WEBVTT - The Chosen One: Let's Talk About The Preferred Parent 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:03.080 We acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land we're recording 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:03.720 on today. 0:00:07.040 --> 0:00:09.840 I do love it though, when he hurts himself or 0:00:09.880 --> 0:00:12.840 he's scared or he's bet and he just. 0:00:12.800 --> 0:00:16.040 He's like, you know, I'm the only person. 0:00:20.000 --> 0:00:20.160 Out. 0:00:20.200 --> 0:00:22.400 I'm like, hey, everyone else can. 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:28.920 Go get fat, Hello, and welcome to eat, Sleep, Shit, Repeat. 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:32.600 A wildly unhinged podcast all about the madness that is 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:34.400 motherhood and everything in between. 0:00:34.479 --> 0:00:35.640 I am Key Resells. 0:00:35.720 --> 0:00:38.440 I hope that you guys are loving the content of 0:00:38.479 --> 0:00:39.879 season four as much as we are. 0:00:39.920 --> 0:00:42.280 It's been so much fun putting this new and improved 0:00:42.280 --> 0:00:42.920 shell together. 0:00:43.440 --> 0:00:44.400 I'm Kelly McCarran. 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:46.599 And it's fucking cold in Sydney right now, and then 0:00:46.600 --> 0:00:49.080 I've put in the script discuss it's freezing. 0:00:49.360 --> 0:00:51.000 What a boring thing to be. 0:00:50.960 --> 0:00:54.120 Like discuss but it is so cold, and I know 0:00:54.200 --> 0:00:56.880 that that is boring, but it's also just the only 0:00:56.880 --> 0:00:58.680 thing that everyone's talking about right now, because it's like 0:00:58.680 --> 0:00:59.520 we forget. 0:00:59.200 --> 0:01:02.000 Every year the Sydney actually can get quite cold. 0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:03.840 Just slipping a casual climate change. 0:01:03.960 --> 0:01:06.120 The thing is though, as well, is that Australia is 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:08.080 not built for cold weather. 0:01:08.200 --> 0:01:10.480 No, I know, no insulation. 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:13.800 My dad's cousin lives in Toronto, because I'm like, how 0:01:13.800 --> 0:01:16.560 do you guys survive in minus thirty minus forty winters? 0:01:16.600 --> 0:01:20.040 And he's like literally easier than growing up in Australian winters. 0:01:20.200 --> 0:01:22.520 For us, it's like just in our homes we're cold. 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:24.440 I know, well, it's the most stressful thing is like 0:01:24.560 --> 0:01:27.680 I can obviously put ten blank and myself, but like 0:01:28.160 --> 0:01:30.880 the kids my number one stress right now or something 0:01:30.959 --> 0:01:33.080 like is she gonna fucking wake up at four am? 0:01:33.120 --> 0:01:34.479 Because she's gonna be cute? 0:01:34.720 --> 0:01:36.959 But we've actually been okay. I've stuffed the heater in 0:01:37.000 --> 0:01:39.640 our room. I've put like two blankets over because she's 0:01:39.640 --> 0:01:43.360 old enough now for blankets, so she seems to be fine. Weirdly, 0:01:43.400 --> 0:01:47.039 I have invested in the Unicloth thermals so highly recommend. 0:01:46.560 --> 0:01:47.680 Those to any mum. 0:01:47.800 --> 0:01:50.400 So like cheap thermals, and they're so good and they're 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:53.360 like they're really thin like adult thermals, but they keep 0:01:53.400 --> 0:01:53.680 them right. 0:01:53.800 --> 0:01:57.279 Really, thermals are a thing I know. 0:01:58.120 --> 0:01:59.840 Snow, but yeah, they're great for. 0:01:59.800 --> 0:02:03.120 Every day because I've been doing the singlet long sleeve 0:02:03.120 --> 0:02:06.320 shirt and then a track jumper, then track pants with 0:02:06.320 --> 0:02:08.360 the two nappies on, pull the second nappy off in 0:02:08.400 --> 0:02:08.760 the morning. 0:02:08.800 --> 0:02:10.520 Oh yeah, because you've got your daycare, because that's him 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:11.239 going to daycare. 0:02:11.480 --> 0:02:14.239 Yeah yeah, No, I just pop her in a thermal 0:02:14.480 --> 0:02:17.480 top and then her like winter pajamas over the top. 0:02:17.600 --> 0:02:19.919 Then he only wears his pajamas three nights a week, 0:02:20.040 --> 0:02:21.519 the days that he's not going to daycare. 