rachel and her boyfriend not 0:08:33.607 --> 0:08:36.988 only got back together, they got engaged and decided to 0:08:37.028 --> 0:08:39.848 start their new chapter in a new place. They packed 0:08:39.908 --> 0:08:42.218 up their lives to start afresh in the one place 0:08:42.258 --> 0:08:44.158 that had always truly felt like home. 0:08:44.898 --> 0:08:47.978 We actually moved to the town that Deborah and her 0:08:48.118 --> 0:08:53.558 family lived in and she was so excited, like so happy. 0:08:53.998 --> 0:08:58.508 I became happier in myself thinking things would go back 0:08:58.548 --> 0:09:02.288 to normal but then I would message her something and 0:09:02.308 --> 0:09:05.548 then it would be like a one-word response, you know. 0:09:05.568 --> 0:09:08.258 Or then she would ask me over for dinner so 0:09:08.278 --> 0:09:12.098 I'd be like, wicked, like everything's fine. But then the 0:09:12.758 --> 0:09:16.098 next day I would ask her something and she just 0:09:16.138 --> 0:09:20.878 wouldn't give me anything, not answering messages or giving me 0:09:21.018 --> 0:09:27.188 one-word responses to things and not really putting the time 0:09:27.208 --> 0:09:31.848 aside for me. She would post something on social media, 0:09:33.948 --> 0:09:37.308 but I wouldn't be tagged in it or I wouldn't 0:09:37.348 --> 0:09:40.428 be mentioned in it, but everybody else would. For quite 0:09:40.448 --> 0:09:43.528 a while, I was like, have I done something wrong? 0:09:43.548 --> 0:09:47.868 Is she mad at me? These little things just kept happening, 0:09:47.948 --> 0:09:51.998 and I was trying to convince myself that she wasn't 0:09:52.028 --> 0:09:56.238 playing mind games. We rang my mum and my stepdad 0:09:56.258 --> 0:09:59.418 to tell them that we were engaged. Kelly and Debra 0:09:59.458 --> 0:10:02.988 were actually at mum's at the time having dinner there 0:10:03.008 --> 0:10:07.357 was no oh this is so exciting I'm so happy 0:10:07.418 --> 0:10:10.078 for you it was like oh we knew that you 0:10:10.118 --> 0:10:13.558 were either pregnant or engaged then because she was acting 0:10:13.618 --> 0:10:17.098 so cold I didn't feel like I could ask her 0:10:17.118 --> 0:10:21.007 for help or for any other part in our wedding 0:10:21.018 --> 0:10:24.248 I didn't get a response from our save the dates 0:10:24.748 --> 0:10:27.828 I didn't get an RSVP for my hen's party from 0:10:27.908 --> 0:10:32.458 her her youngest daughter had to have like some. 0:10:32.338 --> 0:10:33.538 Pretty major surgery. 0:10:34.298 --> 0:10:37.318 Like I knew that she was going to Perth for 0:10:37.338 --> 0:10:41.328 a checkup and then saw this social media post of 0:10:42.268 --> 0:10:46.348 very vague, but didn't look very good. I was looking 0:10:46.448 --> 0:10:49.728 after her eldest child at the time at home and 0:10:49.888 --> 0:10:52.408 I had to chase up and say like, hey, is 0:10:52.948 --> 0:10:55.678 everything okay? And it was, again, it was just a 0:10:55.718 --> 0:11:00.708 very unemotive response, very Not giving me much, but just 0:11:00.748 --> 0:11:04.688 being like, yeah, she needs to have surgery. Then again, 0:11:04.728 --> 0:11:07.588 there's like the social media posts, the mind games of 0:11:07.648 --> 0:11:12.408 like thanking everybody else involved, just not me. It was very, 0:11:12.808 --> 0:11:17.528 very confusing. I did try to confide in her, but 0:11:17.668 --> 0:11:19.718 my problems were just pushed aside. 0:11:19.738 --> 0:11:23.618 It just wasn't the same relationship, friendship anymore. 