0:02:21.560 --> 0:02:25.200 The next time, anyway, it is Keys turn. 0:02:25.120 --> 0:02:27.280 To give her peek and pitch of the week. Everyone, 0:02:27.280 --> 0:02:28.800 please let us know what you're thinking of the new 0:02:28.840 --> 0:02:32.320 format where we swap. It's quite funny because when I 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:34.080 was preparing, I was thinking about what I was going 0:02:34.120 --> 0:02:34.760 to say next week. 0:02:34.800 --> 0:02:36.440 I'm like, oh, I kind of have two peaks and 0:02:36.440 --> 0:02:37.160 two bits. 0:02:37.440 --> 0:02:40.040 I know, I know it is hard going week off, 0:02:40.040 --> 0:02:42.160 but it also is nice because I feel like you 0:02:42.160 --> 0:02:44.160 can kind of combine the two together. Otherwise every week 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:46.520 I'm like, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm sick of the 0:02:46.560 --> 0:02:47.560 winging whatever. 0:02:47.880 --> 0:02:52.000 Yeah, but he can you kick off your hit and 0:02:52.040 --> 0:02:53.480 then we'll finish the segment. 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:53.639 On a A. 0:02:54.400 --> 0:02:54.600 Yeah. 0:02:54.639 --> 0:02:56.960 Well, on that note, I do sound like a broken 0:02:57.000 --> 0:02:58.480 record because. 0:02:58.440 --> 0:02:59.920 I had a minty bee on the weekend. 0:03:00.800 --> 0:03:05.120 Be the morning. Well, here we go. How nice of me? 0:03:05.240 --> 0:03:07.799 What a good friend? What a good supportive business? Kind 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:07.960 of that? 0:03:08.000 --> 0:03:08.359 I'm like. 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:12.400 Because our love language is humor and if we don't love. 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:16.040 So it's a lovely mix of being tired, being pulled 0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:19.960 in a million different directions, dropping balls everywhere, and feeling 0:03:20.000 --> 0:03:23.440 like I'm failing my family. But rather than me explaining 0:03:23.440 --> 0:03:25.400 the ins and outs of all of those silly little 0:03:25.400 --> 0:03:28.640 things that are stressing me out. I saw this promo 0:03:28.919 --> 0:03:31.640 for one of my favorite podcasts, which is Ladies We 0:03:31.680 --> 0:03:34.680 Need to Talk Just an ABC podcast hosted by Yumi Stein's. 0:03:34.760 --> 0:03:36.360 I didn't know this was one of your favorite podcasts. 0:03:36.360 --> 0:03:37.400 I've never heard of it before. 0:03:37.440 --> 0:03:39.360 I love it. It's been going for years, going. 0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:43.080 For your Well you've slipped in a recommendation, Actually, oh 0:03:43.080 --> 0:03:43.560 my god, sorry? 0:03:43.600 --> 0:03:45.320 Are you on fire with your recommendations today? 0:03:45.800 --> 0:03:48.800 I think I am the podcast You Got a Girl? 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:49.400 What's it about? 0:03:49.560 --> 0:03:52.440 They just discuss different topics that as ladies we need 0:03:52.480 --> 0:03:53.000 to talk about. 0:03:53.000 --> 0:03:53.880 So super interesting. 0:03:53.880 --> 0:03:55.480 So this was a link to like one of the 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:59.160 episodes on being a mother, and I think she sums 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:01.760 up the mum guilt brilliantly. 0:04:01.960 --> 0:04:04.320 And this clip What's it like to be frantically busy, 0:04:04.440 --> 0:04:07.320 you're getting absolutely rumed by cost of living. You've got 0:04:07.320 --> 0:04:10.320 mortgage repayments and a job that you can't hate. Among 0:04:10.400 --> 0:04:13.280 the soul crushing chaos is a chubby little three year 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:16.599 old's hand holding yours as you walk her up the 0:04:16.680 --> 0:04:20.159 gate towards childcare to drop her off there again, Bye money, 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:22.200 bye sweetheart. I'll see you at the end of the 0:04:22.279 --> 0:04:24.480 day when we're both exhausted and I've given the very 0:04:24.480 --> 0:04:27.040 best of myself to a job that I freaking hate. 0:04:27.200 --> 0:04:27.440 Mum. 0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:30.800 Guilt is real, and as everything gets more and more expensive, 0:04:31.000 --> 0:04:33.160 we seem to get more and more tethered. 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:34.359 To jobs we don't really like. 0:04:34.839 --> 0:04:39.279 Meanwhile, our children catch colds, leaks, not and grow older 0:04:39.720 --> 0:04:42.920 in the institutionalized care of workers whose names we can 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:43.719 barely remember. 0:04:43.960 --> 0:04:48.320 I was just like, yeah, this is just such an 0:04:48.680 --> 0:04:51.320 good example of me having a confidence of a middle 0:04:51.360 --> 0:04:53.680 aged white man, because I just could not. 0:04:53.640 --> 0:04:55.039 Relate to that at all. 0:04:56.480 --> 0:04:59.760 No, I never feel like that about dropping him off. 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:00.719 I working. 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:02.960 No, No, okay, so I don't have a shit job. 0:05:02.960 --> 0:05:05.160 I actually do love my job, but I'm more related 0:05:05.160 --> 0:05:08.520 to the theme of it, like cost of living pressures 0:05:08.800 --> 0:05:12.039 the strain that puts on your family working knowing that 0:05:12.080 --> 0:05:13.680 you need to work, but also coming home at the 0:05:13.760 --> 0:05:14.279 end of the day. 0:05:14.320 --> 0:05:16.000 And I relate to that part where you're like, you're 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:18.719 both just so exhausted, but it's so good for both 0:05:18.760 --> 0:05:19.040 of us. 0:05:19.120 --> 0:05:19.840 No, it is. 0:05:19.960 --> 0:05:21.680 But then I do have a lot of guilt over 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:24.240 the fact that all day I've been my like chirpy, 0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:26.720 sunny self, putting all of my energy in and then 0:05:26.760 --> 0:05:29.440 I get home from work and pick grew up and 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:31.760 she's fully off me because she's like, I've been saving 0:05:31.839 --> 0:05:34.040 up all my bad behavior. I'm in my safe place, 0:05:34.080 --> 0:05:36.360 I'm giving it to you, and I'm like, I've been 0:05:36.400 --> 0:05:38.040 waiting all day to hang out with you, and you're 0:05:38.040 --> 0:05:39.360 acting like a little dick, and. 0:05:39.279 --> 0:05:41.400 Now I don't even want to talk to you. So 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:42.960 it's just that it's one thing. 0:05:43.040 --> 0:05:45.040 Like I don't think I related to all of the points, 0:05:45.080 --> 0:05:48.719 but I think people could relate because not everyone loves 0:05:48.760 --> 0:05:52.359 their job, but they sposed to do exactly they have 0:05:52.560 --> 0:05:55.240 to work what we host a podcast. 0:05:55.320 --> 0:05:57.760 No, when I say my job, I don't just mean 0:05:58.120 --> 0:06:02.839 this one thing. I know this is one day on half. 0:06:02.720 --> 0:06:05.279 Day, okay, okay, But I think that there are different 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:07.919 parts that people can relate of course about it. I 0:06:07.920 --> 0:06:09.880 mean I love daycare, don't get me wrong. Shout out 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:11.920 to all of the educators who are listening. I do 0:06:12.040 --> 0:06:14.560 know most of your names at my daycare, although they 0:06:14.600 --> 0:06:15.440 do move around a lot. 0:06:15.480 --> 0:06:16.960 And our daycare director just left. 0:06:17.440 --> 0:06:17.800 I don't. 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:20.160 Luke knows everyone he walks in. He's like hey so 0:06:20.279 --> 0:06:21.840 and so, Hey so and so to the parents, to 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:23.279 the kids, to the educators, everyone. 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:24.880 He's literally super dad. 0:06:25.320 --> 0:06:26.719 No, he's just a mom. 0:06:27.040 --> 0:06:27.839 He's a mom. 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:30.480 I'm not a mum. He's a mom. 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:32.719 Okay, should we move on to my peak? 0:06:33.120 --> 0:06:33.480 Please? 0:06:33.560 --> 0:06:36.200 But can I just validate you a little bit? If 0:06:36.240 --> 0:06:38.680 that is your pit every fortnight, that's okay. And I 0:06:38.680 --> 0:06:42.119 actually got a really beautiful message this morning from someone 0:06:42.279 --> 0:06:45.960 saying just to jump on this bandwagon of yes, we 0:06:46.000 --> 0:06:48.880 need the peaks and the pits. She said, the pits 0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:52.240 make us feel less alone. Yeah, even if it is 0:06:52.279 --> 0:06:56.280 something that's really small and mundane to us, it's validating. 0:06:56.680 --> 0:06:59.240 And then she said, and the peaks sometimes are really 0:06:59.240 --> 0:07:02.120 good reminder, which I thought was so. 0:07:02.600 --> 0:07:05.200 I love that because you don't often like celebrate or 0:07:05.200 --> 0:07:07.719 reflect or think about the things that have helped. 