0:11:24.218 --> 0:11:26.838 Rachel tried to ask Deborah what was wrong. Had she 0:11:26.888 --> 0:11:29.438 done something to upset her? Did she want an apology 0:11:29.478 --> 0:11:32.358 for the time Rachel hadn't been in contact? And importantly, 0:11:32.558 --> 0:11:34.838 what could she do now to repair whatever it was 0:11:34.878 --> 0:11:35.488 that had broke it? 0:11:36.318 --> 0:11:38.298 Approached her a few times and been like, hey, is 0:11:38.358 --> 0:11:40.857 like everything okay? I feel like there's a bit of 0:11:40.918 --> 0:11:43.418 distance between us and it would always just be like, yep, 0:11:43.518 --> 0:11:46.708 everything's fine. So then you're like, oh, okay, it's all 0:11:46.748 --> 0:11:49.708 in my head. But then the next day, it's the 0:11:49.748 --> 0:11:53.688 same thing again. She just shuts down and won't talk 0:11:53.728 --> 0:11:55.928 about it, which you think, well, you're an adult. Like, 0:11:56.008 --> 0:11:58.768 is that not what you do as an adult? We're sisters. 0:11:58.808 --> 0:12:01.768 We're best friends. We can talk about things. She just 0:12:01.788 --> 0:12:05.008 wouldn't give me anything. I just didn't really know what 0:12:05.068 --> 0:12:10.328 to do. I've actively contacted her to say, is everything okay? 0:12:10.368 --> 0:12:13.458 She's told me everything's okay. So it's all in my head. 0:12:14.058 --> 0:12:16.698 I don't think my husband, he probably didn't really help 0:12:16.718 --> 0:12:21.158 the situation because he is not interested in drama. Like, 0:12:21.938 --> 0:12:27.598 He's just the happiest, most relaxed guy. And then he 0:12:27.658 --> 0:12:34.098 could see how I was with these interactions. And he's 0:12:34.138 --> 0:12:36.338 just like, well, why are you bothering? I'm like, well, 0:12:36.518 --> 0:12:39.208 she's my sister. She's my best friend. I don't know 0:12:39.248 --> 0:12:42.248 what I'm supposed to do here. Like, she's not really 0:12:42.348 --> 0:12:45.088 talking to me. Have I done something wrong? 0:12:45.108 --> 0:12:48.007 I was just struggling. 0:12:48.028 --> 0:12:51.878 It's like, Not only is it your sister, but it's 0:12:51.898 --> 0:12:55.138 your best friend. It's your most favourite person in the world, 0:12:55.258 --> 0:12:59.218 like the person you tell everything to, you know, the 0:12:59.258 --> 0:13:03.798 person that tells you everything, to go from that to 0:13:05.178 --> 0:13:08.977 getting nothing, like barely even able to get a hello, 0:13:09.058 --> 0:13:12.538 how are you? It really messes with your heart and 0:13:12.578 --> 0:13:12.978 your head. 0:13:13.698 --> 0:13:16.978 The months went on like this, full of confusion and self-doubt. 0:13:17.458 --> 0:13:20.038 but the constant worry about her relationship with her sister 0:13:20.198 --> 0:13:22.598 would soon be put on the back burner as Rachel 0:13:22.638 --> 0:13:24.978 and her husband's lives were about to get a whole 0:13:24.998 --> 0:13:25.598 lot busier. 0:13:26.318 --> 0:13:26.998 We had twins. 0:13:28.078 --> 0:13:30.658 That is the year that it all just went south. Like, 0:13:31.298 --> 0:13:34.497 I had twins, Kelly got married, our mum had a 0:13:34.538 --> 0:13:40.438 hip replacement. Myself and my husband, we moved back home 0:13:40.488 --> 0:13:43.048 to where he's from. We moved back to the farm, 0:13:43.068 --> 0:13:45.988 which was near where they live. And then there was 0:13:46.028 --> 0:13:51.788 just Deborah not being the centre of anyone's world. Deborah is, 0:13:52.908 --> 0:13:59.188 she has narcissistic tendencies if she's not the centre of 0:13:59.788 --> 0:14:03.487 your world or the centre of everyone's world. That's where 0:14:03.528 --> 0:14:06.088 things go. This is the type of person that she is. 0:14:06.628 --> 0:14:09.468 I remember she was in Perth and I was at 0:14:09.528 --> 0:14:13.088 mum's and I was just, I actually had glandular fever, 0:14:13.608 --> 0:14:15.748 but I didn't know it at the time. I was 0:14:15.828 --> 0:14:19.848 so like, run down from being so deep in a 0:14:19.888 --> 0:14:23.048 hole that I got very sick and I was like 0:14:23.488 --> 0:14:28.028 bawling my eyes out to her to Debra like telling 0:14:28.088 --> 0:14:30.288 her like how hard it was at the moment and 0:14:30.308 --> 0:14:32.248 I was like I have this lump on my neck 0:14:32.688 --> 0:14:36.098 which was the glandular fever and then she was just 0:14:36.118 --> 0:14:38.698 like oh I went to the doctor the other day 0:14:38.718 --> 0:14:41.518 I found a lump and I was like oh okay 0:14:42.498 --> 0:14:46.438 we're not talking about me anymore like okay I did 0:14:46.578 --> 0:14:50.648 try to confide in her, but my problems were just 0:14:50.748 --> 0:14:56.608 pushed aside. But she doesn't see that. It's just always 0:14:56.668 --> 0:14:59.768 like my problems are worse than your problems. Like you're 0:14:59.788 --> 0:15:02.178 not allowed to have problems. When we found out we 0:15:02.198 --> 0:15:05.138 were having twins, I was actually a little bit scared 0:15:05.178 --> 0:15:09.298 to tell her because maybe I did think that this 0:15:09.378 --> 0:15:13.898 would be the beginning of the end. When they had kids, 0:15:14.338 --> 0:15:17.918 they couldn't fall pregnant easily. There was a lot of 0:15:17.978 --> 0:15:20.418 health concerns, so there was a lot of planning and 0:15:21.278 --> 0:15:24.888 working around them having babies, whereas when we had babies, 0:15:25.008 --> 0:15:28.548 it was just, okay, we'll try and have a baby now. 0:15:28.568 --> 0:15:31.428 I knew there would be. 0:15:31.188 --> 0:15:38.108 That underlying jealousy, I guess, from her end. I just 0:15:38.228 --> 0:15:40.108 always had it in the back of my mind that 0:15:41.228 --> 0:15:45.348 that would be how she would respond. She was very 0:15:45.468 --> 0:15:49.688 non-emotive about it. Again, it was like the wedding. There 0:15:49.708 --> 0:15:52.588 was no like, oh my gosh, this is so exciting. 0:15:52.608 --> 0:15:55.688 I'm so happy for you. It was like, oh, cool, cool. 0:15:56.688 --> 0:16:00.758 She would just not give me the excited response that 0:16:00.838 --> 0:16:04.418 I was hoping for, that you would think would come 0:16:04.478 --> 0:16:07.878 out of your best friend, which is really sad that 0:16:07.918 --> 0:16:10.598 I couldn't share that with her either. I feel like 0:16:11.648 --> 0:16:14.978 At that point, I probably did start to protect myself 0:16:15.038 --> 0:16:18.778 a little bit more. And maybe I did stop sharing 0:16:19.478 --> 0:16:23.678 as closely as I used to. You keep trying and 0:16:23.718 --> 0:16:26.458 trying and trying. And then at one point, you're like, well, 0:16:26.498 --> 0:16:29.538 what's the point in trying anymore? But then also that 0:16:29.618 --> 0:16:32.498 guilt goes through your mind where you're like, but we 0:16:32.538 --> 0:16:35.468 were so close. This should be something that I should 0:16:35.918 --> 0:16:38.908 want to share with her. She came to the farm 0:16:39.108 --> 0:16:43.798 once on the way to the city for literally like 0:16:43.838 --> 0:16:46.638 half an hour to see my girls, to meet my twins. 0:16:47.258 --> 0:16:49.918 They would have been two or three months old when 0:16:49.988 --> 0:16:52.788 she met them for the first time. Her and her 0:16:52.848 --> 0:16:56.968 husband are very regimented. They'll come to the city, they 0:16:57.028 --> 0:17:00.008 have to leave at seven in the morning and they 0:17:00.048 --> 0:17:04.188 have to arrive at this time and there's no detours. 0:17:04.667 --> 0:17:05.828 We do live. 0:17:06.258 --> 0:17:10.798 On a gravel road, 30km of gravel road. I don't 0:17:10.878 --> 0:17:13.678 think that she really likes driving as well. So like 0:17:14.158 --> 0:17:16.128 in my head as well, like I'm always kind of like, oh, 0:17:16.388 --> 0:17:20.188 but there's this excuse or that excuse. But in hindsight, 0:17:20.208 --> 0:17:25.068 like there's no excuse. When her eldest daughter had, she 0:17:25.128 --> 0:17:28.927 was in hospital with like bronchiolitis. I drove seven and 0:17:28.948 --> 0:17:34.007 a half hours to stay over for one night to 0:17:34.068 --> 0:17:36.968 spend time with her. When it came to me having 0:17:37.028 --> 0:17:42.157 my twins, my first baby's, She couldn't even make a 0:17:42.278 --> 0:17:45.258 drive to come and meet them. As your best friend, 0:17:45.298 --> 0:17:47.838 your sister, your pseudo-mum, you'd think that she would be 0:17:47.878 --> 0:17:50.138 the first person in the hospital after they were born. 0:17:51.378 --> 0:17:54.528 And then for it to take, you know, eight weeks 0:17:54.568 --> 0:17:57.588 for her to actually meet them. And I don't ever 0:17:57.648 --> 0:18:03.207 remember her being, like, cuddly and smoochy with them. And 0:18:03.228 --> 0:18:05.008 I don't even know if she really held them. 0:18:06.328 --> 0:18:09.878 While Deborah's detachment hurt and still very much confused Rachel... 