0:07:07.560 --> 0:07:10.960 I find the peak so hard because I'm like, ehh, 0:07:11.840 --> 0:07:13.360 I've really got to think about them. 0:07:13.520 --> 0:07:16.120 I'll just like negative Nancy though that there'll be like. 0:07:16.120 --> 0:07:18.400 One day when U behaves nicely and I'll be like 0:07:19.360 --> 0:07:20.040 part of my week. 0:07:21.200 --> 0:07:23.480 She didn't blame me today, she didn't bully. 0:07:23.440 --> 0:07:26.280 Me today, and I didn't have to feel guilty peek. 0:07:27.360 --> 0:07:30.000 My peak was my birthday weekend. 0:07:30.080 --> 0:07:32.880 So my birthday fell on a Monday, so Charlie and 0:07:33.000 --> 0:07:36.800 Rue and I celebrated basically the weekend before that, and 0:07:36.960 --> 0:07:39.160 we went to the Affordable art fair that was on 0:07:39.200 --> 0:07:41.320 in Sydney and it was just kind of like I'd 0:07:41.360 --> 0:07:43.600 forgotten it was on. I saw one of the Instagram 0:07:43.760 --> 0:07:45.480 pages I follow posting. 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:47.600 About it and I was like, I told me to 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:50.200 be fair because we were very late, but we were like, 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:53.080 you know, we're on our art curation journey together. 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:56.200 I know I do feel quite bad about that. Next year, Oh. 0:07:56.080 --> 0:07:58.480 Thanks, yeah, great, I mean to be fair, I will 0:07:58.520 --> 0:08:02.800 probably still be trying to decorate my It'll still be empty, rug. 0:08:03.840 --> 0:08:04.560 Slow and steady. 0:08:04.800 --> 0:08:07.440 But it was so nice because we did something together 0:08:07.520 --> 0:08:10.160 that I wanted to do that was mainly for me, 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:12.960 but everyone came yeah, and it was like, quite nice, 0:08:13.000 --> 0:08:16.280 because often we'll do stuff as a family that's kind 0:08:16.280 --> 0:08:20.200 of beneficial for everyone, but stuff for rue. But this 0:08:20.320 --> 0:08:21.760 was kind of nice. It was like an activity that 0:08:21.800 --> 0:08:24.040 I wanted to do. It was very family kid friendly. 0:08:24.080 --> 0:08:26.320 There were heaps of kids there that had little breakout 0:08:26.400 --> 0:08:28.280 stations where they could sit and draw, and they had 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:31.480 a cafe, and I saw kids of all rangers there. 0:08:31.480 --> 0:08:34.240 And to be fair, it's like an art exhibition, so 0:08:34.320 --> 0:08:36.960 it's not the safest place for kids, but I loved 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:40.000 how fighting they were for families. That made it really inclusive. 0:08:40.559 --> 0:08:41.720 And then later that night. 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:44.480 We got a sitter just for a few hours, and 0:08:44.520 --> 0:08:46.360 we went to a fancy restaurant to celebrate. 0:08:46.400 --> 0:08:47.679 It was a surprise and we rocked up and I 0:08:48.040 --> 0:08:49.000 went to Margret. 0:08:49.480 --> 0:08:52.760 I know, I was like, are you rich? I was 0:08:52.800 --> 0:08:54.559 not prepared for that level of fancy. 0:08:55.160 --> 0:08:56.800 When I saw it on your Instagram, I was like, 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:00.640 we live in two different worlds. There is not a 0:09:00.960 --> 0:09:03.120 chance that Luke would well. First of Luke and I 0:09:03.120 --> 0:09:04.160 don't really like food, so. 0:09:04.440 --> 0:09:06.480 But Charlie was like halfway to eat meat because he 0:09:06.520 --> 0:09:08.240 doesn't really eat meat at home. So he was like, 0:09:08.240 --> 0:09:10.200 give me the steak key birthday. He's like, let's go 0:09:10.240 --> 0:09:13.000 somewhere fancy that cooks meat really well. But the thing was, 0:09:13.120 --> 0:09:15.400 I was not dressed for the fanciness of Margaret. 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:18.160 Oh, so you had no idea you were even gone beautiful. 0:09:18.160 --> 0:09:20.000 When I got into the uber, he was like, did 0:09:20.000 --> 0:09:20.960 he just tell you where we're going? 0:09:21.000 --> 0:09:22.920 And I'm like, no, crazy, he didn't. 0:09:23.240 --> 0:09:25.520 She's like, I just wanted to be a surprise, and 0:09:25.559 --> 0:09:26.960 I was like so stoked that we got to sit 0:09:27.040 --> 0:09:29.400 up because we don't often get one. Also didn't have 0:09:29.480 --> 0:09:31.199 to take care of anything, so it was like the 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:33.800 whole mental LOADO. It was actually a treat, which is 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:36.319 what birth was a treat, which I really enjoyed. 0:09:36.400 --> 0:09:38.520 So that's about the dinner. What you ate. 0:09:38.559 --> 0:09:39.960 I want to know what you guys talked about? 0:09:40.000 --> 0:09:42.720 Well, everyone was like neutrals and beige, weren't they? So 0:09:42.760 --> 0:09:44.840 I stuck out like a sore thumbed. 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:46.679 You know what, sligh And then Charlie's like, who. 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:49.920 Cares, like you look beautiful. It was just such a 0:09:50.040 --> 0:09:50.640 nice course. 0:09:50.679 --> 0:09:56.240 They were babe mug they were yeah, yeah, but it 0:09:56.360 --> 0:10:00.680 was really lovely. The food was incredible, the wine was incredible, 0:10:01.760 --> 0:10:03.959 and then they even gave me a little ball of 0:10:04.080 --> 0:10:07.600 sorbe at the end with a candle on it. Well, 0:10:07.640 --> 0:10:09.240 I've got my intolerances, so can we not. 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:11.160 Okay, ye turn our noses. 0:10:11.000 --> 0:10:12.440 Up at the sorbet because it's all I've got at 0:10:12.480 --> 0:10:13.360 kkel Oka. 0:10:13.840 --> 0:10:14.920 But it was gorgeous. 0:10:14.960 --> 0:10:17.679 And then we actually just went home after and it 0:10:17.720 --> 0:10:19.760 was some birthday sex. 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:22.040 No, we came home and you're faced and you're like, 0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:25.120 sorry if it's not conceiving, so I'm not talking about it. 0:10:25.679 --> 0:10:28.800 No, we didn't, only because I've just been so tired lately. 0:10:29.000 --> 0:10:32.360 So we actually just watched something on TV and I 0:10:32.440 --> 0:10:35.839 was like, I know, I was like, Sleigh, it was 0:10:35.880 --> 0:10:36.240 really good. 0:10:36.800 --> 0:10:40.560 Yeah, so lovely. I'm had such a nice night together. 0:10:40.800 --> 0:10:44.080 It was zero expectations, it was zero organizing, and it 0:10:44.160 --> 0:10:47.960 was like one hundred percent fun time. The stakes went high, 0:10:48.120 --> 0:10:50.200 Like I wasn't worried about as anyone having fun. It 0:10:50.240 --> 0:10:52.240 was literally just like I'm having the best time. 0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:54.920 And it's not often that on birthdays. 0:10:55.000 --> 0:10:57.480 You know, I hate birthdays, so do I. 0:10:57.600 --> 0:10:59.360 It's always such a pressure. 0:10:59.520 --> 0:11:02.440 And I just also like even just the influx of 0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:05.240 messages which are so lovely, people wishing you happy birthday. 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:08.000 I find overwhelmeding because I'm like, well, now I've got 0:11:08.000 --> 0:11:09.400 to spend all this time getting back to people. 0:11:09.400 --> 0:11:10.920 I don't think you do it all. I never get 0:11:10.920 --> 0:11:12.160 back to people a bat shit like that. 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:13.000 You don't know. 0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:14.800 I don't think anyone is. 0:11:14.760 --> 0:11:17.480 Expected use a recommendation do not reply to birthday mass. 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:19.040 But they'll ask you a question. 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:21.000 They're just saying, even if they say hope you've got 0:11:21.040 --> 0:11:23.360 something nice playing to the day question, they're not expecting 0:11:23.360 --> 0:11:24.080 a response. 0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:26.360 And if they are, okay, I love that. All right, 0:11:31.559 --> 0:11:32.240 So let's. 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:35.719 Move into our deep nive, our meaty topic of the day, 0:11:35.760 --> 0:11:40.679 if you will, being the chosen one, the preferred he 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:45.080 So it's definitely not a new concept by any means. 0:11:45.120 --> 0:11:46.520 So we've been brought up hearing all. 0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:49.000 About Daddy's little girl, daddy's little boy. 0:11:48.880 --> 0:11:52.240 And Mamma's boy, referencing a child having a favorite parent. 