0:18:10.028 --> 0:18:11.988 She tried as best as she could not to let 0:18:12.028 --> 0:18:14.128 it affect her as it had in the past. More 0:18:14.168 --> 0:18:16.328 than anything, she didn't have the time or energy. She 0:18:16.348 --> 0:18:19.208 was in the trenches of raising not one but two babies, 0:18:19.668 --> 0:18:21.947 which her sister had made pretty clear she wasn't going 0:18:21.968 --> 0:18:24.288 to help with. So when Rachel was going to be 0:18:24.348 --> 0:18:26.788 travelling to where Deborah lived, she didn't tell her in 0:18:26.828 --> 0:18:28.907 advance and make plans to drop in, as she had 0:18:28.948 --> 0:18:31.888 in times gone by. But she had no idea what 0:18:31.928 --> 0:18:33.667 this one small choice would cause. 0:18:34.368 --> 0:18:35.568 We live in the middle of nowhere. 0:18:35.948 --> 0:18:41.128 So the nearest shopping centre... Proper, like, Woolworths is where 0:18:41.168 --> 0:18:46.928 they live, two-hour drive. So I had, you know, six-month-old twins, 0:18:48.168 --> 0:18:52.588 needed desperately to do a shop. So, yeah, like, was 0:18:52.668 --> 0:18:56.427 walking through the shops and was walking towards her and 0:18:56.798 --> 0:19:00.278 we actually, like, walked into each other and I stopped 0:19:00.438 --> 0:19:02.858 and was like, hi, how are you going? And she 0:19:02.918 --> 0:19:05.698 just looked at me and said, hi, and kept going 0:19:05.718 --> 0:19:10.437 and just kept walking. She was really cold and really rude. 0:19:10.758 --> 0:19:13.888 And I just kind of was like, what just happened? 0:19:14.478 --> 0:19:16.088 From the moment I saw her, I knew it was 0:19:16.128 --> 0:19:18.288 very clear that she wasn't happy that I was there. 0:19:18.788 --> 0:19:21.568 She hadn't been the first person that I told that 0:19:21.588 --> 0:19:24.407 I was there. The next time that I knew that 0:19:24.448 --> 0:19:25.648 I was going to be there, I was like, right, 0:19:25.708 --> 0:19:27.778 I'll make sure that I tell her, I'll make sure. 0:19:28.418 --> 0:19:30.458 Let's book in a time and we'll have morning tea. 0:19:30.578 --> 0:19:35.308 And then I actually think that she had blocked me Because, 0:19:35.348 --> 0:19:37.278 you know, when you can see that your message has 0:19:37.318 --> 0:19:40.798 been sent and then it has been read, like it 0:19:40.818 --> 0:19:43.238 didn't even come up saying that it had been sent. 0:19:43.258 --> 0:19:45.218 So I think she had gone home and blocked me. 0:19:45.238 --> 0:19:47.838 I just couldn't get in touch with her from then on. 0:19:48.778 --> 0:19:53.407 I wouldn't get any responses to messages, phone calls or 0:19:53.468 --> 0:19:57.328 anything like that. Like it was a complete like cut off. 0:19:57.708 --> 0:20:01.328 She just disappeared. So I thought I'd leave it and 0:20:01.748 --> 0:20:03.848 wait for her to reach out and make an effort 0:20:03.988 --> 0:20:06.947 and that eight years later that has not happened. 0:20:08.628 --> 0:20:10.568 I wish I had more of an explanation for you, 0:20:10.608 --> 0:20:13.958 dear listeners, but there isn't one. After the cold encounter 0:20:13.978 --> 0:20:16.678 at the supermarket, Rachel chose to put her focus into 0:20:16.718 --> 0:20:19.528 her young family at home. and ignore whatever was going 0:20:19.588 --> 0:20:23.998 on with Deborah. Months passed, then more, but nothing. The 0:20:24.018 --> 0:20:26.558 whole thing felt so toxic, and Rachel had spent so 0:20:26.618 --> 0:20:29.778 many hours and so much energy dealing with the negativity 0:20:29.798 --> 0:20:32.098 of the situation, she didn't want to fix it if 0:20:32.138 --> 0:20:35.148 Deborah didn't. And it seemed she didn't. 0:20:35.808 --> 0:20:39.048 She hasn't spoken to me for near on eight years. 