0:11:52.880 --> 0:11:54.120 It's funny. I called my. 0:11:54.160 --> 0:11:56.520 Mum when I was prepping this script, just to ask 0:11:56.559 --> 0:11:59.880 her what her experience was, and she couldn't remember us. 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:04.040 But it's been too long, I know, but surely it's 0:12:04.240 --> 0:12:04.559 I don't know. 0:12:04.760 --> 0:12:06.600 They block it out, They block out a longtime. 0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:08.719 Me with my memory, I have to remind to them of. 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:10.640 Yeah, you won't forget. 0:12:10.720 --> 0:12:12.080 No, I will not forget. Mum will be like, how 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:13.160 do you remember that you were three? 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:17.160 We also have a podcast as Documenting True Exactly or 0:12:17.240 --> 0:12:20.280 social media, but the chides on one is their go to, 0:12:20.440 --> 0:12:23.520 so that's their person for everything, and yes it is 0:12:23.559 --> 0:12:27.440 completely normal, but it's not ideal for either parent. 0:12:27.640 --> 0:12:33.160 So being the one perpetually bellowed at mam ma'am, it 0:12:33.200 --> 0:12:36.920 can quickly become very overwhelming or dad actually for the 0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:41.000 preferred parent. And while an unfavored parent may get out 0:12:41.000 --> 0:12:44.840 of some of the more tedious tasks like bathtime because 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:47.520 the child only wants the other parent to do it, 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:50.240 you can end up feeling a bit hurt by the 0:12:50.400 --> 0:12:54.040 perceived rejection. And I also want to say, as we're 0:12:54.040 --> 0:12:59.480 having this discussion, we will try to keep it gender neutral, yeah, 0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:04.000 and not go too much into stereotypes because obviously every 0:13:04.000 --> 0:13:07.280 family unit is different and we do have listeners from 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:10.920 all different types of families, so apologies in advance. I 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:14.320 would say, like eighty percent of the respondents did come 0:13:14.360 --> 0:13:17.760 from a nuclear family unit, so if we go into 0:13:17.840 --> 0:13:22.600 the mum dad child trope, that is why. However, we 0:13:22.679 --> 0:13:26.840 do see everyone's responses and completely understand that families come 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:28.240 in all different shapes and sizes. 0:13:29.040 --> 0:13:33.760 So looking through research, and there's many child psychologists who 0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:36.560 basically explain that when kids are little, they just don't 0:13:36.640 --> 0:13:39.679 have the same cognitive skills that we have as adults, 0:13:40.200 --> 0:13:42.080 and those are the skills that give us the ability 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:46.800 to understand and hold relationships as separate entities. So for 0:13:46.840 --> 0:13:50.199 little kids especially, they just can't really grasp the idea 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:51.319 that you can love. 0:13:51.200 --> 0:13:52.240 Two people equally. 0:13:53.120 --> 0:13:58.080 Their little minds couldnot understand too much love. It's a lot, 0:13:58.480 --> 0:14:02.040 so they tend to favor one parent at a time 0:14:02.360 --> 0:14:04.840 because they don't know how to love together. 0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:07.160 Now, I know that this is what the experts say, 0:14:07.240 --> 0:14:09.040 but I just don't believe that. 0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:11.480 And I know, I know that you're like Gilly, not 0:14:11.480 --> 0:14:14.000 believing an expertly. 0:14:13.880 --> 0:14:17.520 WHOA that is shocking to everyone that I don't believe experts. 0:14:17.520 --> 0:14:19.400 But what I mean is it just doesn't make that 0:14:19.480 --> 0:14:23.800 much sense to me because maybe Lou Lou Lenin Rue 0:14:23.840 --> 0:14:25.640 Lou I. 0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:26.200 Kind of like it. 0:14:26.840 --> 0:14:28.680 Maybe they are exceptions. 