0:20:39.068 --> 0:20:42.808 I kind of blame this whole situation on my mental 0:20:42.848 --> 0:20:46.987 health issues. if someone so special and so close to 0:20:47.008 --> 0:20:50.128 you can walk away like that, like, what type of 0:20:50.168 --> 0:20:53.468 person is, am I, that that's so easy for someone 0:20:53.528 --> 0:20:57.538 to do? You know, like, I just, I struggle with 0:20:57.558 --> 0:21:00.918 it a lot still. Eight years later, it's still like 0:21:01.478 --> 0:21:04.658 a battle in my head. My auntie has made these 0:21:04.818 --> 0:21:09.498 comments about me being the favourite. I don't know if 0:21:09.558 --> 0:21:12.618 that's where it all stems from. And I was like, 0:21:12.638 --> 0:21:16.328 hang on a minute, like, But I'm also like, she 0:21:16.368 --> 0:21:19.068 was like a teenager, like a preteen when I was born. 0:21:19.748 --> 0:21:22.748 I'm not the favorite. I was just solely reliant on 0:21:22.838 --> 0:21:28.818 other people. I feel quite unfairly portrayed if that's truly 0:21:28.898 --> 0:21:34.178 like where her problems lie. I'm always constantly struggling with, 0:21:35.158 --> 0:21:37.798 am I a shit person? Like, did I do this? 0:21:38.818 --> 0:21:40.788 And then I'm like, well, hang on a minute. We're adults. 0:21:41.398 --> 0:21:46.237 We could have had a conversation earlier. I could have apologised, 0:21:46.278 --> 0:21:48.628 I could have given you my side of the story, 0:21:48.948 --> 0:21:51.788 but I was never given that opportunity. So I'm, like, 0:21:51.848 --> 0:21:57.368 slowly starting to learn that, no, like, it's not my fault, 0:21:58.388 --> 0:22:00.908 but you still have days where you have those doubts. 0:22:01.688 --> 0:22:04.838 This is a person that, in reality, like, she should 0:22:04.878 --> 0:22:07.898 love you no matter what, but then you have that 0:22:08.718 --> 0:22:11.908 added extra where you guys have chosen each other as... 0:22:12.498 --> 0:22:18.128 your most important, most favourite people, to feeling not that 0:22:18.348 --> 0:22:22.187 important and not being made to feel like that favourite 0:22:22.208 --> 0:22:23.068 person anymore. 0:22:23.148 --> 0:22:27.768 And it's a really hard thing to deal with, like 0:22:27.828 --> 0:22:30.818 emotionally and mentally. 0:22:31.898 --> 0:22:34.698 One thing that did help ease Rachel's mind, though, even 0:22:34.798 --> 0:22:37.218 if just a little, is that she wasn't the only 0:22:37.358 --> 0:22:39.458 one Deborah inexplicably turned her back on. 0:22:40.358 --> 0:22:42.918 There was a few years that went by and she 0:22:42.998 --> 0:22:46.158 actually cut off my mum for a fair bit there. 0:22:46.178 --> 0:22:49.078 And again, I don't even think my mum really knew. 0:22:49.958 --> 0:22:53.368 I don't think Kelly hears from her very much either, 0:22:53.418 --> 0:22:58.028 unless it's to make Deborah look kind of good. She 0:22:58.128 --> 0:23:02.348 still sends the obligatory Facebook message. 0:23:02.028 --> 0:23:03.528 On birthdays and whatnot. 0:23:04.028 --> 0:23:07.138 She would always make the time and she would always 0:23:07.218 --> 0:23:09.618 be there constantly for Deborah to see her and her 0:23:09.658 --> 0:23:12.558 family when they came to Perth but there was never 0:23:12.658 --> 0:23:16.738 any reciprocation and then yeah she slowly as well just 0:23:17.118 --> 0:23:20.058 realized well hang on a minute then she's not making 0:23:20.078 --> 0:23:22.938 the effort for me so I'm going to stop none 0:23:22.998 --> 0:23:25.937 of our kids like none of mum's grandkids have all 0:23:25.978 --> 0:23:28.978 been in the same room at the same time sorry 0:23:29.028 --> 0:23:30.508 I think I might get a bit sad here but 0:23:31.048 --> 0:23:34.228