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:30.800 I really don't think they are, though, but they definitely 0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:33.520 have capacity to love both parents at the same time. 0:14:34.200 --> 0:14:37.320 Yeah, it's just that Len is happiest when we're both 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:37.800 with him. 0:14:37.960 --> 0:14:39.120 Yeah, I understand that. 0:14:39.400 --> 0:14:41.760 Well. I think it's brutal obviously when they say it 0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:44.600 that way, and I do think, of course they love 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:47.480 the I put in my notes secondary question mark parent. 0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:50.240 It sounds so mean, but I feel like it's more 0:14:50.280 --> 0:14:52.560 to do with the fact that they feel safest with 0:14:52.880 --> 0:14:56.440 the primary terra and that they can let their freak 0:14:56.600 --> 0:14:57.520 flag fly. 0:14:58.360 --> 0:14:59.000 Which they do. 0:14:59.080 --> 0:15:02.040 It's fun truly be themselves, you know. There's just like 0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:04.400 a certain level of freak that they let out with 0:15:04.560 --> 0:15:10.280 that primary care that the secondary care doesn't experience one 0:15:10.360 --> 0:15:13.240 hundred percent of the time exactly. So that's actually the 0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:17.800 perfect segue into us talking about our personal experiences where 0:15:17.960 --> 0:15:21.080 both the primary parent and our households. 0:15:20.480 --> 0:15:23.720 And both the preferred parent. Lucky us. 0:15:24.120 --> 0:15:28.560 Yaya talk me through your experience with Lenn. 0:15:28.680 --> 0:15:31.840 It should be worth noted because I did ask that question. 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:34.800 I read it through the lens that some people were defensive, like, well, 0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:37.600 we're both the primary parent. When I say primary parent, 0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:41.760 I don't necessarily mean that you do ninety percent of 0:15:41.800 --> 0:15:45.200 the work, Oh, I just mean that in any regard, 0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:47.720 you probably do do a little bit more whether or 0:15:47.720 --> 0:15:49.600 not it's the mental load, whether or not it's that 0:15:49.640 --> 0:15:52.000 you look after them a little bit more. Like Luke 0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:55.520 is very much so an involved parent. 0:15:55.880 --> 0:15:58.120 Yeah, definitely, like he looks. 0:15:57.920 --> 0:16:00.720 After Lenny a lot, as he should it's child, and 0:16:00.960 --> 0:16:03.680 looks after a lot of different things. So it's not 0:16:03.720 --> 0:16:05.640 that I mean that when I say primary parent that 0:16:05.680 --> 0:16:07.640 the other person is just like, oh, se yeah, I'm 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:10.240 going to go play golf, for get a money or whatever. 0:16:10.840 --> 0:16:12.240 I just wanted to clarify that. 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:14.880 No, I think it's an important clarification because I think obviously, 0:16:15.600 --> 0:16:18.320 historically a primary parent may have meant. 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:21.880 The stay at home from um exactly that spends all day, 0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:24.080 all night with the kids while the dad goes to work. 0:16:24.120 --> 0:16:26.560 Yeah, I often think about, like who's the emergency contact 0:16:26.560 --> 0:16:28.800 at daycare in school? Like the first one? 0:16:28.840 --> 0:16:31.880 I think they actually call Luke now because I well, 0:16:32.000 --> 0:16:33.680 I was like, eh, not picking that up. 0:16:34.880 --> 0:16:37.400 Oh, it's just going to be another head injury. It's fine. 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:39.520 So she's joking. 0:16:39.600 --> 0:16:40.640 I'm kidding. I'm kidding. 0:16:41.400 --> 0:16:45.160 So although I didn't take maternally, let's not go down 0:16:45.200 --> 0:16:48.800 that load again. Len didn't actually go into daycare till 0:16:48.840 --> 0:16:51.920 he was one, So for that first year, he was 0:16:52.000 --> 0:16:55.080 with me ninety nine percent of the time, and we 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:57.800 spent a lot of time without Luke in that first year. 0:16:57.880 --> 0:17:00.280 So I don't know if that had anything to do 0:17:00.360 --> 0:17:02.760 with how it is now, But at the time he 0:17:02.800 --> 0:17:05.080 probably didn't care that much who was holding him. I mean, 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:08.440